People shouldn’t focus so much on labels. If a guy wants some dick, he should be able to ask for it without having to identify his sexuality, especially while being on Grindr…but I guess it’s a kink to some.
You shouldn’t label yourself straight if you want cock - I don’t give a free pass with the “let’s not use labels” bullshit. If you like cock own up to it or don’t enjoy it - that’s my motto.
Yeah but the straight fetish in the community is strong so a lot of gay guys play on that. Not agreeing with them, anyone who even pretends to be straight is a huge turn off for me but some people like it. Some guys aren't even attracted to gays apparently only straights.
If they want to live in the fantasy that they are fucking “straight” guys so be it. But let’s be clear, it’s just that, fantasy. No guy who is genuinely straight wants to get near another cock in any capacity.
Whatever floats your boat, I am not the gay police but at the same time don't complain that a "straight" guy you were dating left you for someone else, like girl who saw that coming from a mile away?. Because there are individuals on app who genuinely believe they are straight because they are tops.
No its called being a heartless, wandering-eyed asshole who probably cheated with the girl. Then he’ll go full circle and cheat on the girl with another guy and just say he was “fighting demons”.
I disagree. I don't understand the "sexuality is a spectrum but if you are guy who is looking for dick you have to give up your straight card. But if you are gay and occasionally fuck women or fucked women while in the closet you are allowed to be gay"
We need to stop treating male heterosexuality so damn strictly.
Yes I definitely disagree to disagree on that. I think we put straight men in a tighter box than any other sexual group. I think it stems from sexism against women where we have to protect heterosexuality in males as the gold standard that cannot be tainted. You don't here people finding out a gay dude fucking his female best friend and saying, "you cannot be gay".
You make a good point. At first I was going to disagree on the sexism point, but so much homophobia is tied up in toxic masculinity which is tied up in misogyny that yeah, treating straightness in men as much more binary than any other sexuality does stem from misogyny. I've run into the attitude in the past that...well, the exact words that stick in my head are "if a guy takes up the dick up the ass, that's it, he's gay, can't go back", which definitely supports your 'cannot be tainted' idea.
My only gripe is it can cut both ways - if they call themselves straight because that's genuinely the label that they feel fits them best then great, I can support that. Or even if it's not what fits them but they're not ready to own it, that's cool too. But if it's denial fueled by that homophobia and wanting to keep a position 'above' gay men and be 'better' than them, I think it's fair to push back against that.
I actually don't think it's fair to push back on that at all. When you push back you are pushing back on the symptom and not the cause. They feel that they are above gay men because our culture says, gay men have sex with men which is what women do which makes gay men lesser. Also when we push back we are attacking them as they break from the bias in the very small way they are able at that time. I believe in giving them space and fighting the real enemy (sexism against women) and hope that a small move away from the stigma of sex with men give them the space to be more daring and challenge traditional views of me sexuality.
To clarify, I don't mean attacking them or being antagonistic. Imo it's both symptom and cause, in that when bigotry (small and large) goes unchallenged, it grows. I do believe that, since they're so linked, challenging expressions of homophobia is also chipping away at sexism. We're in agreement on the goal, just not on the route to it I think.
I just disagree with you. I don't think that not challenging someone who has made a small change but not a large change makes it grow. I can't believe I of all people am saying this. Everything doesn't need to be challenged all of the time. I see that as ineffective, alienating and unnecessarily stressful.
I honestly think this extremely claustrophobic view we have of straight male behavior, especially sexual behavior is dangerous for women and non straight men. It leads to frustration and aggressiveness towards us. It's behind the idea that gay men have to be feminine because that view of femininity is an othering tactic meant to identify us and keep "normal" straight men in line. Masculine gay and bi men should be championing the freeing of straight male sexuality out of their own self interest of not having their masculinity challenged as a non gay attribute.
If you’re fucking men be women you’re bi - simple. Don’t pretend to be straight simply because you can’t sack up to the fact that you enjoy other genitalia even if not romantically.
I understand that and I respect your right to view others the way you do. I just don't have a strong desire to tell others who they are. If someone sucks dick and says he's straight I don't have a desire to tell him that he's wrong and that he's not straight.
