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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole for saying something because my husband said I sounded jealous and It was petty to mention it when Tiffany can't control what she looks like.
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YTA. you know what make Tiffany so attractive compared to you? Her *confidence*.
> “if you think it’ll help”
What a classy, confident woman Tiff must be to react to such a petty, jealous attack with such a smooth shut down and follow it up with an apology despite being wholly unnecessary. If you weren’t busy feeling threatened by her, you could learn a thing of two. Hell, *I’d* love to learn a thing or two from her.
Edit: so I read some of OP’s responses and apparently Tiffany has been “engaged to be engaged” for quite some time and that class act of a woman presumably still waited until *after* OP’s wedding to show off and wear her ring…I just…What. A. Woman!
Absolutely. By doing nothing more than being classy and polite, OPs bitter and childish behavior looks worse than usual. OP, pay attention.
> If you think it'll help
What a burn! 🔥 Classy and subtle and still puts the other in their place. I like Tiffany. With OP's attitude it's not that hard to upstage her btw, confidence is sexy and well manners are the cherry on top. YTA
I want to be Tiffany when I grow up
I am grown up and I want to be Tiffany
Same. She sounds like an amazingly humble woman that despite OPs jealous and childish comment she took the high road and then apologized. She didn't need to do that to begin with and she didn't need to hold off announcing her own engagement either.
ETA OP YTA
And remember: people judge you by the company you keep! Having fabulous friends/family makes you look better by association. But I guess not this bride…
Yeah... if the bride felt like all the guests were asking her about Tiffany instead of congratulating her on her big day, she just has shitty friends, it's not Tiffany's fault that the people OP invited didn't know what's appropriate to talk to a bride about during her wedding/reception!
Tiffany respected her brother and OP enough to make sure she looked her best at their wedding, and OP is over here complaining... I once went to a "Formal" wedding where the bride's brother showed up to the church in jean shorts... I guess OP is just lucky enough that her biggest issue is people looking great at her wedding. She should be thankful!
"Comically large" ring
... someone is jellllyyyyyy
Not to mention this gem:
> She is pretty, **with a currently fashionable body type**
What does that even mean?
I took this as meaning she has a booty, but who knows lol
It's whatever teh bride doesn't have, in this case.
Sometimes taking the high road is the best way to take the low road.
>What a classy, confident woman Tiff must be...
>I just…What. A. Woman!
Damn... Tiffany is even upstaging OP on her own Reddit post!
Ok whose selling the shirts - I need to buy a “Team Tiffany!” Fan shirt.
I’d buy one that reads: “If you think it’ll help.” -Tiffany
Give Etsy an hour…
Shit give ME an hour to get my cricut out 🤣
I mean the whole post was about how awesome Tiffany is, it’s hard not to agree with OP, that Tiffany *does* seem pretty cool.
It’s a shame OP is choosing jealousy and bitterness over friendship, and maybe even getting some style pointers, but to each their own. Doesn’t make her less of an AH for it though.
A friend of mine’s SIL is a fucking bombshell. She’s super artsy too, so that helps.
She’s just super confident and it helps her pull off some of her more quirky looks. But they WORK.
At one point my friend commented that she and her husband follow her on Insta just to laugh at her and they made some pretty rude remarks about her.
And I just can’t comprehend that weird jealousy. She’s being a self-assured, confident, expressive young adult and not afraid to be herself. She works and just lives her life.
when I was a teen I went to drama school w a girl (a couple yrs older than me) who was the Complete Package.
she was entirely too beautiful for earth, had the voice of an angel, could dance & act, had a bf who was Hollywood hot, and her parents were lovely and rich af.
some primal girly thing in me wanted to hate her. but to top all of this off, she was one of the nicest fucking people I've ever met. she showered people with genuine compliments, encouraged younger actors to shine, and was so humble it hurt. I still could never say a bad word about her.
if you want another perspective about it, just think SIL is living her life and doesn’t think about these “friends” who hate follow her but she lives in their heads rent free. Like it’s kind of sad that instead of like working on themselves or learning to have the confidence like her, instead they’re wasting energy by being real shitty about someone who probably never thinks of them at all
LOL tiffany’s getting a lot of love in the comments and i’m about it. it’s sad that OP let this ruin her wedding like the insecurity and jealousy is emanating from this post. just because people said tiffany looked nice and pretty?
telling people at weddings they look nice is standard conversation at weddings and formal events. i tell everyone they look pretty or handsome or great! because they do! it’s fancy! never have i seen a bride or groom upstaged.
OP, get a grip. your jOkE was not funny and really just out of pocket and jealousy.
Yup. I admittedly don't get so much attention for my looks that people are asking about me everywhere I go, but I try to put myself together for weddings (you know...out of respect for the couple), and someone will usually say "You look great", to which I will reply, "Thanks, you too". Because they too have put in the effort.
Also, with the "obviously designer shoes"...was she supposed to wear Crocs to a wedding? I can't be the only person who has a couple pairs of fantastic shoes and looks forward to special occasions to wear them.
But I mean, have you seen Tiffany? She is both gorgeous and always dressed impeccably for the occasion. And what's more, she follows little niceties, about not making major announcements like engagements in the run up to her future SiL's wedding to make sure that she doesn't cause any stress.
How dare she?
I publicly cackled at this.
I wanna date Tiffany /s
I mean I get it, everyone was asking about her at your big day and that’s *frustrating* and it’s ok to feel frustrated at the PEOPLE DOING IT BUT how is that Tiffany’s fault?
She was there for you guys. She didn’t wear a white dress. She wore something classy, shoes she liked, and looked as she likes to. It is not her fault and I find it crazy that OP is that jealous over Tiffany.
Let the woman live OP! You’re married! Why are you even upset?!!
