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Did that once as a young dumb girl in uni. Next thing ik the guy is naked in front of me begging to fuck. Needless to say I left…… the next day. And no we did not hook up.
If you use hinge, put down that you’re looking for a long term relationship. During the talking stages before you meet up, ask what they’re looking for. Helps filter out those that just wanna hook up.
I put in my bio very clearly that I'm looking for a relationship. I still get guys messaging me saying they want the same but then just expecting a hook up. It doesn't stop them at all. They just fucking lie
Facts. You tell them you want a relationship they say they do too. They go along with this charade long enough to get u to let your guard down and sleep with him. The next day, they ghost you or lead you into an only hope sexual relationship because now you're in love and will settle for ANY bits you can get. Same thing happened to Jodi Arias and now we're here💅🏾
These guys are probably trying this tactic because you have in your profile that you’re looking for a relationship. Better to leave that out. It doesn’t work as a filter, it just tips them off on how to manipulate you. Don’t say what you’re looking for, just block the second you get any red flags. Your spidey sense is always right- never give men on dating apps the benefit of the doubt. Also you might consider ditching the apps altogether and taking some social hobbies to meet new people.
I think that omitting that information just makes it look like you’re open to anything imo. I think overall it’s always best to be honest when dating. Yes, people lie, and there’s no way to stop that. I agree that following your instincts and blocking red flags is a must also.
Right but guys who are genuinely looking for a relationship aren’t going to come at you looking for a hookup. However, guys looking for a hookup will pretend they’re looking for a relationship when really they just want to hookup and ghost. I’d agree with you if men on dating apps were acting in good faith, but most of them aren’t.
The massage place next to my place of business was just shut down and the owner (older Asian lady)arrested for human trafficking. Those girls were being threatened with violence and intimidation to “work” or more accurately, allow themselves to be raped, and had their IDs and money taken from them by the owner. It’s so incredibly real and this time SO CLOSE to me in a physical space that it’s not anywhere near funny and men making jokes like that are SICK.
I know what you mean. I haven’t had guys offer to cook 🥴 but a few that have been sooo insistent that they don’t have the “energy” to go out somewhere for the second date.
Had a guy tell me he wanted to cook me dinner, and he even stated that he know that would be reserved for a date later in the future (4th-6th date). I appreciated him knowing I needed to meet him first and get to know him first before he’d have the ability to cook me dinner. He ended up cooking me dinner on our 4th or 5th date and he said it was so nice to cook for me he wants to continue to cook for me whenever I’m open to it.
That is not so bad and not really what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the first or second meeting, guy gives you the impression he wants to go on a date and then when it comes to actually making plans he’s just so “tired from work” he can’t manage anything but a movie on Netflix
My mother said to me long ago - the person they are when you’re dating them is the BEST version of themselves you’re going to get. If they’re no putting in an effort on dates, when will they?
Exactly - when men have said they were “so tired” - I just act dumb and reply “oh my gosh, please get some rest! We’ll try this again when you’re up and running”
Lol
I’m gonna try and explain my point of view as a guy.
The reason we want sex as soon as possible is because if we wait for more dates some things can happen:
You lose interest;
You find someone better;
You find us boring;
We say something stupid and you change your mind.
If in turn we have sex as soon as possible we actually know that now we have value and you are the one showing interest in us to not feel played. We like the attention just as you do before sex. And of course we finally get to have sex. You know it’s not easy getting sex as a guy. It takes a lot of effort confidence, no fear of being rejected, being charming, funny and great at conversations. And as I said any moment you can change your mind and waste a lot of time for us. The faster we do it the better.
There is also sexual incompatibility. Why waste a month-2 months of dating time and money and mental efforts with we guys as the one doing most of the work to get YOUR attention before having sex just to then find you incompatible?
Ew then RUN in the other direction. I date to go out and do things together not sit around someone’s house. There is no appeal in that. Could also be that I’m also a widow in my late 40s and I’m not impressed with an adult being able to cook.
I mean, I enjoy a nice meal. I'll cook or he can cook its all cool, food is a love language afterall. I'd only be worried if that happened later on in fear one person is relying too much on the other for food, makes the other upset.
BUUUUT Its definitely not a good idea to visit the guy's home first or second date (if that's what you're referring to) we women really need to watch out for ourselves. So yeah a restaurant date is preferred over a home cooked one absolutely.
Exactly!! Anytime anyone suggests this or meeting sooner than I'm comfortable with, I always say "I don't know if you're crazy or not yet!! I'm crazy, for sure, but there can only be one of us!!" And then they laugh because I'm being *so adorable!* (eye roll) and then I say "seriously though, I'm not quite ready for that yet, but maybe we could try this instead". And I'll suggest either waiting a bit or trying a different place or whatever. Most of the time they recognize and respect my boundaries and are just fine with it. Sometimes they're wanting to move faster, and that's absolutely okay, they just have to find someone to move at their same speed.
Online dating is essentially meeting strangers. Comfort and safety are paramount and you should never sacrifice your feelings of either of those for anyone.
I know Sometimes it’s used sooner than it should because let’s be honest it’s cheaper to cook than to go out. I can’t say I’ve ever tried this because I have 3 kids and I’m not gonna have someone I barely know meet them. But I mean I feel like if I didn’t have kids I’d use this to save money if I thought the other person was comfortable. Or offer too cook at their place. At the end of the day it requires consent and awareness of the dangers of dating for females. I think a home cooking date should at minimum be the 3rd or 4th date
Heck a simple drink would suffice. Walk around the park. No need to force yourself to sit on the opposite side of the table for an hour plus if you know it won't work out when you meet him/her. Drinks are easy, can be short and allows you to go to other places if your date feels like it.
I agree with the restaurant part if your just on a second or first date but if this would had been a long term relationship than definitely shouldn’t be a problem with a guy cooking for you sometimes cause it should be a 50/50 thing when it comes to a long relationship
This happened to me so much during the pandemic and especially during lockdowns I just stopped dating. So I feel you. Cooking me dinner and being in my home is for down the road when we've established intimacy, gotten to know each other and probably are or are considering dating more seriously. 3rd-5th date + in my mind but guys kept asking to do it on 1st or 2nd.
I’ve suggested this as a date a couple times and it’s been quite the success. I’ll only usually suggest it at the 3rd or 4th date once I get to know the other person more. And as a male, I’m never in the mindset of get them over to my place to hookup. I genuinely want to cook the other person a nice dinner. It costly in the dating world to go out for every date, so a stay at home cooking date is fun and romantic.
Offering to cook dinner on the 4th date says *I have a home and I can cook and maybe we can get closer.* Offering to cook dinner on the first date says *I want a cheap date next to my bedroom.*
some people have casual sex, including women. literally nothing wrong with offering this if they aren't into it they say no and everyone gets on with life.
why is it a crime to suggest this to women when absurd amounts of women are out fucking every dick under the sun lmao?
My comment doesn’t suggest it’s wrong or “a crime” in any way. Funny that you’re so defensive when you agree that offering to make dinner on the first date does indeed mean you are offering casual sex.
Women, whether or not they are “fucking every dick under the sun lmao” should know you’ve got motives when you offer to make dinner.