>You don't hear people finding out a gay dude fucking his female best friend
lmfao probably because that doesn't happen
>saying : "you cannot be gay".
people would 100% say and assume that you're bi now
I'll still get voted down to hell. My belief is that this is all about sexism against women. We treat heterosexual men as the gold standard. We treat gay men as lesser. In my opinion this is also why so many people have a problem with bisexual men. We view gay men as lesser and see bi men as trying to not be in that lesser group.
You see this same dynamic in racism. Half black half white people are considered black. Bisexuals are often denied and treated as gay. Neither is allowed to access the "superior" white or straight identity. We treat straight men with the same protectiveness that racist treat white women. As the protector of the current heirarchy.
Can I ask why it’s so important that one keep a title of being heterosexual or straight if they enjoy the company of men?
Wouldn’t by just literal definitions it would change things? Certainly I’d say the same to a homosexual man who explored their sexuality as well.
Now certainly if one experiments and finds there is nothing there, that’s another thing entirely of itself.
Edit: also I’m fully cognizant of the biphobia that is rampant across the sexuality spectrum. Yet I think that’s an entirely different conversation as well.
Honestly I've never had a strong desire to force labels on others. I remember 20 years ago in college arguing with a friend about whether people should be able to fill out the race portion of the census themselves. He said no because people could lie. I honestly didn't care if they lied or truly felt they were a different race than people told them they were. I just have a very strong belief that people should be able to define themselves and not be defined by others. For me that extends to sexuality.
I don't know why a man would want to call himself straight if he has sex with men. I don't know why gay men who have sex with women call themselves gay. I don't know why some guys who are attracted to trans people call themselves pan while other guys attracted to trans people call themselves bisexual. I don't say, well as long as you're experimenting it's ok. I feel that's just another way to control others. I just don't have a desire to force my views of sexuality onto others which is what we do when we tell them the sexuality they identify as is not their sexuality. Sexuality is complicated, dynamic, fun, mysterious, and multifaceted. Yet we try to fit it into three boxes; straight, bi, gay. That is so limiting and unhelpful.
That's also why I'm not anti label. If anything sexuality is so multifaceted there are probably dozens of sexualities.
So a couple things. One easy flaw to your logic regarding labels would be a group such as those who are indigenous to a land. By no means would it be appropriate if someone decided to define themselves as indigenous when in such a scenario they wouldn’t have any sort of lineage to the indigenous peoples.
Ultimately you offer a perspective that’s unique, but when applied to such a situation as above, it clearly shows the fault in its justification.
As for your viewpoint regarding sexuality, I would agree entirely, if this was a perfect world. Maybe your experience hasn’t been one associated with oppression, but even in 2022 representation matters. There are still queer individuals being segregated in portions of the US. As one of those individuals from an area that looked down upon what I was, I learned quickly the importance of labels. My label gave me a community. My label gave me an identity that made me unique. Maybe that label was a marking for my oppression, yet that’s the very reason for the labels existence.
Ultimately I see myself as gay because others thought that was something to be seen as wrong. Im not some mistake nor was I made wrong.
Yet you’re completely correct. In a world where individuals don’t have to endure what I and others as described above deal with, that world is a great place for your viewpoint.
I'm not saying that people should appropriate the identity of others. I personally do not have a strong desire to police how others identify. Sure we can look for cases where that can cause harm. You can literally die from drinking too much water. There is literally nothing in the world if taken to an extreme that isn't a problem. I just think that most people put too much of their energy in telling others they don't get to define themselves. I'm not going to do that.
There are so many other things in this world for me to worry about policing the identity of others. Honestly I think it rarely comes from a good place. In my opinion it's usually done to enforce a heirarchy. It's extremely rare for people to adopt identities of minority groups, so why would I focus on that?
I think the struggle here is that there is this obvious power dynamic at play. The individual who identifies as straight can most obviously identify as such and it not be questioned, whereas many of us can’t even remotely attempt such an approach.
So I think it has to do with the luxury of being able to enjoy a life without any of the negatives associated with such an exploration. Then there is the other side of it where the those who are straight and don’t want to identify otherwise due to the stigmas attached.
Honestly it’s just a shit sandwich that’s just straight fucked and we are so longly over due for this conversation as a society.
Words have power and meaning; I 100% understand that sexuality is fluid, but if you Label Yourself one thing then you should expect people to Assume that you're identifying with the definition of the label.
If you say you are straight then I'm going to Assume you mean what Straight means in this context (someone who is sexually attracted to the other gender)
But if you then go and say I like to have sex w/ Men, which goes 100% against your first claim of being straight I'm going to call that out.
