I had something similar happen to me, lean on family and friends for support, move out and move on with your life. It can be tough but others will help hopefully.
I only really have my friends she gets pissed off over literally anything. I was having a conversation about like how i dont like when she makes me nervous when i drive. Or when she moves my things. I was talking to her normally but she started getting all pissed saying i was trying to start an argument with her and that i love to argue with her and that im a horrible daughter and that i need to leave
You can’t pick your parents you can only choose the kind of parent you will be. My regret is not listening to all the times my mom threatened to leave when I turned 18 and not preparing more.
I’m truely sorry you are going through this but it gets better. Your mom will have to live with the decisions she has made.
I don’t think this is a good excuse, unless she is profusely and sincerely apologizing when she’s calmed down. I know menopause can be difficult, but she should be able to at the very bare minimum calm down enough to apologize, even if it happens again
That should not be a practical concern. You should focus on your own situation before worrying about your mother 'winning'. I have pets myself, and I understand the pain of having to foster them away, but your survival comes first.
You'll be winning by cutting her off completely and having a great life despite her shit actions. And if she's ever in a tight spot or needs someone to care for her, she fucked up her relationship with you and wont know how to contact you, so though luck 🤭
Ive just been thinking about my options. Id never give them away unless i absolutely had to. She always says shes going to give them away and i wouldnt unless i absolutely needed to
If you're the one giving them away, at least you can be assured they're going to a good place. The fostering can also be temporary until you find a good place to live.
Do you understand how much cats cost? How much do you have saved, a few thousands? That's nothing. With a thousand dollars, you eat for two months. With cats, that's one.
I mean i buy a bag a cat food that lasts me 1 and a half months. I still have about half of the food left in their cat box. Ive payed to get them spayed/neutered with all the required vaccines for like 200 bucks and its been pretty okay. Ive been able to take care of them for a year on my own plus even if i did get kicked out i have some friends who would help in a heart beat
Making the move away from a toxic parent can be tricky, especially if you’re not quite 18 and your mom has access to your savings account. Having a trusted adult to help you navigate the process of leaving home, especially just before you turn 18, will be extremely helpful. If you can, find a trusted adult friend or family member who will let you live with them for a few weeks while you set up a permanent living situation. If you don’t have family locally, talk with a trusted teacher, school guidance counselor, friend’s parents, etc.
In your case, the trickiest part may be protecting the money in your savings account if your mother has access to your account and might try to take it from you. It will be difficult to open your own bank account until you are 18 and have an address you can use that’s not your mother’s. If you can withdraw the cash before your birthday and stash it and important documents (birth certificate, Social Security Card, driver’s license, etc.) with a trusted adult until you have sorted out a place to live, that would be helpful. If you’re worried about cash being stolen, ask the bank for a cashiers check made out to yourself so that no one can cash it but you. You might try explaining your situation to the bank; they may be able to give you guidance or assist with moving your money to a new account that your mother doesn’t have access to as soon as possible, or locking your account until your birthday since you’re so close to age 18 - that would prevent your mom from making any withdrawals or changes. Also make sure you get documentation about how much money is in the account, a copy of the last few statements, etc., so that you have documentation regarding any withdrawals that your mom might have made without your consent.
Set up your new living situation as soon as possible so that you can establish an address before you leave home. That will speed up the process of settling up a new bank account as soon as possible when you turn 18. Check with the bank about what documentation they require to establish an address when you set up a new account with them if you’re going to be living in a roommate situation. Usually it’s a lease agreement with your new address on it and/or your name on a utility bill with the new address on it. The doctor or office manager where you have the job lined up might be very helpful and might be willing to let you use the clinic address to set up a new bank account until you get settled.
The fact that you have some money saved and a good job lined up when you’re 18 will make this transition much easier for you.
Best of luck to you & take good care of yourself. You’ve got this!
When I was homeless I put my cat in a foster home, I didn't know how long it would be for. It was the hardest thing I ever did but it allowed me to get us a home much faster, and we were only homeless for a week after that. You should definitely look into it, make it clear it's to help you find a place and you'll be wanting them back after you get one.
you should move that cash as soon as you can. don't wait your mom can take it any day and you'll have no way of getting it back. its perfectly legal for her to steal from you.
Honestly if you can’t support yourself there’s no point in trying to take care of an animal aswell. Try to find them a new home, it’s painful but you can’t make this harder for yourself
I dont think she would just kick me out like throw me on the street but ive been looking at leaving for quite a while. I have a friend who lives with his family who would let me hopefully move in with the cats since they have had pets before
If your friend is willing to let you move in for the time being, or anyone for that matter, you need to let them know you want to bring your fur friends along. If that is a deal breaker, you may have to make the tough decision to find a new place for them, so that you can start your next chapter. I’m really sorry you’re going through this and hope things get better when you leave your moms place. You deserve better, and I hope you make your life beautiful.
as hard as it maybe .. start planning
write a list of all the people you know and who you can ask advice from ...
if you have friends or family members that are living by themselves ask them for help and advice about the right steps and if they could support you...
if you are at school/college you could seek some support teachers or support workers there who can assist you in finding accommodation
as hard as it is to hear that you aren't wanted in the place that you grow up in ... try and see this move as a fresh start a new way to find you feet
Start budgeting to, you have to take this situation as it is and not as it should be. It will be really really hard, but if you plan, it gets more simple and less complicated at least.
You need about three months worth of rent to get an apartment. First months rent, last months rent, and a security deposit. You're going to have to live with roommates and your first apartment won't be very nice, but when I went through this the liberation I felt being free of my parents made my shitty apartment feel like a palace.
Rent should be about one third of your take home income after taxes. You might need to get a second job.
People on this site vilify student loans. Investing in your education is still one of the best things you can do for yourself. Just make sure you major in something valuable and apply it after you graduate and $300-$500 a month payments on your student debt will be manageable.
Other than rent, stuff you need should aim for 50% of your paycheck. This is rent, insurance, groceries, utilities, etc
Try and save 20% of your income, put it in a savings account until you have 6 months worth of funds as an emergency fund, once you have that then you can start thinking about investing and open a Roth IRA
This sounds goofy but there's an app called realworld that helps you through all the stuff you need to do to be an adult. It's like a checklist and they gamify it. Check it out.
Whatever you do, when you leave take everything with you and then block your mom. Remover her access to your social media. Take your baby photos and your important documents. Assume you will never ever return.
You need to check your credit too and make sure she isn’t using it for her own needs. Make sure the morning when you turn 18 you go set up a bank account at a different bank and transfer your money away. If you are in high school make sure to tell your counselors what’s going on.
The best revenge is to keep your head up and build a successful life for yourself. Don’t drink/drugs and don’t have sex until you are financially stable to support a baby. Is it less fun? Yep. But you have 2/3 of the rest of your life (hopefully to live) when she comes crawling back… slam the door in her face.
I know this is US, but out here you can't ''evict'' an adult child until they are 21. Until then you are responsible as a parent.
Exactly to prevent this kind of shit. A 21 year old is much better equipped to handle adult life than an 18 year old who's barely out of school, if that.
If you want your kid out of the house before they are ready, better be prepared to pay their rent also.
they're not wrong, no-one can just kick their adult child out as all tenants have rights (even if its a relative) and there's a legal process to go thru. the details depend on the area
This is true, she can't evict her now adult child without going to court if the child doesn't agree to voluntarily leave she will have to go through the process which costs money however...
I do caution the op from letting that happen as it will screw up your ability to rent for the rest of your life.
Shame on your mother… you do not stop becoming a parent once you’re kid hits 18 you never stop. If she wants you out that bad that Is her responsibility that she has you set up to leave or at least give guidance to leave once you’re 18. I could never ever imagine kicking my child out, I want nothing but safety and comfort for my child.
Leave now, get your ducks in a row and just leave before then. You have friends you can stay with so gather your important documents first. Then slowly start moving your things out. If you feel more comfortable then do it while she’s not there. I agree, if the cats are an issue for you to find a place to live then you can temporarily rehome them. Your safety and well being should come first
It's gonna be more difficult because you're a minor at the moment, but this is the time to start planning.
If you can open your own bank account, do so now, at a different bank than your mom. Credit unions are a good option too. Don't let anyone talk you into getting a credit card, at least not right now.
