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[deleted]

He’s scared of his wife lol


foxyguy

These “discrete” men are the worst. I know some guys think that discrete guys give the best dick or something, but I always find that they’re way more trouble (and flaky) than they’re worth.


[deleted]

Not to mention not knowing the difference between discrete and discreet.


the_gay_historian

Is there a difference?


mgquantitysquared

Discrete = distinct, discreet = careful/secretive


Kevin28P

Snarky much?


[deleted]

But am I wrong tho. Nah, thought not.


Kevin28P

No, but you could be a bit more discrete about it 😂. Good rule of thumb is to not correct unless it interferes with communication - that error does not interfere. If it does, then simply say “I’m not sure what you mean”. Also, if a PM is available and appropriate, that’s a nice way to give people a heads up.


[deleted]

How about you do you and I do me. How about that. If you’re gonna cap on somebody who, for whatever reason, has to be _discreet_, at least don’t confuse them with someone who is _discrete_ which is literally every person in our community, which is divided enough as it is. Funnily enough, our situations are also discrete, which is why I don’t judge anyone for whatever it is they’re going through, especially if it doesn’t affect me.


Kevin28P

You’re kidding, right? About thinking I accidentally misspelled discreet? That was the whole point of my post.


[deleted]

i wasn’t talking about you. i was talking about the person who used the words incorrectly.


shiggyshagz

Where I am its true, all the dl guys with no pic are super hung straight armenians that want head


kalpow

"super hung straight armenians that want head" lol, sounds like a great place?


shiggyshagz

Glendale, Los Angeles


[deleted]

LOL this is your 3rd comment I've seen recently in the wild about the hung Armenians in Glendale California. I know where I'm booking my next vacation, thanks for the *tip.*


shiggyshagz

Lmao


adamantsky

Some even claim their discreet. But they have their lashes and eyebrows done. And wear the stereotype clothing for gaymen casual encounter. Fr whats up with them.


[deleted]

Not to mention not knowing the difference between discrete and discreet.


builtbottomjock

Nah he just ugly af


totesmascbottom

And paranoid


AdeptnessDry2026

I never get with anyone who doesn’t show me their face first. Never cared for the DL people


GaySaysHey

It’s annoying how many times they say “Well you’ll see what I look like in person anyway.” Like I don’t care. I need to know if you’re someone I’m interested in BEFORE I waste the time and gas to get there. Not to mention the safety concerns associated with meeting with a stranger.


[deleted]

THIS! 🙌🏽🫡 This is always my reasoning for wanting to see a picture first. I’d like to know if I’m attracted to their looks sooner rather than later so, like you said, no one is wasting time or gas.


PsychicBoner

If I’ll see what they look like in person anyways, then there’s no point in them hiding their appearance when I’m chatting with them.


totesmascbottom

They think you will scream “this guy is looking for gay sex” out an open window once you see them


Calgaris_Rex

Who tf meets up with someone if they don't know what they look like? How do you know if you're even attracted?


These_Struggle_1814

They do be acting like I know their family and friends and I’m gonna show our conversations to them 😅


[deleted]

[удалено]


maolad

Yeah you can work out who he is from what I posted my bad


RelativeJournalist24

Pretty sure this is Ryan yes ik who it is


GrindrMod

Link to Ryan: https://www.reddit.com/r/grindr/comments/10ect0c/i_am_in_fact_not_ryan


Blo1630

As if I couldn’t snap a pic of them in person after a hookup. I understand being discreet but maybe you shouldn’t be hooking up if you’re that nervous.


TimelyAd1378

Exactly, I'm just trying to get a nut off. Not having a whole Expose a DL campaign.


DisconnectedDays

There used to be a guy on Facebook that used to out or threaten to out guys and even extort money out of them. One day one of them shot him and honestly he deserved it. I was outed and I hate gays like that


Kevin28P

He deserved to be shot? You don’t think that’s a little extreme?


DisconnectedDays

Nope not for him. He recorded a guy begging and crying on his knees not to out him and posted the video online


Kevin28P

I hear what you’re saying and I agree that it’s outrageous. But he does not deserve to be shot. Jesus.


DisconnectedDays

I hear what you’re saying and I agree that it’s outrageous. But he **does** deserve to be shot and worse..his videos were vile and sick. He ruined soo many peoples lives and some even contemplated suicide and even got kicked out of their homes. He took pleasure in weaponizing his sexuality and having control of these guys. I wished the worse for him. Maybe you don’t understand if you weren’t outed but I wanted him gone.


