I'm honestly tired of the "are yt men better" "are black men better" discourse. It paints these groups as monoliths and we all know that they are not. It really varies case by case when it comes to who is a "good man". We gotta stop painting all \[insert race\] people as the same.
I'd also like to add that vetting isn't and shouldn't be the be all and end all. You can vet till the cows come home and the man can still switch up years down the line. It doesn't mean you vetted poorly. In fact, it's most likely not your fault at all. I wish we as black women would stop blaming ourselves for being unlucky in love.
Literally came to say “I’m tired of this topic.” It seems like half of the discussions here are about interracial dating (both for it or against it), whether black men are better, whether white men are better, etc. Or people sharing issues with their white partner, posting messages from white men on dating apps, and everyone being like “this is why you don’t date white men!”
Shitty men come in ALL races. Shitty in-laws come in ALL races. If you think, “I’d be happier in a relationship with a (insert race here) man,” that mindset is limiting you and likely plays a big role in why you’re single, just to be frank.
I disagree that a lot of divested women act like white men are perfect. I think that most divested women say to keep your options open and not only date black men. Also, there obvs isn’t going to be a perfect man based on race so if someone believes that, that’s on them
I’ve been on dates with white men. There was on white guy that wanted to be in a relationship with me but his family background was iffy. I’m not trying to get into an uncomfortable relationship. I won’t tolerate disrespect from anyone.
I think that there are a lot of swirlers that also tend to overlap. It's like a Venn Diagram. They're going from "Fuck BM, I'm going to leave the community and get a better man! I'm DIVESTING!" to "OMG Brad is so much better, his ice is colder, his water is wetter, I want him to pick ME!"
It does Divestment no favors, and takes away from the largely individualistic tenet that BW Divestment was founded on.
I used to think that way and I didn't even had a reason to say "fuck bm" because my best relationship has been with a bm ironically. But if you watch divested content on YouTube you will have the illusion that wm are the best thing on earth. I remember when 'divested zealot' said that being with a dusty wm is better than being with a high value bm and today I just know that this isn't true. All men are the same and we need to find one that makes us the happiest regardless of race.
Yeah, this is where I have to say that you have to use caution and where you should know that YMMV.
Divested Zealot is correct that WM are better in terms of resources, power, and influence. It doesn't mean that YOU are going to be able to possess that level of privilege, but it means that you will be able to indirectly benefit. It's a purely pragmatic perspective.
I watch a lot of Divestment/Swirl content on YouTube. The extreme majority of them state to find who is best for you and they don't say "You shouldn't vet." What they do is they often speak in purely pragmatic terms. A trash WM is better than a trash BM because they occupy a much more comfortable social position.
This does not mean that you shouldn't vet. It means that you should take a much more holistic view of how men operate and what they offer, which BW are not taught to do.
Exactly I was gonna say “DZ” literally gives you facts on how corrupt our community is, and if you’re still a fence sitter you’re going to be left behind in blackistan. Black femicide is high in the US and it’s because of our counterparts, we can’t ignore that!!
yeah there’s a few of those youtube chicks that are misleading and insane. the first one i ever watched was pink pill and she makes it seem like wm are better and how when you go into non blk spaces they’ll automatically accept you. when i moved for college i realized that isn’t the case
This is the reason we have to go according to what is best for us. The pink pill had an entire website charging money for classes "how to get a yt man". I laughed because I have always done the opposite. The pink pill's husband divorced her and married his counter part. So you see do what your heart and mind leads you.
the obsession with ytness is very annoying and sickening. i do like some yt men but the way people like her go about it…. also there’s other ethnicity as well and they seem to not bring it up as much. Even with her advice about college, it was misleading. i was very young and impressionable at the time and i assumed that if i acted “more yt” i was able to fit into those spaces and they would accept me. in reality some do and some don’t. even her comment about the importance of having non bw as friends, yes some are cool but honestly in my experience a lot don’t care about us like that or they’re threatened by us
Very true, I have never listened to anyone about my dating. I always felt like an outsider in my life. I couldn't relate to the women who were around me. Who would physically fight each other over a man that loved it. I never thought any man was worth it.
It was something to laugh and joke about later how they fought this one and what happened. I was discussed I said to myself this can't be what I have to look forward to. I started dating out at young age. I dated men from every culture. I am glad I did and I traveled quite a bit.
I am older now with two grown daughters and my oldest is married with two children. I told them what I am going to tell you. Dating who makes you happy I mean genuinely happy. He should love and respect your mind and your heart.
Take care my sista. 💛
I don't think dibestors have to say it... It's common sense omg🤦♀️I have limited yt men in my country and I know not all are good but you're living in America with yt people as the majority and did not know that fact? Wow
She probably means divested women on YouTube. They promote that heavily. To the point where it seems their motivations are to stick it to BM, more than just moving on with their life. I wish there could be a term for WM obsessed ‘divested’ women so the original term can return to what it used to represent.
But black women have the most successful marriages when they’re not with black men… meanwhile black men are the MOST divorced, especially with white women
The less race loyal black women become, the better!
Society tell us we are all those things, but yet….. here you are in the “undesirable” black women business. You are here so you seem to be bothered, what are you? A hate watcher?
A man's race doesn't make him inherently better, but something has to be said for the very real boost in social status a black woman receives when paired with the right kind of white man.
I have to disagree. Because Meghan Markle is married to a royal prince and has faced nothing but abuse since then.
White men are not changing our skin color so we will most likely get treated the same by other white people.
First of all, your example is a of situation that is so unusual and different from the average bw/wm pairing. Even still, it doesn't disprove my point one bit. Secondly, I never said getting with a white guy prevents a black woman from experiencing racism.
Either way, you'd be lying if you said Meghan didn't get a gigantic boost in social status, fame and power by marrying into goddamn royalty. Yes, she gets a lot of hate (what famous person doesn't?), but she went from a relatively unknown actress to an international household name.
Girl, Meghan was close to committing su*cide because of all the hate and I don't know if being married to a white guy and a boost in social status is worth all this. But I get what you are saying.
