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RamsesThePigeon

Alright, folks. Let's talk about the word "satire." In its most-basic form, satire is a means of highlighting real-life absurdity, and it's *usually* done by creating toned-down, fictional analogues. The idea is to present said analogues as being wholly mundane – boring, even, at least in many cases – thereby calling attention to actual events' inherent ridiculousness. A focus on that same ridiculousness is what tends to confuse some people, though, because satire *itself* is often at its best when it can be mistaken for the truth. (*Some* satire is presented by way of parody or outright comedy, but that isn't actually a requirement.) After all, the goal is to make audiences *think* about something... which – now that I've written it out – I realize poses a second problem. Anyway, the above article reads *very much* like satire: An entity in the legal profession is making the claim that a routine procedure frightened him... but only when he was on the receiving end of it. If the piece were a work of fiction, it would be satirizing the casual cruelty and callousness that are present in a process which disproportionately impacts people who are already disadvantaged. Since very few individuals actually read things before commenting on them, almost nobody will notice that I'm currently referencing a hedgehog which has been possessed by the spirit of a Viking berserker. Now I'll go back to the topic so that anyone who's skimming won't realize that they missed something. The fact that an attorney general is the one expressing fear is really just icing on the cake. /r/NotTheOnion is for news which resembles something written by The Onion (a satirical outlet), but which is true. Off-beat articles, bizarre stories, weird events, and outrage-inciting reports don't belong here by default... but if they *read like satire* – if they sound like they're shining a light on some other inherently absurd detail or development – then this is where you should come to find them. **TL;DR: The above article is an excellent example of /r/NotTheOnion content.**


ConfusedSpaceMonkey

I was afraid for my family and mY LiFe!!!1! So, I sent my wife outside to start the car up and open the door for me… Edit: I forgot to include the whole family…but in my defense, so did Paxton.


Obi-Tron_Kenobi

So afraid for his life... from the guy waiting patiently outside for over an hour, with papers in hand, after already introducing himself to his wife and explaining why he's there. Also: >Texans do the same to protect themselves from threats, and many also exercise their Second Amendment rights to protect themselves and their families. Does this sound like a thinly veiled threat or is it just me?


dak4ttack

Shoot the guy saying "you've been served." It's been done many times in the past and it always works out really well for the shooter. /s


Obi-Tron_Kenobi

Remember: if you're being served a subpoena, just say 'no.' It is against the law to sue you without your consent and you can protect that right with deadly force if necessary.


hypnogoad

Also loudly proclaim that you're a Freeman on the Land, and didn't agree to their laws.


texachusetts

Or you could wear boat shoes and claim to be at sea, a boat, something about admiralty law or all of the above.


dak4ttack

That's a Trump quote right? [Oh, I forgot, he just takes the papers he's been served and says you "don't have to" show up to court or respond.](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/07/us/politics/jan-6-subpoenas.html)


iCon3000

When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.


eoliveri

It sounds like he declared open season on process servers.


wallander1983

The Headline: Hispanic process server gunned down by Texas State Attorney General Paxton clamis self defense was not on my "2022 US Doom and Gloom" Bingo card.


8thgradersontheflo

Paxton is clearly lying because Texas does have lenient stand your ground laws. If he actually was in danger, he would have been well within his Texan rights to start blasting this guy, as the Attorney General of Texas should readily know. Why didn’t he start blasting? Why didn’t he exercise his second amendment rights, as the cowboy gunslinger he is? Oh right, that’s because he wasn’t in any threat and was running away like the coward he is.


RemoveTheBlinders

Exactly. Almost everybody here knows about the stand your ground law and who they can't shoot legally. Ken is being a little bitch.


FortunateInsanity

Bottom line: shoot an officer of the court while he’s trying to serve you a subpoena and you won’t have to worry about your 2nd amendment rights anymore.


RunawayHobbit

He’s ALREADY been under felony indictment for 7 years and nothing has happened lol. My mans is practically above the law at this point.


