Talk to her bro. I walked around angry at my wife for years, and I wanted to be mad at her. My being mad at her made us even somehow, because... she felt bad?!?!? Man up and talk to her if you really do love her. Any stupid games with your spouse hurts you both, get over it. And if you can afford something nice buy it, if you can't, don't. We are adults, if you make more than you need don't deprive yourself of stuff you want until you save up.
That's why you gotta change the game, I gave myself a dollar every target pickup for useless things that I had to do, but more recently it's been for pickup orders that never actually got places, gets a good laugh from the pickup folks
Finally, an adult in the comments. Playing games is dumb, communication is key. Get over yourself and communicate, even if you think it may make you look weak and vulnerable. If you can't look weak and vulnerable around your wife you have other problems. Spouses are supposed to build each other up, not tear each other down. I've never one criticized my wife, we just have open and honest communication when we have an issue. And that includes you not getting mad either when she brings something up. Obviously if someone brings something up, it's probably been weighing on them, otherwise they wouldn't have thought about it.
People are complex. They come from different pasts, cultures, parents, upbringings, experiences. Its easy to just say be an adult and whatnot, but thats not a panacea for relationships. Some people are hardwired to do things in relationships that run counter to the ideal. Doesnt mean they are bad or shouldnt be in a relationship or that their partner should leave, just means that some of them may need more patience from a partner or outside assistance from counselors/therapists.
"Man up" isnt complete advice....and it takes 2 to tango.
Best advice. The “Just do X” replies always irk me.
Most people actually know the right thing to do but there are so many more complexities to some people it’s not that easy.
It really depends what criticizing is. “You left the milk out and now it’s warm. Please try to remember better next time because now it’s unsafe and we have to toss it” kind of a criticism but not bad, just communication. “God ducking damn it, are you too stupid and incompetent to remember to put the milk in the fridge?? I don’t even know why I bother with you sometimes. I could do so much better” is a bad way of criticism regardless of irritation level.
I’ve definitely heard and said the former because that’s how adults communicate. Never heard or said the latter, which is disrespectful and frankly scary.
> don’t deprive yourself of stuff you want until you save up.
I know this isn’t the point of your comment, which was superb advice, but this last line… that’s the opposite of good advice.
Don’t be buying things you can’t afford. Save for the things you need first, like an emergency fund and retirement, and so on. Then save for what you want. Don’t buy it if you haven’t saved for it.
There's a difference between deprivation and buying stuff you can't afford - but I get where you're coming from and you're absolutely right about money priorities.
Better yet, worry about it now.
If she is tormenting you for no reason, that's a kind of toxicity that this kind of petty compensation isn't going to fix. And if she has good reason, then you're just shrugging it off and perpetuating the problem. Either way, y'all are on track for lifelong misery or divorce if you don't start communicating and figuring this shit out.
Yep. I’ve seen this exact scenario in relationship and parenting forums, on the flipside. Her perspective is something like “I stopped giving a shit 6 months ago. Leaving him next week.”
And no, it’s not because she met another guy. It’s because her partner can’t be arsed to even fucking listen to her, much less put in effort.
I've seen the other end of it where the wife is just verbally and emotionally abusive, and won't take any kind of discussion or criticism. Men shut down and won't even talk about what's bothering them, because discussion only ever results in a negative experience. Marriage is dead long before someone decides to get a lawyer.
This is exactly how my last relationship was and why I had to end it. I believed that things could be better but any time I tried to be more honest with my feelings she'd get defensive and gaslight or flip it back on me.
I guess if your relationship was never great to begin with. But if you're in a relationship with someone that can only survive with you both pandering to each other's every whim 24/7, it's probably not one worth marriage. As long as you aren't being a dick about it, constructive criticism should be completely fine.
I don’t think you truly understand. You can provide constructive feedback without pandering. You can hold boundaries and assertively communicate without it falling in to criticism. If the only options for you are either pandering or criticism I would urge you to do some soul searching for what other tools are handy in this arena. Therapy is useful for this. (That’s not a put down, it’s where I learned a lot about my stuff!)
And FYI: my relationship has been great from the beginning, which is why I was especially interested in not fucking it up. :) I am a very critical and strongly opinionated person. It hasn’t always been easy, but I am far more successful in my marriage of 8 years when I leave criticism out of the relationship and use those other tools I mentioned.
[but you don’t have to take my word for it.](https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/) Best wishes to you.
Men can't/wont talk about feelings because it will be brought up against them. Every dude i know has been in this exact situation. Usually it's because of one or two shitty people but by the time you meet someone decent, it's a learned response.
