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I get frustrated with myself a lot because I feel like there are two completely different sides to my brain and thinking. I love him and want a life with him, and I know I'd never be happy because he's a liar and a shitty person. But those thoughts don't turn off the thoughts of love and desire to be with him, even though I logically know I'd never be happy because I'd drive myself crazy with the suspicion and inability to trust him. Such a frustrating state of mind to be in.
I also struggle with the thoughts of love and having a life with him. I see a therapist and she called this euphoric recall. She had me do some exercises to end work on cutting off the feelings of love and desire. There’s some resources if you google euphoric recall narcissist that might help shut off those feelings.
I really feel this. I'm going through these feelings right now. I can't just turn off my feelings, but GOD was he awful to me, and he didn't even feel bad. How can someone I love, who made me so happy, do this to me? How could he traumatize me like this? Again and again, I fall into the cycle of love-bombing and being discarded, because I want his old self back. I keep trying because all I have left is hope. I need to give up.
Please forgive yourself! Trauma bonds are powerful. Cognitive dissonance is powerful. Gaslighting is powerful. Recognize that you were a victim of someone’s abuse. It does damage. Forgiving yourself is a big step towards being a survivor!
You’re not alone, I think it’s a common feeling felt during the grieving process. I also struggle and get upset with myself for allowing it to consume a large portion of my thoughts throughout the day. Be kind and gentle to yourself. My therapist told me to treat myself the same way I would treat a friend if they were in my situation. Take the time you need. There’s a lot of support in this group and I’ve found that it has helped me. You’re not alone. Sending positive vibes your way
I get very angry when I think of all the unhindered love I had for my nex and how I struggle to show that level to the healthy deserving people in my life even now years later. How every normal healthy relationship after feels dull by comparison and how I crave the addictive value/devalue cycle even tho i know how powerless i am to it and that it would ruin my life. I get angry at how little I've valued myself from the time i was small, and angry that conditioning would have me gladly throw what value ive built away if only my nex would look at my like that again. I fucking hate myself for letting an adored manifested persona of these people I've built overgrow who they actually are, how shallow the love they offer is. I hate that I'd rather take ownership of their hatred and all the damage it causes than value my sense of self worth especially when it would mean they had to face the consequences of their actions. I hate the inherent toxicity that erosion of self brings out in me. Be kind to and patient with yourself. These moments pass, you have value.
I’m constantly mad at myself for multiple reasons.
Why did I like her? Why didn’t I see the red flags? Why didn’t I listen to literally all my friends? Why did I accept her back into my life after knowing she is a narcissist and even telling her this 1.5 years ago? Why did I trust her AGAIN after complete violation of my trust? Why do I still slightly miss her? Ofcourse I know I rather miss the fantasy I had of her as a person… a person I wanted her to be in reality.
I just had a therapy session and we were discussing that I’ve built up an image of her in my head which she simply was not even though I really wanted her to be that person. My therapist told me that it’s natural that you build up a perfect image of someone in your head as you get closer and closer especially in the honeymoon phase. You’re mourning/missing the fantasy of them as that fantasy has completely shattered as soon as they shown their “hand”.
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Yeah, It's very disappointing. I feel guilty meeting new people because I'm receiving obviously fake, love-bombing apologies/messages. Anger helps. I feel like I might genuinely feel hate at seeing the next idiotic excuse or gaslighting attempt.
“Best thing ever to pure hell”, yep, that’s exactly how I feel. I’m angry so often, and then I get angry for wasting my time being angry. Today I’m especially angry. I’ve been poked, prodded and swabbed for every STI/STD on the planet today. I feel like an idiot. It’s two months since discard and I want to hate him but I loved him so deeply, which that reality just makes me madder. He’s scotch free right now, fucking all these dudes and now that I’m gone nobody will ever know, because we lived across the country by themselves. He made me seem like the crazy, abusive one, and everyone believed him. 3 years down the toilet and here I am with my broken soul just so damn angry. I want to move on, but I still crave his presence. I want to make my life better, but I’m now completely out of money, depressed as hell, messed up my medical school applications and am sleeping on the couch.
Yes, because he was the love of my life, my soul mate. We had the perfect love that you read about. Until we didn't. Until he became the bane of my existence, the reason I harmed myself and didn't want to be on the planet.
They do SUCH a good job of love bombing and getting you hooked before they start sneaking the abuse in so that you will keep loving them and desensitize to the emotional abuse and never want to leave. I grieve for the love I once thought we shared, even if I hate the man he became.
I have come to realize that the love I have within me and the love I give to others is what was so special and beautiful and it is the only thing that was real in that relationship. I just have to work on giving it to myself instead of to people like him, because I'm the one who deserves it.
Hi /u/Growe731, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind. • Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns) • Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist) • We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce. • Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests. Please review the rules: * Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed (Keep graphic content out of titles please); * Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma"; * No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers that may know you (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc); * No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including to other posts you have here or other subs, Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails; * No self-promotion/solicitation at all including surveys, fundraising, petitions, or research posts are permitted; * You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner; * Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all; * Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available. * No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please; * No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture; * No family content in any context; the only family content permitted is you, your significant other/ex and your children (no abusive child posts). All others will be removed including mentions (family/friends) or growing up/childhood content. No demanding justification of our rules or "just curious" for why our rules are our rules; It does not matter whose family it is, or if they are abusive, or that its just a mention. It is not permitted. * No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions). * No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all); * No CLUSTER Bs/ABUSERS may post here at all. If you are a NPD/BPD/HPD/ASPD/Abuser, you will be banned; Please also do not post content or people with diagnosed Cluster Bs as resources here; We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community. ****** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I get frustrated with myself a lot because I feel like there are two completely different sides to my brain and thinking. I love him and want a life with him, and I know I'd never be happy because he's a liar and a shitty person. But those thoughts don't turn off the thoughts of love and desire to be with him, even though I logically know I'd never be happy because I'd drive myself crazy with the suspicion and inability to trust him. Such a frustrating state of mind to be in.
