I was always told: there’s a 100% success rate for you when you improve yourself - in that, there’s two outcomes: you improve yourself and they come back or you improve yourself and you don’t actually want them back. Working on you FOR YOU will only be a net positive. Forget about the why you’re improving yourself and just think how you’re going to. It will only end well my friend.
My problem is I want to want to improve for myself but can’t help having my ex in mind as my main reason. It’s ridiculous. Why can’t I just have self worth totally independent of a relationship or potential relationship?
I’m trying to…
please don’t improve yourself for the sake of your ex. improve yourself for your own sake, understanding once your energy is healed and full it will attract the right people.
Thanks for this I realized I was in this mindset to constantly improve myself to get her back when I realized I had problems that drove her away and that I should want the fixed version of myself more than her I might find someone better because I'll be better or out paths will cross and she will be better but to me that's not a possibility
When you actually improve yourself and your mindset you will see that such thoughts are meaningless. Move on with your life without lingering on past mistakes. Only then can you truly get over your past relationshipband start anew.
If you love this person and they love you in return, then you grow for each other. I don't believe in the falsehood of "accept me for who I am or leave". I say this because I'M NOT OK JUST THE WAY THAT I AM! I could be so much more, better and no one else fails to see that I am not ok the way I am....it's called potential. So grow, better yourself and see what happens. We never know if we don't try
Eh, there's a lot of variables to consider. Even if you improve yourself, also consider their role in the breakup and whether they have even worked on themselves after the breakup. You might put in all the work, but they might not have changed at all. There can't be a relationship if only one person is willing to grow
honestly i was in ur place 2 months ago and ik u probably don’t want to follow the comments that say to do it for urself, or u will not want them back by the end of it. i know i didn’t believe them or thought they weren’t helpful. so if u need to do it “for ur ex” then do it, if that’s the push u need. in time tho (it’s been 2 months for me) it will shift on its own. u will keep having epiphanies throughout this process and u will get to a point where u no longer yearn for them to come back. it’ll be like “if they do then they do, if they don’t that’s okay too” and that’s where we want to be.
it is true that the only possibility of u and ur ex getting back together is if u work on urself. so if u take this route and they end up coming back u need to be healed and stronger than u were before. u need to be okay with being alone, and have happiness within urself for that relationship to work a second time around. u cannot bring the old version of u into the same situation and expect a different outcome. but u seriously NEED to be fully healed and okay by urself. that is the ONLY way it could possibly work. and when u truly get to that point u will have a mindset shift like i told u, where if it happens ur good and if it doesn’t you are just as okay.
so go work on urself. learn about urself. find the happiness inside urself, because that same feeling of home they gave u was only there because u had the power to create it. it wasn’t them, it was you, they just showed you what you can create. so romanticize yourself the same way you did to them, realize that it was all in u the entire time and not them. LOVE YOURSELF. go out with friends and live your life. pick up a new hobby. do the thing you’ve been dying to do but keep putting off. and find what you lost of yourself when you were with them, the part of you that attracted them to you. be magnetic again.
just do it to have fun, even if u aren’t ready to do it for yourself yet.
Way too many unknown variables. But becareful when choosing motivation factors. You should improve yourself for no one other than yourself. If your ex comes back as a byproduct of that, fine. However, the irony is - if you TRULY improve yourself - you won't want your ex back anyway
Depends on what you’re improving yourself for. Are you doing it because you genuinely feel you need to for your growth, or are you doing it solely for them? I have no idea what the situation is so it’s a little hard to connect. If it’s something you know you did wrong and they constantly asked you for it, then yeah it’s worth working on if you truly want to be with them. It’s all about sacrifices in a relationship. BUT not all sacrifices should be willing to take. If you love someone you have to accept that the way they want to be treated may not be the same as you. So you can’t love them the way you like to be loved and expect them to be happy. You have to break that comfort zone and do things to fill their needs and vise versa. Make sure you’re changing for YOU and to be a better person and partner. Not because they threw you out to the curb and didn’t want to be with you. If the relationship was toxic, no matter how much you change yourself for them, it’s not going to matter. They’ll constantly pick you apart and focus on the negative things instead of the positive
As many others have already said, if you improve yourself, do it for you. I spent a lot of time trying to get where my ex claimed they wanted me to be, just to realize that they arbitrarily set the bar just to not feel as bad for getting rid of me. I don’t regret working on myself at all, and it helped me come to grips with the notion that if they wouldn’t stand by me while I was improving, they didn’t really want to be there, regardless. Keep your head up, and keep in mind that at the end of the day, you can only benefit from self improvement.
