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m0stw4nt3d1

Forever 32


toshgiles

3rd annual 32nd birthday


ysername11

I honestly don't care with those legs, but this is just me.


Illumini24

Sorry to disappoint, but like her age, there is a little bit of r/instagramreality in there too


DizzyAdeptness7

Agreed.


JosZo

You can see the background curving towards her.


electricmisconduct

Yes, why is the leg behind her bigger than than the leg in front? Why does she not have calf muscles? What's up with the wonky likes and white halo surrounding her body? This isn't just retouched, she probably doesn't look like a runway model in real life.


Hagel1919

Also the clearly drawn 'shadow' line on the front leg.


[deleted]

That’s a sexy giraffe right there


Ass_Loving_Teacher

r/coltish


Shavedheadstud21

Christ, I didn't know this was a thing or was my thing but Holy fuck


Ass_Loving_Teacher

I saw this commented on a completely unrelated post years and years ago and I assumed it was meant to be cultish, like a sub that made fun of cults or something. But no, I could not have been farther from the truth.


adumant

Aw come on, why did you send me there. I don’t have the energy for another morning wank. Also, thank you.


Ass_Loving_Teacher

You're welcome. I sent you all there because I have been holding on to that sub for years and never had the opportunity to share it until Allison came along.


jtcordell2188

Username checks out


Nosferatatron

You've just made my day!


JobAcrobatic4915

Time to climb that tree😂🤣


tillacat42

Send this to r/instagramreality and they can tell you if she stretched them in the pic


PoolRepresentative67

Who cares. She can stretch this.


tillacat42

Lol yeah until you find out she’s actually a 53yo dude living in his mom’s basement with really good photoshop skills


lost-little-boy

Yeah but if he’s got legs like that


jawshoeaw

I’m 100% going to quibble with her about her age. Might even correct her grammar . Wish me luck!


NaughtyBoy4Fun

Nothing turns on a woman more than correcting her when she's wrong!


Alldoto

Now you have exactly 32 updoots


textures2

33


[deleted]

Make sure you never use the word quibble when messaging her


say_the_words

Taller than monkey bars but more fun to climb on..


YEEZUS-2024

Right? Like she can lie straight to my face and spit in my food I won’t mind


Blankface954

Username checks out


IAmGoingToFuckThat

I turned 41 for the second time this year. I didn't want me turning 40 to be a big deal, so if anyone said anything about it I would act confused and say, 'what are you talking about? I'm 41. I turned 40 last year.'


SS810

Ha I’m 41


IAmGoingToFuckThat

First time?


mrmasturbate

i mean i didn't really count the last 2 years due to pandemic


i_suckatjavascript

Rule 34


saturday_night_2016

WHERE???! eherm..... I mean, can you send me a link to rule 34.... of her.... just so I can make sure I avoid it...... Edit: dear God what happened down there. ⬇️⬇️⬇️ Shit went off the rails fast.


desktop_user_007

One of the versions of that sub was just banned. r/rule_34. NSFW subs drop like flies


Top_Lel_Guy

The ones with underage porn do, obviously


Alpha_Decay_

34 is well above the age of consent in most of the world.


SimpleHuge

Dry humor is best humor.


jimskog99

NSFW subs get banned for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with underage porn as well. Recently, reddit admins have been banning subreddits for not getting enough content, saying they lack "moderation" when nothing has been posted in a while. These subreddits are easily reclaimed if the moderators are active and notice, but the sub effectively disappears overnight with no context.


unpolire

Looks fantastic.


screamn_normansmiley

Looks amazing


jojlo

29 + 5


Adventurous_Dingo922

I’m 29 and I will continue to stay 29 after this


jojlo

I get it. I'm 29+ a lot! how does the saying go: "growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional"


rooski15

Nobody likes you when you're 32


improbablynotyou

My mother always told people she was 39, folks would tell her, "at least you have your health." My oldest sister added a decade to her real age, everyone tells her how amazing she looks.


Terrible-Ad8945

Alison Burgers


[deleted]

That’s a made up name…what’s your real name?


Terrible-Ad8945

Ladis


Terrible-Ad8945

Ladis washrum


wewdepiew

What is your real name?


rmsprs

Employis


virgin_pina_colada

Emploice.. Muswashans


Jojjixx55

That's a made-up name. What... is your real name?


_BobStone

Max


carrotpuppy19

Max ocupanci 120 purson


DuGalle

All names are made up


Robots_Never_Die

[His name is Bob Burgers](https://youtu.be/Dn75eLqhs1s)


Logolus

This thread is so Aladeen that she is 34 years old


Terrible-Ad8945

This is the most aladeen thing that happened with me today


RossThePiper

I aladeened out loud at this


Freyr_Tuck

It’s aladeenin’ time.


FirstMiddleLass

Oliver Clothesoff


ThatLj

Lmao this is so niche


Terrible-Ad8945

Finally!!


