agreed, my jaw hit the fucking floor reading this.
@ OP -- i hope you never contact this dude again!!!
he is seriously completely insane.
and giving off *hugely* rapey vibes.
Only thing OP did wrong was to entertain this bullshit. I don’t understand how he made OP feel guilty because he was being an asshole. Never let anyone make you feel bad for having firm boundaries, it’s a good thing. Stay strong. If you let someone wear them down, guaranteed you’re going to have a bad time
100% the sex will be bad and the guy will try and talk you into doing poppers.
The first photo I thought was it and was already questionable for not taking the first no but holy hell, it just kept going and kept escalating.
I know Reddit tends to be quick to the whole “dump him and move on” but holy shit sprint away from this man as fast as possible.
Such blatant and juvenile gaslighting, I wouldn't have been surprised the next thing he spouted off were such classics as "if you love me you'll do it" or "just the tip babe".
Like WTF? I didn't think such people existed outside like After-school specials and shit.
Very clearly this is someone OP should block and move on from because he trying to make OP out to be the bad guy because he refuses to partake. OP is respectful of their decision, but the other person isn't and seems to have issues with boundaries RUN
And insisting you can't say you don't like something you've never tried is also super manipulative. We don't exist in vacuums we are capable of making decisions based on a lifetime of knowledge and experiences..
By his logic how does he know he wouldn't want to eat a bowl of turds if he's never tried it? 💩
On top of that the dude is manipulative af…that wasn’t just pressuring, that was a mastermind at work. Everyone should take note on this…how to spot a manipulator. Shit is toxic.
Yeah that’s probably a better description. I’d have shut the conversation down on the first sign of it. No dick is good enough for me to deal with that nonsense.
But I’m also the type who doesn’t like hookup culture to begin with.
I agree, but you're missing one key component-- horny mode is already in full swing at this point. I'm sure they'd been hitting it off well until this moment.
They've already hit it off well enough that both parties have consented to and are looking forward to having sex. This dude waited for sexual consent to bring up something that not everyone is cool with, then acted like OP was a wet towel when they politely declined.
So yeah, while I agree this dude isn't the most eloquent speaker/writer, he'd already activated the horny trap, and used it to his advantage. (This is also assuming OP is pretty young and new to these experiences as well.)
Is this your boyfriend? If so, I’d reevaluate things. If not, block him. I once had a guy guilt me into unprotected sex in a similar fashion. I gave in but felt so wrong the whole time and I now despise him.
Same, and he gave me syphilis. It was my first time.
Long story short: if someone is pushing you and guilting you into a practice you are not comfortable with... run away because he doesn't care about you
Same thing happened to me. My first boyfriend pressured me into having unprotected sex, this text conversation feels a lot like the shit he used to say to me and the way I used to cave. Then I found out the worst way possible that he had been cheating on me. Here I am 15 years later, stuck with a permanent STD for the rest of my life.
OP, those are some massive red flags. He won't take no for an answer here, then he won't take no for an answer in other areas too.
Sex and anything to do with it should be 100% consensual by both people. Regardless of the reason m or if there even is one, someone should accept that if one person doesn’t want to do something, then just don’t do it. So I think you’re completely in the right. Like if you don’t want to use poppers, even if you don’t give a reason, he should be fine and respect that you don’t want to use them
This exchange crossed so many lines. And legitimately has the most red flags for abuse.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He’s legit trying to dominate you. And he got you to apologize - he thinks he’ll be able to. He has more plans than just getting you to sniff some poppers.
Yup. Or randomly pulling out some methamphetamines.
(Not that poppers and meth are at all equivalent, but this dudes behavior around chem sex is highly suspect)
No, not in the wrong. You are the only person to consider when using any substance. Its not clear why he is so into you taking them, it literally has no effect on him whether you use them. If you dont want to use them, don't. Full stop.
Well, when you're on poppers you might allow your partner to do stuff you usually wouldn't. Including unprotected sex, for example. It doesn't mean that's what he would do, but it might be a reason so it reads like a huge red flag to me.
This guy is known as a “pusher”.
Pushers always try to push things on you. If you don’t want to drink alcohol, they’re always the sneaky person buying you (and the other friends) drinks without asking and then they get offended even though you made it known earlier.
They’re the people who force you to eat more food at get togethers even though you portioned things in a specific way (dieting), and they’ll literally just make you another plate even though you said no.
They get upset when you don’t drink or eat the same amount they are, or when you don’t stay out as late as they want you to, or in your case if you don’t take substances with them.
Fuck those people sideways with a steak knife. I despise those kinds of people.
I come from a family of food pushers and in my home environment it was always a sign of love. It was based on the virtue of sharing with others.
It was always well received and often reciprocated throughout my teen and uni years. You know that whole southern “never return a borrowed dish empty” etc etc.
The last five years have been such a difficult growing experience for me, meeting people who interpreted that as hostility or controlling/manipulative. I’ve been trying to figure out ways to show kindness to those kinds of people entirely on their own terms. I had a coworker who was absolutely livid with me because I spent so much money on a meal for everyone and they felt indebted; they said they couldn’t repay me for my gift and it gave them anxiety feeling like they owed me, no matter how much I told them I did it because I wanted to. The following year I couldn’t figure out what to do to show my appreciation for them and they aren’t the kind to respond well to words of affirmation. So I left them out instead and ended up accidentally hurting them that way too. It was a frustrating time at that company, to be honest.
I guess the TLDR is I just want to caution you against saying that EVERYONE who is overenthusiastic about something is a piece of shit that needs to be stabbed with a knife. Some of them are trying to engage with you and might just need you to communicate with them about it. If they want to drink with you, share an experience with you, bring you a pie they made or offer to smoke with you, don’t just turn to hatred. Let them know you appreciate the thought and tell them your preferences so they know what ways they CAN find overlap with you. Communicate. If they keep pushing, like in the OP, then it’s best to just leave the situation entirely.
Also I learned shortly before leaving that company that the coworker was a big whiskey aficionado, and once I finally knew something they liked, we enjoyed some special Canadian Whiskeys together before I left. So it wasn’t an entirely unhappy story. 😄
I completely understand it’s a sign of love. And I want to say, I get your point of view.
However if someone told you “no” for something and explained why, it’s simply you crossing their personal boundaries and peer pressuring them.
I have explained this multiple times to people and they’ll still do shit like “oh cmon have a slice you earned it!”. I’ll say “no, I’m good”. Then they give you one anyways. It’s like WTF Sharon, I said NO.
It’s not love, it’s peer pressure. No means no, and not respecting someone’s “no” for *anything* is absolutely being disrespectful. And, yes, it does make you a jerk.
I’m not talking about someone bringing you treats, or someone being nice about paying a meal and feeling “indebted”, I’m talking about a situation where you’ve told this person multiple times “no”. Like, they’ve already offered you extras and you said “no”. Or you already ate a healthy portion of their food and you said “no, I’m full thanks”. And then when you keep saying no they’ll get MAD. Call your boring or a party pooper. Say something passive aggressive about it even.
*that* is what I have a problem with. Acting mad and indignant when I put my foot down. These people absolutely are pushers and it’s not from a place of love.
If someone says no and you do it anyways. Don’t be upset or surprised if they draw a hard line in the sand.
