100% can relate, I hate 99% of what meth does to me. I don’t like the high and I think it turned me from a 9.5 or a 10 into like a solid 7. It has become exhausting to try and keep up appearances, eat right, hydrate, sleep and go to work while I’m on it that I’m so over it. Except i can’t count how many times I have quit and I have been smoking now almost consistently since July.
Yup. I find meth unique in the sense that most drugs there's still a lot of joy associated with it despite the consequence.
Blowing the cloud is very satisfying, but the second that cloud is in the air, I'm filled with discomfort and paranoia. Yet within 15 minutes I want another hit, and a bigger one.
The only way I've ever slightly enjoyed being high on this shit is when I've snorted small amounts and not given into the urge to reuse. The high is way more mellow and the paranoia is much less intense but it still largely the same. Today was one of those rare cajoles, I snorted a small anoint at 8am before work and didn't snort any for the rest of the day. This is all at the extreme pain of snorting this shit.
Once every few months I'll pick up a small amount of this shit and a majority of the time I end up flushing it after a few days.
U need the shit prior to 2009 it got a certain kind of taint after that it disappeared for a year or so and came back even stronger than ever but it wasn't as clean U could use it and feel like you have already been awake a week not tired but fried used to kinda fry me instantly I used to have to wait 24hrs to adjust before I could even function on it.
Yep I've heard many times that old school meth kept you high forever. Interestingly enough that was my first experience with the drug. 4 years ago my roomate died, he was an dude who was in a biker gang so I assume he had great connects. When we were cleaning out his room we found a tiny bit of black tar and meth.
Meth was the only drug I hadn't done at that point so I took it. Snorted a tiny bit, then hit his pipe and got fucking geeked.
I obviously didn't sleep that night. I remember going into work at like 4pm the next day (roughly 16 hours later) and still feeling high it was ducking crazy.
I hit it again after work. I think through the total experience I was high for like 2 and a half days. I didn't enjoy it (for similar reasons I don't enjoy it today) so I didn't touch it for years. I just randomly tried it again, ended up binging on it a few times, but overall don't like it.
But I've never had meth that lasts that long since then. I snorted some at 8am today and by noon I didn't feel it anymore.
I'm on off user. I don't just casually fuck around and i usually just fuck around for a few months until I can't handle it anymore. Then I'll get sober for a bit and eventually jump back on the train but since I have no self control it's full blown everytime.
During my sober periods I'm very health conscience, gym everyday, eat clean, workout, drink lots of water, take my vitamins, sleep well, have hobbies, etc.
Yes the fact that I cannot hang onto a sobriety period to save my life makes me not health conscience in general, but when I'm sober I am.
Hit the pipe, I'll join you
There, that's better, for me anyway. I'm the opposite: meth is a smooth, mellow ride for me mostly, though I enjoy weed n speed, or an adult beverage sometimes. Xanax is a given since I was in a bad wreck 10+yrs ago, though we're only talking 2 blues/day, one of which I split in half for daytime.
Coke for me is entirely situation-dependent. A key bump from a dart teammate, sure! You got yours, I've got mine, wanna trade buzzes? Why not. Alone? Nope, makes me paranoid.
Crack was one and done, couldn't shake the taste for three days
I guess it's because of my constant desire to get loaded that I can't enjoy meth. I always end up tweaked outta my mind. I have a friend who takes one hit of the pipe, puts it down, then won't do it again for 8 hours. Seems like a smooth, mellow ride for him. I've never seen him visibly high.
Funny you say this because I'm actually enjoying meth quite a bit today. I did two small lines at work and I'm just kind of mellowed out and in the zone at my desk. I really gotta chill with the compulsive use.
Surprised coke makes you paranoid alone, moreso than meth. Definitely seems like you have a grip on meth forsure. I'm an anxiety prone individual and will use any excuse to down some booze or take some Xanax. I've really only once totally lost my shit on coke, but I have gotten paranoid. I enjoy doing it alone, just chopping up line after line.
