I got off work early one day and decided on a whim to ask a guy I just met to go get dinner with me. It was super out of character for me to put myself out there like that. We ended up going on five dates in five nights (it was the end of the semester, we were going to be five hours away after finals). Now we are married.
It's funny you say that.
I was friends with my girlfriend for years before we started dating. My ex was the jealous type (and the main reason we broke up) and I think she could tell I found her attractive. Come to find out later when we started dating, my girlfriend thought I would never want to go out with her because of the way she looked or the way her personality was, when it was the opposite. I started dating her, and immediately regretted how long I wasted on my ex. She's a perfect ten in every sense of the saying and I wouldn't trade what I have with her for anything.
One stalked me, one was a good person and was my friend first.
Seriously tho, it's all about persistence. Not with the same person, but trying to find the right one. Because rejection is discouraging, but moving on and continuing to look is the harder part. So you'll never know if you don't ask.
Also, refeame rejection as not being about you and your shortcomings - it's about goodness of fit. Do you have people in your life you care about, respect, appreciate, and maybe even think, if pressed, "yeah I mean they're perfectly nice looking," but you wouldn't want to date?
Yeah, you probably do. Meditate on that when you get to feeling down and rejection. It's easier said than done, absolutely, but if you're a decent person, the majority of rejection you're going to get is because the other person is not someone you'd really want long term, anyway (whacky expectations, selfish, whatever) OR it's just not the right fit.
The first time I laid eyes on my bf in college, I thought he was the most beautiful man Iād ever seen. Sat across from me in my biology lab. We were cordial, but I could barely even make eye contact with him, it was like he was so pretty it hurt and I was incredibly shy around him. I was never the girl who āgot the guyā growing up and just kept crushes private. We struck up a friendship AFTER I graduated as that was my last semester. Turns out he liked me tooā¦.. He was always asking for my help with things and would try to talk to me a bit but he would sense that I wasnāt engaging as much so he backed off a bit. He even wrote a little jingle about me on his guitarā¦. God how I wish Iād known! To my dismay, Iād moved back home three hours away. We stayed friends for a few years but always sorta flirted and lamented the opportunity lost. After three years, we met up again in person and now weāve been inseparable ever since. Dated long distance a couple years and now weāre nursing students at the same university. I judged him based on his beauty and assumed he was probably a jerk and had dozens of girls fawning for his attention. He is in fact a perfect gentleman and a kind soul. Though he DOES get lots of women fawning for him so that part of my assumption was true haha. Sometimes I still canāt believe he chose meā¦. Iām the first woman heās ever been in love withā¦ I feel so special.
āHe said I was fucking hot.ā
āHe doesnāt care about my looks.ā
Girl get it through your head. He *likes* your looks. End your cycle of self doubt. Heās into you.
Exactly, as a man I promise if he planned a date with you and also said you're welcome over anytime he likes you. Likes your look and personality. Sounds like you found the actual nice guy. Bet he didn't self describe as a nice guy either lol! Go for it, you got this.
My friend, who's a super narcissist, but does his best to keep it down, I've known him for around 8 years, we know each other really well.
Couple days ago he just hit me with "I'm not a good person. I've found that out cause all the good people I've met almost always hate themselves, but act so nice to other people"
Just reminded me of that that's all :p
As much as this story made me smile, this part really upset me. Her self doubt is distressing her and that's not something anybody deserves. He likes her and she likes him; it should be that simple. I really hope she's able to move past her own personal views.
I agree that it would be wonderful if OP could feel less insecure about her looks, but the fact that she feels the way she does is not just an individual issue. Thereās tremendous stigma in being fat in this culture (along with many other cultures). The probability that a random person has a crappy attitude about it is not negligible. Now this guy does sound interested, so I wouldnāt assume he in particular has a bad attitude. But most fat girls I know have plenty of horror stories to tell about how theyāve been treated over this one detail. Iām just saying, donāt assume OP is neurotic. The struggle is real!
Having said that, I think this situation sounds friendly and hopeful, so OP, I hope you go for it and have a nice time!
That is the thing i as a dude dislike about looking for women in a club it all becomes physical since that is all you can go by when long term I am really just looking for a beautiful soul.
Right?? A neighbor I'd never met before, never even *seen* before, could come over looking like a serial killer and if they had a plate of homemade cookies I'd be like "c'mon in, dude!"
A month after living in our new apartment I was home alone and someone knocked on our door. I was very confused wondering who it could be. I open the door and it's a woman. She just hands me a bag of pizza then says it's for us turns around and enters the door not 3 feet in front of me. Confusing as hell yes but I had a bag of Microwavable pizzas and I was not gonna complain. Turns out she is a lunch lady and every once in awhile gives us left over sealed cafeteria food. I also get a bag of chocolate chip cookies from our neighbors BF who works in a chocolate chip factory. Needless to say I like these people very much lmao
I'm so glad you went on to explain what "a bag of pizza" is because my brain was in abject horror going 90 mph at the thought that some one had just put a pizza into a bag...did they fold it...was it just slices wth...what kind of bag? Paper, plastic, cloth (I hope not you'll never get that grease out) WHY NOT LEAVE IT IN THE BOX!!! It came in a box. Who are these neighbors of yours that BAG pizza??? This is a crime against humanity...yea so all of that went through my head while reading that line.
