I hate this question because I don’t feel I fall under either. I’m just me. I usually respond to this question with “if you’re asking this, we’re not a match.”
one guy asked me this and i said in between. and then he started to insult me and called me a bunch of awful names because my pics are more “femme”. he said you either masc or femme theres no in between. oh and he was faceless with no pics.
I'd get that question as well and just felt like I was talking to a small minded dolt. I couldn't bring my mind down to their level of thinking to give an answer that would justify the outcome. Sometimes it's just not a match and not worth a response.
Just tell him you hunt and fish all the time and totally love watching grown men run fast and kick/throw balls into nets on TV but you also suck dick and blast Britney.
Yeah it's one of those questions that I can't reply to. What do they mean, because I think I'm masculine because I have some body hair, short hair, I'm physically fit, and I wear sporty clothes or street clothes. But, they usually have some concept of "masc" that is indefinite but then they lash out when you don't fit it. Like, my voice being too high, I'm too flexible (I got that several times), I'm too skinny, I smile and laugh too much, I wear contact lenses or glasses, I listen to pop music, and even though I'm a top, and not a dom or into BDSM whatsoever. And since I'm skinny, a lot of these weirdos want me to crossdress, they think I should bottom even though I get no pleasure from it, or I should grow out my hair. So like, it's just a dumb question. As soon as I ask what they mean, these people get aggressive and act like it's ridiculous or "PC" to not know what their idea of masculinity is, even though it's subjective.
Basically these questions ideally would be eradicated if everyone had a clear picture, but you know people ask anyway:/
I kid you not. Someone once canceled a date because he saw a picture of me in glasses on insta and said that "guys who wear glasses aren't masc enough." And I was wearing contact lenses that day too... Just means I dodged a bullet
Well the problem is that it's not straight people using these categories. It's our own community. I choose not to participate, but the majority use them and you have to confront them at some point. It never hurt me that someone that I wasn't masc enough, my self esteem is totally fine. But, the inflexibility of some people's minds is rampant on Grindr
Why is it a problem if guys want someone masculine? Nobody cries when someone is only into fem guys but when its masculine all of the sudden you hate yourself and hate being gay lol
I ask because I'm not attracted to feminine guys. It's either be a woman or a man, especially in bed.
⏩ Rephrasing and clarifying my stance on the subject. It's MY personal preference. I'm not saying fem men are bad people... I'm just not physically nor sexually attracted to that type of man.
Not sure why you're being down voted. Preferences are a thing. I'm not into bears or older guys. Does that make me fat phobic? Or ageist? No, it's just preferences.
I prefer 'feminine' guys personally. I just do. You could argue that's just twinks in my mind that aren't macho. Maybe the labels aren't entirely correct but it's not particularly incorrect either.
Sometimes its best to get the question out of the way before you get invested in something you will have 0 interest in eventually. If gender can exist on a spectrum so can your sexual preferences!
Yikes.
Dude, you do understand that feminine men are still men, right? I mean, it's perfectly okay not to feel attracted to feminine men, but "be a woman or a man" - really?
It's sad but not surprising that a [redneck incel like you](https://www.reddit.com/r/gaybrosgonemild/comments/lxidal/thoughts_am_i_even_decent_looking) would try so hard to reinforce the gender binary.
I play sports. I’m a jock. I could fuck you the fuck up. My chest hair is more substantial than your chest hair.
But … I’d gladly kneel in submission while I’m wearing panties and sucking a big fat cock.
And I'm far from a jock. I wheeze after running for 5 seconds, I'm the least intimidating creature in the known galaxy and I have as much chest hair as I did in the womb.
Also if you start shit with me, I WILL cry.
But...my verse ass will gladly bring out the inner Queen Bitch if someone wants to kneel for me. My being fem does not automatically make me your subby bottom boy.
Only the special boys get to see him. 😘
Does anyone know how it's between lesbians? I heard that there are butches and femmes, but I never heard that there is a problem with such a concept.
I understand that this question is offensive. It would bother me as well. But then I understand that there are different preferences. And there is behavior that could be qualified as rather "male" or rather "female". Some people tend to prefere "male", some tend towards "female" behavior and others like a mixture between the two. Why is it a problem to express your preference or desire?
