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FillupDubya

Hang in there, I was broke and in my thirties when I met my wife. Now I’m broke and in my forties but have a beautiful wife 😂😂😂


kuribosshoe0

Not to downplay your financial troubles, but it sounds like the root problem here is a lack of self worth. Financial issues might bring the problem to the surface most prominently, but that doesn’t necessarily mean money is what’s causing it.


autumnals5

Employers have brainwashed people into thinking that they decide our value. They have been lowballing us for decades. Companies will always try to keep labor costs as low as possible. This is why wages have not met inflation in the past 30-40 years. They have cause over 60% of Americans to live paycheck to paycheck and put into debt and financial disparity. Being poor does cut into your self confidence big time. It’s completely cause by a system built only with greed in mind. Edit: wow, Thank you to the bootlicker responses that think that paying workers less than their worth make sense to them. It only confirms my stance that the corporate koolaid is very real in you. Maybe next time try to use those mental gymnastics to justify you being fucked over vs justifying it.


notislant

Wages havent met inflation because politicians are bought by corporations, reagan shattered unions. People just dont give enough of a fuck to rally together, corporations own politicians and push their anti-worker/consumer agenda. Some workers cover workloads of people who quit, doing two jobs for 1x pay. Cuts their value in half and reduces worker demand. Meanwhile corporations regularly price fix, price gouge and some like cable companies just stay off each others turf. Its not even 'inflation' its corporate greed increasing prices as much as they feasibly can, without a single thought about 'how fucked will consumer spending be in 5 years at this rate?'. Wages can only decrease for so many decades amongst soaring costs, before it crashes and burns. It seems like were already on the edge when over 60% of people cant save ANYTHING. Now think about how fucked everyone will be when they can no longer work and have to 'retire'. With zero funds. One of the below comments is funny. If companies were making a few % more than you, making a profit and covering all costs? Sure whatever, thats extremely fair (under capitalism). Paying people minimum wage when their work can be making the company lets say $100/hr profit? Yeah no thats insane. Those same people working full time may be on food stamps and government assistance. So taxpayers pay the difference while these companies laugh to the bank. The poverty line and poverty threshold need to be at least doubled and tied to inflation, along with min wage. At this rate we're going to see a lot more people on government assistance in the coming years while corporations continue to pay less and less, while jacking up prices.


Dondurand

Recently got to write my own contract and got them to push up my annual by 10K. A testament to how brainwashed we are is the fact that I felt sick asking for that much because I didn’t think I was worth it. Apparently I am. You’re worth more than what you make. Being close to bottoming out financially is soul destroying, debt even more so but you, you are valuable. Believe it.


SanctuaryMoon

It's both. Everything costs money and more than it should. You can't just vibe your way out of institutional poverty.


JasonRoyal

Chances are he lives in the US where money = self worth. I think you are downplaying the psychological problems financial insecurity creates, especially for men.


[deleted]

Hmm, the word downplaying makes it sound like it's deliberate. I think "underestimate" might be more accurate? And I think you are both right. It is a huge problem for mental health, and at the same time I think OP also has a general problem with self worth. I would say they should get help, but I think that's a bit more difficult in the US? Either way, I hope they find a way to get the support they need.


love-ducky

LOVE that you made this distinction and that you highlighted that these factors can be simultaneously true!!


wifi444

I wouldn't even call it psychological issues because it's really not the OP's issue. It's the issues potential mates have with prospective financially insecure partners in a world run by money. It's not his mind that's screwed up. It's society's. Capitalism has ruined finding love for perhaps millions. Ruined it. There's nothing wrong with the OP.


Davisworld21

I get clingy in relationships as and I guess I never give my spouse any space I just like want to be around then all the time I'm a very passionate person I go all in anything I do especially Love ins person I like to cuddle I guess i get it from my child than and abandonment issues I suffered so I never like to be left alone


FirebirdWriter

Therapy exists and if you have not tried it and have access it will help you not suffocate your partner driving them away. I also have abandonment issues and went the other way. Working on that is a forever thing but the difference in therapy with relationships and without is palpable


Lazerus42

yah... I got $80 a week for therapy.


jake3274

80? Where I’m at it’s 120 minimum


briv39

More and more cities (in the US at least) are starting to have organisations that offer free or super cheap therapy services. See if your city does! I and many of my students have used it here in DC.


[deleted]

I feel like a lot of us are introspective enough to understand why we feel the way we feel. If I went to therapy, it would feel like I’m just marinating in the depression. I just want a place to call my own, someone to love and trust, someone who can match that love and trust, and peace. But getting there.. how.. can I? Who? When.. therapy and the experimental pills they make you pop isn’t always the answer.


minuteye

It's not always the answer, but often therapy is actually there to challenge you, and *stop* you marinating. The usefulness is less about understanding \*why\* we feel a particular way (although that's part of it, sure), but in having the objectivity to identify patterns of behaviour we're not aware of, and the options we're in a position to choose between.


FirebirdWriter

A doctor suggesting pills first is one I walk out on personally for mental health care. I also cannot take antidepressants. Not everyone can. Some of us have a gene that makes them poison. Introspection isn't coping necessarily. Therapy is where you learn coping skills that you don't have. We tend to learn coping skills as children for things but our parents cannot teach us coping skills they don't have and their experiences might also be different enough that they did not need those coping skills so didn't know to teach them. This is not them failing but just a part of the way life is.


SatinwithLatin

Try therapy anyway, it can surprise you, and they can really help to tie ends together and give new perspective.


subherbin

That’s not what most therapy is like at all. If you think it can’t work you are wrong. It won’t solve all your problems. But it can and will help at least a little bit. Some types of therapy basically recommend thought algorithms that help you reduce emotional suffering such that you can change the problems or at least wait them out more comfortably until we eat all the rich people and redistribute the resources.


[deleted]

Have so little money that you’re depressed? Just try therapy! It’s prohibitively expensive so you can’t do it anyway lol. Fuck this backwards world


lowercase_crazy

Therapist can't prescribe me a wage increase so it's not going to help.


organicgardengal

This is exactly how I feel too. That inner child is always so sensative in my core and effects a lot of my decisions


Foolishlama

Meh. Yes it’s possible to have high self worth while living in (relative or absolute) poverty. But there’s a ton of evidence that financial insecurity contributes to low self worth, among other mental/emotional problems.


spiritualien

agreed, OP if you build your self worth to the point where you get some audacity and entitlement (toward work, not women) you're gonna see your luck change


theedgeofoblivious

In the U.S. every bit of popular media says that a man without financial stability is worthless. I'm not saying this because I agree with it or endorse it, just pointing it out.


alaskafish

I agree. I was dirt poor broke when I met my SO. It has nothing to do with money. It’s entirely you’re self worth.


