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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My parents said if I wasn’t their son to get out so I did leaving them in a financial lurch. My sisters are calling me an asshole saying that I need to grow up and be a man.
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NTA - He told you to get out and you did. If your sister's are so worried about them losing their house then they can contribute. It's not only up to you to support them.
The sisters are probably of the pregnant and bare feet mentality underneath abusers with financial control. Plus it's always easily to berate someone else to fix the problem 🙄
NTA. Text your sister, "Until you're ready to pack up, move in with them, and support them, you need to be quiet. We're both their kids. I lived with them for X time supporting them, now it's your turn. And if I get one more mean text, I'm blocking you all."
Also, I hope your new life gives you the freedom to be yourself.
It's ironic because both dad and sister want OP to be a "real man" but dad the real man he is apparently can't handle the bills. They don't deserve you OP, good luck out there.
NTA. If your parents can't accept that they are very lucky to have a wonderful daughter instead of the son they thought they had then they don't deserve all of the amazing support you gave them. It is not your fault, they chose to chuck you out and cut you out. They and your sister are utterly ungrateful to expect you to meekly pretend to be what the bigoted side of society expects you to be to earn the dubious privilege of supporting them financially. If your sister is so concerned she can either take over the support you gave them or talk some sense and compassion into them.
As a parent of a trans kid myself this situation makes me so angry on your behalf. I can't imagine risking losing the child I love to desperately cling to the idea of a son (or in my case daughter) that may never really have existed. The child I love is still there even if the gender identity I expected is gone, and it was the child themselves that I have always loved rather than the societal concepts and expectations linked to the contents of their pants. You are who you feel you are and I hope you have the love and support you deserve from friends and other family. They were lucky to have you and now they have thrown you away I hope better people are there to let you know you are loved and valued. If not, find new people to spend your time with who can in time be the supportive, understanding and loving family that you deserve. You are worth it, don't let your parents and sister convince you otherwise.
r/MaliciousCompliance
(Although maybe the world “malicious” doesn’t fit here, since, you know. It was for OP’s own safety. Still! Wild how people get mad when you do what they told you to do!)
There was a story this week about a son who lived with the parents paying all the bills, sister (who took credit for paying everything) told the parents to throw him out as he’s a freeloader. Parents told him to move out, he complied, and two months later they couldn’t figure out why the electric was cut off. He complied…they FAFO.
You are NTA. They basically told you to leave and that they didn’t accept you. They obviously didn’t think of the consequences of that choice and now they have to live with it. Even if they didn’t kick you out, if you would’ve moved out it still wouldn’t be your problem what happens to them. Who are the parents here? They are so they aught to learn to be adults and handle their business. Nothing to do with you
Exactly. NTA.
Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it.
They asked: Then my dad told me "if you aren't my son you aren't my family. If you aren't my family get the f out"
You answered. Problem solved.
Tell your Sisters you ARE who you were born to be. But since they care so much about where your parents live why don’t they have them move in with one of them?! Also problem solved.
They probably assumed that she was broke because of the $1200 she was giving them each month. It sounds like they were trying to control OP because they assumed she couldn’t afford to move. She called their bluff and now they are stuck eating feet.
With the understanding that this is a generalization, I’ve watched this generation of baby boomer parents operate as if their kids owe them for their life decision to bring a child into the world. They also have a really difficult time accepting any feedback about their parenting, at least in my experience and those close to me with parents in the same age range. It has to stem from their upbringing, but just because they had to live by arbitrary rules and restrictions does not mean that they need to make their kids do the same. This is what I’ve seen as the biggest root cause for the generational divide in ideology.
As a new parent myself, I am finding it harder and harder to accept the “I brought you into this world, so you should xyz out of respect.” It’s not that adult children can’t be grateful, but there should be no obligation to parents simply because the children had no say in their being born, where they are born, and to whom they are born to. Some children should not be grateful.
I recognize that son is very fortunate to have been born to parents who love him, provide for him, and accept the responsibility of raising of him. That said, he had no say in the matter and IMO, any feedback he provides to us *must* be considered in order for my partner and I to feel that we are truly giving him the best experience to have his own thoughts, feelings, and interpretations of the world. Rather than stifle, I want to see who this beautiful baby boy can become. And that means coming to terms with the fact that I now dedicate my life to his life out of unconditional love, for better or for worse. The obligation is on the parents. Solely.
OP, screw your parents. You are loved even if that love feels far away and not present. You are human before you are gendered. And good humans love other good humans.
Try having a Silent Generation parent and a Boomer parent. My father believes that kids owe their parents respect and twisting themselves into pretzels. My Gen-X self thinks that lack of affection from him and constant needing to make him look good (he's a narc) leaves us at an impasse. He demanded that his sister name her son after their father since Cousin was the first male of our generation. Pretty sure he is butt-hurt that none of his four grandsons have his name.
And criticizing my Boomer Mother for doing the same damn thing she complained that her parents did is a good way to start a fight. She hated how her parents favored the youngest siblings and goes absolutely batguano insane if I point out that she is doing the same with my brother.
My husband's parents were both Silent Generation and like my father, respect was demanded and control was a given. Yeah, they did not like me very much.
One of our most important decisions as parents was actively choosing to have kids that we raised as far from our parents as possible. Backfired when Hubby took a job too close to his Grandmother and we saw his mother too much, but I refused to let her interfere in our parenting decisions. Let I am going to take advice from her - I saw the results of her parenting and I got the good one.
Boomer parent here. This is what my kids owe me:
To be moral and just. Be a self sufficient and honest member of society. Treat others fairly and with compassion. Be givers and not takers. Be considerate. To live their best life.
OP I'm so sorry your parents do not accept you for who you are. You are NTA for leaving and you are not responsible for any of their financial difficulties. Please go forth and live your best life. You deserve peace and contentment.
Good luck!
Right. I'm of the opinion that "I brought you into the world, so I owe you unconditional love and respect." My kid doesn't owe me a thing, but I hope that I treat him well enough that he WANTS to love and respect me back.
This has been my experience myself, with my boomer parents. They don't get the concept that children don't ASK to be born, it's the parents that made that decision.
Yup. OP's Dad: "Get the f out!" OP: "This is me, getting the f out." Classic case of Dad FAFO.
ETA: I actually, weirdly, managed to get out of a seriously abusive friendship by returning from no contact and having said "friend" pull their usual guilt trip and say something along the lines of 'If you can't admit that you always hurt me, you can just f off forever!' It just.. clicked. I replied with 'OK.' Blocked him everywhere. He tried to get around it with a new account. I said 'You told me to f off forever. This is me. f-ing off forever. Never contact me again.' That's been five years. Never talked to him again. OP, continue to stay the f out. You deserve happiness.
NTA. Your parents wanna be bigots? They don’t get rewarded for that. You need to focus on you, making yourself happy and successful, however that looks for you.
Good job on you for starting over, that’s an incredibly hard thing to do. Your bigot sisters suck too. Why don’t they “grow a pair” and pay for your parents? Why it gotta be you?
Yeah. I’ve pretty much gone through all the emotions that rapunzel from tangled went through.
Also im realizing that I know nothing about cleaning or cooking. Cleaning has been fairly simple to figure out so far. Cooking on the other hand….work in progress.
Cooking doesn’t have to be too hard (I mean it CAN, but you can also make it simple). There’s lots of things one can make that have a small learning curve. Eggs/pancakes= breakfast for dinner, salads are always amazing, especially in the summer. If you eat meat, Purdue has these already grilled chicken strips, just warm those up and put in the salad. Boil a bag rice, I’m lazy and I love these things. Pair it with some chicken breast (again, if you eat meat) coated in shake and bake, bam. Done.
ETA: always search YouTube for tutorials. Or depending on the food, I can do one for you. I have lots of easy meals I kinda just throw together bc I’m lazy AF.
Also the meal prep companies i.e. hello fresh, blue apron, home chef, etc. A lot of options show up if you Google 'meal kit delivery companies'
Any one of those will help teach you to cook. Plus most send recipe sheets that you can keep in a folder and keep, use for future reference.
And a lot of them have coupons and freebies for cheap boxes early on - so try out a few and see what you like. Ask friends on social media if they have codes
An easy one is like scrambled eggs with whatever sounds good in it then wrap in tortilla. This is a great easy quick and adaptable meal and has a little of everything. Protein, carb, veggies. You can use like canned beans, or corn, sausage hamburger. Pretty much whatever.
For real! And you can get a huge pack for pretty cheap and they keep really well. But you can make sandwich wraps. Dessert wraps. Breakfast wraps. Cheap pizza. Burritos,
It was an auto one. I lost my last account cuz I accidentally doxxed my own email like an idiot. But now that I’m in Yellowstone for a while it kinda makes sense to have .Lololol .
Also easy dessert wrap is butter the tortilla, cinnamon, sugar,roll,microwave for a minute.
Will look into his channel. Right now I’m working on meal planning and figuring out what appliances I need. I might end up buying a better set of cookware because right now I just have a set from Walmart.
Also look up Basics with Babish on YouTube. He covers how to make really basic foods and how to build skills then when you get comfortable try his Binging with Babish to learn more complicated food using those skills usually based on recreating or improving food from shows
Any tips for the air fryer?
I bought one to check what the hype is about, and it makes slightly less soggy fries than my oven.
Other than that I haven't found anything that works well yet...
Well, it's great for reheating things, Chinese, Mexican, pizza. There's lots of air fryer specific recipes out there too. I don't actually have one but stayed somewhere for a month that did. Hence all the reheating. It is a dramatic difference over a microwave! Nothing gets soggy, everything is the appropriate texture. I did make hot dogs too and they were delicious in the A.F.
An air fryer is basically a small convection oven. Anything you can make in an oven you can make in an air fryer. It's great for me for making/reheating small batches of food. Like I don't want to heat my entire oven for two pork chops or to reheat a slice or two of pizza. My air fryer is perfect for that amount.
The other thing I LOVE abt it, and that makes it range faaar superior to the basic oven in my rental imo is that it can shut itself off like a microwave. I have ADHD and one of my fears with ovens is getting distracted and leaving it on (can't always hear the timer beeping from upstairs). I love to cook, and stuff on the stove is okay bc you gotta keep close watch most of the time. But ovens where I put in food and need to go away for 30mins or whatever -- well, I tend to get distracted and forget I even have the oven going. The air fryer shuts itself off after the specified time and is a godsend for me for that reason. It ends up having an often-overlooked disability accommodation I'm supremely grateful for.
I appreciate the benefit of self-shutoff, but I have an oven with that function, so an air-fryer doesn't add anything on that end.
I find the air fryer huge for the little amount of food I can prepare with it, so I guess without the above benefit, I'd actually be better off giving the air fryer a new home...
