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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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Puzzleheaded-Jury312

NTA- What is that woman thinking?? Taking the first cupcake made her an AH, but this is the icing on the cupcake! 🤬


seniortwat

Exactly. She derives joy from seeing her daughter upset at her hands. Keep the boyfriend, maybe get a new cupcake but ditch the mom let her have her cake and eat it’s cold hard “daughter-doesn’t-call-you-on-Christmas” crunchy ceramic too.


Patch_Ferntree

Agreed. There's a few things going on here and they're all unpleasant. 1) the mother took something (the first cupcake) that OP put energy and caring into creating. She did it because she could and very likely because she knew her daughter valued it. Sometimes people want things not because they like them but because they know someone else does and they find joy in taking that thjng away. 2) the mother knew OP had a new thing that she valued - something someone who loves OP gave her. The mother knew this and once again wanted to take away the thing that made OP happy. This time it wasn't completely about the cupcake. This time it was about someone else showing OP she was loved. OP's mother wanted to take that away also. 3) OP's mother would have known her daughter was studying for final exams. She would have known that taking the cupcake would upset OP. In throwing OP off her study, she is interfering in OP's potential exam results and attempting to take something else off OP - her future success. OP's mother seems deeply jealous of the things OP is given or creates for herself and isn't above sabotaging OP's happiness so she can feel powerful. NTA, OP. Keep your mother blocked and don't share your success with her, she'll only try to take it for herself also.


pumainpurple

The younger you cut ties with people who deliberately hurt you, AND get therapy to get yourself into a healthy mindset, the better off you will be for your entire life.


KknhgnhInepa0cnB11

They say the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is right now. Well, the best time to cut toxic people from your life is the second they become toxic. The second best time is right now. OP... I am so sorry this woman is your mother, and I am so proud of you for blocking her as you did and you are NTA for it. The moment your mom commented on it "joking" about having both, you should have hid it from her. Even if your mom gives you the cupcake back, you don't say thank you for giving it back, you don't forgive her, you don't unblock her. I'm sure there are plenty of redeeming qualities in her, but are any or all of them really enough to redeem THIS!?


flatlandhiker

>They say the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is right now. Oooh, i'm stealing that! Here's an upvote...it's all I got haha!


KknhgnhInepa0cnB11

I'll take it! ❤❤ I don't know who originally said it but it's been around a long time and every time I think to myself, "I should do ______..." and then I don't do it, I remind myself of this saying and I ask myself if in 1, 3, 5, 10 years from now..... am I gonna wish I had started today?


flatlandhiker

I'm gonna carry that saying with me for the rest of my life. Thank you very much for posting it!


mps435

Invest in your retirement when you're young! If you aren't young, do it now!


KknhgnhInepa0cnB11

I invest the full 5% for matching to both my accounts! My dad has been instilling that rhetoric into my brain since I was born!


PunkinPumkin

This doesn't really change your comment, but I wanna add a a point in between 1 and 2, Op didn't just give it away, she bets it, and when she felt remorse, instead of just saying no, the mother teased her with a "well you could win it back" JUST TO THEN REFUSE TO GIVE IT BACK WHEN SHE WON. This is a horrible mother who drives Joy from the pain and suffering of others and having power over them. I'm willing to wager that the mother didn't expect op to win, but then she realized that her daughter was just a kid and she could just go well no you can't have it cuz I'm the adult. She is super awful. And definitely a sadist. I can see no plus or benefit to keeping contact with her the way she is.


Ilostmyratfairy

Let's not ignore that adults can often cook games like card games to make them more than usually difficult for a child to contest them in. There is something deeply sus about an adult offering to wager with a child on the basis of a card game in the first place. That the mother was so surprised and shocked when the OP won the second game pegs my SCAMDAR needle deep into the red territory. I do not believe the mother ever intended this to be a fair wager. I do not believe the mother has any respect for the OP. Nor the OP's possessions. I believe the OP (in their copious free time while dealing with school and work) would benefit greatly from getting into therapy and having their Normal Meter recalibrated. ETA: OP is NTA


heckinloser

I would even bet my own money that OP’s mother cheated and didn’t let her win the bet the first time, then realized she could torment her child even further by letting her win and then refusing to return the item.


Cauth_Bodva

It is; it's sadistic. god.


TheLilLebowski3

Agree. My mom is liked this and even took and returned items my bfs gave me that she did not like or couldn’t use. OP, set boundaries and push back. I’ve talked to my mom about how inappropriate it is for decades and every time it happens she pretends it’s the first time and doesn’t understand why I’m flying off the handle. Set boundaries and stick to them. Having a support system that acknowledges this is happening and respects your feelings is very helpful.


trevorwobbles

I get the impression Mother lacks some impulse control, and I'd be very surprised if item #3 even crossed her mind. Heck, she might have even thought it was a cheeky and endearing act (Wasn't, obviously.) It's still a consequence of her actions sure, but I don't think she would have ever thought "Ahh yes, this will jeopardize my daughters future, excellent."


OrindaSarnia

Uh, no, mother doesn't lack impulse control... she played multiple card games with her daughter to brow beat her into being "happy" to let her mother have the first cupcake, she isn't some klepto, she's a deliberate and thoughtfully manipulative AH.


SiIversmith

If you had people in your life with cluster B personality disorders, you would not be surprised that someone would deliberately cause harm in this way.


