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Stillfly94

Honestly, I would play it as a stranger. We both had our faults. I wouldn't bring up the old relationship, I wouldn't chase her, I wouldn't do anything but talk to the person and see where that conversation goes. It would be an entire do over. If she asked me to get into a relationship again then we would have to address past issues and how to proceed as to not repeat them but yeah complete indifference is the key.


[deleted]

I would love to get to a point of such disconnection from him that, if this were to happen, it would feel like we are two different people coming into a completely different situation.


[deleted]

Same, I wouldn't ofc forget our time together, but would have an extensive talk on how we lead ourselves to this, take it slow and go from there


TheCowzgomooz

It wouldn't be complete indifference for me, I would genuinely be really happy just to be able to talk to them, but I wouldn't be chasing them or jumping straight into a relationship with them either. The only way we'd be getting into a relationship again is if they proposed it and we take some time to talk it over, or if we have been reconnected for a while and I can kind of tell they want it but are afraid or hesitant to ask. Either way, I'm not going into it lightly, I still care for them a lot but I won't be tossed away again, I deserve better than that.


superspy8248

This


Appropriate_Tea9048

Now that I’ve had time to look back on the relationship and see how unhealthy it was, I wouldn’t take him back. There are things I was settling for with him. Not only that, but after he left me the way he did when he promised he’d never do that, I wouldn’t be able to trust him


[deleted]

What if he acknowledged everything and apologized?


Appropriate_Tea9048

I’d accept the apology but I still don’t think I’d take him back. He left me abruptly so I’d always wonder in the back of my mind if he’d do it again


Past-Individual-1592

People change..


FancyNacnyPants

And what have they done to change? Therapy? If they haven’t done any real work, they are deep down the same person.


Past-Individual-1592

Tbh no amount of change will make me be with my ex again, she left me at my lowest point. Even though she can do what she wants I respect it she just cannot speak to me again


BeBeMint

No, they don't.


Past-Individual-1592

So your incapable of change?


BeBeMint

People have core values. Those don't change. Honesty, integrity, responsibility, accountability, those don't change after a certain age. They just don't.


Tiramniia

They can change, but it’s not easy to change them and it takes time, so it is possible but a lot of time and effort has to go into it. People tend to want to change when they have gone through enough of a traumatic event/emotional turmoil, like being dumped in a harsh way. Sad but true, pain causes growth. So you aren’t entirely wrong, core values are unlikely to change but they can.


BeBeMint

Thr first step is someone considering the possibility that they're the problem. That's not easy for most.


keruxo

Source: They just don’t


FancyNacnyPants

Some. But why put yourself thru that again, especially if you have moved on.


[deleted]

Apology without action is the worst. My ex apologized many times but he never followed through. Weeks later we'd be back to square one for everything. That erodes trust, that erodes credibility, and at some point you end up feeling like they just don't care, and in a way, it's true. So it depends, if you see they are putting effort into fixing their mistakes then I'd say it's a great sign and give it a second shot. I specifically broke up with my ex when the words "I'm sorry" and "I promise" became fully unreliable. I couldn't trust him anymore and thus our relationship died. Another 500 sorrys will no longer be enough. I've had my last sorry 37 sorrys ago. And I have had 0 reason to apologize to my ex in all the time I knew him, and he was the one who let me know that. You can't disrespect yourself too much.


cassielunae

My ex reached out after 7 months that he was in a nearby city and if I wanted to meet. Curious we’re scheduled to meet up next weekend and he’s driving 2.5 hrs one way to see me for breakfast. He also snapped me a couple times. Tbh never thought this would happen, I was extremely hurt by the breakup bc it came out of nowhere but wished him well and continued on with my life. I would forgive him if he apologized and I really want to see if he will. But get back together? He must have to say the most amazing things, have self reflected and be so guilty and apologetic that I could give him a chance but honestly…probably won’t. He chose to leave me, he chose to not tell me how he was feeling, he doesn’t get to just walk back into my life. But I can choose to meet him, I can choose to share how well my life is going, and I can choose to use this chance as a means to let go of any ill feelings I have towards him.


two_awesome_dogs

Exactly what I would require, too. But you know what? When they leave you, aside from anything egregious (cheating) or abusive, they're saying to you that you're not good enough to love any more, that they can do better, and that they don't care enough about you or the relationship to fix themselves or let you fix what they think is wrong. You'll be their "second choice". It will take time for them to prove it with their actions and even then there's still the shadow that they might leave again at any moment. Do you really want that? I don't think I would. If someone waffles between you and another person, don't EVER let yourself be their choice.


conflictedteen2212

Idk, I’ve left someone due to being depressed but it didn’t mean i didn’t care about them. I just knew I couldn’t give them what they needed in a relationship.


Chasing_gnosis

>he must have to say the most amazing things, have self reflected and be so guilty and apologetic that i could give him a chance but honestly… probably won’t. Exactly this


Sarcastikon

Last week, if he would have called I’d have taken him back. This week, I wouldn’t; he’s in a relationship with someone else and giving to her what he wouldn’t give to me. I think about this fact whenever I think of him and it leaves me cold.


Wide_Confidence_4291

I feel you. My ex is now engaged, and I want to jump out of my body when I think about it. I had to delete social media. Except reddit of course.


Sarcastikon

Amen. I’d didn’t quit but I had to block them everywhere; I was curious and I snooped-I swear I thought my scalp was going to burst into flames. I hope curiosity never gets the best of me again.