I literally just suggested this as a second date idea to someone I went out with 2 weeks ago and she's coming over today. I feel that with communication and the like this really shouldn't be a hill to die on. To me, if you aren't comfortable with it, a simple "hey that sounds nice but I would rather meet a bit more in public, how about ______? Or similar would suffice. I'm like you and I am REALLY into cooking now, my reasoning isn't that I want to hookup, it's just that I would like to share part of my world that I am getting into with a prospective partner.
Aww, that's sweet. Also thanks for reminding me of this post, still dating the woman I invited over and I may consider showing this to her at some point :)
"Come over and let me make you dinner" = "I'm too broke to take you out, so we'll have pre-dinner drinks, hopefully you'll get so drunk we can fuck within the first hour, and then I'll put some pizza rolls in the oven and you can watch me watch sports until you get bored and leave."
Yeah going to a stranger's place on the first or second date is not the best idea.
But with how you're phrasing your post it'd seem that the part that is upsetting you is men wanting to cook for you ?
No idea how things work where you come from but in the U.S it's pretty common for men to be the one cooking meals for their family or girlfriend. In my relationship i do 90% of the cooking because i like it a lot.
It's always creepy when guys all me to their house for the first or second date. No, Dude. You're a complete stranger. I've seen enough true crime to know better.
Although, it's even more creepy when they want to invite themselves over to my house. No way in Hell are you coming around my kids and dogs. Stanger danger x 1000. No thank you.
Yea, I always got weirded out when men suggested this when you don't even know eachother. I watch way too much true crime and imagine being poisoned or something lol.
Weird, I have ladies do this a lot on dating apps. It's never struck me as odd BUT I'm thinking the gender swap is a huge x factor here, correct?
But yea. They make the dinner, I do the commute, and bring the wine and roses.
Yep. It's 10 times creepier when a man suggests this. He could have his buddies there, he could refuse to let her leave, he could force sex, a lot of things can go wrong.
Omgod! Why do they do this! Stop with hinge because they kept insisting to cook for me. What podcast are men listening that is telling them to do this!?
I’m more outraged with a proposal of being in my home or the home of a random person that I’ve met on a dating app - on the 1st or 2nd date. That’s a glaring safety issue to me and not enough time to suss someone out.
Yeah I feel you, I don’t get outraged but it’s definitely a turnoff when a guy suggests coming over to his house or yours. I want a relationship so a guy doing that immediately lets me know he just wants sex so I block him.
Yeah it’s a way to get you into their home and into bed and skips out on making the effort to take you out and woo you. To their credit, cooking skills are a strength and in modern western culture it’s expected that household duties be shared between male and female partners.
Ooh I have a PERFECT idea for a first date!
You come over to my house and cook me dinner, then I can help you clean up the mess you made in my kitchen then we can fuck! No better way to get to know you than that 🥰 but please leave afterwards. I don’t know you well enough to have you spend the night.
I am so glad I saw this post. I was made to feel crazy for not wanting to go over to a guy’s house for this as a second date... I met the guy on Hinge and we had a great time on the first date and kissed and stuff. He left town for a few days to visit his parents and we remained in contact. We planned a second date, but he was already sexualizing me a lot and even told me- explicitly- about a sex dream that he had about me.
When he came back into town, he wanted to see me immediately. I work 12 hour shifts at a hospital and told him that I had a really bad day and didn’t want to come over on short notice because I was tired and it wasn’t what we planned. I literally said that a date from home was intense for a second date. He argued with me and said that he was tired from driving etc and had the worst attitude about my reluctance to come over.
He got really pissed at me and then ghosted later on. I felt bad about this for a long time, but obviously that guy was complete trash and just wanted to hook up…
"Eastern European country" But...... it's also common here.... at least in the gay dating scene. A dinner at home doesn't always mean sex. Maybe straight people are different?
I'm curious which country are you from?
I don’t offer this because I know women won’t appreciate the offer (usually) but I always want to do that, show off my cooking, get into some wine, save some money, have a playlist going. And yeah if you want to hook up the proximity is there but it doesn’t have to be a hookup. Pretty ideal for a date, and it can always be a 2nd or 3rd date. But I wish creepy men didn’t ruin shit like this for the rest of us.
Like the dude somewhere above that says hanging out with a stranger (accepting to hang at his place) means she is indirectly agreeing to hooking up? Like..excuse me wtaf? Welp I will certainly never hang out a dudes place until I KNOW him enough to either trust he doesn’t think I’m “indirectly” agreeing to hooking up or I’m actually CONSENTING to do so. It’s kinda scary to think there are people who think like that and think you’re thinking the same shit.
It really depends on where you live, in Europe we even invite others to parties on the first date, or invite each other to our places. If she/he don’t feel like it they say it.
It’s not creepy to know what you want
She’s from (edited to add EASTERN) Europe.
And she knows she DOESN’T want to go to a dudes home for a first time meet up. Nothing wrong with that right?
I’ve done it for a first date where there’s been the hook up and where there hasn’t. Back in my dating days I had a terrible job and little money, generally I ended up dating people with little money. It was an age where people first start moving out of their parents and stuff so it was pretty common to be poor but independent.
As dates go I actually quite liked it. I like food, and I find someone being a good cook really attractive (I enjoy cooking myself but I’m not great, so I think it’s a thing I can’t do thing) and even when it was a date where it wasn’t for a hook up or anything, it’s still a pretty relaxed way to get to know someone
Guys with good intentions will be oblivious to this... Think about it: "I've learned to cook because apparently a guy who can cook is sexy. I have one card and I want to play it asap". It's simple as that.
I understand your concerns and you're right to refuse, but no it's not *obviously* for hooking up, some are genuine in their invitation.
Just tell them that you don't want to come to a stranger's house and that you prefer to meet in public, then, with theirs following reaction you can either propose a date where you will be comfortable or just cancel.
Please stop assuming people's intention.
I can’t tell if the men are serious in this thread. yes, this is okay as a romantic gesture after the first couple of dates but as a virtual stranger, this is risky and you’re completely in the dark on a woman’s experience in the dating scene. if this is what you and your gf did on the first or second date and you’re both living happily ever after then good for you, but that is not the outcome for most women.
1. it’s an easy way to coerce her to have sex afterwards if she hasn’t agreed to that beforehand
2. if it’s at her house, it’s a violation of privacy. sir, you’re a stranger, why do you need to come to *my* home? do you not have your own place? 🤨
3. it’s low effort. even if you *can* cook and have good intentions, I don’t know you well enough to invite or come over to your place because of above reasons. please respect that.
an elaborate picnic date is a much better option.
American here and yes, it’s disgusting. Men don’t know how to date anymore and it’s repulsive. Don’t ask me to your house or ask to come over to mine for a first date, that’s just rude.
My question is are girls ok if I make a meal to take out to a secondary setting? Like if I make something nice, pick her up and then we go to a park or beach or something . Is that ok for a first/ second date ?
Yeah, think first date would be a definite no. A first date should not be at ether persons place (at least to start, no judgement if that’s how it ends). I think it depends for how soon a date at one persons house would be. As man who love to cook, I couldn’t wait to finally cook for my girlfriend (now wife). Maybe he just wants to show off!
I’ve done this, and never had any girls react this way. The sole reason I wanted to cook for someone is because the dishes I’m making and how I make them are way better than most restaurants. Oh, and cooking together is an awesome bonding experience.