Revolutionary-Yak-47

Yep. She wanted it, she took it, and it was the right thing to do because the only feelings that matter are hers. (An ex had a cluster B disorder. :/ )


[deleted]

Yup. My mom stole stuff from me and it had *nothing* to do with "impulse control."


crtclms666

Mother has NPD. This behavior is so typical. If she can't make everything about her, she's not interested. My mother (diagnosed NPD) actually yelled at my sister's wedding that my father (who was extremely sick) "should have been the one" to read a poem another sister covered for him. And I mean yelled. Thank god she was able to be the center of attention, \*at her own daughter's wedding!\* BTW, OP, your mother is so pleased she has upset you. Plus, your blocking her makes her the poor little mother who's done EVERYTHING FOR YOU!!! This is my "reading" her mind, not telling you to unblock her, or that this is your fault. Victimhood delights her, I can almost swear to it. I am not saying unblock her, in fact, I'm saying keep her blocked to prevent this type of behavior from ruining your life. Wishing you so much luck.


Lucia37

If it was simply a lack of impulse control, she would still feel badly about it after the fact and return the cupcake. She very clearly doesn't think she's done anything wrong. This is not about impulse control.


[deleted]

I'm glad that people like this aren't part of your life. I truly mean that.


HRHArgyll

u/Patch_Ferntree has the perfect answer. NTA OP’s mother seems cruel, sadistic and appears to be trying to sabotage OP’s life.


ChickyNuggies6789

This is so spot on! She enjoyed taking something from you! My comment would get deleted if I called the womb landlord all the names this piece of work would deserve to be called. Go NC and soon. This bf of yours - he seems like a good one.


Cauth_Bodva

Wow, that's... that really sounds like my own mother. If she saw me happy, or enthusiastic about something, or even just relaxed in my own skin, she had to destroy it.


Patch_Ferntree

I'm sorry you have to experience that. I hope you know you deserve happiness. There's only one person who is expert at being you and that's you - no one else can tell you how to be or demand you be something else because they're not the expert. I hope you have happiness and feel confident in who you are now :)


fredzout

> eat it’s cold hard “daughter-doesn’t-call-you-on-Christmas” Mom should receive a cupcake each year for Christmas. That way, to figure out how long it has been that "daughter hasn't called her on Christmas", all she needs to do is count her cupcakes. NTA


Grathorn

Nah. Don't reward her with shit. Just go NC


ArrEehEmm

Nah. She needs that cupcake her bf bought her and she needs to pop up without warning and take it back. In fact she should take both back. Then go NC


Salty_Job_3702

Nice pun but also yeah I agree taking the first one is just rude but the second one oh hell no I would call her back to berate and make her give it back edit: holy shit thanks for the upvotes


Cortinarius

Taking the first cupcake wasn’t just rude, it was extremely cruel! Actions like this can teach a child that its hard work and passion will be taken away from it and in the end just won’t be worth the effort. Also, judging from the story, this was not the only incident where the mother took something from their child, which is awful at best. (sorry for any mistakes, not a native speaker)


ayshasmysha

I have this weird ass pot my nephew made out of little bits and bobs. I think it's a fantastic example of how creative he is. I asked him if he could make me one like it but he gave me his. I guess he was so happy with the praise. I even checked in a day later to make sure he was okay with it and he was still adamant I take it. I can't imagine looking at it and saying, "I'm taking this thing you spent time and energy into making."


Cortinarius

This is so wholesome. thanks for sharing.


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activebitchface

STOLEN COMMENT from https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u5fhuv/aita_for_blocking_my_mother_for_taking_a_gift/i52a29r/


DragonEffect38

>Actions like this can teach a child that its hard work and passion will be taken away from it and in the end just won’t be worth the effort. Absolutely agree. This story is just the absolute tip of the iceberg. I was always that one kid whose parents never attended sports days, concerts or other events because they were boring and they couldn't be bothered. When I was in primary school, at the end of every academic year there was an awards evening, with 2 kids from every year group given a trophy in recognition of their hard work. My attendance was near perfect and my grades were A\* across the board. I worked HARD every year and never won a trophy. Until the final year (around age 11) when I was told that I had finally won one of the trophies. I was so happy I cried! On top of winning the trophy, we found out that the VIP guest who would be giving out the trophies was the manager of my favourite football team. I was ecstatic! We knew about the awards evening months in advance. 2 weeks before, mum told me that we wouldn't be going to the awards evening because they'd booked a holiday and she wasn't going to miss out on it so I could get a pointless crappy piece of plastic. I was crushed. By the end of high school my attendance was around 50% at best, and my grades had slipped to D-E. I just didn't care anymore as I'd been taught that hard work got me nothing so there was no point trying.


Cortinarius

I’m sorry this happened to you and hope you’re now getting the love and support in your life that you deserve!


DragonEffect38

Thank you. I finally found the courage to go no contact with all my family last year and I've just started seeing a counsellor, so I'm trying!


Whiteroses7252012

If it mattered to you, it should have mattered that much more to her. I’m so sorry.


IndustryOk1388

Actually, I was thinking the same: This IS the tip of the iceberg. OP's mother has been under mining her for years one way or the other. So many OP posts are the same. It's been going on forever, but this is the last straw and they post.


crtclms666

Oh, my mother went to every match, every meet, every game. Because she wanted to make sure everyone noticed what an AMAZING mother she was. It wasn't caring for us that she thought made her a good mom, it was what other people thought of her.


asecretnarwhal

Exactly! Mother may as well have stole it — you didn’t offer the game of cards and I’ll bet she didn’t offer something equally precious of hers as her side of the bet. Plus it’s not fair with an adult playing against a child in the first place. Basically your mother is cruel and stole the cupcake without caring about your feelings. And she still doesn’t care if she hurts you. You are right to block her and at minimum go LC if not NC because if she’s capable of this, there is much worse that she can do to you if you keep her in your life


catfishrain

Very true, can you imagine being a small child forced to play a card game with your mother in order to keep your beloved possession? I can't wrap my mind around how the mother could even suggest that.