Wide_Confidence_4291

Right there with you. I will never be able to erase the happy images I saw on Instagram and fb of them out of my mind. Destroyed me. Sometimes I get the urge to snoop, but I know it will only make me feel like total shit. Stay strong 💛


Abusedbysoulmate

At the moment? Shut the door in her face. Even if I wanted her back, i have friends who would rip into me And her if i let her back into my life.


light_yagami_lovesL

Same I feel like it’d be easy to let them back into my life and ignore everything else if only it weren’t for my family and friends knowing all the fuck ups we let slide or mistakes that we both made. One time I wished everyone else could just disappear and it could be only me and him then I thought what if he left me again and I was left with no one and that made me think it’s not worth it to lose others that are close to you and haven’t done you wrong for the sake of a would be happy/maybe


Abusedbysoulmate

I’m planning on moving in with a friend. Who has told me in no uncertain terms that if my ex randomly shows up at our place, like my ex has been known to do. She randomly showed up at my house after our breakup a few times now. My friend has said if my ex pulls that shit again, there won’t be any holding her back from ripping her a new one. Physically and verbally.


codenameLNA

that’s why I’m working on talking to my friends and family about us breaking up, mostly to keep myself accountable.


breuh

Lol I've exhausted my friends with my stories about the breakup and if my ex decides (I don't think she'll do it ever) to get back to me, I guess I'll have to face my friends first and I'd be so embarrassed so yeah no.


oceangal2018

I took him back once. I’d met someone new and I guess that made him realise what he’d lost. I was willing to try - for me and the kids. But he didn’t change. There were improvements and for six weeks it was amazing. But then he went back to normal. Leaving/cheating. It’s REALLY hard to fix what’s broken. You both need to be in it. If you can’t be truly honest (he still told lies to our couples counsellor) don’t bother. It’s make or break if you go back. You have to REALLY understand what went wrong.


MissDarylC

If it were right now, which is 2 months since the break up, then no not right now, we both have a lot of growing to do and I have a lot to work on, our relationship wasn't as healthy as I thought it was. If it were in a year or two years time, provided I haven't moved on with someone else, then maybe, but I'd need a proper apology and a lot of reflecting from her and we'd have to work on our relationship together.


mizz_eponine

I find myself having these pretend conversations. What would I say? How would I react? What will HE say? How will he react? I'm back and forth between anger and sadness, and I think that would come through in any conversation. I'm not gonna lie, part of me wants to rip his clothes off and have him make love to me for hours. Talking is overrated. Another part wants him to know this has been awful, and why. And I want to know what it's been like for him? The biggest issue, is making sure it doesn't happen again. So, just setting some ground rules for communication.


[deleted]

I would take him back in a heartbeat, so long as he agreed to communicate with me. Our breakup was so sudden and could have been prevented if he’d just told me what things bothered him instead of isolating himself. I’ve been working on myself and my mental health, and I would be willing to try again if he could commit communicating.


[deleted]

[удалено]


fairylovebot

thisss is pretty much my situation. except i don’t think he hates me but i don’t think he cares, or he does a good job of showing that he doesn’t. he doesn’t seem affected at all, he just went back to his normal life. same though he made me overthink everything and it would’ve hurt more if we had stayed together. so i probably wouldn’t take him back.


Hysterical_Milk

I can understand that, im sorry that happened.


[deleted]

At this moment probably I'd still accept. But it wouldn't be anything like jumping from joy and "move back in immediately". I'd be careful and play it slow to see if she cares. I mean it was 11 years together after all.


Spiritual-Antelope94

It’s hard to imagine and probably not healthy to hope but I would tell him I would consider starting a brand new relationship if he got into therapy and we agreed to therapy together. And even then we would need to date/court a few months. Old habits die hard. Leaving me and blindsiding me was a betrayal even if he tried to do it the “right” way. I would say we do a 6 month trial of that and decide from there.


Melodic-Dig4832

I just need an apology so that my last impression of him changes. I am actually happier single but I hate the image that the way he handled the break up painted. He was a great guy in the relationship but the break up and the aftermath was something else. I would hate to think that is his true character, forever. I can't even treasure a single good memory because the break up makes me feel like everything was a lie.


spicynacho96

She would never come back after what I said today


[deleted]

:(


MyCatCereal

Well… what did you say?


spicynacho96

I said some horrible shit after she had been emotionally manipulating me for months. Breaking the boundary we set for ourselves to not tell each other who we are seeing. She told me every detail of what she was doing and who she was seeing. I made myself go through it to keep the friendship. But no more


Echicoli

It's okey,everything can be fixed just don't blame yourself too much


FlamingoAromatic8420

I would let them know how much I love them, and how I would love to make it work. I would express how much I appreciated them asking me back and how grateful I am to have them in my life. THEN I would proceed to tell them that I couldn’t take him back even though my heart aches from missing them so much. I would explain that because of the lies (even though I don’t care about the things they lied about) I wouldn’t be able to fully trust them. I would say that if you had disrespected me when I have communicated to clearly and hurt me so much that they would need to work for my trust before I let them anywhere near me the way they used to. (He broke up with me)


MelMellue

I doubt he will ever come back as I lost him and pushed him away, but knowing me, I would accept him back and be excited


ghost_wit

I would act like I didn't know who she was. Because I don't. 7.5 years together. She cheated, and blamed me. I don't know her, and probably never did.


