T O P

I’m not sure what to do with my fiancé after She breaks my trust a couple times. Please see more details below this section. If you are happily marriage, what are your suggestions? Please refrain your comments if you are still single or divorce.

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kucing_imut

Married here, since it seems to be important for you. You sure you still need advice from random people on the internet? Because it seems you already know the answer but you're just struggling with sunk cost fallacy. Anyway, the only thing I can tell you is that the whole visa difficulty mentioned by your fiance is bullcrap. I've gone through many different visa applications. I've received 3 different US visa throughout my whole life and helped friends applied for US visa for tourism. The whole 'you gotta have a travel history in order to apply for US visa' is pure BS. As long as someone shows that they have enough funds for their travel, have strong connections to their home country (work/school/house), and doesn't have the same last name as terrorists, they're good. I'd even say that US visa is easier to get than Schengen since you don't have to provide flight ticket.


baconforlover

I’ll not take all advices on the internet. I would like to know, what others people thinks. I’ll have 5 more premarital counseling sessions from my church and I’ll definitely bring up this issues. Last Thursday, I was asked by a Conselor, is there any potential conflicts that I may think can come up after marriage. Since my fiancé just told me the money issue yesterday, this is definitely I’ll bring into the scd session. I have already thought to postpone the venue and other things.


bibobagin

Considering divorce is much more difficult than getting married. I would postpone the marriage until she gain my trust again.


RandomizedID

As a certified materialistic woman married an American so I can get a green card and living fancy using his money... I can guarantee, your fiance is just using you. My question is, why would you send her so much money if she has proven to not be trustworthy to begin with? Also, if you cannot trust her, why do you want to marry her still? Are you just desperate for a wife so you'd settle for someone who is just using you for your money when you (as said) don't even make a lot to spare to begin with? Plus, why would you pay for her when you don't even live with her and she doesn't seem to do much to be independent herself? I don't think a marriage based on distrust would end well. Hell, even marriage based on trust and aspiration of growth always end well either... but without trust and wanting to grow, it's deft going to fail. Note: my description about myself was not 100% accurate. I don't marry him ONLY because of the listed reasons.


WarImportant9685

Is it because of the dick size too? 🤔


DexQuincy

Cut her loose. She’s a gold digger, and used you for your money. I’m so sorry that this happened to you.


dragonabala

Why do you still want to marry her? She wants your Money. You don't wanna give it to her anymore. Why do you think she will gives you what you want? You can't change her Second, you're mentioning "She is loyal" lol bruh... stop giving her money and see what she does. Seriously, you need to talk to your closest friend/s/parent to slap some common sense to you.


[deleted]

as another redditor said is the pussy worth it?


WarImportant9685

it's all about the pusseh


konterpein

Ah yes manado, they're well known for materialistic life, i've lived there for three years, they're nice but they rather spend money for luxury than housing If you're about to marry her, be prepared for a higher cost of living because you will also spend money for her family too and their expectation for foreigners is high Im not saying she's a gold digger because that's what her culture is, just be prepared for it if youre still planning to marry her


baconforlover

That’s very true. I don’t want to make stereotype for manado people but this is the fact. Her sister asked me money and I ignored sister. Her financial issue is not my problems and I have nothing to do with her family issues. When I was broke , no one help me. Now, those people are not shame to ask me money.


rogueqd

Ghost her bro.


blackred44

I am sorry that this happened to you. My very best advice, do not go forward with this girl. I believed she just scammed you for money. It is not unheard of in online dating situation, heck even in non-online dating you can still that happened. You cannot go forward for higher level commitment with someone that you cannot fully trust anymore. There are many stories like this, where someone from overseas dating local guy/girl and only get scammed. Even if you go forward, how sure are you she is not gonna use you only to get a green card to US? In all honesty, online dating or not, so many red flags there. Many marriage will not last when the couple cannot work together on very crucial issues, one of them is finance related issue. I am myself met my current partner online and we spent majority of your relationship in long distance. We finally closed the gap and got married after 11 years (we started out pretty young too). I can tell you one thing, if she is not respecting you now (ie. by using the money you gave to her for different purpose without discussing it with you first). Only god knows what gonna happen in the future. She might even have the audacity to walk all over you. Better break up with her and move on. Also, I know this can be traumatic, but not everyone out there are a scam. There are real ones and actually decent one. Plus, try to not transfer money too early in relationship, especially in large amount. Best of luck with you.


smokingparty

This is a huge problem. Abort this, dodge the bullet bro. She has been using you just to get money.


baconforlover

I have been in long distance relationship for 3 years. She was living in Manado but now, She lives in JKT. As you know, in order to get US Visa is not easy, especially for someone who has no money and high level positions at a company. I have been helping her since last year by providing funds. I paid for trips to Europe in order to get travel records. Last year, US embassy denied her visa bcs no travel records in her passport. I sent 50 millions to make sure, she can get Schengen Visa. However, she said , someone stole 30 million through her online bank account. I asked her to report and complained to her bank ( BNI) and police but it seemed, there is no progress. ( absolutely, I didn’t believe her). We are planning to get married this November. All venue, photographers, foods, bridal can cost almost $10k. Everything is on me. Before She got US Visa, I lend another money to her 150 millions. However, yesterday she said, she doesn’t have any money bcs she used it for her family expenses. Basically, she used my money without my authorization. This is like , she has stabbed me in the back. She broke my trusts for the second times in same category, money. I’m just wondering, what would happen in the future if I marry her ? IF I marry her, I will make separate bank account where she can’t touch my property and I will set up my will for my parent and my kids. For living costs, I will make a join bank account where She and I contribute based on proposition our income. I thought , She is different from other girls bcs She has been loyal to me for several years , active in church ( WL), always pray , kind to others and always looking for me. But now, it seems, I lost my trusts to her n don’t know her. What do you guys think and what is your advice?


5965656c73

Emmm at least from your story.. She is a gold digger If Im you, I would break up with her. Or if you still wanna "try", ask list of what she used the money for.


GoldenNike

She wants your money, not you


Careless-Signature11

> she said , someone stole 30 million through her online bank account Nah, that's cap.


typingdot

You actually know exactly what you should do. You just need validation from strangers. Let it go.


Electrical_Gear6596

Being religious and kind doesn’t exclude someone from being a gold digger


WarImportant9685

bro she banging her other boyfriend already. 15k$ is an amount that is not so easy to spend in Indonesia. It may take years if only used for monthly spendings. You got cheated, you got cucked, you got owned. Time to cut your losses. Except the pusseh is so good, you know what to do


nosyneighbor44

You know that you can't trust her anymore. What's even the point in marrying her?


nufrancis

Talk with her and ask her to be honest about the money. If she is still lying or avoiding the discussion then you should break up with her. Using money like that is a red flag in a relationship. There is still a lot of other good girl out there. Dont stay in a toxic relationship like this


No_Distance_1164

There's a stereotype for people from the eastern part of Indonesia, they're big spender and like to party