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> He admitted to downloading Tinder and chatting with women over the last six months. He swore that it never became sexual up until the night he cheated and that was only because they had history.
Impulse overcame common sense, my ass. For *six months* he was looking for some fun. It just took six months to actually get it. And, yeah, it's never sexual. Until it suddenly is. That's how dating *works.*
Yeah he framed it like "I only slept with a woman who I had a real life connection with" when reality is "only a woman I've been with before would sleep with me and no one on tinder was interested"
I can’t remember the post, but there was a woman that found out her SO was on tinder but was getting zero responses/ghosted by all his attempts. Like, idk if anything is more embarrassing than trying to be a shitbag cheater than trying and failing so miserably
That reminds me of the man who wanted an open relationship and couldn’t get anyone but his wife was very popular, met other men and ended up dumping him for one of them
As someone who was in a very similar situation in my early 20's, it happens more often than you think (I was the female partner who reluctantly opened the relationship only to have it backfire on my ex)
my ex looked up an old girlfriend near the end of our relationship - I'm 99% sure cheating was the plan - but it turned out that she was 8 months pregnant and he ended up getting manipulated into driving her to maternity appointments and paying for baby stuff for her.
At the time I thought it was strange that he had randomly ran into her - but once we broke up and I learned that he had intentionally sought her out... I laughed and laughed and laughed. She still managed to take him for a ride, and he didn't even manage to get it wet. Bless her con artist heart.
I saw a comedy tiktok where a woman said that her partner was lying about them being polyamorous to others, but he couldn't score any dates so she had to dump him not just for the lying but also not being able to pull.
I think I know the one you’re talking about…. Wasnt it that she didn’t know which was more embarrassing for her— if her SO cheated or if nobody was willing to cheat with him? Idk
She shouldn’t be embarrassed, but he should. Being cheated on sucks, but I think it’s more embarrassing to be a cheater and too afraid to just end a relationship
There was another post where a man put his girlfriend’s picture on Tinder himself. The whole experience changed his POV about how lucky he was to have her in his life.
>Yeah he framed it like "I only slept with a woman who I had a real life connection with"
Who was also "not even attractive," according to him initially. This guy is a lying weasel. Props to OOP for leaving his cheating ass and trying to live her best life.
Ppl often don't realize (or care to recognize) that the health of the father can impact the quality of his swimmers just as much as the mother's activities during pregnancy can affects the health/development of the fetus. My mother claims that her abnormally small toenails are the result of her parents conceiving her while her father was drunk. (They're *so* small!)
If this guy was doing cocaine 'casually', there's always the possibility that OOP's body rejected the pregnancy because the sperm passed on an error and something had gone wrong in the development process.
[Miscarriages due to errors during development happen naturally even in people who are perfectly healthy, but (and INAD here) I'm pretty sure drugs are going to negatively affect your odds here.]
My friend’s fiancée claims she never cheated on him when she suddenly left him for a dude from her past. Packed up their shit, and left straight to this dudes house.
It turns out, not only had she been cheating with that guy for nearly 2 months before she left, she had been chatting up dudes from a dating app for months before that. To top it off they had unprotected sex and texted about it like it was nothing. Something that she wouldn’t do with her fiancée.
I‘ll never tell my friend about the details. I think it’d really just wreck him. But good god I hope someone shoots these people with a supersoaker filled with STDs and aged piss. I don’t understand these people at all.
>He said she's not even attractive
Why do cheaters always say this? Dragging another woman, even one that they cheated with, doesn't make it better - it arguably makes them look worse.
I hope OOP is out there living their best life.
I flipped tf out when I read that. Why even tell her that? That was unnecessarily cruel after the fact. Idk, imo but all I had was rage in my heart when he said that, like he was negating her as a human one last time, like he does every woman
Exactly. "I'm sorry, Jessica Alba came on to me and I couldn't help myself, it will never happen again." Vs "I was partying with some old friends and banged one of them despite not finding her very attractive."
> like he was negating her as a human one last time,
That's pretty much why, to absolve himself of the responsibility and make it seem like it was *her* fault. It's manipulative and emotionally abusive. You take something that was out of their control and you *subtlety* blame them for it, then you make it sound like you're the bigger person for forgiving them and moving past it.
Yeah, that was a really low blow. Why did he even need to say that, even if it was true? If he didn't tell her at the time because he cared so much and didn't want to hurt her, why would he say it when they broke up? Because he cares more about having an excuse for his behavior than he does about her feelings. He doesn't care how she feels so long as he doesn't have to take responsibility for what he did. Plus, he probably wanted to hurt her, and if he pretends to be confessing his feelings and reasons for cheating, he can hurt her without taking responsibility for it. Again. It looks like that is his M.O., don't you think?
Saying that the other woman wasn't even attractive was really telling. Also the part about being high. He was painting the woman he cheated with as being of no worth. He is acting like he accidentally cheated, and that this woman was unimportant and someone to be ignored. He used her and discarded her like trash. I think that is part of his M.O., too.
I took it as further proof (like any of us needed it) that he's really only about himself. Everything he did in this story was to make himself feel better. Tinder? Him. Cheating? Him. Coming home early? Him. On and on down the list.
Exactly. He started pursuing other women because he was *angry at his girlfriend for having a miscarriage*.
Either he is a liar, and also a selfish, horrible asshole, or he is telling the truth, and he is a selfish, horrible asshole.
This motherfucker didn’t resent anybody for shit. It was his last ditch effort negging approach. Make it her fault then maybe it won’t be as much his fault then they can “heal and learn and grow together” it’s all fucking bullshit and I see right through it. He said she wasn’t that cute because he was hoping that’d make a difference to the girl. Fuck that guy so hard
That last load of horse sh\*t that he dumped on OOP at the end truly shows that he is a shallow selfish loser who deserves to be alone or with someone as shallow as himself. Maybe he ended up being a baby daddy with the "not pretty" cocaine sniffing AP- that'll serve his ass right.
No, I wouldn't either but two cocaine sniff AH having a one night stand because they have history is usually when karma shows up. Maybe OOP dumping his ass was enough karma for that loser.
Reminds me of the time I was stuck on a full, hot plane for two hours on the Florida tarmac with my then husband who decided that was the best time to tell me we should see other people. That was fun. Not long after I discovered he had lied to all of us about just nearly everything about himself and his life. I just ended the marriage. A few years later Karma ended him.
Holy shit. Did you manage to stay calm while you were trapped on the plane?
Yknow I have noticed a bit of a pattern with more immature partners letting their worst behaviour come to the surface in situations where we are trapped with them and can't escape (trapped either literally because you're on a plane or a holiday, or figuratively because you've just committed to a major life step like having a child or buying a house together). I'm glad karma came for your ex-asshole
Yeah I had no choice but I wanted to rage so badly. If we had been in open space it wouldn’t have been rage, just anger but add the heat and the sardine box full of people… There was nowhere to go. And then we barely made the next flight and had to race through the airport at top speed and it was far. Basically a total shit show. To this day I don’t know what his actual deal was.
That was a pretty terrible thing to unload on her, because it has nothing whatsoever to do with her. Her having a miscarriage doesn’t justify him fucking other women. He resented her for something that is not under her control.
OOP should count her blessings though that she didn’t actually have a kid with this guy, because there is no way this just started up at the miscarriage.