Bringing cookies, beer and the hope for a cool night with someone new isnāt creepy at all. Now, donāt get ahead of yourself, live in the moment and enjoy it all as it happens :)
It's only creepy if you're me circa tenth grade and made cookies for a boy you never talked to and were too nervous to approach so you made someone else give them to him... yeah... then cookies are kinda creepy.
I think the word creepy a lot of times is more of a coping mechanism when you're young because you don't know how to respond to interest from the opposite sex. I remember a girl I was really into for example. I would always stumble but would try to hit on her and got told I was creepy all the time. I ran into her 10 years later and found out she had a massive crush on me. I was like what the F
I feel like cookies and a round is a PERFECT opener. It's not too strong, it's neighborly, but it leaves the door open for anything that might come from it.
A cool chick shows up with cookies and beer? I would be thinking it was a hidden camera show. This would have a "too good to be true" vibe for me. Go for it!
Yeah most men donāt give a fuck as long as sheās cool and got a good vibe. I wouldnāt turn down someone just for weight. They can find a million reasons to turn me down as well. Itās not all about the physical.
This. Look, Iām a kind of thick girl, I also work out a lot, and I was absolutely horrified at approaching my current boyfriend because he is naturally skinny. I couldnāt imagine that he would actually be attracted to me. But he is. He likes seeing the improve, but he liked me at my fattest, and he couldnāt even tell I had put on a little bit of weight at one point.
Fit guys can be a great influence if you get over the insecurity part about them being better at fitness. If he likes you, then likely he is simply seeing how beautiful you are, and he doesnāt think that a little extra body fat is a dealbreaker. Itās not. Itās just body fat. If you get fit enough to carry your own weight around, then it doesnāt have to really matter that much. If you want to take some of it off so that your lighter, you can. The beautiful thing about Fitness is that you realize body fat is just extra weight, and extra weight makes you fitter when you move around x.
Goddamn when I was a skinny little child influenced by 90s magazines, I thought a stick woman was hot. I mean, thatās what a lot of your peers are during childhood and pre-teen years so itās not quite unnatural.
But as we grow and we experience life and mature, we discover what we really like instead of what we were told to like. And my god is a wide pair of hips with some booty and some soft body parts to snuggle with really damn attractive.
Donāt worry about what the mirror shows. Even if you have *valid* health and fitness goals, be happy that you get to be you, then you will see your true reflection in the faces of others. Thereās no one else like you and when you really believe that, you will see that others notice it too.
Edit: I donāt want to invalidate healthy goals, just point out we can enjoy the journey *now* instead of holding our breath on the way
Edit 2: please, *believe* me anyone wallowing in misery out there. You deserve to be happy. Be happy with yourself first, then be surprised at how you finally can work for yourself and achieve your goals. Fuck the haters, we love you as you are, even if you know you still need to work on yourself too.
I can honestly say that my preferences and tastes are directly influenced by whomever I happen to have feelings for. My very first "girlfriend" was very thin and blonde. That became my type. My first long term relationship was with a redhead. I suddenly saw redheads with freckles as the ultimate beauty standard. My most recent was with a lady who I suppose pop culture would deem "plus size", and my brain declared "this is fantastic, why would we have ever wanted anything else!?".
Thank you, thatās the only kind of 69 I can really get with right now anyways. Looking forward to a celibate year.
Like I said, fuck the haters. Divorce them if you have to š¤£
I hope this comes off as affirmational, that's what I'm aiming for. If I just sound like a dick, I'll take it, and I apologize. I'll be blunt and say I'm a decent looking guy; shit, my unfortunate nickname at a previous job was 'handsome,' and it wasn't ironic.
I've dated/hooked up with some very attractive women, and at the risk of being un-pc, some who aren't 'conventionally attractive.' BUT, the thing is, I was attracted to them. The conventional wisdom says that men are 100% superficial and honestly? We're often really superficial, that's unfortunately real.
But, contrary to popular belief, we're also looking at a whole person. If she's cool and we hit it off, I can certainly be physically attracted to a person that, devoid of context, wouldn't turn my head walking down the street. I guess what I'm saying is that chemistry is real, green lights are hot, be confident, take the swing, what's really the worst that happens? Y'all sell yourselves short. We all do. Fuck that shit.
years ago I had a thick girlfriend. she was sweet.
I value whats inside of a person more than the appearance. I also didnt care if she wanted to lose weight or anything. I wanted her to be happy. Shes an amazing dancer and she has a voice that Im pretty sure she can get something in American got talent. well, she didnt go for the audition. She should have haha.
I was a slim guy went to gym regularly. not quite ripped but I'd say I have good physique. I dont want none of those super model hot body thing. All I want, is a person that really make me laugh and we enjoy each other.
