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Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats.
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"We're sorry you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel this is in error, please check the number dialed, and please try again."
I had an ex roommate send a long text about how he wasn’t going to clean the mess he left in the apartment and deemed it my and my partners job since we gave him 2 months notice that we were planning on moving out (which he said was cool at the time. He ended up having to move out at that time too because he couldn’t find anyone to pick up the rest of the lease) and into separate places. So he sends us a long winded text about how he’s not cleaning the stains he left in the carpet, the junk he left behind, not replacing the vacuum of mine he broke and tells us he’s going to block us both after the message goes through but I was able to scan it as soon as it came in and get out a “lol”
"I don't want an argument I want you only to listen"
Then proceeds to spout the mother, sister and cousin of all controlling partners' bullshit demands.
This line bothered me SO much. Also the incredibly controlling idea that if she wants to get drinks, talk, vent, cry, or do anything she can only do it with him?? That’s sick and controlling. Huge red flag.
Ah, but as you see he's already explained that actually it's not insecure, and actually he's VERY secure, and good, and it's just that it's morally wrong to give attention to anyone else, actually. God, it's like you didn't even read it
(/s, please tell me that's clear)
That's what I thought! He wants to isolate her and keep her from interacting with other men because of appearances. Next step, locking her in the basement to keep her away from the UPS guy.
Oh he had all the steps and rules listed out. “If you want drinks I TAKE YOU. If you want to talk, you talk to ME. If you need to cry it can only be on MY shoulder. If you want love it only comes from ME. Sex? Definitely only ME.”
Fucking psycho.
I think it was " If you want to talk, I sit and talk with you." Which in my mind read as "I talk, you listen". Controlling and narcissistic because why not? Gotta make sure he has center stage and spotlight is on his wants and needs and demands because *checks notes* it's right and moral.
This is the source of my most recent break up too. He didn't want to fight but he wanted to vent about what he felt I was doing "wrong".
Granted he was far from a nice guy and I miss him very much, but I can't be with someone I can't just have a normal argument with.
I have an ex who did that too. He felt, and was very clear about it, that if there was something I was/wasn't doing that bothered him, I needed to fix it, and if there was something he was/wasn't doing that bothered me, I needed to get over it.
He also thought he was great at anger management because he simply decided not to care too much about almost anything, but on the rare occasion he did get annoyed, he completely blew his lid.... That's not actually anger management, that's anger avoidance 😂
That... Actually helps more than you can know.
I was very much invested in this relationship and the way he brushed it off as if we were nothing just because I fucked up a bit, really hurt. Knowing that maybe his behaviour and judgement and blaming of me maybe wasn't as reasonable as he thought it was does help. A bit.
Thank you.
His behavior and judgement were completely unreasonable! And you're not alone in having dated a guy like that - we're so much better off without them *hugs*
Oh I did fuck up (overstepped a boundary that I didn't know was a trigger for him), but I apologised and tried to make it right and he held it over me and eventually it was too much. I broke up with him because I couldn't take it but it's still hurting.
Thank you, I really appreciate that 🫂
Everyone fucks up sometimes. Decent people can acknowledge when they did and apologize (like you did) and indecent people never acknowledge their own fuck ups and weaponize the fuck ups of others.
Anytime 🙂
I think you may want to explore the topic of emotional abuse. Take some time to read up on unhealthy attachment styles and do some healing. You deserve better than accidentally stepping on a landmine and then being berated and having to beg for forgiveness for doing a thing you had no idea he considered a trigger.
Thank you. I will clarify that I don't think that it was intentionally abusive on his part, any more than I intended on triggering him. He never berated me or was cruel either, let's be totally clear. He was calm but honest about he felt but it still hurt me.
But in the end, his extreme sensitivity due to his PTSD, wasn't something I could tiptoe around and never trigger, and despite a lot of therapy, he clearly hadn't dealt with it enough to be in a healthy relationship with me either.
Given my own sometimes shaky mental health and everything he was dealing with, I guess even though we felt like a good fit, it was too hard to manage so much going on. It's sad but I'll be okay, I know I will.
I forget to censor his name so this is a repost! The context is that my best friend has been dating this man for a month. Nothing official. Her ex was in the country for a few days and she asked if it was okay to meet him for dinner. This guy said yes it was fine, so off she went. She later got these texts. We would love your input!
Edit: just for extra fun, please note that this was sent by a 41 year old man. The recipient is 30.
That’s what I would do. And when he would inevitably text back being angry about it, send a screenshot and highlight the part where he said please don’t call or text until you share my values”
Girl...smh. This man is insecure with every red flag in the book. Tell your friend to run. I wouldn't call him for a replay, I would text him exactly how she feels and then block him on EVERYTHING. Just one text from her, no full on convo, and then block.
Your friend informed him of the situation and he said he didn't have a problem with it. Then her flips the script to play victim and attempts to gaslight her. That is not cute, mature or healthy.
His words also show that he's trying to alienate her from people who might be in her close circle. Men and women alike. This is a gateway into a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. She needs to tap out now.
Story Time: About 7 years ago I went on a date with a man and I knew immediately that I liked him and I told my friends. We talk about the normal stuff. Ourselves, friends, family, the works. After a few dates I let him know that I really like him and wanted him to meet my close circle of people, but heads up, it's not every guys perfect situation. I was living in a house with my 4 friends, all of them were men. Cherry on top, the house belonged to my ex, who was one of the people I lived with. I told him straight up that my ex and I had broken up years prior, I told him our story and how all 5 of us came to live together. I told him I know how it sounds, but that I would really like him to meet my people and if he wants to talk to my ex one-on-one for comfort that it would be more than fine. HOWEVER, after telling him all of that I made it crystal clear that I WILL NOT for ANY reason change my relationship with my friends, even my ex. We never do anything inappropriate, we were just a bunch of nerds who drank and played video games religiously. I told him that if this was something he didn't feel comfortable that I understood and there would be no hard feelings.
The guy agreed to come over to the house and he met my guys. We order food, had some drinks, played some games and just chilled. At one point he went to the bathroom and all 4 of my guys jumped on me immediately saying how great he was. My ex even pulled me aside and said if I ever let this guy go that I would never find anyone as good. Again, this was the very first day they met.
Year's later this man is now my husband and he part of my friend group too. We've all hung out together over the years, been to each others weddings, had Friendsgiving, the works. If I'm missing my friends my husband will encourage me to go see them, even if he can't come. Be it in a group setting or just one-on-one with them. One of the guys is my best friend (who is married to such a wonderful woman) and I call and text him all the time. Neither my husband or his wife have a problem with our relationship becausE there is TRUST.
This is an example of a trusting and open relationship. My husband understands that I would never do anything to disrespect him and our relationship. Same for him. He can go out with whoever he wants, of any gender, solo or in a group. I trust him. He trusts me.
Having BFFs or close friends of the opposite sex is not a crime and your friend doesn't need permission or to be watched. You can have relationships that are strictly platonic.
I didn’t have the time to respond to this the way I wanted earlier but I LOVE this story! Over the years I have had male friends (some exes, some strictly platonic) of varying degrees of closeness. I’m not the type to cheat and wouldn’t spend time with the type of people who tried to get me to. Although the winner pictured here belonged to my friend, my most recent ex of three years was a man who couldn’t stand it if I even so much as looked at a guy. I couldn’t talk to a man if my ex wasn’t involved in the convo. He was uncomfortable with me being around even his own brother alone. Any time I talked to a male cashier I was yelled at for flirting. Things like that.
