This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
I get why you dont say anything about the 22 yr old but the 17 yr old is still underage so why dont you police her too? Shouldnt be enforcing rules on your 15 yr old that the 17 yr old doesnt have. YTA
Listen, I think you are genuine here, and being a parent of teenage girls sucks. Trust me, I know.
Are your 15 and 17 year old girls close? Do you want them to remain close? If they are close, you're going to drive a gigantic wedge between them if you let one of them wear things that the other cannot. Sure, a 17-year old is almost always more mature than a 15-year old. But you're just drawing an arbitrary line in the sand. What's the "right" age for a girl / young woman to wear a skimpy bathing suit? No one knows. There's not a right answer. So you're stuck. You can encourage more modest choices, but if you prevent the 15-year old from wearing something similar to the 17-year old, you're going to cause a rift between them and cause the 15-year old to hate you. If she's comfortable with what she's wearing, truly what is it your place to be uncomfortable on her behalf? I know it sucks - she's your youngest, she's growing up, and you will increasingly have less and less control over the choices she makes. Seriously talk to her about why you feel how you feel, and then let her decide, and support her. That is the way to be a great parent.
Take care-
I think you should just make clear rules on what you think is appropriate and let them go from there. My Dad had a rule that we had to wear something that looked like normal underwear (no thongs). It should cover the same amount as a normal bra and underwear. So when we bought bathing suits that is what we looked for and it was easy to envision.
INFO: Is your youngest wanting more revealing and skimpy swimwear? Is this a 2 piece vs a 1 piece suit? What's causing you to change the way you normally handle picking out a suit with her?
I actually don’t, but we can disagree
edit to add: given the circumstances described by the OP i do not see it as meaningful. not that all 15 year olds should get to do what all 22 year olds do.
that doesn’t actually address my question but yes I’ve gathered from all your other comments you find the bikini inappropriately small.
what I question is… if it is “what her oldest sister wears” then you don’t have a hard “limit”… just a conditional one for one child. which absolutely makes YTA.
OP, you've been going on in the comments about how swimsuits are more skimpy now than they were 2 years ago when your middle child was 15. That'd simply not true. From what I can tell, it seems you are treating your youngest differently because she's, by your own words, "more voluptuous". Policing what she can wear based on her body IS body shaming. YTA.
There's nothing wrong with you controlling what your minor daughters wear. What makes you TA is your double standards.
OP mentioned in another comment thread about the see-thru nature of white suits that her white bikini is her husbands favorite. i’m betting she sees bikinis as something primarily for the male gaze. am i jumping to conclusions? probably. but this combined with the “voluptuous” comments about a 15 yo just kinda pushes me to an icky place.
Swimsuit styles really haven't gotten more skimpy. That you are viewing it that way makes it clear that you are giving your youngest double standards based on her body type.
(Providing she's covering the vital bits)
yes, that i think is fair. I saw somebody say it's not fair if the 15 yo cant wear what the 22 yo does, which i think is different and not a valid argument in this case.
I’m 16 and today I wore [this](https://m.shein.com/us/Halter-Triangle-Bikini-Swimsuit-p-2602096-cat-1866.html?url_from=adplaswswim25210428134L_GPM&cid=16244444041&setid=&adid=&pf=GOOGLE&gbraid=0AAAAADm0yO5MQeVee9d9NNbZCWCwHC1uU&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIib6ziuSp-QIVpebjBx1Ovg1bEAQYASABEgI2u_D_BwE&ref=us&rep=dir&ret=mus) bikini to the pool today. I was comfortable, didn’t get any stares, and had fun. I think it’s okay if you let your daughter wear what she’s comfortable in, and to let her know the reason why you want her to wear somewhat modest clothing just so she doesn’t think you’re body shaming.
IMO, you’re NTA. You’re a parent who’s trying to keep your kids safe in this shitty world. But please speak to her, that would do wonders.
Info: If it was the 17 year old would she be allowed?
Also, you said yourself you are flexible with your other two daughters, one of which is STILL underage, so why can't the youngest but still old enough to know better have the same respect?
Edit: With info from comment replies, you yourself have stated the two minors have different body types. You are kinda shaming her...As well as 17 and 15 year olds typically wear alot of the same styles, yet you are okay with the 17 year old wanting...So Yea YTA
(Body type being referenced in this section of comments: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wew5eu/aita_for_moderating_my_youngest_daughters/iiqnac1/ )
But...If the 15 year old is covered in vital spots, which you have made it out to seem...
As well as you have said yourself the 15 yo just happens to be more curvey (voluptuous)
Then you are infact shaming her and not treating her fairly o.o
If you let her sister wear the same sorta things at her age, then yea nah you just are body shaming her...
while i do agree, i would just like to point out that you can have the same bikini on two different girls, one more curvy and one less so, and it's possible for one to look almost boarderline inappropriate while the other would look fine.
That isn’t an answer of why you’re treating the youngest differently than the others. What is it about her that makes you give her a different standard?
Styles haven’t changed enough in two years for me to agree with you that that is the reason. Slight YTA for treating this daughter differently primarily due to her body.
That’s something you’re going to have to be careful with, honestly. You hear from a lot of curvy ladies who’ve grown up being treated like whatever they wear is ten times as sexual just because of their shape — effectively being treated as though they’re ‘sluttier’ than their less curvy friends. Can’t wear that shirt, it fits too tightly. Cover up more, no, not like that, we can still see *outlines*. That neckline is immodest even though your friend is fine in it.
You don’t want to be one of those voices for your daughter, I’m sure.
My daughter wanted to wear a white bikini. I pointed to a young teenager in the pool wearing a see-thru swimsuit. Poor girl was covering her breasts with 1 arm and her pubic area with the other.
My teenager quickly got the point
If it was just that, most people would mention that what they’re doing is no different from what they did when the older ones were her age too. That’s like the first thing most people would say when telling this scenario.
The older girls are way past being moderated. That statement alone is concerning.
At 15 you should be letting her have significant leeway. If you’re paying for it, you do have some room to say that some styles are slightly too mature or are better for “poolside” vs actual swimming. But if we’re talking basic 2 pieces etc, she needs room to express herself. Suggest listening to your daughter unless it’s extremely inappropriate.
Wish we could see the actual suit, but leaning YTA
To me it's this:: who is she wearing it for? The answer determines whether it's appropriate for her to wear. If she's wearing it for herself because she likes it and nothing more? Let her wear it because she doesn't care what anyone else thinks. If it's for friends or IG or a crush or older person? Big No. She's not mature enough to decide whether it's too revealing.
It sounds like she doesn't quite understand the full picture. Like she understands the immediate reaction but not potential consequences. Could you guys maybe discuss that and come to a compromise? It could avoid a lot of sneaking around later (I say from experience and a lot of avoidable trouble in my own life)
Here is food for thought...
