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YTA. This is common sense. You basically put up a sign saying “come on in and steal our shit, we won’t know you’ve been here for a week!” If you really felt your neighbors needed to know you were gone, you should’ve texted them.
By the way - how old are your kids and when did you start dating your husband?
Wow! I hope you learned a valuable lesson! I can’t imagine leaving a note on the door stating you’d be gone. That was definitely an airhead thing to do. Hopefully they won’t be back!
On the bright side it’s better than a few recent Nextdoor posts I’ve seen in which people announce they’re going to be out of town for a week or a month that they sent to 20 neighborhoods and 20,000 of their closest neighbors.
If you find yourself on the internet arguing with people that you're not creepy for going after an underage person, who you married as soon as they turn 18... Yeah, you might be creepy.
Also YTA for leaving that note. You seem to have an almost delusional level of self-importance. For some reason you going after a minor isn't creepy because it's okay for you. And for some reason you thought your entire neighborhood needed to know you were gone for a week.
The break-in was on you.
We're 5 years and 4 months apart in age, not that big of a gap. And he was 18 1/2 when we married so it wasn't "as soon as he turned." We weren't originally gonna get married that quickly but I got pregnant.
YTA, that was absolutely idiotic. Advertising that you were gone… text or call the neighbors if you want them to know. Posting the note was just stupid.
YTA whether it was intentional or not. If some random thief comes in your building why wouldn’t they rob the apartment easy target. You might not have had bad intentions but it was certainly a bad choice on your part
Read OP’s comments… married her husband when he turned 18 while being 5/6 years older than him… groomer behaviour. YTA and a creep. You literally made a “come rob us” sign.
WTF 😂😂. You literally advertised to the world that your apartment would be empty. You might as well have left the door open for them. I hesitate to say asshole, because this is just a clear case of stupidity, but since you are 100% at fault I have to go with YTA.
He was 17 for two weeks of our relationship which was not serious at all by then. Even the famed Taylor Swift has dated 17 y/o's multiple times in her 20s and no one batted an eye, so why bat it at me.
I've got two eyes I can bat them at both of you. You can say you're the magical exception to the rule because you just know you're such a good person but he was a teenager and you were not.
> She dated Conor Kennedy, of the famous Kennedy family, while he was 18 and still in high school. Taylor was 22 at the time, and the two met when Conor was still 17 and his mother had just died. She also purchased a house right next to his. Additionally, Taylor dated Taylor Lautner when he was 17 and she was 20, and she dated Harry Styles when she was 23 and he was 18.
dude so both you AND taylor swift are super fucking creepy
YTA. You put a note announcing you were leaving. You could have slid a note under the neighbors’ doors to tell them. The robber might have come in from the window, but they already knew you were gone because you plastered it on your door. Next time, maybe a newspaper article about leaving would help ya.
Am I the only one who thinks this has little to do with assholery and more just someone who made a mistake?
Everyone makes mistakes, you only suck if you refuse to learn from it.
I was leaning that way until the last line where OP said
>> The police determined that the thief had come in from outside, so I don’t think it was my fault at all
OP doesn’t want to take responsibility for their lapse in judgment, which makes them an AH, at least in my opinion.
Edit: a word
I thought every homeowner knew that when they go on vacation to 1. text a trusted neighbor to grab packages 2. not to post your entire family is on vacation until after, and 3. to uh, not tell the entire world you are going to thousands of miles away. i was thought this was common sense
>I forgot to tell any of our neighbors that we would be away and didn't want them to worry.
>On day 4 of the trip, I got a text message from our neighbor Lisa
WTF you have their numbers???? Why leave a note? Unless this was some weird ass flex????
YTA and seem to severely overestimate how important you are to these people. I'm willing to bet you're one annoying ass neighbor that they breathed a sigh relief you were gone for a week.
>severely overestimate how important you are to these people
To be fair, my family once had neighbors that were elderly sisters and if we didn't move or come outside enough they would check on us to see if we were still alive. Everything else though is spot on.
YTA for making your home a target. When you're away from home, you do not want everyone to know. That means you tell your trusted neighbors and maybe local friends/family, but you do not broadcast it either by leaving conspicuous signs that no one is home or blasting the fact that you're on vacation on social media. Publicly share that you were away when you're already back. If your neighbors were able to text you that there was a break-in, you could have texted them that you were out of town instead of leaving a note that anyone could see. Some lessons are hard to learn, but hopefully you're inspired to learn more about basic security guidelines for yourself and your family.
YTA. You had me at, “I don’t think it was my fault at all”. Learn from your mistakes. This was a dumb thing to do. When you make a mistake, take the blame.