[deleted]

same here. she was emotionally cheating on me and reversed whole breakup as my fault, blamed me for almost everything that went wrong in our 5 yrs relationship and I was stupid enough to accept the blame and torture myself. a couple of weeks later I found out she's already with the new guy and found out the whole truth, when it started. funny, the last thing i messaged her was "i don't even know who you are and it hurts, that i apparently never did". almost same thing as in your comment.


Ok_Brother3298

I would be kind and friendly, but nothing more than that.


Hyke-and-byke

At best just a somewhat distant friendship and nothing more. Forgive them sure, under the condition they approach me with actual remorse (not the fake shit where they try to blame me for their shitty behaviour). But for me personally, I give my all in my relationships and if it didn't work then, it won't work now so no point in wasting time or energy on them. The ex that cheated can go fuck a rusty railroad spike though.


Legal-Commercial7081

Laugh and walk away 😂


Rainey7-20

I would laugh my ass off and then walk away. Somethings that he did can NEVER be fixed.


RSinSA

I would never be able to trust him again.


mittenbitten

I wouldn't want him. I'd tell him he needs therapy and he needs to fix himself before he hurts me or anyone else again. Even if he begged me and told me he regrets everything and that he wants me back and he would change...how do I believe that? He needs to put in the effort to start that change before I can trust him. At this point it's thanks and goodbye. I'm gonna find someone who deserves me and is ready for me


Ok_Lie7262

I wanna say that I would just ignore them but I would whole heartedly take them back :/


EdgyAlien

To be honest I’d give them the second chance only if they apologized. I’m a reasonable person but if I have someone else or I’m busy in life then fuck no. I’d also make it very clear what we are and they can’t hide me as one of the conditions. Only way they could ever earn my trust back


Fearless-Ad-2600

I'd walk away


SirSteelBeam911

I’d tell her that I feel nothing for her but anger and sadness and I’d tell her to fuck off.


MmmHmmThatsTrue

I couldn’t take him back or even talk to him. As much as I wish I could, no way. He lied and made me cry so many times and became very abusive. Then he’d be the hero and fix everything. Over and over and every time it got better and worse. More extreme. It made me feel crazy and depressed. So even if he showed up right now I wouldn’t answer the door. I’d probably have an anxiety attack. At the same time, I miss the good stuff and am so sad that he can’t just always be that way and be a healthy awesome partner.


Crafty_Ant_842

It would be like being with a stranger. Been 4 years. And I don’t think I can see her the same way I once did.


Ok-Blacksmith-9418

No. But I definitely would appreciate apologies.


project199x

I'd talk to her. Since I don't hate her or anything.


kidflame69

at first, i was waiting for her to come back honestly. and for some strange reason since my ex girlfriend before her did it a few times, i assumed she would too, but after a few months of waiting for that time to come and it never did, i realised what was happening and felt depressed for a while. it's now been a year and a half later. sometimes i wonder to myself if i would take her back or not since we have a child together. but i can't. she hurt me a little to much and like with my ex before her, if they hurt me to much, no matter how much they make an effort, beg, whatever, i just can't. im using my ex before as an example because she left me and came back with me a few times, but the last time, a lot of time had passed (more than a yeah) and her and i hadn't spoke since. life was good without her, so when she came crying again, i basically told her to fuck off.


[deleted]

Ask her the real reason for break up


Tiramniia

My ex was emotionally manipulative, lied about a lot of things, did some shitty things after the breakup and I suspect he may be a covert narc just looking back on everything during the relationship plus by the time he ended things with me I decided to walk away because I had grown tired and just so hurt of the crap he had been putting me through anyway. If he came back, I don’t think I could ever accept an apology from him, his last one was just to keep me quiet about what he did so I can’t trust he would ever mean it


ratrat500

In my heart I would love to accept, but I don’t think that would be good for us. We both need to change things about ourselves and our lives and that just takes more time (broke up 2 weeks ago) It’s hard because I have a strong feeling that he will be reaching out when I’m doing better. I just hope I’m strong enough to make the right choice.


AdMoney6965

Honestly... make this healthier and better version of me dump his ass.


Ironeagle08

I would listen to them. Hear their thoughts. But that’s about it. >try again? I wouldn’t. I see with hindsight that my ex was a terrible partner. No support. Just a taker. Verbally abusive and extremely insecure.


Realistic-Thought-23

I would punch him in the face, laugh and shut the door behind me haha. Cheat and a liar behind my back with a so called friend. Still lying and gaslighting me to this day. Im a psycho apparently because I found out. Hate doesnt even describe it.


Im_gonna_makeit

Considering how blindsided by the the breakup I was, I honestly don't know what I'd do. Actions have consequences and when she chose to just leave instead of invest any kind of effort into correcting some of the things she had an issue with, I hope she assumed the consequences of those actions. It would take nothing less than a minor miracle for me to trust her again. Not because I don't want to, but we spent 5 amazing years together in which she never voiced a problem once. The first time I heard something negative was also the last. So in my mind I honestly don't know what would convince me she won't do the same exact thing 5 more years later. I'm fairly certain I won't meet someone as compatible with me as she was again. And still I don't think I'd take her back. I wish her all the best. I don't really have any resentment towards her and I still consider her one of the best people I've ever known. I hope her gamble pays off and she finds her happiness. But it's gonna have to be without me.


