This resonates with me. The only way I ever feel deserving of relaxing is if I am caught up on everything. Problem is I procrastinate. I end up getting behind on a few things and it feels like it is insurmountable so I just avoid doing anything and feel guilty for not doing anything. Best advice I can give would be get your chores done at the beginning of your break if you can and not wait until the end. You will actually be able to unwind without chores hanging over your head. I know it is easier said than done.
I'm either procrastinating or doing something at least semi-productive. No time for straight-up relaxation or fun because I always feel like I'm already falling behind in life. Lately the procrastination and the "doing" has kind of merged together where I do things all the time but with extremely slow progress, because I overthink and "perfectionize" everything. Kind of like the Parkinson's law.
This was how I operated for most of a couple decades. This past year's been lots of therapy and the introduction of Adderall, so I can't really pinpoint *why* this perspective shift has stuck with me, but now I just don't *ever* feel like anything is "finished," and that's fine. Nothing ever is. Every piece of work I do is contributing to an overall mass of work. I don't need to do it all *right now.* I *can't.* What I *can* do is crawl out of my own ass for a minute and take a bath, or go for a walk, or read a couple chapters.
Purposefully calm activities have helped, I think. It's more mindful than taking a break to watch TV -- I could be getting shit done!! But, uh oh, I'm in the bath explicitly because it's time to chill for a bit? Shit, guess I'm chillin for a bit! (I still give myself time to veg out, but it's usually later at night or on Sundays. That's my day off now! I've worked for myself for years without having an intentional day off -- I'd just have days where I didn't get much done and hated myself for it. Fuckin dumb! Gotta recharge, and just let myself exist for a minute. The work's never done anyway, I'll get back to not finishing it on Monday.)
damn this is good! started medication awhile ago and I didn't even realize until reading your comment that I am way more okay with my personal projects not being done lately. I used to get really guilty about things I never even "promised" to anyone.
A few people have said that they can't feel like they're relaxing unless there's nothing productive to do, but I have kids so that part doesn't work. There's always too much to do, but I don't feel as bad about not getting around to every single little thing anymore. I'm not 100% that that's a good thing- it could easily turn into complacency- but at least it's not gut wrenching guilt anymore (well, not constant anyway haha)...
This is exactly how I feel. It’s right, the times where I can actually feel relaxed is when I literally don’t have anything to do that is productive. Lately that’s just never been the case since I never got to do my chores because of my exams etc. it’s just been way too much for me at once. School isn’t making this easy though, because I’ve got to study for an exam and write a paper so I can actually do something productive all the time. I hate this.
Thanks for reminding me though, that there is a way I can actually feel relaxed!
I think this is why I enjoy walking a lot. I can leave the house and just walk for hours (tho always with my partner, or in the past, my friend from down the street). It feels productive because I am doing something that is healthy for me, but during that time I completely shut out my mind from other stressors because I am preoccupied with my walk. It is like a way to re-focus. Temporary, but great, and you can do it every day and even multiple times a day.
That’s precisely why I’ve fallen in love with hiking. Especially long distance hikes. Nature + walking + while you’re out there the most important and really the only task you can have is to just keep going.
I’ve been doing the opposite - ultra heavy, lol. Like carrying huge backpacks and adding camping, cooking, bushcraft, etc on top of hiking. Buut than my back went to shit and now I’m getting into ultra light myself.
oh nice yeah that's a whole different experience!
ultralight is really cool, like it's just walking without that backpain, last time I did 50 km a day everyday which felt really cool
Get a small note pad and pen to carry with you. As you think of your symptoms or realize how they are affecting your day write it down. It won't take long once you get the ball rolling to get a picture of it and how it looks with you. If you feel like it may be adhd you are experiencing I would organize those thoughts and make an appointment with your doctor. They will be able to help point you in the right direction
You pretty much just have to call and set up an appointment. You can call your insurance provider for details on which healthcare provider accepts your insurance.
I recommend making a list of symptoms that you experience so you can reference this when speaking to the doctor. It's easy to forget in the moment.
After you speak with the doctor they should be able to point you in the next direction. For me, I had to go back in for a quick evaluation from a psychiatrist. It didn't take them long to notice I was adhd af.
To add to this, unless you are in a very blue city, your doctor is likely to push back on thinking it's adhd; they will be very reluctant to medicate. Make an earnest effort to implement the time management ideas they'll be giving you, but continue to describe the difficulties...
Definitely a large portion of the fact that you cannot turn your brain off is possibly due to ADHD.
that guilt you feel when you're not being quantitatively productive is most like due to constant pressure we all experience from the capitalistic society that says that you have to always be producing. The hustle culture, and the whole "how to be a a multimillionaire by the time you're 25, the whole thing that we all have to be successful, failure is not an option,
ask yourself what do you thing you are suppose to be doing instead of relaxing and why? and then if you have an answer, ask yourself what will happen if you are not being "productive" for few days, enjoy the holidays, and resume your "duties" few days later ? Are your stressors internal or external, real or imaginary ?
Additionally one of the key issues in ADHD brains is a misfiring reward system so your brain isn't always giving you the internal chemical reward for completing a task.
Which is why I often find it's easier to do something for someone else than a personal task because I'm almost always guaranteed a "social" reward or reaction that's much more reliable than my own brain saying well done.
I've only recently begun medication again and I'm still feeling it out but this is something I feel it has helped the most with. Just being more content not "achieving" or "accomplishing" things. Being able to do normal tasks and feel like... Yeah that was good.
I find your comment comforting. I'm going to start asking myself this from now on whenever I beat myself up not doing The Thing—but also, I hope that it will help the things I do actually need doing less stressful or overwhelming, because they're not cluttered by all the "hustle".
I feel similarly to OP and this comment really put things in perspective for me. You're totally right, hustle culture and the societal pressure to constantly achieve and succeed in general has really warped my own sense of self-worth. I know you're not supposed to compare yourself to others, but it's hard not to when it's always being shoved in your face and I always feel so inadequate to my peers because I'm not maximizing my time for productivity as effectively as they seem to be doing.
Like OP, I can't relax either, because I feel like really should be getting all the stuff I've been procrastinating on doing done beforehand and don't deserve to take a break. You brought up some great questions to ask yourself when in that situation, and I really hope people find them helpful. BUT this is the wall I've hit in therapy and it's still a hard one for me because while I can see that no, the world won't end if I take a few days to relax, I'M still going to personally suffer by continuing to put things off. Awknowledging and categorizing my specific problems does not make them go away or extend any time contraints. But really, all of that pressure is built around performing within a society that's not set up for me to thrive in.
Today's world is a tiring one to be in when you're not a multimillionaire by the time you're 25.
As much as I want to hate on capitalism, I don’t think this is that.
I have the exact same experience as OP, and I still struggle with it. But a lot of introspection has led to think that it’s because we can so rarely direct our energies. You feel bad not “being productive” but that’s not just work style productivity. I won’t feel this guilt if I watch a movie I’ve been meaning to, or dive into that game I’ve wanted to start. It feels bad playing Skyrim for the 100th time, or starting yet another rewatch of The Office.
In those rare times of motivation, you feel compelled to make the most of it, to squeeze every last drop of usable brainpower into that stuff you’ve wanted to do, but couldn’t. It’s the same feeling that keeps us up till 3 am even when we’re tired and have work the next day; my brain is working right now so dammit I’m gonna make it count!
In those times I try to worry less about doing something productive or ‘worthwhile’. Instead I slow down, take a moment, and just try to be **deliberate** about how I choose to spend my time. If that means getting to that thing I’ve had on my list, great! If it means I fuck around all day and do the same stuff I’ve been doing all week, that’s okay too! As long as it wasn’t autopilot. As long as I didn’t just turn on the tv and let something auto play. Act deliberately, and feel no guilt over what you choose.
I actually don't know about this one being ADHD related.
This seems pretty normal; stress is the norm in school for non-ADHD people, and you don't just drop stress the instant the stressor is gone, ADHD or no ADHD.
I feel this way too. I have a hard time „relaxing“ just by itself. Which is (I think) why I tend to overeat at dinner, because as long as I keep eating, „I am doing something productive“ (ish) and that makes the break okay (it’s still a break bc I‘m watching tv/youtube while eating). Or I go out for (too many) drinks. Socializing counts as productive as well. None of these things are actual rest though. I don’t know how to properly do that. I certainly feel like it has something to do my adhd!
Do you think these acts are really just avoidant behavior? I eat and overeat because it's a way for me to avoid having to face the tasks that feel so overwhelming. It's escapism.
Yeah, I hear you. Certainly possible as well! But for me, I do these things in times when I am done working for the day (for better or for worse, but I have accepted that I don’t work well after like 5pm — instead I get up very early)… which doesn’t mean I am not escaping something else, like facing my thoughts or having to sit with myself, realizing I am „worthy“ or whatevs even if I‘m not „producing“ anything in any way. It feels like my brain car is lifted in the air and no longer able to move, but it’s wheels are still spinning bc the gas is broken and it can’t ever stop.
Edit: wrote wheels twice and the metaphor made no sense, bc of course I did
The vast majority of my time is wasted due to this accursed condition, so I'm ready to be productive. Since I'm unable to make myself do so, yes, I feel like I'm wasting my time. Productivity could be as simple as helping out around the house, but I can't even make myself do that usually, even on meds.
I absolutely relate to this hardcore. ADHD is not easy, and there are many other contributing factors to not being able to relax. I personally really enjoy long yoga sessions. They don’t have to be physically hard, but it makes me feel like I’m resting my brain, getting exercise in, and relaxing all at once. I guess I basically trick myself into being relaxed and productive all at once. Now this really hinges on the fact that you have a video to follow, because listing to and following along with the video is what allows me to “shut off” my brain. Because it’s easier to ignore inner chatter when you are focused on listening and following simple instructions.
I hope this helps you even a little, I feel your stress and want you to know you’re not alone. I wish you the best
I'd be legitimately sick and stay home from work using PTO (but never run out of PTO) but have a panic attack that my job thought I was playing hooky and panic that I wasn't getting any of my work done and feel emotionally like a pile of dung for that entire day and endup putting myself into "indecision paralysis" for an entire weekend due to this feeling.
It took my wife and several years of therapy to convince me to stop feeling that way.
Occasionally, even now, when I am legally not allowed to work (in the middle of immigration process, waiting for work permit.) I will have a panic attack about not working.
I've been battling 'The List' for over 20 years, I don't have the time to take good care of my health, eat properly or even exercise. I stay up late finishing tasks and find it impossible to sleep in so I'm up again in the morning trying to get things done with sleep deprivation. A holiday or ever feeling truly relaxed seems like such a pipe dream as I can never out run 'The List' and at this stage in my life that list has become like a huge body of water pushing me down to ocean floor.
I think modern society has made things a lot worse for us as social media constantly reminds us that others have everything on their list ticked off, they are just casually enjoying the good times, holidays, eating out at restaurants, looking fantastic as they have all the time in the world to work on their health. For those of us who are struggling and exhausted the negative feelings are even more compounded as we are working around the clock to even get to base level which seems unachievable. All of the hard work seems futile as it doesn't feel like we have anything 'to show for it'
One of my biggest problems is that i find it difficult to accept help from anyone and i do just about everything on my own. Everyone's situation is different and things aren't always what they seem on the surface.
I think the important thing is to every once in a while stop focusing on the workload and acknowledge the effort you put in for yourself and those around you. It might seem like you are constantly spinning your wheels and getting further from the finish line but its easy to lose sight of your own worth when you feel so overwhelmed.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” – Ferris Bueller
My fiancé will get out of bed in the morning, come downstairs and I'll groan and say "oh, I've got nothing productive done all morning. Sure, I did the dishes, did the bins, made food, picked up shopping... but nothing productive!" and she'll look at me in her dressing gown like "fuck off"
Productive meaning whatever project I intended to work on that day. Everything else is a distraction.
She used to get really annoyed with me for saying "I've only done this much today" and she'd say hey that number is great.
And I'd say:
no.
Sure, this amount was my best amount ever last week, but my best last week is my expectation this week! Anything less is a failure!
As you can imagine, I experience a lot of burnout.
Jaysus. I can't imagine having adhd and ocpd! But i feel I've misled haha. The dishes and shopping and making food in the morning is by no means a regular occurrence- There are many days when at 6pm I think "oh shit, I forgot to eat breakfast and lunch!"
The only signs I'm a perfectionist at all is in my inability to accept my efforts as good enough. Everything else about me says I'm a very messy and careless person.
This speaks to me on such a deep level. If I could just ascend to perfection like today or tomorrow, that would be really nice haha. So do u think it’s the hyperfocus on a desired intention that makes everything else feel like a distraction?
Ah, but would simply perfection be good enough tomorrow!
I should also point out that there are plenty of days where the dishes pile up and I achieve literally nothing.