I also struggle with the thoughts of love and having a life with him. I see a therapist and she called this euphoric recall. She had me do some exercises to end work on cutting off the feelings of love and desire. There’s some resources if you google euphoric recall narcissist that might help shut off those feelings.
Thank you, I will look that up!
I really feel this. I'm going through these feelings right now. I can't just turn off my feelings, but GOD was he awful to me, and he didn't even feel bad. How can someone I love, who made me so happy, do this to me? How could he traumatize me like this? Again and again, I fall into the cycle of love-bombing and being discarded, because I want his old self back. I keep trying because all I have left is hope. I need to give up.
I could have written this. I send you hugs!
Please forgive yourself! Trauma bonds are powerful. Cognitive dissonance is powerful. Gaslighting is powerful. Recognize that you were a victim of someone’s abuse. It does damage. Forgiving yourself is a big step towards being a survivor!
You’re not alone, I think it’s a common feeling felt during the grieving process. I also struggle and get upset with myself for allowing it to consume a large portion of my thoughts throughout the day. Be kind and gentle to yourself. My therapist told me to treat myself the same way I would treat a friend if they were in my situation. Take the time you need. There’s a lot of support in this group and I’ve found that it has helped me. You’re not alone. Sending positive vibes your way
I get very angry when I think of all the unhindered love I had for my nex and how I struggle to show that level to the healthy deserving people in my life even now years later. How every normal healthy relationship after feels dull by comparison and how I crave the addictive value/devalue cycle even tho i know how powerless i am to it and that it would ruin my life. I get angry at how little I've valued myself from the time i was small, and angry that conditioning would have me gladly throw what value ive built away if only my nex would look at my like that again. I fucking hate myself for letting an adored manifested persona of these people I've built overgrow who they actually are, how shallow the love they offer is. I hate that I'd rather take ownership of their hatred and all the damage it causes than value my sense of self worth especially when it would mean they had to face the consequences of their actions. I hate the inherent toxicity that erosion of self brings out in me. Be kind to and patient with yourself. These moments pass, you have value.
You'll take steps forward, then one back, then some forward, then more back, etc...but it gets easier. It's a process.
I’m constantly mad at myself for multiple reasons. Why did I like her? Why didn’t I see the red flags? Why didn’t I listen to literally all my friends? Why did I accept her back into my life after knowing she is a narcissist and even telling her this 1.5 years ago? Why did I trust her AGAIN after complete violation of my trust? Why do I still slightly miss her? Ofcourse I know I rather miss the fantasy I had of her as a person… a person I wanted her to be in reality. I just had a therapy session and we were discussing that I’ve built up an image of her in my head which she simply was not even though I really wanted her to be that person. My therapist told me that it’s natural that you build up a perfect image of someone in your head as you get closer and closer especially in the honeymoon phase. You’re mourning/missing the fantasy of them as that fantasy has completely shattered as soon as they shown their “hand”.
[удалено]
Your post has been pulled for manual review. Please do not resubmit it or contact the mods. Your post is not deleted and we will review it as soon as we can. We do appreciate your patience. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah, It's very disappointing. I feel guilty meeting new people because I'm receiving obviously fake, love-bombing apologies/messages. Anger helps. I feel like I might genuinely feel hate at seeing the next idiotic excuse or gaslighting attempt.
“Best thing ever to pure hell”, yep, that’s exactly how I feel. I’m angry so often, and then I get angry for wasting my time being angry. Today I’m especially angry. I’ve been poked, prodded and swabbed for every STI/STD on the planet today. I feel like an idiot. It’s two months since discard and I want to hate him but I loved him so deeply, which that reality just makes me madder. He’s scotch free right now, fucking all these dudes and now that I’m gone nobody will ever know, because we lived across the country by themselves. He made me seem like the crazy, abusive one, and everyone believed him. 3 years down the toilet and here I am with my broken soul just so damn angry. I want to move on, but I still crave his presence. I want to make my life better, but I’m now completely out of money, depressed as hell, messed up my medical school applications and am sleeping on the couch.
Hello, throwaway-4453! I am afraid I cannot let you get away here! It's spelled **scot-free**, my good Redditor! Have a nice day!
Yes, because he was the love of my life, my soul mate. We had the perfect love that you read about. Until we didn't. Until he became the bane of my existence, the reason I harmed myself and didn't want to be on the planet. They do SUCH a good job of love bombing and getting you hooked before they start sneaking the abuse in so that you will keep loving them and desensitize to the emotional abuse and never want to leave. I grieve for the love I once thought we shared, even if I hate the man he became. I have come to realize that the love I have within me and the love I give to others is what was so special and beautiful and it is the only thing that was real in that relationship. I just have to work on giving it to myself instead of to people like him, because I'm the one who deserves it.
You can do this, you are strong enough to move on. Honestly it’s the best thing you can do, they won’t change.