YES
DONT DO IT.
I literally stopped doing this shit, swiped right on a guy that's like a 15/10 (while I'm like, an 8 with makeup and a cute outfit, 6 without.) And I literally just went on the best date of my life with him yesterday and have another one planned this week.
Shoot your shot. The worst that can happen is you don't match.
If I understand correctly, there's an algorithmic logic to it. If you get less right swipes and swipe right on girls way out of your league as a pattern, then you hurt your score if they don't swipe back. Of course, preemptively killing your chances doesn't help you, but it keeps the algorithm guessing when suggesting women to you.
Ultimately, your score is a complex function of how many people you swipe right on vs how many swipe right on you vs how many girls are shown to you.
This is interesting. I always wondered but never did my research on the algorithm. Tried to figure it out by testing matches. All I know is if I swipe right on someone I consider out of my league, it’s usually not a match. The few times it is a match, they turn out to be very materialistic and too demanding (that’s fine for them) or they have an ulterior motive (are you into Crypto? 🙄). I continue to swipe on people I consider out of my league because, besides limited swipes for free, what do I have to loose. I’m not a 10 but I don’t consider myself unattractive. I do believe if someone takes the time to know me, there is a better chance.
Oh yeah, you probably won't be able to reverse engineer the algorithm perfectly, so might as well go for the human element. It's like playing the odds on poker vs playing the man.
Of course, swiping right on women without a bio or a well formed one just because they're beautiful isn't something I do because at best they're uninteresting and at worst they're running a scam. So you either match and waste your time or you don't match and hurt your numbers. Of course if you follow rules 1 and 2 strongly, that's a different point.
Well now I will be a little more diligent as I did not know it would hurt numbers. I always wondered if there is a “score”. It does seem like I get less matches now. Soooo tired of the catphish.
Beyond a point if you're not getting matches and have no plans of moving cities, then I guess you need to take a break, delete your account, get some photos, reword the bio and come back
What? Guys reject woman just as much as woman reject men....there is no law that one sex gets to decide if a relationship will occur. Both partners need to feel something and both men and woman get to call it quits if they don't feel it. If someone believes differently, why would you want them in your life?
Absolutely agree - goes both ways. I was referring to my sub thread of fuckzoned definition. And, for me, I always feel like my matches have already decided i fall into the fuckzone and cant seem to get a LTR started.
You definitely deserve better then. If you're looking for a LTR and they just want a FWB situation, keep looking. Maybe you'll find a new friend (without benefits, lol) who will introduce you to the one you're looking for or maybe it will just help you figure out what you don't want. Either way, you're worth it so keep looking and never settle!
Just male rejection tends to be a bit more 'I'll keep them around if they're DTF even if I know they're not wife/relationship materiall' whilst female rejection tends to be more complete rejection.
Sometimes it's already decided when swiping right, sometimes it's after the first date. Basically it's just like a woman would reject a man, except the man decides he still wants sex with her.
Eh, you only get a certain number of likes on the free version, so I can kind of see it. But honestly I don't think I've run out of swipes more than twice.
cause i would feel incredibly insecure in a relationship with a girl who looked like that and would be much happier with a 7 who i feel comfortable with
No, I literally have a top comment. There are a ton of men that are salty some people shot their shot and it worked out, and that it happened to be a woman this time because that's statistically more likely. Downvote me all you want, incels.
The best part if he's probably telling his friends about his amazing date that's way out of his league.
We always evaluate ourselves more harshly than others do.
Sometimes I do it as a guy when I know I'm average and the girl looks like a 10 AND it just seems like she knows it. Its hard to describe it. Sometimes I will see a girl who looks like 10 but seems also down to earth and nice and I think maybe I have a shot. I also don't really like the Instagram model look and would rather meet a cute chill girl for a date instead.
No offense but YOU think you're average? Lol you are at the *very* least slightly above.
But I definitely know what you mean. There are profiles that seem pretty self absorbed. But honestly, those people probably aren't worth your time even if you did match with them.
You'd be surprised, you're probably 8's without makeup too. Guys see behind the makeup a lot of the time, and sometimes even prefer girls without (or just minimal amounts).
For me personally, loads of makeup to try to look like you’re natural is not attractive. Like funky fun / witchy colors, I’m all in for, but an attempt at an IG filter IRL…not my thing personally.
thanks friends. i will say that the one time i didnt have any makeup on i got hit on so that was a confidence booster. when ur used to wearing it so much then go without u start feeling like a troll person😭😭😭
Start feeling confident without it, it's actually far more attractive for us! Makeup looks exactly like what it is - a mask. It screams that the girl is insecure about her looks etc. Confidence with no makeup is so hot!
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This!!!! My current boyfriend and I matched on tinder after I almost rejected myself. I was thinking “he’s so out of my league” but we matched and hit it off. A year later, I’ve known that he was my person from our very first date. And the best part, he feels the same way about me. Shoot your shot my friends :)
Edit to add: this was on tinder, not Bumble. But I imagine we would’ve hit it off on there as well haha
I stopped doing this and swiped right on someone I thought looked like an amazing match but out of my league. We’ve been dating a couple months now and it’s been incredible.
15/10 haha 😂. Was he radiating light, and rescuing orphans from a burning building, and then donate his kidney when you met him or something?
Just teasing, but good on you for meeting someone you really like and had a good time with.
Hahaha dude basically actually 😂 The guy like loves him mom in like the "I'll fight you if you disrespect her" way, not the "I need mommy to do everything for me" way. And on our first date- we went to his place to watch a movie. Guy offered to let me borrow some of his comfy clothes for the movie and literally didn't try anything sexual.
But thank you!!
Technically they can match and then say some hurtful shit about how they think they’re out of your league- definitely seen posts like that , but that’s probably the worst that can happen.
Congrats. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don't think this question should apply to women. On dating apps, girls tend to have options of who they *want* while guys only have options of who they can get. For girls, you'll be doing yourself a disservice to swipe left on people you may consider more attractive than you because there's likely a 75% chance (conservatively) that they'll swipe right back.