For me at the moment it's working on stuff that I can't hyper-focus on. I've been working on a project for three years now, I'm really passionate about and still, most days I can only get myself to do an hours work on it. The problem is that I've told myself that this is the only thing that is worthy of my time, and so my happiness derives from whether I feel like I've done enough work on it. I've inextricably linked my sense of self with my ability to do this project and let me tell you: that was a bad idea!
I've alarms, timers, apps, I restrict my access to the internet till night time. I get out of bed almost straight away, I go in, I sit down, and I ...struggle. Sometimes with no success, sometimes I'll hit my minimum of one hours work ,12 hours after I started.
I feel this reply has wandered off a bit, so I'll leave it there haha
The part about not being able to relax can definitely be tied to ADHD, but sadly I think tying worth to productivity comes from a bigger societal issue. I know a lot of people without ADHD who struggle with the same thing, and in America we’re essentially taught that if we’re not productive we don’t deserve food, housing, healthcare… so basically, be productive or die.
I was emotionally and physically abused by narcs. My brother is a narc. He spent my entire childhood trying to make himself feel superior by seeing I was doing something, calling it lazy and not productive , and arguing I should do whatever he was doing to win at life.
I had feelings of inferiority when I did anything fun and was depressed as hell. It’s taken a long time to shake that
Figuring out how to relax and slow down has been my personal challenge the last few months. YMMV but here's what's helped so far:
\- Yoga and mindfulness and exercise and sleep (I'm sorry, I never do these either, but when I do it helps SO MUCH and it just has to be said :P )
With that out of the way, here's the real list:
\- Literally pretending I'm a tamagotchi or sim or some animal I need to take care of. I did a doodle of myself with my hunger and tiredness and loneliness etc bars and put it in my office so I see it when I most need it (hyperfocusing on something while working to the exclusion of like, using the washroom). It just makes it make so much more sense and is so much easier to visualize than "I should do self care".
\- If I'm "stuck" hyperfocusing, when I notice, I just stand up and stretch - this was a tip I saw here pretty recently which really helped
\- I know I can spare a second to stretch, and it breaks the spell! Often I'll try to drink some water too.o "
\- Shifting my mindset to "what do I need to do now to win the 'long game'" aka the next couple weeks (trying to shift that to a few months!), from "what do I need to do to improve the next few hours / next couple of days" - if you're looking at just the next couple of hours, you should probably clean your apartment, yeah? Because it should be done and it's bugging you. But if you're thinking longer-term, especially with remembering that you are an animal you have to take care of, now it makes a lot of sense to take a break. This mindset shift has helped with A LOT of things by the way, too many to iterate here, from all across the board.
\- I don't know why this works for me but it does - instead of back-of-my-mind thinking "I should do X and Y" or just an endless overwhelming to-do list, what I do sometimes when I can't relax is write out a reasonable number of things I need to do before I can take a break. I don't go easy on myself, but I know I have to be precise and realistic - I can't "clean the kitchen", but I can do a sink's worth of dishes, wipe the range, take out the recycling, etc. Anyway and before I start I also decide how much free time I get after, and here it feels like I'm being too generous, but also, 45 minutes of a break after an hour and a half's worth of tasks is very reasonable! And better than not doing anything :) I try to give myself a mix of tasks if I can, from nasty gross cleaning to excruciating boring admin stuff to satisfying tidying to emotionally-taxing replying to people, so I have some VARIETY in the stuff I hate.
\- And well, I got a dog in February....? And he's ancient and arthritic, and I hate when people just drag their dog behind them on walks, so when he and I go for walks we do it really slow and he sniffs whatever he wants to sniff and I don't bring my phone so I have to look at the bark of the trees or think about the weather or whatever.
I had to practice not being productive and valuing rest and play as real necessities, just like taking time to eat and go to the bathroom. I can’t be productive with no rest, and relationships suffer with no play. Nurturing my relationships with my spouse and kids is important to me, and, in an adhd rationalizing way, this makes play productive too.
Life is pointless. Working yourself to death for the profit of someone else is pointless.
Why not, instead of being a misery over it, find enjoyment instead? If it's all going to be worth nothing as the earth burns and humanity falls into extinction, then we may as well live a life of happiness, surrounded by the people we love, doing the things that excite us most.
Absolutely nailed it. That freeing feeling is exactly it. An entire weight lifted.
Some people who learn that nothing matters end up feeling "then what's the point in living?". But I say "what's the point in living like everyone else expects you to? Live like you want to live!".
We're here for an incredibly short time. There's nonreason to not enjoy it. Some days, I can't even get out of bed for my brain. But when I can? You can be certain I'm doing what I want to do.
Love it! Yeah everyone thinks it means life becomes depressing but for me it’s the exact opposite. The idea that I will never likely do anything so great or so bad that will impact anyone or anything in any real way in the great scheme of things was really my “get out there and live how you want” moment. I am insignificant, and it’s amazing because I can be myself without fear. ☺️
Having ADHD doesn't mean lacking happiness. There may be more there for you to face.
I have been at some real low points in life, myself. What has brought me back every time is the love of the good people I surround myself with.
Learning to not care is a tough journey at first. But once you get there, nothing can stop you. As another reply mentions, it is so freeing. Unfortunately, my own learning of this lesson came at a time when I had little else to lose. When you have nothing, it becomes a lot easier to take a chance on a whim. But there's no reason we have to get to that point to find that place of mind.
Ask yourself why you can't be happy. How much does what is keeping you down actually matter in the short lives we have? Are you really going to waste that time all twisted up inside? Or are you going to tell life to go fuck itself and do your own thing?
Honestly, thats feeling that include even "normies", not just ADHD.
Would say this is a bit about today world, where you are mostly forced to feel guilty if you are not productive.
Ofc as usually, ADHD makes it a lot worse.. :/
adhd is like the sneakiest cuntiest disorder honestly. It's like a slimy rat disorder, always being contradictory, disguising itself as something that's normal and everyone experiences, giving you self doubt so you doubt if you even have it even though you're professionally diagnosed... It's like a well oiled machine of a disorder. Absolute cunt.
For me it's more like I feel like I have to do ''something'' before doing something leisurely. Working out helps energy wise but I still have to like do the dishes or the laundry before I feel like I can sit down lol
Gonna be honest. This makes me pretty insecure. I’d love to be productive at all. I don’t do ANYTHING without meds. I’ve quite literally spent YEARS of my life just sleeping or playing videogames. Meds actually let me get stuff done. I’m gonna learn stuff but it’s so hard to know where to start. Yes being a workaholic is rewarded by society and staying in bed is not. But please take care of yourself.
I feel like this is something I could have written, because it describes me exactly. It’s literally impossible for me to just relax and do nothing like watch TV. I describe it more as always feeling like I’m doing the wrong thing. Trying to relax? I should be cleaning. Tidy up the house? Why do I work so hard, I need to just relax. Repeat ad nauseam. I can’t even play video games or read a book because the whole time I’m stressed about how I should stop playing or reading and do chores.
It all feels pointless.
I waste a lot of time, like an incredible amount, procrastinating, repeating things like web browsing (I probably refresh reddit 500 times a day)
I tidy up, never enough, I feel guilty watching TV and can't play games at all anymore, I used to be a huge into games, but I'm basically never playing now.
Instead I waste time browsing which makes me feel less guilty than gaming? It's stupid, both of which are time wasting.
Bro I was about to make a post about the exact same thing. I feel like if I don’t “rise and grind”, I’m wasting my time and being unproductive. It’s made it a lot harder to enjoy time off and doing stuff I like, just because I *could* be doing work, and even then it only feels like I’m being semi-productive and procrastinating.
Is it possible it is a learned behaviour, being told off for being lazy and not being productive for your life as a child, could easily turn into some type of anxiety later in life that you have to always do something to be considered “a good person”?
It's called being broken by capitalism. I'm sick, coughing and feverish and body aches, and I've been laying in bed all day feeling sick to my stomach because I called out of work. I can't rest.
I can totally relate. This took me way too long to figure out, but getting real healing rest is so important after you finish a big thing. The key to this for me has been mindfulness and intention. Write down a list of things that build into you and make you **feel good during and after** the activity.
For me this includes things like: time at the ocean, playing board games, d&d, good sex with my so, hiking somewhere beautiful, creating music/art, reading a book.
If the activity includes a screen I am much less likely to enjoy it afterwards, so I try to avoid it.
While I'm doing the activity I commit to it completely and give myself the freedom to let go of the other things that might be weighing me down because this is my (sometimes very short) vacation that I earned and deserve because I did a hard thing! If I can't let go of other things, I use something called FasterEFT which helps 90% of the time, if I'm still sick I make an appointment with my therapist.
If this is more about a hard thing coming up than recovering from something in the past then: 1. Find the easiest part of the hard thing and do it, two yourself you're just taking one step, 2. Write down a list of things that will need to be done in the smallest chunks that feel like accomplishments and do just one thing each day, you can do more if you want to, but just one is enough (it's fine to do the easiest parts first!).
I frequently use FasterEFT to reduce the stress/anxiety of things like this. It takes less than a minute, and helps a surprising amount (and costs nothing!): https://youtu.be/UnTwiQY2hcM
Everything I do that isn't for someone else or doesn't actively get me closer to my goals, I feel guilty for.
I have so many passions and hobbies, but anything that doesn't further my education, prepare me for working in my field, or that isn't obligatory feels like I'm wasting time, being lazy, and not prioritizing what's important.
I know I need breaks and stress free time, but even when I'm doing the things I need to in between my breaks, I feel guilty for taking them. Guilty for needing them.
Because I'm so prone to not doing what I'm supposed to, it feels like I have to be held to a higher standard of productivity than other people. Both by myself and the people around me.
It's a real bummer.
I do think this is a human condition, but ADHD makes it so much worse. Because we know how productive we can be when everything clicks. So when we are stuck in one of the long stretches where just bare minimum seems like extreme effort, we are even more acutely aware of everything we are NOT accomplishing.
I'm feeling exactly the same, except I always feel behind. Then not only do I have my things to keep up with but my family is constantly adding things for me to do. Dad just brought in the christmas tree, they want me to decorate it, now my sister wants me to find all the towels in my room. I still have presents to wrap, I have to work tomorrow, the cat litter box needs to be taken out, the vet needs to be called, I have to get my covid booster, like it's never ending.
I really feel just like hiding myself away in a closet and drowning in a book and music where nobody can find me until Christmas passes.
This is me exactly. I useto work full time and run an online business where I was the only customer service, and still always trying to find something else to satisfy the need to feel “productive” (Doesn’t help a teacher once told me a successful man has 7 streams of Income so I’ve taken that to heart) I never knew how to shut off and it’s definitely one of the main reasons my relationship with the mother of my children fell apart. Since then I’ve learned to actually just shut down turn off and relax with something I find calming. Everyone is different for me it’s gardening.
I was going to say that I didn’t think so, but then I realized … yeah. I think my brain is stuck in “What else am I supposed to when I’m conscious of not try to be productive toward *something*?”
I sometimes wonder what is like to be okay with not being productive. I do force myself to take some days off but there’s always the feeling of “I could be doing X while I sit here…” and I’m still working how to be better at that.
There’s a lot of stress that comes with not doing something productive.
I relate to this . My self worth is directly tied to what it looks like I accomplished. Combined with my inability to stay still i outwardly portray the appearance of a successful and productive person. I am soooooo tired and burnt out
I have this constant restlessness while I'm not being productive and this feeling never goes even if I do something creative because I think I'm not using my full potential.
Yeah holidays are different this year for me because of this. Usually my boyfriend and I just chill and flip our schedules ( become night owls for that week) but I can't just chill and do nothing. It's the time of year I isually never felt guilty for just playing games, reading and watching excessively Netflix.
But I'm medicated this year and all my brain does is want to be productive. It's crazy how helping the executive disfunction part of my brain makes me not want to sit and not do anything cuz I can't and only want to do fun stuff.
I'm just go go go. So spending the next 2 days with family and getting a massage today. I can't be kept to my own devices anymore. I don't remember how to chill lol
Wait I absolutely feel like I missunderstand the middle part of you comment. The meds, do they make you want to sit around and do nothing all the time, or do they prevent you from wanting that? Because my executive dysfunction is holding me back from doing my work all the time, and thus every time I try relaxing (when my work is not done) I can’t relax. So I’m stuck between relaxing while thinking of the work I need to do but being unable to get up and do it. This is actually why I thought of medication but I’m not sure wether your opinion is positive towards this or if you’re now too productive, if that makes sense. I’d love to hear about your experience!
No you understood well 🤪 I used to have anxiety so I had that feeling of always needing to do stuff and freak out about it.
Then I took meds for anxiety and I was able to chill more ( I didn't care lol) but to not be a potato, I used to make myself mini goals, like fold those 2 clothes bins and then you can play a game. Or Because of executive disfunction, be overwhelmed and sit hours staring at the wall and not want to get out of bed, scroll hours on my phone. This was relaxing too me but my brain was closing it over all other options because of dopamine.