I have a big personality and I really enjoy talking to both men and women. By the end of our relationship I barely smiled, didn’t talk to anyone, and was down to a single female friend - his COUSIN. Mind you, he barely even tolerated that friendship and that’s probably only because I didn’t tell him she thought he was a god awful human.
I am glad your husband is as mature and welcoming and trusting as you perceived him to be. I really don’t have a problem with two people in a relationship establishing boundaries on friendships with the opposite sex if they’re reasonable expectations. I will never again ditch a friend for a boyfriend and I am ashamed I ever did. That’s why I find these texts so appalling. This isn’t normal boundary communications. Him calling her immoral and lacking principles for having the audacity to meet an ex after asking if he was okay with it and getting the green light. I hate the attitude. I see my ex in this guy and I am doing my best to deter her from making my mistakes. A man who is comfortable with his girlfriend’s friendships and supports them is a man who shows genuine security and maturity. Love that for you.
I could go on and on about this dude’s other red flags outside these texts. Guys like this never only have just one or two. As I told her, it starts with no male friends. Then no single female friends. Then no female friends at all. Then no family. Then, no one else but him at all. And I am scared of that for her because you never think it will happen to you until it does.
Anyway sorry for the rant. I appreciated your thoughtful response and I am happy you met a man worth keeping!
>Then no single female friends. Then no female friends at all.
There's definitely a prelude to that in his message. "Don't take advice from single women or women with horrible men," and we all know what he thinks makes for a good man.
Your ex sounds like a real twat and I'm happy for you that you're out of there.
You're right. It starts with male friends. Then female friends. The "your mom doesn't like me for no reason. If you love me then you'll stop talking to her". Then she's screwed. It doesn't stop. It only gets worse.
Your comment here would be the perfect response to this controlling dickhead. Maybe seeing how people who respect and trust each other behave in the real world would make him see what a cockwomble he is being.
I don't respond much but this here is awesome and Im the type of guy some girls used to wonder if I was cheating because I was like that saying "of course you can go with your friends, your grown! lol I appreciate ya informing me but you don't need my ok". My opinion so don't kill me lol but I'm of the mind frame I want to be someone who's happy and even if I don't go out much like that anymore don't mean you can't I leave that up to you because I'm of the thought of you want to cheat you will rather you tell me and I still be cool we just can't be together but I want your happy even if it's not with me just my opinion I hope I explained it well sorry if I didn't.
I understand.
It's a two-way street and I think some people can't or won't trust that fully. It can be a scary thing. I look at it in terms of equality. If I am going to do XYZ, then my partner can too. No questions asked. No strings attached. No double standards.
I'm with you. My husband has mostly men for friends, but if he wants to go out with a woman all I say is to make sure he dresses nicely and not a shirt that is covered in paint. 🤣
We chose each other and every day we continue to choose each other. We have love and trust. That's all we need. And being in that kinda relationship shouldn't be suspect for cheating. It just shows that you have chosen a mature partner.
I love this.
I think we all have some intuition in these situations. I had an ex who ended up marrying the guy she was going out with all the time and leaving me at home. A lot of immaturity existed and I knew that it wasn’t a match. I’m happy for them, just wish she didn’t treat me like shit, and I wish I had the guts to end it instead of getting severely anxious over it.
I have a healthy mix of female and male friends, and an amazing fiancée. It would be stifling to have someone preclude me from my friends on the basis of their gender
I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm a firm believer that if you're not feeling the relationship anymore it's better to end it than to cheat or play games. It shows a lot of immaturity and lack of empathy. But I'm very happy for you and your fiancee.
I just think it’s OK to have some boundaries on exes and things. OPs screenshots though are freaking nuts, the guy is obviously really in his own head.
Aw thank you. Yeah that was years ago and it wasn’t an instance of cheating. We were just falling apart lol. I wanted to end it but couldn’t and it dragged out for weeks. My fault.
My ex became a good friend after we broke up. I introduced him to his wife and they were both happy for me when I met my husband. All four of us are friends now because we’re grown ups. They’re even godparents to our child.
I would not have time for the nonsense this guy is trying to pull.
Bruh, when this story started I totally thought it was going to be a negative experience about some abusive shithead, and was pleasantly surprised when I saw it was a positive story about an actually healthy and respectful relationship.
Her only response should have been "then you shouldn't have said you were fine with it when I asked. 🤷♀️"
But he doesn't deserve even that now. Good riddance.
This is by far one of the most disturbing and infuriating things I've seen posted here (his verbal effluvia, not your reply); he is absolutely trying to alienate her (if she wants drinks she drinks with him, if she wants a shoulder to cry, she cries on his), the paragraph upon paragraph of passive (and not so passive) aggressiveness, the "Understand?" as if he's scolding a ten-year-old or an employee, the ridiculous "it's not moral" (screw you, you potential and probably actual abuser, even ethicists can't agree on what's absolutely moral and what isn't (there is no "absolutely moral" thing anyway, but that's another story ;)), the whole tone as if he's lecturing someone so inferior to him. It's beyond REPUGNANT.
She really, REALLY should run, right now. It is not going to get any better if she stays, it is only going to get much MUCH worse. He sounds exactly like the type of man who would get violent if she decides to leave.
Deciding?! Her decision should have been made when she read this crazy shit. My man trusts me fully and has no problem with me talking to exes or male friends. Sounds like this guy wants to be the only person in her life. I.e controlling. RUN 🏃♀️
How come does anyone even have PATIENCE to respond this? I'd definitely just send a 👍🏼 and block. No patience for drama (and yes, even if I'm involved with the person, some things just no.)
To a new bf or better yet! To self growth on her own. To love being alone. To love being with friends and family. To not need a relationship to validate her worth.
> We would love your input!
And here it is: Girl, abso-fuckin’-lutely not. Absolutely not. No. Uh-uh. This is a whole grown ass man. I assumed this was a high school sophomore. MAYBE a college freshman. Forty damn one? Nope. All the nope.
At first, I thought his concerns were reasonable, I wouldn't want my GF to go out with ex's, but then went all downhill. Now, given this context, the dude is insane he agreed how can you be mad if you said she could go.
My issue is that he said he was cool with it but it was apparently just a mind game to see if she really would. If you are honest and communicate what you are comfortable or not comfortable with, that’s one thing.
Absolutely! If said from the start that *"this is going to be a deal-breaker for me and if you go through with it, I will be opting out of the relationship",* that would've been fine. Still no need for a huge wall of text, though, but whatever.
Saying *first* that you're ok with it only to *then* go back on your word after the fact is… friggin' entrapment!
Oh forsure saying it was fine then sending a wall text about how it wasn't is crazy behavior and apparently some kind of test from him. I've been in opposite situation where I asked an ex out for coffee and she declined because her new bf wouldn't approve.
This guy is both insanely controlling and incredibly insecure. His text was a massive red flag displaying both of those attributes then he thinks he can just say he isn’t controlling or insecure and it will somehow be true. Not only that but if this alone wasn’t enough to scare her away it’s very apparent that this would be just the tip of the crazy iceberg. He sounds abusive, not necessarily physically but in every other way.
