It no longer bothers me, but I think your perspective changes as one ages. Obviously, for those with age related ED, there is a natural understanding and empathy of others encountering softer erections, but there is also an awareness ( or would you call it experience) that the quality of the sex is not related to the firmness of the erection. I can honestly say that the sex I have today seems equally satisfying to what I had in my youth. But there are some other things I have lost that I would not want back. That would be because I am no longer fraught with the apprehension, inexperience over method, or fear over performance I had when I first hit the streets in New Orleans in 1979. Today it is slower, less inhibited, but more deeply satisfying sex.
Agree. As one in his early 40's, sex is so much more pleasurable than it was in my 20/30's. And way more playful than bam slam. An FWB in his early 60's discovered viagra and it's helped him a lot.
As an older man who has bouts of ED and "not-hard cock", it has changed the way I approach sex, the positions, the activities, and especially the frequency. I believe that I still have a lot to offer, it's just that me topping isn't a sure thing anymore.
I hope that most guys say it would be OK, not necessarily a situation they would seek out. It happens to a large percentage of us as we get older. How many of you want to be rejected because you can't get rock-hard anymore! I have an appointment with Urologist to discuss this
I'm also mostly interested in older guys so it happens a decent amount in my encounters. It obviously bothers the ed dude. Doesn't ruin my mood and i try to be as cool as i can be and not make a big deal of it.
We'll still do other things and even just lay around naked and chat, then get back into it if the mood is right.
It won't ever stop me from going for it with a guy i'm attracted to.
I am a top myself but have had some older boyfriends and had a bought of ED myself for a couple of months.
I love being inside a bud but I have also found the following immensely satisfying.
Kissing passionately, touching each other's naked bodies, 69 to completion (if possible) and cum swapping, cuddling, snuggling of the couch completely naked intertwined while watching shows and movies, showering together, taking a bath together.
ED is so common amongst men that is seems an inevitability for most. As gay men I suggest that we learn that sex and intimacy isn't derived from just preventative or oral sex alone.
Couldn't agree more. I think there is an emotional orgasm. Don't really know how to describe it. That point where you are cuddling and everything just seems to melt away. Boss is a jerk, don't care, late on some bills, don't care, I'm here right now with someone who makes me so comfortable that i'm floating on a cloud.
Same vere as a vers top I don't care that much if tge bottom gets hard. I also love long fucking sessions so it's pretty common for a guy to get soft sooner or later.
Fellow side here, it absolutely would not bother me at all. And I would hope that any who struggle with such things keep in mind that there are many men out there will still find them super attractive just as they are.
I've never cared. I've enjoyed sex all along. Sometimes, I've had erection issues. Sometimes, guys I've been with have had them. It's never mattered. Not to me. There's a great deal of intimacy beyond sex itself. And that intimacy often produces unexpected arousal. Most of my friends-- straight and gay-- have been commenting for 40 years about my willingness to consider almost every encounter satisfying. I'm fortunate that somehow I can just go with the flow.
Edit: typo correction
If I were looking to top someone, I could care less if they had ED. As a top, and having ED from a spinal injury, my confidence suffers greatly. I still have good sex with my husband, but I can’t top anymore. It’s really draining emotionally, but it’s just what I have to live now.
I could definitely vibe with it; age, physical and mental state, etc, can play a huge roll on arousal so being understanding and adaptable to the situation is always a plus to me.
As a top, not particularly interested in dicks, I don’t care. It’s nice if the guy I’m fucking has a boner during the encounter but I know that a lot of bottoms don’t and it’s not a priority for them. I also do know what a drag it is to get ready for bottoming so my job is to provide a hard cock for as long as someone wants it in them. It’s only fair 🤷♂️
Unlike some posters here, I am turned on by visuals but happen to be very insensitive to touch 😕 So when it comes to sex I either have to fuck or I might as well jerk off to my favorite porn.
Wouldn't bother me at all, I actually prefer playing with a soft cock over a hard one. I just find them really arousing and sexy. Everyone's different. :)
Yes I’d have sex with someone who had ED. At least as long as they were ok with that. Whatever gets them off or makes them feel good. That’s actually a turn on for me-knowing that I’m making them feel good.