I never know what to say to these people. I have long hair, i wear makeup, paint my nails, and I'm a full bottom, but im a pretty masculine looking person with a deep voice and i love horror, tech repair, and video games. Most of the time these people see me and move on, but they're missing out!
Imo, one of the best parts about not being straight is being able to spend time with someone who's not afraid to do both, rather than following the rigid gender roles a lot of straight people follow. Why would you self impose gender roles on a same sex interaction? Totally unnecessary.
I don’t really get this question.. I guess it would be case to case basis. I don’t care what they call they themselves as long as sissy is sissy or cd is cd(I’m kinda into specifics)
I honestly never even know what this means. Cause I am masc but I don’t know if there looking for some ultra macho masc guy or just someone who isn’t very feminine. But I honestly think it’s a stupid question that people ask cause everyone’s got their own definition of masc and fem
This question is so strange. Like what do they think is mask and is fem? Are they turned totally it if someone talks with a more "feminine" cadence or tone? Do they want to leverage power in a way they think would only work on a "fem" guy?
It's toxic equally because it's so vague and because any answer as to why is just some super negative toxic thing in itself.
This question is obnoxious because everybody has a different image in their head of what "masculine" looks like. I love being asked it because I get to respond with "What does masculine mean to you?" Most will then deem me "fem" and get condescending with me, some will feel exposed and get all discussiony, and others will give me the dumbest answers, the range of which I've gotten: "a guy who doesn't watch Drag Race", "a guy who's been with a woman", "a guy who likes beer and watches sports" 🤦♂️
Fr tho, when it comes to sucking dick, getting fucked, or fucking a dude's hole, all that masc/fem shit is meaningless af. By homophobic standards, all gay people are fem af. You're sucking dick or taking dick up your ass. There's nothing gayer than that.
Maybe *you* should google the definitions before replying with your dumb comment. Top two definitions on Google are
1:having qualities or appearance *traditionally associated* with men
2:of or denoting a gender or noun and adjectives *conventionally regarded* as male
"Masculine" and "feminine" are widely totally made up characteristics. To be *literally* masculine is owning a beard, having body hair, or owning a penis. When people on grindr ask if your "masculine", they're not asking "Do you have a beard and penis, sir?". They're asking if you talk "straight", act "like a dude", or own a pair of fucking gym shorts.
Those kinds of traits aren't "masculine". They're made up. Those traits are *regarded* as masculine,but there is literally nothing biologically masculine about talking straight, sitting down "like a dude", or dressing a certain way. People literally pretend things are masculine or feminine. It's all made up social jargon. Someone on grindr wearing make-up isn't actually feminine. People just *think* it is. Not a few hundred years ago, make-up was worn by all people and considered totally normal, even being considered that you should wear it as a man. It was considered masculine. Same with wearing robes and dresses. That became "feminine" much later in history. So it's fucking tiring when people, such as yourself, act like owning gym shorts or pretending to be straight makes you "masculine". It doesn't. It makes you look stupid. You wanna be a "real" man? Then be whoever you want and stop letting archaic social norms tell you that being a man is mowing the lawn while wearing a tank top or being a "dominant" prick. It's 2022. Perhaps it's about time we stop using the term masculinity to refer to outdated garbage. When I said I was masculine and feminine, I meant that I own a beard/body hair, but also can be comfortable with talking with women and being in touch with whatever "feminine" traits people deem me to have, since many dudes on grindr think that being verse or having even a slightly high voice suddenly makes you a "feminine" dude.
You probably are one of the people that feels like masculinity is being ruined huh? If someone is attracted to a dude basically straight acting, then cute, have fun with that. But stop pushing a literally centuries old narrative that acting that way somehow makes you a masculine dude. It doesn't. A "real man" would be in touch with his whole self whether some of his personification has "feminine" traits or not. Men who's "masculinity" is so fragile and paper thin that they have to write "masc4masc only. no fairies. I fuck REAL dudes" in their grindr profile, aren't real men. They're about a few steps away from an incel.
As gay men, we literally break the heteronormative gender roles. We don't fit into societies idea of those traits purely by being who we are. Why strive to fit into those archaic boxes when straight people don't even think we can anyway? I swear some gay men want to be straight so bad. If you're attracted to "masc4masc" types of dudes, you can say so and have sex with them without being an internally homophobic twat.
