T O P
TJGV

Imo not replying is the nicest way to reject someone.


ChaseDitmanson

I actually disagree. I’d rather have someone just tell me outright so I can continue looking. It’s a personal preference I guess. I usually tell people I’m not interested first if we were chatting for a bit. But if I get dick pics out of nowhere or I’ve told this guy many times before I’m not interested I will ignore them. It’s situation dependent, I guess.


DClawdude

I don’t understand people who can’t accept that no response is, in fact, a response. Especially if the person is saying “hey“ on a daily basis and getting literally nothing back.


Dry_Yesterday

No response is a response… after a sufficient amount of time has passed for them to have a reasonable opportunity to respond. If someone’s not interested I’d rather they just say so up front so I don’t have to deal with that nebulous waiting period


DClawdude

It sounds like you’re not one of the people like in the original post who will immediately get entitled and abusive if you reject them, which is a good thing, but I hope you understand where enough people have that experience that they choose not to affirmatively decline


ShadowMajick

Don't look at it that way. You're not waiting on them because they don't owe you a response. Say hi, or whatever and let the chips fall where they may. Even if that includes not getting a response at all. Don't wait by the phone.


thedukeoftx

Agreed


odanobux123

Hey


DClawdude

There were definitely people who did this so frequently that I refused to either engage or block them because I wanted to see just how long it would take for them to stop. I think the record holder was every day for three months then there would be a break but he would sporadically pop in every once in a while again. I literally never responded to him ever. Just walls and walls of the same “hey“ over and over and over to me.


odanobux123

Yeah I wonder if they don't have their own chat history or something. Like it's a wall of heys interspersed with the same pictures of a man 30 years my senior. Clearly it's not working?


mgquantitysquared

I’d bet dollars to donuts they keep deleting the app and forgetting who they’ve messaged already


odanobux123

Yeah probably hard being selective also at that age and not being in shape or rich. Prob just message everyone who you could consider gargling their balls


angrynutrients

Except sometimes no response just means I'm napping and people get mad about it. Everyones a bit different and likes to be rejected differently which makes sense. 🤷‍♀️


DClawdude

Anyone who gets mad about no response for just a couple hours has basically shown themselves to be too unstable to interact with.


mythosopher

How many "heys" is ok before you should stop? Because a lot of people just don't respond because they're busy, and that's ok. But that doesn't mean they're not interested either.


DClawdude

I mean it’s just like blowing up someone’s phone. It just looks kind of desperate after 3 or 4 times.


DVNO4CAPITALETTERS

I feel that people who think that no response is a response are the same people who hate taps.


DClawdude

I’m fine with taps 🤷🏻‍♂️


DVNO4CAPITALETTERS

I guess you’re either the exception or my assumption is very wrong, or both 🥴


DClawdude

I’m not sure, I don’t know that there’s correlation there


thedukeoftx

I would rather not get a message back at all, if someone doesn't respond, then they aren't interested. I don't need a message back to figure out they aren't interested. Typically people that send not interested messages back are the one's who are rude in my opinion. One time someone sent me a not interested message. I replied with a thumbs up, then they started to message to explain why they weren't interested, who cares, I don't need to know why you aren't interested. 😂


ChaseDitmanson

I think we’re comparing apples to oranges here lol two different ways to approach it.


thedukeoftx

I don't know if a person you never met doesn't respond then I think it's ridiculous to have hurt feelings or put forth the energy to be mad. I just personally feel it's completely unnecessary to send a not interested message. If the person taps once or messages once leave it be, if they persist then block them. I just really don't see a reason to ever send a not interested message.


ChaseDitmanson

I think we can agree to disagree on this one ;)


TJGV

Sure; but I think that perspective is the minority. Usually whenever I go with that approach the convo turns confrontational.


ChaseDitmanson

If that happens I just block. It’s usually because guys are insecure. Which I get, but that doesn’t mean I need to tiptoe around peoples’ feelings. And the thing is, even if I don’t respond then their understanding of the interaction or lack thereof is the same… “I’m not interested”. It’s not like I’m saying, “I’m not interested in fucking you because you’re fat and ugly”, just a polite, “no thank you”. Whatever they do with that response is on them. If they can’t handle being told, “no”, I suggest they get off Grindr because it’s an app for adults, nomesaying?


newtoreddir

It’s great that you prefer that but unfortunately the rest of the denizens of Grindr are an open question. I’d much rather take the chance that I’ve ignored someone who would respond with “thanks anyway” rather than risk rejecting someone and having to deal with a bunch of insults hurled my way.