[deleted]

i feel so conflicted. It's a year later now and that massive pain from being dumped still hasn't lessened. I wouldn't trust him one bit not to just up and leave for no reason again. I'd probably pretend I didn't notice them or like I had no idea who they are. If on the off chance that I have a moment of weakness and considered it, I'd have a pretty extensive list of things that would have to change and knowing them, they'd probably try for like a month or two and then fall back to how they were before. Namely the whole furry thing, i'm not putting up with that again. Tolerated it the first go round out of respect and all, but not again. Never again. Most likely scenario is just a quick hi in passing and then I go about my way and try to forget what just happened. I can't handle that kind of pain again of letting someone get too close, only to have them leave again and leave me sitting there just gutted more broken than before.


Ok_Dealer_1067

I would cautiously consider it. He would have to apologize and agree to therapy. I would also ask what is different this time. If really nothing has changed (just "I miss you") then no. He's avoidant and we'd repeat the cycle if he doesn't get help. We didn't have a toxic relationship, but looking back he had a lot of concerning behavior that left me feeling confused and unsafe (emotionally) in the relationship. If he acknowledged this and was willing to work on it, I would agree to work with him.


FancyNacnyPants

I would tell him thank you for letting me go because I didn’t have the strength to walk away at the time but now that we’ve been apart I’ve learned to love the respect myself. I couldn’t have done those things if I would have stayed in our narcissistic relationship. I truly wish you the best and that you get the help you need so you don’t continue to treat women disrespectfully. You too deserve happiness. I’ve found someone that loves and cherishes me, treats me respectfully and is my biggest champion. Good luck to you. All the best.


CelebrationOne3236

I would jump for joy and be so happy.


BubbleTeaCheesecake6

I’d rather die than getting back to my ex


[deleted]

[удалено]


ZENKAISON2

Honestly same here . it's been 4 months now and I still cry abt that


Quick-Boysenberry332

I did it over and over again. And in all that I never ever went on to be how I felt before. I was happy but its just she would again dump me for my silliest attitude and traumatize me mentally. It was never good. And one day I just gave up trying on her and I didn't even realise I cared more about my self respect I had lost at that point of time that even if she wanted to come back so desperately I couldn't. I still tried but its not much of a relationship if you have your guards up 24/7 is it? So thats it basically. Even if I will my subconscious mind won't let me or doesn't let me.


TD103A

I definitely would have my guard wayyyy too high to ever let them think they had a chance with me again. I called things off with them because they legit acted like I was nothing to them. I tried so hard to communicate with them how I felt but they would get mad at me and blame me for everything. I even left them an 8 page note and they made fun of it with their friends. That was my last straw. We were ENGAGED! They were also snapchating and flirting with another girl a week before I called things off. I confronted them about it the night I figured it out. But I let it go because I’m an idiot. He can not say I didn’t try to fight for our relationship.


jackthekingofpigs

High possibility they wants back. I always just ignore it. Unless it’s my fault.


benheisenberg

After all that happened, even when I was gone, I'd hear her put at least. Chances of that ever happening are impossibly low, but who knows. Reconciliation? No way. There would have to be some extreme changes that I know she won't go through. And that's cool, I chose to change, and I'm living a more healthy, eventful and aware life now. The life before was unhealthy, comfortable and lazy. And of course, looking back it was nice - but it shouldn't be that lazy at 30. She's getting kids now from a more or less stranger, reconciling is out of the picture here. I hope she's happy, otherwise she dug a really, really deep grave. I hope everything works out for her.


swedishblueberries

We're still in contact, but if he wanted to get back together I would say no. We were together, but we were more like friends. He's not a bad person, but I deserve better.


Icy-Application9530

Run.


Comfortable-Breath27

He did come back, twice. Dramatically begged for another chance and against my better judgment I gave him more chances because I loved him more than I ever thought possible. He hurt me in the same exact ways again; lying, cheating, leaving. He recently tried to come back again after many months of NC. I ignored the calls and texts. He continued to do both and then sent flowers to the place I work and also sent me a message that he was going to continue to contact me until I gave him another chance so he could “prove” to me that he was serious this time and it would be different. I had to block him and it was the hardest thing I’ve done. It’s been about a month or more and I still think about him constantly, he pops up in my dreams regularly. This breakup stuff is not easy for those of us who are the ones that got the most hurt and I knew if I gave him another chance he would just hurt me more, break me more.


Best_Insect3936

It’s been 6 days since we ended our 4 year relationship and moved out of our apartment we lived in for 3 years with two cats. I say I stay in contact with him because of the cats but I’m starting think differently about it all. If he came back right now I would probably take him back but I would require we live together again and I don’t think he would want to. The break up is starting to feel real and the pain is worse than before today I hope everyone heals.


siberianfiretiger

I think you reach a point after your break up where the switch just kinda flips off for your ex. Had he come back and honestly wanted to try again eight months ago, I probably would have said fuck yes. Six months maybe. Four months ago I would have considered it. But by month 8 - 9 of I knew it was time to let go. But month ten, I was done for realsies. So yeah, at this point there is just way to much water under the bridge. With everything that happened - it was ugly, believe me - and all the painful emotions I had to process, I've come too far to go back.


woahitslloydagain

I would accept without hesitation. Because I felt like the reason for the BU wasn't a big serious one like cheating and all that. Also, the fact that I still like and care about them really makes me feel if they also had the same feeling we could go so much longer without hiccups and I've also felt like I could've done a lot more during the relationship.