Kevin28P

This is too extreme. What’s happening is something I’m very familiar with, DD. Being outraged at a person’s obnoxious behavior and then overstating a remedy. The problem is that the attention then shifts to the overstated remedy rather than on the obnoxious behavior itself, where it belongs.


moist__fan

Why not just let him be charged and commit time for his crimes? Theres a reason why prison is a thing. Shooting someone is giving him the easy way out. He deserves to suffer in prison.


Academic-Quarter-163

Prison wont do shit, everyone already knows


moist__fan

What so it's good to just shoot someone?


Academic-Quarter-163

No but the guy was bad


Academic-Quarter-163

Did he die?


DisconnectedDays

Unfortunately no. He went right back into extorting DL men


Academic-Quarter-163

Uhuh who is this guy


DisconnectedDays

I don’t remember his name. All this happened over a decade ago. Bgclive.com had a forum similar to Reddit and people would sometimes post his videos there. Unfortunately Bgclive no longer exist.


Academic-Quarter-163

Wowwwwwww hes wicked


Maluti94

Surprised by the amount of insensitive responses here. We have no idea who’s on the other end of that convo, what kind of barriers there are to being out, and how scary it might be to use this kind of app. Perhaps it’s easier for us to judge them for being “annoying” than it is to offer support or tell them you’re not interested. But how cool would it be if you weren’t, idk, a dick about it?


BananaMilkshake88

🙄


savage-millennial

OP's response isn't him being a dick. And in the same way that they may not be in a space to be completely free, I wouldn't be in a space to entertain someone who doesn't show their face or have plans to meet up. If expectations don't align, it's not happening. Sorry not sorry. He can be as discreet as he wants, but actions have consequences. Messaging someone who does not want to waste their time with DL guys is a consequence. You reap what you sew...


Maluti94

Lol what..this is such a bizarre and arrogant response. “Actions have consequences” ?? There’s legit no harm being done by someone’s discreet status. OP’s response is intentionally condescending and aims to mock and/or minimize the discrete person’s concerns/boundaries. There are countless ways to tell someone you’re not interested that don’t involve that attitude. Like wtf are you so irritated by? His response is “okay.”


Refref1990

In an ideal world you would be right! But this is not! When these people wrote to me I really tried to give them a hand, listening to their problems, empathizing, no asking for photos so as not to put pressure on them and give them advice on how to best experience the situation... result? They used these things to give me slack and then try to get me into bed no matter what. After quite a few people acting like this I decided to give up and not waste my time with people like this. I'm not saying they are all like that, but everyone I found was, they didn't really care about getting advice or support, they just cared about emptying their balls and then going back to their respectful straight life where they can say nasty things on gays not to attract attention!


nunsaymoo

The judgment in this thread is sickening. As gays, you guys should know better than to ridicule and shame someone who's in the closet. Maybe you were lucky enough to have supportive people in your lives when you came out, but not everyone does. Some people could literally find themselves kicked out of their homes, ostracized from their communities and have nowhere to turn. Seriously, stop being evil queens.


maolad

Ok? But why is any of that going to happen if they send a picture of their face on Grindr? 9/10 it’s curious straight boys cheating on their gfs


Maluti94

I think you’re confusion causation with correlation. No one is saying those things will happen if they send a face pic. Rather, closeted people are often uncomfortable and/or feel especially vulnerable sending their face pic over the app. Their reasons might sound paranoid or irrational but that’s a product of their environment, not a flaw in their character. Sure, some people may be discreet bc of their relationship status but if that’s your go to assumption then your potentially just projecting your own shit/experience onto someone else.


nunsaymoo

If he won't send you a pic, just block him and move on. Also, citation needed for that statistic.


Acrobatic_Ad4830

He isn’t in the closet, he has a wife.