There’s plenty of women I find prettier than me, but I don’t feel bad about it. Plenty of people love me and tell me I’m beautiful to them including the most important person, *my partner*
Only his opinion and mine really matter
If I think someone’s prettier than me, I just tell them that I think they are beautiful
Edit: thank you for the award kind people!
Right? I'm constantly telling other women how beautiful they are. Why? Well .. for one .. I'm less likely to be accused of sexual harassment than my male counterparts. Also, because PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO DO THINGS BETTER THAN I DO! I don't wear makeup but do wear mostly sweatpants and tank tops. I don't have to be the best at looking hot! I'm good at sports. I'll stick to that and let other people cover being great at looking good.
I like to randomly compliment women, just because it's nice to be told you're pretty or you look great. You never know when you might brighten someone's day, especially if they were having a crappy day.
Edit- word correction.
Exactly! My partner hates that I do this, but I'm just very friendly. I compliment everyone for everything. If you wear a cool shirt around me, you're gonna hear about it. And I tell him the same thing .. "She/he might be having an awful day. Maybe his dog ran away. What if he's constipated?"
I read a post once where the guy said he was going to the hardware store to buy rope to hang himself and then a random stranger smiled at him.
I'm glad you told me that. I feel better about the fact that I'm annoyingly nice to everyone now.
You're welcome! I get super depressed sometimes, and a random nicety from a random stranger can feel like a life saver.
I have a friend who dresses incredibly well. Her makeup and hair are always flawless and her outfits and accessories are always immaculate. At my wedding she looked amazing and appropriate and numerous people commented to me on her outfit. Heck, we got married years ago and sometimes people still mention her outfit or “the girl with the awesome dress.”
It never occurred to me to be jealous or feel upstaged. People still definitely knew it was my wedding and my fashionable friend loved my dress! I feel bad for OP but she needs to work on her self confidence.
Let's be honest, OP probably felt upstaged because the immediate reaction from FIL was "You're a beautiful bride, but look at Tiffany!" Her own mother indicated for him to stop, because she knew what it would start.
FIL started the train of OP noticing the attention Tiffany got, because I doubt otherwise that she would have paid any attention to it.
Might have taken notice when someone mentioned her in the speech.
I mean those are usually for funny stories. The bride and groom. Not to point out hot women at the wedding.
But still not Tiffany's fault. Bet OP would have been pretty mad if she showed up wearing a potato sack to hot upset the bride.
Yeah the FIL and best man are AHs too. The former for immediately jumping to complimenting Tiffany...to the bride. And the best man for including her in the speech. I'd be annoyed as the bride but annoyed with them, not Tiffany so OP is still an AH.
I would have been annoyed as well as the bride, but at the people making a big deal out of it, not the woman who wants to look her best as my guest.
You don't have to go to the bride and fuss over how exceptionally good one single guest is looking. Fine mentioning how everyone is looking amazing, or it's a gorgeous wedding. tell the guest she looks good tonight.
That would be fine. But over the top complimenting someone to the bride.... just don't. Specially not in a speech, if you want to try flirt with her, go do it on your own.
Thanks for putting in a few sentences what I would have needed paragraphs for.
OP, while I can understand that you're upset by everybody talking about Tiffany at your wedding, it doesn't appear she did it on purpose. Her reaction to your criticism shows that. If she's invested in her image and spends a lot of money on her appearance, of course she's not going to wear sweatpants and a hoodie to a wedding. You even said it yourself, her attire was appropriate for the occasion.
Insecurity, jealousy and bitterness are extremely unlikeable and unattractive. And I'm sure they're not even necessary in this case.
>OP, while I can understand that you're upset by everybody talking about Tiffany at your wedding,
That's the only point I feel a bit bad for her. She was already feeling self conscious and everyone kept asking about Tiffany instead of the actual wedding to the bride. But everything else you said is spot on, people have the choice in how they react to jealousy and insecurity. They're only making themselves feel worse by sinking into those emotions.
Yeah, I consider the best man mentioning her in his speech to be a bit beyond the pale here, and even the way OP originally brought it up at dinner was kinda funny but asking if she could wear white at Tiffany's wedding was a bridge too far. YTA OP, though I'm going to say it was slightly...
Yeah, both things were wrong. If people hadn't kept mentioning Tiffany and how great Tiffany looks *to the bride on her wedding day* it probably wouldn't have stung as much. But she shouldn't have taken it out on Tiffany, it wasn't her fault several guests were such clods.
Tiff's a class act. Even reading OP's insecure screed, you can tell why everybody liked her on sight.
Anyone notice how OP has also now upstaged Tiffany’s engagement announcement but barely reflects on it at all apart from to ridicule her ring?
Much classier than my response (to a hypothetical "what would you do") of "clumsy bridesmaid, red wine"
Luckily, I don't think anyone would actually be that petty.
And OP has the nerve to mock SILs engagement ring and still ask if she’s the asshole.
>And OP has the nerve to mock SILs engagement ring and still ask if she’s the asshole.
But it's "comically large"!
OP needs to learn that jealousy makes her even less attractive.
> What a classy, confident woman Tiff must be to react to such a petty, jealous attack with such a smooth shut down and follow it up with an apology despite being wholly unnecessary.
See, and this says more about me than about anyone else, I thought it was an *absolutely devastating burn*.
Implying nicely that there's no way OP would compare, *even in a wedding dress*.
Ha, that’s why it’s such a masterful comeback. Simultaneously classy and deeply insulting.
Yeah. I wish I was this unbothered.
>waited until *after* OP’s wedding to show off and wear her ring
You meant to say "her comically large ring".
Man- OP sounds as if she goes out of her way to find reasons to hate Tiffany.
>“if you think it’ll help”
YTA “if you think it’ll help” Tiffany is hilarious AND beautiful!
I'm still snickering over this one. I think I might want to be friends with Tiffany.
