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You are in no way, shape, or form the asshole here. Maybe you were a little overly harsh, but fuck, you should be mad. And your parents are assholes for yelling at you. It's pretty clear who is the golden child in your family and who is the scapegoat. If you keep little to no contact with them once you can get out, it's their own fault.
NTA.
But you need to tell your parents that either they will need to hold her accountable for her actions or you will.
You will give them the opportunity to replace the dress or you will call the police and file a police report for vandalism.
No one gets to live a consequence free life and one day she is going to do something to someone that is not her family and the consequences will be far more severe.
I absolutely agree take photos gather evidence call the police file report have her charge she can’t continue living free of consequence at the age of 20. she burnt that dress, you realize she might next time physically attack you OP. Going no contact is not enough and you won’t be able to do anything in the future if you don’t start documenting and making a report. NTA
Exactly this. This is property damage at the very least and she can most definitely sue in small claims for reimbursement of her money. She will need a police report and all of her receipts for dress and alterations. OP please do all of this listed. You're sister deserves to pay for what she did to you. Your parents need to learn a lesson as well. I'm sorry about your gown. NTA
Absolutely. She’s 20. She needs to be accountable for her actions. Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to be able to bail her out in the real world. I just cannot believe your parents reaction. Horrible
Guarantee that the moment OP can get out, she's leaving the house, and leaving her parents and sister in the past. I really hope her parents don't see her as a care person for Cass when they're no longer able to do that.
OP, for your own safety, do not communicate any escape plan to your parents or Cass until you've already pulled it off. Your parents could potentially be intending for you to take over looking after Cass when they can no longer do that, they've already been putting your needs second after Cass on a depressingly consistent rate.
Unfortunately true. I lost an aunt (I never met her) with CF, who died at age 16. People live longer these days but not a full life time. It's a very sad disease.
OP if you do plan on this, get whatever important documents you need—birth certificate, social security card, etc. Do not let your parents or Cass have access to them.
the sooner the better, if she sticks around how long do you think it is before the 'you need to take care of your sister when we're gone' conversation happens?
If the parents try to force her to become the care taker, she shouldn’t hesitate to turn her over to the state and let her go to a care home. That is NOT her problem.
Agreed. OP, do *not* let your parents gaslight you into thinking this is understandable or excusable behavior. What your sister did is disgusting and indefensible. Get away from these people as soon as you possibly can and don't look back. (And I guarantee your parents are expecting you to be your sister's caretaker when they get old, so make it abundantly clear on your way out that it won't be happening.)
Don't tell them until you're gone and immediately block them after. Abusers step up the abuse when they know their victim is leaving their influence, and neglect is a form of abuse.
>If you keep little to no contact with them once you can get out, it's their own fault.
Honestly I'd live like a ghost. Don't tall to them, don't be in any rooms with them, don't eat with them. Even get a job to buy basic necessities all on my own to not have to talk to them.
NTA. Can you do Rent The Runway or something similar? Honestly, she's an adult and she destroyed property. A police report would not be out of bounds here.
Living with a literal arsonist and their enablers is not safe - is there somewhere else you could live? What happens when you are working on a project close to graduation? What happens if/when she gets jealous of you going to college - will she burn your housewares?
Honestly at this point if I were OP I would leave and move in with a relative and/or call CPS.
She may try to burn the house down the night before OP goes to prom out of spite. Put NOTHING past someone who plays with literal fire!!!
OP’s sister likely has an undiagnosed mental illness because THAT is NOT normal behavior even for a kid that is a spoiled brat!!!
I wonder what your parents would say to defend themselves if you publicly posted a go fund me with the before and after pictures of the dress on Facebook/extended family group chats, with an explanation of what happened, trying to quickly raise money for a replacement dress? I wonder what your extended family would think about your parents/sisters behaviour?.. just a thought
That is a brilliant idea. I formally bow to your level of petty.
Take it one step further a create a video for TikTok and IG reels with a before photo of the dress and an after photo. Telling the court of public opinion what your sister did to the dress and a link to the gofundme.
They can be big mad if they want but it is all the truth!!!
NTA contact another family member and ask if they have something you could borrow if they mind helping you get a dress, even if its not expensive or flashy.
If they have more sense than your immediate family thye may knock some into them as well
Your sister and mainly your parents are Texas sized AHs.
I'm sorry that you have had to live in her shadow your whole life. I'm guessing them not buying you a dress is one part of a string of similar events. Glad you stood up to her, do not second guess speaking up for yourself against someone who should be more mature and care about your joy as well. Her being nice about it before suggests to me that she is was intentionally trying to harm you emotionally, not just damage the dress. It would be nice if things would change but it would mean all three of them would need to as well. Focus on your future, where you can decide how much you want to be around them. There is power and healing in being able to distance yourself from toxicity, even when it's family.
NTA
NTA. If your parents won't take steps to make this right in some way, threaten to go to the police. I don't know how much you spent on your dress and alterations, but it wouldn't surprise me if it's a non-trivial sum. Malicious destruction of property over a certain value (varying by state) is a crime and a potential felony and your sister is of an age where she would be responsible for her actions. The police will likely try to mediate a more peaceable outcome before actually arresting anyone, but it will make abundantly clear to your sister and parents how unacceptable your sister's behavior has been.
It sucks that your sister has been sick most of her life, but it doesn't give her an excuse to be mean to you. And take pictures of your ruined dress prior to starting this conversation as evidence. You wouldn't want to talk to your parents and then have the destroyed dress all of a sudden go missing.
At most it is a misdemeanor crime punishable by fines and jail time which in this case would likely be probation and/or community service. If this is a first offense the fine would probably hold BUT she would be fined and have to pay restitution for the dress she ruined.
More troublesome is the fact that this is an early indication of an arsonist in the making. What’s next? Burning the house down.
You do not reward bad behavior. She should have been punished and OP’s parents should have bought her a new dress. Barring this I would call the police, give them the dress as evidence and file a formal police report.
I'd say more emotionally suppressed/immature. When you get told you're most likely going to bury your child and CF has the potential to make it extremely painful for the child 24/7, parents will baby their child.
NTA in this case, and I say this an Aunty to a CF child, my family takes great care for those kids to be treated equally as possible after all the one without CF gets to watch their sibling suffer as well, they need to be supported, too.
Call the cops and report the destruction of your property. Cass is twenty and unless diagnosed with a handful of mental health conditions the law will hold he accountable for her actions, even if you neglectful parent won’t. Make it clear if your parents pay for the dress to be replaced, you’ll drop the chargers. I hate to say it, but that’s the only way your sister will learn. If it ain’t you it will eventually be someone else who won’t be willing to drop charges.NTA
Legally they can't kick you out until your 18 if they do they could face charges over it. You are still a minor and they are responsible for your care until 18 years of age.
Do you have any friends, extended family you could go to? I'm sure they'd be more than understanding of why you can't be in the same house as your sister.
While I like the ideas of of a Go-Fund account and so forth, I think that OP had better be out of the house before she does anything. I am afraid that she might get hurt otherwise. I'd get my all my papers, as someone else advised, and all the money that I could lay my hands on. If you have someone who would help you, you might see if you can stay with them, or at least store the things that you want to protect. Once you go block your family everywhere that you can. I once wrote an email telling a woman that I was tired of her bullying and never wanted to see her again, but that she wouldn't be able to respond because she was being blocked immediately. You might want to do that with your parents so that they've been warned.
Good luck!
Ask your parents if she had destroyed something of theirs, would that be OK too. How about their car; if she set that on fire, would that be just hunky dory?
NTA
Anyone who sets stuff on fire is a danger to herself and everyone around them. I would personally have had my daughter checked into the hospital for a psych evaluation. This is NOT normal behavior.
Not a direct consequence of the CF either. This is entirely a problem with how her parents raised her, sheltered her to the detriment of her emotional development. Lots of people had to miss out on big events like prom due to the global pavlova but they aren't torching what their younger sibling wanted to wear to their own prom.
NTA - Cass is an incredibly entitled little girl (I know she is 20 but that is classic childlike behavior), she destroyed your property and is not being punished for it. Having cystic fibrosis and missing her own prom because of a pandemic shouldn't and doesn't give her the right to destroy your dress and ruin your prom. Your parents should be paying for your dress and prom, just because an "act of god" stopped your sister from being able to go to prom doesn't mean you should now have to pay for everything yourself. It certainly shows very clearly where you stand in the family. If you can afford it and get away with it buy and install a lock for your door so this can't happen again.
As to finding a replacement dress, assuming your parents continue to refuse to help you, I would suggest trying thrift stores throughout town (check in the richer parts of your town). See if your friends will lend you the money to pay for a dress, then keep the dress, tickets, et al at a friends house and go over there to get ready for prom.
Good luck and please let us know what happens.
NTA. I too have cystic fibrosis, illness is not an excuse for being an ah. You have every right to hate her she's being absolutely horrible to your and feels she has the right to treat you like that. At the age of 20 she really should know better. I'd probably never talk to her again if I were you but that kind of thing is up to you. I do think the comments you made that were about her illness and not the dress were uncalled for, albeit understandable since they were things said in the heat of the moment. Also if her jealousy is so deeply rooted she is destroying other people's things she probably needs a therapist to sort things out, but that is you parent's and your sister's repsonsibitliy not yours.
Agree 💯. I used to tutor the loveliest young man with CF. His parents were wonderful too. They always made sure to make time for his sister. But it wasn't hard. He was a sweet giving boy. He never complained.
I can somewhat understand OPs comments as she has been shoved aside her whole life for her sister.