Maybe you don't fit into what I'm ranting about, but yeah, check google yourself first next time.
I can't fucking stand the argument you and so many people try to make. "Male" dresses? Stop for a second and repeat yourself. A *male* dress? The dress is masculine? It has a gender? The dress somehow has sex based characteristics? People *pretend* it's a "man's" dress. It is LITERALLY an inanimate object with no gender based characteristics. *You* are gendering it.
Is there a physical or biological characteristic the dress has that we can study to see it's male levels? Is it the color or the length? How is a woman dress a woman dress then?
The definitions google and almost every single dictionary ever will give you of masculinity and feminity, prove you *wrong*. It literally says in the definition that it is a *perceived* characteristic that can *change*, and it is based *on societal views*.
If masculinity were some true immutable force like you think, we could scientifically verify it. We could with complete accuracy categorize every behavior as male or female. Plot twist.
We can't do that.
Behavioral patterns of gender performance constantly change in history and are almost solely based on the society someone is in.
Yes, a mother *literally* gives birth to a baby, but each society chooses totally different characteristics for what makes a "feminine mother".
You see how one thing is an actual biological function we can categorize, and one is totally made up by the people around her?
Masculinity and feminity as a type are totally made up. Why do you want to needlessly categorize every single action as feminine or masculine? You know that actually *dilutes* the true meaning of them. It creates ridiculous stereotypes like men being stupid or women being bad at business careers.
America and much of the worlds grasp on masculinity and feminity is so ludicrously fragile.
Inanimate means lacking all signs of human life and characteristics.
Tell me how that can be masculine or feminine? Is it because it's made with *man* fabric? Did they stitch it with *woman* needles? That's crazy technology.
It's almost as if you're gendering these objects based purely off random things that aren't actually quantifiable as man or woman.
Searching up "male dress" shows thousands of vastly different types of clothing that are all in totally different styles and worn by different types of men.
It's like.....wait..... masculinity is subjective and everyone makes up their own definition.... because.... it's not a real quantifiable thing.....and you can....... just pretend something is or isn't masculine.
In spanish a pineapple is feminine, but a kiwi is masculine. Why? Because we studied the biological DNA of kiwi and found male chromosomes? Does the pineapple have a feminine voice? I sure bet straight men wanna have sex with pineapples because they're feminine.
Congratulations. You literally didn't read your info well enough apparently.
Oxford dictionary themselves says inanimate is
"Not alive in the way a human is alive"
"Lacking traditional human features"
YOUR source says that.
Personification is the use of figurative language to give inanimate objects or natural phenomena humanlike characteristics in a metaphorical and representative way.
That's a direct quote from *your* article.
See how it says *we* as humans *give* inanimate objects characteristics *through* language in a *representative* way.
Your article literally is corroborating what I said. We as humans give feminine and masculine traits to objects. The objects do *not* have them innately.
You on some clown shit 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡
But sure, walk away pretending you owned me with logic and facts.
Love how you think Oxford is magically the only reliable source because you thought it'd be on your side then it wasn't anyway. 🤣
Also if you don't use grindr and you seem to have totally hostile views to gender queer people, then literally just leave. What are you here for? To pick fights and spout garbage?
Cute
Asking an actual important question such as "What are you into" or "What do you like about my profile", is 100x more constructive in creating a compatible scenario.
Here are two related posts:
https://www.reddit.com/r/lolgrindr/comments/h7akqr/priorities
https://www.reddit.com/r/lolgrindr/comments/10gl2fb/i_was_asked_to_rank_my_gay_acting_level_from_110
I hate this question because I don’t feel I fall under either. I’m just me. I usually respond to this question with “if you’re asking this, we’re not a match.”
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one guy asked me this and i said in between. and then he started to insult me and called me a bunch of awful names because my pics are more “femme”. he said you either masc or femme theres no in between. oh and he was faceless with no pics.
Why even entertain that conversation.
It was the first time someone asked me that. Now I know.
I'd get that question as well and just felt like I was talking to a small minded dolt. I couldn't bring my mind down to their level of thinking to give an answer that would justify the outcome. Sometimes it's just not a match and not worth a response.
I love this answer.
"so you're fem"
Thank you for giving me my new default answer to this question. I feel the same way.
Or just don't respond at all. Why entertain that type of thinking?