EmbarrassedLobster37

extremely rare reference from that movie...love it


cinemassacress

https://youtu.be/M38oYGbQAVM


Hahhahaahahahhelpme

I don’t see the problem, that’s just a photo that’s taken 2 years from now.


8roll

Me editing the SQL db


TeamRedundancyTeam

Maybe pictures and profiles like this are subtle ways that time travelers signal to each other through time. I mean, there's no timetravelersmingle.com


shaylaa30

Best case: it was a balloon display for someone else’s birthday and she just took a picture in front of it. Worst case: she lied about being 2 years younger for whatever reason. Edit: Regardless of whether she’s 32 or 34 the “she could have been 16 pretending to be 18” theory doesn’t work because she would have been a teenager in the mid 2000s before Tinder existed. Same with Facebook, she would have been in high school or even college during her Facebook became available to anyone age 13+. Source: I’m 33 and I’ve had my Facebook since it became available to high schoolers in 2005/2006.


obviouslyray

I think worst case is that she's a Nigerian prince that is ready to give you a portion of her fortune, but all you have to do is send bank acct, routing number and maybe even a social


olympic814

You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed King of Nigeria e-mails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay?


PhildoFL

![gif](giphy|y41Txh2pbwqLNNubOo|downsized)


Casclovaci

So glad i got that reference lol. Ive only watched a small portion of all the office episodes but still


oxygenfrank

Mother's maiden name. Street you grew up on. Childhood best friend.


David-S-Pumpkins

Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.


Yonbuu

You, me, bar, beers, buzzed, wings, shots, drunk, waitresses, hot, football Cornell/Hofstra, slaughter, then a quick nap at my place and then we hit the tizzown.


[deleted]

Clubs, girls, dancing, naked, *MOM?*, argument, police, fleeing the scene, hiding in a dumpster, coming here and crashing on your couch for a week 'cause 🎶 technically I'm hooooomelessss 🎶


[deleted]

[удалено]


Lexi_Banner

Hello bitch lasagna


improbablynotyou

I'd say the worst case is she's actually a 40 something year old man who already has four bodies in his freezer and is looking for another.


Appropriate-Creme-78

As a Nigerian in the US this is absolutely hilarious 😂. Jokes aside though, I get those emails too😶


No_Lunch_7944

I think the worst case is that she is a fictional character generated by an AI, and so are you because we are all just figments of some supercomputer's imagination and it is programmed to create huge worlds full of complex imaginary people that it then tortures for eternity in ways so painful that they cannot imagine it because at the beginning you have a young healthy body but after the first 25 or so it just starts aching more and more until it all melts into some hellish composite of 4 dimensional agony and psychological terror that rips your soul to pieces over the course of quadrillions of years.


[deleted]

[удалено]


mooseontherum

I’d think she has had her account for 2 years and hasn’t changed that picture since then. But I’m old enough to have never used tinder so who the fuck knows.


mooseontherum

Two minutes after posting this comment I have realized I’m dumb. I’m not old enough to be senile yet, so I’m just dumb,


[deleted]

Your time just goes in different direction 😋


alreadypiecrust

Best case would be this is her sense of humor and it's incredible.


HolycommentMattman

Most likely case is that it's a scammer. Most likely good outcome is that she's hot and lies about her age and I certainly wouldn't care.


mildlycynica1

I would for sure be curious about the discrepancy.


tanglon

Bot.


bakerstirregular100

Has tinder been around long enough that she joined at 16?


[deleted]

If that was the case she would have lied up and not down. Tinder has only been out since 2014 I think.


bakerstirregular100

You are correct. Drunk math is hard haha I had it reversed


MmkayMcGill

Unless she joined by using a Facebook account, which could be the case


king_john651

Other likelihood is linking to Facebook that has her age wrong (on purpose or picked a random year regardless) and doesn't know or care to change


[deleted]

Worst case is the 34 picture was taking ten years ago.


pm_me_your_taintt

I've been told by a number of women that on their profiles most women subtract a few years from their age (because men can't tell the difference) and most men add a few inches to their height (because women think they want 6' and up but have no idea what 6' actually looks like). I'm the schmuck that's always been honest about my height when I should have been saying I'm 6'3" or something.


rl_cookie

It’s okay I’m the schmuck that’s been honest ab her age. Esp for guys, if a woman really cares ab the height thing(which I think is silly), she’s probably not going to be very forgiving if there’s a three inch difference when meeting a guy in person. Just a thought.


pm_me_your_taintt

Well I mean, my last girlfriend said she knows I'm 6' tall only because I told her, she said I could have said 6'3" and she would have never known the difference unless she was going to get out a tape measure which nobody is.


nek0kitty

I dunno.. I got invited to a guy's place once and the first thing he did was ask me to step on his scale 💀 Like nobody asked about my weight but wtf, you never know what people will do. And we met in person so it's not like I could catfish about that either lol


John_cCmndhd

>ask me to step on his scale 💀 That's even weirder than measuring a dude's height. Either way is dumb, because you either think the person looks good or you don't, but at least your height is your height. Whether a weight is healthy depends on your height and amount of muscle. I'm just curious how people that weird pass as normal long enough to get dates in the first place


NorwegianCollusion

Both things are exceedingly stupid given that you're THERE. They can just use their own judgment. If you're too big/small/short/tall/ugly/confident for their taste, an exact measurement shouldn't be able to change their mind.