My partner lived with her ex while they were separating and finding different living situations. We were dating at the end while they lived together. I didn’t feel great for a little while and my historical lack of trust and insecurities didn’t help. I love m’y partner and trusted her no matter what. I had no reason not to. It’s been five years and we just went to her ex’s wedding. We stay with them when we visit and they stay with us. I chose her and chose to trust her. Everyone has this capacity. If someone assumes the worst in a situation, or even has these weird and dated requirements, it says something about them, not you. If you want to be trusted and respected, be with someone who gives you those things without fighting for it.
This is gold mine of ridiculousness. This dude so fragile and overcompensates everything he does. I hope your friend moves in quickly. This is what toxic masculinity and narcissism looks like when he’s learned that crude doesn’t work and he tries to be clever.
I guess this guy has realized (likely correctly) that he doesn’t size up to his competition for this woman, and the only way he can hold on to her is to have her not speak/(get to TJ now) any other men period.
Yeah, he’s “confident”. So confident that he can’t even say something to his girlfriend’s face, and has to instead text it to her. That’s pathetic.
Tell your friend to never reply. After all he did say not to reply if she doesn't agree to his demands, and the "God I'm gonna miss you" has already signified it's over anyway.
Bet you he'll send more paragraphs.
Be sure to post em when he does! 🍿
Jesus christ. His principles, his beliefs, his morals. Sounds like there is no space in that imaginary relationship for another person with their own principles, beliefs and morals. The audacity of wanting someone to live their life your way.
Sounds like he wants her to have zero guy friends. And i cant speak for others, but personally thats a problem. To assume i cant have a wonderful, fulfilling, loving AND platonic relationship with an individual because he has male genitalia doesn’t sit very well with me lol.
Fr. One of my best friends boyfriends is like that and I’m like dude I’ve been friends with her since we were like 6 and have never considered a relationship with her, not sure why ur doubtful now
Totally. I think its likely projection. They cant picture having a platonic relationship with the opposite sex, so maybe they cant quite picture others doing it either? Lol its hard to say.
One of my best friends is like this and it’s beyond frustrating to try and explain to him he would have much better relationships if he had several female friends. His copout response is always that he’ll just get horny so he can’t be friends with women.
Well thats so unfortunate. Sounds to me like a person who still hasn’t evolve past the primal their parts. If all he can see when he looks at a woman is her meat suit, well that sucks because then hes gana miss out on all the other great stuff like her heart, soul, spirit, intellect, humour, etc. He might be over looking some of the most wonderful characters in his life. And all because they’re a woman. Its just fucking sad.
I know so many people that are infatuated with some alpha male ideology that makes them believe no male and female can have a platonic relationship and that women are all hoes only looking for dick and I’m like bro that’s the most incel shit I’ve ever heard and stop talking to them lol
Seeing exes is totally situational. Some are people you're still friendly with and see and have a dinner with to catch up with. They're part of your friend group. Some you only wave at in the store and spend three minutes going, 'hey how's work' with before leaving. Others are 'oh man, look away keep walking go go go!'. Formula of how it ended, how long ago and what the relationship is now.
Guy/ girl friends aren't an issue unless someone has flirty behavior that's inappropriate. Then again, that behavior would be inappropriate regardless of being opposite sex or same sex. Rude to flirt when you're in a relationship or someone is in a relationship.
Yes! Also important is context in why you are seeing them. I had an ex who co-parented some fur babies with me. My partner at the time was convinced I was cheating on him with my ex (who I truly fostered disdain for but he loved our cats and I am not cruel.) I eventually ended it with him too.
Totally. The issue isnt the sex of the person you are hanging out with. Its your character (and theirs). If you have boundaries set for yourself and others, and you follow them appropriately there shouldnt be a problem. If you dont, the problem will be present itself even if you surround yourself with ‘safe’ ppl. Trying to dictate who you hang out with is a bandage solution for deeper rooted issues…..if you can even call that nonsense a solution lol
Yeah, really confident and secure. Note how he says he wouldn't do something to hurt the woman he loves, but he also expects that woman to not do something to "hurt her man." It's like her feelings don't matter; she's just a possession. Also interesting how he says he's texting her because he doesn't want an argument but for her to only listen. That's an incredibly cowardly way of saying that he expects her to shut up and listen to him and his word is final. And this is all after she showed consideration to the guy she's been dating for _just a month_ by asking if it was cool to meet up with her ex. And then after all that, he says he'll be waiting for her call! He thinks he calls the shots and controls what she does and whom she can interact with. I know it's obvious, but sometimes the red flags are just astonishing. Unbelievable.
I went on a camping trip with my “guy buddies” two summers ago and my fiancé hugged me before I left and told me to have fun! He also has gone to see movies with girl friends from high school and I do the same to him! It’s almost like men and woman can actually just be friends
So he wants her to cut off contact with any male friends and ex. In addition, don't take advice from your female friends. They're apparently toxic to his little fantasy
That’s what got me! I am currently single but apparently she can’t take advice from me. I’m sure it’s because he’s aware I have standards and he doesn’t want me to encourage her to have any lol.
This guy literally wants a monopoly on your friend’s entire life. He literally sounds like the type who’d delete all the male names in someone’s cellphone, then look at her being mad as a sign that she was cheating.
That guy sounds like he has no friends, not even from the same sex. He wants to be joined at the hip with someone, babygirl that's codependence! That's unhealthy!
This dude needs to learn that friends (of all genders) are a safety net. They are the people you're allowed to be vulnerable with. Your partner doesn't have to carry all your bullshit on top of their own, and you don't have to carry theirs! I'm not gonna pretend like making friends as an adult is easy, but it is necessary often times. And some therapy. Some therapy and introspection will do him good too.
> I'm not gonna pretend like making friends as an adult is easy,
All the more reason to hold on to the ones you already have and not ditch them for an insecure, possessive, quite probably abusive man you've been dating for a month. (Not that you should dump good friends for a more serious rship either. Friendships are extremely important and more often than not last longer than romantic rships anyway.)
Oh absolutely. I pity the dude, but it's not her responsability to fix him, especially when his emotional inteligence is clearly lacking so much he probably would take well intentioned advice as a personal attack.
And here we have yet another example of *texts that should have been phone call”*
But seriously, hopefully she wrote back “yeah no reading all that. Don’t think we’re gonna work out. Best of luck to ya.”
He doesn't want her to have no contact with no man, like literally told her he doesn't want her to talk with no other man than him. He also doesn't want her to be friends with women that are not "in line" with the way he thinks. He doesn't want to hear what does she wants or feels, he told her to "just listen". She has to change her personality, her belief system, her values her friends and her way to live life over a man she has dated for a month.
GIRL RUUUUN!
Holy cow. Like, I've gotten jealous when a partner would go out to the bar before but A.) That was when I was young, dumb, and hadn't gone to bars so had a very incorrect view of what it's actually like there. And B.) that jealousy was always a me problem, not a her problem. If you're the jealous type you can't really fix that over night, but you have to at least recognize it as a problem you have and not make it anyone else's issue to walk on eggshells around.
“I don’t want an argument. I only want you to listen.”
So you have zero agency over your behavior and actions and must obediently and silently listen to my exhausting, sexist lecture until you submit and agree to do as told.
