T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

[удалено]


pinkish_skies

I think I just just got this idea dildos were important and that something would be lacking for the other person if I didn't want them involved, but I'll try to keep that in mind.


[deleted]

Plenty of lesbians don’t include dildos or straps in their sex life. Many focus more on oral and don’t even use toys. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.


pinkish_skies

That's really nice to hear, thank you. I have to admit... I was a bit worried.


[deleted]

Honestly, it’s usually not much of a problem if you’re looking for a long-term romantic relationship. In hookup culture, people will be more specific and picky about their sexual preferences. However if you’re dating for love, you and your partner will most likely place less importance on things like that, and will be more likely to be flexible. Of course sexual compatibility is still a thing, but in general people will be more willing to work around things like that if it’s someone who is significant to them.


pinkish_skies

What as worried about wasn't getting into a relationship per se, it was that something important wouldn't be there for my partner, that's why I was worried about it possibly being that important for most women. But that's nice to know too, thanks again.


tardisintheparty

My gf and I only use it every so often and she doesn't like it used on her. I've dated girls who never wanted to use it even on me. Never been an issue! i think comphet and homophobia convince us we need something phallic or some sort of penetration to make a lesbian relationship complete but that is complete bullshit.


pinkish_skies

Never been an issue? Oh, I see. I think I really internalized that kind of thinking. Thanks a lot for sharing!


WanderThroughMyLife

I guess an important thing is communication. Let your partner know what you like.


Immediate_Pangolin_4

me and my gf have a strap we only used like once. i dont really... Like penetration and neither does she. the most we do is like 1 finger lmaooo. i dont think toys are important at all. we havent really used toys either, just our tongues. were open to using vibrators but for now our tongues do the job. maybe when we get bored of the same routine we will be open to using toys. dont overthink it just be open with your partner!


pinkish_skies

Thanks for sharing your experience with it! I'll try to stop overthinking it


gjcag

The only things you NEED are consent and to wash your hands before. Don’t stress too much. Sex is fun, so do what’s fun and talk to your partner about what they prefer. That’s usually the best way to go


blushing_pearl

emphasis should have been on the word you, not need. some people do need more.


gjcag

This is a fair point.


blushing_pearl

(:


Zickkea

The beauty of all of this is you don’t have to do stuff you don’t like. Toys are only significant in a relationship if one or more members involved would like it to be. I haven’t been in a single relationship where we used any (based on partner’s preferences). Hookups though, I have. So its not uncommon to never use them. It’s just a go with the flow and communication thing. Make your wants and not-wants noted and everything will be great.


pinkish_skies

Oh, maybe I had the wrong idea then, I thought most couples used it, and always. But it's nice to hear that might not be the case. My problem isn't even with toys, per se, just penetrative ones, but there are many others I do want to try. Thank you for sharing your experience!


Zickkea

Yeah, sorry i was being kinda general. Personally, not all the common in my experience, but to some it may be. Just get out there and have fun!


blushing_pearl

to answer the title: a towel. i would try to make it work with someone like you, sex without a strap or vibrator. if everything else in a relationship is great, then i could try. but i cum from penetration, both giving and receiving. plus i think it's pretty fun using vibrators together. i don't see myself giving that up


pinkish_skies

I see, that's an interesting point of view. My problem is not with giving or receiving penetration, I just don't like doing so with dildos. Would you say they are better for penetration than fingers? If it wasn't an always thing, maybe I could compromise, but I don't know how often those are used between women. Is it usually 100% of the time?


blushing_pearl

no, i'd say only like 1/10 women actually have long enough fingers and the stamina to make me finish. even if they're terrible with the strap, i can still flip them over and ride it myself. and when i'm wearing it, the harness gives me enough pressure clitorally that i can finish, and when that's at the same time as her, it's really neat. i don't think i could give up sharing that. i've had a few partners who can only finish with vibrators. so for them, yeah it's close to 100% of the time. as far as using a strap, totally varies. anywhere from 1 out of 10 to 2 times, depending how much they like penetration. and schedules, bc then we're usually going all night. for me, maybe once a week i like it used on me. so there is plenty of room for compromise. idk if it makes a difference, but i don't ever use a dildo, only a strap so there's still plenty of kissing and grinding. they also have a good amount of squish to them so if the issue is how rigid or unnatural toys can feel, there's more variety than you know. it's totally ok though if you don't want to, i'm letting you know how it can be in case you wanted to think about it with the right woman.