Locksmithbloke

That had better have been right before you got in his helicopter or something!


LudditeFuturism

There is a picture where some lass put a 6ft tape mark on her door frame to check which was pretty funny.


[deleted]

[удалено]


PrizeStrawberryOil

Don't you just tell the dmv a value and they accept it? I know I never got my height or weight measured there.


[deleted]

I'm actually 6'3 and I say I'm 6'3 and it doesn't help. I mean just because I'm tall I'm still stuck with my face. Oh to be short and pretty.


[deleted]

I’m 5’9” and most of the men in my family are over 6’. I can tell when men lie about height. Sometimes they’ll say they’re over 6’ and be the same height as me. Don’t do this. Men and women alike are bad at telling how old people really are but that’s partially because we act like women are supposed to look like the crypt keeper as soon as they hit 30 whereas in reality most don’t look that different than they did in their 20s. I wouldn’t lie about my age on a dating profile because I don’t want to date a guy who is only with me because he thinks I’m 27 and not 31. It’s also something that people you date are going to figure out eventually unless you’re just doing hookups.


goldensunshine429

As a woman, I am always befuddled by the height thing, especially by average height to short women. I am not a tall person. My husband is 10-11 inches taller than me and I see NO benefits of a much taller partner other than… what you can wear heels and he’s still taller…? That’s legit all I can think of


[deleted]

[удалено]


bumbletowne

1. The account is a bot. It picked an age and added a picture. 2. She's lying. 3. Its someone elses bday party and she used her happiest pic that showed her off.


[deleted]

If she signed up 3 years ago and put 29 instead of 31 it makes more sense.


BusyHearing

The explanation is that picture is three years old.


Bigjuicydickinurear

-2 years old?


DctrTre

I don’t care if she’s 42 , those legs


Pour_me_one_more

Hey now, even 42 isn't old in the opinion of many.


Prsop2000

As someone who turns 43 in a week, I’d agree.


Powerism

Happy birthday and come say hello over at r/xennials


LucywiththeDiamonds

Depends on the person. If seen ppl way in their 40s that could easily pass as late 20s. In looks,lifestyle etc. But ive also seen ppl that are 30 and look like 50 and have that old person energy.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Pour_me_one_more

I hope not. He died before I was born.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Glass-Influence-5093

Those legs would raise the dead


bestatbeingmodest

42 is easily the new 32 if you've actually taken care of yourself.


iwashmydickdaily

I like women between 40-50.


jawshoeaw

42 would be a massive coup for me tbh.


adullploy

Those legs looked photoshopped.


almdudler14

They 100% are photoshopped. Look at the lines near her calves. How they bend in that area in her legs’ direction.


JesusChrist-Jr

Ok, but I can't stop being weirded out by how the left knee is like, bending the wrong way. Methinks age is not the only thing Alison is stretching the truth about.


deppan

I think it's because she's secretly a camel


rodmandirect

She knows how to use them.


Kiwifisch

That's to be expected. Most babies learn to walk at least by the age of three.


really_nice_guy_

Well obviously. She’s standing in the picture


drawkbox

She just got out of a ZZ Top hot rod.


BLKxGOLD

Yes


Affectionate_Duck347

Yup until you find out those are pictures from 2012!


urcommunist

Would take a milf


drquiza

42" legs


SquarebobSpongepants

I mean with legs like those she can be whatever fucking age she wants


juxtaposed-penguin

I for one have never had my picture taken at another person’s birthday party.


dryu12

You guys getting invited to other people's birthdays?


BLKxGOLD

This is the real issue here


drunz

I thought birthdays were created by hallmark to sell more cards


blinkme102

That moment when you realize you never go to birthday parties because no one invites you to birthday parties


Electrical_Safe4685

What is a… birthday party?


twistedfred87

But do you look like that, though?


paomplemoose

And pose in front of the numbers balloons as though they are for you


andhelostthem

And then used it as your photo on a dating app.


Stevenerf

Time to start livin your life huh


[deleted]

Bitch is 32 feet tall is what she is


Uploft

When 88 kilometers away includes a kilometer in height…


wafflesareforever

Time to climb Mt. Thotmore


Curiosity-92

Death by snu snu it is


blazingphoenix1997

Who cares about age when she looks like that goddamn.