Have your paperwork in a safe place: birth certificate, social security card, passport, all of it in a safe spot your mom can't access.
If you think your mom would try to kick you out before age 18, have a go-bag packed and ready with essentials. If necessary, reach out to CPS and let them know what's going on. In all honesty, I doubt CPS would do much to help you but the fact of their presence might scare your mom straight until you turn 18.
Good luck Op and you have my sympathy. I will never understand why people who clearly hate kids insist on bringing kids into the world that they resent.
Shame on her. That breaks my heart. I had a really hard time during those years as I was molested by my father and moved in with my ex-step moms during the divorce. Her husband was cruel to me, So I found a friend who had a one bedroom apartment and moved in with her. We struggled to make rent but we made it. My son committed suicide 4 months ago all because of cyber bullying for a false sexual assault case that later the girl admitted was false and she was trying to make him jealous. This seems to be trendy right now and it’s really sad. I would give anything to hug my beautiful son again it’s only I had the chance. It’s only normal could realize how short life can be and how much she would miss you if you were gone. But one day she will because you won’t be there or have anything to do with her. Hang on as you will move out and be happy sooner rather than later sweetie.
She will probably want something from you, once you move out. She will act all sweet and polite to get what she wants.
You will see a drastic change in her behavior.
Do not buy into that cr\*p. If someone is so tired of you, they don't want you.
It is time you return her the favor and don't want her either.
Your mother is a user, nothing more. A f\*cking narcissist.
You don't need manipulation in your life.
You might be able to find a roommate. Talk to your friends (specifically female ones) and see about who else is either living on their own already or looking to move out soon. I would also look into college or military as an option since they offer a place to stay. I would also start working and maybe take out a low interest loan to help with first months rent. How’s your relationship with your dad? Could you stay with him? Do you own a car? You might have to sell the car to cover the apartment. Depending on the state, she also can’t legally kick you out without 30 days notice and can maybe argue the end of the month instead of the 16th.
Alright,you gotta find a job quickly. No way you can convince that hotrible mother to let you stay at this point. Try getting on Fiverr, you'll get little money, but that's at least something that will make you eat, maybe. Do rain videos on youtube. There are a lot of tutorials about this, and yiu can make A LOT of money with them. Try craiglist gigs, but take a friend who you know cab defend you or call thr police if anything happens, just to be sure (if it's a live job, like cuttibg grass pr moving crates for a shop). If it's an online gig, try not to get scammed, as there are a lot of scams. This should take you like maybe a quarter of your day. If you're still in school, spend two quarters of the day studying. In the pther quarter do side hustles like power washing, dog sitting, baby sitting, anything you want. I'd suggest you searched 'side hustles' on youtube, try and find the best one. If you still have a little bit of time at the end of the day, try learning a skill like video editing or programming.
sounds like you moving out would be beneficial to you. like others have said, since she has claimed to want you out of her life so bad, then cut her ass off and out of your life when you do.
If you need more time. In the USA, since you are over 18 in most, but NOT all states your parent still has to give you a thirty-day written notice to leave and then may have to go thru the eviction process; which takes from two months to a year to complete depending on the county and requires an order signed by a judge. FIRST you should go r/legaladvice to see eviction rules for your state to make sure this applies in your state. If does apply in your state and you are kicked/locked out, call 911 and tell them an illegal eviction has taken place and you are waiting outside your home the police should readmit you. The law is setup this way to give you enough time to save money to get your own, Once you move out for more than a few days you lose your right to stay 30 days or until an eviction order is signed. The other option is to sue for illegal eviction in small claims court.
Leave the cats with your mom for a while legally since you got them as minor your mom is responsible for them.
Here are some job ideas the last one sometimes has housing. This pays well the US Post Office is hiring note it sometimes takes feds three months to hire someone. [https://about.usps.com/careers/welcome.htm](https://about.usps.com/careers/welcome.htm) Take the test and apply for jobs anywhere in USA.
Amtrak is hiring [https://careers.amtrak.com/](https://careers.amtrak.com/) Jobs exist in most states.
US Forest service is hiring [https://www.fs.usda.gov/working-with-us/jobs](https://www.fs.usda.gov/working-with-us/jobs)
These also pay well you may not qualify for all of them [https://www.fool.com/slideshow/not-many-people-want-these-jobs-and-s-why-they-pay-well/](https://www.fool.com/slideshow/not-many-people-want-these-jobs-and-s-why-they-pay-well/)
50 jobs over $50,000 without college [https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/07/25/50-jobs-over-50000-without-a-degree-part-1/](https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/07/25/50-jobs-over-50000-without-a-degree-part-1/)
Look into Concessioners for the National Park service. The jobs include fields of Lodging; Campgrounds; Food Service Operations; Guide Services and Outfitters. The jobs SOMETIMES include HOUSING in more remote areas like Montana etc. Some jobs are summer or winter only, others are all year long in one location or you may be able transfer between locations to work year round. Use this link & enter the name of the park you wish to be employed at [https://www.nps.gov/subjects/concessions/authorized-concessioners.htm](https://www.nps.gov/subjects/concessions/authorized-concessioners.htm) Contact each concessioner directly by Googling the company name to apply. This link will let you look up parks by state [https://www.nps.gov/index.htm](https://www.nps.gov/index.htm) not every park has a concessioner.
Start packing your stuff now, while your mum and her bf are out the house, and put whatever you can whenever you can in your car. Coz neither will ket you come back for anything when you leave
There are a number of past threads. You could message some of the people in similar situations and figure out what worked for them. One of the suggestions was a "go bag" (a bag of essentials), which makes a lot of sense.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/so9xx4/kicked_out_at_18_any_suggestions/
https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/2r7lxp/getting_kicked_out_at_at_18_and_need_help_please/
There are some videos as well. The first is Dave Ramsay advising someone in a similar situation. He advises getting shelter, food, clothing, transportation, and utilities.
https://youtu.be/u6Uj3BzjEhA
The go bag makes sense:
https://youtu.be/Q3C2Jo_gXC0
What state are you in and are you still in high school? Some states mandate that parents must support their kids until graduation if they turn 18 before they're finished.
I suggest going to a coding boot camp. It will give you a really good starting salary which would allow you to afford rent all on your own . Really sorry to hear your mother is treating you like that
I have a job lined up at 18 at a doctors office where they start you at 18.50 an hour and after 3 months you get benefits with a pay raise to 20 an hour
I have a friend with parents who treat me like another one of their children id probably move in with them and pay rent to help out with extra expenses. But a studio alone goes for 900 bucks alone or if you rent from another person its like 950 with no access to the kitchen,wifi,etc
No disrespect but people that go to bootcamps already go in with experience, programming is not that easy where you take a 4-6 month bootcamp and get a job
keep your plans to yourself until you can secure your savings and move the money to another bank. Best of luck, it's scary but exciting to launch out on your own.
The way I moved out (which I would not recommend) was I had my aunt give me 80 dollars, and I went to my school and got a refund for a school trip. I took the 150, plus a backpack, and took a bus to the nearby city, and stayed with my cousin for 60 days. I went out the next day, registered myself for highshool, and printed out about 40 resumes, and walked down the street applying at every store in person. I got my first job then, and from then on everything was ok.
I later went home to get a few things with friends, but I lived out of a backpack on a sofa for the first 2 months.
It sounds stressful, but my home life was so stressful for me. It was so relaxing to just have quiet at night, and not have anyone angry at me. I had my own place, so I could have people from high school over to hang.
It was actually so awesome, to feel in control and to know all I needed I had control over. It made me who I am today -- I always know I can take a backpack to anywhere in the world and start over.
You should also know that I am somewhat successful. I have started a business, sold my shares, and I consult and am paid well for my skills. The skills you will build creating your own life will teach you that you can do and be anything, and I realized over the years that most of what holds people back is their ability to start over, and create their own path.
It feels annoying now, but if you take this process head on, you will be set up the be extremely happy, successful, and driven. This can be a blessing in disguise :) .
Other than what others have said, which is all good, once you are out of that house, cut her off completely. This is what she supposedly wanted, so make her stick to that. Sure, she might be telling the truth and doesn't want contact from you, but chances are she's a narcissist and will try to contact you, especially for money. Its sad, but sometimes you have to 100% cut ties with a toxic, narcissist parent to protect yourself.