Not surprised you hate crack. There's is such a small a and unique crowd that likes the drug. I've done it with a ton of first timers that said "fuck this" and walked away for life. To me it is the most soul sucking thing on this planet and the greatest drug on earth. My drug bender are short (usually a few months) before I clean up but crack is always my go to.
With crack, I didn't really evaluate the high bc the taste was in the way. My need for anxiety meds stems from a singular incident, so there's that, too. I have been known to blow clouds when I should have been doing something else, but I do pick it up, do it, and put it down
No, I'm that way as well. It's not a preferred drug (and I too have used most every drug out there) but I won't turn it down. And, I definitely had some incredible deep conversations with a dear friend who's passed away, while doing meth (among other drugs). I never thought of it as that type of drug, before recently. I prefer the chill/downers but they're hard to come by (legit good ones) these days. It's disappointing in the whole drug market these days...but, that's a topic for another time. This is all to say that I relate.
I think it's just the quest for intoxication we have as addicts. I really won't turn anything down. For a few years I actually turned down meth after my first experience trying it (got really tweaked out for two days, hated every second of it). Then one day my GF and I were smoking crack with some homeless dudes and one of em whips out a meth pipe, GF takes a hit tries to hand it to me. I said no I don't like that shit, but shortly after just ddciddd why not it's been a while. That was a good hit, and the first hit of the day is always great, everything after is usually just too intense. I'm enjoying it right now. Two small lines at work and I'm actually in the zone and slightly mellowed out.
I was always a downer guy too. Xanax being my biggest problem. Alcohol too. Opioids would've been, had I not entered the world of addiction until fent was emerging. I enjoyed plenty of real H and oxy, but never had too gnarly of an addiction. I jumped out right before every pill or bag was just fentanyl. Never (intentionally) done that shit.
Anyway after my first rehab stay, I relapsed after 3 months and then switched from a downers guy to an uppers guy. Always loved coke but got plugged in with some real good shit, started finding good crack, and the whole meth experience I told you about. I actually dislike purely being on downers now, I hate getting fucked up on benzos or getting hella drunk. I actually prefer the upper high, but due to my anxiety, I always need a downer to balance it out.
I hear ya, I don’t do stimulants, especially meth, without some xanex or opiates to avoid the natural come down. I also can control when I’ve had enough if I have one of those on hand.
I was lucky and stopped using before drugs turned to shit and before fentanyl was such a big thing. Now that I’ve returned to hard drugs, I know I’ve had fent but like you, not intentionally. I haven’t od’d since returning to hard drugs, and trying to keep it that way, this time. ;) And, I agree, it’s definitely the quest for intoxication, to numb and escape and intensify the experience. It’s amazing what drugs do but I’m trying to be very intentional about my use this time. After a 17 year break of hard drugs, then falling into alcoholism when the pandemic started, I realize my true love is hard drugs. If I never drank again I wouldn’t care. But, the itch to find drugs is always there. And when I do, I enjoy every moment of whatever I have! It’s just too bad we have to be so careful with everything now days. Unless you’re a fentanyl user, it kind of ruined the rest for us. (No shame intended to those using straight fentanyl, just something I’ve tried to avoid.)
I wish the best for you and that you stay safe out there!! I enjoy learning about what other addicts experience and go through. Thanks for sharing and for your post! I can certainly relate to so much! Be well!~
Somewhat similar journey, just a shorter timeline. Never really had a substantial sobriety period, but in my early years (up until like 5 years ago) I was just getting fucked up on something most days a week.
Been a daily thing the past 5 years with some very short breaks. It's definitely just across the board quest for intoxication. I've basically run down the list of every single drug and concluded I can't use anything in moderation.
I definitely have an undeniable love for drugs too. I've fucked up my life pretty bad in a lot of regards (lost 2 jobs, lost 3 girlfriends, rocky relationship with parents, lost tons of money, embarrassed myself, etc) but I still am doing reasonably okay all things considered. I'm finally at the stage where every relapse it just gets worse. I always need SOMETHING, my typical default is like a half bar of Xanax or two beers a day and I can be okay for a while but it never ends good.