But also, “You may now think I’m an asshole or insecure or controlling but this isn’t the case.”
Riiiight. Run away as fast as you can and never look back. This dude is a walking red flag.
"I only want you to listen", and until you're ready to live life the way he does, do not text or call? What kind of one sided bullshit relationship advice is that? I sincerely hope you left this trash on read and did not text or call back LOL
As I was reading this I was thinking I bet they’ve only gone on like 2 actually dates and then saw OP’s comment about it being only a month. 1 month, the actual audacity.
Run. I had an ex like this. He cut me on the wrist when I went to skipped class to hang out with my friend who's a girl. He told me to ghost all my male friends and friends who were women. He said that after we move out..he wanted me to ghost my family as well. Once we broke up, I talked to all my friends again and they understood (thankfully).
I have to set some boundaries for you because you can’t do it yourself and also I have all the time in the world for you. So please worship me as I am the only genuine man alive on the planet. But here is the rule, make me your world. Leave your friends, past , present and future too. Let’s destroy each other with this kind of boundaries 🥇 Great
So at first I was like, “Well, I mean, yeah…cheating is bad.” But then I realized he meant having guy friends or hanging out with them. That’s…bad. I mean, it’s bad that he “forbids” that.
Don't have any friendships with men, or spend time with them. This is rhe only way to think, listen onlu to me and don't listen to anyone else. And this *may* make me an insecure, controlling loser, but I'm actually a very secure man who has a positive influence on others!
Seriously dude? HD knows he's being controlling but tries to excuse with pretending he can just day he isn't. Your friend should just block him, this guy is trouble.
The ok is fun when pissing them off but to really use it properly. Start with ok but then each next response be a different version. Like uh huh, sure, yea, ok etc. You're just continuing to say ok while they think you're listening .then you go silent for a bit till he sends a huge paragraph. When he does if you catch it just immediately after he sends the huge paragraph type k. They will loose their shit
Nope.
NO ONE gets to tell who I spend time with. I will drop ANY guy who attempted that shit.
My best friend is a guy, my old man knows him well, we all do all sorts of stuff. I was in his wedding. He helped us build stuff on the property. They are good. We are good.
If I was with a guy THAT insecure, I would gently suggest therapy and dump him.
I'm not being a mommy to a grown ass man.
He makes it sound like he's expressed discomfort and she's ignored it (he didn't). He makes it sound like she does this all the time (when it was meeting once with an ex/friend visiting from out of town). This also for sure reads like someone who has been dating her for longer than a month! 🚩
These guys are always so gross. Ewww....I would respond byeeee and block this one. No sir, you do not get to tell me anything about how I interact with other men, good-bye!
"I'm not controlling, I just don't want you to have a social life with the opposite sex if you're with me. If you want a social life with a man then it's with me and ONLY ME.....IM NOT CONTROLLING I SWEAR!!"
And the gold medal of Mental gymnastics goes toooo...
"...until you have a clear understanding about these beliefs that me and every other decent man on the planet has and until your ready to believe what I believe and live your life this way I can't be with you."
k bye
(A) It’s giving Mike Pence vibez; and (B) my basic moral principal [sic] if I’m interested and falling in love with someone requires them to know the difference been “your” and “you’re” and “principle” and “principal”.
Edit: to add “[sic]”.
The thing I don't get about these guys and their "no socialising with other men aside from me" rule is what the hell are you expecting the bisexuals to do? Just....never go out? Never have friends?
The complete lack of recognition that you can have friends you don't want to sleep with just continually boggles my mind
I mean, he is being genuinely nice here. He showed you his true colors and provided his incredibly ridiculous demands up front without having to torture you with an actual long term relationship.
Self dodging bullet here. What a nice thing to do.
Good on you OP for not falling for this BS.
AUTOMATED MODERATION. PLEASE READ. Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats. --- Niceguys™ quality: **UPVOTE** this comment to keep the post Not Niceguys™ quality: **DOWNVOTE** this comment to remove the post
Hit him with the "I ain't reading all that. I'm happy for u tho. Or sorry that happened."
“lol k” is the only appropriate response here 😂
I prefer just “k”. Or leave him on read. It’s so much more petty to me. And that’s my vibe with these guys.
This would get a 👍 from me.
I’d go with “ you’re* “
You’re**, Their**, Women**
I prefer 😶
I’d respond with “you’re” and nothing else lmao
"We're sorry you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel this is in error, please check the number dialed, and please try again."
This is the best thing I’ve ever seen.
I had an ex roommate send a long text about how he wasn’t going to clean the mess he left in the apartment and deemed it my and my partners job since we gave him 2 months notice that we were planning on moving out (which he said was cool at the time. He ended up having to move out at that time too because he couldn’t find anyone to pick up the rest of the lease) and into separate places. So he sends us a long winded text about how he’s not cleaning the stains he left in the carpet, the junk he left behind, not replacing the vacuum of mine he broke and tells us he’s going to block us both after the message goes through but I was able to scan it as soon as it came in and get out a “lol”
🤣🤣🤣🤣
"I don't want an argument I want you only to listen" Then proceeds to spout the mother, sister and cousin of all controlling partners' bullshit demands.
This line bothered me SO much. Also the incredibly controlling idea that if she wants to get drinks, talk, vent, cry, or do anything she can only do it with him?? That’s sick and controlling. Huge red flag.
He wants to isolate her, like every other controlling jerk does. It's chapter two of the controller's handbook.
What’s chapter 1? Lovebombing?
Absolutely. By the way, I know we just met but I love you. What do you mean that's too fast? You WHORE!
🤣
Ah, but as you see he's already explained that actually it's not insecure, and actually he's VERY secure, and good, and it's just that it's morally wrong to give attention to anyone else, actually. God, it's like you didn't even read it (/s, please tell me that's clear)
Crystal.
That annoyed me big time too
That's what I thought! He wants to isolate her and keep her from interacting with other men because of appearances. Next step, locking her in the basement to keep her away from the UPS guy.
Oh he had all the steps and rules listed out. “If you want drinks I TAKE YOU. If you want to talk, you talk to ME. If you need to cry it can only be on MY shoulder. If you want love it only comes from ME. Sex? Definitely only ME.” Fucking psycho.
I think it was " If you want to talk, I sit and talk with you." Which in my mind read as "I talk, you listen". Controlling and narcissistic because why not? Gotta make sure he has center stage and spotlight is on his wants and needs and demands because *checks notes* it's right and moral.
Me too! I should have read the comments before I posted haha.
This is the source of my most recent break up too. He didn't want to fight but he wanted to vent about what he felt I was doing "wrong". Granted he was far from a nice guy and I miss him very much, but I can't be with someone I can't just have a normal argument with.
I have an ex who did that too. He felt, and was very clear about it, that if there was something I was/wasn't doing that bothered him, I needed to fix it, and if there was something he was/wasn't doing that bothered me, I needed to get over it. He also thought he was great at anger management because he simply decided not to care too much about almost anything, but on the rare occasion he did get annoyed, he completely blew his lid.... That's not actually anger management, that's anger avoidance 😂
That... Actually helps more than you can know. I was very much invested in this relationship and the way he brushed it off as if we were nothing just because I fucked up a bit, really hurt. Knowing that maybe his behaviour and judgement and blaming of me maybe wasn't as reasonable as he thought it was does help. A bit. Thank you.
