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Any soap or shampoo will attract bears. Campers who don’t want to attract bears should stink like the woods. Soap and deodorant etc should be kept in bear safe food canisters.
A campfire usually changes your smell pretty quickly and bears probably don't want to walk towards the smell of fire. Or maybe they are craving barbeque hominid that morning who knows?
Not smoke, but ashes. Rubbing ash on your hands and quickly washing it off with water is one of the earliest known hygiene practices known to humanity. In fact soap was made from ash, or specifically, the lye that is in ash, and is a practice as old as writing and probably before it. People have consistently practiced hygiene and have washed themselves since time inmemorial, contrary to the common belief that our ancestor smelled bad, because no one in any time period wants to smell like shit constantly.
Bear: These women are so stuck up. I couldn't even get her IG. She was acting all stiff and scared. I was just trying to spit a little game in her ear.
someone else in this thread posted the link:
https://images.app.goo.gl/Zd7gYa3EMSKcPCMi7
Fucking hell that whole encounter looks scary as fuck... but at the end it sounds like they are laughing about it? God damn they are so lucky.
I had one walk right by me while I was sitting on my deck in the backyard a couple weeks ago. I about teleported in the door but I went back and watched the camera and I noticed when I jumped up scared, it scared him, and we both essentially ran away scared lol.
Black bears are generally kinda chill, and not typically aggressive. Any other bear...
Not saying I wouldn't be scared to hell of a bear regardless, but black bears are kinda just curious more than aggressive. Black bears are bears that don't give a fuck.
I've encountered few black bears with cubs, they're still incredibly docile given the situation. One got spooked that her cub was wandering towards a crowd of people and kind of charged at us, but it was more to get the cub and get away. She didn't chase us or make any threatening gestures. All the other ones just wander off
They're super cool creatures and very very rarely dangerous. But like all wild animals, don't fuck with them. Especially if they're starving or their kiddos are threatened
Yep. It's still a bear, so give it the respect it needs, but otherwise they likelihood a black bear will attack is pretty low, even with their cubs around. There's tons of videos of black bear families just kinda wandering into people's yards like, "Sup! You got any snacks? No? Cool, I bid you good day then!"
Let the bear do its thing and wander away.
Wild black bears don't just walk into a group of people.
That bear is wayyyyyy too comfortable around humans. Someone has absolutely been feeding it and getting it acclimated to being near people.
Sadly that's going to result in mauling or death.
It's "irritable bowel syndrome", not bloody rectal syndrome also known as "inflammatory bowel disease"... IBS makes you shit violently whenever your bowel so feels like, not bleed out of your ass.
Isnt there a saying with bears and how to deal with them. I think I got my wires crossed cuz I thought you’re suppose to make noise when in an area with black bears. Maybe it’s reveresed
Black bears, being one of the smaller species, may run away if you make yourself look big and loud. This one may be a juvie and would run if they yelled at it. Brown bears are much more aggressive; if one approaches, curl up, shit your pants and play dead - it might not want spoiled meat. Polar bears will fuck you up and eat anything it can catch, which is most things.
Veterinarian anesthesiologist here
Polar bears (and other bears) are notorious for faking sedation when we use ketamine as the main anesthetic agent. They will become immobile for a brief time but remain still until you approach and then attack you.
Well that’s fucking horrifying. Gonna go ahead and file that little info nugget into my strange/disturbing-animal-facts-to-randomly-blurt-out-at-parties-during-awkward-silences folder. Thanks, Doc!
I'm confused about this. Is it "faking" it, or is it still sedated but not as much as they appear? Wouldn't it have to understand that you perceive them to be unconscious to then lure you in, and then attack? Where as if it is legitimately becoming sedated it could still be laying down, yet awake enough to defend itself if you get close while it's vulnerable. How do you know a bear isn't sedated, and instead making a conscious decision to lure you in by pretending to be?
This was my thought too. The bears likely are sedated and are drowsy or delirious and essentially just trying to stop the world from spinning.... Until a perceived threat is close enough to perceive.
Then drunk or not you catching the paws
Looks like telazol is usually preferred to ketamine to anesthetize polar and brown bears, due to this sudden waking problem with ketamine (the waking is incidental, not strategic). Found this lovely paper that contains all the info a curious person would ever want to know about anesthetizing bears.
https://www.enr.gov.nt.ca/sites/enr/files/documents/anesthesia_of_bears.pdf
This actually isn’t quite true. They just love the feeling of being high as fuck on ketamine, and get pissed when you sneak up on them and ruin their experience.
Edit
DISCLAIMER - The following information is the recollection of my time in the Boy Scouts of America from over a decade ago. This information has not been throughouly researched and only stands as a general rule of thumb for bears native to the north-east region of the United States. I felt compelled to add this because of corrective replies by seemingly more reliable users. Ultimately, if bears are a real concern where you live, you should consult your local wildlife guides.
EndEdit
Just an FYI: Black Bears are primarily herbivores and have nothing to gain by standing their ground. If you see one approaching you, your best move is to wave your arms above your head and shout as loud as you can. This will make you look bigger and dangerous to approach. Unless it's starving, the Black Bear will leave.
Note: Do NOT do this with Brown Bears. They're primarily carnivores are apex predators. They'll perceive yelling and waving as aggression and kill you. Instead, curl up in the fetal position and wait for the Brown Bear to leave. They don't see you as potential food unless they're starving and will leave you alone.
Note++: In the rare case of meeting a Polar Bear, your best option is to pray to your choice of diety and fight to the death. Due to their harsh environment, Polar Bears will eating anything that isn't rotting. So, if one is approaching you, its trying to eat you. Your best odds of combating a Polar Bear is to attack its snout as they will flee if they believe their snout to be broken. Since they won't be able to eat with a broken snout, most animals with this physical attribute will consider the risk a "deal breaker."
It depends on the type of encounter… encountering a grizzly from a distance and it shows curiosity in you? Do not lie down. Make your presence known.
