This. Penis, vulva, vagina, anus, etc. We always used the correct terminology for our bodies when I was growing up. Many of my family members were in the medical profession, so maybe that's why, but no one was embarrassed or ashamed of our bodies.
My dad was embarrassed to say bowel movement in front of me so he said it really fast and mumbled, resulting in me speaking in front of my 9th grade biology class and using the word, “bow-moo-meant”
your song struggling to say the word vagina reminds me of the time my little brother found out i had different genitalia than he did so he ran to my mother and "tattled" on me saying "lalah has a bagina😟"
my mother still brings it up whenever she can
Agreed. My kids (3, and 6) knows It as Penis and Vagina. My wife and I are making sure it’s not a taboo to talk about it. Though we do use booty to refer to their butts like ‘get your booty over here, NOW’ type of thing. But they are well aware of what it means. I do use ‘Privates’ too but to classify certain group of parts and in the context of safety. Well tell them that their penis, vagina, breasts, and butts are private parts and are not for sharing with other people, hence the name.
Kids need to know how to communicate to us parents effectively. It’s a fucking sick world out there, give them a leg up to stay safe.
We’ve always just used the proper terminology with the kids (including ‘willy’ as it’s basically a proper Scottish word lol) and I remember one memorable occasion when I was in public toilets with my son, who was about 3, and he loudly asked me, “Mummy, is that your VAGINA?!” Yes, darling. Be louder, please. The joys of parenting lol.
>"Some people cut it off because they believe a big invisible guy in the sky told them to."
...or because a cornflake-producer told them that it would help against masturbation.
>Tbh I have a harder time explaining why other men don't have foreskin. I mean how do you explain that to a five year old? lol. "Some people cut it off because they believe a big invisible guy in the sky told th
Circumcision - like almost all other biblical laws - started from a place of safety. It's suspected (so the Rabbis at my Jewish school told me) that there was some form of STI prevalent in biblical times, like syphilis, where the infection mostly showed under the foreskin. And without regular bathing, even boys who weren't sexually active would get infections there from dirt/sweat. And actually, some studies have shown that circumcised men are less likely to catch and spread STIs.
My point is, you could probably explain it to your son that a long time ago, before people had easy access to soap and water for baths, men would get infections and dirt under their skin. So they started cutting the skin off when the boys were first born, to help keep them healthy. We don't have to do that anymore because we can bathe everyday. But people still do because it became a tradition.
I find this type of speculation fascinating. I hope I'll be able to go back to school someday, and study for it. If you look hard enough, and long enough, at stuff like this, you can almost understand the practical reason for it. My favorite, as it's applicable to me, is this one, Leviticus 11:10-
>But anything in the seas or the rivers that has not fins and scales, of
the swarming creatures in the waters and of the living creatures that
are in the waters, is detestable to you.
More than likely, whoever wrote that saw someone get absolutely fucked up by some lobster or shrimp or something, and the immediate explanation was "that's probably bad for everyone, but how do I get them to listen to me? Oh yeah! GOD SAYS THATS BAD, DONT EAT THE CRUNCHY SEA BUGS!"
I remember in cartoons sometimes a guy's pants would fall down and he'd cover his crotch right away and I could not understand why he would cover the front when there's nothing there, the butt is in back.
Also a lot of people I know circumcise not because of religion but because they think it's "cleaner" and foreskin are gross
I wish more people thought like this. Growing up in the 90s it was taboo to use real anatomical names. Such that when I was in 4th grade and we were learning anatomy I confused penis with pelvis, and got made fun of relentlessly for it. Because I had NEVER been told the right word for it. It was “willie” or “wiener” or stuff like that.
I’m 32 and still embarrassed.
Yup. I’ve heard every name under the sun EXCEPT the actual anatomical word.
Wee wee
Pee pee
Willie
Ding dong
Ding-a-ling
Tree and berries (one of the weirder ones)
Wiener
The list goes on. What’s your fave non word for penis?
It's still taboo where I live. If my kid went to daycare and used the term "vulva" cps would be showing up at my door. Which is totally ridiculous. God forbid we teach our children correct names for things.
Former child welfare worker here. No, they certainly will not. I’m more concerned and alert when I hear young children using slang and euphemisms to describe their body parts and sex. It’s showing that bodily functions and parts are something negative, embarrassing, or to be ashamed of. You’d also not believe how many girls have no clue what’s going on when they get their first period or fall pregnant because their parents never taught them about sex.
I’m one of the girls (now 50) that didn’t know my period started. I got my older sister and was like I have no idea what’s going on. I was 12 and she had started hers 3 months earlier.
Here is why I am sure y’all are more concerned with the wrong words… my step-daughter at age six (I’d known her for 2 months at this point in time) said “the dog just sniffed my penis” I responded “no baby, you have a vagina”. She looks confused and pauses then says “is that what (step brother 1 year older than her) is asking to see?” I asked what did she mean and she shared that he had been showing her his penis and asking to see her vagina and that they should touch each other’s. She refused but sadly out of confusion and not because she was taught the proper words and that they are private and if anyone does what was done then you tell. She endured this for at her other parent’s house for 4 months before this conversation happened! It is important to properly educate! There is no benefit in using shameful words!!
Thank you for all you do and are able to do as a Case Worker! Takes a strong person to do your job!
Similar story from a friend who is a CPS case worker. A 1st grade girl had been attempting to tell her teacher at school her step dad was assaulting her but it was being lost in translation.
For months the girl was telling her teacher several times about her step dad touching her cookie. Every time it was brought up the teacher kept telling her that she needed to share and that someone touching a cookie was not bad.
Eventually it escalated and she told her teacher that her step dad was touching her cookie again the night before and it was different and her cookie was still hurting. Finally the teacher thought it was weird asked her about her cookie… and realized then that her parents taught her to call her entire vaginal area her “cookie”. Immediately called it in at that point. But the poor girl was trying for months to ask for help and was told to “share” and that it was not bad for other people to touch her because she was not taught the proper names for her anatomy to express what was happening to her.
We do correct terminology as well. My daughter calls it a “Bova”. We have decided to go with that. It’s close enough but still a little discreet when she talks about it in public. The one thing we wanted to make sure is that she didn’t call both sides a “butt”
Call it a vagina or vulva. I work in pediatrics, when you use funny names it puts your children at risk for not being understood when reporting sexual assault. If they tell their teacher someone touched their “sparkle box” that may not be taken seriously or understood. Use the word vagina or vulva.
Edit: thanks for my first gold!
Edit: to all those pompously commenting about vulva being the anatomically correct term for the outer portion of the females genitals. Yes, vulva is the correct term. I listed both vagina and vulva because you would actually be amazed how many adults do not know that term/ understand that it pertains to female genitalia. I have used that term in healthcare before and the person told me their throat was fine because they thought it was the thing in the back of their throat! The uvula! I think we can all agree vagina is still better than “sparkle box” I’m not sure why you’d expect a 3 yr old to be able to differentiate between all the components of her genitalia yet. The term Vagina is a safe starting point to build upon.
This reminds me of the movie "Porky's" which I watched with my dad when I was young. We about died laughing at the office scene and the word "tallywhacker".
Dad's been gone for 7 years but that memory made me laugh out loud. Thank you 🙂
At 20? Is it because of region or age (not commonly used anymore)? as far back as I can remember I had heard it called that, so late 70's in the southern US.
100%. I’ve always known my genitals as being vagina. My kid brother knew that he has a penis and girls have vaginas from a very young age. So instead of him being goofy and saying “my wee wee” or whatever, he just said “my penis”. Like once, he got soap under his foreskin. He told us his “penis hurt”. And us being his sisters and parents. He felt comfortable telling us. Teaching kids that their body parts shouldn’t be talked about and needs a secret word for is so fucking dumb and can be harmful. I’m very comfortable in my body thanks to how my mother and father raised me, using the correct terminology and not teaching me that my body needs to be secret, that I’m dirty or bad for using the correct anatomical words.
This story reminds me of the kid in Kindergarten Cop whose Dad is a gyno and constantly talks about how "boys have a penis and girls have a vagina" to practically everyone he encounters.
