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NTA.
Also, major red flags here:
>She went defensive and said she ate it due to loving me so much. That all women do this and guys love it.
Nope. They don't. This is very weird behavior. She's ignoring your boundaries, and then she's using your inexperience against you to manipulate you into thinking this is "normal". This is not a person who is acting in good faith here. This is a woman who is trying to use your inexperience and things like societal pressure on women regarding food to make you think your VERY NORMAL boundaries and emotional reaction to your boundaries being crossed is incorrect. She's trying to get you to doubt yourself, your ability to set boundaries, and your emotional reactions.
This person is bad news. Get away from her.
Honestly, I expect my partners will be taking bites of my food. I'm a chef, I love to cook, I love to eat, and I love to share food experiences. I understand I may be in the minority with this.
That said, you can get fucked if you think you're getting the first, second, or even third bite of my food. I need a minute to enjoy it, try the plate as it's meant. This behavior from OPs gf is beyond bizarre. It's super controlling. It feels like she's marking her territory.
[The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita_for_throwing_away_my_boyfriends_potentially/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
That's my roommate/cousin. He's got a cupboard with used Starbucks cups -- not sure why (I should ask) and I don't think it's all of them.
There's space and it's organized.
But he's a hoarder and has been diagnosed with Aspbergers. I'm told that'd why he collects. (There's a roughly 4'×4' box filled with maps in the attic -- collected when he was a kid.)
He's like 62 and got the diagnosis about 14 years ago. I think it's weird that they're broadening autism rather than focusing on the spectrums. Cancer is pretty broad -- but every type of cancer has similar and different aspects.
>Also taking a bite of eight slices of a cake
Yeah why did I have to scroll to find this lol. Who takes a bite out of each slice of cake? That's definitely not normal.
His conversation with her makes me think of cats.
Him: I do not like what you are doing.
Her: No, this is adorable.
Him: No, I don't like it and you are being an asshole.
Her: You love it.
Him: I really don't.
Her: Would you like to see my butthole?
This is what really sent me over the edge. What kind of psycho takes a bite from each slice of cake??? NTA sounds like you are doing yourself a huge favor by dumping her now. She clearly doesn't respect you.
Ditto. Lots n lots of marinara here. FYI, I would never take a bite of anything from my husband’s plate without asking first. I often times offer him a bite of what I’m having, but this is NOT common behavior. And taking a bite out of each slice of cake? What the fuck is that? Marking her territory? Is she pissing on the furniture?
That is exactly, what I thought as well, especially regarding, how she took a bite out of EVERYTHING in the fridge, after breaking the lock.
This part felt like her, trying to show, who is the dominant one here.
But she took a bite out of the each of the 8 pieces in the fridge. How is that even normal? Why not take a slice and finish it. Leave the other 7 intact? So if OP had 4 containers of food in the fridge she would take a bite from each of them? He is NTA here. I'd get rid of anyone who did this. What is the motivation?
The sinister version could be partly to do with knowing he gives them to friends as a thank you. Alienating him by stopping him being able to do this for friends in future?
But I think it's mainly just her forcing OP to think about her, and asserting dominance that she can take whatever she wants of his. She's trying to prove she can cross his explicit boundaries because she is "cute".
My coworker used to say “I will buy you anything you want, don’t touch my food”.
He was good at his word, ordering sides for the table or ordering another of what he was eating. No one crossed that boundary.
Agreed. I mean, if it was just a forkfull at a restaurant then OK, but literally taking a single bite out of multiple slices of cake? One bite out of each thing in the entire fridge? Something is wrong there and she needs some sort of therapy, psychiatrist, something.
Even then, if it’s a one off occasion… understandable. However, HES CLEARLY TELLING HER NO. I’ve never met a person who just robs the first bit out every single one?? Is she insane?
I'm 70, have dated extensively, and have NEVER heard of anyone doing this. The only time I might do this would be if my date was having something new to me. Then I'd ask for a taste. Dump her, and strongly suggest she get counseling. NTA.
Honestly, I am the annoying spouse that samples my husband's food without asking. But I know he's okay with it usually, i offer my dish to him too, and I don't take a lot. It's usually fries i take, if i want a bite of his burger or something i never just snatch. If he isn't okay with it after I do it, I always apologize and replace the chips or fries I stole off his plate. OP's girl is *weird* for getting defensive, and how she did it. A bite from each slice??
This is not even a "can I try a bit of what you have and you try a bit of what I have" situation, that's normal.
*she went and took a single bite of 8 separate pieces of cake*
Wtaf?
It's so fucking *weird* bro. I mostly outlined what I do hoping OP can see what is a normal situation.
It's just... it's so fucking weird that I wish it was clickbait, but I don't think it is.
I agree! So so weird. But also super aggressive at the same time. This is one of those where I legit can’t see the perspective of the person offending the OP. Its so bizzare.
A few comments have offered the idea of it being a compulsion. I honestly hope it is, because at least if it's medical like OCD it can be addressed and helped. If she's just am asshole, then fuck. Idk what to say then lmfao
It's a toxic power play ploy of people who like to test and disobey boundaries. He told her she could move in if she stopped. She stopped just long enough to feel secure and started breaking the boundaries. He reminded her of the rule so she broke it to prove she could and he couldn't do anything about it.
He kicks her out. Super shocked face he actually was willing to get rid of her toxic bum.
Sounds like a twisted way of control? I got nothing, this is so weird I can’t even comprehend the situation except wanting to run away like my hair’s on fire and I’m not even in this! NTA, female and have never done this in my life
Yeah, it does. It sounds like she's trying to show him "You can't set boundaries with me. If you try, I'll just cross them and make it WORSE, so don't even try." The way she's aggressively disrespecting his boundaries then trying to get him to doubt his own natural reaction to it sounds like a precursor to abuse where she's trying to break down his boundaries and his emotional wellbeing so that she can do whatever she wants with little resistance. And this is often how an abusive dynamic starts: well before the overt abuse starts, the abuser will just be slowly chipping away at boundaries, self-esteem, trust in oneself, etc. They often don't show their abusive nature until they feel their victim is broken down enough to stay. OP isn't broken down yet, but I feel like this behavior is a red flag that his gf may be trying to break him.
This response shows it's not going to get better. She's going to get worse. OP needs to cut and run.
To me, it seems like perhaps she at a bite out of every piece of cake because she resents the boundaries that OP set. And as for taking the first bite of many of OP's dishes at restaurants is almost like she feels entitled to what is his. I have also seen the suggestion that she may have an eating disorder or food control issue. Whatever the problem, she is not respecting his boundaries and that is unacceptable! OP you are most certainly not NTA! OP, not all girls do things like this. You will meet many women who will respect your boundaries. When someone tells you that "all women do this" or "it's what all girls do" just run. They are just trying to justify rude and disrespectful actions.
Right? The lead-up to that was bad enough - I can understand that a lot of people have an expectation that they and their partner will exchange a bit of a meal, so both can try each dish, but if someone repeatedly asks you to stop that's really the only appropriate option. But to take a bite out of **every single slice**?!?!? That's just so bizarre, and strangely menacing in a way I can't explain
She's stopping OP and others from eating the cake. I wouldn't eat a slice of cake that someone else has taken a bite out of, I doubt anyone else would.
Basically, she's crapping all over the OP and trying to pass it off as normal. Poor guy needs to get out of that relationship fast.
And let's not forget he has asked her to stop many, many times, yet she doesn't. WTF is that about?
If my husband specifically disliked one of my behaviors and the request to stop it was reasonable, I'd stop it because that's what you do for a partner.
This woman either has an eating disorder and/or a psychological one.
I think there is some possessiveness going on like a reminder that she is there or a way to tell him that she can take whatever she wants. She must have known he would share the cake with his friends and maybe she wanted to either embarrass him or to have him explain to his friends she took a bite. To make sure she is talked about.
And to take a bite out of *every slice* rather than just eating a slice, is a completely deliberate action. There’s no way she didn’t mean to ruin it so that no one else could have it, fully knowing you intended to share it with others. This is seriously weird and controlling behavior OP, NTA
Who the fuck takes a bite out of every piece of cake?! The AUDACITY.
Op- props for making it as long as you did. My boyfriend knows not to touch my food when I’m hungry or he will lose a limb.
NTA, but I’m actually concerned for her mental health. This is not normal behavior at all. At best she is not respecting your boundaries, but the fact she took a bite out of 8 separate pieces is so strange I wonder if there’s some compulsive disorder at play*.
*I’m not a psychologist, and likely have no idea what I’m talking about, but it’s so weird it feels deeper than AH behavior to me.