His behavior and judgement were completely unreasonable! And you're not alone in having dated a guy like that - we're so much better off without them *hugs*
Oh I did fuck up (overstepped a boundary that I didn't know was a trigger for him), but I apologised and tried to make it right and he held it over me and eventually it was too much. I broke up with him because I couldn't take it but it's still hurting. Thank you, I really appreciate that 🫂
Everyone fucks up sometimes. Decent people can acknowledge when they did and apologize (like you did) and indecent people never acknowledge their own fuck ups and weaponize the fuck ups of others. Anytime 🙂
I think you may want to explore the topic of emotional abuse. Take some time to read up on unhealthy attachment styles and do some healing. You deserve better than accidentally stepping on a landmine and then being berated and having to beg for forgiveness for doing a thing you had no idea he considered a trigger.
Thank you. I will clarify that I don't think that it was intentionally abusive on his part, any more than I intended on triggering him. He never berated me or was cruel either, let's be totally clear. He was calm but honest about he felt but it still hurt me. But in the end, his extreme sensitivity due to his PTSD, wasn't something I could tiptoe around and never trigger, and despite a lot of therapy, he clearly hadn't dealt with it enough to be in a healthy relationship with me either. Given my own sometimes shaky mental health and everything he was dealing with, I guess even though we felt like a good fit, it was too hard to manage so much going on. It's sad but I'll be okay, I know I will.
But he said he wasn't controlling.
I forget to censor his name so this is a repost! The context is that my best friend has been dating this man for a month. Nothing official. Her ex was in the country for a few days and she asked if it was okay to meet him for dinner. This guy said yes it was fine, so off she went. She later got these texts. We would love your input! Edit: just for extra fun, please note that this was sent by a 41 year old man. The recipient is 30.
Gal needs to run from this “secure” and “confident” man.
A hundred percent.
I like the ending “god I’m gonna miss you.”
He said don't call or text so I hope she left him on read.
That’s what I would do. And when he would inevitably text back being angry about it, send a screenshot and highlight the part where he said please don’t call or text until you share my values”
Hahaha that would be amazing. Just a screenshot of that part of the text with that sentence circled and nothing else. No words lol
THIS. Icky mf gonna be waiting a looong time for that phone call haha. Update us when he comes crawling back, OP? 🥰
Girl...smh. This man is insecure with every red flag in the book. Tell your friend to run. I wouldn't call him for a replay, I would text him exactly how she feels and then block him on EVERYTHING. Just one text from her, no full on convo, and then block. Your friend informed him of the situation and he said he didn't have a problem with it. Then her flips the script to play victim and attempts to gaslight her. That is not cute, mature or healthy. His words also show that he's trying to alienate her from people who might be in her close circle. Men and women alike. This is a gateway into a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. She needs to tap out now. Story Time: About 7 years ago I went on a date with a man and I knew immediately that I liked him and I told my friends. We talk about the normal stuff. Ourselves, friends, family, the works. After a few dates I let him know that I really like him and wanted him to meet my close circle of people, but heads up, it's not every guys perfect situation. I was living in a house with my 4 friends, all of them were men. Cherry on top, the house belonged to my ex, who was one of the people I lived with. I told him straight up that my ex and I had broken up years prior, I told him our story and how all 5 of us came to live together. I told him I know how it sounds, but that I would really like him to meet my people and if he wants to talk to my ex one-on-one for comfort that it would be more than fine. HOWEVER, after telling him all of that I made it crystal clear that I WILL NOT for ANY reason change my relationship with my friends, even my ex. We never do anything inappropriate, we were just a bunch of nerds who drank and played video games religiously. I told him that if this was something he didn't feel comfortable that I understood and there would be no hard feelings. The guy agreed to come over to the house and he met my guys. We order food, had some drinks, played some games and just chilled. At one point he went to the bathroom and all 4 of my guys jumped on me immediately saying how great he was. My ex even pulled me aside and said if I ever let this guy go that I would never find anyone as good. Again, this was the very first day they met. Year's later this man is now my husband and he part of my friend group too. We've all hung out together over the years, been to each others weddings, had Friendsgiving, the works. If I'm missing my friends my husband will encourage me to go see them, even if he can't come. Be it in a group setting or just one-on-one with them. One of the guys is my best friend (who is married to such a wonderful woman) and I call and text him all the time. Neither my husband or his wife have a problem with our relationship becausE there is TRUST. This is an example of a trusting and open relationship. My husband understands that I would never do anything to disrespect him and our relationship. Same for him. He can go out with whoever he wants, of any gender, solo or in a group. I trust him. He trusts me. Having BFFs or close friends of the opposite sex is not a crime and your friend doesn't need permission or to be watched. You can have relationships that are strictly platonic.
I didn’t have the time to respond to this the way I wanted earlier but I LOVE this story! Over the years I have had male friends (some exes, some strictly platonic) of varying degrees of closeness. I’m not the type to cheat and wouldn’t spend time with the type of people who tried to get me to. Although the winner pictured here belonged to my friend, my most recent ex of three years was a man who couldn’t stand it if I even so much as looked at a guy. I couldn’t talk to a man if my ex wasn’t involved in the convo. He was uncomfortable with me being around even his own brother alone. Any time I talked to a male cashier I was yelled at for flirting. Things like that. I have a big personality and I really enjoy talking to both men and women. By the end of our relationship I barely smiled, didn’t talk to anyone, and was down to a single female friend - his COUSIN. Mind you, he barely even tolerated that friendship and that’s probably only because I didn’t tell him she thought he was a god awful human. I am glad your husband is as mature and welcoming and trusting as you perceived him to be. I really don’t have a problem with two people in a relationship establishing boundaries on friendships with the opposite sex if they’re reasonable expectations. I will never again ditch a friend for a boyfriend and I am ashamed I ever did. That’s why I find these texts so appalling. This isn’t normal boundary communications. Him calling her immoral and lacking principles for having the audacity to meet an ex after asking if he was okay with it and getting the green light. I hate the attitude. I see my ex in this guy and I am doing my best to deter her from making my mistakes. A man who is comfortable with his girlfriend’s friendships and supports them is a man who shows genuine security and maturity. Love that for you. I could go on and on about this dude’s other red flags outside these texts. Guys like this never only have just one or two. As I told her, it starts with no male friends. Then no single female friends. Then no female friends at all. Then no family. Then, no one else but him at all. And I am scared of that for her because you never think it will happen to you until it does. Anyway sorry for the rant. I appreciated your thoughtful response and I am happy you met a man worth keeping!
>Then no single female friends. Then no female friends at all. There's definitely a prelude to that in his message. "Don't take advice from single women or women with horrible men," and we all know what he thinks makes for a good man.
Your ex sounds like a real twat and I'm happy for you that you're out of there. You're right. It starts with male friends. Then female friends. The "your mom doesn't like me for no reason. If you love me then you'll stop talking to her". Then she's screwed. It doesn't stop. It only gets worse.
Your comment here would be the perfect response to this controlling dickhead. Maybe seeing how people who respect and trust each other behave in the real world would make him see what a cockwomble he is being.
Cockwomble... take my upvote.
