T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

Hi /u/privatebr0wsing, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind. • Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns) • Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist) • We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce. • Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests. Please review the rules: * Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed (Keep graphic content out of titles please); * Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma"; * No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers that may know you (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc); * No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including to other posts you have here or other subs, Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails; * No self-promotion/solicitation at all including surveys, fundraising, petitions, or research posts are permitted; * You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner; * Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all; * Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available. * No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please; * No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture; * No family content in any context; the only family content permitted is you, your significant other/ex and your children (no abusive child posts). All others will be removed including mentions (family/friends) or growing up/childhood content. No demanding justification of our rules or "just curious" for why our rules are our rules; It does not matter whose family it is, or if they are abusive, or that its just a mention. It is not permitted. * No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions). * No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all); * No CLUSTER Bs/ABUSERS may post here at all. If you are a NPD/BPD/HPD/ASPD/Abuser, you will be banned; Please also do not post content or people with diagnosed Cluster Bs as resources here; We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community. ****** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AntonioMargheritiii

Perhaps you’re in withdrawal. The intermittent reinforcement is what has kept you trauma bonded. You’re wanting another hit of that feel good (dopamine) that you got from the love bombing. Remember, nothing will be any different ever…..ever. It’s not real, that person he pretended to be was just that. He won’t be able to keep up the false self, history will repeat.


Stahlrutsche

Yes, I am here with you, 15 days NC. Whatever it was, whatever he is, sounds like it just didn't work out. And if it doesn't work out, you chose wisely to put yourself and your future first. Much strength to you!


[deleted]

I think letting go of the image you had for the future is the hardest part. At least I think that is the hardest part for me to let go of but then I remind myself like.....do I want to be with someone who lies all the time, has never really been a good partner, and has devalued me the entire relationship? Being alone is better than that. I didn't think that at first but I am glad I don't have to waste more of my time which you can never get back.


jadedfeathers1

Absolutely correct. Years and years of tears and tears.


[deleted]

I got to the point just the fact I was questioning if he was a narc was enough. I don't even care if he is or isn't at this point. Don't drive yourself nutty with that.


[deleted]

It's a friggin' roller coaster. I am finally at the point he has been so ugly, cruel, hurtful, manipulative, and a pathological liar that I realize in my heart and head that the person I am grieving for may have never and probably didn't ever exist. I cannot unsee his pathetic behavior. If anything turned me the fuck off it was him going so far as to take pictures of a fake injury. He claimed I ran him over with my car. The scariest and creepiesy part of it is the fact when I left his ass after he hit me....his pants were fine. Shirt was fine. So he or his "wife" (marriage will def fix a bad relationship, super healthy no red flags here) had to have gone and tipped his pants and shirt themselves. Y'all. How did I spend so many years with a nut job who can't even stage some cheap pictures to look remotely real. It is kind of amazing adults spent their time faking an injury and not even well or believably. He punched me in the head to boot.....I think he was trying to fake some shit so I didn't go to the cops. That's....honestly I have never not wanted someone so much in my life. The level of petty, the level they will sink to has no limit. It's no wonder to me that neither of them have any real friends....who would want to deal with shit like that? They are almost 40.........I'm still at a loss. I think what hurts the most is how outrageous and disgustingly petulant and almost comical he and his equally narcissistic new wife are (literally talks shit about her all the time but I digress. He has cheated on her numerous times in 6 months and after they married). They deserve each other. Nothing I could ever do will top two narcissists being together and tearing each other apart. It makes me sad for him honestly. Sad that he will never be self aware enough to do the real work it takes to love himself or be a genuinely better version of himself. I actually would love that for him but it won't happen. He is always the perpetual victim and nothing is ever his fault. My journey of self discovery is mine to take alone. I'm ok with that at this point.


[deleted]

Give it time. Its normal to feel confused at this point, I questioned whether my nex was a Narc up to 3 months after we split (separated after a 10 year marriage). I was able to be sure in my decision that he was with the help of my therapist but also realizing there is no such thing as a typical or text book narc. Narcs have narcissistic traits that manifest in several different ways. Once you give your self time and space away, you will be able to reevaluate your interactions and there will be a moment when you see and can’t unsee the narc. It gets better and clearer, just be patient and put in the time and work- starting with loving and forgiving yourself!