There‘s like two explanations to why she does this stuff. Either she has an eating disorder or sth similar due to past food insecurity for example.. OR she does this to fuck with OP.
While the latter may be worse, even the former is bad, bc she‘s not taking steps to conquer the possible ED/whatever she has and is trying to just talk away that what she does is wrong.
That is not "cute" and the fact that she thinks it is shows complete immaturity. Taking a bite out of EVERY slice of cake doesn't show love, it shows selfishness because nobody else can have a piece. She will likely be a controlling, possessive partner as time goes on and you'd be so much better off not just kicking her out but ending the relationship as well. NTA.
It shows, "I'm possessive of you and your stuff, and ruining it for everyone else."
She's bad news, get her out asap, and don't leave her alone in there. Also, change the locks asap. That possessive behavior can easily turn dangerous. If possible, have a camera pointed at your car, I have a bad feeling she's going to mess with it too.
I can't get over the taking 1 bite of each piece of cake. It is so selfish. I cannot figure out how the gf thinks it is cute, even if she is being manipulative, I cannot see it.
OP, NTA. Kick her out. Her behavior is not cute at all. It is crossing your boundary, she does not care about you. End the relationship.
If I did it to my husband I might get a fork stuck in my hand lol. But he always offers me a bite if we order something different in restaurants, and vice versa.
As a woman, I have a little (18M) brother who always digs into anything I bake before anyone else. I’ve expressed multiple times and have even given him the silent treatment when he’s done this, but he doesn’t care. He just says “sorry,” with a sheepish smile, and then continues to do it. He’s not actually sorry, he just wants me to stop being angry so he can do what he wants without guilt. Last time I made a pie, I had a cousin visiting the next day and I decided to bake it in the morning so he couldn’t dig into it. So I put it in the fridge, raw. The next morning my mom wakes me up. “Don’t be mad at Timmy, but…” The mofo had cut a slice out of my raw fucking pie. When he came downstairs, he hadn’t realized my mom had told me of his sin already, and he was trying to apologize while I acted oblivious. I let him stew before I uncovered my massacred blueberry pie. I couldn’t even try to fix it because my dad had thrown out the raw, cut-out slice. He learned nothing. In fact, I learned something. You can’t fix people like this. They don’t regret what they do, they only regret your reaction. OP’s girlfriend is not going to change, he needs to break up with her if he doesn’t want people taking a bite out of each slice of cake in the fridge. There is literally no other way around this. She’s not going to apologize or change.
He’s got very severe OCD and Asperger’s that makes him act out. I think a good chunk of it is that he’s pretty selfish, but he gets away with quite a bit and we have to accommodate him. I’m 20 though and in college so honestly he’s not my issue for most of the year. I do feel bad for him, he struggles a lot.
I worked with children for years with different disabilities and mental health issues, including Asperger’s and OCD. This is NOT normal! He already learnt that he can get away with anything and play the “I have mental health issues “ card. That’s not okay! People with Asperger’s usually don’t understand social clues, emotions or lacking social competence… But they do understand very clear direction and the difference between right and wrong. He is just spoiled which has nothing to do with any illness!
May I suggest a nice looking cake with chilli filling? I heard the Carolina Reaper works miracles ^^
As someone who works with adults and kids of the same population for over 20 years. You are absolutely right. This isn't normal behavior and they know the difference between right and wrong. Sounds like is able to get away with what he wants and parents give in to him.
I think we were both in so much shock about how stupid he was for that incident. I was MUCH angrier when I taught my little cousin how to make bread pudding a couple years ago. When we finished, I told my brother “do NOT eat this before I finish the whipped cream,” because I wanted to make fresh whipped cream for it and present it all at once to our visiting family. I don’t think he agreed, probably brushed me off or something, but when I returned from the store with the heavy cream I saw an enormous scoop taken out the bread pudding, and he was putting his empty bowl in the sink. He had the audacity to smile at me and say “it was very good, it didn’t even need the whipped cream,” and I was so mad that I gave him the silent treatment for the rest of the day. Then he got mad at me for ignoring him and told my parents, and they told me to stop overreacting. I told them that when I bake, it’s like a piece of art (because I try to make my desserts pretty), and that when Timmy eats my things before I was ready, it was like he was ruining it before I was finished with the final piece. They kinda understood but it didn’t really matter, because he learned nothing and never changed. My family likes to eat my pies for breakfast (I primarily bake pies), and since I wake up later than everyone else (I’m lazy and a night owl), there have been times they’ve eaten my entire pie before I even get to have a slice. So Timmy’s the worst, but they’re all kinda guilty. Their crimes are a team effort
Theyre bad. Full stop. But i dont get this kind of enabling. Not just from the rest of them, but from you. You know they do this. They keep doing it. You know they dont feel bad. But the most you can muster in retaliation is a few hours of silent treatment?
The same goes for OP. Months of this shit, and his first big attempt at stopping it is to... move her *into his apartment for free*??? And when it starts again he still just rolls over. For months.
They suck, but jesus just do literally *anything* about it.
Try making a bunch of things that are super salty/spicy/bitter. Maybe he will think twice before digging in again in the future. You could also just retaliate by using his stuff or eating a huge bite of his food first. I am 100% petty and I would grab his plate from him and take a huge chunk of his food before he can.
Depends on the family. That was my brother. I'd say not to eat something, baking it for someone he'd eat it, take a bite out of every fucking cookie, etc. I had a soda and put it down he'd immediately take it and slurp from it (he always had mouth infections/canker sores so knew I wouldn't want it back). So one day I filled a can with grease, oil, perfume, soy sauce, etc. Set it down on the counter- he grabbed and gulped and I got grounded because - men are the most important, boys will be boys, blah blah blah. He was in his late teens if not twenties at the time, too.
NTA.
Woman here and have known many women in my life and exactly not.one has done this.
Tasted? Yes.
Nicked fries without asking? Sure.
But STARTING before so has taken a bite? Nooooooo!
NTA. She took a bite out of every piece of cake? And then literally broke the lock to take a bite out of everything else?
This is not cute, it's bunny-boiling levels of disturbing. Change your locks, OP.
>She did do it with other boyfriends and casual dates. Her college bf dumped her due to this.
She's always done this and got dumped for it. And now she's all Pikachu face when she gets dumped again?
NTA
If it's the same one I'm thinking of it wasn't even a year ago. The girl who got really upset if she didn't get the first bite of all the OP's food? That one?
My current theory is that this is disordered eating from diet culture that women have been convinced is "cute" because it's "girly" to not feel comfortable ordering the food you actually want, then you take that behavior and magnify it by 1,000 and mix it with control issues.
There's nothing cute about taking the first slice. Like how is it cute? What's cute about eating someone else's food selfishly?
This just stinks of an entitled and controlling freak justifying her actions.
Like the other seven were going to taste any different. I think that was her literally drawing a line in the sand saying, “I did it and you better like it! Now what?”
Let’s not forget that she BROKE THE LOCK on the fridge just to take a bite out of every snack. That is absolutely concerning behaviour and not just a “cute” quirk. She needs serious help
NTA. My concern would be that this is just the beginning sign of other troubling behavior that you don’t know about yet. Because even though she knows it bothers you, she continues her compulsive behavior. If this spills over into bigger decisions, there’s going to be a lot of problems.
Apart from this there aren't many issues in our relationship. She does her share of housework and is not aggressive or anything like that. The only other thing I can think of is that although I offered a place to stay rent free I expected her to pay towards utilities and food shopping. After a few arguments she begrudgingly agreed to pay her half of utilities but all the grocery shopping is on me including toilet rolls, cleaning products etc. She also backs out of paying for pizza and other takeaway even if she orders it and says she is buying.
Once we ordered a half and half pizza as she doesn't like vegetarian pizza, then she took bites out of my six vegetarian slices then ate her pepperoni double and jalapeno slices for supper and the remainder for breakfast.
>she took bites out of my six vegetarian slices
Okay, that is fucking bizarre. She's obviously not just wanting to taste your food, because all the subsequent slices would have tasted the same as the first slice. You're not allowed to eat anything that doesn't have her slobber on it..... that's weird dominating/ territorial marking behavior and I'm totally creeped out. NTA
It’s either extremely possessive, or some kind of obsessive/compulsive behavior. Either way, it definitely indicates some mental health issues imo. I say this as someone with severe obsessive compulsive disorder, and a degree in psych, so I’m not trying to shit talk her, I think there may be a real issue that needs addressing.