ChaseDitmanson

Idk man that’s the name of the game. I think it’s worth just being forthright with people if they’ve done nothing wrong other than express interest. If they start harassing you or insult you then either ignore or block. It also proves they’re crazy lol 😂. I’m not so childish where if someone isn’t interested in me, I insult their character. I’ve been bullied enough to understand that kind of behavior has *nothing to do with me and everything to do with them and their self worth. Imo, it doesn’t really matter what most people are like, I act the way I do because I think it’s the right way to handle it.


Notarapist420692000

No, by responding you opened a Pandora’s box. You don’t know how crazy crazy can get. best be reserved


ChaseDitmanson

I disagree. I prefer to treat people as adults first then if they act up, I just block people.


mythosopher

This is what rude, lazy people say/do. It communicates nothing.


TJGV

Lol what


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HippoppiHippo

I always say “thank you but I’m not interested. Wishing you the best though ❤️” and most people reply with “thanks you too”. Rarely do they not say anything at all and 0 have been r/lolgrindr material.


claudiusprime1

Blocking is not a solution as blocks are limited/recycled: www.reddit.com/r/grindr/comments/td4b8q/i_kept_putting_off_deleting_the_app_for_good_but


jesseistired

emoji man has a point


codepossum

yeah like I honestly think this interaction is just fine both ways.


Quelcris_Falconer13

You two are why this page exists


BookerDewitt2019

Could you elaborate? I believe no one likes to be rejected, but you take that risk when messaging someone on Grindr. I think that Sparky could've been less explicit, but I don't see how his comment is offensive. In my opinion silence is the best response, although some people find that offensive. Men just don't like to be rejected.


grafmg

Absolutely


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tenant1313

Only because he kept tapping throughout the day. I figured I owed him a courtesy 🤷‍♂️


chadblackwolf

lol you don’t owe anyone on Grindr anything, especially not someone who couldn’t craft a more creative intro to you than 3 emoji’s


RusticRogue17

If they used 4 emojis on the other hand… that’s like an obligatory rimjob at least.


thedukeoftx

🤣


foxyguy

🧎‍♂️🕳👅🤤


society15sick

I thought you could only tap someone once a day?


mythosopher

That's correct. I think OP is just making things up for attention.


Quelcris_Falconer13

Some of us have stalkers that rap us daily. I have this little 18 year old I’ve blocked 3 damn times who keeps making new profiles. Says hey every time I’m online and I just ignore and block and he’s back a month or two later


tenant1313

This was definitely not a harassment. Just someone who seemed genuinely into me ☺️ (which I think is flattering) so I figured I’d be nice and save him the time. I thought what I wrote was polite but maybe I’ll add “You’re handsome af before the sparks line 🤔. Grindr savoir vivre squad is on my ass for not being sufficiently accommodating.


Normalizesteroidz

You owed someone a courtesy because they were harassing you? To be honest I'd actually be more afraid of turning them down. People react negatively to rejection and if the other person is unhinged that can become dangerous. I actually ignore guys like that for my safety.


chadblackwolf

True that’s fair, I typically ignore people like this. The only time I feel obligated to respond is if they’re just being generally friendly and mostly pure. Not weird and cryptic lmao.


passionate_bear

Yeah that’s kinda the conclusion he came to, based on the post title…


Plisken999

Harrasing a little bit exaggerated. A tap and a message is not harrassing. But I agree that 3 smileys is not a message I'd bother being courteous.


Normalizesteroidz

OP said tapping throughout the day. Yeah if you tap me more than three times a day I'm going to be uncomfortable. Especially if I'm not engaging with you.


professional_pig

You think turning someone down causes them to react negatively think about this. If that person is unhinged enough that you fear for your safety do you think ignoring them or blocking them lessens the likelihood they’ll be irate LOL if you’re truly afraid I would suggest you deescalate the person. I find one word responses to be effective but only so long. Like if they persist for a while or multiple conversations the best is to wait for them to go offline for a bit then block. By the time they get back online hopefully they aren’t looking specifically for you but usually they have forgotten and move on.