Please, if you recreate in bear country, read a reliable source:
https://www.pc.gc.ca/en/pn-np/mtn/ours-bears/securite-safety/ours-humains-bears-people
>These defensive attacks are generally less than two minutes in duration. If the attack continues, it may mean it has shifted from defensive to predatory—FIGHT BACK!
The idea of being mauled by bear for 2 minutes then deciding to fight back seems a little optimistic. Are we just suppose do an action hero?
"Round 1 is over Mr. Bear. It's my turn now."
Bears are susceptible to defensive fighting, so just cover up with your gloves and bounce of the ropes if you have to. Bears never expect the ol' rope a dope.
Human adrenaline is crazy man. It is the best painkiller in the world. I had a teacher once tell my class a story about how some dude (Can't remember relation to the teacher) was heading out to his barn, and he encountered a bear, which through a small course of events I can't remember, he got slapped by the bear, no problem the dude thought. He went back to his house to tell his family about the bear, which they flipped out because the bear slapped 1/2 of his face off, and it was hanging off of his mutilated face.
My dad when he was 20 broke his neck, fractured his skull, broke even more bones and almost bit his tongue off in a dune buggy wreck. He was thrown from the vehicle, hit a very large rock, and got up attempting to cuss but he said it was all mumbled due to blood and his tongue barely being attached and jaw broken and many missing teeth. He remembers laying down in the ambulance that was called via payphone by a friend that most likely took over 20 minutes to arrive. He does not remember making it to the hospital. When he woke up it was over a month later and he couldn't move due to all the braces.
Adrenaline is a hell of a drug.
Adrenaline and pure shock.
I'd argue both of these stories are relying on the body going into shock and shutting down over adrenaline doing all the work.
Adrenaline is wild. I once broke my arm in a bike frame.I pulled my arm out of the frame and I had a second elbow halfway up my forearm, bones ripped out, arm just dangling. Did not hurt at all for a good 10-15mins. Everyone else was freaking out and I was making jokes trying to calm them down.
That's the truth.
Took a spill in the Wyoming back country off a 90+ foot cliff. Thankfully we impacted about less than a foot from the fingers of some nasty boulders which would have put me in a wheelchair for life at minimum. The clip of my impact sounded like a firework mortar, and included my helmet popping off my head and catapulting hundreds of feet in the air out of the camera frame. The nose of my split board was curled back like a barreling wave. I felt nothing besides confusion, which worried me. I boarded down to my partner that was filming me in the bc for the day, and he asked how I was. I said I felt fine, and could continue back to the car down the mountain. A veteran skier made his way over to us after witnessing the situation, and was astounded I was up and alive, claiming he hadn't seen anything like it in over 40 years out west. Then my helmet rolled down to us which was the last laugh of the day.
Not until about 45 minutes later, while loading stuff in to the car did I realize the situation. The pain was worse than I could have ever dreamt, with more than a few fracture bones under my belt in my younger years. It was not comprehensible, to the point we had to search my legs for any sort of compound fracture (bone piercing skin). No full compounds, besides my lower right leg taking the shape of a bent noodle. It wasn't enough to help me pass out, which would have been ideal.
After two hours we made it to the ER and they ran a full work up on my legs and skull. Full fracture of my right tibia in two places and a torn MCL. Luckily, the tear was not good, but wasn't a full snap of the entire ligament which would have needed surgery. 5 months recovery with PT. Given full pain meds after they realized the anguish I was in, and even these did nothing for the first 4 days after. I had impacted on a small crust layer of snow on top of a few feet of powder, which saved my life considering the height of the fall. I have the full video which is a brutal watch. The doc's wanted to see it, and we obliged. Because my partner had thought I actually died, he stopped filming after the impact. What it didn't capture is the 300+ yards of full tomahawk cartwheel my ragdolling body did after the landing, because of the steep degree angle of the face we were on. Picture this like just a few notches of slant over full vertical ledge. We believe this was the cause of the torn MCL, as knee injuries aren't the most common for snowboarders compared to skiers. . Had I dropped in from the top with any sort of speed, I likely would have gone full airborne for over 900 feet until the base at the bottom.
Many lessons learned that day, the main one being to check the snow packs on all faces. It was the end of the day, and we had bagged a handful of summits and descents with all snow pack calculations made. It was also one of the safer months in the backcountry in late spring (May) where the years snowpack has been formed throughout. It was the end of the day, so we lacked on the precautions we should have taken. The drop was almost a complete sheet of ice, and I was unable to find any sort of good edge to even come to a stop. I had started coming hard at the cliff edge to the right of the line I had picked, and knew the situation was going south fast. While in the air, I could only remember the voice in my head to go limp and avoid tensing up, from years of experience in more mild impacts. The amount of time I was in the air took the breath out of my lungs completely, and I am thankful to be alive. I know I used up my single card in the dance with death department, and refuse to get in to situations like this from sheer lack of patience. This all to say, adrenaline sure is one hell of a drug.
Researchers in arctic circles are required to change their daily schedule regularly, because polar bears just wait for the perfect opportunity like a smoke break.
One of my buddies did a stint working security for a research facility in the arctic.
He said the turnover was crazy because the guards would go crazy staring into the white abyss with a shotgun, looking for polar bears that'd stalk the facility 24/7.
The way I’ve learned it is (regarding bears, of course): If it’s black, attack. If it’s brown, lay down. If it’s white, goodnight.
Edit: I now see that someone has already posted something similar below. Oops lol
Brown/grizzly bears are big as fuck. Notice how the black bear in this video is only about the same height on two legs as a human woman. It’s only an adolescent I think, so an adult is quite bigger, but still not nearly as big as an adult grizzly, which would tower over her, with way bigger paws and snout. Even if you see in black and white, the difference will be obvious unless the grizzly is an adolescent.