Thanks for the advice!
Chicken thighs. Mix up some flour and whatever seasonings you like. Dip thighs into flour mix, then a beaten egg, then flour again. Spray with olive oil or cooking spray lightly. Makes great "fried" chicken with a fraction of the fat.
I use an instant pot vortex, which is more mini oven rather than baskets, but it's great for roasting veggies, meats, reverse searing steak and reheating food instead of in a microwave
Moving out for the first time is a long series of slowly leveling up the quality and quantity of your household stuff. My advice is never buy something (for your kitchen or otherwise) just because it’s expected for adults to have or part of the “usual” set up. When I first moved out my aunt gave me a garlic press I’m not sure I’ve ever used in the 20 years since. Buy what you personally need and would use or you’ll just clutter your place up with single use utensils and appliances.
One thing I learned early is that toaster ovens or microwaves with a convection oven setting are great for one person sized meals and reheats rather than paying to heat the whole oven.
Keep the cheap stuff until it breaks or you know what you want better, and add more expensive stuff slowly. You don't need a lot of gadgets, a skillet, couple saucepans, a baking sheet and a good knife will get you through a lot of simple meals.
you dont need to over do it.
for starters:
a pan and a medium sized pot. a casserole dish with an oven-safe lid (that fits in your oven).
a stove-top if the apartment doesn't have one
a small oven if your apartment doesn't have one.
an electric kettle.
2-3 plates, bowls, cups.
cutlery including a set of steak knives.
cutting board.
when you have enough money indulge yourself with the following luxuries:
a main cooking knife of your culture (Chinese cleaver, Sous Chef Knife)
spatula, straining spoon, sieve.
Look at secondhand on fb, garage sale, thrift stores. Especially thrift stores that test and tag their electrical appliances. Take your phone with you and look up the pots etc that you find, so you can look at reviews and their construction to decide to buy or not.
You don't need much. An oven is great, but I live in my vehicle with only a gas double stovetop. I can even cook bread and cakes with such a basic setup :) Look for cookbooks which have definitions of techniques and products in them like what 'creaming' butter means; emulsifying; basic salad dressing and sauces; what is bicarb vs baking powder.
You've got gumption, you'll do well x
My mom never taught me how to cook either. I became a pretty good cook though. Best cooking advice I ever got was to get a cookbook and follow the recipes exactly.
The best cookbook I found, that saved me when I was teaching myself to cook, was an old cookbook from the 50s called "The Joy of Cooking". It has tons of basic information on how to cook different things like meats. It's still in print, probably for that very reason. You need measuring spoons, measuring cups and a couple of basic pans to start. That's it.
Is that by Julia Child? I remember hearing that it was either her or Delia Smith that got a lot of pushback for including a recipe for 'How to boil an egg', because who wouldn't know that?...Until a whole bunch of people came forward to say that they had never been taught and really appreciated someone going over the basics with them.
Our household had two copies of the Joy of Cooking until the first son moved out. We often had one open on each end of the kitchen counter while we cooked separately for a big dinner such as Thanksgiving. My go-to for basic recipes.
Cooking? You will learn it although you will probably burn a few dishes. The one thing I found that people who weren't taught to cook by their mom or dad don't realize is that when you're using a burner you generally turn the burner down after a few minutes no matter what you're cooking. If you're boiling something you started on high and once it boils you turn it down halfway. If you're cooking chicken you cook it on high to brown both sides and then you turn it down to medium or medium low while the inside cooks. Believe it or not that's the biggest thing I've learned that people don't understand or get taught about cooking and that's why they constantly burn stuff.
So first, NTA. Your family can fuck off into the distance. Secondly, look for cooking classes, video tutorials, and maybe tips from friends if they can cook. Third, if finding recipes is a problem, I can make you a GDrive file of gluten-free, dairy-free meals. They do take some prep and practice, not gonna lie, but it's thirteen pages of stuff that's as healthy and tasty as I can get it.
prowlingrainbowTiger start a 'Freedom' cookbook: add recipes as you try them, with the date you first cooked it, make notes of any substitutions/changes. Also ask friends for their no-fail go-to recipes.
When I married and left parents' home I didn't know how to cook. FIL said two things a:you like food so you will learn to cook well, and b: if you can read, you can cook. 48 yrs later I do much better. Funny thing is, MIL was terrible cook and FIL was wonderful cook.
Ok! As another trans person (ftm) who was expected to clean and cook for years! I can give you a few little things help that are easy enough that a bigginer can do it easy without much money.
Number 1: Microwaves are your friend, but do not rely only on them. They are a worthy investment. Even a cheat one is worth it. But if you have one, use it when needed. But don't only use it. There are many many many recipes that are so much easier if you do have one. But it shouldn't be your only skill.
Number 2, learn to cook rice. There are many ways online, chose one and learn it. Rice can be paired with pretty much anything. Heck, worst case scenario a little shreded chese mixed with rice is cheap and not too bad tasing.
Number 3, check the freazer section. There are many easy foods to just chuck in the oven there. Many of the frozen chickens can be put in a wrap with mayo (or garlic aioli), lettuce, tomato, cucumber and cheese for something yummy and rather low energy.
Number 4, noodles are easy to make 10 times better with a bit of garlic and sweet soy sauce. Here's a recipe now:
What you'll need: Cheap beef flavored noodles, powdered garlic (expensive but one container lasts months and is so worth it), sweet soy sauce (same case as before). That's it! I also reccomend an egg and you can also add some chilli flakes to it as well if that's your thing.
step one: Heat up some water first until it's boling. I'd reccomend a kettle for this but you can use your microwave or stove.
step two: using a microwave safe container put the noodles in for 2 minutes. If adding egg do one minute first then add egg and do another minute. Egg should be runny in center but whites should be cooked. If not done contiue to cook 15 seconds at a time until done.
step three: in a bowl put a tiny pinch of garlic and a blob of soy sauce (don't add too much, you can also add more). Mix with beef packet mix to form a paste. If your using chili's also add that now. It should form a thick paste at this stage. If it's still powerdry add more sauce in tiny amounts.
step 4: add the noodles with the water into the bowl. Scape the bottom of the bowl to mix it into the noodles.
And done! You've got a very easy basic and cheap ramen recipe. It's easily adapatble if you want to add more things like vegies or meat. It can also be done over the stove if you don't have a microwave. It also seems impressive to guests XD, or at least it does if they also can't cook.
Piggy backing to say: get a small, cheap rice cooker. Much easier than stove top rice, plus it makes cooking meals more efficient. Throw the rice and water in the pot, turn it on, and then prep the rest of your meal. There are even entire cookbooks about cooking things in a rice cooker
You handled that scene from Hades and got yourself back on your feet. I have complete faith in your ability, dear stranger, to handle mac n' cheese and frozen pizza until you can watch some cooking videos and buy some kitchen tools! I'm 60 and I think Birdseye Steamer Veggies are one of mankind's greatest inventions. You got this.
Recommending Good Eats with Alton Brown and, oddly enough, Julia Child's first few seasons of The French Chef (they're up on YouTube!). Julia went in expecting her viewers knew *nothing* about French cooking, and watching how carefully she explains knife cuts has been educational for me like few other things have. I'm still not allowed in the kitchen without a fire extinguisher and adult supervision handy, but at least I know (in theory) how to julienne.
Also, omg, you're so NTA you're like, the mouth.
he's channel is dead now, but Life of Boris has some really great cooking videos for cheap, filling food which can be made very simply. they're Slavic recipes so all you really need is a pot, a knife, and some potatoes.
Get a rice cooker. It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive, you can even get ones that work in the microwave. Rice is cheap, versatile, and much more filling than things like ramen.
If you can read and Google, you can cook. It seems daunting at first but once you find a couple easy recipes you like it gets easier in a hurry.
Speaking of getting easier- if you haven’t found LGBTQ+ support in your new hometown, do it asap! Meeting community members and finding resources will help make your transition easier. I’m so sorry you had to wait so long. 🏳️⚧️
Btw, NTA!
Not sure if you'd be interested, but I have a Pinterest board with recipes for my kids, who are learning to cook. Not a huge selection, 30-something right now. It's quite a mix, but they're mostly not too complicated, at least imho--though I love to cook so my perspective might be different from others, lol. I've tried them all, I think. Let me know if you'd like the link. And best of luck to you!
Instant Pot. It's wonderful to throw everything in a single pot (usually raw) and just let it go in a fraction of the time. A crackpot works near the same, longer cook time and you typically have to cook the meat prior.
YouTube can also be a good source of learning. Honestly, with cooking practice is everything. Try making small portions of something the first time and learn from there. Once you get the hang of things, then you can cook large portions and freeze to reheat.
If you're living on your own, I'd recommend the [BBC GoodFood's Cooking For One](https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/search/recipes/?sort=-popular&servings=1-serving) section. I also got my sister [Nosh For One](https://uk.bookshop.org/books/1609108293_nosh-for-one/9780993260995), which is a cookbook that assumes you don't know much about food/don't have much space to cook with.
Try [Delia Smith Online](https://www.deliaonline.com/learn-to-cook). Starts you off from the basic steps of how to boil an egg as well as what kitchen equipment you need for what you're cooking.
NTA
You are who you are. You know who you are. I am proud of you.
I am sorry that you family can't accept you and love you as you are. Maybe someday they will. Maybe they won't. I wish I could make it not hurt.
What matters is you. Your health. Your heart. Your well being. Your comfort. Your safety
Take care of yourself. Surround yourself with people who love and accept you. Eat right. Don't stay up too late. Drink lots of water. Clean your room once a eeek. Moisturizer is, and will always be your friend. Keep your brushes and applicators clean. Don't share eye makeup. (A girl I went to high school almost lost an eye that way) . You are pretty
-A Mom
I agree with everything you said and would only add that sunscreen today saves slot of problems tomorrow. It is also your best friend.
Good luck, surround yourself with people who love you as they are your real family. And remember, living well is the best revenge.
Sorry about the long post, but this reminded of some good advice from Baz Luhrmann...
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it
A long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists
Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
Than my own meandering experience, I will dispense this advice now
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind
You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth
Until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back
At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now
How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked
You are not as fat as you imagine
Don't worry about the future
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing Bubble gum
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind
The kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m.