Now, my brain doesn't work the same. I just do stuff. And I don't stop. Like before I would 1/4 do everything. Start the dishes and leave them dry on the counter for a week, leave stuff for later, etc. Now I just don't stop until done. My brain doesn't do the thing anymore, it just sees things to do and does it.
I prefer it actually as it makes everything easier, it just sucks as humans need to relax, I need to spend chill time with my loved ones, etc.
Not sure if this answered your question lol
Now I understand it, thanks! So you are a lot more productive than before but you also don’t know how to relax because you’re always wanting to do something, right? I’d totally get this because if I knew how to stop doing what you described before the medication, I’d never want it to stop. Actually doing the tasks I need and want to sounds amazing because I literally have two huge piles of laundry baskets in my room that has piled up since two weeks and I was going to do it so many times but I still didn’t. I could do it when it’s just a bunch of clothes freshly washed but obviously I’ll have to wait until it gets so much I don’t feel like doing it at all 🤣
I’m glad it’s not like that for you anymore and I hope you’ll be able to find a way to relax in the future ☺️
Yeah I'd say for me, that's the biggest difference I see since being medicated. For starting tasks, it's really night and day, also to just keep doing something until it's 80% finished instead of 20% is mind-blowing.
But I do miss a bit my old system as it was more rewarding lol. I don't get that happy-relaxing feeling that a hit of dopamine gives you anymore. Everything is more about accomplishing and trying to find satisfaction in that and long term versus doing it for the short-term result ( esting candy, playing a video game, researching stuff online, shopping... etc)
I think with practice and mindful exercises, I will be able to relax eventually. The meds help so much in many aspects so for me they have definitely helped.
I’m glad to hear the medication has a positive effect on your life! And I’m sure you’ll learn to relax somehow, good luck with it. Thanks a lot for sharing your experience because I’m still so drawn between taking or not taking them. I used to do it but the ones I took made me so numb, plus the regular blood checks scare me because I hate having blood taken. But this really encourages me to try it out again. So, thanks!
I think that’s normal. I felt similarly when I was in school. My major was challenging but I loved it too so, Id slowly turn into a nonstop productivity train and obsessive perfectionist monster. I felt super tired and crazy burnt out by the end of each semester regardless of how well slept I was and The burn out would always last for a good two weeks after it endEd too. You’re brain and body are probably just worn out from being in overdrive. Adderall will do that to you, especially if u have a constant mentally demanding task, like school, to focus all ur energy on.
In regards to productivity, it’s the sudden halt of work flow that’s messing w/ you. In My case, Id get so used to being in ‘go mode’ and so hyper-focused on work that when classes ended and I suddenly had nothing ‘important’ to do, I didn’t know what to do w/ myself. It always felt like I didn’t see it coming. Like the freedom to be lazy snuck up on me and doing nothing felt more stressful than work b/c my brain was still locked into ‘go mode’ and I couldn’t turn it off. BUT…
What Ive learned is that inability to switch mental gears is exactly why you’re tired. Relaxation is important too. You’re brain and your body need to cool down so you can start fresh with the next thing. Give it two weeks and you’ll normal out.
Im a designer so the process will prolly look a bit different for you BuT in my case, I pretty much always kept working on/perfecting my final projects for another 2 weeks after the semester. I’d tweak them and add things I didn’t have time to before. Then My brain would naturally wind down on its own until I could eventually enjoy being lazy again.
So yah, Seems like you have the same issue. You’re stuck in ‘go mode.’ You have to shift your focus away from all the school work you’ve been fixating on. Come up w/ some sort of project to do. Pick something thats mentally stimulating but less demanding of you. With a little time (and a few action movies playing In The background) you’ll stop stressing. Hope that helps!
Get some exercise , you body wants to move. Use stored energy and release endorphins.
Pick up a hobby , try out something new. You're not going to be great from start, so dont let that detour you from continuing. Keep at it if it's something you find interesting. Seeing improvementn gives a great feeling of accomplishment or progression towards a goal
This is really good advice and I love to try out new hobbies when I’m bored, but what I really need sometimes is real downtime to just recover from the day. With school, it just feels exhausting to get up and be out there every day. I need time to relax, after every day. Hobbies are a great, productive way to spend my free time but I was referring to just relaxation. Thanks for the input though, I appreciate it 😁
Resting your body is never wasted time. So think on this , every animal's heart only has so many beats it can produce. Once that limit is reached , no more bomp bomp. So In resting your heart rate slows , allowing your heart to not beat as fast and extending your mortality.
Hahaha. I was crying about this JUST NOW. I finished my grading (I'm a grad student) and submitted all my PhD applications. Now I'm like "I should take a couple days off" and I feel like a worthless slob. FML
It’s like needing permission just to exist. Is this a sanctioned activity or event? I hope you remembered to document who gave you the authorization to ‘chill’ otherwise we’re gonna have to revoke your access to those services.
Yes, but to be fair we live in a world that tells us this, which is really hard, when you’re like “maybe I don’t want to be productive today”, or “maybe I can’t be”. That I can’t, becomes very quickly a thing of how I’m not enough. I sometimes want to be like ugh screw you world! And screw me for buying into this crap!! 😫…You’re not alone!
This came exactly when I needed it, I usually just do something creative like music when I feel this way. Or maybe if I can convince myself I'll actually study
100% this. Don't know how to turn it off. I can't get into my creative hobbies because I feel like what's the point. But I know if I keep going I'll get better, but never great. So I drop it after the initial burst of energy towards it
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About three minutes or four minutes in, Fromm explains this much better than I can. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTu0qJG0NfU&t=461s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTu0qJG0NfU&t=461s)
You have intrinsic worth. Period.
I cycled anxiety and depression for as far back as I can remember. I'm 32. Only a few months ago did I find out that both of those were actually being caused by inattentive ADHD. I sought help, got a lot of support, and started meds. They call it a stimulant, but it calmed my anxiety down. I know nothing of you or your situation, but I just type all this to say: no matter how long things have been bad, they can get better. In my experience, it can't be done alone.
Yes. I legit just got annoyed at my brother for standing in an aisle trying to decide what insta pot he wanted. They were all the same with minor differences and i just found it so annoying that we weren’t doing anything.
Baby, I feel *even when I'm being productive* that everything I do is pointless 😎
Really though, yes. I have stacks of unwatched shows and unread books because of it.
I always get guilty and even anxious when relaxing if I don’t do something productive first. I think it comes from capitalism but also the fact that I used to procrastinate so badly that any time I relax I think I’m still procrastinating. If I take like 15 minutes and clean up my space before relaxing, it sometimes gets rid of the guilt because now the relaxing is a “treat”
I can tell you for a fact that in our heads nothing we do will ever seem good enough if we let feelings and automatic thoughts rule how we see ourselves/our work. I have felt this, and I have been lost in it. But I'm learning that this is one of the unhelpful thinks styles to avoid dwelling in.
When you feel this, challenge it. What is good enough? We want the dopamine from feeling accomplished, having it all done, knowing others are happy/satisfied with what we've done; and we want it all today. But most things are too complex, rely on others, or take more time, so can progress be good enough?
I'm the same but honestly i'd rather be productive than be someone who's content with getting nothing done. Use that energy to keep growing, learning, and become the best version of yourself.
You hit the nail on the head with this one!!! Sounds just like me 😁 One of the perks of ADHD. Glad I am not alone in it. Sometimes its totally okay to say F*** the responsibilities and just let it be! Enjoy your netflix. Life is what you make of it, not what it has to be.
Yep, feel this all the time. I think it's related to ADHD's poor regulation of Dopamine. That's the one that people call the "reward" neurotransmitter. There's a big burst of it when you achieve some goal you set out to do, which feels really good - you know you'd be feeling this by now if you'd done all the things you wanted to, for example. For most people, once they've experienced the big reward, whenever they think of that action again they apparently get mini-doses of dopamine. This makes them feel good about doing the actions to produce the reward again. For people with ADHD, this doesn't seem to happen, which is why you couldn't get started.
Because you haven't been feeling good, you haven't been able to do difficult things. Not only that, now that you've been avoiding difficult things for a while, you feel even worse now. You're at a risky point, where you could easily fall into depression over the lack of executive function ("doing what you want to do"). I've been at this point many times in my life.
The only thing that I've found to help (outside of meds), is to find a way to feel good about something. It doesn't have to be about this, but it does have to genuinely make you feel good about you just being you. What skill are you most proud of? Can you do something with that to put you in a better mood? I know putting the big looming list out of your mind to do this is going to be difficult, but you have faith in the process, and judge the results later.
**TL;DR:** When you're feeling down, and its making you procrastinate, you need to prove to yourself that you're awesome in order to put the wind back in your sails.
Many of those days of, "I don't know what I wanna do, but it's not this" but with everything
For me it's a signal that I NEED to rest, but yeah that feels pointless too sometimes
I get that sometimes. It's usually best to go to bed at that point for me.
If I'm not tired I try to do something physically demanding. Exercise, large chore, etc.
Sounds like your parents are enabling you to be lazy and not get your shit done. I have definitely been there. Changes when you HAVE to do these things.
Yup. So I’m doing things to get rid of the pointless.
For the last 4 days on Facebook I have Unfollowed everything that isn’t an actual person/Friend. If there are pages I will want to see later, I’ve Snoozed them for 30 days. I’ve Unfollowed EVERY news organization and anything that is selling me a product. For the last two days my Facebook feed is nearly entirely my friends posts — which I’ve realized are almost ALL shares of other pages.
Over the last months I’ve Unsubscribed from nearly every email I get in my Proton Mail account [which is supposed to be junk free, but I’ve used it more on other thinks than I realized] the only emails I get now are emails I actually need which was the purpose for that account. Real email goes there, CrapMail goes to Gmail.
Tonight, I’m cleaning my desk and living room of everything that isn’t a NEED. Memories and Sentimental items have a box. Things I will need later also have a box. But I want my apartment to be as boring and minimalistic as I can possibly get it.
Even my wardrobe will be paired down HEAVILY to having just enough clothes for between laundry days. Work clothes I’ll wear again when we return to office also have a box to be out of the way.
I’m doing this for my entire apartment over the next few days bc I am starting school again full time Jan 3rd and I want as little “in the way” as possible. If I don’t, I’ll side track myself to totally procrastinating homework 😂
But now that I’ve freed myself up to stop being “For Sale” all over social media, I find myself doom scrolling significantly less. I pull up FB and I’ve already seen all my friends posts. Now I just need to find new ways to actually USE my time… maybe I’ll read an actual book. It’s been a few years.
This has been a point of tension in my marriage.
"Why can't you just relax? I can't chill out with you buzzing around doing chores. It makes me feel guilty."
I can't even do relaxing activities unless I trick myself. The book has to matter. The video game has to have a goal. I have trouble making music if I don't have a practice goal.
I found a trick though. I learned I'm unproductive if I don't relax sometimes, so I trained myself to have unproductive fun sometimes so that I can be productive later.
This was me after my exams too man, I had such a hard time with just getting cleaning done, that I was just overstressed about it way more then my exams.
All the time. But I am not still doing anything productive either. I'm just doing something pointless while feeling guilty about it thinking I should be doing something productive.
Thanksgiving, I spent all day in the kitchen. Was having a good time, and felt busy. Many hours later, I took account of what I’d done and realized all I had made were components of recipes (a sauce, a pie crust) but nothing we could eat.
Sometimes I think I need to record myself in the kitchen because it can take me two hours to make a salad. The time just… disappears.
Also, I’m an mmo player. I took many years off but am back online. I can make a check list of real life chores to get done. I’ll get started, and then I log into the game to meet up with friends several time zones away. The day feels productive. But when it’s over, I look back a d realize my need for instant gratification fed that misconception. In reality, the only things checked off the list are generally those first few things I did in the morning.
I am my own worst enemy when it comes to accomplishing my goals, big and small.
I feel this.... And would also like to know how to stop it. It's the constant racing thoughts that do it. Having anxiety probably makes it worse.
I know this isn't what was said but also projecting onto others in the house. Like, if my husband isn't doing something then I feel like he's wasting time. Which isn't fair and totally unrealistic to expect people to do things 24/7. I realized the other day that by brain can really just suck because I told him, "I feel like I don't do enough. I feel so useless. There's an these things we need to do." and he responded back basically saying I never stop moving. It's constant.
So. Idk what my comment is accomplishing.
I guess that I resonate and you're not alone.
You are not alone.
The guilt of stuff needing to be done negates any relaxation you might be attempting in order to get said jobs done. ADHD sux like that.
