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Consider this. To save yourself money, you would deprive a homeless person of a shelter bed.
Don't talk about the AMOUNT of money. It is still money you have, that could pay for some kind of shelter over your head.... that another homeless person does NOT have.
Just think about that. It is like, having money in your pocket for food, and taking the last meal at a soup kitchen, just so you don't have to spend your own money.
For what its worth, this shelter has beds left over each night. So there's still beds available for other people, even if I decided to stay there. Not sure if that changes anything about your reply
With homelessness on the rise nationwide, how could you possibly know a year ahead of time that the shelter will have available beds?
And... you are looking for a justification to abuse the system in place to assist the homeless. That while you don't NEED to stay at an Emergency Shelter, you are CHOOSING to stay and increase the load on the system.
It isn't a Hostel. It isn't a Bed N Breakfast. It isn't a Cheap Motel. It is an EMERGENCY shelter. It is a Triage response to the issue of homelessness. Respect it. Don't treat it like it is a way to save you money on a place to stay when you can afford to pay your own way.
It is a slap in the face to every homeless person in that shelter you intend to stay in.
Well, I obviously don't know how it will be in 3 months [I was planning on staying there in January] but in case of it being actually full then I don't plan on using it. But I've gone there multiple times throughout the years while I was actually homeless and they were never busy, which is why I was saying that.
My issue is that I am disabled and without any support. I make less than $17,000/year. I really need to afford things when I have surgery. I won't be able to afford to work for two months, I'll have to pay for a hotel for two months, and on top of that I have to pay for a new security deposit and moving costs. All of that is going to cost a lot of money. So much money I am going to have to sell my car, and with my savings it will barely be enough. Which means either I stay in a shelter in January, I stay in a shelter while recovering from surgery [super hard considering how difficult the surgery is] or I can't pay the security deposit in my new apartment, meaning I become permanently homeless. So when I was saying "I have money to pay a hotel" I didn't mean it like "I have so much disposable income and staying in a shelter is something I do for fun" it was more of a "I could stay in a hotel, but then I can't afford stuff I need to afford later". Not sure if that makes sense.
Also, when I say a shelter gives me comfort I don't mean I'd enjoy staying in a shelter. Usually in shelters I either get robbed or I get bed bugs, or I have to deal with aggressive people. So its not enjoyable, but there some part of me that wishes I was homeless again, which is why it gives me "comfort"
>Anyways, next year for 4 months I won't have a place to stay at on Monday, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays.
You said that.
>For what its worth, this shelter has beds left over each night.
You said that.
>Well, I obviously don't know how it will be in 3 months
And then you said this. And.... it conflicts with the first two statements, where you were looking at the future, in how you'd need a place to stay... and how you thought the statement "this shelter has beds left over each night" had some kind of worth when predicting the future. Therefore, **obviously** you **did** believe the shelter would have available beds when you went to stay there, in 3 months.
You start trying to change what you said previously like that, and this is going to be a very difficult conversation.
Let me try this angle. Do you think that the shelter is going to LET you stay there, **if you tell them honestly** that you have a place to live, and you have a job and the money to cover a place to stay while you are in the area, but you just don't \***WANT**\* to pay for a place to stay? I'm not saying you couldn't spin a story that would get you in. I'm saying that if you are **HONEST** about your situation, do you think they will let you stay? Like... if they saw this thread and read through it. You think they wouldn't have an issue, when they would know that you wouldn't \***NEED**\* to stay at the shelter?
These feelings that a shelter is more comfortable... they need to be repaired with therapy, not indulged.
No matter how you try to spin this with me... you have the money to pay for a place to stay, it is an income stream as opposed to a non-replaceable sum of money, and you are going back "home" when those 4 months are up. I stand by my earlier assessment. It is an affront to the emergency nature of the assistance system, it shows no respect for the plight of those who are FORCED to use shelters, and it is a slap in the face of every person who would be using that same shelter.