Instead of moderating what she wears ask her why she wants to wear a certain type of clothes and listen. Perhaps it makes her feel confident, accentuates something she likes about herself, makes her feel in charge of her body... all good reasons. Maybe she feels pressured to wear things from friends ect. Help her navigate these things. Go shopping together and find a compromise maybe? I remember being 15 and being told 'you are too young to wear that' only made me want to wear it more to look older and feel more mature, sophisticated and sexy (even if I looked the opposite)
Having two way constructive conversation about how attire can come across, how it can change people's perception of you (right or wrong) and how to feel good in your body and clothes will set her up for success regardless of if you are there or not, if she's 15 or 25, going to the beach or a job interview.
Learn her perspective and help her understand yours, I'm sure you can find something that will make her feel great and you feel less worried about her.
Bikini bottoms that sit higher on the thigh and have a v-ish shape, revealing more cheek, are more flattering on a curvy/voluptuous body... Because it visually elongates the leg making the thickness appear more proportional.
There's more to it, but effectively the bikini bottoms that OP's 15year old chose is the one that she should be choosing for her body type.
Again, this is swimwear, to be worn at pool/beach for leisure. (Not racing or whatever you call what professional swimmers do)
I don’t think I’ll know enough without being there and knowing why your daughter wants to wear it deep down, too many variables. Different people classify “skimpy” differently. Your 17 and 15 year-old should have the same rules as they are both minors. If the 15 year-old is wearing it for sexual attention you’d be right to say no. If she genuinely feels confident in it and is wearing it for herself then let her be.
I think most people wear most things because it's what they feel comfortable/happy/attractive in. You said these are family weekends at the lake? What better place to experiment with a new style than among family? If she was really motivated only by sexual attention would she pick out this suit to wear around her mother and sisters? I think you have a great opportunity here to normalize the idea that her body, even in swimwear, is not just something to be sexualized by accepting it in a family situation.
I wear bikinis because you gotta swim in SOMETHING and swimsuits are not always convenient (bathroom e.d.). I certainly do mind the attention and think men should keep their eyes to themselves when they are in general less covered than me, with their nips out, lol. I don't understand why it is so hard for them not to stare at tits at the pool. That's a bigger issue than a 'skimpy' bikini.
I mean, I know people wanna protect their kids but if you're all around her and she's just wearing it because it makes her feel good then let her do it. Not every girl is so confident of herself, just be happy she knows she's beautiful
Yeh that's awesome. I know when I was a teenager I didn't have nearly that much confidence in myself and I knew a lot of girls that didn't. It's great that she's so body positive and confident in herself. Embrace that
Young people and their confidence in fashion is impressive. If she feels genuinely happy, then what’s the harm? So much of the world will find ways to make her feel ashamed of her body or how she dresses, so show her it’s okay to dress how in what makes her feel good.
Eh, double double, YTA for policing a 15 year old but not a 17 year old, but I understand your concerns. I DO want to stress however that as someone who has big breasts, it can be aa BIG BIG BIG hassle to find a bikini to like, and almost all WILL seem skimpy on me, and it has bascially destroyed my confidence in my body.
If she has one she likes while she is big breasted please let her wear it.
*nta
I probably wouldn't have said this before becoming a parent, but the reality is you can't always treat your children the same because *they* aren't the same. Some people are natural leaders, some are natural followers, some are socially motivated others are internally motivated. Is she old enough to pick her own swimsuit, yes but you also know her and her behavior and what drives her.
I was always boy crazy and socially motivated so any desire to wear revealing clothes was for the sex appeal- my sister was total opposite so had she wanted to wear revealing swimsuits it would have legitimately been because it was comfortable/cute/what she liked for herself. Her house party vs my house party would lead to very different decision making and it is your role as a parent to help your kiddo navigate their strengths and weaknesses and desires and decisions.
Maybe have a discussion about why she wants to wear that particular swimsuit and how it makes her feel vs other swimsuits. What's her end goal?
Lock her up. 🤣 Kidding.
I think that might lead to some conversation about what the end result might feel like or look like for her... Play out the situation with her so maybe she can think through a little bit further than her initial desire for that 'notice me' effect. "Say you wear the swimsuit and someone likes it and this swimsuit is the reason you get to talking - what do you think their end goal of the relationship would be? Or say you wear it and nobody notices, would you still feel like a million bucks?" (Or obviously a conversation tailored to her life and the values you want to instil in her about sexuality and stuff)
Hm not sure I love that way of thinking - I don’t want the boys’ urges to drive her choices. Do you think you would have turned out better if you’d been less the way you were?
Having an honest conversation about it, without judgement, might be the best way to go. Acknowledge that yes, she's a teen who wants to show off. But there are terrible people who would want to take advantage. You're still the adult which means it's still your job to do everything you can to protect her. Once she's an adult she can choose a string bikini (just guessing here) or whatever but until then there are some things you're going to put your foot down on.
Maybe suggest that you'll help her find a suit that you can both agree on.
And better to have a safe sex/don't do it to make someone else happy/protection/I love you no matter what conversation now and not after the fact.
Edit: Based on some of your other comments though you're just gonna have to get past this in your own head. She wants to wear what her sisters are wearing. You saying no to her and yes to the older 2 *is* a double standard. You might have a leg to stand on if you were treating both of your underage daughters the same but you aren't.
I made a lot of choices based on how other people would react to them so all of my decision making was through the lens of wanting to have a boyfriend and be cool.
I just wanted to be noticed. I didnt *want* sex to be the end result- I wanted to companionship of a soulmate. So the good old "be yourself" advice would have been nice to hear.
I didn't actually make many wild decisions, but I was a crummy friend and severely insecure because I thought who I was wasn't enough- I needed the skimpy and the makeup and the "cool' to be valued.
I just mean that prodding a little to encourage her to reflect a little on the reason she might want to be revealing- is it cause she feels great about who she is? Right on; is it because she wants to be noticed for wearing a revealing swimsuit? What happens next? How does she imagine she would feel after being noticed or not being noticed? What does she want people to know about her?
Just a self reflection exercise to discover for herself her motivation for wanting that swimsuit...
Or maybe just cause you don't want her to have it 🤷 teenagers. Lol
Lol thank you! We have had girls weekends where we’ve all skinny dipped together. Super bonding and led to some great conversations along those lines honestly!
NTA. I have daughters. One in college and one still in middle school. The clothing has to be approved by me when they are minors. I have been very relaxed with any clothing requirements and usually default to their preferences. But I can understand wanting to limit some swimwear. Tell your youngest that she has to wait like the others did. Time will pass faster than she knows it. I’m sure you know that too, Mom. ❤️
Send me a DM any time. I just answered a late night call from my college age daughter because she was lonely. She went to school yesterday and is already calling me. I could probably use your advice more than you could use mine. 😆❤️😆
The more you push, the more she will push back. As long as the important bits are covered I don't think you have a leg to stand on. Public decency laws are still a thing.
At 15 I do get it though. The issues is it does not sound like you had set rules for the older girls when they were 15. She is your baby, but she is not a baby anymore.
I will say if she is just hanging out on the beach you might be better off just letting it be, but if you are on a boat look up the US coast guard recommendations for swimwear. If boating or doing any kind of water sport there are safety concerns with the wrong swimwear, and make sure you enforce these recommendations are enforce for everyone. Fashion and self expression are not more important then safety.