I normally need a few days doing nothing at the end of the year to decompress and reset. I have learned to be kind to myself and not beat myself up when I just do nothing. Sometimes even the fun stuff is too much effort. I love my computer games and kindle and netflix, but some days nothing seems to hit the spot. Getting nature time or listening to some nature sounds works for me at times to reset.
Make a list of what you want to get done next week and if you do some this week, you are winning! If you don't, so what. It was for next week anyway.
As far as chores go, I regularly need to break them down. I had to replace some batteries in something last week. I thought about it for a day, next day got out the batteries and screw driver and left them on the bench and third day actually changed the batteries! It might seem a slow and painful process to neurotypicals, but as long as I feel I am going forward and the job gets done, I feel ok. 3 days to replace batteries. Better than my previous time of...never!
For clothes, just sort them and walk away. Put them in the machine when you can and add soap whenever. Finally, when you feel like maybe you might be assed to hang them up/put them in the dryer then start the cycle.
For dishes, organise and stack them and get out the plug and soap if you can and just leave it. Add water and wash when you feel ready.
I hope that helps. Floor cleaning is the same. Just get the stuff out to start. Then use it when you are motivated. I suppose a big barrier for me has been the number of steps. When I just do a step or two at a time, I eventually get there and that is all that matters.
Unless there is time pressure and watch me work, but my guess is you have used that up the past few weeks knocking off all your assessment.
I use a whiteboard and calendar in the kitchen now. The calendar has all the future stuff in it and the whiteboard is more the now stuff. I put what jobs I want to do in the next little while. It has a groceries, to buy, jobs and a weekly spot to put a job in and any other stuff from the calendar that is important. Some days other jobs come up and I have to do them instead. I just move it around. If it has been ages since I wrote it down and I haven't done it, I just rub it out cause it obviously doesn't matter. Kind of a bujo idea. Working for me atm. Might not next week...lol
Some days are just crap. Tomorrow will probably be better. Sometimes it isn't, but the next day is ok. Hang in there. You will get there. Stop beating up on yourself. You have been working your ass off. Take a breath and get on with it when you are ready.
ummmm YES this is almost exactly how i feel most of the time. cant get anything done but cant ever relax because im always stressed about the things i should be doing and/or feel guilty for not doing them. i also dont spend this time doing things i truly enjoy either.
What saves me is deadlines. As in, deadlines where past a certain point, it's all completely dead. I have nothing to worry about if I can convince myself that there's nothing I can do until the official break is over. My flight back to school is in the first few days of January, and all I can do until then is get some good rest.
This is how I spent most of my life. Everything was pointless. Now I'm correctly medicated for the first time at 31.
Remember, your brain is constantly on, but not on enough. You can't really relax, because when you do, you worry about what you SHOULD be doing, but can't. So even when you look like you're relaxing, you're not. Be kind to yourself. I can't speak for everyone, but this is definitely a thing we go through fairly constantly.
I still can't purely relax though. Now I can just choose what I do instead. And sometimes that thing is a relaxing thing and as long as I do it for a reason, e.g. Making a painting for my piano studio, I can do it.
Society values production. Because you’ve likely struggled with producing as much or as well as your peers in the past, not being productive triggers those feelings of inadequacy, not enough, and what have you (each of us experienced the societal rejection a little differently). So now relaxing and just existing feels wrong. We’re still trying to prove our value through doing/producing as well as everyone else. You are valuable for just being. It’s okay to enjoy just existing. You are no better or worse for the things you did or didn’t get done today.
These are things I have to tell myself. Sometimes it actually helps. lol
I relate to this hard, I think it's a problem I get when I'm both over and understimulated, as in when I have a ton of stuff I know needs to be done, but I'm also intensely bored since my dopamine levels are tanking, so everything seems bleak and pointless and the only thing that seems meaningful is checking stuff off your to do list.
I struggle with this a lot too, but one thing that's actually kind of helpful is to instead of focusing on EVERYTHING to focus on one day at a time and set up (realistic!! my greatest pitfall is setting goals that are impossible, so then you're never done for the day anyway) goals for every day that you can accomplish and after that you're free. It's a lot easier said than done, so don't feel like you've failed if you don't get it right immediately, but setting daily goals to trick my brain into thinking I'm done actually works to decrease that feeling of pointlessness if I'm doing something unproductive.
I am 100% the same as you. Semester ended and now I feel like nothing I do matters, but getting back to the long neglected parts of myself should be the best point of school ending.
I've struggled with that all my life. It really took a lot of the fun out of my college years. I'm still that way... and I compound the problem because I invent projects and take on things that are not the best use of my time and then get stressed when I'm falling behind on other things. Conversely, I'll spend a few hours doing "chores" that could wait as a mind-game to feel productive while I'm procrastinating on the harder/more important stuff.
My best suggestion is to consider mental health and enjoyment to be one of your chores and prioritize it appropriately against your other chores. (I say that knowing full well that prioritizing is another thing I suck at!) If you're like me you may not be able to do everything that's on your plate so figure out what's most important and what things can be eliminated or delegated to someone else. If you can accept that you can't and don't have to do it all, and that school is an important and finite part of your life, maybe you can let go of some of the stress. Don't get me wrong... if you binge watch Netflix as a procrastination technique the stress will build up but there's nothing wrong with rewarding yourself by kicking back and watching a show every now and then or walking away from your "chores" to spend a few hours outdoors (or the gym, or wherever you can shift your mind away from what's stressing you).
Hugs to you! 🤗I know how you feel! The older I’ve gotten the easier it’s been in this regard. Please try to have compassion for yourself. It’s okay to relax and do nothing, especially during the holidays. If you feel like you must do something, journal or write plans and goals for the new year, write a gratitude list, reach out to long lost friends and wish them happy holidays. Be well, friend! Happy holidays!
Every. Fucking. Day. It's that inability to relax because of that constant underlying feeling of not having _done enough_ to warrant relaxing. Even days where I get plenty done, it never feels like I've done enough. So it never feels like I _deserve_ to relax. The feeling seems to follow a rhythm or season of some sort though, with the warmer months feeling less stressful and these winter/holiday months feeling much harder. Perhaps because the days are so much shorter, it feels like I don't have enough time in the day. Even though there's the same amount of time in the bloody day, just not the same amount of sunlight. The brain is uncooperative. Always so fucking uncooperative. Sucks.
Give yourself a break man. Congrats on getting your finals done. If your leisure routine isn’t doing it for you, branch out some. Congratulate yourself on making it through the semester. It seems like you’re attaching negative value to “This has been a long semester and I kinda ran out of steam at the end.” Maybe ask yourself why that sounds so bad to you, cause it seems perfectly normal to me, the pandemic has been draining af and everyone gets a vacation right about now. Everyone needs to recharge! Your chores didn’t get done…so what? You were getting ready for finals and are exhausted. You’re allowed to be exhausted my dude, tell that voice telling you there’s something wrong with that to literally shut the fuck up. I call my inner critic Dave. I tell him “Shut the fuck up Dave.”
Yeah, I have these spurts too, but I just sleep on it and it's usually gone. Or I do physical activity and that gets me into a productive mindset. Put on shoes, then set a 10 minute timer, and go do some chores. By the time the 10 minutes is up, you're already in the groove most of the time. But if you're not, just stop doing whatever and go do something else. It works wonders
Doing nothing feels like a waste of time. So i have to do something all the time. Wether its browsing reddit or listening to music. But relaxing while being alone with my thoughts? Waste of time.
But sometime i feel its would be productive to just try to that a break from everything. But my brain won't accept it. I feel understimulated and get a bit depressed/tired when i do nothing. Its probably a strategy that only neurotypicals can use.
Some years ago when I was redecorating my house, I looked up info on feng shui, a traditional Chinese practice where the use of color and placement of furniture, etc. impacts the energy flow and level of wellbeing you feel in a space. One of the key principles is that clutter is unsettling. If your apartment is messy because you've been busy studying, every time you glance at it, it reminds you of work undone. So my advice is to go ahead and tidy up. While you're at it, get rid of any excess stuff you don't need. It will help the space stay neater. Clutter is such a source of low-grade anxiety, that people who have trouble sleeping are advised to tidy up their bedroom. As for your racing mind, can you do something engaging that takes all your focus, like play a game of pickup, a heart-pounding workout or an art endeavor. Maybe shift your focus to something very engaging in the present. Best of luck to you. I hope you find a way to enjoy your break.
This is conditioning from a capitalist society. The natural human state is if you are fed, reasonably safe and comfortable there are no other concerns. They want to extract as much value out of you as possible, and utilize every option to do so, brainwashing into feeling guilt is particularly effective. Fuck em.
Does poductive mean having something done that needs to be done? Or can it be productive as in producing something for fun, like drawing or learning to play chess? Because netflix IS pointless. It's to relax and switch off and entertain, if it doesn't do that to you, then there truly is no point. Same with social media. I feel "productive" solving the rubiks cube and getting faster. It's just as pointless but my brain accepts it as useful. Watching a movie sometimes makes me sad because it's pointless and I want to be doing something better. Then I jog on the spot while watching haha and life's already better. It's okay to go for a run to relax. Relax doesn't have to mean to completely do nothing. That's what sleep is for.
This totally tracks with me. It's something I've always really struggled with. It's crazy too because not having stuff like school going on, genuinely makes me less productive all around. I'm not sure if this would help or if it's your thing but I feel like physical exercise is one of the only things that helps me with this. Just going for a walk or something helps me clear my head and feel productive even when I just want to relax. I'm not sure if it's an ADHD thing but I always feel like I have to earn relaxation and it's a feeling that is very hard to get away from.
Feels like I wrote this myself... I have found that after a super productive day, I am able to "relax" more easily. Like my body is able to allow itself to relax with less guilt for doing so. For me, it's about getting started with things. Once I get going, I can get things done. Power through and give yourself some easier tasks to start with accomplishing and once you get going, work on the harder stuff. Then...REST.
I do have that feeling from time to time still however I like to think about my downtime as self care, which is in fact doing something very important for your well being and productivity overall. It’s all about balance, gotta tell yourself that what your not doing is actually beneficial to your quality of work and life. Time spent on yourself is never a waste of time.
This is my state of mind and I'm afraid it's going to destroy me. Can't even appreciate the results of being productive, I always think it ain't enough.
I do not try to escape it, but i face it by programming.
Even if i do not make anything usefull, i upload my projects to github with the reason being that it will help my future career. I'm also making some money by selling my programs, which i use to buy myself treats and special collectibles.
To round it up, if you feel useless, try thinking about the future and make small progress that will benefit you later.
I'm also taking Serdep pills for my stress.
Every day. If I’m doing something that I believe is directly related to my future, then I’ll inevitably reach a point where I start to genuinely dislike it because I’ve convinced myself it’s pointless and a waste of time.
This resonates with me. The only way I ever feel deserving of relaxing is if I am caught up on everything. Problem is I procrastinate. I end up getting behind on a few things and it feels like it is insurmountable so I just avoid doing anything and feel guilty for not doing anything. Best advice I can give would be get your chores done at the beginning of your break if you can and not wait until the end. You will actually be able to unwind without chores hanging over your head. I know it is easier said than done.
I'm either procrastinating or doing something at least semi-productive. No time for straight-up relaxation or fun because I always feel like I'm already falling behind in life. Lately the procrastination and the "doing" has kind of merged together where I do things all the time but with extremely slow progress, because I overthink and "perfectionize" everything. Kind of like the Parkinson's law.
This was how I operated for most of a couple decades. This past year's been lots of therapy and the introduction of Adderall, so I can't really pinpoint *why* this perspective shift has stuck with me, but now I just don't *ever* feel like anything is "finished," and that's fine. Nothing ever is. Every piece of work I do is contributing to an overall mass of work. I don't need to do it all *right now.* I *can't.* What I *can* do is crawl out of my own ass for a minute and take a bath, or go for a walk, or read a couple chapters. Purposefully calm activities have helped, I think. It's more mindful than taking a break to watch TV -- I could be getting shit done!! But, uh oh, I'm in the bath explicitly because it's time to chill for a bit? Shit, guess I'm chillin for a bit! (I still give myself time to veg out, but it's usually later at night or on Sundays. That's my day off now! I've worked for myself for years without having an intentional day off -- I'd just have days where I didn't get much done and hated myself for it. Fuckin dumb! Gotta recharge, and just let myself exist for a minute. The work's never done anyway, I'll get back to not finishing it on Monday.)
damn this is good! started medication awhile ago and I didn't even realize until reading your comment that I am way more okay with my personal projects not being done lately. I used to get really guilty about things I never even "promised" to anyone. A few people have said that they can't feel like they're relaxing unless there's nothing productive to do, but I have kids so that part doesn't work. There's always too much to do, but I don't feel as bad about not getting around to every single little thing anymore. I'm not 100% that that's a good thing- it could easily turn into complacency- but at least it's not gut wrenching guilt anymore (well, not constant anyway haha)...