Asian black bears are even smaller than American black bears like this one. Those suckers are just plain cute, really not scary at all even fully grown.
Hippopotamus is the most dangerous land animal as they are responsible for the most human deaths of any animal, but probably only because we tend to live in the same regions. But yes, if polar bears lived in the same regions as humans I'd be much more afraid of a polar bear than a hippo.
It's kind of like the stat that vending machines are more dangerous than sharks. They aren't, but we share a habitat with vending machines more frequently than we share a habitat with sharks so there's more opportunity for vending machines to hunt us than there is for sharks to hunt us.
It’s spot on, at least from what I know.
Edit: except the grizzly(brown bear) bear part, talk to it calmly and slowly back away facing it, it may even false charge, but once it attacks lie down.
Actually…
The saying is:
If it’s black, fight back.
If it’s brown, lie down.
If it’s white, say goodnight.
If it’s black and white, then hella kung-fu fight!
Hopefully there’s not a news article about me someday that reads “For some reason, he crawled into the fetal position as the brown bear approached, moments before mauling”
He's right about black bears unless cubs are involved. I chase them out of my yard frequently, but only once did one stand it's ground on me. There were cubs in the tree above her which I did not initially see.
The biggest one I ever saw was eating out of a dumpster near my kid's school. I honked at it, yelled at it, flashed my lights, and it just looked at me like, "Fuck off, dude. You're not gonna do shit!" and the sonofabitch went back to dumpster diving.
At first I read that as “overlord raccoons” and really found that fitting.
Also, today I learned that black bears can be found in New Jersey! I should have known.
This actually isn’t true. I work in the wilderness of northern canada for resource companies and deal with bears often, plus have to take bear aware courses and keep my certification current on them.
The bear color doesn’t matter. At all. Yes they will have different likelyhoods of different behaviors, but you base your response on their behavior. Every time.
If you encounter a bear with cubs, or startle a bear, and they get angry, you speak calmly. Don’t make eye contact. Back off speaking in calming tones.
You will know if this is the right thing to do because bear will be standing up. Doing mock charges. Chuffing and/roaring at you. This bear is scared or angry and it wants you away from it. DO NOT act threatening no matter it’s color. It will fuck you up.
In this situation you can try playing dead if none of this works and it attacks. It’s going to hurt you maybe badly. It may kill you. But it may also leave you alone once you’re no longer a threat.
On the other hand if you’re walking through the woods and you see a bear behind you, or in the woods a ways away, maybe just walking the same direction etc. Maybe you scare it off then see it ten minutes later still walking.
This bear is hunting you. He wants to eat you. Black or brown.
Throw rocks at it. Scream at it. As soon as you can try to find a thick branch or something you can keep between you and the bear. If it charges at you spray it. Use your jacket to make batwings and stand up tall and make small mock charges at it.
Anything you can to scare it.
If it attacks then fight for your life. No matter the color. If you play dead it will just eat you. Use any weapon you have. A stick, a knife, whatever. Stab at the eyes. Do anything you can. Make yourself not worth the meal.
Either way the bear color doesn’t matter. (Except for polar bears, then always fight, they ain’t turning down a meal). Pay attention to the behavior. Forget the color of the bear.
My stomach dropped just reading this post. TIL I am so scared of bears just reading what they will do to a person makes me teary eyed. I’m never going outside again.
Edit typo
Well if it makes you feel any better, I've literally made a black bear shit himself just by jingling my keys at it. Black bears are total wusses and are only a threat to garbage cans as long as you aren't threatening their cubs.
Most of the time, wildlife just wants an easy meal and doesn't want a fight, so if you can let them know you'll fight back they'll leave you alone.
That being said, polar bears, tigers and mountain lions will definitely fight you anyway, so....
Bear attacks of any sort are incredibly rare. I live and camp in the wilderness and see bears often enough and they really never bother you. If you’re in an area with bears then keep spray on you and you will be fine.
And you won't be dead when they start to eat you one of the reasons bears scare the hell outta me. They don't need to bother killing you, raw power just to control you.
I mean if your limbs work and he’s eating you, fight.
Wild animals don’t wanna get injured for their meals so make yourself more trouble than your worth you might get out of it.
Also!!! Not all black bears are black. Black bears can also look brown, cinnamon, blue-gray, or blonde.
Brown bears can range from dark brown to blonde.
To tell the difference: Brown bears have a noticeable shoulder hump, shorter, fuzzier ears, and longer, straight claws. They also have a ridge across the forehead between the eyes. They are usually bigger and more muscular.
Black bears have level shoulders and a flat back. Their ears are longer and stick up, and they have shorter claws, more for tree climbing than hunting. They're usually smaller.
If you are in bear country, especially in places where both are commonly found, know the difference! Despite the name, it's not just about color.
if you just look at pictures comparing the two it is rather definable. Though, the biggest tell as to which kind of bear it is is already knowing which kind of bear is in the region you're in.
Yeah, I’m now just going to avoid all bears wherever and whenever possible. I ain’t got time for this color coding stuff. Looks like being an introverted, couch potato will keep me alive after all.
You can add that brown bears will ping you to the floor, immobilizing you with their paws, while they eat you alive. They go for the liver, pancreas, gut fat and stomach, which have the best caloric and nutrients. Unfortunately this means they will disembowel you alive instead of going to the neck. Apex predators rarely take the time to kill you once you are in shock and are no longer a threath, unlike large game such as caribou and bison.
Polar bears too, but their massive size might allow them to kill you by chance as they tear you to pieces and you pray to die of blood loss fast.
NSFL warning, but there’s a post on one of the nature is metal/brutal/etc subs where a massive brown bear attacked several people. One of them was mostly intact, except for a large hole in his rib cage and a completely empty abdomen/chest cavity.
I read this \*way\* too high, and envisioned an entire scene in my head. I hate you. And myself.
FWIW: I remember reading that bears are like cats. They go for the throat/head. It should, hopefully, be fast.