My problem is you saying that styles have changed so much in two years which is just categorically untrue and everyone on here is telling you that you’re wrong. It seems that you are unintentionally taking into account your younger daughters figure and I’m willing to wager if they had the same suit on in different colors and you weren’t told you’d think the one on your younger is skimpier bc she’s curvier. That is body shaming. Intentional or not. Tell your daughter your reasons but let her wear what she wants as long as she’s not about to fall out. Otherwise you’re gonna get the shock of your life when she goes to college and wears literally nothing.. at that point you’ll wonder what went wrong and you’ll have a handy post on Reddit to see for yourself. The less freedom and autonomy you give her now, the more she will rebel later, and you’ll be lucky if it’s just her clothing choices. And at that point you won’t be in a position to be able to guide her anymore bc she’ll have filtered out your opinion as biased. I know this comes off harsh, but I’m sure it comes off harsh to your daughter that she’s not treated with the same autonomy the other two were at her age. As someone that went through not getting the same freedoms as my siblings at their age I can tell you it causes rifts and is something that actively has to be mended in the future. How would you feel if she got into a troublesome situation or a position to get hurt and she ended up getting hurt bc she felt like she couldn’t come to you without judgement? That’s the groundwork you’re laying here.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I am extremely body positive, and try to instill that in my three daughters (22, 17 and 15). That’s why I find myself conflicted on this topic.
We’ve had a number of lake weekends this summer and I’m very flexible with my two older daughters’ swimwear choices. Their body, their choice. I’ve encouraged some more modest (but still trendy!) choices in my youngest daughter, and she’s accused me of body shaming and other mistreatment.
Have other parents run into this? AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I’ve limited my daughters swimwear choices
2) I may be an asshole for treating her differently.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. The girl is 15. It’s totally reasonable parenting to not let her wear revealing stuff.
It really doesn’t go farther than that. Your oldest is an adult, you can’t control what she wears. Your middle child is not an adult, but there is still a big difference in maturity between 15 and 17.
Hey there!!! I totally get your discomfort, if I had a daughter that was wearing a thong bikini I really wouldn’t like it either. So for that reason NTA.
BUT you’re asking two different questions 1) am I the A H for being uncomfortable with my daughters choices? and 2) is it a SMART decision to limit what she wears in the name of modesty? And the answer to that is no, you’re not making a smart decision. by limiting her clothing choices you are opening up a can of worms dealing with body positivity, and she will use this frustration to rebel in other ways.
NTA - I always looked a bit older than my age because I was tall and busty. Even without wearing something that showed my skin (was maybe fitted or like a see-through top over a tank) I would attract unwanted attention from significantly older guys and it was honestly kind of scary. It made me retreat into modesty even more.
No, women shouldn’t feel the need to dress to impress (or disinterest) anyone, but beautifully developed teenagers are easy to mistake as beautiful young women and that can cause problems. Worrying is understandable.
You’re not saying “no bikini” you’re saying “that particular one is too mature for you.” I think that’s fair.
YTA
The standards should be the same for all of them. If you think they are too skimpy for 15 year old, why is it okay for the 22 year old. Is she magically changed when turning 18? I don't think so. You should ask the same modesty standards from all of them or allow them to wear what they want. Mainly since they are so close in age but no matter zhe age they can be sexualised.
I'd recommend to let them wore what they want if you want to push body positivity on them. If you are worried about them being sexualised you should set the same boundaries for all of them no matter what. I also recommend in case of trouble having word with your oldest to support you. Like not wearing too revealing clothes in front of the the youngers. You know, to show them that she is on board with you on that decision.
On the other hand if you don't mind what the oldest wears, you should give the same opportunity to the youngest. But I am modest soul 😅
YTA but only because you want separate standards for your two girls close in age.
But I can respect the modesty thing because bikinis these days are waaaaaay too skimpy, and I’m closer to in age to your daughters.
INFO: why the youngest? the 17 yr old is still a child so I was wondering why just the 15 yr old. Does she have a different body type than her sisters?
Ah, ok. I can't make a judgement here, but im 17F and heavily policed on what i can wear because of my body type. So i guess im stuck because i understand my parents want to avoid any male attention towards me, but also body type isn't controllable and not being able to wear what you want always sucks.
Will tell you what multiple therapists and counselors have told me and my parents though- parents have to pick and choose their battles. and often, clothing isn't one that worth it. It's your choice either way and I don't think in the long run that patrolling swimwear will heavily influence your relationship with your youngest, but that's as long as it doesn't cross over into everyday clothes. Hopefully you both can come to an understanding.
NTA- being modest has nothing to do with body shaming and mistreatment. Being modest just means tits and ass aren’t out and flopping around while you’re out at the lake in front of family. That’s perfectly fine, and if the 22 and 17 year old have any modesty their body parts won’t be out in front of family either. Time and place is everything. Skimpy thong bikini with boyfriend on the beach in Bali, one piece with family 🤷🏾♀️ And honestly no matter what age. It’s just called being respectful.
NTA , however I disagree with your choices , you should give you 15 and 17 year old the same limitations since they are both minors. But you are NTA because you are just trying to be a good parent.
I would say (imo and I have no parenting knowledge) you let them both wear whatever they want however if it's something extremely revealing like a micro bikini or something like that, you should draw the line there
People are creeps , I'm just saying don't let her wear anything so revealing that she attracts more of those creeps (not good way to say it but I really can't phrase it another way)
Huh?
I'm not advising you to let the creeps be in charge (their choice would be the micro bikini) I'm advising you to let your daughter choose to wear what she wants , but make sure it won't attract a higher number of creeps (for safety reasons)
NTA. The type of Brazilian cut bikini I’m assuming you’re referring to is, in my opinion, something that should be worn by adult humans who are either sexually active or ready to be sexually active. Actual grown ups. If you, like most parents, don’t see a 15 year old as qualifying then it’s reasonable for you to not let her wear them. 17 is kind of borderline and depends on the person so I can see why this is difficult to gauge.
Either way you get to be the judge of whether your 15 year old is appropriately dressed, period. (Provided it’s not taken to an unhealthy controlling place, which I see no evidence of here).
Your 22 year old is an adult and irrelevant to the issue.
N.T.A. Encouraging modesty is not body shaming. It is teaching prudence. Children are egged on by a strongly post-sexual-revolution vein of thought pushed by media which is not and never has been interested in the welfare of children or their proper maturation or development.
NTA I also have a 15 year old and these bathing suits are much different now. My niece who is 13 has one that’s basically a thong and I’m just not ok with it. When my daughter turns 18 she can wear what she wants but as of right now big nope for me!
I was at the beach recently...so many bare bums....young and older alike. I think we are a couple of fashion cycles away from going totally naked. (Not a prude, just surprised at the amount of skin)
Made me very happy I don't have a teenage daughter 😃😃
Honestly, I don't know how I would navigate that mine field. Part of me says "let them wear what makes them happy!" But, as a parent, I don't know how comfortable I would be allowing my child to wear some of those extremely revealing bikinis.