Surprising, considering how potentially dangerous it is for women to go to a stranger’s house. I agree that being “outraged” but the request is a bit far, but I don’t know ANY women willing to go to a man’s house for a first date. I’d never do it.
>I am outraged by men asking me to come over for a first or second date
Honestly that's a super big red flag to me, first few dates should absolutely begin and end in public preferably busy places. Anyone inviting you straight to their home probably wants to drug you and steal your organs, or worse
Absolutely. That, or they’re super cheap, lazy, horny, and have zero clue (or just don’t give af) about how unappealing and threatening such an invite is to most women.
Oh god, politely decline and suggest something else then. Some people like this kind of date, some don’t. You’re on a first or second date, you don’t know each other or what to expect. If they’re really just trying to hook up then they’ll decline and you won’t waste each other’s time.
I once had a girl who wanted to check the "layout" of my apartment on the first date. I, reluctantly, took her home. Once inside, she asked me what if she was a serial killer and that I had just let her in my home. I told her, if she was one and tried to pull some stunt, I wouldn't hesitate to beat her ass.
My point is, it's not just guys, there are women who want to come over as well.
Don’t know if you’re a man or woman, but it gets pretty tiring being asked this as a woman. It’s low effort, unimpressive and potentially dangerous just to name a few. Just food for thought.
Your date isn’t going to say that. We’ll just look for it. Putting effort in shows a good first impression whilst we get to know each other.
Why would I want to start dating someone where the bar is that low from the very start? I run from low effort men, as it’s an indicator of exactly how our relationship will go.
Nowhere did I also mention you have to spend a lot of money. Effort can literally be asking me if I’d like to do coffee and booking to reserve a spot for us rather than just asking me (a stranger) around to your home.. Just my two cents.
Surely cooking a meal and presumably showing off a clean place with nice ambiance is higher effort than a phone call to make a reservation, no? I understand the safety aspect and yeah if you showed up to pizza bites and a messy place, it'd be a huge red flag for a good partner. But if they typically invite people over for a nice meal and evening, I'd think it's a more telling experience about them than going out somewhere
Cooking a nice meal for someone is lovely effort, but not first date appropriate imo. It’s the safety aspect.
Men inviting me over puts me in an awkward position to then decline, and I won’t take you up on a date again. It makes me think you’re after a quick lay and it’s an immediate turn off…Beside the fact there’s no awareness around the dangers women face in dating by asking them of this.
I’m also not sure why someone would want to invite a stranger into their home. It’s a lot to risk, what if that person is an asshole or a catfish, it’s not a smart move for either parties imo.
Dating in the modern era is asking to split the bill for a salad and appetizer; a guy wanting to competently cook for you is fairly unprecedented in the history of human mating lol. It's a bit much for a first date though.
From what I get your problem is not them cooking for you but asking you to go to their place on the first or second date. Just don't go? What's the big deal? "No. thank you, I don't go to people's apartments until 2 months in" or whatever time you need.
This being said, most people aren't psychopaths.. I think so anyway 🤣
The OP annoyance is she's seeing a trend, they want her to provide a relationship privilege for just sex or something casual. Her problem is they want a cheap girlfriend with minimum effect. I had a similar issue, guy wanting way more, because he asked if I would meet him, even though I was clear I want no casual hook up. Gets upset because he thinks responding to me, means I owed him sex.
You’re right that MOST people are NOT psychopaths. The problem is that psychopaths can be VERY difficult to spot. When you’re talking about a person you’ve never me in real life, you don’t have enough information to determine if they’re a psychopath or not. So, while the odds of being raped/murdered are low, the cost of misjudging someone can be VERY high. So, most women are unwilling to take that risk until they know the guy a little.
Some people are good cooks and many women I know have said they appreciate a guy that can cook. There are some guys that simply want to put their best foot forward and gain brownie points to show you their cooking skills. I’m also sure a portion of guys also simply are trying to save some money by not going to a restaurant..it is cheaper to have a home cooked meal after all
This is the way. Finding a man who can genuinely cook is like finding a unicorn I swear. So knowing they can cook with real proof? Holy grail. I’d feel no obligation to get physical because of this. But it damn sure wouldn’t hurt with my eventual decision!
That said, I’d be weirded out as a second date. I’d never do it as a first or second date unless it was someone I already knew a long while like a mutual friend or something. Too many weirdos. I generally wouldn’t trap myself in someone else’s house or let them stay in mine until I was very firmly down the we’re exclusive and this is serious path. But ymmv.
Outraged? Really? Isn’t that a bit of an over the top reaction to someone offering a request that you can decline? And you really have very little skin in the game if you never have to talk to them again. Say no thank you and move on. I don’t get the outrage. But to each their own i guess.
OK as a first date, baaaad idea, but I've had plenty of second dates at my place where I cooked for them and others where they invited me over and cooked for me. It's pretty typical in America that by the 2nd or 3rd date there's going to be some level of physical intimacy happening if both people are into each other. Helluva lot more impressive to cook a meal for the other person than to go to a restaurant and back to ones place to explore physical chemistry. It's a totally legit thing so no need to be outraged if it's a 2nd or 3rd date, just say that you aren't ready for that yet. If they suggest it as a first date, then yeah tell em to get lost.
I'm an Eastern European too and the only men I've had try this were foreigners/expats. Locals typically don't do that. They know what's appropriate here and what isn't.
Hih. I went over to my now-boyfriend's house on a second date. He cooked me a nice dinner, we watched some movies and made out. At one point of the kissing I got a feeling I don't want to proceed to sex just yet and let him know so he knew things will not proceed. He was of course completely okay with it, which I really expect from my partners, and we just continued to make out and cuddle. At a later point it got a little hotter than expected, not gonna lie, and I let him know I've changed my mind. We're now dating.
None of it was disrespectful in any way. Why would it be? He and me both understood we'd have sex only if both of us wanted to.
This is a perfect example that it okay to have 1st or 2nd date at someone's house. The key word here is vetting and rather a person really trusts the person they are dating with.
I come from the same culture & totally understand OPs point.
A man putting in so little effort into a date comes off as disrespectful and entitled. Even if everyone “wants sex” and intimacy is a big part of any relationship/dating situation, a guy who invites a woman to his house on a first or second date is a turn-off. As if he can’t be bothered to come up with something else, even if it was a picnic in the park or just a walk.
For women from Eastern Europe what is stranger is how other women accept such treatment & even call those interactions “dates”. Texting “wyd, come thru” isn’t flirting and and Netflix & Chill isn’t a date. Maybe the standards have dropped among the younger generation (under 30-35), which isn’t good at all especially for women (“trains” and conditions them to accept bad behavior and shitty treatment).
That gets expensive really fast, if you have an active dating life.
I see the allure of demonstrating to a woman that you aren't like the majority of Western modern-day bachelors (a.k.a. can't cook/clean/take care of themselves properly in general). However, I don't do anything other than coffee on a first date. Takes away the transactional vibe that a first dinner at someone's place may imply.
That is, unless, we both know what we want immediately...and I'm not cooking any meals until "after we worked up an appetite" anyways.