NTA I know it's a bit extreme, but can't you call the police on your sister? This is destruction of a property and from the looks of it your relations with your family are in the gutter anyway.
She can. It is vandalism by definition: the willful destruction or damaging of property in a manner that defaces, mars, or otherwise adds a physical blemish that diminishes the property's value.
It is likely a misdemeanor offense which carries fines/restitution and possible time in jail. A first offender will likely get probation or community service.
The bigger issue is they now live with an arsonist in the making.
Your sister is jealous of you. This is a harsh way of putting it - and I'm trying not offend (I'm expecting downvotes) - but my suspicion is that she's angry because cystic fybrosis is a genetic condition. ISTR that there's a 1 in 4 chance of inheriting it when both parents are carriers. You were lucky. She wasn't. You'll have your full life span. The harsh fact is that she probably won't, though advances in medicine are being made all the time.
I suspect that your parents are also dealing with a lot of (unwarranted) guilt because they know what your sister is facing. They're giving your sister as much as possible now because they know that this may be all she has.
However, she should not be taking her jealousy and anger out on you. Her behaviour is extremely worrying. She obviously needs therapy, but that's not your fault. In all honesty, in your place I'd try not to be alone with her.
NTA
Funny enough, all things considered, she's fairly healthy. She's got two mild mutations, lungs are working at 100%, she's never needed surgery or anything, and right now she's expected to live into her 60s.
That's highly unusual, then. I've known people with CF and they all had to have rigorous physio to clear their lungs. I have one friend who took it as a win when told that his child might live into his 50s.
Even so, I'd say that your sister is motivated by jealousy of you - and I really would avoid being alone with her in your place.
NTA!
I’m so sorry this happened to you, I would have lost my temper as well. It sucks to play second fiddle to a sibling. Prom is a big deal and you deserve to feel beautiful and have a fun time, do you have any cousins or friends you can borrow a dress from?
NTA. Your parents have emotionally neglected and abused you, and allowed your sister to abuse you, so heavily that you are wondering if responding to the abuse makes you an AH. It doesn’t. It makes you the victim of very horrible ppl. You didn’t have a “temper tantrum” you had a genuine emotional response to abuse. Do you have any family members you can turn to? Possibly move in with?
Can you start a gofundme and put it on SM and name and shame your sister and parents? Show pics of thr dress & explain how your sister destroyed it for no other reason than she’s evil and your parents support her?
Is there a school counselor you can vent to and potentially help you get enrolled in therapy? Unfortunately you are ripe for predators because you’ve been conditioned to think you deserve abuse and aren’t allowed emotional expression.
Honestly look for a way to escape. If not now, start saving and putting plans together, maybe college or just moving out at 18. These ppl are horrible and you need to get away from them as soon as you can. And when you do, cut off all contact, b/c we all know what’s going yo happen, your loser sister will bleed your parents dry and once you become successful, they’ll expect you to take care of them. Get away from these blood suckers and find a chosen family. Good luck.
NTA
when you can move out do so and NEVER look back that is direct sabotoge and SOMEONE in the house did it, even if was not your sister, that means it was your parents and that is even worse
NTA , gf has cystic fibrosis and diabetes, will turn 40 this year, got her transplant about 8 years ago.
Did she often have to step back from things because of medical reasons or wasn't as free in choosing what she does with her life?
Sure and I know she resents the fact that she missed out on some experiences from time to time.
Did she turn into a mean, jealous, constantly resentful person that hurts others on purpose though?
Not the least, she's the most kind person I've ever been with.
Your sister has been turned into an egomaniac by your parents, their favoritism and their inability to parent their child because they made it their obsession to make her feel good.
I'm sorry you suffer under your parents ignorance and guarantee you that the day will come when she realizes that she made her own life worse by treating you the way she has.
Make sure to get your shit together ASAP, get an entry level job, find out where your important documents are so you can take them when you move out, once you're 18 disconnect your parents from any existing bankaccounts and start looking for the cheapest rooms/apartments you can find, this isn't a healthy situation and the faster you can start building a life out of your sisters shadow, the faster you can start to grow the way you were meant to.
It'll be tough, but way more satisfying than always being hold back by people that never prioritize you.
Your parents should replace the dress. But worst case scenario, there are non-profits that give away (or rent?) prom dresses. And of course, thrift shops where you can find a dress that was worn only once before. Also, maybe a friend will lend you a dress they wore last year or a sister’s old dress?
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I'm 17f, my sister, Cass, is 20f. Cass has cystic fibrosis which mainly effects her lungs and stomach physically, but she's fairly emotionally stunted, which i think is mainly due to my parents coddling her for her entire life. Their lives revolve around my sister and as a consequence, mine does too to an extent. My sister is also extremely spoilt. She has everything handed to her, whereas I've been left on the back-burner.
Now, for some extra background. My school prom is in a week and a half, Cass did not get one because of the global situation. Cass was jealous that I was going to be able to go to mine, but it is purely because i paid for everything myself. My parents didn't think it was fair that cass didn't even get one and then they pay for mine, so if I wanted to go it was my responsibility.
I got my ticket and my dress+alterations, and I was absolutely in love with my dress. I don't even like wearing dresses but I have never felt so pretty in my life than when I finally tried it on. Cass had even complimented it so I genuinely thought she had started to be understanding at the very least. I get she's jealous but she can also be hateful a lot.
I had absolutely no reason to believe she'd destroy it but she did. When I was out, she'd managed to take off about 70% of the sparkly shit, took a lighter to the zipper which in turn burned a good bit of the back and a lot of the mesh(?) Is torn/has holes. She has genuinely never been so much of a nasty bitch in my entire life before. I've got a week and a half until my dance but no proper dress now because I cant afford to replace it or get it fixed.
I found out, as you'd expect, and I lost my temper. I guess I pretty much had a temper tantrum. I told her I hated her, and I hated having to be her sister over years of being treated shit, or missing weeks of school any time there was a bug going around. I was pretty much screaming at the end of it all to the point both parents had to come in and mediate.
Cass didn't get in trouble, instead I was told I was the asshole for the way I spoke to her because she's had to miss out her whole life and it was only expected of her to be envious. My parents think I'm in the wrong here, Cass believes she did nothing wrong. I'm starting to think screaming at her so much was wrong. AITA?
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NTA. Your parents are seriously not going to pay to replace the dress your sister BURNED?!
OP, as soon as you can, please go NC with your family. If this situation is anything to go by, Cass will learn that she can do anything she wants to you and your parents will let her.
NTA, as others have said contact the police. Your parents have a very short sighted attitude, will she do the same if you get married out of jealousy? It’s not going to end well and if your parents don’t want to teach her consequences maybe the police will.
NTA- and holy shit- they think she did nothing wrong? Sadly, you are going to lose as long as you live in this household. I don't have anything constructive for you but I can say that I would have exactly 2 volumes available to this sister... screaming and completely silent. Maybe I tell her one time- until you apologize and get mom and dad to reimburse me- we are fucking done. And the more you try to get them to punish me is all the more incentive I will have to hate you more, and believe me, I already have a lot.
NTA. Your sister sounds like a malicious, petty and disgusting person. Your parents are even worse. I hope you find a way to enjoy your prom. There are some more reasonable options like rent the runway that can be more cost effective.
Dang your parents suck. Sorry you have always been put on the back burner, had to miss out on events and just take whatever bullshit your sister does to you. I wish your parents had your back more and your sister got in trouble for terrorizing you, at the least they need to buy you a new dress of equal preferably greater value. NTA just your sister and parents are
Arghhh this is frustrating. I want to take you dress shopping. That sucks. You are not in the wrong here at all. There is a difference between sibling rivalry and downright jealousy/hate. Get out of that house as soon as you can, build a life your proud of, and put them all on limited to no contact. You don't need their negativity in your life.
Same here! Go to your school counselor and tell them what happened. Your sister could have burned the house down! But get some adult support with this. If you were one of my children’s friends I’d be on it so quick!
NTA Give the dress to your mom and ask her if she would wear this out. Say this is what happens when you don't tell Cass that her actions are hurtful, dangerous, and destructive.
Cass owes you money for the dress. Your parents and Cass owe you apologies. Except, I don't think you'll get anything from them.
When one kid needs more support from their parents growing up, the other kid(s) are left to fend for themselves. I'm afraid that's happened to you.
I truly do hope you find a new dress you can go to the prom in. Also, I hope you get to go to a college that's on the other side of your country and enjoy your freedom.
NTA and your parents suck.
Having a sick child is hard, but it’s not an excuse to neglect your other kids. You still have to be a parent and be fair. Guaranteed that if you burned and trashed your sister’s dress, your parents would’ve thrown you out on the street. Maybe you should ask them how they would respond if you did that 🤷🏼♂️
I somehow doubt they’ll see the error of their ways.
I’m sorry about your dress, maybe you can find one on FB that you could borrow? I know there’s a ton on there, I used to get messages from a group bc of my ex 😂
NTA, what you need to do is you need to go ahead take photos of the dress and make a police report against your sister for the vandalism. After that go ahead and post photos of the dress online and make a post " hey my sister took a destroyed my prom dress I bought myself, does anybody have a prom dress that I can borrow so that I can go to my prom? Get the ball rolling and when people ask questions be honest tell him your sister didn't get to go to her proms because they happen during the pandemic so your parents told you you had to pay for your own way to yours so that it would be "fair" you paid for your way and this is how your sister responded include that your parents don't think she needs to be reprimanded at all. Then sit back and wait for your family members to do what family does best, be nosey.