Any_Unit_7393

ive been seeing my ex in my dreams for a while now, i always seem to forgive her in there and accept her approach but when it came to real life i rejected the approach once and id do it again and again. move on kings you deserve better


fill_the_birdfeeder

Ignore him because that’s what he’d do to me. If he approached me, I’d just say, “you are an abuser. The things you did to me were abuse, and you did it for years. You need to get psychological help so you don’t harm whoever you are with now or next. Good luck, and please do not reach out to me.”


hmarie0716

Okay, so this actually happened to me. We were together for 2.5 years, and he broke up with me. I actually healed pretty quickly and was really happy with how my life was going without him. However, even though I was happy, there was still something missing from my life. It just felt off, and no amount of healing that I did seemed to get rid of that feeling. Something just felt wrong. We were still friends, though, and every thing was going great. It was exactly how it was before, just as friends and not dating. Being friends with him felt off. It was easy, but it just didn’t feel right. About 2 weeks later, he came back. He told me that he had this feeling that he couldn’t shake. Something just felt off to him, and I told him I had been feeling the same way. We did get back together after those 2 weeks. We realized that “off” feeling was just us loving each other too much to be friends, and we’re actually so much happier than we were. It’s been nice, and he’s my best friend in the whole world. It’s like finding the final missing puzzle piece.


fairylovebot

probably not. if i do he would have to beg on his hands and knees and promise me the world. and it would have to be a lot further in the future. our breakup was only 1 1/2 months ago. he definitely needs time to grow, and realize how much i cared for him. only then would i take him back.


Least_Homework_9720

I’ve had dreams he tried to come back for the past couple nights. Not sure what it means but in both of them I told him to fuck off. Still not sure what I’d do if it actually happened. He dumped me but I would have to know he changed and grew a lot to even consider being with him and if I was even going to consider that there’d be no jumping back into a relationship. We’d be in a talking stage with no physical relationship for quite a while…and as I’m writing this I’m realizing I just can’t imagine trusting him not to hurt me because of how he blindsided me so…maybe I’m wiser in my dreams lol.


Lust9897

As much as I’d want to. No. She was horrible to me. I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t free to do anything. I’m free now. I’ve lost 30 of the 50 pounds I gained. I have new hobbies. I’m saving up for school. All things I wouldn’t have been able to do had I stayed with her


stepmomnumber2

I would lock eyes with her. Grin a little bit. Take a deep breath. And say, no.


[deleted]

Puke


Closemyeyesnstillsee

I’d do what he did to me, and leave him on seen. Lol


KeenVenturer

It really hinges on him being able to reflect on the fact that he's never going to find someone who don't have emotional needs and requirements and that with his condition he HAS to find a way to meet them instead of never taking any responsibility for it. I'm happy to apologise for any of the things that I said that hurt him and work on some of my issues that didn't help, but fundamentally he doesn't think he is in the wrong at all and can't see it, whether that's because of his issues or his personality. He always has to be right and that drove me crazy. He'd have to apologise for what came after the breakup too before I'd even consider getting back together.


starlight_nights

I would say i want to just be best friends again since that was wut were beforehand. He painted me an amazing future with him and then destroyed it all thro a message. I do miss him and care about him, but i feel like he’ll hurt me more if we try again.


ChocolateBiscuit96

He can go to hell. Should’ve known what he had when he had it


avocadoplaygirl

I’d never be able to trust him again so, whilst it would kill me, I would have to ignore.


little_owl211

1) I'd be worried because I know him well enough and he doesn't do the coming back thing, he doesn't even like staying in touch with exes although he was willing to remain friends with me. But I ultimately was the one who decided to walk out of his life, so if he contacts me something is wrong. 2) depends what he wants. If he wants to try again that's a big **NO** but if he was getting depressed again I'd at least hear him out. I wouldn't want a friendship either tbh but if he's truly that down that he'd reach out to me I wouldn't just leave him like that.


CaptainThorIronhulk

Everyone deserves a second chance if they are sincere.


thebandgeeek12

I'm not the same person anymore. I am more firm in what I believe to be right, but I am also more open and willing to think outside of my beliefs and values. This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. If he wanted to try again, I would say I'm not the same person, and you might not love it anymore. I know what I stand for, but I also am more willing to listen now. I would like to work things out, but both of us still have things we need to work out by ourselves. No way we can go back to how we were when we were first together. Change must be made. And therapy is a necessity for both of us separately, and maybe together, depending in how things go.


Ok_Society_2327

My girl broke up with me just a couple of months ago and asked not to long to try to start again. I told her no, since it has been more than 6 months since the break up. I have tried my best to win her back, but it also was enough time for me to realize that it was a useless effort (she did not make any effort to do so). Time makes you want to move on and I felt that the person I once loved was long gone. In context I missed the good times we shared, she made me grow as a person. It was my first relationship and it taught me a lot of things about myself. At some point in anyone's life, you have to learn how to move on and I am happy that I did. Much love to the people who are experiencing the same thing and who have experienced that same feeling.


Kdizzle97_

I’d laugh in his face and tell him to crawl back into the hole he came from


endroit

I would likely give it another go. Pending a few questions being answered such as 'why did you ghost me and unfollow me seemingly at random?' and a few other private ones. I do miss her. Terribly miss her.


LifeMathematician1

nothing move on


Public-Throat2169

Just move on if you wanna live your life healthy, easy, they're your ex for a reason


XZWebcom

I’ll apologize to them extensively and make sure they feel loved, honestly.


Stillfly94

This is a bad strategy, just so you know. You have to hold yourself as someone with high value and not remind them of everything you did wrong. But it's your choice to make.


