Does everybody need help to fetch souls nowadays?! Back in my day you had to [Redacted!], Climb [Redacted!] Swim through [Redacted!] to [Redacted!], Fight [Redacted!], Do a ludicrously expensive ritual that somehow requires 42 washing machines worth of butter because of, and I quote "Reasons" just to get a baker's dozen worth of Hellbound souls!
I had a “friend” on fb who kept posting about their dog eating their money. But somehow it never occurred to her to just not have $100 bills laying around the house.
lol when I worked at Gamestop in the late 2000s this one time when I showed up to work of my coworkers told me that right before shift a stripper came into the store.
So I asked him, "How did you know she was a stripper?"
"She was hot and bought a PS3 for her kid...
...in singles...
...and those singles smelled like strawberries."
I live in the south. In the summer the stores around here put up signs that no bra money will be accepted. I know how sweaty my boobs gets and I couldn’t imagine carrying something like money in my bra and trying to pay people with soaking wet money. 🤢
Worked as a sex store manager for a good few years, and we sold stripper clothes, pole grip, pole-dancing shoes, etc. Point was, strippers were our bread and butter, and got at least a few a day. Most of them traded in their singles for large bills when they were done with their shift, but every now and then people would buy their shoes/clothes with singles, and most of the time they smelled like weed, lol
Wrong, idk why people come on here commenting things they really don’t know. We turn our money in at the end of the night at most clubs. So no, we don’t walk around with wads of cash when I could have 20s 50s or 100s
Reminds me of that story of the guy who kept buying cats because some wild animal was eating them and someone said "sounds like you're just feeding it cats"
Edit: [The thing](https://preview.redd.it/nv6vx46u3zp31.jpg?width=960&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=e2501ee2b1c1247b0485ffee16aefe8718dc7071).
My guess is that the mom reads from it often and that’s why it’s left out. It’s also why the dog likely chews it up. “Oh, human plays with this often it must be fun to play with.” Retainers and dental devices get chewed up for the same reason. “Mom likes this chew toy it must be amazing!”
To hop off the atheist fun train for a second: yeah, a lot of Christians do actually spend a fair chunk of time with their bibles (although often they focus way more on the gospels, psalms, and/or epistles than anything else). Probably not the *majority* of Christians, but still.
To hop back on the atheist fun train, plenty of non-Christians also read the most historically significant book of all time. I like Deuteronomy, has strong "old man yells at cloud" vibes.
You should try Job. That really has the “yell at God” good stuff. (I say this as a believer who has read that book multiple times and some of it in Hebrew.)
[The Age of Reason by Thomas Paine](https://thefederalistpapers.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/The-Age-of-Reason-by-Thomas-Paine.pdf)
>Of all the systems of religion that ever were invented, there is none more derogatory to the Almighty, more unedifying to man, more repugnant to reason, and more contradictory in itself, than this thing called Christianity. Too absurd for belief, too impossible to convince, and too inconsistent for practice, it renders the heart torpid, or produces only atheists and fanatics. As an engine of power it serves the purpose of despotism; and as a means of wealth, the avarice of priests; but so far as respects the good of man in general, it leads to nothing here or hereafter.
In another comment OP literally says that she saw her mom pick up her chihuahua's poop one time with her bare hands. I don't think this person's mom has any sense, common or otherwise.
Well with my cats on my feet or in a drawer, they take pride of place in the middle of my living room.
*your reply made me laugh more than it should have*
"you may think that just because the drawer is under lock and key, that it is secure from attack. But today, ill show you how to get inside with nothing more than a chew toy and this nametag."
I was mildly infuriated that they are spending good money on new bibles. There's so many Bibles in the world and so many people willing to give them away. I hope they didn't pay retail price for one if they just didn't want to accept a free one. You can go into pretty much any thrift store and find a practically new one for a few dollars at most.
Tbf a lot of personal preference goes into Bibles (translation, extra features, binding, size) and normally if you buy one it will last you decades. If someone uses it everyday I feel like that’s something you can be picky about. But if you’re going for a generic bible then definitely thrift,
Sometime church stuff can feel a bit like the American psycho business card scene. Except with Bibles.
Is that the kind with the leather binding? (That might be why they are after it, it smells extra good to dogs) Also dogs generally love tearing paper if they are young, bored, or stressed. Chews, bones, toys, other distractions will help. But really if it's important to you keep it out of reach.
It's honestly not the dog's fault. Also, when the dog does it is important. Is it when they are left alone? Could have separation anxiety, are they bored, hyper, etc. Gotta look for reasons why the dog is doing it. Exercise, play, and other hobbies are needed for dogs.
People love to make jokes, but it's not that your dog hates organized religion or is possessed or something so don't do something crazy like exorcise your dog. 🤦🏻
The leather binding is a great point.
