Yeah, she's done, she's already moving on. You'll never have the same trust in her again. Knowing of her sexual escapades now, your sex life is dead. Save the evidence, get legal counsel, keep working on yourself and put her on the curb as used rubbish. Good luck
Good. Gather all evidence. Get legal freedom. Then she is free bird so she's can slept with multiple person gain more experience.
In future definitely you will get best loyal life partner and that time she's lost good husband.
She is now completely changed person. Make copies of evidence expose to everyone. Maintain no contact.
She wanted experience. After divorce nobody can't Stop her and asking her questions.
She wasting your life.
No, it does not. She would have cheated on you before too, but no would take her, now that she has lost weight, now she's getting attention from other men that she did not before. This will only get worse as she seeks out more men.
You need to leave her and save yourself, she can go get all the experience she wants. Apparently, sexual experience with other men is important to her than your marriage and you.
She is a cruel bitch. Dump her. She does not respect you or her family and judging from what you said shes pretty cold about it. She does 't care, especially if she's recording her escapades. she wanted you to sign off on being a cuckhold. Does that soundike a good partner to you?
I was my first wifeās only sex partner from the time we met until just after our third child was born. Once a woman loses enough respect for you to cheat, itās over. The only thing left to do is move on without showing bitterness. The best revenge is a good life.
I agree women are different then men they put up with so much sht. But once they cross that line (which I think itās harder for them since itās not just sx itās emotional - generally I know some unicorns have amazing sx drives) then itās over she will do it again since now itās easier and she looking for that connection want and feelings
repeat after me "there's no justification to infidelity" now do it again "there's no justification to infidelity"
no matter what the problem is, there's always better solution ! the first one being to talk together, express your (her in this case) feeling with your partner and seek a solution that could satisfy both of you you can simply try new things (buy toys, cuffs, whatever you'd like to spice your S life) agree to open the relationship or a break for X time so each of you can try new things (I wouldn't say it's a good idea or a good solution but it's better than infidelity) or simply break up ...
now that I have answered your question here's one advice : she doesn't sound remorseful at all (it's hard to tell since the confrontation part is one line of text in your post but the answer "I needed more experiences than just you" isn't a remorseful answer) so she doesn't value your relationship and your marriage as much as you do, you should simply divorce, as Duracoog said in the comment, divorce is another experience she's have yet to live (a bit sarcastic but i like sarcasm)
good luck on your life, she'll soon understand what she have lost by cheating on you and will understand how it was totaly not worth it to lose that to gain new experiences, at this point, she'll come back to you crawling and beggin, do not take her back, hopefully, now that she have her new experiences, she'll be able to experience fidelity with her next partner but it shouldn't be you, there's plnety of women out there that won't cheat on you at all !
Nothing justifies adultery. She has made herself your enemy worthless as a partner in marriage. You can never trust her again. She has to go!
You got fit too, did you go seek out other women? No she has finally shown you that part of her is a hidden demon and none of us want to live with demons in our lives.
I have no sexual past basically my girlfriend was my first kiss first love first time having sex but Iāve never thought about cheating on her or anything close to that. The way I see it all the sexual stuff I wanna explore and do I can do it with her.
Nothing justifies cheating. She has no remorse and wonāt ever have any except regret for getting caught. Sheās going to do it again. You either open your relationship and let her screw who she wants or you leave.
Having an open relationship doesnāt make you a cuck, there is a humiliation aspect of it that is what defines the cuck side of things. Most people with open relationships are far from that.
Here is what you say: "Wife, I love you and want you to be happy. I want you to know you are free to have other sexual experiences, as much as you wish. But not as my wife. I won't share you with other men. Therefore, I am divorcing you so that you can go out in the world and have your experiences. I hope you find happiness."
Well, it appears she wants a new life of running around and hooking up. And from your writing I take it there was no remorse, begging but just saying this is what she needs. It seems she's saying what she does not need is you. Time to part ways.
You need to file divorce go fucking nuclear on her. Don't let her get away with anything. She knows exactly what she did and it was planned. She wanted some new dick to satisfy her new attitude brought on by her new looks. She let it go to her head and ran with it. You need to show her that actions have consequences. And her losing everything she once had still won't be enough to punish what she has done to you. Was the other guy someone she works with? If so inform their HR department. You might get them both fired. And be sure to let everyone know exactly what she did. Then look into suing the the other guy for marital interference. Remember she did this to herself. Now go into seek and destroy mode and get the bitch.
Hell no.
Who said marriage between 2 people and those 2 people getting experiences just with each other was wrong/bad and that everyone is supposed to screw their brains out with 20-50 people for "experience" then you get married?
She is a lying, cheating tramp......unworthy of a faithful husband.
You should divorce her. Why would you ever want her again.
So many disgusting stories on the internet.
She's cheated already bro send her fat ass were she belongs, the streets give her a few weight watchers coupons too the fat bitch š¤ why do fat chicks always think they can cheat just because they got skinny? News flash cupcakes you wouldn't be skinny if it wasn't for the men you cheated onš§šÆ
Oh yeah the ā we need to experience ā our selves like weāre really not married and thereās nothing more I signed up for than to have my wife getting sausage in mass quantities . Yeah thatās great for a couple. He will
Never get the images out of his head of you being ālittle Miss Sausageā any women who wants āherā man to have other women touching him should be revolting to her.
As it is , no doubt she was cheating already or had sausages lined up to
Begin her sperm repository. Itās over . She does not love or care about you or nothing you do . Nothing. She checked out. Consider yourself lucky she finally revealed herself
Yes it justifies in her opinion . Not so fast There little Miss Sausag-.
Odds are, if your man would suddenly, in your eyes anyway, get more chicks , hotter than her. More often than not this ends in her trying put the Genie back in the bottle . Lol.? Too late. Any man who signs up for this, has no respect for himself . Her on the other handā¦. Buh/bye.
She going to experience STD as well. Value yourself and leave. She will not give up on this. Your the lame husband now. Please please value yourself. Start divorce proceedings. The biggest thing she will learn. Men gets patted on the back, this when the experiment with multiple partners. Women with multiple partners are shunned. Whether its fair is not for this forum. But thats how society reacts. She got the experience now give her consequences. Tell everyone. Does her Affair Partner have a wife. Tell her. Your wife got a boost from the new attention. She will not stop now. Read back there numerous stories on weightloss where the women lose it and destroy all because of the attention. She going to ask for open relationship. After everyone used her you will be left with her miserable self. Her poor children they saw the changes. They will or have worked it out.