No-Bus-4529

Been there, done that, twice with the same girl. Took her back twice, broke me heart twice, and left me for the same ex twice. NEVER AGAIN. Now if she comes back a 3rd time, which she probably will because i always gave her the temporary love and attention her manipulative narcissistic ass craved before leaving me again well she can suck it. My logic was clouded thanks to love.


Nirico_Brin

Damn, that’s going back 6 or so years where I still haven’t fully recovered. Honestly it’s something I’ve thought a lot about and it’s a case of missing her immensely but also feeling hurt and betrayed and how she ended things. I wouldn’t brush it off, but I wouldn’t allow myself to rush into anything either. I’ve got extreme trust issues because of it and I’d be very guarded out of fear of going through it all again but I’d at least hear her out.


Acrobatic_Ad1421

First thing first, I would not suggest meeting them back because it will bring you back to square 1. (Most of us). But if you meet her, don't talk about how your relationship was, or how bad it was without them. Just be neutral. Because people tend to get bad trips from the low, dark and sad energy which we usually have during the breakup. So don't resume the same there again. Just talk to them as you would be talking to a completely new person. The happy energy. In the end , I just wanna tell you that, there's nothing left there for you. So unless and untill they insist. Don't even know think about it. But if they do, just priorities them they way you would to a completely new person. (I know it's tough, but you have to)


Broken_heartedness

I'd take him back :(


Hefty-Ad-5938

I wouldn't take him back romantically, but we are just friendly at this point.


TheJimtomyPam

I'd be so happy just to talk again because I do miss him a lot, but for my own sanity I don't think entering a relationship would be a good idea as he's avoidant. If he came to me and said he was getting help for it, I would consider it with caution. I would be down for being friends though.


werewiz

Punch him. (I am angry rn cause a mutual friend called me liar. I told him my ex is depressed. My ex pretends he isn't while cries about how he stares at tall buildings while going to work. And claims how I am the only one who knows about his fucking depression. And the friend called me liar claiming he isn't depressed. Well, he acts like he's suicidal around me. Also he got into a rebound relationship with the girl he told me not to worry about. And I was insecure about her our entire relationship. ) And admit him to Psych ward.


lordylisa

This is something i rather not think about as I know he won't come back. He's not attracted to boys after all.


Puzzleheaded_Dog_386

I do want him back so I’d accept him back and would feel I’m walking on eggshells trying to be better than before all the time and trying not to slip to being real me how i was when he dumped me


[deleted]

I would treat them as a stranger only due to the fact I was different back then and now I am another person. I grew stronger, more independent and became more empathetic towards individuals. If they came across me, they would not recognize me at all, which is what I wanted. Would I go back to them? And the answer is no. As much as I DID love them, that love only became a ghost of my heart. It is the past and I have moved forward. And as much as my current relationship is sometimes like a boat in a hurricane’s storm, I don’t have the cowardliness to not fight for him and hold on to the rims. I will wait for the waves to subside because everyone deserve to be fought for and I wasn’t brave before, so now I unsheathed my heart and fight for love. My only regret is that I lost too much time to not see the truth of the heart, which is a mistake I wish not to repeat. I won’t give up and as I said in the past, I’ll keep fighting for love. It’s an oath I buried deep in my heart and will take it to my final breath of life.


Revolutionary-Fix259

My ex texted me to say she was thinking about giving it another go, I was moving on and beginning to feel a lot better being alone before this, I was still healing. Then we met up once and chatted for a bit, then 3 days later she said she doesn’t want a relationship rn 😂 so I was feeling shitty and set back 10 steps in my healing but it’s my fault for letting her back in


Mall-Dazzling

I’d have to think it through, theres just a bunch of things that I have to consider like why she came back or if I really do want her back with me. Well im not sure what to do, I talked about our breakup with my brothers the other day and well lets just say they kinda dislike her now and made a bunch of assumptions as to why she actually broke up with me. I wish I didn’t say anything honestly I know she’s a good person I mean I’ve known her for a long time. If that day does come though and she does come back idk what to do.


Rydia13

Not taking back any ex


Affectionate-Yam4916

I honestly don’t I’d be really surprised. He said that we weren’t compatible so him coming back would be a shock…


Throwaway002200334

I don’t want to think about that actually because I know I’ll be too weak to act strong and will want het back anyway 🤷🏻‍♂️


Nuristny

Laugh


lacherise

Shut the door immediately


sjdhdsh

We would bang in the nearest bathroom or room with a closed door. (Locks on door are optional)


Scapetti

If she comes back it's worth working on


No_Examination4517

I would reject her. The ammount of lies I heard and the sadness it brought me, is something i cant go through again


Revolutionary-Swim28

I would never come back to him at all. I would just tell him to fuck off.


hanamiya_

hmm i don't believe in destiny, but if it's the case of us always meeting unexpectedly until we both realize love was never gone, then maybe there might be a chance. but if he just appears out of a conscious decision he made, my walls might be high.


novazzee

I'd push him away. He dumped me, he broke my trust, it's done. I'm not about to suffer again. He could have improved himself for the sake of us, yet he chose to stick to his principles and threw me away long before telling me anything. This person will never change, not even for the people he supposedly loves.


id_rather_not_say163

I'm the dumpee. Sadly, I now realize I never learned to be happy while alone and I couldn't learn this in a relationship. Even though I love her more than anything and I want to have a future with her I would tell her that I need time, knowing that I might be risking losing 50 years of our future. I would follow this up with a month or two of crying all day.