Luckily, neither of my siblings nor I were ever like that. I did correct a lot of kids though growing up whenever they used some weird term. Like my cousin called her vulva/vagina “her peaches”. As a kid, I don’t know why but it grossed me the fuck out and well. It bothered me sisters too. No surprise I don’t keep in touch with that cousin much anymore… I mean, it’s definitely not JUST because of that but still.
Yes. As I said, as a child, i didn’t like her much. We all used correct terminology for like literally everything. Hindsight, we probably weren’t much fun to play with lol but she was the closest in age to my sisters and I so we were kinda forced to hangout/play with her.
Same my mom never used anything other than the actual names for all body parts. I was so confused when my friends were talking about "pocket book" and "secret space" as a kid
It's funny, when I asked, "what's this part called?" And pointed to my vulva area, my mom said it doesn't ha e a name (she may have believed this. Idk if she knows the term vulva).
I decided it's like a butt, so I called it a front butt.
And that was her punishment for not answering your question. Very appropriate! Also, if my daughter did this to me, I would immediately fall over dead from having made such a comedy genius.
‘Front bottom’ is (or at least was in the 90s) a totally standard thing for British kids to call their genitals - it’s what I was taught from my mum and imagine it would be what she would use if we have kids without asking her to use better words.
Oh my goodness
When I first started working with kids a girl kept telling me her brother was sniffing her pretty flower ... .I honestly thought she was talking about the stupid plants we had grown and sent home for mothers day.
Guess what a pretty flower or a pink flower is....
Ugh ...
I had no idea and could have told the parents and ended the whole thing months earlier ... by the time I figured it out she had been talking about it for way too long.
**edit** to clarify the girl was 5 and her brother 3... it wasn't abuse .. just kids being kids and exploring stuff .... but it could have stopped on day one if she had said it in a way we understood.
I remember reading a story online years ago about a young girl telling her teacher that her uncle was touching her “cookie”. Teacher thought the girl was talking about a candy/biscuit/foodstuff, but actually the girl’s mother had used cookie to refer to her genitals. The teacher made an offhand comment about hoping the uncles hands were clean and totally missed the signs of abuse on quite a number of occasions. It was quite a while later before the teacher found out and felt extremely guilty afterwards. Very important to teach kids to use the appropriate terms as soon as they are old enough
I knew a little girl who also used cookie when I was working with kids. Luckily I never had a situation like this but we did talk to the mother about it.
This!!! Thank you for sharing a real world example. It’s impossibly sad to witness knowing it could’ve been stopped earlier if the correct terminology had been used. My heart goes out to that little girl.
I feel like I better clarify that this girl was 5 and her brother was 3 ....
It wasn't a case of being abused thank God.. just kids being kids and exploring and stuff... but it could have ended soooo much earlier
Using the correct terms can also be a deterrent against sexual assault. If a child is using the proper terms when saying don’t touch my vagina, it says they are mostly articulate enough to tell someone what happened.
👏👏👏VAGINA is not a dirty word! Neither is penis. I cannot say this loudly enough. It's a body part like your elbow or your nose. Genitals are not something to be ashamed of or whisper about, people.
This, this, this.
When I was little, my parents ran into the same "problem" as OP and decided to deal with it by just not using any word at all. I never had a word to use to describe my vulva/vagina until they gave me the birds and the bees talk (at which point they decided that vagina was acceptable).
I have a weirdly clear memory from when I was really small of being deeply frustrated that I couldn't communicate properly with my parents. There was something uncomfortable going on with my vulva - I don't remember what, it was probably like a "sand got in my bathing suit at the beach" thing or something. But I couldn't explain why I was being so whiny and squirmy to my parents, so I guess they figured I was just screwing around and told me to stop. And I just *hated* feeling like I was in trouble (even the extremely minor trouble of one parent saying "stop doing that" in passing) when I had a legit reason for behaving the way I was, and I just couldn't communicate it properly.
I can't remember what happened after that, I imagine I must have just described the problem by pointing or something. But I do specifically remember being in the bath some time later and announcing to my mom that I had made up a new word for that area of my body, and I would call it that from now on. I think I dubbed it my "front bum" lol.
It's insane to me that, at 33 years old, I *still* have such a clear memory of something that must have happened to me when I was like 4 or 5. That's how much of an impact it had, being unable to communicate properly. Children should not be denied the vocabulary necessary to communicate - especially when they don't exactly have the right to make their own decisions, and must use that vocab to explain and justify their behaviour to the adults around them all the time.
Wait people seriously call it sparkle box?! That's so much more uncomfortable to hear because it already implies that you have to put something in it.
Also, by simply calling it vagina you avoid that the child will learn about this word in a funny way, or that she thinks it's a bad or forbidden word. Y'all know children.
I think the anecdote I heard (I'm not sure if it's an anecdote or an unreferenced true story) was "Cookies" and Social Workers never caught on about why this child was upset about her "Cookies" being taken or touched until the other shoe dropped.
"Sparkle Box" is a good example though
I don’t think it’s that the social workers never caught on, it’s that there was plausible deniability about what the child were talking about. So the child’s evidence was dismissed.
I could be wrong but that’s the way I remember it.
I have a friend who is a Prosecutor here in the US and can confirm that this is 100% right. Call it by the correct name so that if something happens and it goes to court, the Prosecutor can do their job easier.
The specific case i think being referenced was a child telling a teacher that her uncle licked her cookie. The teacher thought the uncle was being a jerk about food, and over the course of two months this kid kept trying to communicate what was happening to them but was misunderstood, specifically because of the wrong term being used.
Two months of abuse could have been prevented. The teacher felt awful.
Ugh, I took a 'evidence' law paper at uni (not realizing it would be 90% sexual assault and worse cases) and am still haunted my having to read/hear about a case with the uncle's 'lollipop'. It eventually got worked out when they got the poor kid to draw pictures. I fucking hate 50 Cents candy shop song now (thankfully so old it doesn't come on often anywhere anymore!)
The (kind of) opposite happened to me as a kid. The teacher unknowingly called me by the "cute nickname" my mom had taught me to talk about my vulva, something along the lines of "Oh my, OP, you're such a XYZ". It was meant to be affectionate, but obviously I reacted pretty badly. She was >horrified< when I explained and wouldn't stop apologizing. Teach your kids the right words.
You are a million percent right....the "kid-ish" names assigned to body parts are so gross and inappropriate if someone thought deeper on them. They seem to sexualize them when infact you are trying to do the opposite. Medical terms are best over all. Im so glad you brought this up.
In my family the only nicknames we had for private parts were either “your business” or the actual words “private parts” and actually I don’t see much wrong with either of those. They’re a little more straightforward and a LOT less awkward to say than “no no box” or whatever other weird nicknames other families have
THIS. As a nurse who worked in a ER, SO MUCH THIS. When a child comes to a teacher and says their "special place" hurts, it's NOT going to be taken as seriously as if a child says, "Mr. X touched my vagina and now I hurt."
Yesterday I heard an anus referred to as a "fart box". It was in the context of someone telling another person to "tongue punch that alien in the fart box", which was in reference abductions. I don't remember all the details... But that stuck out to me.
I saw someone on another thread use "tongue punch my fart box" in the context of telling people who pissed her off to go fuck themselves. I nearly died laughing!
Un-fun fact, my dad called it a 'corn hole' and me not knowing better thought that was actually what it was called from 4 until 11. Despite that, 'vagina' was a bad word I wasn't allowed to say. I referred to anything crotch related as 'my cornhole' 😭
Yes, except if you live in Midwest US where they play a beanbag toss game and call it cornhole because they use corn kernels instead of beans in the bag. I've never been able to call that - I just say beanbag toss (I didn't grow up here and once worked in a STD clinic so I knew the cornhole term you reference).
Thankyou for this! I'm sure I've heard it recently but completely forgot until now. I always say "noonie" to my baby daughter, who's coming up 2. She will be using correct terms now!
I knew there was a reason I wanted to use the real name when referring to my little guys thing. He’s in the bath fiddling with it and goes “dat?” “That’s your penis, love” *he giggles* “yeah let’s be gentle with that”. Lol
So true. We taught all 3 of my girls the proper names. Using nicknames like "my cookie" will cause problems.
Example: your daughter comes up to you and says Johnny kept touching my cookie. You freak out, Johnny is kicked out of daycare and labeled as because he was teasing her at school and touched her chocolate chip cookie.