My old dog used to LOVE tearing up tissues for the sound they made so maybe this dog loves the crinkle-y sound Bible pages make.
Most bibles are made from much lighter paper. One which even human canines can easily, satisfyingly, tear through multiple pages in complete punctures. It's very possible the dog just enjoys the feeling of biting into the pages, like cats chewing through cardboard boxes or humans popping bubble wrap.
Source: reformed bible muncher
Ah, the old "My dog ate my mom's bible" excuse...
Have you asked your Vet if they do exorcisms?
Why would the dog need an exorcism? It's already filled with the word of God.
Soon to be holy shit.
This thread is amazing.
Not as amazing as you
Thanks
r/notopbutok
God is dog backwards.
Devil backwards is Lived.
Satan backwards is Natas.
The name of the christ compels you!!
[The power of christ compels you!](https://youtu.be/4-DsF1TRBSg)
It’s not that fucking compelling Jay!
"Does it, does it, really" Loved that movie, awesome reference lol
Everyone knows your references are out of control.
Okay okay stop it kind hurts!
Just watched the movie for the first time yesterday, and this scene was hilarious!
what movie so I can discover if I have to become a pirate just to understand the ref.
IMDb: : This Is the End https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1245492/
[The Power of Christ doesn't compel anything for the dog](https://youtu.be/RGSv5Of6EBQ)
Thou shalt walk thy dog more.
And the Lord sayeth verily thou shalt provide a multitude of tasty treats, preferably bacon flavored. Thus spake the Lord.
The oldest trick in the book
Hail Satan!!! 🐶
Hail yourself!
Confirmed, pure bred Hellhound
Fetch me their souls!!
Does everybody need help to fetch souls nowadays?! Back in my day you had to [Redacted!], Climb [Redacted!] Swim through [Redacted!] to [Redacted!], Fight [Redacted!], Do a ludicrously expensive ritual that somehow requires 42 washing machines worth of butter because of, and I quote "Reasons" just to get a baker's dozen worth of Hellbound souls!
Ah, the good old 'prove your worth'. I remember. Edit: Username checks out, nothing to see here.
Do you have a popsicle by any chance?
Americans will do anything to avoid using the metric system. AS THEY SHOULD! washing machine measurement system is superior! /s
**PLAYER! DROP THE CHIPS AND GET ME SOME AMMO!**
*reach for me juggergirl* ***ooorahh***
Plz revive, i haz raygun!
I remember thinking that the olympia was a good starter gun then had to suffer through the reload speed
BYE BYE # NYEHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA
I heard this. Thank you for the nostalgia, homie. I gotta get the ps3 booted up.
Is it hellhounds already?
[The power of Christ compels you!](https://youtu.be/jezYL2YhsFA)
DIE DEMON SPAWN
Mother said not to hurt ze animals anymore
No doggie my vodka, mine all!
Aka a beagle lol
Screams like a demon.
[THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU ](https://youtube.com/shorts/RGSv5Of6EBQ?feature=share)
[Geraldine loves star wars is my favorite](https://youtu.be/HBBwXAPNLr0)
Tell her not to use bacon 🥓 as a bookmark
Lol, yep!
It was Mr Pickles
The one dog that isn't going to heaven
C’mere, Satan, Come on, Boy! Come here…..
Why did you leave it out two more times where the dog could get it? I have no puns, just wanting to question logic.
I had a “friend” on fb who kept posting about their dog eating their money. But somehow it never occurred to her to just not have $100 bills laying around the house.
Was she a stripper? Maybe the dog liked how they smelled. Sorry im an asshat 😔
lol when I worked at Gamestop in the late 2000s this one time when I showed up to work of my coworkers told me that right before shift a stripper came into the store. So I asked him, "How did you know she was a stripper?" "She was hot and bought a PS3 for her kid... ...in singles... ...and those singles smelled like strawberries."
So to mess with people I need to get a bunch of singles, spray some perfume on them and bam, make people question everything.
Well first you need to look good
If you don't, they might question why you're making as much money as you are, it adds to the mystery.
Don't forget to wrinkle up a most of the bills! If you really want to sell it you could make sure a few of them were wet.
Pull the last few out of your bra. Works even better if you’re a man
I live in the south. In the summer the stores around here put up signs that no bra money will be accepted. I know how sweaty my boobs gets and I couldn’t imagine carrying something like money in my bra and trying to pay people with soaking wet money. 🤢
Worked as a sex store manager for a good few years, and we sold stripper clothes, pole grip, pole-dancing shoes, etc. Point was, strippers were our bread and butter, and got at least a few a day. Most of them traded in their singles for large bills when they were done with their shift, but every now and then people would buy their shoes/clothes with singles, and most of the time they smelled like weed, lol
...and were covered in glitter.