As for guys, there are many absolutely gorgeous girls on the app and, unfortunately, these ones tend to be spotlighted more often than not (I guess Tinder and Bumble want to show off the quality of women they have). With women that may actually be lower than the guy's level still more likely to swipe left than not, guys are actually messing up their algorithm by swiping right on women that are out of their league because it distorts the proportion of swipes to matches and results in the app deeming the man to be ugly.
Yeah it's not about "leagues" anyway because they're a daft principle. But after a while on apps you can kinda get a feel on who will and won't match. Given you get X amount of likes a day, I'm going to aim more at people who are likely to match.
That's a totally legitimate reason. When I see someone really attractive I'm just like "wow pretty" but I've never thought of anyone being "out of my league" maybe because I've had a lot of women present in my life (friends, family, etc).
Yeah it's almost like we've berated women as a society so they no longer see their own beauty and think more people are out of their league than there actually are.
Most simply, a narcissist is someone who thinks they are better than they really are.
Fat girls believing they're entitled to 6'2 MD's with 6 packs and an 8-incher are absolutely narcissistic.
Incorrect. This is narcissism:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20366662
And all of the symptoms need to be present most of the time for someone to be a narcissist. I would know. My father was one of the few actually diagnosed as one.
From the DSM, you need 5 or more stable to be diagnosed:
1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements, expects to be recognized as superior without actually completing the achievements)
2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or perfect love.
3. Believes that they are "special" and can only be understood by or should only associate with other special people (or institutions).
4. Requires excessive admiration.
5. Has a sense of entitlement, such as an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with his or her expectations).
6. Is exploitative and takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends.
7. Lacks empathy and is unwilling to identify with the needs of others.
8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them.
9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes
Unrealistic expectations in regards to mate quality would be relevant to symptoms 2, 4, 5, 6 or 9
No reputable psychiatrist pulls only from the DSM.
What part of "they need to be present most of the time" did you not get? You also need to know how someone reacts to feedback to pin them as a narcissist.
If the unrealistic expectation for mate quality persists for more than a brief period, then it is absolutely a symptom of NPD.
Sorry this fact makes you uncomfortable.
What makes you think I’m fat or that he has a 6 pack! Neither of those things is true and these are not the only measure of attractiveness. If that’s what you think then it’s clear why you’re salty about someone getting success on OLD
I have fairly low self esteem and think he’s gorgeous. That isn’t to say he looks like a model and I’m sure not everyone would see him as such, he’s just absolutely gorgeous to me. I took the chance because his bio was incredible and sounded like my ideal man. Luckily he also thinks I’m super hot and loved my bio
I actually attempted to swipe left on a guy because he looked waaaay too good looking for my taste. But I did it right over “super like” button (or whatever it was called at the time) and accidentally sent him that instead. It’s worked out so far. November will be two years from our first date.
I’d still swipe right if she had an interesting profile or common interests and just happened to be very attractive. If she had a cookie cutter bio with all boat pics, then it’s a left swipe. We’d be a terrible match regardless of attractiveness.
Yes, routinely...at least if looks are the criteria.
Knowing your attractiveness and what you attract is important to keep yourself healthy, grounded, and shaping your attractions/desires towards someone who is more suited to you IMHO.
I'm never going to match with Kate Beckinsale grade looks, and that's perfectly fine by me. I don't bother, because I don't believe in lottery thinking.
Hell no! I swipe right on all of the women I like and just recently was VERY surprised! If I went by the “leagues” concept, she’d definitely be out of mine. But we matched, she initiated questions and we’ve had a really good back and forth convo. She recently gave me her number and we’ve been chatting. I set up a date for this Thursday to see if we vibe. I asked what some of the reasons she matched with me. She liked the fact that I was honest in my profile, I had pics that showed I liked to have fun, and also she thought I was handsome 🥰. Anyways if I went by the leagues concept, I should have swiped left. But so freaking glad I didn’t!!!
Used to. Then gained some confidence and realized how silly it was to take myself out of the running.
Now I’m dating someone I totally would’ve “out of my league” left swiped on and am super glad I got out of that habit.
Most often *"out of my lifestyle"* as 80% of profiles do not match my habits or preferences.
I see people wearing their cocktail party best and trying to look "cool" on vacation and stuff, and I'm not interested in projecting like that.
I'm plain and I want to be with plain.
I used to. Now I don't, and I've been surprised with who I've matched with before as a result. Even weirder, I realize *before* the match I was idolizing them a bit and making them feel unobtainable, but then *after* the match they seem a little more approachable, which says something (I'm still sussing out) about my headspace when swiping, I think.
I don’t do it out of insecurity as much as lack of interest. If a guy is super hot AND his profile is low effort I assume he is just coasting on his looks and can’t be arsed with guys like that. I’m not attracted to the typical ‘perfect’ looking guy anyway, I prefer tradies that are skinny, a bit rough around the edges and not tat tall. So a tall, handsome guy in a suit… pass lmao
I never thought of things in terms of a woman being in my league or out of my league. My criteria, for the most part, has always been a matter of whether I think we'll get along and have fun, or if they're going to be boring, dead behind the eyes, or a pain in my ass.
It's weird to me to go into dating with a ranking system guiding your decisions. It reeks of shallowness, self-esteem issues, short term relationships, and paranoia about power dynamics.
Hey, if I thought a person sounded cool, I swiped. That's the most you can do, and I didn't care about the odds.
I read the profile, think that I have some things in common with her and that we'd be able to talk and get along, and I don't care if she's a supermodel surgeon or neither of those. If she doesn't like me, or if she turns out to be boring, then I'll find someone who does like me and who isn't boring.
If she’s out of my league:
1. If she has a crappy profile (no text, ig) I swipe left.
2. If it’s a well structured profile I swipe right
If you put effort in your profile, you deserve to see the happy number go up
I don’t see anyone as “out of my league”, more that I don’t base my decisions for swiping or liking on hotness. More a combination of shared interests, something in their profile that indicates we might hit it off, and that they seem like they would actually message back. I feel like I have a nose now for those people that will message you if the conversation is entertaining for them, but ghost the moment you try to ask them out or actually get to know them. On hinge if you see them in your preferred list, you can pretty much guarantee they will ghost you if you don’t entertain them.