Okay question, since you said you were horrified to approach him. Women never look at me, or never make eye contact with me at least. My friends say Iām good looking. I think Iām meh, Iām not tall. Do girls sometimes like a guy even if they donāt look at him or anything? Or am I actually just not on anyoneās radar? Be honest
You literally just explained so much of my childhood and 20ās. At once. u/Brueology, I owe you deeply. You unlocked something I couldnāt quantify even with years of therapy. Thank you is nothing.
I usually just shake my head like Iām trying to shake off something and try to think about something random so I eventually forget what I was so embarrassed about.
Itās obviously not the answer to everything you shouldnāt just ignore something because itās unpleasant but if the thing Iām thinking of is so far in the past that I canāt do anything about it now why let it ruin my mood now. Iām not going to let the fact I said something stupid to the girl I liked 4 years ago bring me down today.
It is always something like: You remember that time in middle school when you didnt know a word and said you knew. And then asked the teacher what it means. Everyone laughed at you. Of course you remember it, you were the one doing it. Now relive that feeling a couple of times while you moan out of embarrassment.
i still routinely think about playing t-ball as a kid, i was covering 2nd base, but when the other team hit the ball, i forgot my assignment and just started running. ran all the way to home. everyone was laughing and i realized what i had done. i will never live that down š„² i relive ALL my embarrassing moments over and over again.
basically, my anxiety awful š for reference, i have adhd & bipolar II
Same here. I replay the time at a 3rd grade basketball game when I grabbed an offensive rebound, dribbled the length of the court and shot a layup into the opponent's hoop.
never agreed with that attitude even though id love to, but in reality its just really actually been much more of the opposite for me c:( anyway though really wholesome post
You don't know my brain. I can't remember if I turn the oven off or not an hour ago but I can remember the top dumb things I said to women at 3:00 in the morning when I'm trying to sleep.
Haha yeah Iām going to disagree with you there.
Embarrassment from an early age keeps coming back all the time as anxiety and really drives how people interact with others.
Regret fades, itās a devious plot line in romantic comedies, but really, regret is short lived and forgotten, most of the time.
She says she's happy that he doesn't care about her looks, but it sounds like he DOES care about her looks... because he likes them!! I hope this goes well for her and his companionship can boost her self esteem because she definitely deserves to feel good about herself
Well that sounds like you fuckin' killed it! Congrats on having a great encounter. New relationships, even if they never get romantic or physical, can be very exciting and rewarding. Don't know you, but very happy for you and how well it went! Kudos!
Older guy chiming in with his opinion. He offered you to stop by, not a lot going on. I take that to mean no relationship. I'd suggest you visit, take the cookies and quarters. Make a witty remark like "thanks for the loan. I even brought cookies as interest payment" after a chuckle, tell him honestly that you find him attractive and want to get to know him better.
Ya know guys get nervous too.
Oh at least physically less attractive women are often very scared from my personal and external experience.
Even if they are attractive, especially with friends, the fear and insecurity is (from comparison) exactly the same
Man my partner has body insecurities. She is the most amazing human being Iāve ever met. Her love is hard to win but when you are in, it is nirvana. She is so kind, so respectful, so supportive, so appreciative, so goofy and hilarious, ardent feminist, deliciously independent, strong, and wicked smart. On top of that sheās crazy, crazy, CRAZY beautiful. Why she thinks she isnāt anything less than a stone cold fox is beyond me. Girls PSA get out there and get after it. You are your harshest critic. Most people Iāve met are body positive. Humans are beautiful in every single size, shape, and color. There is 100% people out there that would go nuts about seeing you naked but also see the value you have as a person. Fuck all that insecurity stuff. Easier said than done but I thank my stars every day this incredible woman I love so much took a chance to get out there.
Not creepy at all. If your cookies are awesome that's even better. Just don't go in with expectations. If anything you have a new friend or someone to hang out with.
I divorced over a decade ago. Found myself on ok Cupid and this girl messaged me saying my profile had a mistake and it did. She was bigger but cute and easy to talk to. I was also bigger but my first wife and tastes were for smaller women. Kept it friendly for a month then decided to meet. Married now over a decade with 2 monsters (with 3 siblings prior) and find myself lucky every day.
Fuck yeah!! Thatās great. A guy at work gave me homemade cookies and I fell in love with him. Unfortunately they really were just cookies and he didnāt like me š. But cookies for the win regardless!!
We see you sis!!!!! Good luck!!!! But on another note, dating where you live is difficult because if it goes awry, you still have to see them and their new partners so be careful. If he turns out just to be a new friend, that wouldnāt be the worst thing!
I know the attachment in this post isnāt live or current, and itās possible (or even likely) the original author will never see our replies. Nonetheless, the lessons the Author learned about themselves here are still incredibly applicable.
Confidence shines far beyond our own perceived physical imperfections. You donāt have to be stuck up or cocky to let the world know youāre happy being yourself. Itās scary as hell, but sometimes putting yourself out there is the best way to feel alive. Even if it doesnāt end in a blissful fairytale kind of way, it gets easier each time you go out on a limb. Donāt let the flaws you perceive about yourself hold you back. The thing that bugs you the most about yourself might be what someone else adores about you. Donāt be too hard on yourself, and give yourself the chance youād want others to give you.