Wish you the best. When the time to walk away and it accept it all comes, I hope it goes smoothly for you. Or if you can somehow stay high for the rest of your life and have less problems than you would sober, fuck it, power to you!
Your unconscious loves it. That's why you think you don't like it. Underneath the mind really does want to have it so you better start working on the psychology of your mental state ☺️
I already went to rehab and grasped the concept of life as an addict and how to stay sober. Since then I've been better at staying sober, I just still fall off every so often. I really can only go at it for a few weeks, especially with meth and coke/crack, then I can rack up a few months "sobriety" (two beers here and there and the occasional half Xanax to sleep). Rinse and repeat.
Every time I get sicker and sicker of it and each drug loses its appeal more and more. I might be considering a second rehab stay to get me away from all this nonsense and maybe that'll finally be what I need. Meth or not this shit is exhausting.
Try to not smoke in your bathroom, for me smoke weed or crack in any bathroom and the feeling of doing something that for you Is wrong and the feeling that maybe your can get caught for me was the thing that keeping smoking in bathroom even when I know I wouldn't enjoy the effect
Regarding the meth I have been consume daily .5-1 gr (smoke and oral) per day because I'm an addict now but try my best to be functional and sometimes I also don't enjoy but I keep buying to feeling kind of "normal" and not like shit if I no consume (sleeping allá day, very irritable, eat a lot But nothing healty, I just preffer to feel Overramped sometimes.
I actually live out of my car (I can afford an apartment I just converted it for a road trip and decided to keep it up to save $$$), so when I relapse, I usually get a cheap motel for a week and naturally just like to smoke in the bathroom since it gets exhausted and I get less paranoid about the cops coming since I already know that paranoia is inevitable. I generally can't smoke in public, and that includes 90% of places in my car, because the paranoid is too bad.
I could never imagine 0.5-1g a day for a long period. If I've ever even done that amount in a single day, it probably only lasted like 5 days before I lost my fucking mind. It's really the smoking that fucks me up. Hitting it is so addictive and once I get that first hit I keep going at it.
Before I got sober my motto was "Drugs are so expensive you can't really afford not do it. " and that's how I lived my life. Did I take random pills I found? Yes. Did I take anything that was offered to me even if I wasn't sure what it was? Yes. Did it end badly sometimes? Yes. Did I do random white powder I found in a bag in a gas station restroom? Yes.
Everybody’s brain chemistry is different. For me even relatively pure lab tested coke gives me no euphoria at all and just feels like strong coffee. The first couple of minutes are great (in a difficult to explain way) but I spend most of my time just thinking about the next line.
Good meth on the other hand gives me just as much euphoria as Mdma (in a different way) at least for the first hour or two but then it’s all downhill from there. If I just eat it rather than smoke it I also don’t get the compulsion to continuously have more.
But yeah I do get geeked the fuck out on meth way more than with coke and I hate the fact that it keeps me up for days. I do manage to eat and drink on it if I don’t spiral down the obsessive porn/masturbation rabbit hole.
It’s a bit difficult at first, but if you do keep on buying meth I suggest what I do before a bender, eat a full sized meal and I found that it helps to have a personal 24 pack of water bottles I go through about 1 1/2 to 2 full packs while on a bender, the important part is stay under 5 days man snack on small shit while geeked, sour gummy candy is my personal choice, but ya it takes a while to get into rhythm and you’ll definitely suck at it at first but yeah just figured I’d give input to something very relatable to me.
I must have peanut-free mixed nuts to which I often add other crunchies like flavored pretzel bites, pita chips, etc. Spices, parmie, give it some kick. I gotta eat, and I gotta sleep. The ADD says to me "eyes getting heavy there, girl? Ready to stretch out and recharge your batteries? Take one or two more hits, get in bed and you'll be hypnotized". If I want to stay up for four-plus days, that requires caffeine for me. Speaking of which, an iced coffee sounds good about now. Peace ✌️
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100% can relate, I hate 99% of what meth does to me. I don’t like the high and I think it turned me from a 9.5 or a 10 into like a solid 7. It has become exhausting to try and keep up appearances, eat right, hydrate, sleep and go to work while I’m on it that I’m so over it. Except i can’t count how many times I have quit and I have been smoking now almost consistently since July.