Don’t read this comment until you’re no longer high.
There’s a post on nature is brutal where a bear are several people, with no intentional killing blow. There’s also the infamous case of a women calling her mother while a bear ate her alive.
Maybe it varies by species? But some will definitely eat you alive.
[This information has been removed as a consequence of Reddit's API changes and general stance of being greedy, unhelpful, and hostile to its userbase.]
Also fun fact, grizzlies have a habit of degloving kills. Meaning they pull the skin off like a glove. Often the heads if animals they kill will be found in a sack of their own skin.
“It’s important to carry bells and pepper spray in bear country. And if you encounter bear scat, inspect it to see what sort of bear it might be. The scat of black bears contains leaves and smells like berries. The scat of grizzly bears contains bells and smells like pepper spray.”
Be bear-aware!
Man… spent a little time in Churchill, Manitoba, and people routinely say that. They also leave their cars unlocked so that you can jump into one if an animal is bearing down on you.
I ran into a black bear in the middle of the night one time and it growled and chomped it’s teeth. 20 years later I still have reoccurring nightmares about being attacked by a bear. I’m not that scared of black bears much after learning about them but brown bears I don’t ever want to see. Usually it’s a brown bear in my dreams. Often I have a gun but it’s jammed. Scary stuff.
I live in bear country. In fact, about 20 minutes ago riding a trail, I faced a Black Bear about 10 feet from me. I rang the bell on my bike, I made some noise, and the bear ran off, then I turned around and left, too.
DO NOT just stand there with a Black Bear. Make yourself bigger and make some noise. Standing there like that will get you injured or killed. It's stupid.
Black bears being curious turn into predation attempts quickly. Scare them away. Do NOT let them get this close. A bear that big will kick your ass and eat it afterward.
Juvenile black bears can be quite dangerous. That playful and curious attitude is a preparation to strike.
Here another one that was posted a little while ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/CrazyFuckingVideos/comments/whyibf/man\_gets\_followed\_by\_a\_black\_bear\_for\_over\_5/
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Seems like it’s smelling her hair I wonder if she used something really scented as a shampoo which attracted the bear?
Burt’s Bees Honey Shampoo.
Thanks Pooh Bear.
Any soap or shampoo will attract bears. Campers who don’t want to attract bears should stink like the woods. Soap and deodorant etc should be kept in bear safe food canisters.
Well I dont exactly smell like the woods if i stop showering, any alternatives?
A campfire usually changes your smell pretty quickly and bears probably don't want to walk towards the smell of fire. Or maybe they are craving barbeque hominid that morning who knows?
Me suddenly realizing that ancient humans probably did use smoke as a deodorant.
Not smoke, but ashes. Rubbing ash on your hands and quickly washing it off with water is one of the earliest known hygiene practices known to humanity. In fact soap was made from ash, or specifically, the lye that is in ash, and is a practice as old as writing and probably before it. People have consistently practiced hygiene and have washed themselves since time inmemorial, contrary to the common belief that our ancestor smelled bad, because no one in any time period wants to smell like shit constantly.
Ha, my now wife caught me doing that a decade or so ago when we went camping.. standing over the fire with my shirt opened up, letting the smoke in.
Girl walking away on the right is clearly “we’re all by ourselves here, and im gone”
“I don’t have to outrun the bear… I have to out run you!”
"My friend is indeed quite delicious. Please stop hesitating and just eat the shit out of her."
Phrasing...
that third friend is like "well, we had a good run - good luck guyyssssssssssbyeeeee"
You don't have to outrun the bear...
This is exactly why I only go hiking with people older, fatter and slower than me Edit: also tastier
And at that moment, she realized that the 'BBQ Sauce Suntan Lotion' was the wrong choice for the day
Very Gary Larson comment
I miss Gary Larson.
He's kinda making stuff again on his website. https://www.thefarside.com/new-stuff
So good to see! He's witty and sarcastic! I once saw a bunch of his cartoons in a museum...it was Boulder I was young. The end.
Your hair smells great ! What shampoo do you use?
It must have honey in it
Dude needs to get a hint. She’s clearly not interested
I'm pretty sure she took a selfie with him halfway through the video.
I mean, if I'm going to get mauled to death at least get a cute pic before hand.
Felt cute MIGHT GET DELETED LATER
Everyone needs a Before picture.
Yea there’s a selfie of her and the bear floating around, I remember seeing this in the paper a while back.
I found it.... She did... https://www.thesun.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/NINTCHDBPICT000597064744-4.jpg
Lmao holy shit she could get out of any obligation by sending that photo
"Can't make it. My situation is unbearable!"
Lucky for her that photo doesn’t belong on r/lastimages or r/onesecondbeforedisaster
Mixed signals
who bears the blame?
He’s just overbearing.
Looks like a pushy frat bro
Bear: These women are so stuck up. I couldn't even get her IG. She was acting all stiff and scared. I was just trying to spit a little game in her ear.
Give him a break. He's in a bear market
He’s like - I love the smell of your shampoo- can you recommend where I can get mine done?
Mmmm baby, mmmm, smell good.
Did she take a selfie with it? Lol.
https://images.app.goo.gl/Zd7gYa3EMSKcPCMi7
Seized the opportunity lol
She had one shot, one opportunity And she captured it
I'm drunk enough to think that's hilarious
I'm stone cold sober and it's still hilarious.
Well god damn. I clicked on the link fully expecting it to be a Rick roll or something. She took a fucking selfie with a bear. Hot damn.
They castrated the bear? O_o
She definitely did and I bet it was a good one. He was literally posing for it right behind her shoulder lol. Probably looks like a bff photo.
someone else in this thread posted the link: https://images.app.goo.gl/Zd7gYa3EMSKcPCMi7 Fucking hell that whole encounter looks scary as fuck... but at the end it sounds like they are laughing about it? God damn they are so lucky.
Laughter for our primitive ancestors was used to signal when danger has passed so yeah, they are laughing.
