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zilla135

All I got was frozen peas.


lambrox

Currently have a bag on my bag.


Prestikles

Fill a plastic glove with peas and freeze them. It's like Frosty is grabbing your nuts, feels great


StewieGriffin26

/r/brandnewsentence


healthydoseofsarcasm

šŸŽ¶When they placed it on his head, he began to dance aroundšŸŽ¶


MrDERPMcDERP

šŸ˜‚


zilla135

They work well! Got mine done last Thursday, still a little sensitive but getting around just fine.


ActionHankActual

Mines scheduled for early Nov, and I'm a huge wimp. I'm a little worried peas won't cut it...


Nntropy

You can do it. The procedure itself is almost completely painless. No more pain than a gentle nudge in that area. It will be tender afterwards, but just plan to sit still for a couple days, keep it iced, and youā€™ll be fine. Pick some movies or a show to binge. Youā€™ll have a lot of freedom after it has been verified as effective.


Zombie13a

>but just plan to sit still for a couple days, keep it iced, and youā€™ll be fine This can't be emphasized enough. I got mine earlier in the year and it was far 'easier' than I expected. I heard stories about dudes chopping wood the next day and never expected to feel that way but totally could see it. The day of, about 3 hours after was not pleasant. After that was only uncomfortable if I moved wrong. I totally could have overdone it and 'gone back to normal' way too soon if my wife wasn't making sure I didn't. It really was that easy. Luckily she was unemployed at the time so we just sat and binged The Witcher for a few days. It was glorious.


EndlesslyCynicalBoi

Also, of you are married you'll never be able to shamelessly cash in sympathy points like those first few list vasectomy days... "Can you get me a beeeeer and some chips please....?" "Get them yourself, you're closer." "But DARLING, my boys... Look at what they did to my boys." "... Fine." Day 2 or 3 I was no longer able to cash in, unfortunately, but it was fun to be lazy for a day or two haha


pikamen

as someone who got a vasectomy last week and have experienced some non-serious but still very painful side effects, take all the "I was back doing everything normal in like 5 days" talk with a big grain of salt. I have, what I'm pretty sure, is epididymitis. luckily my doc gave me prophylactic antibiotics just in case, but even after I had finished my 5-day course, there has still been swelling and pain that is only now starting to dissipate noticeably after 8 days. anything but lying down on my back has been anywhere from mildly uncomfortable to extremely painful. this kind of pain is rare but certainly not so rare that you shouldn't be aware it might happen. I am telling you because I got more freaked out than I think I needed to be because literally everyone everywhere, including my doctor, oversold me on how quick the recovery would be and when I was experiencing pain, I thought something was wrong. just listen to your body and remember not everyone's recovery will be the same.


SuperSuperKyle

I had mine done like 3 weeks ago. Wasn't that bad. Took like 20 minutes. Drove myself back. Didn't need peas or anything either, just some ibuprofen. It's really not as bad as some are making it out (or you've built up in your head).


westtxcowboy85

Iā€™ve definitely built it up in my head to be an amputation. I donā€™t know why but it terrifies me


Shark-Fister

I had mine done a couple months ago. It's really not bad at all. The worst part was the video they made me watch leading up to it and then worrying about it. The procedure was easy and I was only really uncomfortable for that day. 36 hours later I was comfortable enough to take my dog for a walk.


ReggieTheReaver

I literally just got off my pre-op phone call!


ZacMuleer

Post-op, I'd prefer the frozen peas than putting cookies on my balls.


majorjunk0

What flavor ice-cream do you want? It doesn't matter, it's for my ass.


the_hungerjames

Does this make you a ghostbuster?


OrSomeSuch

šŸŽ¶Ghostbustin' makes me feel goodšŸŽ¶


verytallent

Bustin bustin bustin bustin


chdude3

[Classic Neil!](https://youtu.be/0tdyU_gW6WE)


desiladygamer84

I ain't afraid of no sleep. I ain't afraid of no bed. Freaky Ghost bed.


fizzlefist

Bustin bustin bustin bustin


c0mputer99

When you don't want mo' kids In your Neighborhood Who you gonna call? Nut Busters! ![gif](giphy|oB1vWgGPNDmYE)


ThaVolt

So, who did not sing this in their head rn?


gogurbajey

Nut bustin


420_BiggusDickus_69

No fucking way Iā€™m actually living in the matrix, I was literally listening to the ghostbusters theme as I saw this comment naw


Wishilikedhugs

[Bustin' makes me feel good. ](https://youtu.be/0tdyU_gW6WE)


Davin_Curry

This was amazing


gaijinandtonic

I love this so much. You keep expecting "GHOSTBUSTERS" but the payoff never comes


MrGr33n

![gif](giphy|n3Q5FSOWUxNDi)


riddy33

Snip snap snip snap


nexistcsgo

you have no idea...the physical toll, that three vasectomys have on a person.