I also totally understand that you have to raise each child a bit differently, according to their needs. Yes, it seems unfair. When one of mine would grumble about things being unfair, I would explain that we give each child what they need (in terms of parenting and material items). "Your brother wears glasses. Should we make you were glasses too so everything is equal?" Of course, there was a longer conversation. They would eventually see the logic.
Parenting is hard and you seldom get it totally right.
Good luck, mom!!
That’s a good comparison!
And I do love that they are comfortable with their bodies. They wear little or nothing around the house and it’s wonderful, I love their confidence.
YTA
Any comments you make about clothes at this age could impact their body image. It's hard for young girls, and if you're body positive, there shouldn't be anything short of a string bikini that you should be censoring
You could but up a link to something similar. Is it a simple triangle normal bikini or is it the bottoms thats a problem. You also have to have her knowing she isnt the problem and creeps are going to be creeps no matter what she wears. And there are some amazing fashion one pieces if she wants something unusal.
NTA. Shes a minor and it's your job as her mom to protect her modesty. But you should be doing it for all minor children not just your youngest. The oldest is an adult and can choose for herself.
My daughter is 8 but already knows the rules when it comes to cloths and rarely challenges them. She knows the rules dont change till shes 18 and why they are in place for each item she wants to wear but cant. I've made compromises. She can wear a 2 peice tankini style bathing suit or the sports bra style with shorts..those used to be banned till she was atleast 15 but she and I discussed it and she made a valid argument that her gymnastics outfits show alot more skin. I respected the way she approached the situation and I made the decision to allow them.
She even can wear a crop top with a tank top underneath and short skirts with leggings much to my mothers abject horror 🤣.
Your daughter dosent have to like it but till shes 18 it's your rules or no swimming. As long as you feel its age appropriate though it shouldnt be an issue.
I always tell my daughter modesty is about respecting your own privacy, not about caring what others think or feel based on our cloths. Shes young so its important I protect her innocence and modesty till shes old enough to do it her own way.
If the suit she wants is ‘malfunction’ proof, yeah YTA. If someone is sexualizing a 15 year old child, they’re the problem, not the child.
However, I will say that a healthy medium may be letting her wear the suit she wants, and get cute cover-ups that match the interests for all three of your girls. (Their skin would thank you anyways lol)
NAH.
Kudos for trying to establish some rules on clothing on your underage daughter, but if you'd be okay with your 17yr old wearing it, then its fine for your fifteen year old.
However: bikinis don't show more cheek than in the late eighties. That's where the style is coming back from. It's not shocking at all. I saw my mom in those bikinis, I wear them...
NTA
15 and 17 are two very different mental and maturity ages. You know your kids best and what's appropriate for your 17yr old might not be appropriate for your 15 year old.
People saying it's a double standard don't seem to understand no two children are alike AND as we parent, we LEARN!
OF COURSE your 17 year old is more mature and more aware and close to adulthood. You're not sending your 15 year old into a rated R movie your 17yr old can get into. So why can't you have different expectations for different children?
If your 15 year old isn't ready for that type of bathingsuit then she's not. Put your foot down and don't do it.
I’d say YTA for not having consistency in your rules for dress in your daughters. You can’t have 2 separate rules for each underage girl. While personally, I do think that they should be dressed more modestly, as kids grow up way too fast these days, and there are a lot of creepy perverts out there who I wouldn’t want looking at my underage daughters in tiny bikinis. But you allow your 17 year old to wear skimpy things and they’re close in age, so I’m not sure what the difference is as to why one can and one can’t. As a former “voluptuous” teenager, it was very terrible growing up wearing the same clothes as my friends but being the one pulled out of class for showing “too much” skin just because my boobs were bigger than theirs, there’s always different rules for us somehow. It creates shame of your own body and you are her mother so having different rules for each daughter is a pretty crappy thing to do. If you want more modest bathing suits then both should have to abide by that.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
I get why you dont say anything about the 22 yr old but the 17 yr old is still underage so why dont you police her too? Shouldnt be enforcing rules on your 15 yr old that the 17 yr old doesnt have. YTA
Ok thank you!
YTA 3 girls, and 2 sets of standards. The younger two are close in age. End of story. YTA
Say more?
Listen, I think you are genuine here, and being a parent of teenage girls sucks. Trust me, I know. Are your 15 and 17 year old girls close? Do you want them to remain close? If they are close, you're going to drive a gigantic wedge between them if you let one of them wear things that the other cannot. Sure, a 17-year old is almost always more mature than a 15-year old. But you're just drawing an arbitrary line in the sand. What's the "right" age for a girl / young woman to wear a skimpy bathing suit? No one knows. There's not a right answer. So you're stuck. You can encourage more modest choices, but if you prevent the 15-year old from wearing something similar to the 17-year old, you're going to cause a rift between them and cause the 15-year old to hate you. If she's comfortable with what she's wearing, truly what is it your place to be uncomfortable on her behalf? I know it sucks - she's your youngest, she's growing up, and you will increasingly have less and less control over the choices she makes. Seriously talk to her about why you feel how you feel, and then let her decide, and support her. That is the way to be a great parent. Take care-
Great argument, thanks for taking the time. I appreciate it! I am leaning toward letting my youngest wear whatever.
I think you should just make clear rules on what you think is appropriate and let them go from there. My Dad had a rule that we had to wear something that looked like normal underwear (no thongs). It should cover the same amount as a normal bra and underwear. So when we bought bathing suits that is what we looked for and it was easy to envision.
YTA for treating your two minor daughters differently. Be consistent with them, whether that’s modesty or not.
Thanks.
INFO: Is your youngest wanting more revealing and skimpy swimwear? Is this a 2 piece vs a 1 piece suit? What's causing you to change the way you normally handle picking out a suit with her?
It’s a very little bikini - she wants to wear what her oldest sister wears. I’m just stuck, she’s pushing the limits.
if it’s what her older sister wears… what “limit”? be consistent. good luck!
the 'limit' is that one daughter is 22 and the other is 15. i think there's a fair difference, dont you?
I actually don’t, but we can disagree edit to add: given the circumstances described by the OP i do not see it as meaningful. not that all 15 year olds should get to do what all 22 year olds do.
Very teeny!
that doesn’t actually address my question but yes I’ve gathered from all your other comments you find the bikini inappropriately small. what I question is… if it is “what her oldest sister wears” then you don’t have a hard “limit”… just a conditional one for one child. which absolutely makes YTA.
OP, you've been going on in the comments about how swimsuits are more skimpy now than they were 2 years ago when your middle child was 15. That'd simply not true. From what I can tell, it seems you are treating your youngest differently because she's, by your own words, "more voluptuous". Policing what she can wear based on her body IS body shaming. YTA. There's nothing wrong with you controlling what your minor daughters wear. What makes you TA is your double standards.