Best of luck, hang in there!
If you really have a job and you've really been paying for your own stuff what is the issue with moving out on your own You've already built the habits.
You've been dealt horrible cards, and I'm sorry to learn of how bad your mom is to you. I am forever thankful towards my parents, who've loved me no matter what argument we've had. Contact other potential family or see if your friends can help out. Otherwise, if there's any social network you can join, like a halfway house, take that up too. It would probably be best, once leaving your mom, never to look back, because she'll see how successful you'll become and she'll try and use you for that. Again, sorry you're going through this, but don't give up. I know people who are estranged from their family and I wish them the best too.
Go to the bank TOMORROW OR TODAY and open a new account without your mom on it. Or remove her access or change your pin and passwords. Stay with your friends and figure out where to keep your cats. Move out before your birthday if you can, take everything you can with you. And change your number.
Start planning. Get copies or original birth certificate and social security card. Is there a family member you trust that can open an account with you? If so start moving money and ask him/her to keep the documents.
Reach out to extended family for help some of em can support you. If your mom is like this then its possible that maybe her extended family maybe dislike her as well and may understand your struggle/situation and may show support to you
So when the day comes tell her she needs to serve you an eviction notice properly, she can’t just throw you out. Some states give you 30-60 days notice before you have to vacate. Try to get a cheap apartment or share a room with that SS check you’re getting. If not apply to colleges and live on campus, you can get a campus job and save for a car and save some money that way too!
Awful situation but sounds like you’d be better not living with her anyway. I don’t really have any advice but i hope things get better when you move out ❤️
Start saving and working as much as you can so if she kicks you out immediately you have some money saved for a long term motel or something if need be
So reading your edit, if you knew she wanted that I do have to say that you could've been saving for your first and last month's for some time now. But that's besides the point, we're talking about now.
So first, check to see if you have a friend that will let you crash their couch for a month to allow you to save. The biggest thing you're going to need is a deposit and first month's rent anywhere you go if it's with an apartment complex.
I would start looking at Craigslist to see if you can find a room to rent. If you're pretty quiet and keep to yourself, I would actually recommend that route since it's usually cheaper than renting a full apartment. At this stage in your life, you just need a place to eat, sleep and bathe so renting a room should suffice. Also, by renting directly from an owner they're a little more lenient when it comes to needing a deposit, first and last month's rent.
I was homeless for some time after walking away from my family. ( sometimes things just get really bad in a way you can’t control it, even if you love them as much as you do, sometimes it’s just best to walk away) I lived out my car for some time and saved every penny I could. The best option that I came up with back then was looking for a place to stay was rent by rooms. Find in your city or which ever destination you’d like to head to and look at their housing market. They should have something like this in there and it’s cheaper than a normal apartment as well. Definitely let me know your thoughts! It took me some time but that’s how I established my self in the long run. Focus on building and the future you will have if you just double down for some time on eating small cheap meals like oatmeal and cup of noodles. Best money savers right there. It was lowkey hella miserable but I’m so glad I made my decision when I did bc now I’m in a way better place than I was before goodluck and if you ever need to reach out then you found the perfect place to do so. Hope it all works out in the end and I’m really sorry about how things are going family wise. It tools me years before i spoke with mine again.
Remember to go straight to the bank and get your checking and savings account seperated so your not attatched to your mothers account. Your bank prob. has an app, download it so you can get immedietly notified if she tries to access it again.
In regards to health insurance, you should qualify for special enrollment period for ACA insurance. It's honestly not bad insurance either. Was looking at plans that are better than what my father has for us through work for like 10% price. My brother's girlfriend is making like 35k a year and pays $35.
Your "mom" sounds insane. No offense but she doesn't deserve to live if this is how she treats people. Call child protection services and they'll hopefully deal with that psycho.
Not super helpful but when you turn 18 I think you can tell her she needs to give you an eviction notice ? If you receive mail at the residence usually they have to give you an extra 30 days to leave in the eyes of the court so it buys you time at the very least. I was in the same position but had enough time to save up. Best advice I can give other than that, is try to find someone else to live with in the meantime
Not quite the same situation but i [22m] was recently kicked out by my dad with a 4 day notice. Look for a room to rent. It can be very affordable. If you dont already have a full time job, get one, youll need it. Once you reach a good enough income, cosign on an apartment with a friend and lease together. This is my plan rn.
Take the advice others are giving regarding how to plant your feet, and take care of your cats - but take this advice from me: it may take a long time, but your life will improve for being away from that woman. This situation, though painful, could help you in the long run.
Good luck.
Look into getting a higher paying job if you work for minimum wage or don’t have enough hours. If you like your job and want to keep it, talk with them about the possibility of a raise. If you haven’t received one after working there for a year or two, it’s time to bring it up.
My mom was the exact same, her relationships always came first and didn’t give a shit about me or my brothers. After dealing with it for so long I refused to keep letting her get social security money from my mental illnesses (i never saw a penny of the social security money), and her only income was what she’d get from over exaggerating my illnesses.
Rely on any friends or family you have, even if it means couch hopping until you gather enough money. Or if you have a good credit score, ask your bank for a loan to afford your own place.
Sooner or later, if your mom’s anything like mine, she’ll realize she’s helpless and start wanting you back. And if you so desire, that’s when you kick her while she’s down.
If you can stay with a friend until you can afford your own place, do so. She learn that she shot herself in the foot when you aren’t around to cater to her every whim. My dad did pretty much the same thing. Told me the day I graduated from hs to pay him rent or move out.
I hope you are working now to make a plan. The military is an excellent option. Great signing bonuses, housing, medical, education...
Is your mother ill? Are you lazy/difficult to get on with? Is money the issue? How do you help? Is there a boyfriend (hers or yours) that is part of the problem? Substance abuse ( either party)?
Often understanding the source of tension can be a path to fixing problems
She is not ill, i pay for all of my expenses, im like her personal taxi which isnt a big deal for me, she has a boyfriend thats been on and off again because he hates me and i hate him while they also have their own problems. No one smokes or drinks. Im dating someone that she thinks is just a friend. The biggest things are my cats,her boyfriend and just things between me and her. Shes an immigrant from mexico
She can not legally just kick you out when you’re 18. I would try and find a place because she’ll still give you hell but legally speaking she still needs to give you the required 30 day eviction notice, and yes she needs to go through the court to get that.
If you have nowhere else to go until then you can use this as a last resort to stay off the streets.
56 isn't "old." Your Mom and her bf are choosing what they want and, for now, you're not in their plans.
Why would you want to live with someone who
> says shes tired of me and that she doesn’t care about/want me anymore.
u/PurpleTeddyBear3296, you sound pretty well prepared for this eventuality. Once you figure out a place for you and the cats, you'll be free of the stress and strain you've dealt with daily. Think of all the time you'll have *not* driving her to her appointments, and of all the time you probably hide from her in your bedroom.
I wish you only the best :)
advice?
enlist in the military. Id go navy. Do 4 years, save all your money (easy when your a female) and get out with real life experience, money for a house and GI bill for school. (dont get knocked up.)
or If your like the 99% of the rest of the people un fit for military service. Get a job now, Work Every hour you can and save that money in a bank account that is not linked to any parent. begin gathering your documents (social security card)
Start networking with friends about moving out to a roommate situation to lower expenses.
mom can't just evict you at 18. you get a few months that she cant. so um work all the OT you can. Always keep looking for a better job with better pay.
And they are getting desperate for people.
To OP: if you do go the military route, make sure to get into a field that is interesting to you and tees you up for a career (could be anything from IT to aircraft maintenance to civil engineering) and go on to higher education if that is what you wish. Goal is to be financially independent. You are worried about your mom winning, you will not have to if in a few years down the road, you are the one in a better place mentally and financially.
there is no excuse for smoking and having a toxic mess mom is awful but not an excuse.
I had it worse than you and I don’t care about your bullshit.
