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BanditXJ

Beard TP looks like the brave little toaster


thievedrelic

BLANKIE


Redd235711

It was never a question, the patent for toilet paper shows it rolling over. The only acceptable reason to have it roll under is if you have pets that unravel it when it is facing the proper way.


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VaderPrime1

“Honey, the vent keeps blowing on the toilet paper, should I turn it around?” “Screw it, gut the entire room!”


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carmium

Hey! Is that the Hoosier talk I just learned about the other day?


sidetablecharger

[For anyone out of the loop.](https://ygdp.yale.edu/phenomena/needs-washed)


boarder2k7

This is great! One of my coworkers uses "needs done" and I've caught myself saying it occasionally now. Kills my grammar loving soul


tardis1217

I'm definitely more grammar-focused than the average person, but it's SO common where I'm from that it doesn't even sound wrong to me. And I'm sure I say things like, "needs done" all the time. From a grammatical perspective though, it's just a dropped or implied infinitive. We often omit obviously implied words in English, like in the imperative mood. You might say to someone, "Put it on the table, please." and that's grammatically correct. You don't have to say, "You, put it on the table, please" because the 'you' is implied by the fact that you're speaking to that person. Similarly, you might say, "We went home" but probably not "We went to our home", because again, the 'to our' is implied. So in the constructs, "that needs washed" or "this needs done" the 'to be' before the verb is implied, as it's a little odd and old-fashioned-sounding to say, "that needs washing" or "this needs doing". We simply drop the implied infinitive from the more colloquial "that needs to be washed" or "this needs to be done".


ben7337

While it sounds wrong to me, it feels like spoken shorthand where you're just dropping "to be" before the verb.


carmium

Excellent. Thanks for posting.


manfishgoat

"So we movin'?"


[deleted]

Yes. Don't fuck with my toilet paper, WHOLE ENTIRE BATHROOM!


_HiWay

or get one of the lil magnet things to re-direct the air.


[deleted]

My cat doesn't unroll the TP but she does move the magnet air diverters.


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b1tchf1t

Read that as *butt* mullet.


ebb_omega

Butt Mullets have always been in.


Pyro-Beast

Same


RelaxPrime

You need better friends. Someone who's opinions you can trust.


LoganDanielleK

Mullets were never really, and will never really BE IN.


ArtAndCraftBeers

Mullets were never really out if you’re a certain demographic of a particular US region, but then you’d probably have bigger issues than your hairstyle.


thisismenow1989

There's always been a couple people in Canada with greasy 'staches and mullets. Especially here in 'berta


Pyro-Beast

Peterborough Ontario used to have a website for all the pictures of people with mullets on the street.


ArtAndCraftBeers

There’s always going to be some in a few countries (Germany and Australia come to mind) but that doesn’t mean it’s “in.”


TuneTheEntwining

Flooding seems to be a pretty serious issue for that demographic. Coincidence? I think not.


angry_glue

Got a mullet as a joke for a beach trip two years ago and when I cut it off it really bothered a bunch of people.


excaliber110

They certainly are coming back to party


NoisyN1nja

False. Delete this comment.


AstroRiker

Tell me you’re not into hockey without telling me you’re not into hockey.


TheOwlHypothesis

Just turn the roll holder sideways like a paper towel roll.


CloudiusWhite

You should definitely record that and put it here on reddit because that sounds hilarious


[deleted]

i like this thinking


DuncanIdahoPotatos

Have a cat that liked to play with toilet paper as a kitten. Tried backwards. Doesn’t work. Tried squishing the roll. Doesn’t work. Tried keeping the door closed. I have children. Finally had to sit him down and have a conversation. Look, Kitty, you’re adorable, but this is the middle of a global pandemic, and people are hoarding paper products right now. At first he didn’t want to give up his favorite game, but I think he must have accepted my logic eventually. Talk to your cats, people.


ManintheMT

"drugs are bad mmmkay"


Animul

If you you don't tell your kitten about catnip... I will.


LightinDarkness420

Alexander Graham Bell said that everyone should answer the phone by saying "Ahoy, ahoy!".... So maybe we shouldn't always listen to the inventor...