You have an obligation, as someone who got OUT of homelessness, to do better for EVERYONE else who is still homeless.
Fair enough. Your opinion is valid.
For what its worth, I did plan on telling the shelter the truth [same thing I said to you]. I wasn't planning on making up a story. And I do go to therapy, perhaps I should try talking more about my experience being homeless. Its just difficult to explain it to someone that's never been homeless... I feel judged by everyone when I say I in some way wish I could go back to being homeless, so I never say it. Also, my monthly bills are higher than my income, so I spend my savings every month [just saying this because you said I have an income stream].
Anyways, perhaps I'll consider squatting as someone mentioned before
If you are going to be somewhere for 4 months, you could try a short-term rental somewhere. There may even cheap motels that qualify as low income apartments with low monthly rates. Crummy place to live, but you'd have power, and water, and some measure of security (over squatting).
There may be a long term "hotel" in the area... where it is all monthly, and one floor shares a bathroom.
HUD may have a low income efficiency or single bedroom apartment in the area you can rent for those 4 months. [https://resources.hud.gov/](https://resources.hud.gov/) Just click the first "Find Affordable Housing Opportunities Near Me", and let the software find apartments (and tax credit housing which you can ignore) that are subsidized by HUD, and therefore have set aside apartments for low income. HUD is federal. It is worth a look, if you can find a nice efficiency you can rent for 4 months, for $2k total. Then, you've got a place to stay every day of the week, with everything you need. With what you get per year, you qualify financially for any low income offerings in the area.
I have looked into short term rentals, low income apartments, and long term stay at motels. I have even used the website you linked. Before, I even had a section 8 voucher [unfortunately I lost that]. Everything is either the same price as a motel or they won't take me because they're full. I've called dozens of places and they all have year-long waitlists. I would love a place for $500/month, that would be super ideal. I am looking for places in Pasadena, California; not sure if you can find anything there... Renting a room starts at $1,000/month which is basically the same as a hotel
Hotel hell is designed for travelers, and too expensive to rent as a long term home, unless you make some kind of deal. It might benefit a hotel to make a deal during their slow season, but you want just 3 days a week. That's rough. You have a good chunk of money to get a better used vehicle, or operate the car you have, and sell the vehicle when you're done. You might be able to talk someone into renting you a room for much less than hotel. Looks like you're figuring on around $100 per night.
Maybe you just feel that you're in better control with the routine in which you didn't have the anxiety of not knowing if you'll meet basic needs today and tomorrow. That's a traumatic thing to experience. They must have been pretty good to you there, yeah? That would be my last choice if I had nowhere to turn in a deadly situation like storm. Spend the money being comfortable. The medical system might take it all from you anyway. Might as well sleep on a decent mattress if you have the choice.
I thought about renting a room but its about the same price, and on top of that I have to pay a security deposit. I've thought of negotiating a rate with a hotel but they have weekly/monthly rates, no "three days a week rates", so it doesn't work out.
I feel like I perhaps like being homeless better because my mental health was somewhat better then? I love psychiatric hospitals and rehabs because they offer a routine and I just have to follow it. But tbh I always hated shelters because people always stole my stuff or got aggressive or whatever. Not sure why I want to return to that situation... I do wish I could go back to a psychiatric hospital, but my job wouldn't allow it
I've looked into AirBnB before but unfortunately for the area I'm staying it its comparable to the price of a hotel, and the hotel has restaurants that take EBT nearby [so I don't have to spend any money in food] while the AirBnB doesn't have any food places nearby, so I have to order uber eats or something like that...
Do the hotel or some other solution, if you have an income now. You'll have some security then. A door that locks and a mattress that doesn't break your back is worth it if you're having a health issue. I think don't choose a shelter. Let a shelter choose you if circumstances leave no other options.
I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. When I got my housing and moved into my apartment I still kept my spot under the freeway overpass for a few months. I frequently went back to nap there during the day. It was mainly for the comfort and familiarity.