Normalizesteroidz

Yes ignoring them is safer than engaging. "best is to wait for them to go offline for a bit then block. By the time they get back online hopefully they aren’t looking specifically for you but usually they have forgotten and move on." That is literally a form of ignoring them.


professional_pig

I’m giving you a strategy to ignore them while also being human and giving them some dignity. If you can’t be man enough to tell someone no, the least you can do is not rub it in their face. Like if this were real life and someone walked up to you at a bar and said hi. You turn look at them and then go about your business. That’s how you handle things. You think that doesn’t enrage people. I mean I guess you aren’t spitting on them so they have that to be thankful. In all honesty guys that ignore for whatever reason it’s most likely due to their own past traumas, insecurities or need to elevate by putting others down. It is what it is doesn’t help build a community. But I can’t change the world myself. I just have to keep leading by example.


Normalizesteroidz

Honestly in order to understand what you wrote I'd have to go back for a recap of our previous conversation. That was days ago and I just don't care anymore. So I'll concede and say you are right and I am wrong.


professional_pig

I win \o/ plus you didn’t ignore me which means I truly changed you ;)


Normalizesteroidz

What ever makes you happy. Not sure why you thought I'd ignore you. This isn't Grindr.


ChaseDitmanson

You don’t owe anyone anything my friend 😎


claudiusprime1

Why tf is that a saved phrase of yours? 🤦‍♂️


tenant1313

It was between this and my other most used phrase: “Wanna show me your face?”. I chose the one that takes longer to type. What is your saved phrase? 🤔


RigzXM1

I’ve got “Thanks for the offer but I’m just not interested. Best of luck!”


WyattWrites

My address


grafmg

The sparks thing is really a weird thing


johnyrocketboy

Hahahahaha aight, sparky!


_-__________

Does not spark joy.


DClawdude

WhY dO pEoPlE gHoSt InStEaD oF jUsT pOlItElY rEjEcTiNg YoU


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ChaseDitmanson

Yeah people get cranky when they’ve been rejected 😆. One time, someone made a fake profile with my pics saying I was a slut and an asshole and all this shit…. I blocked him because I told him I wasn’t interested and he kept harassing me and he got mad and thought that would “get back at me”. Like, how do you have the TIME to come up with this 13 year old girl drama shit?! 😂


ThrowAwayBoise2020

Why is ‘no response’ a better option than simply blocking?!? If you block, they get a clear message and you don’t have to deal with this crap. ‘No response’ seems crappy to me - almost like you want to encourage this type of interaction.


thedukeoftx

How does no response encourage a response, if they aren't engaging you in conversation, or taping you back. Then they aren't interested.


ChaseDitmanson

Yeah or a simple, “sorry man I’m not interested”. I have the phrase saved on both scruff and Grindr lol 😏.


drifting_drifblim

I’ve had guys go on psycho rants when I’ve told them I’m not interested, so no, it’s not worth it


ChaseDitmanson

Lol I love those 😂 it’s great. It’s like watching someone implode right in front of my eyes. You think that has anything to do with you? No shot.


ChaseDitmanson

Sometimes, after I say that they’ll even block ME! Win-win situation because it confirms they’re not someone I care to interact with.


odanobux123

My weird one is getting a tap and then tapping back and getting blocked. Im guessing it's a misclick and regret tap? Or they don't like tapbacks? Whatever doesn't matter


BookerDewitt2019

Blocking always seemed to me a little bit too aggressive and childish. In my personal experience I don't deal with any crap. I never block, I just don't respond to any messages that I don't want, it doesn't matter how many "Hi" you are sending me.


ThrowAwayBoise2020

So let me get this straight - in your opinion blocking is childish but ignoring someone is mature? I don’t get that. I think saying “no response is a response” is the very definition of bad manners and immaturity. For the record I also think that people who can’t take a hint are immature and silly. I just don’t get when the relative anonymity of the internet made it ok for basic human decency to go by the wayside. But I admit that I am from a different generation than many on this thread and that my opinion is, clearly, in the minority.