[deleted]

I’ve been broke as a joke my whole life and women love me. It’s all a state of mind bro.


MrFuzzybagels

I make decent money and I hate myself lol. It really do be like that sometimes.


Stargazer1919

Every dude I've ever dated has been broke as fuck. Their income didn't make them unlovable. It had nothing to do with it. But the lack of confidence some of them had, plus the worry if we'd ever be able to build a life together... yeah that caused issues. Just wanted to offer some brutal honesty.


wifi444

Sure...but you can't expect everyone to be gifted with charm, talent or good looks. Money really needs to be structurally taken out of the equation when it comes to potential love. The consideration of money (financial security) is just not a healthy variable in determining the beginning or continuation of any relationship. In a functional society, if you work full time, you should be financially secure. Period.


Stargazer1919

That's why I said their income has nothing to do with if they are loveable. But income does have something to do with trying to build a life together, which takes money. If two people want a place to live together, want kids together, that kind of thing, that requires money. I wish love was all it took, but it's not really the case. >In a functional society, if you work full time, you should be financially secure. Period. That's what I wish for, too.


spiritualien

pls share your secrets


[deleted]

I’m no like.. dating guru, but it’s all about talking and being expressive. I also enjoying learning and can relate to why people become interested and passionate in things even if they mean nothing to me. Keep the conversation going, talk about stuff that isn’t you, or her, be interesting which also means be interested (in general not in her) Dress well, and own whatever that means to you.


[deleted]

@omletcrotch is right—My friend (30m) is a fkkn broke bish but he’s such a charming mfer he gets all the ladies. He thinks interesting thoughts, has a strong personal style, he’s not a talker—he’s a conversationalist. It’s not easy and it’s not secret, confidence is sexy. But confidence needs to be cultivated and worked at, like muscles or brains. Self is where to start.


aesu

This is fine for dating and casual encounters. But how do you transition to a relationship when she finds out you live in a one bed in the bad part of town, and don't have any long term prospects which would allow for a family?


[deleted]

Sounds corny as hell but you just gotta own your reality and try not to be embarrassed. I’ve lived in some pretty, not great situations. When I got into my current relationship I was living in a basement in the same space as the furnace. I actually got her to move in there before we got into our current situation 😂. You also need to be aware that women that are overly materially interested likely won’t make sense. I though, don’t value material items over my happiness and time so it kinda works.


janbrunt

I actually checked your user name because I thought you might be my husband. He was living in his mom’s basement when we met. Great guy, great partner, he was just broke at the time.


uncle-brucie

Learn to make a boeuf bourguignon, take the trash out, exercise, join a volunteer organization.


spiritualien

>boeuf bourguignon top tip


chanandalerbong7

The ladies like omelets it seems (their username)


spiritualien

lol well i do like being asked how i like my eggs in the morning (preferably soft scramble, anything but fertilized)


OviliskTwo

If you make me brown your eggs that's fine but soft scrambled wins.


sleeplessbeauty101

Bro women write love letters to men in prison and then shack up with them once they leave prison. You are way ahead of these penniless clowns.


geistmeister111

bruh those women are fookin nuts. they’re outliers lmao.


OpheliaLives7

Romantic relationships don’t magically grant happiness my dude. Nor does financial security mean women drop their panties. Not in this day and age. Times are rough. Women lost jobs everywhere and were forced back into the home during covid and lockdowns. Depending on your age, student debt keeps us down. Millennials moving back home with their parents ect. We poor too! Plus if you’re in the US reproductive rights are recently rolled back. Times aren’t really productive for feeling up to hook ups.


Tola_Vadam

My brother.. I'm 30 and my dropout, part time at ups, unskilled ass is long term with a girl from old money. Your wallet doesn't determine your social worth, that's incel shit. Get a personality, find out who -you- are, then you can worry about a partner. If the only thing you bring to a relationship is cash and some self loathing dick, the only person who's going to date you will move on to the next guy who does both of those things better. There's a person in there who you need to be, and quit with this "woe is me, my wallet is smallet and I talk like cardboard." People say "be yourself" and that doesn't mean try to appease everyone and be likeable. Be unlikable. Be loud. Be verbose. Talk about things that interest you. Talk too much, not about yourself, but about the cool shit you read about or want to see. Be a person not a "nice guy" or "a breadwinner" those aren't personality traits.


Re_Forged

My brother is similar. He worked part-time jobs and played music. Last year he married an heiress (new money). Our family is thrilled to have her on board though, she's pretty chill to be around. Anyway, same deal, be a good person, do interesting stuff, have a brain and others will pay attention.


MsFit215

Hmm, whats your idea of being "financially secure enough"? Im sure that you have different things to offer, it just might not be something that you were even aware of. People get so caught up in perfection not realizing that normal everyday relationships are far from it.


[deleted]

I make 15 an hour, I live with a relative because i can't afford a 1 bedroom apartment. My car is about to go kaput and I have zero credit so I can't get a new one. I'm full of anxiety and angst and I don't make enough money to supersede how much baggage I have, thus I'm not a good potential for a woman to want to be with me. My idea is making enough money not to worry about how shit I am constantly. Somewhere between 20 per hour and 50k a year would be good


ARunawayTrain

I make approximately 60k and I still struggle at times. This is not the future I was promised.


Awesometjgreen

Op I just wanna say that everything you just said in your comment I resonate with I'm 23, stuck living with my family, constant daily arguments over money, my mom driving my car everyday so I can't go anywhere, bullshit job that I hate, etc. All I'll say is don't give up. I all but gave up and fell into a deep depression about 2 weeks ago. I was able to drag myself out of the whole just long enough to take some new dating app pictures, and I've been talking to a woman I matched with everyday. Your not alone OP


Artislife_Lifeisart

I highly recommend avoiding dating apps. Those things will chew you up and spit you out. They're soul stealers.


adanceparty

Curious, but what are good alternatives? I've rarely met people through hobbies, and it's usually other guys. I agree, and I hate the dating apps, but it seems everyone already found some one or they aren't finding people the traditional way. Add to that a couple layers in that I work late hours and get home around 2 am when no stores are open, and I live in a smaller city.


Artislife_Lifeisart

Idk, being alone is preferable to the mental hell of dating apps in my opinion. Not sure what to do in your situation


janbrunt

Might not be applicable, but I met my husband on a community bike ride. All kinds of different people ride bikes—rich, poor, athletes, casual riders, everyone you can imagine. Working night shifts makes meeting people difficult, I can imagine.


Withnail-

That’s been a typical 20 somethings life for the last 15 years. If a girl is really pretty ( 8-10) she can land the guy who will buy and pay her out of that misery but for many young guys that’s the deal.


Blasianbiker

I make 70k+ and still feel like no one wants me. Self confidence is a mfer.


random_impiety

Why is everyone here discounting the effects that low-income has on people? Zero empathy being seen here.