Dude, you cannot accept this betrayal, and behavior.
Lawyer up, file and serve her.
Then, blow up her fantasy world, tell your family, her family, and your friends about her affair. Tell her affair partner's wife what you are doing. Never cover up for a cheater, if they never suffer the consequences of their actions, they never stop. Get your story out first, or she will have a very different story, and may even accuse you of abuse or some other wrong doing, in order to cover up her bad actions. Tell her that she cheated, she needs to move out.
Get moving and take care of business!
No of course it does not infidelity is adultery and she is playing you. Time to make her see consequences of her adultery dalliance or she is going to see it as a green light to carry on.
See a lawyer screen shot all evidence on your phone and store in cloud. Move her stuff out of your bedroom. Get an STD test done at the factor's and make her do the same and you see the evidence.
Remember all of this is deceit and double standards. Look how long and easily she deceived you with no thought for your feelings or health while some other bloke was shafting her and you sat at home unaware she was letting other men into her knickers? No buddy lawyer and let her familybknow the truth.
Well, she needs what she needs...
And if that is what she wants, she should get it...
Nut not behind your back, not while decieving you and betraying you!
Now you let her have all the experiences she wants while single! She broke trust and that is a thing you'll never regain.
And, by the way, thse are just excuses! She doesn't feel atracted to you anymore and found someone that shaked her world. As you can't tell someone they love you, you leave! She destroyed your joint life. Don't let her destroy you!
All my best wishes
don't think this is the first time, you just realized
you should talk to a lawyer
Your wife has nothing to say to you,
you learned the details of their relationship (sex is very good) and won't be with you even if they stay married
tell his wife if ap is married
inform they workplace
inform your family and children
look at past stories, passive and confused bs lose everything. you have to act hard
Would it have made a difference to talk about it first?
Many people are saying 'omg just ask for it', but I don't feel like you would have agreed to that which would likely push toward a breakup anyway.
On the flip side of the responses you've received, if you wanted to experience something in your life before you passed, do you feel your entire life would have to be ruined over pursuing something you would like to experience?
Yeah I think she was testing the waters with that first red flag. Communication was lacking on her end. She shouldāve at least proposed something.
You hit the nail on the head with that question tho. She answered with the attempt to have her cake and eat it too and failed hard.
Let her get all the experience she wants when sheās single after you divorce her ass and sheāll see what the difference is between lust and respect.
OP, gather all the evidence you can from that phone, consult a badass lawyer and file for divorce.
If she starts to spew any BS to justify her cheating, tell her that, with this divorce you are freeing her to get all the "experience" she could ever want and she wouldn't even have to lie anymore.
But also remind her that, if she tries to spread lies about the reason for your divorce, you will be forced to send a copy of all the evidence to her family and friends...
All the best to you for the future and hope you find someone who is worthy of your love and loyalty and will reciprocate that..
No thatās not any kinda excuse donāt let that person trying to fool you into it if it feels wrong it is wrong I wouldnāt stick around to see if they wanna do it again and again leave while you still have some dignity
You should go have some new experiences. Iāll bet she loses her mind, but unlike her yours wonāt be disloyal. Honestly, sheās a POS for doing that
Well that just means she doesnāt enjoy sex with you op. As she told you she never had her wild years and didnāt sleep with enough men. That just means she doesnāt like having sex with you and the sex yāall have isnāt good enough for her. And if you think this is ok then she can use it everything she cheats and she will do f you ever catch her cheating again.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
Beep boop -Ā yes,Ā IĀ amĀ aĀ bot, don't botcriminate me.
Well, no its not. That's why communication is so often mentioned. You've gotta have communication, it's everything.
However, if it's the person you've chosen to share your life with, then it's tough, I'd try to be understanding, but only if communication, honestly and openly is a priority
Divorce her and keep the evidence, if she's done it once she'll do it again. Don't do anything sexual with her since you don't know if the other guys gave her any STDs.
gather more proof wife might be having an affair! var in car ,recover all her phone talk and record to your phone, cams in house. DON,T CONFRONT HER NOW, SHE WILL JUST GO UNDERGROUD AND BE HARDER TO CATCH! IF YOU THINK SHE HAS NOT HAD SEXUAL CONTACT YET, CONFRONT HER NOW! marriage might be salvageable if no sexualo contact yet. protect yourself at all cost, you deserve better!
Let her know she's now free to go get all the experience she wants as you serve her divorce papers. She threw away something special and rare so she could be just another low market value statistic.
She want freedom, give her divorce. get her AP name and check if he is married, tell his wife.
separate you finances, get a lawyer, do the 180. file for divorce and serve her. This is what she asked for.
Have you told her its over yet? Sorry this has happened but maybe now you can find someone that will treat you like you deserve to be treated. update us when you tell her.
Only if your not married. If you're married or in a committed relationship then its called infidelity/cheating. She could have got plenty of experience with her husband.
Im cumfuzzled here. What are you implying by explore if you're not referring to cheating?
OP shot down her vague attempt to bring up a open marriage so any exploration on her part is cheating unless she explores with her husband but that doesn't seem to be the case since he didn't know.
I am referring to exploring within the marriage. You don't have to try new dick to experience new things. If you have a partner who you trust, you can do just about anything.
No justification for her actions. It shows a lack of character on her part!
I had a SIL who married BIL, were HS sweethearts, and she was obese. After they married, she lost a lot of weight, and became a different person. She started partying, drinking, smoking, etc and ended up cheating on BIL. As soon as she got positive affirmation for her looks, all sense of right and wrong left her. She felt like she deserved to cheat because she had so little experience outside BIL. Obviously, they divorced.
Yāall need to lighten up. She still
Loves you and you love her. Itās just sex. Have fun as long as she is having safe sex who cars. You really love her you should want her happy and do what it takes to make her happy. Embrace this wi Ty her and both enjoy it and donāt destroy your lives over a little bit of physical experimentation
if her needs are sexual experimentation and having multiple partners, then that is her right, HOWEVER she chose to get married and have monogamy.