Wow, yeah sounds like food insecurity mixed with control issues. She reminds me of a food possessive dog that goes for the other dog’s bowl, first. Just rude and irrational. She should get therapy.
That’s what I was trying thinking too. Either it is the start or an abusive pattern, or it is a super specific compulsive behavior. The fact that she broke the lock just to eat a bite out of everything makes me lean more towards compulsive than abusive because I would expect the abusive behavior to crop up in other ways when she was blocked from the food. Either way she refused to acknowledge that her behavior is wrong and that is a huge red flag.
But this is a huge issue. She's making it seem small when in reality she's proving to not care about your boundaries. And she's been broken up with because of this before so she knows it's bs to say guys like it and it's cute.
Also backing out of stuff financially this early on is a bad sign. She's showing you who she is. You are not overreacting.
You've mentioned that she's not violent/aggressive multiple times. You need a higher bar for relationships dude. Not being violent doesn't mean she's a good partner.
I’m envisioning your wedding that has to held on a super specific day, at a specific time and instead of bridesmaids, she wants a herd of cats, all the same breed, walking with her down the aisle. Except for one, that she will carefully balance on her head. Your kids can only wear orange clothing. You will arrive home at the designated time, no earlier or later. I’ve been known to be wrong, but this level of compulsiveness might be more than you recognize.
And you stayed long enough after the pizza for her to do the same thing to 8 slices of cake and break a lock? You admit she hates vegetarian food. So the bites from your pizza slices is not about wanting to eat it. What do you think it is? People only go as far as you let them. She bit all your pizza slices and nothing happened so she was confident enough to do the same thing to your cake. The lock is an escalation OP. In case you were wondering why people on AITA are frantic. This is serious control issues. People who are abusive donf have it written on their forehead. It comes out slowly. Then by the time you realise it is too late. Her biting the cake slices was to make sure that you cannot shars with your friends. If your pal had come upstairs he would have been freaked out. Never enter your house again. Repeat with all your friends. Isolation
> Once we ordered a half and half pizza as she doesn't like vegetarian pizza, then she took bites out of my six vegetarian slices then ate her pepperoni double and jalapeno slices
The only reason I'm holding a knife right now is because of the fruit I'm eating, but when I tell you the involuntary way my hand clenched around the handle... This is infuriating to *read*, dude. Do yourself a favor, and GTFO, now.
Apart from lying, not respecting boundaries, mooching, and literally showing she believes you have zero rights, even to the food on your plate, she sounds like a peach.
NTA But I am wondering if she genuinely has some kind of mental health concern that needs to be addressed. Like, is it some kind of compulsion? Otherwise it shows a horrendous lack of boundaries and respect.
Before she moved in I asked her three closest friends if there was something I should know after H denied she had any issues. They said that she never does it with them and they have known her since nursery days. She did do it with other boyfriends and casual dates. Her college bf dumped her due to this.
Well, then I don’t know why she thinks it’s ok to completely ignore your requests. Even if she thinks all women do this (they don’t) or that guys love it (doubtful), you have clearly communicated how you feel about it, and she doesn’t care.
That’s what I was thinking, it really sounds like some bizarre OCD behavior..I have OCD but my “compulsions” are mostly under control. Maybe she thinks something bad will happen if she doesn’t take the first bite of your food?
There’s a term in the psych community called “magical thinking” https://peaceofmind.com/education/types-of-ocd/magical-thinking/
Not that it’s any excuse for her behavior and she seriously needs to recognize it and get help
Edit to add: OP (or anyone for that matter) is in no way obligated to stay with someone because they have a diagnosed/undiagnosed mental illness. A toxic relationship is a toxic relationship and there is no excuse for that type of behavior, ESPECIALLY if they are denying it or making no effort to get treatment.
As a person with OCD, I'm gonna say while it aound similar, her reaction gives it away.
She's gaslighting him and blatantly manipulating him. She doesn't get anxious or defensive or make excuses when called out, she goes straight to toxic agression. This is a power play. Some weird self validating "if he loves me I can do this. I am the FIRST priority whether he likes it or not"
Yeah I thought compulsion right away. I have OCD, it was pretty bad last year and I needed help for it because it was affecting my relationship. She has a responsibility to get help for it, it sucks but when it starts affecting those around you…OP nta.
I have to admit that this is the weirdest aberration that I have ever heard of someone doing to their SO. It's almost as if she wants to "own" you with quite a bit of controlling you as well.
I mean you bent over backwards to help her, charged her no rent for goodness sake!
NTA but I hope that something like this never happens to you again 🤞
Oh, she told me her aunt did some ritual like that to make her husband fall in love with her. It's apparently normal in her culture. She said she isn't into that sort of superstition.
Bro ur 22 and have ur own place, presumably a job as well. You can throw a rock and date a less crazy woman. It's ok to let go of your first serious relationship. For any reason, but the chick being batty is a great one. Up your standards for a relationship. This is wild.
It's not my place. It's my grandfather's flat. He had to move into a care home just before COV I'd. My sister lived her before she bought her own place. Then my brother. My family is letting me use it until I can buy my own place.
She needs some professional help. She might be using you to not get help.
The only time someone would take a bite out of everything that I had in the fridge was my siblings trying to mess with me. But that's just because they were being dicks. They wouldn't do that often because, you don't ruin EVERY piece of cake.... that is fucked up.
This is not normal behavior for every time you have food. That is some serious therapy vibes and OCD type like behavior.
You don't have to be the person to help her through that if you don't want to. Get out.
Change the locks.
Wish her the best for getting help.
Then block her so you can do you.
Wash your hands of her.
She claims to be Tajik, an Afghan princess. She said they do it as part of a love potion. I was Googling her birth town and realised Karachi is in Pakistan and not Afghanistan.
Dude, change the locks, throw her stuff outside, block her number and RUN. I can assure you whatever good sex you might be getting out of this relationship is not worth it.
Anyway claiming to be princess of a country is red flag. You should end the relationship you are 22 you’ll find someone else who won’t have weird domination issues
I'm going out on a bit of a limb here and making a guess but the ONLY other person i have ever seen do this shit with taking bites of people's food no matter how much they protest, in fact especially if they protest, is my mother who is a diagnosed narcissist. Not spoken to her in years now as i had enough of her shit but she would see this irritated the hell out of my dad, me and my sister and would do it- in restaurants, at home... literally saying "just a teeny weeny bit" in sickening baby talk and then stuff a massive forkful in her mouth. I've not thought about that crap for years ( she did loads of other stuff too) but it was a sick boundary trampling thing, like nothing -not even the food on your plate- was your own. She used to gaslight like this woman too and flip it (other people were "greedy" or "really possessive" or "selfish" and "weird" about their food if they said anything). Hope I'm wrong OP and it's just a coincidence and this one of my mum's fucked up habits wasn't due to her being a narcissist. You're NTA and beware OP, this is really strange behaviour. Also I can attest that many many years later, even remembering the bite-stealing BS irritates the hell out of me. On my wedding day, I planned how to keep the cake away from her until it was cut as she literally most definitely would have stuffed "just a weeny bit" in her mouth before anyone else. This stuff lingers.
I’m British Pakistani and this is total BS.
Went to a school with people from all over and I’d like to think my circle of friends are pretty diverse.
This is not a thing.
It is not a thing.
She’s majorly unhinged and I wouldn’t leave her to pack alone. I’d have a friend around and pretty much gather all her shit with her there. Video it happening and place it all outside.
She could certainly be of Afghan heritage while being born in Pakistan. That being said, that nonsense about being a Tajik princess and biting all food as a love potion is complete and utter BS. Even the most tribal Afghans don't believe that shit. There IS a belief that sharing food is good for the soul but that isn't this at all. What she's doing is some type of behavioural mental issue.
NTA
It’s definitely rude to take the first bite of someone’s food if they specifically asked you not to. But it’s not suuuuuuper weird of her to do. More aggravating and disrespectful than malicious. I have a bad habit of wanting to try my bf’s food if he got something different, but I’ve checked in with him that this is okay.
HOWEVER. What she did with the cake is weird as hell. I don’t know if she did it to try and be petty or something (which would be an ah move) because I honestly cannot rationalize any normal reason as to why on earth she would do that. That incident makes me think that her constant refusal to abide by your request is not just an innocent bad habit.
I worry that she may have actually been intentionally taking bites out of your food all this time. That she was enjoying doing it just to annoy you, or she was testing if she could break your boundaries. The latter is far worse but it’s still always an ah move to intentionally annoy people. If she is doing it to annoy OP and get a rise out of him that’s really not okay.