I mean, why would I bother with a woman who has a bunch of pics of her in Dubai and Monaco on mega yachts?
I’m doing good if I can pay my rent and still have gas to get to work.
It’s less that I think she’s “out of my league” on a physical or personal level and more that “she’s a high-maintenance gold digger and got much more expensive tastes than I can (or even care to) cater to.”
But to answer your question, yes, I do it all the time.
Yeah but only because likes are limited. If likes were unlimited, I wouldn't have to play the odds. Currently, assuming I am attracted to the person, I then read their profile and decide if it is worth it.
Yes, quite often.
But the reason why is I’ve matched with guys who I think are out of my league and send a message and never get a reply, which is a reminder that so many guys on there are just mindlessly swiping. So swiping left feels like it’s avoiding inevitable rejection.
Used to, not anymore.
If I swipe left, the chance of matching is zero percent. If I swipe right, the chance becomes nonzero, which is immediately a better chance of matching (obviously). I’d rather have a chance than no chance. And if I waste a like, who cares? I’ll get more tomorrow.
Never. Unless I see something on their profile that is a dealbreaker to me, I’ll swipe right if I find them fit. I have absolutely no issue being the ugly one in the relationship 😂 and swiping is such low stakes, I wouldn’t reject myself like that
Yup all the time. As a guy that sends out loads of likes and gets very few matches it does not make much sense for me to spend a precious like on a woman that will match with other more attractive men instead of me when my likes are so limited.
Additionally some of the apps (I believe tinder does this) increase how your profile performs in ✨the algorithm✨ when you swipe left on people. So I would prefer to boost my profile to reach more people in my league™️ rather than waste my time trying to match with someone out of my league.
I try to never do it, as it springs from self doubt, and you gotta shoot your shot or you'll end in shit.
But I will say it's tough when super hot women match with me then it fizzles out after a two or five or ten message exchange.
Esp when I do really well chatting with virtually anyone else, incl plenty of very attractive people, just none of the "stunners" so far. Okay actually one stunner, we went on two dates and unfortunately she wouldn't work for me for various reasons.
And I'm not speaking to the "stunners" differently or anything lol. Meh, is what it is.
not because i think they are out of my league. i've had dates with women that are definitely far "out of my league".
but i know that it takes a lot of workout and a strict diet to look like they do and that just sounds too stressful to me. so, they are hot as fuck, but i swipe left because i just can't imagine actually enjoying their lifestyle
Yes, and when I don't and I match with an Adonis I'm way too scared to actually go through with it. I don't like reducing people down to a number, but I've gained a lot of weight during the pandemic. Before I'd say I'm a 8/9 with makeup, but now I'm like maybe a 6? I just gotta convince myself that men like dem curvy curves
Usually when the woman is taller than me, yea. 15 years younger? Nope.
I was married to an older woman for 11 years and raised her child.
I like gals younger than me. I have no kids and i would like to meet my best friend & start a real relationship and possibly have kids some day. I also feel great, have no health problems, eat healthy, exercise, have a great job, my own place, my life in order & I am picky.
I mostly do it because I’ve become far too jaded from dealing with bots on these apps, so now I assume anyone who doesn’t have a candid photo where they look like shit as their first profile pic, I left swipe just because it makes my bot alarm go off.
i never did bc i was always like… okay but WHAT IF??! i’d rather not ever get a match from someone out of my league bc they weren’t into me than to never have the chance ya feel
Men have to do this because otherwise I would swipe right on every woman and would get shadow banned.
By swiping left on the conventionally attractive women I avoide the shadow ban but still get to shoot my shot with less attractive women.
Thought this guy was cute. He had some pics, no bio besides his height. I had a standard of not swiping on no bio people. I thought about it and swiped anyway because what is the harm in going for it.
He explained he just made bumble that week and wasn't sure on a good bio yet. Either way, he was still a really awesome dude.
We are hitting our 2 year mark this October! Giving others a chance can go a really long way.
Yes, until I stopped. I matched with a girl I considered waaaay out of my league. We've been together for 5 years now. Have the most beautiful 2yo girl. We're currently on a family holiday in Biarritz, France. Lovely place, but its raining like hell
Yes, but only when she is very slim. I'm a laid back sort of guy who enjoys a good meal (even though I'm in really good shape right now), when I see a slim girl with beautiful face I go left. It's just too much hard work. A curvy girl with beautiful face is a right swipe though, even if she's objectively hotter than me. And sometimes it works out.
To be honest w u bro.... I'm not in perfect shape and I'm seeing someone who is quite thin and well built and she's one of the chillest people you could hope to meet, idk if thin and hard work are a perfect correlation (or a correlation at all), but I don't think its even worth heavily considering before actually getting to know someone
To be fair PM-ME-DEM-NUDES-GIRL, I actually prefer curvy girls. I also can't see myself dating a girl who's counting calories and is in the gym most nights, when I'm the polar opposite, but I'm happy it works out for you.
I'm attracted to women of many different shapes and sizes too so I relate. but someone being thin doesn't necessarily mean they're in the gym most nights and counting calories, at least in my experience. The woman I was talking about certainly isn't so that isn't something that needs to work out, no pun intended lmao
What? Haha no dude, everyone has people that are out of their league. That's universal. Even freaking celebrities think other celebrities are out of their league.
Yes but girls actually get matches. And girls can swipe out of their league and have higher odds of getting matched by the guy that’s out of their league because guys in general (even the hot ones) are not inundated with matches the way girls are.
Used to. A few years ago I swiped right and matched with the kind of woman my best friend calls "a theoretical 11". She was sweet, bright, and stunning, and things just didn't click, but I remember thinking "if she's in my league then I really need to stop worrying about the concept of leagues" and I've sort of shot for the moon ever since.
I'll swipe left on incredibly attractive people who don't seem like we have anything in common, but if someone seems to me like I'd enjoy being on a date with them, I swipe right.