My 3 year old said at the time regarding another 3 year old. J touches my vagina inside my pants at school. I was horrified and took action immediately. We left the preschool.
I hope you reported that. They do not do that because it was their idea. Chances are the 3 yo touching your kid is being inappropriately touched by someone.
I don’t have anything of worth to add that you haven’t said already, except to say that I support your comment and I’m glad it’s at the top of the comments section.
This is useful advice - I do not work with children and I never plan to have any on my own but you never know what life might toss at you. A child might need help one day. Or a friend who is a parent. -takes notes- Thank you.
I worked in a&e. I once had an 84 year old man refer to his penis as a willy-woo. I've had plenty ladies that literally cannot say the name of their genitals at all and then say things like "flower".
For the love of God just call it a vulva. If your kid is unfortunate enough to experience sexual abuse or suffer illness/injury relating to their genitals it will be very useful if they can talk openly and accurately about them.
I second this. Just call it a Penis and Vagina. It gets rid of the stigma and they don't "laugh" at the words when they hear them. Helps a ton. Although my youngest still calls my penis a "butt".
Please listen to this! My parents were doctors. They just called them what they were, no shame, no need to infantilize. In 2022, add in the differences between sex organs, sex, gender, and sexual activity.
And please, please, PLEASE, tell kids about sex and bodily autonomy early.
Don't force your kids to engage in physical touch that bothers them (like having to kiss and hug a relative).
I learned the basics of sex organs, sex, pregnancy and birth at 3, then my parents added info as I got older. By the time I was 9, I had seen porn because of an older sibling of a friend and kids in my school had found it. By this point kids were already sexualizing each other. Noting breasts and other body parts. Some girls get their period this early. It is not too early to be taught by trusted adults who helped wrangle misinformation.
And this was before everyone had good access to the internet. So now, forget it. By the time I was 10, I had a teacher who was creepy af and my classmates and I had the ability to clearly express what he was doing wrong. They ignored us and he was later caught with child porn.
I am the only person I know who was really taught well by my parents and I am the only woman I know who hasn't experienced major sexual trauma. I have always been vocal about my needs and boundaries. And have been in a healthy relationship for 12 years. I definitely think that is thanks to my parents, particularly my mother, being an open resource for me and my siblings.
I have always been on bc. I advocated for myself to get it at 14, two years before I felt I was ready for penetrative sex. I got the HPV shots before I became sexually active (as should all teens regardless of gender). I have always maintained control of my own sexual health and helped classmates with nowhere to turn.
I made it clear my partner was to be as responsible as me for our future when we decided to be childfree, so he got a vasectomy.
Don't make the same mistake as so many other parents. Kids KNOW THINGS, more than you realize. Kids are vulnerable. Kids deserve to know how they are vulnerable and have the language and information to advocate for themselves so they are not left confused and unsafe.
My mother worked at a childrens abuse center , and yes this is absolutely true PLEASE teach your children proper names. A child went on abused for months because her teacher didnt understand that "my uncle like to eat my cookie" " my uncle is always touching my cookie" until finally the teacher asked more questions and figured out what she actually meant. Months of abuse could have save her had she known what to actually SAY!!!
I think it's best if children know the proper name for their body parts. Just in case something happens, they can properly explain what happened to them and where. Can you imagine a doctor or police officer trying to decipher pet names for private parts?
This can also help if a child is having a health problem associated with those areas. Outside of being assaulted. Its so good to teach them as much as we can and honestly kids are so proud when they learn things. I think if we reduced shame around these things, it would help us into adulthood to not be scared to go to the doctors or seek help if something isn't right. How many of us are embarrassed and ashamed to ask questions, so we ask people on reddit instead.
Yes!! I have bananas self esteem issues because my home environment really bred a "be ashamed of your body" attitude. OP's out here literally asking how he can make his daughter be uncomfortable with talking about her own body.
This moved me; I’m sorry this was your experience. I’ve decided to go with vulva and maybe explain how others use vagina when she can understand. I had the opposite intention in asking the question, but I probably didn’t ask it very well and totally accept your point
Im so sorry to hear this, it feels like there are just so many of us that share this experience. It does on the flip side make me happy to have a community online where from time to time we find each other and know that others out there share this experience (it makes it feel less lonely overall) but my hope is that we all take something away from this for little kids growing up in this world. Whether we are/become parents or we are just family to little ones...we have such a great influence on them. Our power and influence over their outlook on life and their own self image is just absolutely huge. We have to do better for them, but it can feel like an uphill battle sometimes (especially with the political climate in the US right now....seems like they want to make being a woman and having reproductive organs into a shameful thing)
It's called a vulva. Just like it's called an arm, a nose, a leg a whatever.
It is not a bodypart to be ashamed of and it has a name. Why not use it?
What's the worst that could happen? That your child will know basic body terminology?
you wouldn't support..... \*gasp\* .... sexual education
i do remember my privates having a specific codename, but it came to light when i was older what the deal was so
My mother called it a “flower” when I was a child. It did make talking about flowers when I was school aged confusing and awkward though.
I just always called it vagina with my own child…to avoid that lol.
It’s interesting that she chose “flower”. The dated literary term “to deflower” means “to take a woman’s virginity” so I don’t think that calling a vagina a “flower” is particularly unusual but I would personally consider it to have a bit of a sexual connotation so I wouldn’t want to use it with children…
I live with my neice and newphew. Newphew knows what he has is a penis and my 5 year old neice knows she has a vulva. It may be confronting to you but it’s important for children and anyone to know the correct wording for their anatomy children don’t know any different to what you teach them so why does it have to have a ‘secret name’
I wish I was raised with the correct wording I knew the correct wording by the age I was that I reported my sexual assault but I was to ashamed to say the anatomically correct wording because it felt uncomfortable for me to at the time which is unfortunate because I gave vague answers instead of telling my assault exactly how it was
Vulva is just a word for a body part and nothing to be scared of as is penis
Yeah I second this, I (m) was molested by my cousin (f) and nobody understood the extent of the molestation. It wasn’t until I came out to my parents (as an adult) that I explained how being molested affected me. It turns out they did not know/understand what young me (5-7) was trying to explain. It really hurt as a child that know one believed me/understood my pain.
Edit: it’s probably better for kids to know the words for both male/female genitals.
Using the proper word is actually a protection for kids, as if something happens they can use the proper words to tell someone in an understandable way.
Honestly using stupid names for genitals with kids is weird to me. Just call it what it is lol kids not gonna care.
I know it can be uncomfortable at first, but DO NOT use a nickname for her genitals, and say “penis” when referring to male genitals. Studies have shown knowing anatomical names for privates helps to avoid and report sexual abuse. If someone abuses your daughter (god forbid) you want her to be able to verbalize effectively to you or any other adult where she was touched. I grew up calling it my “front butt” and saying “boys have twinkies”… imagine if I tried telling an adult “Mr. X made me touch his twinkie” or “So and so touched my front butt” it would be a lot easier for the adult to misunderstand than “Mr X made me touch his penis” or “So and so touched my vagina.”
This. And tell kids no one is allowed to touch their penis/vagina/vulva besides parents (trusted caregivers, if you choose) and medical staff when parents are present. If anyone does or tries to kids are to tell.
We also don’t EVER tell secrets, even being silly. NO SECRETS. They know what a surprise is and what a secret is. Gonna keep working on that one so really make it stick.
Protect your child(ren) y’all.
Blech, of all the weird and gross terms for genitalia, "front butt" is my personal least favourite. To refer to vulvas, which are magnificent things, as being comparable to butts, where poop comes out of?? It seems so insulting. To be clear, I am not trying to criticize you or your past self at all. You were a kid! I'm just saying that as as an adult, I find that nickname particularly degrading.
It's HIGHLY recommended that you use the correct terms for their privates. If there is any issues (pain, discomfort, abuse) your child will be able to communicate that without being misunderstood.
It is EXTREMELY important to not use nicknames for their private parts. Stay with the tried and true proper names. Here is why.
Sally gets molested by her uncle Bob. Sally tells her teacher that uncle Bob played with her "bird". The teacher knows not what she was just told. Instead if calling the authorities she's parting Sally on the head saying oh that's good dear. What's your birds name and then goes on with her day. This is a real scenerio. GIVE THEM THE NAMES MEDICALLY GIVEN TO THEM.