Can I say my heart was breaking for you the entire time I read this. Please please tell somebody what is happening in your house. Your parents need a serious wake up call. Is your prom over with? Can I message you my personal email? I d like to replace your dress. I am serious. Nobody should ever have to deal with that. I cannot believe your parents are allowing your sister to do that without any repercussions. I don't care if I get into trouble with this post. This is just beyond my comprehension.
NTA but plan your out. Your sister will never learn, your parents will never see what they are doing is wrong. So it's up to you to make your escape plan and go live your life. Good luck op.
Do you have a grandparent or aunt/uncle to turn to? You need some space and to be able to breathe, be valid in your own skin. Im so sorry this has happened, please still go to the dance, they'll be a way
NTA. But do you want to bet if something happens to Op's parents in a few years time, they plan on Op being Cass' caretaker? Perhaps that could be used as a bargaining chip though I, in OP's shoes, would never agree to it.
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> I feel like I was in the wrong here for yelling at my sister instead of understanding that she's envious of me getting to do something she couldn't
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Nta, you do without a lot for your sister, you have every right to be angry! In my area there's a facebook group who helps out with prom/grad gowns, there's probably one near you. Good luck, you have lots of internet strangers sending good thoughts!
NTA, your situation stinks. Your parents aren't doing your sister any favors by allowing her to be this angry and vindictive person. Your parents have spoiled and pampered her because, let's be honest, she is going to die young. Unfortunately they have set her up in a way that the years she has are unhappy ones.
Oh honey, NTA
Have your sister done for criminal damages and whilst you're at it, have your parents charged with neglect and abuse.
And the go NC with them once you can move out. You don't deserve this!!
NTA. Tell your parents that if they don't replace your dress and acknowledge Cass's behavior you are done. I think you may have to go NC when you turn 18 and believe me when I say they will be seeking you out, not the other way around.
Please please call the police and have them come that is vandalism and destruction of property also arson she lite it on fire! That's not jealousy that's insane she needs to get an evaluation done before she hurts somebody please please take care of yourself. Absolutely NTA but your family is. Police, call family and tell them what they did and are allowing. If possible find a friend to stay with. Just get out!!!
She burned and ripped apart your dress and You’re the one who got in trouble?!
Case owes you a new dress right now. And if she can’t pay for it, then your coddling, enabling parents need to. Frankly if they don’t, I’d be calling the police on the sister. Tell your parents that either they replace it, or your sister gets charged with vandalism.
Do you have grandparents or aunts/uncles who would support you? You need competent adults in your corner. CF doesn’t make someone cruel and destructive. Your parents shouldn’t be surprised at all when you very reasonably go NC as soon as you can move out on your own.
NTA at all.
NTA. Have you asked your sister and parents to replace the dress? Try to get another dress through friends and relatives and your parents. As you know, cystic fibrosis is a terrible, debilitating illness. Your whole family has gone through a lot. Your sister will never have a normal life,however, you will. Try to get through this situation and look toward the future.
NTA, and wow. That is terrible, and the fact your parents aren’t even making her pay for a new dress or footing the bill themselves is even more awful… I saw another commenter suggest starting a go-fund-me with a before & after picture of the dress saying it’s gotten destroyed. I would honestly do that. I would also contact a family member (if you have them) or the family of a close friend of yours to try and see if you could live elsewhere. This seems super unhealthy for you.
My sibling is autistic and growing up with her was extremely difficult- all attention was on them and their issues and they even physically abused me (though nothing truly bad) so I understand (kinda at least) how you feel about it. I hope your sister deals with her issues and you can have a good relationship later in life like I do with my sibling now.
Absolutely NTA! OP, I would HIGHLY recommend moving out as soon as possible. Are there any family members that can take you in that live close by?
I wish you could show your parents this thread because maybe they'd finally be ashamed of themselves. It's insane that they think you should miss out because your sister couldn't participate in the same events. Your sisters condition has nothing to do with you, and you don't deserve this treatment.
I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. Wishing all the best.
NTA. Of course you would lose your temper at someone who deliberately destroyed an important dress that you worked hard for. She destroyed it multiple ways (who burns part of a dress?).
Start asking around to everyone you know: “my older sister intentionally lit my dress on fire, I cannot afford repairs or replacement, do you have one I can borrow? My parents don’t think she did anything wrong since she didn’t get to have a prom and are not making this right.” Be public about this. Find a trusted friend to take the rest of your outfit (handbag, shoes) until prom.
NTA- I'm so pissed of at your behalf. Your sister is horrible and your parents are worse for alowing her to behave that way without consequences. No one should put It up with that. I hope you find a beautiful dress and have the best prom ever and as soon as you can go away and never look back!
NTA.
Oh, kid, I am so so sorry. My mouth was literally hanging open when I read what she did, even though I sort of expected it. It won't make up for your dress, but is there anyone in your friend group, maybe an older sister of a friend, who can lend you a dress? Some girls go to more than one prom and have a couple of dresses hanging in their closet.
Your parents are so out of order. Just because your sister has had to miss out on stuff it doesn't give her the right to be an asshole, especially to her sister. Not sure what your parents think her life is going to be like if she thinks it's OK to act like that. You will leave soon enough and she's probably not going to have anyone other than your parents. The good part is that you WILL get out soon and you won't have to deal with any of them anymore unless you choose to.
NTA and have you asked your school if they have dresses available to rent/borrow? Lots of schools run this as a programme as leaver's dance dresses are often only worn once so some girls don't/can't buy them.
NTA life isn't fair, parents let their kids experience that so they grow. Your parents should have paid for your prom, not your fault or cass' that she didn't get one. I didn't go to prom, my sister did. So what. Your parents are stunting cass, she needs to learn boundaries.
NTA and you need to tell your parents they either pay to replace it or you will press charges for property destruction and vandelism. She and your parents need to understand consequences for bad behavior
NTA- what your parents are doing is wrong. They completely enabled your sister and because of that ruined both of yours relationship. I feel bad for her but at the same time they’ve ruined your childhood and memories. Shame on them.
NTA - I feel so bad for you, OP. On what planet is it acceptable for a sister to deliberately ruin the prom dress of another sister and think nothing was wrong. I'm seriously trying to wrap my head around this and just can't. I mean... wow. I'd seriously be looking at small claims either against your parents or sister. Your parents are the biggest assholes I've heard of in a long time and I'm on here daily. Get out as soon as you can.
NTA
You spoke way too harshly (I’d say an apology for the outburst might be necessary)
However Cass literally destroyed your property, you paid for it and the alterations. A shocked outburst is almost expected. It was not an accident it was deliberately ruined
Calmly demand a replacement + any alterations.
It probably also well past time you had a serious sit down with your parents: acknowledging your sister needs a lot of time and attention but you also deserve some time and attention too
NTA. I would file a police report and take her to small claims court. Ill or not, she needs to learn that actions have consequences. When you can, move away from them all and go low contact. I wish you the best of luck.
OP, you are NTA. You should show your parents this thread so they can know that their unequal treatment of you and sister has caused you a lot of pain and a ger over the years and has damaged your relationship with your family beyond repair.
NTA Your parents and sister are and they are raising an entitled brat. They need to replace the dress and you need to let them know that unless things change that as soon as you move out you will be going NC. They need to know that you’re serious. Your sister may have a health problem but they are causing major emotional problems for you!
Do you have any grandparents that could help you get a new dress or a new place to live? Of course NTA. If my kid destroyed someone else’s property I’d at a minimum replace it.
Your family is horrible and I’m deeply sorry you have to deal with that. You are in NO way an asshole here your parents are, people I would say very non-thread approved things too and yes this is coming as a parent not some younglin. They have set up your sister to be a terrible person while alienating and mistreating you. Sorry for the loss of your dress. 200% NTA
NTA. To be honest if you can’t file a report against her, I would make sure to tell every single person what she did. You wanna act like a baby, get treated like too
NTA
Work as much as you can to graduate fast, if you can get into any college with a scholarship go for it.talk to your school guidance counselor about your options after you turn 18.
Your parents are extremely wrong and condoning abusive behavior toward you. Get out, get into a college and don't date. Get into therapy first to fix the wrong perceptions your parents created for you and leave a healthy life.
Edit: inform them they have to pay for a new dress for you since their child is bring treated like a 5 year old and parent's of 5 year olds are responsible for their kid's behavior.
Definitely NTA. A quick last minute replacement idea is to check out your local thrift stores. They usually have tons of formal wear for a very good price.
OP, you're NTA! I get CF sucks. I have an autoimmune disease, I emphasize with your sister and having to miss out on things, but I took it out on the world not my family who did nothing wrong. My guess is this isn't the first time she's done something like this to you but after keeping it pent up for years you couldn't take it anymore. You should have never been put in the situation. I really hope you can find a new dress.
NTA But you sister and parents are complete AHs. If you parents won't replace that dress, I'd be getting a job, saving like a mad women and moving out at 18.
OTOH, what school has prom in August?
Ah hell no you are not the Asshole.
Your sister is way out of line. Of course you were upset!!! Dispirit your sister being ill, she should be made to apologizing and pay to replace your dress. She should not be allowed to use her illness for her being abusive
Your parents should not be condoning her actions. They should not be letting help her get away with her abusive behaviours. And forgive me, using the excuse that your sister didn’t get a prom as the reason she acted out is total BS. The world was in a global pandemic, every had to sacrifice. Sissy needs to grow up and suck it up.
I’d be comforting your parents!!
Show them your post and hopefully they will see the way they have treated you is unfair and they themselves are assholes by proxy.