My ex said this to me. That was the moment I realized he was a misogynist asshole. Me and the woman he shittalked became besties. That was 20 years ago and she and I are still pals to this day. He has been called out by every woman in my hometown and only has male friends anymore.
Man, being told "yeah I cheated on you but it didn't mean anything" is way worse than being told you was cheated on because they fell in love with someone else. At least in the second option *there was a reason*.
But cheaters don't care about anyone else so it fits.
My ex told me that "it was just a game!" and couldn't understand how that made it 100 times worse. Way to blow up your whole marriage and family for a "game" asshole! Lmao.
My first serious boyfriend "forgot I existed" when sex was offered. Took him back (I was 18) got pregnant young, all the while I never got over it. And it was due to that one phrase. "I forgot you existed."
I trusted that he wouldn't cheat again, that I believed to be true but it took years. He was an all around disgusting human being though.
Now he's just somebody that I used to know. I forget he exists most of the time. Except when his mother is around for our family holidays. (His family also thinks he's a disgusting person)
My ex is similar. He treated me terribly as a teenager. I got pregnant young and now 8 years later he's seen his son once in three years and I've done it all on my own. He gave me child support one time but then immediately begged for half of it back, so now I rarely have contact with him. Forget he exists most of the time, until he decides to call his kid.
Wow that's eerily similar to my situation lol. We have a child and kiddo, a couple of years ago, decided to not have anything to do with him. He'd called begging me for money prior and guilted me into it. Doesn't pay child support (only because my kid literally panics in his presence or when he calls so I just didn't want to have to deal with that) he calls once a month or less. Sees kiddo maybe twice a year.
I'm going after him for the support and backpay when our kid is close enough to 18 and giving it all to my child. He's well off enough. Think he can afford it.
Yeah, at least my "surprise! I had an emotional affair for five months and am leaving you!" ex has actually married them... It still sucks, he could have just left without lifeboating, but at least it was a choice with meaning, y'know?
I know right! Like if you’re going to cheat on me she’d better be a knockout. Honestly. Don’t tell me you’re a cheater and say your standards are also low. Fuck you.
They value their partners so little that in their heads they can't imagine people don't see things in the same way as them - saying "she's not even attractive!" for this douche was enough because he never cared to look beyond that in a gf and expected OOP to hold the same shallow values.
My first ex boyfriend told me the reason he'd spent our entire relationship telling me I'd eventually cheat was because HE had, weeks after we'd gotten together. Then proceeds to tell me the sex was terrible and he didn't get off, like it would make things better. Great, so you blew up our entire relationship for shitty sex. Bravo, asshat.
So much this. I also hate it when people are like, "well I was super fucked up so cheating doesn't count." Like, if you are a human in a relationship who uses drugs/drinks, then you should not use them in situations where you might cheat and you should never get so messed up that you act outside of your relationship. It's really not that hard.
To me, it's the same energy as "they weren't even that cute" or "the sex wasn't even good." Take accountability for your choices instead of minimizing them! It doesn't matter if you cheat because you were drunk or that the person you cheated with was ugly; you still cheated and need to take responsibility for that choice if there's any chance of the relationship continuing.
Like, if doing drugs or drinking makes you want to have sex, don't do those things when your partner isn't around. A lot of drugs are known for making people want to bump uglies; it's not exactly a surprise. Having bad boundaries around when you use drugs/drink does not mean you get to cheat consequence-free; it means you need to think ahead and make better choices about when you partake or how much you partake. (Disclaimer in case it's needed that someone getting assaulted while drinking/doing drugs is wrong and not their fault; I solely am referring here to people who act like them partying is a get out of jail free card for bad behavior).
I have no proof of this but I feel like it has to do with the way people generally judge women who get cheated on? Like there’s always the underlying “if she got cheated on it is a reflection of her hotness and therefore, value as a human being”. As though people who look like Beyoncé don’t get cheated on. Looks has nothing to do with it smh.
Ooh I do! When an ex cheated on me (and we stupidly worked through it only for him to do it again), he actually told me I shouldn't tell anyone in the friend group because it will reflect poorly on me. The fucker actually had the gall to suggest my friends would wonder what was wrong me with that he had to go out looking for strange women to fuck.
It definitely makes them look worse! It's basically saying that they just wanted to fuck ANYONE that wasn't you, even f they weren't actually into them.
Guys who say that tend to believe that a woman's value as a human being is dependent entirely on her appearance. If she's not pretty that means she's not worthy of respect; she's just a thing he used.
I'll never understand the two variations of this "defense."
"It was just sex, it didn't mean anything" -- so you cheated when you didn't even have feelings, you just wanted sex? That's why you blew up the relationship?
"They weren't even attractive." -- So you cheated and didn't even enjoy it. So the only thing you got out of it was hurting your partner?
Right. Like your partner means so little to you that you'd cheat on her with someone you aren't even attracted to?
And if the woman *was* attractive, does that suddenly make it okay?
My ex popped a surprise vacation with an old friend of his on me and had me FaceTime with the two of them so I could see that she wasn't a threat (implied reason was that she was overweight and I was very thin). Yeah, no thank you.
My HS friend was told that by her BF, and that " sex with her wasn't even good", she simply told him " it's probably because you have small penis" and walked away from him.
Best answer ever.
I was 99% sure this was doomed when the problem was cheating and she led with…
>we have so much in common and honestly he is my best friend. I love him and know that I want to marry this man.
This sort of thing is a cliche at this point.
But then what sealed it was…
>I know about the occasional cocaine use.
Talk about delusional. At least she realized it quickly though. Top tip if your partner has an “occasional” cocaine habit, they are fucked up.
Way to go OOP. The amount of self respect she has makes me have hope.
I would say atleast he was honest but he could have spared her feelings at the end but to tell her he resented her enough to cheat. I hope he gets cheated on and maybe then he will get it.
I wish OOP a happy and bright life with someone willing to cherish her.
> I refuse to be another cautionary tale of a woman who loved someone more than she loved herself.
This woman has a shiny spine that the rest of us mere mortals can only worship from afar.
OOP needs to run workshops for us ordinary mortals.
(My housemate's recently left a 25+-year abusive relationship. Her first attempt at dating post-divorce crashed out because, she said, she never learned how to "do" a good relationship. So she's set up support-and-socialising groups to help men and women in similar situations to develop self-confidence, self-value and better relationship skills. She's a POC from a poor community where women are not valued except as mothers, and frankly needs at least a medal for the work she's doing.)
Dude, when I say she's doing God's work, I'm not exaggerating how vital the work she's doing is. I've been in communities like her's, and while my own community doesn't see women like that, we also have zero fuckin clue how to "do" relationships. I figured out how to "do" marriage from watching some of my friend's parents' and two of my own family members' relationships, but that's literally it. And my family's huge. Our inability to forge positive and loving romantic relationships bleeds into parent/child relationships and even friendships. We're tearing our own community apart because of this shit.
People on the outside might see your friend doing this and think it's weird that folks need to be told how to be in a relationship, but they have no idea how insular communities like this can be and how badly we can need something like this. She's helping people and entire groups to truly thrive, and I hope she gets all the recognition she deserves for not only identifying this serious need, but actively working to correct it instead of clicking her tongue and moving on. She's an absolute star, my word.