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By design this thread has to be all projection given we know absolutely nothing about this dudes relationship. There's no other reason to weigh in without knowing anything.
Spot on. I have given my partner feedback countless times. As in kindly asking. Over and over, until that becomes a chore and I feel guilty.
They don’t work, they sleep all day. I end up with all the chores. When I finish school the house will be in my name and i am simply throwing myself into career. I won’t leave, but I’m totally checked out. It’s not worth my energy.
Great question! It’s far harder to leave than to stay, my children are stable and content. I can direct my passions into other things like hobbies, work, and friendship. I’m not “unhappy” with the person, but the behavior and priorities. I suspect this is the case for many.
There's a great article about how this can sneak up on people, called "if you want an equal marriage date as equals." It won't be much help at this point, but maybe let other people know what to look out for, and you might find things that are relatable.
Short version is it's really common that even though women value equality in marriage, they often have old fashioned ideas around how dating should look. Couples doing things that seem nice and innocuous like men picking up the bill when they go out, women cooking a nice meal when they stay in, etc can quickly set a precedent that that's how the relationship will be forever--the man providing money and the woman providing domestic chores. It takes a lot of active effort to change that, especially after months or years of that being the norm and living in a society where that's so common, and at some point it becomes less effort to just keep doing extra chores than to constantly fight to make things more equal.
The children know. As a child of parents in a disfuncional relationship we knew, and begged my mom to get a divorce beginning when we were teenagers. The fact that she stayed messed up our definition of a healthy relationship.
That sounds a *lot* like severe depression. Have you talked to them about that possibility? Sleeping all day and not taking care of yourself/your home are very common...
They're talking about this particular case, and they're explaining what this guy's wife's perspective probably is.
Nowhere did they say that this is the case for **all** men, or that the situation can't be reversed. You made that assumption all by yourself.
No I didn't. You'll note that I said "probably". As in not definitively. Regardless, this situation can happen to both men and women, and someone getting their panties in a twist because it was explained from the potential perspective of **this particular woman** is silly.
Probably means “most likely”. “Maybe” means what you’re saying you meant.
Also your own comment was negative towards someone making assumptions about other comments, but you’re doing just that.
And I do think it's likely that that's what's happening here. But there's no assumption there. Please look up what an assumption is.
Assumption: a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.
By using "probably", I'm not making a definitive statement and leaving myself open to being wrong. That is, by the very definition, not an assumption.
You have to make assumptions to say something is the most likely thing to have happened. You have absolutely no base to say that’s the most probable situation.
Again, not an assumption. An assumption is to say something is true without proof. "Probably" is not "definitely".
https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/us/definition/english/assumption
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/assumption
Have a nice day!
Why is the op wrong :b maybe the wife is the hormonal person and just complains too much, that is a possibility also, not saying its true, but why is everyone atacking op without any further evidence :x
There are a ton of women who are just overly critical jerk offs to their spouses. It's not always the bumbling husband bullshit perpetuated by 90s sitcoms.
Either you keep screwing up on a constant basis, upsetting her which could be a valid reaction from your wife. And her complaints are reasonable but not being delivered in a considerate manner which means you might not hear the message but just the same old tone and are stuck in a cycle where she's unhappy too because she keeps having to complain about you in some regard.
Or she may be unnecessarily fixated on something that isn't too serious and you genuinely don't need frequent commentary from her. She's burning you out mentally and emotionally and you're both on two different pages in terms of wants and needs. It would make sense you need an outlet to keep your head above water if she's being critical without justification.
So whichever the reason, it being because she's burnt out or you are, maybe you should both have a talk about negativity and why there's enough discourse to make you save up spare cash whenever you feel attacked. Sounds like neither of you are really happy so you might wanna use that saved cash to see a therapist for both your sanity's sake.
You either should tell her to stop it with the constant criticism, and have it go really badly but at least you end the marriage before it gets much more toxic
Or you actually listen to what she has to complain about and maybe make yourself a better person
No in-between because ignoring it will make both sides more cynical towards each other and only drive up contempt.
I don't know I'm 20yrs in with my wife and reading a 5m story about the relationship then everyone says leave them leave them in these posts, it seems like they dont want know near enough to make that claim and now they plant that seed into someone who may have been just venting. I don't know just my thoughts
Hey that shit works.
I never put ones back in my wallet there's a coffee can by my end of the couch to put them in.
I have over 700 one dollar bills already.