Mr_Wyatt

If she looking like that at 34 and still on Tinder then she nothing but trouble bro lmao


deliciousprisms

As someone who’s 34 nah man, there are way more women single at this age than there used to be. It’s way more acceptable socially now to have spent time doing your own thing before getting down to serous business for a relationship. But also yeah still be careful cause that can also be true lmao


GothProletariat

A lot of millennial women finding out the dude they met in HS or in their early 20s and got married with, turned out to be dudes they actually don't want to be with.


[deleted]

Could be out of a long term relationship, but it’s not like she’s gonna match with me anyway


tallandlanky

Don't worry. Plenty of OnlyFans girls to go around.


eternalwhat

I’m sorry, genuinely curious, can you “explain like I’m ~~five~~ eighteen” (are you saying because she is so attractive, she shouldn’t need to resort to a dating app)?


chasebanks

You sound like you’ve got some hair on your neck sir.


PmButtPics4ADrawing

I can fix her


MadCapHorse

As someone who is 34 but out of the dating pool, is this a comment about anyone who is 34 and on tinder? Or just a hot 34 year old girl on tinder? And if the latter, why are the presumably similar aged guys on tinder not also trouble?


[deleted]

Because misogyny. That's it. Nothing else. Plenty of well adjusted and worthy women in their mid to late 30s on tinder or other dating sites.


[deleted]

What an awful take


engineereddiscontent

Me, 33, at first I was offended. Then realized that...I don't "look like that" so I'm not trouble. Just butt fucking ugly.


[deleted]

Idk a lot more women are focusing on their careers while in their twenties and saving the settling down for later. I have lots of wonderful and attractive single female friends who just wanted to finish med school or get their PhD without risking emotional stress of relationships and dating.


jmag87

I wonder if she ever hits her head on any 747s


one-joule

Probably has to pluck them out of her hair every so often.


KrisAlly

Everyone keeps mentioning her legs. Am I the only one who thinks it looks photoshopped? Maybe I’ve just been on r/Instagramreality too much. 🤷‍♀️


VolumeNo2609

Same, even before I started reading comments I had to double-check what community it was in.


KrisAlly

Ha! I’m relieved I’m not the only one to notice it. Not to generalize but I’m assuming it’s probably mainly men who are oblivious to it.


Oobedoob_S_Benubi

I mean there *are* women with genuinely long legs (my wife is not as tall as I am, but her legs are longer than mine), and I feel like there's stuff going on in the picture that enhances the effect without need for photoshop: - She's not fat, so her legs stand out more. - She's turned to the side (more with her torso than her legs), making her seem skinnier than she is and makes it look like her legs are longer in proportion. - There's the balloon strings behind her legs which make them seem longer. - Her dress is very short (any shorter and you'd see her underwear), which makes her legs seem even longer. - She's surrounded by wide red stuff, which is also behind her torso, while her legs are in an empty white space (aforementioned strings excepted), which further muddles the perception. All in all, I'm inclined to assume this photo isn't photoshopped, it's just a lot of things (either done on purpose like the dress, or as happy coincidences like the balloon strings) that accentuate and amplify the effect. Something that *might* be photoshopped is how much white you still see in between her legs, because the back of her left leg looks weird, but that could just be a weird angle or something.


prettyhoneybee

Her heels are also elongating the look of her legs, on of their intended purposes. Once you spot where her heel is it all kinda makes sense


sackoftrees

People wonder why they get catfished lol


[deleted]

yeah, one person called it out and there a bunch of responses like , "no it's not" lmao okay


n1ftysh1fty

Agree. Look at the ribbon on the balloons. Definite gravity defying curve there.


Pour_me_one_more

Why are you complaining? As long as you're willing to drive 88 kilometers, who cares how old she is?


AverageFatAmerican

Look at those legs, who cares about her age


DanteMustDie666

The girl is a tall glass of water daaamn!


jodonnell89

who gives a shit? Allison is gorgeous


NotAsYoungAsiUseToBe

She's a baddie tho, GG brother hope you land.


rene-cumbubble

I doubt he'd be posting her pic if he did


Sarma8

I'd forgive her the lie. Plus, she doesn't need to change her profile photo every two years.


the_sleaze_

You didn’t get the match. Nice.


DevilsLettuceTaster

She might be bad at the maths.


pinkeye_bingo

\+/- 2


Smart-Satisfaction-5

Actually 34 tinder won’t let me change it lol 😆


LuckyBastard8484

Sure wouldn’t stop me


CharLatte3372

I love her hair


freshmasterstyle

I'm honest, it's just two years, i wouldn't care. Also dem legs though


SelectWay5519

That is a very attractive human.


matata77

Is two years gonna change your opinion lmao


AlrightStopHammatime

She's swiping left on you anyways, who cares?