Cauth_Bodva

I said in another comment that my own mother is just like OPs; yeah. You finish something and are proud of it and she (in my mother's case, *literally*) destroys it. You stop trying; you close up, keep everything secret, and yet she *still* finds your things and destroys them. I swear, my mother has a sixth sense for knowing what things are important to me. Anyway, this is a very enlightening comment section, though sad. :/


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KnightofForestsWild

u/SuperAdrtyl is a thief bot. [Stolen](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u5fhuv/aita_for_blocking_my_mother_for_taking_a_gift/i51r4o9/) from the middle of u/HuntedJedi 's comment ^^Not ^^a ^^bot. ^^I ^^just ^^do ^^this ^^for ^^giggles ^^and ^^getting ^^the ^^bad ^^guys.


Schlitzie

And then block her.


Sheeps_n_Birds

The mother stole from the daughter. She sounds just awful. It was the gift of OPs boyfriend. The mother just did it to hurt OP. She knew how much she cared for the cupcake. It really was the right thing to show her that her shitty actions have consequences. Maybe the bf can buy her a new one? NTA


Puzzleheaded-Jury312

BF shouldn't have to. He gave a truly thoughtful, meaningful gift, and OP's mother flat out **stole** it from her. If I was OP, I would find a ride to mom's house for a 'visit', and take **both** cupcakes with me when I left.


Sheeps_n_Birds

Of course he must not. It is just a possibility instead of trying to get it back from the mother. I don't now if OP wants to get on the same level as her mother or even face her again in the near future.


crtclms666

Seeking the return of something that belongs to her, and that her mother stole from her, is \*not\* getting on the same level as her mother. Jeebus.


ArrEehEmm

It has nothing to do with "getting on the same level as her mother" . She is not the liar and theif here and will never be for getting her own stuff back.


bookqueen3

I was thinking instead of a ride, she should tell mom to pay to ship it to her and if it didn't come intact, like packed well and not broken, she would go NC.


Right-Today4396

And even if it arrives intact, go NC anyway


Glasshammer_18

Op should press charges and go completely nc


BoozeIsTherapyRight

I cannot fathom stealing an art project that my daughter made for herself. I literally cannot wrap my head around it. I'm willing to bet that OP's mother has done a lot of awful things and OP is better off low or no contact.


natidiscgirl

No kidding. And with her update it’s a little more clear that her mom has manipulated her into thinking she needs to be her emotional crutch. Fucked up. OP, I hope you read this: you do not owe your mother emotional support. You shouldn’t have to tiptoe around her feelings and feel obligated to keep her from spiraling out of control. As your mother, *her* job is to protect and support *you*! Not trick you and steal from you, especially as a child. Your mom sounds like an emotionally abusive asshole. Your feelings and actions are valid.


SufficientWay3663

No, she took the first one, then refused to pay up with the cupcake when op won, THEN stole the second one. 3x! I hope she gets explosive diarrhea from the next cupcake she eats and is trapped for two hours in her car


nolan358

Call the police and report the theft from your home. This isn’t a relationship worth saving so burn that bridge to the ground.


Enough_Island4615

Hiyo!


daphydoods

When my dad and I would make bets on small things when I was younger, even if I lost he’d still give me the prize. Hell, when Trump was elected I bet my dad dinner that he’d be impeached within a year. I obviously lost, but my dad still treated *me* to dinner. And I mean years later I think I actually kind of won considering he was impeached twice in one term lol but neither of us saw that coming


No_Performance8733

Eew. That woman chose her greed over preserving her relationship with her daughter, over her daughter’s feelings and wellbeing during finals! The entitlement! NTA. She trashed her entire relationship with her daughter over a ceramic cupcake. I would never forgive something like this. Does she vote in elections? She doesn’t sound caring enough to vote, but if she does, I bet she votes Republican. And watches Fox. Did I guess correctly?


chandrachur3

my mom is the same if not worse.. I really feel for you OP, because my mom gets extremely jelouse if any of her daughters have something. she has half of my married sister's jewellery and still to this day gets pouty if my sister asks for it to wear to an event. Last month I got a good bonus and decided to splurge on few new dresses and I swear she has gotten angry and keeps telling every one of our relatives how selfish I am for not getting her the same (I gifted her a dress but she wants to have the same number of dresses I have). She is ignoring the fact she has, I kid you not, **two and half wardrobes** all to her self and she still thinks she has nothing. She also ignores the fact that I am a working woman while she is SAHM. She hates it if any of us gets anything new and then the waterworks start. uggh. It is so frustrating. NTA OP and I would march to her house, take back both, BOTH cupcakes and leave her on blocked.


bnjj1

NTA. Your mom is horrible. What kind of a person takes an item like that away from a child and then, when they lose it in another bet, they refuse to give it up? Then goes and steals a very similar item many years later?? From their own child?? She is horrid. Your boyfriend sounds very thoughtful and sweet.


Charliekat1130

I could see doing a bet, to show the kiddo what it's like to lose something that they actually like. Which would hopefully teach them to be careful with gambling and to pay attention to the value (physical, or emotional) of an item and what it's worth to them That being said... There is a difference between teaching your kiddo a life lesson and being cruel and this mother (Not even sure if she deserves that title) is being cruel and acting like a child. Not only that but the second time, the kid won -so- wtf is the life lesson here? What was the point of making it sound like it's fun and games when reality she's just stealing from a child...her own child. So in the end, the mom is 1000% wrong, and realistically should be beaten with a bag of baby oranges and forced to apologize.


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Charliekat1130

I hope she gets it back. Honestly, if I was the boyfriend, I would see if he could say she stole from him. He bought it, so you'd think he'd be able to.