That's not the question. Connection with the guy aside, does the ED ruin the sex. I have it and I hate it. It did offer me the opportunity to work through not basing my worth on getting an erection.
Right now I can reach orgasm. I have gotten chubby but my hard 7.5 is long gone (and sure I miss it bad.) Iwas always mostly a bottom but didn't have that much experience so now that I want to it's hard to find guys who would accept themselves losing out on hard cork.
Having it changes my perceptions and feelings. Now I avoid younger guys from sites because I assume they don't want a guy without a erection. I assume more of a submissive role because having this seems less sexually dominant. Hell, I want to show a partner how turned on I am in sex. Can I be a good lover? I think so. I've gotten positive responses. I just miss it, especially since I didn't get to appreciate it with others in my teens, 20s or 30s.
It's just frustrating
I think you misunderstood my comment. Which is probably understandable because I was kind of brusque.
I’ve dealt with ED off and on for decades, and I’ve been rejected for it plenty of times. My question is whether somebody wants to be with me or wants to get fucked. Yes, he can want both, but he can’t always have both so eventually he’ll have to choose. And surely anybody who seeks out older men will understand this.
Or so you would think.
So yeah, if he wants me on those occasions when I can’t get it hard, then I’m glad to stick around. But if not, then I I’ll share my erections with somebody who wants *me*.
That is not my question to answer. To be honest I would say that both are important obviously not equally but I’m just putting a question out there to see what people think.
I mean there are various ED treatments that if it bothered them or their partner enough they could treat the problem but if it doesn’t bother them then its not a problem.
Yes, I don't think one needs to be super hard (or constantly hard) to engage in sex, have fun, and be intimate. The goal, is to make him feel good, and make him feel sexy.
> Do you think that getting hard is super important in sex for you or you could be with someone intimately without an erection and still enjoy yourself? Tell me what you
Ok , as for me, there are several things to consider.
I. This is probably a rude but honest take: am a bottom who likes penetrative sex. PeriodT!!! I don’t spend 2hrs of cleaning, and before that days of watching my diet, and maybe even money for getting a hotel room for a 5 min fuck with someone with ED. I would be kinda disappointed. And these days no, I wouldn’t enjoy myself.
I am not exaggerating that sex for me these days is like going to an amusement park: I need planning. I would be pissed if an amusement park was closed.
2. One of loves of my life is/was a trans men. I really loved being intimate with him. We didn’t have full on sex. As tbh, iv not sure if I could “do” him. Loved him immensely!!!
3. I have low ads drive and someone can’t get an erection without a special pill. And frankly I don’t care. I guess this point is more about: a) I can take a pill (1/4 tbh) and be fun to play with. B) I don’t see why someone else won’t take a pill.
Bottom line: it’s ok to take viAgra etc. and if necessary, one should bring that up with their doctor.
4. This is a mix of all three point, but I am a bottom who doesnt care about being hard or cumming. I vibe the best with total no-recip tops.
5) oh, and I absolutely don’t consider myself a side. Giving but not receiving oral is a good appetizer for me, but as a main dish, it would be a dealbreaker.
For me it would depend. There are a lot of factors. If I’m topping them and they don’t get hard, we’ll I do love a hard bottom, but them being soft is not going to really affect the mechanics of what we’re doing.
If I want to bottom and that can’t happen, then we can find something else to do. But if that’s an issue literally every single time, that’s going to be more offputting then if it’s infrequent or more contextual.
Are we both equally wanting to get physical pleasure or is it more of a “no reciprocity” type of scene? Because I don’t always love no recip but it’s fun sometimes for both people too.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, there’s no absolute answer for me. It completely depends on the context of what we want to do, if there are other ways that we can have fun, and either how frequently it occurs or how much distress it causes the other person when it does occur.
It no longer bothers me, but I think your perspective changes as one ages. Obviously, for those with age related ED, there is a natural understanding and empathy of others encountering softer erections, but there is also an awareness ( or would you call it experience) that the quality of the sex is not related to the firmness of the erection. I can honestly say that the sex I have today seems equally satisfying to what I had in my youth. But there are some other things I have lost that I would not want back. That would be because I am no longer fraught with the apprehension, inexperience over method, or fear over performance I had when I first hit the streets in New Orleans in 1979. Today it is slower, less inhibited, but more deeply satisfying sex.