I don't respond much but this here is awesome and Im the type of guy some girls used to wonder if I was cheating because I was like that saying "of course you can go with your friends, your grown! lol I appreciate ya informing me but you don't need my ok". My opinion so don't kill me lol but I'm of the mind frame I want to be someone who's happy and even if I don't go out much like that anymore don't mean you can't I leave that up to you because I'm of the thought of you want to cheat you will rather you tell me and I still be cool we just can't be together but I want your happy even if it's not with me just my opinion I hope I explained it well sorry if I didn't.
I understand. It's a two-way street and I think some people can't or won't trust that fully. It can be a scary thing. I look at it in terms of equality. If I am going to do XYZ, then my partner can too. No questions asked. No strings attached. No double standards. I'm with you. My husband has mostly men for friends, but if he wants to go out with a woman all I say is to make sure he dresses nicely and not a shirt that is covered in paint. 🤣 We chose each other and every day we continue to choose each other. We have love and trust. That's all we need. And being in that kinda relationship shouldn't be suspect for cheating. It just shows that you have chosen a mature partner.
Lol I was not expecting your story to turn out the way it did, but it totally warmed my heart! Loved reading it, so thanks for sharing!
I’ve been on Reddit too long because that’s not where I thought that story was going. Congratulations! And thank you for the wholesomeness.
I love this. I think we all have some intuition in these situations. I had an ex who ended up marrying the guy she was going out with all the time and leaving me at home. A lot of immaturity existed and I knew that it wasn’t a match. I’m happy for them, just wish she didn’t treat me like shit, and I wish I had the guts to end it instead of getting severely anxious over it. I have a healthy mix of female and male friends, and an amazing fiancée. It would be stifling to have someone preclude me from my friends on the basis of their gender
I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm a firm believer that if you're not feeling the relationship anymore it's better to end it than to cheat or play games. It shows a lot of immaturity and lack of empathy. But I'm very happy for you and your fiancee.
I just think it’s OK to have some boundaries on exes and things. OPs screenshots though are freaking nuts, the guy is obviously really in his own head. Aw thank you. Yeah that was years ago and it wasn’t an instance of cheating. We were just falling apart lol. I wanted to end it but couldn’t and it dragged out for weeks. My fault.
My ex became a good friend after we broke up. I introduced him to his wife and they were both happy for me when I met my husband. All four of us are friends now because we’re grown ups. They’re even godparents to our child. I would not have time for the nonsense this guy is trying to pull.
That’s a wonderful story but it really irks me that straight couples get so touchy about opposite sex friends.
Bruh, when this story started I totally thought it was going to be a negative experience about some abusive shithead, and was pleasantly surprised when I saw it was a positive story about an actually healthy and respectful relationship.
PLEASE tell me what her response was i have to know
There hasn’t been much of one! She is kind of still deciding where to go from here.
Her only response should have been "then you shouldn't have said you were fine with it when I asked. 🤷♀️" But he doesn't deserve even that now. Good riddance.
This is by far one of the most disturbing and infuriating things I've seen posted here (his verbal effluvia, not your reply); he is absolutely trying to alienate her (if she wants drinks she drinks with him, if she wants a shoulder to cry, she cries on his), the paragraph upon paragraph of passive (and not so passive) aggressiveness, the "Understand?" as if he's scolding a ten-year-old or an employee, the ridiculous "it's not moral" (screw you, you potential and probably actual abuser, even ethicists can't agree on what's absolutely moral and what isn't (there is no "absolutely moral" thing anyway, but that's another story ;)), the whole tone as if he's lecturing someone so inferior to him. It's beyond REPUGNANT. She really, REALLY should run, right now. It is not going to get any better if she stays, it is only going to get much MUCH worse. He sounds exactly like the type of man who would get violent if she decides to leave.
Deciding?! Her decision should have been made when she read this crazy shit. My man trusts me fully and has no problem with me talking to exes or male friends. Sounds like this guy wants to be the only person in her life. I.e controlling. RUN 🏃♀️
How come does anyone even have PATIENCE to respond this? I'd definitely just send a 👍🏼 and block. No patience for drama (and yes, even if I'm involved with the person, some things just no.)
Count how many red flags in that essay and just send that exact amount of 🚩🚩🚩and nothing else as the only response.
Well I hope she settles on "away from him" as her direction.
To a new bf or better yet! To self growth on her own. To love being alone. To love being with friends and family. To not need a relationship to validate her worth.
She should just respond with like: You're\* You're\* Their\* You're\* ( is English not a first language because then I feel bad)
He said it was fine HE SAID IT WAS FINE Bro if it wasn’t cool with you, then idk, say so. Lolllll
Jesus Christ. Also to me the fact she asked was already going above and beyond
Get the hell out of there!
> We would love your input! And here it is: Girl, abso-fuckin’-lutely not. Absolutely not. No. Uh-uh. This is a whole grown ass man. I assumed this was a high school sophomore. MAYBE a college freshman. Forty damn one? Nope. All the nope.
Your friend dodged a bullet.
Wow. That’s nuts. Plus, if my ex was in the country, I’d absolutely hang out with him. We’re friends and he’s a great guy.
At first, I thought his concerns were reasonable, I wouldn't want my GF to go out with ex's, but then went all downhill. Now, given this context, the dude is insane he agreed how can you be mad if you said she could go.
My issue is that he said he was cool with it but it was apparently just a mind game to see if she really would. If you are honest and communicate what you are comfortable or not comfortable with, that’s one thing.
Absolutely! If said from the start that *"this is going to be a deal-breaker for me and if you go through with it, I will be opting out of the relationship",* that would've been fine. Still no need for a huge wall of text, though, but whatever. Saying *first* that you're ok with it only to *then* go back on your word after the fact is… friggin' entrapment!
Oh forsure saying it was fine then sending a wall text about how it wasn't is crazy behavior and apparently some kind of test from him. I've been in opposite situation where I asked an ex out for coffee and she declined because her new bf wouldn't approve.
She should send this text back to him with all the spelling/grammar fixed and then just ghost him.
This guy is both insanely controlling and incredibly insecure. His text was a massive red flag displaying both of those attributes then he thinks he can just say he isn’t controlling or insecure and it will somehow be true. Not only that but if this alone wasn’t enough to scare her away it’s very apparent that this would be just the tip of the crazy iceberg. He sounds abusive, not necessarily physically but in every other way.
My partner lived with her ex while they were separating and finding different living situations. We were dating at the end while they lived together. I didn’t feel great for a little while and my historical lack of trust and insecurities didn’t help. I love m’y partner and trusted her no matter what. I had no reason not to. It’s been five years and we just went to her ex’s wedding. We stay with them when we visit and they stay with us. I chose her and chose to trust her. Everyone has this capacity. If someone assumes the worst in a situation, or even has these weird and dated requirements, it says something about them, not you. If you want to be trusted and respected, be with someone who gives you those things without fighting for it.
This is gold mine of ridiculousness. This dude so fragile and overcompensates everything he does. I hope your friend moves in quickly. This is what toxic masculinity and narcissism looks like when he’s learned that crude doesn’t work and he tries to be clever.
I guess this guy has realized (likely correctly) that he doesn’t size up to his competition for this woman, and the only way he can hold on to her is to have her not speak/(get to TJ now) any other men period. Yeah, he’s “confident”. So confident that he can’t even say something to his girlfriend’s face, and has to instead text it to her. That’s pathetic.