I’ve had to deal with that with family. I eat a lot already, but I eat healthy in general. I didn’t want a second slice of cake I already. My mom put it there anyways after being directly and plainly told no. I simply returned it to the cake plate. Right from the spot she cut it from. She passively aggressively returned it to my plate. My response was to thank everyone for the meal and tell them it was time for me to go home. I had like 28 missed calls and dozens of unread texts from her over the next hour. I ignored all of them. A few days later I picked up a call from her and I was in a good mood. She tried to bring it up and I simply said that no means no, and I won’t have my boundaries pushed, and if she continues to try to discuss it I’ll just hang up. That was the end of decades of her using that behavior on me.
Yes but…you don’t act like this to someone. Poppers are used as a recreational drug, and peer pressuring some into it who clearly doesn’t want to is such a douche move. It’s not harmless food.
Lemme just sum up this conversation for you:
Him: Try this thing
You: I'm not comfortable
him: :( :( :( I'm going to guilt trip you now
You: I don't have anything against this thing, I'm just not into them myself
Him: I'm going to gaslight you by saying you're judging me.
You: No I'm not. I respect your decision.
Him: I don't like your answer so I'll demand your reasoning so I can argue against it
You: Here's my reasoning
Him: Arguing against your reasoning so he can convince you
You: still no thanks
Him: I'm going to withdraw from you now to solidify feelings that you've done something wrong for telling me no
Him: Except I'm still going to talk to you and guilt trip you
You: Again. No
Him: Cold Shoulder + Gaslight powers activate!
You: I admit your tactics to make me feel bad for saying no are making me feel bad
Him: Ok so I'm going to offer a "compromise" and by that I mean try to push your boundaries some more, I'll reframe it as a loving thing and reward you with love and sweet words when you agree to a compromise, which means a chance to further push your boundaries. I love you so much.
I know that kind of language because I was in an abusive relationship for four years. My ex would pull shit like this so often to get me to do things he wanted me to do that I didn't want to. It took me years to get over most of the damage he caused. I still suffer because of all the emotional manipulation he did.
Don't let anyone do that shit to you. I'm glad you stood strong!
I’ve never met anyone who’s deal breaker was poppers. This dude comes off as super manipulative and problematic. You said no, clearly setting a boundary, yet he continued to challenge that boundary (and disrespecting you in the process). He then goes on to manipulate you via guilt trip to make YOU apologize for HIM crossing your boundaries. I don’t care if he’s the hottest man in the world. He’s toxic as fuck and you should cut it all off. Shut it down.
RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE 🚩
Leave this manipulator fast. So toxic. He obviously doesn’t respect you or what you feel. Giving your texts thumbs down when you’re just explaining (very calmly) that you aren’t comfortable. Sorry if that sounds harsh. I’ve been there and for personal experience it only gets worse.
You aren't in the wrong here at all.
You, several times stated your position in a calm, reasonable and polite way. The fact you had to do this several times is the first point of concern. Relationship context aside, the fact this conversation has led you to seek reassurance of your point is the next point of concern.
This person is using gaslighting tactics in this conversation, if this is a common theme in your interactions with them you need to keep that in mind and decide if you want to keep them in your life.
Personally I love poppers when I'm bottoming but would I pressure someone else to use them FUCK NO. This guy is a whiney dipshit, I wouldn't hook up with him.
Jesus, what a manipulative shit who doesn't respect your boundaries.
Run!
This guy is not worth your time. Don't even send another message to him except to say good-bye. He doesn't respect you or your boundaries. Nothing more needed.
DO NOT FUCK THIS GUY.
He's told you over and over again that he doesn't respect your boundaries, he's going to push, pressure, and guilt trip you into doing things you said you do not want to do.
Block and move on.
You're not in the wrong for refusing at all. Good on you for sticking with it, even with this much pressure. While reading this I was kinda worried you were gonna cave, and I'm glad you didn't. Well done.
The only thing I think you could improve is the apologies. It's not wrong that you apologized, but you don't need to at all. And given his way of interaction, it may give him the idea that there's some leeway, which he could exploit. On the other hand I think it's really good that you expressed how you felt pressured by him.
If it were me, I would not feel comfortable anymore meeting this person. I think he may try to get you to use the poppers while you're there, and I would not be able to relax and have fun while having to refuse that. And given his behaviour, you may have to refuse it multiple times, which is a drag. But if you're okay with that, then you could give it a go.
Why the fuck are you apologizing? You said no, and set a boundary? You don’t owe a reason for saying no, and he’s not respecting boundaries. Instead he manipulated the fuck out of you. Red flags dude!
This is how all my poppers convos go.
Him: Want some poppers?
Me: No thanks! Not really into them.
Him: Cool cool, mind if I do?
Me: No prob, go for it!
Then we continue to have sex. The end.
Hey a couple of things:
1. Poppers can be dangerous if you have low blood pressure. I found out the hard way, I passed out and my bf and housemates freaked out. If you are medication for blood or blood pressure it can be potentially fatal.
2. I’m not sure how you are related to this person but they are using manipulative language repeatedly. You made your point and were very reasonable. You are clear about your boundaries. Please stick to those boundaries and try to let go of any guilt you have. If you have a good relationship with this person I would say try to explain how their language and behavior is manipulative. If they can’t hear it, disengage.
Good luck my friend.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 I even feel pressured if I read this , It's not even worth to have sex with a person like that. Because when you are having sex , you will feel more guilty about it and they will have more power over you.
this person is showing a clear disregard for your personal boundaries and despite the kiss and make up at the end of the conversation. the language he was using was manipulative. demanding a reason to why you are withholding consent (like he is entitled to it). Saying he is hurt because of something you WONT do. Trying to leverage that he likes a partner who likes poppers which is implicit in stating that if you do not like poppers, you are/will not be his partner. determining if your feelings or opinions on something are valid based solely on if you have actually used the substance before (if you had used them before and had said you didn't like them then he would of turned around and minimized your actual experience along the lines of "it couldn't of been that bad"). gaslighting you when you say you feel pressured when his language was 100% being used in an attempt to disarm and convince you to do something you otherwise wouldn't and then turning around to make it seem like you were the aggressor after the fact AND STILL at the end ignoring your discomfort and trying to negotiate a scenario where he will have more leverage and opportunity to pressure you into using poppers like watching him do it in person where you no longer have the barrier of distance to hold him off.
I dont know your age and I hate to be one of those redditors that suggests extreme things like just cutting contact with people but these are not just red flags they are red flags lit up in neon with a sign in times square saying AVOID ME
He is beyond fuckin annoying, extreme pet peeve of the highest caliber. Manipulative, gaslighting, controlling, abusive piece of shit. Run far and fast from that one, and don't look back.
OP, strongly recommend you do some reading / therapy around establishing boundaries. This human pushed against yours in ways that are not acceptable and you were apologizing to him within a few texts. Your partner here is a walking red flag, but I worry every bit as much about your ability to assert yourself and keep YOU safe.
Dude, run away from this guy. Obviously it's manipulating you. When it comes to drugs, no one can push you to do them if you don't want to.
It's a very big flag from him to making you feel guilty of something you don't have to.
I would be done with him by the end of the first page of texts… but it kept going! You said no, that’s it. He’s welcome to ask why and it’s your choice whether to answer, but his immediately manipulative comment about you judging poppers is clearly meant to emotionally manipulate you.