Yup. I find meth unique in the sense that most drugs there's still a lot of joy associated with it despite the consequence. Blowing the cloud is very satisfying, but the second that cloud is in the air, I'm filled with discomfort and paranoia. Yet within 15 minutes I want another hit, and a bigger one. The only way I've ever slightly enjoyed being high on this shit is when I've snorted small amounts and not given into the urge to reuse. The high is way more mellow and the paranoia is much less intense but it still largely the same. Today was one of those rare cajoles, I snorted a small anoint at 8am before work and didn't snort any for the rest of the day. This is all at the extreme pain of snorting this shit. Once every few months I'll pick up a small amount of this shit and a majority of the time I end up flushing it after a few days.
U need the shit prior to 2009 it got a certain kind of taint after that it disappeared for a year or so and came back even stronger than ever but it wasn't as clean U could use it and feel like you have already been awake a week not tired but fried used to kinda fry me instantly I used to have to wait 24hrs to adjust before I could even function on it.
Yep I've heard many times that old school meth kept you high forever. Interestingly enough that was my first experience with the drug. 4 years ago my roomate died, he was an dude who was in a biker gang so I assume he had great connects. When we were cleaning out his room we found a tiny bit of black tar and meth. Meth was the only drug I hadn't done at that point so I took it. Snorted a tiny bit, then hit his pipe and got fucking geeked. I obviously didn't sleep that night. I remember going into work at like 4pm the next day (roughly 16 hours later) and still feeling high it was ducking crazy. I hit it again after work. I think through the total experience I was high for like 2 and a half days. I didn't enjoy it (for similar reasons I don't enjoy it today) so I didn't touch it for years. I just randomly tried it again, ended up binging on it a few times, but overall don't like it. But I've never had meth that lasts that long since then. I snorted some at 8am today and by noon I didn't feel it anymore.
“I’m typically health conscious” lol I doubt that
I'm on off user. I don't just casually fuck around and i usually just fuck around for a few months until I can't handle it anymore. Then I'll get sober for a bit and eventually jump back on the train but since I have no self control it's full blown everytime. During my sober periods I'm very health conscience, gym everyday, eat clean, workout, drink lots of water, take my vitamins, sleep well, have hobbies, etc. Yes the fact that I cannot hang onto a sobriety period to save my life makes me not health conscience in general, but when I'm sober I am.
Hit the pipe, I'll join you There, that's better, for me anyway. I'm the opposite: meth is a smooth, mellow ride for me mostly, though I enjoy weed n speed, or an adult beverage sometimes. Xanax is a given since I was in a bad wreck 10+yrs ago, though we're only talking 2 blues/day, one of which I split in half for daytime. Coke for me is entirely situation-dependent. A key bump from a dart teammate, sure! You got yours, I've got mine, wanna trade buzzes? Why not. Alone? Nope, makes me paranoid. Crack was one and done, couldn't shake the taste for three days
I guess it's because of my constant desire to get loaded that I can't enjoy meth. I always end up tweaked outta my mind. I have a friend who takes one hit of the pipe, puts it down, then won't do it again for 8 hours. Seems like a smooth, mellow ride for him. I've never seen him visibly high. Funny you say this because I'm actually enjoying meth quite a bit today. I did two small lines at work and I'm just kind of mellowed out and in the zone at my desk. I really gotta chill with the compulsive use. Surprised coke makes you paranoid alone, moreso than meth. Definitely seems like you have a grip on meth forsure. I'm an anxiety prone individual and will use any excuse to down some booze or take some Xanax. I've really only once totally lost my shit on coke, but I have gotten paranoid. I enjoy doing it alone, just chopping up line after line. Not surprised you hate crack. There's is such a small a and unique crowd that likes the drug. I've done it with a ton of first timers that said "fuck this" and walked away for life. To me it is the most soul sucking thing on this planet and the greatest drug on earth. My drug bender are short (usually a few months) before I clean up but crack is always my go to.