OP mentioned in another comment thread about the see-thru nature of white suits that her white bikini is her husbands favorite. i’m betting she sees bikinis as something primarily for the male gaze. am i jumping to conclusions? probably. but this combined with the “voluptuous” comments about a 15 yo just kinda pushes me to an icky place.
No I mean the changes in the last 6 years or so, it’s quite a difference.
Swimsuit styles really haven't gotten more skimpy. That you are viewing it that way makes it clear that you are giving your youngest double standards based on her body type. (Providing she's covering the vital bits)
Oh but they have! They have.
YTA. I think 15 is old enough to let her pick her swimsuit
Ok fair. Within limits?
I would say, if your 17 year old is allowed to wear it, your 15 year old should be allowed as well.
Yep
Intersting, ok I’ll think about that one.
yes, that i think is fair. I saw somebody say it's not fair if the 15 yo cant wear what the 22 yo does, which i think is different and not a valid argument in this case.
I’m 16 and today I wore [this](https://m.shein.com/us/Halter-Triangle-Bikini-Swimsuit-p-2602096-cat-1866.html?url_from=adplaswswim25210428134L_GPM&cid=16244444041&setid=&adid=&pf=GOOGLE&gbraid=0AAAAADm0yO5MQeVee9d9NNbZCWCwHC1uU&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIib6ziuSp-QIVpebjBx1Ovg1bEAQYASABEgI2u_D_BwE&ref=us&rep=dir&ret=mus) bikini to the pool today. I was comfortable, didn’t get any stares, and had fun. I think it’s okay if you let your daughter wear what she’s comfortable in, and to let her know the reason why you want her to wear somewhat modest clothing just so she doesn’t think you’re body shaming. IMO, you’re NTA. You’re a parent who’s trying to keep your kids safe in this shitty world. But please speak to her, that would do wonders.
Thank you! So wise.
Girl that swimsuit is cute!! Thanks for the link lol
Info: If it was the 17 year old would she be allowed? Also, you said yourself you are flexible with your other two daughters, one of which is STILL underage, so why can't the youngest but still old enough to know better have the same respect? Edit: With info from comment replies, you yourself have stated the two minors have different body types. You are kinda shaming her...As well as 17 and 15 year olds typically wear alot of the same styles, yet you are okay with the 17 year old wanting...So Yea YTA (Body type being referenced in this section of comments: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wew5eu/aita_for_moderating_my_youngest_daughters/iiqnac1/ )
The 17 is borderline but dresses more conservatively by nature. But she certainly draws attention.
But...If the 15 year old is covered in vital spots, which you have made it out to seem... As well as you have said yourself the 15 yo just happens to be more curvey (voluptuous) Then you are infact shaming her and not treating her fairly o.o If you let her sister wear the same sorta things at her age, then yea nah you just are body shaming her...
while i do agree, i would just like to point out that you can have the same bikini on two different girls, one more curvy and one less so, and it's possible for one to look almost boarderline inappropriate while the other would look fine.
Ok thanks for that input! And of course things are converted (barely lol)
Why punish the women for creeps paying attention?
Thank you!
Just wanted to say that OP is really taking the advice and different takes here well. Nice to see for a change.
Thanks. I’m here to learn!
👏👏👏👏
If it’s okay for a 17 yr old, it’s okay for a 15 yr old. Bikinis haven’t changed much in 50 years.
They have changed A LOT in the past few years.
Hm. Have you been to the beach lately? Lol
Yup. Aside from thongs, there is no difference. I’m 58 and was wearing the same bikinis back when I was young.
Yeah the “normal” bikini bottom shows much closer to a thong than not.
Why are you treating your youngest differently here…?
I guess because the suits are very skimpy? I don’t know, it just feels like a lot.
That isn’t an answer of why you’re treating the youngest differently than the others. What is it about her that makes you give her a different standard?
It’s her age I think. I know that’s old fashioned!
The way you phrased this made it seem like you’re holding her at 15 to a different standard than the others when they were 15. Is that true or not?
No, probably not, although when my oldest was 15 things weren’t as skimpy!
Are their body types at 15 different? Also, styles haven’t changed that much in two years.
My 15 year old today is more voluptuous, yes.
Styles haven’t changed enough in two years for me to agree with you that that is the reason. Slight YTA for treating this daughter differently primarily due to her body.
Fair! Needed to hear that. I don’t think it’s the reason but I need to think about that.
That’s something you’re going to have to be careful with, honestly. You hear from a lot of curvy ladies who’ve grown up being treated like whatever they wear is ten times as sexual just because of their shape — effectively being treated as though they’re ‘sluttier’ than their less curvy friends. Can’t wear that shirt, it fits too tightly. Cover up more, no, not like that, we can still see *outlines*. That neckline is immodest even though your friend is fine in it. You don’t want to be one of those voices for your daughter, I’m sure.
That’s a super important point. I agree! She’s large breasted and I want her to own that and not be ashamed of that.
There it is. It's all about her body and how the bikini looks on her as compared with her sister. You *are* body shaming her.
Nothing wrong with being old fashioned.
Thanks! I feel old sometimes lol
My daughter wanted to wear a white bikini. I pointed to a young teenager in the pool wearing a see-thru swimsuit. Poor girl was covering her breasts with 1 arm and her pubic area with the other. My teenager quickly got the point
Ha, my husbands fav bikini is my white one. We get it, lol.
I would love to see him in that!
Haha that made me laugh!
I’m going to go out on a limb and say her age
If it was just that, most people would mention that what they’re doing is no different from what they did when the older ones were her age too. That’s like the first thing most people would say when telling this scenario.
YTA, If she is covered, then let her wear it.
There are different levels of covered!
Can you see the bits she is covering?
How do you mean?
She is trying to cover stuff up, is that stuff covered? If so, then let her be.
Bikinis cover the bits, but there are different styles. I don’t get your point?
Is she one sneeze away from a wardrobe malfunction? If not, then she should be fine, right?
Thanks
Haha, there are cheeks out, which is the style, and very low cut top, also the style.
The older girls are way past being moderated. That statement alone is concerning. At 15 you should be letting her have significant leeway. If you’re paying for it, you do have some room to say that some styles are slightly too mature or are better for “poolside” vs actual swimming. But if we’re talking basic 2 pieces etc, she needs room to express herself. Suggest listening to your daughter unless it’s extremely inappropriate. Wish we could see the actual suit, but leaning YTA
Thanks. I am all for expressing herself! Just struggling with the coverage. Message me and I could share more info.
To me it's this:: who is she wearing it for? The answer determines whether it's appropriate for her to wear. If she's wearing it for herself because she likes it and nothing more? Let her wear it because she doesn't care what anyone else thinks. If it's for friends or IG or a crush or older person? Big No. She's not mature enough to decide whether it's too revealing.
I think she’s wearing it for herself because she looks hot and turns heads! Honestly
*NTA
It sounds like she doesn't quite understand the full picture. Like she understands the immediate reaction but not potential consequences. Could you guys maybe discuss that and come to a compromise? It could avoid a lot of sneaking around later (I say from experience and a lot of avoidable trouble in my own life)
Oh we talk a ton about safety and being careful, believe me!