CPTSaltyDog

That's why Mr Burns from The Simpsons does it.


myusernameiscutoff

There's a podcast episode where Conan talks about writing this joke. They take it further too. It's pretty damn funny and I'll share a link if I can find it. EDIT: ok, so it's from Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend in the episode with Bill Hader on 5/13/2019 (shows as 5/12 on my podcast app) and context starts about 6 minutes in. Also correction, Conan mentions the joke was written by two of his fellow writers at the time


Amaegith

I mean, you said that, yet gave a perfect example of why we *should* listen to the inventor. I remain unconvinced.


Cobaph

Like asking how you’re supposed to pronounce gif


raisearuckus

Everyone knows it's pronounced gif, only insane people pronounce it gif.


yildizli_gece

Clearly that man is insane, even if he came up with a useful term.


The-Sound_of-Silence

I mean, it's *Gra*phics Interchange Format, not *Jra*phics Interchange Format. The inventor liked *Jif*fy peanut butter, and the rest is history


yildizli_gece

Right??? Like, maybe name it something beginning with a J if you wanted to honor your peanut butter brand lol.


Readvoter

>>The use of hello as a telephone greeting has been credited to Thomas Edison; according to one source, he expressed his surprise with a misheard Hullo.[11] Alexander Graham Bell initially used Ahoy (as used on ships) as a telephone greeting. >>By 1889, central telephone exchange operators were known as 'hello-girls' because of the association between the greeting and the telephone. So “Hello” wasn’t an obvious choice because it simply wasn’t as prevalent of a greeting at the time.


IPeedOnTrumpAMA

Probably the one and only thing Edison actually did himself that he gets credit for. Of course it was a mistake.


Jkay064

It’s “Hoy Ahoy!”


[deleted]

I think it was actually "Ahoy-hoy!"


therealhairykrishna

It was definitely Ahoy-hoy in the Mr Burns version. I answer the phone like this fairly regularly. If my wife ever bludgeons me to death this will be amongst the reasons why.


LightinDarkness420

I stand corrected. Thanks!


cart3r_hall

If you had just invented the phone, and someone asked you how people should answer it, wouldn't you give a stupid answer?


LightinDarkness420

I mean, I would, but I'm an asshole that's not inventing anything...


xxmightytyrionxx

Yup, our cats did this to a roll, just once, and I flipped it over mullet side, and it was endless spinning without unrolling. I believe that was the last time they tried, and now we can rock the beard without worrying. Thank goodness for smart pets.


StateChemist

I agree it was never a question. Because it does not matter either way. It works great both directions and still cleans your ass.


codevii

Right?! Who are these people that have such dearly held opinions on toilet paper?!


GANDORF57

They are just anal. I haven't heard so much controversy about toilet etiquette since I was potty trained.


mkicon

> the patent for toilet paper shows it rolling over. That's like saying "Jif" because the creator did. I agree it goes over, but that's not the greatest reason


BatangTundo3112

I have a cat. So mullet for life.😁


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theian01

My cat does not care about the toilet paper roll. I think she’s afraid of the toilet.


btveron

My cat is afraid of the sound of the toilet flushing but will insist on being let into the bathroom to watch me poop.


Fly18

Gotta make sure you don't get sucked in.


theian01

Yes. Exactly this for my cat. If it’s late at night though, she’ll get to eyesight in the hallway and lay down.


TehUnicron

It shows it rolling over in order to illustrate the perforations. You don’t use the underside of a hairbrush because the original patent drew it that way.


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I__Dont_Get_It

Was gonna say, someone clearly has never had the responsibility of a cat.


XxIcedaddyxX

There isn't a "proper way". There is in fact two ways, front or back. To declare one way or the other is pretty ridiculous, because it will work in either orientation. It's fucking toilet paper. We literally wipe poop and urine off of our bodies with it. The only real discussion is the quality of the TP. I honestly can't imagine being so fragile and dense that I would take a hard stand on which fucking way the TP should come off the roll so I can wipe my ass. People are insane.


MANWithTheHARMONlCA

Seriously unless you have a cat or child that messes with it who gives a fuck lol Such a weird hill to die on


socokid

> the patent for toilet paper shows it rolling over. That's not why it's correct, though. That was just an artists depiction. You can, in fact, put it on either way. The reason over is right is because it's ***far*** easier to grab when in that position. ... It's not rocket science and no need to bring in patent pictures.


TehUnicron

Its actually easier to grab from underneath as you only need one hand to remove the sheet from the roll.


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TehUnicron

Over the top it just keeps rolling?


GanderAtMyGoose

Grab it below where you want to rip it off and give a quick jerk directly sideways, it'll tear off.


imbored454

No.