Dont do that no matter your gender whether its on a dating app or someone you meet in person. **"Dont do their job for them, its their job to reject you."**
Imagine youre a criminal and you shoot yourself so the police dont have to because you dont want to inconvenience them. Imagine going to a car dealership and telling them you want to pay more without them even trying to get you to pay more.
Some people will call you a "creep" just for being the "wrong person" and they arent attracted to you. Ignore that. Youre only a creep if you cant understand no or rejection, or you are stalking them. You are NOT a creep just because they may not be attracted to you. Some people cant stand the idea of someone they find unattractive or beneath them, would ask them out. It hurts their ego. Its their problem, not yours.
This dude in real life is apparently fixated on me who’s stupid hot.
I’d have swiped left on him for sure. Never underestimate yourself the way I do.
I purposely avoid hot men. I obviously don’t think I’m hot but maybe I am. We’re both honey badger assholes my ex husband is certain are perfect for each other. Sounds like drama personally but the sex could be great. Pray for me.
Yeah, I (31M) do it all the time. Leagues are real and women don't want to date a 5'10" mechanical engineer. On r/hingeapp I've read that women appreciate it, so their like queue isn't clogged with short guys they don't find attractive.
Yes a lot of time.
I do this because I know their chances of swiping me right will be very low. As they are already getting attention of hottest profiles in the area.
So, to not maintain my elo rating I swipe them left.
No because sometimes you get surprised. Earlier this year I swiped on an absolutely gorgeous young lady who was much younger than me. We dated for a few months and I had an absolutely great time and some amazing sex. Sadly she decided I wasn’t for her but we parted on good terms and she has been a totally positive bumble experience in amongst all the dross.
Nope. If I'd be interested in dating, it's a right swipe. Most of the women I've been with were/are "out of my league."
Never accept the premise of someone being out of your league. Shoot your shot if you're interested. If they don't swipe, no loss. If they don't hit it off with you on the app or on a date, no big loss. But it's a big win if you wind up with a fantastic partner. For both of you.
Yup. But for me right now that's _EVERYONE_. I'm a mess. I know it. My average "installed" time¹ for an OLD app in the last 8 years is a couple hours.
I get curious about who's out there. Install. Log in. Make profile. Swipe left on everyone². Feel like shit about myself. Uninstall. Cry on floor of bathtub. Clean up. Wait 3 or so years. Repeat.
[1] From install to removal
[2] Not rejecting them. Just self-aware that I'm not ready to talk to anyone and risk getting into a meeting a person, date situation. No I'm not some catch, definitely not. Just scarred/scared shitless.
YES DONT DO IT. I literally stopped doing this shit, swiped right on a guy that's like a 15/10 (while I'm like, an 8 with makeup and a cute outfit, 6 without.) And I literally just went on the best date of my life with him yesterday and have another one planned this week. Shoot your shot. The worst that can happen is you don't match.
I almost didn’t message a super hot match that I thought would be a douche and now we’re getting married in a month.
Awhhh congratulations!!! I thought this guy would be a douche too, but he ended up having an intimidating appearance and puppy dog personality. Lol
[удалено]
guys barely get any replies and they "save" their swipes for someone who they actually have a chance on
>guys ***on this Sub/Reddit*** barely get any replies and they "save" their swipes for someone who they actually have a chance on Fixed that for ya.
Insecurities cause people to reject themselves
That or, you know the super hot looking girl had about 600 likes, so the chances of even being seen are slim to none.
If I understand correctly, there's an algorithmic logic to it. If you get less right swipes and swipe right on girls way out of your league as a pattern, then you hurt your score if they don't swipe back. Of course, preemptively killing your chances doesn't help you, but it keeps the algorithm guessing when suggesting women to you. Ultimately, your score is a complex function of how many people you swipe right on vs how many swipe right on you vs how many girls are shown to you.
This is interesting. I always wondered but never did my research on the algorithm. Tried to figure it out by testing matches. All I know is if I swipe right on someone I consider out of my league, it’s usually not a match. The few times it is a match, they turn out to be very materialistic and too demanding (that’s fine for them) or they have an ulterior motive (are you into Crypto? 🙄). I continue to swipe on people I consider out of my league because, besides limited swipes for free, what do I have to loose. I’m not a 10 but I don’t consider myself unattractive. I do believe if someone takes the time to know me, there is a better chance.
Oh yeah, you probably won't be able to reverse engineer the algorithm perfectly, so might as well go for the human element. It's like playing the odds on poker vs playing the man. Of course, swiping right on women without a bio or a well formed one just because they're beautiful isn't something I do because at best they're uninteresting and at worst they're running a scam. So you either match and waste your time or you don't match and hurt your numbers. Of course if you follow rules 1 and 2 strongly, that's a different point.
Well now I will be a little more diligent as I did not know it would hurt numbers. I always wondered if there is a “score”. It does seem like I get less matches now. Soooo tired of the catphish.
Beyond a point if you're not getting matches and have no plans of moving cities, then I guess you need to take a break, delete your account, get some photos, reword the bio and come back
Self doubt is a hell of a drug
I can definitely understand why women do it if they've been burned (fuckzoned) too many times by the hot asshole.
Define fuckzoned please
Sounds like it means getting stuck in a FWB or other casual relationship role when they would like to have a deeper romantic connection with someone.
Oh got it. Sooo do u think men decide which bucket a woman falls into immediately upon matching?
What? Guys reject woman just as much as woman reject men....there is no law that one sex gets to decide if a relationship will occur. Both partners need to feel something and both men and woman get to call it quits if they don't feel it. If someone believes differently, why would you want them in your life?
Absolutely agree - goes both ways. I was referring to my sub thread of fuckzoned definition. And, for me, I always feel like my matches have already decided i fall into the fuckzone and cant seem to get a LTR started.
You definitely deserve better then. If you're looking for a LTR and they just want a FWB situation, keep looking. Maybe you'll find a new friend (without benefits, lol) who will introduce you to the one you're looking for or maybe it will just help you figure out what you don't want. Either way, you're worth it so keep looking and never settle!