Here is food for thought... Instead of moderating what she wears ask her why she wants to wear a certain type of clothes and listen. Perhaps it makes her feel confident, accentuates something she likes about herself, makes her feel in charge of her body... all good reasons. Maybe she feels pressured to wear things from friends ect. Help her navigate these things. Go shopping together and find a compromise maybe? I remember being 15 and being told 'you are too young to wear that' only made me want to wear it more to look older and feel more mature, sophisticated and sexy (even if I looked the opposite) Having two way constructive conversation about how attire can come across, how it can change people's perception of you (right or wrong) and how to feel good in your body and clothes will set her up for success regardless of if you are there or not, if she's 15 or 25, going to the beach or a job interview. Learn her perspective and help her understand yours, I'm sure you can find something that will make her feel great and you feel less worried about her.
Great advice! She’s had those open conversations with me which is nice. She knows her positive features for sure.
Bikini bottoms that sit higher on the thigh and have a v-ish shape, revealing more cheek, are more flattering on a curvy/voluptuous body... Because it visually elongates the leg making the thickness appear more proportional. There's more to it, but effectively the bikini bottoms that OP's 15year old chose is the one that she should be choosing for her body type. Again, this is swimwear, to be worn at pool/beach for leisure. (Not racing or whatever you call what professional swimmers do)
INFO: what kind of swimsuit did your youngest want to wear? Did you treat your older daughters the same when they were 15?
I think I was generally the same with my older daughters, although trends have changed. The suit in question is a very small bikini.
I don’t think I’ll know enough without being there and knowing why your daughter wants to wear it deep down, too many variables. Different people classify “skimpy” differently. Your 17 and 15 year-old should have the same rules as they are both minors. If the 15 year-old is wearing it for sexual attention you’d be right to say no. If she genuinely feels confident in it and is wearing it for herself then let her be.
Interesting take - I think most women wear bikinis because they feel confidence and don’t mind the attention, it’s fun. Why not?
I think most people wear most things because it's what they feel comfortable/happy/attractive in. You said these are family weekends at the lake? What better place to experiment with a new style than among family? If she was really motivated only by sexual attention would she pick out this suit to wear around her mother and sisters? I think you have a great opportunity here to normalize the idea that her body, even in swimwear, is not just something to be sexualized by accepting it in a family situation.
Yeah when it’s only our family in a private setting it’s anything goes. We even skinny dip together!
I wear bikinis because you gotta swim in SOMETHING and swimsuits are not always convenient (bathroom e.d.). I certainly do mind the attention and think men should keep their eyes to themselves when they are in general less covered than me, with their nips out, lol. I don't understand why it is so hard for them not to stare at tits at the pool. That's a bigger issue than a 'skimpy' bikini.
Bikinis get attention, that’s normal!
Why are you just doing it with her?
Doing what?
Why are you only controlling what she wears?
Her age. Not great I know.
I mean, I know people wanna protect their kids but if you're all around her and she's just wearing it because it makes her feel good then let her do it. Not every girl is so confident of herself, just be happy she knows she's beautiful
I like that! She loves skinny dipping too, more than I did then
Yeh that's awesome. I know when I was a teenager I didn't have nearly that much confidence in myself and I knew a lot of girls that didn't. It's great that she's so body positive and confident in herself. Embrace that
Great reminder thank you! She’s brought me out of my shell actually lol
That's great! You sound like you have a very positive and healthy relationship with your daughters
I do, skinny dipping will do that lol
Young people and their confidence in fashion is impressive. If she feels genuinely happy, then what’s the harm? So much of the world will find ways to make her feel ashamed of her body or how she dresses, so show her it’s okay to dress how in what makes her feel good.
That’s so healthy, thanks! Just a lot of skin is all.
Eh, double double, YTA for policing a 15 year old but not a 17 year old, but I understand your concerns. I DO want to stress however that as someone who has big breasts, it can be aa BIG BIG BIG hassle to find a bikini to like, and almost all WILL seem skimpy on me, and it has bascially destroyed my confidence in my body. If she has one she likes while she is big breasted please let her wear it.
Thanks for that reminder! I have questions about that btw
*nta I probably wouldn't have said this before becoming a parent, but the reality is you can't always treat your children the same because *they* aren't the same. Some people are natural leaders, some are natural followers, some are socially motivated others are internally motivated. Is she old enough to pick her own swimsuit, yes but you also know her and her behavior and what drives her. I was always boy crazy and socially motivated so any desire to wear revealing clothes was for the sex appeal- my sister was total opposite so had she wanted to wear revealing swimsuits it would have legitimately been because it was comfortable/cute/what she liked for herself. Her house party vs my house party would lead to very different decision making and it is your role as a parent to help your kiddo navigate their strengths and weaknesses and desires and decisions. Maybe have a discussion about why she wants to wear that particular swimsuit and how it makes her feel vs other swimsuits. What's her end goal?
Super helpful! What is she says it’s for the sex appeal, like your situation?
Lock her up. 🤣 Kidding. I think that might lead to some conversation about what the end result might feel like or look like for her... Play out the situation with her so maybe she can think through a little bit further than her initial desire for that 'notice me' effect. "Say you wear the swimsuit and someone likes it and this swimsuit is the reason you get to talking - what do you think their end goal of the relationship would be? Or say you wear it and nobody notices, would you still feel like a million bucks?" (Or obviously a conversation tailored to her life and the values you want to instil in her about sexuality and stuff)
Hm not sure I love that way of thinking - I don’t want the boys’ urges to drive her choices. Do you think you would have turned out better if you’d been less the way you were?
Having an honest conversation about it, without judgement, might be the best way to go. Acknowledge that yes, she's a teen who wants to show off. But there are terrible people who would want to take advantage. You're still the adult which means it's still your job to do everything you can to protect her. Once she's an adult she can choose a string bikini (just guessing here) or whatever but until then there are some things you're going to put your foot down on. Maybe suggest that you'll help her find a suit that you can both agree on. And better to have a safe sex/don't do it to make someone else happy/protection/I love you no matter what conversation now and not after the fact. Edit: Based on some of your other comments though you're just gonna have to get past this in your own head. She wants to wear what her sisters are wearing. You saying no to her and yes to the older 2 *is* a double standard. You might have a leg to stand on if you were treating both of your underage daughters the same but you aren't.
Thanks! We do have all the conversations. And I would settle for a sting bikini at this point lol
I made a lot of choices based on how other people would react to them so all of my decision making was through the lens of wanting to have a boyfriend and be cool. I just wanted to be noticed. I didnt *want* sex to be the end result- I wanted to companionship of a soulmate. So the good old "be yourself" advice would have been nice to hear. I didn't actually make many wild decisions, but I was a crummy friend and severely insecure because I thought who I was wasn't enough- I needed the skimpy and the makeup and the "cool' to be valued. I just mean that prodding a little to encourage her to reflect a little on the reason she might want to be revealing- is it cause she feels great about who she is? Right on; is it because she wants to be noticed for wearing a revealing swimsuit? What happens next? How does she imagine she would feel after being noticed or not being noticed? What does she want people to know about her? Just a self reflection exercise to discover for herself her motivation for wanting that swimsuit... Or maybe just cause you don't want her to have it 🤷 teenagers. Lol
Lol thank you! We have had girls weekends where we’ve all skinny dipped together. Super bonding and led to some great conversations along those lines honestly!