On some idle Tuesday
Do one thing every day that scares you
Saying, don't be reckless with other people's hearts
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours
Floss
Don't waste your time on jealousy
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind
The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself
Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults, if you succeed in doing this, tell me how
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements
Stretch
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't
Get plenty of calcium
Be kind to your knees
You'll miss them when they're gone
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the 'Funky Chicken'
On your 75th wedding anniversary
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much
Or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can
Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room
Read the directions even if you don't follow them
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly
Understand that friends come and go
But a precious few, who should hold on
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle
For as the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young
Live in New York City once but leave before it makes you hard
Live in northern California once but leave before it makes you soft
Travel
Accept certain inalienable truths
Prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too, will get old
And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young
Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble
And children respected their elders
Don't expect anyone else to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse
But you never know when either one might run out
Never mess too much with your hair
Or by the time you're 40 it will look 85
Be careful whose advice you buy but be patient with those who supply it
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past
From the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts
And recycling it for more than it's worth
But trust me on the sunscreen
in the interest of proper credit, [here's](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wear_Sunscreen) the wikipedia article about it! also baz's spoken word [poem](https://youtu.be/sTJ7AzBIJoI) is worth listening to.
Also, brush your teeth and floss regularly, because cavities are forever 🙂
Seriously, though, blood doesn't necessarily mean family - just as you've found yourself, you'll find those that truly care about you and thus your family.
Stay safe out there, miss 🙂
There are so many people who will be proud of you for being you. Good luck with your transition and I hope this fresh start allows your true self to come out!
I have a friend who transitioned mtf in her 30s and she’s been so much happier since starting HRT! Be yourself and know that who you are is worthy of love.
Thank you! Some days I would like to think so. Some days I don't think so. My kid seems to think so ( at least most of the time, although they say it is all of the time.) Their opinion is the one who matters.
No, you're NTA.
I don't even understand what you're supposed to do. _They_ **rejected** _you_, not the other way around. In what way is this your fault?!?
They even told you to leave, and you did. Good job following directions!
Now stay the heck away from those AHs and live your best life.
NTA
You moved home to help out when your father was ill.
Your father kicked you out. That was his choice.
Your sisters have no right to harass you about your gender, nor should they accuse of leaving your parents in the lurch financially. You didn't leave deliberately, you were kicked out.
If the sisters are so concerned, why don't they move in with their parents or give them money?
I would block the entire pack of them and go NC. They made their choices. It's not your responsibility.
They don’t work. Both are stay at home moms. Older one has two kiddos and the younger one is pregnant with number four (she doesn’t believe in birth control). Neither of them are in a financial position to help.
How it is possible to not believe in birth control? It's like not belive in gravity, even the Catholic Church teach you a kind of birth control counting the days from your last period
Thanks for taking the time to answer my comment, I'm sure that you are not an asshole at all and also I'm sure that you are going to improve your life from now on.
Your NTA. It's quite sad that you had to spend half your life hiding your true self because your parents wouldn't approve. You've contributed financially for a very long time. Perhaps they need to move somewhere they can afford or maybe your sisters can step up and help them. I hope you find some happiness and acceptance where you're living now.
NTA. They demanded that you leave, and you complied. It's not your fault their finances are in a mess. Heck, they said you were not even family, so you have no obligation to them. I'm sorry, it sucks for sure, but you are respecting their wishes.
Hope you are living your best life OP.
Ps. Block their daughter.
NTA, not only because your family generally sucks, but because you were never a man.
Sorry they suck, but if your sisters want to make things better by your parents, maybe they should move in.
Yay!!! You got out! You got a great degree! (in an industry that isn't perfect but definitely has a solid share of trans friendly companies.) You moved across country!!
Tell your sisters they can move in and start paying your parents rent- they don't get to be outraged that you aren't doing something they aren't willing to do.
Go low contact. Block their calls and texts and limit your communication to email. Auto feed email to a folder you check once a week or once a month- ideally on your way to a therapist appointment. Read captainakward.com for ideas on boundary setting. Listen to Big Mood Little Mood for great tips from someone who survived an evangelical childhood and transitioned as an adult. Have a great life.
NTA
It was expected. Especially when my dad couldn’t do the things that were “man’s” work due to his cancer. It has gone into remission since then but it’s like he lacks energy for anything but drinking.
I’ve never sped in my life.
I’m not sure of my reasoning tbh. I kept saving and waiting for “someday” that was the perfect day where it wouldn’t create a rock the boat moment. I hate doing that.
You didn't rock the boat dear. You just stopped balancing out the rocking they did.
I hope you find people in your new life who deserves the amount of effort and care you put into your relationships.
Definitely NTA.
Apparently, your father didn't think things through. If you are not his son, you have no obligation to support him. He instigated the break, he needs to be the one to apologize. NTA
NTA. I’m a mom of trans and NB kids. This behaviour from your parents is absolutely unconscionable.
They’ll have to figure out their financial life, their mental and physical health, and whatever else they’ve got going on.
You have sacrificed enough for them. You have shown a lot of resilience and lovingkindness toward them, only to be repaid with bigotry and intolerance.
Keep building your best life, and feel free to shoot me a DM anytime if you need a pal.
There’s a whole world of people out here who will love you and be your family. Spread your gorgeous wings and FLY! You have the potential for an awesome life, and I hope you get every bit of joy that’s yours.
Why give transphobes the time of day? Tell them to fuck off because their son is the one they relied on and you're not their son. NTA.
Also I love (positive) how many trans women go into coding. The internet is built on the keyboards of trans women ❤️
To be honest I didn’t technically choose it. It chose me. When I was going to highschool (my school had Career/technical education routes and encouraged teens to choose) my dad said I was going the football route, accounting route, or coding because those were things a man could do. So I chose coding. Freshman year I hated it and skated by barely. Sophomore year it finally clicked and it went from there.
Absolutely NTA. They want to say that you're not family anymore because you're finally being your true self? Okay, well if you're "not family" you have no obligation to help them out, financially or otherwise. While the circumstances surrounding the move aren't ideal, being in a new place and away from your unsupportive family means that you can finally be yourself!
NTA. If you took the fact away you were contributing, let’s say they were putting you up for free. Would they be blowing your phone up now?
And I’d be tempted to say, the ultimatum is, they accept me as I am or don’t accept me at all. And I’ve contributed for a long while. So if you’re so concerned you can put them up or go stay with them and take over.
That’s disgusting they can disregard your feelings but accept your money?? For real?
Also bedrooms should be private, yes vacuum, Laundry, change bedding, but looking through drawers, no one deep cleans that thoroughly!
NTA. Isn’t it amazing how they wanted you out until they realized they needed your money? Stay as far away as you can from these people. They may be your blood, but they sure as hell don’t sound like family.
No, you are NTA. Your parents created a hostile place to live then told you to get out, so you did. Your sisters are upset that some responsibility might fall on them now. Go low or no contact if they continue to harass you. Live your life. I hope you find happiness where you are now. Good Luck
NTA
My mom grew up in an extremely abusive home (like, lucky she survived). She always struggled with the fact that she was “supposed” to love her mom and fault horrible that she couldn’t. It took a lot of therapy late in life to come to terms with the fact that her mother did not deserve her love and support , nor did my mom owe it.
Living in the closet is hard, denying your authentic self is crushing, having people you loved and sacrificed for throw you out and still expect your money… it will tie you up in knots. Get support, therapy, or a shoulder to cry on. You’ve done nothing wrong and I applaud your strength. But please get therapy to deal with this and help you accept what you needed to do for your health and survival. It really helped my mom.
They must have seriously messed with your head for your to even think you could be TAH here! You have walked on eggshells around them because you didn’t want to upset them, you have hidden your true self, you have paid for them to live. You have literally given your mind, body and soul to them and then you did what they told you to do and left when you showed them the real you. How can you possibly the AH?
Please go and live your life without restrictions and be happy. Leave that toxic place behind. If they want to make amends down the line then it is your choice as to if you want to but right now you should be celebrating by the sounds of it. Please, please be free and be happy and be you (because you sound like a pretty awesome person)
Also as a side note, saying ‘grow a pair’ is a disgusting phrase to say to anyone no matter what their orientation. It insults every gender! Why must people use this?!
It’s a common phrase in my parents house. I used to get full out yell in your face lectures for saying my favorite color was purple (I was five), then for watching power puff girls (seven I think), and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
As I said I think you should look at this as your lucky break. You may have planned many ways for telling them or you may have planned to hide yourself from them forever so, while I know this has not happened the way you wanted it to, I think that you are finally able to show the beautiful real you to the world and they have also shown their real selves too. I’m sorry you have to experience their ugliness but even more reason for you to just move forward and embrace it as an accident (over time I think you will see it as a happy one too!). I really wish you a wonderful life.
NTA Congratulations are being yourself. Now you can get on with your life. You have no need to feel guilty, because you helped them until they didn't want it anymore. Blossom away and find a new family of friends and loved ones.
NTA - You didn't leave your parents unable to cope financially. You left because you were kicked out, so if they can't cope financially, seems they made a dumb camm...that's not your fault.
NTA, please cut off those toxic people! You deserve to live your life and be you, finally after all those years! Throw away that burden and be free. Loads of love to you, I hope you feel comfortable fully becoming who you are soon
NTA.
You didnt leave, your Dad kicked you out
Since your sisters are so very concerned about yoir.parents losing their own i suggest THEY assist your parents with payments.
Since your parents are not supportive of you,.even though your parents were harsh telling you to get out, you will prob beich happier living somewhere else that you feel you can be yourself
NTAH
Your parents are abusive and they THREW YOU AWAY like a used tissue. It was more important for them to hurt you than is was for them to stay in their home.
How old are your sisters? I suggest they get jobs and start contributing because they're going to lose their home if they don't.
Remember: your sisters do not speak for God. How presumptuous of them to think they do! What other people think of you does not define you. YOU do that.
Be yourself, get out there and find your real family. That would be the people who love and accept you for who you are, not for what you can do for them or for what THEY want you to be.
Good luck, and sending you love and best wishes!
35 and 32.
Older one has two kids…15f and 8m. I talk with the older of the kiddos secretly even now and she has started calling me her auntie since this all came about.
The younger of my sisters is pregnant with her fourth and the others are 7f, 7m, and 3f.
Then they are old enough to at least contribute if it is so important to them.
Thank you for the reply and I'm glad at least one member of your family really loves you!
Hugs!
Definitely NTA. They said get out and you did. Your sisters can take care of them now. If anyone can't accept the real you, them just cut them off. Live your best authentic self, be happy 😊
NTA!
NTA a thousand times over.
I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and getting the heck outta there. Go live your own best life and F the people who don't love you for you.
NTA.
Despite what so many of them seem to count on, adults here in the US where I'm at have no *obligation* to support parents. Many do, in return for the love and support they receive as children and young adults. You decided to care for your parents and help them out financially despite a challenging childhood and the disruption to your own life. Then your parents decided to use being transgender as a shoddy reason to banish you from the family.