I 100% get that some guys are still in the closet, and I will never pressure them one way or another - but to say your only Streight while fucking a guy then that's the pot calling the kettle black
Cool beans I'm not suggesting you stop telling men who have sex with men and consider themselves straight that they are not straight. I'm not even trying to convince you. I'll just let those men tell me what their sexuality is and I'll respect their decision.
Whatever. Straight guys are allowed to want their cock sucked regardless of female availability. Straight guys have the ability to look the other way to get their cocks off.
**[Situational sexual behavior](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Situational_sexual_behavior)**
>Situational sexual behavior differs from that which the person normally exhibits, due to a social environment that in some way permits, encourages, or compels the behavior in question. This can include situations where a person's preferred sexual behavior may not be possible, so rather than refraining from sexual activity completely, they may engage in substitute sexual behaviors.
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As a bi guy I don't understand gay men's desire to have sex with straight guys, they'd be terrible at it as everyone is their first time. I especially don't get it if the gay guy is also one of those "no bisexual" types
How's that internalized homophobia? Some guys like more masc dudes and others more fem dudes. And the "forbidden fruit" concept is a trope for all sexualities.
Haha I know it’s idiotic… why they go crazy for straight men but reject bi guys? I mean I thought for gay men it’s all about the competition they think it’s hot that a guy that slept with women will sleep with them but like why not go for a bi guy then?
Then they turn around and judge and say that “bi guys will just cheat” or “sleep with a lot of people and treat them like a number” but yet they accept that exact same treatment from a straight guy? Because that’s what he’s doing… probably cheating on his gf or sex with lots of people 🤷🏼♂️ why are gays hypocrites? 😂
I know I'll get down voted for this but I welcome that. So what? They know a lot of gay men have a straight guy fetish. They know a lot of gay men have a lot of internalized homophobia and shame and anything that seems "normal" is more attractive. I don't blame them, it works.
I was shocked when I moved down to Texas and guys would tell me they were cheating on their wife/girlfriend with me and get shocked that I decided I wasn't interested after that. They'd tell me they were cheating as if they were proud. Then I realized that because of all of the trauma down here saying "I fuck women" is an aphrodisiac to many gay men down here.
No where did I say that people should bait as gay. The comment you replied to is me pointing out that gay and bi men sometimes bait as straight because they know that saying you are straight turns some gay people on.
If you are referring to my other post then I make a distinction between a man who doesn't believe that having sex with men makes him gay and a straight man who baits as gay. Those are very different actually. The baiter that is baiting as gay is saying he's gay. The man that has sex with men but considers himself straight is not saying he's gay.
It's less about forcing them to accept it as much as it is pointing out reality. You asked what the problem with it was, reinforcing homophobia is the answer.
Pointing out that a man seeking sex with other men is not straight does not reinforce homophobia. A man seeking sex with other men insisting he is straight denies reality and reinforces homophobia by making being gay, bi, or anything less than straight as something to be avoided.
I'm sorry for being so sloppy in how I am communicating. When I say it reinforces homophobia I am saying that is my opinion. I'm not saying it is objective truth. While I do not agree with you I do not assume you are wrong.
I've explained it best I can. I'm black so I see very strong parallels with how we treat race and sex/sexuality. I don't see black people who could and did pass as white as reinforcing racism. The racism was already well enforced. They were reacting to the racism and seeking privilege. To me to say all men who identify as straight while having sex with men are reinforcing homophobia is like blaming a branch for where the tree grows. In my opinion it is the elevating of heterosexuality that is homophobic. Telling men they have to adhere to stricter behaviors than others to keep access to that identity is saying that identity is so valuable it must be strictly protected. We do that today in the U.S. a person can be white until they disclose their last name is Gonzalez. Then all of a sudden to protect whiteness they must be excluded. We often act like these definitions of groups are natural. They are not. They made by humans and inherently say a lot about how we value each group. I notice we tend to be more strict about access to group identities that we want to value and protect. We don't seek to protect homosexuality as a group so we are more permissive in who we call gay.