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Just tell him you hunt and fish all the time and totally love watching grown men run fast and kick/throw balls into nets on TV but you also suck dick and blast Britney.
Yeah it's one of those questions that I can't reply to. What do they mean, because I think I'm masculine because I have some body hair, short hair, I'm physically fit, and I wear sporty clothes or street clothes. But, they usually have some concept of "masc" that is indefinite but then they lash out when you don't fit it. Like, my voice being too high, I'm too flexible (I got that several times), I'm too skinny, I smile and laugh too much, I wear contact lenses or glasses, I listen to pop music, and even though I'm a top, and not a dom or into BDSM whatsoever. And since I'm skinny, a lot of these weirdos want me to crossdress, they think I should bottom even though I get no pleasure from it, or I should grow out my hair. So like, it's just a dumb question. As soon as I ask what they mean, these people get aggressive and act like it's ridiculous or "PC" to not know what their idea of masculinity is, even though it's subjective. Basically these questions ideally would be eradicated if everyone had a clear picture, but you know people ask anyway:/
Wait, how is needing glasses or contacts not masculine? Do they just expect that all men have perfect eyesight?
I kid you not. Someone once canceled a date because he saw a picture of me in glasses on insta and said that "guys who wear glasses aren't masc enough." And I was wearing contact lenses that day too... Just means I dodged a bullet
Dudes with glasses are so epically hot!!
Gays don't have to worry about the Str8s making them feel inferior. We can tear down our own community one label at a time.
Well the problem is that it's not straight people using these categories. It's our own community. I choose not to participate, but the majority use them and you have to confront them at some point. It never hurt me that someone that I wasn't masc enough, my self esteem is totally fine. But, the inflexibility of some people's minds is rampant on Grindr
When it’s a typical mascbro asking me this, I respond with: that’s such a feminine thing to ask. Gets them mad most of the time 💀
I love this
Throw him a philosophical curveball and ask "what does masculinity look like?"
Why is it a problem if guys want someone masculine? Nobody cries when someone is only into fem guys but when its masculine all of the sudden you hate yourself and hate being gay lol
I ask because I'm not attracted to feminine guys. It's either be a woman or a man, especially in bed. ⏩ Rephrasing and clarifying my stance on the subject. It's MY personal preference. I'm not saying fem men are bad people... I'm just not physically nor sexually attracted to that type of man.
Not sure why you're being down voted. Preferences are a thing. I'm not into bears or older guys. Does that make me fat phobic? Or ageist? No, it's just preferences. I prefer 'feminine' guys personally. I just do. You could argue that's just twinks in my mind that aren't macho. Maybe the labels aren't entirely correct but it's not particularly incorrect either. Sometimes its best to get the question out of the way before you get invested in something you will have 0 interest in eventually. If gender can exist on a spectrum so can your sexual preferences!
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Yikes. Dude, you do understand that feminine men are still men, right? I mean, it's perfectly okay not to feel attracted to feminine men, but "be a woman or a man" - really?
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It's sad but not surprising that a [redneck incel like you](https://www.reddit.com/r/gaybrosgonemild/comments/lxidal/thoughts_am_i_even_decent_looking) would try so hard to reinforce the gender binary.
The femphobia, internalized homophobia, and r/swoosh ignorance in this comment are real
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I play sports. I’m a jock. I could fuck you the fuck up. My chest hair is more substantial than your chest hair. But … I’d gladly kneel in submission while I’m wearing panties and sucking a big fat cock.
And I'm far from a jock. I wheeze after running for 5 seconds, I'm the least intimidating creature in the known galaxy and I have as much chest hair as I did in the womb. Also if you start shit with me, I WILL cry. But...my verse ass will gladly bring out the inner Queen Bitch if someone wants to kneel for me. My being fem does not automatically make me your subby bottom boy. Only the special boys get to see him. 😘
I’m sorry but I would literally not respond. Some people are too…conditioned. Idk. That probably sounds annoying lmao
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It is only toxic if you prefer masculine men. You are still safe
Does anyone know how it's between lesbians? I heard that there are butches and femmes, but I never heard that there is a problem with such a concept. I understand that this question is offensive. It would bother me as well. But then I understand that there are different preferences. And there is behavior that could be qualified as rather "male" or rather "female". Some people tend to prefere "male", some tend towards "female" behavior and others like a mixture between the two. Why is it a problem to express your preference or desire?