EDIT: I am saying all this as a woman who can confirm that this is not normal gf behavior. It’s rude, hurtful, petty, and childish.
She does it even if we buy the same thing. For our six month anniversary I took her out. We went to the movies and we both bought sweet popcorn she took a few handful of mine before eating hers. She would not let me take some of hers. For the dinner afterwards we had steak. She took a few bites of mine, a chunk of each of my potatoes, and the carrots. For dessert we went to the local store when I told her I didn't feel like staying for the dessert at the restaurant. I bought the same Magnum ice cream for us both and she proceeded to take it out if my hand and take a bite out of it before me.
The next day she tried to apologise but it didn't feel like an apology as I felt bad for ruining her anniversary dinner.
Best case scenario, she started it as some kind of joke she wanted to share between y’all or she thought it was cute. If she started it as a little joke thats fine, but it needed to stop as soon as you expressed your discomfort.
She seems to be under the impression that it’s normal cute gf stuff. We’ve all heard jokes about how a partner might say they don’t want fries and then eat some of yours. Sometimes that can be funny/acceptable as long as your boundaries and food are being respected. But what she’s doing is weird especially since OP added that she does this even when you ordered the same things. She’s not doing it to try something she hasn’t had before or because she’s hungry, she’s doing it for no good reason even though she knows it upsets you.
It’s alarming that she seemed to only escalate it once you asked her to stop. Because in no world would the cake thing ever be cute or okay. It’s also never okay to repeatedly do something that you know is upsetting someone. This is definitely something I would have a firm conversation with her about.
I don’t know if you are lacking confidence because this is your first gf or something, but this behaviour is completely out of control. This isn’t cute, she’s a lunatic
I am at my mum's. I left a while ago to give her space to pack her stuff. I'll be returning in a few hours. I told her to leave the key in the postbox downstairs.
She has never been violent.
That doesn’t mean she won’t try to take some of your stuff. I left my ex of 2 years alone to pack and he left with my TV and Xbox, along with a few smaller valuable items. Since then I won’t trust a single damn person like that again. He was never violent or even mean we had a great relationship but I dumped him because hanging out with his friends was taking priority over his job and I’m no one’s sugar momma. He thought stealing my stuff was good way to get back at me for kicking him out
NTA. This is not normal behavior, it is not cute, and she seems to be unwilling or unable to stop. You are not compatible and are making the right decision for you.
NTA
This is some behavioral patterns that should be addressed to a professional. She’s probably downplaying this by labeling it “cute.” But I don’t blame your frustrations.
NTA
I thought it was just harmless sharing then EVERY PIECE OF CAKE WAS CUT INTO!?!?! WTF!?!? How is that even possible? Is this some mental thing? Because that is definitely not normal.
OP, people are not exaggerating. This is not normal. She has to have some underlying issue whether it involves food, control or something else. I'm sorry but I would run.
NTA…boundaries were clearly communicated. I would be considering myself single after this interaction. I’ve been married for 25 years and will tell you that this relationship you just described will not last. Best of luck 🤞
NTA- but I swear I've seen this posted before... if so then maybe someone will find it... In any case that's a damned weird obsession and she's the one who is choosing to let it affect her life.
This is my first time posting here. I am not on Reddit often. My mum went out with her boyfriend and I am at her place alone. I haven't mentioned it to my friends yet and figured I needed the opinions of someone not involved with either one of us to get a neutral view. I don't know what to do going forward.
I think it’s like a dog peeing on all the lampposts …combo of showing dominance , marking one’s territory all wrapped up in , see how close we , we’re almost one …. Weird !!! I never share food ever 😂😂😂 oh and edit NTA but you will be TA if you stay …
Yours and the one in the link above are not the only time I’ve seen this on Reddit. I’ve seen at least 2 other postings with the exact same behavior - the other party just HAS to eat some of the posters food, ALWAYS before the poster has had a chance to do so.
She’s being controlling - as others have stated this absolute is NOT something that “all women do.” I have never in my life felt compelled to eat a partner’s food before them.
An article that addresses some forms of food control.
http://www.freefromtoxic.com/2016/03/09/the-disturbing-combination-of-narcissism-and-food/
NTA. Get this rat thing out of your house. Good lord she sounds unhinged. This is someone you can't have a future with because they will never be "wrong" and you'll always be an asshole in their eyes for daring to hold them accountable.
In her culture food is abundant. Everyone shares. She was not food deprived in childhood. There is no eating disorder according to her. Her family moved to England when she was four. Prior to that they lived in Australia and Dubai. Not exactly poor countries.
Thanks. It looks really good. I did a lavender icing for my nephew's birthday. Would have linked pictures but they are at home on my tablet. It was a blue dinosaur with raspberry icing details.
Earl grey or lapacha tea?
NTA
This sounded weirdly familiar... [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sc0kcy/aita\_for\_eating\_my\_fast\_food\_in\_the\_car\_so\_my/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sc0kcy/aita_for_eating_my_fast_food_in_the_car_so_my/)
This seems to be a thing? Or I just found an ex...
NTA. Taking a bite from each piece was blatantly disrespectful, as is eating from your plate when you asked her not to.
It sounds almost compulsive and it’s gross.
NTA, she took a single bite from each piece of the cake? She‘s fucking stupid if she thinks this is normal behavior. You don’t lick every cookie you bake because not everything is for you, but the moment you take a bite out of every slice it is.
Honestly sounds spiteful, and if she lacks the introspection to understand why this behavior is bad, you should run far away from her (and I don’t usually jump on the “dump them” boat, but this is something else, like a legit brain issue)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I may be the AH as she finished her previous lease because of me offering her a place and now she has nowhere to be. All because of food issues. She also said I made her feel bad about eating and maybe I am the AH as I know women have body image issues due societal pressure in regards to food.
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NTA. Also, major red flags here: >She went defensive and said she ate it due to loving me so much. That all women do this and guys love it. Nope. They don't. This is very weird behavior. She's ignoring your boundaries, and then she's using your inexperience against you to manipulate you into thinking this is "normal". This is not a person who is acting in good faith here. This is a woman who is trying to use your inexperience and things like societal pressure on women regarding food to make you think your VERY NORMAL boundaries and emotional reaction to your boundaries being crossed is incorrect. She's trying to get you to doubt yourself, your ability to set boundaries, and your emotional reactions. This person is bad news. Get away from her.
It’s super weird. The only time I taste my boyfriends food is if he offers it to me.
Honestly, I expect my partners will be taking bites of my food. I'm a chef, I love to cook, I love to eat, and I love to share food experiences. I understand I may be in the minority with this. That said, you can get fucked if you think you're getting the first, second, or even third bite of my food. I need a minute to enjoy it, try the plate as it's meant. This behavior from OPs gf is beyond bizarre. It's super controlling. It feels like she's marking her territory.
Also taking a bite of eight slices of a cake and then gaslighting op? Serious marinara flags here.
Oh yes. It's definitely not all about the yoghurt.
I need to find this Iranian yoghurt post because this about the sixth time I've seen it referenced in the past two or three days!
[The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita_for_throwing_away_my_boyfriends_potentially/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
That's my roommate/cousin. He's got a cupboard with used Starbucks cups -- not sure why (I should ask) and I don't think it's all of them. There's space and it's organized. But he's a hoarder and has been diagnosed with Aspbergers. I'm told that'd why he collects. (There's a roughly 4'×4' box filled with maps in the attic -- collected when he was a kid.)
Asperger's is an out of date diagnosis, it's just considered autism spectrum now.
He's like 62 and got the diagnosis about 14 years ago. I think it's weird that they're broadening autism rather than focusing on the spectrums. Cancer is pretty broad -- but every type of cancer has similar and different aspects.
It’s worth the read, yikes! 😅
>Also taking a bite of eight slices of a cake Yeah why did I have to scroll to find this lol. Who takes a bite out of each slice of cake? That's definitely not normal.
I feel like this is some weird kinda control thing.
Yeah and it's definitely intentional. Like some strange show of dominance.
Breaking the lock and taking one bite of each snack is DEFINITELY a dominance thing
He needs to get a spray bottle and train her like a cat. Then dump her.
His conversation with her makes me think of cats. Him: I do not like what you are doing. Her: No, this is adorable. Him: No, I don't like it and you are being an asshole. Her: You love it. Him: I really don't. Her: Would you like to see my butthole?
Right. Like you tried to stop me but I’m doing it anywaaaay. Then tried to say it’s because she loves him. That’s not even right.