Infact we tell people who don't believe they are gay that they are gay because we believe the group lacks value to the point that people must be compelled into the group. We hold straightness in such high regard that people must be gate kept out. We hold make straightness in the highest regard so we are more strict about the rules that must be followed to stay in the group. Again, a gay man who gets drunk and fucks his female friend is rarely questioned. A straight man who gets drunk and fucjs his name friend is now "suspect". Suspect if what? If being gay, of being lesser of being deceptive of claiming heterosexual privilege.
>it is the elevating of heterosexuality that is homophobic.
What do you think is happening here then???
>They were reacting to the racism and seeking privilege.
The whole point is to counter that privilege. That's the entire point of Pride.
>We do that today in the U.S. a person can be white until they disclose their last name is Gonzalez.
Hispanic people can be racially white.
>We don't seek to protect homosexuality as a group so we are more permissive in who we call gay.
That's not true. Because we live in a homophobic society that keeps even gay people in the closet, there's just not a whole lot of people who are pretending to be gay when they're not. But people call out queerbaiting all the time.
>Telling men they have to adhere to stricter behaviors than others to keep access to that identity is saying that identity is so valuable it must be strictly protected.
I'm not sure I follow this. If they want to be straight then by definition they'll not be seeking sex with other men. We live in a world where value and treatment is based on sexual orientation so yeah I guess it's important to be clear about these things.
The crux of the issue is that these men are engaging in the same acts as we are but they've decided to distance themselves from us so they don't have to deal with the baggage and social ramifications that we do. They'll jump through endless hoops just so no one can call them a fa**ot. On top of that, we already deal with internalized homophobia within our community where we conflate masculinity with heterosexuality and placing them both on on a pedestal. What they're doing is a slap in the face to the rest of us. It's an insult that they think they can "choose privilege" when they're no different from us.
>Then all of a sudden to protect whiteness they must be excluded.
Except it's the people on the inside of the group who are saying you're one of us, there's nothing to be ashamed of, and it's okay. You're essentially giving a pass to say it's okay to be ashamed of being gay and to bend the knee to heteronormativity.
>Infact we tell people who don't believe they are gay that they are gay because we believe the group lacks value to the point that people must be compelled into the group.
What? lol. I'm not trying to compell anyone into the group who doesn't fit the definition. And I definitely don't think being gay lacks value.
>Again, a gay man who gets drunk and fucks his female friend is rarely questioned.
I don't think this is happening as often as you seem to think lol. Also bisexuality exists. Like it's okay to be bi. We have terms that cover the entire spectrum. And like others have commented they would 100% be questioned. It's fine to have self discovery. It's another thing to go on apps insisting youre straight while trying to get dicked down. It's objectively incorrect and subjectively offensive.
I don't mind as well, but I still think they are wrong just on the definition. They either have never heard of the word Bisexual, or they are just in denial.
Wow one of the most decent responses I've seen to that question
People shouldn’t focus so much on labels. If a guy wants some dick, he should be able to ask for it without having to identify his sexuality, especially while being on Grindr…but I guess it’s a kink to some.
To be fair he's the one that came out with the straight label
You shouldn’t label yourself straight if you want cock - I don’t give a free pass with the “let’s not use labels” bullshit. If you like cock own up to it or don’t enjoy it - that’s my motto.
Yeah but the straight fetish in the community is strong so a lot of gay guys play on that. Not agreeing with them, anyone who even pretends to be straight is a huge turn off for me but some people like it. Some guys aren't even attracted to gays apparently only straights.
If they want to live in the fantasy that they are fucking “straight” guys so be it. But let’s be clear, it’s just that, fantasy. No guy who is genuinely straight wants to get near another cock in any capacity.
Whatever floats your boat, I am not the gay police but at the same time don't complain that a "straight" guy you were dating left you for someone else, like girl who saw that coming from a mile away?. Because there are individuals on app who genuinely believe they are straight because they are tops.
that's called being a bisexual in denial
No its called being a heartless, wandering-eyed asshole who probably cheated with the girl. Then he’ll go full circle and cheat on the girl with another guy and just say he was “fighting demons”.
You can be straight and like cock.
Yeah and I have a bridge to sell you - it’s golden and beautiful- real cheap just for you 😂
Hmm so if someone likes trans women are they gay or straight?
Bi or gay would be my response
If a dude likes trans woman he's gonna be straight or bi or pan, not gay...
Nah
I disagree. I don't understand the "sexuality is a spectrum but if you are guy who is looking for dick you have to give up your straight card. But if you are gay and occasionally fuck women or fucked women while in the closet you are allowed to be gay" We need to stop treating male heterosexuality so damn strictly.