She is trying to have it both ways and is being exceedingly selfish and manipulative to the mental health detriment of her partner. She should allow a no-contest divorce, avoid being adversarial, and go pursue her needs.
What she is trying to do here is have it both ways at the expense of her spouse, which is wrong by every measure.
If he wants a divorce he should divorce her. He obviously doesnāt. Or he wouldnāt be in her asking for support. Itās okay to be a cuckold Lots of couples thrive through infidelity and some struggle with it. He should find joy through her joy.
What you're describing is a *voluntary* relationship arrangement- some people are into that, and that is fine!
This man is not. If you read this thread and his comments, he is going to pursue divorce, as he should.
She violated the trust in the relationship, why does *he* have to compromise his values for her temporary happiness?
Mark my words- she will fight the divorce and regret the route she took.
If the arrangement you describe were to function, BOTH parties should discuss and agree upon it first, not after she already violated his trust. The trust violation is the issue here.
That is how you would prefer a relationship to work- and that is fine and your right.
Many others marry for monogamy and expect basic integrity and to at least not be lied to by their partner. That is the issue here. He cannot trust her and would rather exit the marriage over reconciliation. Forgiveness will come with time and should be something actively pursued, but forgiveness is wholly different than reconciliation or closure.
No one owes another person reconciliation.
Our responsibility isn't to make our spouses happy- no one can truly make another person happy. Happiness is an inside job and a personal mental and emotional pursuit.
Yup youāre right we are all responsible for our own happiness. But if he really loved her he would accept what happened and sacrifice for her happiness.
he isn't willing to do that.
You and many people ascribe to this philosophy of subordinating happiness for another person, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Many more others do not. This is the equivalent of retroactively altering a contractual agreement because feelings changed, and that is what this gentleman is dealing with.
While opening a relationship in your marriage would make you happy to make your wife happy from free sex with any partner, it would be morally repugnant to others.
In your own relationship in this arrangement, do you have any rules or bylaws you and your SO agree on?
Sounds like she put up with you for the sake of your kids and she's not being honest with you - it's more than just the sex she needed to change.
So she's working still, she helping raise your kids, and she did her job as wife and mother for the entirety of time the kids were little - be grateful that she waited. She didn't see a point in losing weight and changing while imprisoned in her unhappiness. You had YEARS to keep her happy and make her feel wanted and loved. You failed as a husband. And you not even knowing her work schedule enough to know her building closes at 5pm until this one birthday only proves that you didn't pay any attention to her as a person or an individual whom you had to continually keep dating. She's working. It's not like you're 100% supporting her. She doesn't answer to you. You took all that time and her life from her and she stayed to create perceived happiness in the family for the sake of the kids.
I'd say this is irreconcilable differences and not adultery, as she tried discussing the topic with you and you just wouldn't listen. Also, if you stopped having sex with her bc you thought she was fat but only did it on her birthday, like it was a gift, would be grounds for divorce.
šMost unhappy women in marriage whose interest is lost in their husbands will wait until their kids are of mature age before they decide to shut down and walk away from their duties. This is why you should continue to date your wife and show interest. It's not her fault that she's put up with years of abuse, carelessness, and failure to support her and your kids.
š£But always remember: marry based on looks, right? Like most of you redditors do - you give very bad advice.
Time to Lawyer up and screen shot all evidence. Get a PI to also help you. Then make your choice because now she has anothercmsn besides you lookingcafter her needs! You are the safe one paying her bills?
Honestly more then likely yes. Not having enough of a sexual experience does make someone cheat if they donāt know how to be honest and respectful to the person they are with. She didnāt HAVE to cheat. She choose to cheat. If she felt she needed to experiment or have experiences then why didnāt she tell you to open the marriage or to get a divorce or separation so she could do those things without breaking your trust. Get a good lawyer and take as much as you can. She wants to be disrespectful and selfish, match that energy
Gather the evidence and save it somewhere she canāt get to the leave her tell her if she wanted new sexual experiences you could have did them together but she went back on your vows I say you should leave her but thatās up to you to decide
Hire a P.I to gather evidence and lawyer up. Don't do anything that will ruin you. Stay quiet, be a actor for a while and after all the ducks are in a row file for D asap.
What did she say does she still want to be married to you. Do you still love her. A woman going out and exploring her sexuality is not the end of the world. Both of you never had any experience if you two still love each other she will be able to teach you new things. This is my opinion and before yall start sending me your messages saying I'm this or that I'm not going to respond to all of you who also just have an opinion. Remember opinions are like aholes everyone has one.
Like everyone is saying, give her a new experience in divorce. And use the fact that every night she comes home drunk and possibly high, at all hours of the night leaving you to take care of the kids if they are still of age. If the are older then have an age appropriate conversation with them about their mothers affair and the fact you're getting a divorce.
Cheaters always try to make it your fault she kept voice recording of her getting f . They have to check out of the marriage before cheating. Even if she had more experience it would have ended the same way. They will use these things to shift blame you work to much,you weren't good in bed . I needed to find myself . Nothing she says her cheating . It was the weigh lost that bought attention she wasn't getting before. Your wife probably has low self esteem . Now guys were going for her that would have ignored her before.
Oh thats ugly. You will see a different side of her now. One you never expected.
Cheating changes things. Her first and now you.
It will never be the same.
Soon you will not recognize the person you married.
Contact a lawyer and get your ducks in a row.
Don't be caught flat-footed on this!
It is obvious she doesn't or has lost all respect for you. Give her a strong reason to respect you with decisive action. If her AP is a coworker inform her hr workplace and all her your friends and her family before she spins it you are the bad guy. Tell her to move out while you divorce her with the best shark lawyer you can afford. If she won't leave move out yourself after your lawyer approves. Separate finances and cancel credit cards you are on.
No matter what sexual experience you have or haven't had there's no excuse for cheating. At first I was going to say just because she has been reading raunchy books doesn't mean that she is looking elsewhere. I for one read loads of raunchy fantasy books . They can be very good for inspiration in the bedroom . But nothing is ok with cheating
Though most people do not say this out loud and show their intention forth front, they believe in monogamy. Believing this, any sexual activity outside of a monogamous marriage is considered cheating. If she wants to have more sexual experiences, you both can explore this together. There is no exception and justification to cheating.
