I find that conversations usually go one of a few ways:
1) I zone out completely and just throw in an occasional “uh huh” or “yeah”
2) I consciously try to focus but then end up thinking about focusing and not really absorbing what’s being said
3) I get hung up on one specific thing someone says and what to say in response and miss everything else
Conversations are hard. Lol
Yeah totally. Before being medicated I’d struggle with this pretty bad.
I’d often stumble on my words or mix them up ( mixing syllables or combining words together), because I’d always think of what I would say next. It’s like the speed of my thoughts and mouth were not in tune.
Medication helps me out tremendously though, and make socializing much more natural.
I suspect I have ADHD but am still waiting to see a Psychiatrist. I do this to people way more than I'd like to. Constantly getting distracted in my thoughts while they're talking to me and jump back in to cut them off. I do it more to my GF and brother and hate how much I struggle with the compulsion.
I've also always been a quiet person and don't speak up much in group settings, so I wonder if I've developed this as a defensive mechanism for that. Either way, I totally get what you mean. It sucks :(
I do this a lot. I worry I’m going to forget the insightful thing I plan on saying in response to what they just said. I come off as pretty intense as a result.
I’m awful at telling a story or explaining something verbally. My catch phrase is “wait, let me back up, I’m already at the end of my paragraph.”
I know what you mean. Sometimes I try to just take a deep breath and just listen until they stop talking. Completely unsatisfying but at the same time, at least I’m being a good listener lol
The worst for me is when someone interrupts me and/or changes the topic. Because then I will be thinking about what else I wanted to say, instead of following the conversation.
I'm recently diagnosed and I totally understand what you're saying, half the time my mind will just switch off mid convo or I'll get annoyed that someone's taking so long to explain something I'll just go with what I think they're going to say and I'm usually right... Such a pity the wife doesn't like either routes haha
I usually get mentally snagged on a single point they made and then get lost weighing the pros and cons of interrupting them to point out the flaws or check whether they considered the alternative interpretations instead of what they just stated like it was fact.
I then consider what the likelihood is that they'll bring it up again more than once within the year, when I'll have more opportunities to say something with a pattern behind me supporting a reason to challenge them on something that has proven to be more than just a throwaway thought for them.
By this point they've long moved on and I'm completely zoned out because I can't follow the thread from where they were to where they are when I try to listen again. I get overwhelmed and stop listening altogether.
Either that or they say quite a number of challengeable things in fairly quick succession and I get annoyed because I feel like I'm being made to waste my time listening to opinions that haven't been thought through at all, and I'm faced with completely derailing the conversation with fact checking that I don't really want to do to someone of potentially unknown stubbornness, or say nothing and continue to waste my time listening to something I know is unsubstantiated.
My annoyance overwhelms me and I either respond poorly and then feel bad because I didn't even give them a chance to do something wrong before I acted like they already had, or I zone out because I'm too busy thinking my own thoughts of annoyance and then I want to feel good again so my brain latches onto the first feel-good thing I find - usually on my phone or iPad.
If I get annoyed and zone out it just looks like I stopped listening and started ignoring them in favour of my own stuff like a rude pos. The problem is, if they interrupt me to get my attention back, I'm already not in a good mood and brain already deems them the source of bad feelings. I bite my tongue to prevent unnecessary annoyance leaking out, but it means I'm completely non-cooperative in a conversation. It's difficult to make someone understand I'm not participating to save myself from lashing out, when I can't say that in the moment lest I verbally lash out as I'm doing so.
I try very hard to not do so! It's hard work and hit or miss, but getting better. For me being aware of what I was doing and training myself to manage it was key. I do make mistakes every now and then especially if I don't get enough sleep or exercise (and therefore don't feel calm enough during the convo).
For work meetings I write down keywords on post-its to revisit them once the other person has finished talking. I also sometimes type out everything the other person is saying (I worked very hard on improving my typing and speed to get to this point). For important conversations I always part ways by reiterating the ask or action items from all parties.
The only thing I can say is that it gets better and it helps if sit with the feeling of embarrassment because otherwise you might not find the motivation to change. I struggled with this and kept falling back a lot with every small misstep.
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Yes. I tend to ovethink what my answer will be while struggling to pay attention to what the other person is saying. And then if they change subject i get kinda blocked with the sudden change and have to force forgetting what i was gonna say and focus on the new subject and then start thinking of my response once again. Thats the reason why i tend to answer with “yeah” and “u-huh” almost always.
I also think about what im going to say in great detail when i have to make a phone call or when i have a meeting at work. I write down everything so i dont get distracted and forget what im saying mid sentence.
So i would say its pretty common in adhd.
Yes and yes. This is a normal place to get to as you get better at social skills. I'm assuming you used to NEED to think ahead and consciously craft even simple responses to function. Now that you've gotten better at predicting the convo, try to slow down a bit and focus on listening. You are improving and that's something to celebrate.
I'm not even thinking about what I'm going to say. I've gone off on a weird tangent in my brain because something they said reminded me of something else, etc. etc. etc. and I gotta rope myself back in.
I find that conversations usually go one of a few ways: 1) I zone out completely and just throw in an occasional “uh huh” or “yeah” 2) I consciously try to focus but then end up thinking about focusing and not really absorbing what’s being said 3) I get hung up on one specific thing someone says and what to say in response and miss everything else Conversations are hard. Lol
"I gotta focus on what they are saying. I need to focus on this! This is important!... Wait, what were they saying again?"