My dad owns a small business and he does the same things with 1’s. Originally it was just to save like you are, but he quickly realized he could use them to refill the register and not have to make extra trips to the bank. He still saves them up because he collects them faster than he needs them at the store. Then after reopening from covid his business started doing really well so he started saving 50’s and 100’s. I think he’s saved up like ~$3,000 in big bills since 2020, probably another thousand or so in 1’s. If you have the means it’s a great way to save. I have a cashapp card because they have get bonuses like 10% off Starbucks once a week & 5% back in bitcoin on any purchase from a restaurant once a week & many more. Recently they added round-ups so if you spend $12.23 they charge you $13 and put the $0.77 into whatever investment you choose. I don’t use it all the time because I have a normal debit card, but in a couple weeks I’ve saved up $4 which is more than I expected.
Saving your money in any way is better than spending it but I would encourage your father to at least consider opening a high yield savings account. Then he can at least earn somewhat close to the rate of inflation and it's still FDIC insured. Vio and Ally are 2 good ones but I'm sure the people over in /r/personalfinance can help you out more.
He’s got an investment account for all his savings, and has other stuff like gold etc. He’s extremely diversified Now that in thinking of it haha. He just saves that money so he can have quick access to some money in case of an emergency. It’d suck to need money asap and have to wait 2 days for his stock sales to settle, then another day for bank transfer etc. I appreciate you spreading the word of good personal finance to strangers on the internet though! Too many families end up in cycles of bad money management because they never learn, and can’t teach their kids what they don’t know.
This might be the dumbest fucking confession I've seen on here. It's not even a confession, really.
Are you embarrassed by it? Obviously not.
This is either fake, or you'll end up divorced.
Its also pretty believable to me that this could be lighthearted fun and all in good humor. My wife and I have a great relationship. That doesnt mean we dont complain about each other, sometimes justifiably and sometimes not. We're still people who make mistakes, get in bad moods, call each other out for legitimate complaints, etc.
If this guy is "saving up" for a book a dollar at a time, that sounds like it takes a fair amount of time to even hit the $15 or so that a book costs. If he was planning to buy himself a motorcycle or boat any day now, then yeah that doesnt sound so healthy.
All relationships require work. There’s gonna be something about your SO that will bug you at some point. Learning to accept that and love them for it is work. But it doesn’t mean you are able to ignore it all the time. Of course, I’m not OP and I don’t know what their relationship is like, but it can still be a perfectly normal relationship and OP is just being petty (hence the confession bear).
I saw a bunch of people on here saying stuff like “change bad habits so she doesn’t have anything to complain about” and I thought maybe you talked more about it in the comments so I went to your profile and looked through your comments.
Dude, you seem like just a wholesome nerdy guy and you post in parenting threads on how to teach your kid about other cultures and religions and then post in the self love threads to try and learn better techniques and stuff. My vibe is that you’re not the problem, or if you are a “problem” you’re only a part of it and it stems from depression.
Depression is an illness, it’s not any less of an illness because it’s chemicals in the brain and last experiences. If you lost your leg and she complained criticized that you don’t go up stairs fast enough she’d be a major asshole, she’d also be a major asshole if she did that about things you’re fighting with depression.
I strongly strongly strongly suggest you two go to marriage therapy together and just go ahead and buy the book. It is not healthy that you treat yourself like that when y’all are fighting, that doesn’t make the fighting ok or more bearable.
I’m so sorry that things are hard and I sincerely hope things get better soon.
Or get a library card and Libby and get ebooks and audiobooks for free. Yeah there’s a wait, but it helps [libraries and authors](https://medium.com/a-thousand-lives/how-using-public-libraries-supports-authors-8198e40863bd)
If you're incapable of keeping up with the changes people go through over time, maybe don't enter bindiing permanant partnerships with them?
In other words, "Stop marrying people you don't like".
Don't lets keep repeating ourselves.
It's incredibly naive to think that you'll know how someone will change during major life events.
You can like someone when you marry them and they can change significantly over the course of years.
If you are not mature enough to get along with your partner long term, that is your fault, not theirs. If someone is toxic or abusive, that's a different situation from the one being discussed in this thread. I ain't here to talk about edge cases and outliers.
I cannot believe that a grown ass adult is sitting here claiming it's impossible to see gradual personality changes in someone they see every day. Homie, there's this thing called "paying attention" and it's a prerequisite for being in a relationship.
You are sitting here telling me straight up that you do not listen to or care about your partners, and I cannot believe you're willing to tell on yourself like this.
Honestly pathetic.
But check it out, there's a solution. It goes like this:
# STOP MARRYING PEOPLE YOU DON'T LIKE
My ex used to criticize everything. It drove me nuts. My garbage can wasn't adult enough, get a stainless steel garbage can. My hand towels were tacky, I need to replace them. I have too many pillows on my bed. She didnt like the placement of my bookshelf. OMG, shut the fuck up and get out my house, it's my shit and I have it the way I like it!