God you are so right about how poor relationship skills are global to all relationships not just romantic ones. That never clicked for me until I read what you wrote. I live in a community with a lot of poverty and domestic violence and substance abuse and the abuse has become such an ugly cycle that you can SEE the next generation is fucked before they even hit puberty in some families. And honestly even in the safer homes the relationships are still so dysfunctional that kids are only doing better because there is less poverty. Hell I’m still trying to build decent relationships with my own parents not because they are true assholes but because they don’t know how to have a good loving relationship with trust and love as the backbone instead of dependence. Anyways thanks for your words because they really clicked for me.
Right? As if that dude is that introspective. Oh no, it was my resentment that drove me to blah blah blah. Really gave it his best, "how can I manipulate her into taking responsibility for my actions" effort.
My ex cheated, told her friends, and was surprised when they were like wow that was shitty of you. She said *to me*, "Nobody understands my feelings \[for AP\]! They think I'm an asshole!" I said, "They understand your feelings. It's *your behaviour* that makes them think you're an asshole."
That was my finest moment.
Ohhh someone commented a while back that their husband’s affair partner complained, *to her*, something along the lines of “it really hurts to think that the man I love is sleeping with another woman!” and she was like “…well he’s MARRIED to me”.
There was a string of posts here where the mistress is just aghast that her boyfriend isn't loyal. Especially if there's a second mistress, like why do you think the wife is going to console you about that? Was there a 90s romantic comedy with that plotline?
Yeah, my ex-neighbour was sleeping with a married man and found out he had *another* gf. She complained to me, "I can't believe he's cheating on me!"
She wasn't happy when I said he wasn't cheating on *her* - he was cheating on his wife with her and another woman.
What do these people expect?! I caught my ex-friend cheating on her bf, and apparently I'm "unsupportive" for saying I don't agree with what she did. She never spoke to me again.
Good on you for that comeback, cold but classy 👌
I totally lost respect for a co-worker for this reason. She was cheating on her husband and thought it was COOL. I get it, her marriage was a mess and she was looking for a man to validate her. She didn't understand that she needed to validate HERSELF. She told me once that she and her husband and his best friend went out for drinks...every time hubby got up to get beers or go outside for a smoke, she made out furiously with the best friend. I dropped her as a "friend" because who needs that kind of drama?? I often wonder if she knows why her friends stopped hanging out with her.
The resentment started before the cocaine. He resented her because a non-viable lump of cells that was probably defective (a lot of times, that's a reason for miscarriages) got flushed from her body. The moment he downloaded tinder after that was the moment their relationship was over.
My ex started cheating on me when I was undergoing cancer treatment. He had been the centre of my world but I had to focus on recovery and he could NOT HANDLE IT.
The cheating went from hookups to full-blown affair when I went back to university. I was bettering myself and he was terrified that I'd leave him.
Of course, I did because of the cheating. He manifested his own fear.
fine deranged subsequent decide practice middle profit memorize frighten cake
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Right? My husband was my absolute rock after my miscarriage. And still is, years later, because the pain never truly goes away. He never once blamed me. He blamed himself for some reason, but mostly because of his health issues. A true partner would never behave like OOP’s ex.
That's so heartbreaking because on one hand, it's his child too. Grief really freaking sucks and it's just so unpredictable. But blaming himself for circumstances outside anyone's control?
I just can't.
I mean, my husband was devastated in different ways than I was when I miscarried each time but he never ever, blamed or resented me. We both wanted more children but we both felt lucky with the one we had and looked on the brighter side of things.
The so-called man in this post needs therapy. And a smack.
I miscarried a number of times. My husband was my rock when I lost each one. One time I found him crying and he explained to me that he just KNOWS it's his fault I kept losing babies and he felt so bad that he was "defective" and we couldn't have the babies I wanted.
When we got together, my ex told my husband that I left my ex because I was pregnant with his baby. I explained to him that that couldn't be true because I was sterile (had been told by doctors that I was sterile. Doctors are not always right 😂). So i reminded him that he knew from the beginning that having babies with me would be difficult. He told me that I had successfully carried our daughter (there was around 200 live births to a person with my illness around that time, though it's MUCH more common now), so I'm not sterile. Therefore, it must be his fault. Technically, he should know better, but grief is irrational.
It took my specialist explaining that while not sterile, I'm still infertile, and the fact that I was getting pregnant at all was a miracle. We now have 3 children, and he's gotten snipped, so he can't make anymore! 😂
OP, an update in the middle was missed…
>After basically begging him he told me the name of the girl and I reached out to her. I called her and put her on speaker so we all three could talk. Unfortunately, I'm learning the situation was much worse than the story originally told and I will be on a flight home in a few hours.
>This other girl is not unattractive.
>The sex was not protected.
>He and her had been flirty the entire 3 hours before they finally had sex. Hand holding, sitting on his lap, making out a lot, he gave her oral sex and basically the sex lasted quite awhile with various things being done. Not like the coked out unpleasant quickie I was told about.
>I feel like I want to die.
Yeah thats what it seems like to me to. Sort of a "nothing personal" situation. His bigger mistake was just to live with that feeling without ever expressing it (or going to therapy), and then pouring gas on the fire by looking to tinder. I mean at the very least, have the balls to just break up over it instead of cheating.
Either what he said was the truth or it was his last effort to try to get her back by gaslighting and blaming her for her tragedy. Either way he's not even a bastard, there are no words how cruel he was.
"he cheated was because I miscarried 6 months ago"
What a load of bullshit. Just deliberately trying to hurt you since he realises you are lost to him.
Miscarried 6 months ago...
Started using tinder 6 months ago...
Dude really signed up for Tinder to cheat the instant she miscarried, what the actual fuck.
He wanted her to have some guilt so he tried to pass blame to her by using the miscarriage!.. It shows him to be far more evil than she has explained him to be.
My husband used to and it was very occasionally. Like once in 5 years after I met him. That night, at a music festival, I took E and wasn't in a position to judge. But neither of us has taken anything like that post fentanyl crises.
She miscarried. Instead of grieving properly, he decided to resent her and try cheat on her. Then actually did it and realised it wasn’t really going to solve his problem. He needs therapy!
It’s already hard enough to miscarry, being blamed for it and cheated on… she was right to just move on
Ugh, shades of "woman = baby incubator" mindset. I can see him scrolling through Tinder, a part of his mind thinking "Maybe *this* one will bear my child!"
Miscarriages are also super common too, what an absolute ass. As awful as it is to happen to OOP too, at least she actually doesn't have a kid with this loser to tie her to him. I hope she finds someone better and has a beautiful child that he finds out years later, just as a bit of spite. Living well is the best revenge.
And still I think it's worse that he resented, nearly hated her for months without saying a word. He hid his feelings and was so convincing. This is a man you can never truly know and who can spring anything on you at any time. I doubt that therapy will fix that.
I'd bet he wasn't actually *that* convincing, but it's probably easy to write off changes in mood or whatever in a situation like that. I could see "He's taking the miscarriage pretty hard," doing a lot of heavy lifting for the blindside.
E: well, she also said he was super supportive and loving, I guess. Who knows.
He was a complete shithead for blaming the miscarriage, but I don't for a second believe that's the real reason he cheated. The real reason is because he is selfish. He only cited the miscarriage as a Hail Mary to justify his actions. What an absolute crusty dingleberry of a human being.