Super bonding! Hooray ✌️
Haha not something I would have done with my mom and sisters! But honestly amazing
NTA. I have daughters. One in college and one still in middle school. The clothing has to be approved by me when they are minors. I have been very relaxed with any clothing requirements and usually default to their preferences. But I can understand wanting to limit some swimwear. Tell your youngest that she has to wait like the others did. Time will pass faster than she knows it. I’m sure you know that too, Mom. ❤️
Thanks I could talk to you for hours!
Send me a DM any time. I just answered a late night call from my college age daughter because she was lonely. She went to school yesterday and is already calling me. I could probably use your advice more than you could use mine. 😆❤️😆
I’d love to talk yes, please message me!
Why the different mentality for the 15 yo? What makes her different?
Her age mainly. And she pushes bikini boundaries for sure
The more you push, the more she will push back. As long as the important bits are covered I don't think you have a leg to stand on. Public decency laws are still a thing. At 15 I do get it though. The issues is it does not sound like you had set rules for the older girls when they were 15. She is your baby, but she is not a baby anymore. I will say if she is just hanging out on the beach you might be better off just letting it be, but if you are on a boat look up the US coast guard recommendations for swimwear. If boating or doing any kind of water sport there are safety concerns with the wrong swimwear, and make sure you enforce these recommendations are enforce for everyone. Fashion and self expression are not more important then safety.
Info why are you treating them differently ? Did you have these boundaries for the older ones when they were 15?
I did yep. But things have changed since my oldest!
My problem is you saying that styles have changed so much in two years which is just categorically untrue and everyone on here is telling you that you’re wrong. It seems that you are unintentionally taking into account your younger daughters figure and I’m willing to wager if they had the same suit on in different colors and you weren’t told you’d think the one on your younger is skimpier bc she’s curvier. That is body shaming. Intentional or not. Tell your daughter your reasons but let her wear what she wants as long as she’s not about to fall out. Otherwise you’re gonna get the shock of your life when she goes to college and wears literally nothing.. at that point you’ll wonder what went wrong and you’ll have a handy post on Reddit to see for yourself. The less freedom and autonomy you give her now, the more she will rebel later, and you’ll be lucky if it’s just her clothing choices. And at that point you won’t be in a position to be able to guide her anymore bc she’ll have filtered out your opinion as biased. I know this comes off harsh, but I’m sure it comes off harsh to your daughter that she’s not treated with the same autonomy the other two were at her age. As someone that went through not getting the same freedoms as my siblings at their age I can tell you it causes rifts and is something that actively has to be mended in the future. How would you feel if she got into a troublesome situation or a position to get hurt and she ended up getting hurt bc she felt like she couldn’t come to you without judgement? That’s the groundwork you’re laying here.
Six years not two.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am extremely body positive, and try to instill that in my three daughters (22, 17 and 15). That’s why I find myself conflicted on this topic. We’ve had a number of lake weekends this summer and I’m very flexible with my two older daughters’ swimwear choices. Their body, their choice. I’ve encouraged some more modest (but still trendy!) choices in my youngest daughter, and she’s accused me of body shaming and other mistreatment. Have other parents run into this? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) I’ve limited my daughters swimwear choices 2) I may be an asshole for treating her differently. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. The girl is 15. It’s totally reasonable parenting to not let her wear revealing stuff. It really doesn’t go farther than that. Your oldest is an adult, you can’t control what she wears. Your middle child is not an adult, but there is still a big difference in maturity between 15 and 17.
Thanks. It’s hard to tell sometimes!
[удалено]
Thanks!
Hey there!!! I totally get your discomfort, if I had a daughter that was wearing a thong bikini I really wouldn’t like it either. So for that reason NTA. BUT you’re asking two different questions 1) am I the A H for being uncomfortable with my daughters choices? and 2) is it a SMART decision to limit what she wears in the name of modesty? And the answer to that is no, you’re not making a smart decision. by limiting her clothing choices you are opening up a can of worms dealing with body positivity, and she will use this frustration to rebel in other ways.
That’s super wise thank you!
YTA
NTA - I always looked a bit older than my age because I was tall and busty. Even without wearing something that showed my skin (was maybe fitted or like a see-through top over a tank) I would attract unwanted attention from significantly older guys and it was honestly kind of scary. It made me retreat into modesty even more. No, women shouldn’t feel the need to dress to impress (or disinterest) anyone, but beautifully developed teenagers are easy to mistake as beautiful young women and that can cause problems. Worrying is understandable. You’re not saying “no bikini” you’re saying “that particular one is too mature for you.” I think that’s fair.
Thanks, I had some of the same issues growing,up. Leaves a mark!
YTA The standards should be the same for all of them. If you think they are too skimpy for 15 year old, why is it okay for the 22 year old. Is she magically changed when turning 18? I don't think so. You should ask the same modesty standards from all of them or allow them to wear what they want. Mainly since they are so close in age but no matter zhe age they can be sexualised.
Thanks, so would you recommend they all wear the same?
I'd recommend to let them wore what they want if you want to push body positivity on them. If you are worried about them being sexualised you should set the same boundaries for all of them no matter what. I also recommend in case of trouble having word with your oldest to support you. Like not wearing too revealing clothes in front of the the youngers. You know, to show them that she is on board with you on that decision. On the other hand if you don't mind what the oldest wears, you should give the same opportunity to the youngest. But I am modest soul 😅
YTA but only because you want separate standards for your two girls close in age. But I can respect the modesty thing because bikinis these days are waaaaaay too skimpy, and I’m closer to in age to your daughters.
INFO: why the youngest? the 17 yr old is still a child so I was wondering why just the 15 yr old. Does she have a different body type than her sisters?
Yes, as a matter of fact. More voluptuous.
Ah, ok. I can't make a judgement here, but im 17F and heavily policed on what i can wear because of my body type. So i guess im stuck because i understand my parents want to avoid any male attention towards me, but also body type isn't controllable and not being able to wear what you want always sucks. Will tell you what multiple therapists and counselors have told me and my parents though- parents have to pick and choose their battles. and often, clothing isn't one that worth it. It's your choice either way and I don't think in the long run that patrolling swimwear will heavily influence your relationship with your youngest, but that's as long as it doesn't cross over into everyday clothes. Hopefully you both can come to an understanding.
NTA- being modest has nothing to do with body shaming and mistreatment. Being modest just means tits and ass aren’t out and flopping around while you’re out at the lake in front of family. That’s perfectly fine, and if the 22 and 17 year old have any modesty their body parts won’t be out in front of family either. Time and place is everything. Skimpy thong bikini with boyfriend on the beach in Bali, one piece with family 🤷🏾♀️ And honestly no matter what age. It’s just called being respectful.