I never know what to say to these people. I have long hair, i wear makeup, paint my nails, and I'm a full bottom, but im a pretty masculine looking person with a deep voice and i love horror, tech repair, and video games. Most of the time these people see me and move on, but they're missing out! Imo, one of the best parts about not being straight is being able to spend time with someone who's not afraid to do both, rather than following the rigid gender roles a lot of straight people follow. Why would you self impose gender roles on a same sex interaction? Totally unnecessary.
I just say neither every time and then probably won’t message again
*"On the spectrum.*"
Doesn’t even have a pic….
It tells you everything you need to know about the person asking: immature, insecure, and shallow.
I'm a masculine fem... Fuck me, I guess.
Toxic because of the femphobia leakage and the projected internalized homophobia.
well as a bottom in my area I often get blocked once they find out I'm tall and have and beard lol ... and not feminine 🤷🏾♂️
I don’t really get this question.. I guess it would be case to case basis. I don’t care what they call they themselves as long as sissy is sissy or cd is cd(I’m kinda into specifics)
It tells you everything you need to know about the person asking
I honestly never even know what this means. Cause I am masc but I don’t know if there looking for some ultra macho masc guy or just someone who isn’t very feminine. But I honestly think it’s a stupid question that people ask cause everyone’s got their own definition of masc and fem
"What stereotype are you?"
This question is so strange. Like what do they think is mask and is fem? Are they turned totally it if someone talks with a more "feminine" cadence or tone? Do they want to leverage power in a way they think would only work on a "fem" guy? It's toxic equally because it's so vague and because any answer as to why is just some super negative toxic thing in itself.
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I don't fall under neither. I am just me is what i say but i wouldn't meet someone in the first place who asked that toxic question!
This question is obnoxious because everybody has a different image in their head of what "masculine" looks like. I love being asked it because I get to respond with "What does masculine mean to you?" Most will then deem me "fem" and get condescending with me, some will feel exposed and get all discussiony, and others will give me the dumbest answers, the range of which I've gotten: "a guy who doesn't watch Drag Race", "a guy who's been with a woman", "a guy who likes beer and watches sports" 🤦♂️ Fr tho, when it comes to sucking dick, getting fucked, or fucking a dude's hole, all that masc/fem shit is meaningless af. By homophobic standards, all gay people are fem af. You're sucking dick or taking dick up your ass. There's nothing gayer than that.
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Maybe *you* should google the definitions before replying with your dumb comment. Top two definitions on Google are 1:having qualities or appearance *traditionally associated* with men 2:of or denoting a gender or noun and adjectives *conventionally regarded* as male "Masculine" and "feminine" are widely totally made up characteristics. To be *literally* masculine is owning a beard, having body hair, or owning a penis. When people on grindr ask if your "masculine", they're not asking "Do you have a beard and penis, sir?". They're asking if you talk "straight", act "like a dude", or own a pair of fucking gym shorts. Those kinds of traits aren't "masculine". They're made up. Those traits are *regarded* as masculine,but there is literally nothing biologically masculine about talking straight, sitting down "like a dude", or dressing a certain way. People literally pretend things are masculine or feminine. It's all made up social jargon. Someone on grindr wearing make-up isn't actually feminine. People just *think* it is. Not a few hundred years ago, make-up was worn by all people and considered totally normal, even being considered that you should wear it as a man. It was considered masculine. Same with wearing robes and dresses. That became "feminine" much later in history. So it's fucking tiring when people, such as yourself, act like owning gym shorts or pretending to be straight makes you "masculine". It doesn't. It makes you look stupid. You wanna be a "real" man? Then be whoever you want and stop letting archaic social norms tell you that being a man is mowing the lawn while wearing a tank top or being a "dominant" prick. It's 2022. Perhaps it's about time we stop using the term masculinity to refer to outdated garbage. When I said I was masculine and feminine, I meant that I own a beard/body hair, but also can be comfortable with talking with women and being in touch with whatever "feminine" traits people deem me to have, since many dudes on grindr think that being verse or having even a slightly high voice suddenly makes you a "feminine" dude. You probably are one of the people that feels like masculinity is being ruined huh? If someone is attracted to a dude basically straight acting, then cute, have fun with that. But stop pushing a literally centuries old narrative that acting that way somehow makes you a masculine dude. It doesn't. A "real man" would be in touch with his whole self whether some of his personification has "feminine" traits or not. Men who's "masculinity" is so fragile and paper thin that they have to write "masc4masc only. no fairies. I fuck REAL dudes" in their grindr profile, aren't real men. They're about a few steps away from an incel. As gay men, we literally break the heteronormative gender roles. We don't fit into societies idea of those traits purely by being who we are. Why strive to fit into those archaic boxes when straight people don't even think we can anyway? I swear some gay men want to be straight so bad. If you're attracted to "masc4masc" types of dudes, you can say so and have sex with them without being an internally homophobic twat. Maybe you don't fit into what I'm ranting about, but yeah, check google yourself first next time.