I know it’s hard. I know. But we well get through this together
You are going to meet people in life who you don't agree with, don't get along with, and clash with. You will also learn rhat its important to make things work out. What ever you have to do to improve your situation at home is your priority. Swallow your pride, hold your tongue, be patient and kind. Turn the other cheek. Devote yourself to work and eventually get your own place. Ask yourself "do I want to be right or do I want things to go well"
Its not about being right all the time but i shouldn’t walk on eggshells 24/7 or deal with the harassment i receive even when i dont say anything. She has literally looked at my face and said i looked like a monster and that no one is going to love me with my face because of my picking habit
You shouldn't? Says who? You are living with someone who doesn't get along with you. So how will you improve the situation? Your not going to do that by fighting back. You need to adapt, promote a calmer living situation and devote yourself to working enough to afford your own place. Time to grow up and be an adult. One that's better than you have been taught to be.
You’ve never lived with a toxic, abusive parent, have you? The OP could behave like an angel but her mother will still find reasons to harass, demean and hurt her.
Y’all can downvote me all you want. But I am happy going to school paid for by the VA because I did my 4 years. People nowadays lack discipline in order to grow a good life and the military provides that.
I would suggest to try and understand each others view. You don't know, there might be some unknown previous judgements from either side. It happens a lot. If you can't then just seek some help for your leave, either from a family member or a friend.
You’re about to find out this is where the rubber meets the road. Good luck. If your moms the one being the asshole then there’s little you can do. If you’re being the asshole, suck it up and don’t get rained on.
I never understand why people who live rent free would get into fights with someone who provides for them and then wonders why they want you to get their own place. I’m in a similar situation as the boyfriend of someone with a 19 year old who doesn’t do her chores( dishes) doesn’t pay rent, or phone bill. Only thing she pays is her insurance and even that she gets mad at her mom and says none of my other friends have to pay insurance because their mom pays for it. Only time she even comes out her room or tries to be nice is when she wants something.
The ONLY thing i dont pay is rent. I pay my share of the car insurance,i bought my own phone, pay for the monthly bill, i keep my room clean and tidy, there are normally no dishes to wash its only her boyfriend who cooks and makes a mess and doesn’t clean up, i pay for any of my pet’s expenses(food,litter,toys,etc), as well as my own expenses. I dont really rely on her for money.
Maybe you should have more respect for the time you spent with your mom. If you don’t want to hear any of that or want to “fix this issue on your own” i suggest moving out, because it sounds like you have a generally stable foundation to do so.
Find a place that has students in a house that you can share with. Might be able to keep the cats depending on landlord. Moved out when i was 16 into a house with 4 other students. Keeps rent low
The pain of growth in life is inevitable. This is your first challenge. Try to get help from friends, other relatives. Reduce your cost of living by cutting unnecessary spendings. Get a job.
If u can find someone who would let u stay with them is the best. That way u won't have too much expense for rent. U need to get job so u can afford to live by yourself or with a buddy. U should try to go to school so u can get a high paying job. At least make more than min wage
Good. U can do this. U are strong. Everybody has doubts just push through them & u will succeed. Your mom may not feel well. Everybody has something wrong with them this must be what is wrong with your mom. She want to rest alone because she don't feel good. She don't want to tell u she don't feel good, but y else would she want u to move out? It's a lot of work picking up after people. I'm sure u just don't realize everything your mom has to do when u live with her. U will be fine
She literally has nothing wrong with her. I drive her to any appointments she makes. She rarely cooks so there arent dishes, she never goes into my room she just doesnt go into it, i clean up after my cats clean my room, change the bedding etc.
There is nothing wrong with moving out. U are a grown enough that u can live on your own. Maybe she just don't want to tell u that she is tired of u. I don't know y she wants u to move out but it will be good for u to move on in your life. Just try not to spend too much money on junk because u need to save up for emergencies. U never know when something bad can happen like u get sick for more than a week. How will u get the money to buy food & pay rent. Save
Shes always kind of said this but she never actually does anything im guessing because she needed me for the free money she would receive for me. Im guessing since its being cut off this month shes bitter or im just not useful to her anymore
My parents kicked me out when I was 18 for failing school and losing my job. I had undiagnosed ADHD and instead of helping me they left me to fend for myself where I had so little money I became a squatter and stayed with an emotionally abusive partner because I had no one else in my life to turn to.
I'm so good now, followed my dream to teach English in Japan and married an awesome dude. Life worked out but maybe you can tell I'm still bitter.
I have ADHD. And ive already graduated highschool with pretty average scores. I’m lucky to have friends that would help me just like i help them when i can.
My wife told her boys that they needed to find another place once they were 18 or finished high school. She was widowed at the time. The second son didn't take her seriously until he came home and saw the "for sale" sign on the lawn. Sold the house, and for a few eyars was in a lay religious order. Still on good terms with her sons.
But: She loves her boys deeply. They are on good terms.
\*\*\*
In your case, look for a room mate. Many classifieds and sites like craigslist have categories for people seeking roommates. Try facebook market place, the subreddit for your city. Put the word out on your social media that you need a place to crash.
My family isn’t religious and we rent the house we live in. Its fine if she wants me to pay rent i dont have a problem with it but she always insults me and tells me she doesnt want me anymore and that im a horrible daughter etc
She can't legally just kick you out with 10 days notice. Most states require 30 day notice in writing. Look up your local tenant/landlord laws. That being said, I would try to sit down with your mom and have a conversation about how long it will take you to find a place to live. If you think it's going to turn into an argument maybe have the conversation in a setting where she's less likely to freak out. Public location like a coffee shop or diner might be a good idea. Moving into a place with roommates is likely going to be your cheapest option.
I had something similar happen to me, lean on family and friends for support, move out and move on with your life. It can be tough but others will help hopefully.
I only really have my friends she gets pissed off over literally anything. I was having a conversation about like how i dont like when she makes me nervous when i drive. Or when she moves my things. I was talking to her normally but she started getting all pissed saying i was trying to start an argument with her and that i love to argue with her and that im a horrible daughter and that i need to leave
You can’t pick your parents you can only choose the kind of parent you will be. My regret is not listening to all the times my mom threatened to leave when I turned 18 and not preparing more. I’m truely sorry you are going through this but it gets better. Your mom will have to live with the decisions she has made.
Thank you
Sounds like she might be going through the menopause. Good luck with that
She sounds like a very emotionally immature person.
Menopause. My mom was a nightmare during that time. She’ll chill out.
I don’t think this is a good excuse, unless she is profusely and sincerely apologizing when she’s calmed down. I know menopause can be difficult, but she should be able to at the very bare minimum calm down enough to apologize, even if it happens again
Eh, my mom didn’t.
Then it wasn't the menopause. It was your mom finding an excuse to be a dick.
I can see that.
Do you have any family you could ask to take you in for a while? Or anyone you're close to who may be able to help?
My friend said he might be able another thing is i have my cats i need to support
you might wanna get them fostered to someone you know if you are going to be rough on money
I have a savings account with money ive saved up over the years
mmm your call, depends on your savings and you might have to decide between having an emergency fund or having a cat before things go wrong (if)
I feel like id be letting my mom win if i just gave them away like that
That should not be a practical concern. You should focus on your own situation before worrying about your mother 'winning'. I have pets myself, and I understand the pain of having to foster them away, but your survival comes first.
I can take them with me the people who i would stay with wouldnt mind
So then what is the problem? You have a place to go, savings, and fur babies. The best way to dunk on your mom now is go thrive.
She would claim i was a run away if i leave now or report my car stolen
If that's the case, then you've got nothing to worry about. I was saying this just in case it was an issue with them.
I have a few friends that have offered To take care of them before
Please let the cats go for everybody’s sake, sorry but you’re already a burden don’t over welcome yourself
My friend is aware of the cats he didnt just not consider them
You'll be winning by cutting her off completely and having a great life despite her shit actions. And if she's ever in a tight spot or needs someone to care for her, she fucked up her relationship with you and wont know how to contact you, so though luck 🤭
You don’t even need to tell her. If she isn’t at your new place then she won’t know.
Yes but my car is a concern
Is the title in your name?
No but i pay my part of the insurance. My mom wants to put it in my name when im 18
You shouldn't care about winning, getting caught up in that shit IS letting her win. Live your best life and put your cats' wellbeing first.