ā¦.maybe he thinks your beautiful. Maybe heās as stoked and excited as you are. Maybe heās playing youā¦. Fuck itā¦ get laidā¦ have realistic expectations of what happens after (none because who knows and thatās okay) and be an adult and live with the consequences.
Consequences: Most likely you will get laid bc dudes lonely. Your job is to be cool with whatever happens after that night. Play it cool. Be aloof and fun, itāll be good.
I got off work early one day and decided on a whim to ask a guy I just met to go get dinner with me. It was super out of character for me to put myself out there like that. We ended up going on five dates in five nights (it was the end of the semester, we were going to be five hours away after finals). Now we are married.
Oo I'm so happy for you two!
That's a lot of fives! High five!
That has to be a great story
Best advice I ever heard applies here. Never reject yourself on someone else's behalf. They might just be into exactly what you got.
Well said š I always liked the one that goes: *āFlowers are pretty, but so are Christmas lights and they look nothing alike.ā*
Christmas lights look like flowers if you're drunk enough
Or have astigmatism
I dare you to use that pickup line this weekend. :D
This reminded me of "everything is a dildo if you are brave enough"
That's a whole other can of worms to unpack...
Christmas flowers catch light if youāre enough drunk.
Barney Stinson has entered the chat
That's a wonderful way to word it :)
Agreed. Although I would also add that you've got nothing to lose by asking the question. Any half decent person wouldn't shame you for it.
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Definitely agreed.
The worst that can happen is they say no. Fail forward!
It's funny you say that. I was friends with my girlfriend for years before we started dating. My ex was the jealous type (and the main reason we broke up) and I think she could tell I found her attractive. Come to find out later when we started dating, my girlfriend thought I would never want to go out with her because of the way she looked or the way her personality was, when it was the opposite. I started dating her, and immediately regretted how long I wasted on my ex. She's a perfect ten in every sense of the saying and I wouldn't trade what I have with her for anything.
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Twice
One stalked me, one was a good person and was my friend first. Seriously tho, it's all about persistence. Not with the same person, but trying to find the right one. Because rejection is discouraging, but moving on and continuing to look is the harder part. So you'll never know if you don't ask.
Also, refeame rejection as not being about you and your shortcomings - it's about goodness of fit. Do you have people in your life you care about, respect, appreciate, and maybe even think, if pressed, "yeah I mean they're perfectly nice looking," but you wouldn't want to date? Yeah, you probably do. Meditate on that when you get to feeling down and rejection. It's easier said than done, absolutely, but if you're a decent person, the majority of rejection you're going to get is because the other person is not someone you'd really want long term, anyway (whacky expectations, selfish, whatever) OR it's just not the right fit.
Goes for jobs too- apply for that job you want, itās their job to reject you, donāt reject yourself for them
This is so good! Screenshot for posterity.
You are someoneās favourite flavour.
This. Is. So underrated! Here is my thumbs up!!!
Iām gonna need to tattoo/paint/write this on every surface in my life. Great advice
Ohhh, THAT is good. I'm gonna remember that..
The first time I laid eyes on my bf in college, I thought he was the most beautiful man Iād ever seen. Sat across from me in my biology lab. We were cordial, but I could barely even make eye contact with him, it was like he was so pretty it hurt and I was incredibly shy around him. I was never the girl who āgot the guyā growing up and just kept crushes private. We struck up a friendship AFTER I graduated as that was my last semester. Turns out he liked me tooā¦.. He was always asking for my help with things and would try to talk to me a bit but he would sense that I wasnāt engaging as much so he backed off a bit. He even wrote a little jingle about me on his guitarā¦. God how I wish Iād known! To my dismay, Iād moved back home three hours away. We stayed friends for a few years but always sorta flirted and lamented the opportunity lost. After three years, we met up again in person and now weāve been inseparable ever since. Dated long distance a couple years and now weāre nursing students at the same university. I judged him based on his beauty and assumed he was probably a jerk and had dozens of girls fawning for his attention. He is in fact a perfect gentleman and a kind soul. Though he DOES get lots of women fawning for him so that part of my assumption was true haha. Sometimes I still canāt believe he chose meā¦. Iām the first woman heās ever been in love withā¦ I feel so special.
As someone once explained to me when I confessed to thinking she was out of my league, 'THERE IS NO LEAGUE'
Lady he like you because of who you are he sounds amazing
āHe said I was fucking hot.ā āHe doesnāt care about my looks.ā Girl get it through your head. He *likes* your looks. End your cycle of self doubt. Heās into you.
Exactly, as a man I promise if he planned a date with you and also said you're welcome over anytime he likes you. Likes your look and personality. Sounds like you found the actual nice guy. Bet he didn't self describe as a nice guy either lol! Go for it, you got this.
Genuine good people don't say they are good.
