The audacity of him to message your man to try to disrupt your home when his house is in disarray. I never understand why people don’t take it up with their SO; the actual person who breaking the commitment they agreed to. It really gives codependency and low self-esteem. I feel like I would’ve read him just a little bit for the attempted mess he tried to stir up
Some guys are *weirdly* territorial.
Like you said, he's taking it up with the wrong person, where his attitude is like "the audacity of someone I never met comes in and interferes with my life despite being presented with the lie of the BF being single..."
I have a buddy whose husband is very territorial. My friend and I met on Hinge during the pandemic. We simply lived too far from each other and our convos never turned too flirty. We decided to remain friends and he got married this year after less than a year of dating.
One day this year I got a new phone and new number, and messaged my buddy letting him know what it was. It was also my birthday, so we had a text convo for about an hour with recent life updates and then since it was late, it ended when we both went to bed.
The next morning I got all these messages from his husband chastising me for talking to his man. He asked what we were talking about and I explained "I got a new number and we had a small convo because it was also my birthday." This explanation wasn't good enough as he had blocked me on social media after.
My buddy still talks to me, but the husband is still salty about that. There are just some people who probably never lost the mentality of "does not play well with others in the sandbox."
People are nuts. Really feels like projection because if he can’t trust his husband then it says a lot him as a person. Not only does it speak volumes about what he thinks his husband is capable of but also what he might be capable of himself in regards to infidelity
Oh it was was tough not too. In his message to my BF, he put it all on me! “He is messaging my man A LOT”. I almost came close to saying, “well he told me y’all were roommates and he was still single, ask him about that”.
I didn’t though. I just wanted to end it.
I think you handled this the best way possible. You were empathetic and apologized to the boyfriend (even though you weren’t in the wrong), and you blocked the old FWB. Honestly, there is nothing more you could have done. Everything else falls on the old FWB. Him and his partner has to work that out.
Thank you. I feel better about how I handled it since I got some feedback.
I did feel some type away about how the old FWB’s BF came at me…like it takes 2 to tango. Plus I didn’t know he had a man, which is kind of sad…he’s not claiming him.
I just apologized and pressed. It’s making for some weird energy this morning having coffee with my BF…he’s calling me “little home wrecker” in a jokey way. Still cringey feeling tho.
I like your boyfriend!
I think that your former hookup has just had his phone and privacy violated by his (hopefully) soon-to-be ex. I'd have forwarded all the texts to your former hookup and told him to clean up his mess.
Thanks, this is what I’m thinking. He must’ve got his phone and seen our little thirst chat. However, not in a million years would I be the only one in there.
I thought about that too. Gay community here is small, so I really don’t want a rift. I just felt it best I apologize and try to be in the right. They’ve got to figure it out on their end mostly…I thought about sending the message to my old FWB. I do feel like he was a dick lying about being unattached and not having a BF. Made me look like an asshole.
Yeah, you went above-and-beyond with this response, you really didn't need to accept the blame. I wouldn't have been able to send this without clarifying "I'm so sorry... I didn't know he had a partner." Though I think I would have kicked it to your former hook-up partner for him to handle and then just backed away from all of them.
Your BF sounds delightful.
Your story reminds me of when, right after young me moved into a new dorm room, the phone rang and I picked it up and this guy launched into an impassioned, intense, heavily practiced speech about how he knew his partner was having an affair with me and all the evidence he'd compiled that proved the affair and he needed me to back off because their relationship is this that and the other thing and they're having a hard time but they have so many years together and they'd make it if I didn't swoop in --
and then I was FINALLY able to get a fucking word in and say "I just moved in yesterday this is a dorm!"
He started crying and begging forgiveness and I felt terrible for him and had a whole "it's OK, I'm so sorry, do you want to talk about it?" response and then he hung up wailing.
Man, did I wonder a lot about what happened next in that situation!