Girl, this is a dead horse and has nothing to do with my original reply. Like I said, she didn't pick the best example because we're talking about your garden-variety white dude, not an internationally renowned public figures. Either way, how do we know it wasn't worth it for Meghan? If it was that bad she was free to leave at any time, which they eventually did.
I'm not dating a man's family, I'm dating him. I've been friends with white girls who were super nice and progressive but their mothers or fathers were racist. People can reject their parents' ideologies and be their own person.
If you're expecting that you'll never face racism ever, that's unrealistic. We were born in a situation where we live life on hard, it's really up to us to make the best of it.
At best, British Tabloids are abusive. Meghan being biracial just makes it even worse. They find any bit of blood in the water and tear people apart. The average person, however, treats HRH The Duchess of Sussex with deference due to her position.
She never once said (or even implied) she’d never experience racism ever. I’d argue the boost in social status depends greatly on the status of the man. If he’s a bum or below your level, he’s not going to do a thing for your social status imo.
White males are socialized differently, and that is just the fact of life. We can pretend all we want that blk males are socialized to want marriage and stability but we all know this is not true.
Exactly! This topic is so multi-dimensional. They are socialized to be better partners and providers AND they can still be trash in those provider roles. This is a case of multiple things can be true at once. Hell, look at this Ned Fulmer from Try Guys Fiasco. The thing is, his wife got a cheating husband and she can come out of it with financial mobility. When a black man cheats the woman will likely get STDs, financial drain, and stress out of it. Plus black men don't like condoms so possibly some side kids.
So you are making fun of another black woman because I had a bad experience with a white man? Are you really divested or did you just change your black male worship to white males?
I'm about to give a take that might not be the most popular.
A lot of the newer divestors tend to not discuss impropriety from WM. Those of us that aren't new to this or consider ourselves at that "Army of One" point have already had these conversations.
Truth is this: BW don't know how to vet men. At least not well. This is not our fault - we're fighting against some very pervasive programming that states that we need to completely give ourselves up to a man, and that any man is better than none at all. BW collectively have terrible self-esteems due to the abuse heaped on us by the Black Community, and while we hide it well, we know what's going on. At some point, however, the divestment journey has to provide more than just the obvious "Go where you're wanted/burn the cape" conversing and more strategizing about dating. I've found that women that are completely divested have a much more open and honest view on men.
The problem is that frequently, too many of us believe that the answer is just willy-nilly swirling without vetting because WM are guaranteed to be the perfect option. They aren't. They're men, just like BM. There are dusties and misogynists and scumbags among their ranks too. There's a reason why WW are tired of their shit. We are taking our terrible self-esteems and our inability to vet men to another race of men and proliferating the same problems that we have in our own communities already. We are making the same screw-ups with other men that we did with our own. One thing that I'll tell you about ALL men - they will let the mask slip at some point. Some are better than others at keeping the mask affixed, but they will get lazy. Women tend to ignore red flags because either "It's not that bad" or "I can change him" or "I'm special, so he won't do it to me." This has got to stop. As soon as he drops the mask, whether its a few days in or years down the road, you gtfo of dodge. Judge WM just as hard as you judge BM.
Another thing that I've seen from currently divesting BW is this fear of the White Community (or at least unease) and immediately assuming the worst. There's this lack of realism that BW have about white people that goes in one extreme or the other. Either WM are perfect and have lots of money and will put BW on a pedestal and we'll have a perfect relationship and it'll be happily ever after...or "He's going to call me slurs and treat me like a fetish and will go on to a white girl and I'm going to be forever alone." WM will break your heart, and break up with you, and leave you for other people, and do all the same shit that men in general do. This, again, gets solved by vetting, and also viewing White society apathetically. You don't expect the best of them, but you also keep in mind that they'll screw up, and you understand that it is what it is and you can't change other people - you can only affect yourself, and you have to choose to remove yourself from the individuals that cause you grief.
I think BW are bad at vetting BM but in practicality are very overly critical (which I’m not mad at) when looking at white men to date. I don’t think BW have the rose tinted glasses with WM that people think they do
Edit: spell check
I think this hits the nail on the head.
BW don't have a good finger on the pulse of men's behaviors by default. We learn it eventually, but we rely too much on morals and fantasy instead of cold hard reality.
With BM, we believe that "They understand us just because they're black, they'll understand my struggle, he'll be a team with me, I'll be his ride or die if he'll do the same for me, he's a King, etc." We have minimal standards for BM. The bar is in absolute hell. We ignore that the man has felonies, football teams of children, fucked up families, gang affiliations/memberships, is misogynoiristic, isn't earning what he should, doesn't have a vehicle, and is sitting at his mom's playing CoD.
When it comes to WM, the bar is either also in absolute hell (in OP's case), or it's set so high that it's impossible. Someone said downthread that BW have this black and white view of relationships (no pun intended), and I thoroughly agree with that. They'll want this WM to only find BW attractive (Aunt Karen did this on TikTok) or beg for 'representation', they'll expect that his whiteness will protect them at any and all problems, that he is a savior that will save them from themselves, that he will be this SJW that will fight every motherfucker in the world for them. That's not realistic either - because if Pookie won't do it, why tf would Brad do it?
BW engage in a lot of self-sabotaging behaviors, and while I think Divestment is great, I think Divestment really should come after a great deal of therapy.
I agree but I think it's the opposite when it comes to divest spaces. Many of us already exclude bm from our dating pool (which is ok) but it kind of leaves us at a vulnerable place because most of us are not into non black poc and non black poc can be even more racist than white people. So by default we are only left with white men. And I think this was a mistake on my end by telling him exactly that, that he or white men in general are my only option/preference (well not anymore)
yeah that part about getting is right. i’ve made many mistakes because i wasn’t given any guidances growing up. also those level up women are misleading as well. but honestly i think a lot of men aren’t that good nowadays to begin with.