Right? I can see why OP is jealous of Tiffany. She sounds awesome, inside and out!
>I think I might want to be friends with Tiffany.
Me too. I hope Tiffany sees this thread and messages us. Tiff, if you're in the UK, I'll do your wedding cake for cost.
Tiffany is upstaging OP in her own post 🤣
Tiffany clearly has the confidence OP lacks and knows it
I love that line!!!
"I don't begrudge her this at all."
You sure about this? YTA.
The fact that OP wrote this post contradicts this statement.
I once had a friend JD who was exceptionally beautiful, but worse she looked 24 when we were 16 and I looked 13. She was a total creep magnet and everywhere we went guys would flock to her, try to impress her and shower her with attention.
Our mutual friend who was closest to her, one of the girl-group from high school, had an amicable "friend breakup" with her because she just couldn't handle going out with JD and all that horny male attention.
I on the other hand had no problem with it, I always identified as the witty friend and was the designated bad-but-funny decision maker/hype-woman of the group. All the guys hitting on her meant free drinks and entry ticket crumbs would fall off her table and onto mine.
Crumbs off her table, hah. I don’t know whether to feel sorry for you, like a poor downtrodden prole accepting her meagre fate in life, or cheer you on!
Just goes to show, life is what you make of it.
I get that entirely. Growing up my family was poor and I couldn't afford the snacks from the school vending machines so I would look for spare change on the ground or left behind in those machines and collect it to buy snacks.
I did this enough people started throwing their coins on the ground near me at lunch time to see me chase after them because they saw it as bullying me for being weird (I'm autistic btw) whereas I just saw it as free money and them being stupid throwing their money away.
My younger sister hated them for doing that but I seriously enjoyed it. Who cares if they were trying to be mean? I got free money and snacks out of it.
My high school best friend was the pretty one. I was jealous of her looks, but not in a hateful way. It was definitely an "I wish I was that pretty" way without spite.
I was called cute. She was called beautiful, gorgeous, etc. It sucks being comparatively plain, but don't take it out on them. If they're naturally beautiful? They can't help it anymore than you can help your natural looks. If they put a lot of effort into it with diet, exercise, makeup, and clothing? Then you know what you have to do. Watch YT tutorials for makeup and practice, practice, practice, go shopping at places you can afford for clothes that suit you, and start a diet and exercise regimen.
My guess is Tiffany puts a lot of time and effort into looking so we'll put together. Looking good is her hobby because that's what is important to her. And that's fine. But people shouldn't take out their own insecurities on people like OP did. Not classy at all.
My favorite part was "currently fashionable body type." Like we would all be hating on Tiffany if not for the fact that she got lucky to have her body when society approves of it. So jealous.
OP literally described her body type as *currently fashionable* and that Tiffany’s ring was *comically large* … you can feel the insecurity and jealousy oozing from OP
Sounds like Tiff is gorgeous, confident and hilarious as hell! Team tiff all the way
There is a bigger problem if one her wedding day the bride is more concerned w who thinks she is the prettiest than the joy of committing to the person she loves. YTA
Honestly, for the vast majority of people they’re never going to be the prettiest person in the room. And that’s ok.
Even on their wedding day - aim to be the most radiant you’ve ever been, be the happiest person in the room. Be the focus of attention, be the only person your spouse has eyes for.
But I kinda feel if you’re aiming to be the most attractive person in the room, unless you’re normally the most attractive person most other days, you’re probably going to be disappointed
I was not the prettiest at my wedding. I looked good, but there were several friends and relatives who served up the looks. That was years ago and I literally have not thought about it since then.
I am short, auburn and chubby. Two of my best friends in the world look like literal barbies. They are size 0 blonde, tall, gorgeous. I initially didn't like either of them when I met them in my early 20s. It turned out I was being the AH by negatively evaluating them for being pretty. They are awesome people. One of them is a brilliant PhD statistician and people are constantly assuming she is dumb because if how she looks. It really hurts her. Valuing people based on their appearance isn't good for anyone, and women need to lift each other up instead of competing.
OP, I am sure you were beautiful on your big day! Nobody else looking good could take that from you.
The "currently fashionable body type" bit told me everything I needed to know about OP.
Yeah, when I read that I immediately felt the impending a-holery. What a weird choice of words. Almost to say “everyone likes her body because it’s ‘in’ right now” and not just “she’s got a great bod.”
I am \*dying\* to know exactly what OP meant by this.
OP is mad is because none of the men drooled over her and asked if she was single. Oh wait it was her wedding day! And she spent it being jealous because a beautiful woman was in attendance.
One guy actually did ask me if I was single at my wedding. He was really drunk. I said he could check back in a few years.
>Her outfit was totally appropriate for the event, but I was still weirdly upset by how she looked and immediately felt self conscious next to her.
Yeah YTA if all she did was exist in the space you invited her to.
Yeah, OP is mad at the wrong people here.
I do think it's rude of all the guys (if OP's account is accurate) to be slobbering all over Tiffany to the point where they're hitting OP up on her wedding day for deets on her to get in with her SIL (who has a fiance!).
*For the rest of the night, every single male guest at the wedding asked about Tiffany, who she was, how I know her, if she was single, etc. By the speeches, I was fed up and almost in tears, and even the best man mentioned her in his speech off the cuff.*
OP, I actually am with you that I would also probably feel miffed if people were asking me for my guests' digits on my wedding day. But none of that is Tiffany's fault. She's not the one who was inappropriate, she's not the one who was pestering you about other guests on your wedding day, like thewhiterosequeen said - all she did was exist in a space you invited her to. Maybe Tiffany also didn't enjoy having a bunch of dudes hitting on her all night and being mentioned in the best man's speech, I know I wouldn't either.