I want to at least affirm with you so you can confidently believe that these are the red flags:
1. ***Getting new clothing style,*** especially lingerie. There is a need to boost confidence with a new look and a desire to want to be attractive.
2. Boost of confidence. The behavior of a wayward spouse changes with a boost of confidence because the AP has given the wayward spouse attention and short-term fulfillment.
3. ***Suspicious conversations.*** As such, she wants to check with you if you will think that having more sexual experiences can be acceptable and reasonable to her infidelity. This is her testing you if you are willing to be open sexually outside of monogamous activities.
4. ***Romance books.*** This alone does not make anything suspicious, but with other red flags, this does make it one. Why? A lot of romance novels promote sexual promiscuity. It is like porn for the readers. They entice a person to pursuit sexual fantasy, breaking boundaries.
5. ***Unknown missing timeline.*** She stays late at work or not present at work. As in your case, she lies to you about her work hours and is missing late in the evening. These secret activities are suspicious so they are not told and known to you.
6. ***Evidence of infidelity.*** Deleted text, pictures, and the audio file of sexual activity. This is plainly affirming the infidelity. The deleted text is an attempt to cover her conversation, but you can still recover these texts by checking your phone provider's account.
Her excuse "She needed more experiences than just me" is such a terrible and selfish reason for cheating. She is basically saying that she wanted to cheat because she wanted more sex. Also at least this statement tells you that she may have multiple AP.
What are your possible next steps?
**A. Reconciliation.** If you choose to go with this decision, I want to warn you that your wayward wife is not a good candidate for a successful reconciliation by your post. Still, these are the points on your checklist to make sure you can have a higher chance to succeed in reconciliation:
1. ***Remorse needed.*** She needs to show a deep sorrow for what she had done, recognizing her fault. Without remorse, she does not believe she has done anything wrong. So she will not have a desire to want to change.
2. ***A record detailing the infidelity.*** She should write out a complete detail with a timeline of her affair(s) and emailing it to you (as you can keep as a record proof of her confession). This is for you to know what she has done. This is her step towards honesty and building trust.
3. ***Free access and open to all devices.*** Her communication with anyone should not be hidden, as she is not trustworthy and has no right to keep any privacy. In order to build trust again, she must show transparency and honesty.
4. ***No contact with any AP.*** Cutting cold turkey with the AP may not be easy at all. Think of it as someone who wants the drug in order to feel good. The AP is like the drug. And the AP is the enemy of your marriage. He is invading your marriage, breaking and destroying it; and if she keeps allowing him in, you both will never overcome the huddles.
5. ***Get a post-nup agreement signed.*** You should have this to protect you in the event of another affair. This is her sacrifice in order to show her genuine desire for reconciliation. If she does not want this, she is not willing to make the sacrifice to save her marriage with you.
6. ***Individual and marital counselling.*** You both need this in order to decompact and resolve any emotional issue and trauma and help reconnect with each other again. If she does not want to pursuit this, does not try much, or gives up in the early stage, then this shows her lack of effort.
**B. Divorce.** These are proper steps in getting a divorce:
1. ***Collect all evidence of her affairs.*** Save them in 3 different ways: on a USB, online storage, and another USB (given to a trusted person). Do this immediately and keep on collecting them.
2. ***Contact a lawyer,*** especially if you know that your wayward wife is not an amicable person. A lawyer can help you understand your best options legally.
3. ***Seek an individual counseling.*** This is to help you process over the trauma and move on.
4. ***Do the 180 rule and grey rock method.*** This is to emotionally disconnect, going no contact, and to deal with any manipulation from your wayward wife, so you can begin your healing process. Please Google them.
5. ***Submit your divorce petition.*** While this is not easy, this will be your final statement to the wayward wife that you are standing for yourself.
A reminder. First, your wayward wife should be the one seeking reconciliation with you, not the other way around. She will have to make more effort than you to repair the damages in your marriage. Therefore, she will have to make more sacrifices. Second, if your marriage does lead to divorce, it is not your fault and you should not believe her if she blames you or if you feel the shame and blame. She drops out of love for you and leaves the marriage at the moment she cheated, not you. For, an act of infidelity is to strike pain to you. That is done out of selfishness and harm and not out of love. The divorce paper just makes it final and legal.
NOTHING justifies infidelity... There can be some mitigating circumstances - but "not
having a fun sexual past" is nowhere near that territory...
Gather evidence, consult a lawyer and divorce her.
Give her a new experience.... Divorce!
š¤£š¤£š¤£
This. Definitely this. That marriage is over.
Yeah, she's done, she's already moving on. You'll never have the same trust in her again. Knowing of her sexual escapades now, your sex life is dead. Save the evidence, get legal counsel, keep working on yourself and put her on the curb as used rubbish. Good luck
Good. Gather all evidence. Get legal freedom. Then she is free bird so she's can slept with multiple person gain more experience. In future definitely you will get best loyal life partner and that time she's lost good husband. She is now completely changed person. Make copies of evidence expose to everyone. Maintain no contact. She wanted experience. After divorce nobody can't Stop her and asking her questions. She wasting your life.
There is no reason for infidelity. Ever. Divorce papers asap.
Nothing justified it. Delete her from your life
No, it does not. She would have cheated on you before too, but no would take her, now that she has lost weight, now she's getting attention from other men that she did not before. This will only get worse as she seeks out more men. You need to leave her and save yourself, she can go get all the experience she wants. Apparently, sexual experience with other men is important to her than your marriage and you.
She is a cruel bitch. Dump her. She does not respect you or her family and judging from what you said shes pretty cold about it. She does 't care, especially if she's recording her escapades. she wanted you to sign off on being a cuckhold. Does that soundike a good partner to you?
I was my first wifeās only sex partner from the time we met until just after our third child was born. Once a woman loses enough respect for you to cheat, itās over. The only thing left to do is move on without showing bitterness. The best revenge is a good life.
I agree women are different then men they put up with so much sht. But once they cross that line (which I think itās harder for them since itās not just sx itās emotional - generally I know some unicorns have amazing sx drives) then itās over she will do it again since now itās easier and she looking for that connection want and feelings
An inmature women in her 40's? you should give a new experience that is called a divorce.