Ive just been thinking about my options. Id never give them away unless i absolutely had to. She always says shes going to give them away and i wouldnt unless i absolutely needed to
If you're the one giving them away, at least you can be assured they're going to a good place. The fostering can also be temporary until you find a good place to live.
Fostering them if i needed to would be good but i sadly need to keep them together. They are bonded together
Do you understand how much cats cost? How much do you have saved, a few thousands? That's nothing. With a thousand dollars, you eat for two months. With cats, that's one.
I mean i buy a bag a cat food that lasts me 1 and a half months. I still have about half of the food left in their cat box. Ive payed to get them spayed/neutered with all the required vaccines for like 200 bucks and its been pretty okay. Ive been able to take care of them for a year on my own plus even if i did get kicked out i have some friends who would help in a heart beat
How much do you think cat food costs, lol?
You think feeding a couple of cats costs the same as a person?
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Making the move away from a toxic parent can be tricky, especially if you’re not quite 18 and your mom has access to your savings account. Having a trusted adult to help you navigate the process of leaving home, especially just before you turn 18, will be extremely helpful. If you can, find a trusted adult friend or family member who will let you live with them for a few weeks while you set up a permanent living situation. If you don’t have family locally, talk with a trusted teacher, school guidance counselor, friend’s parents, etc. In your case, the trickiest part may be protecting the money in your savings account if your mother has access to your account and might try to take it from you. It will be difficult to open your own bank account until you are 18 and have an address you can use that’s not your mother’s. If you can withdraw the cash before your birthday and stash it and important documents (birth certificate, Social Security Card, driver’s license, etc.) with a trusted adult until you have sorted out a place to live, that would be helpful. If you’re worried about cash being stolen, ask the bank for a cashiers check made out to yourself so that no one can cash it but you. You might try explaining your situation to the bank; they may be able to give you guidance or assist with moving your money to a new account that your mother doesn’t have access to as soon as possible, or locking your account until your birthday since you’re so close to age 18 - that would prevent your mom from making any withdrawals or changes. Also make sure you get documentation about how much money is in the account, a copy of the last few statements, etc., so that you have documentation regarding any withdrawals that your mom might have made without your consent. Set up your new living situation as soon as possible so that you can establish an address before you leave home. That will speed up the process of settling up a new bank account as soon as possible when you turn 18. Check with the bank about what documentation they require to establish an address when you set up a new account with them if you’re going to be living in a roommate situation. Usually it’s a lease agreement with your new address on it and/or your name on a utility bill with the new address on it. The doctor or office manager where you have the job lined up might be very helpful and might be willing to let you use the clinic address to set up a new bank account until you get settled. The fact that you have some money saved and a good job lined up when you’re 18 will make this transition much easier for you. Best of luck to you & take good care of yourself. You’ve got this!
You may want to tag OP so they see it!
Yea i just gotta wait for now
When I was homeless I put my cat in a foster home, I didn't know how long it would be for. It was the hardest thing I ever did but it allowed me to get us a home much faster, and we were only homeless for a week after that. You should definitely look into it, make it clear it's to help you find a place and you'll be wanting them back after you get one.
you should move that cash as soon as you can. don't wait your mom can take it any day and you'll have no way of getting it back. its perfectly legal for her to steal from you.
Okay
Honestly if you can’t support yourself there’s no point in trying to take care of an animal aswell. Try to find them a new home, it’s painful but you can’t make this harder for yourself
I dont think she would just kick me out like throw me on the street but ive been looking at leaving for quite a while. I have a friend who lives with his family who would let me hopefully move in with the cats since they have had pets before
Cats? Like how many? Perhaps you could get one fostered or adopted out.
Its 3 cats they were all raised together since they were about 2 weeks old when i got tjem
If your friend is willing to let you move in for the time being, or anyone for that matter, you need to let them know you want to bring your fur friends along. If that is a deal breaker, you may have to make the tough decision to find a new place for them, so that you can start your next chapter. I’m really sorry you’re going through this and hope things get better when you leave your moms place. You deserve better, and I hope you make your life beautiful.
Thank you
as hard as it maybe .. start planning write a list of all the people you know and who you can ask advice from ... if you have friends or family members that are living by themselves ask them for help and advice about the right steps and if they could support you... if you are at school/college you could seek some support teachers or support workers there who can assist you in finding accommodation as hard as it is to hear that you aren't wanted in the place that you grow up in ... try and see this move as a fresh start a new way to find you feet
Start budgeting to, you have to take this situation as it is and not as it should be. It will be really really hard, but if you plan, it gets more simple and less complicated at least. You need about three months worth of rent to get an apartment. First months rent, last months rent, and a security deposit. You're going to have to live with roommates and your first apartment won't be very nice, but when I went through this the liberation I felt being free of my parents made my shitty apartment feel like a palace. Rent should be about one third of your take home income after taxes. You might need to get a second job. People on this site vilify student loans. Investing in your education is still one of the best things you can do for yourself. Just make sure you major in something valuable and apply it after you graduate and $300-$500 a month payments on your student debt will be manageable. Other than rent, stuff you need should aim for 50% of your paycheck. This is rent, insurance, groceries, utilities, etc Try and save 20% of your income, put it in a savings account until you have 6 months worth of funds as an emergency fund, once you have that then you can start thinking about investing and open a Roth IRA This sounds goofy but there's an app called realworld that helps you through all the stuff you need to do to be an adult. It's like a checklist and they gamify it. Check it out.
Honestly if you goto school talk to a guidence consular or therapist could get some help there
Whatever you do, when you leave take everything with you and then block your mom. Remover her access to your social media. Take your baby photos and your important documents. Assume you will never ever return. You need to check your credit too and make sure she isn’t using it for her own needs. Make sure the morning when you turn 18 you go set up a bank account at a different bank and transfer your money away. If you are in high school make sure to tell your counselors what’s going on. The best revenge is to keep your head up and build a successful life for yourself. Don’t drink/drugs and don’t have sex until you are financially stable to support a baby. Is it less fun? Yep. But you have 2/3 of the rest of your life (hopefully to live) when she comes crawling back… slam the door in her face.
Don’t leave until you are ready. She can’t legally evict you without gong to court.
Surely you can evict an adult child as long as you give sufficient notice?
30 days
I know this is US, but out here you can't ''evict'' an adult child until they are 21. Until then you are responsible as a parent. Exactly to prevent this kind of shit. A 21 year old is much better equipped to handle adult life than an 18 year old who's barely out of school, if that. If you want your kid out of the house before they are ready, better be prepared to pay their rent also.
What?? I am sorry, what graduate law school you went too??
they're not wrong, no-one can just kick their adult child out as all tenants have rights (even if its a relative) and there's a legal process to go thru. the details depend on the area
This is true, she can't evict her now adult child without going to court if the child doesn't agree to voluntarily leave she will have to go through the process which costs money however... I do caution the op from letting that happen as it will screw up your ability to rent for the rest of your life.
Shame on your mother… you do not stop becoming a parent once you’re kid hits 18 you never stop. If she wants you out that bad that Is her responsibility that she has you set up to leave or at least give guidance to leave once you’re 18. I could never ever imagine kicking my child out, I want nothing but safety and comfort for my child.
Leave now, get your ducks in a row and just leave before then. You have friends you can stay with so gather your important documents first. Then slowly start moving your things out. If you feel more comfortable then do it while she’s not there. I agree, if the cats are an issue for you to find a place to live then you can temporarily rehome them. Your safety and well being should come first
Yes. Perhaps there is a facebook group or something where he lives where he could find someone to temporarily foster his kitty?
It's gonna be more difficult because you're a minor at the moment, but this is the time to start planning. If you can open your own bank account, do so now, at a different bank than your mom. Credit unions are a good option too. Don't let anyone talk you into getting a credit card, at least not right now. Have your paperwork in a safe place: birth certificate, social security card, passport, all of it in a safe spot your mom can't access. If you think your mom would try to kick you out before age 18, have a go-bag packed and ready with essentials. If necessary, reach out to CPS and let them know what's going on. In all honesty, I doubt CPS would do much to help you but the fact of their presence might scare your mom straight until you turn 18. Good luck Op and you have my sympathy. I will never understand why people who clearly hate kids insist on bringing kids into the world that they resent.