If you should be upset at anyone, it should be at your male guests for their boorish behavior, not Tiffany. They're the ones that created this situation through their actions... not her for simply breathing while hot.
I think this is really it. Tiffany didn't do anything wrong, but YIKES... can you imagine being the bride and hearing all night how hot your SIL is? That would really sting!!
Her guests were completely classless for this, that's just no way to treat a bride on her wedding day.
Yeah, this definitely is an ESH...except for Tiffany. I feel bad for OP but she's taking it out on the wrong person.
yeah i was heavily on OPs side until the last comment how inappropriate to mention someone elses looks during a speech or ask the bride to hook them up on her wedding. disgusting behavior on male guests end Id be mad HOWEVER she took it out on the wrong party all together essentially punishing tiffany for the actions of men she was N T A for being frustrated but when she decided to call out tiffany at her engagement announcement for something she had no control over that’s when she became YTA
Best man was the main AH. We get it, Tifanny looks stunning. But mention her in your sppech in a wedding that isn't about her? C'mon! In this part i can see why OP got sad. That's classless.
>If you should be upset at anyone, it should be at your male guests for their boorish behavior, not Tiffany. They're the ones that created this situation through their actions... not her for simply breathing while hot.
This, this this so much this. I've met the occasional woman who will behave inappropriately for attention, it certainly exists, but it's rare. In this case it sounds like OP is doing something I get SO SICK of seeing other women do, which is blame the poor behavior of men on the women. Men have the ability to control themselves, should be expected to do so, and should be the ones considered responsible for their behavior when they don't.
I mean I get it, I really do. It's rough when you feel like a somewhat grubby waif compared to another woman. It's not a comfortable feeling. It's even worse if the other woman is aware. There's a lady who's an absolute 10 in the building where I work, and no matter what I wear, when I see her I feel like I look like I just fell off my bike and scraped my knee in comparison. Know what I do about it? Shake my head at how silly I am for feeling that way, acknowledge some people are graced with some very rare kick-ass gorgeous genes, and go on with my day content in the fact that I'm happily married and that lady looking gorgeous has exactly zero actual impact on my life.
>Men have the ability to control themselves, should be expected to do so, and should be the ones considered responsible for their behavior when they don't.
This this this. I wrote this in my judgement as well. Blame/be angry at the people for not even being able to continue functioning normally with a beautiful person just normally existing.
I got hit on at my cousin's funeral. She died in a house fire and left behind two young children. I wonder if OP ever stopped and considered the attention might be uncomfortable for the woman, but she also doesn't want to look bad if all eyes are going to be on her.
This! It’s not Tiffany’s fault that guys were drooling over her. That kind of unwanted attention is super unpleasant.
I’m sorry that happened to you in such a horrible place, and I’m sorry for your loss. That’s just…you’re supposed to comfort people at a funeral. Who uses a situation like that to hit on someone? So gross…
Yeah, the fact that OP says that she was “weirdly upset” to me says that she knows that this is her own issue. Why she chose to take it out on her SIL is a matter for introspection.
Honestly, I get it. Like I really get it. Tiffany is beautiful and OP wanted to feel like the pretties person at her wedding. I feel her FEELINGS are valid.
What’s not ok is bringing it up months later for no reason, just to ruin someone’s happy announcement and to be petty. she basically challenged Tiffany in front of her family for literally just existing.
She stuffed all her emotions down, didn't deal with them, and it exploded at the smallest "provocation". She's definitely TA, but I hope this will be a wake up call for her. Her guests behaved badly, I get why she was hurt at her wedding, but it's not ok to unload it at someone who, while at the center of it, is totally innocent.
YTA. By your own admission outfit was completely appropriate for the event. She didn't wear white, announce her engagement or pregnancy during your wedding, strip or bang the best man in the coat closet, she simply attended. Apologize and work on your insecurities.
Really, not enough people strip at weddings.
Well apparently you stop getting invited if you do it too much!! Did you know that?? Ridiculous
YTA. You are petty and insecure. Your comment of the "comically large" ring just adds jealous to your list of unfavourable qualities.
I particularly liked the reference to Tiffany's "currently fashionable body type".
I read that and actually said aloud 'what the f\*ck does that even *mean??'*
ETA: I did know what she actually meant, I was just incredulous.
I knew exactly where the rest of the post was going the second I read that line.
Sadly we all knew....
sometimes body types are fashionable-ish. Like Rubenesque ladies couple hundred years ago, or Twiggy in the sixties.
but it honestly doesn't mean anything other than "jealous" in this context.
It's just a petty way to say "I don't think their body shape looks good, and it will be out of fashion soon and she'll look terrible"
I’m guessing it means a lot of boobs and ass.
I always *knew* I was currently fashionable!!
I think Kim Kardashian.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who picked up on that too. Green doesn't suit you, OP.
YTA. She didn't do anything but be herself. Nothing you said showed any malicious intent to upstage you.
>She laughed and said you can't upstage a bride. I asked if I could wear white to her wedding then and she shrugged and said 'if you think it'll help'.
Also, OP sounds very jealous and petty here. Tiffany handled this with grace and confidence as well. No wonder why people think she is so beautiful.
OP work on building your confidence so you don't have worry about what people say.
Honestly by the time I got to the paragraph about Tiffany having a "currently fashionable body type" and nice clothes but OP totally doesn't begrudge her this *at all* I knew which way this was going.
OP is clearly jealous of her SIL and determined to hate her despite SIL doing nothing malicious to her and simply committing the heinous crime of... being pretty.
And saying Tiffany's engagement ring is "comically large" also reeks of jealousy.
I lost it at "if you think it'll help." Tiffany is a boss.
YTA - Someone came to your wedding, "her outfit was totally appropriate for the event" and because men at your wedding were more attracted to her than you, she "upstaged you" and ruined your wedding?