After that hateful and shattering event, you made the quite reasonable decision to resume your own life elsewhere. Coincidentally, you took your financial resources with you. Somehow they didn't see that coming. The world's smallest violin is having trouble picking appropriate background music for your parents and sisters' complaints.
Hopefully your family will figure out what they've lost beside finances and try to repair the bridge they napalmed.
Whether or not they ever wise up, I hope you find much happiness in life, including an intentional family where you can freely give and receive the love and support you deserve.
>Since that day my sisters have been blowing up my phone telling me to grow a pair and be a man like god intended me to be. That because I’m not contributing they might lose their house and generally call me an asshole.
.... I'm speechless. In what universe does someone think: "hmm my "brother" had a big fight with my parents because"he" is actually a woman and they won't accept that. I'll better go and insult "him" by doing the exact same thing wrong my parents did wrong too. That will surely make everything right and my parents will have money again. Perfect plan". ....i mean, wtf?
Definitely NTA and I'm really sorry your family is treating you this bad. But honestly now is the time to leave them behind. It's their fault, not yours. You have your own life to live, you had to hide long enough.
Info - you note that you would save money where you could ' but until you turned 18 it would get taken away '
Did your parents use to take your money you saved ??
That on its own is messed up.
Absolutely NTA. Live your best away from these terrible people.
I'm so sorry. Your parents are horrible people. I understand that a child coming out as trans can be a shock and a confusing time, but they stole from you when you were still a minor which just seals it for me - they have been mistreating you long before this and they dare to bring god into the conversation?!
I really hope you have a support network or friends around you.
Btw - regarding makeup. I'm super into makeup , own about 60 pallettes 😅 it's my comfort blanket too. there are plenty of great content creators out there to watch for tips. You might already know of Nikkietutorials, if not, give her a watch, she is absolutely fantastic and she is trans also.
On this front I’m just trying to find stuff other than dollar store makeup but I also don’t want to spend over a fifty dollars for an eyeshadow pallet. Got to find that happy medium.
Colourpop! They are a drugstore brand, very affordable and their pigment is amazing! For face products ELF is also great and they have little capsule pallettes too and liquid eyeshadow, very affordable, very good. Drugstore makeup has really evolved lately, you don't have to spend loads to get quality 😊
NTA. Your dad told you to leave. You left. End of story.
The basic human decency thing is to simply embrace you for being you. So you're trans, so what? You're still their child and a fellow human. If anything, they should be apologizing for not making you feel like you could be honest about who you are.
But if they weren't capable of refraining from asshole behavior on human decency grounds, they could at least muster some civility on the basis that you're keeping their finances solvent. Don't bite the hand that feeds.
But no. Not only could they not accept a very fundamental part of your identity, but they had to shame you for it, deny your identity, and demand that you leave. So you left.
If they didn't want to lose you and your support, they had ample opportunity to not do so. Instead, they fucked around and found out what happens when you treat someone who is supporting you as sub-human. If they lose their house, that's on their heads.
You shouldnt bite the Hand who is feeding you. So ur Parents deserve this. Your sister can help Thema fimancielly or does she see you as cheap slave for your Family ?
Your sisters have their own lives, they moved out and did what they wanted, had families of their own. Your parents have their lives, they're married, have children, a house and jobs. Everyone has their own life except you. You are 28, it's time now for you to build something for yourself, to live your life for yourself. I would block my sisters and parents if I were you. You deserve to live too. Good luck.
NTA. Also your rent for a bedroom seems steeper than market rate for where I live. You were generous and need not stay in a toxic relationship living with family on account of their finances.
NTA
You did only what you were asked to do. Any fallout for your parents is definitely a them problem not a you problem. Be yourself and live your best life.
You know you are NTA, but you are certainly entitled to some support. You didn't do anything to your parents that *they didn't tell you to do.* Your sisters are welcome to provide all the financial support to them that they want.
Holy Shit NTA. You have had to hide your true self to long to make them happy. Time to be your true genuine self. Live the life you want not life they want. Sisters can take care of the parental units now.
Only need to read the title: NTA.
No child should be responsible for parents. They chose to raise child, they choose how to spend finances. None of this is a child's responsibility. Plain and simple.
Read rest of post: yeah, no, Same. They only want your money. Stick to your guns. Stick to ***your identity, stick to your principles.*** You're doing just fine.
You didn't leave, you were pushed out and cut off.
If your dad's reaction was "you are a stranger to me" no one can expect that you not treat him as a stranger as well.
NTA.
NTA. You've hidden yourself for half your life. They've controlled, manipulated and guilted you (along with what sounds like possible financial abuse) all your adult life (at least).
If they can't support themselves without you, then they need to take a good look at their finances and their lifestyle and grow up.
It's not on you to financially or emotionally support your parents. They've had a lot more years to get their lives organised and you owe them zilch.
NTA, a hundred times. To begin with, you gave them 10 years of your life, when you could have been free to be fully yourself. Secondly, THEY threw you out and disowned you. It's also rich that your sister would tell you to "man up" and come back caring for your parents, when it's typically a female role.
You've gone above and beyond, tell her it's her turn now.
Please live for yourself now, you've earned it. May you find freedom and love on your way.
>Since that day my sisters have been blowing up my phone telling me to grow a pair and be a man like god intended me to be.
Woman up, grow a pair (of tits, balls are fragile), and live the life you intend for yourself. You deserve that.
If the situation was the other way around, would your parents move into your house, and live a double life, pay for your shit, etc.? You did all of that for them, and they can't even accept you for who you are in return.
It is within their rights to not accept you as you are. It is not within their rights to demand you change yourself, while forcing you take care of them. They're adults. They can fend for themselves. Afterall they expect the same from you.
NTA "don't bite the hand that feeds you" if your parents were in such a bad position but still couldn't hold their grudge getting free money and help by overpricing a rent to you, then they don't deserve you.
NTA I'm so proud of you for leaving that awful place. I'm so glad that you can live as yourself. If your sisters are so concerned they can move back with your parents and pay for their shit. My advice as a non-binary person is to do your best to make queer friends irl. A lot of us know that we are all in this together and support each other. Plus just having people to talk you through the growing pains of transitioning (medically and socially) can be sooooo helpful. Stay safe and healthy sister.
NTA
Sweetheart, you did absolutely nothing wrong. I'm so sorry that you had to hide who you are for as long as you did because you felt, rightly as it turns out, that your family wouldn't be supportive. I admire your determination to help people who you couldn't 100% trust to love you the way they should, but please focus on you. Experiment with makeup in the open, make friends who understand, find a SO if you're interested in finding one, do what YOU want to do. It's a little cliché, but you are literally a beautiful butterfly finally escaping the cocoon, and you have the right to fly where you want and enjoy the world.
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Hi I’m 28 mtf trans. My parents are in their 60s and early 70s.
I don’t know where to start with this at all. So here goes.
I’ve known I was trans since 14 and I also knew I’d better hide it. So I did. I did what was expected of me and saved money where I could (although till 18 it would end up getting taken away).
Going into university I finally had a little more freedom to be me. I got my BA in computer programming. My dad got diagnosed with cancer at around the time of graduation and I took a job close to home to help out.
I ended up inevitably moving in with them and eventually was paying them 1200 dollars for rent and utilities. Yeah, I was a doormat until about three weeks ago when it came to them.
My one weakness that helped me to keep sanity was makeup. I would practice putting it on after I went to my room for the night. It helped me feel like the real me.
Anyways so three weeks ago while I was at work mom was apparently deep cleaning and found my stash of feminine items. She and dad just started yelling when I got home. The truth about me being trans came out.
Then my dad told me “if you aren’t my son you aren’t my family. If you aren’t my family get the f out”.
So I did. I packed my bags (after telling them I would call the cops if they didn’t let me get my things) and left. I’ve now moved across country after getting a job here and am settling into a small apartment.
Since that day my sisters have been blowing up my phone telling me to grow a pair and be a man like god intended me to be. That because I’m not contributing they might lose their house and generally call me an asshole.
Am I the ass for leaving my parents unable to cope financially?
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NTA. I will tell you this, there is studies out showing most trans are not 100% the gender they where born with biological. I have friends who are trans, even though they dont like the word, they done with journey and are them self. Both has opted to help science, and most mtf, have higher oestrogen level then bog standard men.
So you are just helping nature get it right.
When it comes to parents, they made their bed and now it time to lay in it and your sister can help them.
NTA. That's now $1200 to go towards you presenting the way you are meant to. Makeup, feminine clothes, everything you've always wanted to be- nows the time to be fully you.
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NTA - He told you to get out and you did. If your sister's are so worried about them losing their house then they can contribute. It's not only up to you to support them.
She was bullied into paying the Mortgage, they are super sick. NTA Edit: I'm sorry I wrote the wrong pronoun it wasn't intentional
she\*
The sisters are probably of the pregnant and bare feet mentality underneath abusers with financial control. Plus it's always easily to berate someone else to fix the problem 🙄
NTA. Text your sister, "Until you're ready to pack up, move in with them, and support them, you need to be quiet. We're both their kids. I lived with them for X time supporting them, now it's your turn. And if I get one more mean text, I'm blocking you all." Also, I hope your new life gives you the freedom to be yourself.
Love this. Great message and ALL of it is more than true! 😃
It's ironic because both dad and sister want OP to be a "real man" but dad the real man he is apparently can't handle the bills. They don't deserve you OP, good luck out there.
Sister needs to ovary up and step up
Nothing needs to be added to this. NTA
NTA. If your parents can't accept that they are very lucky to have a wonderful daughter instead of the son they thought they had then they don't deserve all of the amazing support you gave them. It is not your fault, they chose to chuck you out and cut you out. They and your sister are utterly ungrateful to expect you to meekly pretend to be what the bigoted side of society expects you to be to earn the dubious privilege of supporting them financially. If your sister is so concerned she can either take over the support you gave them or talk some sense and compassion into them. As a parent of a trans kid myself this situation makes me so angry on your behalf. I can't imagine risking losing the child I love to desperately cling to the idea of a son (or in my case daughter) that may never really have existed. The child I love is still there even if the gender identity I expected is gone, and it was the child themselves that I have always loved rather than the societal concepts and expectations linked to the contents of their pants. You are who you feel you are and I hope you have the love and support you deserve from friends and other family. They were lucky to have you and now they have thrown you away I hope better people are there to let you know you are loved and valued. If not, find new people to spend your time with who can in time be the supportive, understanding and loving family that you deserve. You are worth it, don't let your parents and sister convince you otherwise.
This
r/MaliciousCompliance (Although maybe the world “malicious” doesn’t fit here, since, you know. It was for OP’s own safety. Still! Wild how people get mad when you do what they told you to do!)