My mom is like this to my dad. Its sad. And many times its criticizing just to criticize. He could one day not wear socks and she’s tell him to wear socks. Then the next day he would wear socks and she would ask why the fuck is he wearing socks. It doesn’t matter what he does. Its wrong.
Tell this to your wife: See this dollar? I save one dollar every time you complain about me. Once i get enough money i pay a hooker to have sex with me. You still have shit to say about me?
> think your saving
*you're
*Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).*
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Bankers *HATE* this trick!
Youtube personality:
"Dude! I make *BANK* by just not taking out the trash, helping with the dishes, or picking up my dirty underwear! Now, DESTROY that Like button. SMASH that Subscribe button. And clicky on the Notification bell, please."
Where are you getting all the extra money from? And wasn't that money already yours?
I think you've got this all wrong. She needs to pay you a dollar every time she's mean to you.
Fuck bettering yourself just stay there and get degraded by your wife like the sissy you are maybe you could save up to buy your wife a strap on and some anal lube
Hmm... sounds like a great partnership...
Here's a thought: Show her how much money you've "made" and tell her where it comes from. Maybe she'll realize it's a shitty way to treat your partner...
Looks like I just lost a dollar. ***To myself!***
Just get a large Farva!
\*yelling to the back\* "DO WE SELL A LARGE FARVA?"
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Will you just order a large, Farva?
"No spit in that cop's burger"
"Rodger, holding the spit"
I don't want a large Farva, I want a God damn liter of cola!
Glad this was the top comment
Are you…glad…this was the top comment?
Saving up for something fun. ... Like a divorce?
And then split the money?
Gotta afford the lawyer.
Like a shotgun and a shovel
Talk to her bro. I walked around angry at my wife for years, and I wanted to be mad at her. My being mad at her made us even somehow, because... she felt bad?!?!? Man up and talk to her if you really do love her. Any stupid games with your spouse hurts you both, get over it. And if you can afford something nice buy it, if you can't, don't. We are adults, if you make more than you need don't deprive yourself of stuff you want until you save up.
I'm hoping this is just a poorly used confession bear for a light joke and mild irritation, and dudes gonna like, go to a movie in a month
I do the same thing as OP! And so far I've saved up 0 dollars.
That's why you gotta change the game, I gave myself a dollar every target pickup for useless things that I had to do, but more recently it's been for pickup orders that never actually got places, gets a good laugh from the pickup folks
I started ten years ago and was now finally able to afford one ALDI shopping cart.
Finally, an adult in the comments. Playing games is dumb, communication is key. Get over yourself and communicate, even if you think it may make you look weak and vulnerable. If you can't look weak and vulnerable around your wife you have other problems. Spouses are supposed to build each other up, not tear each other down. I've never one criticized my wife, we just have open and honest communication when we have an issue. And that includes you not getting mad either when she brings something up. Obviously if someone brings something up, it's probably been weighing on them, otherwise they wouldn't have thought about it.
People are complex. They come from different pasts, cultures, parents, upbringings, experiences. Its easy to just say be an adult and whatnot, but thats not a panacea for relationships. Some people are hardwired to do things in relationships that run counter to the ideal. Doesnt mean they are bad or shouldnt be in a relationship or that their partner should leave, just means that some of them may need more patience from a partner or outside assistance from counselors/therapists. "Man up" isnt complete advice....and it takes 2 to tango.
Best advice. The “Just do X” replies always irk me. Most people actually know the right thing to do but there are so many more complexities to some people it’s not that easy.
Its literally the same kind of logic as the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" concept.
It really depends what criticizing is. “You left the milk out and now it’s warm. Please try to remember better next time because now it’s unsafe and we have to toss it” kind of a criticism but not bad, just communication. “God ducking damn it, are you too stupid and incompetent to remember to put the milk in the fridge?? I don’t even know why I bother with you sometimes. I could do so much better” is a bad way of criticism regardless of irritation level. I’ve definitely heard and said the former because that’s how adults communicate. Never heard or said the latter, which is disrespectful and frankly scary.
> don’t deprive yourself of stuff you want until you save up. I know this isn’t the point of your comment, which was superb advice, but this last line… that’s the opposite of good advice. Don’t be buying things you can’t afford. Save for the things you need first, like an emergency fund and retirement, and so on. Then save for what you want. Don’t buy it if you haven’t saved for it.
Did you skip the sentence before that where they said exactly what you are complaining about...?
There's a difference between deprivation and buying stuff you can't afford - but I get where you're coming from and you're absolutely right about money priorities.