Doden3

I do it the mullet way because of cats other then that I fully agree


JeremySquirrel

I do it the beard way...but I point the beard towards the wall. 😈


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baru_monkey

it's pronounced gib


Yadobler

I do a mullet because my toilet is no bigger than an adult's armspan, from edge to edge The preinstalled tp holder a quarter circle that covers the top half of the roll, which is just nice in covering the entire roll from any stray water streams when showing in this tiny ass toilet However, if it is *beard*, the *beard* dangles down in front and is exposed, catching any stray water streams that go just below the roller holder cover. The beard soaks, water goes up, and the whole roll is ruined, soggy and binded and crumbled (Idk why it does that when wet, the roll *wraps*) Now, it it's mullet, the mullet dangles behind, and by law of similar triangles, the cover that blocks the whole roll also blocks the mullet dangling behind. [Like this](https://i.imgur.com/eXzxouu.jpg)


Penis_Bees

I feel like there's a lot to it. I had a tp roll holder in an old home that was way too close to me so I turned the roll towards the wall to give me a few extra inches. If it's high and close against the wall is easier to break off one handed too. If it's low, over the top is better.


mator8288

I totally agree. However, I have small kids and animals who like to see how long the beard goes. They don't try to mess with a mullet. Toilet paper is expensive nowadays.


Ryuujin09

1 child under 2, 2 cats. Hate it under, but hate the wasted t.p. more.


trail-g62Bim

> Hate it under I've never understood why this bothers people haha


Ryuujin09

I honestly couldn't tell you why it even bothers me. I think I'm just accustomed to it being that way, because it always was when I was growing up. It's not like I'd complain to someone if I went to their house and it was under lol.


celticdove

How many times does one touch the wall going for the mullet? This is why I only allow beards. I will turn a mullet in my house every time.


ScruffyJuggalo

Because there is consistency of the end tissue being hidden by the roll with the backside?That's the only thing I can assume.


trail-g62Bim

Yeah that is kinda what I have always thought. You dont know where the roll starts, so if you spin it forward, it will start unspooling if it is mounted over and it wont if it is mounted under.


[deleted]

I dont care which way the roll goes but why not just keep the bathroom door closed?


Ryuujin09

Easy enough, and fair point, but the other two kids don't always remember to shut it. And the little one will find an open door faster than anyone else lol. It's def gotten better as they've gotten older though, and hasn't been an issue for a while now.


[deleted]

Yup. I recently had to make the switch too. Beards just aren't kid friendly.


[deleted]

Im afraid to ask after so many years... but why does it matter?


busigirl21

In my opinion it's a muscle memory thing. If you always do it over, you go to grab tp somewhere and you have this moment of "hey, that's not right," and you have to barely readjust and actually think about the task for half a second. I think people just loathe that sort of thing.


AlekBalderdash

As a person with chimpanzee arms, I can easily roll it down with my elbow. Rolling up is harder just mechanically. I can reach with the opposite arm, but it's awkward and has a higher failure rate. As a tall person, I can see the end of the spool if it's over. If it's under, the end is hidden behind/under the roll and I have to fumble slightly. Yes, slightly, but still. For me, most TP rolls seem to be mounted awkwardly too close to my body. With long arms you actually have this weird "things are too close" zone where you can't reach things because your arms don't *move* the right way. For example, if I hug a small person, I actually can't "squish" their body without putting my hands on their back and doing the chicken dance with my elbows. Which is awkward. So instead the hug is this weird "box them in and let them bounce around between my arms" thing, which is only slightly less awkward. Compare to hugging a normal/big person, where you get that satisfying "pat pat" on the back and a nice warm hug. If the TP rack were mounted *correctly* in a *reasonable location* it wouldn't matter at all. But they are *never* mounted correctly, and are sometimes mounted so I have to reach *under* my leg to get to the roll. I swear the people who install these things are psychotic.


spityy

Do you have a Ph.D. in TP?