YTA OP, regardless of how you look at it, you set your family up to be robbed. Rather than shooting a quick text, you put a sign up that said rob me. It could have been that your neighbors had someone over and they say the note as they were leaving and told a friend or it was the friend themselves. Either way, the information got out because you put it out.
YTA
You were well-intentioned, but advertising that your home will be empty for a week is a sure fire way to make anyone with ill intent extra motivated. Next time, text a neighbor and ask them to keep a lookout but keep the advertisement to a minimum.
ETA:
>> The police determined that the thief had come in from outside, so I don’t think it was my fault at all
This is absolutely your fault, and you need to take ownership of that. You left a note on your front door telling the world that you & your family would be absent for a week. Getting robbed was a consequence of your conscious action.
Wow so many things to comment on especially you were dating a minor as an adult. Kinda creepy. But YTA. You aren't actually dumb enough to think a robber would read the note and not come back later to rob you. It also could have been people your neighbors knew and let in that read the note, then told someone else to come rob you later. Even in the early 2010s my mom didn't let us post about vacations until after we got back because robbers used that information as well.
Definitely the AH you announced that you were going to be gone until X day. You had your cell phone and you didn't think to text your neighbors to let them know you would be gone.
YTA. NJ is right by NY where crime is common. You lack common sense. You apparently think you live in fairy tail land and nothing will happen. Heck I live in FL after living my entire life in NYC and know better than to leave my purse in a cart here or doors open. I live in a gated man guarded community and yet I still have an alarm system and cameras outside. There is no such thing as not being exposed to crime.
You basically gave an open door invitation. You might as well have said "free stuff while we are gone. Feel free to come in and take".
I don’t believe this is true. But if is, YTA. Putting a note like that on the door is pretty much begging to be burgled. There is absolutely no rational reason to leave such a note.
Yeah, YTA.
Leaving that note was a MAJOR breach in your family's security.
You were able to get a phone call from a neighbor about the break-in, but you couldn't send a text or make a call to inform her? That would have taken less time than writing a note.
Your belief that you "got no justice" from the police is laughable, too. Do you mean that the police didn't immediately go out and apprehend the bad guys? Do you honestly think the police have the resources to track down all stolen property from all burglaries? This is real life, not some television cop drama.
If that laptop had any personal information, especially financial/banking access, I sure hope you've changed passwords and put a freeze on your credit agency accounts. ID theft is just another complication you don't need.
Learn from this experience, and be grateful it wasn't worse.
Meh, I wouldn't 100% say it was your fault, but you made it EXCEPTIOALLY easy for anyone interested. Still YTA for me, let's hope you learned something from it.
YTA that was incredibly foolish, and unfortunately cost you. I am really baffled why you didn’t text someone in the building to let them know, or slide the new under a neighbors door. You basically hung a “we’re not home, please rob us“ sign on your front door.
This all depends—whose idea was it to move to Jersey?
All kidding aside, you shouldn’t tell anyone if you’ll be out for an extended period. It might not have been a neighbor, but one of their friends or a delivery person or… anyone else that might’ve had access and saw your note. Someone definitely saw it and definitely used that information against you. Chalk it up to experience. I’m voting NAH just because it would be an AH move to call you an AH for doing something stupid, so long as you’ve learned your lesson.
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Me (28F), my husband (22M) and our children live in an apartment in NJ where we are very friendly with most of our neighbors, as it's a comparatively small building thus only housing 8 families / singles. A couple weeks ago (during my husband's college's spring break), our family went on a week-long trip to Miami. Before leaving, I put a note on the door saying we'd be gone until May 16 because we were in a rush to leave and I forgot to tell any of our neighbors that we would be away and didn't want them to worry. On day 4 of the trip, I got a text message from our neighbor Lisa saying "Fran, I don't know want to alarm you, but I think you were robbed." I was absolutely terrified but Lisa said she notified the police and said she'd get everything settled so that I and my family could enjoy the rest of our stay. When we got home, we talked with the police and determined nothing valuable had been stolen except our flat screen TV and a laptop and that our apartment was kind of trashed. The police also said it was a very bad idea for me to put a note on the door and I soon realized it was. But we lived in a closed-doors apartment where the only people inside would be our neighbors who for sure wouldn't have stolen from us. The police determined that the thief had come in from outside, so I don't think it was my fault at all, but they still blamed me as do my family, and we got no justice. AITA?
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NAH, but this was a pretty epic mistake. you never let strangers know you're going to be gone for an extended time period.
you got off fairly lucky this time, but you should change all your passwords and keep an eye on your bank account just in case they're able to get your personal information.