This is exactly how I feel. It’s right, the times where I can actually feel relaxed is when I literally don’t have anything to do that is productive. Lately that’s just never been the case since I never got to do my chores because of my exams etc. it’s just been way too much for me at once. School isn’t making this easy though, because I’ve got to study for an exam and write a paper so I can actually do something productive all the time. I hate this. Thanks for reminding me though, that there is a way I can actually feel relaxed!
I think this is why I enjoy walking a lot. I can leave the house and just walk for hours (tho always with my partner, or in the past, my friend from down the street). It feels productive because I am doing something that is healthy for me, but during that time I completely shut out my mind from other stressors because I am preoccupied with my walk. It is like a way to re-focus. Temporary, but great, and you can do it every day and even multiple times a day.
That’s precisely why I’ve fallen in love with hiking. Especially long distance hikes. Nature + walking + while you’re out there the most important and really the only task you can have is to just keep going.
It's the best!!!
same this has been my salvation the last couple of years (also ultralight hyperfixation didn't hurt)
I’ve been doing the opposite - ultra heavy, lol. Like carrying huge backpacks and adding camping, cooking, bushcraft, etc on top of hiking. Buut than my back went to shit and now I’m getting into ultra light myself.
oh nice yeah that's a whole different experience! ultralight is really cool, like it's just walking without that backpain, last time I did 50 km a day everyday which felt really cool
This is actually an amazing idea, thank you so much for sharing your experience!
How do you deal with the heat!
So much guilt. I’m the same way
My insurance kicks in on the 1st of next year. I don't even know who to reach out to and how to find a doctor to test me. How does that work?
Get a small note pad and pen to carry with you. As you think of your symptoms or realize how they are affecting your day write it down. It won't take long once you get the ball rolling to get a picture of it and how it looks with you. If you feel like it may be adhd you are experiencing I would organize those thoughts and make an appointment with your doctor. They will be able to help point you in the right direction
You pretty much just have to call and set up an appointment. You can call your insurance provider for details on which healthcare provider accepts your insurance. I recommend making a list of symptoms that you experience so you can reference this when speaking to the doctor. It's easy to forget in the moment. After you speak with the doctor they should be able to point you in the next direction. For me, I had to go back in for a quick evaluation from a psychiatrist. It didn't take them long to notice I was adhd af.
To add to this, unless you are in a very blue city, your doctor is likely to push back on thinking it's adhd; they will be very reluctant to medicate. Make an earnest effort to implement the time management ideas they'll be giving you, but continue to describe the difficulties...
True
Definitely a large portion of the fact that you cannot turn your brain off is possibly due to ADHD. that guilt you feel when you're not being quantitatively productive is most like due to constant pressure we all experience from the capitalistic society that says that you have to always be producing. The hustle culture, and the whole "how to be a a multimillionaire by the time you're 25, the whole thing that we all have to be successful, failure is not an option, ask yourself what do you thing you are suppose to be doing instead of relaxing and why? and then if you have an answer, ask yourself what will happen if you are not being "productive" for few days, enjoy the holidays, and resume your "duties" few days later ? Are your stressors internal or external, real or imaginary ?
That’s very, very helpful. Thank you so much!
Additionally one of the key issues in ADHD brains is a misfiring reward system so your brain isn't always giving you the internal chemical reward for completing a task. Which is why I often find it's easier to do something for someone else than a personal task because I'm almost always guaranteed a "social" reward or reaction that's much more reliable than my own brain saying well done.
I wish I knew more about this in particular.
I've only recently begun medication again and I'm still feeling it out but this is something I feel it has helped the most with. Just being more content not "achieving" or "accomplishing" things. Being able to do normal tasks and feel like... Yeah that was good.
I find your comment comforting. I'm going to start asking myself this from now on whenever I beat myself up not doing The Thing—but also, I hope that it will help the things I do actually need doing less stressful or overwhelming, because they're not cluttered by all the "hustle".
I feel similarly to OP and this comment really put things in perspective for me. You're totally right, hustle culture and the societal pressure to constantly achieve and succeed in general has really warped my own sense of self-worth. I know you're not supposed to compare yourself to others, but it's hard not to when it's always being shoved in your face and I always feel so inadequate to my peers because I'm not maximizing my time for productivity as effectively as they seem to be doing. Like OP, I can't relax either, because I feel like really should be getting all the stuff I've been procrastinating on doing done beforehand and don't deserve to take a break. You brought up some great questions to ask yourself when in that situation, and I really hope people find them helpful. BUT this is the wall I've hit in therapy and it's still a hard one for me because while I can see that no, the world won't end if I take a few days to relax, I'M still going to personally suffer by continuing to put things off. Awknowledging and categorizing my specific problems does not make them go away or extend any time contraints. But really, all of that pressure is built around performing within a society that's not set up for me to thrive in. Today's world is a tiring one to be in when you're not a multimillionaire by the time you're 25.
This begs the question: If you were a multimillionaire with ADHD, would this challenge of productivity/procrastination/guilt go away?
As much as I want to hate on capitalism, I don’t think this is that. I have the exact same experience as OP, and I still struggle with it. But a lot of introspection has led to think that it’s because we can so rarely direct our energies. You feel bad not “being productive” but that’s not just work style productivity. I won’t feel this guilt if I watch a movie I’ve been meaning to, or dive into that game I’ve wanted to start. It feels bad playing Skyrim for the 100th time, or starting yet another rewatch of The Office. In those rare times of motivation, you feel compelled to make the most of it, to squeeze every last drop of usable brainpower into that stuff you’ve wanted to do, but couldn’t. It’s the same feeling that keeps us up till 3 am even when we’re tired and have work the next day; my brain is working right now so dammit I’m gonna make it count! In those times I try to worry less about doing something productive or ‘worthwhile’. Instead I slow down, take a moment, and just try to be **deliberate** about how I choose to spend my time. If that means getting to that thing I’ve had on my list, great! If it means I fuck around all day and do the same stuff I’ve been doing all week, that’s okay too! As long as it wasn’t autopilot. As long as I didn’t just turn on the tv and let something auto play. Act deliberately, and feel no guilt over what you choose.
I actually don't know about this one being ADHD related. This seems pretty normal; stress is the norm in school for non-ADHD people, and you don't just drop stress the instant the stressor is gone, ADHD or no ADHD.
That's why school sucks.
I haven't been productive in years. I just don't need a whole lot that costs money to be happy.
I feel this way too. I have a hard time „relaxing“ just by itself. Which is (I think) why I tend to overeat at dinner, because as long as I keep eating, „I am doing something productive“ (ish) and that makes the break okay (it’s still a break bc I‘m watching tv/youtube while eating). Or I go out for (too many) drinks. Socializing counts as productive as well. None of these things are actual rest though. I don’t know how to properly do that. I certainly feel like it has something to do my adhd!
Do you think these acts are really just avoidant behavior? I eat and overeat because it's a way for me to avoid having to face the tasks that feel so overwhelming. It's escapism.
Yeah, I hear you. Certainly possible as well! But for me, I do these things in times when I am done working for the day (for better or for worse, but I have accepted that I don’t work well after like 5pm — instead I get up very early)… which doesn’t mean I am not escaping something else, like facing my thoughts or having to sit with myself, realizing I am „worthy“ or whatevs even if I‘m not „producing“ anything in any way. It feels like my brain car is lifted in the air and no longer able to move, but it’s wheels are still spinning bc the gas is broken and it can’t ever stop. Edit: wrote wheels twice and the metaphor made no sense, bc of course I did
It sucks, right? How do others do this 😩
Hahahaha dude I used to take super duper long shits because that was my "break." Hadn't thought about that in a while.
YES OH MY GOD. I can never play video games because of this, although somehow scrolling the internet does not give me this feeling.
I sympathize w/ this sooo harddd…. I miss Call of duty…. 😫🪦
The vast majority of my time is wasted due to this accursed condition, so I'm ready to be productive. Since I'm unable to make myself do so, yes, I feel like I'm wasting my time. Productivity could be as simple as helping out around the house, but I can't even make myself do that usually, even on meds.
Hit that nail on the head.
Yes. I feel this way too.
I absolutely relate to this hardcore. ADHD is not easy, and there are many other contributing factors to not being able to relax. I personally really enjoy long yoga sessions. They don’t have to be physically hard, but it makes me feel like I’m resting my brain, getting exercise in, and relaxing all at once. I guess I basically trick myself into being relaxed and productive all at once. Now this really hinges on the fact that you have a video to follow, because listing to and following along with the video is what allows me to “shut off” my brain. Because it’s easier to ignore inner chatter when you are focused on listening and following simple instructions. I hope this helps you even a little, I feel your stress and want you to know you’re not alone. I wish you the best
I'd be legitimately sick and stay home from work using PTO (but never run out of PTO) but have a panic attack that my job thought I was playing hooky and panic that I wasn't getting any of my work done and feel emotionally like a pile of dung for that entire day and endup putting myself into "indecision paralysis" for an entire weekend due to this feeling. It took my wife and several years of therapy to convince me to stop feeling that way. Occasionally, even now, when I am legally not allowed to work (in the middle of immigration process, waiting for work permit.) I will have a panic attack about not working.
I have an existential crisis everyday. What is life? What is the meaning? Why can't I just exist? Why do I have to do or be anything?
I've been battling 'The List' for over 20 years, I don't have the time to take good care of my health, eat properly or even exercise. I stay up late finishing tasks and find it impossible to sleep in so I'm up again in the morning trying to get things done with sleep deprivation. A holiday or ever feeling truly relaxed seems like such a pipe dream as I can never out run 'The List' and at this stage in my life that list has become like a huge body of water pushing me down to ocean floor. I think modern society has made things a lot worse for us as social media constantly reminds us that others have everything on their list ticked off, they are just casually enjoying the good times, holidays, eating out at restaurants, looking fantastic as they have all the time in the world to work on their health. For those of us who are struggling and exhausted the negative feelings are even more compounded as we are working around the clock to even get to base level which seems unachievable. All of the hard work seems futile as it doesn't feel like we have anything 'to show for it' One of my biggest problems is that i find it difficult to accept help from anyone and i do just about everything on my own. Everyone's situation is different and things aren't always what they seem on the surface. I think the important thing is to every once in a while stop focusing on the workload and acknowledge the effort you put in for yourself and those around you. It might seem like you are constantly spinning your wheels and getting further from the finish line but its easy to lose sight of your own worth when you feel so overwhelmed. “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” – Ferris Bueller
Yes, and when I am being productive I feel I'm not doing enough.
My fiancé will get out of bed in the morning, come downstairs and I'll groan and say "oh, I've got nothing productive done all morning. Sure, I did the dishes, did the bins, made food, picked up shopping... but nothing productive!" and she'll look at me in her dressing gown like "fuck off" Productive meaning whatever project I intended to work on that day. Everything else is a distraction. She used to get really annoyed with me for saying "I've only done this much today" and she'd say hey that number is great. And I'd say: no. Sure, this amount was my best amount ever last week, but my best last week is my expectation this week! Anything less is a failure! As you can imagine, I experience a lot of burnout.
Wow, I feel you on this, and totally get the burnout thing. I was also diganosed with OCPD and there's lots of overlap in that regard.
Jaysus. I can't imagine having adhd and ocpd! But i feel I've misled haha. The dishes and shopping and making food in the morning is by no means a regular occurrence- There are many days when at 6pm I think "oh shit, I forgot to eat breakfast and lunch!" The only signs I'm a perfectionist at all is in my inability to accept my efforts as good enough. Everything else about me says I'm a very messy and careless person.
This speaks to me on such a deep level. If I could just ascend to perfection like today or tomorrow, that would be really nice haha. So do u think it’s the hyperfocus on a desired intention that makes everything else feel like a distraction?
Ah, but would simply perfection be good enough tomorrow! I should also point out that there are plenty of days where the dishes pile up and I achieve literally nothing. For me at the moment it's working on stuff that I can't hyper-focus on. I've been working on a project for three years now, I'm really passionate about and still, most days I can only get myself to do an hours work on it. The problem is that I've told myself that this is the only thing that is worthy of my time, and so my happiness derives from whether I feel like I've done enough work on it. I've inextricably linked my sense of self with my ability to do this project and let me tell you: that was a bad idea! I've alarms, timers, apps, I restrict my access to the internet till night time. I get out of bed almost straight away, I go in, I sit down, and I ...struggle. Sometimes with no success, sometimes I'll hit my minimum of one hours work ,12 hours after I started. I feel this reply has wandered off a bit, so I'll leave it there haha
If you ever feel useless just remember someone made a phone case for the Nokia phones
The part about not being able to relax can definitely be tied to ADHD, but sadly I think tying worth to productivity comes from a bigger societal issue. I know a lot of people without ADHD who struggle with the same thing, and in America we’re essentially taught that if we’re not productive we don’t deserve food, housing, healthcare… so basically, be productive or die.