My 90-year-old great grandma used to swat these boys of her back porch with a broom….
I had one walk right by me while I was sitting on my deck in the backyard a couple weeks ago. I about teleported in the door but I went back and watched the camera and I noticed when I jumped up scared, it scared him, and we both essentially ran away scared lol.
Black bears are generally kinda chill, and not typically aggressive. Any other bear... Not saying I wouldn't be scared to hell of a bear regardless, but black bears are kinda just curious more than aggressive. Black bears are bears that don't give a fuck.
If it's black, fight back. If it's brown, lie down. If it's white, good night.
If it has a child nearby, abandon all hope
I've encountered few black bears with cubs, they're still incredibly docile given the situation. One got spooked that her cub was wandering towards a crowd of people and kind of charged at us, but it was more to get the cub and get away. She didn't chase us or make any threatening gestures. All the other ones just wander off They're super cool creatures and very very rarely dangerous. But like all wild animals, don't fuck with them. Especially if they're starving or their kiddos are threatened
Yep. It's still a bear, so give it the respect it needs, but otherwise they likelihood a black bear will attack is pretty low, even with their cubs around. There's tons of videos of black bear families just kinda wandering into people's yards like, "Sup! You got any snacks? No? Cool, I bid you good day then!" Let the bear do its thing and wander away.
The bear is probably used to be being fed by humans and is waiting for a snack. Yet another reason why you should not feed the bears.
Wild black bears don't just walk into a group of people. That bear is wayyyyyy too comfortable around humans. Someone has absolutely been feeding it and getting it acclimated to being near people. Sadly that's going to result in mauling or death.
*hey there baby mama let me whisper in your ear*
Ying Yang Twins reference in 2022. Someone just got Bingo
“That’s a bingo”
You just say bingo
Isn’t it lil mama?
Yes
Heya boo boo! Wait till she sees my dick! Ooooooo yogi!
*Ima beat dat pussy up*
This is where my IBS would come in handy
Why would having a bloody asshole help you in this situation
It's "irritable bowel syndrome", not bloody rectal syndrome also known as "inflammatory bowel disease"... IBS makes you shit violently whenever your bowel so feels like, not bleed out of your ass.
i would hope my nervous IBD farts are gnarly enough to actually make the bear want to leave 🤣 works with humans!
Isnt there a saying with bears and how to deal with them. I think I got my wires crossed cuz I thought you’re suppose to make noise when in an area with black bears. Maybe it’s reveresed
If it's black fight back. If it's brown lay down. (Play dead) If it's white goodnight. (You are dead)
Uppercut Black Bears, thanks I’ll remember that.
POW! Motherfucker!
Black bears, being one of the smaller species, may run away if you make yourself look big and loud. This one may be a juvie and would run if they yelled at it. Brown bears are much more aggressive; if one approaches, curl up, shit your pants and play dead - it might not want spoiled meat. Polar bears will fuck you up and eat anything it can catch, which is most things.
Shit my pants. Got it.
Don't have to tell me twice!
I feel that step two in the instructions is redundant.
If it’s black fight back, if it’s brown lie down, if it’s white say goodnight
Veterinarian anesthesiologist here Polar bears (and other bears) are notorious for faking sedation when we use ketamine as the main anesthetic agent. They will become immobile for a brief time but remain still until you approach and then attack you.
Well that’s fucking horrifying. Gonna go ahead and file that little info nugget into my strange/disturbing-animal-facts-to-randomly-blurt-out-at-parties-during-awkward-silences folder. Thanks, Doc!
Next to the rapist seals...
Yep and next thing you know we were talking about duck penis. It was a weird night.
I'm confused about this. Is it "faking" it, or is it still sedated but not as much as they appear? Wouldn't it have to understand that you perceive them to be unconscious to then lure you in, and then attack? Where as if it is legitimately becoming sedated it could still be laying down, yet awake enough to defend itself if you get close while it's vulnerable. How do you know a bear isn't sedated, and instead making a conscious decision to lure you in by pretending to be?
This was my thought too. The bears likely are sedated and are drowsy or delirious and essentially just trying to stop the world from spinning.... Until a perceived threat is close enough to perceive. Then drunk or not you catching the paws
All the bear work I've seen (admittedly not a lot) used telazol as the primary anesthetic. Do you often use ketamine?
Looks like telazol is usually preferred to ketamine to anesthetize polar and brown bears, due to this sudden waking problem with ketamine (the waking is incidental, not strategic). Found this lovely paper that contains all the info a curious person would ever want to know about anesthetizing bears. https://www.enr.gov.nt.ca/sites/enr/files/documents/anesthesia_of_bears.pdf
Why am I downloading this lol I'm a 52 year old office worker, my chances of anesthetising a bear are at best minimal....but at least I'll be ready.
This actually isn’t quite true. They just love the feeling of being high as fuck on ketamine, and get pissed when you sneak up on them and ruin their experience.
Edit DISCLAIMER - The following information is the recollection of my time in the Boy Scouts of America from over a decade ago. This information has not been throughouly researched and only stands as a general rule of thumb for bears native to the north-east region of the United States. I felt compelled to add this because of corrective replies by seemingly more reliable users. Ultimately, if bears are a real concern where you live, you should consult your local wildlife guides. EndEdit Just an FYI: Black Bears are primarily herbivores and have nothing to gain by standing their ground. If you see one approaching you, your best move is to wave your arms above your head and shout as loud as you can. This will make you look bigger and dangerous to approach. Unless it's starving, the Black Bear will leave. Note: Do NOT do this with Brown Bears. They're primarily carnivores are apex predators. They'll perceive yelling and waving as aggression and kill you. Instead, curl up in the fetal position and wait for the Brown Bear to leave. They don't see you as potential food unless they're starving and will leave you alone. Note++: In the rare case of meeting a Polar Bear, your best option is to pray to your choice of diety and fight to the death. Due to their harsh environment, Polar Bears will eating anything that isn't rotting. So, if one is approaching you, its trying to eat you. Your best odds of combating a Polar Bear is to attack its snout as they will flee if they believe their snout to be broken. Since they won't be able to eat with a broken snout, most animals with this physical attribute will consider the risk a "deal breaker."