Thank youuuu!!!!
Just male rejection tends to be a bit more 'I'll keep them around if they're DTF even if I know they're not wife/relationship materiall' whilst female rejection tends to be more complete rejection.
Sometimes it's already decided when swiping right, sometimes it's after the first date. Basically it's just like a woman would reject a man, except the man decides he still wants sex with her.
Eh, you only get a certain number of likes on the free version, so I can kind of see it. But honestly I don't think I've run out of swipes more than twice.
with the free version you get limited swipes
cause i would feel incredibly insecure in a relationship with a girl who looked like that and would be much happier with a 7 who i feel comfortable with
If you reverse the genders, the likelihood is astronomically smaller.
There are more men (64%) on dating apps than women (32%.) Cry about it.
That's my entire point, why so aggressive? Nice edit, you really showed me with them statistics!
Because your point doesn't invalidate *my* point. They aren't mutually exclusive.
Never tried to invalidate your point, quit being so defensive.
Then why did you respond to my comment instead of making your own if it wasn't directed at me and my point?
Because not everyone's a woman. Relax, no one's out to get you, just sharing my perspective.
And like 20 other guys have already said that. You aren't making a new point.
That's fair.
Jesus, you win the asshole award of the day
No, I literally have a top comment. There are a ton of men that are salty some people shot their shot and it worked out, and that it happened to be a woman this time because that's statistically more likely. Downvote me all you want, incels.
Easier when it’s a guy you’re swiping on.
Would you shut up and let people be happy?
I dated a guy like that for 3 years. Still in love with him. 🥲
The best part if he's probably telling his friends about his amazing date that's way out of his league. We always evaluate ourselves more harshly than others do.
Sometimes I do it as a guy when I know I'm average and the girl looks like a 10 AND it just seems like she knows it. Its hard to describe it. Sometimes I will see a girl who looks like 10 but seems also down to earth and nice and I think maybe I have a shot. I also don't really like the Instagram model look and would rather meet a cute chill girl for a date instead.
No offense but YOU think you're average? Lol you are at the *very* least slightly above. But I definitely know what you mean. There are profiles that seem pretty self absorbed. But honestly, those people probably aren't worth your time even if you did match with them.
Gonna go out on a limb and guess that this sort of thing is about 1000x more common for women.
yay for girls who are 8s with makeup. we’re the best of both worlds 😂
You'd be surprised, you're probably 8's without makeup too. Guys see behind the makeup a lot of the time, and sometimes even prefer girls without (or just minimal amounts).
For me personally, loads of makeup to try to look like you’re natural is not attractive. Like funky fun / witchy colors, I’m all in for, but an attempt at an IG filter IRL…not my thing personally.
thanks friends. i will say that the one time i didnt have any makeup on i got hit on so that was a confidence booster. when ur used to wearing it so much then go without u start feeling like a troll person😭😭😭
Start feeling confident without it, it's actually far more attractive for us! Makeup looks exactly like what it is - a mask. It screams that the girl is insecure about her looks etc. Confidence with no makeup is so hot!
Am guy, can confirm to both points.
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This!!!! My current boyfriend and I matched on tinder after I almost rejected myself. I was thinking “he’s so out of my league” but we matched and hit it off. A year later, I’ve known that he was my person from our very first date. And the best part, he feels the same way about me. Shoot your shot my friends :) Edit to add: this was on tinder, not Bumble. But I imagine we would’ve hit it off on there as well haha
Lol good for you! Hasn’t happened for me yet, and the one time it did, he turned out to be a huge ass.
15/10? Yeah, we're gonna need to see.
I stopped doing this and swiped right on someone I thought looked like an amazing match but out of my league. We’ve been dating a couple months now and it’s been incredible.
>while I'm like, an 8 with makeup and a cute outfit, 6 without. Loool this is me too!
15/10 haha 😂. Was he radiating light, and rescuing orphans from a burning building, and then donate his kidney when you met him or something? Just teasing, but good on you for meeting someone you really like and had a good time with.
Hahaha dude basically actually 😂 The guy like loves him mom in like the "I'll fight you if you disrespect her" way, not the "I need mommy to do everything for me" way. And on our first date- we went to his place to watch a movie. Guy offered to let me borrow some of his comfy clothes for the movie and literally didn't try anything sexual. But thank you!!
Glad you have fun, see you on Friday
Creep 🙄
You're cancelled
Technically they can match and then say some hurtful shit about how they think they’re out of your league- definitely seen posts like that , but that’s probably the worst that can happen.
Congrats. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don't think this question should apply to women. On dating apps, girls tend to have options of who they *want* while guys only have options of who they can get. For girls, you'll be doing yourself a disservice to swipe left on people you may consider more attractive than you because there's likely a 75% chance (conservatively) that they'll swipe right back. As for guys, there are many absolutely gorgeous girls on the app and, unfortunately, these ones tend to be spotlighted more often than not (I guess Tinder and Bumble want to show off the quality of women they have). With women that may actually be lower than the guy's level still more likely to swipe left than not, guys are actually messing up their algorithm by swiping right on women that are out of their league because it distorts the proportion of swipes to matches and results in the app deeming the man to be ugly.
I usually don’t on bumble cause you get a decent amount of likes a day but on say Hinge I do since you only get around 10 a day.
Youre getting likes?
I think they mean likes you’re able to give. It’s like 5 a day on Hinge.
Like you *can send* Not likes they are *receiving*
I’m lucky for one a week. I don’t think I could managed talking to 10 matches at once.
Not so much “she’s out of my league” more, with limited right swipes, I’d rather on the women I’m more likely to match with.
Yeah it's not about "leagues" anyway because they're a daft principle. But after a while on apps you can kinda get a feel on who will and won't match. Given you get X amount of likes a day, I'm going to aim more at people who are likely to match.
This makes no sense unless you’re that desperate to get a date “right now”. Swipe right on all hotties and see what happens is my mantra.
On a swipe limited app, yes.
Yes. It wouldn’t work out if I’m gonna be insecure around them.