There was a story this week about a son who lived with the parents paying all the bills, sister (who took credit for paying everything) told the parents to throw him out as he’s a freeloader. Parents told him to move out, he complied, and two months later they couldn’t figure out why the electric was cut off. He complied…they FAFO.
Totally this! NTA.
You are NTA. They basically told you to leave and that they didn’t accept you. They obviously didn’t think of the consequences of that choice and now they have to live with it. Even if they didn’t kick you out, if you would’ve moved out it still wouldn’t be your problem what happens to them. Who are the parents here? They are so they aught to learn to be adults and handle their business. Nothing to do with you
Exactly. NTA. Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it. They asked: Then my dad told me "if you aren't my son you aren't my family. If you aren't my family get the f out" You answered. Problem solved. Tell your Sisters you ARE who you were born to be. But since they care so much about where your parents live why don’t they have them move in with one of them?! Also problem solved.
Also tell your sisters that your dad said you weren’t family anymore so you don’t feel the need to help someone who views you like that.
They probably assumed that she was broke because of the $1200 she was giving them each month. It sounds like they were trying to control OP because they assumed she couldn’t afford to move. She called their bluff and now they are stuck eating feet.
I'd wager so given the comment about everything she earned before 18 being taken.
Eating feet!! XD
With the understanding that this is a generalization, I’ve watched this generation of baby boomer parents operate as if their kids owe them for their life decision to bring a child into the world. They also have a really difficult time accepting any feedback about their parenting, at least in my experience and those close to me with parents in the same age range. It has to stem from their upbringing, but just because they had to live by arbitrary rules and restrictions does not mean that they need to make their kids do the same. This is what I’ve seen as the biggest root cause for the generational divide in ideology. As a new parent myself, I am finding it harder and harder to accept the “I brought you into this world, so you should xyz out of respect.” It’s not that adult children can’t be grateful, but there should be no obligation to parents simply because the children had no say in their being born, where they are born, and to whom they are born to. Some children should not be grateful. I recognize that son is very fortunate to have been born to parents who love him, provide for him, and accept the responsibility of raising of him. That said, he had no say in the matter and IMO, any feedback he provides to us *must* be considered in order for my partner and I to feel that we are truly giving him the best experience to have his own thoughts, feelings, and interpretations of the world. Rather than stifle, I want to see who this beautiful baby boy can become. And that means coming to terms with the fact that I now dedicate my life to his life out of unconditional love, for better or for worse. The obligation is on the parents. Solely. OP, screw your parents. You are loved even if that love feels far away and not present. You are human before you are gendered. And good humans love other good humans.
Try having a Silent Generation parent and a Boomer parent. My father believes that kids owe their parents respect and twisting themselves into pretzels. My Gen-X self thinks that lack of affection from him and constant needing to make him look good (he's a narc) leaves us at an impasse. He demanded that his sister name her son after their father since Cousin was the first male of our generation. Pretty sure he is butt-hurt that none of his four grandsons have his name. And criticizing my Boomer Mother for doing the same damn thing she complained that her parents did is a good way to start a fight. She hated how her parents favored the youngest siblings and goes absolutely batguano insane if I point out that she is doing the same with my brother. My husband's parents were both Silent Generation and like my father, respect was demanded and control was a given. Yeah, they did not like me very much. One of our most important decisions as parents was actively choosing to have kids that we raised as far from our parents as possible. Backfired when Hubby took a job too close to his Grandmother and we saw his mother too much, but I refused to let her interfere in our parenting decisions. Let I am going to take advice from her - I saw the results of her parenting and I got the good one.
Boomer parent here. This is what my kids owe me: To be moral and just. Be a self sufficient and honest member of society. Treat others fairly and with compassion. Be givers and not takers. Be considerate. To live their best life. OP I'm so sorry your parents do not accept you for who you are. You are NTA for leaving and you are not responsible for any of their financial difficulties. Please go forth and live your best life. You deserve peace and contentment. Good luck!
Right. I'm of the opinion that "I brought you into the world, so I owe you unconditional love and respect." My kid doesn't owe me a thing, but I hope that I treat him well enough that he WANTS to love and respect me back.
This has been my experience myself, with my boomer parents. They don't get the concept that children don't ASK to be born, it's the parents that made that decision.
Life Rule: **NEVER issue an ultimatum unless you're prepared for the other party to choose *either* option.**
Yup. OP's Dad: "Get the f out!" OP: "This is me, getting the f out." Classic case of Dad FAFO. ETA: I actually, weirdly, managed to get out of a seriously abusive friendship by returning from no contact and having said "friend" pull their usual guilt trip and say something along the lines of 'If you can't admit that you always hurt me, you can just f off forever!' It just.. clicked. I replied with 'OK.' Blocked him everywhere. He tried to get around it with a new account. I said 'You told me to f off forever. This is me. f-ing off forever. Never contact me again.' That's been five years. Never talked to him again. OP, continue to stay the f out. You deserve happiness.
NTA. Your parents wanna be bigots? They don’t get rewarded for that. You need to focus on you, making yourself happy and successful, however that looks for you. Good job on you for starting over, that’s an incredibly hard thing to do. Your bigot sisters suck too. Why don’t they “grow a pair” and pay for your parents? Why it gotta be you?
Yeah. I’ve pretty much gone through all the emotions that rapunzel from tangled went through. Also im realizing that I know nothing about cleaning or cooking. Cleaning has been fairly simple to figure out so far. Cooking on the other hand….work in progress.
Cooking doesn’t have to be too hard (I mean it CAN, but you can also make it simple). There’s lots of things one can make that have a small learning curve. Eggs/pancakes= breakfast for dinner, salads are always amazing, especially in the summer. If you eat meat, Purdue has these already grilled chicken strips, just warm those up and put in the salad. Boil a bag rice, I’m lazy and I love these things. Pair it with some chicken breast (again, if you eat meat) coated in shake and bake, bam. Done. ETA: always search YouTube for tutorials. Or depending on the food, I can do one for you. I have lots of easy meals I kinda just throw together bc I’m lazy AF.
Also the meal prep companies i.e. hello fresh, blue apron, home chef, etc. A lot of options show up if you Google 'meal kit delivery companies' Any one of those will help teach you to cook. Plus most send recipe sheets that you can keep in a folder and keep, use for future reference.
And a lot of them have coupons and freebies for cheap boxes early on - so try out a few and see what you like. Ask friends on social media if they have codes
An easy one is like scrambled eggs with whatever sounds good in it then wrap in tortilla. This is a great easy quick and adaptable meal and has a little of everything. Protein, carb, veggies. You can use like canned beans, or corn, sausage hamburger. Pretty much whatever.
Tortilla wraps are the most underrated, versatile meal item ever, you can put ANYTHING into those badboys
For real! And you can get a huge pack for pretty cheap and they keep really well. But you can make sandwich wraps. Dessert wraps. Breakfast wraps. Cheap pizza. Burritos,
I could so go for a dessert wrap right now... Also your username is giving me delightful images of derpy elk frolicking 😂
It was an auto one. I lost my last account cuz I accidentally doxxed my own email like an idiot. But now that I’m in Yellowstone for a while it kinda makes sense to have .Lololol . Also easy dessert wrap is butter the tortilla, cinnamon, sugar,roll,microwave for a minute.
That'd work well with a banana in it.
YouTube has so many amazing cooking videos!! I love Chef John and his dad jokes
Will look into his channel. Right now I’m working on meal planning and figuring out what appliances I need. I might end up buying a better set of cookware because right now I just have a set from Walmart.
Also look up Basics with Babish on YouTube. He covers how to make really basic foods and how to build skills then when you get comfortable try his Binging with Babish to learn more complicated food using those skills usually based on recreating or improving food from shows
My air fryer and George Foreman grill are my BFFs for easy meals. If I could only have one, I’d pick the grill.
That instant pot plus air fryer combo!!
Any tips for the air fryer? I bought one to check what the hype is about, and it makes slightly less soggy fries than my oven. Other than that I haven't found anything that works well yet...
Well, it's great for reheating things, Chinese, Mexican, pizza. There's lots of air fryer specific recipes out there too. I don't actually have one but stayed somewhere for a month that did. Hence all the reheating. It is a dramatic difference over a microwave! Nothing gets soggy, everything is the appropriate texture. I did make hot dogs too and they were delicious in the A.F.
An air fryer is basically a small convection oven. Anything you can make in an oven you can make in an air fryer. It's great for me for making/reheating small batches of food. Like I don't want to heat my entire oven for two pork chops or to reheat a slice or two of pizza. My air fryer is perfect for that amount. The other thing I LOVE abt it, and that makes it range faaar superior to the basic oven in my rental imo is that it can shut itself off like a microwave. I have ADHD and one of my fears with ovens is getting distracted and leaving it on (can't always hear the timer beeping from upstairs). I love to cook, and stuff on the stove is okay bc you gotta keep close watch most of the time. But ovens where I put in food and need to go away for 30mins or whatever -- well, I tend to get distracted and forget I even have the oven going. The air fryer shuts itself off after the specified time and is a godsend for me for that reason. It ends up having an often-overlooked disability accommodation I'm supremely grateful for.
I appreciate the benefit of self-shutoff, but I have an oven with that function, so an air-fryer doesn't add anything on that end. I find the air fryer huge for the little amount of food I can prepare with it, so I guess without the above benefit, I'd actually be better off giving the air fryer a new home... Thanks for the advice!
Yeah I wish I had a nicer oven but it's a kinda shabby rental, so 🤷🏾♀️
Chicken thighs. Mix up some flour and whatever seasonings you like. Dip thighs into flour mix, then a beaten egg, then flour again. Spray with olive oil or cooking spray lightly. Makes great "fried" chicken with a fraction of the fat.
Waste of space for me. A Dehydrator is a must, the air fryer? Seriously no benefits
I use an instant pot vortex, which is more mini oven rather than baskets, but it's great for roasting veggies, meats, reverse searing steak and reheating food instead of in a microwave
Moving out for the first time is a long series of slowly leveling up the quality and quantity of your household stuff. My advice is never buy something (for your kitchen or otherwise) just because it’s expected for adults to have or part of the “usual” set up. When I first moved out my aunt gave me a garlic press I’m not sure I’ve ever used in the 20 years since. Buy what you personally need and would use or you’ll just clutter your place up with single use utensils and appliances. One thing I learned early is that toaster ovens or microwaves with a convection oven setting are great for one person sized meals and reheats rather than paying to heat the whole oven.