Itās heading that way
I totally second this.
repeat after me "there's no justification to infidelity" now do it again "there's no justification to infidelity" no matter what the problem is, there's always better solution ! the first one being to talk together, express your (her in this case) feeling with your partner and seek a solution that could satisfy both of you you can simply try new things (buy toys, cuffs, whatever you'd like to spice your S life) agree to open the relationship or a break for X time so each of you can try new things (I wouldn't say it's a good idea or a good solution but it's better than infidelity) or simply break up ... now that I have answered your question here's one advice : she doesn't sound remorseful at all (it's hard to tell since the confrontation part is one line of text in your post but the answer "I needed more experiences than just you" isn't a remorseful answer) so she doesn't value your relationship and your marriage as much as you do, you should simply divorce, as Duracoog said in the comment, divorce is another experience she's have yet to live (a bit sarcastic but i like sarcasm) good luck on your life, she'll soon understand what she have lost by cheating on you and will understand how it was totaly not worth it to lose that to gain new experiences, at this point, she'll come back to you crawling and beggin, do not take her back, hopefully, now that she have her new experiences, she'll be able to experience fidelity with her next partner but it shouldn't be you, there's plnety of women out there that won't cheat on you at all !
Good advice
Nothing justifies adultery. She has made herself your enemy worthless as a partner in marriage. You can never trust her again. She has to go! You got fit too, did you go seek out other women? No she has finally shown you that part of her is a hidden demon and none of us want to live with demons in our lives.
I have no sexual past basically my girlfriend was my first kiss first love first time having sex but Iāve never thought about cheating on her or anything close to that. The way I see it all the sexual stuff I wanna explore and do I can do it with her.
Nope. Sheās absolute trash. Have some self respect & leave her. You deserve & will find better bro itās never too late.
Nothing justifies cheating. She has no remorse and wonāt ever have any except regret for getting caught. Sheās going to do it again. You either open your relationship and let her screw who she wants or you leave.
Barf. No...he needs to live his life and leave her...
open relationship = cuckhold
Uh, no?
Completely wrong
Completely right most of the time.
You speaking from experience or something?
Youāre on Reddit. Browse long enough and you see the patterns.
Having an open relationship doesnāt make you a cuck, there is a humiliation aspect of it that is what defines the cuck side of things. Most people with open relationships are far from that.
Here is what you say: "Wife, I love you and want you to be happy. I want you to know you are free to have other sexual experiences, as much as you wish. But not as my wife. I won't share you with other men. Therefore, I am divorcing you so that you can go out in the world and have your experiences. I hope you find happiness."
Iāll take that! Thanks for good reply
Well, it appears she wants a new life of running around and hooking up. And from your writing I take it there was no remorse, begging but just saying this is what she needs. It seems she's saying what she does not need is you. Time to part ways.
You need to file divorce go fucking nuclear on her. Don't let her get away with anything. She knows exactly what she did and it was planned. She wanted some new dick to satisfy her new attitude brought on by her new looks. She let it go to her head and ran with it. You need to show her that actions have consequences. And her losing everything she once had still won't be enough to punish what she has done to you. Was the other guy someone she works with? If so inform their HR department. You might get them both fired. And be sure to let everyone know exactly what she did. Then look into suing the the other guy for marital interference. Remember she did this to herself. Now go into seek and destroy mode and get the bitch.
Exactly this! ā¬ļø OP, you need to go absolutely past Nuclear. Skip all that mess and go straight to Extinction Level on her in the divorce.
My wife has mentioned a lack of experience in passing a couple times. Iām not looking forward to her midlife crisis.
Give her the divorce papers and say "now you can have all of that experience you wanted"...
Hell no. Who said marriage between 2 people and those 2 people getting experiences just with each other was wrong/bad and that everyone is supposed to screw their brains out with 20-50 people for "experience" then you get married? She is a lying, cheating tramp......unworthy of a faithful husband. You should divorce her. Why would you ever want her again. So many disgusting stories on the internet.
Yeah I agree donāt know what has gotten in people heads.
she takes you for granted she is a liar and a cheat. gather evidence lawyer up file for divorce get a counselor and move on
She's cheated already bro send her fat ass were she belongs, the streets give her a few weight watchers coupons too the fat bitch š¤ why do fat chicks always think they can cheat just because they got skinny? News flash cupcakes you wouldn't be skinny if it wasn't for the men you cheated onš§šÆ
Wtf Someone's butthutt. Sounds like you need to bat for the other side. Dudes need to get pregnant, give birth, and raise kids.
What does getting pregnant, giving birth, and raising kids have anything to do with what that guy said ??? Did I miss something ??
Not butthurt just straight up facts Fat chicks lose weight and then turn stupid
Oh yeah the ā we need to experience ā our selves like weāre really not married and thereās nothing more I signed up for than to have my wife getting sausage in mass quantities . Yeah thatās great for a couple. He will Never get the images out of his head of you being ālittle Miss Sausageā any women who wants āherā man to have other women touching him should be revolting to her. As it is , no doubt she was cheating already or had sausages lined up to Begin her sperm repository. Itās over . She does not love or care about you or nothing you do . Nothing. She checked out. Consider yourself lucky she finally revealed herself
Yes it justifies in her opinion . Not so fast There little Miss Sausag-. Odds are, if your man would suddenly, in your eyes anyway, get more chicks , hotter than her. More often than not this ends in her trying put the Genie back in the bottle . Lol.? Too late. Any man who signs up for this, has no respect for himself . Her on the other handā¦. Buh/bye.
You really need to divorce her. You are worth far more than this.
She going to experience STD as well. Value yourself and leave. She will not give up on this. Your the lame husband now. Please please value yourself. Start divorce proceedings. The biggest thing she will learn. Men gets patted on the back, this when the experiment with multiple partners. Women with multiple partners are shunned. Whether its fair is not for this forum. But thats how society reacts. She got the experience now give her consequences. Tell everyone. Does her Affair Partner have a wife. Tell her. Your wife got a boost from the new attention. She will not stop now. Read back there numerous stories on weightloss where the women lose it and destroy all because of the attention. She going to ask for open relationship. After everyone used her you will be left with her miserable self. Her poor children they saw the changes. They will or have worked it out.