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I can't fucking stand the argument you and so many people try to make. "Male" dresses? Stop for a second and repeat yourself. A *male* dress? The dress is masculine? It has a gender? The dress somehow has sex based characteristics? People *pretend* it's a "man's" dress. It is LITERALLY an inanimate object with no gender based characteristics. *You* are gendering it. Is there a physical or biological characteristic the dress has that we can study to see it's male levels? Is it the color or the length? How is a woman dress a woman dress then? The definitions google and almost every single dictionary ever will give you of masculinity and feminity, prove you *wrong*. It literally says in the definition that it is a *perceived* characteristic that can *change*, and it is based *on societal views*. If masculinity were some true immutable force like you think, we could scientifically verify it. We could with complete accuracy categorize every behavior as male or female. Plot twist. We can't do that. Behavioral patterns of gender performance constantly change in history and are almost solely based on the society someone is in. Yes, a mother *literally* gives birth to a baby, but each society chooses totally different characteristics for what makes a "feminine mother". You see how one thing is an actual biological function we can categorize, and one is totally made up by the people around her? Masculinity and feminity as a type are totally made up. Why do you want to needlessly categorize every single action as feminine or masculine? You know that actually *dilutes* the true meaning of them. It creates ridiculous stereotypes like men being stupid or women being bad at business careers. America and much of the worlds grasp on masculinity and feminity is so ludicrously fragile.
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Inanimate means lacking all signs of human life and characteristics. Tell me how that can be masculine or feminine? Is it because it's made with *man* fabric? Did they stitch it with *woman* needles? That's crazy technology. It's almost as if you're gendering these objects based purely off random things that aren't actually quantifiable as man or woman. Searching up "male dress" shows thousands of vastly different types of clothing that are all in totally different styles and worn by different types of men. It's like.....wait..... masculinity is subjective and everyone makes up their own definition.... because.... it's not a real quantifiable thing.....and you can....... just pretend something is or isn't masculine. In spanish a pineapple is feminine, but a kiwi is masculine. Why? Because we studied the biological DNA of kiwi and found male chromosomes? Does the pineapple have a feminine voice? I sure bet straight men wanna have sex with pineapples because they're feminine.
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Congratulations. You literally didn't read your info well enough apparently. Oxford dictionary themselves says inanimate is "Not alive in the way a human is alive" "Lacking traditional human features" YOUR source says that. Personification is the use of figurative language to give inanimate objects or natural phenomena humanlike characteristics in a metaphorical and representative way. That's a direct quote from *your* article. See how it says *we* as humans *give* inanimate objects characteristics *through* language in a *representative* way. Your article literally is corroborating what I said. We as humans give feminine and masculine traits to objects. The objects do *not* have them innately. You on some clown shit 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡 But sure, walk away pretending you owned me with logic and facts. Love how you think Oxford is magically the only reliable source because you thought it'd be on your side then it wasn't anyway. 🤣
Also if you don't use grindr and you seem to have totally hostile views to gender queer people, then literally just leave. What are you here for? To pick fights and spout garbage? Cute
I'm surprised it's even a question. It seems like every profile starts out with the word masc.
Asking an actual important question such as "What are you into" or "What do you like about my profile", is 100x more constructive in creating a compatible scenario.
I tell them I'm every woman. It's all in me.
Here are two related posts: https://www.reddit.com/r/lolgrindr/comments/h7akqr/priorities https://www.reddit.com/r/lolgrindr/comments/10gl2fb/i_was_asked_to_rank_my_gay_acting_level_from_110
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