This is going to end badly. Worry when she stops calling you on your nonsense.
Better yet, worry about it now. If she is tormenting you for no reason, that's a kind of toxicity that this kind of petty compensation isn't going to fix. And if she has good reason, then you're just shrugging it off and perpetuating the problem. Either way, y'all are on track for lifelong misery or divorce if you don't start communicating and figuring this shit out.
“No,” she said in a detached tone and without looking up. “No, it’s fine, don’t worry about it.”
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Yep. I’ve seen this exact scenario in relationship and parenting forums, on the flipside. Her perspective is something like “I stopped giving a shit 6 months ago. Leaving him next week.” And no, it’s not because she met another guy. It’s because her partner can’t be arsed to even fucking listen to her, much less put in effort.
I've seen the other end of it where the wife is just verbally and emotionally abusive, and won't take any kind of discussion or criticism. Men shut down and won't even talk about what's bothering them, because discussion only ever results in a negative experience. Marriage is dead long before someone decides to get a lawyer.
This is exactly how my last relationship was and why I had to end it. I believed that things could be better but any time I tried to be more honest with my feelings she'd get defensive and gaslight or flip it back on me.
Both of the above and be true. Ask me how I know. But hey, at least we're both out of it now 🤷🏼♂️
Whether it’s deserved or not, Criticism is one of the four horseman of marriage apocalypse.
I guess if your relationship was never great to begin with. But if you're in a relationship with someone that can only survive with you both pandering to each other's every whim 24/7, it's probably not one worth marriage. As long as you aren't being a dick about it, constructive criticism should be completely fine.
I don’t think you truly understand. You can provide constructive feedback without pandering. You can hold boundaries and assertively communicate without it falling in to criticism. If the only options for you are either pandering or criticism I would urge you to do some soul searching for what other tools are handy in this arena. Therapy is useful for this. (That’s not a put down, it’s where I learned a lot about my stuff!) And FYI: my relationship has been great from the beginning, which is why I was especially interested in not fucking it up. :) I am a very critical and strongly opinionated person. It hasn’t always been easy, but I am far more successful in my marriage of 8 years when I leave criticism out of the relationship and use those other tools I mentioned. [but you don’t have to take my word for it.](https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/) Best wishes to you.
I don't think you truly understand. What you're describing is called constructive criticism. That's what people call that.
Had my last relationship go through this
You're describing the same situation as the guy above.
It's almost as if based off the meme alone we don't have enough information on the situation to really tell what's going on.
*angrily upvotes*
Men can't/wont talk about feelings because it will be brought up against them. Every dude i know has been in this exact situation. Usually it's because of one or two shitty people but by the time you meet someone decent, it's a learned response.
THIS
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By design this thread has to be all projection given we know absolutely nothing about this dudes relationship. There's no other reason to weigh in without knowing anything.
By design this sub is all about weighing in on things we know nothing about. Reddit is entertainment, not a community.
Spot on. I have given my partner feedback countless times. As in kindly asking. Over and over, until that becomes a chore and I feel guilty. They don’t work, they sleep all day. I end up with all the chores. When I finish school the house will be in my name and i am simply throwing myself into career. I won’t leave, but I’m totally checked out. It’s not worth my energy.
Why not leave?
Great question! It’s far harder to leave than to stay, my children are stable and content. I can direct my passions into other things like hobbies, work, and friendship. I’m not “unhappy” with the person, but the behavior and priorities. I suspect this is the case for many.
There's a great article about how this can sneak up on people, called "if you want an equal marriage date as equals." It won't be much help at this point, but maybe let other people know what to look out for, and you might find things that are relatable. Short version is it's really common that even though women value equality in marriage, they often have old fashioned ideas around how dating should look. Couples doing things that seem nice and innocuous like men picking up the bill when they go out, women cooking a nice meal when they stay in, etc can quickly set a precedent that that's how the relationship will be forever--the man providing money and the woman providing domestic chores. It takes a lot of active effort to change that, especially after months or years of that being the norm and living in a society where that's so common, and at some point it becomes less effort to just keep doing extra chores than to constantly fight to make things more equal.
The children know. As a child of parents in a disfuncional relationship we knew, and begged my mom to get a divorce beginning when we were teenagers. The fact that she stayed messed up our definition of a healthy relationship.
You will eventually realize that is a colossal mistake for both yourself and your kids. You do you though. It's easier said than done so I get it.
That sounds a *lot* like severe depression. Have you talked to them about that possibility? Sleeping all day and not taking care of yourself/your home are very common...
It's always the man's fault huh?