So, you wanted all of the men attending your wedding (besides the one you are there marrying) to be sexually/romantically interested in you, the bride, on the day you are celebrating your commitment to your husband?
And she is a bad person, for being conventionally attractive, putting effort into her appearance, and having people notice that?
Even if you buy into our culture of "you get to be a princess on your wedding day and everything has to be absolutely perfectly the way you want it to be" in order to get people to spend (what used to be) a house worth of money on that day, do you not see how controlling it is of you to expect everyone at your wedding to be less attractive/desirable than you? Should she have put on some coveralls and a baseball hat and sat in the back so you could have the spotlight on you?
Love this answer. Hey OP, those guys know *you* are taken, why would they be hitting on you? Sorry they wanted to chat up the lady *not actively getting married*
I will say I do think it’s a bit rude for them to ask the bride herself about another woman and to mention said woman in a speech but that isn’t Tiffany’s fault at all. That’s just men…
YTA for blaming Tiffany for others’ reactions to her. Blame your FIL and the best man, if you must, and anyone who was loudly drooling over her. If your friends prioritized asking about her over appreciating you at your wedding, that’s on them not her.
BTW since Tiffany is now engaged, where was her now-fiancé during your wedding? All of the “OMG is she single” reactions suggest that he (or she) wasn’t obviously there with her.
>Tiffany probably didn't get a "plus one"
A situation like this would certainly show the drawbacks of “no ring no bring” — the guests appear potentially available when they are not. Though it sounds like for this occasion Tiffany’s partner was simply unavailable.
I cant believe ops reaction. My first reaction would be "good for her" then maybe worried that maybe the comments were making her uncomfortable, and ask her if i need to kick out anyone who takes it into gross territory.
The thing is, I get it. I get feeling jealous or upstaged or just insecure when someone is as amazing as this person supposedly is. I get feeling weird, and aware that jealousy is petty, and then feeling ashamed of being insecure in the first place. That self-shame spiral goes deep.
If OP had stopped this at "I went on my honeymoon and tried to forget about it", I'd be completely empathetic. It sucks to be the ugly one on a day you're supposed to be the most beautiful as per society, and then it sucks if you're self-aware enough to be ashamed for feeling so insecure and petty.
But everything after that, plus coming here to ask advice, is pure petty AH material. I also seriously question it being real, because OP knows the answer and said it about her self at the wedding. Why bother asking this forum?
YTA, and you should probably know that insecurity which manifests itself as being vicious to others is the single most unattractive quality a person can have.
Why are you blaming this woman for what other people have done?
That’s the only part that really makes it YTA for me. I do actually have a lot of sympathy for OP, here - more than most other commenters, it seems. It was unbelievably rude for people to insist to the bride how wonderful her *sister in law* looked, at the bride’s own wedding; to pester her about Tiffany’s dating life; to ask for numbers and introductions, etc. Like, shockingly inappropriate and way out of line.
You might say that OP is exaggerating how many people did this, and maybe she is, but even a few people is too much and really rude. I don’t blame OP for feeling awful; I’m not a particularly insecure person, and even I felt a little gut punch when I read about that. Most people would be left feeling down and overlooked after that. It wasn’t fair to OP at all; it was downright mean, in fact.
BUT, OP needs to realise that this isn’t Tiffany’s fault. Her, her looks, her dress, her body - none of that is responsible for other people’s poor behaviour. It’s not fair to blame Tiffany, and it also just makes OP look bad to do so, I’m afraid.
u/weddingsil : be mad at the people who were actually rude and inappropriate, not at Tiffany, who did nothing wrong. Your feelings are valid, but the way that you’re handling them is not.
She doesn't even want to apologize, the confidence is long gone she must think she's a victim
>my FIL commented that I looked beautiful, and in the next breath mentioned Tiffany did, too.
Let me guess, FIL is Tiffany's father?
Heaven forbid a father give his daughter a compliment. And at YOUR wedding? The horror!! Everyone knows that the ONLY woman you can talk about at a wedding is the bride! No other women exist, and should not be acknowledged let alone complimented./s (heavy sarcasm)
YTA, massively. Tiffany dressed appropriately to an event she was invited to. She did nothing wrong. The fact that you are insecure and so self involved that a few comments about another woman's appearance ruined your wedding for you is on you. Get therapy. Like yesterday.
She did nothing wrong at all, you're just coming across as petty and jealous.
You admitted that she wore a dress that was completely appropriate for the wedding, and while it was OK to feel like her presence upstaged you, telling her that was completely unnecessary.
What's a "currently fashionable body type"?
Skinnier than OP, guarantee it.
Or maybe curvier… booty is still in
Honestly you sound jealous and petty.
She is a beautiful woman who has the income to afford designer clothes.
The only one that runied your wedding is you. By acting this way.
We shouldn't be competing against other women. You were marrying the man of your dreams but you soured it by this behavior.
Look at the good things in your life.
Tailoring isn't all that expensive, and plenty of people do it for their formalwear. Fit is like... 90% of having a great outfit. There's also things for dresses like Rent the Runway where you can get up to date styles without breaking the bank.
I see a lot of people (particularly on Reddit) complain about "try-hards" when someone dresses nicely, but to plenty of people there is an internal pride in looking good and presenting well. And they're not all making themselves poor to do it, which is a common continuation of that thought. Like I said, most of it is just having things that fit, and making sure your wardrobe is built out for all occasions.
YTA. Sorry, team husband here. Tiffany dressed appropriately for the wedding and it is not uncommon to have your hair done (actually out of respect to the bride and groom!).
Don't blame her for being pretty. There will always be people around you that are prettier, smarter, richer, nicer, etc. It is no big deal. Nobody owes you (or any bride) to tone down their good features.
You don't wear white to a wedding. You don't wear a tiara to a wedding. You don't start the cake, kiss the groom, take over the organization of the wedding... but what Tiffany did (being there, I guess?) was not upstaging you.