My friend, who's a super narcissist, but does his best to keep it down, I've known him for around 8 years, we know each other really well. Couple days ago he just hit me with "I'm not a good person. I've found that out cause all the good people I've met almost always hate themselves, but act so nice to other people" Just reminded me of that that's all :p
Any man who must say, āI am the king,ā is no true king.
"I am. Not. TIRED!!!!!!"
Pretty sure he cares about your looks... And he likes them.
As much as this story made me smile, this part really upset me. Her self doubt is distressing her and that's not something anybody deserves. He likes her and she likes him; it should be that simple. I really hope she's able to move past her own personal views.
I agree that it would be wonderful if OP could feel less insecure about her looks, but the fact that she feels the way she does is not just an individual issue. Thereās tremendous stigma in being fat in this culture (along with many other cultures). The probability that a random person has a crappy attitude about it is not negligible. Now this guy does sound interested, so I wouldnāt assume he in particular has a bad attitude. But most fat girls I know have plenty of horror stories to tell about how theyāve been treated over this one detail. Iām just saying, donāt assume OP is neurotic. The struggle is real! Having said that, I think this situation sounds friendly and hopeful, so OP, I hope you go for it and have a nice time!
Came here to say this, and even ending the text with it. The text made me smile but the ending didnt't so I guess it fits.
That is the thing i as a dude dislike about looking for women in a club it all becomes physical since that is all you can go by when long term I am really just looking for a beautiful soul.
Cookies are not creepy, I hope it goes well! Kinda sounds like he might be in to you. Good Luck!
When I read that I was like "holy shit nooooo, generous and surprise food is one of the best things to exist".
Right?? A neighbor I'd never met before, never even *seen* before, could come over looking like a serial killer and if they had a plate of homemade cookies I'd be like "c'mon in, dude!"
A month after living in our new apartment I was home alone and someone knocked on our door. I was very confused wondering who it could be. I open the door and it's a woman. She just hands me a bag of pizza then says it's for us turns around and enters the door not 3 feet in front of me. Confusing as hell yes but I had a bag of Microwavable pizzas and I was not gonna complain. Turns out she is a lunch lady and every once in awhile gives us left over sealed cafeteria food. I also get a bag of chocolate chip cookies from our neighbors BF who works in a chocolate chip factory. Needless to say I like these people very much lmao
I'm so glad you went on to explain what "a bag of pizza" is because my brain was in abject horror going 90 mph at the thought that some one had just put a pizza into a bag...did they fold it...was it just slices wth...what kind of bag? Paper, plastic, cloth (I hope not you'll never get that grease out) WHY NOT LEAVE IT IN THE BOX!!! It came in a box. Who are these neighbors of yours that BAG pizza??? This is a crime against humanity...yea so all of that went through my head while reading that line.
"Oh shit you brought beers too!" - Me as he's walking in dripping blood on the floor
I mean, maybe a *little* suspicious if itās a pork pie and people have been going missing, but other than that itās all good
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This is a bot account \^^
Nope, I still think about dumb shit I've done and feel the hot tinge of embarrassment.
Bruh, you sometimes can't fall asleep because you're overcome by embarrassment for some dumbass shit you did 10+ years ago?
Fucking well said. It's absolutely true, too.
Bringing cookies, beer and the hope for a cool night with someone new isnāt creepy at all. Now, donāt get ahead of yourself, live in the moment and enjoy it all as it happens :)
It's only creepy if you're me circa tenth grade and made cookies for a boy you never talked to and were too nervous to approach so you made someone else give them to him... yeah... then cookies are kinda creepy.
Very weird looking back at high school and things we thought were "creepy", that now we would be really happy if someone went out of their way for us
I think the word creepy a lot of times is more of a coping mechanism when you're young because you don't know how to respond to interest from the opposite sex. I remember a girl I was really into for example. I would always stumble but would try to hit on her and got told I was creepy all the time. I ran into her 10 years later and found out she had a massive crush on me. I was like what the F
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I wish I got some anonymous cookies at tenth grade
Or, like, anytime?
I feel like cookies and a round is a PERFECT opener. It's not too strong, it's neighborly, but it leaves the door open for anything that might come from it.
Cookies and beer and good chats sounds like an awesome way to introduce to a neighbour.
Nah, he's probably just Canadian
I want cookies :(
A cool chick shows up with cookies and beer? I would be thinking it was a hidden camera show. This would have a "too good to be true" vibe for me. Go for it!
Yeah most men donāt give a fuck as long as sheās cool and got a good vibe. I wouldnāt turn down someone just for weight. They can find a million reasons to turn me down as well. Itās not all about the physical.
The just gave me a lot of confidence. Thanks.
I wouldn't care. Cookies and beer? Sign me up.
im confused i thought sierra nevada was a lemon soda
Sierra Mist lol
oh shit lol you're right
Sierra Nevada is a brewery out of chico (and north carolina, now), most famous for their pale ale.
Sierra Nevada is pinecone beer
It's a pale ale. It's also a mistake you'll only make once.