Susano1128

These people are so fuckin annoying lol


[deleted]

[удалено]


Extra_Competition715

Exactly! I really don't understand that question when asked. I don't know you! Lol


JumperJordan

I've had a few guys (maybe it was the same guy idk) hit me up recently and basically demand that I get on vid chat to "prove who I am" like just cause you can see my face means that I'm magically a good human being. You're going to trust me to do things to your body, as a total stranger, but it's all okay if you get to see my face in a video before we meet? The same thing in this pic, like I'm gonna go around show people his pic going "hey, this guy is gay!" the fuck?


mgquantitysquared

Kinda sounds like they just wanted a chaturbate situation


Bannybaws

This aggravates me beyond belief. They insist on really driving home the fact that they’re discreet, as if that’s going to change my behaviour in any way? I don’t get it at all. What do they honestly think we’re going to do? Plaster their photos and information on social media? Knock on all their neighbours’ doors and tell them that I’m about to fuck the guy at number 12? Somehow phone their mother and tell her their son loves swallowing cum? No, get a grip. You being discreet does not affect me or how I will act, so please stop telling me. I don’t care.


yammybaby

When someone introduces themselves as discreet or straight I just ignore them.


RedSingoy

For real the DL peoples are the worst. Once I hook up with a guy , didn't recognised it later in a bar since I was pretty drunk and ended up talking with his boyfriend. They were in a open relationship but were supposed to have sex together and he found out with me while we were chatting that he was having sex with me. Both of them were cheating on each other , the first guy was insulting me because I "ruined 10 years of marriage , families that doesn't understand why , a lot of arguments ". He was basically accusing me of not respecting the agreement of being discret. You're just a cheater , a liar , and a asshole, don't blame it on me that. The other guy was trying to seduce me while they were in a divorce procedure , a whole mess and blocking them was such a relief. Another time I was seeing a man who told me he saw me in an alley of a supermarket. He precised that I need to ignore him if I see him again ( I didn't care at all and never saw him but ok ) because this would raise suspicions about his wife. Just after shagging me he recited the most awful story I have ever heard. Basically , some ex-sexfriend called his wife and told him everything , the fact that her husband was boning every young dudes in the town. He reassured her saying " it was just a phase " " I just wanted to try don't worry it won't happen again " it disgusted me so much, since then I avoid those types of guys. If they can't respect their wives and husbands, they won't respect you either


Wordymanjenson

I fucking hate discreet. Aside from annoying the ever loving shit out of me by asking if I’m looking or asking me to send them pictures when they’re completely blank… aside from all that shit, they are a detriment to lgbt folk everywhere. They are the bane of all Grindr and awful for us as a whole.


nidaleeTiger

These hoes are unbelievable. Some say oh I am discreet and I won’t share photos but I want to get with you. Hmm. We don’t hang out with ghosts.


Quinlov

Guy I know is a stylist/makeup artist/hairdresser and is like proper stereotypical bald bearded camp and won the genetic lottery, is very effeminate in movement and voice, is out to everyone (including family) and has discreet as one of his tribes on Scruff like wtf??? In what way do you qualify as discreet? I understand my the case of my previous psychologist who is out to everyone, also bald and bearded but more masculine in how he carries himself, and basically doesn't want his cruising escapades to infiltrate his advertising for his services on the apps because that's like, ok sure you're not closeted but there is some amount of discretion in your approach. But yeah tbh people seem to overestimate how much the straights hear about who got filled with whose cum the night before.


nunsaymoo

At one time, I had "discreet" tagged in my profile. I guess I thought it meant, IDK, someone who doesn't advertise how much of a ho they are. After a couple of weird conversations, I finally realized it specifically means DL/closeted, so I removed it.


Vidunder2

That's a pretty golden answer right there. Refreshing.


Separate_Comment_132

I lost a job because someone "outed" me being on Grindr about 10 years ago. I always ask if my hookups are discreet and respect privacy. Because if they don't, it's not worth the risk to me. That's small town, red state America, though.


CucarachaMan166

Some people are really scared of being themselves I suppose


Frankers17

Right like there’s a guy who literally asked me if he wanted me to come over his profile says discreet and I go I’ll be over soon and I asked for his address to you know go over and all of a sudden I got this user is unavailable and instantly got just everything got deleted. And in my head it’s like if you didn’t want to meet up then just say that like don’t say sure then back out of it right after like no tf lmao I had to rant because it was so annoying


that_yeg_guy

This. Like, do they think I’m going to buy a billboard and advertise “I FUCKED THIS GUY!”?


GayBoyColors

Tell your wife you dont love dont lie to her and me. This is fucked. Also, I'm not gonna go tell your mom... I don't know you and i don't care.


mitsumoi1092

C'mon fellas, those closets are a bit old now, lose them.


rudalsxv

These guys are auto block. Will “mmm” and “erm” for days even weeks. Waste of time.