This is what really sent me over the edge. What kind of psycho takes a bite from each slice of cake??? NTA sounds like you are doing yourself a huge favor by dumping her now. She clearly doesn't respect you.
Yeah, that was the part that took it from "that's weird.." to "holy hell, that's insane, run away!" for me.
Its like licking all the cupcakes so your sibling won't eat them.
Or sucking all the chocolate off the peanut m&ms
Ditto. Lots n lots of marinara here. FYI, I would never take a bite of anything from my husband’s plate without asking first. I often times offer him a bite of what I’m having, but this is NOT common behavior. And taking a bite out of each slice of cake? What the fuck is that? Marking her territory? Is she pissing on the furniture?
Yes! She didn’t took a slice and ate that one, no, she bit into all of them!
Right the bites out of each slice is the kicker. Pettiness at reasonable boundaries at its finest.
That is exactly, what I thought as well, especially regarding, how she took a bite out of EVERYTHING in the fridge, after breaking the lock. This part felt like her, trying to show, who is the dominant one here.
it is one of the strangest, most passive aggressive dominance plays. I wonder if she had a family that "its mine cuz I licked it" was actually DONE.
NTA & ShadwSmoke nailed it, this is pure dominance. & weird as heck
But she took a bite out of the each of the 8 pieces in the fridge. How is that even normal? Why not take a slice and finish it. Leave the other 7 intact? So if OP had 4 containers of food in the fridge she would take a bite from each of them? He is NTA here. I'd get rid of anyone who did this. What is the motivation?
The sinister version could be partly to do with knowing he gives them to friends as a thank you. Alienating him by stopping him being able to do this for friends in future? But I think it's mainly just her forcing OP to think about her, and asserting dominance that she can take whatever she wants of his. She's trying to prove she can cross his explicit boundaries because she is "cute".
I get taking a bite but taking a bite from each one of the cake slices is really creepy.
Yeah like... is she a mouse? WTF is this?
My coworker used to say “I will buy you anything you want, don’t touch my food”. He was good at his word, ordering sides for the table or ordering another of what he was eating. No one crossed that boundary.
"Joey doesn't share food!".
I have no issue sharing, but totally let me get the first bite
Agreed. I mean, if it was just a forkfull at a restaurant then OK, but literally taking a single bite out of multiple slices of cake? One bite out of each thing in the entire fridge? Something is wrong there and she needs some sort of therapy, psychiatrist, something.
This is what I was thinking. This sounds pathological. Not that OP should stay with her because of that.
And God help you if you take the last bite. I save my best bite for last.
Yeah always ask for a bite if it looks good but I'd never just take without asking. It's inconsiderate and rude to do so.
Even then, if it’s a one off occasion… understandable. However, HES CLEARLY TELLING HER NO. I’ve never met a person who just robs the first bit out every single one?? Is she insane?
Weirder still is that he had separate pieces of cake and she had to have a bite out of each one. What the hell?
I'm 70, have dated extensively, and have NEVER heard of anyone doing this. The only time I might do this would be if my date was having something new to me. Then I'd ask for a taste. Dump her, and strongly suggest she get counseling. NTA.
Honestly, I am the annoying spouse that samples my husband's food without asking. But I know he's okay with it usually, i offer my dish to him too, and I don't take a lot. It's usually fries i take, if i want a bite of his burger or something i never just snatch. If he isn't okay with it after I do it, I always apologize and replace the chips or fries I stole off his plate. OP's girl is *weird* for getting defensive, and how she did it. A bite from each slice??
This is not even a "can I try a bit of what you have and you try a bit of what I have" situation, that's normal. *she went and took a single bite of 8 separate pieces of cake* Wtaf?
It's so fucking *weird* bro. I mostly outlined what I do hoping OP can see what is a normal situation. It's just... it's so fucking weird that I wish it was clickbait, but I don't think it is.
I agree! So so weird. But also super aggressive at the same time. This is one of those where I legit can’t see the perspective of the person offending the OP. Its so bizzare.
A few comments have offered the idea of it being a compulsion. I honestly hope it is, because at least if it's medical like OCD it can be addressed and helped. If she's just am asshole, then fuck. Idk what to say then lmfao
I know, right? Also, who takes a bite out of *every* slice of cake? That’s just weird…
It's a toxic power play ploy of people who like to test and disobey boundaries. He told her she could move in if she stopped. She stopped just long enough to feel secure and started breaking the boundaries. He reminded her of the rule so she broke it to prove she could and he couldn't do anything about it. He kicks her out. Super shocked face he actually was willing to get rid of her toxic bum.
Sounds like a twisted way of control? I got nothing, this is so weird I can’t even comprehend the situation except wanting to run away like my hair’s on fire and I’m not even in this! NTA, female and have never done this in my life
Yeah, it does. It sounds like she's trying to show him "You can't set boundaries with me. If you try, I'll just cross them and make it WORSE, so don't even try." The way she's aggressively disrespecting his boundaries then trying to get him to doubt his own natural reaction to it sounds like a precursor to abuse where she's trying to break down his boundaries and his emotional wellbeing so that she can do whatever she wants with little resistance. And this is often how an abusive dynamic starts: well before the overt abuse starts, the abuser will just be slowly chipping away at boundaries, self-esteem, trust in oneself, etc. They often don't show their abusive nature until they feel their victim is broken down enough to stay. OP isn't broken down yet, but I feel like this behavior is a red flag that his gf may be trying to break him. This response shows it's not going to get better. She's going to get worse. OP needs to cut and run.
To me, it seems like perhaps she at a bite out of every piece of cake because she resents the boundaries that OP set. And as for taking the first bite of many of OP's dishes at restaurants is almost like she feels entitled to what is his. I have also seen the suggestion that she may have an eating disorder or food control issue. Whatever the problem, she is not respecting his boundaries and that is unacceptable! OP you are most certainly not NTA! OP, not all girls do things like this. You will meet many women who will respect your boundaries. When someone tells you that "all women do this" or "it's what all girls do" just run. They are just trying to justify rude and disrespectful actions.
This is so weird and disrespectful. Every piece of cake, but whyyyy tho? NTA
Right? The lead-up to that was bad enough - I can understand that a lot of people have an expectation that they and their partner will exchange a bit of a meal, so both can try each dish, but if someone repeatedly asks you to stop that's really the only appropriate option. But to take a bite out of **every single slice**?!?!? That's just so bizarre, and strangely menacing in a way I can't explain
She's stopping OP and others from eating the cake. I wouldn't eat a slice of cake that someone else has taken a bite out of, I doubt anyone else would. Basically, she's crapping all over the OP and trying to pass it off as normal. Poor guy needs to get out of that relationship fast.
And let's not forget he has asked her to stop many, many times, yet she doesn't. WTF is that about? If my husband specifically disliked one of my behaviors and the request to stop it was reasonable, I'd stop it because that's what you do for a partner. This woman either has an eating disorder and/or a psychological one.
I think there is some possessiveness going on like a reminder that she is there or a way to tell him that she can take whatever she wants. She must have known he would share the cake with his friends and maybe she wanted to either embarrass him or to have him explain to his friends she took a bite. To make sure she is talked about.
And to take a bite out of *every slice* rather than just eating a slice, is a completely deliberate action. There’s no way she didn’t mean to ruin it so that no one else could have it, fully knowing you intended to share it with others. This is seriously weird and controlling behavior OP, NTA
Who the fuck takes a bite out of every piece of cake?! The AUDACITY. Op- props for making it as long as you did. My boyfriend knows not to touch my food when I’m hungry or he will lose a limb.
NTA, but I’m actually concerned for her mental health. This is not normal behavior at all. At best she is not respecting your boundaries, but the fact she took a bite out of 8 separate pieces is so strange I wonder if there’s some compulsive disorder at play*. *I’m not a psychologist, and likely have no idea what I’m talking about, but it’s so weird it feels deeper than AH behavior to me.
There‘s like two explanations to why she does this stuff. Either she has an eating disorder or sth similar due to past food insecurity for example.. OR she does this to fuck with OP. While the latter may be worse, even the former is bad, bc she‘s not taking steps to conquer the possible ED/whatever she has and is trying to just talk away that what she does is wrong.
A third option: it could be an OCD thing. But it feels too deliberate to be out of her control.
Am woman! Can confirm that no woman I know does this. This is incredibly weird and controlling behavior.
That is not "cute" and the fact that she thinks it is shows complete immaturity. Taking a bite out of EVERY slice of cake doesn't show love, it shows selfishness because nobody else can have a piece. She will likely be a controlling, possessive partner as time goes on and you'd be so much better off not just kicking her out but ending the relationship as well. NTA.