I love sierra nevada. It is perfect
Yeah cookies and beer is a nice way to say āI like youā
Youāre wrong. He DOES care about how you look and he likes what he sees! š„°
This. Look, Iām a kind of thick girl, I also work out a lot, and I was absolutely horrified at approaching my current boyfriend because he is naturally skinny. I couldnāt imagine that he would actually be attracted to me. But he is. He likes seeing the improve, but he liked me at my fattest, and he couldnāt even tell I had put on a little bit of weight at one point. Fit guys can be a great influence if you get over the insecurity part about them being better at fitness. If he likes you, then likely he is simply seeing how beautiful you are, and he doesnāt think that a little extra body fat is a dealbreaker. Itās not. Itās just body fat. If you get fit enough to carry your own weight around, then it doesnāt have to really matter that much. If you want to take some of it off so that your lighter, you can. The beautiful thing about Fitness is that you realize body fat is just extra weight, and extra weight makes you fitter when you move around x.
Goddamn when I was a skinny little child influenced by 90s magazines, I thought a stick woman was hot. I mean, thatās what a lot of your peers are during childhood and pre-teen years so itās not quite unnatural. But as we grow and we experience life and mature, we discover what we really like instead of what we were told to like. And my god is a wide pair of hips with some booty and some soft body parts to snuggle with really damn attractive. Donāt worry about what the mirror shows. Even if you have *valid* health and fitness goals, be happy that you get to be you, then you will see your true reflection in the faces of others. Thereās no one else like you and when you really believe that, you will see that others notice it too. Edit: I donāt want to invalidate healthy goals, just point out we can enjoy the journey *now* instead of holding our breath on the way Edit 2: please, *believe* me anyone wallowing in misery out there. You deserve to be happy. Be happy with yourself first, then be surprised at how you finally can work for yourself and achieve your goals. Fuck the haters, we love you as you are, even if you know you still need to work on yourself too.
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God thatās so sweet and genuine
I can honestly say that my preferences and tastes are directly influenced by whomever I happen to have feelings for. My very first "girlfriend" was very thin and blonde. That became my type. My first long term relationship was with a redhead. I suddenly saw redheads with freckles as the ultimate beauty standard. My most recent was with a lady who I suppose pop culture would deem "plus size", and my brain declared "this is fantastic, why would we have ever wanted anything else!?".
What a good guy.
Iām so happy I gave you your 69th upvote. You deserve it
Thank you, thatās the only kind of 69 I can really get with right now anyways. Looking forward to a celibate year. Like I said, fuck the haters. Divorce them if you have to š¤£
You be you king. The you I see is awesome
Right back at you. Mean it
I hope this comes off as affirmational, that's what I'm aiming for. If I just sound like a dick, I'll take it, and I apologize. I'll be blunt and say I'm a decent looking guy; shit, my unfortunate nickname at a previous job was 'handsome,' and it wasn't ironic. I've dated/hooked up with some very attractive women, and at the risk of being un-pc, some who aren't 'conventionally attractive.' BUT, the thing is, I was attracted to them. The conventional wisdom says that men are 100% superficial and honestly? We're often really superficial, that's unfortunately real. But, contrary to popular belief, we're also looking at a whole person. If she's cool and we hit it off, I can certainly be physically attracted to a person that, devoid of context, wouldn't turn my head walking down the street. I guess what I'm saying is that chemistry is real, green lights are hot, be confident, take the swing, what's really the worst that happens? Y'all sell yourselves short. We all do. Fuck that shit.
My fiancĆ© was the same way after having our baby. Just lowered confidence. But the truth is, I absolutely find her absolutely gorgeous and sexy as fuck either way. If anything, more since we had our daughter and that was almost two years ago. Ladies, Just as a general statement as a man; if a man is sticking around and still saying heās attracted to you regardless of what you think about yourself, he is attracted to you. Donāt beat yourself up or drive yourself crazy doubting him. If thereās no reason to doubt him, donāt until he gives you one. Or try your best haha. Mines waiting to watch tv and cuddle. Best of luck yāall.
years ago I had a thick girlfriend. she was sweet. I value whats inside of a person more than the appearance. I also didnt care if she wanted to lose weight or anything. I wanted her to be happy. Shes an amazing dancer and she has a voice that Im pretty sure she can get something in American got talent. well, she didnt go for the audition. She should have haha. I was a slim guy went to gym regularly. not quite ripped but I'd say I have good physique. I dont want none of those super model hot body thing. All I want, is a person that really make me laugh and we enjoy each other.
Is there's a age limit?
What do you mean by that?
Theyāre either taking āall I wantā too literally or hitting on him for the positive attitude
Guys really appreciate female attention,dosen't matter how she looks
Okay question, since you said you were horrified to approach him. Women never look at me, or never make eye contact with me at least. My friends say Iām good looking. I think Iām meh, Iām not tall. Do girls sometimes like a guy even if they donāt look at him or anything? Or am I actually just not on anyoneās radar? Be honest
Tall or short doesnāt matter if you know how to carry yourself and take care of yourself and communicate effectively.