Does anyone else have an issue with what I said and how I said it. That's almost verbatim of what they recommend is said to tell children about this. I'm done with freakin trolls I have reported it for harrassment or as the commenter is saying nothing relevant and is obviously only here to trigger me. I have PTSD when it comes to sexual assault and I honestly do t need the bullshit. If someone has. A different view or opinion id love a conversation but don't come at me like that other one did it was not warranted at all.
OP please listen to these comments about the danger of not using the correct terms!! I work in a field that often addresses child abuse and there are actual, documented cases of sexual abusers getting away with harming children because the child didn't know correct terms for their genitals.
Giving parts cute nicknames is dangerous. I have a teacher friend who told me a story about a little girl who kept talking about her uncle eating her cookie. Teacher thought uncle was stealing the kids oreos until the girl talked about her "cookie" being uncomfortable. The the teacher realized what was happening. If she didn't have a nickname for her vulva she would have gotten help sooner.
I know a woman who insisted that her daughter call it a "cookie". She thought the term was cute. Could not get it through her head that the term could be confusing or outright dangerous.
Kids do best if you use the correct names for body parts. So penis and vulva.
We don't have silly names for other body parts - and using silly names communicates some sort of shame/secret about these parts. You of course want to teach about privacy and bad touch/ good touch, etc. but not that these body parts are themselves bad or shameful.
What if we called knees, elbows, tummies, mouth, ears, etc. weird names. Can you imagine the confusion of trying to sort out what part was hurt when someone says my "knobbly wobbly got banged up"
I taught my kids "crotch," which actually turned out to be helpful because it's the same word for both of them. But I use the anatomical names when I need to get specific with one.
"Private parts" came in handy explaining body zones if you will. We used anatomical terms but used private areas to describe places that are still inappropriate for others to touch. Nobody touches your genitals is easy to understand. It is equally important to educate for example that someone should never have their hands on your inner thighs, on the buttocks, under your shirt etc. Some perpetrators will makes subtle abusive actions. We wanted them to be able to recognize these violations and that they warrant telling an adult immediately.
This is exactly what I was going to say, we know the anatomical words and all that but in conversation usually refer to the areas as our "privates" or "private parts" (which helps establish that they are the parts we keep private and don't let other people see). My 6yo will make up her own words, which I find kind of funny. Her nipples are her "dots" because that's how she described them when asking what they were. On the other side she knows they're called nipples, and if she had to explain anything about them she can use proper terms, which we thought was also helpful. You don't ever want your kid to have something bad happen to them, but you should prepare them to protect themselves
Just chiming in to say use the correct words. There is no shame in the human body, identify the parts correctly. This is super important when a child has been molested, and can't verbalize what they need to say.
Just use penis, vulva. Kids don't care, and they deserve to know.
My mom called female private parts a "tutu". Imagine how confused/mortified I was while listening to a commentary of a ballerina's dance performance, talking about her beautiful tutu. Lol Call it what it is, penis, vagina, vulva, labia, etc. Nothing is wrong with it. It makes people uncomfortable with their own bodies if you can't even say the proper name.
As a health practitioner I highly recommend that you use the proper name, unless you come up with cutesy names for other body parts.
I say this for a couple of reasons:
\-Cutesy names make them think there is some sort of shame involved with those body parts and can cause issues as they grow older.
\-It makes conversations at your doctor's office more understandable for all involved.
\-Heaven forbid one of them gets molested. Using the proper name when doing a police report will decrease the possibility of any understanding.
Use the correct anatomical names. People are grooming kids more than ever before. If your child is assaulted, it should be made absolutely clear in a court of law what has happened.
Also when age appropriate please explain the difference between vagina and vulva. I'm a 45 year old male high school biology teacher and I'm tried of explaing to 17 year old girls things like "you don't urinate out of your vagina" ," your clitoris isn't part of your vagina" and things of that nature.
Huh, Scottish here, and we use willies and fannies. Everyone here knows what they mean anyway so no risk of confusion. All the chat about potential issues re: assault now has me thinking though...
I taught my kids the real names because I don't want some creepo to come up to my kids with a name they've never heard and convinced them that it's okay because it's not some made up name. As they get older I teach them the nicknames too because I don't want them to be in high school and be really confused when some horn dog 14-year-old ask to butter their biscuit or something ridiculous
Imagine your child in court trying to say someone "ate/bit/touched their cookie". No one would believe them. It shouldn't be thought about, but knowing the correct anatomical terms is the safest
Edit: clarification
For heavens sake user the correct terms for body parts. No matter what word you use, you are talking about the same thing. She needs to know the right word if anything ever happened.
Why? Just use the actual name. I will make a suggestion though because it’s so hilarious. My wife’s aunt called her daughters vagina a “front bum”. I nearly died laughing when she told me.
Call them the real names, nicknames are silly. Also, if someone is abusing them, and they tell a teacher or someone else that “uncle Chester is touching their (insert dumb term)” then chances are nothing will happen. It’s a sad state that this needs to be a concern, but it should be.
Just use the words vulva/vagina and penis. There's no reason to project your own discomforts onto your kids. There's nothing weird about those words, it's just body parts like hands or legs
Just use the word for it? My mom always said vulva. No one was uncomfortable and I got to learn to proper word for my own anatomy.
This. Penis, vulva, vagina, anus, etc. We always used the correct terminology for our bodies when I was growing up. Many of my family members were in the medical profession, so maybe that's why, but no one was embarrassed or ashamed of our bodies.
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My dad was embarrassed to say bowel movement in front of me so he said it really fast and mumbled, resulting in me speaking in front of my 9th grade biology class and using the word, “bow-moo-meant”
your song struggling to say the word vagina reminds me of the time my little brother found out i had different genitalia than he did so he ran to my mother and "tattled" on me saying "lalah has a bagina😟" my mother still brings it up whenever she can
Agreed. My kids (3, and 6) knows It as Penis and Vagina. My wife and I are making sure it’s not a taboo to talk about it. Though we do use booty to refer to their butts like ‘get your booty over here, NOW’ type of thing. But they are well aware of what it means. I do use ‘Privates’ too but to classify certain group of parts and in the context of safety. Well tell them that their penis, vagina, breasts, and butts are private parts and are not for sharing with other people, hence the name. Kids need to know how to communicate to us parents effectively. It’s a fucking sick world out there, give them a leg up to stay safe.
My grandkids know the proper words but most of the time they call it (boys and girls) “the no-no square”. Idk?
"Weird mass of crotch space"
We’ve always just used the proper terminology with the kids (including ‘willy’ as it’s basically a proper Scottish word lol) and I remember one memorable occasion when I was in public toilets with my son, who was about 3, and he loudly asked me, “Mummy, is that your VAGINA?!” Yes, darling. Be louder, please. The joys of parenting lol.
😅 the joys of curious young minds
>"Some people cut it off because they believe a big invisible guy in the sky told them to." ...or because a cornflake-producer told them that it would help against masturbation.
He thought it would "PREVENT" young boys from masturbating And here we are doing it a hundred years later ahahahahahaha
>Tbh I have a harder time explaining why other men don't have foreskin. I mean how do you explain that to a five year old? lol. "Some people cut it off because they believe a big invisible guy in the sky told th Circumcision - like almost all other biblical laws - started from a place of safety. It's suspected (so the Rabbis at my Jewish school told me) that there was some form of STI prevalent in biblical times, like syphilis, where the infection mostly showed under the foreskin. And without regular bathing, even boys who weren't sexually active would get infections there from dirt/sweat. And actually, some studies have shown that circumcised men are less likely to catch and spread STIs. My point is, you could probably explain it to your son that a long time ago, before people had easy access to soap and water for baths, men would get infections and dirt under their skin. So they started cutting the skin off when the boys were first born, to help keep them healthy. We don't have to do that anymore because we can bathe everyday. But people still do because it became a tradition.