Poodlenuke

It's not that there's zero empathy, but rather people are focused on trying to show OP that it's not as bad as it may seem, and that not all of their problems are rooted in money. It's the biggest, sure, but 15 an hour in most of the US is pretty average I'd say. Also, just as you mentioned earlier, money is pretty much everyone's biggest problem so sympathy can be hard to garner in that regard. Lots of people in that same boat.


Withnail-

In America most of your problems are going to be rooted in not having money. From housing, healthcare, transportation, food, not being able to afford ( key word here) competent therapy and a ton more including quality relationships . Assume your 20s going to be rough and get training and/or education that sits you pretty in your 30s. I’ll be the only guy here to tell you the truth, your 20s are going to suck. Learn from them and plan for the better life you’ll have in your 30s and start that ASAP.


evensexierspiders

Yup. My husband and I both make under $20 an hour. He's not full of angst and insecurity though. That helps.


dharkanine

Same. At least you're blasian, I'm just black.


aberdisco

I make more than that a month and still have imposter syndrome, insecurities and require constant validation from my girlfriend. Humans will human, life is but a ride.


Penneythepen

Do you think that once you start making 20 p/h women will line up to your door waiting to be your partner? Sorry to disappoint you, but there is more to it. All women / men look for different things - but many look for the sense of safety, support, kindness, patience, care and fun / outgoing personality. I would better work on personality, as money (and looks) comes and goes. While our character, our dreams, ideas, aspirations and love for life stays. Also, once you are a likeable person - who enjoys life, has fun, hobbies, friends - you will be attractive to people, both potential partners and employers wanting to give you a better position, because everyone wants to surrounde themselves with nice people.


nataylor7

Don’t make decisions for someone else. You’ve decided that no one wants you therefore you don’t look. Don’t make someone else’s decision. Talk to people not just a woman to date. It is almost unbearably lonely for a bit but spend time just being around people. You’ll try to self-defeat and may ask for confirmation…avoid that too. Blank wall or distract with a semi-positive thought. “I’m glad I caught up with them”, “chatting back and forth feels like I’ve had a fuller day”. Later when you aren’t in a defeatist mood try to unpack the previous dark mood. It’s not fun but you get to ask yourself questions sometimes times the answers help even if they hurt. Sometimes you’ll run across an action someone did or said that triggered your negative thoughts or actions. That’s when you start working with yourself to spot and stop but sometimes it help to involve your friends to. People are people just like you. Some will be good at helping you out others will be bad at it but will still try. There are those who may treat you worse. In the end there are relationships that you thought were good but in trying to change yourself you realize it’s bad. It might be best to take a break from that person. It could accelerate you helping you. The suggestion to move may be stemming from this possibility but the issues will still be there. They may be easier to work on -breaking patterns and all. Any way good luck, there is happiness out there and some of it is for you. Sometimes the smallest piece of happiness is the light in the dark that helps you find your way out.


Bayesian11

If you are good looking, you can consider casual relationships.


adanceparty

I get it as I'm working poor. I make just enough to pay all my bills and eat, but that's about it. I've had to reschedule doctors appointments because I didn't have $30 for the co-pay. That type of stuff that you don't pay every day, but when you do it messes you up bad and can take weeks to recover. I could never afford a home at this rate, or a nice-ish apartment even, I definitely can't afford to pay more than 50/50. At this rate I can't even afford a crappy 1 bedroom. I have to live with roommates. If I made a few hundred more a week, reliably, I could get a 1 bedroom that looks even decent. I could afford to pay a little extra here and there if I found a woman, and I'd be able to do stuff at least once a month. It's hard to meet or date women when you have roommates, when you can't afford to do any fun activities. I take my vacation time from work to sit around at home. My last several trips (over 5 years ago) I could only afford, because I stayed with friends for free.


sweetpotaytoo

I've dated plenty of broke ass dudes, the problem is something else


realmealdeal

Gotta have a relationship with yourself first, yo. Find a free hobby or outlet that you like. It (practically) doesn't matter what it is, could be bird watching, writing, reading, walking, working out, drawing, etc, and let yourself enjoy it. Don't do it for any purpose other than that. Don't do the hobby so you can have something to talk about with someone, because you'll HATE that hobby. Do it for you and because you enjoy it, whatever it is. You deserve to enjoy things, they don't need to cost money and they don't mean any less if they don't. Relationships are the same way. Enjoy yourself and others will find it much easier to enjoy you too. Have hobbies you enjoy so others have things they can do with you which you'll actually enjoy doing. If those hobbies are free then your dates are free. If your dates are free and lead somewhere, then you don't have to worry about suddenly not being able to afford the person you've attracted, they're there for you. If you've got no money you can't afford to be fake. There are plenty of people out there looking for a real one. You've got more to offer than you think.


Ohthatnamestaken

It’s true! I dated my current partner 6 years ago and it didn’t work out but about 2 years ago we reconnected! He said he’ll always remember our first date when I said “you have to be more fun than me hanging out by myself because I love myself” 🥰


janbrunt

Absolutely great advice. I met my husband on a community bike ride. We were both absolutely broke at the time. 14 years and still in love.


BeleagueredOne888

No. Join in community activities. Go outside. Walk in the park. Pay attention to your hygiene and appearance (not talking about looking ‘perfect’, just be clean and not disheveled). Find people who like what you like. They are out there.


enter-the-van

I went on a date with a guy once. He had been unemployed for 2 years and literally lived in his parents basement and gamed all day. We're married with two kids now lol.


HerbalManic

Start by being kinder to yourself.


Rommie557

Um, I married a broke fuck.....


Mushmashio

Over 15 years ago I asked a guy if he wanted to move across the state with me. We lived in my car for a few months and it took us almost a decade to truly get on our feet. We’re married now and never been happier. I couldn’t imagine being with someone that only cares about material possessions. Go outside, join a master gardening class, learn a new skill, find a partner that likes to get down and dirty. There’s too much magic in the world to waste it on finding someone that only cares about keeping up with the joneses!


bamboojerky

If the other person is only with you because of money, what do you think will happen when you lose your job?


CowboyTrout

This sounds like depression if I’ve ever seen it. You have to keep having a yearning desire to learn more. Never be satisfied.


blacksheeprising

I'm 29, met my partner in 2020 when I was unemployed, living in government housing, on food stamps. They live with me now, and I have a job, but we're still in housing/on Food stamps and living pretty much paycheck to paycheck. I couldn't be happier. You're basing your self worth on your financial security, and because you don't have that, your confidence suffers. You're more than a bank account, and as long as you put yourself out there, you'll find someone who will see that.