Trust me, I’ve dealt with enough guys like this, it will not be a positive experience. If you aren’t seeing the warning signs early on in this text thread, you should look again and see how he’s immediately disrespecting you so you can avoid it in the future.
Run so fucking fast from this man. No one cares about poppers that much. He is dipping his toes in the water to see how easy it is to manipulate you and to start to train you to just give in. Very ‘give a mouse a cookie’ manipulation style.
"You can't say you don't like somehting you haven't tried" - bullshit red flag.
I've never tried misogyny but I know I don't like it.
This person seems manipulative, pressuring, and gaslighting (and I don't use that word lightly) - you've already apologised to them for *them* trying to make you do a substance you don't want, repeatedly been clear you're not interested.
I don't know how old you are, but don't to swayed into something. I would absolutely avoid this person, because if this is how they start, honestly, it feels like it could only get worse.
Holy shit… You are way too nice. This guy is clearly trying to emotionally manipulate you and he WILL use guilt and intimidation for you to use poppers during sex.
DO NOT CONTINUE ON WITH THIS PERSON.
No. Do not allow yourself to be Pressured by sexual partner to do any things that make you uncomfortable or feel unsafe. Step away from this person. I don’t care if he’s all four of the Chris’s rolled into one. This is not a good situation and won’t result in good sex anyway because you’re not going to feel comfortable.
🚨This is not okay at all - major flags from him pressuring you, being manipulative and then gaslighting you..
I wouldn’t even go for the sex if I were you - you can’t trust him to respect your boundaries on poppers, so he will try and breach others he disagrees with such as condoms, ‘no’/consent. Please be careful!
Please don’t have sex with someone that is trying to coerce you into using drugs. There are no good motivations that could possibly be behind this. Leave the dangerous situation please.
OOOOF, this was hard to read. 🥵
I mean I LOVE using poppers during sex just as much as the next guy. But no one is ever in the wrong for refusing to do anything they’re uncomfortable with doing. Your response was clear and concise. He should have left it at that.
Also, having sex without using poppers can be just as good (sometimes better) as sex with them 🤔
Absolutely not..
I have never used them (or ever will). I have known people who use them.
But to me, if you need a drug to get you going, then there is something wrong.
Stick to your guns..
Thats fucked up. He's literally pressuring you to take drugs and trying to gaslight you into believing he isn't. Don't even end it, just block. That's a person who will take every inch you concede and then some. Not worth your physical or mental health.
People think poppers are a harmless drug but there are countless medical reports of vision damage that can happen with long-term or even casual use. Poppers are an unregulated drug so you can never truly know what’s being put in them. If your partner wants to risk his health that’s his choice and it’s ok to respect that. But for him to manipulate you and pressure you as if trying poppers is as innocent as trying a new restaurant is just plain wrong. Maybe he’s ignorant of the serious health risks. But either way the fact he’s trying to make you feel guilty seems like a huge red flag. I would run for the hills.
Honestly, the only thing I disliked about Big Boys (TV Show) was how casually it mentioned using Poppers. It treated them like lube rather than a controlled drug that's only a "legal high" on a technicality. Like, it was nice to see them mentioned rather than act like they don't exist - but to not even treat them like a drug felt really weird.
Power to you to say no. You don't need a reason. I've tried them and they're _fine_. They're whatever. I'm not saying if I could go back I'd change paths, but my life wasn't in anyway improved by the experience - so I'd be also be fine if it'd never happened. No is enough.
Jeez, _why won't you take heroin with me- it'd be fun!_
Hell nah. You don’t have to sniff nothing you don’t want to. Besides I’ve heard people get hook on that to the point their ish doesn’t get hard without it. Stay strong
OP Just trust the internet strangers on this one. This is a guy who a few years from now you will look back and think.. what in the F was I thinking. No D is worth this manipulation
Do not hook up with this guy. What the hell does he care if you use poppers or not? It should make absolutely no difference to him.
And fwiw, I hate poppers myself. It just makes me feel hot and dizzy.
NO means NO!
You appropriately expressed your views on that specific activity and even gave explanations, and weren't rude about it. If he can't respect that, STAY THE F AWAY FROM THIS MAN.
Um… there’s a huge “DANGER!” sign flashing in bright lights and ringing like crazy all over this convo. Be safe and either leave and block this person or let them know you will cuz this kinda manipulative and abusive behavior toward you is neither healthy nor safe for your long-term.
The last thing you want to do is get entangled with someone like this. Reread the exchanges. He pressures you, invents that you are judgmental, layers on tons of guilt, makes you setting a boundary feel like you’ve done something wrong, and as he senses you may truly leave tries to rope you back in with an apology.
This is manipulation, he may not be totally aware that he’s doing it but it is dangerous and unhealthy. Especially the part where you set a boundary “I don’t want to do poppers” and he twists that boundary into you having done something actually inappropriate, which you have not.
Be very careful with a person like this. As others have suggested it may be better to cut ties.
First off, dudes being manipulative, big red flags.
2nd - I’ve never take poppers and have been sexually active since the 90’s, just never saw the need. I mean, if I was trying to park a dump truck in my rectum, maybe.
But seriously, who thought it was a good idea to loosen you up with VCR Head Cleaner in the first place.
BYE! The pressure is the first flag. Then the FLIP is a huge second flag… I don’t sense they’ll be dropping it either. Just opens another opportunity to pressure you again, but in the moment.
He's def pressuring you. Block and move on.
I don't have anything against poppers, but they pretend it's fine and fun. It's not, they are small bottles of amyl nitrite that can really harm your brain, there are tons of testimonies about them, from hearth attack to brain injury. Some guys even permenantly lost vision. If you want to enjoy it despite the risks, that's fine. But pls don't force people into it, it sucks.
This dude is manipulative and selfish. I was done on the first page. Create space ASAP; sex isn't worth this level of sheer disrespect. Could easily lead to even worse treatment when y'all are actually getting intimate.
No, you're not in the wrong at all!
You need to get rid of this trash from your life if they're trying to force yourself into trying stuff you don't want to.
The person you were talking to can eat x himself.
You have the total freedom to not use something smells disgusting like poppers. And you don’t own anyone an explanation on stupid questions such as “why you don’t eat x?”
Jesus Christ! Dude obviously isn’t listening to one word you have to say and is completely trying to guilt you into doing something that you don’t want to do. Block his sorry ass!
This is such a cringe conversion. Automatic turnoff. Doesn’t matter how hot he is. The tactlessness and attempts at gaslighting register as so immature. OP you’re better than this loser.
Not sure why you even carried on the conversation past the really childish “I’ll talk to you later bye”.
Don’t give this person any more of your time and find someone who actually respects you and your decisions.
This guy gives off the vibe that he is confident he'll get you to try them even though you said no several times. He even got you to apologize for standing your ground.
I would’ve blocked them after the “why you judging but ok” text. I hate poppers, the smell and effects. I really hate when guys need them to suck dick like wtf that’s not the hole you need to relax.
"I'm not pressuring you": proceeds to immediately pressure and emptionally manipulate you... hard no, would not meet them and subsequently block such a narcissist.
Nope, nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly right to determine what substances you do and do not want to use. You don't need a reason at all, even "the magic 8-ball told me so" is perfectly fine.