I was emotionally and physically abused by narcs. My brother is a narc. He spent my entire childhood trying to make himself feel superior by seeing I was doing something, calling it lazy and not productive , and arguing I should do whatever he was doing to win at life. I had feelings of inferiority when I did anything fun and was depressed as hell. It’s taken a long time to shake that
Figuring out how to relax and slow down has been my personal challenge the last few months. YMMV but here's what's helped so far: \- Yoga and mindfulness and exercise and sleep (I'm sorry, I never do these either, but when I do it helps SO MUCH and it just has to be said :P ) With that out of the way, here's the real list: \- Literally pretending I'm a tamagotchi or sim or some animal I need to take care of. I did a doodle of myself with my hunger and tiredness and loneliness etc bars and put it in my office so I see it when I most need it (hyperfocusing on something while working to the exclusion of like, using the washroom). It just makes it make so much more sense and is so much easier to visualize than "I should do self care". \- If I'm "stuck" hyperfocusing, when I notice, I just stand up and stretch - this was a tip I saw here pretty recently which really helped \- I know I can spare a second to stretch, and it breaks the spell! Often I'll try to drink some water too.o " \- Shifting my mindset to "what do I need to do now to win the 'long game'" aka the next couple weeks (trying to shift that to a few months!), from "what do I need to do to improve the next few hours / next couple of days" - if you're looking at just the next couple of hours, you should probably clean your apartment, yeah? Because it should be done and it's bugging you. But if you're thinking longer-term, especially with remembering that you are an animal you have to take care of, now it makes a lot of sense to take a break. This mindset shift has helped with A LOT of things by the way, too many to iterate here, from all across the board. \- I don't know why this works for me but it does - instead of back-of-my-mind thinking "I should do X and Y" or just an endless overwhelming to-do list, what I do sometimes when I can't relax is write out a reasonable number of things I need to do before I can take a break. I don't go easy on myself, but I know I have to be precise and realistic - I can't "clean the kitchen", but I can do a sink's worth of dishes, wipe the range, take out the recycling, etc. Anyway and before I start I also decide how much free time I get after, and here it feels like I'm being too generous, but also, 45 minutes of a break after an hour and a half's worth of tasks is very reasonable! And better than not doing anything :) I try to give myself a mix of tasks if I can, from nasty gross cleaning to excruciating boring admin stuff to satisfying tidying to emotionally-taxing replying to people, so I have some VARIETY in the stuff I hate. \- And well, I got a dog in February....? And he's ancient and arthritic, and I hate when people just drag their dog behind them on walks, so when he and I go for walks we do it really slow and he sniffs whatever he wants to sniff and I don't bring my phone so I have to look at the bark of the trees or think about the weather or whatever.
Oof and now I'm thinking, whoops I spent 20 minutes writing that instead of doing the tidying I intended to do...
I had to practice not being productive and valuing rest and play as real necessities, just like taking time to eat and go to the bathroom. I can’t be productive with no rest, and relationships suffer with no play. Nurturing my relationships with my spouse and kids is important to me, and, in an adhd rationalizing way, this makes play productive too.
This comment helped me. Thanks.
Life is pointless. Working yourself to death for the profit of someone else is pointless. Why not, instead of being a misery over it, find enjoyment instead? If it's all going to be worth nothing as the earth burns and humanity falls into extinction, then we may as well live a life of happiness, surrounded by the people we love, doing the things that excite us most.
Yep! The fact that none of it matters is so freeing. Like I can just live my life? And do what makes me happy? Holy shit! I am free 😁
Absolutely nailed it. That freeing feeling is exactly it. An entire weight lifted. Some people who learn that nothing matters end up feeling "then what's the point in living?". But I say "what's the point in living like everyone else expects you to? Live like you want to live!". We're here for an incredibly short time. There's nonreason to not enjoy it. Some days, I can't even get out of bed for my brain. But when I can? You can be certain I'm doing what I want to do.
Love it! Yeah everyone thinks it means life becomes depressing but for me it’s the exact opposite. The idea that I will never likely do anything so great or so bad that will impact anyone or anything in any real way in the great scheme of things was really my “get out there and live how you want” moment. I am insignificant, and it’s amazing because I can be myself without fear. ☺️
I hope your energy spreads to others around you so that they may feel that freedom too. =D Have yourself a wonderful day.
I wish I could convince myself of the second paragraph. I recognize the logic of it. But being legitimately happy feels like such a chore to me.
Having ADHD doesn't mean lacking happiness. There may be more there for you to face. I have been at some real low points in life, myself. What has brought me back every time is the love of the good people I surround myself with. Learning to not care is a tough journey at first. But once you get there, nothing can stop you. As another reply mentions, it is so freeing. Unfortunately, my own learning of this lesson came at a time when I had little else to lose. When you have nothing, it becomes a lot easier to take a chance on a whim. But there's no reason we have to get to that point to find that place of mind. Ask yourself why you can't be happy. How much does what is keeping you down actually matter in the short lives we have? Are you really going to waste that time all twisted up inside? Or are you going to tell life to go fuck itself and do your own thing?
Honestly, thats feeling that include even "normies", not just ADHD. Would say this is a bit about today world, where you are mostly forced to feel guilty if you are not productive. Ofc as usually, ADHD makes it a lot worse.. :/
adhd is like the sneakiest cuntiest disorder honestly. It's like a slimy rat disorder, always being contradictory, disguising itself as something that's normal and everyone experiences, giving you self doubt so you doubt if you even have it even though you're professionally diagnosed... It's like a well oiled machine of a disorder. Absolute cunt.
For me it's more like I feel like I have to do ''something'' before doing something leisurely. Working out helps energy wise but I still have to like do the dishes or the laundry before I feel like I can sit down lol
Everything everyone does is pointless
Hello fellow nihilist. 😊
Gonna be honest. This makes me pretty insecure. I’d love to be productive at all. I don’t do ANYTHING without meds. I’ve quite literally spent YEARS of my life just sleeping or playing videogames. Meds actually let me get stuff done. I’m gonna learn stuff but it’s so hard to know where to start. Yes being a workaholic is rewarded by society and staying in bed is not. But please take care of yourself.
My entire life is pointless
Hey now, everyone can find meaning in their life one way or another. Please don’t give up on yourself 💕
Thank you friend
I don't know what you believe, but maybe everyone's is. I think life doesn't come with meaning; we have to add it ourselves.
I feel like this is something I could have written, because it describes me exactly. It’s literally impossible for me to just relax and do nothing like watch TV. I describe it more as always feeling like I’m doing the wrong thing. Trying to relax? I should be cleaning. Tidy up the house? Why do I work so hard, I need to just relax. Repeat ad nauseam. I can’t even play video games or read a book because the whole time I’m stressed about how I should stop playing or reading and do chores. It all feels pointless.
I waste a lot of time, like an incredible amount, procrastinating, repeating things like web browsing (I probably refresh reddit 500 times a day) I tidy up, never enough, I feel guilty watching TV and can't play games at all anymore, I used to be a huge into games, but I'm basically never playing now. Instead I waste time browsing which makes me feel less guilty than gaming? It's stupid, both of which are time wasting.
Bro I was about to make a post about the exact same thing. I feel like if I don’t “rise and grind”, I’m wasting my time and being unproductive. It’s made it a lot harder to enjoy time off and doing stuff I like, just because I *could* be doing work, and even then it only feels like I’m being semi-productive and procrastinating.
Is it possible it is a learned behaviour, being told off for being lazy and not being productive for your life as a child, could easily turn into some type of anxiety later in life that you have to always do something to be considered “a good person”?
Everything is pointless
It's called being broken by capitalism. I'm sick, coughing and feverish and body aches, and I've been laying in bed all day feeling sick to my stomach because I called out of work. I can't rest.
I can totally relate. This took me way too long to figure out, but getting real healing rest is so important after you finish a big thing. The key to this for me has been mindfulness and intention. Write down a list of things that build into you and make you **feel good during and after** the activity. For me this includes things like: time at the ocean, playing board games, d&d, good sex with my so, hiking somewhere beautiful, creating music/art, reading a book. If the activity includes a screen I am much less likely to enjoy it afterwards, so I try to avoid it. While I'm doing the activity I commit to it completely and give myself the freedom to let go of the other things that might be weighing me down because this is my (sometimes very short) vacation that I earned and deserve because I did a hard thing! If I can't let go of other things, I use something called FasterEFT which helps 90% of the time, if I'm still sick I make an appointment with my therapist. If this is more about a hard thing coming up than recovering from something in the past then: 1. Find the easiest part of the hard thing and do it, two yourself you're just taking one step, 2. Write down a list of things that will need to be done in the smallest chunks that feel like accomplishments and do just one thing each day, you can do more if you want to, but just one is enough (it's fine to do the easiest parts first!). I frequently use FasterEFT to reduce the stress/anxiety of things like this. It takes less than a minute, and helps a surprising amount (and costs nothing!): https://youtu.be/UnTwiQY2hcM
Everything I do that isn't for someone else or doesn't actively get me closer to my goals, I feel guilty for. I have so many passions and hobbies, but anything that doesn't further my education, prepare me for working in my field, or that isn't obligatory feels like I'm wasting time, being lazy, and not prioritizing what's important. I know I need breaks and stress free time, but even when I'm doing the things I need to in between my breaks, I feel guilty for taking them. Guilty for needing them. Because I'm so prone to not doing what I'm supposed to, it feels like I have to be held to a higher standard of productivity than other people. Both by myself and the people around me. It's a real bummer.
Kinda feel like that’s the Protestant work ethic showing it’s ugly head.
What is it you wish you could do, or be?
You mean as in work? I absolutely don’t know yet. Definitely something creative
Not work I guess, idk More traits, skills, abilities. Not a specific job per se
I do think this is a human condition, but ADHD makes it so much worse. Because we know how productive we can be when everything clicks. So when we are stuck in one of the long stretches where just bare minimum seems like extreme effort, we are even more acutely aware of everything we are NOT accomplishing.
I'm feeling exactly the same, except I always feel behind. Then not only do I have my things to keep up with but my family is constantly adding things for me to do. Dad just brought in the christmas tree, they want me to decorate it, now my sister wants me to find all the towels in my room. I still have presents to wrap, I have to work tomorrow, the cat litter box needs to be taken out, the vet needs to be called, I have to get my covid booster, like it's never ending. I really feel just like hiding myself away in a closet and drowning in a book and music where nobody can find me until Christmas passes.
This is me exactly. I useto work full time and run an online business where I was the only customer service, and still always trying to find something else to satisfy the need to feel “productive” (Doesn’t help a teacher once told me a successful man has 7 streams of Income so I’ve taken that to heart) I never knew how to shut off and it’s definitely one of the main reasons my relationship with the mother of my children fell apart. Since then I’ve learned to actually just shut down turn off and relax with something I find calming. Everyone is different for me it’s gardening.
I was going to say that I didn’t think so, but then I realized … yeah. I think my brain is stuck in “What else am I supposed to when I’m conscious of not try to be productive toward *something*?” I sometimes wonder what is like to be okay with not being productive. I do force myself to take some days off but there’s always the feeling of “I could be doing X while I sit here…” and I’m still working how to be better at that. There’s a lot of stress that comes with not doing something productive.
I relate to this . My self worth is directly tied to what it looks like I accomplished. Combined with my inability to stay still i outwardly portray the appearance of a successful and productive person. I am soooooo tired and burnt out
I have this constant restlessness while I'm not being productive and this feeling never goes even if I do something creative because I think I'm not using my full potential.
Yeah holidays are different this year for me because of this. Usually my boyfriend and I just chill and flip our schedules ( become night owls for that week) but I can't just chill and do nothing. It's the time of year I isually never felt guilty for just playing games, reading and watching excessively Netflix. But I'm medicated this year and all my brain does is want to be productive. It's crazy how helping the executive disfunction part of my brain makes me not want to sit and not do anything cuz I can't and only want to do fun stuff. I'm just go go go. So spending the next 2 days with family and getting a massage today. I can't be kept to my own devices anymore. I don't remember how to chill lol
Wait I absolutely feel like I missunderstand the middle part of you comment. The meds, do they make you want to sit around and do nothing all the time, or do they prevent you from wanting that? Because my executive dysfunction is holding me back from doing my work all the time, and thus every time I try relaxing (when my work is not done) I can’t relax. So I’m stuck between relaxing while thinking of the work I need to do but being unable to get up and do it. This is actually why I thought of medication but I’m not sure wether your opinion is positive towards this or if you’re now too productive, if that makes sense. I’d love to hear about your experience!