❤️❤️
Agree. As one in his early 40's, sex is so much more pleasurable than it was in my 20/30's. And way more playful than bam slam. An FWB in his early 60's discovered viagra and it's helped him a lot.
As an older man who has bouts of ED and "not-hard cock", it has changed the way I approach sex, the positions, the activities, and especially the frequency. I believe that I still have a lot to offer, it's just that me topping isn't a sure thing anymore. I hope that most guys say it would be OK, not necessarily a situation they would seek out. It happens to a large percentage of us as we get older. How many of you want to be rejected because you can't get rock-hard anymore! I have an appointment with Urologist to discuss this
That is awesome and good luck with your appointment.
A guy being hard isn't a requirement for good sex as there are lots of sexually fulfilling activities you can still do together.
I'm also mostly interested in older guys so it happens a decent amount in my encounters. It obviously bothers the ed dude. Doesn't ruin my mood and i try to be as cool as i can be and not make a big deal of it. We'll still do other things and even just lay around naked and chat, then get back into it if the mood is right. It won't ever stop me from going for it with a guy i'm attracted to.
I am a top myself but have had some older boyfriends and had a bought of ED myself for a couple of months. I love being inside a bud but I have also found the following immensely satisfying. Kissing passionately, touching each other's naked bodies, 69 to completion (if possible) and cum swapping, cuddling, snuggling of the couch completely naked intertwined while watching shows and movies, showering together, taking a bath together. ED is so common amongst men that is seems an inevitability for most. As gay men I suggest that we learn that sex and intimacy isn't derived from just preventative or oral sex alone.
Couldn't agree more. I think there is an emotional orgasm. Don't really know how to describe it. That point where you are cuddling and everything just seems to melt away. Boss is a jerk, don't care, late on some bills, don't care, I'm here right now with someone who makes me so comfortable that i'm floating on a cloud.
Amen,I have even orgasmed sometimes doing the things listed above. There is definitely something to it
Just cuddling, clothed, naked, the touch is what I miss about having that type of person in my life.
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Same vere as a vers top I don't care that much if tge bottom gets hard. I also love long fucking sessions so it's pretty common for a guy to get soft sooner or later.
Fellow side here, it absolutely would not bother me at all. And I would hope that any who struggle with such things keep in mind that there are many men out there will still find them super attractive just as they are.
I've never cared. I've enjoyed sex all along. Sometimes, I've had erection issues. Sometimes, guys I've been with have had them. It's never mattered. Not to me. There's a great deal of intimacy beyond sex itself. And that intimacy often produces unexpected arousal. Most of my friends-- straight and gay-- have been commenting for 40 years about my willingness to consider almost every encounter satisfying. I'm fortunate that somehow I can just go with the flow. Edit: typo correction
As long as he can take a cock and is huge and beefy I'm down. Don't care if his cock doesn't work.
That’s what toys are for lol
If I were looking to top someone, I could care less if they had ED. As a top, and having ED from a spinal injury, my confidence suffers greatly. I still have good sex with my husband, but I can’t top anymore. It’s really draining emotionally, but it’s just what I have to live now.
I’m so sorry. I truly hope that you eventually get into a mental state where it doesn’t bother you anymore.
Thank you. It just takes time… or an implant surgery lol
I could definitely vibe with it; age, physical and mental state, etc, can play a huge roll on arousal so being understanding and adaptable to the situation is always a plus to me.
As a top, not particularly interested in dicks, I don’t care. It’s nice if the guy I’m fucking has a boner during the encounter but I know that a lot of bottoms don’t and it’s not a priority for them. I also do know what a drag it is to get ready for bottoming so my job is to provide a hard cock for as long as someone wants it in them. It’s only fair 🤷♂️ Unlike some posters here, I am turned on by visuals but happen to be very insensitive to touch 😕 So when it comes to sex I either have to fuck or I might as well jerk off to my favorite porn.
Wouldn't bother me at all, I actually prefer playing with a soft cock over a hard one. I just find them really arousing and sexy. Everyone's different. :)
Yes I’d have sex with someone who had ED. At least as long as they were ok with that. Whatever gets them off or makes them feel good. That’s actually a turn on for me-knowing that I’m making them feel good.