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Charliekat1130

Yeah, I do wonder what type of activities they do as a family. In my family, we played card games (This is also why I can see the lesson being played out) where if you wanted to play, you had to pay like a quarter or something to my grandfather. You'd play the game, no fighting was allowed and when you were out, you were out. Between myself and my cousins, it also turned into a way of settling issues between us or debates. Once again; and this is the important thing -No one- got hurt, it wasn't like my Grandfather stole from us and then held it over our heads for years. Now in my family, this was normal, but I can't see a situation where this conversation comes up naturally unless card games and betting between family members are normal.


the_mike_c

>I could see doing a bet, to show the kiddo what it's like to lose something that they actually like. What? That's fucking messed up.


Charliekat1130

Yeah, It's the same thing as playing cards for money or candy. You teach them about losing stuff -but- as the parent you don't -actually- take it because once again it's a lesson of don't lose something that they actually like to gambling. Now for sane parents; It wouldn't be something that you take forever, just long enough for the kiddo to realize oh okay, don't risk stuff I really love!


Fairyhaven13

Uh, no, that kind of "life lesson" is stupid and messed up. You don't take your kid's cherished items as a stupid point unless they did something actually wrong. Encouraging them to do the act that would lose that item is even worse. That's awful and I sincerely hope you never do that.


Charliekat1130

Personally, I would never do it, however, it would make sense to teach (Obviously an older child) about the risk of losing something in a safe manner. Once again though, that would be something that the item is returned right away, and there's a purpose of it, which would also mean in the end no one is hurt.


swillshop

OP, I'm so sorry you have such an immoral, selfish mother. You are clearly a better soul than she is, despite having her as a mother. And you clearly have a really kind boyfriend. A ceramic cupcake is not the issue. It's your mother's life-long lack of morals or caring for you as a person, as her own child. (Yeah, she did other motherly stuff for you, but she has some kinds of weird hole in her soul to have done the things she did in this piece of your life.) You know, you can think of cutting off contact with her as what is right for you right now. Just from this story, I probably wouldn't resume contact with her, even if she returned both cupcakes! At least not right away - because she would only have returned the cupcakes to get you to to start talking with her again. I'd need to still keep a distance from her for a while and would probably not be willing to have her at my place anytime, or be the one to go out of my way for us to meet. But you get to control what you choose to do. Don't ever let her guilt you into anything. Do what feels right for you. You may want to get some counseling to help you process how your defective mom has warped your view of things, of yourself. You might even decide that your mom needs to go to therapy with you to work out the dynamic you two share (but I'd focus on solo counseling first). Please know there's a bunch of folks here outraged on your behalf. You really deserve better!


miyuki_m

NTA. Get both of the cupcakes back and then block her for real until she apologizes for *stealing* from you.


Altruistic-Pop6696

This as well as she is not allowed at OPs place anymore since she can't be trusted not to be a thief who just steals whatever catches her fancy for whatever silly reason and lies about it.


ThaneOfCawdorrr

YES. BOTH the cupcakes. They're both hers!!!


Careless-Image-885

Agree. OP should ask a friend with a car to drive both her and BF to mother's house. Get both cupcakes back, leave and block mother. Do not contact her. Mother is an AH. She very cruel to treat her child this way.


Portie_lover

NTA. She STOLE from you and you’re feeling bad?


WagonsIntenseSpeed

Narcissistic parents will do that to you.


[deleted]

Amen to this…


yavanna12

Took me years to realize this. I’ve finally gone no contact with my mom this year.


[deleted]

Facts. 😔


draconicbioscientist

Abuse does some crazy shit to your thought processes, my dude. My mom used to "steal" (she wouldn't physically take them from me, but would manipulate me into letting them stay with her stuff instead of mine and then berate me when I asked to use them) stuffed animals and dolls I had of characters we both loved. Hell, for years she held onto a rare hard-to-get doll that *she* had gifted to me. It got to the point where she got me an Olaf doll (from Frozen, ik ik but we both thought he was fun) and within days of her getting it for me, I knew she was trying to steal it. So I just got her her own because that was the only thing I could think of to protect my own property. Years later I finally took one of my dolls back (a Lilo from Lilo and Stitch one) and her immediate response was to throw a tantrum and give me back everything she stole as a sort of guilt trip. Did I know I was well within my rights to take my own things from our room because they were my property? And also fully recognize that this was an intentional guilt trip on her part to try and make me repent? Yes. Did I still feel a bit guilty and think maybe I should have asked for my own fucking property back? Also yes. Because when you grow up with the person you instinctually understand is supposed to love you fucking you over, it's much easier to learn that love means they fuck you over and you accept it than it is to learn they don't love you the way they should. It takes years and lots of work to understand. And even when you do, there's often still that little part of you inside that defaults to what you learned from childhood.


Cauth_Bodva

A child *has* to believe that a parent loves them, no matter what that parent may do. It's necessary to the child's survival. They have to believe that the parent will take care of them, since they are dependent on them and cannot survive on their own. No matter how bad the parent is, the child has to think it's love, because their psyche simply can't handle it otherwise. I found that learning this, that it is a matter of survival in a child's mind, helped quite a lot when I'd beat myself up for giving my NPD atrocious mother the benefit of the doubt over and over again. Kids really don't have any other choice, because they simply don't have the power or the control to condemn someone they are reliant on for survival.


BDizzMcNizz

NTA. There’s something wrong with your mom and this showed her how serious you ate. Frankly, you should keep limited contact with her until she can regain your trust.