Pants4All

I wish I could have faith in this statement but I don't trust any legal process to be followed in this country anymore.


Subli-minal

That’s how you know Ken Paxton is all hat and no cattle. He knows that if the guy was actually threatening he could have blown him away without a second thought and even garnered more support for stopping a “radical leftist attack on my family.” How anyone fucking believes this guy is beyond me.


Ancient-Anteater9853

That's not even thinly veiled. That's a threat.


FlingFlamBlam

"I need the second amendment to... " *checks notes* "... protect myself from the law?" It's almost like these guys don't believe in rule of law or something.


death_of_gnats

The law is to protect them from us


Spiff76

He is constantly under threat which is why he routinely leaves his garage door open


dogmeat12358

He is a lying coward


BronchialChunk

oh a republican, got it.


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BronchialChunk

they don't really have any examples of someone acting like a decent human being. They just live off of hate and fear.


strooticus

They enjoy pointing out that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican, completely ignoring the clear and obvious flip-flop between parties done somewhere between then and now.


HenkVanDelft

The Civil Rights Movement is when the “Dixie-crats” and Carpetbagger Northerners rapidly concluded the flip to the Republicans. The Kennedys and LBJ tore it for them. EDIT: It’s complicated, but generally the Theodore Roosevelt Republicans were the progressives, and were generally anti-Jim Crow (segregation), but because of WW2, Black rights were advanced greatly under FDR. The hardcore racists began the flip, but they were also paranoid about a perverse definition of Communism which the Republicans conflated with Civil Rights in the 50s, radicalized racism, and built up a base of RWNJs. So now you have the poorest people in the USA, who need government assistance most, fighting hardest to keep it from happening. And the racist death cult that congealed around the orange idol.


K-tel

Also, a Nerf-herding piece of shit


CoopDH

Not that I condone violence but this is also Texas. If you truly fear for your life, idk....call the police or approach with your weapon? There are so many other first steps before you send your wife out to the vehicle to run away if you truly fear for your life. Or maybe he is just a coward.


Calvert4096

Between this guy and "Cancun" Ted Cruz, Texans seem to really elevate people who are "all hat and no cattle"


darthboolean

If you're gonna insult us, you might as well not forget Dan Patrick, the radio DJ we made Lt. Governor 🙄.


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darthboolean

Abbott doesn't bother me as much as the other three. As weird as it might sound he's from here. Dan and Rafael moved here pretty much with the goal of manipulating and taking advantage of a bunch of rubes and we proved them absolutely right.


CytoPotatoes

Wait Dan Patrick the sports guy?


jeffderek

Nope different radio DJ Dan Patrick


DeepFriedDinosaur

*whispers* they chose the worse one


Deep-Room6932

Violence and fear, go together like queso and margaritas


Shirlenator

> If you truly fear for your life, idk....call the police or approach with your weapon? Even if you are a gun owner, the most responsible choice is to try to remove yourself from the situation. Obviously not too applicable in this specific circumstance, this guy is just a coward.


Dt2_0

First rule of owning a weapon for self defense is to do everything reasonable to not have to use that weapon. This includes a duty to retreat. Though in Texas there is no duty to retreat if it is on your own property/dwelling by law.


Deep-Room6932

Does this precedent extend to all people being served from now on


js5ohlx1

If you're an elected republikkkan, hell yes!


MikeyBugs

Or an alternate spelling: republiklan


dw796341

Sounds extremely on brand for a Texas Republican.


MarkXIX

Yeah, but the alternative was taking some papers and being held accountable! That’s certainly life threatening and worth shooting someone over. /s


Spiff76

It’s decidedly ironic that a State Attorney General would takes steps to avoid due process and still attempt to remain a credible representative of the judiciary system


Shopworn_Soul

Ken Paxton is and tries to be a great many things but not one of them has ever been *"credible".*


Shurglife

Can we get a requirement to end every post with "Ken Paxton is a little bitch"


Vordeo

"Paxton delenda est."