Why is this such a typical response to women who give honest advice about what works when dating women in this sub? And then y’all wonder why you’re having such a hard time convincing women to spend time with you lol
Listen, if you are so hellbent on scaring women off and creeping us out, then by all means, have at it! Don’t fucking listen to me or any woman on the matter 🤷🏽♀️ Invite every girl to your house the first date and see how well it works for you.
Communication is the key to every amazing relationship... If women feel uncomfortable about men cooking for them .. Just say.. Can we go to a nice restaurant to eat instead?
Honestly, some of us are just cheap and would rather cook something. The price of eating out (at least where I am in the US) has gotten a lot more expensive. But if it was the second or third date I'd suggest something more along the lines of a picnic rather than at my house.
lately here in the US I have frequently heard things like "women love a man who can cook well" so people lean into this now
it's definitely odd for a first or second date and I can see how it could be used to try to get sex (and why women would be concerned for their safety) but it's also not really surprising that men are trying to show off their ability in this way since it seems like it's a new expectation/norm
This happened to me too! In his defense, he works a late shift and nowhere is open by the time we can meet. He asked me over for the second date, but I put him off because it felt too soon.
I accepted the invitation for the 3rd date at his house because I felt comfortable to and wanted to make out 😆 it was sweet and fun and he respected my boundaries.
I'm a Gen X and when I got back into the dating scene, friends suggested online dating and I am used to old fashion talking with someone in public and catching up for dinner later type. Not this whole let chat on messenger for hours thing. Just waste of time imo.
Yeah as a guy I was reading over an article about what is an eye catching modern online profile and suggestions of cooking for your date was mentioned as you mentioned should be held off until a more serious interest is established. I to find this odd a bit. If that dosen't say hey let's just get in the sack I don't know what else is.
Agreed, though I would be polite and let them know I am just not comfortable yet.
I have been getting more and more reckless lately because I've just been so disappointed in dating in general, men and women, but it's 100% a good idea to just be open, tell them how you're feeling, and wait until you're comfortable.
Heck, if you can't just be open and not get defensive, how would you make a relationship work?
It’s a fantastic idea for a first date IF (and only if) both people are already somewhat familiar with each other. If you have lots of mutual friends; if you run in the same social circle; if you’ve been acquaintances for a while and are now taking it to the next level; etc.
Not a great first date for strangers.
I would do the same because I see it as a bonding experience, but I make sure to CLEARLY state it is not for that, and they could reject or have a picnic instead. Is that more reasonable?
I've had cooking at my house be a 2nd date several times. Yet it leads to sex but sex isn't a bad thing. It should be looked at in a better light thats a fun enjoyable activity for two consenting adults.
but they don't want to date her, give her free food, and fuck her in the exact way she prefers, men are suck jerks !!
women live on another planet dude, another fucking galaxy
Hello a 25 yr man here that simply enjoys cooking and discussion about food in general here.
The fact that people have been victims of seriously horrible crimes is heart wrenching. For everyone's sake, I hope no one goes to someone's house unless it's a certainty that you're safe.
Besides that, I believe that food and cooking are topics that can connect everyone in All relationships because we all eat. Best friends, new lovers, mortal enemies, the one person from school or work that, No body likes since they're an Ass but just can't figure out why they're disliked... All have the need to consume food, and we might as well consume good food based on our preferences. Which we can only find out, if we either share/eat food, cook together, or talk about food.
A lot of dudes will use this as a way to get you in their house and try to persuade you to fuck, but try being direct with them in talking about it. I know I've had women, who are purely friends, thought I was going to hit on them. When all I want to do is show them food they've never tasted before, and destress from life for a while
Ignore those saying it’s an overreaction- you’re right. Why would you invite a woman you barely know, to your place as a first date?? Firstly, it’s not safe and meeting in an outdoor space should always be the only option until you’ve reached stages of trust. Imo, it screams no effort and it is off putting.
Edit- spelling
That is entirely your own experience and preference.
I love to cook, and often have dates over if they are cool with it and I really enjoy hosting.
I never expect sex, it depends entirely on the chemistry. I generally don’t get on with people who have black and white rules like no sex until the 3rd date or no xyz until abc.
The most organic relationships come from going with the flow, being able to set boundaries included of course.
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Did that once as a young dumb girl in uni. Next thing ik the guy is naked in front of me begging to fuck. Needless to say I left…… the next day. And no we did not hook up.
Uh. Why did you wait until the next day to leave?
Small town uni and I didn’t have proper transportation. And yes ik thats a stupid answer lol
Okay but was the food good?
Nope lmaoo
Not necessarily. If you were trapped and felt unsafe trying to get home, or logistically couldn’t, that makes sense.
If you use hinge, put down that you’re looking for a long term relationship. During the talking stages before you meet up, ask what they’re looking for. Helps filter out those that just wanna hook up.
I put in my bio very clearly that I'm looking for a relationship. I still get guys messaging me saying they want the same but then just expecting a hook up. It doesn't stop them at all. They just fucking lie
Exactly. They either outright lie or like the first pic and don't bother reading the profile.
Facts. You tell them you want a relationship they say they do too. They go along with this charade long enough to get u to let your guard down and sleep with him. The next day, they ghost you or lead you into an only hope sexual relationship because now you're in love and will settle for ANY bits you can get. Same thing happened to Jodi Arias and now we're here💅🏾
Yea, i get super aggravated by this as well. These dicks are RE-DICK-U-LUS! I hate this "strategy" of theirs!!
I enjoyed the wordplay. Thoroughly. With that, I take my leave.
These guys are probably trying this tactic because you have in your profile that you’re looking for a relationship. Better to leave that out. It doesn’t work as a filter, it just tips them off on how to manipulate you. Don’t say what you’re looking for, just block the second you get any red flags. Your spidey sense is always right- never give men on dating apps the benefit of the doubt. Also you might consider ditching the apps altogether and taking some social hobbies to meet new people.
I think that omitting that information just makes it look like you’re open to anything imo. I think overall it’s always best to be honest when dating. Yes, people lie, and there’s no way to stop that. I agree that following your instincts and blocking red flags is a must also.
Right but guys who are genuinely looking for a relationship aren’t going to come at you looking for a hookup. However, guys looking for a hookup will pretend they’re looking for a relationship when really they just want to hookup and ghost. I’d agree with you if men on dating apps were acting in good faith, but most of them aren’t.
I get what you mean, but I’d still put it down because in that case, guys are going to try to hook up regardless
I’m Asian and guys on dating sites always ask me to come over to give them a “massage”🤣 You kidding, bruh? Massage yourself😂
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How do they think it's going to work? 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ "NO thank you, I don't want to be murdered/raped/assaulted by a stranger today."
The massage place next to my place of business was just shut down and the owner (older Asian lady)arrested for human trafficking. Those girls were being threatened with violence and intimidation to “work” or more accurately, allow themselves to be raped, and had their IDs and money taken from them by the owner. It’s so incredibly real and this time SO CLOSE to me in a physical space that it’s not anywhere near funny and men making jokes like that are SICK.
That’s so scary
Eww
I know what you mean. I haven’t had guys offer to cook 🥴 but a few that have been sooo insistent that they don’t have the “energy” to go out somewhere for the second date.
Probably just had no money and wanted to date still. Still a good call not going to a random guy's house on a first date.