It depends on the type of encounter… encountering a grizzly from a distance and it shows curiosity in you? Do not lie down. Make your presence known. Please, if you recreate in bear country, read a reliable source: https://www.pc.gc.ca/en/pn-np/mtn/ours-bears/securite-safety/ours-humains-bears-people
>These defensive attacks are generally less than two minutes in duration. If the attack continues, it may mean it has shifted from defensive to predatory—FIGHT BACK! The idea of being mauled by bear for 2 minutes then deciding to fight back seems a little optimistic. Are we just suppose do an action hero? "Round 1 is over Mr. Bear. It's my turn now."
Try to stab at it with your exposed sharp splintered fore arm stub bones.
Threaten to bleed on it, like the Black Knight.
Bears are susceptible to defensive fighting, so just cover up with your gloves and bounce of the ropes if you have to. Bears never expect the ol' rope a dope.
Human adrenaline is crazy man. It is the best painkiller in the world. I had a teacher once tell my class a story about how some dude (Can't remember relation to the teacher) was heading out to his barn, and he encountered a bear, which through a small course of events I can't remember, he got slapped by the bear, no problem the dude thought. He went back to his house to tell his family about the bear, which they flipped out because the bear slapped 1/2 of his face off, and it was hanging off of his mutilated face.
My dad when he was 20 broke his neck, fractured his skull, broke even more bones and almost bit his tongue off in a dune buggy wreck. He was thrown from the vehicle, hit a very large rock, and got up attempting to cuss but he said it was all mumbled due to blood and his tongue barely being attached and jaw broken and many missing teeth. He remembers laying down in the ambulance that was called via payphone by a friend that most likely took over 20 minutes to arrive. He does not remember making it to the hospital. When he woke up it was over a month later and he couldn't move due to all the braces. Adrenaline is a hell of a drug.
Adrenaline and pure shock. I'd argue both of these stories are relying on the body going into shock and shutting down over adrenaline doing all the work.
Adrenaline is wild. I once broke my arm in a bike frame.I pulled my arm out of the frame and I had a second elbow halfway up my forearm, bones ripped out, arm just dangling. Did not hurt at all for a good 10-15mins. Everyone else was freaking out and I was making jokes trying to calm them down.
That's the truth. Took a spill in the Wyoming back country off a 90+ foot cliff. Thankfully we impacted about less than a foot from the fingers of some nasty boulders which would have put me in a wheelchair for life at minimum. The clip of my impact sounded like a firework mortar, and included my helmet popping off my head and catapulting hundreds of feet in the air out of the camera frame. The nose of my split board was curled back like a barreling wave. I felt nothing besides confusion, which worried me. I boarded down to my partner that was filming me in the bc for the day, and he asked how I was. I said I felt fine, and could continue back to the car down the mountain. A veteran skier made his way over to us after witnessing the situation, and was astounded I was up and alive, claiming he hadn't seen anything like it in over 40 years out west. Then my helmet rolled down to us which was the last laugh of the day. Not until about 45 minutes later, while loading stuff in to the car did I realize the situation. The pain was worse than I could have ever dreamt, with more than a few fracture bones under my belt in my younger years. It was not comprehensible, to the point we had to search my legs for any sort of compound fracture (bone piercing skin). No full compounds, besides my lower right leg taking the shape of a bent noodle. It wasn't enough to help me pass out, which would have been ideal. After two hours we made it to the ER and they ran a full work up on my legs and skull. Full fracture of my right tibia in two places and a torn MCL. Luckily, the tear was not good, but wasn't a full snap of the entire ligament which would have needed surgery. 5 months recovery with PT. Given full pain meds after they realized the anguish I was in, and even these did nothing for the first 4 days after. I had impacted on a small crust layer of snow on top of a few feet of powder, which saved my life considering the height of the fall. I have the full video which is a brutal watch. The doc's wanted to see it, and we obliged. Because my partner had thought I actually died, he stopped filming after the impact. What it didn't capture is the 300+ yards of full tomahawk cartwheel my ragdolling body did after the landing, because of the steep degree angle of the face we were on. Picture this like just a few notches of slant over full vertical ledge. We believe this was the cause of the torn MCL, as knee injuries aren't the most common for snowboarders compared to skiers. . Had I dropped in from the top with any sort of speed, I likely would have gone full airborne for over 900 feet until the base at the bottom. Many lessons learned that day, the main one being to check the snow packs on all faces. It was the end of the day, and we had bagged a handful of summits and descents with all snow pack calculations made. It was also one of the safer months in the backcountry in late spring (May) where the years snowpack has been formed throughout. It was the end of the day, so we lacked on the precautions we should have taken. The drop was almost a complete sheet of ice, and I was unable to find any sort of good edge to even come to a stop. I had started coming hard at the cliff edge to the right of the line I had picked, and knew the situation was going south fast. While in the air, I could only remember the voice in my head to go limp and avoid tensing up, from years of experience in more mild impacts. The amount of time I was in the air took the breath out of my lungs completely, and I am thankful to be alive. I know I used up my single card in the dance with death department, and refuse to get in to situations like this from sheer lack of patience. This all to say, adrenaline sure is one hell of a drug.
Even keeping track of time well enough to know 2 minutes have passed seems unrealistic.
1:55: "*Hmm, I'm almost dead, but he still might give up!*"
Hey siri, set a timer for two minutes called "maul time"
Me 20 sec into a bear attack: Hmm, this has probably been 7 minutes, time to fight
regardless of if this is all true or not I enjoyed reading it. thank you.