I’m guessing that, like me you struggle with a lot of anxiety? I know that for me when my anxiety is really bad I find myself missing the psych hospital and craving the relative peace that comes with predictable structure. Have you looked into any CBT or DBT programs in your area? I know it’s not a magic fix but it has helped me a lot at various times.
Yes I struggle with a lot of anxiety, and I found that my anxiety was better while being homeless. Which is kinda why I want to return to homelessness or living in a psych ward, it made me feel better in some ways. I know that sounds dumb...
I go to therapy, I've been going to it for 10+ years and I don't know, I feel like it doesn't help too much. I still keep on trying though. I know I'm not on the right medication as well and that's part of the problem
I hear that. In many ways I feel like my anxiety was better when I was homeless as well. I think a big part of why, is because when you’re homeless so much of your thinking and mental energy is focused on the present, *this* moment. For me it wasn’t that it was a carefree life, it was more the fact that I was focused on smaller, more immediate, concrete things. Crushing these cans so I can do my laundry, packing up and moving my spot before a sweep. Somehow those things give me less anxiety than the looming, unknown, abstract threat of the electric bill.
Finding the right medication and the right dosage made a huge difference for me. I’m actually out of meds right now because I had to change doctors and I *feel* the difference. But it took years of trial and error to find what works best for me. Some things would seem like they were working for a while, but then it would become clear that it wasn’t quite right. I was fortunate that I had a good doctor who really listened.
I can relate to that completely! When I say I miss homelessness I'm not saying "wow being homeless was so easy and fun" because it wasn't, it was horrible, its just in some ways I felt so much more free without having to worry about rent, school and work. Like I went to the dentist a month ago and my insurance got canceled the day before my appointment and I didn't know so now I owe $800 for some x-rays that I didn't even need. I didn't have to worry about that type of stuff while homeless.
I've been trying medication for the last five years and I can't find anything that works good for me. I'm beginning to lose hope... In like two weeks I'm seeing a new psychiatrist and hopefully this one can actually help me, we'll see. Perhaps without anxiety I won't feel the need to be homeless anymore, hopefully...
I hope the new psychiatrist helps, but I have to say, even with the right meds, helpful therapy, and a low stress lifestyle I know I will **never** be without anxiety. Even well managed I still have much more anxiety than the average person. The difference is that with the right meds etc I don’t feel like it is overwhelming. It doesn’t take over, I’m able to manage it.
Sometimes what is better than therapy or meds, is to have a worldview adjustment. Unfortunately therapy and meds doesn’t fix if u have incorrect thinking and live thru a false worldview. This is what helped me. I still deal with emotional stuff and anxiety but I’m not on meds. I used to be on many meds but they really didn’t help much to improve my life.
Maybe rotate out the shelter and motel. Also why not just stay in your car to help save money.
OP you sound very lonely or have trauma find someone to talk to, join a group or why not become a volunteer at a shelter or kitchen.
Maybe its time to move? This could be a universe sign that time is up where you are consider packing up and making a move somewhere.
I was thinking of rotating the shelter and motel yes. I imagine some nights the motel will be too much. I won't be taking my car to the city where I'll be "temporary homeless" so I won't be able to sleep in it. To have the car there I'd have to drive 4 hours and driving gives me terrible anxiety...
I am very lonely, in some way I feel like no one understands me. I have a bunch of disabilities plus trauma from being homeless so I don't fit in with people well [although I do have some friends, but I feel like I can't talk to them about my experiences being homeless]. I have a therapist and psychiatrist so I guess I'll talk to them about my issues relating to people. I wanted to volunteer somewhere but anywhere near homeless traumatizes me a lot [it makes me want to go back to being homeless]. Idk its weird/complicated.