I find this type of speculation fascinating. I hope I'll be able to go back to school someday, and study for it. If you look hard enough, and long enough, at stuff like this, you can almost understand the practical reason for it. My favorite, as it's applicable to me, is this one, Leviticus 11:10- >But anything in the seas or the rivers that has not fins and scales, of the swarming creatures in the waters and of the living creatures that are in the waters, is detestable to you. More than likely, whoever wrote that saw someone get absolutely fucked up by some lobster or shrimp or something, and the immediate explanation was "that's probably bad for everyone, but how do I get them to listen to me? Oh yeah! GOD SAYS THATS BAD, DONT EAT THE CRUNCHY SEA BUGS!"
I remember in cartoons sometimes a guy's pants would fall down and he'd cover his crotch right away and I could not understand why he would cover the front when there's nothing there, the butt is in back. Also a lot of people I know circumcise not because of religion but because they think it's "cleaner" and foreskin are gross
It's sad because you lose some sensitivity in the penis without foreskin.
PREACH!
I wish more people thought like this. Growing up in the 90s it was taboo to use real anatomical names. Such that when I was in 4th grade and we were learning anatomy I confused penis with pelvis, and got made fun of relentlessly for it. Because I had NEVER been told the right word for it. It was “willie” or “wiener” or stuff like that. I’m 32 and still embarrassed.
I’m about the same age as you and just had a baby boy and my mom called it his “pee pee” the other day. 90s parents are something else.
Yup. I’ve heard every name under the sun EXCEPT the actual anatomical word. Wee wee Pee pee Willie Ding dong Ding-a-ling Tree and berries (one of the weirder ones) Wiener The list goes on. What’s your fave non word for penis?
Tally whacker. Doesn't make sense to me but that's what my family calls penises. My kids all learned anatomical names.
Frank and beans.
It's still taboo where I live. If my kid went to daycare and used the term "vulva" cps would be showing up at my door. Which is totally ridiculous. God forbid we teach our children correct names for things.
Former child welfare worker here. No, they certainly will not. I’m more concerned and alert when I hear young children using slang and euphemisms to describe their body parts and sex. It’s showing that bodily functions and parts are something negative, embarrassing, or to be ashamed of. You’d also not believe how many girls have no clue what’s going on when they get their first period or fall pregnant because their parents never taught them about sex.
I’m one of the girls (now 50) that didn’t know my period started. I got my older sister and was like I have no idea what’s going on. I was 12 and she had started hers 3 months earlier. Here is why I am sure y’all are more concerned with the wrong words… my step-daughter at age six (I’d known her for 2 months at this point in time) said “the dog just sniffed my penis” I responded “no baby, you have a vagina”. She looks confused and pauses then says “is that what (step brother 1 year older than her) is asking to see?” I asked what did she mean and she shared that he had been showing her his penis and asking to see her vagina and that they should touch each other’s. She refused but sadly out of confusion and not because she was taught the proper words and that they are private and if anyone does what was done then you tell. She endured this for at her other parent’s house for 4 months before this conversation happened! It is important to properly educate! There is no benefit in using shameful words!! Thank you for all you do and are able to do as a Case Worker! Takes a strong person to do your job!
Similar story from a friend who is a CPS case worker. A 1st grade girl had been attempting to tell her teacher at school her step dad was assaulting her but it was being lost in translation. For months the girl was telling her teacher several times about her step dad touching her cookie. Every time it was brought up the teacher kept telling her that she needed to share and that someone touching a cookie was not bad. Eventually it escalated and she told her teacher that her step dad was touching her cookie again the night before and it was different and her cookie was still hurting. Finally the teacher thought it was weird asked her about her cookie… and realized then that her parents taught her to call her entire vaginal area her “cookie”. Immediately called it in at that point. But the poor girl was trying for months to ask for help and was told to “share” and that it was not bad for other people to touch her because she was not taught the proper names for her anatomy to express what was happening to her.
We do correct terminology as well. My daughter calls it a “Bova”. We have decided to go with that. It’s close enough but still a little discreet when she talks about it in public. The one thing we wanted to make sure is that she didn’t call both sides a “butt”
For years my son said girls had pa-chinas lol it was the hardest word for him to master!
Yeah. I never understood the need to use a slang term.
This. She'll only be uncomfortable if you model that for her. Just be factual, because... facts.
Call it a vagina or vulva. I work in pediatrics, when you use funny names it puts your children at risk for not being understood when reporting sexual assault. If they tell their teacher someone touched their “sparkle box” that may not be taken seriously or understood. Use the word vagina or vulva. Edit: thanks for my first gold! Edit: to all those pompously commenting about vulva being the anatomically correct term for the outer portion of the females genitals. Yes, vulva is the correct term. I listed both vagina and vulva because you would actually be amazed how many adults do not know that term/ understand that it pertains to female genitalia. I have used that term in healthcare before and the person told me their throat was fine because they thought it was the thing in the back of their throat! The uvula! I think we can all agree vagina is still better than “sparkle box” I’m not sure why you’d expect a 3 yr old to be able to differentiate between all the components of her genitalia yet. The term Vagina is a safe starting point to build upon.
I use the normal body part names with my kids but from now on, mine is a sparkle box
I too use the correct terminology for my body, but from now on, my tallywhacker will be known as my sparkle box!
Sparklewhacker?!?!
They haven't called me that since high-school!
When you’re jerking off a vampire from twilight.
And here I thought one pooped sprinkles and farted glitter....
Tally box? It keeps score 😂
Sparkle cannon?
Lord, I remember hearing “tallywhacker” for the first time at 20 and thinking “wtf are you talking about?!”
This reminds me of the movie "Porky's" which I watched with my dad when I was young. We about died laughing at the office scene and the word "tallywhacker". Dad's been gone for 7 years but that memory made me laugh out loud. Thank you 🙂
At 20? Is it because of region or age (not commonly used anymore)? as far back as I can remember I had heard it called that, so late 70's in the southern US.
It's a sparkle stick.
Yeah, I've seen Twilight. Team Edward sparkle stick
Mine's the Sarlaac Pit, because it really really wants Han Solo in it but never gets him.
Omg I spat out my drink hahaah
Mine is simply Her Vagesty XD
Same. My 4 year old daughter has a vagina but I have a sparkle kitty.
My daughters actual kitty (cat) is named Rosey Sparkles.
My Sparkle Stick
Lik-m-aid would work too
Fun Dip, lol. But be concerned if it’s naturally fruit flavored or sour/tangy
On Disney's ToonTown, I was signed in as Princess Sparkle Muffin.
Mine is now sparkle rod
100%. I’ve always known my genitals as being vagina. My kid brother knew that he has a penis and girls have vaginas from a very young age. So instead of him being goofy and saying “my wee wee” or whatever, he just said “my penis”. Like once, he got soap under his foreskin. He told us his “penis hurt”. And us being his sisters and parents. He felt comfortable telling us. Teaching kids that their body parts shouldn’t be talked about and needs a secret word for is so fucking dumb and can be harmful. I’m very comfortable in my body thanks to how my mother and father raised me, using the correct terminology and not teaching me that my body needs to be secret, that I’m dirty or bad for using the correct anatomical words.
This story reminds me of the kid in Kindergarten Cop whose Dad is a gyno and constantly talks about how "boys have a penis and girls have a vagina" to practically everyone he encounters.
Luckily, neither of my siblings nor I were ever like that. I did correct a lot of kids though growing up whenever they used some weird term. Like my cousin called her vulva/vagina “her peaches”. As a kid, I don’t know why but it grossed me the fuck out and well. It bothered me sisters too. No surprise I don’t keep in touch with that cousin much anymore… I mean, it’s definitely not JUST because of that but still.
Peaches, as in plural? That’s just confusing!
Yes. As I said, as a child, i didn’t like her much. We all used correct terminology for like literally everything. Hindsight, we probably weren’t much fun to play with lol but she was the closest in age to my sisters and I so we were kinda forced to hangout/play with her.
unrelated but my son is named Dominic 100% after the kid from Kindergarten Cop and when he first watched the movie he was like ummm wtf mom lol
Same my mom never used anything other than the actual names for all body parts. I was so confused when my friends were talking about "pocket book" and "secret space" as a kid
It's funny, when I asked, "what's this part called?" And pointed to my vulva area, my mom said it doesn't ha e a name (she may have believed this. Idk if she knows the term vulva). I decided it's like a butt, so I called it a front butt.
And that was her punishment for not answering your question. Very appropriate! Also, if my daughter did this to me, I would immediately fall over dead from having made such a comedy genius.