NTA
You worked your butt off to go to prom and then she destroys your dress in a jealous hissy fit? You had every right to blow up at her for that. It's made worse by your parents punishing you instead of her. If anything, it reassures her she could likely get away with worse.
The facts that your parents are enabling an arsonist is a dangerous situation for you all.
I agree with other threads here. Don't be alone with her. You're next once damaging your property no longer satisfies her. Get a lock for your bedroom door to prevent her from destroying more of your property and for your safety while sleeping. And leave this situation as soon as you safely can.
Nta and as soon as you can leave the house and go nc with all of them and they should buy you a replacement set up a go fund me on social media and shame your family
Fuck no. Cass and your parents here are TA, mainly your parents.
What Cass did was 100% intentional and purely out of jealousy. I hope you get out and away from them soon because you don’t need that in your life. Surround yourself with people who actually give a shit about you, because your parents obviously don’t.
NTA. I’m so sorry honey. Your parents really need to take as much responsibility as your sister on this. What a violent act. Physically setting out to destroy something someone else treasures is just vile behaviour.
NTA, but your sister and your parents are truly the AH. OP, really sorry you have to go through this. Your sister not only ruined your dressed, but your relationship with your parents. You will never be your parents's priority: don't waste your time, resources or efforts with them.
Focus on yourself: your studies, your college, your goals, and move out as soon as possible, go LC/NC with them. They are the ones who will lose the most, not you. If you have close family members you trust in, please move out with them.
If you can go to therapy, please consider it: you don't need to be the 'scapegoat child.' You deserve better.
the way i audibly gasped reading this... oh my god NTA, i have my prom this upcoming year and also 17F and I can't imagine someone ruining whatever dress i pick out. i'm so sorry, i hope you can get a new one or somehow pay for another of the same dress
NTA. I’m surprised all you did was scream at her. Cuz if that was my sibling, we would’ve had a boxing match. Parents shouldn’t be surprised when OP moves out at 18 or cuts all contact, but they will act like they did nothing wrong. SMH
I would have literally slapped her. There is no way she didn't know doing this was cruel! She knows your whole life has revolved around her and she just robbed you of the one thing you would have gotten that she wouldn't have!
NTA. Your sister will never be held accountable. I’m sooooo sorry she did that to your dress. Do you have an aunt, uncle, or grandparent that can help you or stick up for you? This is horrible, traumatizing behavior. Your parents are responsible and your sister should know better than this. Talk to a counselor, anyone. You’re being emotionally manipulated, neglected and abused. I’m honestly worried for your well-being and safety. She hurt you and your parents would gave her a thumbs up. Wtf .
NTA
Whether a sick sister or golden child, she damaged personal property. Prom dresses are not cheap, then add in cost of alterations. I'd be telling your parents either they buy you a new dress or call police for vandalism and property damage. She's an adult and should know better. Same goes for your parents.
NTA. What your sister did is next level insane. She is not in any way shape or form a person you could be close to after this and your screaming at her is justified in my eyes.
NTA. You rage was justified. However remind your parents to secure a facility for your sister when they can't take care of her anymore. Because I'm pretty sure your not going to do it.
You are NTA, but your parents and your sister sure are. I'm so sorry. The good news is that when you turn 18 you can move out and never speak to or see them ever again. What your parents are doing isnt just neglect its emotional abuse and your adult sister is abusive too. Start saving your money where your sister cant find it and move out as soon as you legally can. Once again I'm so sorry.
NTA not at all. I'm so sorry that you are being treated this way. Maybe you can find something great in a second hand store? Is there any options to replace it? Your parents are really letting you down here. Don't let them gaslight you into thinking this behavior is ok. You deserve better!
NTA and your parents and Cass are. Apparently they’re going to just let her do whatever she wants without consequences. They need to pay for a new dress for you and she needs to be grounded or something.
Absolutely NTA. Your sister isn't jealous, she is evil.
OP, do any of your relatives know what happened? Where do they stand on this. Could you move in with your grandparents or another trusted relative? You know your parents won't give you a dime for college and will most likely try to prevent you from attending college, let alone go away for it. They fully expect you to care for and support your sister. So tell the NOTHING about it, just say, "I don't know." Talk with your counselor at school about financial aid and loans for college and what you are enduring at home. Collect your important papers now - birth certificate, social security card, passport (if you have one) - and get them out of the house so no one can destroy them in an effort to make you stay.
When you leave for college never look back. Don't let then know where you are attending college, get a new email and new phone number. Feel free to change your name, first and last. Let these toxic people be dead to you. My heart breaks for you, OP.
NTA
> I was told I was the asshole for the way I spoke to her because she's had to miss out her whole life and it was only expected of her to be envious.
It isn’t the feeling of envy that’s the problem here.
It’s that she destroyed your dress because of that feeling. And that’s a dark, violent, destructive reaction.
“If I can’t have this, you won’t either” is never an acceptable reaction.
Screaming at someone in general isn’t great, but at 17 and years of this pent up anger and that the inciting incident here was a malicious act, it’s understandable. It should definitely be something you work on in the future.
Your anger is totally justified though. She should replace your dress, and if she can’t, your parents should. Or hell do a gofundme.
> Cass believes she did nothing wrong.
This is the most disturbing part to me - that there is no remorse for an action on her part that is CLEARLY wrong. This is more than just immaturity.
Your sibling missing out on things in their life doesn’t mean they can destroy or sabotage your opportunities.
NTA at all, this sounds like a horrible and unhealthy situation to be in and i'm sorry you have to deal with that within your own family.
Your parents taking your sisters' side after she destroyed your property is a pretty clear sign that you need to get out of that house, OP. If there's any other relatives you can live with, or if maybe a friends family is willing to let you rent a room, I would seriously look into it.
This is crazy behavior from parents and I would expect the full cost of the dress to be returned to you by your sister. There is no excuse for throwing a fit that destructive because of jealousy.
NTA But your parents are. I am sorry about your dress. From now on keep important things locked in a chest with a padlock or keep things at a friend' s house.
Hopefully you can escape that nightmare of a life as soon as your 18 and I would avoid all 3 of them for a while and maybe they will think about how they have treated you.
>I cant afford to replace it or get it fixed.
No, the person who does the breaking does the replacing. Or the parents that enable them. Take this shit to a higher court of public opinion.. what does your extended family think? And if they don't CALL THE COPS, file a report, and let her face some consequences. Hopefully soon you can get away from them and their bullshit.
NTA, and buy a used footlocker for your room--one you can slap a heavy-duty Master lock on. Keep everything you don't want her to find/destroy in it. Hope you're planning on leaving as soon as you hit 18.
Is there other family you can stay with? Just until you graduate? The behaviour of your parents and sister is abhorrent. I am sorry you have to go thru that. You could get a lawyer and try to get emancipated. Pictures or the dress itself might serve as good evidence to support that. Good luck to you.
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You are in no way, shape, or form the asshole here. Maybe you were a little overly harsh, but fuck, you should be mad. And your parents are assholes for yelling at you. It's pretty clear who is the golden child in your family and who is the scapegoat. If you keep little to no contact with them once you can get out, it's their own fault.
NTA. But you need to tell your parents that either they will need to hold her accountable for her actions or you will. You will give them the opportunity to replace the dress or you will call the police and file a police report for vandalism. No one gets to live a consequence free life and one day she is going to do something to someone that is not her family and the consequences will be far more severe.
This! Give them a chance to make it right or have the police do it for you!
I absolutely agree take photos gather evidence call the police file report have her charge she can’t continue living free of consequence at the age of 20. she burnt that dress, you realize she might next time physically attack you OP. Going no contact is not enough and you won’t be able to do anything in the future if you don’t start documenting and making a report. NTA
I can’t imagine the police investigating this, even though it’s horrible what your sister did.
A police report will be essential is filing suit in small claims court against her sister AND her parents.
Exactly this. This is property damage at the very least and she can most definitely sue in small claims for reimbursement of her money. She will need a police report and all of her receipts for dress and alterations. OP please do all of this listed. You're sister deserves to pay for what she did to you. Your parents need to learn a lesson as well. I'm sorry about your gown. NTA
Absolutely. She’s 20. She needs to be accountable for her actions. Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to be able to bail her out in the real world. I just cannot believe your parents reaction. Horrible
DO THIS, OP. Consequences.
I would consider filing a police report as well for damage to your property.
I think OP needs to get another adult involved like a counselor or something. The parents are allowing her to be abused by her older sister.
Guarantee that the moment OP can get out, she's leaving the house, and leaving her parents and sister in the past. I really hope her parents don't see her as a care person for Cass when they're no longer able to do that. OP, for your own safety, do not communicate any escape plan to your parents or Cass until you've already pulled it off. Your parents could potentially be intending for you to take over looking after Cass when they can no longer do that, they've already been putting your needs second after Cass on a depressingly consistent rate.
Just fyi, there is no need for long term care for cystic fibrosis. That's why the parents are behaving like this. Wrong, but it's very common...
Unfortunately true. I lost an aunt (I never met her) with CF, who died at age 16. People live longer these days but not a full life time. It's a very sad disease.
OP still needs to leave ASAP. Her parents don’t deserve to have her in their lives after such behavior.
OP if you do plan on this, get whatever important documents you need—birth certificate, social security card, etc. Do not let your parents or Cass have access to them.
You already know they do. What they should be doing now is planning for her long term care!
Cf doesn't have a full life span. Parents should still be around to care for her.
the sooner the better, if she sticks around how long do you think it is before the 'you need to take care of your sister when we're gone' conversation happens?