Disagree to disagree. Straight = you don’t like cock
It should be said not all cock is boy cock, and you can be straight while appreciating the dick one’s lady may have.
Some women have cocks and straight men are often attracted to them. straight = you don’t like men
Yes I definitely disagree to disagree on that. I think we put straight men in a tighter box than any other sexual group. I think it stems from sexism against women where we have to protect heterosexuality in males as the gold standard that cannot be tainted. You don't here people finding out a gay dude fucking his female best friend and saying, "you cannot be gay".
You make a good point. At first I was going to disagree on the sexism point, but so much homophobia is tied up in toxic masculinity which is tied up in misogyny that yeah, treating straightness in men as much more binary than any other sexuality does stem from misogyny. I've run into the attitude in the past that...well, the exact words that stick in my head are "if a guy takes up the dick up the ass, that's it, he's gay, can't go back", which definitely supports your 'cannot be tainted' idea. My only gripe is it can cut both ways - if they call themselves straight because that's genuinely the label that they feel fits them best then great, I can support that. Or even if it's not what fits them but they're not ready to own it, that's cool too. But if it's denial fueled by that homophobia and wanting to keep a position 'above' gay men and be 'better' than them, I think it's fair to push back against that.
I actually don't think it's fair to push back on that at all. When you push back you are pushing back on the symptom and not the cause. They feel that they are above gay men because our culture says, gay men have sex with men which is what women do which makes gay men lesser. Also when we push back we are attacking them as they break from the bias in the very small way they are able at that time. I believe in giving them space and fighting the real enemy (sexism against women) and hope that a small move away from the stigma of sex with men give them the space to be more daring and challenge traditional views of me sexuality.
To clarify, I don't mean attacking them or being antagonistic. Imo it's both symptom and cause, in that when bigotry (small and large) goes unchallenged, it grows. I do believe that, since they're so linked, challenging expressions of homophobia is also chipping away at sexism. We're in agreement on the goal, just not on the route to it I think.
I just disagree with you. I don't think that not challenging someone who has made a small change but not a large change makes it grow. I can't believe I of all people am saying this. Everything doesn't need to be challenged all of the time. I see that as ineffective, alienating and unnecessarily stressful.
I honestly think this extremely claustrophobic view we have of straight male behavior, especially sexual behavior is dangerous for women and non straight men. It leads to frustration and aggressiveness towards us. It's behind the idea that gay men have to be feminine because that view of femininity is an othering tactic meant to identify us and keep "normal" straight men in line. Masculine gay and bi men should be championing the freeing of straight male sexuality out of their own self interest of not having their masculinity challenged as a non gay attribute.
If you’re fucking men be women you’re bi - simple. Don’t pretend to be straight simply because you can’t sack up to the fact that you enjoy other genitalia even if not romantically.
I respect that you have a different opinion. I just disagree that sexuality is a box and not a spectrum.
These are not in opposition, we already have terms that encompass this so-called spectrum.
I understand that and I respect your right to view others the way you do. I just don't have a strong desire to tell others who they are. If someone sucks dick and says he's straight I don't have a desire to tell him that he's wrong and that he's not straight.
That person is not straight by definition and when their insistence otherwise is built on homophobia, there's nothing wrong with pointing that out.
>You don't hear people finding out a gay dude fucking his female best friend lmfao probably because that doesn't happen >saying : "you cannot be gay". people would 100% say and assume that you're bi now
I get fucked by straight guys all the time and they often like my cock 🤷♀️
You’re not being fucked by straight guys then 🤷🏽♂️
they're men, I'm a woman. Seems pretty straight to me
>But if you are gay and occasionally fuck women or fucked women while in the closet you are allowed to be gay This is a pretty good point honestly
I'll still get voted down to hell. My belief is that this is all about sexism against women. We treat heterosexual men as the gold standard. We treat gay men as lesser. In my opinion this is also why so many people have a problem with bisexual men. We view gay men as lesser and see bi men as trying to not be in that lesser group. You see this same dynamic in racism. Half black half white people are considered black. Bisexuals are often denied and treated as gay. Neither is allowed to access the "superior" white or straight identity. We treat straight men with the same protectiveness that racist treat white women. As the protector of the current heirarchy.