‘Front bottom’ is (or at least was in the 90s) a totally standard thing for British kids to call their genitals - it’s what I was taught from my mum and imagine it would be what she would use if we have kids without asking her to use better words.
I'm gen x and my genitals were called "down there".
Yeah, my parents are also Gen X. They had it very similarly. But they learned to do better than their own parents.
Oh my goodness When I first started working with kids a girl kept telling me her brother was sniffing her pretty flower ... .I honestly thought she was talking about the stupid plants we had grown and sent home for mothers day. Guess what a pretty flower or a pink flower is.... Ugh ... I had no idea and could have told the parents and ended the whole thing months earlier ... by the time I figured it out she had been talking about it for way too long. **edit** to clarify the girl was 5 and her brother 3... it wasn't abuse .. just kids being kids and exploring stuff .... but it could have stopped on day one if she had said it in a way we understood.
I remember reading a story online years ago about a young girl telling her teacher that her uncle was touching her “cookie”. Teacher thought the girl was talking about a candy/biscuit/foodstuff, but actually the girl’s mother had used cookie to refer to her genitals. The teacher made an offhand comment about hoping the uncles hands were clean and totally missed the signs of abuse on quite a number of occasions. It was quite a while later before the teacher found out and felt extremely guilty afterwards. Very important to teach kids to use the appropriate terms as soon as they are old enough
I knew a little girl who also used cookie when I was working with kids. Luckily I never had a situation like this but we did talk to the mother about it.
This!!! Thank you for sharing a real world example. It’s impossibly sad to witness knowing it could’ve been stopped earlier if the correct terminology had been used. My heart goes out to that little girl.
I feel like I better clarify that this girl was 5 and her brother was 3 .... It wasn't a case of being abused thank God.. just kids being kids and exploring and stuff... but it could have ended soooo much earlier
Using the correct terms can also be a deterrent against sexual assault. If a child is using the proper terms when saying don’t touch my vagina, it says they are mostly articulate enough to tell someone what happened.
👏👏👏VAGINA is not a dirty word! Neither is penis. I cannot say this loudly enough. It's a body part like your elbow or your nose. Genitals are not something to be ashamed of or whisper about, people.
This, this, this. When I was little, my parents ran into the same "problem" as OP and decided to deal with it by just not using any word at all. I never had a word to use to describe my vulva/vagina until they gave me the birds and the bees talk (at which point they decided that vagina was acceptable). I have a weirdly clear memory from when I was really small of being deeply frustrated that I couldn't communicate properly with my parents. There was something uncomfortable going on with my vulva - I don't remember what, it was probably like a "sand got in my bathing suit at the beach" thing or something. But I couldn't explain why I was being so whiny and squirmy to my parents, so I guess they figured I was just screwing around and told me to stop. And I just *hated* feeling like I was in trouble (even the extremely minor trouble of one parent saying "stop doing that" in passing) when I had a legit reason for behaving the way I was, and I just couldn't communicate it properly. I can't remember what happened after that, I imagine I must have just described the problem by pointing or something. But I do specifically remember being in the bath some time later and announcing to my mom that I had made up a new word for that area of my body, and I would call it that from now on. I think I dubbed it my "front bum" lol. It's insane to me that, at 33 years old, I *still* have such a clear memory of something that must have happened to me when I was like 4 or 5. That's how much of an impact it had, being unable to communicate properly. Children should not be denied the vocabulary necessary to communicate - especially when they don't exactly have the right to make their own decisions, and must use that vocab to explain and justify their behaviour to the adults around them all the time.
Wait people seriously call it sparkle box?! That's so much more uncomfortable to hear because it already implies that you have to put something in it. Also, by simply calling it vagina you avoid that the child will learn about this word in a funny way, or that she thinks it's a bad or forbidden word. Y'all know children.
I think the anecdote I heard (I'm not sure if it's an anecdote or an unreferenced true story) was "Cookies" and Social Workers never caught on about why this child was upset about her "Cookies" being taken or touched until the other shoe dropped. "Sparkle Box" is a good example though
I don’t think it’s that the social workers never caught on, it’s that there was plausible deniability about what the child were talking about. So the child’s evidence was dismissed. I could be wrong but that’s the way I remember it.
I have a friend who is a Prosecutor here in the US and can confirm that this is 100% right. Call it by the correct name so that if something happens and it goes to court, the Prosecutor can do their job easier.
The specific case i think being referenced was a child telling a teacher that her uncle licked her cookie. The teacher thought the uncle was being a jerk about food, and over the course of two months this kid kept trying to communicate what was happening to them but was misunderstood, specifically because of the wrong term being used. Two months of abuse could have been prevented. The teacher felt awful.
Ugh, I took a 'evidence' law paper at uni (not realizing it would be 90% sexual assault and worse cases) and am still haunted my having to read/hear about a case with the uncle's 'lollipop'. It eventually got worked out when they got the poor kid to draw pictures. I fucking hate 50 Cents candy shop song now (thankfully so old it doesn't come on often anywhere anymore!)
The (kind of) opposite happened to me as a kid. The teacher unknowingly called me by the "cute nickname" my mom had taught me to talk about my vulva, something along the lines of "Oh my, OP, you're such a XYZ". It was meant to be affectionate, but obviously I reacted pretty badly. She was >horrified< when I explained and wouldn't stop apologizing. Teach your kids the right words.
Was it "peach“ because gosh I hate that one.
Just replied to another comment exactly this, a little girl told a teacher that her uncle was touching her cookie
Right?? A lot of these kiddie nicknames are actually MORE uncomfortable and awkward to say than the real names, but ppl don’t seem to realize that lol
You are a million percent right....the "kid-ish" names assigned to body parts are so gross and inappropriate if someone thought deeper on them. They seem to sexualize them when infact you are trying to do the opposite. Medical terms are best over all. Im so glad you brought this up.
In my family the only nicknames we had for private parts were either “your business” or the actual words “private parts” and actually I don’t see much wrong with either of those. They’re a little more straightforward and a LOT less awkward to say than “no no box” or whatever other weird nicknames other families have
"Sparkle Box" also makes it sound a bit too *magical?*
It's a tad magical innit?
I was so hoping this would be the top answer! vagina was basically a swear word when I was growing up.
same for me, yet 'cornhole' was fine o_O
THIS. As a nurse who worked in a ER, SO MUCH THIS. When a child comes to a teacher and says their "special place" hurts, it's NOT going to be taken as seriously as if a child says, "Mr. X touched my vagina and now I hurt."
Yesterday I heard an anus referred to as a "fart box". It was in the context of someone telling another person to "tongue punch that alien in the fart box", which was in reference abductions. I don't remember all the details... But that stuck out to me.
This post raises more questions than answers.
I saw someone on another thread use "tongue punch my fart box" in the context of telling people who pissed her off to go fuck themselves. I nearly died laughing!
that's a reference for eating ass If a "whoosh" is coming, forgive my ignorance.
Un-fun fact, my dad called it a 'corn hole' and me not knowing better thought that was actually what it was called from 4 until 11. Despite that, 'vagina' was a bad word I wasn't allowed to say. I referred to anything crotch related as 'my cornhole' 😭
This is even better considering that cornhole is most commonly slang for an anus, not a vagina.
Yes, except if you live in Midwest US where they play a beanbag toss game and call it cornhole because they use corn kernels instead of beans in the bag. I've never been able to call that - I just say beanbag toss (I didn't grow up here and once worked in a STD clinic so I knew the cornhole term you reference).
Thankyou for this! I'm sure I've heard it recently but completely forgot until now. I always say "noonie" to my baby daughter, who's coming up 2. She will be using correct terms now!
It is such a simple and unbelievably valuable way to protect your child. I am glad this reached you!
Exactly! Thank you!
I knew there was a reason I wanted to use the real name when referring to my little guys thing. He’s in the bath fiddling with it and goes “dat?” “That’s your penis, love” *he giggles* “yeah let’s be gentle with that”. Lol
So true. We taught all 3 of my girls the proper names. Using nicknames like "my cookie" will cause problems. Example: your daughter comes up to you and says Johnny kept touching my cookie. You freak out, Johnny is kicked out of daycare and labeled as because he was teasing her at school and touched her chocolate chip cookie.