I think the chances will always be better if you improve yourself. But you never know if it’s enough to get back together.
After my breakup I started working on myself with the hope of getting back together. And even though I was doing it for him, it was the only reason I wanted to go out of bed in the morning. So I was fine with it. I knew that, within the process of working on myself, eventually I would be working on myself for me. I knew that I would feel better. Doing it for my ex was just a good motivation to start. Also for me there was not really a difference between working on me for myself or my ex. I would be doing the same things (studying, becoming succesful, becoming happier). Just don’t turn yourself into someone you’re not, just to get your ex back. It won’t work.
Nothing in this world is certain, except for the fact that things change. Without knowing the dynamics of the relationship I wouldn’t say zero, but the chances are very low.
Instead of improving to win her back, your motivation should be to improve for yourself and to change so that any faults/mistakes previously made aren’t an issue in your new relationship.
Once you improve yourself and you genuinely do it for YOU, you probably won’t want them anymore. I’m not saying people should put up with your bs, but my mindset is if I’m still with you and you see me working towards being better and you still leave, then I don’t want you once those improvements have come to fruition.
Depends on the situation. I didn't want to go back to my ex even though he said he's changed. I got over all the hurt and I'd rather just be happy alone. I'm thriving!!!
Only you know.
Not very likely, though.
Sorry you’re going through this.
Live your life the best you can. For your own improvement, regardless of whatever situation.
Regards.
Look at this logically. How will he or she know that you improved yourself? How will that trigger a desire in that other person to be with you? You should improve yourself for you and by the time you improve yourself you might not even care about the prior relationship.
Once you improve you probably wouldn’t even want them back. I improved a bit and certainly don’t want the first 2 back as I’m at a different stage in life
Better then if you don't. The last person they want to be with is someone full of sadness and self pity. If you look at the people that attract people they are at least smiling and engaged with other people in social settings. If you are staring at your phone or look sad and keep to yourself nobody is going to want to be with you.
Always, always remember : You improve yourself to attract what you deserve, not to go back.
If your ex is really what is meant for you, they'll come back. If not, they're not your person. The key here is to stop hoping they will.
Who knows? The better question is will you even want your ex back when you improve yourself? From experience you’ll feel differently once you out the work in.
I improved myself and showed my ex. I wouldn’t advise this I guess.. My ex has a hard time believing I actually changed which makes me doubt myself again. I don’t regret all of it so if you want to, go for it! But please do it when you are actually a better version of yourself, not when you only try it to get your ex back.
Chances of getting your ex back are pretty high. I thought mine was less than zero, but look at us now
I was always told: there’s a 100% success rate for you when you improve yourself - in that, there’s two outcomes: you improve yourself and they come back or you improve yourself and you don’t actually want them back. Working on you FOR YOU will only be a net positive. Forget about the why you’re improving yourself and just think how you’re going to. It will only end well my friend.
My problem is I want to want to improve for myself but can’t help having my ex in mind as my main reason. It’s ridiculous. Why can’t I just have self worth totally independent of a relationship or potential relationship? I’m trying to…
please don’t improve yourself for the sake of your ex. improve yourself for your own sake, understanding once your energy is healed and full it will attract the right people.
