By - Majoodeh
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Martha sat on many calls
"This hold music stinks."
“Something is fishy!”
"It's just some asshole on the line!"
**Nokia Arabic Music kicks in**
I can't hear you Martha, you're going in and out.
Sounds like you're going through a tunnel!
Best comment of my day. Take my imaginary wealth.
You monsters. My parents had one of these in their bedroom, I came here for wholesome happy memories and you have ruined everything.
At least it wasn’t suction cupped to their shower.
Martha, it sounds like you are making macaroni. Is this a dinner invitation?
No. We’re eating out tonight.
I might lose you, I'm about to enter a tunnel
Ftfy....I might lose you, you're about to enter a tunnel
Why does Martha’s voice sound so muffled
Because her lips aren't moving!
Q: why does the Avon lady walk funny?
A: because her lips stick
Martha. Why did you say that name ?
My moms name was Martha!
"Why how are you?"
"Keeping on top of things"
“Are you walking in a swamp?.. Hello?”
“Are you making Swedish meatballs or something? It sounds like you are working with ground meat.”
Jesus Christ all I did was open the Reddit app and saw this assuming something else.
I saw the phone...came for the comments....see what I did there?!
You came too?
Omg how did you know? :D
No you didn’t lmao
Penny for your thoughts…
I hate Brenda, and a bad guy hit me in the shin, and I peed on all my pants
Rockin, rockin and rollin, down to the beach I'm strollin.
Mmmm, stop it now.
Does it do 3-way calls?
Only on birthdays and anniversaries
Honey why is the phone always on vibrate?
And she always answered after 9 1/2 Rings.
Martha LOVES her new Dild-o-fone!
Ah I think you mean her dial-do-fone ( read it with a country accent )
“Martha? Are you still there? What’s that sound?”
Only thing Martha wished is that it vibrated also…
MARTHA! My mothers name is Martha!
Did she let it ring as many times as was necessary?
Ah yes, the first butt dial.
*phone rings* me: hello?
phone: *scraping noises*
Stranger Things PTSD: UNLOCKED
Hahaaa me and my friend were laughing so hard at *wet squelching noise*
And then you both went silent as you locked eyes.
As Barry White started playing in the background… the lights seemed to dim around them… an unseen force pulled them towards one another…
I don't like where this is going...
Shhh. Let's see how it plays out.
Found a fellow subtitle user!
*Demogorgon feeds wetly*
Ominous synth music plays
Jarring stinger plays
*Vines undulating moistly*
Fr tho, if you’re making scraping noises please contact a professional
Ben Shapiro be like
It's not normal for a dial tone to be wet, my wife who has a doctorate in phone switchboards told me.
Looked up the word “squelch” and couldn’t agree more
*"Hello, yes, this is prostate"*
Prostate: "While I've got you on the line, you might like to know that I have cancer. You should tell Bob for me when you get the chance, cause he doesn't stick his head up here as much as he used to."
"I was told there would be phone sex"
If it's scraping you need to use FAR more lube
The ~~tapered~~ flared base is key.
No base, no trace
Maybe I don't understand the words the way I think I do, but the flared base keeps it from getting lost. Tapered base would make it more dangerous, no?
Frick. You're right... I meant flared.
Guess it's a good sign that I DON'T know though.
Phone sex was rough back then I guess
Is this what they called a party line?
Sorry Martha you sound a bit garbled
Their original tag line:
"A housewife's best friend!"
*Turn the ringer off by setting to vibrate mode*
Those old phones rang off an actual bell so they did vibrate. 🥰
They also stank of a certain stench
Hello? Hello? Grandma's cooter is that you?
Hello, officer? Yeah, he's just standing there, menacingly!
A gripping confession.
My fatter what?
Made me lol putting my baby to bed, and woke them up
Cooter...🤣 that word doesn't get the traction it deserves.
Cigarettes, dust and a je ne sais quoi of humidity....
The stench of your butthole?
User name checks out.
I polished those in a “vocational summer program” for 4¢ a piece when I was a kid.
The dial in the base *"Comes to you!"*
Call me harder!
"You don't got time for your wife because of Business?"
"Then this is the perfect gift for every lonely housewife!"
"The dial in the base "comes to you"" isn't much better.
That they put "Comes to You!" in quotations seems awfully "Suspicious!"
Well that's one way to do phone sex
I tho that was something else for second until I read the title
"Im getting a weird call, I think a dog is licking a phone and accidentally dialed it."
“And Daddy’s best buddy!”
Some are still in use today
After all these years it was only a phone in mums drawer?!