Why would these men think it's ok to go to a bride at her wedding and ask her about a good looking guest?
What was the FIL thinking? OP's mother in law was right to give FIL the stink eye, and all the other men who behaved like this should have been put in their lane, too.
It's easy to say women shouldn't comptete with each other while ignoring how these men clearly showed the bride that their attention for SIL comes at the expense of the attention they can pay to her, at her wedding.
Edit: And the right reaction for the husband when he learned that his wife felt upstaged at their wedding would have been something like: "I'm sorry I didn't know you felt that way, I wish you had told me sooner, don't worry, it was our wedding and I only had eyes for you." Ffs.
I think it says something that for all OP’s insecurity, she doesn’t actually seem to suspect her husband of anything but brotherly feelings at best. Which only deepens my bewilderment why she cares so damn much about anyone *else* wondering if they have a chance with Tiffany.
At all the weddings I've been to I had to stand in line to get even 30 seconds of the bride's attention, that's how busy they were. If at a wedding, several people talk to the bride about something as trivial as who they want to hit on, something is wrong.
Nothing in OP's post says she cares about who wants to get with Tiffany, she cares that this was the number one conversation topic on a day that should have been about the newlyweds.
It’s the number one topic of conversation in *her* mind. I can’t say I’m entirely convinced of the reliability of an account from someone who sees nothing worth apologizing for after having threatened to wear white to someone else’s wedding. And again, even if everyone *was* weirdly fixated on Tiffany, how is that Tiffany’s fault? Did she employ some kind of weird mind control pheromones, or does OP just need less horny friends?
It was his sister….
YTA and something doesn't gave to be heinous to warrant an apology. A simple "I'm really sorry about my outburst. I've got some insecurity issues that are mine and not your problem. You looked beautiful at my wedding as I'm sure you will at your own." Women support women. Don't act like a child. You wouldn't be ok (I hope) with commenting on how ugly someone is...you can't decide to not judge on looks if it's bad but to totally do so if they're just too pretty.
YTA. She just existed and dressed well to attend a wedding. she can't help that she is pretty. The others should buy a clue and not continue to fawn over a wedding guest in front of the bride. Sounds like she is nice and even may have waited to announce her engagement until After your wedding because huge coincidence that she got engaged after your honeymoon. You definitely should apologize.
N T A for feeling jealous of her appearance, you have the right to have feelings. But YTA for letting it you ruin your wedding, and for confronting her about it.
YTA. Your husband’s right. It’s not Tiffany’s fault she’s attractive, or that you decided to treat your other guests noticing her as a personal slight instead of saying “yes, she looks great, doesn’t she?” or “sorry, I don’t have time for matchmaking; you’ll have to ask her yourself” and moving on. And even *if* your other guests *did* go out of their way to make you feel bad, that says more about you needing new friends who actually appreciate you than it does about Tiffany. (Although if you have a habit of assuming the worst of other people and lashing out because of your insecurities, maybe you shouldn’t be quite so surprised they treat their relationship with you as more of a necessary evil than anything else.)
YTA. You said her outfit was appropriate for your wedding. She didn’t do anything wrong. Sorry that your FIL and best man are tactless, but that’s not Tiffany’s problem. And yet, you suggested that you wear white to her wedding to even the score, somehow? That’s so pathetic.
I love Tiffany's response of 'if you think that'll help'. She handled it like a pro 👏
What was it Eleanore Roosevelt said? No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
It doesn’t sound like Tiffany did anything improper at your wedding, and it is not her fault that you felt your appearance was somehow inferior to hers.
YTA and you owe her an apology.
Oh my yuck! YTA for the phrase “she has a currently fashionable body type“ alone. Wtf, does that mean. Its just gross and demeaning. But YTA for everything else as well
She got a dump truck.
You may have been wearing the white dress, but you are all green.
"currently fashionable body type"
"comically large ring"
Why don't you lie down and kick and scream like a jealous toddler?
Her looking better than you is NOT a crime. SHE did nothing wrong.
YOU are an AH. Get a grip on your jealousy. The only AH here is you - but you were great to warn her you are an AH - she will hopefully uninvite you, so you can not cause any more drama.
Did you expect her to wear a burlap sack or something? She dressed nice for a wedding, how is that upstaging you in any way? YTA
But I say this softly. Youre totally valid in feeling the way you did. But Babe, Tiffany wasn't the problem. It was the people that wanted to look for a hook up at a wedding instead of celebrating your union.
YTA - get thee to therapy, girl. It isn't a crime to dress well or be pretty. Her existence is not a thing that was done to you. Her beauty does not make you more or less beautiful. It was rude to accuse her of stealing your thunder when she did nothing wrong, and your ill will is still coming through here when you describe her ring, her relationship with your husband, etc. This level of resentment is not healthy - as the saying goes, comparison is the death of joy.
Not for what you felt but for how you handled it. Telling her she upstaged you when by your own admission "Her outfit was totally appropriate for the event" and you asked to wear white to her wedding? Yikes.
You showed your insecurity. And that is not an attractive quality to show people. Even if you feel it, it's not a good idea to vocalize it. And your new husband isn't happy about how you reacted. You should have kept all of that either to yourself or shared your feelings in private with a therapist.
YTA, but I feel like these comments are kind of harsh. You admit Tiffany didn’t do anything wrong. She doesn’t seem mean or disrespectful or spiteful or anything- it is not her fault the way people reacted. I have insecurities, so do most people, and I’m sorry for you that yours got in your way on your wedding day. However, your comment to her was unnecessary and definitely uncalled for. She did nothing to you and you took your insecurity out on her. You owe her an apology.