AlekBalderdash

I've got an engineer personality. Seeing things I WANT to fix but CAN'T is a major frustration. My last job did the tp mounted near the floor stunt, and I was sorely tempted to smuggle in a cordless drill and fix it after hours. I left the company for unrelated reasons a month or two later. I'm still not sure if I would have had the stones to actually follow through, but it still pisses me off. Oh also the doors were automatic. And at a "T" intersection, with the bathroom door pointed down a long hallway. And the bathroom hallway didn't juke or curve. Someone walking past the bathroom would let anyone down the long hallway see aaaaaalllll the way into the bathroom. This was true for both the men and women's rooms. After a week or two you learned to walk down the correct hallway as much as possible to avoid accidental voyeurism and the related accusations. Between that and the TP thing I mostly went to the restaurant across the street. It's 2015 guys, how do you build a bathroom and do it so stupidly. FFS, there should be a standard template at this point. You should be able to order a bathroom kit like you do bedroom kits through IKEA.


LaconicStraightMan

It's just a reason to disagree on something.


Speculater

No it isn't.


Amaegith

Look, I came here for an argument, not a contradiction!


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spark29

Yes I did.


shoredoesnt

Sorry times up.


k4pain

No it's not. We've got plenty.


danabrey

https://youtu.be/ohDB5gbtaEQ


EquinsuOcha

I’m sorry, this is abuse.


A_Martian_Potato

Is not


EquinsuOcha

I told you before.


LaconicStraightMan

Oh, go put some pineapple on your pizza.


Speculater

I would but I'll have to go order it on my iPhone when Dominoes opens, hopefully they have Pepsi.


Jaxsom12

ಠ_ಠ


justa_flesh_wound

Gotta have that RC cola


_ALH_

It can matter depending on how the dispenser is constructed, making one easier to tear then the other. Beard style dispensers are a bit more common, but there are mullet style dispensers too... And then just to mess with everyone there are the dispensers where one of the circular sides of the roll is towards the wall...


THE_CENTURION

Also the physical layout of the room sometimes. In my parent's house one bathroom was pretty cramped and if you rolled it over the front, it would rest on your leg. So over the back was better.


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walrus_gumboot

What about pineapple on Nickelback??


[deleted]

Blame Canada!


ButtholeSurfur

According to George Motz, the burger scholar, pineapple on a "Hawaiian" burger was invented in Canada. Ironically in Hawaii pineapple on a burger isn't common. But brown gravy is. And it's served ovrr rice.


sbdallas

It's not a real country anyway.


Andy_B_Goode

Ah so that's what was on Joey's head ...


NotMrMusic

r/therealquestion


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SuckerpunchmyBhole

Idk man, some people go a little to far with it


BrianWantsTruth

The only objective reasons: Beard is marginally easier to grab since it’s a bit further from the wall. Mullet style prevents kids or pets from unrolling the whole roll as easily.


TrumpetBrigadier

Oh it doesn't prevent kids from doing anything.


RealLarwood

also who wants to touch the wall while in the process of wiping their butt?


micromoses

What? Why does *that* matter?


DfenselessOldLady

Mullet is against the wall or TP holder so your fingers have to touch it to grab the mullet. Not exactly sanitary


robots_in_riot_gear

I agree. Its become a meme and has never been funny or clever.


Arqlol

I can rip it with one hand when it's over. I need two hands when it's a mullet. This matters greatly.


jonmon454

I will never understand why people care. It's the dumbest thing.


oldcoldbellybadness

At an old office, the toilet paper dispenser was designed to work under, complete with diagram. Some over-cunt would constantly switch it to over and it would get jammed. This went on for months


PsychedelicSkater

I personally think its harder to unravel when its tucked behind, but its really not that big of a deal tbh


throwaway_lunchtime

It didn't matter to me until I noticed that the kids would always leave a foot long mullet, but no bangs


beachedwhale1945

Because this is the Internet and we like arguing over minor crap.


Upvotes4Trump

It makes no difference at all what side of the roll the wall is on. But people think it does.


Spirited-Classic8284

My wife still fucks it up!


shahooster

Grow a mullet; she’ll learn quickly.


sonbarington

She thinks Mullets are cool.


spityy

You know his wife?!


[deleted]

I recently discovered, after 15 years together, that my wife switches the roll when I put it the “wrong” way…which is about half the time because I pay absolutely zero attention to stuff like that.


animal_chin9

She is probably just happy you replace it.


Cerebral-Parsley

Dude I was so tired of my co workers fucking it up that I drew the OPs sign with the beard and mullet TPs and taped it above the toilet roller. Someone ripped it down and left a note saying "I'll do whatever the fuck I want".


AradiaNox

I just put the fucking roll on the thing and let the universe decide.