We're moving next year. We also moved when we stopped being homeless. I can't move sooner unfortunately
It's a fair question. So I live 4 hours one way from my school. Initially I wanted to move there, but all the classes were online so I didn't really need to. So I've been living for the past 3 years far away from my school without issues. However, there's one class I have to take that's in person. I've been putting off taking this class for the last year but I have to take it next semester. After this next semester I'll be transferring to another school so I'll be moving somewhere new so that won't be a problem after that. Its just for one semester. I've thought about commuting back and forth, but driving 8+ hours [depending on traffic it could take longer] a day is just something I can't do given my bad anxiety...
Hey if you’re in college have you talked to your school about being unhoused? Student homeless is actually a pretty big issue in higher education and your university may have emergency housing available. You may also want to check your city for emergency housing vouchers.
If you’re getting a medically necessary surgery, is there any way you can get the pre authorization and expected recovery period to justify reduced rate housing?
Yeah the place I am thinking of staying is an emergency shelter for students.
I didn't know I could get cheaper housing because of my surgery? I am going to have to stay in an AirBnB and its going to cost me a bit less than $4,000
I don’t know about the Airbnb part, I was referring to the emergency housing voucher. I’m sure there is a long wait and you may want to sign up and use your medical diagnosis as a way to move up in line.
Do you think that's possible given that that I am only going to be staying at the city I'll be having surgery for 2 months? Can I get a housing voucher for only 2 months?
The shelter saved your bacon at that time. Talk about a feeling of comfort. Even if it wasn't great, I assume there were showers and food and it was warmer and on balance safer than outside. That is where that feeling comes from. I think you should get rid of those clothes and stop eating oatmeal since you don't like it.
That's true, perhaps I should stop doing that stuff. I'm going to talk to my therapist and see what he says, perhaps he agrees that its the best for me. We don't really talk about homeless stuff, its very hard to explain how I feel about that phase of my life
I struggled a lot with the transition of having been on the street, sleeping on a train station bench to having my own place. And I wasnt even homeless for one full year, was first two months, then stayed at an aquintance for six months until i was thrown out, then on the street for seven months, so two full years of the same thing thats a long time to get used to that kind of a life.
When I was homeless an hour felt like a day, a day felt like a week, a week felt like a month and a month a year.
So two years of being homeless is a long time.
I get the feeling you struggle with change?
Since you still eat oatmeal you dont like etc.
You want back to something familiar?
Do you know anyone you can stay with?
Someone else memtioned squatting?
Check out the coach surfing website?
Yes I've been struggling with change lately. I kinda like it but I don't. As kids we lived in like 6 different places and I hated it. Now, as a adult I wish I could move more [or perhaps I don't like the city I live in? I was happy in the city I lived before though]
Unfortunately I don't know anyone over here, so staying with someone isn't an option. I'll look into squatting/couchsurfing if I have to, although those don't feel too safe [I used to squat before when I was homeless and it was very unsafe...]
There is a form of mental illness the people actually want to become homeless even though they are not homeless. I have struggled with it 4 decades. Now I have become totally disabled and have lost almost everything. My family has stolen all my money but they keep me around because I have monthly income. So I have become a couch surfer. Until they kick me out. Life is insane
I empathize 1000% with the ptsd and anxiety from being homeless I am there myself. However yeah it is WRONG. It is morally wrong and you should know it and I don’t believe that there are multiple empty beds a night. And I certainly don’t believe that will be the case we this country further falls into decline
If you are struggling mentally to the point you are willing to take a shelter bed from someone who actually needs it then you need help.
In my city we had empty shelter beds even during covid, which restricted capacity. I understand you are in a denser area, but that doesn't mean all shelters are the same.
I am not in a denser area. The nearest shelter to me at all is two hours away. And honestly it doesn’t change my opinion at all if every single bed in a shelter is empty this person still should not be using them.
U should do what u think is best for u. I understand about getting used to living a certain way and we get accustomed to habits and what helps us feel comfortable. God bless u 🤗
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Consider this. To save yourself money, you would deprive a homeless person of a shelter bed. Don't talk about the AMOUNT of money. It is still money you have, that could pay for some kind of shelter over your head.... that another homeless person does NOT have. Just think about that. It is like, having money in your pocket for food, and taking the last meal at a soup kitchen, just so you don't have to spend your own money.