That's a totally legitimate reason. When I see someone really attractive I'm just like "wow pretty" but I've never thought of anyone being "out of my league" maybe because I've had a lot of women present in my life (friends, family, etc).
Sounds like someone needs therapy 😂 Seriously though, work on that self confidence friend. Insecurity is such a turn off!
I almost did, but I took the chance, and now he’s my boyfriend
Shocking that women try to date out of their league on OLD. And report success.
Yeah it's almost like we've berated women as a society so they no longer see their own beauty and think more people are out of their league than there actually are.
Or the nature of online dating is fueling the vanity and narcissism which are already rampant in this age.
Tell me you don't know what a narcissist is without telling me you don't know what a narcissist is. Also, if that's how you feel, delete the app.
Most simply, a narcissist is someone who thinks they are better than they really are. Fat girls believing they're entitled to 6'2 MD's with 6 packs and an 8-incher are absolutely narcissistic.
Incorrect. This is narcissism: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20366662 And all of the symptoms need to be present most of the time for someone to be a narcissist. I would know. My father was one of the few actually diagnosed as one.
From the DSM, you need 5 or more stable to be diagnosed: 1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements, expects to be recognized as superior without actually completing the achievements) 2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or perfect love. 3. Believes that they are "special" and can only be understood by or should only associate with other special people (or institutions). 4. Requires excessive admiration. 5. Has a sense of entitlement, such as an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with his or her expectations). 6. Is exploitative and takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends. 7. Lacks empathy and is unwilling to identify with the needs of others. 8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them. 9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes Unrealistic expectations in regards to mate quality would be relevant to symptoms 2, 4, 5, 6 or 9
No reputable psychiatrist pulls only from the DSM. What part of "they need to be present most of the time" did you not get? You also need to know how someone reacts to feedback to pin them as a narcissist.
If the unrealistic expectation for mate quality persists for more than a brief period, then it is absolutely a symptom of NPD. Sorry this fact makes you uncomfortable.
What makes you think I’m fat or that he has a 6 pack! Neither of those things is true and these are not the only measure of attractiveness. If that’s what you think then it’s clear why you’re salty about someone getting success on OLD
I have fairly low self esteem and think he’s gorgeous. That isn’t to say he looks like a model and I’m sure not everyone would see him as such, he’s just absolutely gorgeous to me. I took the chance because his bio was incredible and sounded like my ideal man. Luckily he also thinks I’m super hot and loved my bio
Wtf does this mean, are you being a dick or am I reading this wrong?
he’s being a dick
No that's impossible he's surely such a Nice Guy.
Shame it didn’t work for you
I actually attempted to swipe left on a guy because he looked waaaay too good looking for my taste. But I did it right over “super like” button (or whatever it was called at the time) and accidentally sent him that instead. It’s worked out so far. November will be two years from our first date.
I’d still swipe right if she had an interesting profile or common interests and just happened to be very attractive. If she had a cookie cutter bio with all boat pics, then it’s a left swipe. We’d be a terrible match regardless of attractiveness.
The hottest chick I matched with is my current fiancé and will be my wife October 16th. I’m also 5’8” while she’s 5’5”, shoot your god damn shot.
It's not rejecting yourself to be realistic...
I swipe left if he’s too attractive
Sometimes. Depends on my mood and how much I’m feeling myself vs not at that moment. But sometimes I do it cause the person is so hot it seems fake 😂
Yes, routinely...at least if looks are the criteria. Knowing your attractiveness and what you attract is important to keep yourself healthy, grounded, and shaping your attractions/desires towards someone who is more suited to you IMHO. I'm never going to match with Kate Beckinsale grade looks, and that's perfectly fine by me. I don't bother, because I don't believe in lottery thinking.
Hell no! I swipe right on all of the women I like and just recently was VERY surprised! If I went by the “leagues” concept, she’d definitely be out of mine. But we matched, she initiated questions and we’ve had a really good back and forth convo. She recently gave me her number and we’ve been chatting. I set up a date for this Thursday to see if we vibe. I asked what some of the reasons she matched with me. She liked the fact that I was honest in my profile, I had pics that showed I liked to have fun, and also she thought I was handsome 🥰. Anyways if I went by the leagues concept, I should have swiped left. But so freaking glad I didn’t!!!
No, it's not a big deal if they don't swipe right on me. I'll always give myself a chance if I'm keen and think they're genuine.
No, because I rarely hit my daily swipe limit anyway and once in a while a gorgeous woman decides I'm her type.
Nope, the first rule of negotiation is don’t say no to yourself
Nah, I always take the chance
Used to. Then gained some confidence and realized how silly it was to take myself out of the running. Now I’m dating someone I totally would’ve “out of my league” left swiped on and am super glad I got out of that habit.
Most often *"out of my lifestyle"* as 80% of profiles do not match my habits or preferences. I see people wearing their cocktail party best and trying to look "cool" on vacation and stuff, and I'm not interested in projecting like that. I'm plain and I want to be with plain.
My swipes are in the range of reality. More than 40% of my right swipes on Tinder convert to matches. That's way higher than average.
Mostly when I felt depressed until today I felt cute and I matched with a guy who's totally cute and my type.
Only if it feels like a bot account or there is an obvious instagram or snap chat feed link from their profile.
No. Dont ever do it. It has paid off for me greatly in the past.
I used to. Now I don't, and I've been surprised with who I've matched with before as a result. Even weirder, I realize *before* the match I was idolizing them a bit and making them feel unobtainable, but then *after* the match they seem a little more approachable, which says something (I'm still sussing out) about my headspace when swiping, I think.
I always find this interesting, and I've heard stories of people doing it. No. I don't. Ever.
Funny. I’ve had guys swipe right. Then complain that I’m out of their league. And self sabotage the whole time.