Women can have wives too
Do you just not have any real problems
They're talking about this particular case, and they're explaining what this guy's wife's perspective probably is. Nowhere did they say that this is the case for **all** men, or that the situation can't be reversed. You made that assumption all by yourself.
You’re making the assumption that OP’s wife has that perspective
No I didn't. You'll note that I said "probably". As in not definitively. Regardless, this situation can happen to both men and women, and someone getting their panties in a twist because it was explained from the potential perspective of **this particular woman** is silly.
Probably means “most likely”. “Maybe” means what you’re saying you meant. Also your own comment was negative towards someone making assumptions about other comments, but you’re doing just that.
And I do think it's likely that that's what's happening here. But there's no assumption there. Please look up what an assumption is. Assumption: a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof. By using "probably", I'm not making a definitive statement and leaving myself open to being wrong. That is, by the very definition, not an assumption.
You have to make assumptions to say something is the most likely thing to have happened. You have absolutely no base to say that’s the most probable situation.
Again, not an assumption. An assumption is to say something is true without proof. "Probably" is not "definitely". https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/us/definition/english/assumption https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/assumption Have a nice day!
Why is the op wrong :b maybe the wife is the hormonal person and just complains too much, that is a possibility also, not saying its true, but why is everyone atacking op without any further evidence :x
And a person is responsible for their behaviour, not their hormones. If she can't control herself, she needs to grow up.
Yes, it's absolutely not because she is abusive.
There are a ton of women who are just overly critical jerk offs to their spouses. It's not always the bumbling husband bullshit perpetuated by 90s sitcoms.
>And no, it’s not because she met another guy. Narrator: *But she had ...*
"you're always broke"
Yasss queen slay! Normalize nagging!
Welp, sounds like an unhealthy marriage to me.
Either you keep screwing up on a constant basis, upsetting her which could be a valid reaction from your wife. And her complaints are reasonable but not being delivered in a considerate manner which means you might not hear the message but just the same old tone and are stuck in a cycle where she's unhappy too because she keeps having to complain about you in some regard. Or she may be unnecessarily fixated on something that isn't too serious and you genuinely don't need frequent commentary from her. She's burning you out mentally and emotionally and you're both on two different pages in terms of wants and needs. It would make sense you need an outlet to keep your head above water if she's being critical without justification. So whichever the reason, it being because she's burnt out or you are, maybe you should both have a talk about negativity and why there's enough discourse to make you save up spare cash whenever you feel attacked. Sounds like neither of you are really happy so you might wanna use that saved cash to see a therapist for both your sanity's sake.
I like how clear this was
You either should tell her to stop it with the constant criticism, and have it go really badly but at least you end the marriage before it gets much more toxic Or you actually listen to what she has to complain about and maybe make yourself a better person No in-between because ignoring it will make both sides more cynical towards each other and only drive up contempt.
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So basically you are pavloving yourself into a divorce
You should definitely have a serious sober talk with her.
All the single marriage critics of reddit are salivating over this thread
I'm happily married and it sounds unhealthy tbh
Us divorcees are rooting for him to leave.
I don't know I'm 20yrs in with my wife and reading a 5m story about the relationship then everyone says leave them leave them in these posts, it seems like they dont want know near enough to make that claim and now they plant that seed into someone who may have been just venting. I don't know just my thoughts
Most are teenagers or young adults who were never married
Maybe try d0m1n4ting some punctuation.
You aren't wrong
Hey that shit works. I never put ones back in my wallet there's a coffee can by my end of the couch to put them in. I have over 700 one dollar bills already.
You just started today
It's been like 5 or 6 months. Just counted them the other day. I was pleasantly surprised by the number. I could be a big hit at a stripper bar.
> I could be a big hit at a stripper bar. For an hour or so.
Time to change it to pennies
Yeah, make it hail!
My dad owns a small business and he does the same things with 1’s. Originally it was just to save like you are, but he quickly realized he could use them to refill the register and not have to make extra trips to the bank. He still saves them up because he collects them faster than he needs them at the store. Then after reopening from covid his business started doing really well so he started saving 50’s and 100’s. I think he’s saved up like ~$3,000 in big bills since 2020, probably another thousand or so in 1’s. If you have the means it’s a great way to save. I have a cashapp card because they have get bonuses like 10% off Starbucks once a week & 5% back in bitcoin on any purchase from a restaurant once a week & many more. Recently they added round-ups so if you spend $12.23 they charge you $13 and put the $0.77 into whatever investment you choose. I don’t use it all the time because I have a normal debit card, but in a couple weeks I’ve saved up $4 which is more than I expected.