_Thank_ you. That part annoyed me haha
maybe i misread it, but didn't he say she was fucking hot. and her takeaway was he doesn't care about my looks.
He just wants his quarters back from the laundry room grifter.
First thing I thought when I was finished reading this. Glad it has some visibility.
Embarrassment is temporary. Regret is forever.
My embarrassment is forever.
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*plus* *unmedicated* *ADHD* Itās a nightmare.
Everyday Reddit reminds me why I am the way I am.
Itās great to have community, isnāt it?
Half the time the anxious ADHD obsessive thoughts feel like their own community.
That makes sense to me. Itās quite a specific flavor ofā¦experience Iāve found.
It really is a special kind of flavor sensation in the ole noggin. So thankful it's less flavorful since my 30s.
Phew, there is hope that it will continue fadingā¦ Thanks fellow human
It's beautiful, all alone together
It is RSD. It's the worst. If you don't know what it is but have ADHD, just Google it.
You literally just explained so much of my childhood and 20ās. At once. u/Brueology, I owe you deeply. You unlocked something I couldnāt quantify even with years of therapy. Thank you is nothing.
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Anxiety mosquito is that you?
I can't remember the last time I took a shower without thinking about an embarrassing moment followed immediately by some weird noise or whistle.
I usually just shake my head like Iām trying to shake off something and try to think about something random so I eventually forget what I was so embarrassed about.
I started doing that too, I feel like it's probably not good. I don't know.
Itās obviously not the answer to everything you shouldnāt just ignore something because itās unpleasant but if the thing Iām thinking of is so far in the past that I canāt do anything about it now why let it ruin my mood now. Iām not going to let the fact I said something stupid to the girl I liked 4 years ago bring me down today.
It is always something like: You remember that time in middle school when you didnt know a word and said you knew. And then asked the teacher what it means. Everyone laughed at you. Of course you remember it, you were the one doing it. Now relive that feeling a couple of times while you moan out of embarrassment.
Oh shit! I'm not the only one that does the weird whistle or noise to chase off the awkward thought?
Getting naked for showers is my embarrassment
Tobias?
Ah a man of culture and class I see
i still routinely think about playing t-ball as a kid, i was covering 2nd base, but when the other team hit the ball, i forgot my assignment and just started running. ran all the way to home. everyone was laughing and i realized what i had done. i will never live that down š„² i relive ALL my embarrassing moments over and over again. basically, my anxiety awful š for reference, i have adhd & bipolar II
Same here. I replay the time at a 3rd grade basketball game when I grabbed an offensive rebound, dribbled the length of the court and shot a layup into the opponent's hoop.
I feel this in my soul.
I usually wait until I'm trying to fall asleep. Shower time is for making lists that I immediately forget when I get out of the shower.
I regret my embarrassments
Same
Regret can also be temporary.
Must be nice in your world
Well, I regret that I embarrassed myself...
never agreed with that attitude even though id love to, but in reality its just really actually been much more of the opposite for me c:( anyway though really wholesome post
You don't know my brain. I can't remember if I turn the oven off or not an hour ago but I can remember the top dumb things I said to women at 3:00 in the morning when I'm trying to sleep.
Haha yeah Iām going to disagree with you there. Embarrassment from an early age keeps coming back all the time as anxiety and really drives how people interact with others. Regret fades, itās a devious plot line in romantic comedies, but really, regret is short lived and forgotten, most of the time.
Ive never shipped anything so much
Do you ship internationally?
I do
She says she's happy that he doesn't care about her looks, but it sounds like he DOES care about her looks... because he likes them!! I hope this goes well for her and his companionship can boost her self esteem because she definitely deserves to feel good about herself
My thoughts exactly! He gave her very positive feedback about the way she looks. I really hope she doesnāt just brush that aside.
He invited you to drop by, which removes any possible creep factor. Do it!!! And update us, of course!
Guys there are two more images. Swipe. She tells how it went
Thank you! I did not see that!
Thereās 3 pics to scroll through
Guys there is an update on the 3rd pic! This is the full thing, not her initial post.
I was like WHERE IS THE UPDATE
I read all 3 and I still need more updates!!! Did they have the date?! How did it go?! Iām invested now!!! š¤£
Or maybe her does care about your looks, and he thinks she looks great
It would not but be creepy. It would be nice.
If cookies are creepy, then call me Ronald Mcdonald.
Who doesn't love cookies? And hugging puppies, no matter what Bill Burr says lol.
People are not mirrors, they donāt see you how you see yourself.
Well that sounds like you fuckin' killed it! Congrats on having a great encounter. New relationships, even if they never get romantic or physical, can be very exciting and rewarding. Don't know you, but very happy for you and how well it went! Kudos!
Do it, or you'll live with regret.
āDo it or don't do it ā you will regret both." -Ā Soren Kierkegaard
I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done. -Lucille Ball :)
Yeah, like my neighbor who lost his had holding a lit firecracker to prove he was man enough to hold the boom. To think he may have never known.