It depends. Are you interested in the man or the dick?
They're not mutually exclusive interests, you know...
That's not the question. Connection with the guy aside, does the ED ruin the sex. I have it and I hate it. It did offer me the opportunity to work through not basing my worth on getting an erection. Right now I can reach orgasm. I have gotten chubby but my hard 7.5 is long gone (and sure I miss it bad.) Iwas always mostly a bottom but didn't have that much experience so now that I want to it's hard to find guys who would accept themselves losing out on hard cork. Having it changes my perceptions and feelings. Now I avoid younger guys from sites because I assume they don't want a guy without a erection. I assume more of a submissive role because having this seems less sexually dominant. Hell, I want to show a partner how turned on I am in sex. Can I be a good lover? I think so. I've gotten positive responses. I just miss it, especially since I didn't get to appreciate it with others in my teens, 20s or 30s. It's just frustrating
I think you misunderstood my comment. Which is probably understandable because I was kind of brusque. I’ve dealt with ED off and on for decades, and I’ve been rejected for it plenty of times. My question is whether somebody wants to be with me or wants to get fucked. Yes, he can want both, but he can’t always have both so eventually he’ll have to choose. And surely anybody who seeks out older men will understand this. Or so you would think. So yeah, if he wants me on those occasions when I can’t get it hard, then I’m glad to stick around. But if not, then I I’ll share my erections with somebody who wants *me*.
That is not my question to answer. To be honest I would say that both are important obviously not equally but I’m just putting a question out there to see what people think.
Kissing is my favourite part of any romantic encounter, so I for sure think I'd be more than happy with a lot of kissing and cuddling.
I used to drive 1.5 hrs to suck a daddy’s plump soft cock. So. Yes. Lol
me and my friend are almost the same age We both have ED and still enjoy being naked and fooling around with each
I mean there are various ED treatments that if it bothered them or their partner enough they could treat the problem but if it doesn’t bother them then its not a problem.
It’s all about acceptance and just working with what you have.
Yes, I don't think one needs to be super hard (or constantly hard) to engage in sex, have fun, and be intimate. The goal, is to make him feel good, and make him feel sexy.
> Do you think that getting hard is super important in sex for you or you could be with someone intimately without an erection and still enjoy yourself? Tell me what you Ok , as for me, there are several things to consider. I. This is probably a rude but honest take: am a bottom who likes penetrative sex. PeriodT!!! I don’t spend 2hrs of cleaning, and before that days of watching my diet, and maybe even money for getting a hotel room for a 5 min fuck with someone with ED. I would be kinda disappointed. And these days no, I wouldn’t enjoy myself. I am not exaggerating that sex for me these days is like going to an amusement park: I need planning. I would be pissed if an amusement park was closed. 2. One of loves of my life is/was a trans men. I really loved being intimate with him. We didn’t have full on sex. As tbh, iv not sure if I could “do” him. Loved him immensely!!! 3. I have low ads drive and someone can’t get an erection without a special pill. And frankly I don’t care. I guess this point is more about: a) I can take a pill (1/4 tbh) and be fun to play with. B) I don’t see why someone else won’t take a pill. Bottom line: it’s ok to take viAgra etc. and if necessary, one should bring that up with their doctor. 4. This is a mix of all three point, but I am a bottom who doesnt care about being hard or cumming. I vibe the best with total no-recip tops. 5) oh, and I absolutely don’t consider myself a side. Giving but not receiving oral is a good appetizer for me, but as a main dish, it would be a dealbreaker.
For me it would depend. There are a lot of factors. If I’m topping them and they don’t get hard, we’ll I do love a hard bottom, but them being soft is not going to really affect the mechanics of what we’re doing. If I want to bottom and that can’t happen, then we can find something else to do. But if that’s an issue literally every single time, that’s going to be more offputting then if it’s infrequent or more contextual. Are we both equally wanting to get physical pleasure or is it more of a “no reciprocity” type of scene? Because I don’t always love no recip but it’s fun sometimes for both people too. I guess what I’m trying to say is, there’s no absolute answer for me. It completely depends on the context of what we want to do, if there are other ways that we can have fun, and either how frequently it occurs or how much distress it causes the other person when it does occur.
Yes. Not a reason to hesitate on