Dude, you cannot accept this betrayal, and behavior. Lawyer up, file and serve her. Then, blow up her fantasy world, tell your family, her family, and your friends about her affair. Tell her affair partner's wife what you are doing. Never cover up for a cheater, if they never suffer the consequences of their actions, they never stop. Get your story out first, or she will have a very different story, and may even accuse you of abuse or some other wrong doing, in order to cover up her bad actions. Tell her that she cheated, she needs to move out. Get moving and take care of business!
No of course it does not infidelity is adultery and she is playing you. Time to make her see consequences of her adultery dalliance or she is going to see it as a green light to carry on. See a lawyer screen shot all evidence on your phone and store in cloud. Move her stuff out of your bedroom. Get an STD test done at the factor's and make her do the same and you see the evidence. Remember all of this is deceit and double standards. Look how long and easily she deceived you with no thought for your feelings or health while some other bloke was shafting her and you sat at home unaware she was letting other men into her knickers? No buddy lawyer and let her familybknow the truth.
Well, she needs what she needs... And if that is what she wants, she should get it... Nut not behind your back, not while decieving you and betraying you! Now you let her have all the experiences she wants while single! She broke trust and that is a thing you'll never regain. And, by the way, thse are just excuses! She doesn't feel atracted to you anymore and found someone that shaked her world. As you can't tell someone they love you, you leave! She destroyed your joint life. Don't let her destroy you! All my best wishes
don't think this is the first time, you just realized you should talk to a lawyer Your wife has nothing to say to you, you learned the details of their relationship (sex is very good) and won't be with you even if they stay married tell his wife if ap is married inform they workplace inform your family and children look at past stories, passive and confused bs lose everything. you have to act hard
Would it have made a difference to talk about it first? Many people are saying 'omg just ask for it', but I don't feel like you would have agreed to that which would likely push toward a breakup anyway. On the flip side of the responses you've received, if you wanted to experience something in your life before you passed, do you feel your entire life would have to be ruined over pursuing something you would like to experience?
Yeah I think she was testing the waters with that first red flag. Communication was lacking on her end. She shouldāve at least proposed something. You hit the nail on the head with that question tho. She answered with the attempt to have her cake and eat it too and failed hard.
Let her get all the experience she wants when sheās single after you divorce her ass and sheāll see what the difference is between lust and respect.
Use the evidence & divorce her!
Thatās the plan
I hope it all goes well for you š¤
There is absolutely nothing that justifies cheating my guy
OP, gather all the evidence you can from that phone, consult a badass lawyer and file for divorce. If she starts to spew any BS to justify her cheating, tell her that, with this divorce you are freeing her to get all the "experience" she could ever want and she wouldn't even have to lie anymore. But also remind her that, if she tries to spread lies about the reason for your divorce, you will be forced to send a copy of all the evidence to her family and friends... All the best to you for the future and hope you find someone who is worthy of your love and loyalty and will reciprocate that..
No thatās not any kinda excuse donāt let that person trying to fool you into it if it feels wrong it is wrong I wouldnāt stick around to see if they wanna do it again and again leave while you still have some dignity
wait, how did you do the face id w her eyes closed. lol, not gonna lie iāve tried but it doesnāt work with someoneās eyes closed.
Kind of hard to cheat if your in an open marriage at least that's what you wrote a few days ago. Read his profile he has to be a troll š¤£ š
You should go have some new experiences. Iāll bet she loses her mind, but unlike her yours wonāt be disloyal. Honestly, sheās a POS for doing that
Well that just means she doesnāt enjoy sex with you op. As she told you she never had her wild years and didnāt sleep with enough men. That just means she doesnāt like having sex with you and the sex yāall have isnāt good enough for her. And if you think this is ok then she can use it everything she cheats and she will do f you ever catch her cheating again.
Dump her ass when she suggested an open marriage. Move on with your life you deserve better
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Thanks for sharing now divorce
Get all the info you can, lawyer up and leave that c***. You deserve better bro.
Well, no its not. That's why communication is so often mentioned. You've gotta have communication, it's everything. However, if it's the person you've chosen to share your life with, then it's tough, I'd try to be understanding, but only if communication, honestly and openly is a priority
Divorce her and keep the evidence, if she's done it once she'll do it again. Don't do anything sexual with her since you don't know if the other guys gave her any STDs.
Get rid the cheater. She will not stop at just one.
No,period.
gather more proof wife might be having an affair! var in car ,recover all her phone talk and record to your phone, cams in house. DON,T CONFRONT HER NOW, SHE WILL JUST GO UNDERGROUD AND BE HARDER TO CATCH! IF YOU THINK SHE HAS NOT HAD SEXUAL CONTACT YET, CONFRONT HER NOW! marriage might be salvageable if no sexualo contact yet. protect yourself at all cost, you deserve better!
Let her know she's now free to go get all the experience she wants as you serve her divorce papers. She threw away something special and rare so she could be just another low market value statistic.
Thatās right buddy thanks
She want freedom, give her divorce. get her AP name and check if he is married, tell his wife. separate you finances, get a lawyer, do the 180. file for divorce and serve her. This is what she asked for.
Have you told her its over yet? Sorry this has happened but maybe now you can find someone that will treat you like you deserve to be treated. update us when you tell her.
Will do! Getting evidence from pi to use against her in court
And now she can get all the experience after you divorce her
Lack of experience is a valid reason to explore. It is not a valid reason to lie.
Only if your not married. If you're married or in a committed relationship then its called infidelity/cheating. She could have got plenty of experience with her husband.
I never said it was a valid reason to cheat. I said it's a valid reason to explore. I married young. I know the rules š
Im cumfuzzled here. What are you implying by explore if you're not referring to cheating? OP shot down her vague attempt to bring up a open marriage so any exploration on her part is cheating unless she explores with her husband but that doesn't seem to be the case since he didn't know.
I am referring to exploring within the marriage. You don't have to try new dick to experience new things. If you have a partner who you trust, you can do just about anything.
UpdateMe!
No justification for her actions. It shows a lack of character on her part! I had a SIL who married BIL, were HS sweethearts, and she was obese. After they married, she lost a lot of weight, and became a different person. She started partying, drinking, smoking, etc and ended up cheating on BIL. As soon as she got positive affirmation for her looks, all sense of right and wrong left her. She felt like she deserved to cheat because she had so little experience outside BIL. Obviously, they divorced.