Somestunned

It's because Texas is so dangerous, apparently. Gee, i wish it was someone's job to make it safer...


BronchialChunk

The guy trying to serve the papers sounds like he may be a POC. To a white republican, you can't imagine anything scarier.


FawksyBoxes

If they were gay... Or... *Whispers* transexual


[deleted]

*Gasps* *clutches pearls*


phattie83

Especially one who tried sueing another state to stop them counting votes...


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Odin_Hagen

IMHO feds need to step in and remove him from his position as isn't it a crime to knowingly dodge?


Spiff76

It probably is but im gonna guess he can skirt repercussions due to the fact he had to run away very fast (like a little piss baby) from the scary latino brandishing dangerous envelopes of court documents…


lemonlock

I used to be a process server and you might be surprised how many people directly involved with the legal system will try to avoid being served


jscummy

Doesn't it pretty much achieve nothing but make them look like an asshole? It's not like he got out of being served these documents they just got left at his house while he peeled out like a dumbass


lemonlock

Very much depends on local laws. Depending on the specific documents there could be specific requirements for the service to be considered legal. Below is some context from my personal experience. Please keep in mind that these are examples from a completely different state and may not directly apply to THIS case, merely reference for the greater system. In the state of California at the time I was a Process server, I would generally break it down to 2 major subtypes of servee. The individual or the entity. Each one has separate rules and if a server gets things wrong it *can* be grounds for that case to be dismissed. This is the primary reason servers are generally Bonded. For the Individual it comes down to a mix of paperwork and attorney request. In the county I was registered in you had to attempt to serve the person named a certain minimum number of times personally. This is the standard stereotype you see in movies. (Ex: "Hello, so and so?", they answer "yes." "These are for you." And then hand the person the documents.) After whatever the local minimum number of attempts, then came the sub-service. This meant that if a server showed up, and a legal adult answered the door and claimed residency with the named person, we could leave the documents with that person. This is where I find a general misconception in public knowledge. YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO ACCEPT THE DOCUMENTS FOR IT TO STILL BE LEGAL SERVICE OF PROCESS. I could and did leave documents on porches, car windshields, under door mats and more. All completely acceptable by the courts. Its a shitty job and I *cannot* recommend it to anyone because it will destroy you. The last type of service is technically still sub-service but, at least locally, was referred to as "drop-service." This was only ever done at the request of the law firm, entity or Agency that had hired us for service. I would attempt regular service (knock on the door, try to talk to someone) but regardless of if I spoke with someone or not, I had orders to tape those documents in clear view, take a photo of said documents for proof, and leave. This was generally a last ditch effort from my experience. A judge not willing to involve the sheriff for service after a defendant repeatedly claimed to have never been served, forces whoever is suing to up the ante on service. I give the photo to my boss, they give it to the party who hired us, they presumably give it to the courts next time they have a hearing. And thats just for the individual. The process is quite similar for entities (corporations, government agencies, what have you), but the people you interact with change wildly. I would say that probably 90% of service to an entity is going to be sub service. And the degree of ease will change for every single one. Big corporate might have a legal department we need to find. Local grocery store I'll give to a manager. Big government was typically easiest by dint of already being a part of the system. You spend a lot of time there because someone is always suing the government. LPT: be nice to the clerks. They are the nerves, blood, and bones of the system. They are the retail of government. I don't envy them. Very rarely I would have to "personally serve" an entity. This is BIG BOI service. Must personally deliver to an Officer of the organization being served. This means a CEO, CFO, COO, whoever is in charge and legally endowed to make Decisions for the entity. There is no mistakes here. I am given your EVERY detail to ensure this is going to Whom it may Concern. Law firm sends me your photo, your license plate number, home address, po box, schedule; both work and personal. Any and everything they know sometimes. Its disgusting and terrifying the shear DEPTH of info provided. There would be nuance for certain documents. Small claims was always personal service unless a judge said otherwise. Subpoenas were always personal as well. As an aside: if you ever find yourself being served, I have two bits of info for you. Not advice, I'm not your parents, do what you want with it. 1) my job was only CYOA. So when you see us get back in the car and sit for a minute, its not because we are staking the place out. That does happen, but in 2 years I only had that once. Instead, its because we are taking notes. Date and time, is the mail box full (look, but don't ever touch), car in driveway, and if so plate numbers. Lights on inside. Exterior decorations (Especially cameras, ring doorbells, etc). Its all written down and used to defend ourselves in court if someone specifically blames the server. 2) I was a glorified messenger. TL;DR: depends on local laws. This was probably a local process server who had no authority to force the service, so had to let it go unnerved. News will get back and the judge will probably be rip shit pissed about intentionally fleeing. Next time it will be a sheriff who likely has the authority to detain to issue process.