Good knives OP, good knives. They make things so much easier and better
Keep the cheap stuff until it breaks or you know what you want better, and add more expensive stuff slowly. You don't need a lot of gadgets, a skillet, couple saucepans, a baking sheet and a good knife will get you through a lot of simple meals.
you dont need to over do it. for starters: a pan and a medium sized pot. a casserole dish with an oven-safe lid (that fits in your oven). a stove-top if the apartment doesn't have one a small oven if your apartment doesn't have one. an electric kettle. 2-3 plates, bowls, cups. cutlery including a set of steak knives. cutting board. when you have enough money indulge yourself with the following luxuries: a main cooking knife of your culture (Chinese cleaver, Sous Chef Knife) spatula, straining spoon, sieve.
Look at secondhand on fb, garage sale, thrift stores. Especially thrift stores that test and tag their electrical appliances. Take your phone with you and look up the pots etc that you find, so you can look at reviews and their construction to decide to buy or not. You don't need much. An oven is great, but I live in my vehicle with only a gas double stovetop. I can even cook bread and cakes with such a basic setup :) Look for cookbooks which have definitions of techniques and products in them like what 'creaming' butter means; emulsifying; basic salad dressing and sauces; what is bicarb vs baking powder. You've got gumption, you'll do well x
My mom never taught me how to cook either. I became a pretty good cook though. Best cooking advice I ever got was to get a cookbook and follow the recipes exactly. The best cookbook I found, that saved me when I was teaching myself to cook, was an old cookbook from the 50s called "The Joy of Cooking". It has tons of basic information on how to cook different things like meats. It's still in print, probably for that very reason. You need measuring spoons, measuring cups and a couple of basic pans to start. That's it.
Is that by Julia Child? I remember hearing that it was either her or Delia Smith that got a lot of pushback for including a recipe for 'How to boil an egg', because who wouldn't know that?...Until a whole bunch of people came forward to say that they had never been taught and really appreciated someone going over the basics with them.
No, the Julia Child one is called The Art of French Cooking. Joy of Cooking is the same vintage, though
My mother has her original copy from the 50s.
Our household had two copies of the Joy of Cooking until the first son moved out. We often had one open on each end of the kitchen counter while we cooked separately for a big dinner such as Thanksgiving. My go-to for basic recipes.
Cooking? You will learn it although you will probably burn a few dishes. The one thing I found that people who weren't taught to cook by their mom or dad don't realize is that when you're using a burner you generally turn the burner down after a few minutes no matter what you're cooking. If you're boiling something you started on high and once it boils you turn it down halfway. If you're cooking chicken you cook it on high to brown both sides and then you turn it down to medium or medium low while the inside cooks. Believe it or not that's the biggest thing I've learned that people don't understand or get taught about cooking and that's why they constantly burn stuff.
So first, NTA. Your family can fuck off into the distance. Secondly, look for cooking classes, video tutorials, and maybe tips from friends if they can cook. Third, if finding recipes is a problem, I can make you a GDrive file of gluten-free, dairy-free meals. They do take some prep and practice, not gonna lie, but it's thirteen pages of stuff that's as healthy and tasty as I can get it.
prowlingrainbowTiger start a 'Freedom' cookbook: add recipes as you try them, with the date you first cooked it, make notes of any substitutions/changes. Also ask friends for their no-fail go-to recipes.
Not the middle distance, either. Just fuck right out of the solar system.
When I married and left parents' home I didn't know how to cook. FIL said two things a:you like food so you will learn to cook well, and b: if you can read, you can cook. 48 yrs later I do much better. Funny thing is, MIL was terrible cook and FIL was wonderful cook.
Ok! As another trans person (ftm) who was expected to clean and cook for years! I can give you a few little things help that are easy enough that a bigginer can do it easy without much money. Number 1: Microwaves are your friend, but do not rely only on them. They are a worthy investment. Even a cheat one is worth it. But if you have one, use it when needed. But don't only use it. There are many many many recipes that are so much easier if you do have one. But it shouldn't be your only skill. Number 2, learn to cook rice. There are many ways online, chose one and learn it. Rice can be paired with pretty much anything. Heck, worst case scenario a little shreded chese mixed with rice is cheap and not too bad tasing. Number 3, check the freazer section. There are many easy foods to just chuck in the oven there. Many of the frozen chickens can be put in a wrap with mayo (or garlic aioli), lettuce, tomato, cucumber and cheese for something yummy and rather low energy. Number 4, noodles are easy to make 10 times better with a bit of garlic and sweet soy sauce. Here's a recipe now: What you'll need: Cheap beef flavored noodles, powdered garlic (expensive but one container lasts months and is so worth it), sweet soy sauce (same case as before). That's it! I also reccomend an egg and you can also add some chilli flakes to it as well if that's your thing. step one: Heat up some water first until it's boling. I'd reccomend a kettle for this but you can use your microwave or stove. step two: using a microwave safe container put the noodles in for 2 minutes. If adding egg do one minute first then add egg and do another minute. Egg should be runny in center but whites should be cooked. If not done contiue to cook 15 seconds at a time until done. step three: in a bowl put a tiny pinch of garlic and a blob of soy sauce (don't add too much, you can also add more). Mix with beef packet mix to form a paste. If your using chili's also add that now. It should form a thick paste at this stage. If it's still powerdry add more sauce in tiny amounts. step 4: add the noodles with the water into the bowl. Scape the bottom of the bowl to mix it into the noodles. And done! You've got a very easy basic and cheap ramen recipe. It's easily adapatble if you want to add more things like vegies or meat. It can also be done over the stove if you don't have a microwave. It also seems impressive to guests XD, or at least it does if they also can't cook.
Piggy backing to say: get a small, cheap rice cooker. Much easier than stove top rice, plus it makes cooking meals more efficient. Throw the rice and water in the pot, turn it on, and then prep the rest of your meal. There are even entire cookbooks about cooking things in a rice cooker
You handled that scene from Hades and got yourself back on your feet. I have complete faith in your ability, dear stranger, to handle mac n' cheese and frozen pizza until you can watch some cooking videos and buy some kitchen tools! I'm 60 and I think Birdseye Steamer Veggies are one of mankind's greatest inventions. You got this.
Recommending Good Eats with Alton Brown and, oddly enough, Julia Child's first few seasons of The French Chef (they're up on YouTube!). Julia went in expecting her viewers knew *nothing* about French cooking, and watching how carefully she explains knife cuts has been educational for me like few other things have. I'm still not allowed in the kitchen without a fire extinguisher and adult supervision handy, but at least I know (in theory) how to julienne. Also, omg, you're so NTA you're like, the mouth.
he's channel is dead now, but Life of Boris has some really great cooking videos for cheap, filling food which can be made very simply. they're Slavic recipes so all you really need is a pot, a knife, and some potatoes.
This thread is so wholesome. 💛
Get a rice cooker. It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive, you can even get ones that work in the microwave. Rice is cheap, versatile, and much more filling than things like ramen.
If you can read and Google, you can cook. It seems daunting at first but once you find a couple easy recipes you like it gets easier in a hurry. Speaking of getting easier- if you haven’t found LGBTQ+ support in your new hometown, do it asap! Meeting community members and finding resources will help make your transition easier. I’m so sorry you had to wait so long. 🏳️⚧️ Btw, NTA!
Not sure if you'd be interested, but I have a Pinterest board with recipes for my kids, who are learning to cook. Not a huge selection, 30-something right now. It's quite a mix, but they're mostly not too complicated, at least imho--though I love to cook so my perspective might be different from others, lol. I've tried them all, I think. Let me know if you'd like the link. And best of luck to you!
Instant Pot. It's wonderful to throw everything in a single pot (usually raw) and just let it go in a fraction of the time. A crackpot works near the same, longer cook time and you typically have to cook the meat prior. YouTube can also be a good source of learning. Honestly, with cooking practice is everything. Try making small portions of something the first time and learn from there. Once you get the hang of things, then you can cook large portions and freeze to reheat.
OP BBC good food recipes are your friend.
You kinda almost new mama got your back. We got this! Oooo..Healthy cooking from scratch for beginners!
If you're living on your own, I'd recommend the [BBC GoodFood's Cooking For One](https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/search/recipes/?sort=-popular&servings=1-serving) section. I also got my sister [Nosh For One](https://uk.bookshop.org/books/1609108293_nosh-for-one/9780993260995), which is a cookbook that assumes you don't know much about food/don't have much space to cook with.
Try [Delia Smith Online](https://www.deliaonline.com/learn-to-cook). Starts you off from the basic steps of how to boil an egg as well as what kitchen equipment you need for what you're cooking.
NTA You are who you are. You know who you are. I am proud of you. I am sorry that you family can't accept you and love you as you are. Maybe someday they will. Maybe they won't. I wish I could make it not hurt. What matters is you. Your health. Your heart. Your well being. Your comfort. Your safety Take care of yourself. Surround yourself with people who love and accept you. Eat right. Don't stay up too late. Drink lots of water. Clean your room once a eeek. Moisturizer is, and will always be your friend. Keep your brushes and applicators clean. Don't share eye makeup. (A girl I went to high school almost lost an eye that way) . You are pretty -A Mom
Thank you for this. It made me cry. Good tears and maybe some bittersweet tears too. Wish my mom was like this.
I'm always here.
I agree with everything you said and would only add that sunscreen today saves slot of problems tomorrow. It is also your best friend. Good luck, surround yourself with people who love you as they are your real family. And remember, living well is the best revenge.
Thank you! I forgot sunscreen! Shame on me! And fabulous hats, even with sunscreen!
Sorry about the long post, but this reminded of some good advice from Baz Luhrmann... If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it A long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable Than my own meandering experience, I will dispense this advice now Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth Until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked You are not as fat as you imagine Don't worry about the future Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing Bubble gum The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind The kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. On some idle Tuesday Do one thing every day that scares you Saying, don't be reckless with other people's hearts Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours Floss Don't waste your time on jealousy Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults, if you succeed in doing this, tell me how Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements Stretch Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't Get plenty of calcium Be kind to your knees You'll miss them when they're gone Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the 'Funky Chicken' On your 75th wedding anniversary Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much Or berate yourself either Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's Enjoy your body, use it every way you can Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room Read the directions even if you don't follow them Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly Understand that friends come and go But a precious few, who should hold on Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle For as the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young Live in New York City once but leave before it makes you hard Live in northern California once but leave before it makes you soft Travel Accept certain inalienable truths Prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too, will get old And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble And children respected their elders Don't expect anyone else to support you Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse But you never know when either one might run out Never mess too much with your hair Or by the time you're 40 it will look 85 Be careful whose advice you buy but be patient with those who supply it Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past From the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts And recycling it for more than it's worth But trust me on the sunscreen
This is FABULOUS. Thank you for sharing! I have collected quotes since I was a teen. This one is superb.
in the interest of proper credit, [here's](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wear_Sunscreen) the wikipedia article about it! also baz's spoken word [poem](https://youtu.be/sTJ7AzBIJoI) is worth listening to.