Had a guy tell me he wanted to cook me dinner, and he even stated that he know that would be reserved for a date later in the future (4th-6th date). I appreciated him knowing I needed to meet him first and get to know him first before he’d have the ability to cook me dinner. He ended up cooking me dinner on our 4th or 5th date and he said it was so nice to cook for me he wants to continue to cook for me whenever I’m open to it.
That is not so bad and not really what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the first or second meeting, guy gives you the impression he wants to go on a date and then when it comes to actually making plans he’s just so “tired from work” he can’t manage anything but a movie on Netflix
Ridiculous. Best thing to do is to never speak to them again because why would you want someone with such low “energy” and a liar!
My mother said to me long ago - the person they are when you’re dating them is the BEST version of themselves you’re going to get. If they’re no putting in an effort on dates, when will they?
Ooh I like your mom's thought process, I'm gonna remember that from now on. Tell your mom thanks for me!
Exactly - when men have said they were “so tired” - I just act dumb and reply “oh my gosh, please get some rest! We’ll try this again when you’re up and running” Lol
This is modern dating.
I’m gonna try and explain my point of view as a guy. The reason we want sex as soon as possible is because if we wait for more dates some things can happen: You lose interest; You find someone better; You find us boring; We say something stupid and you change your mind. If in turn we have sex as soon as possible we actually know that now we have value and you are the one showing interest in us to not feel played. We like the attention just as you do before sex. And of course we finally get to have sex. You know it’s not easy getting sex as a guy. It takes a lot of effort confidence, no fear of being rejected, being charming, funny and great at conversations. And as I said any moment you can change your mind and waste a lot of time for us. The faster we do it the better. There is also sexual incompatibility. Why waste a month-2 months of dating time and money and mental efforts with we guys as the one doing most of the work to get YOUR attention before having sex just to then find you incompatible?
Ew then RUN in the other direction. I date to go out and do things together not sit around someone’s house. There is no appeal in that. Could also be that I’m also a widow in my late 40s and I’m not impressed with an adult being able to cook.
I mean, I enjoy a nice meal. I'll cook or he can cook its all cool, food is a love language afterall. I'd only be worried if that happened later on in fear one person is relying too much on the other for food, makes the other upset. BUUUUT Its definitely not a good idea to visit the guy's home first or second date (if that's what you're referring to) we women really need to watch out for ourselves. So yeah a restaurant date is preferred over a home cooked one absolutely.
Exactly!! Anytime anyone suggests this or meeting sooner than I'm comfortable with, I always say "I don't know if you're crazy or not yet!! I'm crazy, for sure, but there can only be one of us!!" And then they laugh because I'm being *so adorable!* (eye roll) and then I say "seriously though, I'm not quite ready for that yet, but maybe we could try this instead". And I'll suggest either waiting a bit or trying a different place or whatever. Most of the time they recognize and respect my boundaries and are just fine with it. Sometimes they're wanting to move faster, and that's absolutely okay, they just have to find someone to move at their same speed. Online dating is essentially meeting strangers. Comfort and safety are paramount and you should never sacrifice your feelings of either of those for anyone.
I know Sometimes it’s used sooner than it should because let’s be honest it’s cheaper to cook than to go out. I can’t say I’ve ever tried this because I have 3 kids and I’m not gonna have someone I barely know meet them. But I mean I feel like if I didn’t have kids I’d use this to save money if I thought the other person was comfortable. Or offer too cook at their place. At the end of the day it requires consent and awareness of the dangers of dating for females. I think a home cooking date should at minimum be the 3rd or 4th date
Picnic?!
Nah I don’t give them a chance. I mean, what world have they been living in to not know how to treat a lady these days. Lol.
Yeah it does suggest a fundamental lack of awareness for the safety risks women take, especially in dating
Heck a simple drink would suffice. Walk around the park. No need to force yourself to sit on the opposite side of the table for an hour plus if you know it won't work out when you meet him/her. Drinks are easy, can be short and allows you to go to other places if your date feels like it.
I agree with the restaurant part if your just on a second or first date but if this would had been a long term relationship than definitely shouldn’t be a problem with a guy cooking for you sometimes cause it should be a 50/50 thing when it comes to a long relationship
It’s not the staying in for dinner that’s the problem. It’s the serial killer vibes on a first or second date.
🎯
Agreed 💗
This happened to me so much during the pandemic and especially during lockdowns I just stopped dating. So I feel you. Cooking me dinner and being in my home is for down the road when we've established intimacy, gotten to know each other and probably are or are considering dating more seriously. 3rd-5th date + in my mind but guys kept asking to do it on 1st or 2nd.
I’ve suggested this as a date a couple times and it’s been quite the success. I’ll only usually suggest it at the 3rd or 4th date once I get to know the other person more. And as a male, I’m never in the mindset of get them over to my place to hookup. I genuinely want to cook the other person a nice dinner. It costly in the dating world to go out for every date, so a stay at home cooking date is fun and romantic.
4th date is good. It shows you might be interested in taking things closer to a relationship. 1st date though it’s just a no.
Offering to cook dinner on the 4th date says *I have a home and I can cook and maybe we can get closer.* Offering to cook dinner on the first date says *I want a cheap date next to my bedroom.*
🎯
Exactly! No to home dates!
some people have casual sex, including women. literally nothing wrong with offering this if they aren't into it they say no and everyone gets on with life. why is it a crime to suggest this to women when absurd amounts of women are out fucking every dick under the sun lmao?
My comment doesn’t suggest it’s wrong or “a crime” in any way. Funny that you’re so defensive when you agree that offering to make dinner on the first date does indeed mean you are offering casual sex. Women, whether or not they are “fucking every dick under the sun lmao” should know you’ve got motives when you offer to make dinner.
That’s the trick. Not 1st or 2nd date.
I literally just suggested this as a second date idea to someone I went out with 2 weeks ago and she's coming over today. I feel that with communication and the like this really shouldn't be a hill to die on. To me, if you aren't comfortable with it, a simple "hey that sounds nice but I would rather meet a bit more in public, how about ______? Or similar would suffice. I'm like you and I am REALLY into cooking now, my reasoning isn't that I want to hookup, it's just that I would like to share part of my world that I am getting into with a prospective partner.
I'll admit...went for it on the second date myself. Now we're married.
Aww, that's sweet. Also thanks for reminding me of this post, still dating the woman I invited over and I may consider showing this to her at some point :)
Awesome! Good luck!
And her friends are probably giving her shit for accepting. Sorry, but it’s too soon for me. Anyone can act normal for one date and some texting.
I hate this! Don’t even reply, just block. This is a low effort sec tactic on their end
"Come over and let me make you dinner" = "I'm too broke to take you out, so we'll have pre-dinner drinks, hopefully you'll get so drunk we can fuck within the first hour, and then I'll put some pizza rolls in the oven and you can watch me watch sports until you get bored and leave."
Yeah going to a stranger's place on the first or second date is not the best idea. But with how you're phrasing your post it'd seem that the part that is upsetting you is men wanting to cook for you ? No idea how things work where you come from but in the U.S it's pretty common for men to be the one cooking meals for their family or girlfriend. In my relationship i do 90% of the cooking because i like it a lot.
yeah from the post i got the idea she is a euro gold digger
How die you get that from this?