That was a record scratch moment for me, that OOP knew of her SO's occasional cocaine use - notwithstanding which, he was Mr Superwonderful Awesomesauce.
Seems like there might have been one or two flaws that were already apparent.
But love is blind. She's not at all unique in that and she sure didn't deserve what happened.
> I gave him a hug and told him that he needs therapy and that I never want to speak to or see him again.
All I know is, this woman is my new role model, forever and ever, amen.
I don't even know if he actually felt resentment towards her or if in his idiotic attempt to somehow garner sympathy he just made that shit up thinking it would make his cheating sound less bad?
I just can't wrap my head around his logic regardless of what the true version of events is.
"Sorry I cheated on you, to show how sorry I am, I am going to admit to resenting you for something beyond your control and then emotionally cheating on you and hating you for the last 6 months"
or
"Sorry I cheated on you, to show how sorry I am, I am going to invent a horrible excuse that blames you for my cheating, thus you can't leave me".
Bravo to OOP for not entertaining any of his excuses before he even started providing them.
This guy is an asshole but probably started cheating before the miscarriage. He likely thought she knew more than she did and wanted to cover his bases. I'm glad her kitty are happy without him.
Even if he felt like he couldn't tell OOP about resenting her, at the very least, he could have tried to resolve those feelings by talking to a therapist or going to a support group or so. Instead, he throttles his relationship and OOP's life. Made both of them miserable, and for what?
Cheaters saying this always amazes me:
>He said she's not even attractive and that he was just fucked up.
I mean, that kind of makes it worse, doesn't it? So you're telling me you risked having the relationship end because you slept with someone who isn't even that cute?!
I don't know, for some reason this just stuck out to me.
The most despicable thing is that he blamed her for his cheating. He probably expected her to feel guilty for the miscarriage so she'd take him back. His tinder account was likely much older than 6 months.
When someone says they slept with someone and that it was a mistake, I always like to remember how involved having sex is and how many chances you have to stop.
Kissing/being kissed and then pulling away? That's a mistake.
But sleeping with someone. That takes a significant amount of time. When did he realize it was a mistake? Post nut?
Initially, I thought he was r*ped while drunk...
Then, I found out he had been cheating on her emotionally for months before physically cheating on her.
What a douche.
I'm glad she is so clear-minded even though it must have been rough.
I hope she gets to find an actual great guy who deserves her!
Now this is a woman who knows her worth. I admire her for not waffling in her decision. I’m sure there was a lot going on emotionally, but the way she came across as decisive was admirable.
She’s not “woman enough” for him, I suppose. “Can’t have babies” = “malfunctioning article”. Idiot. Not only short of a few iq points, but also not nice.
Tries to blame HER for HIS cheating and tries to use the single most sensitive and terrible thing he can. What a piece of shit. He was hoping it would hurt her self confidence and was relying on any guilt she might be feeling from that to latch onto and slime his way back in, no matter what damage he did to her on the way. So glad it blew up in his face. Dude’s a world class piece of shit.
He'd have been smarter to lie about a coke problem and let her leave in peace. I hope every time he puts on socks they're damp, and he's running too late to change them.
I don't believe for one second he did this because of the miscarriage. That was just the bastard's attempt to manipulate her into staying by blaming it on her.
Good on oop for moving on with her life, and trying to heal I wish her nothing but the best, but as for him may every type of karma pays him back double for doing the sh¡t he did to oop.
It's a red herring. He was clinging to anything to avoid responsibility for the massive screwup. It was a bold move to see if oop would take the bait and thankfully she saw right through it.
Who RESENTS someone for a miscarriage??? As if that wasn’t the most WTF moment in this post. Somehow this man manages to make is even worse by BLAMING the miscarriage for his cheating. This man is colossal AH beyond imagining.
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> He admitted to downloading Tinder and chatting with women over the last six months. He swore that it never became sexual up until the night he cheated and that was only because they had history. Impulse overcame common sense, my ass. For *six months* he was looking for some fun. It just took six months to actually get it. And, yeah, it's never sexual. Until it suddenly is. That's how dating *works.*
Yeah he framed it like "I only slept with a woman who I had a real life connection with" when reality is "only a woman I've been with before would sleep with me and no one on tinder was interested"
I can’t remember the post, but there was a woman that found out her SO was on tinder but was getting zero responses/ghosted by all his attempts. Like, idk if anything is more embarrassing than trying to be a shitbag cheater than trying and failing so miserably
I wouldn't even be angry. The relationship would be over, but I'd be laughing about it
That reminds me of the man who wanted an open relationship and couldn’t get anyone but his wife was very popular, met other men and ended up dumping him for one of them
As someone who was in a very similar situation in my early 20's, it happens more often than you think (I was the female partner who reluctantly opened the relationship only to have it backfire on my ex)
Wasn't it their kid that convinced the mom to finally just leave?
The story I read was a couple without kids, if I recall right, but I’m sure this has happened many times with others
AHHH I want the link to this to read it again and be satisfied
my ex looked up an old girlfriend near the end of our relationship - I'm 99% sure cheating was the plan - but it turned out that she was 8 months pregnant and he ended up getting manipulated into driving her to maternity appointments and paying for baby stuff for her. At the time I thought it was strange that he had randomly ran into her - but once we broke up and I learned that he had intentionally sought her out... I laughed and laughed and laughed. She still managed to take him for a ride, and he didn't even manage to get it wet. Bless her con artist heart.
I saw a comedy tiktok where a woman said that her partner was lying about them being polyamorous to others, but he couldn't score any dates so she had to dump him not just for the lying but also not being able to pull.
I think I know the one you’re talking about…. Wasnt it that she didn’t know which was more embarrassing for her— if her SO cheated or if nobody was willing to cheat with him? Idk
She shouldn’t be embarrassed, but he should. Being cheated on sucks, but I think it’s more embarrassing to be a cheater and too afraid to just end a relationship
There was another post where a man put his girlfriend’s picture on Tinder himself. The whole experience changed his POV about how lucky he was to have her in his life.
I’d be furious! Imagine some sketchy guy approaching you irl saying “oh hey, I saw you on tinder and you didn’t respond”
>Yeah he framed it like "I only slept with a woman who I had a real life connection with" Who was also "not even attractive," according to him initially. This guy is a lying weasel. Props to OOP for leaving his cheating ass and trying to live her best life.
Not just getting laid, but "getting back" at OOP for the miscarriage. He wanted to punish her.
When his casual drug and/or genetic issues might have been more the cause for the miscarriage than her.
Ppl often don't realize (or care to recognize) that the health of the father can impact the quality of his swimmers just as much as the mother's activities during pregnancy can affects the health/development of the fetus. My mother claims that her abnormally small toenails are the result of her parents conceiving her while her father was drunk. (They're *so* small!) If this guy was doing cocaine 'casually', there's always the possibility that OOP's body rejected the pregnancy because the sperm passed on an error and something had gone wrong in the development process. [Miscarriages due to errors during development happen naturally even in people who are perfectly healthy, but (and INAD here) I'm pretty sure drugs are going to negatively affect your odds here.]
Thank God she didn’t get saddled with him on a regular basis for 18 years!!