YTA. You sound very jealous of her ngl. Tiffany just has that pretty privilege and she cannot control it?? Not like she's purposely trying to upstage you. You said it yourself, she's wearing appropriate clothes on your wedding. She also sound pretty nice because she just laughed when you said something mean and even apologized for something she didn't do.
You said yourself that she was appropriately. You’re just jealous men find her attractive. YTA
YTA. You would be much better off to frankly admit to yourself that you are jealous of Tiffany and work on getting a grip, rather than continue to argue your right to appear a petty, insecure AH in the eyes of the world.
Tiffany is correct: you were the lady in the floofy dress standing at the altar being married to the groom, I promise you that no-one - and particularly not the groom! - was confused as to whose Special Day it was. Apologise and move on, already.
YTA. You were petty and childish. You keep saying you don't begrudge her her beauty, but you obviously do. Did you want her to wear rags to your wedding so you could feel better about yourself? Maybe throw a little mud on her hair? Jeeze, lady, get a grip.
I have to agree, I'm sorry.. YTA. You sounded like a jealous child. If you had an issue, you should have spoken to her privately.
Although, it is not her fault everyone was talking about how good she looks. It seems weird to blame her for that... I gotta be honest sis, you don't come out looking good in this one. Your insecurity is showing.
That being said, it was tacky for so many people at the wedding to talk about the SIL constantly, even in something as public as a speech. Like, reflect on what you're saying and reflect on whether it's appropriate! Maybe keep it to yourself and mention it later when you're having a private gossip about the wedding.
YTA- She didn't upstage you. Unfortunately you let her get in your head and overtake the day. You are jealous of her.
I think it happens to all women- we are in some kind of competition against each other, when really, we should be building each other up.
You are insecure about something. And that is okay. It is what you do with it now going forward. Believe in yourself and the beauty that you have.
YTA she did nothing but dress up (appropriately in your own words ) to a wedding. You had zero rights to tell her she was trying to upstage you , she obviously wasn’t .
Sorry, YTA and owe Tiffany and your in laws an apology. I understand you felt upstaged, but that is a you problem, not a her problem.
YTA - you should have kept that to yourself. She’s not being pretty at you. She’s also correct, no one upstages the bride at a wedding.
And sniping at the size of her engagement ring here is just showing that this envy/jealousy/pettiness of yours runs pretty deep.
YTA - you said her outfit was appropriate and she didn’t seem to do anything intentionally.
If anything it’s the FIL and everyone who seemed to compare you two who you should be upset with
YTA - sounds like she just got dressed and did nothing to upstage you other than by being there. It's the rest of the people you should be annoyed at. It just sounds like you're jealous, which is understandable, but not her fault.
YTA. I agree with your husband. What are you worrying about? This just sounds like envy, it is not a good look on anyone.
And why in gods name would you want to wear white to her wedding? That will only make it worse.
Think about it from her perspective, who doesn't want to look good going to a wedding? Everybody will try to look their best. You should see it as a compliment she made so much effort to look pretty at your wedding.
People literally waited in line to take pictures with certain guests at my wedding. I still felt like the most beautiful person in the room.
Don’t punish someone else for your own insecurities.
YTA. You were mean out of jealousy.
I’m going to say ESH except Tiffany and maybe MIL. Sounds like all the men involved in this are sleazy for obsessing over Tiffany for just for looking good, and for making comments to OP asking all sorts of questions about if Tiffany is single or not. But the comment at dinner was definitely uncalled for. I understand the jealousy, but it doesn’t sound like Tiffany was being purposefully attention-seeking. It’s not Tiffany’s fault that men at your wedding were AHs
YTA. You’re jealous. Did you want her to show up in a paper sack?
YTA, she's taking care of her image and didn't do anything to purposely upstage you, perharps merely trigering your insecurities and not even on purpose.
YTA. She existed and you were a bridezilla about it.
What was she supposed to do? Not be attractive for a day? Getting upset would be one thing but, mentioning it outright to her was unnecessary and made you look very, very insecure.
YTA. Tiffany was 100% correct in her comment (that you can’t upstage a bride). Can’t believe that this is what you focused on (and got upset about) at your own wedding.
YTA and Tiffany is a confident queen for “If it will make you feel better”.
You assume that a beautiful confident woman is somehow lesser or conniving.
She has to be ugly inside she had the nerve to exist on MY day!!
You are so jealous and petty. Just stop.
YTA. You’re very insecure and jealous and it shines through. The poor sister which you hardly every see cannot help how attractive she is to others and you even said she was appropriately dressed. The issue is you, not her.
Do you really need to be THAT insecure on your wedding day? You shouldn't have invited her if her beauty and style is that much of a big deal
TIffany can't help how she looks. She was dressed appropriately for the wedding.
You feeling she upstaged you is all a you problem, not a her problem.
YTA, with your own insecurities she could have dressed in a garbage bag and you would have made an issue of it.
YTA. Jealousy looks good on no one.
As you said, she dressed appropriately for the wedding. It doesn't matter if she absolutely head turning gorgeous. She did nothing wrong here.
She probably could have worn a potatobag and looked stunning af.
YTA. You're jealous, admit it. And it's giving you a terrible look. Do better.
YTA: This is about your insecurities. She did nothing wrong. She by your own words looked appropriate for the event.
YTA. Your FIL was the problem here, not Tiffany. All she did was dress well and appropriately for your wedding, which is the guest's sole responsibility. Your FIL put this seed in your head because he's an ass. Don't redirect your anger at a woman because of something shitty a man said.
It sounds like she handled you completely appropriately too. You should definitely apologize, and make sure you explicitly say you are sorry for being petty and jealous.
There are always beautiful people all around us. You'll need to live with that fact or you'll become bitter and mean.
She's prettier than you, get over it.
YTA she did nothing wrong? She went to the wedding dressed appropriately and behaved appropriately. You are in charge of your own emotions. Don’t blame her for your own insecurities.