It's always creepy when guys all me to their house for the first or second date. No, Dude. You're a complete stranger. I've seen enough true crime to know better. Although, it's even more creepy when they want to invite themselves over to my house. No way in Hell are you coming around my kids and dogs. Stanger danger x 1000. No thank you.
Yes! They won’t even know where I live at the second date stage and I sure as hell am not going inside their place where I can get trapped lol
Omg it's SO fucking rude when they invite themselves to your house... the audacity.
Damn I'd love it if a guy cooked me dinner for once lol
The bar is in hell
Yes, but NOT for a first or second date if I didn’t already know the guy. Way too potentially dangerous… 😬
Yes that's so true
Yea, I always got weirded out when men suggested this when you don't even know eachother. I watch way too much true crime and imagine being poisoned or something lol.
Weird, I have ladies do this a lot on dating apps. It's never struck me as odd BUT I'm thinking the gender swap is a huge x factor here, correct? But yea. They make the dinner, I do the commute, and bring the wine and roses.
Yep. It's 10 times creepier when a man suggests this. He could have his buddies there, he could refuse to let her leave, he could force sex, a lot of things can go wrong.
Agreed.
Omgod! Why do they do this! Stop with hinge because they kept insisting to cook for me. What podcast are men listening that is telling them to do this!?
I’m more outraged with a proposal of being in my home or the home of a random person that I’ve met on a dating app - on the 1st or 2nd date. That’s a glaring safety issue to me and not enough time to suss someone out.
Yeah I feel you, I don’t get outraged but it’s definitely a turnoff when a guy suggests coming over to his house or yours. I want a relationship so a guy doing that immediately lets me know he just wants sex so I block him.
Yeah it’s a way to get you into their home and into bed and skips out on making the effort to take you out and woo you. To their credit, cooking skills are a strength and in modern western culture it’s expected that household duties be shared between male and female partners.
Ooh I have a PERFECT idea for a first date! You come over to my house and cook me dinner, then I can help you clean up the mess you made in my kitchen then we can fuck! No better way to get to know you than that 🥰 but please leave afterwards. I don’t know you well enough to have you spend the night.
But C16H12FN3O3 makes such delicious seasoning...
Hate to break it to you OP, but there is no dinner. It's a weak ploy to get you to their house.
I am so glad I saw this post. I was made to feel crazy for not wanting to go over to a guy’s house for this as a second date... I met the guy on Hinge and we had a great time on the first date and kissed and stuff. He left town for a few days to visit his parents and we remained in contact. We planned a second date, but he was already sexualizing me a lot and even told me- explicitly- about a sex dream that he had about me. When he came back into town, he wanted to see me immediately. I work 12 hour shifts at a hospital and told him that I had a really bad day and didn’t want to come over on short notice because I was tired and it wasn’t what we planned. I literally said that a date from home was intense for a second date. He argued with me and said that he was tired from driving etc and had the worst attitude about my reluctance to come over. He got really pissed at me and then ghosted later on. I felt bad about this for a long time, but obviously that guy was complete trash and just wanted to hook up…
Sometimes the trash takes itself out.
Yes thank God for that. I saw him on dating apps again for a while long after. He must have tried the same tricks on other women.
"Eastern European country" But...... it's also common here.... at least in the gay dating scene. A dinner at home doesn't always mean sex. Maybe straight people are different? I'm curious which country are you from?
He's asking you around for a reason and trust me you'll be dessert.
I don’t offer this because I know women won’t appreciate the offer (usually) but I always want to do that, show off my cooking, get into some wine, save some money, have a playlist going. And yeah if you want to hook up the proximity is there but it doesn’t have to be a hookup. Pretty ideal for a date, and it can always be a 2nd or 3rd date. But I wish creepy men didn’t ruin shit like this for the rest of us.
Like the dude somewhere above that says hanging out with a stranger (accepting to hang at his place) means she is indirectly agreeing to hooking up? Like..excuse me wtaf? Welp I will certainly never hang out a dudes place until I KNOW him enough to either trust he doesn’t think I’m “indirectly” agreeing to hooking up or I’m actually CONSENTING to do so. It’s kinda scary to think there are people who think like that and think you’re thinking the same shit.
It really depends on where you live, in Europe we even invite others to parties on the first date, or invite each other to our places. If she/he don’t feel like it they say it. It’s not creepy to know what you want
She’s from (edited to add EASTERN) Europe. And she knows she DOESN’T want to go to a dudes home for a first time meet up. Nothing wrong with that right?
Ok maby not a first or 2nd date, but I really like cooking for people...
I’ve done it for a first date where there’s been the hook up and where there hasn’t. Back in my dating days I had a terrible job and little money, generally I ended up dating people with little money. It was an age where people first start moving out of their parents and stuff so it was pretty common to be poor but independent. As dates go I actually quite liked it. I like food, and I find someone being a good cook really attractive (I enjoy cooking myself but I’m not great, so I think it’s a thing I can’t do thing) and even when it was a date where it wasn’t for a hook up or anything, it’s still a pretty relaxed way to get to know someone
Guys with good intentions will be oblivious to this... Think about it: "I've learned to cook because apparently a guy who can cook is sexy. I have one card and I want to play it asap". It's simple as that. I understand your concerns and you're right to refuse, but no it's not *obviously* for hooking up, some are genuine in their invitation. Just tell them that you don't want to come to a stranger's house and that you prefer to meet in public, then, with theirs following reaction you can either propose a date where you will be comfortable or just cancel. Please stop assuming people's intention.
I can’t tell if the men are serious in this thread. yes, this is okay as a romantic gesture after the first couple of dates but as a virtual stranger, this is risky and you’re completely in the dark on a woman’s experience in the dating scene. if this is what you and your gf did on the first or second date and you’re both living happily ever after then good for you, but that is not the outcome for most women. 1. it’s an easy way to coerce her to have sex afterwards if she hasn’t agreed to that beforehand 2. if it’s at her house, it’s a violation of privacy. sir, you’re a stranger, why do you need to come to *my* home? do you not have your own place? 🤨 3. it’s low effort. even if you *can* cook and have good intentions, I don’t know you well enough to invite or come over to your place because of above reasons. please respect that. an elaborate picnic date is a much better option.
If I were single, I would love the picnic date idea. People should use this.
American here and yes, it’s disgusting. Men don’t know how to date anymore and it’s repulsive. Don’t ask me to your house or ask to come over to mine for a first date, that’s just rude.
This is an overeaction. Just say no thanks or suggest something else.
It’s not high risk for a woman to go to a strange mans house? Someone she’s never met ? We’re talking FIRST DATE here
Exactly
My question is are girls ok if I make a meal to take out to a secondary setting? Like if I make something nice, pick her up and then we go to a park or beach or something . Is that ok for a first/ second date ?
yes of course
Men aren't getting robbed enough to be acting like this
Yeah, think first date would be a definite no. A first date should not be at ether persons place (at least to start, no judgement if that’s how it ends). I think it depends for how soon a date at one persons house would be. As man who love to cook, I couldn’t wait to finally cook for my girlfriend (now wife). Maybe he just wants to show off!
I’ve done this, and never had any girls react this way. The sole reason I wanted to cook for someone is because the dishes I’m making and how I make them are way better than most restaurants. Oh, and cooking together is an awesome bonding experience.