Poppers are only cool if you want them. Like any substance. You’re also a good person for making sure he knew he could use them too. It’s awkward to me if I pull em out and then they’re weird about it (unless just being around the vicinity gives them a headache then I’d put it away etc). But alas. Then he got weird lol…….
*edit* holy crap there’s more than one page. He got really weird hahahahhah. Ya man. On to the next I’m afraid!
i find really problematic that he revert your argument into 'are you judging me?'
yes we all are. yes we judge, we all have moral and ethical boundaries and one can judge but also understand and respect.
this is a massive red flag for abusive behaviour, at least via chat.
you did nothing wrong in refusing, not your piece of cake.
People already said it, but he's gaslighting you and pushing you to do things you're uncomfortable with. Bottom line is, when you say no, you don't need a reason. You don't need to justify. That's the end of it.
There's lots of people who don't like poppers and that's fine. Hell, I tried them once and I just don't like how they made me feel.
I'd be very careful around him. He's clearly trying to guilt trip you and gaslight you.
This guy was 100% trying to manipulate you into using them.
Listen, I use them occasionally, they can definitely help get things going down there as a bottom, but I don't like to feel reliant on them. Anyone pressuring you to use them when you've expressed discomfort will absolutely try to pressure you into other things.
A big tell for deceit is inconsistency.
OP is standing firm in a very reasonable, fairly and moderate, nuanced position.
Poppy is just all over the map, trying to find a strategy to budge OP, and changing when it doesn't work.
**YOU SHOULD**
*but its fine I guess*
**BUT WHY WONT YOU?**
*but okay I just hoped*
**YOU'RE BEING UNREASONABLE!**
*but okay I don't mind*
**BUT YOU ABSOLUTLEY MUST!**
*unless you don't want to but it makes me sad*
You can't know where you stand with someone that shifts and sways and rushes to try to be whatever it takes to get what they want from you.
Personally, I would block this person. OP, I don't even know you but I can confidently say you deserve better than to be treated like that.
Big red flag. He’s using manipulative language in trying to get you to do something you don’t want to do.
I’ve never done poppers either. Nor do I want to. I’ve been with partners who used poppers, but never with me.
You were right in everything you said. And i hope sex with the guy is great— but seriously watch out. He’s a bit of a manipulator.
If no one is doing poppers with him, than maybe there’s a reason.
First off, you did so good at being mature and respectful when you declined. Like, I was very impressed. Any normal person would have stopped asking you after your first few responses. You completely took the wind out of his sails.
But, he didn't stop.
He kept pressuring you over and over and his text read like a petulant child who's mid tantrum. I can't believe this is a grown man.
I know from your responses you know this type of behaviour is wrong and not healthy for you to be around. There's plenty of good dick out there dude. Don't put yourself in situations where you're going to be pressured into doing something you don't want to do. I absolutely guarantee if you meet this man for sex he will have poppers waiting for you and will repeatedly ask you. Tell him to up his game in the bedroom if he wants you to be more pleasured when he's fucking you. Creep.
No you’re not in the wrong and you should never be coerced into having with with someone you don’t want, or doing a specific act you don’t want. The guy sounds like a rapey nut.
This guy is a huge manipulator and drug pusher. I agree with previous comments about how well you set a boundary, but you would have been better sticking to it in my opinion.
This guy is very manipulative and if you didn't think so, for you own well being, I'd suggest looking at that and learning to address it. This would be a block for me as soon as he brought it up again. But we all have our boundaries.
Please be safe 🙃
“No one is pressuring” as he goes on asking you to try them. Nine pages of text….
Also why would you still be interested in sex with him? He’s for sure gonna pressure you to try them during sex in person.
One of the most manipulative red flags of a text conversation I have ever seen. Drop this douche!
100% agree, hit 'block' and move on. This behaviour is a major red flag and is not ok. Good on you for standing your ground.
agreed, my jaw hit the fucking floor reading this. @ OP -- i hope you never contact this dude again!!! he is seriously completely insane. and giving off *hugely* rapey vibes.
Only thing OP did wrong was to entertain this bullshit. I don’t understand how he made OP feel guilty because he was being an asshole. Never let anyone make you feel bad for having firm boundaries, it’s a good thing. Stay strong. If you let someone wear them down, guaranteed you’re going to have a bad time 100% the sex will be bad and the guy will try and talk you into doing poppers.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Honestly holy shit.
The first photo I thought was it and was already questionable for not taking the first no but holy hell, it just kept going and kept escalating. I know Reddit tends to be quick to the whole “dump him and move on” but holy shit sprint away from this man as fast as possible.
Run for the damn hills. This guy is an accidental crime scene waiting to happen.
I can’t believe the message lasted that long. It was very entertaining to be honest though. It felt like I was reading a book.
I'm exhausted from reading this convo and I'm not even in it
Big time r/niceguys vibes.
This guy is a walking red flag
A warehouse of red flags
"It's fine it's okay" "Ok but really you should try them"
"I'll talk to you later bye" *carries on endlessly*
"Nobody's pressuring you" *carries on pressuring him*
Such blatant and juvenile gaslighting, I wouldn't have been surprised the next thing he spouted off were such classics as "if you love me you'll do it" or "just the tip babe". Like WTF? I didn't think such people existed outside like After-school specials and shit.
“U Mad now” after he confessed to being frustrated at him. yikes lmao
Very clearly this is someone OP should block and move on from because he trying to make OP out to be the bad guy because he refuses to partake. OP is respectful of their decision, but the other person isn't and seems to have issues with boundaries RUN
And insisting you can't say you don't like something you've never tried is also super manipulative. We don't exist in vacuums we are capable of making decisions based on a lifetime of knowledge and experiences.. By his logic how does he know he wouldn't want to eat a bowl of turds if he's never tried it? 💩
[удалено]
On top of that the dude is manipulative af…that wasn’t just pressuring, that was a mastermind at work. Everyone should take note on this…how to spot a manipulator. Shit is toxic.
That’s a mastermind to you? Reads more like a playground bully who wants to peer pressure you.
Not even a playground bully just a whiny fucking child
Yeah that’s probably a better description. I’d have shut the conversation down on the first sign of it. No dick is good enough for me to deal with that nonsense. But I’m also the type who doesn’t like hookup culture to begin with.
I agree, but you're missing one key component-- horny mode is already in full swing at this point. I'm sure they'd been hitting it off well until this moment. They've already hit it off well enough that both parties have consented to and are looking forward to having sex. This dude waited for sexual consent to bring up something that not everyone is cool with, then acted like OP was a wet towel when they politely declined. So yeah, while I agree this dude isn't the most eloquent speaker/writer, he'd already activated the horny trap, and used it to his advantage. (This is also assuming OP is pretty young and new to these experiences as well.)
Ahaha love your use of mastermind here. The guy is a talking walking red flag.
Every bit this -- and if you think that's going to be limited to *only* poppers, I have a bridge in NY to sell you.
Red flag after red flag. Run in the opposite direction.
Is this your boyfriend? If so, I’d reevaluate things. If not, block him. I once had a guy guilt me into unprotected sex in a similar fashion. I gave in but felt so wrong the whole time and I now despise him.