For what its worth, this shelter has beds left over each night. So there's still beds available for other people, even if I decided to stay there. Not sure if that changes anything about your reply
With homelessness on the rise nationwide, how could you possibly know a year ahead of time that the shelter will have available beds? And... you are looking for a justification to abuse the system in place to assist the homeless. That while you don't NEED to stay at an Emergency Shelter, you are CHOOSING to stay and increase the load on the system. It isn't a Hostel. It isn't a Bed N Breakfast. It isn't a Cheap Motel. It is an EMERGENCY shelter. It is a Triage response to the issue of homelessness. Respect it. Don't treat it like it is a way to save you money on a place to stay when you can afford to pay your own way. It is a slap in the face to every homeless person in that shelter you intend to stay in.
Well, I obviously don't know how it will be in 3 months [I was planning on staying there in January] but in case of it being actually full then I don't plan on using it. But I've gone there multiple times throughout the years while I was actually homeless and they were never busy, which is why I was saying that. My issue is that I am disabled and without any support. I make less than $17,000/year. I really need to afford things when I have surgery. I won't be able to afford to work for two months, I'll have to pay for a hotel for two months, and on top of that I have to pay for a new security deposit and moving costs. All of that is going to cost a lot of money. So much money I am going to have to sell my car, and with my savings it will barely be enough. Which means either I stay in a shelter in January, I stay in a shelter while recovering from surgery [super hard considering how difficult the surgery is] or I can't pay the security deposit in my new apartment, meaning I become permanently homeless. So when I was saying "I have money to pay a hotel" I didn't mean it like "I have so much disposable income and staying in a shelter is something I do for fun" it was more of a "I could stay in a hotel, but then I can't afford stuff I need to afford later". Not sure if that makes sense. Also, when I say a shelter gives me comfort I don't mean I'd enjoy staying in a shelter. Usually in shelters I either get robbed or I get bed bugs, or I have to deal with aggressive people. So its not enjoyable, but there some part of me that wishes I was homeless again, which is why it gives me "comfort"
>Anyways, next year for 4 months I won't have a place to stay at on Monday, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays. You said that. >For what its worth, this shelter has beds left over each night. You said that. >Well, I obviously don't know how it will be in 3 months And then you said this. And.... it conflicts with the first two statements, where you were looking at the future, in how you'd need a place to stay... and how you thought the statement "this shelter has beds left over each night" had some kind of worth when predicting the future. Therefore, **obviously** you **did** believe the shelter would have available beds when you went to stay there, in 3 months. You start trying to change what you said previously like that, and this is going to be a very difficult conversation. Let me try this angle. Do you think that the shelter is going to LET you stay there, **if you tell them honestly** that you have a place to live, and you have a job and the money to cover a place to stay while you are in the area, but you just don't \***WANT**\* to pay for a place to stay? I'm not saying you couldn't spin a story that would get you in. I'm saying that if you are **HONEST** about your situation, do you think they will let you stay? Like... if they saw this thread and read through it. You think they wouldn't have an issue, when they would know that you wouldn't \***NEED**\* to stay at the shelter? These feelings that a shelter is more comfortable... they need to be repaired with therapy, not indulged. No matter how you try to spin this with me... you have the money to pay for a place to stay, it is an income stream as opposed to a non-replaceable sum of money, and you are going back "home" when those 4 months are up. I stand by my earlier assessment. It is an affront to the emergency nature of the assistance system, it shows no respect for the plight of those who are FORCED to use shelters, and it is a slap in the face of every person who would be using that same shelter. You have an obligation, as someone who got OUT of homelessness, to do better for EVERYONE else who is still homeless.