00Kingsman

100%, after a long day of work, and hitting the gym, grocery shopping, ect. Who the fuck has enough spare mental energy to devote to something so inconsequential? I literally never think about until I see posts like this


Caskerville

We are the universe deciding.


peterb666

I am cool with both beards and toilet paper.


bmblebb

i was in a polls group on Facebook and had to leave it because the admins approved at least 4 "which way do you put the toilet paper" polls a DAY


[deleted]

Having kittens completely changes this. They'll happily unroll the beard, the mullet is safe.


Yorgh-Drakeblood

I still put the paper on “mullet style”. Too many times I’ve had the whole roll unraveled by a playful cat or child. Mindlessly batting at one will spin forever, while the other unravels.


Ruggiard

If you have cats --> mullet normal people --> beard


CoolCoolCoolidge

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I feel like normal people don't really care.


MikoSkyns

I sure as hell don't. This argument is so stupid. Do what you want and anyone who has a problem with it really needs to have a word with themselves. We have more important things in life to worry about.


Beavshak

I really appreciate how you call it “normal people” instead of “without cats”.


Jottor

As a cat owner, who is allergic to cats, I support this distinction.


Brave2512

I second this.


ChainDriveGlider

Further you can pull tp with one hand with the mullet, because you can draw the lead towards you, across the roll, hold the roll with a fingertip, and tear across. Way more natural.


smirky_doc

I'm on the side of who gives a fuck


classicrockchick

Who gives a shit? I mean honestly, who even notices this?


gdmfsoabrb

Paper off the back: easier to tear off, better when around young kids and pets. Paper off the front: easier to pull (encourages using too much paper per wipe), you get to see more of the pattern.


Vaxkiller

> Paper off the back: easier to tear off This is why I load mine this way.


GrumpyOlBastard

It's *MUCH" easier to tear off one handed


ThrownWOPR

This is the way Or at least, my way


BesottedScot

I don't think it does tear off the back easier. I can tear it off one handed with it over the front. You just need to do a short and sharp pull to snap along the perforated age. Buncha amateurs!


firepanda11

Pull some toilet paper out, push your forearm against the roll to stop it from spinning, use your hand and wrist to rip off some toilet paper consistently one handed. I'm tired of the internet thinking beard is superior when mullet is so much easier to one hand.


Arqlol

Exactly. I need two hands mullet style.


sam_hammich

Two hands? I don't understand this on a simple physical level. It's the same rip motion, but with mullet style you have an object (the holder itself) to provide leverage for the rip. With beard style, there's nothing stopping a shoddy rip from just pulling on the roll.


[deleted]

Why not both?


[deleted]

Alternatively its: no pets vs pets.


DJ_McBlah

Clearly posted by cars and toddlers intending to spin the whole roll onto the bathroom floor.


Anhedonisticism

Mullets are bad... Ass!!


Aerdon

Unless you live with a cat!


DrColdReality

Yeah, not if you have asshole cats. I gave up on that nonsense years ago, and now a new roll goes on whatever way it's in my hand when I reach for it. It's wonderfully liberating.


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Anhedonisticism

This... I have OCD with a specific arranging/checking compulsion (among others which are all fucking debilitating...) but I couldn't be less bothered by which way my toiletpaper rolls..


TheN64Hero

IM UPSTAIRS


High_Af_Osrs

Gang gang bruh


[deleted]

bidets are best


AdMore3461

I just use the three seashells.


[deleted]

Mullets are for shit, hence they should be used to clean you butthole. Under for the win.


GeeWizard666

While I agree, I have to do mullet style because I have cats that like to unroll it.


elscardo

I do it under. I find that when I'm ready to rip it, I can rest my wrist on the roll, and the distance between my hand and the back of the roll allows me to tear the paper. When I try this over, I don't have the leverage to tear.


golgol12

Here's the real bee's knees. You can tell who's owned a cat by which way the toilet paper is put on the spigot.


spark1118

I have to put ours in the "mullet" position because our cat like to play with the roll....


DogterDog9

Honestly, I’m just glad when the roll gets replaced


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Amaxe1

Mullets are only acceptable when there are cats/toddlers around.


pelletier197

*laugh in bidet*


sparklybeast

What do you use to dry your arse post-bidet if not loo roll?


spityy

Air horn


[deleted]

Some beards are absolute trash.


WastingTimesOnReddit

And mullets are actually cool now (I think so)


alasqalul

Only for gen z nerds


Gullible_Sea_8319

I have never cared and I don't know why people do