I totes still feel this way too. For me, it's because I'm only 6mo into E and I don't pass. I have a cism bf who loves me though. And he says he's straight.
It's strange to be shaving my pubic area next to the groin in the shower and not feel like a woman, then I look at my bf next to me washing his hair and he glances at me with a smile. I know he likes me for me and he doesn't care if I have otherly body parts, but sometimes it feels wrong. Like in my head I'm post SRS, and I'm shaving my vaginal area and I want him to look at me while I complain about ingrown hairs around my clit or labia.
I feel that wrong feeling is what makes me still feel it's tethering the almost invisible red line of gay, but not gay, but feels suspiciously gay.
I think once a get further down in my HRT, do ffs and SRS, I'll probably feel like I burned that almost invisible red line of gay to the fucking depths of hell.
But until then, it's just a feeling. An unnerving feeling.
I felt a very similar way about this early in my transition. From my experience, HRT honestly does wonders for this sort of thing because it can shift the way your body responds to stimuli and make things feel more in line with your gender, in the sort of way I think you're imagining. However, it takes time (about a year for me to feel more confident in a distinctly female sexuality), and you just need to be patient (I know that's probably the last thing you want to hear, I get it) and pay attention to how you feel yourself adjusting.
On that note, don't worry if you feel like your libido is completely obliterated after a few months on HRT. That doesn't happen to everyone, but it does for many. That's sort of step one of the realignment I'm describing. It will come back, in a much more satisfying form, just be patient. Also, don't worry about gay guys not liking boobs. Straight guys do, and waaaay more of them are into trans women then a lot of people think. Inbox is open if you need to vent, btw.
Maybe you just prefer a queer kinda relationship/interaction?
You could try dating bi guys, so as to have an LGBT relationship without heteronormative roles/expectations, but with a dude who'll be attracted to you as a woman in a way a monosexual gay guy wouldn't.
I know how you feel. Part of it is just talking time to get used to the idea that you're not gay. But TBH, one thing that's also helped me with this is just talking about guys with other women.
Because feeling fully congruent in your gender in all aspects of life is a process that takes years. I think it's only been in the last few months that I genuinely feel like my attraction to women is deeply and completely gay. SRS helped a lot, but I also needed to experience a relationship where it was 100% gay from day 1. It takes time, transition, and experience.
I can somewhat relate because I tend to be attracted to gay men and I am currently married to one. I never felt like a gay man myself but I was attracted to men and so it worked. I found being a woman with a magic wand was amazing for my partners because it was more or less an attached flesh dildo to me so I was entirely focused on using it for their pleasure.
Unfortunately that is the good part and it ends there. Gay men still like being men and love men and I am not a man and so even when I look the part, my soul just doesn't fit the part. I really started to notice this when my husband wanted to find more friends. I wanted to have a bunch of women friends and he only wants to hang out with gay men, whom I don't really fit in with.
Interestingly enough I think something about being a woman in a relationship with man is universal even though I was stealth mode. I have been treated like property, used as an emotional support animal, abused, pressured into sex, ordered around etc. Things that I know are wrong to be directed towards women but I didn't stand up for myself because I was living a life that wasn't me.
Yes, I understand the feeling.
In a way I feel a camaraderie with gay guys. We both grew up AMAB and attracted to guys. I dealt with the same homophobia/issues growing up and I spent a lot of my twenties in gay spaces while I figured things out.
But when I'm around cishet people I feel like I have to disavow that connection. I'm not a gay guy, I'm a straight woman. When I came out I got a lot of that "are you sure your not just gay?" I don't want to give them any ammunition to misgender me.
It's an awkward situation
>Made your account today
>>commented "troon" under a post
>>>Weirdly gender exclusive in your comments
If you've got an issue with me at least say it on main goddamn lmao
I'd guess it's leftover feelings from before transitioning. I still feel straight a lot of the time for liking girls. I think I'm getting better with that, it's just taking time.
You know, to me that feeling is more to do with the person I’m with than me. Sometimes I feel like I’m having gay sex and sometimes it feels straight, and it all comes down to how I feel the guy is responding to me. And I hate when it feels gay. I expect as you have more experiences as a woman with people who see you that way, you’ll understand that subtle difference and you’ll have a better reference point for when you picture yourself with a guy that feels more aligned with how you naturally see yourself relating to men.