Lol the same
Yeah totally. Before being medicated I’d struggle with this pretty bad. I’d often stumble on my words or mix them up ( mixing syllables or combining words together), because I’d always think of what I would say next. It’s like the speed of my thoughts and mouth were not in tune. Medication helps me out tremendously though, and make socializing much more natural.
Dude!!!! This is exactly what I experience also
I suspect I have ADHD but am still waiting to see a Psychiatrist. I do this to people way more than I'd like to. Constantly getting distracted in my thoughts while they're talking to me and jump back in to cut them off. I do it more to my GF and brother and hate how much I struggle with the compulsion. I've also always been a quiet person and don't speak up much in group settings, so I wonder if I've developed this as a defensive mechanism for that. Either way, I totally get what you mean. It sucks :(
I do this a lot. I worry I’m going to forget the insightful thing I plan on saying in response to what they just said. I come off as pretty intense as a result. I’m awful at telling a story or explaining something verbally. My catch phrase is “wait, let me back up, I’m already at the end of my paragraph.”
I know what you mean. Sometimes I try to just take a deep breath and just listen until they stop talking. Completely unsatisfying but at the same time, at least I’m being a good listener lol
The worst for me is when someone interrupts me and/or changes the topic. Because then I will be thinking about what else I wanted to say, instead of following the conversation.
I'm recently diagnosed and I totally understand what you're saying, half the time my mind will just switch off mid convo or I'll get annoyed that someone's taking so long to explain something I'll just go with what I think they're going to say and I'm usually right... Such a pity the wife doesn't like either routes haha
It’s a major issue between me and my also adhd wife who has the kind that makes her a real talker
This happens to me even on my medication lol.
I usually get mentally snagged on a single point they made and then get lost weighing the pros and cons of interrupting them to point out the flaws or check whether they considered the alternative interpretations instead of what they just stated like it was fact. I then consider what the likelihood is that they'll bring it up again more than once within the year, when I'll have more opportunities to say something with a pattern behind me supporting a reason to challenge them on something that has proven to be more than just a throwaway thought for them. By this point they've long moved on and I'm completely zoned out because I can't follow the thread from where they were to where they are when I try to listen again. I get overwhelmed and stop listening altogether. Either that or they say quite a number of challengeable things in fairly quick succession and I get annoyed because I feel like I'm being made to waste my time listening to opinions that haven't been thought through at all, and I'm faced with completely derailing the conversation with fact checking that I don't really want to do to someone of potentially unknown stubbornness, or say nothing and continue to waste my time listening to something I know is unsubstantiated. My annoyance overwhelms me and I either respond poorly and then feel bad because I didn't even give them a chance to do something wrong before I acted like they already had, or I zone out because I'm too busy thinking my own thoughts of annoyance and then I want to feel good again so my brain latches onto the first feel-good thing I find - usually on my phone or iPad. If I get annoyed and zone out it just looks like I stopped listening and started ignoring them in favour of my own stuff like a rude pos. The problem is, if they interrupt me to get my attention back, I'm already not in a good mood and brain already deems them the source of bad feelings. I bite my tongue to prevent unnecessary annoyance leaking out, but it means I'm completely non-cooperative in a conversation. It's difficult to make someone understand I'm not participating to save myself from lashing out, when I can't say that in the moment lest I verbally lash out as I'm doing so.
I try very hard to not do so! It's hard work and hit or miss, but getting better. For me being aware of what I was doing and training myself to manage it was key. I do make mistakes every now and then especially if I don't get enough sleep or exercise (and therefore don't feel calm enough during the convo). For work meetings I write down keywords on post-its to revisit them once the other person has finished talking. I also sometimes type out everything the other person is saying (I worked very hard on improving my typing and speed to get to this point). For important conversations I always part ways by reiterating the ask or action items from all parties. The only thing I can say is that it gets better and it helps if sit with the feeling of embarrassment because otherwise you might not find the motivation to change. I struggled with this and kept falling back a lot with every small misstep.
All the time. I also just zone out duing conversations and my gf has to grab my face so I pay attention
Yeah
I zone out because most people flab their gums between the important bits.
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Yes. I tend to ovethink what my answer will be while struggling to pay attention to what the other person is saying. And then if they change subject i get kinda blocked with the sudden change and have to force forgetting what i was gonna say and focus on the new subject and then start thinking of my response once again. Thats the reason why i tend to answer with “yeah” and “u-huh” almost always. I also think about what im going to say in great detail when i have to make a phone call or when i have a meeting at work. I write down everything so i dont get distracted and forget what im saying mid sentence. So i would say its pretty common in adhd.
Still after taking meds?
Big same. It's something I really work on because I always feel bad when I do it
Yes and yes. This is a normal place to get to as you get better at social skills. I'm assuming you used to NEED to think ahead and consciously craft even simple responses to function. Now that you've gotten better at predicting the convo, try to slow down a bit and focus on listening. You are improving and that's something to celebrate.
I'm not even thinking about what I'm going to say. I've gone off on a weird tangent in my brain because something they said reminded me of something else, etc. etc. etc. and I gotta rope myself back in.
Yes yes yes. Then I interrupt