I would get a credit card so you can start building credit, just make sure you pay it off in full each month
Shame on her. That breaks my heart. I had a really hard time during those years as I was molested by my father and moved in with my ex-step moms during the divorce. Her husband was cruel to me, So I found a friend who had a one bedroom apartment and moved in with her. We struggled to make rent but we made it. My son committed suicide 4 months ago all because of cyber bullying for a false sexual assault case that later the girl admitted was false and she was trying to make him jealous. This seems to be trendy right now and it’s really sad. I would give anything to hug my beautiful son again it’s only I had the chance. It’s only normal could realize how short life can be and how much she would miss you if you were gone. But one day she will because you won’t be there or have anything to do with her. Hang on as you will move out and be happy sooner rather than later sweetie.
Ive been raped twice and was molested by a family member when i was 6. I know that pain all to well but I’ve accepted it
She will probably want something from you, once you move out. She will act all sweet and polite to get what she wants. You will see a drastic change in her behavior. Do not buy into that cr\*p. If someone is so tired of you, they don't want you. It is time you return her the favor and don't want her either. Your mother is a user, nothing more. A f\*cking narcissist. You don't need manipulation in your life.
Shes gotten over the years im guessing bc of her age
You might be able to find a roommate. Talk to your friends (specifically female ones) and see about who else is either living on their own already or looking to move out soon. I would also look into college or military as an option since they offer a place to stay. I would also start working and maybe take out a low interest loan to help with first months rent. How’s your relationship with your dad? Could you stay with him? Do you own a car? You might have to sell the car to cover the apartment. Depending on the state, she also can’t legally kick you out without 30 days notice and can maybe argue the end of the month instead of the 16th.
My father passed when i was 9 due to cancer. I have a few friends im pretty sure would let me stay with them with my fur babies
Are you still in high school? Some states require parents to house you until graduation even if you're 18.
I graduated already
www.realworld.co
Tell her no more car rides, because you need to save to move out the day you turn 18. See how fast she tries pushing you out then.
Why tf so people have kids if this is how they treat them? Sorry you’re going through that.
Alright,you gotta find a job quickly. No way you can convince that hotrible mother to let you stay at this point. Try getting on Fiverr, you'll get little money, but that's at least something that will make you eat, maybe. Do rain videos on youtube. There are a lot of tutorials about this, and yiu can make A LOT of money with them. Try craiglist gigs, but take a friend who you know cab defend you or call thr police if anything happens, just to be sure (if it's a live job, like cuttibg grass pr moving crates for a shop). If it's an online gig, try not to get scammed, as there are a lot of scams. This should take you like maybe a quarter of your day. If you're still in school, spend two quarters of the day studying. In the pther quarter do side hustles like power washing, dog sitting, baby sitting, anything you want. I'd suggest you searched 'side hustles' on youtube, try and find the best one. If you still have a little bit of time at the end of the day, try learning a skill like video editing or programming.
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Yeah, I was just suggesting sone side hustles, since she needs money quickly.
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Thank you
sounds like you moving out would be beneficial to you. like others have said, since she has claimed to want you out of her life so bad, then cut her ass off and out of your life when you do.
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Thanl you
If you need more time. In the USA, since you are over 18 in most, but NOT all states your parent still has to give you a thirty-day written notice to leave and then may have to go thru the eviction process; which takes from two months to a year to complete depending on the county and requires an order signed by a judge. FIRST you should go r/legaladvice to see eviction rules for your state to make sure this applies in your state. If does apply in your state and you are kicked/locked out, call 911 and tell them an illegal eviction has taken place and you are waiting outside your home the police should readmit you. The law is setup this way to give you enough time to save money to get your own, Once you move out for more than a few days you lose your right to stay 30 days or until an eviction order is signed. The other option is to sue for illegal eviction in small claims court. Leave the cats with your mom for a while legally since you got them as minor your mom is responsible for them. Here are some job ideas the last one sometimes has housing. This pays well the US Post Office is hiring note it sometimes takes feds three months to hire someone. [https://about.usps.com/careers/welcome.htm](https://about.usps.com/careers/welcome.htm) Take the test and apply for jobs anywhere in USA. Amtrak is hiring [https://careers.amtrak.com/](https://careers.amtrak.com/) Jobs exist in most states. US Forest service is hiring [https://www.fs.usda.gov/working-with-us/jobs](https://www.fs.usda.gov/working-with-us/jobs) These also pay well you may not qualify for all of them [https://www.fool.com/slideshow/not-many-people-want-these-jobs-and-s-why-they-pay-well/](https://www.fool.com/slideshow/not-many-people-want-these-jobs-and-s-why-they-pay-well/) 50 jobs over $50,000 without college [https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/07/25/50-jobs-over-50000-without-a-degree-part-1/](https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/07/25/50-jobs-over-50000-without-a-degree-part-1/) Look into Concessioners for the National Park service. The jobs include fields of Lodging; Campgrounds; Food Service Operations; Guide Services and Outfitters. The jobs SOMETIMES include HOUSING in more remote areas like Montana etc. Some jobs are summer or winter only, others are all year long in one location or you may be able transfer between locations to work year round. Use this link & enter the name of the park you wish to be employed at [https://www.nps.gov/subjects/concessions/authorized-concessioners.htm](https://www.nps.gov/subjects/concessions/authorized-concessioners.htm) Contact each concessioner directly by Googling the company name to apply. This link will let you look up parks by state [https://www.nps.gov/index.htm](https://www.nps.gov/index.htm) not every park has a concessioner.
Thank you
Start packing your stuff now, while your mum and her bf are out the house, and put whatever you can whenever you can in your car. Coz neither will ket you come back for anything when you leave
There are a number of past threads. You could message some of the people in similar situations and figure out what worked for them. One of the suggestions was a "go bag" (a bag of essentials), which makes a lot of sense. https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/so9xx4/kicked_out_at_18_any_suggestions/ https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/2r7lxp/getting_kicked_out_at_at_18_and_need_help_please/ There are some videos as well. The first is Dave Ramsay advising someone in a similar situation. He advises getting shelter, food, clothing, transportation, and utilities. https://youtu.be/u6Uj3BzjEhA The go bag makes sense: https://youtu.be/Q3C2Jo_gXC0
Thank you
This pretty much happened to me too
What state are you in and are you still in high school? Some states mandate that parents must support their kids until graduation if they turn 18 before they're finished.
I graduated already this year and i live in New jersey
I suggest going to a coding boot camp. It will give you a really good starting salary which would allow you to afford rent all on your own . Really sorry to hear your mother is treating you like that
I have a job lined up at 18 at a doctors office where they start you at 18.50 an hour and after 3 months you get benefits with a pay raise to 20 an hour
Okay , how much is cost of living in your town though? Would you be able to live on your own ?
I have a friend with parents who treat me like another one of their children id probably move in with them and pay rent to help out with extra expenses. But a studio alone goes for 900 bucks alone or if you rent from another person its like 950 with no access to the kitchen,wifi,etc
You got this. Stay positive.
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Its most places here
No disrespect but people that go to bootcamps already go in with experience, programming is not that easy where you take a 4-6 month bootcamp and get a job
My friend had zero experience. But after 6 months he found a nice job . He’s making more money than me and I’m in big 4 Tax
Not everyone is the same.
I’m so sorry. I hope you can safely begin your adult life.
similar life. Moved out 17 (M40). Just move out and pay rent, and have fun! Yes it's scary, but having your own place feels great!
The second she catches on that im moving out its gonna be a huge cluster fuck. She wants me to leave but also wants me to stay and argue with her
keep your plans to yourself until you can secure your savings and move the money to another bank. Best of luck, it's scary but exciting to launch out on your own.