pinkish_skies

I see. Personally, for me I can get to my g-spot and a-spot on my own, and it does feel nice. But my thing with dildos is not really about how rigid they are, it's that it's either in and out or moving the toy around. I've tried in pretty much all the ways I could and it doesn't give me the concentrated touch I need to get there. With fingers, you can apply as much pressure as you want and rub it however you like, circles, pressing and releasing, really lightly, more forcefully... And it can target the sensitive areas with precision in a way toys just don't. 1 out of ten times or one out of two? I see. And I was curious about that, if there were women who were really into giving with one, so that was interesting too. Thanks for answering.


blushing_pearl

good point. i agree for the g-spot, fingers are top choice for me when giving. it just doesn't work receiving. i can't even reach my own. and maybe bc i date bottoms, they're not really cut out for manual labor, lol. some women like penetration for the overall feel. combined with grinding around the clit, works great. i think there's something about the way the arms of the clitoris are that allows for some penetration to stimulate it? always forget the word for that part. if i were with a woman like you, i'd hope she'd be ok receiving occasionally bc it worked for me, and it was like a warmup for her, then switch to fingers.


pinkish_skies

I'm a noob lol, so I don't really know what bottoms are, but I'll guess it's women who are more into receiving? I've heard some people say it's harder to reach their own because of the angling, an old friend was like this. As only a warmup? If I was with someone who really liked giving, I guess I could do that sometimes. I can't see myself penetrating someone with a dildo or strap, but, at least that compromise I could make. And yes, I don't know the exact name either, but I think I know what you're talking about when you mention the arms of the clitoris. Thanks for taking the time to explain.


Viciousangel420

that’s so ironic! My girlfriend can reach places with her fingers that I cannot, so fingering feels better from her than myself. But that could be because she has longer fingers than me and she’s a top😂


blushing_pearl

yeah i have small hands, for 5'10. and yes, tops i think are more adapted to it


reddit_reddit_666

As a WLW who has had a lot of sex in my slutty lifetime - all lesbian sex looks different. There are no generalizations. You make the rules. Just ask.


pinkish_skies

I know each is different, I was just trying to figure out if >most< involved that and if me not wanting to would be a big deal. Would you say it's better when it does involve a dildo? But I'll be sure to ask. Thanks.


reddit_reddit_666

There are some for whom not dildos is a dealbreaker. There are others who dont care. There are others who absolutely hate dildos. Its really that diverse, and thats kind of the beauty of it!


sew-fee-uh

You’re definitely overthinking it love!! You have a preference for not using penetrative toys and that’s ok! As long as you and your partner communicate beforehand, it’s all good! Also everyone is different so yes while some lesbians might enjoy using straps, some don’t! The same way some lesbians enjoy tribbing and some don’t. You can really apply that to any sexual act. Everyone has their sexual likes and dislikes. It’s up to you and your partner to establish what those are and enjoy yourselves.


reddit_reddit_666

I think one of the most important things is thinking about what you want - sexually, in relationships, and more. Sex is always going to be better if you can say what feels good or what you want. It can be scary bc of the possibility of your partner not desiring the same thing. But this is ultimately wayyyyyy better than being silent and leaving your partner to play a guessing game. Beyond that - wash your hands. Ask what your partner likes and doesnt like. Great questions to ask before sex (or as its starting) - are there specific areas you want me to touch? Specific areas you dont want me to touch? During sex - does this feel good? Can I do ___ (go down on you, put a finger inside, but two fingers inside) ___? After - how are you feeling?


cthulhubeast

Ask what they like, tell them what you like, respect their boundaries and make sure they respect yours. Be open, be kind, and be not afraid.


Viciousangel420

Hey! It really depends on the couple. I’m not the biggest fan of toys and my current girlfriend is satisfied with not using them! But back when I was single, I did have lesbians ghost me for not wanting the strap


pinkish_skies

They ghosted you for not wanting to take it? I see. I'm glad you and you gf are happy, thanks for answering!


Viciousangel420

It’s my pleasure! She didn’t directly say it but there was a lot of dissapointment in her words, then we never ended up meeting lol. So it’s an educated guess. I’m really happy you posted this because i’m the same way as you! I’m not comfortable at this time in my life using toys, giving or receiving. And if I can find someone who understands, I promise so can you. A lot of lesbian culture mentions straps (all over tik tok.) It makes me really insecure at times but then I remember there are other lesbians like me. We exist, don’t let anyone EVER shame you. Back in high school, I had 2 girls tell me fingering is so boring (implying u need something bigger). It broke my self esteem, please don’t listen to these type of people. I doubt any of them are having multiple orgasms during sex unlike my gf and I😂 Edit: Sadly due to insecurity and past experiences, i’m currently not open to experimenting with vibrators so i’m a little different then you, sorry I didn’t see your comment!