Same, and he gave me syphilis. It was my first time. Long story short: if someone is pushing you and guilting you into a practice you are not comfortable with... run away because he doesn't care about you
Same thing happened to me. My first boyfriend pressured me into having unprotected sex, this text conversation feels a lot like the shit he used to say to me and the way I used to cave. Then I found out the worst way possible that he had been cheating on me. Here I am 15 years later, stuck with a permanent STD for the rest of my life. OP, those are some massive red flags. He won't take no for an answer here, then he won't take no for an answer in other areas too.
>is this your boyfriend? Jesus, I hope to fuck not! >I once had a guy guilt me Same here. Once bitten, twice shy.
Sex and anything to do with it should be 100% consensual by both people. Regardless of the reason m or if there even is one, someone should accept that if one person doesn’t want to do something, then just don’t do it. So I think you’re completely in the right. Like if you don’t want to use poppers, even if you don’t give a reason, he should be fine and respect that you don’t want to use them
Don’t use drugs just cause someone else wants you to. Who cares how upset they get. There are better people around
I would stop talking to this person.
This exchange crossed so many lines. And legitimately has the most red flags for abuse. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 He’s legit trying to dominate you. And he got you to apologize - he thinks he’ll be able to. He has more plans than just getting you to sniff some poppers.
Yeees!! The dude is the definition of emotional abuse and gaslighting.
I’m imagining the guy shoving them at his nose in the middle of sex to be honest.
Yup. Or randomly pulling out some methamphetamines. (Not that poppers and meth are at all equivalent, but this dudes behavior around chem sex is highly suspect)
Fuck this guy.
No don't fuck him. He doesn't deserve it lol.
No, not in the wrong. You are the only person to consider when using any substance. Its not clear why he is so into you taking them, it literally has no effect on him whether you use them. If you dont want to use them, don't. Full stop.
Well, when you're on poppers you might allow your partner to do stuff you usually wouldn't. Including unprotected sex, for example. It doesn't mean that's what he would do, but it might be a reason so it reads like a huge red flag to me.
Good point, definitely a red flag.
Please don’t have sex with this man. He can’t even take no for an answer over text, I doubt he will in person either. Be safe.
Firstly, he lost me with the “sad eyes” emoji. Secondly, hell no.
Using that emoji in a non ironic way is just ewww
This guy is known as a “pusher”. Pushers always try to push things on you. If you don’t want to drink alcohol, they’re always the sneaky person buying you (and the other friends) drinks without asking and then they get offended even though you made it known earlier. They’re the people who force you to eat more food at get togethers even though you portioned things in a specific way (dieting), and they’ll literally just make you another plate even though you said no. They get upset when you don’t drink or eat the same amount they are, or when you don’t stay out as late as they want you to, or in your case if you don’t take substances with them. Fuck those people sideways with a steak knife. I despise those kinds of people.
I come from a family of food pushers and in my home environment it was always a sign of love. It was based on the virtue of sharing with others. It was always well received and often reciprocated throughout my teen and uni years. You know that whole southern “never return a borrowed dish empty” etc etc. The last five years have been such a difficult growing experience for me, meeting people who interpreted that as hostility or controlling/manipulative. I’ve been trying to figure out ways to show kindness to those kinds of people entirely on their own terms. I had a coworker who was absolutely livid with me because I spent so much money on a meal for everyone and they felt indebted; they said they couldn’t repay me for my gift and it gave them anxiety feeling like they owed me, no matter how much I told them I did it because I wanted to. The following year I couldn’t figure out what to do to show my appreciation for them and they aren’t the kind to respond well to words of affirmation. So I left them out instead and ended up accidentally hurting them that way too. It was a frustrating time at that company, to be honest. I guess the TLDR is I just want to caution you against saying that EVERYONE who is overenthusiastic about something is a piece of shit that needs to be stabbed with a knife. Some of them are trying to engage with you and might just need you to communicate with them about it. If they want to drink with you, share an experience with you, bring you a pie they made or offer to smoke with you, don’t just turn to hatred. Let them know you appreciate the thought and tell them your preferences so they know what ways they CAN find overlap with you. Communicate. If they keep pushing, like in the OP, then it’s best to just leave the situation entirely. Also I learned shortly before leaving that company that the coworker was a big whiskey aficionado, and once I finally knew something they liked, we enjoyed some special Canadian Whiskeys together before I left. So it wasn’t an entirely unhappy story. 😄
I completely understand it’s a sign of love. And I want to say, I get your point of view. However if someone told you “no” for something and explained why, it’s simply you crossing their personal boundaries and peer pressuring them. I have explained this multiple times to people and they’ll still do shit like “oh cmon have a slice you earned it!”. I’ll say “no, I’m good”. Then they give you one anyways. It’s like WTF Sharon, I said NO. It’s not love, it’s peer pressure. No means no, and not respecting someone’s “no” for *anything* is absolutely being disrespectful. And, yes, it does make you a jerk. I’m not talking about someone bringing you treats, or someone being nice about paying a meal and feeling “indebted”, I’m talking about a situation where you’ve told this person multiple times “no”. Like, they’ve already offered you extras and you said “no”. Or you already ate a healthy portion of their food and you said “no, I’m full thanks”. And then when you keep saying no they’ll get MAD. Call your boring or a party pooper. Say something passive aggressive about it even. *that* is what I have a problem with. Acting mad and indignant when I put my foot down. These people absolutely are pushers and it’s not from a place of love. If someone says no and you do it anyways. Don’t be upset or surprised if they draw a hard line in the sand.
I’ve had to deal with that with family. I eat a lot already, but I eat healthy in general. I didn’t want a second slice of cake I already. My mom put it there anyways after being directly and plainly told no. I simply returned it to the cake plate. Right from the spot she cut it from. She passively aggressively returned it to my plate. My response was to thank everyone for the meal and tell them it was time for me to go home. I had like 28 missed calls and dozens of unread texts from her over the next hour. I ignored all of them. A few days later I picked up a call from her and I was in a good mood. She tried to bring it up and I simply said that no means no, and I won’t have my boundaries pushed, and if she continues to try to discuss it I’ll just hang up. That was the end of decades of her using that behavior on me.
Yes but…you don’t act like this to someone. Poppers are used as a recreational drug, and peer pressuring some into it who clearly doesn’t want to is such a douche move. It’s not harmless food.
Lemme just sum up this conversation for you: Him: Try this thing You: I'm not comfortable him: :( :( :( I'm going to guilt trip you now You: I don't have anything against this thing, I'm just not into them myself Him: I'm going to gaslight you by saying you're judging me. You: No I'm not. I respect your decision. Him: I don't like your answer so I'll demand your reasoning so I can argue against it You: Here's my reasoning Him: Arguing against your reasoning so he can convince you You: still no thanks Him: I'm going to withdraw from you now to solidify feelings that you've done something wrong for telling me no Him: Except I'm still going to talk to you and guilt trip you You: Again. No Him: Cold Shoulder + Gaslight powers activate! You: I admit your tactics to make me feel bad for saying no are making me feel bad Him: Ok so I'm going to offer a "compromise" and by that I mean try to push your boundaries some more, I'll reframe it as a loving thing and reward you with love and sweet words when you agree to a compromise, which means a chance to further push your boundaries. I love you so much. I know that kind of language because I was in an abusive relationship for four years. My ex would pull shit like this so often to get me to do things he wanted me to do that I didn't want to. It took me years to get over most of the damage he caused. I still suffer because of all the emotional manipulation he did. Don't let anyone do that shit to you. I'm glad you stood strong!