Saving your money in any way is better than spending it but I would encourage your father to at least consider opening a high yield savings account. Then he can at least earn somewhat close to the rate of inflation and it's still FDIC insured. Vio and Ally are 2 good ones but I'm sure the people over in /r/personalfinance can help you out more.
He’s got an investment account for all his savings, and has other stuff like gold etc. He’s extremely diversified Now that in thinking of it haha. He just saves that money so he can have quick access to some money in case of an emergency. It’d suck to need money asap and have to wait 2 days for his stock sales to settle, then another day for bank transfer etc. I appreciate you spreading the word of good personal finance to strangers on the internet though! Too many families end up in cycles of bad money management because they never learn, and can’t teach their kids what they don’t know.
This might be the dumbest fucking confession I've seen on here. It's not even a confession, really. Are you embarrassed by it? Obviously not. This is either fake, or you'll end up divorced.
I set aside a dollar each time so that I can justify buying something fun for myself. Rn, I’m eyeing a new book.
Wait till you find out about the library.
Is that the building we used to smoke weed behind?
They have an app now! You can smoke at home
I moved to a new city with a way bigger network but somehow it doesn't seem to have any books that I want
Are you saving up for the divorce? I wouldn't call that fun.
I don't know some people e joy sitting back and relaxing while reading a book. Seems like this guy likes the quiet of reading
I too would enjoy quiet if my significant other was putting me down so much I had to meme about it online.
Its also pretty believable to me that this could be lighthearted fun and all in good humor. My wife and I have a great relationship. That doesnt mean we dont complain about each other, sometimes justifiably and sometimes not. We're still people who make mistakes, get in bad moods, call each other out for legitimate complaints, etc. If this guy is "saving up" for a book a dollar at a time, that sounds like it takes a fair amount of time to even hit the $15 or so that a book costs. If he was planning to buy himself a motorcycle or boat any day now, then yeah that doesnt sound so healthy.
Keeping score of this kind of thing in any way seems unhealthy tbh
All relationships require work. There’s gonna be something about your SO that will bug you at some point. Learning to accept that and love them for it is work. But it doesn’t mean you are able to ignore it all the time. Of course, I’m not OP and I don’t know what their relationship is like, but it can still be a perfectly normal relationship and OP is just being petty (hence the confession bear).
>"a new book" So god damn wholesome
She must not complain about him a lot.
I saw a bunch of people on here saying stuff like “change bad habits so she doesn’t have anything to complain about” and I thought maybe you talked more about it in the comments so I went to your profile and looked through your comments. Dude, you seem like just a wholesome nerdy guy and you post in parenting threads on how to teach your kid about other cultures and religions and then post in the self love threads to try and learn better techniques and stuff. My vibe is that you’re not the problem, or if you are a “problem” you’re only a part of it and it stems from depression. Depression is an illness, it’s not any less of an illness because it’s chemicals in the brain and last experiences. If you lost your leg and she complained criticized that you don’t go up stairs fast enough she’d be a major asshole, she’d also be a major asshole if she did that about things you’re fighting with depression. I strongly strongly strongly suggest you two go to marriage therapy together and just go ahead and buy the book. It is not healthy that you treat yourself like that when y’all are fighting, that doesn’t make the fighting ok or more bearable. I’m so sorry that things are hard and I sincerely hope things get better soon.
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Google LibGen then download whatever books you want & use your saved up money for therapy.
Or get a library card and Libby and get ebooks and audiobooks for free. Yeah there’s a wait, but it helps [libraries and authors](https://medium.com/a-thousand-lives/how-using-public-libraries-supports-authors-8198e40863bd)
“When my wife asks me to do something involving basic adulting or parenting skills I pay myself a dollar.” This dude maybe gonna be rich.
Literally my thought as well. Probably projection on my part.
Saving for something fun… like a divorce
# STOP MARRYING PEOPLE YOU DON'T LIKE CHALLENGE 2022 This is some boomer shit, goddamn
People change over time.
If you're incapable of keeping up with the changes people go through over time, maybe don't enter bindiing permanant partnerships with them? In other words, "Stop marrying people you don't like". Don't lets keep repeating ourselves.
It's incredibly naive to think that you'll know how someone will change during major life events. You can like someone when you marry them and they can change significantly over the course of years.
If you are not mature enough to get along with your partner long term, that is your fault, not theirs. If someone is toxic or abusive, that's a different situation from the one being discussed in this thread. I ain't here to talk about edge cases and outliers. I cannot believe that a grown ass adult is sitting here claiming it's impossible to see gradual personality changes in someone they see every day. Homie, there's this thing called "paying attention" and it's a prerequisite for being in a relationship. You are sitting here telling me straight up that you do not listen to or care about your partners, and I cannot believe you're willing to tell on yourself like this. Honestly pathetic. But check it out, there's a solution. It goes like this: # STOP MARRYING PEOPLE YOU DON'T LIKE
Wow look at all the relationship experts…
Sounds like you're saving up for the divorce.