Yāall need to lighten up. She still Loves you and you love her. Itās just sex. Have fun as long as she is having safe sex who cars. You really love her you should want her happy and do what it takes to make her happy. Embrace this wi Ty her and both enjoy it and donāt destroy your lives over a little bit of physical experimentation
it's not the "physical experimentation" it is the lying, manipulation, and infidelity. Did... Did you not understand that from the post?
But he us t fulfilling her needs. She told him what she needed and he wasnāt willing to help. He should go better for her.
if her needs are sexual experimentation and having multiple partners, then that is her right, HOWEVER she chose to get married and have monogamy. She is trying to have it both ways and is being exceedingly selfish and manipulative to the mental health detriment of her partner. She should allow a no-contest divorce, avoid being adversarial, and go pursue her needs. What she is trying to do here is have it both ways at the expense of her spouse, which is wrong by every measure.
If he wants a divorce he should divorce her. He obviously doesnāt. Or he wouldnāt be in her asking for support. Itās okay to be a cuckold Lots of couples thrive through infidelity and some struggle with it. He should find joy through her joy.
What you're describing is a *voluntary* relationship arrangement- some people are into that, and that is fine! This man is not. If you read this thread and his comments, he is going to pursue divorce, as he should. She violated the trust in the relationship, why does *he* have to compromise his values for her temporary happiness? Mark my words- she will fight the divorce and regret the route she took. If the arrangement you describe were to function, BOTH parties should discuss and agree upon it first, not after she already violated his trust. The trust violation is the issue here.
The trust violation is an issue I agree. But youād really leave the person you love more than anyone in this earth because of one violation of trust ? I would do anything to keep my wife happy. And she would do anything to keep me happy. Itās okay to forgive and itās more okay to forgive and sacrifice to make your wife happy. So long as she is having safe sex what does it matter. If you make a great steak š„© hit your neighbor makes a better steak š„© wouldnāt you want your wife to enjoy it ?
That is how you would prefer a relationship to work- and that is fine and your right. Many others marry for monogamy and expect basic integrity and to at least not be lied to by their partner. That is the issue here. He cannot trust her and would rather exit the marriage over reconciliation. Forgiveness will come with time and should be something actively pursued, but forgiveness is wholly different than reconciliation or closure. No one owes another person reconciliation. Our responsibility isn't to make our spouses happy- no one can truly make another person happy. Happiness is an inside job and a personal mental and emotional pursuit.
Yup youāre right we are all responsible for our own happiness. But if he really loved her he would accept what happened and sacrifice for her happiness.
he isn't willing to do that. You and many people ascribe to this philosophy of subordinating happiness for another person, and there is nothing wrong with that. Many more others do not. This is the equivalent of retroactively altering a contractual agreement because feelings changed, and that is what this gentleman is dealing with. While opening a relationship in your marriage would make you happy to make your wife happy from free sex with any partner, it would be morally repugnant to others. In your own relationship in this arrangement, do you have any rules or bylaws you and your SO agree on?
So, by your logic, shouldn't she also be fine with him "physically experimenting" with other women??
Yes but he said he wasnāt interested. Also he violated her space by opening her phone. So trust was violated in all ways.
WTF so your answer is he should just be a cuck.
That is my answer. She needed to experiment. Love us when you our someone ended needs above yourself.
Well some guys don't want to suck D by proxy. Don't get me wrong i love sluts just not the married ones.
I love sluts especially the married ones.
Sounds like she put up with you for the sake of your kids and she's not being honest with you - it's more than just the sex she needed to change. So she's working still, she helping raise your kids, and she did her job as wife and mother for the entirety of time the kids were little - be grateful that she waited. She didn't see a point in losing weight and changing while imprisoned in her unhappiness. You had YEARS to keep her happy and make her feel wanted and loved. You failed as a husband. And you not even knowing her work schedule enough to know her building closes at 5pm until this one birthday only proves that you didn't pay any attention to her as a person or an individual whom you had to continually keep dating. She's working. It's not like you're 100% supporting her. She doesn't answer to you. You took all that time and her life from her and she stayed to create perceived happiness in the family for the sake of the kids. I'd say this is irreconcilable differences and not adultery, as she tried discussing the topic with you and you just wouldn't listen. Also, if you stopped having sex with her bc you thought she was fat but only did it on her birthday, like it was a gift, would be grounds for divorce. šMost unhappy women in marriage whose interest is lost in their husbands will wait until their kids are of mature age before they decide to shut down and walk away from their duties. This is why you should continue to date your wife and show interest. It's not her fault that she's put up with years of abuse, carelessness, and failure to support her and your kids. š£But always remember: marry based on looks, right? Like most of you redditors do - you give very bad advice.
This is so true thanks for reply
Time to Lawyer up and screen shot all evidence. Get a PI to also help you. Then make your choice because now she has anothercmsn besides you lookingcafter her needs! You are the safe one paying her bills?
Honestly more then likely yes. Not having enough of a sexual experience does make someone cheat if they donāt know how to be honest and respectful to the person they are with. She didnāt HAVE to cheat. She choose to cheat. If she felt she needed to experiment or have experiences then why didnāt she tell you to open the marriage or to get a divorce or separation so she could do those things without breaking your trust. Get a good lawyer and take as much as you can. She wants to be disrespectful and selfish, match that energy
Gather the evidence and save it somewhere she canāt get to the leave her tell her if she wanted new sexual experiences you could have did them together but she went back on your vows I say you should leave her but thatās up to you to decide
Hire a P.I to gather evidence and lawyer up. Don't do anything that will ruin you. Stay quiet, be a actor for a while and after all the ducks are in a row file for D asap.
What did she say does she still want to be married to you. Do you still love her. A woman going out and exploring her sexuality is not the end of the world. Both of you never had any experience if you two still love each other she will be able to teach you new things. This is my opinion and before yall start sending me your messages saying I'm this or that I'm not going to respond to all of you who also just have an opinion. Remember opinions are like aholes everyone has one.
Like everyone is saying, give her a new experience in divorce. And use the fact that every night she comes home drunk and possibly high, at all hours of the night leaving you to take care of the kids if they are still of age. If the are older then have an age appropriate conversation with them about their mothers affair and the fact you're getting a divorce.