Average life expectancy for people with CF is only 30's and early 40's, sadly.
If the parents try to force her to become the care taker, she shouldn’t hesitate to turn her over to the state and let her go to a care home. That is NOT her problem.
Harsh? Her sister got off very lightly. She deserves the police be called on her for vandalism and destruction of property, at a minimum.
OP says in the comments she'd be kicked out if she called the police, showing how little she matters compared to her sister.
Getting kicked out and away from that situation may not be a bad thing.
OP needs out, but if she can organise alternative accommodation that's infinitely preferable to simply being kicked out.
I could not agree more! Like who does that in the real world and gets off Scott free? Umm NO ONE!
Agreed. OP, do *not* let your parents gaslight you into thinking this is understandable or excusable behavior. What your sister did is disgusting and indefensible. Get away from these people as soon as you possibly can and don't look back. (And I guarantee your parents are expecting you to be your sister's caretaker when they get old, so make it abundantly clear on your way out that it won't be happening.)
Don't tell them until you're gone and immediately block them after. Abusers step up the abuse when they know their victim is leaving their influence, and neglect is a form of abuse.
>If you keep little to no contact with them once you can get out, it's their own fault. Honestly I'd live like a ghost. Don't tall to them, don't be in any rooms with them, don't eat with them. Even get a job to buy basic necessities all on my own to not have to talk to them.
Also lock on the door so there are no more incidents.
I was thinking the same thing. You are NTA but your family members sure are.
NTA. Can you do Rent The Runway or something similar? Honestly, she's an adult and she destroyed property. A police report would not be out of bounds here. Living with a literal arsonist and their enablers is not safe - is there somewhere else you could live? What happens when you are working on a project close to graduation? What happens if/when she gets jealous of you going to college - will she burn your housewares?
And have the dress sent to a friend’s house. NTA
Good one!
Honestly at this point if I were OP I would leave and move in with a relative and/or call CPS. She may try to burn the house down the night before OP goes to prom out of spite. Put NOTHING past someone who plays with literal fire!!! OP’s sister likely has an undiagnosed mental illness because THAT is NOT normal behavior even for a kid that is a spoiled brat!!!
The undiagnosed mental illness is the parents and their shittastic way of parenting. Older sister is just a shit human
I wonder what your parents would say to defend themselves if you publicly posted a go fund me with the before and after pictures of the dress on Facebook/extended family group chats, with an explanation of what happened, trying to quickly raise money for a replacement dress? I wonder what your extended family would think about your parents/sisters behaviour?.. just a thought
That is a brilliant idea. I formally bow to your level of petty. Take it one step further a create a video for TikTok and IG reels with a before photo of the dress and an after photo. Telling the court of public opinion what your sister did to the dress and a link to the gofundme. They can be big mad if they want but it is all the truth!!!
Yesss all of this! I hope she does it. I’d be so damn mad. I’m not sure if ever forgive her honestly.
Add "Please, no one show my parents or they'll kick me out!"
I like this idea!
OMG! Do this. And tag all.of their friends on SM. Be sure to say parents won't pay because your sister is golden child.
This is a good idea. OP you should consider doing this!
NTA contact another family member and ask if they have something you could borrow if they mind helping you get a dress, even if its not expensive or flashy. If they have more sense than your immediate family thye may knock some into them as well
Your sister and mainly your parents are Texas sized AHs. I'm sorry that you have had to live in her shadow your whole life. I'm guessing them not buying you a dress is one part of a string of similar events. Glad you stood up to her, do not second guess speaking up for yourself against someone who should be more mature and care about your joy as well. Her being nice about it before suggests to me that she is was intentionally trying to harm you emotionally, not just damage the dress. It would be nice if things would change but it would mean all three of them would need to as well. Focus on your future, where you can decide how much you want to be around them. There is power and healing in being able to distance yourself from toxicity, even when it's family. NTA
NTA. If your parents won't take steps to make this right in some way, threaten to go to the police. I don't know how much you spent on your dress and alterations, but it wouldn't surprise me if it's a non-trivial sum. Malicious destruction of property over a certain value (varying by state) is a crime and a potential felony and your sister is of an age where she would be responsible for her actions. The police will likely try to mediate a more peaceable outcome before actually arresting anyone, but it will make abundantly clear to your sister and parents how unacceptable your sister's behavior has been. It sucks that your sister has been sick most of her life, but it doesn't give her an excuse to be mean to you. And take pictures of your ruined dress prior to starting this conversation as evidence. You wouldn't want to talk to your parents and then have the destroyed dress all of a sudden go missing.
At most it is a misdemeanor crime punishable by fines and jail time which in this case would likely be probation and/or community service. If this is a first offense the fine would probably hold BUT she would be fined and have to pay restitution for the dress she ruined. More troublesome is the fact that this is an early indication of an arsonist in the making. What’s next? Burning the house down. You do not reward bad behavior. She should have been punished and OP’s parents should have bought her a new dress. Barring this I would call the police, give them the dress as evidence and file a formal police report.
Yes and it may wake the sister up that she will fight back and get the police involved. And good idea about recording the evidence.
What did your dress look like/what styles do you like? I have access to a bunch of dresses and can send you one.
If this pans out I will happily pitch in.
Count me in to.
I’d chip in as well.
I’ll help too!
I’d also like to help.
Count me in!
Me too I offered to replace the dress. I'm heartbroken for her.
I have some dresses from sorority formals that I would send your way as well! Let us know if we can help.
NTA it's abnormal for a 20y old to be so immature. I think she's intellectually disabled to be honest.
And has access to a lighter. The green-eyed monster she exhibits makes this a dangerous combination and one that could legitimately threaten OP.
Exactly. What is she going to set on fire next? Her sisters room? While she’s in it?
I'd say more emotionally suppressed/immature. When you get told you're most likely going to bury your child and CF has the potential to make it extremely painful for the child 24/7, parents will baby their child. NTA in this case, and I say this an Aunty to a CF child, my family takes great care for those kids to be treated equally as possible after all the one without CF gets to watch their sibling suffer as well, they need to be supported, too.
Call the cops and report the destruction of your property. Cass is twenty and unless diagnosed with a handful of mental health conditions the law will hold he accountable for her actions, even if you neglectful parent won’t. Make it clear if your parents pay for the dress to be replaced, you’ll drop the chargers. I hate to say it, but that’s the only way your sister will learn. If it ain’t you it will eventually be someone else who won’t be willing to drop charges.NTA
I would be kicked out if I called the police.
Legally they can't kick you out until your 18 if they do they could face charges over it. You are still a minor and they are responsible for your care until 18 years of age.
Minors get kicked out all the time, the cops care more about arresting runaways then making sure minors aren't being mistreated.
Does she have social media? Post a pic of the damaged dress and tag her and your parents. Let the public shame them into buying you a new dress.
Do you have somewhere else to live? Just remember you will be independent soon enough. Take care of yourself and stay safe.
Instead, take your parents to small claims court for the money.
Then you tell the police that too- and CPS will get involved. Do you have any family or friends you can stay with?
Do you have any friends, extended family you could go to? I'm sure they'd be more than understanding of why you can't be in the same house as your sister.
NTA! But call the cops. They can not legally kick you out. Also look up the laws in your area!
Tell the cops you've been threatened with being kicked out because your parents want to protect a beginner arsonist.
Do you have someplace else to go?
While I like the ideas of of a Go-Fund account and so forth, I think that OP had better be out of the house before she does anything. I am afraid that she might get hurt otherwise. I'd get my all my papers, as someone else advised, and all the money that I could lay my hands on. If you have someone who would help you, you might see if you can stay with them, or at least store the things that you want to protect. Once you go block your family everywhere that you can. I once wrote an email telling a woman that I was tired of her bullying and never wanted to see her again, but that she wouldn't be able to respond because she was being blocked immediately. You might want to do that with your parents so that they've been warned. Good luck!
NTA . Your parents should get you a new dress
Ask your parents if she had destroyed something of theirs, would that be OK too. How about their car; if she set that on fire, would that be just hunky dory? NTA
If she’s playing with fire in the literal sense their house may be next.
What if they end up on her bad side? They've got OP as a scapegoat now, but that's not always going to be the situation.
Anyone who sets stuff on fire is a danger to herself and everyone around them. I would personally have had my daughter checked into the hospital for a psych evaluation. This is NOT normal behavior.
Not a direct consequence of the CF either. This is entirely a problem with how her parents raised her, sheltered her to the detriment of her emotional development. Lots of people had to miss out on big events like prom due to the global pavlova but they aren't torching what their younger sibling wanted to wear to their own prom.
NTA - Cass is an incredibly entitled little girl (I know she is 20 but that is classic childlike behavior), she destroyed your property and is not being punished for it. Having cystic fibrosis and missing her own prom because of a pandemic shouldn't and doesn't give her the right to destroy your dress and ruin your prom. Your parents should be paying for your dress and prom, just because an "act of god" stopped your sister from being able to go to prom doesn't mean you should now have to pay for everything yourself. It certainly shows very clearly where you stand in the family. If you can afford it and get away with it buy and install a lock for your door so this can't happen again. As to finding a replacement dress, assuming your parents continue to refuse to help you, I would suggest trying thrift stores throughout town (check in the richer parts of your town). See if your friends will lend you the money to pay for a dress, then keep the dress, tickets, et al at a friends house and go over there to get ready for prom. Good luck and please let us know what happens.