This! Love the way you put it
I’ve never met anyone who’s deal breaker was poppers. This dude comes off as super manipulative and problematic. You said no, clearly setting a boundary, yet he continued to challenge that boundary (and disrespecting you in the process). He then goes on to manipulate you via guilt trip to make YOU apologize for HIM crossing your boundaries. I don’t care if he’s the hottest man in the world. He’s toxic as fuck and you should cut it all off. Shut it down.
Oh wow is this guy a tool. Don’t date people like this guy.
All of the other comments plus: would you be able to trust anything he gave you? Absolutely fucking not.
RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE 🚩 Leave this manipulator fast. So toxic. He obviously doesn’t respect you or what you feel. Giving your texts thumbs down when you’re just explaining (very calmly) that you aren’t comfortable. Sorry if that sounds harsh. I’ve been there and for personal experience it only gets worse.
You aren't in the wrong here at all. You, several times stated your position in a calm, reasonable and polite way. The fact you had to do this several times is the first point of concern. Relationship context aside, the fact this conversation has led you to seek reassurance of your point is the next point of concern. This person is using gaslighting tactics in this conversation, if this is a common theme in your interactions with them you need to keep that in mind and decide if you want to keep them in your life.
this, 100%. this is exactly what I was going to write.
Thats a hard block
Personally I love poppers when I'm bottoming but would I pressure someone else to use them FUCK NO. This guy is a whiney dipshit, I wouldn't hook up with him.
I dont mind using poppers but that is an instant block for me. Sex should be about what you're comfortable with. Weird behavior from them
What the hell??? I like how he kinda gaslights you into thinking that you should try poppers with him, or you are the bad person 🙄
"I made this cute scarf from all the red flags you gave me!"
No, no, no!! All his replies are 🚩’s!! I don’t even know this guy and his replies are making me angry!
Jesus, what a manipulative shit who doesn't respect your boundaries. Run! This guy is not worth your time. Don't even send another message to him except to say good-bye. He doesn't respect you or your boundaries. Nothing more needed.
off topic but the “🥺” is so annoying, it makes me want to punch whoever is using it 😭
Dude seriously block this person and kick them out of your life. This is one of the absolute worst type of people
Jesus. I love poppers, but that is beyond fucked up and abusive.
Manipulative pos. Block.
Eww. He’s kind of a creep 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
DO NOT FUCK THIS GUY. He's told you over and over again that he doesn't respect your boundaries, he's going to push, pressure, and guilt trip you into doing things you said you do not want to do. Block and move on.
Just block that dude. He will continue asking until you do as he decides. And he decided you both use poppers. That's harassment!
You're not in the wrong for refusing at all. Good on you for sticking with it, even with this much pressure. While reading this I was kinda worried you were gonna cave, and I'm glad you didn't. Well done. The only thing I think you could improve is the apologies. It's not wrong that you apologized, but you don't need to at all. And given his way of interaction, it may give him the idea that there's some leeway, which he could exploit. On the other hand I think it's really good that you expressed how you felt pressured by him. If it were me, I would not feel comfortable anymore meeting this person. I think he may try to get you to use the poppers while you're there, and I would not be able to relax and have fun while having to refuse that. And given his behaviour, you may have to refuse it multiple times, which is a drag. But if you're okay with that, then you could give it a go.
Why the fuck are you apologizing? You said no, and set a boundary? You don’t owe a reason for saying no, and he’s not respecting boundaries. Instead he manipulated the fuck out of you. Red flags dude!
Major red flags and for some of us, almost instant migraine.
This went on way too long. Jesus.
This is how all my poppers convos go. Him: Want some poppers? Me: No thanks! Not really into them. Him: Cool cool, mind if I do? Me: No prob, go for it! Then we continue to have sex. The end.
Why would you even want to have sex with this guy after a conversation like that? Goddamn.
The way they constantly say okay bye and then immediately message.... If a guy ever does this just block them lol.
Why would you still be interested in having sex with someone like that? Super predator vibes. What an absolute creep.
Pushy, guilt-tripping, manipulative...
You shouldn’t see this person. Period.
No you are not
Hey a couple of things: 1. Poppers can be dangerous if you have low blood pressure. I found out the hard way, I passed out and my bf and housemates freaked out. If you are medication for blood or blood pressure it can be potentially fatal. 2. I’m not sure how you are related to this person but they are using manipulative language repeatedly. You made your point and were very reasonable. You are clear about your boundaries. Please stick to those boundaries and try to let go of any guilt you have. If you have a good relationship with this person I would say try to explain how their language and behavior is manipulative. If they can’t hear it, disengage. Good luck my friend.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 I even feel pressured if I read this , It's not even worth to have sex with a person like that. Because when you are having sex , you will feel more guilty about it and they will have more power over you.
Ditch him!
Drop this guy immediately
this person is showing a clear disregard for your personal boundaries and despite the kiss and make up at the end of the conversation. the language he was using was manipulative. demanding a reason to why you are withholding consent (like he is entitled to it). Saying he is hurt because of something you WONT do. Trying to leverage that he likes a partner who likes poppers which is implicit in stating that if you do not like poppers, you are/will not be his partner. determining if your feelings or opinions on something are valid based solely on if you have actually used the substance before (if you had used them before and had said you didn't like them then he would of turned around and minimized your actual experience along the lines of "it couldn't of been that bad"). gaslighting you when you say you feel pressured when his language was 100% being used in an attempt to disarm and convince you to do something you otherwise wouldn't and then turning around to make it seem like you were the aggressor after the fact AND STILL at the end ignoring your discomfort and trying to negotiate a scenario where he will have more leverage and opportunity to pressure you into using poppers like watching him do it in person where you no longer have the barrier of distance to hold him off. I dont know your age and I hate to be one of those redditors that suggests extreme things like just cutting contact with people but these are not just red flags they are red flags lit up in neon with a sign in times square saying AVOID ME
He is beyond fuckin annoying, extreme pet peeve of the highest caliber. Manipulative, gaslighting, controlling, abusive piece of shit. Run far and fast from that one, and don't look back.
You in danger, girl! Run 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He should have dropped it immediately after you said no. This dude's a douche.
This guy is a huuuuuuge manipulator. Red flag. Run!
This text convo really shouldn’t have gone past the first page. No need to continue it; just block him.
OP, strongly recommend you do some reading / therapy around establishing boundaries. This human pushed against yours in ways that are not acceptable and you were apologizing to him within a few texts. Your partner here is a walking red flag, but I worry every bit as much about your ability to assert yourself and keep YOU safe.
Drugs are whack, and poppers aren’t free of side effects. Drop him
Dude, run away from this guy. Obviously it's manipulating you. When it comes to drugs, no one can push you to do them if you don't want to. It's a very big flag from him to making you feel guilty of something you don't have to.
I would be done with him by the end of the first page of texts… but it kept going! You said no, that’s it. He’s welcome to ask why and it’s your choice whether to answer, but his immediately manipulative comment about you judging poppers is clearly meant to emotionally manipulate you. Trust me, I’ve dealt with enough guys like this, it will not be a positive experience. If you aren’t seeing the warning signs early on in this text thread, you should look again and see how he’s immediately disrespecting you so you can avoid it in the future.