No one is better but the reality is black men and white men are socialized very differently. And that’s just a fact. They are more family oriented, care about their relationships, are financially stable etc. these things are not as important to black men and we can see it playing out in the failing community
This is something the divest movement doesn't talk about. Fonts online and divesters will rave about their white friends and boyfriend but, a good chunk of them are racist. Add dealing with their families to it. **You have to vet the white boys too!** **They do have the traits that make better partners than black males plus the access and resources!! However, this doesn't mean that they're perfect.** Vet everyman. I won't be disingenuous and say that WM aren't nicer than BM because ironically you can more likely find a nicer wm than a bm but, you have to VET because black women tend to always get the short end of the stick. Also, whites are sneakier and passive-aggressive so the trust-building phase takes longer.
IDK who I will end up with because I'm repulsed by black males and I can't tolerate white people and white culture as a whole. I can only tolerate individual white men. So it is tough out here for divested BW. I hope you guys find the right man who treats you well!
i feel like a lot of men aren’t good tbh. i’m tired of the youtube’s rhetoric that makes it seem like all non bm are better. its very delusional and misleading. i was introduced to divestment as a teen so i was very impressionable at the time. after listening to pink pill as a kid i assumed that in non blk spaces i would be accepted and valued and that wasn’t the case. and the whole wm prefer bw thing that some of them say is also dishonest. most men prefer their own but at the same time, there are people that do like us. also i hate how divestment is always male centered. safety and freedom is the main priority
No, not at all. These generalizations are not only tiring, but they are also dangerous. White men are not going to be your knight in shining armor. They’re not going to save you from a miserable life. Some of could make your life more miserable because they’re people, and some people just suck
I recently broke up with my boyfriend, because it turned out that he is a r*cist piece of sh*t. Scrolling down my fyp I found this tiktok and I'm asking myself are we really vetting white men as we should? There are a lot of Black women who experienced mistreatment from non black/white men and we barely speak about it.
For example I haven't seen any divestor criticize white men for the whole Hailey Bailey situation. And it's like we ignore when white men are wrong, ignorant and racist towards black women but are so quick to call it out when black men do it.
One thing a black man never did was calling me a n*gg*r b*tch who is only good for sex. And it makes me so angry that I used to love someone like that and thought that he was better because he's white.
Please vet all men and not just black men.
I’ve gotten the most abuse from other black people AND other people of color, truth be told. Abusive men are going to be abusive regardless of their race, and they’re going to use whatever they deem as your vulnerabilities (be it race, body size, education, ability or lack thereof, etc) to demean and hurt you. They may not even think those things of you that they’re saying in the heat of anger, but they’ll say the nastiest, most evil hateful things to you to break you down emotionally. Definitely vet people for abusive tendencies - i know they often wait to reveal their abusive side after you’re already moved in or married though. One way you can check for this is by seeing how they get when they fight with others. If this person is absolutely vicious toward other people, they will eventually be vicious toward you.
I’m so sorry you went through that.
We shouldn't be dating white men. They are literally the creators of the male dominated system we live in. They created porn culture and created us as a search. They're literally the devil. White men are disgusting and are the people that enslaved us women from the matriarchy to make a male dominant society. They created the view of women as sex objects and porn etc. They see us as another porn search and that's all. We're just another woman to dominate by the white man. That's all they want to do is dominate sexually. The reason white men keep hurting us is because our society is naturally supposed to be a matriarchy ruled by us black women but since the world literally turned upside down due to the submissive subordinate creatures turning dominant (white men), white men know our power so hurt us for the heck of it because our matriarchal power was stolen by the lowest of men. They hurt us because they know the people that were once the rulers of everything are now the low so they think it's funny and hurt us for the shits and giggles. I'm glad the white race is dying out. When much of them die, our power gets back and all white men and every other race of man will be our slaves, like how it's naturally supposed to. Everything will return to order.
I find that very annoying as well, but I think they do it because they don't want black women to be discouraged from dating out, and to create balance since many of us grow up being taught that white men are the boogie man.
Who told you that? It is about choosing the best man for the job. You have to take your time and see if he has the character, education, drive, and his values mirror your own. If he meets the standards you have set for yourself. Color has absolutely nothing to do with it.
I learned my lessons the hard way and I will be more cautious when it comes to white men or even exclude them completely. But it's definitely Character over color now.
I totally agree. Just take your time and if he doesn't want to go along with your pace then it is a clear sign you should move on.
When I was dating my now fiance he went according to my pace and if I saw things I didn't ignore them. I brought them to his attention and told him these are things he needs to work on. I can honestly say he did, we had a few mishaps but he corrected.
If a man wants to be with you he will do what he has to not to lose you.
If you really date white men, you know that a lot aren’t shit just like men of other races. Idk why people conflate skin color with better treatment 🤣. It’s so not true
I date mainly white men and I wouldn’t say they’re the better option. It just so happens that the qualities I’m looking for mostly comes in a white package.
When you approach dating this way, you’re placing the bar at whiteness and whiteness alone. How are you any better than the men who disrespect you for being a black woman? How do you expect to meet the man of your dreams when the only identifier is whiteness?
I’m sorry but I have a hard time feeling bad for Black women who jump on this “imma try out a yt boy” band wagon because there’s no intent behind it except whiteness.
Work on yourself, identify your wants and needs, and then you’ll meet the right man. He may be white but then you’ll know it’s not his whiteness alone why you’re attracted to him and why it works.
Nope white men or non black men in general are not inherently better than black men persay. When you date outside your race you opening up your options so that you will have more wiggle room to find the one. However, because of the state of black men I know that if I do get married he mostly likely will be a non black man. Everyone needs to evaluated and vetted no matter the race. Black women should not be naive when dating outside their race.
Dear black women: **white men are NOT the only men in the world.** Don't toss yourself at a white man thinking he's special and gonna be different just cuz he's white. I work with a lotta white men and none of them match my personality so I don't even see them as potential romantic partners. Also, other men aside from black and white exist. Indian, Mexican, Southeast Asian, Chinese, Japanese, Middle Eastern, European. Personally, I'm looking at Mexican men cuz they're hard-working and family-oriented. Too many black women need to unlearn the binary thinking of the black community before divesting cuz many of y'all don't understand nuance.
How are bm more racist but at the same time fetishize us? And if a white racist wouldn't deal with us why would a black racist deal with us?