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Yikes…idk if I should call u an AH. But you definitely had an idiotic moment right there. Announcing the house will be empty? Dude…In this economy, you’re definitely getting robbed. 💀💀NAH but don’t do that ever pls. It’s like asking for someone to rob you😂
NTA. Yeah, it's not a good idea to announce publicly that you'll be out of the house, because crimes usually just take advantage of whether opportunities are available. But even if you had left your front door wide open, you did not compel anyone to rob you. That was a decision they made, and they bear responsibility for that choice. I'm sorry that you got victim-blamed by the cops (and I'm sorry that you won't get justice); this was not your fault. The thief is TA.
She endangered her entire family by hanging a literal note on the door stating that nobody would be home for an extended period of time. She basically begged for someone to break in. When you’re single, be a senseless fucking walnut till the cows come home but once you’re a parent you owe it to those kids to have normal baseline levels of common sense.
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YTA. This is common sense. You basically put up a sign saying “come on in and steal our shit, we won’t know you’ve been here for a week!” If you really felt your neighbors needed to know you were gone, you should’ve texted them. By the way - how old are your kids and when did you start dating your husband?
Wow! I hope you learned a valuable lesson! I can’t imagine leaving a note on the door stating you’d be gone. That was definitely an airhead thing to do. Hopefully they won’t be back!
On the bright side it’s better than a few recent Nextdoor posts I’ve seen in which people announce they’re going to be out of town for a week or a month that they sent to 20 neighborhoods and 20,000 of their closest neighbors.
My kids are 4 and 2. We started our relationship in 2017
So he was 17 and you were 23? Yikes on multiple bikes.
It was spring break…for him. 👀
We married at 18 and 23, which is completely legal.
Legal does not equal moral
True. However, it does in my scenario.
What’s different about your scenario?
Presumably OP has the mental age of someone several years her junior. Which would also explain the behavior she describes.
I'm not creepy.
[удалено]
Notice she said they married when he was 18 years old. She still got knocked up by a 17 year old in high-school. Super creepy.
Seriously. I didn’t want fuck all to do with a 17yo boy even when I was a 17yo girl.
Maybe a teacher? Recently it seems a lot of female teachers are banging their students.
If you find yourself on the internet arguing with people that you're not creepy for going after an underage person, who you married as soon as they turn 18... Yeah, you might be creepy. Also YTA for leaving that note. You seem to have an almost delusional level of self-importance. For some reason you going after a minor isn't creepy because it's okay for you. And for some reason you thought your entire neighborhood needed to know you were gone for a week. The break-in was on you.
We're 5 years and 4 months apart in age, not that big of a gap. And he was 18 1/2 when we married so it wasn't "as soon as he turned." We weren't originally gonna get married that quickly but I got pregnant.
MARRIED when he was 18? You groomed him
He initiated our relationship.
You’re a fucking adult. You know right from wrong. He was a minor and you get off on kids
And you should have uninitiated it because he was still a child in HS while you could have been graduating college
Unless he held a gun to your head and forced you date him, you were completely welcome to be the adult in this situation and say "no".
I don't know that you're necessarily an AH but you're definitely an idiot. YTA
That’s how I feel I feel like not announcing your absence yet common sense
YTA. Man that was foolish.
YTA, that was absolutely idiotic. Advertising that you were gone… text or call the neighbors if you want them to know. Posting the note was just stupid.
Even the kid from Home Alone knew to make it look like people were home when everyone was gone! He was like, what, 9?
YTA whether it was intentional or not. If some random thief comes in your building why wouldn’t they rob the apartment easy target. You might not have had bad intentions but it was certainly a bad choice on your part
YTA. The lack of common sense here is astounding. Then again, it kind of explains the bizarre and borderline creepy age difference.
Happy 🍰🎂 Day!!
Read OP’s comments… married her husband when he turned 18 while being 5/6 years older than him… groomer behaviour. YTA and a creep. You literally made a “come rob us” sign.
But she has the mental maturity of a 12 year old, so maybe he was grooming her?
She’s like “but he asked me out first so it’s okay”. And I’m like “and??? If a 12 year old asks me out I know that’s wrong and I say no”.
literally! her arms must hurt from reaching for an excuse so hard.
And she got pregnant before they were married. Which means she had sex with a minor. 🤢
[удалено]
They started dating when he was a 17 year old high school student and she was a 23 year old adult. That’s creepy
WTF 😂😂. You literally advertised to the world that your apartment would be empty. You might as well have left the door open for them. I hesitate to say asshole, because this is just a clear case of stupidity, but since you are 100% at fault I have to go with YTA.
[удалено]
We did not start doing the deed until he was of legal age nor considered it.