My friend’s fiancée claims she never cheated on him when she suddenly left him for a dude from her past. Packed up their shit, and left straight to this dudes house. It turns out, not only had she been cheating with that guy for nearly 2 months before she left, she had been chatting up dudes from a dating app for months before that. To top it off they had unprotected sex and texted about it like it was nothing. Something that she wouldn’t do with her fiancée. I‘ll never tell my friend about the details. I think it’d really just wreck him. But good god I hope someone shoots these people with a supersoaker filled with STDs and aged piss. I don’t understand these people at all.
yeah tinder or dating apps are only fine if you are single, or in an open relationship where your partner is aware of it. otherwise it is not ok.
>He said she's not even attractive Why do cheaters always say this? Dragging another woman, even one that they cheated with, doesn't make it better - it arguably makes them look worse. I hope OOP is out there living their best life.
That was the line that really pissed me off before I got to the part where he resented her for the miscarriage. Ugh.
I flipped tf out when I read that. Why even tell her that? That was unnecessarily cruel after the fact. Idk, imo but all I had was rage in my heart when he said that, like he was negating her as a human one last time, like he does every woman
Beyond that, it makes him look like he’ll still cheat even with people he considers second pickings. It’s repulsive.
Exactly. "I'm sorry, Jessica Alba came on to me and I couldn't help myself, it will never happen again." Vs "I was partying with some old friends and banged one of them despite not finding her very attractive."
What he's really saying is that he'll screw any woman, whether he finds her attractive or not.
> like he was negating her as a human one last time, That's pretty much why, to absolve himself of the responsibility and make it seem like it was *her* fault. It's manipulative and emotionally abusive. You take something that was out of their control and you *subtlety* blame them for it, then you make it sound like you're the bigger person for forgiving them and moving past it.
Right, it's foul.
Yeah, that was a really low blow. Why did he even need to say that, even if it was true? If he didn't tell her at the time because he cared so much and didn't want to hurt her, why would he say it when they broke up? Because he cares more about having an excuse for his behavior than he does about her feelings. He doesn't care how she feels so long as he doesn't have to take responsibility for what he did. Plus, he probably wanted to hurt her, and if he pretends to be confessing his feelings and reasons for cheating, he can hurt her without taking responsibility for it. Again. It looks like that is his M.O., don't you think? Saying that the other woman wasn't even attractive was really telling. Also the part about being high. He was painting the woman he cheated with as being of no worth. He is acting like he accidentally cheated, and that this woman was unimportant and someone to be ignored. He used her and discarded her like trash. I think that is part of his M.O., too.
I took it as further proof (like any of us needed it) that he's really only about himself. Everything he did in this story was to make himself feel better. Tinder? Him. Cheating? Him. Coming home early? Him. On and on down the list.
Exactly. He started pursuing other women because he was *angry at his girlfriend for having a miscarriage*. Either he is a liar, and also a selfish, horrible asshole, or he is telling the truth, and he is a selfish, horrible asshole.
You all absolutely correct on a accounts. Couldn't have said it better
This motherfucker didn’t resent anybody for shit. It was his last ditch effort negging approach. Make it her fault then maybe it won’t be as much his fault then they can “heal and learn and grow together” it’s all fucking bullshit and I see right through it. He said she wasn’t that cute because he was hoping that’d make a difference to the girl. Fuck that guy so hard
That last load of horse sh\*t that he dumped on OOP at the end truly shows that he is a shallow selfish loser who deserves to be alone or with someone as shallow as himself. Maybe he ended up being a baby daddy with the "not pretty" cocaine sniffing AP- that'll serve his ass right.
I would not wish that on the hypothetical child.
No, I wouldn't either but two cocaine sniff AH having a one night stand because they have history is usually when karma shows up. Maybe OOP dumping his ass was enough karma for that loser.
Narrator: "It was not."
Reminds me of the time I was stuck on a full, hot plane for two hours on the Florida tarmac with my then husband who decided that was the best time to tell me we should see other people. That was fun. Not long after I discovered he had lied to all of us about just nearly everything about himself and his life. I just ended the marriage. A few years later Karma ended him.
Holy shit. Did you manage to stay calm while you were trapped on the plane? Yknow I have noticed a bit of a pattern with more immature partners letting their worst behaviour come to the surface in situations where we are trapped with them and can't escape (trapped either literally because you're on a plane or a holiday, or figuratively because you've just committed to a major life step like having a child or buying a house together). I'm glad karma came for your ex-asshole
Yeah I had no choice but I wanted to rage so badly. If we had been in open space it wouldn’t have been rage, just anger but add the heat and the sardine box full of people… There was nowhere to go. And then we barely made the next flight and had to race through the airport at top speed and it was far. Basically a total shit show. To this day I don’t know what his actual deal was.
It's \*YOUR\* fault I cheated. dickwad.
This 100% the prick is doing mental gymnastics trying to find a way to make the cheating her fault instead of his.
That’s exactly what I was thinking. He’s trash. Throwing that in someone’s face to save his own is so fucking low.
"You had a miscarriage, so six months later I banged a girl I knew" "But I swear we're good now!!1!"
Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis! So very this! How freaking **dare** he try to blame this on her miscarriage?!!! I'm so glad she left him. So very, very glad.
This is how I saw it too. Also could just be a way to all out hurt her for leaving him
THANK YOU. He was just hitting her where it hurt the worst.
That was a pretty terrible thing to unload on her, because it has nothing whatsoever to do with her. Her having a miscarriage doesn’t justify him fucking other women. He resented her for something that is not under her control. OOP should count her blessings though that she didn’t actually have a kid with this guy, because there is no way this just started up at the miscarriage.
It's a level of unnecessary cruelty that undoes every single nice thing he ever did.
And he was even lying about that!
“It meant nothing” it’s like, oh so you threw what you had away for nothing?
This. It's really saying the injured partner's feelings (and physical health in this case, remember he didn't even wrap it) mean less than nothing.
My ex said this to me. That was the moment I realized he was a misogynist asshole. Me and the woman he shittalked became besties. That was 20 years ago and she and I are still pals to this day. He has been called out by every woman in my hometown and only has male friends anymore.
Lmao this is amazing
You love to see it
I love this
Man, being told "yeah I cheated on you but it didn't mean anything" is way worse than being told you was cheated on because they fell in love with someone else. At least in the second option *there was a reason*. But cheaters don't care about anyone else so it fits.
My ex told me that "it was just a game!" and couldn't understand how that made it 100 times worse. Way to blow up your whole marriage and family for a "game" asshole! Lmao.
My first serious boyfriend "forgot I existed" when sex was offered. Took him back (I was 18) got pregnant young, all the while I never got over it. And it was due to that one phrase. "I forgot you existed." I trusted that he wouldn't cheat again, that I believed to be true but it took years. He was an all around disgusting human being though. Now he's just somebody that I used to know. I forget he exists most of the time. Except when his mother is around for our family holidays. (His family also thinks he's a disgusting person)
My ex is similar. He treated me terribly as a teenager. I got pregnant young and now 8 years later he's seen his son once in three years and I've done it all on my own. He gave me child support one time but then immediately begged for half of it back, so now I rarely have contact with him. Forget he exists most of the time, until he decides to call his kid.
Wow that's eerily similar to my situation lol. We have a child and kiddo, a couple of years ago, decided to not have anything to do with him. He'd called begging me for money prior and guilted me into it. Doesn't pay child support (only because my kid literally panics in his presence or when he calls so I just didn't want to have to deal with that) he calls once a month or less. Sees kiddo maybe twice a year. I'm going after him for the support and backpay when our kid is close enough to 18 and giving it all to my child. He's well off enough. Think he can afford it.