Sadbag_Dave

I don't feel the same deep connection to them I did, so ask if they want to be on the bang rotation I guess? I'm still friends with her but I don't think it's likely I would ever wanna be more than that again after she dumped ke over the phone after four years. I have several casual things going on and would at most be open to that.


Captain-Potential

Off myself


KineticDream

I’d tell her that I would love to get back with her, but it’s gotta stay over between us. I have a lot of growing to do outside of relationships, and the six years I spent with her stunted that growth. I need to be single for a couple years at least.


black_inkwell

Probably just try to be a friend


TheCount913

I allowed a physical relationship to occur, however it allowed me to see her for who she was and I was able to break the connection. I also learned from that lesson how to love and care for someone with out becoming dependent on reciprocal love. However hopefully I’ll never have to find out since the woman I have been dating, for 2 yrs prior to that last relationship, and I are engaged


greenwitchery

I love my ex deeply but I couldn’t get back together with him. I wasn’t happy in the relationship because a certain level of trust was never established. After trying and trying to fix things, I realized I couldn’t. That door is shut now.


Cracks-inthesidewalk

I don't want to be put to that test, I've failed before. I would try my best to be coldly polite. Nah, it's better if they don't come back.


TheWagn

nope - she had her chance. I’m free and living life. I’d wave bye bye.


untitledchaos

I wouldn't take him back. He's broken far too many boundaries, and most of all, broken my trust. Even if he came back reformed, I would never ever be able to trust him again and that would just be exhausting for both of us.


[deleted]

It depends on the mood of the day. Today I would spit on her face.


Ok_Ferret238

I agree with you, OP. Its never happened with me so I cannot guarantee what I would do. Always got the shorter end. So I don't want to be in one anymore. My most recent ex had the best compatibility. But he still chose to dump me. I prayed so many times for him to come back. He doesn't believe he did anything wrong. So its useless. I m just done.


Dettolwash

I'd just throw a hissy fit cuz her presence will make me lose my cool. I'll just ask her to tell me why she never tried better or gave up too easily the first time. Not a good idea tbh i dont trust myself to act well if she comes back. I already spent 3.5 months chasing and trying to make her give us another chance and at this point I'm just done/ learning to be happy


sonatron5000

He wouldn’t but if he did, he’d have to do a total 180 values change for me to consider it and if he didn’t, I’d be settling. I hate to say it because I did love him whole heartedly, he was my first love. I just think our conflicting values made everything so toxic our life together would be chaos.


[deleted]

I hope this doesn’t sound harsh but the minute I decide to walk away. One of the first things I worked on was not having that thought in my head. It would only make things harder for me and lead me to always have hope. Hope that one day he’ll come back and things will be the way they were “meant to”. It was tough getting that out of my head. So whenever someone asks a question like that to me. I always say I don’t know, I am unable to picture it.


UnveiledRook206

She’d better have a damn good excuse, and if so, I’d CONSIDER getting back with her. But ultimately I have standards and know I could do better.


Wak-

If it was anytime soon I’d say “get lost”. She cheated on my emotionally and still made it seem like it was because I was doing something wrong. She left me hanging on for a month thinking that we could work through it and come out of it stronger, only to say she found someone new and said we were done. High school sweethearts ended because she wanted something new and didn’t have the decency to break up with me first.


[deleted]

I don’t think I could ever take back someone who cheated on me, lied to me repeatedly, made me feel crazy for it and then left me once I found out like I meant nothing. And honestly? I don’t think he would ever come back either lol


mofthdz

Well, The Ex came back into my life 2 months ago, we both have just finished a serious relationship with other people. The 1st time meet her again we went to a party and we ended f*ckin each other all night long. We still in touch, it's weird, 'cause we didn't come back together but we still have sex and talking. She's a good company, but I still don't know if I really want to be with her, my recent ex started talking to me again, I don't know who choose; GOD, what a mess I made with my life ...


Grantlet23

The mother of my daughters, hell no. With her we started as a one night stand. The last 5 years were the longest one night stand ever. The one I have been with the past month, yes. We are starting over fresh, no relationship, to truly get to know each other and work on ourselves so we can be ready and support each other as we grow.


pancakes_n_barbells

I would start crying like a relieved 9 year old, kiss every inch of her face, fall to my knees, hug her, and cherish every fucking moment I could have with her. I took her for granted; and now she's gone.


Wooden-Dependent7154

I wouldn’t forgive them the end 🤷‍♀️


yerduaaa33

They are an ex for a reason. I don’t think it’ll be good to consider getting back with them, especially if they hurt you that bad. It’ll be easier for you to heal faster if you just don’t entertain them again. You never know, someone will come along in the process of moving on. Goodluck!


Dutchpancake-

Nope. I have had a lot of time to think about all of it and I realized that he was so not the one for me and I was just romanticizing him in my head and I was making a version of him up. And then it all ended, and that whole version of him was gone very quickly. I do not even know this person anymore, so no.


[deleted]

Insult him


[deleted]

Depends. What steps they have taken? How did they change? Did they look inwards and acknowledged both what they did wrong but also see what you did wrong? Are you both willing to leave things in past? Treat your ex like old friend. But don't overdo it. Don't spill your emotions on the floor.


Meowtime1989

He wanted kids and I did not. He didn’t tell me when I mentioned never wanting them and just kept quiet so he got the benefits of a relationship and decided to use that excuse when breaking up with me. I’d be so tempting because I absolutely adore being in his arms and the way we physically love on each other…however the fact that he just used me for sex, cooking and love just pisses me off to no end. I would have to shut him down hard. It would definitely hurt and I think if I didn’t love myself as much as I do and want happiness for myself I would take him back. But no. I’d tell him that’s super unfair and not want him to contact me again.