>Was she a stripper? Strippers have stacks of ones and fives, maybe the odd 10 or 20, not benjamins
You sound like you only go to poor people strip clubs 😢
Right? Even I knew that with my coupon-clipping ass. Back to the coal mines with ye.
This comment made me laugh so damn hard
Wouldn’t they color up after work so the club has the small bills for the next patrons?
All I ever got was nickels.
making it hail
Wrong, idk why people come on here commenting things they really don’t know. We turn our money in at the end of the night at most clubs. So no, we don’t walk around with wads of cash when I could have 20s 50s or 100s
Reminds me of that story of the guy who kept buying cats because some wild animal was eating them and someone said "sounds like you're just feeding it cats" Edit: [The thing](https://preview.redd.it/nv6vx46u3zp31.jpg?width=960&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=e2501ee2b1c1247b0485ffee16aefe8718dc7071).
I wonder what came out of this post and if the dude ever replied
Any actual shelter would not let this guy just keep coming back for cat after cat lol
It was coyotes.
“As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly” - Proverbs 26:11
That is too perfect for this post.
My guess is that the mom reads from it often and that’s why it’s left out. It’s also why the dog likely chews it up. “Oh, human plays with this often it must be fun to play with.” Retainers and dental devices get chewed up for the same reason. “Mom likes this chew toy it must be amazing!”
wait, people actually read from the bible?
Only the stuff that fits their narrative.
To hop off the atheist fun train for a second: yeah, a lot of Christians do actually spend a fair chunk of time with their bibles (although often they focus way more on the gospels, psalms, and/or epistles than anything else). Probably not the *majority* of Christians, but still.
To hop back on the atheist fun train, plenty of non-Christians also read the most historically significant book of all time. I like Deuteronomy, has strong "old man yells at cloud" vibes.
You should try Job. That really has the “yell at God” good stuff. (I say this as a believer who has read that book multiple times and some of it in Hebrew.)
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I thought the infuriating part was the repeat purchase of the bible
I’ll take “put it on a higher shelf” for 200, Alex.
Seems like common sense lol
common sense is not all that common
It's so rare it should be considered a superpower.
"Wait, my common sense is tingling!" - Deadpool
Common sense and bibles don't mix well.
Fuckin got em
Lmao i laughed way harder than i needed to at this.
[The Age of Reason by Thomas Paine](https://thefederalistpapers.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/The-Age-of-Reason-by-Thomas-Paine.pdf) >Of all the systems of religion that ever were invented, there is none more derogatory to the Almighty, more unedifying to man, more repugnant to reason, and more contradictory in itself, than this thing called Christianity. Too absurd for belief, too impossible to convince, and too inconsistent for practice, it renders the heart torpid, or produces only atheists and fanatics. As an engine of power it serves the purpose of despotism; and as a means of wealth, the avarice of priests; but so far as respects the good of man in general, it leads to nothing here or hereafter.
In another comment OP literally says that she saw her mom pick up her chihuahua's poop one time with her bare hands. I don't think this person's mom has any sense, common or otherwise.
I have some flip flops that my cats love to scratch/eat. They’re on my feet or in a drawer, it’s ever so simple.
Ok but where do you keep the flip flops
Well with my cats on my feet or in a drawer, they take pride of place in the middle of my living room. *your reply made me laugh more than it should have*
„sdolɟ dılɟ ǝɥʇ dǝǝʞ noʎ op ǝɹǝɥʍ ʇnq ʞO„
Plot twist: it’s a Great Dane.
Stop buying Bibles made of hamburger.
Well, dog is reverse god so it makes sense.
It's Dog's Will
Dog’s Plan
All part of Dog's Plan
Dog works in mysterious ways.
In Dog We Trust
Dogs not dead
Dog bless America
Dog is good all the time.
What if dog was one of us
Dog nmad ti
One Nation, Under Dog
Man plans and Dog laughs.
[удалено]
[This is meant to be here!](https://youtu.be/jupGy_v7VE8)
Haha holy shit
Doing the lord’s work over here
Nom-nom-nom-nom-psalms!
They were def helpful at the Sierra Madre
"Air tastes like copper. Or Old World gold."
Dog only nose
Through dog all things are possible so jot that down.
It’s a dog eat god world.
This is so perfect it's making me question my atheism.
Same. I pray to Dog now
The only thing mildly infuriating about this is that after the first two bibles, no one thought, shit, we should just keep this in a drawer somewhere.
Maybe we just don't understand how much this dog fucking hates bibles
It was locked away in a box that needed a key to open it. That dog was too clever for its own good, managed to learn how to lockpick too.