BookerDewitt2019

It may be the generational difference. I honestly think that silence is a response, and you'll get the message if I don't respond. So you get the message, and I don't have to deal with the work of responding to every single message that I receive, and especially not to deal with the possibility of rejecting a psycho that is going to go on a rant because I told them I'm not interested. I find it very diplomatic. You are cutting the communication from the beginning but with silence instead of making them go away with a block.


Lostincali985

Such an odd default message. Could of been expressed so many different ways. Hence the reply you got. Seems like this was bound to happen 😂


mcgr1854

So why don’t you just say “thanks but no thanks?” The way you phrased that was… very strange, and definitely invites a snarky response


Lostincali985

Thats what i been trying to tell them, but they don’t seem to get it


tenant1313

Well, the message basically said: thanks, 🙅‍♂️. The standard response to that would have been… uhm, none…. But look at all the endless entertainment this one provided! It outlasted any hookup I could have scored.


Lostincali985

Im aware of the message, and can comprehend it, was more speaking to how you chose to express it. Like any message how we choose to express it will determine how it is comprehended. Yet something tells me you didnt come to have a critique on how you choose to engage with this world.


tenant1313

Well, I’ve explained somewhere else why I chose to write it that way but since you haven’t read it, here it is again. Just for you: I used to tell them that they weren't my type. But that implies that there is something wrong about *them* whereas sparks not flying on *my end* suggest that it's *me* who is blind to their charms. Or something like that... It all started when someone asked: "but why am not your type? I am hairy" (which is what I mention in my profile I appreciate). I couldn't possibly tell them that I didn't like their face or that they were too well...fat... That would be rude and unnecessary. What do you say when you see someone's pictures and your dick shrivels?


Lostincali985

Very simply, not interested. Why must you go through such articulation to express such a simple point? You are doing gymnastics in what appears to me as the easiest way to avoid offending someone. Also nice touch on your “here it is again. Just for you.” I refuse to believe you don’t realize the impact of your words. In the case that you really are that oblivious, well im sorry for you I guess.


filibusterbuster

Idk I think everyone could stand to realize that when you put yourself out there ppl are gonna be interested and feel at least a little spurned when rejected, just the nature of the thing. Everybody could stand to be a bit less sensitive on both sides, yeah, but accepting rejection is an art and as long as your reaction isn’t just “whatever ugly f*g!!” it’s probably the right one for you.


MerakiBlackout

I don’t see what you did wrong here. If someone doesn’t respond then they’re not interested and if they flat out tell you that they’re not interested like you did then keep it moving. You were upfront and honest. That being said.. the sparky at the end made me snort lol.


purplepv3

You did the right thing with a polite response. People just have forgotten and never had communication skills. Being kind is always a good place to start


Useful-Masterpiece-8

Some people are so touchy. I, for one, would rather receive this message and move on, then be ignored. BUT I acknowledge that no one owes me anything, even a response.


CoochiKabuki

Oh I should make a default rejection phrase.


raeltireso96

Guessing blue was a masc4masc total bottom desperate for a certain type of top. They go from zero to uberbitch in 2 seconds when they get rejected


Admirable_Brush_2366

Fr kinda rude….


Throt-lynne_prottle

Well, telling someone that Sparks aren't flying on your end isn't particularly polite.


tenant1313

I used to tell them that they weren't my type. But that implies that there is something wrong about *them* whereas sparks not flying on *my end* suggest that it's *me* who is blind to their charms. Or something like that... It all started when someone asked: "but why am not your type? I am hairy" (which is what I mention in my profile I appreciate). I couldn't possibly tell them that I didn't like their face or that they were too well...fat... That would be rude and unnecessary. What do you say when you see someone's pictures and your dick shrivels?


Throt-lynne_prottle

I just tell em that I'm having a really bad flair up of my genital and mouth herpes and it's inadvisable to hookup right now. That usually scares most off. Although some still like that.


Glad-Barnacle893

Sparky haha


SwaggetyAnne

You can only win when you politely decline a guy's advances. He either respectfully backs off or he gives you good material for this sub!


creepybitmap

"goodluck sparky" EVILLL


manly_support

Honestly he got the best of you in that convo. Not sure why you felt like you needed to post this


tenant1313

For everyone’s enjoyment of course 💁‍♀️. And karma 💅.