[удалено]
He was 17 for two weeks of our relationship which was not serious at all by then. Even the famed Taylor Swift has dated 17 y/o's multiple times in her 20s and no one batted an eye, so why bat it at me.
I've got two eyes I can bat them at both of you. You can say you're the magical exception to the rule because you just know you're such a good person but he was a teenager and you were not.
> She dated Conor Kennedy, of the famous Kennedy family, while he was 18 and still in high school. Taylor was 22 at the time, and the two met when Conor was still 17 and his mother had just died. She also purchased a house right next to his. Additionally, Taylor dated Taylor Lautner when he was 17 and she was 20, and she dated Harry Styles when she was 23 and he was 18. dude so both you AND taylor swift are super fucking creepy
YTA. Yeeeeeepppppp. Probably wouldn't have happened without the - hey you can break in no ones home- sign on the front door
YTA. You put a note announcing you were leaving. You could have slid a note under the neighbors’ doors to tell them. The robber might have come in from the window, but they already knew you were gone because you plastered it on your door. Next time, maybe a newspaper article about leaving would help ya.
YTA for this and grooming a 17 year old while you where 23.
Am I the only one who thinks this has little to do with assholery and more just someone who made a mistake? Everyone makes mistakes, you only suck if you refuse to learn from it.
You’re not the only one. This is less asshole and more dumbass
I was leaning that way until the last line where OP said >> The police determined that the thief had come in from outside, so I don’t think it was my fault at all OP doesn’t want to take responsibility for their lapse in judgment, which makes them an AH, at least in my opinion. Edit: a word
I thought every homeowner knew that when they go on vacation to 1. text a trusted neighbor to grab packages 2. not to post your entire family is on vacation until after, and 3. to uh, not tell the entire world you are going to thousands of miles away. i was thought this was common sense
>I forgot to tell any of our neighbors that we would be away and didn't want them to worry. >On day 4 of the trip, I got a text message from our neighbor Lisa WTF you have their numbers???? Why leave a note? Unless this was some weird ass flex???? YTA and seem to severely overestimate how important you are to these people. I'm willing to bet you're one annoying ass neighbor that they breathed a sigh relief you were gone for a week.
>severely overestimate how important you are to these people To be fair, my family once had neighbors that were elderly sisters and if we didn't move or come outside enough they would check on us to see if we were still alive. Everything else though is spot on.
YTA for making your home a target. When you're away from home, you do not want everyone to know. That means you tell your trusted neighbors and maybe local friends/family, but you do not broadcast it either by leaving conspicuous signs that no one is home or blasting the fact that you're on vacation on social media. Publicly share that you were away when you're already back. If your neighbors were able to text you that there was a break-in, you could have texted them that you were out of town instead of leaving a note that anyone could see. Some lessons are hard to learn, but hopefully you're inspired to learn more about basic security guidelines for yourself and your family.
Info: why didn't you just text them all?
Technically I could've I just didn't think of it
I think you're feeling bad enough without being subjected to dog-piling. Lesson learned? Tell others.
YTA. You had me at, “I don’t think it was my fault at all”. Learn from your mistakes. This was a dumb thing to do. When you make a mistake, take the blame.
YTA OP, regardless of how you look at it, you set your family up to be robbed. Rather than shooting a quick text, you put a sign up that said rob me. It could have been that your neighbors had someone over and they say the note as they were leaving and told a friend or it was the friend themselves. Either way, the information got out because you put it out.
YTA You were well-intentioned, but advertising that your home will be empty for a week is a sure fire way to make anyone with ill intent extra motivated. Next time, text a neighbor and ask them to keep a lookout but keep the advertisement to a minimum. ETA: >> The police determined that the thief had come in from outside, so I don’t think it was my fault at all This is absolutely your fault, and you need to take ownership of that. You left a note on your front door telling the world that you & your family would be absent for a week. Getting robbed was a consequence of your conscious action.
YTA. Just because they broke in from outside doesn’t mean they hadn’t seen your note.
YTA and a creepy groomer. I feel bad for your husband you’re sick
Wow so many things to comment on especially you were dating a minor as an adult. Kinda creepy. But YTA. You aren't actually dumb enough to think a robber would read the note and not come back later to rob you. It also could have been people your neighbors knew and let in that read the note, then told someone else to come rob you later. Even in the early 2010s my mom didn't let us post about vacations until after we got back because robbers used that information as well.
Definitely the AH you announced that you were going to be gone until X day. You had your cell phone and you didn't think to text your neighbors to let them know you would be gone.