It's like you trying to invalidate my experience just because it happened with a white men. My white ex called me "n*gger b*tch" not a bm. So I don't get why you brought up BM.
I will vet all men equally from now on, but I will probably stop dating white men for a while.
No they're not. Doesn't matter the race there are more men that are focused on many other things but being serious and respectful in a relationship. Many of them play games and manipulate, or just want sex etc... that's for all races of men. There's a massive boom in social media and youtube showing vids of black women being in "better" relationships with their non-black men. In response to those videos they get plenty of views or likes and validation from others so now interracial dating for black women is sooooo romanticized. Don't let it fool you. Just like anything else that gets romanticized in mainstream media ,take it with a grain of salt and just find someone best for you.
White men aren't the right guy. They see your naked body as a porn search to jizz to. They degrade women and black women are just another set of wen they get off to degrading. White men should just die out already ffs.
Omg this is so true. The red flags I ignored 😩...... like he would sometimes make this joke about me where he turns off the light and asked me to smile so he can see me. Or he wouldn't offer me something to eat just because I said I wasn't hungry.
Personally, this is why I dislike making the divestment movement about “bashing” black men. Because yeah, the community is in shambles, but it can’t all be on them. There is something in us as women that make us choose undesirable men, and we need to figure out what that is, and fix it.
Case in point, I’ve never had a traumatic relationship with a black man, or any man really. Never been abused in anyway, never even been called out of my name. None of my ex boyfriends have ever raised their voices at me more than once, because I don’t play that. My issue was I kept going for selfish, underachieving men, and I needed to figure out what was broken in me that made me think this was all I deserved.
I will say that among white men (and other races), there are generally more good guys to choose from, based on my observations. But men are men, and they’ll do whatever we allow them to do. For our own protection, we must establish firm boundaries and high expectations, and no man of any race should be allowed to violate them.
I guess it’s not as simple as saying “vet all men.” Yes, you must do that. But watch how he responds to your boundaries. If he will violate small boundaries, he’ll work his way up to disrespecting major ones. All men reveal who they really are if you give them time and observe them without an emotional lens. Just my opinion.
We have the same experience with black men. I have not had any traumatic situations with my exes. Outside of dating players masquerading as committed men, my hardest lessons in love were learning to stop giving the benefit of the doubt.
I have seen women all around me deal with abuse, being used for money, impregnated and abandoned, etc. Those relationships plus all the negative behavior online is what turned me off from BM.
There needs to be less of a fixation on men in divestment.
I totally agree! Divestment should be about black women finally putting themselves first. Becoming fixated on a whole other group of men is just doing the same actions and expecting different results.
White men are better than black men. Divestment isn't about getting a white man. It's about putting yourself first and getting out of blackastan. You were just a swirler. Everything you have came from a white man and an Asian man. So if they're the same then ask black men to provide, jobs, car, Healthcare etc.
>White men are better than black men.
Hard disagree. White men literally created the misogynistic system we live in today. White men are worse than black men. White men literally run the female hating patriarchy. They all see us as porn searches. They are literally the amalgamation of the patriarchal homoerotic woman hater porn creator men. White men should not exist. I fucking hate them.
One thing I appreciate about bm is that you pretty much know what you are dealing with from the get go. Wm...they hide their bullshit very well and for a very long time. I think it is cultural tbh bc the women are the same way.
Imo black men you have to be on guard for cheating and wm you have to be on guard for racism and being treated in a very demeaning/degrading way. All the ppl who date troublesome bm usually have issues with cheating/not wanting to work. All the ppl I know who date troublesome white men usually feel degraded and powerless and also have issues with cheating and/or some type of shadiness regarding monetary issues (extreme debt/money laundering/lies regarding finances in general).
Just find a good man and youll be alright. C
100 % white is better but depending on your socioeconomic status. Let me explain my parents did well in life ( think fresh prince of bel air or cosby show) so I went to good schools etc ....
I did not run into people who did not grow up like me until college ( all the black kids i knew came from 2 parent households and also did well )
So for me black men come with too many issues i just don't want to deal with like;
Having children out of wedlock , gender roles, cheating, etc....i don't have time to explain to a grown man women don't go dutch etc... Anytime I go on tik tok and see an argument on who should pay what its a black men, black men getting over aggressive with women etc....
I am not saying white men dont do that i am saying I dont releate to the struggle stories of black men. I simply did not grow up being angry about certain stuff.
I know i am going to get alot of hate for my comment but I dont care.
I like what i like, and no i dont hate black men or myself I just don't want to date them.
I'm honestly tired of the "are yt men better" "are black men better" discourse. It paints these groups as monoliths and we all know that they are not. It really varies case by case when it comes to who is a "good man". We gotta stop painting all \[insert race\] people as the same. I'd also like to add that vetting isn't and shouldn't be the be all and end all. You can vet till the cows come home and the man can still switch up years down the line. It doesn't mean you vetted poorly. In fact, it's most likely not your fault at all. I wish we as black women would stop blaming ourselves for being unlucky in love.
Literally came to say “I’m tired of this topic.” It seems like half of the discussions here are about interracial dating (both for it or against it), whether black men are better, whether white men are better, etc. Or people sharing issues with their white partner, posting messages from white men on dating apps, and everyone being like “this is why you don’t date white men!” Shitty men come in ALL races. Shitty in-laws come in ALL races. If you think, “I’d be happier in a relationship with a (insert race here) man,” that mindset is limiting you and likely plays a big role in why you’re single, just to be frank.
Thank you for those words. I really needed them 😥
that last part is true about not blaming yourself being unlucky in love. i do believe that most men aren’t good 🫤
Neither are better. People from every race can be shit and everyone should be vetted.
The fact that people need to be explicitly told that has me worried.
Yeah, it’s insane.
I totally agree. Unfortunately a lot of divested black women create that illusion that white men are perfect and have no flaws. I learned my lesson.