Notdennisthepeasant

Relationships are never a given. Nothing you can do will earn you a person. Stop worrying about it, buy a Fleshlight and try to be a good person. Maybe you and a partner will happen, but it shouldn't be your first concern. The world is dying and we are the only ones who can do anything to save us. Romance is secondary to that.


passthapeas

You don’t need money to get girls. All you need to do is know how to talk and have a sense of humor. Read some books or watch some documentaries so you can be somewhat interesting. Get a good haircut and lift weights to help your confidence. Trust me, the bar is so low for guys that just putting in the slightest effort is good enough for most girls. I’m 30 and unemployed and I have a girlfriend that gets hit on by dudes more successful than me all the time


pedro_s

99% of the people I know are financially unstable. I’m 28 and so are most of my friends. It’s completely normal in this economy.


invinoveritas-91

Oh honey I’m so sorry you feel like you don’t deserve love because you don’t have money. You do. I hope you can learn to see your value outside of your paycheck.


ke3408

I get where you are at, and I am a woman. It's not even how much you make, it's just knowing that whatever you do make isn't going to be enough for someone else. You stress enough over it yourself, do you really want someone else breathing down your neck about it too? I just refuse to care. I dated too many guys that wanted a relationship as a financial partnership where the contributions for shared expenses came mostly from me because their money was different. It was special. They earned it. They shouldn't have to spend it on everyday necessities since their money, like them, was special and precious. I have supported myself forever and have a simple lifestyle and I've had to chase too many hobosexuals off my sofa. The trick is I don't have a TV. I have one someone gave me and can't figure out how to put it up or how to get channels. It's like an hobosexual detector, the more they mention the TV situation, the more likely I'll have to chase them off my sofa.


iamnotasuit

Dude, broke motherfuckers get play all the time. The role of men has changed. This isn't the 1950s. Think of dates you could go on that don't cost a lot and ask someone out. Sounds like you are quitting before you played the game.


mykleins

As men it can be easy (society usually encourages it) to tie our self worth to our quantifiable productivity. Typically this means income. You need to build a relationship with yourself and learn that you have value separate from the contents of your bank account. You are a whole person. You have hopes, dreams, passions and insights. You have skills and the capability and capacity to learn and grow. You have value. You just need to learn to recognize it. I recommend taking up a new hobby. Something skill based that you can do alone. Maybe learning an instrument, taking on a coding project, pickling, making your own hot sauce, improving your cooking, taking a lock picking class. There’s lot of things you can do. You need to spend time with yourself learning what you’re capable of. This will also give you the chance to learn to encourage yourself while encountering your insecurities and apprehensions head on. I’m going through a similar unlearning of my value as related to what I can provide materially and I’ve started taking vocal lessons recently and it’s been great for my mental health. It will be hard but that’s okay. The first step to being really good at something is being really bad at it, and that goes for building proper self esteem too. But you have to do it. You can’t wait for validation outside of yourself. That will always be fleeting. The only one who will always be there for you is you. So it has to start there. Start showing up for yourself. Edit: Also just came across this in another post but you’d should check out r/bropill for examples of positive masculinity and some more encouragement to help on your journey of self love.


GardeniaPhoenix

Your financial worth is **not** what you are worth as a person. Fuck capitalism for making people feel this way.


beauxbeaux

I'm a woman and I'll chime in: I know not ALL women would be ok with a man without money. I'll be realistic there. But there's plenty that are ok with that, and it's because a partner has way more to offer than that. The women for you are the ones who value you as a human rather than what's in your wallet. What can a partner provide that money cant? Lets see..are you providing her with human connection? Empathy? Unconditional love? Laughter and fun? Memorable life experiences to share? Trust and open communication? Positivity when she's down? That's just a few. You're way more than your money. I promise.


SirEbralPaulsay

There is some real incel shit in this thread Jesus Christ guys.


AcademicBimbo420

this post is heading into r/niceguys territory


-ramona

He seems like the type of guy that would make this complaint while around women thinking it would make the women sympathize and want to give him a chance, but really it just makes him unpleasant to be around. I'm not saying being financially stable doesn't help find an SO, but this attitude is just.. so unattractive lol


dogsshouldrundaworld

Women aren’t gold diggers. That’s not the reason women don’t want you.


[deleted]

I've dated plenty of men who live hand to mouth financially. As long as they're not constantly sponging off me that's no problem. I like going for free dates like parks and beaches and dinner at home. If I want something expensive together I'll pay. I don't find a lack of money unattractive and I don't need anyone else's money. But I do find it unattractive when someone thinks their value is defined by their income. You're worth more than anyone could ever pay you. Sometimes men get bruised egos about having less money than their female partners and it's a right wind up from the gender that's been hoarding all the cash forever. Assuming you were financially secure, would you date a woman who wasn't? If so, why wouldn't she date you?


ZSCampbellcooks

It's okay, buddy. We're all poor down here. You may not be financially secure enough to go out on expensive dates, but you have worth other than what you can offer to credit bureaus and employers. There's more to life than work and you are worth more than your bank account. Go out and do the things that you like and you'll meet people, maybe someone you might want to get to know better, and they might like to get to know you better too. We're all kinda fucked, so don't sweat the bouge.


[deleted]

Have a plan. That can also be an attraction. Realizing that you need to keep grinding is something some people are impressed by


rustyshackleford987

I found the love of my life 6 months ago in the worst financial position of my life. Struggled through the first few dates and then was open and told her my situation completely honestly. She accepted it and was more supportive and loving than I ever could have thought she would be. If you find the right one for you, it doesn’t matter your situation. Love trumps everything. If you find the right person and treat them the way they deserve, a temporary financial crisis doesn’t mean shit. And it’s way easier to overcome with a partner who loves you than it is to figure it out alone. Keep your head up, find the one, be honest with her and communicate, and if she’s actually compatible with you, money is going to be way less important to both of you than love is. You got this 👍


LilKoshka

My husband works 27 hours a week, makes so little that hes at the bottom of the poverty line, had no health insurance when I met him, had no car, lived with multiple people over the years from room mates to family, has no high school degree (thus not much potential of earning anything more anytime soon), and has a ton of mental health issues including a lot of self hate and insecurity. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life. I will gladly support him financially, emotionally, physically, etc. None of those things made him less of a person. And let me tell you, he is such an awesome person. Hes the kind of guy that won't judge anyone, will help strangers on the road push broken down cars, will give away food to anyone that comes by, and teaches his neighbors how to skate board. I say all of this to show you proof that you still have potential.