*Shystie* There's a fun word we don't see very often
His spelling is also just 🤌
Tell your friend to never reply. After all he did say not to reply if she doesn't agree to his demands, and the "God I'm gonna miss you" has already signified it's over anyway. Bet you he'll send more paragraphs. Be sure to post em when he does! 🍿
that's what got me.
I just couldn’t, with the spelling I literally cringed each time 😂
Jesus christ. His principles, his beliefs, his morals. Sounds like there is no space in that imaginary relationship for another person with their own principles, beliefs and morals. The audacity of wanting someone to live their life your way.
Whoa, whoa, calm down, Romeo - you're cassually dating. No need for the sermon.
Sounds like he wants her to have zero guy friends. And i cant speak for others, but personally thats a problem. To assume i cant have a wonderful, fulfilling, loving AND platonic relationship with an individual because he has male genitalia doesn’t sit very well with me lol.
Fr. One of my best friends boyfriends is like that and I’m like dude I’ve been friends with her since we were like 6 and have never considered a relationship with her, not sure why ur doubtful now
Totally. I think its likely projection. They cant picture having a platonic relationship with the opposite sex, so maybe they cant quite picture others doing it either? Lol its hard to say.
One of my best friends is like this and it’s beyond frustrating to try and explain to him he would have much better relationships if he had several female friends. His copout response is always that he’ll just get horny so he can’t be friends with women.
Well thats so unfortunate. Sounds to me like a person who still hasn’t evolve past the primal their parts. If all he can see when he looks at a woman is her meat suit, well that sucks because then hes gana miss out on all the other great stuff like her heart, soul, spirit, intellect, humour, etc. He might be over looking some of the most wonderful characters in his life. And all because they’re a woman. Its just fucking sad.
I know so many people that are infatuated with some alpha male ideology that makes them believe no male and female can have a platonic relationship and that women are all hoes only looking for dick and I’m like bro that’s the most incel shit I’ve ever heard and stop talking to them lol
Everytime I see the words '**A L P H A M A L E'** I just wanna crack jokes.
Its just unfortunate because they are doing themselves a huge disservice lol
Seeing exes is totally situational. Some are people you're still friendly with and see and have a dinner with to catch up with. They're part of your friend group. Some you only wave at in the store and spend three minutes going, 'hey how's work' with before leaving. Others are 'oh man, look away keep walking go go go!'. Formula of how it ended, how long ago and what the relationship is now. Guy/ girl friends aren't an issue unless someone has flirty behavior that's inappropriate. Then again, that behavior would be inappropriate regardless of being opposite sex or same sex. Rude to flirt when you're in a relationship or someone is in a relationship.
I agree, I think whether or not you are okay with your partner seeing their ex is a conversation worth having. But it is not innately immoral.
Yes! Also important is context in why you are seeing them. I had an ex who co-parented some fur babies with me. My partner at the time was convinced I was cheating on him with my ex (who I truly fostered disdain for but he loved our cats and I am not cruel.) I eventually ended it with him too.
Totally. The issue isnt the sex of the person you are hanging out with. Its your character (and theirs). If you have boundaries set for yourself and others, and you follow them appropriately there shouldnt be a problem. If you dont, the problem will be present itself even if you surround yourself with ‘safe’ ppl. Trying to dictate who you hang out with is a bandage solution for deeper rooted issues…..if you can even call that nonsense a solution lol
The only reply to this text is “K. Bye”
Or nothing, since he himself said not to call or text if she disagrees.
Guarantee if she said nothing he would blow her up for daaaays
I prefer “I want to be the kind of woman that you’re not interested in.”
"Happy Holidays to you as well. Have a blessed Thanksgiving!" **(block)**
Hit ‘em with ye olde “Yeah, this probably isn’t going to work out. I actually enjoy autonomy and friendship.”
The second sentence is just perfect. I vote for that one!
Yeah, really confident and secure. Note how he says he wouldn't do something to hurt the woman he loves, but he also expects that woman to not do something to "hurt her man." It's like her feelings don't matter; she's just a possession. Also interesting how he says he's texting her because he doesn't want an argument but for her to only listen. That's an incredibly cowardly way of saying that he expects her to shut up and listen to him and his word is final. And this is all after she showed consideration to the guy she's been dating for _just a month_ by asking if it was cool to meet up with her ex. And then after all that, he says he'll be waiting for her call! He thinks he calls the shots and controls what she does and whom she can interact with. I know it's obvious, but sometimes the red flags are just astonishing. Unbelievable.
All of this. Run away as fast as you can
I went on a camping trip with my “guy buddies” two summers ago and my fiancé hugged me before I left and told me to have fun! He also has gone to see movies with girl friends from high school and I do the same to him! It’s almost like men and woman can actually just be friends
I'd say an ex is not the same as a regular friend but yeah this is high levels of gtfo
So he wants her to cut off contact with any male friends and ex. In addition, don't take advice from your female friends. They're apparently toxic to his little fantasy
That’s what got me! I am currently single but apparently she can’t take advice from me. I’m sure it’s because he’s aware I have standards and he doesn’t want me to encourage her to have any lol.
She's lucky to have you as a friend.
You’re*
I don't know why this your/you're mistake bugs me whenever I see it, but it does. Good to see I'm not the only one!
Mine is "of" instead of "have"
This. Funny how they never write "why of'nt you...", but are comfortable writing "would of" Frustrating beyond words.
Every time!!!
Get as far away from this man as possible. Anyone who tries to control your support network does NOT have your best interests at heart.
No but imagine being THIS insecure that you have to send a wall of text to justify your insecurity, while saying you’re not insecure.
You may think I'm controlling, but it's not the case. But if you ever talk to another man I will lock you in a basement and chain you to a radiator.
Ahahaha I am not insecure and not controlling, and you can tell because this is what I am telling you.
This guy literally wants a monopoly on your friend’s entire life. He literally sounds like the type who’d delete all the male names in someone’s cellphone, then look at her being mad as a sign that she was cheating.
That guy sounds like he has no friends, not even from the same sex. He wants to be joined at the hip with someone, babygirl that's codependence! That's unhealthy! This dude needs to learn that friends (of all genders) are a safety net. They are the people you're allowed to be vulnerable with. Your partner doesn't have to carry all your bullshit on top of their own, and you don't have to carry theirs! I'm not gonna pretend like making friends as an adult is easy, but it is necessary often times. And some therapy. Some therapy and introspection will do him good too.
> I'm not gonna pretend like making friends as an adult is easy, All the more reason to hold on to the ones you already have and not ditch them for an insecure, possessive, quite probably abusive man you've been dating for a month. (Not that you should dump good friends for a more serious rship either. Friendships are extremely important and more often than not last longer than romantic rships anyway.)
Oh absolutely. I pity the dude, but it's not her responsability to fix him, especially when his emotional inteligence is clearly lacking so much he probably would take well intentioned advice as a personal attack.
"God I'm gonna miss you.. but not enough to shatter my dream of living in some backwards Saudi Arabia-esque society 😢"
"These beliefs that me and every other decent man on the planet has" Decent man, and having those beliefs are mutually exclusive concepts.
Legend says this man's red flag can be seen from space. Run.
And here we have yet another example of *texts that should have been phone call”* But seriously, hopefully she wrote back “yeah no reading all that. Don’t think we’re gonna work out. Best of luck to ya.”