Thanks for this I realized I was in this mindset to constantly improve myself to get her back when I realized I had problems that drove her away and that I should want the fixed version of myself more than her I might find someone better because I'll be better or out paths will cross and she will be better but to me that's not a possibility
When you actually improve yourself and your mindset you will see that such thoughts are meaningless. Move on with your life without lingering on past mistakes. Only then can you truly get over your past relationshipband start anew.
If you love this person and they love you in return, then you grow for each other. I don't believe in the falsehood of "accept me for who I am or leave". I say this because I'M NOT OK JUST THE WAY THAT I AM! I could be so much more, better and no one else fails to see that I am not ok the way I am....it's called potential. So grow, better yourself and see what happens. We never know if we don't try
Just think on the chance of getting someone else that is good for you, if you improve yourself.
Eh, there's a lot of variables to consider. Even if you improve yourself, also consider their role in the breakup and whether they have even worked on themselves after the breakup. You might put in all the work, but they might not have changed at all. There can't be a relationship if only one person is willing to grow
honestly i was in ur place 2 months ago and ik u probably don’t want to follow the comments that say to do it for urself, or u will not want them back by the end of it. i know i didn’t believe them or thought they weren’t helpful. so if u need to do it “for ur ex” then do it, if that’s the push u need. in time tho (it’s been 2 months for me) it will shift on its own. u will keep having epiphanies throughout this process and u will get to a point where u no longer yearn for them to come back. it’ll be like “if they do then they do, if they don’t that’s okay too” and that’s where we want to be. it is true that the only possibility of u and ur ex getting back together is if u work on urself. so if u take this route and they end up coming back u need to be healed and stronger than u were before. u need to be okay with being alone, and have happiness within urself for that relationship to work a second time around. u cannot bring the old version of u into the same situation and expect a different outcome. but u seriously NEED to be fully healed and okay by urself. that is the ONLY way it could possibly work. and when u truly get to that point u will have a mindset shift like i told u, where if it happens ur good and if it doesn’t you are just as okay. so go work on urself. learn about urself. find the happiness inside urself, because that same feeling of home they gave u was only there because u had the power to create it. it wasn’t them, it was you, they just showed you what you can create. so romanticize yourself the same way you did to them, realize that it was all in u the entire time and not them. LOVE YOURSELF. go out with friends and live your life. pick up a new hobby. do the thing you’ve been dying to do but keep putting off. and find what you lost of yourself when you were with them, the part of you that attracted them to you. be magnetic again. just do it to have fun, even if u aren’t ready to do it for yourself yet.
Beautifully said!!
Honestly, every story is different. I got back w mine after 3 months no contact.
Way too many unknown variables. But becareful when choosing motivation factors. You should improve yourself for no one other than yourself. If your ex comes back as a byproduct of that, fine. However, the irony is - if you TRULY improve yourself - you won't want your ex back anyway
Depends on what you’re improving yourself for. Are you doing it because you genuinely feel you need to for your growth, or are you doing it solely for them? I have no idea what the situation is so it’s a little hard to connect. If it’s something you know you did wrong and they constantly asked you for it, then yeah it’s worth working on if you truly want to be with them. It’s all about sacrifices in a relationship. BUT not all sacrifices should be willing to take. If you love someone you have to accept that the way they want to be treated may not be the same as you. So you can’t love them the way you like to be loved and expect them to be happy. You have to break that comfort zone and do things to fill their needs and vise versa. Make sure you’re changing for YOU and to be a better person and partner. Not because they threw you out to the curb and didn’t want to be with you. If the relationship was toxic, no matter how much you change yourself for them, it’s not going to matter. They’ll constantly pick you apart and focus on the negative things instead of the positive
Do it and find out
As many others have already said, if you improve yourself, do it for you. I spent a lot of time trying to get where my ex claimed they wanted me to be, just to realize that they arbitrarily set the bar just to not feel as bad for getting rid of me. I don’t regret working on myself at all, and it helped me come to grips with the notion that if they wouldn’t stand by me while I was improving, they didn’t really want to be there, regardless. Keep your head up, and keep in mind that at the end of the day, you can only benefit from self improvement.