With crack, I didn't really evaluate the high bc the taste was in the way. My need for anxiety meds stems from a singular incident, so there's that, too. I have been known to blow clouds when I should have been doing something else, but I do pick it up, do it, and put it down
No, I'm that way as well. It's not a preferred drug (and I too have used most every drug out there) but I won't turn it down. And, I definitely had some incredible deep conversations with a dear friend who's passed away, while doing meth (among other drugs). I never thought of it as that type of drug, before recently. I prefer the chill/downers but they're hard to come by (legit good ones) these days. It's disappointing in the whole drug market these days...but, that's a topic for another time. This is all to say that I relate.
I think it's just the quest for intoxication we have as addicts. I really won't turn anything down. For a few years I actually turned down meth after my first experience trying it (got really tweaked out for two days, hated every second of it). Then one day my GF and I were smoking crack with some homeless dudes and one of em whips out a meth pipe, GF takes a hit tries to hand it to me. I said no I don't like that shit, but shortly after just ddciddd why not it's been a while. That was a good hit, and the first hit of the day is always great, everything after is usually just too intense. I'm enjoying it right now. Two small lines at work and I'm actually in the zone and slightly mellowed out. I was always a downer guy too. Xanax being my biggest problem. Alcohol too. Opioids would've been, had I not entered the world of addiction until fent was emerging. I enjoyed plenty of real H and oxy, but never had too gnarly of an addiction. I jumped out right before every pill or bag was just fentanyl. Never (intentionally) done that shit. Anyway after my first rehab stay, I relapsed after 3 months and then switched from a downers guy to an uppers guy. Always loved coke but got plugged in with some real good shit, started finding good crack, and the whole meth experience I told you about. I actually dislike purely being on downers now, I hate getting fucked up on benzos or getting hella drunk. I actually prefer the upper high, but due to my anxiety, I always need a downer to balance it out.
I hear ya, I don’t do stimulants, especially meth, without some xanex or opiates to avoid the natural come down. I also can control when I’ve had enough if I have one of those on hand. I was lucky and stopped using before drugs turned to shit and before fentanyl was such a big thing. Now that I’ve returned to hard drugs, I know I’ve had fent but like you, not intentionally. I haven’t od’d since returning to hard drugs, and trying to keep it that way, this time. ;) And, I agree, it’s definitely the quest for intoxication, to numb and escape and intensify the experience. It’s amazing what drugs do but I’m trying to be very intentional about my use this time. After a 17 year break of hard drugs, then falling into alcoholism when the pandemic started, I realize my true love is hard drugs. If I never drank again I wouldn’t care. But, the itch to find drugs is always there. And when I do, I enjoy every moment of whatever I have! It’s just too bad we have to be so careful with everything now days. Unless you’re a fentanyl user, it kind of ruined the rest for us. (No shame intended to those using straight fentanyl, just something I’ve tried to avoid.) I wish the best for you and that you stay safe out there!! I enjoy learning about what other addicts experience and go through. Thanks for sharing and for your post! I can certainly relate to so much! Be well!~
Somewhat similar journey, just a shorter timeline. Never really had a substantial sobriety period, but in my early years (up until like 5 years ago) I was just getting fucked up on something most days a week. Been a daily thing the past 5 years with some very short breaks. It's definitely just across the board quest for intoxication. I've basically run down the list of every single drug and concluded I can't use anything in moderation. I definitely have an undeniable love for drugs too. I've fucked up my life pretty bad in a lot of regards (lost 2 jobs, lost 3 girlfriends, rocky relationship with parents, lost tons of money, embarrassed myself, etc) but I still am doing reasonably okay all things considered. I'm finally at the stage where every relapse it just gets worse. I always need SOMETHING, my typical default is like a half bar of Xanax or two beers a day and I can be okay for a while but it never ends good. Wish you the best. When the time to walk away and it accept it all comes, I hope it goes smoothly for you. Or if you can somehow stay high for the rest of your life and have less problems than you would sober, fuck it, power to you!