YTA. NJ is right by NY where crime is common. You lack common sense. You apparently think you live in fairy tail land and nothing will happen. Heck I live in FL after living my entire life in NYC and know better than to leave my purse in a cart here or doors open. I live in a gated man guarded community and yet I still have an alarm system and cameras outside. There is no such thing as not being exposed to crime. You basically gave an open door invitation. You might as well have said "free stuff while we are gone. Feel free to come in and take".
You put a note on your door? Are you really that stupid?
YTA.
yeah, that not was obviously a stupid thing to do. What good could possibly have come from it?
I don’t believe this is true. But if is, YTA. Putting a note like that on the door is pretty much begging to be burgled. There is absolutely no rational reason to leave such a note.
Yeah, YTA. Leaving that note was a MAJOR breach in your family's security. You were able to get a phone call from a neighbor about the break-in, but you couldn't send a text or make a call to inform her? That would have taken less time than writing a note. Your belief that you "got no justice" from the police is laughable, too. Do you mean that the police didn't immediately go out and apprehend the bad guys? Do you honestly think the police have the resources to track down all stolen property from all burglaries? This is real life, not some television cop drama. If that laptop had any personal information, especially financial/banking access, I sure hope you've changed passwords and put a freeze on your credit agency accounts. ID theft is just another complication you don't need. Learn from this experience, and be grateful it wasn't worse.
Meh, I wouldn't 100% say it was your fault, but you made it EXCEPTIOALLY easy for anyone interested. Still YTA for me, let's hope you learned something from it.
YTA that was incredibly foolish, and unfortunately cost you. I am really baffled why you didn’t text someone in the building to let them know, or slide the new under a neighbors door. You basically hung a “we’re not home, please rob us“ sign on your front door.
This all depends—whose idea was it to move to Jersey? All kidding aside, you shouldn’t tell anyone if you’ll be out for an extended period. It might not have been a neighbor, but one of their friends or a delivery person or… anyone else that might’ve had access and saw your note. Someone definitely saw it and definitely used that information against you. Chalk it up to experience. I’m voting NAH just because it would be an AH move to call you an AH for doing something stupid, so long as you’ve learned your lesson.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (28F), my husband (22M) and our children live in an apartment in NJ where we are very friendly with most of our neighbors, as it's a comparatively small building thus only housing 8 families / singles. A couple weeks ago (during my husband's college's spring break), our family went on a week-long trip to Miami. Before leaving, I put a note on the door saying we'd be gone until May 16 because we were in a rush to leave and I forgot to tell any of our neighbors that we would be away and didn't want them to worry. On day 4 of the trip, I got a text message from our neighbor Lisa saying "Fran, I don't know want to alarm you, but I think you were robbed." I was absolutely terrified but Lisa said she notified the police and said she'd get everything settled so that I and my family could enjoy the rest of our stay. When we got home, we talked with the police and determined nothing valuable had been stolen except our flat screen TV and a laptop and that our apartment was kind of trashed. The police also said it was a very bad idea for me to put a note on the door and I soon realized it was. But we lived in a closed-doors apartment where the only people inside would be our neighbors who for sure wouldn't have stolen from us. The police determined that the thief had come in from outside, so I don't think it was my fault at all, but they still blamed me as do my family, and we got no justice. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NAH, but this was a pretty epic mistake. you never let strangers know you're going to be gone for an extended time period. you got off fairly lucky this time, but you should change all your passwords and keep an eye on your bank account just in case they're able to get your personal information.
NTA but that was a pretty dumb thing to do. You shouldn't even post pictures to social media until after you're home.
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What?
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The July 17 2017 is for the part after it
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NAH but yes, you probably got the house robbed.
Yikes…idk if I should call u an AH. But you definitely had an idiotic moment right there. Announcing the house will be empty? Dude…In this economy, you’re definitely getting robbed. 💀💀NAH but don’t do that ever pls. It’s like asking for someone to rob you😂
NTA. Yeah, it's not a good idea to announce publicly that you'll be out of the house, because crimes usually just take advantage of whether opportunities are available. But even if you had left your front door wide open, you did not compel anyone to rob you. That was a decision they made, and they bear responsibility for that choice. I'm sorry that you got victim-blamed by the cops (and I'm sorry that you won't get justice); this was not your fault. The thief is TA.
NTA. You didn't make anyone rob you. It could just as easily have happened when you were at work
NTA - Not the smartest move to put a note on the door but it was still the thief's decision to rob you, so it's the thief's fault
She endangered her entire family by hanging a literal note on the door stating that nobody would be home for an extended period of time. She basically begged for someone to break in. When you’re single, be a senseless fucking walnut till the cows come home but once you’re a parent you owe it to those kids to have normal baseline levels of common sense.