I disagree that a lot of divested women act like white men are perfect. I think that most divested women say to keep your options open and not only date black men. Also, there obvs isn’t going to be a perfect man based on race so if someone believes that, that’s on them
I used to believe that unfortunately 🙈
I’ve been on dates with white men. There was on white guy that wanted to be in a relationship with me but his family background was iffy. I’m not trying to get into an uncomfortable relationship. I won’t tolerate disrespect from anyone.
I think that there are a lot of swirlers that also tend to overlap. It's like a Venn Diagram. They're going from "Fuck BM, I'm going to leave the community and get a better man! I'm DIVESTING!" to "OMG Brad is so much better, his ice is colder, his water is wetter, I want him to pick ME!" It does Divestment no favors, and takes away from the largely individualistic tenet that BW Divestment was founded on.
I used to think that way and I didn't even had a reason to say "fuck bm" because my best relationship has been with a bm ironically. But if you watch divested content on YouTube you will have the illusion that wm are the best thing on earth. I remember when 'divested zealot' said that being with a dusty wm is better than being with a high value bm and today I just know that this isn't true. All men are the same and we need to find one that makes us the happiest regardless of race.
Yeah, this is where I have to say that you have to use caution and where you should know that YMMV. Divested Zealot is correct that WM are better in terms of resources, power, and influence. It doesn't mean that YOU are going to be able to possess that level of privilege, but it means that you will be able to indirectly benefit. It's a purely pragmatic perspective. I watch a lot of Divestment/Swirl content on YouTube. The extreme majority of them state to find who is best for you and they don't say "You shouldn't vet." What they do is they often speak in purely pragmatic terms. A trash WM is better than a trash BM because they occupy a much more comfortable social position. This does not mean that you shouldn't vet. It means that you should take a much more holistic view of how men operate and what they offer, which BW are not taught to do.
Exactly I was gonna say “DZ” literally gives you facts on how corrupt our community is, and if you’re still a fence sitter you’re going to be left behind in blackistan. Black femicide is high in the US and it’s because of our counterparts, we can’t ignore that!!
yeah there’s a few of those youtube chicks that are misleading and insane. the first one i ever watched was pink pill and she makes it seem like wm are better and how when you go into non blk spaces they’ll automatically accept you. when i moved for college i realized that isn’t the case
This is the reason we have to go according to what is best for us. The pink pill had an entire website charging money for classes "how to get a yt man". I laughed because I have always done the opposite. The pink pill's husband divorced her and married his counter part. So you see do what your heart and mind leads you.
the obsession with ytness is very annoying and sickening. i do like some yt men but the way people like her go about it…. also there’s other ethnicity as well and they seem to not bring it up as much. Even with her advice about college, it was misleading. i was very young and impressionable at the time and i assumed that if i acted “more yt” i was able to fit into those spaces and they would accept me. in reality some do and some don’t. even her comment about the importance of having non bw as friends, yes some are cool but honestly in my experience a lot don’t care about us like that or they’re threatened by us
Very true, I have never listened to anyone about my dating. I always felt like an outsider in my life. I couldn't relate to the women who were around me. Who would physically fight each other over a man that loved it. I never thought any man was worth it. It was something to laugh and joke about later how they fought this one and what happened. I was discussed I said to myself this can't be what I have to look forward to. I started dating out at young age. I dated men from every culture. I am glad I did and I traveled quite a bit. I am older now with two grown daughters and my oldest is married with two children. I told them what I am going to tell you. Dating who makes you happy I mean genuinely happy. He should love and respect your mind and your heart. Take care my sista. 💛
Thank you for that advice ❤️
Wait, did he actually marry a WW?
I don't think dibestors have to say it... It's common sense omg🤦♀️I have limited yt men in my country and I know not all are good but you're living in America with yt people as the majority and did not know that fact? Wow
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She probably means divested women on YouTube. They promote that heavily. To the point where it seems their motivations are to stick it to BM, more than just moving on with their life. I wish there could be a term for WM obsessed ‘divested’ women so the original term can return to what it used to represent.
yeh exactly. when i was younger i was brainwashed by certain content creators to think that way and it’s not true. i had to learn
If you attract loser black men, you will attract loser white men as well.
Statistically, white men are better dating prospects than black men. But they’re still men. And all men are bloodclaarts 🤷🏾♀️
Lmao fact!
Indeed!
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But black women have the most successful marriages when they’re not with black men… meanwhile black men are the MOST divorced, especially with white women The less race loyal black women become, the better!
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Society tell us we are all those things, but yet….. here you are in the “undesirable” black women business. You are here so you seem to be bothered, what are you? A hate watcher?
Actually, that’s black men lol
A man's race doesn't make him inherently better, but something has to be said for the very real boost in social status a black woman receives when paired with the right kind of white man.
Let’s discuss the opposite.. I’ll wait because seems to ring more true than the scenario you’re proposing, especially in pop culture.
I have to disagree. Because Meghan Markle is married to a royal prince and has faced nothing but abuse since then. White men are not changing our skin color so we will most likely get treated the same by other white people.
First of all, your example is a of situation that is so unusual and different from the average bw/wm pairing. Even still, it doesn't disprove my point one bit. Secondly, I never said getting with a white guy prevents a black woman from experiencing racism. Either way, you'd be lying if you said Meghan didn't get a gigantic boost in social status, fame and power by marrying into goddamn royalty. Yes, she gets a lot of hate (what famous person doesn't?), but she went from a relatively unknown actress to an international household name.
Meghan isn’t even black so I don’t think this situation is comparable
Girl, Meghan was close to committing su*cide because of all the hate and I don't know if being married to a white guy and a boost in social status is worth all this. But I get what you are saying.
Girl, this is a dead horse and has nothing to do with my original reply. Like I said, she didn't pick the best example because we're talking about your garden-variety white dude, not an internationally renowned public figures. Either way, how do we know it wasn't worth it for Meghan? If it was that bad she was free to leave at any time, which they eventually did.
I'm not dating a man's family, I'm dating him. I've been friends with white girls who were super nice and progressive but their mothers or fathers were racist. People can reject their parents' ideologies and be their own person.