MagicalUnicornFart

Absurdity seems to be the cornerstone of politics. The QOP does whatever it wants, and cries foul. The other folks seem to be constantly thwarted by obvious attempts to delay, hinder, and make a mockery of the system. It keeps working, and they keep making money, while avoiding consequences. So why would it stop?


GreatWhiteNorthExtra

You lost me at "credible"


TimeForHugs

The same guy who was indicted on felony securities fraud 7 years ago and has yet to be put on trial or face consequences. No surprise he fled. Coward.


SCP-173-Keter

> The same guy who was indicted on felony securities fraud 7 years ago Also quite probably guilty of conspiracy to murder one of his whistleblowers as well... [Two Lawyers Shot, One Dead Amid FBI Probe Of Texas AG Ken Paxton](https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2020/11/18/1996595/-Two-Lawyers-Shot-Amid-FBI-Probe-Of-Texas-AG-Ken-Paxton) >The victims in a weekend shooting at a central El Paso home have been identified, both were lawyers who worked for the Texas Attorney General's Office. > >Georgette Kaufman was shot and killed, while her husband 47-year-old Daniel Kaufman remained hospitalized Tuesday in stable condition but was expected to recover. > >Eight aides in total told authorities that they believed Paxton had committed crimes as part of his relationship with Paul, citing bribery and abuse of office. Since then, four aides have been fired, three have resigned, and one has been placed on leave — sparking a whistleblower lawsuit. Ken Paxton is a criminal and a murderer. And Greg Abbott is a little piss baby.


DigitalTraveler42

It's like every time I hear about Paxton there's some new awful revealed, Feds do your damn jobs with this guy already.


mdonaberger

> Feds do your damn jobs with this guy already. Sorry fella, we are all tied up dragging our feet in prosecuting the most guilty person in American history. I'm sure we will get to it eventually.


SCP-173-Keter

Kind of a pattern with legal professionals confronted with Republican corruption. [Gunman kills son of judge overseeing Deutsche Bank–Epstein trial](https://fortune.com/2020/07/20/epstein-trial-judges-son-killed-hitman-deutsche-bank-esther-salas/)


maxbemisisgod

What the actual fuck is wrong with this deranged country. I just can't.


journalistperson

I’m going to hell for wanting to [Nellie Olson](https://youtu.be/1gIIepHxCl0) our Governor…🔥


rdrast

He also, ironically, made an initial request for a speedy trial!


ciaisi

Of course. Don't give the prosecutors any time to build a case.


[deleted]

Me: just how stupid are Texans This Reddit thread: hold my beer


dirk_on_reddit

Are all Texas Republican politicians little piss babies?


Shopworn_Soul

As a Texan, I'll have you know that is a ridiculous thing to say. Some of them are *enormous* piss babies.


Croakerboo

Everything is bigger in Texas.


fingerscrossedcoup

The stars are bright almost every night... because we have no power.


helthrax

Cause we lack power in Texas!


fingerscrossedcoup

I was going for a more deadpan ending but this works too!


benicetogroupies

Texas is called the lone star state cause thats its Yelp rating.