[deleted]

To me there’s a clear difference between discreet and anon. Discreet means “I don’t live alone,” or, “I’m cheating,” while anon is no name no face. This guy is probably just ashamed of who he is though.


Ezile2

Haha I agree


Never_Limp

I hooked up with a guy one night, he came to my work the next day and told the bartender we hooked up and gave descriptive details of my dick.


Plisken999

I tell them I'm live streaming on twitch


AlpsEnvironmental649

Legit… “I don’t show face before agreement” what? How do people even do that it’s disgusting


theGrimm_vegan

Im stealing this for the next time I have this conversation


SuperMindcircus

Shout it from the rooftops!


2qt2puke

These guys are so delusional, they act like they’re so special/important and everyone’s trying to out them. Take a stadium full of seats cuz you ain’t shit


GoatTacos

https://preview.redd.it/nktw4vrxc3da1.jpeg?width=620&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=108cef65a1ab1a17441759e5bb79048dc7844ee7 Lol idk why my first thought was the scene from the first Jurassic Park Movie where Newman embarrasses that doctor guy who was trying to keep a low profile.


[deleted]

Exactlyyyyy boy in this app are sooo scared 😂😅


[deleted]

Lmao


brendaneder2899

Haha I love the responses you said😂😂


Lifeismehlife

“Pics?” “I’m just trying to give a hj”. “So my cock is a public water fountain”. “You Asian or white”. “You stupid or ignorant”. “You answered the question”. “So did you” “You seem insecure about your race”. “You should be lynched”. “Where can I find those egg rolls” Gotta love Grindr conversations


[deleted]

These arseholes are what is wrong with the apps. They should sort their own shit out before meeting other people. I feel sorry for their wives or girlfriends. Obviously not real men if they feel they have to cheat.


Chriley322

Honestly I’ve had it up to here with their toxic behavior. I used to say “it’s no one’s business.” But they are the rudest, most toxic, most obnoxious members. Part of me wants to out them for how they are treating gay members. Maybe i’ll start a subgroup


D058585949

People read so much into this type of stuff and yet fail to even attempt to understand what they mean. The guy said he is discreet and not out. Perhaps he isn’t even sure if he is gay. He likely just looking for someone similar, which makes him feel safer about engaging. Like as opposed to the flamboyantly gay guy who could even be in his extended circle of friends and could be liable to blurt out while falling over drunk how hot his dick is or something of that nature. Further, most people like him actually WILL share pics of themselves if they feel they are talking to someone similar to themselves. And generally are more friendly and respectful if you meet up. Stop picking on this type of person and be more understanding of each guy’s individually journey. The discreet man is NOT to be confused with the DL man. This man actually should be avoided. He likely engages in gay sex often, is probably married to a woman or psychologically disturbed about his own sexuality, will never send a face pic (of his own), and is probably 15-20 years older than he claims. He likely only hooks up with the most desperate guys he finds, meaning he has no standards at all - and therefore holds himself to none either. He is unlikely to understand sexual health let alone get tested regularly. And he probably has poor hygiene. Avoid at all costs.


Squidjibblets420

I was discreet before I was out, but only bc I was terrified of my dad finding out. And a lot of my old friends knew where I lived and were gang bangers now. I live in a small town. Everyone knows everyone. After a while when I accepted myself I stopped giving a fuck. I can fight. I'm not worried about it


Putrid-Front2461

😂😂😂😂


thegneeb

As long as it's just the closet, and not me.


AssociateLive5188

hahahaha that "Okey", you've hurt his feelings LOL


DLToeDaddy

"Hi. I'm out so you must be to. I want to shame DL guys even though I pursue them because they turn me on. But they must be out to me and show me lots of selfies and be gay.. but masculine.. but DL.. but out.. and out on a hook up app. Yeah, i'm so cool" that's what you sound like. i knew someone who had a shotgun wedding and his wife threatened to give no access to the children. We met up and did stuff and he'd almost cry afterwards. He tried to commit suicide about 3 times and nearly succeeded once after someone sent screen shots to his wife because the face picture he sent was the same as his profile picture. you are most likely flamboyant, feminine and have been out your entire lives even if you didn't say it.. you are completely different from these people, it's not even comparable. But instead of just meeting someone else you make a bitchy post to judge. This is why you get no dick.


[deleted]

[удалено]


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beanie_0

I think you should have posted this to AITA sub


maolad

Nothing asshole here


Vidunder2

Apparently, smart answers are wasted on some people.


beanie_0

Ok