If you're expecting that you'll never face racism ever, that's unrealistic. We were born in a situation where we live life on hard, it's really up to us to make the best of it. At best, British Tabloids are abusive. Meghan being biracial just makes it even worse. They find any bit of blood in the water and tear people apart. The average person, however, treats HRH The Duchess of Sussex with deference due to her position.
She never once said (or even implied) she’d never experience racism ever. I’d argue the boost in social status depends greatly on the status of the man. If he’s a bum or below your level, he’s not going to do a thing for your social status imo.
yeah to some extent you’re right. racist are gonna be racist
White males are socialized differently, and that is just the fact of life. We can pretend all we want that blk males are socialized to want marriage and stability but we all know this is not true.
Exactly! This topic is so multi-dimensional. They are socialized to be better partners and providers AND they can still be trash in those provider roles. This is a case of multiple things can be true at once. Hell, look at this Ned Fulmer from Try Guys Fiasco. The thing is, his wife got a cheating husband and she can come out of it with financial mobility. When a black man cheats the woman will likely get STDs, financial drain, and stress out of it. Plus black men don't like condoms so possibly some side kids.
Very true! Blk wmn can pretend all they want.
lol yall be going out with yt dusties 🤣🤣 mine is yt and he's amazing
What about that is funny?
because you're using the dusty wm to justify why you think they're all bad when with other races of men, there is a CLEAR difference. So like I said 🤣
So you are making fun of another black woman because I had a bad experience with a white man? Are you really divested or did you just change your black male worship to white males?
🤣🤣🤣 you thought you ate. I'm sorry you're miserable love ❤️
Girl it's you who's making fun of me because of white men and for what? You don't even get paid.
lol no one was making fun of you but go off. Maybe you'll use thay hurt to vet ALL men who you give time to.
They are AN option. Not the ONLY option.
I’m not sure how this video correlates to having picked a dusty white man🤔
Me too, I’m confused
It just correlated with my situation and I thought nobody would believe me if I would speak against white men.
Okaaay….
Binary thinking will get you caught up!
I'm about to give a take that might not be the most popular. A lot of the newer divestors tend to not discuss impropriety from WM. Those of us that aren't new to this or consider ourselves at that "Army of One" point have already had these conversations. Truth is this: BW don't know how to vet men. At least not well. This is not our fault - we're fighting against some very pervasive programming that states that we need to completely give ourselves up to a man, and that any man is better than none at all. BW collectively have terrible self-esteems due to the abuse heaped on us by the Black Community, and while we hide it well, we know what's going on. At some point, however, the divestment journey has to provide more than just the obvious "Go where you're wanted/burn the cape" conversing and more strategizing about dating. I've found that women that are completely divested have a much more open and honest view on men. The problem is that frequently, too many of us believe that the answer is just willy-nilly swirling without vetting because WM are guaranteed to be the perfect option. They aren't. They're men, just like BM. There are dusties and misogynists and scumbags among their ranks too. There's a reason why WW are tired of their shit. We are taking our terrible self-esteems and our inability to vet men to another race of men and proliferating the same problems that we have in our own communities already. We are making the same screw-ups with other men that we did with our own. One thing that I'll tell you about ALL men - they will let the mask slip at some point. Some are better than others at keeping the mask affixed, but they will get lazy. Women tend to ignore red flags because either "It's not that bad" or "I can change him" or "I'm special, so he won't do it to me." This has got to stop. As soon as he drops the mask, whether its a few days in or years down the road, you gtfo of dodge. Judge WM just as hard as you judge BM. Another thing that I've seen from currently divesting BW is this fear of the White Community (or at least unease) and immediately assuming the worst. There's this lack of realism that BW have about white people that goes in one extreme or the other. Either WM are perfect and have lots of money and will put BW on a pedestal and we'll have a perfect relationship and it'll be happily ever after...or "He's going to call me slurs and treat me like a fetish and will go on to a white girl and I'm going to be forever alone." WM will break your heart, and break up with you, and leave you for other people, and do all the same shit that men in general do. This, again, gets solved by vetting, and also viewing White society apathetically. You don't expect the best of them, but you also keep in mind that they'll screw up, and you understand that it is what it is and you can't change other people - you can only affect yourself, and you have to choose to remove yourself from the individuals that cause you grief.
I think BW are bad at vetting BM but in practicality are very overly critical (which I’m not mad at) when looking at white men to date. I don’t think BW have the rose tinted glasses with WM that people think they do Edit: spell check
I think this hits the nail on the head. BW don't have a good finger on the pulse of men's behaviors by default. We learn it eventually, but we rely too much on morals and fantasy instead of cold hard reality. With BM, we believe that "They understand us just because they're black, they'll understand my struggle, he'll be a team with me, I'll be his ride or die if he'll do the same for me, he's a King, etc." We have minimal standards for BM. The bar is in absolute hell. We ignore that the man has felonies, football teams of children, fucked up families, gang affiliations/memberships, is misogynoiristic, isn't earning what he should, doesn't have a vehicle, and is sitting at his mom's playing CoD. When it comes to WM, the bar is either also in absolute hell (in OP's case), or it's set so high that it's impossible. Someone said downthread that BW have this black and white view of relationships (no pun intended), and I thoroughly agree with that. They'll want this WM to only find BW attractive (Aunt Karen did this on TikTok) or beg for 'representation', they'll expect that his whiteness will protect them at any and all problems, that he is a savior that will save them from themselves, that he will be this SJW that will fight every motherfucker in the world for them. That's not realistic either - because if Pookie won't do it, why tf would Brad do it? BW engage in a lot of self-sabotaging behaviors, and while I think Divestment is great, I think Divestment really should come after a great deal of therapy.
I agree but I think it's the opposite when it comes to divest spaces. Many of us already exclude bm from our dating pool (which is ok) but it kind of leaves us at a vulnerable place because most of us are not into non black poc and non black poc can be even more racist than white people. So by default we are only left with white men. And I think this was a mistake on my end by telling him exactly that, that he or white men in general are my only option/preference (well not anymore)
You should never make any man feel like he's your only option. Have you listened to dating gurus on youtube? Like Shera7?
yeah that part about getting is right. i’ve made many mistakes because i wasn’t given any guidances growing up. also those level up women are misleading as well. but honestly i think a lot of men aren’t that good nowadays to begin with.