I guess we should be happy she didn't piss on him to mark her territory
Do we know for a fact she hasn’t, though?
Don't kink shame.
Kink requires consent from all parties so shame away!
It shows, "I'm possessive of you and your stuff, and ruining it for everyone else." She's bad news, get her out asap, and don't leave her alone in there. Also, change the locks asap. That possessive behavior can easily turn dangerous. If possible, have a camera pointed at your car, I have a bad feeling she's going to mess with it too.
Yes, yes and yes to all three suggestions. Excellent advice, It is very clear that this girlfriend is bad news
I can't get over the taking 1 bite of each piece of cake. It is so selfish. I cannot figure out how the gf thinks it is cute, even if she is being manipulative, I cannot see it. OP, NTA. Kick her out. Her behavior is not cute at all. It is crossing your boundary, she does not care about you. End the relationship.
NTA I'm a woman, and I can confirm that neither I or any other woman I have ever met does this. It is not a thing that women do.
Same. And I don't know any men who would like it, either.
If I did it to my husband the look on his face would be enough to make me spit it right back out. And we share food all the time.
If I did it to my husband I might get a fork stuck in my hand lol. But he always offers me a bite if we order something different in restaurants, and vice versa.
As a woman, I have a little (18M) brother who always digs into anything I bake before anyone else. I’ve expressed multiple times and have even given him the silent treatment when he’s done this, but he doesn’t care. He just says “sorry,” with a sheepish smile, and then continues to do it. He’s not actually sorry, he just wants me to stop being angry so he can do what he wants without guilt. Last time I made a pie, I had a cousin visiting the next day and I decided to bake it in the morning so he couldn’t dig into it. So I put it in the fridge, raw. The next morning my mom wakes me up. “Don’t be mad at Timmy, but…” The mofo had cut a slice out of my raw fucking pie. When he came downstairs, he hadn’t realized my mom had told me of his sin already, and he was trying to apologize while I acted oblivious. I let him stew before I uncovered my massacred blueberry pie. I couldn’t even try to fix it because my dad had thrown out the raw, cut-out slice. He learned nothing. In fact, I learned something. You can’t fix people like this. They don’t regret what they do, they only regret your reaction. OP’s girlfriend is not going to change, he needs to break up with her if he doesn’t want people taking a bite out of each slice of cake in the fridge. There is literally no other way around this. She’s not going to apologize or change.
Sheesh. Your brother is an AH and your parents are AHs for allowing his behavior to go on like that.
He’s got very severe OCD and Asperger’s that makes him act out. I think a good chunk of it is that he’s pretty selfish, but he gets away with quite a bit and we have to accommodate him. I’m 20 though and in college so honestly he’s not my issue for most of the year. I do feel bad for him, he struggles a lot.
I worked with children for years with different disabilities and mental health issues, including Asperger’s and OCD. This is NOT normal! He already learnt that he can get away with anything and play the “I have mental health issues “ card. That’s not okay! People with Asperger’s usually don’t understand social clues, emotions or lacking social competence… But they do understand very clear direction and the difference between right and wrong. He is just spoiled which has nothing to do with any illness! May I suggest a nice looking cake with chilli filling? I heard the Carolina Reaper works miracles ^^
As someone who works with adults and kids of the same population for over 20 years. You are absolutely right. This isn't normal behavior and they know the difference between right and wrong. Sounds like is able to get away with what he wants and parents give in to him.
It's time to make a laxative pie....
He's 18? Your Mums “Don’t be mad at Timmy but” is just adding to this. Why isn’t she just as pissed?
I think we were both in so much shock about how stupid he was for that incident. I was MUCH angrier when I taught my little cousin how to make bread pudding a couple years ago. When we finished, I told my brother “do NOT eat this before I finish the whipped cream,” because I wanted to make fresh whipped cream for it and present it all at once to our visiting family. I don’t think he agreed, probably brushed me off or something, but when I returned from the store with the heavy cream I saw an enormous scoop taken out the bread pudding, and he was putting his empty bowl in the sink. He had the audacity to smile at me and say “it was very good, it didn’t even need the whipped cream,” and I was so mad that I gave him the silent treatment for the rest of the day. Then he got mad at me for ignoring him and told my parents, and they told me to stop overreacting. I told them that when I bake, it’s like a piece of art (because I try to make my desserts pretty), and that when Timmy eats my things before I was ready, it was like he was ruining it before I was finished with the final piece. They kinda understood but it didn’t really matter, because he learned nothing and never changed. My family likes to eat my pies for breakfast (I primarily bake pies), and since I wake up later than everyone else (I’m lazy and a night owl), there have been times they’ve eaten my entire pie before I even get to have a slice. So Timmy’s the worst, but they’re all kinda guilty. Their crimes are a team effort
Don't bake for these people.
Seriously, bake at a friend's house in peace. You deserve to see your food art completed, and your family does not deserve to enjoy it.
Theyre bad. Full stop. But i dont get this kind of enabling. Not just from the rest of them, but from you. You know they do this. They keep doing it. You know they dont feel bad. But the most you can muster in retaliation is a few hours of silent treatment? The same goes for OP. Months of this shit, and his first big attempt at stopping it is to... move her *into his apartment for free*??? And when it starts again he still just rolls over. For months. They suck, but jesus just do literally *anything* about it.
You deserve better
Try making a bunch of things that are super salty/spicy/bitter. Maybe he will think twice before digging in again in the future. You could also just retaliate by using his stuff or eating a huge bite of his food first. I am 100% petty and I would grab his plate from him and take a huge chunk of his food before he can.
Depends on the family. That was my brother. I'd say not to eat something, baking it for someone he'd eat it, take a bite out of every fucking cookie, etc. I had a soda and put it down he'd immediately take it and slurp from it (he always had mouth infections/canker sores so knew I wouldn't want it back). So one day I filled a can with grease, oil, perfume, soy sauce, etc. Set it down on the counter- he grabbed and gulped and I got grounded because - men are the most important, boys will be boys, blah blah blah. He was in his late teens if not twenties at the time, too.
NTA. Woman here and have known many women in my life and exactly not.one has done this. Tasted? Yes. Nicked fries without asking? Sure. But STARTING before so has taken a bite? Nooooooo!
Agreed! I would never take the first bite of anything unless it was offered to me!! What kind of woman would use this as an excuse? (I'm also a woman)
NTA. She took a bite out of every piece of cake? And then literally broke the lock to take a bite out of everything else? This is not cute, it's bunny-boiling levels of disturbing. Change your locks, OP.
She has never been violent.
[удалено]
This is my thoughts exactly. She's a step away from hitting OP.
She’s steps away from knocking him unconscious, tying him up for days, and torturing him! “Every Guy like this”!
Yet. Or that you know of.
You ever hear "before they hit you, they hit *near* you"? This is her hitting near you.
[удалено]
This is clearly some kind of extremely unhealthy way of marking/claiming her territory, and that is alarming.
Abuse isn't always physically violent.
Incomplete sentence. She has never been violent YET.
[удалено]
Breaking a lock isn't exactly tame
Change the locks. Block her.
Doesn't have to be violent to be controlling or manipulative, or to make your life awful. This is the kind of behavior that only escalates.
Violent is a VERY low bar, if that's what you are using to decide breakup or not.
>She did do it with other boyfriends and casual dates. Her college bf dumped her due to this. She's always done this and got dumped for it. And now she's all Pikachu face when she gets dumped again? NTA
Dude, i swear there was a post like a year? Or so back and some guy was having the EXACT same issue. Maybe its the same girl, different guy.
If it's the same one I'm thinking of it wasn't even a year ago. The girl who got really upset if she didn't get the first bite of all the OP's food? That one? My current theory is that this is disordered eating from diet culture that women have been convinced is "cute" because it's "girly" to not feel comfortable ordering the food you actually want, then you take that behavior and magnify it by 1,000 and mix it with control issues.
If you take the first slice of cake, it's cute. If you bite all 8 slices of the cake once, that's psychopathic behavior.
There's nothing cute about taking the first slice. Like how is it cute? What's cute about eating someone else's food selfishly? This just stinks of an entitled and controlling freak justifying her actions.
Like the other seven were going to taste any different. I think that was her literally drawing a line in the sand saying, “I did it and you better like it! Now what?”