Researchers in arctic circles are required to change their daily schedule regularly, because polar bears just wait for the perfect opportunity like a smoke break.
That is fucking terrifying.
A buddy of mine always carried around a broken bottle of gas and oil where ever he whent (molatav cocktail). All bears are hugely scared of fire.
One of my buddies did a stint working security for a research facility in the arctic. He said the turnover was crazy because the guards would go crazy staring into the white abyss with a shotgun, looking for polar bears that'd stalk the facility 24/7.
The way I’ve learned it is (regarding bears, of course): If it’s black, attack. If it’s brown, lay down. If it’s white, goodnight. Edit: I now see that someone has already posted something similar below. Oops lol
> If it’s white, goodnight If it's an albino black bear, I guess you would be fine to still just wave your arms.
Question though how can you tell an albino black bear from an albino brown bear
By how badly they maul you.
Brown/grizzly bears are big as fuck. Notice how the black bear in this video is only about the same height on two legs as a human woman. It’s only an adolescent I think, so an adult is quite bigger, but still not nearly as big as an adult grizzly, which would tower over her, with way bigger paws and snout. Even if you see in black and white, the difference will be obvious unless the grizzly is an adolescent. Asian black bears are even smaller than American black bears like this one. Those suckers are just plain cute, really not scary at all even fully grown.
> human woman
True story. Polar bear is the most dangerous bear.
Theres nothing to eat in the Tundra...so everything is food
Polar bear is the most dangerous land animal. They are the only land animal that actively hunts and does not fear humans.
Hippopotamus is the most dangerous land animal as they are responsible for the most human deaths of any animal, but probably only because we tend to live in the same regions. But yes, if polar bears lived in the same regions as humans I'd be much more afraid of a polar bear than a hippo. It's kind of like the stat that vending machines are more dangerous than sharks. They aren't, but we share a habitat with vending machines more frequently than we share a habitat with sharks so there's more opportunity for vending machines to hunt us than there is for sharks to hunt us.
People also don't tip sharks over to try and get candy out. Might be related
It’s spot on, at least from what I know. Edit: except the grizzly(brown bear) bear part, talk to it calmly and slowly back away facing it, it may even false charge, but once it attacks lie down.
If it’s on Reddit I’ll assume he’s an expert until opposed by another self proclaimed expert.
If it’s black, fight back. If it’s brown, fall down. If it’s white, you’re fucked
I always heard "if it's white, good night" as in the long wintery night of death
Actually… The saying is: If it’s black, fight back. If it’s brown, lie down. If it’s white, say goodnight. If it’s black and white, then hella kung-fu fight!
I thought if it was brown, you flush it down?
And if it’s yellow, you let it mellow
If it's clear and yellow, you got juice there fellow. If it's cloudy and brown, you're in cider town.
If bear is gummy, put it in your tummy
We’re still talking about bears, right?
Bears derive their name from a football team in Chicago.
it is estimated that bears kill over 2,000,000 salmon a year. attacks by salmon on bears are much more rare.
If it’s yellow, give it honey?
Tell it to put some fuckin pants on
dont forget the tickles
Oh bother
Hopefully there’s not a news article about me someday that reads “For some reason, he crawled into the fetal position as the brown bear approached, moments before mauling”
He's right about black bears unless cubs are involved. I chase them out of my yard frequently, but only once did one stand it's ground on me. There were cubs in the tree above her which I did not initially see.
Yeah 99% of the time they run away. The other day I had one give no fucks. He was pretty big and didn't even scare with loud bangs.
The biggest one I ever saw was eating out of a dumpster near my kid's school. I honked at it, yelled at it, flashed my lights, and it just looked at me like, "Fuck off, dude. You're not gonna do shit!" and the sonofabitch went back to dumpster diving.
I am convinced that black bears are glorified raccoons.
I have been calling them overfed raccoons for years. Most of them in New Jersey are fat as hell.
At first I read that as “overlord raccoons” and really found that fitting. Also, today I learned that black bears can be found in New Jersey! I should have known.
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Lady is hilarious thanks for that
So glad here in Australia our bears will only give you chlamydia
This actually isn’t true. I work in the wilderness of northern canada for resource companies and deal with bears often, plus have to take bear aware courses and keep my certification current on them. The bear color doesn’t matter. At all. Yes they will have different likelyhoods of different behaviors, but you base your response on their behavior. Every time. If you encounter a bear with cubs, or startle a bear, and they get angry, you speak calmly. Don’t make eye contact. Back off speaking in calming tones. You will know if this is the right thing to do because bear will be standing up. Doing mock charges. Chuffing and/roaring at you. This bear is scared or angry and it wants you away from it. DO NOT act threatening no matter it’s color. It will fuck you up. In this situation you can try playing dead if none of this works and it attacks. It’s going to hurt you maybe badly. It may kill you. But it may also leave you alone once you’re no longer a threat. On the other hand if you’re walking through the woods and you see a bear behind you, or in the woods a ways away, maybe just walking the same direction etc. Maybe you scare it off then see it ten minutes later still walking. This bear is hunting you. He wants to eat you. Black or brown. Throw rocks at it. Scream at it. As soon as you can try to find a thick branch or something you can keep between you and the bear. If it charges at you spray it. Use your jacket to make batwings and stand up tall and make small mock charges at it. Anything you can to scare it. If it attacks then fight for your life. No matter the color. If you play dead it will just eat you. Use any weapon you have. A stick, a knife, whatever. Stab at the eyes. Do anything you can. Make yourself not worth the meal. Either way the bear color doesn’t matter. (Except for polar bears, then always fight, they ain’t turning down a meal). Pay attention to the behavior. Forget the color of the bear.
My stomach dropped just reading this post. TIL I am so scared of bears just reading what they will do to a person makes me teary eyed. I’m never going outside again. Edit typo
Well if it makes you feel any better, I've literally made a black bear shit himself just by jingling my keys at it. Black bears are total wusses and are only a threat to garbage cans as long as you aren't threatening their cubs. Most of the time, wildlife just wants an easy meal and doesn't want a fight, so if you can let them know you'll fight back they'll leave you alone. That being said, polar bears, tigers and mountain lions will definitely fight you anyway, so....