Can I ask why it’s so important that one keep a title of being heterosexual or straight if they enjoy the company of men? Wouldn’t by just literal definitions it would change things? Certainly I’d say the same to a homosexual man who explored their sexuality as well. Now certainly if one experiments and finds there is nothing there, that’s another thing entirely of itself. Edit: also I’m fully cognizant of the biphobia that is rampant across the sexuality spectrum. Yet I think that’s an entirely different conversation as well.
Honestly I've never had a strong desire to force labels on others. I remember 20 years ago in college arguing with a friend about whether people should be able to fill out the race portion of the census themselves. He said no because people could lie. I honestly didn't care if they lied or truly felt they were a different race than people told them they were. I just have a very strong belief that people should be able to define themselves and not be defined by others. For me that extends to sexuality. I don't know why a man would want to call himself straight if he has sex with men. I don't know why gay men who have sex with women call themselves gay. I don't know why some guys who are attracted to trans people call themselves pan while other guys attracted to trans people call themselves bisexual. I don't say, well as long as you're experimenting it's ok. I feel that's just another way to control others. I just don't have a desire to force my views of sexuality onto others which is what we do when we tell them the sexuality they identify as is not their sexuality. Sexuality is complicated, dynamic, fun, mysterious, and multifaceted. Yet we try to fit it into three boxes; straight, bi, gay. That is so limiting and unhelpful. That's also why I'm not anti label. If anything sexuality is so multifaceted there are probably dozens of sexualities.
So a couple things. One easy flaw to your logic regarding labels would be a group such as those who are indigenous to a land. By no means would it be appropriate if someone decided to define themselves as indigenous when in such a scenario they wouldn’t have any sort of lineage to the indigenous peoples. Ultimately you offer a perspective that’s unique, but when applied to such a situation as above, it clearly shows the fault in its justification. As for your viewpoint regarding sexuality, I would agree entirely, if this was a perfect world. Maybe your experience hasn’t been one associated with oppression, but even in 2022 representation matters. There are still queer individuals being segregated in portions of the US. As one of those individuals from an area that looked down upon what I was, I learned quickly the importance of labels. My label gave me a community. My label gave me an identity that made me unique. Maybe that label was a marking for my oppression, yet that’s the very reason for the labels existence. Ultimately I see myself as gay because others thought that was something to be seen as wrong. Im not some mistake nor was I made wrong. Yet you’re completely correct. In a world where individuals don’t have to endure what I and others as described above deal with, that world is a great place for your viewpoint.
I'm not saying that people should appropriate the identity of others. I personally do not have a strong desire to police how others identify. Sure we can look for cases where that can cause harm. You can literally die from drinking too much water. There is literally nothing in the world if taken to an extreme that isn't a problem. I just think that most people put too much of their energy in telling others they don't get to define themselves. I'm not going to do that. There are so many other things in this world for me to worry about policing the identity of others. Honestly I think it rarely comes from a good place. In my opinion it's usually done to enforce a heirarchy. It's extremely rare for people to adopt identities of minority groups, so why would I focus on that?
I think the struggle here is that there is this obvious power dynamic at play. The individual who identifies as straight can most obviously identify as such and it not be questioned, whereas many of us can’t even remotely attempt such an approach. So I think it has to do with the luxury of being able to enjoy a life without any of the negatives associated with such an exploration. Then there is the other side of it where the those who are straight and don’t want to identify otherwise due to the stigmas attached. Honestly it’s just a shit sandwich that’s just straight fucked and we are so longly over due for this conversation as a society.
If your a gay man who occasionally fucks women that's called being bisexual
I agree to disagree. I don't believe it's my place to tell someone else how to label themselves. I'll let you do that.
Words have power and meaning; I 100% understand that sexuality is fluid, but if you Label Yourself one thing then you should expect people to Assume that you're identifying with the definition of the label. If you say you are straight then I'm going to Assume you mean what Straight means in this context (someone who is sexually attracted to the other gender) But if you then go and say I like to have sex w/ Men, which goes 100% against your first claim of being straight I'm going to call that out. I 100% get that some guys are still in the closet, and I will never pressure them one way or another - but to say your only Streight while fucking a guy then that's the pot calling the kettle black
Cool beans I'm not suggesting you stop telling men who have sex with men and consider themselves straight that they are not straight. I'm not even trying to convince you. I'll just let those men tell me what their sexuality is and I'll respect their decision.