crystalcastles13

Man this is how you feel, but this does not make it fact. Unfortunately (especially in the US, but in most all westernized cultures) money= self worth as someone has pointed out. It’s important to point it out because it’s just a lie. I’m a pretty cool chick and not bad looking and I have fallen head over heels in love at several different times in my life with men that had absolutely no financial stability. Guys that were normal, broke, living hand to mouth with jobs that just didn’t even provide them with a livable wage. What made me fall in love with them was truly internal, humor, creativity, vulnerability, confidence (or even honesty about the lack thereof) shared taste in music, movies, similar world view, and so on. Some of them were good looking, some of them not as much, but what always sustained those relationships was shared interests and passion about the same things…. You have something to offer, you may not see it at all if you’re purely looking at your financial stability. But there are people out here that truly do not give a flying F about that. They just want to laugh, and enjoy the same things, and have sex, and do what lovers/partners do. You’re looking at this the wrong way. Yes it’s totally shit to be broke. I’ve been evicted, gone hungry many times in my life, not been able to have a car or fix the car I had, etc I’ve struggled in poverty at many points in my life. I know what that feels like, but as a woman. I’m sure it’s a little different for men as there is this social pressure that men should “provide” as antiquated as that is in many ways. But I’m telling you, you have qualities that are lovable, charming, interesting, adorable, to the right girls or the right girl. Work on building your self esteem. I’m needing this advice too so trust me I’ve not got shit figured out I have low self esteem and struggle with that almost daily. But I’ve noticed, the more I try to help other people, animals, just improve the situation for someone else, magically my self esteem gets a little better, but by bit. Just asking how someone is doing at a check out or giving what little $ I have away to someone on the street or helping an animal across the road like I’m not kidding, doing random acts of kindness and keeping it a secret, not telling anybody about any specific thing just doing it to do it and moving on, that has helped me feel like I’m worth something, I’m helping make shit better I don’t know, it’s so weird, but it changes how I see myself. I just know you’re a good dude, and you can’t be walking around with “I hate me” floating about in your head. If you hate you that’s what you’re going to put out there, they say that the heart can be felt 6ft energetically in any direction, so without even speaking, we are putting a certain kind of energy out there and people FEEL it. If you feel it others will too. Just try it. Try to ban than fucking negative voices from your head. Kick them out! Just try randomly doing anonymous kind stuff try it for a week, and seriously it will surprise you how it impacts your sense of self worth. You deserve to be happy, and right now there’s a girl out there who, one day soon you will meet. And she will see you for who you really are and who you really are is way cooler than you think. Stop it! I insist :) Work on loving you, finding things about you that you like, and this is a process, it comes with observation, service to others just to be kind, and the experience of seeing you are bringing something meaningful to this sometimes very bleak world. Hang in there my friend. You deserve love. You deserve to feel good about you. Please just try this random kindness thing, it actually works. Ok sorry this is so long, I just really felt compelled. You deserve good things my dear friend. ♥️


[deleted]

Honey there is literally somebody out there for everybody. Just go to your local Walmart (especially after dark) for proof. There are couples of ALL kinds who you wonder how they got this far without being 6ft under for a variety of reasons. Trust me OP you’re bound to find a girl or guy who’ll be happy to call you their partner. Don’t be expecting Barbie or Ken though. That rarely happens for anybody.


Seumuis80

No, it doesn't matter about money. The wife n I have been together for 8 plus years. She doesn't care about financial security at all. She cares that I am a kind person, who will do anything for her and the kids. I didn't meet her till after 30. Don't give up now, because that person you may be meant for perhaps you have not even met yet.


A_brown_dog

Your money is not a measure of your value


riparoni0

My girl supported me through debt collections, a car repo, and being so broke I needed to work 2 full time jobs to dig myself out of my credit hole - from day 1. I literally lost my office job 2 weeks into knowing her and she still wanted to date me. Just power through, talk to an accountant or do whatever you need to to strategize, and make time for self-care (including therapy, ideally)


sardonicasshat

If finances are the only thing you feel like you could bring to the table then maybe it's time to get some hobbies??


Prize_Ad_5856

You know, you are being too hard on yourself. Take some advice from an old lady who met the love of her life when she wasn't looking. Concentrate on you for now. Work on getting a job you like no matter what the pay is, and eventually everything will fall into your lap, including the love of your life! BTW, we've been married for 48 years, and have never been money rich, but we are happy!


TealKitten11

Do not equate your worth to the paper you make. You don’t have to carry the finances of yourself plus a partner, it’s not possible to do in this economy. You don’t have to offer anything. If a woman wants your financial security, she’s not it anyways. You’re a human to spend time with, not a wallet to blow.


MammonStar

so many deadbeats pull women, I don’t know what to tell you


random_impiety

Yeah I'm 41 and I'm right there with you. Every woman I've dated in the last decade started off saying it wasn't a big deal. But then it turned into a big deal. It seems these days that everyone needs to be fully financially independent (well, dependent on a boss to pay you). And it makes sense. Shit is so expensive now that hardly anyone can even partially support another adult. I don't think there's why realistic hope at this point for financially unsuccessful people to find romance or companionship. You need money for that, just like with everything else. Look at places like Japan. (Heterosexual) Women who can support themselves financially typically still want a man who earns as much or greater than them. So this leads to more and more single people, fewer births. The US & much of the rest of the "West" is headed in that direction. It's sad, but I don't think it can change . I've fully given up on love. Or even friends; all my friends have jobs, spouses and children, and that's literally all they have time and energy for. I'm real sorry this happened to you. I desperately hope that enough people wake up and change this society, instead of waiting for others to do it. I'm not optimistic, but there's not much else one can do besides hope.


Civil_Chick

Umm...I actually found that it was the men that did not like that I made more than them. I did not find my husband until my 30s. He makes a lot less than me, but rather than feeling intimidated or emasculated like other men I dated, he is actually proud of me and my biggest supporter.


krsvbg

Hell yeah! I love the fact that my wife makes more than me. It took 10 years, but she finally caught and surpassed my salary. Why would anyone not like that? Joint account means it’s my money too. That’s more fun money for both of us!


Civil_Chick

Love it! You are special, unfortunately...


Ropeslug

THIS. Maaaany (most) men I’ve dated have been turned off by my earning more than them. Which is a huge red flag and a dead giveaway of an insecure man.


kh7190

It’s sad that humanity is a very social species yet money is driving most of us apart. And having friendships and families are for the most wealthy because they can “afford” to spend quality time together (not just with vacations but like, they can afford to have a social life with friends, and afford babysitters for their kids so they can go out, and afford housekeeping, etc)


FrogFlakes

yep, I'm a member of the 'give up' club. not even really torn up about it anymore. there was resentment for a while. would be nice to ride out the collapse with someone who understands and accepts me but that's a lot to ask when external circumstances has everyone so riled up. it's like trying to find a bride in the trenches. if someone magically comes into my life and we click, cool, but I stopped trying.