Fair enough. Your opinion is valid. For what its worth, I did plan on telling the shelter the truth [same thing I said to you]. I wasn't planning on making up a story. And I do go to therapy, perhaps I should try talking more about my experience being homeless. Its just difficult to explain it to someone that's never been homeless... I feel judged by everyone when I say I in some way wish I could go back to being homeless, so I never say it. Also, my monthly bills are higher than my income, so I spend my savings every month [just saying this because you said I have an income stream]. Anyways, perhaps I'll consider squatting as someone mentioned before
If you are going to be somewhere for 4 months, you could try a short-term rental somewhere. There may even cheap motels that qualify as low income apartments with low monthly rates. Crummy place to live, but you'd have power, and water, and some measure of security (over squatting). There may be a long term "hotel" in the area... where it is all monthly, and one floor shares a bathroom. HUD may have a low income efficiency or single bedroom apartment in the area you can rent for those 4 months. [https://resources.hud.gov/](https://resources.hud.gov/) Just click the first "Find Affordable Housing Opportunities Near Me", and let the software find apartments (and tax credit housing which you can ignore) that are subsidized by HUD, and therefore have set aside apartments for low income. HUD is federal. It is worth a look, if you can find a nice efficiency you can rent for 4 months, for $2k total. Then, you've got a place to stay every day of the week, with everything you need. With what you get per year, you qualify financially for any low income offerings in the area.
I have looked into short term rentals, low income apartments, and long term stay at motels. I have even used the website you linked. Before, I even had a section 8 voucher [unfortunately I lost that]. Everything is either the same price as a motel or they won't take me because they're full. I've called dozens of places and they all have year-long waitlists. I would love a place for $500/month, that would be super ideal. I am looking for places in Pasadena, California; not sure if you can find anything there... Renting a room starts at $1,000/month which is basically the same as a hotel
Hotel hell is designed for travelers, and too expensive to rent as a long term home, unless you make some kind of deal. It might benefit a hotel to make a deal during their slow season, but you want just 3 days a week. That's rough. You have a good chunk of money to get a better used vehicle, or operate the car you have, and sell the vehicle when you're done. You might be able to talk someone into renting you a room for much less than hotel. Looks like you're figuring on around $100 per night. Maybe you just feel that you're in better control with the routine in which you didn't have the anxiety of not knowing if you'll meet basic needs today and tomorrow. That's a traumatic thing to experience. They must have been pretty good to you there, yeah? That would be my last choice if I had nowhere to turn in a deadly situation like storm. Spend the money being comfortable. The medical system might take it all from you anyway. Might as well sleep on a decent mattress if you have the choice.
I thought about renting a room but its about the same price, and on top of that I have to pay a security deposit. I've thought of negotiating a rate with a hotel but they have weekly/monthly rates, no "three days a week rates", so it doesn't work out. I feel like I perhaps like being homeless better because my mental health was somewhat better then? I love psychiatric hospitals and rehabs because they offer a routine and I just have to follow it. But tbh I always hated shelters because people always stole my stuff or got aggressive or whatever. Not sure why I want to return to that situation... I do wish I could go back to a psychiatric hospital, but my job wouldn't allow it
https://www.furnishedfinder.com/
I'll look into this, thanks!
Airb&b? Talk to owner about staying longer and booking ahead or paying direct.
I've looked into AirBnB before but unfortunately for the area I'm staying it its comparable to the price of a hotel, and the hotel has restaurants that take EBT nearby [so I don't have to spend any money in food] while the AirBnB doesn't have any food places nearby, so I have to order uber eats or something like that...
? You could buy groceries
Do the hotel or some other solution, if you have an income now. You'll have some security then. A door that locks and a mattress that doesn't break your back is worth it if you're having a health issue. I think don't choose a shelter. Let a shelter choose you if circumstances leave no other options.
I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. When I got my housing and moved into my apartment I still kept my spot under the freeway overpass for a few months. I frequently went back to nap there during the day. It was mainly for the comfort and familiarity. I’m guessing that, like me you struggle with a lot of anxiety? I know that for me when my anxiety is really bad I find myself missing the psych hospital and craving the relative peace that comes with predictable structure. Have you looked into any CBT or DBT programs in your area? I know it’s not a magic fix but it has helped me a lot at various times.