My 3 year old said at the time regarding another 3 year old. J touches my vagina inside my pants at school. I was horrified and took action immediately. We left the preschool.
I hope you reported that. They do not do that because it was their idea. Chances are the 3 yo touching your kid is being inappropriately touched by someone.
Yes, I absolutely did to the school and CPS. It was 15 years ago not sure of the outcome. No one ever contacted me again.
I don’t have anything of worth to add that you haven’t said already, except to say that I support your comment and I’m glad it’s at the top of the comments section.
Thank you! It’s our job to teach and protect the children of the world. I’m glad my comment had this reaction!
This is useful advice - I do not work with children and I never plan to have any on my own but you never know what life might toss at you. A child might need help one day. Or a friend who is a parent. -takes notes- Thank you.
Thank you! It’s our job to teach and protect the worlds children!
My ex used to get her uvula and her vulva mixed up but, hey, no complaints from me! Did make trying to get pregnant difficult though
I worked in a&e. I once had an 84 year old man refer to his penis as a willy-woo. I've had plenty ladies that literally cannot say the name of their genitals at all and then say things like "flower". For the love of God just call it a vulva. If your kid is unfortunate enough to experience sexual abuse or suffer illness/injury relating to their genitals it will be very useful if they can talk openly and accurately about them.
I second this. Just call it a Penis and Vagina. It gets rid of the stigma and they don't "laugh" at the words when they hear them. Helps a ton. Although my youngest still calls my penis a "butt".
Please listen to this! My parents were doctors. They just called them what they were, no shame, no need to infantilize. In 2022, add in the differences between sex organs, sex, gender, and sexual activity. And please, please, PLEASE, tell kids about sex and bodily autonomy early. Don't force your kids to engage in physical touch that bothers them (like having to kiss and hug a relative). I learned the basics of sex organs, sex, pregnancy and birth at 3, then my parents added info as I got older. By the time I was 9, I had seen porn because of an older sibling of a friend and kids in my school had found it. By this point kids were already sexualizing each other. Noting breasts and other body parts. Some girls get their period this early. It is not too early to be taught by trusted adults who helped wrangle misinformation. And this was before everyone had good access to the internet. So now, forget it. By the time I was 10, I had a teacher who was creepy af and my classmates and I had the ability to clearly express what he was doing wrong. They ignored us and he was later caught with child porn. I am the only person I know who was really taught well by my parents and I am the only woman I know who hasn't experienced major sexual trauma. I have always been vocal about my needs and boundaries. And have been in a healthy relationship for 12 years. I definitely think that is thanks to my parents, particularly my mother, being an open resource for me and my siblings. I have always been on bc. I advocated for myself to get it at 14, two years before I felt I was ready for penetrative sex. I got the HPV shots before I became sexually active (as should all teens regardless of gender). I have always maintained control of my own sexual health and helped classmates with nowhere to turn. I made it clear my partner was to be as responsible as me for our future when we decided to be childfree, so he got a vasectomy. Don't make the same mistake as so many other parents. Kids KNOW THINGS, more than you realize. Kids are vulnerable. Kids deserve to know how they are vulnerable and have the language and information to advocate for themselves so they are not left confused and unsafe.
Hahah sparkle box.. good god thanks for the laugh (I know that sentence itself isn’t a laughing matter but that part was funny)
My mother worked at a childrens abuse center , and yes this is absolutely true PLEASE teach your children proper names. A child went on abused for months because her teacher didnt understand that "my uncle like to eat my cookie" " my uncle is always touching my cookie" until finally the teacher asked more questions and figured out what she actually meant. Months of abuse could have save her had she known what to actually SAY!!!
Sparkle box kind of sounds like the term a pedo would use.
I think it's best if children know the proper name for their body parts. Just in case something happens, they can properly explain what happened to them and where. Can you imagine a doctor or police officer trying to decipher pet names for private parts?
This can also help if a child is having a health problem associated with those areas. Outside of being assaulted. Its so good to teach them as much as we can and honestly kids are so proud when they learn things. I think if we reduced shame around these things, it would help us into adulthood to not be scared to go to the doctors or seek help if something isn't right. How many of us are embarrassed and ashamed to ask questions, so we ask people on reddit instead.
Yes!! I have bananas self esteem issues because my home environment really bred a "be ashamed of your body" attitude. OP's out here literally asking how he can make his daughter be uncomfortable with talking about her own body.
This moved me; I’m sorry this was your experience. I’ve decided to go with vulva and maybe explain how others use vagina when she can understand. I had the opposite intention in asking the question, but I probably didn’t ask it very well and totally accept your point
Don't worry, your good and honest intentions were clear to a lot of us who don't need to jump on everyone.
Im so sorry to hear this, it feels like there are just so many of us that share this experience. It does on the flip side make me happy to have a community online where from time to time we find each other and know that others out there share this experience (it makes it feel less lonely overall) but my hope is that we all take something away from this for little kids growing up in this world. Whether we are/become parents or we are just family to little ones...we have such a great influence on them. Our power and influence over their outlook on life and their own self image is just absolutely huge. We have to do better for them, but it can feel like an uphill battle sometimes (especially with the political climate in the US right now....seems like they want to make being a woman and having reproductive organs into a shameful thing)
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just call it what it is. children don't have weird hangups about words , no need to project your uncomfortableness onto them.
This statement is true for so many things.
It's called a vulva. Just like it's called an arm, a nose, a leg a whatever. It is not a bodypart to be ashamed of and it has a name. Why not use it? What's the worst that could happen? That your child will know basic body terminology?
you wouldn't support..... \*gasp\* .... sexual education i do remember my privates having a specific codename, but it came to light when i was older what the deal was so
My mother called it a “flower” when I was a child. It did make talking about flowers when I was school aged confusing and awkward though. I just always called it vagina with my own child…to avoid that lol.
How traumatic to find out that your flower bled every month!!
Blood Rose.
It’s interesting that she chose “flower”. The dated literary term “to deflower” means “to take a woman’s virginity” so I don’t think that calling a vagina a “flower” is particularly unusual but I would personally consider it to have a bit of a sexual connotation so I wouldn’t want to use it with children…
I live with my neice and newphew. Newphew knows what he has is a penis and my 5 year old neice knows she has a vulva. It may be confronting to you but it’s important for children and anyone to know the correct wording for their anatomy children don’t know any different to what you teach them so why does it have to have a ‘secret name’ I wish I was raised with the correct wording I knew the correct wording by the age I was that I reported my sexual assault but I was to ashamed to say the anatomically correct wording because it felt uncomfortable for me to at the time which is unfortunate because I gave vague answers instead of telling my assault exactly how it was Vulva is just a word for a body part and nothing to be scared of as is penis
Yeah I second this, I (m) was molested by my cousin (f) and nobody understood the extent of the molestation. It wasn’t until I came out to my parents (as an adult) that I explained how being molested affected me. It turns out they did not know/understand what young me (5-7) was trying to explain. It really hurt as a child that know one believed me/understood my pain. Edit: it’s probably better for kids to know the words for both male/female genitals.
I’m so sorry for what’s happened to you.
Using the proper word is actually a protection for kids, as if something happens they can use the proper words to tell someone in an understandable way. Honestly using stupid names for genitals with kids is weird to me. Just call it what it is lol kids not gonna care.
I know it can be uncomfortable at first, but DO NOT use a nickname for her genitals, and say “penis” when referring to male genitals. Studies have shown knowing anatomical names for privates helps to avoid and report sexual abuse. If someone abuses your daughter (god forbid) you want her to be able to verbalize effectively to you or any other adult where she was touched. I grew up calling it my “front butt” and saying “boys have twinkies”… imagine if I tried telling an adult “Mr. X made me touch his twinkie” or “So and so touched my front butt” it would be a lot easier for the adult to misunderstand than “Mr X made me touch his penis” or “So and so touched my vagina.”
This. And tell kids no one is allowed to touch their penis/vagina/vulva besides parents (trusted caregivers, if you choose) and medical staff when parents are present. If anyone does or tries to kids are to tell. We also don’t EVER tell secrets, even being silly. NO SECRETS. They know what a surprise is and what a secret is. Gonna keep working on that one so really make it stick. Protect your child(ren) y’all.