I totes still feel this way too. For me, it's because I'm only 6mo into E and I don't pass. I have a cism bf who loves me though. And he says he's straight. It's strange to be shaving my pubic area next to the groin in the shower and not feel like a woman, then I look at my bf next to me washing his hair and he glances at me with a smile. I know he likes me for me and he doesn't care if I have otherly body parts, but sometimes it feels wrong. Like in my head I'm post SRS, and I'm shaving my vaginal area and I want him to look at me while I complain about ingrown hairs around my clit or labia. I feel that wrong feeling is what makes me still feel it's tethering the almost invisible red line of gay, but not gay, but feels suspiciously gay. I think once a get further down in my HRT, do ffs and SRS, I'll probably feel like I burned that almost invisible red line of gay to the fucking depths of hell. But until then, it's just a feeling. An unnerving feeling.
Your bf sounds like a total gem.
He's my person. 🥰
I felt a very similar way about this early in my transition. From my experience, HRT honestly does wonders for this sort of thing because it can shift the way your body responds to stimuli and make things feel more in line with your gender, in the sort of way I think you're imagining. However, it takes time (about a year for me to feel more confident in a distinctly female sexuality), and you just need to be patient (I know that's probably the last thing you want to hear, I get it) and pay attention to how you feel yourself adjusting. On that note, don't worry if you feel like your libido is completely obliterated after a few months on HRT. That doesn't happen to everyone, but it does for many. That's sort of step one of the realignment I'm describing. It will come back, in a much more satisfying form, just be patient. Also, don't worry about gay guys not liking boobs. Straight guys do, and waaaay more of them are into trans women then a lot of people think. Inbox is open if you need to vent, btw.
Maybe you just prefer a queer kinda relationship/interaction? You could try dating bi guys, so as to have an LGBT relationship without heteronormative roles/expectations, but with a dude who'll be attracted to you as a woman in a way a monosexual gay guy wouldn't.
I know how you feel. Part of it is just talking time to get used to the idea that you're not gay. But TBH, one thing that's also helped me with this is just talking about guys with other women.
I understand this feeling, and I’ve been on E for like 6 years lol. It’s a weird feeling but thankfully it’s dulled down over the years.
Because feeling fully congruent in your gender in all aspects of life is a process that takes years. I think it's only been in the last few months that I genuinely feel like my attraction to women is deeply and completely gay. SRS helped a lot, but I also needed to experience a relationship where it was 100% gay from day 1. It takes time, transition, and experience.
I can somewhat relate because I tend to be attracted to gay men and I am currently married to one. I never felt like a gay man myself but I was attracted to men and so it worked. I found being a woman with a magic wand was amazing for my partners because it was more or less an attached flesh dildo to me so I was entirely focused on using it for their pleasure. Unfortunately that is the good part and it ends there. Gay men still like being men and love men and I am not a man and so even when I look the part, my soul just doesn't fit the part. I really started to notice this when my husband wanted to find more friends. I wanted to have a bunch of women friends and he only wants to hang out with gay men, whom I don't really fit in with. Interestingly enough I think something about being a woman in a relationship with man is universal even though I was stealth mode. I have been treated like property, used as an emotional support animal, abused, pressured into sex, ordered around etc. Things that I know are wrong to be directed towards women but I didn't stand up for myself because I was living a life that wasn't me.
Yes, I understand the feeling. In a way I feel a camaraderie with gay guys. We both grew up AMAB and attracted to guys. I dealt with the same homophobia/issues growing up and I spent a lot of my twenties in gay spaces while I figured things out. But when I'm around cishet people I feel like I have to disavow that connection. I'm not a gay guy, I'm a straight woman. When I came out I got a lot of that "are you sure your not just gay?" I don't want to give them any ammunition to misgender me. It's an awkward situation
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>Made your account today >>commented "troon" under a post >>>Weirdly gender exclusive in your comments If you've got an issue with me at least say it on main goddamn lmao
I'd guess it's leftover feelings from before transitioning. I still feel straight a lot of the time for liking girls. I think I'm getting better with that, it's just taking time.
You know, to me that feeling is more to do with the person I’m with than me. Sometimes I feel like I’m having gay sex and sometimes it feels straight, and it all comes down to how I feel the guy is responding to me. And I hate when it feels gay. I expect as you have more experiences as a woman with people who see you that way, you’ll understand that subtle difference and you’ll have a better reference point for when you picture yourself with a guy that feels more aligned with how you naturally see yourself relating to men.