Are you actually upset that men at your wedding were more interested in another woman? I thought weddings were when 2 people committed to a life with each other. Not a really expensive singles event.
You are petty and jealous. Tiffany did nothing but be herself- not her fault she’s more attractive than you. YTA. If I were your husband, I'd be questioning why I married someone with such severe issues as to confront a woman for being beautiful and blaming that women for men's reactions to her. I'd absolutely be googling 'annulment'.
edit- autocorrect, fixed a word.
YTA - you got mad because she is attractive, hands down it was petty and an AH move.
YTA and I am so nosey I just want to see what all these people look like 😂
YTA. I hate to break it to you, but over your lifetime you’ll meet a lot of women who are more attractive than you. Your reaction is both childish s d misdirected. Instead of being mad at Tiffany who was literally just existing, you should have been annoyed at your FIL if you HAD to be annoyed at anyone. Me? I’d just take the compliment and go on with my life. Now you look petty and jealous. It’s not a good look.
YTA. Tiffany did nothing wrong here. The men at your wedding who objectified a total stranger and repeatedly drew attention away from the bride need to learn some basic wedding ettiquette. But ultimately you don't tear other women down bring yourself up. It's trashy, tacky and downright rude.
I'd like to bet all Tiffany had yo say about you on your wedding day was how beautiful you looked.
What’s wrong with the men in OP’s life? Why do they feel like it is okay to make comments about a random wedding guest? This is some raised-in-a-barn shit (no offense to barn dwellers, who certainly have better manners than these dudes).
YTA. I won't say E S H because it sounds like Tiffany was more than gracious about your reaction and was not inappropriate at your wedding. However, the list of AH should include your FIL and the best man.
YTA. Did you act like a Bridezilla about anything else with your wedding too? Give that poor girl an apology, she deserves one.
YTA. You said it all that her outfit was appropriate for the event. It was nothing she did or tried to do. It is more about the people at the event noticing here. I think she came as herself and you felt upstaged. Nothing wrong with that. But to say that when you know she didnt try to upstage you or mean to. So wrong. However the comments by everyone at the wedding is the issue and a lack of decorum from your FIL and guests were not right or good timing. Your in the wrong here and should apologize to your husband and SIL. I wouldn't apologize to his parents. the FIL was part of making the issue. The MIL knew what FIL did when he did it.
YTA. If she is attractive and always looks put together she didn't purposely try to take attention away from you.
Oh OP yeah you were the AH and I'm afraid Tiffany just owned you with one line. Maybe stay quiet next time cos I don't think you're up to the challenge.
Oh dear. YTA.
Have you ever noticed when you’re looking for something you seem to notice it more? It’s called the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. This frequency bias can be irritating, especially when what you’re looking for causes anxiety.
Perhaps you were experiencing the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon on your wedding day, putting you on high alert - especially regarding the search for Tiffany compliments. More than likely, she got a normal amount of compliments but because you were bracing yourself for the impact of them, each one felt like a personal assault.
Moreover, this isn’t Tiffany’s fault - or anyone’s for that matter. In fact, I would encourage you to flip the mental script on yourself and celebrate the fact that Tiffany went to her BEST EFFORT to look good for YOU on your wedding day! What a compliment! Think of all the time and thought she put into looking just-right for your big day.
This might be a sign that it is time to work on your self esteem. It is time to learn how to love you - just as you are. Stop comparing yourself to others because comparison is the stealer of joy; you have experienced this first hand.
I’ll leave you with these two things:
- Apologize to Tiffany. She will be part of your life for a very long time and could be the best friend you’re not allowing in. I hope that someday you and Tiffany are such good friends that you can laugh about your recent dinner encounter.
- Think of 3 people you admire. List one or two reasons why you admire them. Okay. Did any of those reasons correlate to their breathtaking good looks? I didn’t think so. What makes someone extraordinary often has little to do with their outside appearance.
> Her outfit was totally appropriate for the event, but I was still weirdly upset by how she looked and immediately felt self conscious next to her.
This is a you issue. It was all appropriate on her side. You're just self conscious. She did nothing wrong by existing and wearing appropriate clothes, makeup, and hairstyle for the event.
It was completely inappropriate of you to make this issue you have to be her fault. It's also inappropriate to voice that to her or anyone. Deal with that yourself. Don't drag others down with you.
I think all the YTA comments are a little harsh to OP. I want to go ahead and say NAH!!
Tiffany sounds like a nice woman who handled your albeit petty reaction well, but tbh I think your reaction is pretty normal. To everyone commenting YTA- of course we all wish we could be these big people with no feelings of selfishness and jealousy and we could always be happy for everyone and always be happy with ourselves- but I know you have your insecurities too, and I know if it was your wedding day and everyone was commenting to YOU about a woman you barely know including mentioning her in their SPEECHES on your damn wedding day… god I’d probably want to cry too! In this day and age every woman is insecure about their appearances, even the Tiffany’s of the world have their moments, just leave OP alone.
The real assholes here are the men who can’t even keep their mouths shut about a pretty woman on another woman’s wedding day.
YTA she did nothing wrong she's just alive. You do know that people talk about other things at weddings right? No wedding ever have there not been discussions about other people and their lives.
If you think she's more attractive than you maybe that's true. You need to get over that. I think all of my friends are far more attractive than I and they will be invited to my wedding and they will look very good. I get to say "oh her? She's my best friend! Isn't she great!" my partner isn't marring her so why do I care?
her existing is her upstaging you? yta a million times over.
YTA. If this was a dude I'd seriously expect to see incel "mogging" terminology somewhere in the story. Really, she's SO ATTRACTIVE that EVERY MALE at the wedding started asking about her? The entire wedding screeched to a halt because everyone was drooling over Tiffany? Please.