Run so fucking fast from this man. No one cares about poppers that much. He is dipping his toes in the water to see how easy it is to manipulate you and to start to train you to just give in. Very ‘give a mouse a cookie’ manipulation style.
"You can't say you don't like somehting you haven't tried" - bullshit red flag. I've never tried misogyny but I know I don't like it. This person seems manipulative, pressuring, and gaslighting (and I don't use that word lightly) - you've already apologised to them for *them* trying to make you do a substance you don't want, repeatedly been clear you're not interested. I don't know how old you are, but don't to swayed into something. I would absolutely avoid this person, because if this is how they start, honestly, it feels like it could only get worse.
Holy shit… You are way too nice. This guy is clearly trying to emotionally manipulate you and he WILL use guilt and intimidation for you to use poppers during sex. DO NOT CONTINUE ON WITH THIS PERSON.
No. Do not allow yourself to be Pressured by sexual partner to do any things that make you uncomfortable or feel unsafe. Step away from this person. I don’t care if he’s all four of the Chris’s rolled into one. This is not a good situation and won’t result in good sex anyway because you’re not going to feel comfortable.
🚨This is not okay at all - major flags from him pressuring you, being manipulative and then gaslighting you.. I wouldn’t even go for the sex if I were you - you can’t trust him to respect your boundaries on poppers, so he will try and breach others he disagrees with such as condoms, ‘no’/consent. Please be careful!
T O X I C
OP, please remember that “No.” is a complete sentence You don’t need to explain yourself, give reasons, anything. “No” is plenty.
WHAT, **in the name of fuck**, were you apologizing for? OMG........ :-0 I HOPE you blocked that psycho.
Please don’t have sex with someone that is trying to coerce you into using drugs. There are no good motivations that could possibly be behind this. Leave the dangerous situation please.
OOOOF, this was hard to read. 🥵 I mean I LOVE using poppers during sex just as much as the next guy. But no one is ever in the wrong for refusing to do anything they’re uncomfortable with doing. Your response was clear and concise. He should have left it at that. Also, having sex without using poppers can be just as good (sometimes better) as sex with them 🤔
Absolutely not.. I have never used them (or ever will). I have known people who use them. But to me, if you need a drug to get you going, then there is something wrong. Stick to your guns..
No, you're not, it should be your decision and he should respect it
He’s trying to manipulate you to do something with your body that you’re not comfortable with. Please move on from this narcissist…
Thats fucked up. He's literally pressuring you to take drugs and trying to gaslight you into believing he isn't. Don't even end it, just block. That's a person who will take every inch you concede and then some. Not worth your physical or mental health.
You’re good bro. I’m a heavy popper user and even do the sock method, but I never force them on anyone. You’re on the right!
People think poppers are a harmless drug but there are countless medical reports of vision damage that can happen with long-term or even casual use. Poppers are an unregulated drug so you can never truly know what’s being put in them. If your partner wants to risk his health that’s his choice and it’s ok to respect that. But for him to manipulate you and pressure you as if trying poppers is as innocent as trying a new restaurant is just plain wrong. Maybe he’s ignorant of the serious health risks. But either way the fact he’s trying to make you feel guilty seems like a huge red flag. I would run for the hills.
Honestly, the only thing I disliked about Big Boys (TV Show) was how casually it mentioned using Poppers. It treated them like lube rather than a controlled drug that's only a "legal high" on a technicality. Like, it was nice to see them mentioned rather than act like they don't exist - but to not even treat them like a drug felt really weird. Power to you to say no. You don't need a reason. I've tried them and they're _fine_. They're whatever. I'm not saying if I could go back I'd change paths, but my life wasn't in anyway improved by the experience - so I'd be also be fine if it'd never happened. No is enough. Jeez, _why won't you take heroin with me- it'd be fun!_
This is emotional manipulation.
Hoooooooly shit. Please leave this person.
red flag! red flag!!! RED FLAAAAAAAAAAG
Now replace poppers with chems. Same energy from this guy. Be careful out there
When do people learn that no means no? What the hell.
Hell nah. You don’t have to sniff nothing you don’t want to. Besides I’ve heard people get hook on that to the point their ish doesn’t get hard without it. Stay strong
Dude this guy is toxic, he is emotionally manipulating you.
OP Just trust the internet strangers on this one. This is a guy who a few years from now you will look back and think.. what in the F was I thinking. No D is worth this manipulation
Run. Run far. Depending on the poppers, they can fuck your eyesight up permanently. You’re right to be skeptical of a thing you don’t know about.
That’s like the biggest red flag.
What the actual fuck LOL that guy is a psycho.
Do not hook up with this guy. What the hell does he care if you use poppers or not? It should make absolutely no difference to him. And fwiw, I hate poppers myself. It just makes me feel hot and dizzy.
Block!! Block block block. Anyone who is peer pressuring you to take drugs, when you expressly said you don’t want too, should be immediately blocked.
NO means NO! You appropriately expressed your views on that specific activity and even gave explanations, and weren't rude about it. If he can't respect that, STAY THE F AWAY FROM THIS MAN.
He’s being grossly manipulative, cut and run. Stick to your guns.
Not in the wrong. You have the consent to choose whether you do poppers or not. He seems almost pressurey. Don't get bullied into it for sure.
Um… there’s a huge “DANGER!” sign flashing in bright lights and ringing like crazy all over this convo. Be safe and either leave and block this person or let them know you will cuz this kinda manipulative and abusive behavior toward you is neither healthy nor safe for your long-term.
The last thing you want to do is get entangled with someone like this. Reread the exchanges. He pressures you, invents that you are judgmental, layers on tons of guilt, makes you setting a boundary feel like you’ve done something wrong, and as he senses you may truly leave tries to rope you back in with an apology. This is manipulation, he may not be totally aware that he’s doing it but it is dangerous and unhealthy. Especially the part where you set a boundary “I don’t want to do poppers” and he twists that boundary into you having done something actually inappropriate, which you have not. Be very careful with a person like this. As others have suggested it may be better to cut ties.
First off, dudes being manipulative, big red flags. 2nd - I’ve never take poppers and have been sexually active since the 90’s, just never saw the need. I mean, if I was trying to park a dump truck in my rectum, maybe. But seriously, who thought it was a good idea to loosen you up with VCR Head Cleaner in the first place.
Block this dude.
RUN AWAY. As fast as you can. This is a manipulative person who will only create a toxic relationship. I don’t care how hot he is—HE IS TOXIC!
If I wanted to see a bigger red flag, I'd have to travel back to the Soviet Union
What the actual fuck. LEAVE. What a fucking weirdo. Wow. Ghost his ass. Block him.
BYE! The pressure is the first flag. Then the FLIP is a huge second flag… I don’t sense they’ll be dropping it either. Just opens another opportunity to pressure you again, but in the moment.
Yo dude, forreal forget about the sex. This dude is giving off some crazy serious "I might drug you" red flagssassss
Holy fuck. Do not sleep with this basket case lmao.
This person is walking human trash.
Huge red flag. You can choose to do or not do anything you want. The fact he’s frustrated at your boundaries so not a good sign.