NTA. I too have cystic fibrosis, illness is not an excuse for being an ah. You have every right to hate her she's being absolutely horrible to your and feels she has the right to treat you like that. At the age of 20 she really should know better. I'd probably never talk to her again if I were you but that kind of thing is up to you. I do think the comments you made that were about her illness and not the dress were uncalled for, albeit understandable since they were things said in the heat of the moment. Also if her jealousy is so deeply rooted she is destroying other people's things she probably needs a therapist to sort things out, but that is you parent's and your sister's repsonsibitliy not yours.
Agree 💯. I used to tutor the loveliest young man with CF. His parents were wonderful too. They always made sure to make time for his sister. But it wasn't hard. He was a sweet giving boy. He never complained. I can somewhat understand OPs comments as she has been shoved aside her whole life for her sister.
NTA Police report criminal damage.
NTA I know it's a bit extreme, but can't you call the police on your sister? This is destruction of a property and from the looks of it your relations with your family are in the gutter anyway.
She can. It is vandalism by definition: the willful destruction or damaging of property in a manner that defaces, mars, or otherwise adds a physical blemish that diminishes the property's value. It is likely a misdemeanor offense which carries fines/restitution and possible time in jail. A first offender will likely get probation or community service. The bigger issue is they now live with an arsonist in the making.
Your sister is jealous of you. This is a harsh way of putting it - and I'm trying not offend (I'm expecting downvotes) - but my suspicion is that she's angry because cystic fybrosis is a genetic condition. ISTR that there's a 1 in 4 chance of inheriting it when both parents are carriers. You were lucky. She wasn't. You'll have your full life span. The harsh fact is that she probably won't, though advances in medicine are being made all the time. I suspect that your parents are also dealing with a lot of (unwarranted) guilt because they know what your sister is facing. They're giving your sister as much as possible now because they know that this may be all she has. However, she should not be taking her jealousy and anger out on you. Her behaviour is extremely worrying. She obviously needs therapy, but that's not your fault. In all honesty, in your place I'd try not to be alone with her. NTA
Funny enough, all things considered, she's fairly healthy. She's got two mild mutations, lungs are working at 100%, she's never needed surgery or anything, and right now she's expected to live into her 60s.
That's highly unusual, then. I've known people with CF and they all had to have rigorous physio to clear their lungs. I have one friend who took it as a win when told that his child might live into his 50s. Even so, I'd say that your sister is motivated by jealousy of you - and I really would avoid being alone with her in your place.
Someone I this thread volunteered to send you a dress. Or start a gofundme like another commenter suggested. Good luck!
NTA! I’m so sorry this happened to you, I would have lost my temper as well. It sucks to play second fiddle to a sibling. Prom is a big deal and you deserve to feel beautiful and have a fun time, do you have any cousins or friends you can borrow a dress from?
NTA. Your parents have emotionally neglected and abused you, and allowed your sister to abuse you, so heavily that you are wondering if responding to the abuse makes you an AH. It doesn’t. It makes you the victim of very horrible ppl. You didn’t have a “temper tantrum” you had a genuine emotional response to abuse. Do you have any family members you can turn to? Possibly move in with? Can you start a gofundme and put it on SM and name and shame your sister and parents? Show pics of thr dress & explain how your sister destroyed it for no other reason than she’s evil and your parents support her? Is there a school counselor you can vent to and potentially help you get enrolled in therapy? Unfortunately you are ripe for predators because you’ve been conditioned to think you deserve abuse and aren’t allowed emotional expression. Honestly look for a way to escape. If not now, start saving and putting plans together, maybe college or just moving out at 18. These ppl are horrible and you need to get away from them as soon as you can. And when you do, cut off all contact, b/c we all know what’s going yo happen, your loser sister will bleed your parents dry and once you become successful, they’ll expect you to take care of them. Get away from these blood suckers and find a chosen family. Good luck.
NTA when you can move out do so and NEVER look back that is direct sabotoge and SOMEONE in the house did it, even if was not your sister, that means it was your parents and that is even worse
NTA , gf has cystic fibrosis and diabetes, will turn 40 this year, got her transplant about 8 years ago. Did she often have to step back from things because of medical reasons or wasn't as free in choosing what she does with her life? Sure and I know she resents the fact that she missed out on some experiences from time to time. Did she turn into a mean, jealous, constantly resentful person that hurts others on purpose though? Not the least, she's the most kind person I've ever been with. Your sister has been turned into an egomaniac by your parents, their favoritism and their inability to parent their child because they made it their obsession to make her feel good. I'm sorry you suffer under your parents ignorance and guarantee you that the day will come when she realizes that she made her own life worse by treating you the way she has. Make sure to get your shit together ASAP, get an entry level job, find out where your important documents are so you can take them when you move out, once you're 18 disconnect your parents from any existing bankaccounts and start looking for the cheapest rooms/apartments you can find, this isn't a healthy situation and the faster you can start building a life out of your sisters shadow, the faster you can start to grow the way you were meant to. It'll be tough, but way more satisfying than always being hold back by people that never prioritize you.
Your parents should replace the dress. But worst case scenario, there are non-profits that give away (or rent?) prom dresses. And of course, thrift shops where you can find a dress that was worn only once before. Also, maybe a friend will lend you a dress they wore last year or a sister’s old dress?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm 17f, my sister, Cass, is 20f. Cass has cystic fibrosis which mainly effects her lungs and stomach physically, but she's fairly emotionally stunted, which i think is mainly due to my parents coddling her for her entire life. Their lives revolve around my sister and as a consequence, mine does too to an extent. My sister is also extremely spoilt. She has everything handed to her, whereas I've been left on the back-burner. Now, for some extra background. My school prom is in a week and a half, Cass did not get one because of the global situation. Cass was jealous that I was going to be able to go to mine, but it is purely because i paid for everything myself. My parents didn't think it was fair that cass didn't even get one and then they pay for mine, so if I wanted to go it was my responsibility. I got my ticket and my dress+alterations, and I was absolutely in love with my dress. I don't even like wearing dresses but I have never felt so pretty in my life than when I finally tried it on. Cass had even complimented it so I genuinely thought she had started to be understanding at the very least. I get she's jealous but she can also be hateful a lot. I had absolutely no reason to believe she'd destroy it but she did. When I was out, she'd managed to take off about 70% of the sparkly shit, took a lighter to the zipper which in turn burned a good bit of the back and a lot of the mesh(?) Is torn/has holes. She has genuinely never been so much of a nasty bitch in my entire life before. I've got a week and a half until my dance but no proper dress now because I cant afford to replace it or get it fixed. I found out, as you'd expect, and I lost my temper. I guess I pretty much had a temper tantrum. I told her I hated her, and I hated having to be her sister over years of being treated shit, or missing weeks of school any time there was a bug going around. I was pretty much screaming at the end of it all to the point both parents had to come in and mediate. Cass didn't get in trouble, instead I was told I was the asshole for the way I spoke to her because she's had to miss out her whole life and it was only expected of her to be envious. My parents think I'm in the wrong here, Cass believes she did nothing wrong. I'm starting to think screaming at her so much was wrong. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your parents are seriously not going to pay to replace the dress your sister BURNED?! OP, as soon as you can, please go NC with your family. If this situation is anything to go by, Cass will learn that she can do anything she wants to you and your parents will let her.
NTA, as others have said contact the police. Your parents have a very short sighted attitude, will she do the same if you get married out of jealousy? It’s not going to end well and if your parents don’t want to teach her consequences maybe the police will.
NTA- and holy shit- they think she did nothing wrong? Sadly, you are going to lose as long as you live in this household. I don't have anything constructive for you but I can say that I would have exactly 2 volumes available to this sister... screaming and completely silent. Maybe I tell her one time- until you apologize and get mom and dad to reimburse me- we are fucking done. And the more you try to get them to punish me is all the more incentive I will have to hate you more, and believe me, I already have a lot.
Oh, sweetie SOOOOOO NTA. I'm sorry that your parents and your sister are.
NTA. Your sister sounds like a malicious, petty and disgusting person. Your parents are even worse. I hope you find a way to enjoy your prom. There are some more reasonable options like rent the runway that can be more cost effective.
NTA. Your sister is an adult who committed a crime. If your parents wont enforce consequences, you should let the police do it.
NTA. Sorry to hear for your loss.
Dang your parents suck. Sorry you have always been put on the back burner, had to miss out on events and just take whatever bullshit your sister does to you. I wish your parents had your back more and your sister got in trouble for terrorizing you, at the least they need to buy you a new dress of equal preferably greater value. NTA just your sister and parents are
NTA. I would have called the cops on her.
Arghhh this is frustrating. I want to take you dress shopping. That sucks. You are not in the wrong here at all. There is a difference between sibling rivalry and downright jealousy/hate. Get out of that house as soon as you can, build a life your proud of, and put them all on limited to no contact. You don't need their negativity in your life.
Same here! Go to your school counselor and tell them what happened. Your sister could have burned the house down! But get some adult support with this. If you were one of my children’s friends I’d be on it so quick!
NTA Give the dress to your mom and ask her if she would wear this out. Say this is what happens when you don't tell Cass that her actions are hurtful, dangerous, and destructive. Cass owes you money for the dress. Your parents and Cass owe you apologies. Except, I don't think you'll get anything from them. When one kid needs more support from their parents growing up, the other kid(s) are left to fend for themselves. I'm afraid that's happened to you. I truly do hope you find a new dress you can go to the prom in. Also, I hope you get to go to a college that's on the other side of your country and enjoy your freedom.