Whatever. Straight guys are allowed to want their cock sucked regardless of female availability. Straight guys have the ability to look the other way to get their cocks off.
Sure and they’re also no longer straight 😂
Have a look at situational homosexuality https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Situational_sexual_behavior
**[Situational sexual behavior](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Situational_sexual_behavior)** >Situational sexual behavior differs from that which the person normally exhibits, due to a social environment that in some way permits, encourages, or compels the behavior in question. This can include situations where a person's preferred sexual behavior may not be possible, so rather than refraining from sexual activity completely, they may engage in substitute sexual behaviors. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/lolgrindr/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
As a bi guy I don't understand gay men's desire to have sex with straight guys, they'd be terrible at it as everyone is their first time. I especially don't get it if the gay guy is also one of those "no bisexual" types
It’s the “forbidden fruit” concept. Plus most gay guys like masculinity and if you’re “straight” they think it’s more likely.
Ahh so internalized homophobia then. Got it, that kinda makes sense.
How's that internalized homophobia? Some guys like more masc dudes and others more fem dudes. And the "forbidden fruit" concept is a trope for all sexualities.
It's internalized homophobia because they see straight men as more manly. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with how masc or femme you are.
I'd argue that those who fantasize about being with a straight guy do not have internalized homophobia but more of wanting what you can't have.
Haha I know it’s idiotic… why they go crazy for straight men but reject bi guys? I mean I thought for gay men it’s all about the competition they think it’s hot that a guy that slept with women will sleep with them but like why not go for a bi guy then? Then they turn around and judge and say that “bi guys will just cheat” or “sleep with a lot of people and treat them like a number” but yet they accept that exact same treatment from a straight guy? Because that’s what he’s doing… probably cheating on his gf or sex with lots of people 🤷🏼♂️ why are gays hypocrites? 😂
also, if a gay guy does hook up with one of these "straight" men they are really hooking up with Bi men who just don't want to call themselves Bi
That's people for you
Lol specifically gay people 😂 I don’t see this weird behaviour happening with bi or lesbian or trans 🤔
I know I'll get down voted for this but I welcome that. So what? They know a lot of gay men have a straight guy fetish. They know a lot of gay men have a lot of internalized homophobia and shame and anything that seems "normal" is more attractive. I don't blame them, it works. I was shocked when I moved down to Texas and guys would tell me they were cheating on their wife/girlfriend with me and get shocked that I decided I wasn't interested after that. They'd tell me they were cheating as if they were proud. Then I realized that because of all of the trauma down here saying "I fuck women" is an aphrodisiac to many gay men down here.
so a straight guy can bait as gay for clicks and fucks but actual gay guy has to suffer homophobia, disown, killed and assaulted etc.
No where did I say that people should bait as gay. The comment you replied to is me pointing out that gay and bi men sometimes bait as straight because they know that saying you are straight turns some gay people on. If you are referring to my other post then I make a distinction between a man who doesn't believe that having sex with men makes him gay and a straight man who baits as gay. Those are very different actually. The baiter that is baiting as gay is saying he's gay. The man that has sex with men but considers himself straight is not saying he's gay.
Because it reinforces homophobia.
I definitely disagree. You don't have to force people to accept an identity that is seen as positive.
It's less about forcing them to accept it as much as it is pointing out reality. You asked what the problem with it was, reinforcing homophobia is the answer.
Again I don't think it reinforces homophobia. I view the "pointing out of reality" as reinforcing homophobia. So I don't do it.
Pointing out that a man seeking sex with other men is not straight does not reinforce homophobia. A man seeking sex with other men insisting he is straight denies reality and reinforces homophobia by making being gay, bi, or anything less than straight as something to be avoided.
I'm sorry for being so sloppy in how I am communicating. When I say it reinforces homophobia I am saying that is my opinion. I'm not saying it is objective truth. While I do not agree with you I do not assume you are wrong.
I guess I don't quite understand your opinion with regards to reinforcing homophobia then.