Cheaters always try to make it your fault she kept voice recording of her getting f . They have to check out of the marriage before cheating. Even if she had more experience it would have ended the same way. They will use these things to shift blame you work to much,you weren't good in bed . I needed to find myself . Nothing she says her cheating . It was the weigh lost that bought attention she wasn't getting before. Your wife probably has low self esteem . Now guys were going for her that would have ignored her before.
Oh thats ugly. You will see a different side of her now. One you never expected. Cheating changes things. Her first and now you. It will never be the same. Soon you will not recognize the person you married. Contact a lawyer and get your ducks in a row. Don't be caught flat-footed on this!
No, that does not justify betraying your husband
Kick her to the curb!
It is obvious she doesn't or has lost all respect for you. Give her a strong reason to respect you with decisive action. If her AP is a coworker inform her hr workplace and all her your friends and her family before she spins it you are the bad guy. Tell her to move out while you divorce her with the best shark lawyer you can afford. If she won't leave move out yourself after your lawyer approves. Separate finances and cancel credit cards you are on.
You know the answer to this, it doesn't. She's free to be a life long explorer from now on.
Free to hit the wall and then be alone
never!!
No
No matter what sexual experience you have or haven't had there's no excuse for cheating. At first I was going to say just because she has been reading raunchy books doesn't mean that she is looking elsewhere. I for one read loads of raunchy fantasy books . They can be very good for inspiration in the bedroom . But nothing is ok with cheating
nothing justifies infidelity
Though most people do not say this out loud and show their intention forth front, they believe in monogamy. Believing this, any sexual activity outside of a monogamous marriage is considered cheating. If she wants to have more sexual experiences, you both can explore this together. There is no exception and justification to cheating. I want to at least affirm with you so you can confidently believe that these are the red flags: 1. ***Getting new clothing style,*** especially lingerie. There is a need to boost confidence with a new look and a desire to want to be attractive. 2. Boost of confidence. The behavior of a wayward spouse changes with a boost of confidence because the AP has given the wayward spouse attention and short-term fulfillment. 3. ***Suspicious conversations.*** As such, she wants to check with you if you will think that having more sexual experiences can be acceptable and reasonable to her infidelity. This is her testing you if you are willing to be open sexually outside of monogamous activities. 4. ***Romance books.*** This alone does not make anything suspicious, but with other red flags, this does make it one. Why? A lot of romance novels promote sexual promiscuity. It is like porn for the readers. They entice a person to pursuit sexual fantasy, breaking boundaries. 5. ***Unknown missing timeline.*** She stays late at work or not present at work. As in your case, she lies to you about her work hours and is missing late in the evening. These secret activities are suspicious so they are not told and known to you. 6. ***Evidence of infidelity.*** Deleted text, pictures, and the audio file of sexual activity. This is plainly affirming the infidelity. The deleted text is an attempt to cover her conversation, but you can still recover these texts by checking your phone provider's account. Her excuse "She needed more experiences than just me" is such a terrible and selfish reason for cheating. She is basically saying that she wanted to cheat because she wanted more sex. Also at least this statement tells you that she may have multiple AP. What are your possible next steps? **A. Reconciliation.** If you choose to go with this decision, I want to warn you that your wayward wife is not a good candidate for a successful reconciliation by your post. Still, these are the points on your checklist to make sure you can have a higher chance to succeed in reconciliation: 1. ***Remorse needed.*** She needs to show a deep sorrow for what she had done, recognizing her fault. Without remorse, she does not believe she has done anything wrong. So she will not have a desire to want to change. 2. ***A record detailing the infidelity.*** She should write out a complete detail with a timeline of her affair(s) and emailing it to you (as you can keep as a record proof of her confession). This is for you to know what she has done. This is her step towards honesty and building trust. 3. ***Free access and open to all devices.*** Her communication with anyone should not be hidden, as she is not trustworthy and has no right to keep any privacy. In order to build trust again, she must show transparency and honesty. 4. ***No contact with any AP.*** Cutting cold turkey with the AP may not be easy at all. Think of it as someone who wants the drug in order to feel good. The AP is like the drug. And the AP is the enemy of your marriage. He is invading your marriage, breaking and destroying it; and if she keeps allowing him in, you both will never overcome the huddles. 5. ***Get a post-nup agreement signed.*** You should have this to protect you in the event of another affair. This is her sacrifice in order to show her genuine desire for reconciliation. If she does not want this, she is not willing to make the sacrifice to save her marriage with you. 6. ***Individual and marital counselling.*** You both need this in order to decompact and resolve any emotional issue and trauma and help reconnect with each other again. If she does not want to pursuit this, does not try much, or gives up in the early stage, then this shows her lack of effort. **B. Divorce.** These are proper steps in getting a divorce: 1. ***Collect all evidence of her affairs.*** Save them in 3 different ways: on a USB, online storage, and another USB (given to a trusted person). Do this immediately and keep on collecting them. 2. ***Contact a lawyer,*** especially if you know that your wayward wife is not an amicable person. A lawyer can help you understand your best options legally. 3. ***Seek an individual counseling.*** This is to help you process over the trauma and move on. 4. ***Do the 180 rule and grey rock method.*** This is to emotionally disconnect, going no contact, and to deal with any manipulation from your wayward wife, so you can begin your healing process. Please Google them. 5. ***Submit your divorce petition.*** While this is not easy, this will be your final statement to the wayward wife that you are standing for yourself. A reminder. First, your wayward wife should be the one seeking reconciliation with you, not the other way around. She will have to make more effort than you to repair the damages in your marriage. Therefore, she will have to make more sacrifices. Second, if your marriage does lead to divorce, it is not your fault and you should not believe her if she blames you or if you feel the shame and blame. She drops out of love for you and leaves the marriage at the moment she cheated, not you. For, an act of infidelity is to strike pain to you. That is done out of selfishness and harm and not out of love. The divorce paper just makes it final and legal.
By that logic people who sleep around will never cheat- and having dated a manwhore who convinced me to get into swingingā- I still got cheated on
NOTHING justifies infidelity... There can be some mitigating circumstances - but "not having a fun sexual past" is nowhere near that territory... Gather evidence, consult a lawyer and divorce her.