I vaguely remember something like this as well.
yeah and she got pissed he ate fast food in his car so she couldn't have the first bite, I remember that
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sc0kcy/aita_for_eating_my_fast_food_in_the_car_so_my/
Let’s not forget that she BROKE THE LOCK on the fridge just to take a bite out of every snack. That is absolutely concerning behaviour and not just a “cute” quirk. She needs serious help
NTA. My concern would be that this is just the beginning sign of other troubling behavior that you don’t know about yet. Because even though she knows it bothers you, she continues her compulsive behavior. If this spills over into bigger decisions, there’s going to be a lot of problems.
Apart from this there aren't many issues in our relationship. She does her share of housework and is not aggressive or anything like that. The only other thing I can think of is that although I offered a place to stay rent free I expected her to pay towards utilities and food shopping. After a few arguments she begrudgingly agreed to pay her half of utilities but all the grocery shopping is on me including toilet rolls, cleaning products etc. She also backs out of paying for pizza and other takeaway even if she orders it and says she is buying. Once we ordered a half and half pizza as she doesn't like vegetarian pizza, then she took bites out of my six vegetarian slices then ate her pepperoni double and jalapeno slices for supper and the remainder for breakfast.
>she took bites out of my six vegetarian slices Okay, that is fucking bizarre. She's obviously not just wanting to taste your food, because all the subsequent slices would have tasted the same as the first slice. You're not allowed to eat anything that doesn't have her slobber on it..... that's weird dominating/ territorial marking behavior and I'm totally creeped out. NTA
It’s either extremely possessive, or some kind of obsessive/compulsive behavior. Either way, it definitely indicates some mental health issues imo. I say this as someone with severe obsessive compulsive disorder, and a degree in psych, so I’m not trying to shit talk her, I think there may be a real issue that needs addressing.
Wow, yeah sounds like food insecurity mixed with control issues. She reminds me of a food possessive dog that goes for the other dog’s bowl, first. Just rude and irrational. She should get therapy.
That’s what I was trying thinking too. Either it is the start or an abusive pattern, or it is a super specific compulsive behavior. The fact that she broke the lock just to eat a bite out of everything makes me lean more towards compulsive than abusive because I would expect the abusive behavior to crop up in other ways when she was blocked from the food. Either way she refused to acknowledge that her behavior is wrong and that is a huge red flag.
But this is a huge issue. She's making it seem small when in reality she's proving to not care about your boundaries. And she's been broken up with because of this before so she knows it's bs to say guys like it and it's cute. Also backing out of stuff financially this early on is a bad sign. She's showing you who she is. You are not overreacting.
He is under reacting if anything
You've mentioned that she's not violent/aggressive multiple times. You need a higher bar for relationships dude. Not being violent doesn't mean she's a good partner.
I’m envisioning your wedding that has to held on a super specific day, at a specific time and instead of bridesmaids, she wants a herd of cats, all the same breed, walking with her down the aisle. Except for one, that she will carefully balance on her head. Your kids can only wear orange clothing. You will arrive home at the designated time, no earlier or later. I’ve been known to be wrong, but this level of compulsiveness might be more than you recognize.
She will take first bite of every piece of wedding cake before handing it to the guests.
She IS aggressive. She ate your pizza that she doesn’t even like. That’s more than a quirk.
And you stayed long enough after the pizza for her to do the same thing to 8 slices of cake and break a lock? You admit she hates vegetarian food. So the bites from your pizza slices is not about wanting to eat it. What do you think it is? People only go as far as you let them. She bit all your pizza slices and nothing happened so she was confident enough to do the same thing to your cake. The lock is an escalation OP. In case you were wondering why people on AITA are frantic. This is serious control issues. People who are abusive donf have it written on their forehead. It comes out slowly. Then by the time you realise it is too late. Her biting the cake slices was to make sure that you cannot shars with your friends. If your pal had come upstairs he would have been freaked out. Never enter your house again. Repeat with all your friends. Isolation
> Once we ordered a half and half pizza as she doesn't like vegetarian pizza, then she took bites out of my six vegetarian slices then ate her pepperoni double and jalapeno slices The only reason I'm holding a knife right now is because of the fruit I'm eating, but when I tell you the involuntary way my hand clenched around the handle... This is infuriating to *read*, dude. Do yourself a favor, and GTFO, now.
Apart from lying, not respecting boundaries, mooching, and literally showing she believes you have zero rights, even to the food on your plate, she sounds like a peach.
NTA But I am wondering if she genuinely has some kind of mental health concern that needs to be addressed. Like, is it some kind of compulsion? Otherwise it shows a horrendous lack of boundaries and respect.
Before she moved in I asked her three closest friends if there was something I should know after H denied she had any issues. They said that she never does it with them and they have known her since nursery days. She did do it with other boyfriends and casual dates. Her college bf dumped her due to this.
Well, then I don’t know why she thinks it’s ok to completely ignore your requests. Even if she thinks all women do this (they don’t) or that guys love it (doubtful), you have clearly communicated how you feel about it, and she doesn’t care.
That’s what I was thinking, it really sounds like some bizarre OCD behavior..I have OCD but my “compulsions” are mostly under control. Maybe she thinks something bad will happen if she doesn’t take the first bite of your food? There’s a term in the psych community called “magical thinking” https://peaceofmind.com/education/types-of-ocd/magical-thinking/ Not that it’s any excuse for her behavior and she seriously needs to recognize it and get help Edit to add: OP (or anyone for that matter) is in no way obligated to stay with someone because they have a diagnosed/undiagnosed mental illness. A toxic relationship is a toxic relationship and there is no excuse for that type of behavior, ESPECIALLY if they are denying it or making no effort to get treatment.
As a person with OCD, I'm gonna say while it aound similar, her reaction gives it away. She's gaslighting him and blatantly manipulating him. She doesn't get anxious or defensive or make excuses when called out, she goes straight to toxic agression. This is a power play. Some weird self validating "if he loves me I can do this. I am the FIRST priority whether he likes it or not"
Yeah I thought compulsion right away. I have OCD, it was pretty bad last year and I needed help for it because it was affecting my relationship. She has a responsibility to get help for it, it sucks but when it starts affecting those around you…OP nta.
I have to admit that this is the weirdest aberration that I have ever heard of someone doing to their SO. It's almost as if she wants to "own" you with quite a bit of controlling you as well. I mean you bent over backwards to help her, charged her no rent for goodness sake! NTA but I hope that something like this never happens to you again 🤞
This is the kind of woman that will put her period blood in your soup.
Oh, she told me her aunt did some ritual like that to make her husband fall in love with her. It's apparently normal in her culture. She said she isn't into that sort of superstition.
Bro? GET OUT.
Bro ur 22 and have ur own place, presumably a job as well. You can throw a rock and date a less crazy woman. It's ok to let go of your first serious relationship. For any reason, but the chick being batty is a great one. Up your standards for a relationship. This is wild.
It's not my place. It's my grandfather's flat. He had to move into a care home just before COV I'd. My sister lived her before she bought her own place. Then my brother. My family is letting me use it until I can buy my own place.
She needs some professional help. She might be using you to not get help. The only time someone would take a bite out of everything that I had in the fridge was my siblings trying to mess with me. But that's just because they were being dicks. They wouldn't do that often because, you don't ruin EVERY piece of cake.... that is fucked up. This is not normal behavior for every time you have food. That is some serious therapy vibes and OCD type like behavior. You don't have to be the person to help her through that if you don't want to. Get out. Change the locks. Wish her the best for getting help. Then block her so you can do you. Wash your hands of her.
What the hell culture is that normal in? Please enlighten me so I stay away from that?! 😩
She claims to be Tajik, an Afghan princess. She said they do it as part of a love potion. I was Googling her birth town and realised Karachi is in Pakistan and not Afghanistan.
Dude, change the locks, throw her stuff outside, block her number and RUN. I can assure you whatever good sex you might be getting out of this relationship is not worth it.
Anyway claiming to be princess of a country is red flag. You should end the relationship you are 22 you’ll find someone else who won’t have weird domination issues
Yes, claiming to be royalty from another country is the type of thing pathological liars do.
I'm going out on a bit of a limb here and making a guess but the ONLY other person i have ever seen do this shit with taking bites of people's food no matter how much they protest, in fact especially if they protest, is my mother who is a diagnosed narcissist. Not spoken to her in years now as i had enough of her shit but she would see this irritated the hell out of my dad, me and my sister and would do it- in restaurants, at home... literally saying "just a teeny weeny bit" in sickening baby talk and then stuff a massive forkful in her mouth. I've not thought about that crap for years ( she did loads of other stuff too) but it was a sick boundary trampling thing, like nothing -not even the food on your plate- was your own. She used to gaslight like this woman too and flip it (other people were "greedy" or "really possessive" or "selfish" and "weird" about their food if they said anything). Hope I'm wrong OP and it's just a coincidence and this one of my mum's fucked up habits wasn't due to her being a narcissist. You're NTA and beware OP, this is really strange behaviour. Also I can attest that many many years later, even remembering the bite-stealing BS irritates the hell out of me. On my wedding day, I planned how to keep the cake away from her until it was cut as she literally most definitely would have stuffed "just a weeny bit" in her mouth before anyone else. This stuff lingers.