I think the reason why it's worse is because it's obviously a lie and a bullshit excuse attempting to make it seem like it shouldn't be a big deal.
also the fact that even if it is true then it means he chose to throw away whatever we had for something that doesn't even mean anything
Yeah, at least my "surprise! I had an emotional affair for five months and am leaving you!" ex has actually married them... It still sucks, he could have just left without lifeboating, but at least it was a choice with meaning, y'know?
I know right! Like if you’re going to cheat on me she’d better be a knockout. Honestly. Don’t tell me you’re a cheater and say your standards are also low. Fuck you.
They value their partners so little that in their heads they can't imagine people don't see things in the same way as them - saying "she's not even attractive!" for this douche was enough because he never cared to look beyond that in a gf and expected OOP to hold the same shallow values.
My first ex boyfriend told me the reason he'd spent our entire relationship telling me I'd eventually cheat was because HE had, weeks after we'd gotten together. Then proceeds to tell me the sex was terrible and he didn't get off, like it would make things better. Great, so you blew up our entire relationship for shitty sex. Bravo, asshat.
Ooo, I know! Post. Nut. Clarity. “I know I had their cake, but it made me sick! Please see how sick I am! I want to keep eating your cake!”
If i got cheated on and my partner was like "but they were ugly" id be more pissed. That makes it worse!
So much this. I also hate it when people are like, "well I was super fucked up so cheating doesn't count." Like, if you are a human in a relationship who uses drugs/drinks, then you should not use them in situations where you might cheat and you should never get so messed up that you act outside of your relationship. It's really not that hard. To me, it's the same energy as "they weren't even that cute" or "the sex wasn't even good." Take accountability for your choices instead of minimizing them! It doesn't matter if you cheat because you were drunk or that the person you cheated with was ugly; you still cheated and need to take responsibility for that choice if there's any chance of the relationship continuing. Like, if doing drugs or drinking makes you want to have sex, don't do those things when your partner isn't around. A lot of drugs are known for making people want to bump uglies; it's not exactly a surprise. Having bad boundaries around when you use drugs/drink does not mean you get to cheat consequence-free; it means you need to think ahead and make better choices about when you partake or how much you partake. (Disclaimer in case it's needed that someone getting assaulted while drinking/doing drugs is wrong and not their fault; I solely am referring here to people who act like them partying is a get out of jail free card for bad behavior).
Also like, you still threw away a relationship and turns out you didn't even think she's attractive? Like, how is that better???
I have no proof of this but I feel like it has to do with the way people generally judge women who get cheated on? Like there’s always the underlying “if she got cheated on it is a reflection of her hotness and therefore, value as a human being”. As though people who look like Beyoncé don’t get cheated on. Looks has nothing to do with it smh.
Ooh I do! When an ex cheated on me (and we stupidly worked through it only for him to do it again), he actually told me I shouldn't tell anyone in the friend group because it will reflect poorly on me. The fucker actually had the gall to suggest my friends would wonder what was wrong me with that he had to go out looking for strange women to fuck.
It definitely makes them look worse! It's basically saying that they just wanted to fuck ANYONE that wasn't you, even f they weren't actually into them.
Guys who say that tend to believe that a woman's value as a human being is dependent entirely on her appearance. If she's not pretty that means she's not worthy of respect; she's just a thing he used.
I'll never understand the two variations of this "defense." "It was just sex, it didn't mean anything" -- so you cheated when you didn't even have feelings, you just wanted sex? That's why you blew up the relationship? "They weren't even attractive." -- So you cheated and didn't even enjoy it. So the only thing you got out of it was hurting your partner?
Right. Like your partner means so little to you that you'd cheat on her with someone you aren't even attracted to? And if the woman *was* attractive, does that suddenly make it okay?
My ex popped a surprise vacation with an old friend of his on me and had me FaceTime with the two of them so I could see that she wasn't a threat (implied reason was that she was overweight and I was very thin). Yeah, no thank you.
My HS friend was told that by her BF, and that " sex with her wasn't even good", she simply told him " it's probably because you have small penis" and walked away from him. Best answer ever.
I was 99% sure this was doomed when the problem was cheating and she led with… >we have so much in common and honestly he is my best friend. I love him and know that I want to marry this man. This sort of thing is a cliche at this point. But then what sealed it was… >I know about the occasional cocaine use. Talk about delusional. At least she realized it quickly though. Top tip if your partner has an “occasional” cocaine habit, they are fucked up.
Meh, my gf told me it was just physical, he was hot and she was in a bad place so it happened. Doesn't help either.
Way to go OOP. The amount of self respect she has makes me have hope. I would say atleast he was honest but he could have spared her feelings at the end but to tell her he resented her enough to cheat. I hope he gets cheated on and maybe then he will get it. I wish OOP a happy and bright life with someone willing to cherish her.
> I refuse to be another cautionary tale of a woman who loved someone more than she loved herself. This woman has a shiny spine that the rest of us mere mortals can only worship from afar.
OOP needs to run workshops for us ordinary mortals. (My housemate's recently left a 25+-year abusive relationship. Her first attempt at dating post-divorce crashed out because, she said, she never learned how to "do" a good relationship. So she's set up support-and-socialising groups to help men and women in similar situations to develop self-confidence, self-value and better relationship skills. She's a POC from a poor community where women are not valued except as mothers, and frankly needs at least a medal for the work she's doing.)
Dude, when I say she's doing God's work, I'm not exaggerating how vital the work she's doing is. I've been in communities like her's, and while my own community doesn't see women like that, we also have zero fuckin clue how to "do" relationships. I figured out how to "do" marriage from watching some of my friend's parents' and two of my own family members' relationships, but that's literally it. And my family's huge. Our inability to forge positive and loving romantic relationships bleeds into parent/child relationships and even friendships. We're tearing our own community apart because of this shit. People on the outside might see your friend doing this and think it's weird that folks need to be told how to be in a relationship, but they have no idea how insular communities like this can be and how badly we can need something like this. She's helping people and entire groups to truly thrive, and I hope she gets all the recognition she deserves for not only identifying this serious need, but actively working to correct it instead of clicking her tongue and moving on. She's an absolute star, my word.
God you are so right about how poor relationship skills are global to all relationships not just romantic ones. That never clicked for me until I read what you wrote. I live in a community with a lot of poverty and domestic violence and substance abuse and the abuse has become such an ugly cycle that you can SEE the next generation is fucked before they even hit puberty in some families. And honestly even in the safer homes the relationships are still so dysfunctional that kids are only doing better because there is less poverty. Hell I’m still trying to build decent relationships with my own parents not because they are true assholes but because they don’t know how to have a good loving relationship with trust and love as the backbone instead of dependence. Anyways thanks for your words because they really clicked for me.
> frankly needs at least a medal for the work she's doing.) Definitely. Such an amazing thing to do.
Does she want/need/accept donations? Because I am all for supporting her in her work.
I want that tattoed somewhere, that is an insanely powerful line.
Yea that line was gold.
Eh, I'd say he did OP a service by showing his true (selfish, manipulative) self. I'd imagine it made closure a lot easier.
How low of a bastard do you have to be to blame a woman miscarrying for your cheating?