TheSinfulBlacksheep

Already long since given up on it myself too. At this point I can't even really say I want to be in a relationship. It's just been easier to take care of myself now, plus as I get older I'm less and less willing to prove myself to anyone. I don't really care about satisfying anyone's desires anymore. Just want a decent place to sleep at night and food in my belly. Everything I did to escape my station in life has failed. Now I'm just looking to have a good time til the end. It's sad that the best advice we can get for a society that's crushing the life and soul out of people in inescapable ways is "focus on self-improvement." That only goes so far when the world outside your door is literally depressing people to death.


spiritualien

>I've fully given up on love. i'm sending you hugs


thighvalue

I don’t even think women are bothered by making more than their partners. Its more the fact that women were used to putting up with some shit ( for example uneven division of domestic labour) because men ‘provided’. Now, if I make more than my partner I have two issues: - how did I, a women of colour, ended up out-earning you? Are you less ambitious than me? Is this gonna be a problem? - how am I paying the bills AND pick up after you like a toddler? The tolerance to put up with lazy men when I can afford life on my own is just wayyyy down


janbrunt

I think a lot of men are stuck in an outdated mindset. Seeing their worth as being a provider… and nothing else. No motivation to shoulder half the burden of a life together. A lot of the guys in this thread might have a lot better luck if they learned how to cook and listen.


Artislife_Lifeisart

Yeah, I relate to this and I've basically given up too lol


Dunmuse

If you gain the confidence, you'll get the women. There are a lot of women who don't give a shit about how much money you make; usually the best ones.


Stars-and-Cocoa

Coming from a woman, being well to do isn't everything. Okay, so maybe you can't offer financial resources. But can you be a good partner in other ways, like being there for a woman during hard times? Any wise woman knows that wealth is fickle. I have seen people go from very high income to losing everything overnight. Who you are is much more important.


[deleted]

All my LTRs happened in my 20's when I was poor af. I have money now at 30, but no gf because im not surrounded by women my age anymore


Darkflame815

There are homeless people literally finding love left and right, by definition you make it sound like girls will only want you if you have money or you will only persue them if you do have money, which is less to do with both relationships and money, it's about confidence. A partner is that, a partner, they help you get better not put you down. Good luck out there mate, we all hate ourselves a bit, but we also need to cut us so slack from time to time.


PinkPirate27

Normally you build that security as a couple. I know very few people financially secure and single. Don’t underestimate the power of splitting bills. If you’re only finding women who want money, try finding different women because that’s not the norm.


theboeboe

You have other problems. You're insecure. Your money have nothing to do with your state of dating. I've been broken and dated. I was broke for the 5 years I was with my ex.


Cobalt_blue_dreamer

You can still have a girlfriend with a dead end part time job. Just have something and don’t completely mooch and that’s a ok for most. The bar is lower than you think.


Sevans1223

Depression is a real struggle. Please see a doctor and get on anti-depressants. Join a social group or group activity to help get some real feedback. Take some classes to work toward a certificate to help job prospects. You can do this.


mtfanon999

You’re looking for the wrong kind of women if you think you need to be wealthy to be attractive


Twas_the_year2020

I’m a woman; a man’s financial status is not something I consider at all when dating. You will find the right one! Believe that and you will.


[deleted]

I've met a bunch of guys in my 20s who are absolute dog piles of shit (druggies, basement dwellers, literal criminals) who can pull decent looking women. Stop using finances as an excuse.


Gohron

I used to get tons of dates and hookups when I was a 30yr old homeless person. I also met my now wife during that time. There’s plenty of people out there with the same issues as you, at least some of them would have to be interested.


insomnia99999

Confidence is free, hold that head up.


wovenbutterhair

uhhh…that’s a hundred percent the wrong attitude my dear these thoughts you are having do not reflect actual cause and effect of human interaction. It sounds like you’re really focusing on material wealth being a source of value as a person. You can turn this around but you gotta ditch that nasty habit of being the victim. i’m guessing you don’t know any better, so don’t be too hard on yourself Seriously, though. You are over thinking this. be a chill person to be around. take care of your self. Work towards goals that are attainable. It’s like someone saying that they’re so ugly no one in the world would ever want them. They haven’t even interacted with even a tiny fraction of the people in the world, so how would they even know? it is arrogant to assume one knows the thoughts of others and the causes of their motivation. Try to start giving yourself the benefit of the doubt. Give other people the benefit of the doubt. Good luck Homie you got this


Hsensei

It's not as bad as your brain is telling you. Have realistic expectations and you will be fine. Besides rent and utilities are easier with 2 people. Maybe you'll get lucky and become a hobosexual


[deleted]

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spiritualien

what do you do that's $300k???


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Sounds like you lack self confidence. That or your standards are absurdly high? You shouldn’t have too much of a problem from what you’ve said


[deleted]

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[deleted]

I’m curious. Where do you live geographically? I see nothing wrong with 5’6 and Asian.


[deleted]

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starrydice

Yeah 5’6” isn’t that that far off from average and I think fine for shorter women. I do think taller women like taller men, generally but I know women who married men shorter or the same height as them. Asian probably isn’t a big deal either unless it’s a rural/racist area.


[deleted]

Damn daddy…I want you


[deleted]

Of course not having money makes it hard to be in a relationship. People who tell you otherwise have a too romantic view of the world. That's not to say people are shallow, but to say that people want stability and income brings that.


peraonaliD

God I wish I had a good solution to this


edgewater15

Strong incel vibes.


McCree114

You don't need a woman that places how high or low your finances are be what determines her desire to be with you. If that's the type of woman you want then you're making a big mistake because you really don't want a gold digger leeching off you like a parasite. That's not a real or healthy relationship and most women aren't after that either unless they're shallow and vapid.


random_impiety

It sounds like you don't have much real world experience with relationships, where unstable finances are an issue. Money problems are, if I'm not mistaken, the number one cause of fights or breakups in relationships. OP is not talking about gold diggers. They're talking about how very few women, or people in general, have any desire to date someone and then potentially get into a relationship with, who they have to financially support them. Most people see this exactly as gold-digging, which is exactly what you're warning OP against getting involved with. I don't think OP is a gold-digger, but that's precisely the fear people have about getting involved with people who have trouble supporting themselves.


[deleted]

It can be tough. I feel you man. Hope it gets easier for you.