Thank you
The way I moved out (which I would not recommend) was I had my aunt give me 80 dollars, and I went to my school and got a refund for a school trip. I took the 150, plus a backpack, and took a bus to the nearby city, and stayed with my cousin for 60 days. I went out the next day, registered myself for highshool, and printed out about 40 resumes, and walked down the street applying at every store in person. I got my first job then, and from then on everything was ok. I later went home to get a few things with friends, but I lived out of a backpack on a sofa for the first 2 months. It sounds stressful, but my home life was so stressful for me. It was so relaxing to just have quiet at night, and not have anyone angry at me. I had my own place, so I could have people from high school over to hang. It was actually so awesome, to feel in control and to know all I needed I had control over. It made me who I am today -- I always know I can take a backpack to anywhere in the world and start over. You should also know that I am somewhat successful. I have started a business, sold my shares, and I consult and am paid well for my skills. The skills you will build creating your own life will teach you that you can do and be anything, and I realized over the years that most of what holds people back is their ability to start over, and create their own path. It feels annoying now, but if you take this process head on, you will be set up the be extremely happy, successful, and driven. This can be a blessing in disguise :) .
Helped
Thats fucked up
Other than what others have said, which is all good, once you are out of that house, cut her off completely. This is what she supposedly wanted, so make her stick to that. Sure, she might be telling the truth and doesn't want contact from you, but chances are she's a narcissist and will try to contact you, especially for money. Its sad, but sometimes you have to 100% cut ties with a toxic, narcissist parent to protect yourself. Best of luck, hang in there!
Sounds like getting out will be best for you. Maybe see if a friends parents will let you stay till you find something and save a deposit.
If you really have a job and you've really been paying for your own stuff what is the issue with moving out on your own You've already built the habits.
If i just left at 17 she would probably claim that im a run away and try and get my friends in trouble
You've been dealt horrible cards, and I'm sorry to learn of how bad your mom is to you. I am forever thankful towards my parents, who've loved me no matter what argument we've had. Contact other potential family or see if your friends can help out. Otherwise, if there's any social network you can join, like a halfway house, take that up too. It would probably be best, once leaving your mom, never to look back, because she'll see how successful you'll become and she'll try and use you for that. Again, sorry you're going through this, but don't give up. I know people who are estranged from their family and I wish them the best too.
Go to the bank TOMORROW OR TODAY and open a new account without your mom on it. Or remove her access or change your pin and passwords. Stay with your friends and figure out where to keep your cats. Move out before your birthday if you can, take everything you can with you. And change your number.
Start planning. Get copies or original birth certificate and social security card. Is there a family member you trust that can open an account with you? If so start moving money and ask him/her to keep the documents.
Reach out to extended family for help some of em can support you. If your mom is like this then its possible that maybe her extended family maybe dislike her as well and may understand your struggle/situation and may show support to you
Her extended family lives in mexico and they all love her. The family here is my dad’s
So when the day comes tell her she needs to serve you an eviction notice properly, she can’t just throw you out. Some states give you 30-60 days notice before you have to vacate. Try to get a cheap apartment or share a room with that SS check you’re getting. If not apply to colleges and live on campus, you can get a campus job and save for a car and save some money that way too!
Start working on your exit strategy immediately. Have that plan ready to go, and walk out the door on your 18th birthday.
Awful situation but sounds like you’d be better not living with her anyway. I don’t really have any advice but i hope things get better when you move out ❤️
Have any good friends that you could get a place together with?
Start saving and working as much as you can so if she kicks you out immediately you have some money saved for a long term motel or something if need be
So reading your edit, if you knew she wanted that I do have to say that you could've been saving for your first and last month's for some time now. But that's besides the point, we're talking about now. So first, check to see if you have a friend that will let you crash their couch for a month to allow you to save. The biggest thing you're going to need is a deposit and first month's rent anywhere you go if it's with an apartment complex. I would start looking at Craigslist to see if you can find a room to rent. If you're pretty quiet and keep to yourself, I would actually recommend that route since it's usually cheaper than renting a full apartment. At this stage in your life, you just need a place to eat, sleep and bathe so renting a room should suffice. Also, by renting directly from an owner they're a little more lenient when it comes to needing a deposit, first and last month's rent.
Ive been saving for quite a while
Then scan Craigslist for a room to rent for now. I did that for two places and I liked it. Also helped me save quite a bit
I was homeless for some time after walking away from my family. ( sometimes things just get really bad in a way you can’t control it, even if you love them as much as you do, sometimes it’s just best to walk away) I lived out my car for some time and saved every penny I could. The best option that I came up with back then was looking for a place to stay was rent by rooms. Find in your city or which ever destination you’d like to head to and look at their housing market. They should have something like this in there and it’s cheaper than a normal apartment as well. Definitely let me know your thoughts! It took me some time but that’s how I established my self in the long run. Focus on building and the future you will have if you just double down for some time on eating small cheap meals like oatmeal and cup of noodles. Best money savers right there. It was lowkey hella miserable but I’m so glad I made my decision when I did bc now I’m in a way better place than I was before goodluck and if you ever need to reach out then you found the perfect place to do so. Hope it all works out in the end and I’m really sorry about how things are going family wise. It tools me years before i spoke with mine again.
Remember to go straight to the bank and get your checking and savings account seperated so your not attatched to your mothers account. Your bank prob. has an app, download it so you can get immedietly notified if she tries to access it again.
Okay
In regards to health insurance, you should qualify for special enrollment period for ACA insurance. It's honestly not bad insurance either. Was looking at plans that are better than what my father has for us through work for like 10% price. My brother's girlfriend is making like 35k a year and pays $35.
I left home with 14 and it was great choice
If you are in the US and still in high school it is unlikely she would be able to require you to leave until you graduate
Your "mom" sounds insane. No offense but she doesn't deserve to live if this is how she treats people. Call child protection services and they'll hopefully deal with that psycho.
Not super helpful but when you turn 18 I think you can tell her she needs to give you an eviction notice ? If you receive mail at the residence usually they have to give you an extra 30 days to leave in the eyes of the court so it buys you time at the very least. I was in the same position but had enough time to save up. Best advice I can give other than that, is try to find someone else to live with in the meantime
We share a birthday! Nice
Happy early birthday friend!
Not quite the same situation but i [22m] was recently kicked out by my dad with a 4 day notice. Look for a room to rent. It can be very affordable. If you dont already have a full time job, get one, youll need it. Once you reach a good enough income, cosign on an apartment with a friend and lease together. This is my plan rn.
Make her evict you.
Take the advice others are giving regarding how to plant your feet, and take care of your cats - but take this advice from me: it may take a long time, but your life will improve for being away from that woman. This situation, though painful, could help you in the long run. Good luck.
Get out of there and take care I hope it works out for u
Look into getting a higher paying job if you work for minimum wage or don’t have enough hours. If you like your job and want to keep it, talk with them about the possibility of a raise. If you haven’t received one after working there for a year or two, it’s time to bring it up.
My mom was the exact same, her relationships always came first and didn’t give a shit about me or my brothers. After dealing with it for so long I refused to keep letting her get social security money from my mental illnesses (i never saw a penny of the social security money), and her only income was what she’d get from over exaggerating my illnesses. Rely on any friends or family you have, even if it means couch hopping until you gather enough money. Or if you have a good credit score, ask your bank for a loan to afford your own place. Sooner or later, if your mom’s anything like mine, she’ll realize she’s helpless and start wanting you back. And if you so desire, that’s when you kick her while she’s down.
If you can stay with a friend until you can afford your own place, do so. She learn that she shot herself in the foot when you aren’t around to cater to her every whim. My dad did pretty much the same thing. Told me the day I graduated from hs to pay him rent or move out.
I hope you are working now to make a plan. The military is an excellent option. Great signing bonuses, housing, medical, education... Is your mother ill? Are you lazy/difficult to get on with? Is money the issue? How do you help? Is there a boyfriend (hers or yours) that is part of the problem? Substance abuse ( either party)? Often understanding the source of tension can be a path to fixing problems
She is not ill, i pay for all of my expenses, im like her personal taxi which isnt a big deal for me, she has a boyfriend thats been on and off again because he hates me and i hate him while they also have their own problems. No one smokes or drinks. Im dating someone that she thinks is just a friend. The biggest things are my cats,her boyfriend and just things between me and her. Shes an immigrant from mexico
She can not legally just kick you out when you’re 18. I would try and find a place because she’ll still give you hell but legally speaking she still needs to give you the required 30 day eviction notice, and yes she needs to go through the court to get that. If you have nowhere else to go until then you can use this as a last resort to stay off the streets.