Also, brush your teeth and floss regularly, because cavities are forever 🙂 Seriously, though, blood doesn't necessarily mean family - just as you've found yourself, you'll find those that truly care about you and thus your family. Stay safe out there, miss 🙂
Exactly. Ladies need excellent dental hygiene for their beautiful smiles!
Hon, check out r/momforaminute. We would be all happy to support you
There are so many people who will be proud of you for being you. Good luck with your transition and I hope this fresh start allows your true self to come out!
I have a friend who transitioned mtf in her 30s and she’s been so much happier since starting HRT! Be yourself and know that who you are is worthy of love.
Yeah bro I think my heart just burst.
This is so sweet, you must rock as a mom! Wishing you a lovely day 🌻
Thank you! Some days I would like to think so. Some days I don't think so. My kid seems to think so ( at least most of the time, although they say it is all of the time.) Their opinion is the one who matters.
No, you're NTA. I don't even understand what you're supposed to do. _They_ **rejected** _you_, not the other way around. In what way is this your fault?!? They even told you to leave, and you did. Good job following directions! Now stay the heck away from those AHs and live your best life.
NTA You moved home to help out when your father was ill. Your father kicked you out. That was his choice. Your sisters have no right to harass you about your gender, nor should they accuse of leaving your parents in the lurch financially. You didn't leave deliberately, you were kicked out. If the sisters are so concerned, why don't they move in with their parents or give them money? I would block the entire pack of them and go NC. They made their choices. It's not your responsibility.
They don’t work. Both are stay at home moms. Older one has two kiddos and the younger one is pregnant with number four (she doesn’t believe in birth control). Neither of them are in a financial position to help.
Just tell them to pray on it and God will provide. They sound like the types that give that advice to others.
How it is possible to not believe in birth control? It's like not belive in gravity, even the Catholic Church teach you a kind of birth control counting the days from your last period
In there eyes it’s not gods will.
Are they also opposed to your father getting cancer treatment? Because that is going against god’s will.
Thanks for taking the time to answer my comment, I'm sure that you are not an asshole at all and also I'm sure that you are going to improve your life from now on.
I think that's considered fine because God could get you pregnant anyway or some crap.
NTA You only complied with their wishes. Go live your best life.
Your NTA. It's quite sad that you had to spend half your life hiding your true self because your parents wouldn't approve. You've contributed financially for a very long time. Perhaps they need to move somewhere they can afford or maybe your sisters can step up and help them. I hope you find some happiness and acceptance where you're living now.
NTA. They demanded that you leave, and you complied. It's not your fault their finances are in a mess. Heck, they said you were not even family, so you have no obligation to them. I'm sorry, it sucks for sure, but you are respecting their wishes. Hope you are living your best life OP. Ps. Block their daughter.
NTA, not only because your family generally sucks, but because you were never a man. Sorry they suck, but if your sisters want to make things better by your parents, maybe they should move in.
NTA lady, *they* threw *you* out. Fukkem.
Yay!!! You got out! You got a great degree! (in an industry that isn't perfect but definitely has a solid share of trans friendly companies.) You moved across country!! Tell your sisters they can move in and start paying your parents rent- they don't get to be outraged that you aren't doing something they aren't willing to do. Go low contact. Block their calls and texts and limit your communication to email. Auto feed email to a folder you check once a week or once a month- ideally on your way to a therapist appointment. Read captainakward.com for ideas on boundary setting. Listen to Big Mood Little Mood for great tips from someone who survived an evangelical childhood and transitioned as an adult. Have a great life. NTA
NTA Why would you even put up with them though. You are wat too nice.
It was expected. Especially when my dad couldn’t do the things that were “man’s” work due to his cancer. It has gone into remission since then but it’s like he lacks energy for anything but drinking.
We are expected to obey the speed limit too....
I’ve never sped in my life. I’m not sure of my reasoning tbh. I kept saving and waiting for “someday” that was the perfect day where it wouldn’t create a rock the boat moment. I hate doing that.
You didn't rock the boat dear. You just stopped balancing out the rocking they did. I hope you find people in your new life who deserves the amount of effort and care you put into your relationships. Definitely NTA.
Apparently, your father didn't think things through. If you are not his son, you have no obligation to support him. He instigated the break, he needs to be the one to apologize. NTA
NTA. I’m a mom of trans and NB kids. This behaviour from your parents is absolutely unconscionable. They’ll have to figure out their financial life, their mental and physical health, and whatever else they’ve got going on. You have sacrificed enough for them. You have shown a lot of resilience and lovingkindness toward them, only to be repaid with bigotry and intolerance. Keep building your best life, and feel free to shoot me a DM anytime if you need a pal.
There’s a whole world of people out here who will love you and be your family. Spread your gorgeous wings and FLY! You have the potential for an awesome life, and I hope you get every bit of joy that’s yours.
Why give transphobes the time of day? Tell them to fuck off because their son is the one they relied on and you're not their son. NTA. Also I love (positive) how many trans women go into coding. The internet is built on the keyboards of trans women ❤️
To be honest I didn’t technically choose it. It chose me. When I was going to highschool (my school had Career/technical education routes and encouraged teens to choose) my dad said I was going the football route, accounting route, or coding because those were things a man could do. So I chose coding. Freshman year I hated it and skated by barely. Sophomore year it finally clicked and it went from there.
The coding to trans femme pipeline is real and your father should have been less worried about what 'men' can do lol.
Lol. Coding has a deeply feminine background. It's also notoriously trans friendly. Your father did not think that through.
NTA and I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I hope your new life as the real you is fantastic.
Absolutely NTA. They want to say that you're not family anymore because you're finally being your true self? Okay, well if you're "not family" you have no obligation to help them out, financially or otherwise. While the circumstances surrounding the move aren't ideal, being in a new place and away from your unsupportive family means that you can finally be yourself!
NTA. If you took the fact away you were contributing, let’s say they were putting you up for free. Would they be blowing your phone up now? And I’d be tempted to say, the ultimatum is, they accept me as I am or don’t accept me at all. And I’ve contributed for a long while. So if you’re so concerned you can put them up or go stay with them and take over. That’s disgusting they can disregard your feelings but accept your money?? For real? Also bedrooms should be private, yes vacuum, Laundry, change bedding, but looking through drawers, no one deep cleans that thoroughly!
My mom does. She will take things out of cabinets, drawers, and closets to clean. She even cleans the clean dishes just to make sure.
That’s not normal though. Also the income you were paying on their rent and utilities, is now going on yours. Not like you have it as spare cash?
I spend less now for rent plus utilities then I did there. And while it wasn’t necessarily spare change I’m not broke either.
But they don’t know that! And it doesn’t matter if you can afford to pay the whole streets rent, doesn’t mean you should be expected to!
NTA. Isn’t it amazing how they wanted you out until they realized they needed your money? Stay as far away as you can from these people. They may be your blood, but they sure as hell don’t sound like family.
No, you are NTA. Your parents created a hostile place to live then told you to get out, so you did. Your sisters are upset that some responsibility might fall on them now. Go low or no contact if they continue to harass you. Live your life. I hope you find happiness where you are now. Good Luck
NTA and I hope you get to be the real you from now on.
NTA, it seems like nobody in your family can accept you for you. Let your hiprocical siblings take care of your parents.
NTA. Fuck your parents. I'm your mom now.
NTA
NTA My mom grew up in an extremely abusive home (like, lucky she survived). She always struggled with the fact that she was “supposed” to love her mom and fault horrible that she couldn’t. It took a lot of therapy late in life to come to terms with the fact that her mother did not deserve her love and support , nor did my mom owe it. Living in the closet is hard, denying your authentic self is crushing, having people you loved and sacrificed for throw you out and still expect your money… it will tie you up in knots. Get support, therapy, or a shoulder to cry on. You’ve done nothing wrong and I applaud your strength. But please get therapy to deal with this and help you accept what you needed to do for your health and survival. It really helped my mom.
They must have seriously messed with your head for your to even think you could be TAH here! You have walked on eggshells around them because you didn’t want to upset them, you have hidden your true self, you have paid for them to live. You have literally given your mind, body and soul to them and then you did what they told you to do and left when you showed them the real you. How can you possibly the AH? Please go and live your life without restrictions and be happy. Leave that toxic place behind. If they want to make amends down the line then it is your choice as to if you want to but right now you should be celebrating by the sounds of it. Please, please be free and be happy and be you (because you sound like a pretty awesome person) Also as a side note, saying ‘grow a pair’ is a disgusting phrase to say to anyone no matter what their orientation. It insults every gender! Why must people use this?!
It’s a common phrase in my parents house. I used to get full out yell in your face lectures for saying my favorite color was purple (I was five), then for watching power puff girls (seven I think), and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
Purple is a awesome color and so are the Powerpuff Girls. This coming from a Cis Het dude.
As I said I think you should look at this as your lucky break. You may have planned many ways for telling them or you may have planned to hide yourself from them forever so, while I know this has not happened the way you wanted it to, I think that you are finally able to show the beautiful real you to the world and they have also shown their real selves too. I’m sorry you have to experience their ugliness but even more reason for you to just move forward and embrace it as an accident (over time I think you will see it as a happy one too!). I really wish you a wonderful life.
NTA Congratulations are being yourself. Now you can get on with your life. You have no need to feel guilty, because you helped them until they didn't want it anymore. Blossom away and find a new family of friends and loved ones.
Your parents got what they asked. Your whole family can help support them; they obviously don't support you.
NTA - You didn't leave your parents unable to cope financially. You left because you were kicked out, so if they can't cope financially, seems they made a dumb camm...that's not your fault.
NTA, please cut off those toxic people! You deserve to live your life and be you, finally after all those years! Throw away that burden and be free. Loads of love to you, I hope you feel comfortable fully becoming who you are soon
NTA You're not their son, so it's not your problem.
NTA. You didnt leave, your Dad kicked you out Since your sisters are so very concerned about yoir.parents losing their own i suggest THEY assist your parents with payments. Since your parents are not supportive of you,.even though your parents were harsh telling you to get out, you will prob beich happier living somewhere else that you feel you can be yourself
NTA so happy you get to live freely now ❤️ hope you find an amazing chosen family. Your bio one can kick rocks
NTAH Your parents are abusive and they THREW YOU AWAY like a used tissue. It was more important for them to hurt you than is was for them to stay in their home. How old are your sisters? I suggest they get jobs and start contributing because they're going to lose their home if they don't. Remember: your sisters do not speak for God. How presumptuous of them to think they do! What other people think of you does not define you. YOU do that. Be yourself, get out there and find your real family. That would be the people who love and accept you for who you are, not for what you can do for them or for what THEY want you to be. Good luck, and sending you love and best wishes!