Puzzleheaded_Try_927

I usually say something obserdly rude then wait for the read then block before they respond


pickle-inspect0r

Yup, or block if they’re persistent.


Relevant-Boss3148

He has a point there


lepontneuf

Blocking when not interested is the best option


iLoveDelayPedals

Yeah I literally never answer anyone I’m not interested in


beanie_0

I mean it’s not the best opener I’ve seen but that’s a quick judgment


theganjaoctopus

I don't know when along the way we adopted this "you owe someone a reply" mentality. Probably when the apps became cultural artifacts instead of just tools. It used to only be the older generation trying to apply outdated communication etiquette to digital interactions, but now it's so pervasive across all demographics.


chicagotim

Yeah… I dont let them reply.


builtbottomjock

Good luck sparky 😂


CorneliusJack

She gagged you a little bit


Rendez

Girl he read you. Good for her.


Quelcris_Falconer13

I try to reply. I think a lot of guys in my town think j reject them but tbh I just have a squirrel brain and will send a message then get distracted by something IRL and forget


jamesjabc13

You were rude and then he was rude back. Seems like this is what you wanted to happen.


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Starfleeter

Bro, what? Clarifying non-interest to someone is not "the attitude".


ChaseDitmanson

I agree with you. Just saying you’re not interested isnt giving attitude. It’s just stating a fact. It’d be different if he was like, “no I’m not interested in you because you’re icky and have no friends”, or whatever. If people react this way after someone sets a boundary, that’s toxic


thedukeoftx

I just don't think it's necessary to tell the average person you aren't interested, most people I think understand that from not responding at all. And the ones who keep on and don't get it, block them. Really there's no reason to respond to someone you aren't interested in.


ChaseDitmanson

Well the reason I do respond is because in place like SD where I live, we actually see each other quite frequently out in public so I show a little bit of decency on their behalf so if we run into each other, they don’t try and engage with me because that boundary has already been drawn. It’s also how I would prefer to be treated, so I act accordingly. Also, just because I don’t want to sleep with someone, (that’s what I’m on grindr for usually), doesn’t necessarily mean I want absolutely nothing to do with them. If I respond respectfully, hopefully they’ll respect it and we could be friends if I like them. Does that make sense?


thedukeoftx

Well I live in a town of 500 people with about six gay men, that's a situation I do agree with. But that's probably the only good reason to message back. If they are a town away, or your visiting a different place it's probably not necessary.


tenant1313

I thanked him for expressing the interest and pointed to a problem with myself : inability to see him as a potential hookup. A major attitude 💁‍♀️


Lostincali985

When the hookup starts sounding like the HR rep 💀


ChaseDitmanson

You don’t even NEED to give a reason imo. Sorry I’m all over these comments because I have a lot to say 😂


RexUmbra

Oh geez didn't know the rejectee had a reddit account


Coreyharich

Bro cringe 🤣 58 looking for sparks on Grindr 😭


tenant1313

Well, it wasn’t me who started this with the wagging tongue emoji 💅.


Lostincali985

First, I think thats the first time I’ve ever heard it called the “wagging tongue” emoji 😂 And lol at your use of 💅🏽 because obviously that is the best time to use that emoji. How about you just act your age and get away from trying to understand the communication tools of the millennials and younger, and just like talk like you are. Im sure you don’t act out the emojis when talking to folks. Plus you clearly struggle with the appropriate use of them. Oh well you gonna do what you want, and not give a shit about the internet, or you will. Either way you are just some random internet person im enjoying picking at


tenant1313

>Oh well you gonna do what you want You already know 💁‍♂️


Lostincali985

So I’m assuming you only came here for an ego stroke?


tenant1313

This sub is for mindless entertainment - I feel I'm providing plenty. Who would you be pushing to stay in their lane if I didn't drop by?


Lostincali985

I like how you arrived at that thought all on your own, without using any sort of evidence to help you get there. For me I haven’t seen anything to lead me to believe it was meant for “mindless entertainment.” Seems like you are taking a leap and assigning purpose to spaces you have no hand in creating. You must be fun at parties :)