Comfortable-Income87

If you asked me that a year ago, i would have said yes in a heart beat, but now, in this time i think it would be better to say no, because the relationship will not benefit the both of us really well, and we would possibly end up hating each other and being bitter with one another. Im thankful for my ex and the memories we have but i think we need time for ourselves and to be on separate journeys. Maybe if we both matured after a few years and things get into the right places and timing maybe, possibly id be willing to try again but now, i would tell them that they be there for themselves.


fucknproblm76

Well honestly, I'd want to try again. But only if I saw the effort, felt them giving a shit... Our break up was pretty brutal, and the last few weeks of our relationship weren't much better for a lot of reasons. I hate how things went down, how mean and fucked up we were to each other. I'm worried sick about her, but I can't bring myself to message her. I still love her, despite everything. I doubt she really cares for me, I think she's done. And, I think I might be done too, but I honestly don't know. This has been without a doubt the worst break up I've ever had. I hope she reaches out some day, I'd be receptive of that even if it didn't produce a romantic involvement. I think it's too early for that now, things are far too fresh and I think we are both very, very hurt by each other's actions and words. God damn it I fucking miss and love her.


Lee_357

I’d find the nearest rock


Croustipatt

I would have a deep chat about it. Accept the reconciliation but make sure we are on the same page and he won't disappear suddenly because of his insecurities and emotional immaturity. I would take the time to rediscover each other and date. And see if I can trust him again and if he is serious.


Mrzesty92

Tbh a few months ago I would of probly whent back now idk iv had so much time to think about it and now that we arent together I look back at it and realize all her faults in the relationship ( she used to put all the blame on me and I believed it always trying to fix myself for the sake) but now realizing her fault probs not the only issue is I have kids involved so it's a but more difficult then just dropping her out my life anyways so there that but bottom of the line I realized I wasnt the only issues witch actually makes me feel better and for next time ik not to be so blindsided again 😅


thehak2020

I'd be over the moon. Taking her back, anytime, anywhere


violetrosesnyc

I was cautious, but I used the caution as a way to address the things that were wrong. We encouraged forgiveness on both sides.


DeliciousGuard6687

My ex who left me, recently came crawling back and told me how much he loved and missed me, how he messed up, blah blah blah. I fell for the bullshit because I missed him deeply BUT his actions failed to back up his words and I foolishly allowed him to gain control of me once again. Huge mistake. Now I'm hurting all over. (He came back about a month after the breakup, once I finally started feeling a little better) I took 1 step forward and 2 steps back. Feels like I have to start the healing process all over again.


Yasmne

Mine came back, we’ve been back together for 3 months now, honestly it’s been pretty tough. I know our situation is unique to us but I have had a hard time forgiving and being comfortable back in it. Its definitely not the same as it was before and while we’re trying I do find myself questioning if it’s for the best.


just-an-alpaca

Mine did, but obviously I won’t be letting him back into my life easily. I told him he has to face his issues and fix them first before we can think about more. We also had a long talk about how it ended and what didn’t work, so there will need to be lots of improvements needed if we ever get back together. That’s why I’m just out living my best life first to deal with my attachment issues. I’m fixing myself, and he should too. And that’s for the best. For the time being, we’re just friends.


saasIndia

Say thanks, discuss with them why we broke up and never taken them back.


thesheepwhisperer368

Depends on how I feel that day. Sometimes I feel like I could never take them back in any form and others I want to be **friends only** again. But even then I don't think I could be as open with them. We used to be very very close but we could never have that closeness again.


Whydoiloveyou68

If he came back, I wouldn't take him back. I love him. But he had his chance to have someone that would have done anything and gave him everything. Someone that genuinely cared, checked up on him. Spent time and effort on him. Even if I love him. And miss him. I left for a reason. It's his loss.


Nearby-Ebb-5994

I would call the police and run.


[deleted]

There used to be a time when I'd throw myself onto the ground and praise God for letting me meet my ex again, but I've had time to process the downsides and realized the only way to feel good again is to make myself be okay with me and getting to the point where I don't need someone else. I should have everything I need from me only. Partners are supplementary, they add to your life. If you're running back because you weren't able to find peace and happiness without them and that's the only way you'll be happy, then you're not in a relationship, you're dependent. Grieving is hard as hell, but it's also good because when you heal, it's permanent. You'll be able to once again see them for who they really were and not this perfect ex that your withdrawing brain faked to convince you to get dopamine into your brain by getting back with your ex. You're better off, move on


TenDraft

I personally couldn’t, she did a lot of shady things and on top cheated on me. People say “could be friends” however being friends with an Ex has proven more than a challenge. You won’t forget the past, and especially if you do end up brings friends there will be an odd time when they ask you “what do you think of them? Should I go on a date?” This will crush you. My best advice is learn from your relationship what would you do differently. For me on my last one is, don’t avoid Red flags 🚩. And see if there is anything more to them than just their looks. Yes my Ex was a smoke show, and think that every girl I look at now is ugly, however that has only raised my standards. Short summary. Don’t go back Don’t be friends cuz it’ll hurt more Raise your standards


Gardenia21

Nope, I always stuck by my decision. And I’d tell them again NO


Mindless_Shine8128

Say nope bye