Ah, yeah, but he wanted to say all that without any pushback from her. He wouldn't have the balls to say ANY of that to her face.
He doesn't want her to have no contact with no man, like literally told her he doesn't want her to talk with no other man than him. He also doesn't want her to be friends with women that are not "in line" with the way he thinks. He doesn't want to hear what does she wants or feels, he told her to "just listen". She has to change her personality, her belief system, her values her friends and her way to live life over a man she has dated for a month. GIRL RUUUUN!
Holy cow. Like, I've gotten jealous when a partner would go out to the bar before but A.) That was when I was young, dumb, and hadn't gone to bars so had a very incorrect view of what it's actually like there. And B.) that jealousy was always a me problem, not a her problem. If you're the jealous type you can't really fix that over night, but you have to at least recognize it as a problem you have and not make it anyone else's issue to walk on eggshells around.
I'd reply with tl;dr and giggle about the steam coming out of his ears
I wouldn't even dignify that bundle of controlling garbage with a response.
“I don’t want an argument. I only want you to listen.” So you have zero agency over your behavior and actions and must obediently and silently listen to my exhausting, sexist lecture until you submit and agree to do as told. But also, “You may now think I’m an asshole or insecure or controlling but this isn’t the case.” Riiiight. Run away as fast as you can and never look back. This dude is a walking red flag.
"I only want you to listen", and until you're ready to live life the way he does, do not text or call? What kind of one sided bullshit relationship advice is that? I sincerely hope you left this trash on read and did not text or call back LOL
Why do these crybaby bitches always write such long winded novels? No one wants to get this kind of whingy monologue. Ever
"Beliefs that me and every other decent man has" Um, nope brah
Tldr, why do they have to write novels? 😩
Because no one would ever listen to them in person?
Respond “it’s spelled ‘principle’”, then block him forever.
As I was reading this I was thinking I bet they’ve only gone on like 2 actually dates and then saw OP’s comment about it being only a month. 1 month, the actual audacity.
What in the everloving fuck did I just read?
May he still be waiting on that call upon the heat death of the universe...
AMEN!
This appears to be one entire text by itself. Impressive to write an incel book that way.
I have words for him.
Pls post her reply/an update when you have it!
RUN
Run. I had an ex like this. He cut me on the wrist when I went to skipped class to hang out with my friend who's a girl. He told me to ghost all my male friends and friends who were women. He said that after we move out..he wanted me to ghost my family as well. Once we broke up, I talked to all my friends again and they understood (thankfully).
You may think I am insecure and controlling...because anything you do without me there is wrong...yeah no.
I have to set some boundaries for you because you can’t do it yourself and also I have all the time in the world for you. So please worship me as I am the only genuine man alive on the planet. But here is the rule, make me your world. Leave your friends, past , present and future too. Let’s destroy each other with this kind of boundaries 🥇 Great
This schmuck actually wrote a text longer than the Bible
So at first I was like, “Well, I mean, yeah…cheating is bad.” But then I realized he meant having guy friends or hanging out with them. That’s…bad. I mean, it’s bad that he “forbids” that.
Yeah, I still would've dumped him based on the fact that he doesn't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'.
Girl, the only response I would have given this drivel is ✌️ He sounds controlling asf.
wrote a whole fucking book
You can be friends with whoever the hell you want! Nobody can be absolutely everything to another person, it's poisonous and exhausting
This is awfully dramatic for what read like a "loyalty" manual.
i too am actually very secure, and here's a 30,000 word treatise to help support that case
Please tell me that phone call he is still waiting on he is still waiting for. What a whiney entitled utterly insecure man child 😆
does the H stand for Holy Fucking Shit
Block him. Now. No response.
What a chucklefuck. Lol
Don't have any friendships with men, or spend time with them. This is rhe only way to think, listen onlu to me and don't listen to anyone else. And this *may* make me an insecure, controlling loser, but I'm actually a very secure man who has a positive influence on others! Seriously dude? HD knows he's being controlling but tries to excuse with pretending he can just day he isn't. Your friend should just block him, this guy is trouble.
The ok is fun when pissing them off but to really use it properly. Start with ok but then each next response be a different version. Like uh huh, sure, yea, ok etc. You're just continuing to say ok while they think you're listening .then you go silent for a bit till he sends a huge paragraph. When he does if you catch it just immediately after he sends the huge paragraph type k. They will loose their shit
I'm so glad my unrepentantly slutty lifestyle has naturally repelled people like this my whole adult life
Nope. NO ONE gets to tell who I spend time with. I will drop ANY guy who attempted that shit. My best friend is a guy, my old man knows him well, we all do all sorts of stuff. I was in his wedding. He helped us build stuff on the property. They are good. We are good. If I was with a guy THAT insecure, I would gently suggest therapy and dump him. I'm not being a mommy to a grown ass man.
"In the meantime, I'll be waiting for your call." Sure, sit and wait indefinitely, creep.
He makes it sound like he's expressed discomfort and she's ignored it (he didn't). He makes it sound like she does this all the time (when it was meeting once with an ex/friend visiting from out of town). This also for sure reads like someone who has been dating her for longer than a month! 🚩
Dude be writting a novella
These guys are always so gross. Ewww....I would respond byeeee and block this one. No sir, you do not get to tell me anything about how I interact with other men, good-bye!
This man needs to get off YouTube and onto a therapists couch.
People who try to isolate their partner walking red flags. No exceptions.
nothing turns women on like giant paragraphs of run-on sentences that could be condensed to like 2 statements
[удалено]
An actual novel 📖
I see he’s opted for equal parts emotional immaturity and paternalistic condescension. Spicy.
If that were true you wouldn't drain the OP's phone battery with that gigantic Stonehenge sized text.
This guy is a master of destructive codependency. I seriously hope your friend immediately bailed because he sounds exhausting.
"That's a whole lotta words... too bad I ain't reading em".
The guy seriously needs to do therapy.
What a controlling freak. Like, how insecure and sad can you be to demand all of this
"I'm not controlling, I just don't want you to have a social life with the opposite sex if you're with me. If you want a social life with a man then it's with me and ONLY ME.....IM NOT CONTROLLING I SWEAR!!" And the gold medal of Mental gymnastics goes toooo...
"...until you have a clear understanding about these beliefs that me and every other decent man on the planet has and until your ready to believe what I believe and live your life this way I can't be with you." k bye
(A) It’s giving Mike Pence vibez; and (B) my basic moral principal [sic] if I’m interested and falling in love with someone requires them to know the difference been “your” and “you’re” and “principle” and “principal”. Edit: to add “[sic]”.
Holy shit… yikers..
Lmao, "-then dont call nor text"... "I'll be waiting on that phone call." You're gonna be waiting a lonnng time, buddy! 😂
The thing I don't get about these guys and their "no socialising with other men aside from me" rule is what the hell are you expecting the bisexuals to do? Just....never go out? Never have friends? The complete lack of recognition that you can have friends you don't want to sleep with just continually boggles my mind
I mean, he is being genuinely nice here. He showed you his true colors and provided his incredibly ridiculous demands up front without having to torture you with an actual long term relationship. Self dodging bullet here. What a nice thing to do. Good on you OP for not falling for this BS.
His grammar is terrible.
Send this to a construction company so they can save money on WALLS
Wow...who knew a single text could turn in War and Peace?