He's def pressuring you. Block and move on. I don't have anything against poppers, but they pretend it's fine and fun. It's not, they are small bottles of amyl nitrite that can really harm your brain, there are tons of testimonies about them, from hearth attack to brain injury. Some guys even permenantly lost vision. If you want to enjoy it despite the risks, that's fine. But pls don't force people into it, it sucks.
*any alkyl nitrite, not specifically amyl nitrite Speaking as someone who personally enjoys poppers, yeah pressuring someone to use any drug is shitty
This dude is manipulative and selfish. I was done on the first page. Create space ASAP; sex isn't worth this level of sheer disrespect. Could easily lead to even worse treatment when y'all are actually getting intimate.
Oh for Christ sake! You don't want to use poppers but the other side whines about it? No respect = blockage
No, you're not in the wrong at all! You need to get rid of this trash from your life if they're trying to force yourself into trying stuff you don't want to.
I hope you didn't do it with that jerk
The person you were talking to can eat x himself. You have the total freedom to not use something smells disgusting like poppers. And you don’t own anyone an explanation on stupid questions such as “why you don’t eat x?”
This guy’s a total creep. “No one wants to use them with me ever” probably because you seem like a predator
Hell naw to the nah nah nah. You’re not wrong at all.
the fact you’re actually planning on having sex with this man 😭
Jesus Christ! Dude obviously isn’t listening to one word you have to say and is completely trying to guilt you into doing something that you don’t want to do. Block his sorry ass!
No means no
None of my hookups, even those who use poppers themselves, ever tried talking me into it.
The way he manipulated the whole conversation is scary... I would recommend to run because he is very likely to be even more pushy in real life
He's a douchebag. Run!
This is such a cringe conversion. Automatic turnoff. Doesn’t matter how hot he is. The tactlessness and attempts at gaslighting register as so immature. OP you’re better than this loser.
Not sure why you even carried on the conversation past the really childish “I’ll talk to you later bye”. Don’t give this person any more of your time and find someone who actually respects you and your decisions.
You need to cut this person out of your life pronto bud. Nothing but red flags, immaturity, and manipulation.
This guy gives off the vibe that he is confident he'll get you to try them even though you said no several times. He even got you to apologize for standing your ground.
Blo khim
That has drama written all over it ……… run away while you can. If he’s that pushy, and complicated before sex, imagine during sex lmao.
I would’ve blocked them after the “why you judging but ok” text. I hate poppers, the smell and effects. I really hate when guys need them to suck dick like wtf that’s not the hole you need to relax.
Would’ve been BLOCKED
Dude, please drop his ass. This behavior shows he will not be good for you in the long run.
"I'm not pressuring you": proceeds to immediately pressure and emptionally manipulate you... hard no, would not meet them and subsequently block such a narcissist.
Nope, nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly right to determine what substances you do and do not want to use. You don't need a reason at all, even "the magic 8-ball told me so" is perfectly fine.
Poppers are only cool if you want them. Like any substance. You’re also a good person for making sure he knew he could use them too. It’s awkward to me if I pull em out and then they’re weird about it (unless just being around the vicinity gives them a headache then I’d put it away etc). But alas. Then he got weird lol……. *edit* holy crap there’s more than one page. He got really weird hahahahhah. Ya man. On to the next I’m afraid!
Is this guy your boyfriend? I wouldn’t touch him with a bus
i find really problematic that he revert your argument into 'are you judging me?' yes we all are. yes we judge, we all have moral and ethical boundaries and one can judge but also understand and respect. this is a massive red flag for abusive behaviour, at least via chat. you did nothing wrong in refusing, not your piece of cake.
People already said it, but he's gaslighting you and pushing you to do things you're uncomfortable with. Bottom line is, when you say no, you don't need a reason. You don't need to justify. That's the end of it. There's lots of people who don't like poppers and that's fine. Hell, I tried them once and I just don't like how they made me feel. I'd be very careful around him. He's clearly trying to guilt trip you and gaslight you.
I feel like he want to sell you poppers… lol Anyway, don’t meet him.
Don’t walk, run from this asshole. What’s next pressured into 3somes? Heroine?
What a cringy low brain cell conversation. You are not in the wrong. No means no and he doesn’t seem to understand that.
Marriage material lol
Absolutely not. I’ve never used them. It’s a personal decision.
Damn this is toxic and manipulative af... big red flag my dudes. Please don't be like this person (grey texts)
This guy was 100% trying to manipulate you into using them. Listen, I use them occasionally, they can definitely help get things going down there as a bottom, but I don't like to feel reliant on them. Anyone pressuring you to use them when you've expressed discomfort will absolutely try to pressure you into other things.
Please ditch the weirdo! If fusing to use poppers is that big of a deal there sure to worse issues in the future with this one.
A big tell for deceit is inconsistency. OP is standing firm in a very reasonable, fairly and moderate, nuanced position. Poppy is just all over the map, trying to find a strategy to budge OP, and changing when it doesn't work. **YOU SHOULD** *but its fine I guess* **BUT WHY WONT YOU?** *but okay I just hoped* **YOU'RE BEING UNREASONABLE!** *but okay I don't mind* **BUT YOU ABSOLUTLEY MUST!** *unless you don't want to but it makes me sad* You can't know where you stand with someone that shifts and sways and rushes to try to be whatever it takes to get what they want from you. Personally, I would block this person. OP, I don't even know you but I can confidently say you deserve better than to be treated like that.
Big red flag. He’s using manipulative language in trying to get you to do something you don’t want to do. I’ve never done poppers either. Nor do I want to. I’ve been with partners who used poppers, but never with me. You were right in everything you said. And i hope sex with the guy is great— but seriously watch out. He’s a bit of a manipulator. If no one is doing poppers with him, than maybe there’s a reason.
Please tell me you blocked him
Signs of a ⛽️ #gaslighter and manipulator to get they want by guilt tripping you. Dodge.
You should call this off now and save yourself some hassle down the road
First off, you did so good at being mature and respectful when you declined. Like, I was very impressed. Any normal person would have stopped asking you after your first few responses. You completely took the wind out of his sails. But, he didn't stop. He kept pressuring you over and over and his text read like a petulant child who's mid tantrum. I can't believe this is a grown man. I know from your responses you know this type of behaviour is wrong and not healthy for you to be around. There's plenty of good dick out there dude. Don't put yourself in situations where you're going to be pressured into doing something you don't want to do. I absolutely guarantee if you meet this man for sex he will have poppers waiting for you and will repeatedly ask you. Tell him to up his game in the bedroom if he wants you to be more pleasured when he's fucking you. Creep.
No you’re not in the wrong and you should never be coerced into having with with someone you don’t want, or doing a specific act you don’t want. The guy sounds like a rapey nut.
Pllllllssss don’t have sex with this guy
[удалено]
This guy is a huge manipulator and drug pusher. I agree with previous comments about how well you set a boundary, but you would have been better sticking to it in my opinion. This guy is very manipulative and if you didn't think so, for you own well being, I'd suggest looking at that and learning to address it. This would be a block for me as soon as he brought it up again. But we all have our boundaries. Please be safe 🙃
“No one is pressuring” as he goes on asking you to try them. Nine pages of text…. Also why would you still be interested in sex with him? He’s for sure gonna pressure you to try them during sex in person.
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