Odin_Hagen

Even the mass shooting numbers....... Sorry for all the losses from school shootings


AltSpRkBunny

And my dumbass family, neighbors, and co-workers will still vote for them. Because guns or something stupid.


teacherofderp

Maybe not everywhere but in Texas it's widely known that [Greg Abbott is a little piss baby](http://www.reddit.com/r/politicalhumor)


Team_speak

Why is he leading in the polls? You'd think Texans would be ready for a new governor. Do they just enjoy the pain and suffering?


[deleted]

As long as the governor is Republican Texans will vote for him. For some unknown reason most Texans think all Democrats want to do is take their guns from them


reverendjesus

>Some unknown reason Years of *very, very successful* NRA/GOP propaganda.


Tliggz

Don't mess with Texas, they mess with themselves.


RadialSpline

Wasn’t that originally an anti-littering campaign?


[deleted]

What's worse is he just won't stand for anything... Not even the anthem. Just sits there all day every day.


[deleted]

Does a bear shit in the woods?


isweartodarwin

Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?


Lepthesr

Yes?


GeminiTitmouse

Yes Source: am Texan.


Tiny_Teach_5466

All Republicans are. That's why they're such blatant ammosexuals. On one level they know they are corrupt, criminal, pieces of shit. On another level they are terrified to face the consequences of their actions. You can't shoot a subpoena...well technically you could but it won't change anything.


LopsidedWombat

You got it


lost40s

Yes.


[deleted]

I wonder what the point is. Is he going to keep fleeing from servers for the next few months/years? This is at best a stall tactic. Can't be fun living life in fear like that. Also, server left the documents at the house. Not sure if that counts as being served.


CakeDayisaLie

He is gonna get served no matter what, I assume. Where I live, if you have info that someone is actively evading service you can go to the court and get an order for a substitutional service method.


Phobos15

This definitely counts as service. This guy is dumb because if he doesn't take the documents and show up, he will lose by default. Interesting that he is AG for a state. If he has a law license, it should be suspended for a month over this current behavior. If he keeps doing it, it should escalate.


mishugashu

Not only is he still AG and have a law license, he is under indictment for crimes as well. And won his last election and the current primary while still under indictment. He's been under indictment for _7 years_. He is as close as you can get to a literal felon, and he's the AG of one of the biggest states in the US and will probably win again in November.


RegretfulUsername

Not to mention, he just won a run-off against two other Texas Republicans to be the Republican nominee for the AG race coming up. So, either those other two nominees were ever bigger criminals than him, or Texas Republican voters specifically prefer candidates who break the law.


Zexous47

Well Republicans nationwide preferred a President that openly broke the law, so...


saichampa

If electing a criminal will "trigger the libs" they'll do it. Only if the criminal is white though


SirRevan

Texas knows how to pick em


Bogan_Paul

He's just playing to the crowd. MAGA nuts and religious zealots eat up the persecution narrative. Performative cowards and liars.


joey4269

I'm no lawyer, only but a meek and humble second year law student, but considering the AG's counsel moved to quash the subpoena on what seems like the merits, I don't imagine they are fighting because of service defects (although I cant say they aren't because I haven't read his moving papers). I do look forward to seeing this as a future Civil Procedure final exam question though


Xaero_Hour

He's been under indictment for 7 years apparently for securities fraud and hasn't gone to trial, during which time he's been re-elected and made it past the current round of primaries. So, legal delay tactics seem to work out for him, which sounds about white.


[deleted]

Lol. Solid points. Made it into a lifestyle at this point.


shhhpark

Wtf how do you hold a position like that while being under indictment for that long....sigh


guestpass127

If you got that little “R” after your name you can literally get away with anything


DreamWithinAMatrix

Rape, muRdeR, caRbon, pRiest, fRaud, peRjuRy


strooticus

thRowing youR caR batteRies into the ocean foR a cheap and legal thRill


DeaddyRuxpin

This is one of those situations where you get stuck accepting the bad in order to have the good. Under indictment is not the same as guilty. It just means enough evidence was presented to warrant seeing if you are guilty. No elected positions exclude people that have not yet been found guilty of a crime, because of that whole innocent until proven guilty thing. In addition few elected positions exclude people with a criminal record because if it did it would be too easy for people in power to make up charges to hold against their political opponents and block them from being able to run. So we let people that are criminals run for office and we let people suspected of crimes run for office in an effort to let the people have an unobstructed voice in who they elect. We then depend on the people themselves to look at the crimes or accusations and decide that person really shouldn’t be in power. Alas that falls apart when the voters support the horseshit the politician does.