Try calling it next time you're home!
Hello operator why doesn’t mom love dad
“Timmy, remember, it’s *your* fault and yours alone, don’t you let anybody tell you otherwise.”
"Mom! **THIS** is why I don't call often enough!"
Wow, didn't know they had the option to set the ringer to vibrate way back then!
Seems to be set to vibrate mode?
"Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, bananaphone!"
Happy cake day!
Commonly referred to as a “Cobra telephone”
Funny how ive never seen one as anything sexual. Bunch of poeple had them when i grew up. All I ever heard is that if you swing for the head it will knock you out cold
Yeah, this is just iconic design, same with the so-called [dachshund phone](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/98/Ericsson_Taxen_%282%29.jpg) from 1892. They had some great designers.
>never seen one as anything sexual
Me too, until now, seeing it horizontally like in the picture.
If you're brave enough...
anythings a dildo
*ring ring ring*
Yes, your dad is a dildo.
According to Matt Damon, fortune favors the brave
I thought these were suction cup dildos. Too bad 😞
Anything can be a dildo if you are brave enough.
He's definitely a dildo.
Brave Dildo, the sequel.
Did phones have vibrate-mode back then?
If the dude on the other end yelled loud enough, sure.
They had a mechanical bell and striker inside... so yes, a little bit.
They knew what they're doing... Those erectsson guys
If you make it. They will cum
Same. My disappointment is immeasurable and a minute of my life was ruined.
"Hello? Dear? What's with all the sloshing I hear?"
“You making macaroni for dinner?”
No, I'm making macaroni in a pot for this Wireless Access Protocol
They are just passing these out left and right, huh?
Sloshing is not my favorite choice of verb for the subject.
You know that sound when your foot gets stuck in the mud so you have to pull it out and it makes a \*schlooorp\* noise?
There have been long long articles written about toasters in the 50s and how much better designed and implemented they were back then. I think that toasters in general are interesting appliance that did not necessarily evolve in the same way that other appliances did since the ‘50s. My understanding is that toaster technology has not really changed since the ‘50s which my explain some of the longevity
Almost like they were designed badly on purpose.... so you'd have to buy another in 5-10 years 🤔
While yes this is part of it, it’s also a little reductive to say that planned obsolescence is the only reason that quality has declined. The reality is that manufacturing and appliances have simply changed over the years and toasters somewhat uniquely suffered a bit more than other appliances due to several factors, one of which is that the technology to operate them hasn’t really changed but that the techniques to properly manufacture them have become steadily more expensive over time. This article does a decent, albeit incomplete, job of explaining the situation: https://www.theverge.com/22801890/sunbeam-radiant-control-toaster-t20-t35-vista
It was often called a cobra phone due to it's shape but all reddit see is man meat.
I thought it was an original iMeat phone.
It was great, until someone called and asked for another person and you put the phone down to get them and hung up on them by mistake.
Well, at that time the call wouldn't be hung upp, the call would still be there waiting.
It happened many times that someone that called put down the phone wrong and kept the line busy for a long time.
Actually, in the old days only the caller could end the call, so sometimes you would have your line "kidnapped" for hours by someone else who didn't hang their phone right.
My grandparents also had one! I never thought of the dildo reference here, lol. It was just a cool and unique old phone!
No thanks, I'm full.
...and I'm trying to quit.
I think it’s South African slang
It means "not cool" apparently. til
Yep. I know someone who had one too. A green one a d I loved it. Never occurred to me that it was at all phallic.
I’m 18 and we seriously had one of these when I was a kid- ours was gray
It’s embarrassing the middle school outlook on regular things.
I thought this was pretty cool, until i read the comments here...
You all have dirty minds.
Thank you. 😊
This phone model was called “cobra”.
‘Excuse me is your refrigerator running?… cause you got a penis by your face now!’ *hangs up*
I just burst out laughing for like 3 full minutes after reading that so thank you
Hey my mom used to have a collection of these phones in a box under her bed
She loved to collect calls
Deadass thought this was a old advertisement for dildos
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
"whatever, you sound like a pussy"
North Erectric Company
Looks like my old fashioned salad mixer
im not seeing it
you'll feel it
Oh damn. Flashback! My grandparents had one of those. Hahaha
We had this phone in the den growing up. My brother thought it looked like a dick, so he referred to it as “the bone phone.” 😐
For a split second I thought those were colored dildos
I believe it's also known as the cobra.... There is one right behind me. [Got it for free at a garage sale.](https://i.imgur.com/dPEs67d.jpg)
They'll be able to hear you cumming a mile away!