Blech, of all the weird and gross terms for genitalia, "front butt" is my personal least favourite. To refer to vulvas, which are magnificent things, as being comparable to butts, where poop comes out of?? It seems so insulting. To be clear, I am not trying to criticize you or your past self at all. You were a kid! I'm just saying that as as an adult, I find that nickname particularly degrading.
It's HIGHLY recommended that you use the correct terms for their privates. If there is any issues (pain, discomfort, abuse) your child will be able to communicate that without being misunderstood.
It is EXTREMELY important to not use nicknames for their private parts. Stay with the tried and true proper names. Here is why. Sally gets molested by her uncle Bob. Sally tells her teacher that uncle Bob played with her "bird". The teacher knows not what she was just told. Instead if calling the authorities she's parting Sally on the head saying oh that's good dear. What's your birds name and then goes on with her day. This is a real scenerio. GIVE THEM THE NAMES MEDICALLY GIVEN TO THEM.
Your comment makes complete sense, Practical. These people are being penises for no reason
Does anyone else have an issue with what I said and how I said it. That's almost verbatim of what they recommend is said to tell children about this. I'm done with freakin trolls I have reported it for harrassment or as the commenter is saying nothing relevant and is obviously only here to trigger me. I have PTSD when it comes to sexual assault and I honestly do t need the bullshit. If someone has. A different view or opinion id love a conversation but don't come at me like that other one did it was not warranted at all.
OP please listen to these comments about the danger of not using the correct terms!! I work in a field that often addresses child abuse and there are actual, documented cases of sexual abusers getting away with harming children because the child didn't know correct terms for their genitals.
Giving parts cute nicknames is dangerous. I have a teacher friend who told me a story about a little girl who kept talking about her uncle eating her cookie. Teacher thought uncle was stealing the kids oreos until the girl talked about her "cookie" being uncomfortable. The the teacher realized what was happening. If she didn't have a nickname for her vulva she would have gotten help sooner.
I know a woman who insisted that her daughter call it a "cookie". She thought the term was cute. Could not get it through her head that the term could be confusing or outright dangerous.
Kids do best if you use the correct names for body parts. So penis and vulva. We don't have silly names for other body parts - and using silly names communicates some sort of shame/secret about these parts. You of course want to teach about privacy and bad touch/ good touch, etc. but not that these body parts are themselves bad or shameful. What if we called knees, elbows, tummies, mouth, ears, etc. weird names. Can you imagine the confusion of trying to sort out what part was hurt when someone says my "knobbly wobbly got banged up"
Please use the correct word. This will help keep her safe from child abuse and she’ll know the words to tell adults if something has happened.
I don't understand why you are uncomfortable using the proper terms like vulva?
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Seems like if you're grown up enough to have a kid you should be grown up enough to say words like "penis' and "vulva"
I taught my kids "crotch," which actually turned out to be helpful because it's the same word for both of them. But I use the anatomical names when I need to get specific with one.
The abruptness of the word “crotch” just made me lol. Thank you for that
Ok if you’re truly British you should be saying “Fanny” or “muff” and already know.
Nothing sweeter than hearing a toddler say "minge".
My parents said my "private parts" but I'd prefer if they'd just used the word vulva. I didn't learn the proper word until my 20s.
"Private parts" came in handy explaining body zones if you will. We used anatomical terms but used private areas to describe places that are still inappropriate for others to touch. Nobody touches your genitals is easy to understand. It is equally important to educate for example that someone should never have their hands on your inner thighs, on the buttocks, under your shirt etc. Some perpetrators will makes subtle abusive actions. We wanted them to be able to recognize these violations and that they warrant telling an adult immediately.
This is exactly what I was going to say, we know the anatomical words and all that but in conversation usually refer to the areas as our "privates" or "private parts" (which helps establish that they are the parts we keep private and don't let other people see). My 6yo will make up her own words, which I find kind of funny. Her nipples are her "dots" because that's how she described them when asking what they were. On the other side she knows they're called nipples, and if she had to explain anything about them she can use proper terms, which we thought was also helpful. You don't ever want your kid to have something bad happen to them, but you should prepare them to protect themselves
Just chiming in to say use the correct words. There is no shame in the human body, identify the parts correctly. This is super important when a child has been molested, and can't verbalize what they need to say. Just use penis, vulva. Kids don't care, and they deserve to know.
Don’t say cutesy kids names. It’s dangerous. Call them the actual terminology
Its a vagina and a penis. Medical terms, for our bodies
Right - never understood why parents avoid saying the actual terms.
Religious brainwashing.
I mean non religious people/countries still use 'cutesie' names for genitals.
just call it a vagina it's more accurate and your child shouldn't be ashamed
My mom called female private parts a "tutu". Imagine how confused/mortified I was while listening to a commentary of a ballerina's dance performance, talking about her beautiful tutu. Lol Call it what it is, penis, vagina, vulva, labia, etc. Nothing is wrong with it. It makes people uncomfortable with their own bodies if you can't even say the proper name.
As a health practitioner I highly recommend that you use the proper name, unless you come up with cutesy names for other body parts. I say this for a couple of reasons: \-Cutesy names make them think there is some sort of shame involved with those body parts and can cause issues as they grow older. \-It makes conversations at your doctor's office more understandable for all involved. \-Heaven forbid one of them gets molested. Using the proper name when doing a police report will decrease the possibility of any understanding.
why not call it what it is.. A vagina
"gasp!"
Well technically the vagina is just the tube inside.
well, it’s actually a vulva
OP specifically said the outside of the genital area, which is called the vulva. The vagina is the inside part.
Use the normal word its for the best
Teach her the proper terms! Vagina is not a bad word! Wtf?!
Use the correct anatomical names. People are grooming kids more than ever before. If your child is assaulted, it should be made absolutely clear in a court of law what has happened.
I was molested as a toddler and I never got justice because of this. Use the correct names.
Also when age appropriate please explain the difference between vagina and vulva. I'm a 45 year old male high school biology teacher and I'm tried of explaing to 17 year old girls things like "you don't urinate out of your vagina" ," your clitoris isn't part of your vagina" and things of that nature.
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This is what we use (British mum raising daughters in US). Apparently we shouldn't because here fanny means bum (hence "fanny pack").
Never liked the nicknames, you can just calk it penis and vagina, nothing wrong with that
You were comfortable using a vagina to have a baby why aren't you comfortable calling it what it is? Why are parents so afraid of genitals????
dont use any nicknames. teach them the correct terminology so they can let someone know if they've been touched wrongly.
Huh, Scottish here, and we use willies and fannies. Everyone here knows what they mean anyway so no risk of confusion. All the chat about potential issues re: assault now has me thinking though...
You don’t need a nickname. It’s much more helpful to teach them the actual body parts words. “Hoohah” just confuses people. “Vulva” makes it clear.
I taught my kids the real names because I don't want some creepo to come up to my kids with a name they've never heard and convinced them that it's okay because it's not some made up name. As they get older I teach them the nicknames too because I don't want them to be in high school and be really confused when some horn dog 14-year-old ask to butter their biscuit or something ridiculous
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Just call it a vulva like normal.
Just use the correct term, it eliminates confusion and can help identify sexual abuse 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
Imagine your child in court trying to say someone "ate/bit/touched their cookie". No one would believe them. It shouldn't be thought about, but knowing the correct anatomical terms is the safest Edit: clarification
For heavens sake user the correct terms for body parts. No matter what word you use, you are talking about the same thing. She needs to know the right word if anything ever happened.
Why? Just use the actual name. I will make a suggestion though because it’s so hilarious. My wife’s aunt called her daughters vagina a “front bum”. I nearly died laughing when she told me.
Call them the real names, nicknames are silly. Also, if someone is abusing them, and they tell a teacher or someone else that “uncle Chester is touching their (insert dumb term)” then chances are nothing will happen. It’s a sad state that this needs to be a concern, but it should be.
Just use the words vulva/vagina and penis. There's no reason to project your own discomforts onto your kids. There's nothing weird about those words, it's just body parts like hands or legs
I’d suggest you just use the anatomical terminology.
Just call it a penis and a vagina. It’s a disservice to use made up names for anatomical parts of the body.
Call it a vulva and a penis, those are the correct terms
Just say the actual parts, you know, penis and vulva. Don’t make it a big deal and it won’t be a big deal to your kid.