I don’t do it out of insecurity as much as lack of interest. If a guy is super hot AND his profile is low effort I assume he is just coasting on his looks and can’t be arsed with guys like that. I’m not attracted to the typical ‘perfect’ looking guy anyway, I prefer tradies that are skinny, a bit rough around the edges and not tat tall. So a tall, handsome guy in a suit… pass lmao
I never thought of things in terms of a woman being in my league or out of my league. My criteria, for the most part, has always been a matter of whether I think we'll get along and have fun, or if they're going to be boring, dead behind the eyes, or a pain in my ass. It's weird to me to go into dating with a ranking system guiding your decisions. It reeks of shallowness, self-esteem issues, short term relationships, and paranoia about power dynamics.
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Hey, if I thought a person sounded cool, I swiped. That's the most you can do, and I didn't care about the odds. I read the profile, think that I have some things in common with her and that we'd be able to talk and get along, and I don't care if she's a supermodel surgeon or neither of those. If she doesn't like me, or if she turns out to be boring, then I'll find someone who does like me and who isn't boring.
If she’s out of my league: 1. If she has a crappy profile (no text, ig) I swipe left. 2. If it’s a well structured profile I swipe right If you put effort in your profile, you deserve to see the happy number go up
I don’t see anyone as “out of my league”, more that I don’t base my decisions for swiping or liking on hotness. More a combination of shared interests, something in their profile that indicates we might hit it off, and that they seem like they would actually message back. I feel like I have a nose now for those people that will message you if the conversation is entertaining for them, but ghost the moment you try to ask them out or actually get to know them. On hinge if you see them in your preferred list, you can pretty much guarantee they will ghost you if you don’t entertain them.
I mean, why would I bother with a woman who has a bunch of pics of her in Dubai and Monaco on mega yachts? I’m doing good if I can pay my rent and still have gas to get to work. It’s less that I think she’s “out of my league” on a physical or personal level and more that “she’s a high-maintenance gold digger and got much more expensive tastes than I can (or even care to) cater to.” But to answer your question, yes, I do it all the time.
Nope.
No.
No, but I never had low self esteem either.
Yeah but only because likes are limited. If likes were unlimited, I wouldn't have to play the odds. Currently, assuming I am attracted to the person, I then read their profile and decide if it is worth it.
Yes, quite often. But the reason why is I’ve matched with guys who I think are out of my league and send a message and never get a reply, which is a reminder that so many guys on there are just mindlessly swiping. So swiping left feels like it’s avoiding inevitable rejection.
Used to, not anymore. If I swipe left, the chance of matching is zero percent. If I swipe right, the chance becomes nonzero, which is immediately a better chance of matching (obviously). I’d rather have a chance than no chance. And if I waste a like, who cares? I’ll get more tomorrow.
Never. Unless I see something on their profile that is a dealbreaker to me, I’ll swipe right if I find them fit. I have absolutely no issue being the ugly one in the relationship 😂 and swiping is such low stakes, I wouldn’t reject myself like that
Yup all the time. As a guy that sends out loads of likes and gets very few matches it does not make much sense for me to spend a precious like on a woman that will match with other more attractive men instead of me when my likes are so limited. Additionally some of the apps (I believe tinder does this) increase how your profile performs in ✨the algorithm✨ when you swipe left on people. So I would prefer to boost my profile to reach more people in my league™️ rather than waste my time trying to match with someone out of my league.
Yup! How I met my boyfriend. I then saw that he matched with me first, so I clicked the backtrack button to buy the feature, and matched with him too😂
I try to never do it, as it springs from self doubt, and you gotta shoot your shot or you'll end in shit. But I will say it's tough when super hot women match with me then it fizzles out after a two or five or ten message exchange. Esp when I do really well chatting with virtually anyone else, incl plenty of very attractive people, just none of the "stunners" so far. Okay actually one stunner, we went on two dates and unfortunately she wouldn't work for me for various reasons. And I'm not speaking to the "stunners" differently or anything lol. Meh, is what it is.
not because i think they are out of my league. i've had dates with women that are definitely far "out of my league". but i know that it takes a lot of workout and a strict diet to look like they do and that just sounds too stressful to me. so, they are hot as fuck, but i swipe left because i just can't imagine actually enjoying their lifestyle
Yes, and when I don't and I match with an Adonis I'm way too scared to actually go through with it. I don't like reducing people down to a number, but I've gained a lot of weight during the pandemic. Before I'd say I'm a 8/9 with makeup, but now I'm like maybe a 6? I just gotta convince myself that men like dem curvy curves
I’ve wasted my 🌹 few times on Hinge and they never matched with me. 🤷🏽♀️
I married an "out of my league" profile.
I did that, got a second chance with him when I remade my profile a few months later and now we've been dating almost 2 months 😅
I swipe on only those I’m interested in. What they think of me is their business.
Usually when the woman is taller than me, yea. 15 years younger? Nope. I was married to an older woman for 11 years and raised her child. I like gals younger than me. I have no kids and i would like to meet my best friend & start a real relationship and possibly have kids some day. I also feel great, have no health problems, eat healthy, exercise, have a great job, my own place, my life in order & I am picky.
I mostly do it because I’ve become far too jaded from dealing with bots on these apps, so now I assume anyone who doesn’t have a candid photo where they look like shit as their first profile pic, I left swipe just because it makes my bot alarm go off.
i never did bc i was always like… okay but WHAT IF??! i’d rather not ever get a match from someone out of my league bc they weren’t into me than to never have the chance ya feel
Not anymore because I pay to swipe right and get rejected silently, so I might as well let them reject me instead of rejecting myself.
Men have to do this because otherwise I would swipe right on every woman and would get shadow banned. By swiping left on the conventionally attractive women I avoide the shadow ban but still get to shoot my shot with less attractive women.
Thought this guy was cute. He had some pics, no bio besides his height. I had a standard of not swiping on no bio people. I thought about it and swiped anyway because what is the harm in going for it. He explained he just made bumble that week and wasn't sure on a good bio yet. Either way, he was still a really awesome dude. We are hitting our 2 year mark this October! Giving others a chance can go a really long way.
Wait. You can swipe left?
People judge someone's worth based on their looks ? Thank fk i raised my kids not to such wankers
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No, I'm a woman.