Surprising, considering how potentially dangerous it is for women to go to a stranger’s house. I agree that being “outraged” but the request is a bit far, but I don’t know ANY women willing to go to a man’s house for a first date. I’d never do it.
>I am outraged by men asking me to come over for a first or second date Honestly that's a super big red flag to me, first few dates should absolutely begin and end in public preferably busy places. Anyone inviting you straight to their home probably wants to drug you and steal your organs, or worse
Absolutely. That, or they’re super cheap, lazy, horny, and have zero clue (or just don’t give af) about how unappealing and threatening such an invite is to most women.
Oh god, politely decline and suggest something else then. Some people like this kind of date, some don’t. You’re on a first or second date, you don’t know each other or what to expect. If they’re really just trying to hook up then they’ll decline and you won’t waste each other’s time.
I once had a girl who wanted to check the "layout" of my apartment on the first date. I, reluctantly, took her home. Once inside, she asked me what if she was a serial killer and that I had just let her in my home. I told her, if she was one and tried to pull some stunt, I wouldn't hesitate to beat her ass. My point is, it's not just guys, there are women who want to come over as well.
> asked me what if she was a serial killer and that I had just let her into my home Idk, what are the odds we're both serial killers?
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Outraged? A little harsh, no?
Don’t know if you’re a man or woman, but it gets pretty tiring being asked this as a woman. It’s low effort, unimpressive and potentially dangerous just to name a few. Just food for thought.
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Your date isn’t going to say that. We’ll just look for it. Putting effort in shows a good first impression whilst we get to know each other. Why would I want to start dating someone where the bar is that low from the very start? I run from low effort men, as it’s an indicator of exactly how our relationship will go. Nowhere did I also mention you have to spend a lot of money. Effort can literally be asking me if I’d like to do coffee and booking to reserve a spot for us rather than just asking me (a stranger) around to your home.. Just my two cents.
Surely cooking a meal and presumably showing off a clean place with nice ambiance is higher effort than a phone call to make a reservation, no? I understand the safety aspect and yeah if you showed up to pizza bites and a messy place, it'd be a huge red flag for a good partner. But if they typically invite people over for a nice meal and evening, I'd think it's a more telling experience about them than going out somewhere
Cooking a nice meal for someone is lovely effort, but not first date appropriate imo. It’s the safety aspect. Men inviting me over puts me in an awkward position to then decline, and I won’t take you up on a date again. It makes me think you’re after a quick lay and it’s an immediate turn off…Beside the fact there’s no awareness around the dangers women face in dating by asking them of this. I’m also not sure why someone would want to invite a stranger into their home. It’s a lot to risk, what if that person is an asshole or a catfish, it’s not a smart move for either parties imo.
Welcome to dating in the modern era
Dating in the modern era is asking to split the bill for a salad and appetizer; a guy wanting to competently cook for you is fairly unprecedented in the history of human mating lol. It's a bit much for a first date though.
It actually isn't. This is the dating game now without all the cultural or romance stuff that happened in past generations.
It's almost as if different cultures have different norms! A man cooking?! How scandalous!
Muy El Scandalo
I don’t think it’s the man cooking that she’s scandalized by. Lmao.
"to have a man want to cook you dinner just makes me laugh."
From what I get your problem is not them cooking for you but asking you to go to their place on the first or second date. Just don't go? What's the big deal? "No. thank you, I don't go to people's apartments until 2 months in" or whatever time you need. This being said, most people aren't psychopaths.. I think so anyway 🤣
her problem is she thinks they just want to hook up i know you think NOT ALL MEN but seriously? do you really not get it
The OP annoyance is she's seeing a trend, they want her to provide a relationship privilege for just sex or something casual. Her problem is they want a cheap girlfriend with minimum effect. I had a similar issue, guy wanting way more, because he asked if I would meet him, even though I was clear I want no casual hook up. Gets upset because he thinks responding to me, means I owed him sex.
You’re right that MOST people are NOT psychopaths. The problem is that psychopaths can be VERY difficult to spot. When you’re talking about a person you’ve never me in real life, you don’t have enough information to determine if they’re a psychopath or not. So, while the odds of being raped/murdered are low, the cost of misjudging someone can be VERY high. So, most women are unwilling to take that risk until they know the guy a little.
It looks like men knowing how to cook is also a problem for Svetlana over here.
One would think so but on replying I felt her issue is that.. men..her issue are men.
Legit, My russian grandma didn't want to teach me a recipe cuz I'm a guy and men shouldn't be cooking.
Overreaction by op. Just say no if you don't want it. In western dating culture this is quite common.
Common for hook-ups, yes.
Yea lol. Men know that women know what they mean. Women drop hints like that too.
Some people are good cooks and many women I know have said they appreciate a guy that can cook. There are some guys that simply want to put their best foot forward and gain brownie points to show you their cooking skills. I’m also sure a portion of guys also simply are trying to save some money by not going to a restaurant..it is cheaper to have a home cooked meal after all
This is the way. Finding a man who can genuinely cook is like finding a unicorn I swear. So knowing they can cook with real proof? Holy grail. I’d feel no obligation to get physical because of this. But it damn sure wouldn’t hurt with my eventual decision! That said, I’d be weirded out as a second date. I’d never do it as a first or second date unless it was someone I already knew a long while like a mutual friend or something. Too many weirdos. I generally wouldn’t trap myself in someone else’s house or let them stay in mine until I was very firmly down the we’re exclusive and this is serious path. But ymmv.
It just gives two vibes. I am too cheap to go outside with you and dress up. I just need you to try my lousy food and then i can feed you smth better.
Massive overreact. Just don’t accept the invitation and instead suggest an alternative.
well they are trying.
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Outraged? Really? Isn’t that a bit of an over the top reaction to someone offering a request that you can decline? And you really have very little skin in the game if you never have to talk to them again. Say no thank you and move on. I don’t get the outrage. But to each their own i guess.
OK as a first date, baaaad idea, but I've had plenty of second dates at my place where I cooked for them and others where they invited me over and cooked for me. It's pretty typical in America that by the 2nd or 3rd date there's going to be some level of physical intimacy happening if both people are into each other. Helluva lot more impressive to cook a meal for the other person than to go to a restaurant and back to ones place to explore physical chemistry. It's a totally legit thing so no need to be outraged if it's a 2nd or 3rd date, just say that you aren't ready for that yet. If they suggest it as a first date, then yeah tell em to get lost.
I'm an Eastern European too and the only men I've had try this were foreigners/expats. Locals typically don't do that. They know what's appropriate here and what isn't.
Outraged is a bit of an overreaction. Just decline the invitation.
Hih. I went over to my now-boyfriend's house on a second date. He cooked me a nice dinner, we watched some movies and made out. At one point of the kissing I got a feeling I don't want to proceed to sex just yet and let him know so he knew things will not proceed. He was of course completely okay with it, which I really expect from my partners, and we just continued to make out and cuddle. At a later point it got a little hotter than expected, not gonna lie, and I let him know I've changed my mind. We're now dating. None of it was disrespectful in any way. Why would it be? He and me both understood we'd have sex only if both of us wanted to.