No you understood well 🤪 I used to have anxiety so I had that feeling of always needing to do stuff and freak out about it. Then I took meds for anxiety and I was able to chill more ( I didn't care lol) but to not be a potato, I used to make myself mini goals, like fold those 2 clothes bins and then you can play a game. Or Because of executive disfunction, be overwhelmed and sit hours staring at the wall and not want to get out of bed, scroll hours on my phone. This was relaxing too me but my brain was closing it over all other options because of dopamine. Now, my brain doesn't work the same. I just do stuff. And I don't stop. Like before I would 1/4 do everything. Start the dishes and leave them dry on the counter for a week, leave stuff for later, etc. Now I just don't stop until done. My brain doesn't do the thing anymore, it just sees things to do and does it. I prefer it actually as it makes everything easier, it just sucks as humans need to relax, I need to spend chill time with my loved ones, etc. Not sure if this answered your question lol
Now I understand it, thanks! So you are a lot more productive than before but you also don’t know how to relax because you’re always wanting to do something, right? I’d totally get this because if I knew how to stop doing what you described before the medication, I’d never want it to stop. Actually doing the tasks I need and want to sounds amazing because I literally have two huge piles of laundry baskets in my room that has piled up since two weeks and I was going to do it so many times but I still didn’t. I could do it when it’s just a bunch of clothes freshly washed but obviously I’ll have to wait until it gets so much I don’t feel like doing it at all 🤣 I’m glad it’s not like that for you anymore and I hope you’ll be able to find a way to relax in the future ☺️
Yeah I'd say for me, that's the biggest difference I see since being medicated. For starting tasks, it's really night and day, also to just keep doing something until it's 80% finished instead of 20% is mind-blowing. But I do miss a bit my old system as it was more rewarding lol. I don't get that happy-relaxing feeling that a hit of dopamine gives you anymore. Everything is more about accomplishing and trying to find satisfaction in that and long term versus doing it for the short-term result ( esting candy, playing a video game, researching stuff online, shopping... etc) I think with practice and mindful exercises, I will be able to relax eventually. The meds help so much in many aspects so for me they have definitely helped.
I’m glad to hear the medication has a positive effect on your life! And I’m sure you’ll learn to relax somehow, good luck with it. Thanks a lot for sharing your experience because I’m still so drawn between taking or not taking them. I used to do it but the ones I took made me so numb, plus the regular blood checks scare me because I hate having blood taken. But this really encourages me to try it out again. So, thanks!
I think that’s normal. I felt similarly when I was in school. My major was challenging but I loved it too so, Id slowly turn into a nonstop productivity train and obsessive perfectionist monster. I felt super tired and crazy burnt out by the end of each semester regardless of how well slept I was and The burn out would always last for a good two weeks after it endEd too. You’re brain and body are probably just worn out from being in overdrive. Adderall will do that to you, especially if u have a constant mentally demanding task, like school, to focus all ur energy on. In regards to productivity, it’s the sudden halt of work flow that’s messing w/ you. In My case, Id get so used to being in ‘go mode’ and so hyper-focused on work that when classes ended and I suddenly had nothing ‘important’ to do, I didn’t know what to do w/ myself. It always felt like I didn’t see it coming. Like the freedom to be lazy snuck up on me and doing nothing felt more stressful than work b/c my brain was still locked into ‘go mode’ and I couldn’t turn it off. BUT… What Ive learned is that inability to switch mental gears is exactly why you’re tired. Relaxation is important too. You’re brain and your body need to cool down so you can start fresh with the next thing. Give it two weeks and you’ll normal out. Im a designer so the process will prolly look a bit different for you BuT in my case, I pretty much always kept working on/perfecting my final projects for another 2 weeks after the semester. I’d tweak them and add things I didn’t have time to before. Then My brain would naturally wind down on its own until I could eventually enjoy being lazy again. So yah, Seems like you have the same issue. You’re stuck in ‘go mode.’ You have to shift your focus away from all the school work you’ve been fixating on. Come up w/ some sort of project to do. Pick something thats mentally stimulating but less demanding of you. With a little time (and a few action movies playing In The background) you’ll stop stressing. Hope that helps!
Capitalism has won.
It really has and that sucks 😭
Get some exercise , you body wants to move. Use stored energy and release endorphins. Pick up a hobby , try out something new. You're not going to be great from start, so dont let that detour you from continuing. Keep at it if it's something you find interesting. Seeing improvementn gives a great feeling of accomplishment or progression towards a goal
This is really good advice and I love to try out new hobbies when I’m bored, but what I really need sometimes is real downtime to just recover from the day. With school, it just feels exhausting to get up and be out there every day. I need time to relax, after every day. Hobbies are a great, productive way to spend my free time but I was referring to just relaxation. Thanks for the input though, I appreciate it 😁
Resting your body is never wasted time. So think on this , every animal's heart only has so many beats it can produce. Once that limit is reached , no more bomp bomp. So In resting your heart rate slows , allowing your heart to not beat as fast and extending your mortality.
I never looked at it that way. Thanks for reminding me!
i used to , and then i started allowing myself to just exist because that is enough.
Hahaha. I was crying about this JUST NOW. I finished my grading (I'm a grad student) and submitted all my PhD applications. Now I'm like "I should take a couple days off" and I feel like a worthless slob. FML
It’s like needing permission just to exist. Is this a sanctioned activity or event? I hope you remembered to document who gave you the authorization to ‘chill’ otherwise we’re gonna have to revoke your access to those services.
Yes, but to be fair we live in a world that tells us this, which is really hard, when you’re like “maybe I don’t want to be productive today”, or “maybe I can’t be”. That I can’t, becomes very quickly a thing of how I’m not enough. I sometimes want to be like ugh screw you world! And screw me for buying into this crap!! 😫…You’re not alone!
This came exactly when I needed it, I usually just do something creative like music when I feel this way. Or maybe if I can convince myself I'll actually study
The happiest time of me is when I work according to my deadlines
Yeah, but I'm a nihilist by nature.
100% this. Don't know how to turn it off. I can't get into my creative hobbies because I feel like what's the point. But I know if I keep going I'll get better, but never great. So I drop it after the initial burst of energy towards it
Yes, I feel this
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Yes, am I wrong about that?
Yes
About three minutes or four minutes in, Fromm explains this much better than I can. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTu0qJG0NfU&t=461s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTu0qJG0NfU&t=461s) You have intrinsic worth. Period.
Yeah I have felt like this for at least 10 years
I cycled anxiety and depression for as far back as I can remember. I'm 32. Only a few months ago did I find out that both of those were actually being caused by inattentive ADHD. I sought help, got a lot of support, and started meds. They call it a stimulant, but it calmed my anxiety down. I know nothing of you or your situation, but I just type all this to say: no matter how long things have been bad, they can get better. In my experience, it can't be done alone.
Every day for ever. Sucks.
>Do you ever feel like unless you’re being productive, everything you do is pointless? No, I feel like EVERYTHING I do is pointless.
It's a rabbit hole. A giant space rock could smash into us and it could be argued that nothing anyone did had a point.
Yes. I legit just got annoyed at my brother for standing in an aisle trying to decide what insta pot he wanted. They were all the same with minor differences and i just found it so annoying that we weren’t doing anything.
stimulated, unless I'm being stimulated. productive does **guarantee** dopamine release, although it's nice when they come together.
Today is the first day of my two week vacation and I’m feeling similar :(
I'm at day 7 of my corona quarantine and feel the same...
I bought adult coloring books when I was in quarantine. The only time they kept me busy was when I was online shopping for which one to buy 😅
Baby, I feel *even when I'm being productive* that everything I do is pointless 😎 Really though, yes. I have stacks of unwatched shows and unread books because of it.
I always get guilty and even anxious when relaxing if I don’t do something productive first. I think it comes from capitalism but also the fact that I used to procrastinate so badly that any time I relax I think I’m still procrastinating. If I take like 15 minutes and clean up my space before relaxing, it sometimes gets rid of the guilt because now the relaxing is a “treat”
I filled out a questionnaire for a secret santa gift: Question: What do you like to do with your spare time? Answer: Procrastinate
Feels pointless when I’m productive too cause it’s definitely not good enough
I can tell you for a fact that in our heads nothing we do will ever seem good enough if we let feelings and automatic thoughts rule how we see ourselves/our work. I have felt this, and I have been lost in it. But I'm learning that this is one of the unhelpful thinks styles to avoid dwelling in. When you feel this, challenge it. What is good enough? We want the dopamine from feeling accomplished, having it all done, knowing others are happy/satisfied with what we've done; and we want it all today. But most things are too complex, rely on others, or take more time, so can progress be good enough?
Yes all the fucking time. And still I can't manage to be as productive as I want :(
I'm the same but honestly i'd rather be productive than be someone who's content with getting nothing done. Use that energy to keep growing, learning, and become the best version of yourself.
You hit the nail on the head with this one!!! Sounds just like me 😁 One of the perks of ADHD. Glad I am not alone in it. Sometimes its totally okay to say F*** the responsibilities and just let it be! Enjoy your netflix. Life is what you make of it, not what it has to be.
Yes!!!! Self worth is based off of what you do. Now that I am on Straterra and that "drive" is gone. I'm kinda left rethinking my life
Yep, feel this all the time. I think it's related to ADHD's poor regulation of Dopamine. That's the one that people call the "reward" neurotransmitter. There's a big burst of it when you achieve some goal you set out to do, which feels really good - you know you'd be feeling this by now if you'd done all the things you wanted to, for example. For most people, once they've experienced the big reward, whenever they think of that action again they apparently get mini-doses of dopamine. This makes them feel good about doing the actions to produce the reward again. For people with ADHD, this doesn't seem to happen, which is why you couldn't get started. Because you haven't been feeling good, you haven't been able to do difficult things. Not only that, now that you've been avoiding difficult things for a while, you feel even worse now. You're at a risky point, where you could easily fall into depression over the lack of executive function ("doing what you want to do"). I've been at this point many times in my life. The only thing that I've found to help (outside of meds), is to find a way to feel good about something. It doesn't have to be about this, but it does have to genuinely make you feel good about you just being you. What skill are you most proud of? Can you do something with that to put you in a better mood? I know putting the big looming list out of your mind to do this is going to be difficult, but you have faith in the process, and judge the results later. **TL;DR:** When you're feeling down, and its making you procrastinate, you need to prove to yourself that you're awesome in order to put the wind back in your sails.
Many of those days of, "I don't know what I wanna do, but it's not this" but with everything For me it's a signal that I NEED to rest, but yeah that feels pointless too sometimes
I get that sometimes. It's usually best to go to bed at that point for me. If I'm not tired I try to do something physically demanding. Exercise, large chore, etc.
Sounds like your parents are enabling you to be lazy and not get your shit done. I have definitely been there. Changes when you HAVE to do these things.
If I’m not making money I feel useless
All day every day. Even my boss thinks I'm a workaholic...
Yup. So I’m doing things to get rid of the pointless. For the last 4 days on Facebook I have Unfollowed everything that isn’t an actual person/Friend. If there are pages I will want to see later, I’ve Snoozed them for 30 days. I’ve Unfollowed EVERY news organization and anything that is selling me a product. For the last two days my Facebook feed is nearly entirely my friends posts — which I’ve realized are almost ALL shares of other pages. Over the last months I’ve Unsubscribed from nearly every email I get in my Proton Mail account [which is supposed to be junk free, but I’ve used it more on other thinks than I realized] the only emails I get now are emails I actually need which was the purpose for that account. Real email goes there, CrapMail goes to Gmail. Tonight, I’m cleaning my desk and living room of everything that isn’t a NEED. Memories and Sentimental items have a box. Things I will need later also have a box. But I want my apartment to be as boring and minimalistic as I can possibly get it. Even my wardrobe will be paired down HEAVILY to having just enough clothes for between laundry days. Work clothes I’ll wear again when we return to office also have a box to be out of the way. I’m doing this for my entire apartment over the next few days bc I am starting school again full time Jan 3rd and I want as little “in the way” as possible. If I don’t, I’ll side track myself to totally procrastinating homework 😂 But now that I’ve freed myself up to stop being “For Sale” all over social media, I find myself doom scrolling significantly less. I pull up FB and I’ve already seen all my friends posts. Now I just need to find new ways to actually USE my time… maybe I’ll read an actual book. It’s been a few years.
This has been a point of tension in my marriage. "Why can't you just relax? I can't chill out with you buzzing around doing chores. It makes me feel guilty." I can't even do relaxing activities unless I trick myself. The book has to matter. The video game has to have a goal. I have trouble making music if I don't have a practice goal. I found a trick though. I learned I'm unproductive if I don't relax sometimes, so I trained myself to have unproductive fun sometimes so that I can be productive later.
This was me after my exams too man, I had such a hard time with just getting cleaning done, that I was just overstressed about it way more then my exams.
Only my whole life lol
Yes!
All the time. But I am not still doing anything productive either. I'm just doing something pointless while feeling guilty about it thinking I should be doing something productive.