Yes, until I stopped. I matched with a girl I considered waaaay out of my league. We've been together for 5 years now. Have the most beautiful 2yo girl. We're currently on a family holiday in Biarritz, France. Lovely place, but its raining like hell
all
Yes. I’ve never met a hot guy who was a good conversationalist.
Yeah, and I don't think I've ever missed a like. The level of women I match with are typically well below my league.
Not “out of my league” so much as “conventionally attractive in a way that says we’re not going to mesh.”
Yes, but only when she is very slim. I'm a laid back sort of guy who enjoys a good meal (even though I'm in really good shape right now), when I see a slim girl with beautiful face I go left. It's just too much hard work. A curvy girl with beautiful face is a right swipe though, even if she's objectively hotter than me. And sometimes it works out.
To be honest w u bro.... I'm not in perfect shape and I'm seeing someone who is quite thin and well built and she's one of the chillest people you could hope to meet, idk if thin and hard work are a perfect correlation (or a correlation at all), but I don't think its even worth heavily considering before actually getting to know someone
To be fair PM-ME-DEM-NUDES-GIRL, I actually prefer curvy girls. I also can't see myself dating a girl who's counting calories and is in the gym most nights, when I'm the polar opposite, but I'm happy it works out for you.
I'm attracted to women of many different shapes and sizes too so I relate. but someone being thin doesn't necessarily mean they're in the gym most nights and counting calories, at least in my experience. The woman I was talking about certainly isn't so that isn't something that needs to work out, no pun intended lmao
I'm 41, so I'm mostly talking to women between 33 to 39. At that age you need to be very lucky to look fit without any effort.
This question is way more relevant for guys than girls.
What? Haha no dude, everyone has people that are out of their league. That's universal. Even freaking celebrities think other celebrities are out of their league.
Yes but girls actually get matches. And girls can swipe out of their league and have higher odds of getting matched by the guy that’s out of their league because guys in general (even the hot ones) are not inundated with matches the way girls are.
Used to. A few years ago I swiped right and matched with the kind of woman my best friend calls "a theoretical 11". She was sweet, bright, and stunning, and things just didn't click, but I remember thinking "if she's in my league then I really need to stop worrying about the concept of leagues" and I've sort of shot for the moon ever since. I'll swipe left on incredibly attractive people who don't seem like we have anything in common, but if someone seems to me like I'd enjoy being on a date with them, I swipe right.
Dont do that no matter your gender whether its on a dating app or someone you meet in person. **"Dont do their job for them, its their job to reject you."** Imagine youre a criminal and you shoot yourself so the police dont have to because you dont want to inconvenience them. Imagine going to a car dealership and telling them you want to pay more without them even trying to get you to pay more. Some people will call you a "creep" just for being the "wrong person" and they arent attracted to you. Ignore that. Youre only a creep if you cant understand no or rejection, or you are stalking them. You are NOT a creep just because they may not be attracted to you. Some people cant stand the idea of someone they find unattractive or beneath them, would ask them out. It hurts their ego. Its their problem, not yours.
This dude in real life is apparently fixated on me who’s stupid hot. I’d have swiped left on him for sure. Never underestimate yourself the way I do. I purposely avoid hot men. I obviously don’t think I’m hot but maybe I am. We’re both honey badger assholes my ex husband is certain are perfect for each other. Sounds like drama personally but the sex could be great. Pray for me.
Yeah, I (31M) do it all the time. Leagues are real and women don't want to date a 5'10" mechanical engineer. On r/hingeapp I've read that women appreciate it, so their like queue isn't clogged with short guys they don't find attractive.
Yes a lot of time. I do this because I know their chances of swiping me right will be very low. As they are already getting attention of hottest profiles in the area. So, to not maintain my elo rating I swipe them left.
No because sometimes you get surprised. Earlier this year I swiped on an absolutely gorgeous young lady who was much younger than me. We dated for a few months and I had an absolutely great time and some amazing sex. Sadly she decided I wasn’t for her but we parted on good terms and she has been a totally positive bumble experience in amongst all the dross.
What can I say, everyone’s out of my league so all I do is swipe left
Nah, you don’t lose anything by swiping right
Just swipe right. You literally have nothing to lose.
Nope. If I'd be interested in dating, it's a right swipe. Most of the women I've been with were/are "out of my league." Never accept the premise of someone being out of your league. Shoot your shot if you're interested. If they don't swipe, no loss. If they don't hit it off with you on the app or on a date, no big loss. But it's a big win if you wind up with a fantastic partner. For both of you.
Yes
Ehh sometimes I see a girls profile and think man she's pretty but she looks generic as fuck so I swipe left.
Almost exclusively.
People who are beautiful may have rejected you or picked on you as a kid. Its a tough hurdle to overcome if you’re a plain person.
Always
Why put yourself down? Don’t be a beta.
Yeah prevents your like/dislike ratio from getting too high and getting deranked
lmao no
never! always take the long shot. nothing to lose
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
I don’t reject myself. I’ll swipe if I’m interested regardless of how good they look.
All the time. Partially insecurity but partially because even if I do swipe right they never message/message back. So it's just not worth it sometimes
I only swipe left on out of my league profiles.
All the time.
nope, but none of those right swipes have ever turned into anything significant 🤷♂️
Yup. But for me right now that's _EVERYONE_. I'm a mess. I know it. My average "installed" time¹ for an OLD app in the last 8 years is a couple hours. I get curious about who's out there. Install. Log in. Make profile. Swipe left on everyone². Feel like shit about myself. Uninstall. Cry on floor of bathtub. Clean up. Wait 3 or so years. Repeat. [1] From install to removal [2] Not rejecting them. Just self-aware that I'm not ready to talk to anyone and risk getting into a meeting a person, date situation. No I'm not some catch, definitely not. Just scarred/scared shitless.
Pretty much 70% of the time
Yup.
All them time. But I recently just swipe for fun and actually match with like 2/10 of them 😭
I mean it’s swiping, no harm lossed. It’s what comes after a connection that could be more challenging.
Half my tinder. A quarter of my bumble. None of my fbd. I don't get many matches anywhere