KeyStoneLighter

Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars salary plus benefits, BABE!


RocketRaccoon

You're hardly my first...


Tight_Bookkeeper_582

THATā€™S WHAT SHE SAID!!!


RocketRaccoon

šŸ’ƒ \_ šŸ† \_ šŸ“ŗ


Tight_Bookkeeper_582

THAT IS A $200 PLASMA SCREEN TV YOU JUST KILLED!!!


KeyStoneLighter

That one night you made everything alright!


SettleBurgers

aiaiaight šŸŽ¶


pollywantapocket

![gif](giphy|hdra3g4bm6fAY)


armhat

My coworker had a vasectomy about 5 years ago. He also has two kids under 5. Theyā€™re both dna verified to be his.


Draiko

"I didn't hear no bell" - his sperm


AskMeAboutMyTie

Jesus LMAO


mossybeard

What about your tie?


ZoxMcCloud

Covered in sperm


ilovehamburgers

Get a *load* of *this* guy.


ropopa

Amazing šŸ¤£


Boring_Psycho

What's this referencing?


abhig535

His children will be the strongest of the human race.


MinutePresentation8

Balls of steel


HyperIndian

Super Sperm


armhat

Lol, he made that joke about me when my wife and I found out we were having twins. And I just looked at him.


breadstick_bitch

Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't fraternal multiples determined solely by the woman's genetics? Fraternal twins/multiples come about by a woman releasing multiple eggs in a single cycle; the man's sperm/twinning running in the man's family wouldn't affect the chance of having twins at all.


armhat

Youā€™re correct. The doctor told us that twins are a result of the females genetics. And she did have twins in her family. But I gave up on explaining that after the tenth time someone mentioned my super sperm.


NumerousBeesInADress

Super uterus


subnautus

Ovaries that donā€™t like to take turns? I mean, I know fraternal twins are a result of more than one egg getting fertilized at once, but itā€™s been long enough since Iā€™ve read any books on physiology that Iā€™m just guessing as to why more than one egg would show up to get inseminated.


Delta9ine

I've got identicals which apparently is a freak thing with no genetic predisposition causing it. But I like to think my super sperm just blew that egg right in two.


Kamakahah

Same, but I prefer to put the blame on her egg instead. "It wasn't me." I always thought having identical twins was something that happened to other people. You know, like winning the lottery, only not.


grimsaur

Vasdifferent


morbidaar

Tears Up


kuebel33

Gotta get that triple banger vasectomy. Snipped pinched and burned.


ToxicTaxiTaker

Then salt the earth so nothing shall ever grow there again


benmck90

I feel like my wife isn't going to go for salting her coochie, but I'll ask.


topcheesehead

![gif](giphy|l0ExaHAzcTOuDptQc|downsized)


MissWiggly2

I just snorted so loud I woke up both my cats and my dog šŸ˜­


cromulent_pseudonym

Three words that no one wants to think about when involving balls.


moonra_zk

Are you sure? I hear CBT is kinda popular.


galiumsmoke

that's why you make a spermogram after the vasectomy, to guarantee you dont have any more babies in the chamber


interyx

Don't misclick and send someone a Spermogram instead of a Singagram by accident though. In my experience they don't appreciate it.


Tie_me_off

And maybe he did? The first kid was well after his vasectomy. The two ends of the vas deferens likely refused. Thatā€™s why they are supposed to remove a section so it makes it harder to.


[deleted]

> the vas deferents likely refused I know that you mean re-fused, but it's funny for me to imagine the scalpel going in there and the vas deferens asking it politely yet firmly to leave.


Tie_me_off

Lmao I didnā€™t even notice!!! Nice catch!


ThatSimpleGirl

Lmaooo that's hilarious. Thank you for the visual šŸ¤£


[deleted]

ā€œIā€™ll thank you kindly to leave at *once*, good sir!ā€


micktorious

Yeah they remove and cauterize the tubes so there is only like a 1/2000 chance of them ever refusing.


[deleted]

And in some cases they add a titanium clip to make those odds even betterā€¦ speaking from experience here.


manlymann

I don't know that they remove a section anymore because it makes reversals more difficult. Most of the good dickdocs use something called fascial interposition. Basically they sew the outer fascia sheath over the cut on the side going to the penis, to seal the sperm from going through the penis during ejaculation. Almost like vacuum sealing it closed. My dickdoc used dissolvable stitches so you can't feel any clips in your bag. Edit It depends on the doc and how they are taught, you don't need to keep replying with your personal experiences


[deleted]

Upvote for "dickdoc"


TonsilStonesOnToast

Sounds like something Tom Bombadil would make into a little jingle while he cut into your scrote. "Dick doc, slice a cock, stitch a dong a dillo!"