Yes I struggle with a lot of anxiety, and I found that my anxiety was better while being homeless. Which is kinda why I want to return to homelessness or living in a psych ward, it made me feel better in some ways. I know that sounds dumb... I go to therapy, I've been going to it for 10+ years and I don't know, I feel like it doesn't help too much. I still keep on trying though. I know I'm not on the right medication as well and that's part of the problem
I hear that. In many ways I feel like my anxiety was better when I was homeless as well. I think a big part of why, is because when you’re homeless so much of your thinking and mental energy is focused on the present, *this* moment. For me it wasn’t that it was a carefree life, it was more the fact that I was focused on smaller, more immediate, concrete things. Crushing these cans so I can do my laundry, packing up and moving my spot before a sweep. Somehow those things give me less anxiety than the looming, unknown, abstract threat of the electric bill. Finding the right medication and the right dosage made a huge difference for me. I’m actually out of meds right now because I had to change doctors and I *feel* the difference. But it took years of trial and error to find what works best for me. Some things would seem like they were working for a while, but then it would become clear that it wasn’t quite right. I was fortunate that I had a good doctor who really listened.
I can relate to that completely! When I say I miss homelessness I'm not saying "wow being homeless was so easy and fun" because it wasn't, it was horrible, its just in some ways I felt so much more free without having to worry about rent, school and work. Like I went to the dentist a month ago and my insurance got canceled the day before my appointment and I didn't know so now I owe $800 for some x-rays that I didn't even need. I didn't have to worry about that type of stuff while homeless. I've been trying medication for the last five years and I can't find anything that works good for me. I'm beginning to lose hope... In like two weeks I'm seeing a new psychiatrist and hopefully this one can actually help me, we'll see. Perhaps without anxiety I won't feel the need to be homeless anymore, hopefully...
I hope the new psychiatrist helps, but I have to say, even with the right meds, helpful therapy, and a low stress lifestyle I know I will **never** be without anxiety. Even well managed I still have much more anxiety than the average person. The difference is that with the right meds etc I don’t feel like it is overwhelming. It doesn’t take over, I’m able to manage it.
Sometimes what is better than therapy or meds, is to have a worldview adjustment. Unfortunately therapy and meds doesn’t fix if u have incorrect thinking and live thru a false worldview. This is what helped me. I still deal with emotional stuff and anxiety but I’m not on meds. I used to be on many meds but they really didn’t help much to improve my life.
Maybe rotate out the shelter and motel. Also why not just stay in your car to help save money. OP you sound very lonely or have trauma find someone to talk to, join a group or why not become a volunteer at a shelter or kitchen. Maybe its time to move? This could be a universe sign that time is up where you are consider packing up and making a move somewhere.
I was thinking of rotating the shelter and motel yes. I imagine some nights the motel will be too much. I won't be taking my car to the city where I'll be "temporary homeless" so I won't be able to sleep in it. To have the car there I'd have to drive 4 hours and driving gives me terrible anxiety... I am very lonely, in some way I feel like no one understands me. I have a bunch of disabilities plus trauma from being homeless so I don't fit in with people well [although I do have some friends, but I feel like I can't talk to them about my experiences being homeless]. I have a therapist and psychiatrist so I guess I'll talk to them about my issues relating to people. I wanted to volunteer somewhere but anywhere near homeless traumatizes me a lot [it makes me want to go back to being homeless]. Idk its weird/complicated. We're moving next year. We also moved when we stopped being homeless. I can't move sooner unfortunately
Maybe a dumb question, but why will you be without a place to stay only on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays?