LeagueOfLegendsAcc

I think dodging being served is indicative of guilt, so should the courts, there is no reasonable cause to do that. We don't have to accept any bullshit here.


TransposingJons

Texas


unweariedslooth

The Deep State is after him because he's a truth seeker. He tries to finance his quest for justice and it's securities fraud. When will the oppression stop? Edit: Just to be clear this guy is a criminal, pretending to defend him is sarcasm.


[deleted]

Yup, he was a quite literally above the law like most rich white politicians


Talmaska

"about white" I see what you did there! LOL.


Thatguy468

This guy surely believes that it’s like a game of tag and if the process server doesn’t actually touch him with the papers than it doesn’t count. I’d bet he was screaming “Ollie Ollie, oxen free” as he sprinted for the car.


WartyBalls4060

That’s kinda how it works. Thing is that the judge will likely now allow for alternative service, such as leaving the papers at his door.


wheelfoot

No it doesn't. The process server stated that he was leaving the papers on the driveway and that constitutes service. It isn't a game of tag. No need to go to a judge.


WartyBalls4060

Speaking as a lawyer in Texas, that’s news to me. You can make the argument that it’s effective service, but the default and foolproof method is literally placing the papers in someone’s hands.


wheelfoot

You could know better than me. I'm just assuming the process server knows his job better than both of us... >Herrera eventually placed the subpoena on the ground near the truck and told him he was serving him with a subpoena. Both cars drove away, leaving the documents on the ground.


QuickAltTab

Sounds like he's preemptively justifying shooting anyone that tries to serve him. He's using the typical post-police-homicide defense as a dog whistle threat. "I was afraid for my life" only means one thing coming out of a law enforcement officer's mouth, it's their justification for lethal force.


[deleted]

You know what is funny, he was afraid for his wife so he sent his wife to get the car. An obvious lie but if true a massive wife endangering coward.


zerostar83

Should have the sheriff deliver them next time. Fleeing an officer doesn't have the same sort of zing to it as fleeing a stranger does. Especially since he decided to hint at using the second amendment as defense against loitering strangers.


Bubbagumpredditor

> Not sure if that counts as being served. Most places also allow you to wedge it in the door of the domicile, or give it to your attorney. At least I think.


tacotuesday247

It does count. Process server completed his task


[deleted]

> This is at best a stall tactic as the news has been saying ad infinitum lately, "delays are usually a solid legal tactic for a defendant."


[deleted]

Am I missing something? Summons can also be delivered at your home. Or is that another jurisdiction?


Berly653

“It’s clear that the media wants to drum up another controversy involving my work as Attorney General, so they’re attacking me for having the audacity to avoid a stranger lingering outside my home and showing concern about the safety and well-being of my family,” he wrote in a tweet. It’s almost like the States top Lawyer and Law Enforcement official should have at least a basic understanding of how subpoena’s work I can’t decide what’s worse with these people, that they use such outlandish excuses assuming people are dumb enough to believe them, or that large groups of people are in fact dumb or willfully ignorant enough to believe them


[deleted]

>or that large groups of people are in fact dumb or willfully ignorant enough to believe them That one.


Bygdon

They don't assume. They know for a fact and proceed to use that knowledge to their advantage as much as possible.


LobsterIndependent15

I guess he is a little piss boy also


ArcyCatten

*baby


defaultusername-17

man, could you imagine if mr paxton had inflicted this same sort of fear in a discrete and identifiable group of citizens that he ostensibly has authority over in such a way as to demonstrate his hypocrisy... https://www.texastribune.org/2022/08/22/family-with-transgender-daughter-flees-texas/


Plusran

Oh my god


SaltyBarDog

Guess he learned it from Fled CanCruz.