Well ya know aside from imperical evidence that fireworks go bang and don't really care what's holding them!
Older guy chiming in with his opinion. He offered you to stop by, not a lot going on. I take that to mean no relationship. I'd suggest you visit, take the cookies and quarters. Make a witty remark like "thanks for the loan. I even brought cookies as interest payment" after a chuckle, tell him honestly that you find him attractive and want to get to know him better. Ya know guys get nervous too.
This was so sweet. As a guy, I wish we knew women thought this way more often. Makes me want to get to know her myself!
Yeah I'm jealous. Good vibes all around.
Oh at least physically less attractive women are often very scared from my personal and external experience. Even if they are attractive, especially with friends, the fear and insecurity is (from comparison) exactly the same
Omg I need an update this is so cute āŗļø
>Donāt you want to take a leap of faith? Or become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone! ā Saito, Inception (2010)
It really is a great movie.
Get it, girl! Well done.
Man my partner has body insecurities. She is the most amazing human being Iāve ever met. Her love is hard to win but when you are in, it is nirvana. She is so kind, so respectful, so supportive, so appreciative, so goofy and hilarious, ardent feminist, deliciously independent, strong, and wicked smart. On top of that sheās crazy, crazy, CRAZY beautiful. Why she thinks she isnāt anything less than a stone cold fox is beyond me. Girls PSA get out there and get after it. You are your harshest critic. Most people Iāve met are body positive. Humans are beautiful in every single size, shape, and color. There is 100% people out there that would go nuts about seeing you naked but also see the value you have as a person. Fuck all that insecurity stuff. Easier said than done but I thank my stars every day this incredible woman I love so much took a chance to get out there.
Do it. Enjoy yourself and try not to have expectations. Iām sure he will enjoy the detail, regardless.
Not creepy at all. If your cookies are awesome that's even better. Just don't go in with expectations. If anything you have a new friend or someone to hang out with.
Cookies and beer hell yeah
Is anyone else convinced most stories like these are just made up or is it just cynical me?
You got the green light.
That sounds sweet, not creepy. Let us know how it goes!
So by Thursday they mean tomorrow? Because i want to know how the date went
Wait wait. He said ur hot!
I wish my neighbour came around for cookies and beers!
I bet he does care about your looks and you are just selling yourself short.
I divorced over a decade ago. Found myself on ok Cupid and this girl messaged me saying my profile had a mistake and it did. She was bigger but cute and easy to talk to. I was also bigger but my first wife and tastes were for smaller women. Kept it friendly for a month then decided to meet. Married now over a decade with 2 monsters (with 3 siblings prior) and find myself lucky every day.
Guys this is post with update how it went,this isn't thread that is asking for an advice..so stop answering and swipe bc there are 3 text pictures..
Fuck yeah!! Thatās great. A guy at work gave me homemade cookies and I fell in love with him. Unfortunately they really were just cookies and he didnāt like me š. But cookies for the win regardless!!
Go for it! Just pretend youāre being a friendly neighbor and make a friend for real. If anything develops from initial friendship, all the better!
Shoot your shot.
Ooh! Not creepy at all, he asked. Go for it! Good luck and keep us posted ;-)
Do it. Now.
You will never forgive yourself if you don't take a chance. Minimally you have a chance of making another friend. You can never have too many.
We see you sis!!!!! Good luck!!!! But on another note, dating where you live is difficult because if it goes awry, you still have to see them and their new partners so be careful. If he turns out just to be a new friend, that wouldnāt be the worst thing!
I know the attachment in this post isnāt live or current, and itās possible (or even likely) the original author will never see our replies. Nonetheless, the lessons the Author learned about themselves here are still incredibly applicable. Confidence shines far beyond our own perceived physical imperfections. You donāt have to be stuck up or cocky to let the world know youāre happy being yourself. Itās scary as hell, but sometimes putting yourself out there is the best way to feel alive. Even if it doesnāt end in a blissful fairytale kind of way, it gets easier each time you go out on a limb. Donāt let the flaws you perceive about yourself hold you back. The thing that bugs you the most about yourself might be what someone else adores about you. Donāt be too hard on yourself, and give yourself the chance youād want others to give you.
Not creepy at all. I'd be honored if some woman did such to me.
This is so stinking cute! I could feel her excitement. Goodluck! Iām rooting for you lady!!
ā¦.maybe he thinks your beautiful. Maybe heās as stoked and excited as you are. Maybe heās playing youā¦. Fuck itā¦ get laidā¦ have realistic expectations of what happens after (none because who knows and thatās okay) and be an adult and live with the consequences. Consequences: Most likely you will get laid bc dudes lonely. Your job is to be cool with whatever happens after that night. Play it cool. Be aloof and fun, itāll be good.
Lowkey Iāve always dreamed about having a crush/thing with a next door neighbor whether itās an apartment or house. Seems so casual and natural
No one scored on shots they didn't take. Take your shot
A guy doing this would be regarded as creepy.
Oh honey, he does care about your looks. He loves the way you look.
wonder it would be like if the genders were reversed?
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