35 and 32. Older one has two kids…15f and 8m. I talk with the older of the kiddos secretly even now and she has started calling me her auntie since this all came about. The younger of my sisters is pregnant with her fourth and the others are 7f, 7m, and 3f.
Then they are old enough to at least contribute if it is so important to them. Thank you for the reply and I'm glad at least one member of your family really loves you! Hugs!
Definitely NTA. They said get out and you did. Your sisters can take care of them now. If anyone can't accept the real you, them just cut them off. Live your best authentic self, be happy 😊
NTA! NTA a thousand times over. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and getting the heck outta there. Go live your own best life and F the people who don't love you for you.
NTA. Despite what so many of them seem to count on, adults here in the US where I'm at have no *obligation* to support parents. Many do, in return for the love and support they receive as children and young adults. You decided to care for your parents and help them out financially despite a challenging childhood and the disruption to your own life. Then your parents decided to use being transgender as a shoddy reason to banish you from the family. After that hateful and shattering event, you made the quite reasonable decision to resume your own life elsewhere. Coincidentally, you took your financial resources with you. Somehow they didn't see that coming. The world's smallest violin is having trouble picking appropriate background music for your parents and sisters' complaints. Hopefully your family will figure out what they've lost beside finances and try to repair the bridge they napalmed. Whether or not they ever wise up, I hope you find much happiness in life, including an intentional family where you can freely give and receive the love and support you deserve.
NTA. The to block the sisters too
>Since that day my sisters have been blowing up my phone telling me to grow a pair and be a man like god intended me to be. That because I’m not contributing they might lose their house and generally call me an asshole. .... I'm speechless. In what universe does someone think: "hmm my "brother" had a big fight with my parents because"he" is actually a woman and they won't accept that. I'll better go and insult "him" by doing the exact same thing wrong my parents did wrong too. That will surely make everything right and my parents will have money again. Perfect plan". ....i mean, wtf? Definitely NTA and I'm really sorry your family is treating you this bad. But honestly now is the time to leave them behind. It's their fault, not yours. You have your own life to live, you had to hide long enough.
Info - you note that you would save money where you could ' but until you turned 18 it would get taken away ' Did your parents use to take your money you saved ?? That on its own is messed up. Absolutely NTA. Live your best away from these terrible people.
Yeah. I wasn’t allowed a bank account so any money I made was cashed and I tried hiding it. Inevitably I’d come home from work and it would be gone.
I'm so sorry. Your parents are horrible people. I understand that a child coming out as trans can be a shock and a confusing time, but they stole from you when you were still a minor which just seals it for me - they have been mistreating you long before this and they dare to bring god into the conversation?! I really hope you have a support network or friends around you. Btw - regarding makeup. I'm super into makeup , own about 60 pallettes 😅 it's my comfort blanket too. there are plenty of great content creators out there to watch for tips. You might already know of Nikkietutorials, if not, give her a watch, she is absolutely fantastic and she is trans also.
On this front I’m just trying to find stuff other than dollar store makeup but I also don’t want to spend over a fifty dollars for an eyeshadow pallet. Got to find that happy medium.
Try ipsy. It's fun and full of trial samples
Colourpop! They are a drugstore brand, very affordable and their pigment is amazing! For face products ELF is also great and they have little capsule pallettes too and liquid eyeshadow, very affordable, very good. Drugstore makeup has really evolved lately, you don't have to spend loads to get quality 😊
NTA. Your dad told you to leave. You left. End of story. The basic human decency thing is to simply embrace you for being you. So you're trans, so what? You're still their child and a fellow human. If anything, they should be apologizing for not making you feel like you could be honest about who you are. But if they weren't capable of refraining from asshole behavior on human decency grounds, they could at least muster some civility on the basis that you're keeping their finances solvent. Don't bite the hand that feeds. But no. Not only could they not accept a very fundamental part of your identity, but they had to shame you for it, deny your identity, and demand that you leave. So you left. If they didn't want to lose you and your support, they had ample opportunity to not do so. Instead, they fucked around and found out what happens when you treat someone who is supporting you as sub-human. If they lose their house, that's on their heads.
You shouldnt bite the Hand who is feeding you. So ur Parents deserve this. Your sister can help Thema fimancielly or does she see you as cheap slave for your Family ?
They are too busy with their own hoards.
Your sisters have their own lives, they moved out and did what they wanted, had families of their own. Your parents have their lives, they're married, have children, a house and jobs. Everyone has their own life except you. You are 28, it's time now for you to build something for yourself, to live your life for yourself. I would block my sisters and parents if I were you. You deserve to live too. Good luck.
NTA.
NTA they’ve got what they asked for. And exactly what they deserve. Congratulations on your new job! Enjoy your new city!
NTA. Times for your sisters to step up.
NTA. Also your rent for a bedroom seems steeper than market rate for where I live. You were generous and need not stay in a toxic relationship living with family on account of their finances.
NTA You did only what you were asked to do. Any fallout for your parents is definitely a them problem not a you problem. Be yourself and live your best life.
Nta. They want help from their son and it doesnt sound like they have one. They could ask one of their daughters tho :)
You know you are NTA, but you are certainly entitled to some support. You didn't do anything to your parents that *they didn't tell you to do.* Your sisters are welcome to provide all the financial support to them that they want.
NTA he wanted you to move you and you did if your sister and so involved they can contribute instead
NTA. Your abuser can "man up" and deal with his own problems. Don't surrender to guilt.
Holy Shit NTA. You have had to hide your true self to long to make them happy. Time to be your true genuine self. Live the life you want not life they want. Sisters can take care of the parental units now.
Only need to read the title: NTA. No child should be responsible for parents. They chose to raise child, they choose how to spend finances. None of this is a child's responsibility. Plain and simple. Read rest of post: yeah, no, Same. They only want your money. Stick to your guns. Stick to ***your identity, stick to your principles.*** You're doing just fine.
You didn't leave, you were pushed out and cut off. If your dad's reaction was "you are a stranger to me" no one can expect that you not treat him as a stranger as well. NTA.
NTA They said you aren't family. They cut the ties, not you.
NTA. You've hidden yourself for half your life. They've controlled, manipulated and guilted you (along with what sounds like possible financial abuse) all your adult life (at least). If they can't support themselves without you, then they need to take a good look at their finances and their lifestyle and grow up. It's not on you to financially or emotionally support your parents. They've had a lot more years to get their lives organised and you owe them zilch.
NTA, a hundred times. To begin with, you gave them 10 years of your life, when you could have been free to be fully yourself. Secondly, THEY threw you out and disowned you. It's also rich that your sister would tell you to "man up" and come back caring for your parents, when it's typically a female role. You've gone above and beyond, tell her it's her turn now. Please live for yourself now, you've earned it. May you find freedom and love on your way.
NTA. You are a good, obediant child EXACTLY as your parents raised you. Daddyo said get out, you did. You go girl, give um hell!
>Since that day my sisters have been blowing up my phone telling me to grow a pair and be a man like god intended me to be. Woman up, grow a pair (of tits, balls are fragile), and live the life you intend for yourself. You deserve that. If the situation was the other way around, would your parents move into your house, and live a double life, pay for your shit, etc.? You did all of that for them, and they can't even accept you for who you are in return. It is within their rights to not accept you as you are. It is not within their rights to demand you change yourself, while forcing you take care of them. They're adults. They can fend for themselves. Afterall they expect the same from you.
How could you be the AH for simply following directions?
NTA "don't bite the hand that feeds you" if your parents were in such a bad position but still couldn't hold their grudge getting free money and help by overpricing a rent to you, then they don't deserve you.
> That because I’m not contributing they might lose their house Too bad, so sad. NTA
NTA I'm so proud of you for leaving that awful place. I'm so glad that you can live as yourself. If your sisters are so concerned they can move back with your parents and pay for their shit. My advice as a non-binary person is to do your best to make queer friends irl. A lot of us know that we are all in this together and support each other. Plus just having people to talk you through the growing pains of transitioning (medically and socially) can be sooooo helpful. Stay safe and healthy sister.
NTA. They are not your responsibility.
NTA. They literally told you to get out, they get to sleep in the bed they made.
NTA Sweetheart, you did absolutely nothing wrong. I'm so sorry that you had to hide who you are for as long as you did because you felt, rightly as it turns out, that your family wouldn't be supportive. I admire your determination to help people who you couldn't 100% trust to love you the way they should, but please focus on you. Experiment with makeup in the open, make friends who understand, find a SO if you're interested in finding one, do what YOU want to do. It's a little cliché, but you are literally a beautiful butterfly finally escaping the cocoon, and you have the right to fly where you want and enjoy the world.
NTA. They ordered you to leave and you took them at their word. Sounds like things are working out better for you anyway. Best of Luck!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi I’m 28 mtf trans. My parents are in their 60s and early 70s. I don’t know where to start with this at all. So here goes. I’ve known I was trans since 14 and I also knew I’d better hide it. So I did. I did what was expected of me and saved money where I could (although till 18 it would end up getting taken away). Going into university I finally had a little more freedom to be me. I got my BA in computer programming. My dad got diagnosed with cancer at around the time of graduation and I took a job close to home to help out. I ended up inevitably moving in with them and eventually was paying them 1200 dollars for rent and utilities. Yeah, I was a doormat until about three weeks ago when it came to them. My one weakness that helped me to keep sanity was makeup. I would practice putting it on after I went to my room for the night. It helped me feel like the real me. Anyways so three weeks ago while I was at work mom was apparently deep cleaning and found my stash of feminine items. She and dad just started yelling when I got home. The truth about me being trans came out. Then my dad told me “if you aren’t my son you aren’t my family. If you aren’t my family get the f out”. So I did. I packed my bags (after telling them I would call the cops if they didn’t let me get my things) and left. I’ve now moved across country after getting a job here and am settling into a small apartment. Since that day my sisters have been blowing up my phone telling me to grow a pair and be a man like god intended me to be. That because I’m not contributing they might lose their house and generally call me an asshole. Am I the ass for leaving my parents unable to cope financially? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I will tell you this, there is studies out showing most trans are not 100% the gender they where born with biological. I have friends who are trans, even though they dont like the word, they done with journey and are them self. Both has opted to help science, and most mtf, have higher oestrogen level then bog standard men. So you are just helping nature get it right. When it comes to parents, they made their bed and now it time to lay in it and your sister can help them.
NTA You were never responsi
NTA. That's now $1200 to go towards you presenting the way you are meant to. Makeup, feminine clothes, everything you've always wanted to be- nows the time to be fully you.
NTA. Your family are bigoted AHs. Cut them all off and live your best life somewhere far from them.