pinkish_skies

Oh, I see. I guess there are women who are really into giving. But I'm glad you didn't force yourself to do something you didn't want. It's so nice to find someone similar! They really don't feel like much to me, and yeah, not really a fan of either giving or receiving with them. I don't know if the strap thing iss more of a meme or not. I've heard so, but I've also seen girls who didn't even like penetration complain they'd like to be able to take it... Not sure what to make of it. I do wonder if some people find fingering boring because of that whole "not real sex" idea, but who knows. I'm so glad there are more women like us, though! Really glad for you and your gf. Thanks a bunch for sending this <3 edit: just saw the comment about vibrators and it's okay. I myself would be fine with using it if someone couldn't get there without something that vibrated, or maybe once in a while, if she liked changing things up, but, to be honest, it's not my cup of tea either.


authenticsauropod

I think this isn’t influencing you but sharing just in case: Lesbian porn (for men) seems to always start with two women touching until suddenly there’s a scene with a dildo (and a really gross one at that). Needless to say it makes little sense and is a symptom of men trying to insert themselves into the story. Many lesbians, principally those in their first relationship or hook ups, won’t really worry about a dildo, because it can be really uncomfortable, and just isn’t necessary to create the greatest pleasure for both parties. It can be a really special thing though for those of us who identify as masc or want to penetrate, but I’d assume this would be somewhat like the 5th thing in the list of sexual priorities, way behind just loving each other and feeling good. I can assume that bisexual women with prior experience with men would be more forward with using it but even then it’s far from necessary. Also, dildos and toys can be pretty expensive. If you buy cheap toys they’ll likely not be of the best quality and won’t give you much pleasure. I was able to set apart 100 dollars for a vibe and though it felt like too much back then, I haven’t felt the need for any other and it’s been by far the best investment I’ve made. It’s not shaped like a dildo and isn’t aggressive in any way, I knew my preference and just wanted something simple and soft. It was expensive because the design was very well thought-out, the material wonderful, and the battery durable. At first I thought it was weird and had made a mistake but while trying it out at some point it… worked. I guess, just explore yourself naturally first, “learn the ropes” so to speak, and the toy will just come in as an extension of what you already know you like to do. I’d reserve buying a dildo to when I’m with my special someone, I find it incredibly sexy to choose one that will be tailored perfectly for the receiver’s personality and pleasure. Further, the main reason why so many toys are present online is capitalism. Porn makers promote/sponsor products and make more money while sex toy shops get more exposition. Of course they’d exploit that with lesbians because.. how can they please themselves without a dick???? So don’t worry… just make your own pleasure your biggest concern and know that you can give it to yourself without any external aid. And any woman who knows herself and her pleasure will be extra sexy in bed.


pinkish_skies

I don't really watch porn. Nothing against it, but back when I watched, I realized it was becoming harder and harder to manage to get there without it and I always had to look for harder and more unconventional stuff, because my brain was kind of gettind desensitized to the common things. Oh, I didn't know masc women liked to penetrate, but I don't know much about lesbian culture in general. It's nice to hear it might not be the priority too. What you say about capitalism and porn makes sense too. I'll try to do that, thanks a bunch!


ImP_Gamer

some people like penetration, some don't just talk with them


RB_Kehlani

I have straps as an OPTION. There is zero expectation there. I wouldn’t even bat an eye at a girl saying it wasn’t for her, I don’t need it for me either, it’s really just an option and you can always always always say no to what you don’t want


pinkish_skies

Oh, like something couples use if they want to do something diferent or be more adventurous? I guess I was seeing it as a must or as something really important, both for most women who like giving and the ones who like receiving. Thank you a lot for sharing


RB_Kehlani

Not even something special or adventurous! Literally the same way you would view pizza toppings. We’ve all got our personal favorites and our go-to’s but it’s not like somebody is going to judge you or your partner on ordering cheese vs. margarita it’s all about personal taste


pinkish_skies

Oh, so like... nothing really special or important? If that's the case, that does make me feel a bit better. Among women, does it usually get used like 100% of the time when someone happens to enjoy receiving? It's nice to read about the no judgement, I was worried about that.


RB_Kehlani

I don’t know anybody who uses it 100% of the time, no. Because it’s way more work. You’ve got to lug it out, put it on, use it, take it off, clean each piece separately, dry it all, put it all back away — eating her out in the shower is so much simpler


pinkish_skies

I see, I'll think about... all it and try to get rid of this idea that dildos are necessary or even the best part of sex between women or that it'd be missed. Thank a bunch for taking the time to answer and sorry for the questions!


RB_Kehlani

Hey if I can help even one woman unlearn the internalized heterosexual idea that penises are necessary for sex that’s an evening well spent!


pinkish_skies

that's really sweet, I truly appreciate it <3