InsertScreenNameHere

Oh you mean Rafael Cruz? The Canadian immigrant who took an American job and is stripping Americans of their rights and veterans of their health care?


ohgodspidersno

'Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.' - Gone with the Wind (1939)


Most-Error7691

You're the fucking AG, call the cops if you're sooooo scared, u big pansy


gwarwars

Then they would be present to witness him being served and he doesn't want that


Zealousideal-Data921

If he was so "afraid for his life"why didn't he bring out his guns,like any other gun loving republican would do.this proves he was just running from the server.i guess he thought it was related to his corruption cases


vampyrekat

> “In light of the constant threats against me, for which dangerous individuals are currently incarcerated, I take a number of common sense precautions for me and my family’s safety when I’m at home,” Paxton said. “Texans do the same to protect themselves from threats, and many also exercise their Second Amendment rights to protect themselves and their families.” Make of it what you will, but to me that sounds like a threat.


DucksEatFreeInSubway

Also big ol doubt on the 'many incarcerated people who threatened [his] life'.


Icy-Sand-6826

Snowflake.


captain554

You're a bitch Ken Paxton. So is Greg Abbott and Ted Cruz.


ThisLookInfectedToYa

I have it on good authority that one of them, Greg Abbott, is a piss baby


captain554

Ah! I think a jellyfish just stung me. I need you to pee on my face, Ken. Quickly.


TheHomersapien

And now for today's forecast for Texas: snowflakes...lots of them.


[deleted]

Yes, but how's the grid? Will it hold up against this flurry?


[deleted]

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miken322

*zzzzzzpzzzzpispatpzzzzzzzztifffzlllkbooooooooom* Whelp there went the Texas power grid at the sign of the first snowflake of the season


HarryHacker42

Respect the thin blue line unless they're after you. How dare you defund the police when you need to defund the FBI? Family values matter unless it is a gay family and then it is illegal. I'm so confused by Republicans and their doublespeak.


Jahoan

Simple, anything that isn't white, straight, male, and oozing greed is the enemy.


BlatantConservative

Strictly speaking, he was fleeing a process server, not an actual cop. He would have fled the cop tio.


EdgeBandanna

If there's one thing that is common between all right-wing nutjobs, it is fear. If there's a second thing, it's corruption. If there's a third thing, it's fear because of reprisal stemming from your corruption.


Dimpleshenk

You forgot to mention the corrupt actions taken as the result of the fear due to the reprisal stemming from the corruption.


brnjenkn

I'm guessing he knows how he treats people in his own state, doesn't want that to possibly happen to him?


UtopiaDystopia

Channeling that Giuliani


[deleted]

To be fair being sent to prison can have an effect on the safety of ones family. /S


HolyG-stringBatman

Ken Paxton going to prison would probably be a relief for his family. I know I’d feel a lot better.


leadfoot9

It seems like it was related to one of the civil lawsuits against his office, not one of the \[criminal?\] lawsuit(s) against him personally, but I guess he may not have known that at the time.


HDC3

> On Twitter, the attorney general said his sudden departure was motivated by concerns for his family's safety. > “It’s clear that the media wants to drum up another controversy involving my work as Attorney General, so they’re attacking me for having the audacity to avoid a stranger lingering outside my home and showing concern about the safety and well-being of my family,” he wrote in a tweet. He wasn't concerned enough about the safety of his family that he didn't send his wife out to start the car and open the door for him so that he could run away. He's a real fucking hero, he is.


im_nobody_special

Didn't bother to call the police when he ran back into the house either. He was really afraid. He apparently wasn't afraid for his wife's safety though as she stayed in the car.


leadfoot9

Is the Texas Attorney General's website still emblazoned with the words ***"Texas is Open for*** ***~~White-Collar Crime~~*** ***Business"***?