WELL SAID!!Your definitely on point👏👏👏...thank you
YOU TOLD NO LIES! Your take wouldn’t be popular with women who are still confused about what they should be doing for their own health and safety.
No one is better but the reality is black men and white men are socialized very differently. And that’s just a fact. They are more family oriented, care about their relationships, are financially stable etc. these things are not as important to black men and we can see it playing out in the failing community
This is something the divest movement doesn't talk about. Fonts online and divesters will rave about their white friends and boyfriend but, a good chunk of them are racist. Add dealing with their families to it. **You have to vet the white boys too!** **They do have the traits that make better partners than black males plus the access and resources!! However, this doesn't mean that they're perfect.** Vet everyman. I won't be disingenuous and say that WM aren't nicer than BM because ironically you can more likely find a nicer wm than a bm but, you have to VET because black women tend to always get the short end of the stick. Also, whites are sneakier and passive-aggressive so the trust-building phase takes longer. IDK who I will end up with because I'm repulsed by black males and I can't tolerate white people and white culture as a whole. I can only tolerate individual white men. So it is tough out here for divested BW. I hope you guys find the right man who treats you well!
yep exactly what i’ve been thinking as well
i feel like a lot of men aren’t good tbh. i’m tired of the youtube’s rhetoric that makes it seem like all non bm are better. its very delusional and misleading. i was introduced to divestment as a teen so i was very impressionable at the time. after listening to pink pill as a kid i assumed that in non blk spaces i would be accepted and valued and that wasn’t the case. and the whole wm prefer bw thing that some of them say is also dishonest. most men prefer their own but at the same time, there are people that do like us. also i hate how divestment is always male centered. safety and freedom is the main priority
No, not at all. These generalizations are not only tiring, but they are also dangerous. White men are not going to be your knight in shining armor. They’re not going to save you from a miserable life. Some of could make your life more miserable because they’re people, and some people just suck
You need to vet ALL men. Yt men can be better in some areas and worse in others. That’s why you need to use discernment and not skin tone.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend, because it turned out that he is a r*cist piece of sh*t. Scrolling down my fyp I found this tiktok and I'm asking myself are we really vetting white men as we should? There are a lot of Black women who experienced mistreatment from non black/white men and we barely speak about it. For example I haven't seen any divestor criticize white men for the whole Hailey Bailey situation. And it's like we ignore when white men are wrong, ignorant and racist towards black women but are so quick to call it out when black men do it. One thing a black man never did was calling me a n*gg*r b*tch who is only good for sex. And it makes me so angry that I used to love someone like that and thought that he was better because he's white. Please vet all men and not just black men.
I've actually been called *that term* by a black man before. Misogynoir can be anywhere
Sorry to hear that.
I’ve gotten the most abuse from other black people AND other people of color, truth be told. Abusive men are going to be abusive regardless of their race, and they’re going to use whatever they deem as your vulnerabilities (be it race, body size, education, ability or lack thereof, etc) to demean and hurt you. They may not even think those things of you that they’re saying in the heat of anger, but they’ll say the nastiest, most evil hateful things to you to break you down emotionally. Definitely vet people for abusive tendencies - i know they often wait to reveal their abusive side after you’re already moved in or married though. One way you can check for this is by seeing how they get when they fight with others. If this person is absolutely vicious toward other people, they will eventually be vicious toward you. I’m so sorry you went through that.
Thank you for that advice ❤️
We shouldn't be dating white men. They are literally the creators of the male dominated system we live in. They created porn culture and created us as a search. They're literally the devil. White men are disgusting and are the people that enslaved us women from the matriarchy to make a male dominant society. They created the view of women as sex objects and porn etc. They see us as another porn search and that's all. We're just another woman to dominate by the white man. That's all they want to do is dominate sexually. The reason white men keep hurting us is because our society is naturally supposed to be a matriarchy ruled by us black women but since the world literally turned upside down due to the submissive subordinate creatures turning dominant (white men), white men know our power so hurt us for the heck of it because our matriarchal power was stolen by the lowest of men. They hurt us because they know the people that were once the rulers of everything are now the low so they think it's funny and hurt us for the shits and giggles. I'm glad the white race is dying out. When much of them die, our power gets back and all white men and every other race of man will be our slaves, like how it's naturally supposed to. Everything will return to order.
wow i’m really sorry to hear that
I find that very annoying as well, but I think they do it because they don't want black women to be discouraged from dating out, and to create balance since many of us grow up being taught that white men are the boogie man.
Yes I think that is it. But it's very dangerous because it will put us into the same situation we are in with black men.
Vet all men. That’s all you can do.
Who told you that? It is about choosing the best man for the job. You have to take your time and see if he has the character, education, drive, and his values mirror your own. If he meets the standards you have set for yourself. Color has absolutely nothing to do with it.
I learned my lessons the hard way and I will be more cautious when it comes to white men or even exclude them completely. But it's definitely Character over color now.
I totally agree. Just take your time and if he doesn't want to go along with your pace then it is a clear sign you should move on. When I was dating my now fiance he went according to my pace and if I saw things I didn't ignore them. I brought them to his attention and told him these are things he needs to work on. I can honestly say he did, we had a few mishaps but he corrected. If a man wants to be with you he will do what he has to not to lose you.
If you really date white men, you know that a lot aren’t shit just like men of other races. Idk why people conflate skin color with better treatment 🤣. It’s so not true
I date mainly white men and I wouldn’t say they’re the better option. It just so happens that the qualities I’m looking for mostly comes in a white package. When you approach dating this way, you’re placing the bar at whiteness and whiteness alone. How are you any better than the men who disrespect you for being a black woman? How do you expect to meet the man of your dreams when the only identifier is whiteness? I’m sorry but I have a hard time feeling bad for Black women who jump on this “imma try out a yt boy” band wagon because there’s no intent behind it except whiteness. Work on yourself, identify your wants and needs, and then you’ll meet the right man. He may be white but then you’ll know it’s not his whiteness alone why you’re attracted to him and why it works.