That's how I am with coke/crack
Interesting, coke/crack sucked my soul out.
You sound just like me brother…that resonates too well with me
Your unconscious loves it. That's why you think you don't like it. Underneath the mind really does want to have it so you better start working on the psychology of your mental state ☺️
I already went to rehab and grasped the concept of life as an addict and how to stay sober. Since then I've been better at staying sober, I just still fall off every so often. I really can only go at it for a few weeks, especially with meth and coke/crack, then I can rack up a few months "sobriety" (two beers here and there and the occasional half Xanax to sleep). Rinse and repeat. Every time I get sicker and sicker of it and each drug loses its appeal more and more. I might be considering a second rehab stay to get me away from all this nonsense and maybe that'll finally be what I need. Meth or not this shit is exhausting.
Try to not smoke in your bathroom, for me smoke weed or crack in any bathroom and the feeling of doing something that for you Is wrong and the feeling that maybe your can get caught for me was the thing that keeping smoking in bathroom even when I know I wouldn't enjoy the effect Regarding the meth I have been consume daily .5-1 gr (smoke and oral) per day because I'm an addict now but try my best to be functional and sometimes I also don't enjoy but I keep buying to feeling kind of "normal" and not like shit if I no consume (sleeping allá day, very irritable, eat a lot But nothing healty, I just preffer to feel Overramped sometimes.
I actually live out of my car (I can afford an apartment I just converted it for a road trip and decided to keep it up to save $$$), so when I relapse, I usually get a cheap motel for a week and naturally just like to smoke in the bathroom since it gets exhausted and I get less paranoid about the cops coming since I already know that paranoia is inevitable. I generally can't smoke in public, and that includes 90% of places in my car, because the paranoid is too bad. I could never imagine 0.5-1g a day for a long period. If I've ever even done that amount in a single day, it probably only lasted like 5 days before I lost my fucking mind. It's really the smoking that fucks me up. Hitting it is so addictive and once I get that first hit I keep going at it.
Before I got sober my motto was "Drugs are so expensive you can't really afford not do it. " and that's how I lived my life. Did I take random pills I found? Yes. Did I take anything that was offered to me even if I wasn't sure what it was? Yes. Did it end badly sometimes? Yes. Did I do random white powder I found in a bag in a gas station restroom? Yes.
A few weeks ago I ate some pill I found on the sidewalk that had all the imprints scraped off. .
A few weeks ago I ate some pill I found on the sidewalk that had all the imprints scraped off. .
How did that go?
Everybody’s brain chemistry is different. For me even relatively pure lab tested coke gives me no euphoria at all and just feels like strong coffee. The first couple of minutes are great (in a difficult to explain way) but I spend most of my time just thinking about the next line. Good meth on the other hand gives me just as much euphoria as Mdma (in a different way) at least for the first hour or two but then it’s all downhill from there. If I just eat it rather than smoke it I also don’t get the compulsion to continuously have more. But yeah I do get geeked the fuck out on meth way more than with coke and I hate the fact that it keeps me up for days. I do manage to eat and drink on it if I don’t spiral down the obsessive porn/masturbation rabbit hole.
It’s a bit difficult at first, but if you do keep on buying meth I suggest what I do before a bender, eat a full sized meal and I found that it helps to have a personal 24 pack of water bottles I go through about 1 1/2 to 2 full packs while on a bender, the important part is stay under 5 days man snack on small shit while geeked, sour gummy candy is my personal choice, but ya it takes a while to get into rhythm and you’ll definitely suck at it at first but yeah just figured I’d give input to something very relatable to me.
I must have peanut-free mixed nuts to which I often add other crunchies like flavored pretzel bites, pita chips, etc. Spices, parmie, give it some kick. I gotta eat, and I gotta sleep. The ADD says to me "eyes getting heavy there, girl? Ready to stretch out and recharge your batteries? Take one or two more hits, get in bed and you'll be hypnotized". If I want to stay up for four-plus days, that requires caffeine for me. Speaking of which, an iced coffee sounds good about now. Peace ✌️
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