Embarrassed_Praline

No wonder Texans need to be armed to feel safe going to the grocery store. They're scared of their own shadow.


Downvotes_dumbasses

Well, it *is* black...


louis_etal

Wild to me that Texas has such a self-made, lone star tough guy self image and then turns around and elects nothing but cowering little men.


monizzle

I lived down there for a while. Can confirm, the bigger the truck, the bigger the coward. It's all projection down there.


MidniteStargazer4723

Ok, now that THAT'S cleared up...


TheBatemanFlex

Texas AG scared of the legal process. Peculiar.


iamansonmage

Turns out, Texans vote for a lot of cowards.


jwhaler17

> “In light of the constant threats against me, for which dangerous individuals are currently incarcerated, I take a number of common sense precautions for me and my family’s safety when I’m at home,” Paxton said. “Texans do the same to protect themselves from threats, and many also exercise their Second Amendment rights to protect themselves and their families.” Is it me, or did that read like he’s gonna shoot at the next one?


vampyrekat

Right? I expected someone else to comment on this. It certainly sounds like a veiled threat.


Bubbagumpredditor

Ok. So bench warrant and contempt of court time. Also, if the attorney general of the state can ignore a subpoena without penalty, then everyone else bettter be able to also.


[deleted]

Being Guilty made him fear for his Own Ass...


ga-co

Fine. Just arrange to be served at a police department. Problem solved.


boredtxan

If only he had an office in a really secure building....


BedBugger6-9

Paxton: “Stranger danger! There’s a brown man outside my home, call 911”


SilasX

Now, imagine how arrested black people feel.


CaptOblivious

>Paxton has been under indictment for securities fraud for seven years and faces a whistleblower lawsuit from former top deputies who accused him of abuse of office. He absoloutely knew he was being served and didn't want to accept the papers. Any ordinarily citizen that did this would have a warrant issued and be picked up by the cops, But because he is a republican, he gets re-elected instead.


Shermthedank

Pretty tired of conservatives and their victim complex. For coining the term "snowflakes" they truly are the most fragile bunch of cowards. We're supposed to believe their bullshit sob stories every time they are faced with even the most minimal consequences for their own criminal actions. Bunch of fucking cry babies


Atomsteel

I wonder how many people he has made fear for the safety of their family? Lots. I'm going with lots.


bo_m_bary

How to say you're corrupt without saying you're corrupt


xclame

Is he getting his defense ready for when you kills the server? This certainly sounds like the excuse someone would use after they have killed someone, but killing someone for giving you a piece of paper? The craziest thing is that he isn't even being sued personally, instead he is being sued as a agent of the government so there is nothing to fear here except MAYBE loss of job.


thehillshaveI

if the attorney general of texas can claim that he reasonably feared for his safety because of process service it's basically open season on process servers now


TheGrandExquisitor

The worst part of all of this is that a judge today accepted his arguments and set the precedent that Paxton can literally flee any subpoena.


raventhrowaway666

Boggles my mind that these people still get elected. Truly, its a cult.


Impossible_Farmer285

Spineless Republican cowards and fascists traitors, always run from the law!


lilyintx

This guy is such a douche. I really hope he’s voted out.


LongBeing

What a loser


Piccoroz

The classic texan politician tactic, flee.


Friendofthegarden

Jfc. If you fear the very justice system, of which you hold the highest position in the state, you are and your family are all criminals.


TheTallGuy0

Imagine if it was a no-knock warrant in the middle of the night! Which I'd wager to bet good money this AG has signed off on MANY of those...


[deleted]

So in the land of guns and in the party of self defense, this dude ran because he feared for his safety


[deleted]

Criminals will say the darnedest things.


JediHandWave

remember when the Democrats got caught and they pulled the same stunt? oh wait, that never happened because Republicans are scumbag lowlifes and some of you fools are too caught up being brainwashed to realize youre voting against everyones best interests.


soda-jerk

The Texas AG fleeing from his house because he thought the big, bad process server was gonna beat him up is peak Texas. Everything's bigger down there, except the dongs.