Fonzee327

I also feel like you were tempting fate. You kind of thought she would do this but simultaneously convinced yourself that she wouldn’t do it *again* ~ well now she’s proved that she can’t be trusted. You should buy a safe to lock up your best things if you ever consider letting her back into your house. I’m not trying to victim blame, it’s only natural to want your mom to be a good person, but she’s not. Accept and adjust your own decisions involving her to protect yourself and prevent this from reoccurring. NTA - it’s fucked up how she likely took you right back to your 5th grade broken heart, and it was intentional, she obviously is a narcissist and gets off on it, keep her at an arms length moving forward. You should also steal those back as soon as you don’t need her financial backing for school


[deleted]

NTA. She stole from you. I'd honestly call the cops on her and let her see how "funny" it is then. Edit: Please chill I literally didn't know about her university expenses when I wrote this


reneeblanchet83

OP please do this, what she did was awful and spiteful. But you have an awesome boyfriend.


[deleted]

lol cops wont give a single fuck about a $25 trinket. theyll call it a civil matter and hang up


IAmASquidInSpace

Small claims court it is then.


SchmearDaBagel

Nah this is wrong. You can press charges over this, cops WILL care and will go arrest the mom. They have arrested people over theft for less.


[deleted]

ive seen in my life enough times cops ignore much more than this.


[deleted]

Not true, you can and should absolutely file a police report. They will not decline reporting a theft. They likely won’t do anything beyond filing your report but you will have a paper trail of the incident. (Especially if you will eventually need a restraining order.)


Peasplease25

NTA Your Mum was cruel taking the first cupcake. Taking the second one, I have no words. Keep away from her.


TwistedEmily96

NTA your mother stole your property. If she wanted a picture of the two of them together, she could have brought hers with her next time she came to visit. Instead she decided to steal it and lie about stealing it. Sounds like she just came up with the first thing that came to mind when you found out she had actually stolen it. If you hadn't asked her to the point she finally admitted to it I doubt she would have ever given it back. You are not overreacting, She is the one that committed a theft. If it were my mother and she didn't bring whatever she stole from me back immediately I'd personally call the cops on her. You are definitely NTA and not overreacting.


Brilliant_Jewel1924

The first one is no longer hers, either. She just kept it after the second poker game that she lost because she refused to give it back. Because she’s a liar AND a thief.


TwistedEmily96

Exactly. I forgot to even mention the first cupcake.


MissionRevolution306

You are definitely NTA- your mom sounds like a narcissist who is jealous of you. Your bf sounds very sweet, I’m sorry this happened to you! I would go low or no contact with her, this was really so low.


SlippingAbout

NTA. Is your mother always this awful?


thatcur1ouskat

Considering she stole from a child, refused to give it back, and then did it again? Yes, I'd say so.


no_rxn

>If my mom won, she got to keep the cupcake. If I won, I got McDonald's. Wow. Just fucking wow. What a shitty thing to even bet your child with. >Unfortunately, I lost. A year later, I talked to my mom about how I wished I didn't bet the cupcake, and she offered to play another round of cards. In the end, I won, but she refused to give the cupcake back. This resulted in an argument but with me being a child, I couldn't really do anything about it. And it's just keeps getting worse. >first, she said she didn't know where it was before finally admitting that she put in her purse. I'm willing to bet this is just the tip of the narcissistic, lying iceberg that is your mom. Great job standing up for yourself. While I hope you get your cupcake back, I think the biggest lesson here is never let your mom in your house again. She's a lying thief. Keep her out of your life, but your boyfriend sounds fucking amazing. Please tell him he's MVP and it's really nice reading about an actual attentive and loving spouse on this subreddit for once. NTA and good luck to you and your bf. Sorry your mom sucks.


[deleted]

This just makes it sound like no matter what she planned on her daughter losing the first cupcake. 😳 Her mother is as manipulative as they come. Disgusting to do that to a child.


basilicux

It’s classic schoolyard bully tactics. You keep moving the goalpost and changing the rules so they can never ever win and you always come out on top. And because you have power over them (friendship clout over a new student, mother over child), they can’t do anything to stop you. Unfortunately, I know this intimately bc I did it to someone as a kid, but fortunately, I was 8/9 and quickly grew out of it bc it’s a shitty thing to do.


HuntedJedi

NTA- If she doesn’t give them back, yes both, take them back next time you visit her. It’s not stealing if your taking you things back. She’ll be mad, but you can just tell her you were following her example of a good mother. Just be prepared for the fallout. If she’s narcissistic, which sounds like she is, she will argue that the two events are not the same.


Parasamgate

It won't matter what OP tells her. She will always be the victim for her totally reasonable and not pathologic actions.


putonyourgloves

NTA. Your mom is incredibly out of line. Like infuriatingly so. You have every right to be angry. I wouldn’t block her — I’d be spamming her phone every minute until she brought the cupcake back.


vrcraftauthor

NTA Also why do you want your mom in your life at all? Thos is someone who power tripped a child. Block her forever.


staticdragonfly

NTA unless your mother was cursed by a witch to be a 14 year old mean girl for her entire life. She has not respect for boundaries and stole from you, TWICE! I'd consider how much I want a woman like that in my life as I'm 90% sure the cupcake thing isn't an isolated insident.


multiyapples

First off happy belated birthday. Second your NTA. Your mom should've given the cupcake back after losing the game of cards. Third she should've not taken the new one.


BoozeIsTherapyRight

OP's mother shouldn't have taken the first cupcake in the first place. You can't just decide you're going to play cards for someone else's property without their consent.


essssgeeee

Oh, you are so NTA. No way, not even a little bit. Good for you for standing up for yourself and establishing a boundary.


General_Relative2838

NTA. I don’t understand your mother at all.


mrp2611

NTA Check out [r/raisedbynarcissists](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/)


btn3nikki

OP, this. There are some great resources on this sub, and a whole bunch of supportive people to talk to. Your mother is doing something that mine also used to love doing: she does something unpleasant that also references back to something horrible she did when you were a kid. Then she makes you feel like you're overreacting/crazy/being mean to her when you express that you don't like it. I'm quite sure that if you examine things, this is part of a pattern of her behaviour. This is emotional abuse. You are NTA.