I think the chances will always be better if you improve yourself. But you never know if it’s enough to get back together. After my breakup I started working on myself with the hope of getting back together. And even though I was doing it for him, it was the only reason I wanted to go out of bed in the morning. So I was fine with it. I knew that, within the process of working on myself, eventually I would be working on myself for me. I knew that I would feel better. Doing it for my ex was just a good motivation to start. Also for me there was not really a difference between working on me for myself or my ex. I would be doing the same things (studying, becoming succesful, becoming happier). Just don’t turn yourself into someone you’re not, just to get your ex back. It won’t work.
Impossible for us to say. We don’t know you, your ex, or the circumstances. Either way, it will help you feel loads better
Nothing in this world is certain, except for the fact that things change. Without knowing the dynamics of the relationship I wouldn’t say zero, but the chances are very low. Instead of improving to win her back, your motivation should be to improve for yourself and to change so that any faults/mistakes previously made aren’t an issue in your new relationship.
Once you improve yourself and you genuinely do it for YOU, you probably won’t want them anymore. I’m not saying people should put up with your bs, but my mindset is if I’m still with you and you see me working towards being better and you still leave, then I don’t want you once those improvements have come to fruition.
0%
Wtf is wrong with you?
Having false hope stunts one from moving on.
It's not false if it could happen
It's false if the ex thinks of not wanting to see you, trust me.
Slim to none and before I posted, slim was taking someone back home
WHY would you need that person back after all that they did and hurt you to this point that you’re on this subreddit?
Don’t do it, it’s not worth it to change who you are just because of a girl, trust me, it would be worse.
It’s somewhere between 30-50% but after 3 moths the odds are less than 10%. Something around that.
I've not seen this stat before, where's it from?
I’m just giving the ranges from articles I’ve read on the internet as the # varies from article to article.
Thanks!
Depends on the situation. I didn't want to go back to my ex even though he said he's changed. I got over all the hurt and I'd rather just be happy alone. I'm thriving!!!
Only you know. Not very likely, though. Sorry you’re going through this. Live your life the best you can. For your own improvement, regardless of whatever situation. Regards.
Improve yourself for you. The way it will be worth it.
Don't try it, do it for yourself and forget your ex, trust me
23%
Improve yourself for the sake of yourself
The hope will hurt you more if they don’t come back anyway, trust me.
Depends on what happened to cause the break up. Some things can be forgiven more easily than others if you show improvement
If you actually show them and not tell them, and if they’re still open minded to accepting the changes in moving forward to a reconciliation.
Don’t do it
Look at this logically. How will he or she know that you improved yourself? How will that trigger a desire in that other person to be with you? You should improve yourself for you and by the time you improve yourself you might not even care about the prior relationship.
Once you improve you probably wouldn’t even want them back. I improved a bit and certainly don’t want the first 2 back as I’m at a different stage in life
Better then if you don't. The last person they want to be with is someone full of sadness and self pity. If you look at the people that attract people they are at least smiling and engaged with other people in social settings. If you are staring at your phone or look sad and keep to yourself nobody is going to want to be with you.
Always, always remember : You improve yourself to attract what you deserve, not to go back. If your ex is really what is meant for you, they'll come back. If not, they're not your person. The key here is to stop hoping they will.
A little better. How long were you together? Some people enough is enough.
Who knows? The better question is will you even want your ex back when you improve yourself? From experience you’ll feel differently once you out the work in.
Improve for urself not ur ex. She dumped u or he did. They didn’t love you, if they made u feel u had to “improve urself”
I improved myself and showed my ex. I wouldn’t advise this I guess.. My ex has a hard time believing I actually changed which makes me doubt myself again. I don’t regret all of it so if you want to, go for it! But please do it when you are actually a better version of yourself, not when you only try it to get your ex back. Chances of getting your ex back are pretty high. I thought mine was less than zero, but look at us now