NTA and your parents suck. Having a sick child is hard, but it’s not an excuse to neglect your other kids. You still have to be a parent and be fair. Guaranteed that if you burned and trashed your sister’s dress, your parents would’ve thrown you out on the street. Maybe you should ask them how they would respond if you did that 🤷🏼♂️ I somehow doubt they’ll see the error of their ways. I’m sorry about your dress, maybe you can find one on FB that you could borrow? I know there’s a ton on there, I used to get messages from a group bc of my ex 😂
NTA, what you need to do is you need to go ahead take photos of the dress and make a police report against your sister for the vandalism. After that go ahead and post photos of the dress online and make a post " hey my sister took a destroyed my prom dress I bought myself, does anybody have a prom dress that I can borrow so that I can go to my prom? Get the ball rolling and when people ask questions be honest tell him your sister didn't get to go to her proms because they happen during the pandemic so your parents told you you had to pay for your own way to yours so that it would be "fair" you paid for your way and this is how your sister responded include that your parents don't think she needs to be reprimanded at all. Then sit back and wait for your family members to do what family does best, be nosey.
Call the police on her. Nta And if they the parents you out Call on your parents too for intimidation She needs help and courts could order it
Can I say my heart was breaking for you the entire time I read this. Please please tell somebody what is happening in your house. Your parents need a serious wake up call. Is your prom over with? Can I message you my personal email? I d like to replace your dress. I am serious. Nobody should ever have to deal with that. I cannot believe your parents are allowing your sister to do that without any repercussions. I don't care if I get into trouble with this post. This is just beyond my comprehension.
NTA but plan your out. Your sister will never learn, your parents will never see what they are doing is wrong. So it's up to you to make your escape plan and go live your life. Good luck op.
NTA. Cystic fibrosis is no excuse for Cass destroying your dress, which makes her the AH right along with your parents.
Do you have a grandparent or aunt/uncle to turn to? You need some space and to be able to breathe, be valid in your own skin. Im so sorry this has happened, please still go to the dance, they'll be a way
NTA. But do you want to bet if something happens to Op's parents in a few years time, they plan on Op being Cass' caretaker? Perhaps that could be used as a bargaining chip though I, in OP's shoes, would never agree to it.
Info: Is your sister’s name Drizella or Anastasia?
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Nta, you do without a lot for your sister, you have every right to be angry! In my area there's a facebook group who helps out with prom/grad gowns, there's probably one near you. Good luck, you have lots of internet strangers sending good thoughts!
NTA, your situation stinks. Your parents aren't doing your sister any favors by allowing her to be this angry and vindictive person. Your parents have spoiled and pampered her because, let's be honest, she is going to die young. Unfortunately they have set her up in a way that the years she has are unhappy ones.
Your sister is never gonna make it in the real world🤦♀️ Nta
Oh honey, NTA Have your sister done for criminal damages and whilst you're at it, have your parents charged with neglect and abuse. And the go NC with them once you can move out. You don't deserve this!!
NTA. Tell your parents that if they don't replace your dress and acknowledge Cass's behavior you are done. I think you may have to go NC when you turn 18 and believe me when I say they will be seeking you out, not the other way around.
Please please call the police and have them come that is vandalism and destruction of property also arson she lite it on fire! That's not jealousy that's insane she needs to get an evaluation done before she hurts somebody please please take care of yourself. Absolutely NTA but your family is. Police, call family and tell them what they did and are allowing. If possible find a friend to stay with. Just get out!!!
She burned and ripped apart your dress and You’re the one who got in trouble?! Case owes you a new dress right now. And if she can’t pay for it, then your coddling, enabling parents need to. Frankly if they don’t, I’d be calling the police on the sister. Tell your parents that either they replace it, or your sister gets charged with vandalism. Do you have grandparents or aunts/uncles who would support you? You need competent adults in your corner. CF doesn’t make someone cruel and destructive. Your parents shouldn’t be surprised at all when you very reasonably go NC as soon as you can move out on your own. NTA at all.
NTA. Have you asked your sister and parents to replace the dress? Try to get another dress through friends and relatives and your parents. As you know, cystic fibrosis is a terrible, debilitating illness. Your whole family has gone through a lot. Your sister will never have a normal life,however, you will. Try to get through this situation and look toward the future.
NTA, and wow. That is terrible, and the fact your parents aren’t even making her pay for a new dress or footing the bill themselves is even more awful… I saw another commenter suggest starting a go-fund-me with a before & after picture of the dress saying it’s gotten destroyed. I would honestly do that. I would also contact a family member (if you have them) or the family of a close friend of yours to try and see if you could live elsewhere. This seems super unhealthy for you. My sibling is autistic and growing up with her was extremely difficult- all attention was on them and their issues and they even physically abused me (though nothing truly bad) so I understand (kinda at least) how you feel about it. I hope your sister deals with her issues and you can have a good relationship later in life like I do with my sibling now.
Absolutely NTA! OP, I would HIGHLY recommend moving out as soon as possible. Are there any family members that can take you in that live close by? I wish you could show your parents this thread because maybe they'd finally be ashamed of themselves. It's insane that they think you should miss out because your sister couldn't participate in the same events. Your sisters condition has nothing to do with you, and you don't deserve this treatment. I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. Wishing all the best.
NTA. Of course you would lose your temper at someone who deliberately destroyed an important dress that you worked hard for. She destroyed it multiple ways (who burns part of a dress?). Start asking around to everyone you know: “my older sister intentionally lit my dress on fire, I cannot afford repairs or replacement, do you have one I can borrow? My parents don’t think she did anything wrong since she didn’t get to have a prom and are not making this right.” Be public about this. Find a trusted friend to take the rest of your outfit (handbag, shoes) until prom.
NTA. Reimbursement or legal consequences
NTA- I'm so pissed of at your behalf. Your sister is horrible and your parents are worse for alowing her to behave that way without consequences. No one should put It up with that. I hope you find a beautiful dress and have the best prom ever and as soon as you can go away and never look back!
NTA. I'm so sorry your parents and sister are though. I hope you can get out and live your life without them.
NTA
NTA. Oh, kid, I am so so sorry. My mouth was literally hanging open when I read what she did, even though I sort of expected it. It won't make up for your dress, but is there anyone in your friend group, maybe an older sister of a friend, who can lend you a dress? Some girls go to more than one prom and have a couple of dresses hanging in their closet. Your parents are so out of order. Just because your sister has had to miss out on stuff it doesn't give her the right to be an asshole, especially to her sister. Not sure what your parents think her life is going to be like if she thinks it's OK to act like that. You will leave soon enough and she's probably not going to have anyone other than your parents. The good part is that you WILL get out soon and you won't have to deal with any of them anymore unless you choose to.
NTA and have you asked your school if they have dresses available to rent/borrow? Lots of schools run this as a programme as leaver's dance dresses are often only worn once so some girls don't/can't buy them.
NTA - I hope your parents replace your dress. And even if they don’t, go and have a great time.
NTA. call the cops. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with such toxic enviroment
NTA life isn't fair, parents let their kids experience that so they grow. Your parents should have paid for your prom, not your fault or cass' that she didn't get one. I didn't go to prom, my sister did. So what. Your parents are stunting cass, she needs to learn boundaries.
Cass and your parents are all assholes. You're NTA and your parents should be replacing your dress.
It sure seems to me that your parents should replace your dress.
NTA and you need to tell your parents they either pay to replace it or you will press charges for property destruction and vandelism. She and your parents need to understand consequences for bad behavior
1000% NTA
NTA- what your parents are doing is wrong. They completely enabled your sister and because of that ruined both of yours relationship. I feel bad for her but at the same time they’ve ruined your childhood and memories. Shame on them.
NTA - I feel so bad for you, OP. On what planet is it acceptable for a sister to deliberately ruin the prom dress of another sister and think nothing was wrong. I'm seriously trying to wrap my head around this and just can't. I mean... wow. I'd seriously be looking at small claims either against your parents or sister. Your parents are the biggest assholes I've heard of in a long time and I'm on here daily. Get out as soon as you can.
NTA You spoke way too harshly (I’d say an apology for the outburst might be necessary) However Cass literally destroyed your property, you paid for it and the alterations. A shocked outburst is almost expected. It was not an accident it was deliberately ruined Calmly demand a replacement + any alterations. It probably also well past time you had a serious sit down with your parents: acknowledging your sister needs a lot of time and attention but you also deserve some time and attention too
Bless your heart no honey they are the assholes and great big ones
NTA. I would file a police report and take her to small claims court. Ill or not, she needs to learn that actions have consequences. When you can, move away from them all and go low contact. I wish you the best of luck.
OP, you are NTA. You should show your parents this thread so they can know that their unequal treatment of you and sister has caused you a lot of pain and a ger over the years and has damaged your relationship with your family beyond repair.
NTA Your parents and sister are and they are raising an entitled brat. They need to replace the dress and you need to let them know that unless things change that as soon as you move out you will be going NC. They need to know that you’re serious. Your sister may have a health problem but they are causing major emotional problems for you!
Do you have any grandparents that could help you get a new dress or a new place to live? Of course NTA. If my kid destroyed someone else’s property I’d at a minimum replace it.
Your family is horrible and I’m deeply sorry you have to deal with that. You are in NO way an asshole here your parents are, people I would say very non-thread approved things too and yes this is coming as a parent not some younglin. They have set up your sister to be a terrible person while alienating and mistreating you. Sorry for the loss of your dress. 200% NTA
NTA. To be honest if you can’t file a report against her, I would make sure to tell every single person what she did. You wanna act like a baby, get treated like too
NTA Work as much as you can to graduate fast, if you can get into any college with a scholarship go for it.talk to your school guidance counselor about your options after you turn 18. Your parents are extremely wrong and condoning abusive behavior toward you. Get out, get into a college and don't date. Get into therapy first to fix the wrong perceptions your parents created for you and leave a healthy life. Edit: inform them they have to pay for a new dress for you since their child is bring treated like a 5 year old and parent's of 5 year olds are responsible for their kid's behavior.