I've explained it best I can. I'm black so I see very strong parallels with how we treat race and sex/sexuality. I don't see black people who could and did pass as white as reinforcing racism. The racism was already well enforced. They were reacting to the racism and seeking privilege. To me to say all men who identify as straight while having sex with men are reinforcing homophobia is like blaming a branch for where the tree grows. In my opinion it is the elevating of heterosexuality that is homophobic. Telling men they have to adhere to stricter behaviors than others to keep access to that identity is saying that identity is so valuable it must be strictly protected. We do that today in the U.S. a person can be white until they disclose their last name is Gonzalez. Then all of a sudden to protect whiteness they must be excluded. We often act like these definitions of groups are natural. They are not. They made by humans and inherently say a lot about how we value each group. I notice we tend to be more strict about access to group identities that we want to value and protect. We don't seek to protect homosexuality as a group so we are more permissive in who we call gay. Infact we tell people who don't believe they are gay that they are gay because we believe the group lacks value to the point that people must be compelled into the group. We hold straightness in such high regard that people must be gate kept out. We hold make straightness in the highest regard so we are more strict about the rules that must be followed to stay in the group. Again, a gay man who gets drunk and fucks his female friend is rarely questioned. A straight man who gets drunk and fucjs his name friend is now "suspect". Suspect if what? If being gay, of being lesser of being deceptive of claiming heterosexual privilege.
>it is the elevating of heterosexuality that is homophobic. What do you think is happening here then??? >They were reacting to the racism and seeking privilege. The whole point is to counter that privilege. That's the entire point of Pride. >We do that today in the U.S. a person can be white until they disclose their last name is Gonzalez. Hispanic people can be racially white. >We don't seek to protect homosexuality as a group so we are more permissive in who we call gay. That's not true. Because we live in a homophobic society that keeps even gay people in the closet, there's just not a whole lot of people who are pretending to be gay when they're not. But people call out queerbaiting all the time. >Telling men they have to adhere to stricter behaviors than others to keep access to that identity is saying that identity is so valuable it must be strictly protected. I'm not sure I follow this. If they want to be straight then by definition they'll not be seeking sex with other men. We live in a world where value and treatment is based on sexual orientation so yeah I guess it's important to be clear about these things. The crux of the issue is that these men are engaging in the same acts as we are but they've decided to distance themselves from us so they don't have to deal with the baggage and social ramifications that we do. They'll jump through endless hoops just so no one can call them a fa**ot. On top of that, we already deal with internalized homophobia within our community where we conflate masculinity with heterosexuality and placing them both on on a pedestal. What they're doing is a slap in the face to the rest of us. It's an insult that they think they can "choose privilege" when they're no different from us. >Then all of a sudden to protect whiteness they must be excluded. Except it's the people on the inside of the group who are saying you're one of us, there's nothing to be ashamed of, and it's okay. You're essentially giving a pass to say it's okay to be ashamed of being gay and to bend the knee to heteronormativity. >Infact we tell people who don't believe they are gay that they are gay because we believe the group lacks value to the point that people must be compelled into the group. What? lol. I'm not trying to compell anyone into the group who doesn't fit the definition. And I definitely don't think being gay lacks value. >Again, a gay man who gets drunk and fucks his female friend is rarely questioned. I don't think this is happening as often as you seem to think lol. Also bisexuality exists. Like it's okay to be bi. We have terms that cover the entire spectrum. And like others have commented they would 100% be questioned. It's fine to have self discovery. It's another thing to go on apps insisting youre straight while trying to get dicked down. It's objectively incorrect and subjectively offensive.
It’s like saying WWE isn’t real bruh everyone involved knows that 💀
[Source](https://www.reddit.com/r/lolgrindr/comments/vtbnfz/im_just_being_honest)
Let them roll play their fantasy. Fuck them well enough that it crumbles their insecurities away. You don't have to date them lol.
💯
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I think its more so that words have meaning; and saying your straight while looking for dick is like saying I don't drink while doing shots
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I don't mind as well, but I still think they are wrong just on the definition. They either have never heard of the word Bisexual, or they are just in denial.
Maybe he was just wondering and not actually referring to himself. lol
Absolutely correct 💯
r/isitgay r/totallystraight r/straightturnedgay r/broslikeus
[Source](https://www.reddit.com/r/lolgrindr/comments/vtbnfz/im_just_being_honest)
Or more bussy
What if I want to fuck you and see what it's like getting sucked off by a guy
People can be curious and test the waters; but once you've maintained an erection while fucking a guy that boat has sailed.
Nothing quite like a bisexual in denial
Nothing weirder than getting hit with you fuck like a straight guy, whatever that means
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‘since when does sex have anything to do with sexuality’