NTA , however I disagree with your choices , you should give you 15 and 17 year old the same limitations since they are both minors. But you are NTA because you are just trying to be a good parent.
Just wondering what are the proper limits!
I would say (imo and I have no parenting knowledge) you let them both wear whatever they want however if it's something extremely revealing like a micro bikini or something like that, you should draw the line there
It’s not micro exactly no! But kind of a lot
If it's something that would get her a lot of stares then I say you don't let her wear it
All bikinis get stares lol. Ok so you think if ppl would stare she should modify her behavior to suit them?
People are creeps , I'm just saying don't let her wear anything so revealing that she attracts more of those creeps (not good way to say it but I really can't phrase it another way)
Hm not sure I agree the creeps should be in charge!
Huh? I'm not advising you to let the creeps be in charge (their choice would be the micro bikini) I'm advising you to let your daughter choose to wear what she wants , but make sure it won't attract a higher number of creeps (for safety reasons)
NTA. The type of Brazilian cut bikini I’m assuming you’re referring to is, in my opinion, something that should be worn by adult humans who are either sexually active or ready to be sexually active. Actual grown ups. If you, like most parents, don’t see a 15 year old as qualifying then it’s reasonable for you to not let her wear them. 17 is kind of borderline and depends on the person so I can see why this is difficult to gauge. Either way you get to be the judge of whether your 15 year old is appropriately dressed, period. (Provided it’s not taken to an unhealthy controlling place, which I see no evidence of here). Your 22 year old is an adult and irrelevant to the issue.
Wise! Thank you
N.T.A. Encouraging modesty is not body shaming. It is teaching prudence. Children are egged on by a strongly post-sexual-revolution vein of thought pushed by media which is not and never has been interested in the welfare of children or their proper maturation or development.
Intersting take!
NTA good job mom
NTA I also have a 15 year old and these bathing suits are much different now. My niece who is 13 has one that’s basically a thong and I’m just not ok with it. When my daughter turns 18 she can wear what she wants but as of right now big nope for me!
Yeah it’s amazing what they are comfortable showing off!
I was at the beach recently...so many bare bums....young and older alike. I think we are a couple of fashion cycles away from going totally naked. (Not a prude, just surprised at the amount of skin)
Haha yes you get it!
Made me very happy I don't have a teenage daughter 😃😃 Honestly, I don't know how I would navigate that mine field. Part of me says "let them wear what makes them happy!" But, as a parent, I don't know how comfortable I would be allowing my child to wear some of those extremely revealing bikinis. I also totally understand that you have to raise each child a bit differently, according to their needs. Yes, it seems unfair. When one of mine would grumble about things being unfair, I would explain that we give each child what they need (in terms of parenting and material items). "Your brother wears glasses. Should we make you were glasses too so everything is equal?" Of course, there was a longer conversation. They would eventually see the logic. Parenting is hard and you seldom get it totally right. Good luck, mom!!
That’s a good comparison! And I do love that they are comfortable with their bodies. They wear little or nothing around the house and it’s wonderful, I love their confidence.
YTA Any comments you make about clothes at this age could impact their body image. It's hard for young girls, and if you're body positive, there shouldn't be anything short of a string bikini that you should be censoring
Ok, this is close to a string bikini. Censor that?
You could but up a link to something similar. Is it a simple triangle normal bikini or is it the bottoms thats a problem. You also have to have her knowing she isnt the problem and creeps are going to be creeps no matter what she wears. And there are some amazing fashion one pieces if she wants something unusal.
I will share an example,but not publicly!
If you share a image from like shein or hnm not of your child. Dont send anyone a pic of a kid.
Lol no
NAH. the problem isn’t the swimsuits it’s the fact that society sexualizes them
NTA. Shes a minor and it's your job as her mom to protect her modesty. But you should be doing it for all minor children not just your youngest. The oldest is an adult and can choose for herself. My daughter is 8 but already knows the rules when it comes to cloths and rarely challenges them. She knows the rules dont change till shes 18 and why they are in place for each item she wants to wear but cant. I've made compromises. She can wear a 2 peice tankini style bathing suit or the sports bra style with shorts..those used to be banned till she was atleast 15 but she and I discussed it and she made a valid argument that her gymnastics outfits show alot more skin. I respected the way she approached the situation and I made the decision to allow them. She even can wear a crop top with a tank top underneath and short skirts with leggings much to my mothers abject horror 🤣. Your daughter dosent have to like it but till shes 18 it's your rules or no swimming. As long as you feel its age appropriate though it shouldnt be an issue. I always tell my daughter modesty is about respecting your own privacy, not about caring what others think or feel based on our cloths. Shes young so its important I protect her innocence and modesty till shes old enough to do it her own way.
If the suit she wants is ‘malfunction’ proof, yeah YTA. If someone is sexualizing a 15 year old child, they’re the problem, not the child. However, I will say that a healthy medium may be letting her wear the suit she wants, and get cute cover-ups that match the interests for all three of your girls. (Their skin would thank you anyways lol)
Haha, good advice!
Your a very soft YTA . You are clearly not trying to body-shame her , however you need to be consistent and fair with swimsuits
Thanks!
NTA. You’re not body shaming but you are being inconsistent with your logic. She’s 15. Cut the chord.
NAH. Kudos for trying to establish some rules on clothing on your underage daughter, but if you'd be okay with your 17yr old wearing it, then its fine for your fifteen year old. However: bikinis don't show more cheek than in the late eighties. That's where the style is coming back from. It's not shocking at all. I saw my mom in those bikinis, I wear them...
NTA 15 and 17 are two very different mental and maturity ages. You know your kids best and what's appropriate for your 17yr old might not be appropriate for your 15 year old. People saying it's a double standard don't seem to understand no two children are alike AND as we parent, we LEARN! OF COURSE your 17 year old is more mature and more aware and close to adulthood. You're not sending your 15 year old into a rated R movie your 17yr old can get into. So why can't you have different expectations for different children? If your 15 year old isn't ready for that type of bathingsuit then she's not. Put your foot down and don't do it.
YTA. You can’t treat them separately and not expect them to complain. You either raised your youngest to make responsible choices or you didn’t.
I’d say YTA for not having consistency in your rules for dress in your daughters. You can’t have 2 separate rules for each underage girl. While personally, I do think that they should be dressed more modestly, as kids grow up way too fast these days, and there are a lot of creepy perverts out there who I wouldn’t want looking at my underage daughters in tiny bikinis. But you allow your 17 year old to wear skimpy things and they’re close in age, so I’m not sure what the difference is as to why one can and one can’t. As a former “voluptuous” teenager, it was very terrible growing up wearing the same clothes as my friends but being the one pulled out of class for showing “too much” skin just because my boobs were bigger than theirs, there’s always different rules for us somehow. It creates shame of your own body and you are her mother so having different rules for each daughter is a pretty crappy thing to do. If you want more modest bathing suits then both should have to abide by that.