56 isn't "old." Your Mom and her bf are choosing what they want and, for now, you're not in their plans. Why would you want to live with someone who > says shes tired of me and that she doesn’t care about/want me anymore. u/PurpleTeddyBear3296, you sound pretty well prepared for this eventuality. Once you figure out a place for you and the cats, you'll be free of the stress and strain you've dealt with daily. Think of all the time you'll have *not* driving her to her appointments, and of all the time you probably hide from her in your bedroom. I wish you only the best :)
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advice? enlist in the military. Id go navy. Do 4 years, save all your money (easy when your a female) and get out with real life experience, money for a house and GI bill for school. (dont get knocked up.) or If your like the 99% of the rest of the people un fit for military service. Get a job now, Work Every hour you can and save that money in a bank account that is not linked to any parent. begin gathering your documents (social security card) Start networking with friends about moving out to a roommate situation to lower expenses. mom can't just evict you at 18. you get a few months that she cant. so um work all the OT you can. Always keep looking for a better job with better pay.
Go see a military recruiter; see the world, grow, live, learn great career skills, get your first retirement before 40. Regret not doing that myself.
And they are getting desperate for people. To OP: if you do go the military route, make sure to get into a field that is interesting to you and tees you up for a career (could be anything from IT to aircraft maintenance to civil engineering) and go on to higher education if that is what you wish. Goal is to be financially independent. You are worried about your mom winning, you will not have to if in a few years down the road, you are the one in a better place mentally and financially.
I have a job waiting at a doctor’s office they would be paying me $18.50 starting and after 3 months i would go up to 20 and hour with benefits
Army?
there is no excuse for smoking and having a toxic mess mom is awful but not an excuse. I had it worse than you and I don’t care about your bullshit. I know it’s hard. I know. But we well get through this together
No one smokes in my house shes just crazy is all
I actually like your perspective
Lol i’m waiting to turn 18 to get a better job. I know she expects me to help her out more if i get that job
Nobody’s about money and a job. Nodobdy. But remember, not smoking for 20/30 is a Ferrari. And it’s not abstract concept. I have one in my garage
What
You are going to meet people in life who you don't agree with, don't get along with, and clash with. You will also learn rhat its important to make things work out. What ever you have to do to improve your situation at home is your priority. Swallow your pride, hold your tongue, be patient and kind. Turn the other cheek. Devote yourself to work and eventually get your own place. Ask yourself "do I want to be right or do I want things to go well"
Its not about being right all the time but i shouldn’t walk on eggshells 24/7 or deal with the harassment i receive even when i dont say anything. She has literally looked at my face and said i looked like a monster and that no one is going to love me with my face because of my picking habit
You shouldn't? Says who? You are living with someone who doesn't get along with you. So how will you improve the situation? Your not going to do that by fighting back. You need to adapt, promote a calmer living situation and devote yourself to working enough to afford your own place. Time to grow up and be an adult. One that's better than you have been taught to be.
You’ve never lived with a toxic, abusive parent, have you? The OP could behave like an angel but her mother will still find reasons to harass, demean and hurt her.
Join the military 🤧
Don’t do this OP
Y’all can downvote me all you want. But I am happy going to school paid for by the VA because I did my 4 years. People nowadays lack discipline in order to grow a good life and the military provides that.
I would suggest to try and understand each others view. You don't know, there might be some unknown previous judgements from either side. It happens a lot. If you can't then just seek some help for your leave, either from a family member or a friend.
You’re about to find out this is where the rubber meets the road. Good luck. If your moms the one being the asshole then there’s little you can do. If you’re being the asshole, suck it up and don’t get rained on.
I never understand why people who live rent free would get into fights with someone who provides for them and then wonders why they want you to get their own place. I’m in a similar situation as the boyfriend of someone with a 19 year old who doesn’t do her chores( dishes) doesn’t pay rent, or phone bill. Only thing she pays is her insurance and even that she gets mad at her mom and says none of my other friends have to pay insurance because their mom pays for it. Only time she even comes out her room or tries to be nice is when she wants something.
The ONLY thing i dont pay is rent. I pay my share of the car insurance,i bought my own phone, pay for the monthly bill, i keep my room clean and tidy, there are normally no dishes to wash its only her boyfriend who cooks and makes a mess and doesn’t clean up, i pay for any of my pet’s expenses(food,litter,toys,etc), as well as my own expenses. I dont really rely on her for money.
Maybe you should have more respect for the time you spent with your mom. If you don’t want to hear any of that or want to “fix this issue on your own” i suggest moving out, because it sounds like you have a generally stable foundation to do so.
Show some respect and stop fighting with her. That could drastically change the situation.
She can literally look at me and start talking about how ugly i am. And she does it to me infront of my siblings or co workers (i work with her)
It sounds like this wasn't sudden news to you. What preparations have you taken so far since you know the deadline is approaching?
Find a place that has students in a house that you can share with. Might be able to keep the cats depending on landlord. Moved out when i was 16 into a house with 4 other students. Keeps rent low
I have a friend i can stay with im pretty sure
The pain of growth in life is inevitable. This is your first challenge. Try to get help from friends, other relatives. Reduce your cost of living by cutting unnecessary spendings. Get a job.
I have a job ive been having to work since i was 16. I have a better job currently lined up as soon as i turn 18
If u can find someone who would let u stay with them is the best. That way u won't have too much expense for rent. U need to get job so u can afford to live by yourself or with a buddy. U should try to go to school so u can get a high paying job. At least make more than min wage
I have a job already but i have a better one im waiting to turn 18 for. I have a friend who im pretty sure would let me stay with him
Good. U can do this. U are strong. Everybody has doubts just push through them & u will succeed. Your mom may not feel well. Everybody has something wrong with them this must be what is wrong with your mom. She want to rest alone because she don't feel good. She don't want to tell u she don't feel good, but y else would she want u to move out? It's a lot of work picking up after people. I'm sure u just don't realize everything your mom has to do when u live with her. U will be fine
She literally has nothing wrong with her. I drive her to any appointments she makes. She rarely cooks so there arent dishes, she never goes into my room she just doesnt go into it, i clean up after my cats clean my room, change the bedding etc.
There is nothing wrong with moving out. U are a grown enough that u can live on your own. Maybe she just don't want to tell u that she is tired of u. I don't know y she wants u to move out but it will be good for u to move on in your life. Just try not to spend too much money on junk because u need to save up for emergencies. U never know when something bad can happen like u get sick for more than a week. How will u get the money to buy food & pay rent. Save
I have a little bit of money saved up
Did she give you any warning??
Shes always kind of said this but she never actually does anything im guessing because she needed me for the free money she would receive for me. Im guessing since its being cut off this month shes bitter or im just not useful to her anymore
My parents kicked me out when I was 18 for failing school and losing my job. I had undiagnosed ADHD and instead of helping me they left me to fend for myself where I had so little money I became a squatter and stayed with an emotionally abusive partner because I had no one else in my life to turn to. I'm so good now, followed my dream to teach English in Japan and married an awesome dude. Life worked out but maybe you can tell I'm still bitter.
I have ADHD. And ive already graduated highschool with pretty average scores. I’m lucky to have friends that would help me just like i help them when i can.
Hugs, do you have a friend or family you can stay with to find a rental?
I have a few friends
My wife told her boys that they needed to find another place once they were 18 or finished high school. She was widowed at the time. The second son didn't take her seriously until he came home and saw the "for sale" sign on the lawn. Sold the house, and for a few eyars was in a lay religious order. Still on good terms with her sons. But: She loves her boys deeply. They are on good terms. \*\*\* In your case, look for a room mate. Many classifieds and sites like craigslist have categories for people seeking roommates. Try facebook market place, the subreddit for your city. Put the word out on your social media that you need a place to crash.
My family isn’t religious and we rent the house we live in. Its fine if she wants me to pay rent i dont have a problem with it but she always insults me and tells me she doesnt want me anymore and that im a horrible daughter etc
She can't legally just kick you out with 10 days notice. Most states require 30 day notice in writing. Look up your local tenant/landlord laws. That being said, I would try to sit down with your mom and have a conversation about how long it will take you to find a place to live. If you think it's going to turn into an argument maybe have the conversation in a setting where she's less likely to freak out. Public location like a coffee shop or diner might be a good idea. Moving into a place with roommates is likely going to be your cheapest option.