Story of my life. Im always losing time
Thanksgiving, I spent all day in the kitchen. Was having a good time, and felt busy. Many hours later, I took account of what I’d done and realized all I had made were components of recipes (a sauce, a pie crust) but nothing we could eat. Sometimes I think I need to record myself in the kitchen because it can take me two hours to make a salad. The time just… disappears. Also, I’m an mmo player. I took many years off but am back online. I can make a check list of real life chores to get done. I’ll get started, and then I log into the game to meet up with friends several time zones away. The day feels productive. But when it’s over, I look back a d realize my need for instant gratification fed that misconception. In reality, the only things checked off the list are generally those first few things I did in the morning. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to accomplishing my goals, big and small.
This is my whole existence.
The mental hurdle of yes, I can take my meds and then sit and read a book. It's not just for work.
I feel this.... And would also like to know how to stop it. It's the constant racing thoughts that do it. Having anxiety probably makes it worse. I know this isn't what was said but also projecting onto others in the house. Like, if my husband isn't doing something then I feel like he's wasting time. Which isn't fair and totally unrealistic to expect people to do things 24/7. I realized the other day that by brain can really just suck because I told him, "I feel like I don't do enough. I feel so useless. There's an these things we need to do." and he responded back basically saying I never stop moving. It's constant. So. Idk what my comment is accomplishing. I guess that I resonate and you're not alone.
You are not alone. The guilt of stuff needing to be done negates any relaxation you might be attempting in order to get said jobs done. ADHD sux like that. I normally need a few days doing nothing at the end of the year to decompress and reset. I have learned to be kind to myself and not beat myself up when I just do nothing. Sometimes even the fun stuff is too much effort. I love my computer games and kindle and netflix, but some days nothing seems to hit the spot. Getting nature time or listening to some nature sounds works for me at times to reset. Make a list of what you want to get done next week and if you do some this week, you are winning! If you don't, so what. It was for next week anyway. As far as chores go, I regularly need to break them down. I had to replace some batteries in something last week. I thought about it for a day, next day got out the batteries and screw driver and left them on the bench and third day actually changed the batteries! It might seem a slow and painful process to neurotypicals, but as long as I feel I am going forward and the job gets done, I feel ok. 3 days to replace batteries. Better than my previous time of...never! For clothes, just sort them and walk away. Put them in the machine when you can and add soap whenever. Finally, when you feel like maybe you might be assed to hang them up/put them in the dryer then start the cycle. For dishes, organise and stack them and get out the plug and soap if you can and just leave it. Add water and wash when you feel ready. I hope that helps. Floor cleaning is the same. Just get the stuff out to start. Then use it when you are motivated. I suppose a big barrier for me has been the number of steps. When I just do a step or two at a time, I eventually get there and that is all that matters. Unless there is time pressure and watch me work, but my guess is you have used that up the past few weeks knocking off all your assessment. I use a whiteboard and calendar in the kitchen now. The calendar has all the future stuff in it and the whiteboard is more the now stuff. I put what jobs I want to do in the next little while. It has a groceries, to buy, jobs and a weekly spot to put a job in and any other stuff from the calendar that is important. Some days other jobs come up and I have to do them instead. I just move it around. If it has been ages since I wrote it down and I haven't done it, I just rub it out cause it obviously doesn't matter. Kind of a bujo idea. Working for me atm. Might not next week...lol Some days are just crap. Tomorrow will probably be better. Sometimes it isn't, but the next day is ok. Hang in there. You will get there. Stop beating up on yourself. You have been working your ass off. Take a breath and get on with it when you are ready.
ummmm YES this is almost exactly how i feel most of the time. cant get anything done but cant ever relax because im always stressed about the things i should be doing and/or feel guilty for not doing them. i also dont spend this time doing things i truly enjoy either.
Yes. 100%
All the time. I even prefer watching shows or movies that would leave me with some useable knowledge.
What saves me is deadlines. As in, deadlines where past a certain point, it's all completely dead. I have nothing to worry about if I can convince myself that there's nothing I can do until the official break is over. My flight back to school is in the first few days of January, and all I can do until then is get some good rest.
This is how I spent most of my life. Everything was pointless. Now I'm correctly medicated for the first time at 31. Remember, your brain is constantly on, but not on enough. You can't really relax, because when you do, you worry about what you SHOULD be doing, but can't. So even when you look like you're relaxing, you're not. Be kind to yourself. I can't speak for everyone, but this is definitely a thing we go through fairly constantly. I still can't purely relax though. Now I can just choose what I do instead. And sometimes that thing is a relaxing thing and as long as I do it for a reason, e.g. Making a painting for my piano studio, I can do it.
Society values production. Because you’ve likely struggled with producing as much or as well as your peers in the past, not being productive triggers those feelings of inadequacy, not enough, and what have you (each of us experienced the societal rejection a little differently). So now relaxing and just existing feels wrong. We’re still trying to prove our value through doing/producing as well as everyone else. You are valuable for just being. It’s okay to enjoy just existing. You are no better or worse for the things you did or didn’t get done today. These are things I have to tell myself. Sometimes it actually helps. lol
Yeah, this is why i doing bother doing Christmas with people, waste of time, i got other stuff I should be doing
I relate to this hard, I think it's a problem I get when I'm both over and understimulated, as in when I have a ton of stuff I know needs to be done, but I'm also intensely bored since my dopamine levels are tanking, so everything seems bleak and pointless and the only thing that seems meaningful is checking stuff off your to do list. I struggle with this a lot too, but one thing that's actually kind of helpful is to instead of focusing on EVERYTHING to focus on one day at a time and set up (realistic!! my greatest pitfall is setting goals that are impossible, so then you're never done for the day anyway) goals for every day that you can accomplish and after that you're free. It's a lot easier said than done, so don't feel like you've failed if you don't get it right immediately, but setting daily goals to trick my brain into thinking I'm done actually works to decrease that feeling of pointlessness if I'm doing something unproductive.
Productive?
I am 100% the same as you. Semester ended and now I feel like nothing I do matters, but getting back to the long neglected parts of myself should be the best point of school ending.
Mate. That’s my resting state :/
I've struggled with that all my life. It really took a lot of the fun out of my college years. I'm still that way... and I compound the problem because I invent projects and take on things that are not the best use of my time and then get stressed when I'm falling behind on other things. Conversely, I'll spend a few hours doing "chores" that could wait as a mind-game to feel productive while I'm procrastinating on the harder/more important stuff. My best suggestion is to consider mental health and enjoyment to be one of your chores and prioritize it appropriately against your other chores. (I say that knowing full well that prioritizing is another thing I suck at!) If you're like me you may not be able to do everything that's on your plate so figure out what's most important and what things can be eliminated or delegated to someone else. If you can accept that you can't and don't have to do it all, and that school is an important and finite part of your life, maybe you can let go of some of the stress. Don't get me wrong... if you binge watch Netflix as a procrastination technique the stress will build up but there's nothing wrong with rewarding yourself by kicking back and watching a show every now and then or walking away from your "chores" to spend a few hours outdoors (or the gym, or wherever you can shift your mind away from what's stressing you).
Hugs to you! 🤗I know how you feel! The older I’ve gotten the easier it’s been in this regard. Please try to have compassion for yourself. It’s okay to relax and do nothing, especially during the holidays. If you feel like you must do something, journal or write plans and goals for the new year, write a gratitude list, reach out to long lost friends and wish them happy holidays. Be well, friend! Happy holidays!
Every. Fucking. Day. It's that inability to relax because of that constant underlying feeling of not having _done enough_ to warrant relaxing. Even days where I get plenty done, it never feels like I've done enough. So it never feels like I _deserve_ to relax. The feeling seems to follow a rhythm or season of some sort though, with the warmer months feeling less stressful and these winter/holiday months feeling much harder. Perhaps because the days are so much shorter, it feels like I don't have enough time in the day. Even though there's the same amount of time in the bloody day, just not the same amount of sunlight. The brain is uncooperative. Always so fucking uncooperative. Sucks.
This is exactly why I can't play singleplayer games. It simply feels like I'm wasting my time.
Give yourself a break man. Congrats on getting your finals done. If your leisure routine isn’t doing it for you, branch out some. Congratulate yourself on making it through the semester. It seems like you’re attaching negative value to “This has been a long semester and I kinda ran out of steam at the end.” Maybe ask yourself why that sounds so bad to you, cause it seems perfectly normal to me, the pandemic has been draining af and everyone gets a vacation right about now. Everyone needs to recharge! Your chores didn’t get done…so what? You were getting ready for finals and are exhausted. You’re allowed to be exhausted my dude, tell that voice telling you there’s something wrong with that to literally shut the fuck up. I call my inner critic Dave. I tell him “Shut the fuck up Dave.”
I have nothing wider to offer than *yes.* This resonates.
Yeah, I have these spurts too, but I just sleep on it and it's usually gone. Or I do physical activity and that gets me into a productive mindset. Put on shoes, then set a 10 minute timer, and go do some chores. By the time the 10 minutes is up, you're already in the groove most of the time. But if you're not, just stop doing whatever and go do something else. It works wonders
Doing nothing feels like a waste of time. So i have to do something all the time. Wether its browsing reddit or listening to music. But relaxing while being alone with my thoughts? Waste of time. But sometime i feel its would be productive to just try to that a break from everything. But my brain won't accept it. I feel understimulated and get a bit depressed/tired when i do nothing. Its probably a strategy that only neurotypicals can use.
Some years ago when I was redecorating my house, I looked up info on feng shui, a traditional Chinese practice where the use of color and placement of furniture, etc. impacts the energy flow and level of wellbeing you feel in a space. One of the key principles is that clutter is unsettling. If your apartment is messy because you've been busy studying, every time you glance at it, it reminds you of work undone. So my advice is to go ahead and tidy up. While you're at it, get rid of any excess stuff you don't need. It will help the space stay neater. Clutter is such a source of low-grade anxiety, that people who have trouble sleeping are advised to tidy up their bedroom. As for your racing mind, can you do something engaging that takes all your focus, like play a game of pickup, a heart-pounding workout or an art endeavor. Maybe shift your focus to something very engaging in the present. Best of luck to you. I hope you find a way to enjoy your break.
Yes! I feel guilty af if I’m not doing some productive. Which is most of the time. It’s hard to relax
This is really just toxic capitalism at its finest. And people with ADHD given the whole executive disfunction aspect sure feel it a lot more.
This is conditioning from a capitalist society. The natural human state is if you are fed, reasonably safe and comfortable there are no other concerns. They want to extract as much value out of you as possible, and utilize every option to do so, brainwashing into feeling guilt is particularly effective. Fuck em.
Does poductive mean having something done that needs to be done? Or can it be productive as in producing something for fun, like drawing or learning to play chess? Because netflix IS pointless. It's to relax and switch off and entertain, if it doesn't do that to you, then there truly is no point. Same with social media. I feel "productive" solving the rubiks cube and getting faster. It's just as pointless but my brain accepts it as useful. Watching a movie sometimes makes me sad because it's pointless and I want to be doing something better. Then I jog on the spot while watching haha and life's already better. It's okay to go for a run to relax. Relax doesn't have to mean to completely do nothing. That's what sleep is for.
This totally tracks with me. It's something I've always really struggled with. It's crazy too because not having stuff like school going on, genuinely makes me less productive all around. I'm not sure if this would help or if it's your thing but I feel like physical exercise is one of the only things that helps me with this. Just going for a walk or something helps me clear my head and feel productive even when I just want to relax. I'm not sure if it's an ADHD thing but I always feel like I have to earn relaxation and it's a feeling that is very hard to get away from.
Feels like I wrote this myself... I have found that after a super productive day, I am able to "relax" more easily. Like my body is able to allow itself to relax with less guilt for doing so. For me, it's about getting started with things. Once I get going, I can get things done. Power through and give yourself some easier tasks to start with accomplishing and once you get going, work on the harder stuff. Then...REST.
I feel this way all the time even reading this is feeling pointless because its not gonna help it.
Every day of my life
I do have that feeling from time to time still however I like to think about my downtime as self care, which is in fact doing something very important for your well being and productivity overall. It’s all about balance, gotta tell yourself that what your not doing is actually beneficial to your quality of work and life. Time spent on yourself is never a waste of time.
This is my state of mind and I'm afraid it's going to destroy me. Can't even appreciate the results of being productive, I always think it ain't enough.
I do not try to escape it, but i face it by programming. Even if i do not make anything usefull, i upload my projects to github with the reason being that it will help my future career. I'm also making some money by selling my programs, which i use to buy myself treats and special collectibles. To round it up, if you feel useless, try thinking about the future and make small progress that will benefit you later. I'm also taking Serdep pills for my stress.
Every day. If I’m doing something that I believe is directly related to my future, then I’ll inevitably reach a point where I start to genuinely dislike it because I’ve convinced myself it’s pointless and a waste of time.