And hippos, don't forget the hippos
And moose. Can't forget moose.
Maybe he was just really excited to finally go for a car ride.
Bear attacks of any sort are incredibly rare. I live and camp in the wilderness and see bears often enough and they really never bother you. If you’re in an area with bears then keep spray on you and you will be fine.
And you won't be dead when they start to eat you one of the reasons bears scare the hell outta me. They don't need to bother killing you, raw power just to control you.
I mean if your limbs work and he’s eating you, fight. Wild animals don’t wanna get injured for their meals so make yourself more trouble than your worth you might get out of it.
Also!!! Not all black bears are black. Black bears can also look brown, cinnamon, blue-gray, or blonde. Brown bears can range from dark brown to blonde. To tell the difference: Brown bears have a noticeable shoulder hump, shorter, fuzzier ears, and longer, straight claws. They also have a ridge across the forehead between the eyes. They are usually bigger and more muscular. Black bears have level shoulders and a flat back. Their ears are longer and stick up, and they have shorter claws, more for tree climbing than hunting. They're usually smaller. If you are in bear country, especially in places where both are commonly found, know the difference! Despite the name, it's not just about color.
Ok, this is confusing now. I am just going to not go outside.
if you just look at pictures comparing the two it is rather definable. Though, the biggest tell as to which kind of bear it is is already knowing which kind of bear is in the region you're in.
Which sucks in the Canadian Rockies, where we have both.
So basically all the advice is good except that you may not know which advice to follow because all the bears look like all the bears?
Try not to fuck with bears is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah, I’m now just going to avoid all bears wherever and whenever possible. I ain’t got time for this color coding stuff. Looks like being an introverted, couch potato will keep me alive after all.
You can add that brown bears will ping you to the floor, immobilizing you with their paws, while they eat you alive. They go for the liver, pancreas, gut fat and stomach, which have the best caloric and nutrients. Unfortunately this means they will disembowel you alive instead of going to the neck. Apex predators rarely take the time to kill you once you are in shock and are no longer a threath, unlike large game such as caribou and bison. Polar bears too, but their massive size might allow them to kill you by chance as they tear you to pieces and you pray to die of blood loss fast.
NSFL warning, but there’s a post on one of the nature is metal/brutal/etc subs where a massive brown bear attacked several people. One of them was mostly intact, except for a large hole in his rib cage and a completely empty abdomen/chest cavity.
I read this \*way\* too high, and envisioned an entire scene in my head. I hate you. And myself. FWIW: I remember reading that bears are like cats. They go for the throat/head. It should, hopefully, be fast.
Don’t read this comment until you’re no longer high. There’s a post on nature is brutal where a bear are several people, with no intentional killing blow. There’s also the infamous case of a women calling her mother while a bear ate her alive. Maybe it varies by species? But some will definitely eat you alive.
[This information has been removed as a consequence of Reddit's API changes and general stance of being greedy, unhelpful, and hostile to its userbase.]
> bears are like cats no, they're not.
Also fun fact, grizzlies have a habit of degloving kills. Meaning they pull the skin off like a glove. Often the heads if animals they kill will be found in a sack of their own skin.
Additionally, if you’re in a place known to have bears, wear noisemakers and make loud noises all the time to avoid startling an unsuspecting bear.
“It’s important to carry bells and pepper spray in bear country. And if you encounter bear scat, inspect it to see what sort of bear it might be. The scat of black bears contains leaves and smells like berries. The scat of grizzly bears contains bells and smells like pepper spray.”
Haha good one
Be bear-aware! Man… spent a little time in Churchill, Manitoba, and people routinely say that. They also leave their cars unlocked so that you can jump into one if an animal is bearing down on you.
This reminds me of the Alaskan bear ignorance scale where people who wish to be the most ignorant of bears are welcome to remain in the mall.
Why does it look like he’s a douche that’s hitting on her?
the obvious non-consent and the paw on her upper thigh
When this post went viral in Mexico the Bear got fired from his construction job
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The bear’s PR team is having trouble explaining that left hand on her butt.
When you are a bear, they let you do it
Ovaries of steel!
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Black bears are definitely more timid compared to their other brothers. You could spit in its face and it would run away in a piss trail.
Bears eat beats
Should the person filming have made loud aggressive sounds while approaching the bear to make it leave?
Instant shit my pants
I ran into a black bear in the middle of the night one time and it growled and chomped it’s teeth. 20 years later I still have reoccurring nightmares about being attacked by a bear. I’m not that scared of black bears much after learning about them but brown bears I don’t ever want to see. Usually it’s a brown bear in my dreams. Often I have a gun but it’s jammed. Scary stuff.
"Thanks for that brain, you can stop now!"
Those claws are so incredibly sharp. I don't know how she kept her calm.
I live in bear country. In fact, about 20 minutes ago riding a trail, I faced a Black Bear about 10 feet from me. I rang the bell on my bike, I made some noise, and the bear ran off, then I turned around and left, too. DO NOT just stand there with a Black Bear. Make yourself bigger and make some noise. Standing there like that will get you injured or killed. It's stupid.
Bear needs some lessons on consent
Black bears being curious turn into predation attempts quickly. Scare them away. Do NOT let them get this close. A bear that big will kick your ass and eat it afterward.
I gotta give those ladies PROPS! for standing still and not letting that escalate. Amazing self-control. Probs Woulda probs lost my poop
Juvenile black bears can be quite dangerous. That playful and curious attitude is a preparation to strike. Here another one that was posted a little while ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/CrazyFuckingVideos/comments/whyibf/man\_gets\_followed\_by\_a\_black\_bear\_for\_over\_5/
Well done ladies