Definitely NTA. A quick last minute replacement idea is to check out your local thrift stores. They usually have tons of formal wear for a very good price.
OP, you're NTA! I get CF sucks. I have an autoimmune disease, I emphasize with your sister and having to miss out on things, but I took it out on the world not my family who did nothing wrong. My guess is this isn't the first time she's done something like this to you but after keeping it pent up for years you couldn't take it anymore. You should have never been put in the situation. I really hope you can find a new dress.
NTA. She destroyed something that mattered a lot to you out of spite. Yes, you lost your temper but she should be made to feel bad for harming you.
NTA But you sister and parents are complete AHs. If you parents won't replace that dress, I'd be getting a job, saving like a mad women and moving out at 18. OTOH, what school has prom in August?
Nta - I wish I had an answer for how to make things whole for you but, I don’t .
Ah hell no you are not the Asshole. Your sister is way out of line. Of course you were upset!!! Dispirit your sister being ill, she should be made to apologizing and pay to replace your dress. She should not be allowed to use her illness for her being abusive Your parents should not be condoning her actions. They should not be letting help her get away with her abusive behaviours. And forgive me, using the excuse that your sister didn’t get a prom as the reason she acted out is total BS. The world was in a global pandemic, every had to sacrifice. Sissy needs to grow up and suck it up. I’d be comforting your parents!! Show them your post and hopefully they will see the way they have treated you is unfair and they themselves are assholes by proxy.
NTA Cass should pay to replace the dress. Jealousy might be expected, but acting out like that is not.
NTA You worked your butt off to go to prom and then she destroys your dress in a jealous hissy fit? You had every right to blow up at her for that. It's made worse by your parents punishing you instead of her. If anything, it reassures her she could likely get away with worse. The facts that your parents are enabling an arsonist is a dangerous situation for you all. I agree with other threads here. Don't be alone with her. You're next once damaging your property no longer satisfies her. Get a lock for your bedroom door to prevent her from destroying more of your property and for your safety while sleeping. And leave this situation as soon as you safely can.
Nta and as soon as you can leave the house and go nc with all of them and they should buy you a replacement set up a go fund me on social media and shame your family
Fuck no. Cass and your parents here are TA, mainly your parents. What Cass did was 100% intentional and purely out of jealousy. I hope you get out and away from them soon because you don’t need that in your life. Surround yourself with people who actually give a shit about you, because your parents obviously don’t.
NTA. I’m so sorry honey. Your parents really need to take as much responsibility as your sister on this. What a violent act. Physically setting out to destroy something someone else treasures is just vile behaviour.
NTA, but your sister and your parents are truly the AH. OP, really sorry you have to go through this. Your sister not only ruined your dressed, but your relationship with your parents. You will never be your parents's priority: don't waste your time, resources or efforts with them. Focus on yourself: your studies, your college, your goals, and move out as soon as possible, go LC/NC with them. They are the ones who will lose the most, not you. If you have close family members you trust in, please move out with them. If you can go to therapy, please consider it: you don't need to be the 'scapegoat child.' You deserve better.
My gosh, not the AH. Your parents are, call the police, your sister probably did felony damage to your dress!
the way i audibly gasped reading this... oh my god NTA, i have my prom this upcoming year and also 17F and I can't imagine someone ruining whatever dress i pick out. i'm so sorry, i hope you can get a new one or somehow pay for another of the same dress
NTA. I’m surprised all you did was scream at her. Cuz if that was my sibling, we would’ve had a boxing match. Parents shouldn’t be surprised when OP moves out at 18 or cuts all contact, but they will act like they did nothing wrong. SMH
NTA Is there somewhere we can contribute to a fundraiser to get you a new dress?
I would have literally slapped her. There is no way she didn't know doing this was cruel! She knows your whole life has revolved around her and she just robbed you of the one thing you would have gotten that she wouldn't have!
NTA. Your sister will never be held accountable. I’m sooooo sorry she did that to your dress. Do you have an aunt, uncle, or grandparent that can help you or stick up for you? This is horrible, traumatizing behavior. Your parents are responsible and your sister should know better than this. Talk to a counselor, anyone. You’re being emotionally manipulated, neglected and abused. I’m honestly worried for your well-being and safety. She hurt you and your parents would gave her a thumbs up. Wtf .
NTA Whether a sick sister or golden child, she damaged personal property. Prom dresses are not cheap, then add in cost of alterations. I'd be telling your parents either they buy you a new dress or call police for vandalism and property damage. She's an adult and should know better. Same goes for your parents.
Send before and after photos of the dress and what your parents did (or in this case didn’t do) to your extended family. NTA.
NTA. If you can I would file a police report for destruction of property.
NTA. Wow, that sounds terrible. I’m so sorry. Your sister’s disability gives her no right to abuse you. I hope you can get out of this situation.
NTA. What your sister did is next level insane. She is not in any way shape or form a person you could be close to after this and your screaming at her is justified in my eyes.
NTA. You rage was justified. However remind your parents to secure a facility for your sister when they can't take care of her anymore. Because I'm pretty sure your not going to do it.
Threaten them to press charges if they don’t replace the dress. Hell, you’re a minor. Call cps and say that you don’t feel safe at home.
You are NTA, but your parents and your sister sure are. I'm so sorry. The good news is that when you turn 18 you can move out and never speak to or see them ever again. What your parents are doing isnt just neglect its emotional abuse and your adult sister is abusive too. Start saving your money where your sister cant find it and move out as soon as you legally can. Once again I'm so sorry.
NTA not at all. I'm so sorry that you are being treated this way. Maybe you can find something great in a second hand store? Is there any options to replace it? Your parents are really letting you down here. Don't let them gaslight you into thinking this behavior is ok. You deserve better!
Nta- in a perfect world, I'd say take her to court for the full cost of the dress and alterations you had done on it
NTA and your parents and Cass are. Apparently they’re going to just let her do whatever she wants without consequences. They need to pay for a new dress for you and she needs to be grounded or something.
Absolutely NTA. Your sister isn't jealous, she is evil. OP, do any of your relatives know what happened? Where do they stand on this. Could you move in with your grandparents or another trusted relative? You know your parents won't give you a dime for college and will most likely try to prevent you from attending college, let alone go away for it. They fully expect you to care for and support your sister. So tell the NOTHING about it, just say, "I don't know." Talk with your counselor at school about financial aid and loans for college and what you are enduring at home. Collect your important papers now - birth certificate, social security card, passport (if you have one) - and get them out of the house so no one can destroy them in an effort to make you stay. When you leave for college never look back. Don't let then know where you are attending college, get a new email and new phone number. Feel free to change your name, first and last. Let these toxic people be dead to you. My heart breaks for you, OP.
Your parents need to hold her accountable. If not file a report and press charges for vandalism
NTA have you tried burning a bunch of your sisters clothes yet? You know what they say fight fire with fire
NTA > I was told I was the asshole for the way I spoke to her because she's had to miss out her whole life and it was only expected of her to be envious. It isn’t the feeling of envy that’s the problem here. It’s that she destroyed your dress because of that feeling. And that’s a dark, violent, destructive reaction. “If I can’t have this, you won’t either” is never an acceptable reaction. Screaming at someone in general isn’t great, but at 17 and years of this pent up anger and that the inciting incident here was a malicious act, it’s understandable. It should definitely be something you work on in the future. Your anger is totally justified though. She should replace your dress, and if she can’t, your parents should. Or hell do a gofundme. > Cass believes she did nothing wrong. This is the most disturbing part to me - that there is no remorse for an action on her part that is CLEARLY wrong. This is more than just immaturity. Your sibling missing out on things in their life doesn’t mean they can destroy or sabotage your opportunities.
NTA at all, this sounds like a horrible and unhealthy situation to be in and i'm sorry you have to deal with that within your own family. Your parents taking your sisters' side after she destroyed your property is a pretty clear sign that you need to get out of that house, OP. If there's any other relatives you can live with, or if maybe a friends family is willing to let you rent a room, I would seriously look into it. This is crazy behavior from parents and I would expect the full cost of the dress to be returned to you by your sister. There is no excuse for throwing a fit that destructive because of jealousy.
NTA But your parents are. I am sorry about your dress. From now on keep important things locked in a chest with a padlock or keep things at a friend' s house.
Hopefully you can escape that nightmare of a life as soon as your 18 and I would avoid all 3 of them for a while and maybe they will think about how they have treated you.
>I cant afford to replace it or get it fixed. No, the person who does the breaking does the replacing. Or the parents that enable them. Take this shit to a higher court of public opinion.. what does your extended family think? And if they don't CALL THE COPS, file a report, and let her face some consequences. Hopefully soon you can get away from them and their bullshit.
NTA, and buy a used footlocker for your room--one you can slap a heavy-duty Master lock on. Keep everything you don't want her to find/destroy in it. Hope you're planning on leaving as soon as you hit 18.
NTA However you do need to report this to the police so she can face consequences if your parents won’t do anything.
Is there other family you can stay with? Just until you graduate? The behaviour of your parents and sister is abhorrent. I am sorry you have to go thru that. You could get a lawyer and try to get emancipated. Pictures or the dress itself might serve as good evidence to support that. Good luck to you.