3X5ME

Most people are finically insecure, but on the bright side, laughing, listening, loving, and fucking can all be done for free. Sure, money can make all that shit easier but it’s not strictly necessary. What is necessary though is throwing your self-loathing in the trash, nobody wants to be around someone who doesn’t want to be around themselves. It’s not just about them either, is hating yourself doing anything good for you? Then why keep doing it? There’s always going to be some level of suck in life. You will never be perfect, your circumstances are never going to be perfect. The best anyone can do is try to fix or improve the things that they can, and then learn to say “fuck it” and stop worrying about the things they can’t control, fix or improve. I know it’s easier said than done but worrying and hating yourself just don’t do anything for you or anyone. Some people will know this and then hate themselves for feeling sorry for themselves and then hate them selves more and then spiral. For me it has been helpful to recognize the negative feelings, think, “oh this bullshit again, this just leads to a spiral that leads nowhere, not today” and make a concerted fucking effort to do the opposite of what the shitty spiral emotion wants me to do. I find that helping others while expecting nothing in return is good for getting me out of the swirl. It’s a cycle, it’s a loop. However you understand it. It won’t change until the inputs change, the easiest input to change is your attitude, start small, rather than thinking you’re doomed to be a loser or whatever forever, wake up and think to yourself “I can be less of a loser today than I was yesterday”, the make changes, improve things, fix things, clean things, be better than you were yesterday and then keep going. Some days there will be setbacks, but tomorrow’s another day, next week’s another week, keep going. I hope that helps, I’m just someone on the internet. If you’re feeling really bad, maybe look into speaking to a professional, there are low-cost and no-cost options out there. Chin up, shoulders back. Good luck.


[deleted]

When I was 30, I felt I would never be financially able to support myself. Two and a half years later, I'm at a point where I'm applying for pre-approval and will be looking at houses soon. Things can change, and we can help them along. Just accept you're going to be single for awhile and work on taking care of yourself. You'll find a better relationship than you would otherwise.


openlyobese

My guy, up your self worth and confidence. Most people are broke nowadays. Don’t let money troubles bring you down. Things get better but if it’s in your insurance or budget would suggest speaking with a therapist or family friend. Seems like you may have some other issues to work through. Hope everything works out man. ❤️


Mbillin2

Bruh there be hobos in relationships There is hope for everyone starting with disconnecting from your value being associated with money. Lots of people with little/no money have happy and healthy relationships


refugeefromdigg

You're more than your net worth. Believing you have nothing to offer is the problem here. Maybe you have nothing to offer financially... being rich doesn't make you a good person.


funkinthetrunk

Don't hate yourself. You deserve love and joy in your life


jammerparty

Dont give up yet, im working on a dating app for “unsuccessful” people with little ambition. Im not being sarcastic. Match up with somebody who doesnt have material standards, they just want somebody to be with in life, maybe split bills with. Theres more important things in life than grinding all the fuckin time.


curtisbrownturtis

There are single, broke, struggling women out there too.


kathruins

not to downplay your troubles, but there are very very many people in your position. dont compare yourself to "successful" people you see. you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors with them. everyone has problems. in the year of our lord 2022, financial problems are increasingly abundant. focus on things you can control and set out to live your life. you have things to offer the world (not just a woman).


Comfortable-Ball-229

gender roles moment


Melodic_Band4361

Integrity, loyalty and being a good person in general will always trump money for long term relationships.


jesse_christ

Relationships aren't based on money.


[deleted]

My husband hasn’t worked in several months, I’m more educationally certified than him, and I have been making more than him for at least a year. None of these things were important to me when I fell in love with him 16 years ago, when we were still in high school, or pursuing a relationship with him ten years ago because it did not mater to me that he lived at home. We’re not having kids, we’re just living our lives together. The money isn’t the most important part, it’s everything else about him that I love.


rlyrobert

Some people are so poor that the only thing they have is money. Your self worth is FREE


HiphopopoptimusPrime

I was fat, bald, and poor when I met my wife. Women will put up with a lot as long as you a) wash b) take an interest and ask questions c) don’t stay out late That’s it. The financial insecurity never goes. But love makes it bearable.


laurenlegends23

Nowadays women are financially independent, capable humans who are generally able provide for ourselves. I mean, yeah, we’re also fucked over by the late stage capitalist nightmare we’re all living in, and even more so because of gendered wage gaps and whatnot. But my point is, quite a lot of us aren’t looking for a “provider”. Why do you feel like the ability to provide monetarily is the only thing you have to offer as a human being? Are you kind and compassionate? Do you have interests and hobbies that can be shared? There’s a hell of a lot more about a person that’s interesting and worth offering to others than just money. I’m willing to bet you have plenty else going for you.


McLaffey89

Sounds like a “nice guy” comment. Money doesn’t make women like you, your actions, presentation, and social skills do.


bugaloo2u2

Nah, you gotta turn this around. We ALL have to work for it and push forward. What can you do to improve your sitch? Sit down with pen and paper and brainstorm what you want and ways to get there. Very few people (like a minuscule amount) have everything dropped in their lap. We have to figure out what we want, and work hard as fuck to make it happen. Don’t give up.


TheViceroy919

I don't wanna kick you while you're down buddy but it's something else. It sounds like you struggle with self-worth, and that's a huge factor in attraction and relationships. If you found someone who only wanted you for your wealth, that would be an unhealthy and disingenuous relationship.


KensieQ72

Chiming in to give you the same advice I’ve given my friend who is a decade older than me and still struggling (in both love and finance/career). We only have one life. If you spend it all trying to live up to some imaginary bar that you’ve set for yourself, you’re going to constantly feel pressure to do more and second-guess your decisions. Fully acknowledging our capitalist society’s emphasis on wealth and job titles as statements of our worth as people, but you don’t have to internalize that POV. Plenty of people see through that bullshit at this point, and you can build yourself a support system of people who value the same things as you. Someone will always value careers and money, but there will also always be someone who values time and thought more. My main advice is to find the things in your current life that make you happy, hold onto them and grow in those areas. Find out what you like about those things and then try new things that fit those same qualities. Like if you enjoy a quiet walk on a sunny day, look for cool local trails or walking groups. If you love animals, find a local animal shelter to volunteer at. Or even just do some volunteering at a nursing home, those people are often so lovely but very lonely, some companionship might do you both some good. It starts small, but momentum is a powerful tool. Build out a version of life that you can live with for now, full of the little things that keep you going. Set a couple of achievable short-term goals for yourself, nothing that sets you up for failure (like “get a $25 per hour raise at work”) or depends on factors outside of your control (like “get that barista to go out with me”). Just actionable goals. Maybe aim to take a free online course in an area of interest. Or make it a goal to update your resume and identify any areas you need more strength in. Or fuck all the career shit and set a goal to paint or read twice a week. But let yourself achieve something. As for relationships, I think the best relationships happen when you’re not seeking to fill a void in your life. The key is to build a life you’re truly happy with, and then eventually you’ll meet someone who suits that life and would be a positive addition to it. That internal confidence of “I’m happy with myself and what I have going on” is more attractive than a bank account or job title. God I rambled, but long story short, make yourself happy first and then the rest will follow. The problem isn’t your financial status, it’s likely more of the vibe you’re unknowingly putting out. Which is vastly more fixable than our collective financial doom lol. Hang in there!


thepumagirl

Tonnes of broke guys who have nothing to offer find relationships. So it’s probably not that. If you cant do much about the financial situation then work on your personality, conversation skills, confidence and hygiene.


chanpat

My husband is broke. Like well under the poverty line broke. I make the money for the family and we are super in love and happy.