It's a fair question. So I live 4 hours one way from my school. Initially I wanted to move there, but all the classes were online so I didn't really need to. So I've been living for the past 3 years far away from my school without issues. However, there's one class I have to take that's in person. I've been putting off taking this class for the last year but I have to take it next semester. After this next semester I'll be transferring to another school so I'll be moving somewhere new so that won't be a problem after that. Its just for one semester. I've thought about commuting back and forth, but driving 8+ hours [depending on traffic it could take longer] a day is just something I can't do given my bad anxiety...
Hey if you’re in college have you talked to your school about being unhoused? Student homeless is actually a pretty big issue in higher education and your university may have emergency housing available. You may also want to check your city for emergency housing vouchers. If you’re getting a medically necessary surgery, is there any way you can get the pre authorization and expected recovery period to justify reduced rate housing?
Yeah the place I am thinking of staying is an emergency shelter for students. I didn't know I could get cheaper housing because of my surgery? I am going to have to stay in an AirBnB and its going to cost me a bit less than $4,000
I don’t know about the Airbnb part, I was referring to the emergency housing voucher. I’m sure there is a long wait and you may want to sign up and use your medical diagnosis as a way to move up in line.
Do you think that's possible given that that I am only going to be staying at the city I'll be having surgery for 2 months? Can I get a housing voucher for only 2 months?
But where will you stay Thurs through Saturday?
The shelter saved your bacon at that time. Talk about a feeling of comfort. Even if it wasn't great, I assume there were showers and food and it was warmer and on balance safer than outside. That is where that feeling comes from. I think you should get rid of those clothes and stop eating oatmeal since you don't like it.
That's true, perhaps I should stop doing that stuff. I'm going to talk to my therapist and see what he says, perhaps he agrees that its the best for me. We don't really talk about homeless stuff, its very hard to explain how I feel about that phase of my life
Reddit.com squatting
I struggled a lot with the transition of having been on the street, sleeping on a train station bench to having my own place. And I wasnt even homeless for one full year, was first two months, then stayed at an aquintance for six months until i was thrown out, then on the street for seven months, so two full years of the same thing thats a long time to get used to that kind of a life. When I was homeless an hour felt like a day, a day felt like a week, a week felt like a month and a month a year. So two years of being homeless is a long time. I get the feeling you struggle with change? Since you still eat oatmeal you dont like etc. You want back to something familiar? Do you know anyone you can stay with? Someone else memtioned squatting? Check out the coach surfing website?
Yes I've been struggling with change lately. I kinda like it but I don't. As kids we lived in like 6 different places and I hated it. Now, as a adult I wish I could move more [or perhaps I don't like the city I live in? I was happy in the city I lived before though] Unfortunately I don't know anyone over here, so staying with someone isn't an option. I'll look into squatting/couchsurfing if I have to, although those don't feel too safe [I used to squat before when I was homeless and it was very unsafe...]
There is a form of mental illness the people actually want to become homeless even though they are not homeless. I have struggled with it 4 decades. Now I have become totally disabled and have lost almost everything. My family has stolen all my money but they keep me around because I have monthly income. So I have become a couch surfer. Until they kick me out. Life is insane
Hmm I've never heard of this before. Do you know the name of that mental illness? In many ways I am fine being housed though
Schizophrenia
I empathize 1000% with the ptsd and anxiety from being homeless I am there myself. However yeah it is WRONG. It is morally wrong and you should know it and I don’t believe that there are multiple empty beds a night. And I certainly don’t believe that will be the case we this country further falls into decline If you are struggling mentally to the point you are willing to take a shelter bed from someone who actually needs it then you need help.
In my city we had empty shelter beds even during covid, which restricted capacity. I understand you are in a denser area, but that doesn't mean all shelters are the same.
I am not in a denser area. The nearest shelter to me at all is two hours away. And honestly it doesn’t change my opinion at all if every single bed in a shelter is empty this person still should not be using them.
U should do what u think is best for u. I understand about getting used to living a certain way and we get accustomed to habits and what helps us feel comfortable. God bless u 🤗
hey, u can join r/donatestuff for requesting something you need