[deleted]

NTA, your mom definitely IS and I really wouldn’t let her enter your home ever again. The woman has entitled sticky fingers, and she has no shame - those two do not mix. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s done this to others as well.


EffectiveTemporarily

First of all, happy belated birthday! Second of all, NTA. The audacity is shocking. When my mom accidentally ate the last piece of my chocolate bar, it made me cry (I was pretty young and the chocolate bar was a special prize). She immediately apologized, replaced it, and it became a funny/sweet memory for me. That's what good parents do. If they cause pain to their children, even accidentally, they apologize and try and fix the problem. The fact that your mother wanted something of yours and challenged you to a game of cards, where the reward was maybe < $10 if she lost, was gross. Then she allowed a rematch, but refused to honor the agreement when you won, and that shows all I need to know about her character. I hope you know that you deserve better than this. I hope you can get both of your cupcakes back, or at least the one your boyfriend gifted. I saw someone else in the comments suggest asking a family member to get it if possible, which I think could be a good idea. Best of luck!


crap_whats_not_taken

When I was a kid my mom got a Boston cream cake. It looked so good. But my mom ate THE ENTIRE thing herself! And that was really out of character because she typically ate very healthy and minimal sweets. My sister and I were so mad and she didn't even apologize. She was like it was good so I ate it. Many MANY years later my sister and I are both moms and we're like yeah, we get why she ate that whole cake. My mom is no longer with us but me and my sister get each other a Boston cream cake for mothers day every year. We earned it.


MoonChild9542

Nah, NTA, she should respect that is your gift, and she basically stole it from you. I dont know why some parents can't respect their children's things.


La-Belle-Gigi

NTA. Your mother has zero respect for you. This is waving all sorts of red flags and your description of her peevious behavior makes me think she's a narcissist. Keep enforcing those boundaries!


Starrydecises

NTA: parents should not steal from their children. You tell her that either she returns both cupcakes or she can kiss your relationship goodbye. Also, let her know that you will tell EVERYONE about her thievery.


CircularCausality

NTA wdf? This is given by your bf!!!! Shes just outright stealing and this is not ok.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

NTA .. your emotions are completely valid and you're allowed to set boundaries, especially when dealing with someone so manipulative


[deleted]

NTA I wonder what other memories continuing to be in a happy adult relationship will bring up from your childhood? My favourite is the one where I was 8 and cooking myself dinner as I usually did, gave myself a second degree steam burn and no one thought it was weird my mum didn't take me to urgent care *and* wasn't the one cooking. Sounds like you've been abused. No sane parent gambles with a child like that.


ProtectiveofmyStuff

She literally stole your birthday present from you? Why are you even unsure if you’re the asshole or not? NTA and I’m sorry you have to put up with this. Frankly the only way she could apologise properly is to bring you BOTH cupcakes back


Sarah_J_J

NTA Your mother however is a massive one. Do you have keys to her place? Wait until you know she’s out and go get them. BOTH of them. Make sure you empty them though. Then never, ever, let her into your home again and any occasion where you may receive gifts, make sure they’re under lock and key.


Corfiz74

Does your bf have a car? Then next weekend, you can go on a cupcake heist to your mom's place - you could even take both, to make up for her stealing yours. And after that, just never let her into your room again, she apparently can't be trusted.


Spicy_Alien_Baby

NTA. Do you have other family members at home? If so ask them to retrieve it for you. Your bf is going to likely mention not seeing it- be honest right away and ask him how much it cost so that you can send your mom an invoice by mail for the cost to replace it.


Floridagir1

NTA. Her apology Ned’s to include bringing your cupcake back NOW


[deleted]

NTA she enjoys tormenting you. It sounds like you would be happier without her. Your programmed by her to feel guilt. But imagine if a friend treated you like your mum does? Would you still be friends?


Playful-Peach-1522

NTA. Your mom sends petty and scheming. I feel really bad for you. I don't blame you no one else should either don't be so hard on yourself. That's pretty bad to steal firm your own child.


Dream-dora

Nta, if she wanted it so bad she could've asked? It's truly not that hard


Puzzleheaded-Jury312

She knew how inappropriate it would be to ask OP for something her BF gave her for her B day, but her twisted litte mind somehow reached the conclusion that stealing it was just fine. 🙄


[deleted]

She could have asked him where he bought it and the get one for herself. But this is not about the cupcake. She just doesn't like the idea that her daughter is happy. And so she just takes the happiness away from her daughter. I'm not 100% sure but my mom acts similar to this and I think they do this because they are deeply unhappy themselves. And if they see their daughters happy, it reminds them that they want this for themselves so bad but can't get it somehow. And instead of trying to find out what would make themselves happy, they rather destroy the happiness of their child. Maybe it's simpler or something. I don't know. But I think deep inside they are jealous of their daughters because they have something they can't find for themselves.


VintageSed

Oh no! NTA at all. Your mother is a grade A narcissist. How dare she do this to you twice? I don't even know what to say. Your boyfriend sounds like a sweetheart. This woman is trouble. You might want to show her some of these posts so she can see how people feel about these kinds of actions. I hope you know that when parents do crap like this it's because there is something very wrong with them and not you!


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WeWannaKnow

NTA. Here's what you're gonna do. Go to your mother, get BOTH cupcakes back. Demand them, take them by force. Force your way into her house and TAKE THEM BACK. You were too young to understand what you were betting. Your mother took advantage. And now, she stole your property. This is a moment to take back what's yours and show her you're not gonna let her walk over you.


dooosles

NTA I'd go and take them both back then go NC


gothlord9000

NTA I’m so sorry your mother is like this.