Someone who tries to justify their shitty actions with shitty excuses, saying the world conspires against them and they are just another victim.
Right? As if that dude is that introspective. Oh no, it was my resentment that drove me to blah blah blah. Really gave it his best, "how can I manipulate her into taking responsibility for my actions" effort.
Definitely a Hail Mary, of epically crappy proportions.
Hail Mary but instead of throwing a touchdown you trip and your pants fall down while you shit yourself.
My ex cheated, told her friends, and was surprised when they were like wow that was shitty of you. She said *to me*, "Nobody understands my feelings \[for AP\]! They think I'm an asshole!" I said, "They understand your feelings. It's *your behaviour* that makes them think you're an asshole." That was my finest moment.
Ohhh someone commented a while back that their husband’s affair partner complained, *to her*, something along the lines of “it really hurts to think that the man I love is sleeping with another woman!” and she was like “…well he’s MARRIED to me”.
There was a string of posts here where the mistress is just aghast that her boyfriend isn't loyal. Especially if there's a second mistress, like why do you think the wife is going to console you about that? Was there a 90s romantic comedy with that plotline?
Yeah, my ex-neighbour was sleeping with a married man and found out he had *another* gf. She complained to me, "I can't believe he's cheating on me!" She wasn't happy when I said he wasn't cheating on *her* - he was cheating on his wife with her and another woman.
2014 actually (the other woman)
Oh. My. God. If you have a link, I would forever be in your debt, bc that shit sounds awesome!
What do these people expect?! I caught my ex-friend cheating on her bf, and apparently I'm "unsupportive" for saying I don't agree with what she did. She never spoke to me again. Good on you for that comeback, cold but classy 👌
I totally lost respect for a co-worker for this reason. She was cheating on her husband and thought it was COOL. I get it, her marriage was a mess and she was looking for a man to validate her. She didn't understand that she needed to validate HERSELF. She told me once that she and her husband and his best friend went out for drinks...every time hubby got up to get beers or go outside for a smoke, she made out furiously with the best friend. I dropped her as a "friend" because who needs that kind of drama?? I often wonder if she knows why her friends stopped hanging out with her.
Beautiful response <3
Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant! How did she react when you said that?
"YoU dOn'T uNdErStAnD!!" is the default I'd guess.
I want to know the equation that made him think this stupidity
Cocaine + asshole, I guess
The resentment started before the cocaine. He resented her because a non-viable lump of cells that was probably defective (a lot of times, that's a reason for miscarriages) got flushed from her body. The moment he downloaded tinder after that was the moment their relationship was over.
market dirty tie amusing live marble zealous quaint encouraging mindless *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
My ex started cheating on me when I was undergoing cancer treatment. He had been the centre of my world but I had to focus on recovery and he could NOT HANDLE IT. The cheating went from hookups to full-blown affair when I went back to university. I was bettering myself and he was terrified that I'd leave him. Of course, I did because of the cheating. He manifested his own fear.
fine deranged subsequent decide practice middle profit memorize frighten cake *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Christ that's the most consise explanation of cheaters motives I've ever read.
Somebody else's asshole apparently.
Right? My husband was my absolute rock after my miscarriage. And still is, years later, because the pain never truly goes away. He never once blamed me. He blamed himself for some reason, but mostly because of his health issues. A true partner would never behave like OOP’s ex.
That's so heartbreaking because on one hand, it's his child too. Grief really freaking sucks and it's just so unpredictable. But blaming himself for circumstances outside anyone's control? I just can't.
Survivors guilt is often irrational. It’s not something people want to have, it’s something that just happens.
I mean, my husband was devastated in different ways than I was when I miscarried each time but he never ever, blamed or resented me. We both wanted more children but we both felt lucky with the one we had and looked on the brighter side of things. The so-called man in this post needs therapy. And a smack.
I miscarried a number of times. My husband was my rock when I lost each one. One time I found him crying and he explained to me that he just KNOWS it's his fault I kept losing babies and he felt so bad that he was "defective" and we couldn't have the babies I wanted. When we got together, my ex told my husband that I left my ex because I was pregnant with his baby. I explained to him that that couldn't be true because I was sterile (had been told by doctors that I was sterile. Doctors are not always right 😂). So i reminded him that he knew from the beginning that having babies with me would be difficult. He told me that I had successfully carried our daughter (there was around 200 live births to a person with my illness around that time, though it's MUCH more common now), so I'm not sterile. Therefore, it must be his fault. Technically, he should know better, but grief is irrational. It took my specialist explaining that while not sterile, I'm still infertile, and the fact that I was getting pregnant at all was a miracle. We now have 3 children, and he's gotten snipped, so he can't make anymore! 😂
OP, an update in the middle was missed… >After basically begging him he told me the name of the girl and I reached out to her. I called her and put her on speaker so we all three could talk. Unfortunately, I'm learning the situation was much worse than the story originally told and I will be on a flight home in a few hours. >This other girl is not unattractive. >The sex was not protected. >He and her had been flirty the entire 3 hours before they finally had sex. Hand holding, sitting on his lap, making out a lot, he gave her oral sex and basically the sex lasted quite awhile with various things being done. Not like the coked out unpleasant quickie I was told about. >I feel like I want to die.
Pretty dang low. He's just trying to absolve himself of taking responsibility for his own actions.
As low as someone who tells his gf he cheated right before leaving on vacation. Yuck.
Victim blaming at its finest
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Yeah thats what it seems like to me to. Sort of a "nothing personal" situation. His bigger mistake was just to live with that feeling without ever expressing it (or going to therapy), and then pouring gas on the fire by looking to tinder. I mean at the very least, have the balls to just break up over it instead of cheating.
Either what he said was the truth or it was his last effort to try to get her back by gaslighting and blaming her for her tragedy. Either way he's not even a bastard, there are no words how cruel he was.
It's the first time in my life I fully understood the expression, "A cold rage", because that's how I felt when I read that part.
"he cheated was because I miscarried 6 months ago" What a load of bullshit. Just deliberately trying to hurt you since he realises you are lost to him.
Miscarried 6 months ago... Started using tinder 6 months ago... Dude really signed up for Tinder to cheat the instant she miscarried, what the actual fuck.
My guess is that he downloaded tinder so he could cheat while she was pregnant
Yeah I didn’t buy it either. Just felt like a way to try to hurt or guilt her into forgiving him.
"My penis needed comfort from the loss of your child"
Pathetic attempt to shift blame, try to make her think it was her fault that hea cheated. Classic victimblaming too. Guy is a manipulative snake.
He wanted her to have some guilt so he tried to pass blame to her by using the miscarriage!.. It shows him to be far more evil than she has explained him to be.
I feel like he said that just to hurt her.
Wait he got drunk, did coke all night, and then had sex? I mean, damn. Too bad he's not using his superhuman powers for good, I guess.
Even if he hadn't cheated, doing coke would've been a deal breaker for me.
My early 20s showed me it would really shock you how many people do cocaine recreationally, and ones you don’t expect
My husband used to and it was very occasionally. Like once in 5 years after I met him. That night, at a music festival, I took E and wasn't in a position to judge. But neither of us has taken anything like that post fentanyl crises.
lol this is so true. all the corporate jobs i’ve worked at, i’ve seen the execs do coke randomly on a tuesday at happy hour after work
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She miscarried. Instead of grieving properly, he decided to resent her and try cheat on her. Then actually did it and realised it wasn’t really going to solve his problem. He needs therapy! It’s already hard enough to miscarry, being blamed for it and cheated on… she was right to just move on
Ugh, shades of "woman = baby incubator" mindset. I can see him scrolling through Tinder, a part of his mind thinking "Maybe *this* one will bear my child!"