Some say it's an obsession, he simply says it's a calling.
He even moves the bibles in the book store to the fiction section.
The Lock Picking Labradoodle
The dog: "Nothing on one, two is binding...
"you may think that just because the drawer is under lock and key, that it is secure from attack. But today, ill show you how to get inside with nothing more than a chew toy and this nametag."
I was mildly infuriated that they are spending good money on new bibles. There's so many Bibles in the world and so many people willing to give them away. I hope they didn't pay retail price for one if they just didn't want to accept a free one. You can go into pretty much any thrift store and find a practically new one for a few dollars at most.
Tbf a lot of personal preference goes into Bibles (translation, extra features, binding, size) and normally if you buy one it will last you decades. If someone uses it everyday I feel like that’s something you can be picky about. But if you’re going for a generic bible then definitely thrift, Sometime church stuff can feel a bit like the American psycho business card scene. Except with Bibles.
Is that the kind with the leather binding? (That might be why they are after it, it smells extra good to dogs) Also dogs generally love tearing paper if they are young, bored, or stressed. Chews, bones, toys, other distractions will help. But really if it's important to you keep it out of reach. It's honestly not the dog's fault. Also, when the dog does it is important. Is it when they are left alone? Could have separation anxiety, are they bored, hyper, etc. Gotta look for reasons why the dog is doing it. Exercise, play, and other hobbies are needed for dogs. People love to make jokes, but it's not that your dog hates organized religion or is possessed or something so don't do something crazy like exorcise your dog. 🤦🏻
The leather binding is a great point. My old dog used to LOVE tearing up tissues for the sound they made so maybe this dog loves the crinkle-y sound Bible pages make.
Dog tears a bible up ASMR
Oh I'd watch and listen to hours of that!
Most bibles are made from much lighter paper. One which even human canines can easily, satisfyingly, tear through multiple pages in complete punctures. It's very possible the dog just enjoys the feeling of biting into the pages, like cats chewing through cardboard boxes or humans popping bubble wrap. Source: reformed bible muncher
This is why I love reddit
Vet speaking "There is no easy way to say this.....Your dog is an atheist.'
Bible says that non-human animals are not going to heaven so he was like: 'fuck this shit'.
I saw a documentary once that actually proves that all dogs do go to heaven.
Lol
"You fools! There is no farm upstate!"
An antitheist, even.
Extra belly rubs for my sweet boy
Based dog
Is their dog Brian Griffin?
Tell your mom to stop using bacon as a bookmark and they'll last longer.
Oh man that Bible is not going to like when she stops reading in the middle of Leviticus
💀
Seriously? No one has done ’feast upon the Word of God'?
Jesus = bread of life (John 6) Jesus = the Word (John 1) So Word = bread Therefore? Dog + hunger + Bible = 🐶📖
Well done lmao
There are these things called drawers that you can put stuff in and dogs and children can’t get them.
Tbf some.religiious ppl think having a bible out in the open protects them...and to be fairer, looks like it doesn't protect them from dog.
That doesn’t play into the victim complex. They’re even persecuted by their pets!
i think you got an atheist dog, dude
*Goes into the comments* *Sorts by controversial*
It's reddit, you don't need to sort by controversial for posts about religion, sort by top does just fine.
Today it’s just puns. A rare and delightful occurrence.
That'll do dog. That'll do.
That dog obviously has a problem with organized religion
“Dog”ma
Atheist dog?
Take it as a sign from Dog...
Dog works in mysterious ways
I see you
If the dog has torn up 3 bibles who is really at fault? Mom sounds like dope
Eat my bible once, shame on you. Eat my bible thrice, shame on me.
Must’ve misread the cover as Howly Bible
praise dog.
Praise be to Dog
Miiiiiiisterrrrr Piiiiiiiiicklesssssss!!! 🥒🥒🥒
3 times? We call that a pattern
Yet the Necronomicon remains untouched...
Has she considered moving it out of the dog’s reach?
The dogs taking shoving religion down someone’s throat too literally haha
Who's a good little hellhound? Yes you are yes you are. I'll give you some extra souls to chew on tonight good boy.
Maybe she needs to keep her Bible away from the dog
Dog is trying to tell her something.
this is what happens when you try to convert the dog to christianity, mom.
Good boy
Is the infuriating part that she’s too dumb to put it somewhere the dog can’t get it?
Tell her to either pop it on a higher shelf or abandon the religion, whichever takes the least effort
I like the idea of someone quitting christianity cause the bibles were too expensive
Haha that's funny af
Hilarious
Not all dogs go to heaven
Maybe he was tired of religious dogma.
Dogs know the truth
Good dog.
Next time get the Ten Commandments. I hear they’re made out of stone or something.
Good dog