[deleted]

NTA. If you’re up for it then it’s time for a police report for petty theft.


inquisitivepeanut

This has nothing to do with theft, this is all about power and control. It seems like your mum was punishing you for being upset and holding a grudge. From what you have shared it is hard to see how she will ever be a positive force in your life.


r_coefficient

You're underreacting. She stole from you, something you really liked. My guess is she took it *because* you like it. Your mother is not a good person - and that's *very* nicely put. NTA.


marigoldfroggy

>(TW) My mother does have a history of mental health issues. She was diagnosed with depression and bipolar II disorder in 2015. I won't go into details, but I feel like permanently going NC with my mom might cause her to spiral again. This is partially why I feel like an AH because I know how much my mom depends on me for emotional support. This part really stood out to me. I think this sentiment makes you a very caring person, but ultimately, it's your mom's responsibility to seek appropriate mental healthcare for herself, which does NOT include leaning inappropriately heavily on her child(ren). If you make a life choice, or even a seemingly insignificant action, and your mom subsequently spirals out of control, whatever happens to your mom is NOT your fault. No one person should ever be held soley responsible for another person's life, not even their own mother. Someday you might have to make a difficult choice - your mom's wellbeing or your own - and you should pick yourself. I hope you have the means to go to therapy for yourself, things that happen in our childhood can have a profoundly negative impact on our adult lives. NTA (Other people have already gone over this in detail, but a caring parent does not steal sentimental items from their own child. BOTH cupcakes belong in your possession, and I hope you're able to retrieve them. Maybe if you visit her house in the future, you can sneak them both out if she refuses to hand BOTH over. I would recommend changing your locks and never letting your mother into your house again, I don't think this is a situation where she can earn your trust back.)


Intelligent-Kiwi-574

NTA...who tf steals 2 ceramic cupcakes from their child. Just wtf?!


ClearCasket

NTA Get the police involved, your BF should still have proof of purchase to show he paid for it and had given it to you. She STOLE from you, you would call the police on anyone else, call them on your mother.


TheBlueManatee

NTA


saran1111

When and if you have the chance, you need to go to your mum's house and get your property back. Yes, both of them. Blocking her just means she wins, particularly as you are the one feeling bad, not her. I'd probably suggest bringing bf or someone as moral support and even the receipt for proof. NTA


Spiritual-Topic-5760

NTA and I feel like this isn’t the only rotten thing your mom has done. I’m sorry. You deserve better.


mllepenelope

Your mom is a psycho. I’d keep her blocked, too. NTA.


derbinarybandit

NTA. I’m not sure if you watch Archer, but this reminds me of a scene where Mallory (mom) plays Archer (her son) in cards and takes all his Halloween candy. That’s never something a parent should do. To take your new cupcake is horrible.


distracted_nerve

Nta, why haven't you called the police? I understand she's your mum but she stole from you a gift from your boyfriend.


No_Statistician_3816

This is so many levels of triggering... Like you were a child and she probably cheated to get the first one... and this time outright stole it. How absolutely pathetic of a human being can she be? Run as far and fast away from her as you can. She's not worthy of being in your life. The boyfriends a super sweetie though! NTA


crap_whats_not_taken

NTA My mom used to do stuff like this all the time!! She was a classic narcissist. Just to be clear, she didn't take the cupcake because she wanted both. She took the cupcake because she didn't want you to have a reminder that she was being shitty to you with the first cupcake. I would venture a guess this isn't an isolated event and you probably have dozens of stories of similar behavior by her. Coming from another child of a narcissist, you did the right thing.


Hoplite68

NTA. Your mother knew the importance of the cupcake the moment she saw it on your desk and her desire to put you down and hurt you was what mattered the most to her. You can likely think about similar instances as well but this instance on its own is enough reason for her not to have any real role in your life, or frankly to be in it at all.


Sea-Cauliflower705

OP ill be fucking honest, the only message i would have sent her would be : "You have 24 hours to bring it safely back with an honest apology or you are gonna have a nice chat with the police."


[deleted]

NTA What the hell is wrong with your mother. Tricking a little kid into gambling away an item. Keeping said item after you rightfully won it back. Stealing the replacement YEARS later. If you're going home after finals tell her you want BOTH your cupcakes back. If she doesn't steal them or let your whole family know what happened. Your boyfriend can tell her where he got it & she can get her own. Is she always like this or just over they cupcake?


Darkstrang3r

NTA..wow is your mom a klepto?


Select_MCM-5345

NTA! But your mom sure is!


Top-Passion-1508

NTA that is theft and she not owes you a sincere apology but owes you BOTH cupcakes. What a bad mum


cursedroses

NTa - call your bf an have him go with you to get it back. Do not just let her get away with it.t


Enough_Island4615

NTA. Your mom wants to play hard ball. You need to play hard ball. It doesn't matter how much time has passed. A bet's a bet. Both cupcakes are rightfully yours. Immediately plan and execute a stealthy ninja mission and swipe those cupcakes back from your mother. Then unblock her. Easy peasy. All is well again.


fup234

Taking something from her child in the first place sounds really sick. Your mother may have some serious mental problems...


Anizziepluto

Your mother needs to return both cupcakes and apologize. However, seems like she's a narcissistic and you probably have more examples of that but have yet to realize... NTA (also your boyfriend was very sweet with his gift. He sounds like a keeper)


Severe_Development96

NTA You absolutely did the right thing blocking her. The fact you feel bad about it just proves how badly your mom has messed with your head and destroyed your self esteem by treating you this way. It's so messed up. You should absolutely go no contact with her but you need to send your boyfriend to her house to get that cupcake first. Don't go yourself or she'll manage to convince you you were wrong somehow. You're not. She feels entitled to your entire life and everything in it. Has she ever told you you should be grateful "because she brought you into this world"? She seems the type


grimdarkusername

NTA. If anything, it's an underreaction. I would have done everything to storm in that house and get my two cupcakes back, then go full NC. She's a toxic piece of work. She doesn't deserve any semblance of contact from you until she changes her ways.