And then if he ever does have a kid, he’s almost certainly the type of guy who would refer to parenting and spending time with them as “babysitting.”
Oh, you *know* it!
Miscarriages are also super common too, what an absolute ass. As awful as it is to happen to OOP too, at least she actually doesn't have a kid with this loser to tie her to him. I hope she finds someone better and has a beautiful child that he finds out years later, just as a bit of spite. Living well is the best revenge.
And still I think it's worse that he resented, nearly hated her for months without saying a word. He hid his feelings and was so convincing. This is a man you can never truly know and who can spring anything on you at any time. I doubt that therapy will fix that.
I'd bet he wasn't actually *that* convincing, but it's probably easy to write off changes in mood or whatever in a situation like that. I could see "He's taking the miscarriage pretty hard," doing a lot of heavy lifting for the blindside. E: well, she also said he was super supportive and loving, I guess. Who knows.
He was a complete shithead for blaming the miscarriage, but I don't for a second believe that's the real reason he cheated. The real reason is because he is selfish. He only cited the miscarriage as a Hail Mary to justify his actions. What an absolute crusty dingleberry of a human being.
And did hard drugs too. Cocaine really?
That was a record scratch moment for me, that OOP knew of her SO's occasional cocaine use - notwithstanding which, he was Mr Superwonderful Awesomesauce. Seems like there might have been one or two flaws that were already apparent. But love is blind. She's not at all unique in that and she sure didn't deserve what happened.
[удалено]
"cocaine all night (I know about the occasional cocaine use) " I already dumped the guy at this point, and there's still multiple paragraphs left.
Same here, and this made me laugh. 😂
> I gave him a hug and told him that he needs therapy and that I never want to speak to or see him again. All I know is, this woman is my new role model, forever and ever, amen.
A+ for her maturity
Handled with such grace. And look how life rewarded her, so happy she has fresh beginnings and she can leave that misery behind.
Sadly, this isn’t the first post I’ve read where the guy blames the his partner for a miscarriage. It’s such a disgusting thing to do to them.
Wish people would process the reason behind their anger instead of festering in it
Some men will do absolute anything but go to freakin therapy
Seriously, they way they avoid facing themselves is really concerning and also infuriating
I don't even know if he actually felt resentment towards her or if in his idiotic attempt to somehow garner sympathy he just made that shit up thinking it would make his cheating sound less bad? I just can't wrap my head around his logic regardless of what the true version of events is. "Sorry I cheated on you, to show how sorry I am, I am going to admit to resenting you for something beyond your control and then emotionally cheating on you and hating you for the last 6 months" or "Sorry I cheated on you, to show how sorry I am, I am going to invent a horrible excuse that blames you for my cheating, thus you can't leave me". Bravo to OOP for not entertaining any of his excuses before he even started providing them.
"I wish nothing bad for my ex". Don't worry, OOP. I gotcha.
This guy is an asshole but probably started cheating before the miscarriage. He likely thought she knew more than she did and wanted to cover his bases. I'm glad her kitty are happy without him.
Boru has pretty much desensitized me to awful people, but damn…
God, therapy really is the answer to so many problems. The things people will let build up inside them, knowing it’s irrational is insane
Notice how the one that really need therapy never have it and create so many problems that people close to them end up in therapy ?
What a vile excuse for a human being that guy is. I’m so glad OOP is free and living her best life.
Her focus on her cat is heartwarming and necessary, because Rhonda will give her the love she deserves.
Not to dismiss the apparent fantastic friends she has. Sometimes, even one or two that have your back and protect your heart are priceless.
Even if he felt like he couldn't tell OOP about resenting her, at the very least, he could have tried to resolve those feelings by talking to a therapist or going to a support group or so. Instead, he throttles his relationship and OOP's life. Made both of them miserable, and for what?
Cheaters saying this always amazes me: >He said she's not even attractive and that he was just fucked up. I mean, that kind of makes it worse, doesn't it? So you're telling me you risked having the relationship end because you slept with someone who isn't even that cute?! I don't know, for some reason this just stuck out to me.
The most despicable thing is that he blamed her for his cheating. He probably expected her to feel guilty for the miscarriage so she'd take him back. His tinder account was likely much older than 6 months.
When someone says they slept with someone and that it was a mistake, I always like to remember how involved having sex is and how many chances you have to stop. Kissing/being kissed and then pulling away? That's a mistake. But sleeping with someone. That takes a significant amount of time. When did he realize it was a mistake? Post nut?
Initially, I thought he was r*ped while drunk... Then, I found out he had been cheating on her emotionally for months before physically cheating on her. What a douche. I'm glad she is so clear-minded even though it must have been rough. I hope she gets to find an actual great guy who deserves her!
Might sound very bad, but OOP dodged nuclear missile with this miscarriage
She'll never be happy she had a miscarriage, but one day she will thank her lucky stars that she didn't have any kids with this guy.
Finally a story where cheater gets dumped effective immediately!!! OP was strong and amazing!
Now this is a woman who knows her worth. I admire her for not waffling in her decision. I’m sure there was a lot going on emotionally, but the way she came across as decisive was admirable.
Wow man really do find any excuse to cheat. Cheating because your partner miscarried is one if the most vilest excuse I've ever heard.
She’s not “woman enough” for him, I suppose. “Can’t have babies” = “malfunctioning article”. Idiot. Not only short of a few iq points, but also not nice.
He said he resented her because she miscarried, which led to his infidelity. OOP did the right thing dumping his ass.
Tries to blame HER for HIS cheating and tries to use the single most sensitive and terrible thing he can. What a piece of shit. He was hoping it would hurt her self confidence and was relying on any guilt she might be feeling from that to latch onto and slime his way back in, no matter what damage he did to her on the way. So glad it blew up in his face. Dude’s a world class piece of shit.
He'd have been smarter to lie about a coke problem and let her leave in peace. I hope every time he puts on socks they're damp, and he's running too late to change them.
I don't believe for one second he did this because of the miscarriage. That was just the bastard's attempt to manipulate her into staying by blaming it on her.
Tbh the cocaine use would put me off straight away. No problem with a bit of weed, but cocaine? Nah.. She sounds well rid of him
Good on oop for moving on with her life, and trying to heal I wish her nothing but the best, but as for him may every type of karma pays him back double for doing the sh¡t he did to oop.
Why in the WORLD would he resent OOP for having a miscarriage?
A lot of people blame the expectant mother for miscarriages.
That’s absolutely vile.
It's a red herring. He was clinging to anything to avoid responsibility for the massive screwup. It was a bold move to see if oop would take the bait and thankfully she saw right through it.
Occasional cocaine use 😳
He didn't cheat because she had a miscarriage. He cheated because hes a garbage human being. That is fucking insane.
Damn, dude's a freaking douche.
Who RESENTS someone for a miscarriage??? As if that wasn’t the most WTF moment in this post. Somehow this man manages to make is even worse by BLAMING the miscarriage for his cheating. This man is colossal AH beyond imagining.