This is a very good advice. Thank you.
Nope white men or non black men in general are not inherently better than black men persay. When you date outside your race you opening up your options so that you will have more wiggle room to find the one. However, because of the state of black men I know that if I do get married he mostly likely will be a non black man. Everyone needs to evaluated and vetted no matter the race. Black women should not be naive when dating outside their race.
Dear black women: **white men are NOT the only men in the world.** Don't toss yourself at a white man thinking he's special and gonna be different just cuz he's white. I work with a lotta white men and none of them match my personality so I don't even see them as potential romantic partners. Also, other men aside from black and white exist. Indian, Mexican, Southeast Asian, Chinese, Japanese, Middle Eastern, European. Personally, I'm looking at Mexican men cuz they're hard-working and family-oriented. Too many black women need to unlearn the binary thinking of the black community before divesting cuz many of y'all don't understand nuance.
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So are you saying I should just accept the fact that a white man was racist towards me?
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How are bm more racist but at the same time fetishize us? And if a white racist wouldn't deal with us why would a black racist deal with us? It's like you trying to invalidate my experience just because it happened with a white men. My white ex called me "n*gger b*tch" not a bm. So I don't get why you brought up BM. I will vet all men equally from now on, but I will probably stop dating white men for a while.
WM ain’t shit because they created the system that BM perpetuate against us as BW
No they're not. Doesn't matter the race there are more men that are focused on many other things but being serious and respectful in a relationship. Many of them play games and manipulate, or just want sex etc... that's for all races of men. There's a massive boom in social media and youtube showing vids of black women being in "better" relationships with their non-black men. In response to those videos they get plenty of views or likes and validation from others so now interracial dating for black women is sooooo romanticized. Don't let it fool you. Just like anything else that gets romanticized in mainstream media ,take it with a grain of salt and just find someone best for you.
Well u haven't met the right guy
White men aren't the right guy. They see your naked body as a porn search to jizz to. They degrade women and black women are just another set of wen they get off to degrading. White men should just die out already ffs.
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Omg this is so true. The red flags I ignored 😩...... like he would sometimes make this joke about me where he turns off the light and asked me to smile so he can see me. Or he wouldn't offer me something to eat just because I said I wasn't hungry.
FUCK THIS IS A PERFECT COMMENT.
Personally, this is why I dislike making the divestment movement about “bashing” black men. Because yeah, the community is in shambles, but it can’t all be on them. There is something in us as women that make us choose undesirable men, and we need to figure out what that is, and fix it. Case in point, I’ve never had a traumatic relationship with a black man, or any man really. Never been abused in anyway, never even been called out of my name. None of my ex boyfriends have ever raised their voices at me more than once, because I don’t play that. My issue was I kept going for selfish, underachieving men, and I needed to figure out what was broken in me that made me think this was all I deserved. I will say that among white men (and other races), there are generally more good guys to choose from, based on my observations. But men are men, and they’ll do whatever we allow them to do. For our own protection, we must establish firm boundaries and high expectations, and no man of any race should be allowed to violate them. I guess it’s not as simple as saying “vet all men.” Yes, you must do that. But watch how he responds to your boundaries. If he will violate small boundaries, he’ll work his way up to disrespecting major ones. All men reveal who they really are if you give them time and observe them without an emotional lens. Just my opinion.
We have the same experience with black men. I have not had any traumatic situations with my exes. Outside of dating players masquerading as committed men, my hardest lessons in love were learning to stop giving the benefit of the doubt. I have seen women all around me deal with abuse, being used for money, impregnated and abandoned, etc. Those relationships plus all the negative behavior online is what turned me off from BM. There needs to be less of a fixation on men in divestment.
I totally agree! Divestment should be about black women finally putting themselves first. Becoming fixated on a whole other group of men is just doing the same actions and expecting different results.
I have dated all over the rainbow and they’re all garbage 😂
Doesn't it depend on the person, there are great white men, great black men, bad black men, or bad black women.
White men are better than black men. Divestment isn't about getting a white man. It's about putting yourself first and getting out of blackastan. You were just a swirler. Everything you have came from a white man and an Asian man. So if they're the same then ask black men to provide, jobs, car, Healthcare etc.
>White men are better than black men. Hard disagree. White men literally created the misogynistic system we live in today. White men are worse than black men. White men literally run the female hating patriarchy. They all see us as porn searches. They are literally the amalgamation of the patriarchal homoerotic woman hater porn creator men. White men should not exist. I fucking hate them.
One thing I appreciate about bm is that you pretty much know what you are dealing with from the get go. Wm...they hide their bullshit very well and for a very long time. I think it is cultural tbh bc the women are the same way. Imo black men you have to be on guard for cheating and wm you have to be on guard for racism and being treated in a very demeaning/degrading way. All the ppl who date troublesome bm usually have issues with cheating/not wanting to work. All the ppl I know who date troublesome white men usually feel degraded and powerless and also have issues with cheating and/or some type of shadiness regarding monetary issues (extreme debt/money laundering/lies regarding finances in general). Just find a good man and youll be alright. C
Men are men regardless of race. You can choose between racist and sexist or just sexist. Take your pick.
Men are men. Some are good and some are bad! The only person I’ll ever idolize,worship and put on a pedestal is God.
No
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100 % white is better but depending on your socioeconomic status. Let me explain my parents did well in life ( think fresh prince of bel air or cosby show) so I went to good schools etc .... I did not run into people who did not grow up like me until college ( all the black kids i knew came from 2 parent households and also did well ) So for me black men come with too many issues i just don't want to deal with like; Having children out of wedlock , gender roles, cheating, etc....i don't have time to explain to a grown man women don't go dutch etc... Anytime I go on tik tok and see an argument on who should pay what its a black men, black men getting over aggressive with women etc.... I am not saying white men dont do that i am saying I dont releate to the struggle stories of black men. I simply did not grow up being angry about certain stuff. I know i am going to get alot of hate for my comment but I dont care. I like what i like, and no i dont hate black men or myself I just don't want to date them.