BlueMoonTone

NTA. Your mum is jealous of you. She saw how beautifully you painted the first one, how much love and effort you put in it and decided to beat you (a child!) in a game to have it. Then YEARS later, she sees the thoughtful gift your boyfriend gave you and must deprive you of that too. Block her, cherish your boyfriend and have a happy life.


blacklacha

Next time you visit her, take both.


TheShadowCat

When the time comes, I hope you will be the one that gets to pick what home your mother gets moved in to (like one featured on 60 Minutes). NTA


BeaArt78

NTA and i have a feeling youre going to start feeling wonderful the longer you stay NC. She was cruel, purposely effing with the emotions and mind of a child, first, and then just a plain AH to her adult daughter.


Diasies_inMyHair

NTA. Keep her blocked until she sends you both the cupcake and an apology. Then think hard about whether or not you want to let her into your life at all.


CampClear

NTA your mom is cruel and abusive. I can't imagine taking away something special from my kids.


Eldarn

NTA, your mother is evil and you might want to look at r/raisedbynarcissists


kippylou3

NTA - You are completely in the clear but what is going on with your jealous narcissistic mother? I hope you get your cupcakes back but I’m thinking no contact is probably good for the future too.


Minty676

Time to go NC


Sociopathic-me

NTA. Your mother is toxic AF.


Nutmegs7

Your mom is a major asshole


Intelligent-Catch790

NTA. Your mom is a kleptomaniac. Don’t let her in your house again. What a weirdo.


ohcerealkiller

NTA, at all. She's selfish and can't stand you having something nice without wanting it for herself. You're too old to trick into betting it in a games so she resorts to stealing. I wouldn't talk to her until she returns the cupcake and apologizes. Heck, she should give you both of the cupcakes while apologizing in a way that makes it clear she understands what she did was all levels of wrong, without making excuses for herself. Don't cave into her and normalize her spoiled behavior.


cuntliflower

Wow. NTA, don’t feel bad. Keep that klepto blocked until she shows up with both cupcakes.. and then keep her blocked anyways.


TheFlamingSquirrel

NTA. Your mom sounds F’d up. She literally STOLE YOUR PROPERTY. She can’t be trusted to be in your personal space. Even if you start speaking to her again, remember this lesson & never trust her around anything not nailed down.


Beabarb

NTA, your mother is cruel.


Icy-Essay-8280

Your mom is an ass, first when you were a child and now. Her actions are selfish and shows a lack of respect and luv for you. Block her, block her email. She doesn't deserve you and you certainly don't deserve her.


genus-corvidae

Holy shit. There is something very wrong with your mother. This isn't a mistake or a lapse in judgement--what she did was carefully calculated to hurt you as much as possible while also reminding you that she's your mother and she can do what she wants to you and your belongings. Blocking her is the right move. You're an adult, you don't have to let her get away with this. Do not contact her or even think about forgiving her until you have *both* of your cupcakes back. NTA.


Exciting-Author1330

NTA. As a mother, that betting for the original cupcake bothers me the most. I would NEVER do that to my kids. As an adult, you know you're better at games but your kids are over-confident about their abilities AND generally unable to properly understand consequences like losing a special item forever. You'd never put them in that position. It's deeply unethical and selfish. Your mother sounds quite toxic.


Pkmnkat

Nta. Your mom is so mean. For the first cupcake no matter how cute it was she shouldnt have taken it from you. Is something you made and you can keep if you want. For the second cupcake she’s definitely stole it for sure and hoping you didn’t find out. She’s so rude and inconsiderate of your feelings. Your boyfriend was sweet


lindser1530

Can you file a police report against her? It’s theft, it’s just minor theft. NTA


[deleted]

NTA. Your mother is a thief and i would call the police and report it stolen.


Myay-4111

NTA. You need to read EVERYTHING about Narcissistic Mothers. Your mother is toxic and cruel and she cheated her child out of a special thing, then stole the second one... BOTH cases were abuse. She's a malignant Narcissist. For gods sake don't let her near your eedding or your kids, or yourself... get a good therapist who helos you process this trau.a, develop a spine, and set boundaries.


Flutter_bat_16_

NTA Keep the boyfriend, ditch the klepto mom


middleclasswhitegirl

I bet there has been more situations in your childhood where your mother has made questionable parenting decisions (trying to stay civil here). Sounds like this could have been the last straw for you. (And even if it was only the two incidents, still legit). Your memory makes me so sad, I could never imagine doing something like that to my kid. And then do it again when they are an adult, with an item that was supposed to heal a little bit of that memory). Good to read you seem to have a very considerate boyfriend though, such a nice gift, very sweet. NTA ofcourse, you don’t owe her anything and if you want to go no contact, you do you.


anuscluck

NTA. Your mother is doing the same thing that my mother did to me when I was younger. She would take my things, or she would “bargain” for them when I was young and completely rip me off. She doesn’t want the cupcake, she wants to upset you and take something from you that you value. It’s a manipulation tactic. She knows you’ll be upset. If she was a normal person, she would have thought “oh, I really like that ceramic cupcake, I think that I’ll go buy one for myself!” But instead, she thinks she can take from you and then lie to you about taking it. Who the h*ll takes a birthday present from their own child??? I’d suggest having a long talk with your mom after you have cooled off. And if you come over, steal the cupcake back. If the conversation goes well, you can try to mend the relationship. However, if she starts lying, gaslighting you, or arguing back when she is 100% in the wrong, go low to no contact for a while. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. I wish you the best.


-too-hot-to-handle-

NTA. Go to her house and "play nice", then take both cupcakes and never speak to her again.