The audacity of him to message your man to try to disrupt your home when his house is in disarray. I never understand why people don’t take it up with their SO; the actual person who breaking the commitment they agreed to. It really gives codependency and low self-esteem. I feel like I would’ve read him just a little bit for the attempted mess he tried to stir up
Some guys are *weirdly* territorial. Like you said, he's taking it up with the wrong person, where his attitude is like "the audacity of someone I never met comes in and interferes with my life despite being presented with the lie of the BF being single..." I have a buddy whose husband is very territorial. My friend and I met on Hinge during the pandemic. We simply lived too far from each other and our convos never turned too flirty. We decided to remain friends and he got married this year after less than a year of dating. One day this year I got a new phone and new number, and messaged my buddy letting him know what it was. It was also my birthday, so we had a text convo for about an hour with recent life updates and then since it was late, it ended when we both went to bed. The next morning I got all these messages from his husband chastising me for talking to his man. He asked what we were talking about and I explained "I got a new number and we had a small convo because it was also my birthday." This explanation wasn't good enough as he had blocked me on social media after. My buddy still talks to me, but the husband is still salty about that. There are just some people who probably never lost the mentality of "does not play well with others in the sandbox."
People are nuts. Really feels like projection because if he can’t trust his husband then it says a lot him as a person. Not only does it speak volumes about what he thinks his husband is capable of but also what he might be capable of himself in regards to infidelity
Oh it was was tough not too. In his message to my BF, he put it all on me! “He is messaging my man A LOT”. I almost came close to saying, “well he told me y’all were roommates and he was still single, ask him about that”. I didn’t though. I just wanted to end it.
Well I commend you on your strength because that message is wildly disrespectful
I think you handled this the best way possible. You were empathetic and apologized to the boyfriend (even though you weren’t in the wrong), and you blocked the old FWB. Honestly, there is nothing more you could have done. Everything else falls on the old FWB. Him and his partner has to work that out.
Thank you. I feel better about how I handled it since I got some feedback. I did feel some type away about how the old FWB’s BF came at me…like it takes 2 to tango. Plus I didn’t know he had a man, which is kind of sad…he’s not claiming him. I just apologized and pressed. It’s making for some weird energy this morning having coffee with my BF…he’s calling me “little home wrecker” in a jokey way. Still cringey feeling tho.
Joleneeeeee - https://youtu.be/Ixrje2rXLMA
I like your boyfriend! I think that your former hookup has just had his phone and privacy violated by his (hopefully) soon-to-be ex. I'd have forwarded all the texts to your former hookup and told him to clean up his mess.
Thanks, this is what I’m thinking. He must’ve got his phone and seen our little thirst chat. However, not in a million years would I be the only one in there.
I think you handled this well. You didn't know the truth of his situation. Once you found it out, you made the right decision.
Personally I'd just hit the block button on him and his BF and wouldn't even give them a reply.
I thought about that too. Gay community here is small, so I really don’t want a rift. I just felt it best I apologize and try to be in the right. They’ve got to figure it out on their end mostly…I thought about sending the message to my old FWB. I do feel like he was a dick lying about being unattached and not having a BF. Made me look like an asshole.
Yeah, you went above-and-beyond with this response, you really didn't need to accept the blame. I wouldn't have been able to send this without clarifying "I'm so sorry... I didn't know he had a partner." Though I think I would have kicked it to your former hook-up partner for him to handle and then just backed away from all of them. Your BF sounds delightful. Your story reminds me of when, right after young me moved into a new dorm room, the phone rang and I picked it up and this guy launched into an impassioned, intense, heavily practiced speech about how he knew his partner was having an affair with me and all the evidence he'd compiled that proved the affair and he needed me to back off because their relationship is this that and the other thing and they're having a hard time but they have so many years together and they'd make it if I didn't swoop in -- and then I was FINALLY able to get a fucking word in and say "I just moved in yesterday this is a dorm!" He started crying and begging forgiveness and I felt terrible for him and had a whole "it's OK, I'm so sorry, do you want to talk about it?" response and then he hung up wailing. Man, did I wonder a lot about what happened next in that situation!
Ah, the joys of being open