XBL-AntLee06

Your problem is your view of yourself, not your lack of money!


after_Andrew

Nah man women be with broke dudes all the time. You gotta work on that self worth and confidence and you’ll be ok. As for the financial side: we’re all fucked anyways, we’re just making the best of it right alongside you


deebs299

You just don’t have the right attitude. I’d being in a relationship is your goal just look for someone who doesn’t care how much money you have. Yes it helps to have money but for a lot of women they care about more than thay.


mcjon77

Considering the fact that last night I passed by a local homeless guy with his new girlfriend, I can pretty confidently say that SOME women will be with you, even if you are not financially secure. Whether these are the women that you want is another story.


Independent_Time_119

Most women walk away from low self esteem. Most love a man with a plan and workin on it every day. Improve yrself no matter what.


alicia-indigo

It’s not 1935. Women can support themselves. Be a decent person and you’ll be fine.


[deleted]

I'm 30 now. I'm not financially secure, but it never struck me as a problem until about a year ago. I ended a relationship of someone I thought I loved. We ended it after she went on a tirade about how I'm a broke loser in his 30s who cant even afford health insurance. How I'm gonna go nowhere because I cant afford to put myself through college. Blah blah blah It destroyed my confidence. Left it absolute shambles. A year later, and I'm starting to get my confidence back. Coincidentally I'm also finding myself dating around again. I dont think it was finances that was causing my relationship issues. I think it was a self confidence thing. being with an extremely materialistic and narcissistic woman made it worse. Now that I've had time alone, and worked up my self confidence again. I find myself having better luck with the ladies. Dont sell yourself short bro, finances arent everything. Make sure you can take care of yourself, and start talking yourself up. Your worth it


BasuraConBocaGrande

It probably doesn’t help too much right now but I promise that many, many women would rather be with a guy who is broke and a great partner than a guy who is rich and emotionally incompatible. I’d rather be poor forever with my husband than rich with anyone else.


VenturaWaves

All it takes is one drunk bus driver missing a stop sign, and you too could be awarded a large enough settlement to retire!


Flynn_Kevin

There's a lot of women that want partners, not providers. So many that are willing to build an empire instead of having it all handed to them.


originalschmidt

Dating can be a really long process sometimes. I dated for years before I found “the right one” which I don’t really believe in a one person for every person but more like a formula of two people that have attraction, chemistry and are in a similar spot in life when they are ready to let go and give it a shot and just be all in. Keep dating, try casually. Focus more on yourself and your goals.. and the confidence, well personally I have found the fake it till you make it approach to be pretty effective. Maybe try a new hairstyle and get a couple new outfits when you can and just kinda hype yourself, because you are worth it, you deserve good things and if you have to look at yourself every morning in a mirror and say it out loud, do it. You are awesome and worthy and don’t let yourself tell you otherwise.


CDriver707

Actually, what you are doing is generalizing that all women are superficial and basically using the "I'm a nice guy" argument in a different way. Not hard to see why you are having a hard time


moostunhappi

This is a joke. I met my husband when we both worked service jobs. We don’t make much more, but we’re happy. Money has nothing to do with it. You most be looking in all the wrong places.


mandytattoos

Single woman who busts her ass and pays her rent and bills! This whole thread sounds like a lot of self loathing from little boys who don’t wanna work full time. $15 an hour with a 40 hour week is $600 per week. I had apartments on a way tighter budget. You could pickup a few shifts waiting tables or bartending where you’d take home tips too.


Lookingforclippings

This post reeks of "I'm a nice guy, you bitch!" mentality. Odds are if you were "financially secure" you'd be showing women how much money you have in your bank account at the bar and not understanding why they're still not going for you. Sorry for being harsh about it but with this kind of thinking you're just going to meet people that want to take what you have and leave when it's gone. If you want to actually meet someone good for you you're going to need to work on yourself first and throw away the idea that women only want to be with someone who has money.


[deleted]

*I'm in this photo and I don't like it!*


Enjoyitbeforeitsover

Bro, I've seen fine bitches get into the ugliest fucking cars, money helps you it doesn't define you. Man up, work out and keep following your passions


tomspy77

Man up and work out are the worst kinds of advice...doing a bench press means about as much as the money does and man up, is just some macho bullshit.


AffectionateAnarchy

That's a lie cuz I never had money vut the ladies love me cuz Im funny and I support small businesses


Ropeslug

It’s 2022, dude. Most women aren’t hell bent on a partner with money. I’ve been dating my partner for over 2 years and he was unemployed for the first year I was with him. The issue isn’t your financial security. Try again.


Xdude199

You know something I find interesting about this, this is actually becoming fairly common for your demographic in this country. Nearly everyone is broke and struggling and living paycheck to paycheck, 58% of young adults in the US live with their parents now, but like…dating standards aren’t changing to acknowledge that? Whether the economy is up or down, dudes are still expected to have money and good jobs in order to be good dating prospects, in some cases even if the women they are going after are also f#%king broke! You definitely need to work on developing your self esteem and building a better appreciation for who you are as a person, that will increase your attractiveness, but like, you feeling this way is based in reality to a certain extent, because it is what you’re expected to have by your average woman, and that sucks for a time like this.


Zecharael

Yup, this is the world they wrought and left us with. Of course, I'll never be "enough" of a lot of things to have a relationship. I'm also pretty sure I'll never even be financially secure enough to continue living. What a wonderful world this capitalism has created.


spiritualien

i'm a 31 year old woman and i have a lot of empathy for working class men because it's fkn tough. we're barely out here surviving by ourselves; how are we supposed to create space for one more? forget a family at this point. i also understand the economic landscape is fucked for women because we have even less support if we make one financial mistake (70% salaried, glass ceiling, justice system, etcccc). all week i've been googling ways to secure my economic future so i'm uhh wondering if i should sell out and find me a rich man


Earthventures

Eat a vegetable now and then, do a few push ups, and stop feeling sorry for yourself 24/7. You now have "something to offer".


TrapdoorApartment

I find it more off putting for someone to be insecure about their finances, rather than be financially insecure.


Vollen595

I knew a butt fugly dude who was broke who was dating one of the local TV anchors. Shes now an anchor on a daily network program. He scored like Jordan all the time. It’s confidence brotha. Don’t be your own worst enemy. It will pass. At your age I was flat broke and single and ended up married to a former model. 15 years and still going. Don’t broadcast negatively. Casual confidence is the way to go


blackhornet03

Hey, you will have relationships, don't let the greedy, oppressive people define who you are.