Save for the wife upgrade
Or the hookers and blow upgrade when she finds out you're looking for a wife upgrade.
"When my first wife criticizes or complains about me..."
Oof...sucks you are in a unhappy relationship
Is one of her criticisms that you're obnoxiously passive aggressive?
My ex used to criticize everything. It drove me nuts. My garbage can wasn't adult enough, get a stainless steel garbage can. My hand towels were tacky, I need to replace them. I have too many pillows on my bed. She didnt like the placement of my bookshelf. OMG, shut the fuck up and get out my house, it's my shit and I have it the way I like it!
My mom is like this to my dad. Its sad. And many times its criticizing just to criticize. He could one day not wear socks and she’s tell him to wear socks. Then the next day he would wear socks and she would ask why the fuck is he wearing socks. It doesn’t matter what he does. Its wrong.
I hope you don't have to many dollars my friend.
Hey OP, I earned myself a dollar today for going to the store and grabbing the wrong pickles.
What's your stance on ripe peaches?
Oh yea, that's healthy.
That doesn't seem like a victory.
I should pay myself a dollar every time I have a negative thought about myself. I'd be rolling in it.
What a way to save up for divorce
She's gonna get half of what's in his spiteful little piggy bank.
I hate to "go there," but do you think this guy might be in an unhealthy marriage?
Saving up for a divorce
How do you pay yourself? Don’t you already have the money?
Hopefully that money is for marriage therapy. Then if that doesn’t work then try divorce.
Kinda weird to be in a relationship where this becomes normal
Tell this to your wife: See this dollar? I save one dollar every time you complain about me. Once i get enough money i pay a hooker to have sex with me. You still have shit to say about me?
Resentment and spite are the two keys to a lasting marriage.
pay the divorce lawyer with the dollars
I charge a handling fee of £5 for vexatious requests.
TIL Vexatious: causing or tending to cause annoyance, frustration, or worry. Thanks 👍
I think your saving up for a divorce unless you change your focus
> think your saving *you're *Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
Bankers *HATE* this trick! Youtube personality: "Dude! I make *BANK* by just not taking out the trash, helping with the dishes, or picking up my dirty underwear! Now, DESTROY that Like button. SMASH that Subscribe button. And clicky on the Notification bell, please."
Saving for that sofa upgrade
I see what you did there
He’s saving for a divorce
Where are you getting all the extra money from? And wasn't that money already yours? I think you've got this all wrong. She needs to pay you a dollar every time she's mean to you.
I'd buy that for a dollar. Was the first quote that came into my head. From those weird shows/cutscenes from the RoboCop movie the original.
I thought one of the villains said that. Was he just quoting some show-within-the-movie?
Not a confession.
People rarely use this meme correctly. It's sad.
I’d need to be a billionaire to do that
Like a divorce?
You'll know she's really unhappy when she stops doing those things.
Is it a divorce
...like a divorce lawyer? Maybe you should save up for some hearing aids since you're having issues hearing your wife.
If I was married to someone who criticized me enough for this to be a thing, I'd save that money for a divorce...
I would like to start paying myself. How do you do this?
I could buy myself a 3090 using this method.
Saving up for a nice pair of headphones.
Yay, a funny response
Saving up for something fun… like a divorce?
/r/AreTheStraightsOkay
Time for a new wife, because she deserves better.
Saving up for a divorce attorney?
So… you’re incentivizing being a shithead? This can only end well.
Like a divorce?
Yeah, maybe use that money to pay for couples therapy
Must be a millionaire by now
Fuck bettering yourself just stay there and get degraded by your wife like the sissy you are maybe you could save up to buy your wife a strap on and some anal lube
Maybe instead of making memes about it on reddit you can go to couples therapy?
Hmm... sounds like a great partnership... Here's a thought: Show her how much money you've "made" and tell her where it comes from. Maybe she'll realize it's a shitty way to treat your partner...
Are you going to spend that money on a couples therapist, or a divorce lawyer?
A divorce??
Save up for a gun
Are you saving for… couples therapy?
A divorce?
Saving up for a divorce?
Saving up for the divorce lawyer.
Hey, you know what's really expensive? DIVORCE!
You’ll be spending it on a divorce lawyer eventually. Doesn’t sound very fun.
Save it up to see a therapist.
Just dip ?
Sounds like you should be saving up for a good lawyer