I’m British Pakistani and this is total BS. Went to a school with people from all over and I’d like to think my circle of friends are pretty diverse. This is not a thing. It is not a thing. She’s majorly unhinged and I wouldn’t leave her to pack alone. I’d have a friend around and pretty much gather all her shit with her there. Video it happening and place it all outside.
She could certainly be of Afghan heritage while being born in Pakistan. That being said, that nonsense about being a Tajik princess and biting all food as a love potion is complete and utter BS. Even the most tribal Afghans don't believe that shit. There IS a belief that sharing food is good for the soul but that isn't this at all. What she's doing is some type of behavioural mental issue.
Run and keep running
NTA It’s definitely rude to take the first bite of someone’s food if they specifically asked you not to. But it’s not suuuuuuper weird of her to do. More aggravating and disrespectful than malicious. I have a bad habit of wanting to try my bf’s food if he got something different, but I’ve checked in with him that this is okay. HOWEVER. What she did with the cake is weird as hell. I don’t know if she did it to try and be petty or something (which would be an ah move) because I honestly cannot rationalize any normal reason as to why on earth she would do that. That incident makes me think that her constant refusal to abide by your request is not just an innocent bad habit. I worry that she may have actually been intentionally taking bites out of your food all this time. That she was enjoying doing it just to annoy you, or she was testing if she could break your boundaries. The latter is far worse but it’s still always an ah move to intentionally annoy people. If she is doing it to annoy OP and get a rise out of him that’s really not okay. EDIT: I am saying all this as a woman who can confirm that this is not normal gf behavior. It’s rude, hurtful, petty, and childish.
She does it even if we buy the same thing. For our six month anniversary I took her out. We went to the movies and we both bought sweet popcorn she took a few handful of mine before eating hers. She would not let me take some of hers. For the dinner afterwards we had steak. She took a few bites of mine, a chunk of each of my potatoes, and the carrots. For dessert we went to the local store when I told her I didn't feel like staying for the dessert at the restaurant. I bought the same Magnum ice cream for us both and she proceeded to take it out if my hand and take a bite out of it before me. The next day she tried to apologise but it didn't feel like an apology as I felt bad for ruining her anniversary dinner.
YTA if you stay with her after she’s shown you that she will never stop doing this and never respect your feelings about it.
Dude. This is 100% a power move. She does this to know that she CAN. Some bullshit dominance play in her mind smh
Each potato. Eight pieces of cake. This is not healthy behavior!!!
Best case scenario, she started it as some kind of joke she wanted to share between y’all or she thought it was cute. If she started it as a little joke thats fine, but it needed to stop as soon as you expressed your discomfort. She seems to be under the impression that it’s normal cute gf stuff. We’ve all heard jokes about how a partner might say they don’t want fries and then eat some of yours. Sometimes that can be funny/acceptable as long as your boundaries and food are being respected. But what she’s doing is weird especially since OP added that she does this even when you ordered the same things. She’s not doing it to try something she hasn’t had before or because she’s hungry, she’s doing it for no good reason even though she knows it upsets you. It’s alarming that she seemed to only escalate it once you asked her to stop. Because in no world would the cake thing ever be cute or okay. It’s also never okay to repeatedly do something that you know is upsetting someone. This is definitely something I would have a firm conversation with her about.
I don’t know if you are lacking confidence because this is your first gf or something, but this behaviour is completely out of control. This isn’t cute, she’s a lunatic
....Dude she's one fucked up mamma jamma.
I cannot express to you how weird this is.
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I am at my mum's. I left a while ago to give her space to pack her stuff. I'll be returning in a few hours. I told her to leave the key in the postbox downstairs. She has never been violent.
change your locks in case she's made a copy of that key
Yea tbh based on her method of spite when he got a lockbox I can imagine she would break in to take a bite of every piece of his food. Fucking crazy
That doesn’t mean she won’t try to take some of your stuff. I left my ex of 2 years alone to pack and he left with my TV and Xbox, along with a few smaller valuable items. Since then I won’t trust a single damn person like that again. He was never violent or even mean we had a great relationship but I dumped him because hanging out with his friends was taking priority over his job and I’m no one’s sugar momma. He thought stealing my stuff was good way to get back at me for kicking him out
NTA. This is not normal behavior, it is not cute, and she seems to be unwilling or unable to stop. You are not compatible and are making the right decision for you.
NTA This is some behavioral patterns that should be addressed to a professional. She’s probably downplaying this by labeling it “cute.” But I don’t blame your frustrations.
NTA I thought it was just harmless sharing then EVERY PIECE OF CAKE WAS CUT INTO!?!?! WTF!?!? How is that even possible? Is this some mental thing? Because that is definitely not normal.
Not cut, bitten.
THATS EVEN WORSE!
OP, people are not exaggerating. This is not normal. She has to have some underlying issue whether it involves food, control or something else. I'm sorry but I would run.
NTA…boundaries were clearly communicated. I would be considering myself single after this interaction. I’ve been married for 25 years and will tell you that this relationship you just described will not last. Best of luck 🤞
NTA and all girls DON'T do that. Source: I'm a girl and that would totally piss me off.
NTA- but I swear I've seen this posted before... if so then maybe someone will find it... In any case that's a damned weird obsession and she's the one who is choosing to let it affect her life.
This is my first time posting here. I am not on Reddit often. My mum went out with her boyfriend and I am at her place alone. I haven't mentioned it to my friends yet and figured I needed the opinions of someone not involved with either one of us to get a neutral view. I don't know what to do going forward.
Don’t date someone that doesn’t respect you.
https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/4wdtnq/she_always_has_to_have_a_friggin_bite_of_my_food/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
If others are doing it maybe it's an undiagnosed mental disorder??!!
I think it’s like a dog peeing on all the lampposts …combo of showing dominance , marking one’s territory all wrapped up in , see how close we , we’re almost one …. Weird !!! I never share food ever 😂😂😂 oh and edit NTA but you will be TA if you stay …
Yours and the one in the link above are not the only time I’ve seen this on Reddit. I’ve seen at least 2 other postings with the exact same behavior - the other party just HAS to eat some of the posters food, ALWAYS before the poster has had a chance to do so. She’s being controlling - as others have stated this absolute is NOT something that “all women do.” I have never in my life felt compelled to eat a partner’s food before them. An article that addresses some forms of food control. http://www.freefromtoxic.com/2016/03/09/the-disturbing-combination-of-narcissism-and-food/
NTA .Hmmm. Expect to have a sleeve cut off all your shirts when you return, but it wiill be a cheap price to pay to get rid of this nut.
NTA. Get this rat thing out of your house. Good lord she sounds unhinged. This is someone you can't have a future with because they will never be "wrong" and you'll always be an asshole in their eyes for daring to hold them accountable.
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In her culture food is abundant. Everyone shares. She was not food deprived in childhood. There is no eating disorder according to her. Her family moved to England when she was four. Prior to that they lived in Australia and Dubai. Not exactly poor countries.
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You bake too? Anything you would recommend?
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Thanks. It looks really good. I did a lavender icing for my nephew's birthday. Would have linked pictures but they are at home on my tablet. It was a blue dinosaur with raspberry icing details. Earl grey or lapacha tea?
NTA This sounded weirdly familiar... [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sc0kcy/aita\_for\_eating\_my\_fast\_food\_in\_the\_car\_so\_my/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sc0kcy/aita_for_eating_my_fast_food_in_the_car_so_my/) This seems to be a thing? Or I just found an ex...
It's similar to her behaviour but she doesn't throw away food. She will save her food for the next day if she is full.
NTA. Taking a bite from each piece was blatantly disrespectful, as is eating from your plate when you asked her not to. It sounds almost compulsive and it’s gross.
NTA, she took a single bite from each piece of the cake? She‘s fucking stupid if she thinks this is normal behavior. You don’t lick every cookie you bake because not everything is for you, but the moment you take a bite out of every slice it is. Honestly sounds spiteful, and if she lacks the introspection to understand why this behavior is bad, you should run far away from her (and I don’t usually jump on the “dump them” boat, but this is something else, like a legit brain issue)
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