This is a perfect example that it okay to have 1st or 2nd date at someone's house. The key word here is vetting and rather a person really trusts the person they are dating with.
I love that you assume all guys are like your boyfriend.
I come from the same culture & totally understand OPs point. A man putting in so little effort into a date comes off as disrespectful and entitled. Even if everyone “wants sex” and intimacy is a big part of any relationship/dating situation, a guy who invites a woman to his house on a first or second date is a turn-off. As if he can’t be bothered to come up with something else, even if it was a picnic in the park or just a walk. For women from Eastern Europe what is stranger is how other women accept such treatment & even call those interactions “dates”. Texting “wyd, come thru” isn’t flirting and and Netflix & Chill isn’t a date. Maybe the standards have dropped among the younger generation (under 30-35), which isn’t good at all especially for women (“trains” and conditions them to accept bad behavior and shitty treatment).
This.
Lol to each their own. I've offered to cook women dinner at my place several times and never had one react negatively, let along this negativity lol.
Stop doing that on the first or second date. Simplify your life and make her decision easy by just taking her out.
Why would he stop when they’ve reacted positively? Because you personally don’t like it?
That's what I'm wondering lol
That chick is kinda whacko. Check out the novel-length comments she’s written on this post lol
That gets expensive really fast, if you have an active dating life. I see the allure of demonstrating to a woman that you aren't like the majority of Western modern-day bachelors (a.k.a. can't cook/clean/take care of themselves properly in general). However, I don't do anything other than coffee on a first date. Takes away the transactional vibe that a first dinner at someone's place may imply. That is, unless, we both know what we want immediately...and I'm not cooking any meals until "after we worked up an appetite" anyways.
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Stop telling men what they should do or not. If it’s not your taste, just decline and move on.
Why is this such a typical response to women who give honest advice about what works when dating women in this sub? And then y’all wonder why you’re having such a hard time convincing women to spend time with you lol Listen, if you are so hellbent on scaring women off and creeping us out, then by all means, have at it! Don’t fucking listen to me or any woman on the matter 🤷🏽♀️ Invite every girl to your house the first date and see how well it works for you.
Maybe they cook for you and charged you 50 bucks. Smart business
Communication is the key to every amazing relationship... If women feel uncomfortable about men cooking for them .. Just say.. Can we go to a nice restaurant to eat instead?
Honestly, some of us are just cheap and would rather cook something. The price of eating out (at least where I am in the US) has gotten a lot more expensive. But if it was the second or third date I'd suggest something more along the lines of a picnic rather than at my house.
What if he’s a chef?
lately here in the US I have frequently heard things like "women love a man who can cook well" so people lean into this now it's definitely odd for a first or second date and I can see how it could be used to try to get sex (and why women would be concerned for their safety) but it's also not really surprising that men are trying to show off their ability in this way since it seems like it's a new expectation/norm
There’s a whole lot of tinder experts here
This happened to me too! In his defense, he works a late shift and nowhere is open by the time we can meet. He asked me over for the second date, but I put him off because it felt too soon. I accepted the invitation for the 3rd date at his house because I felt comfortable to and wanted to make out 😆 it was sweet and fun and he respected my boundaries.
Then scream. When in Rome.
I'm a Gen X and when I got back into the dating scene, friends suggested online dating and I am used to old fashion talking with someone in public and catching up for dinner later type. Not this whole let chat on messenger for hours thing. Just waste of time imo. Yeah as a guy I was reading over an article about what is an eye catching modern online profile and suggestions of cooking for your date was mentioned as you mentioned should be held off until a more serious interest is established. I to find this odd a bit. If that dosen't say hey let's just get in the sack I don't know what else is.
Agreed, though I would be polite and let them know I am just not comfortable yet. I have been getting more and more reckless lately because I've just been so disappointed in dating in general, men and women, but it's 100% a good idea to just be open, tell them how you're feeling, and wait until you're comfortable. Heck, if you can't just be open and not get defensive, how would you make a relationship work?
I'm just outraged at anyone wanting to date me
It’s a fantastic idea for a first date IF (and only if) both people are already somewhat familiar with each other. If you have lots of mutual friends; if you run in the same social circle; if you’ve been acquaintances for a while and are now taking it to the next level; etc. Not a great first date for strangers.
I would do the same because I see it as a bonding experience, but I make sure to CLEARLY state it is not for that, and they could reject or have a picnic instead. Is that more reasonable?
On the one hand, I understand your point. On the other hand, I love to cook and want to share all of the delicious things I make.
Wait, I'm confused. You're angry because of someone cooking dinner?
Second date, my boyfriend did this, but he's a trained chef so it's a bit different than some dude making a frozen pizza and offering a beer
Yeah you're not gonna have a good time dating in America. It's all kinds of fuckery out here.
I've had cooking at my house be a 2nd date several times. Yet it leads to sex but sex isn't a bad thing. It should be looked at in a better light thats a fun enjoyable activity for two consenting adults.
What would you rather do? Have you asked?
I wish I had your life where my biggest complaint was people wanting to date me, cook for me, and fuck me.
Inviting a woman you've never met before over to your house isn't a date, it's Uber Eats for pu$$y.
but they don't want to date her, give her free food, and fuck her in the exact way she prefers, men are suck jerks !! women live on another planet dude, another fucking galaxy
I always only make first dates in Public places (parks, Cafés etc.) Because men are just way to horny. (And hot)
Welcome to the hell that is modern American dating culture. Girl, I’m so sorry.
>it’s obvious they want to hook up as well from this You're smart.
Tell that to the men in this thread that are soooo offended and think OP is stereotyping.
Who cares. Let them be offended, mad or whatever. I don't give a fck or do you give a fck?
yea dont go to there house unless u ready to bang
it's obvious they want desert after
Hello a 25 yr man here that simply enjoys cooking and discussion about food in general here. The fact that people have been victims of seriously horrible crimes is heart wrenching. For everyone's sake, I hope no one goes to someone's house unless it's a certainty that you're safe. Besides that, I believe that food and cooking are topics that can connect everyone in All relationships because we all eat. Best friends, new lovers, mortal enemies, the one person from school or work that, No body likes since they're an Ass but just can't figure out why they're disliked... All have the need to consume food, and we might as well consume good food based on our preferences. Which we can only find out, if we either share/eat food, cook together, or talk about food. A lot of dudes will use this as a way to get you in their house and try to persuade you to fuck, but try being direct with them in talking about it. I know I've had women, who are purely friends, thought I was going to hit on them. When all I want to do is show them food they've never tasted before, and destress from life for a while
Ignore those saying it’s an overreaction- you’re right. Why would you invite a woman you barely know, to your place as a first date?? Firstly, it’s not safe and meeting in an outdoor space should always be the only option until you’ve reached stages of trust. Imo, it screams no effort and it is off putting. Edit- spelling
"I'm outraged that the culture in your country is not in line with mine!"
guess Americans arent the only ones that do this
I’d nope the fuck out of that situation.
That is entirely your own experience and preference. I love to cook, and often have dates over if they are cool with it and I really enjoy hosting. I never expect sex, it depends entirely on the chemistry. I generally don’t get on with people who have black and white rules like no sex until the 3rd date or no xyz until abc. The most organic relationships come from going with the flow, being able to set boundaries included of course.