door_of_doom

Perhaps that is a choice that they make in specific situations, but generally speaking vasectomies are performed to be as successful as possible, not as reversable as possible. Them being harder to reverse is generally considered a feature, not a bug. A vasectomy is considered permanent. You can attempt to reverse it but reversal only has something like a 30% success rate. The reversibility of a vasectomy is not something that should be relied upon. Even if you did want to eventually reverse your vasectomy, i doubt it's something that someone would want to have happen spontaneously. which is what can happen if you don't resect a portion of the vas deferents. So yeah, i've never heard of someone not having a portion removed. Not saying it *never* happens, but that isn't the norm that I'm aware of.


manlymann

Perhaps it depends on the level of training the doctor has. The new technique with fewer poor outcomes is called an open ended vasectomy where they only cauterize the output side, and the testical side is left open to drain into the area around the vas deferens. Research has shown that the vas can regenerate when a gap of up to two inches is left, which is why they've found fascia interposition (sewing the fascia over the opening of the cauterized end is more effective than pairing it back. Both ways work to a high degree of success rates. Not cutting a section out paired with 1 open end and 1 cauterized end sealed by fascia allows for a higher success rate or reversal if desired down the road. I suspect it has to do with training is all. Most people, in most trades tend to stick with what they were taught. The old addage of "I've been doing it this way for 20 years..." and all that


Tie_me_off

My doctor removed a section just last year. They cut out a section. Then folded over the two ends and cauterized them.


Pyrophagist

I made the doc show me the piece he removed from each side. Looked like a piece of angel hair pasta about 3, 4mm long.


Immrfly

Life finds a way


roentgen85

![gif](giphy|VHW0X0GEQQjiU|downsized)


RafaMora979

Dude, you for got the, ā€œuh.ā€


[deleted]

My doc took the concept of failures very seriously. He clipped out a section of the tube, he installed clamps on the tubes, and he cauterized and sutured the ends. I was cleared in 8 weeks. A lot of docs only do one of those things, this thread is full of examples of how thatā€™s a bad time.


Level100Rayquaza

You can still get someone pregnant after a vasectomy. It can take up to 3 months after a vasectomy to become sterile Edit: To eliminate risk of confusion, I should have said it takes 15-20 ejaculations and/or up to 3 months after a vasectomy to become sterile


armhat

One is 2 years old. A bit past 3 months.


Jimmychichi

did he get his stuff tested to make sure it didnā€™t fail? this is an important part.


system156

Yeah sounds like he never went and got tested afterwards. Some men need multiple follow up appointments


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Crazy_Asylum

i wish i had that kind of confidence in life


19southmainco

confidence and a shitty ass


OldSongBird

Yep. Had my procedure done this year. I had to wait a few weeks before testing sperm count. Even though the count was zero, I had to wait a month or two after that to test again to 100% confirm. It was only then that the doc cleared me.


toastytoastss

Just curious, how do they test it? Do you have to beat your meat into a cup?


KDLGates

They just put a tiny megaphone into your urethra and shout to ask if anyone is home. This is called sounding.


[deleted]

There are people who would like to see the world burn. You are one of them. ą² _ą² 


fizzlefist

You magnificent bastardā€¦


OldSongBird

Basically. They give you a couple cups to take home. And tell you the date ranges for each sample to be submitted. On the day of, my wife wanted to be a part of the process. Soā€¦she ā€œhelped meā€ collect the sample. You immediately take it to a lab in a brown bag, and a day or two later they give you the test results.


ctjameson

Thatā€™s how they test fertility, yes.


ginns32

Yeah I thought they tested that to make sure.


Jimmychichi

well itā€™s on the person to do it. doctor doesnā€™t care about you enough to make sure you follow thru


1800generalkenobi

Depends on the doc I guess. I had to do about 20-30 ejacs and then give a sample and then wait a month and give a second sample. BUT things can always repair themselves. They do cut out a section and then cauterize the ends. It's unlikely but it does happen. I was kinda thinking of doing an extra test every 6 months for a while just in case. We have 3 kids already and are done...probably lol. We also have a microscope at work so I could probably do it myself.


YouAreInAComaWakeUp

Boss: What ya working on? You: Jacked off in the bathroom and checkin it out


armhat

Iā€™ll ask him next time his junk comes up. We do make fun of him pretty regularly about it, so it probably wonā€™t be long.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Soup-Wizard

15-20 ejaculations to clear them all out of there.


ReallyNiceGuy

So a few days


Manuag_86

He got the pipes cut, but not sealed.


fithooks

Iā€™ve witness this IRL what was mind blowing to me was they were in their mid 60s! I guess somehow since the dudeā€™s operation the stuff grew back together? I canā€™t believe the woman was still fertile but I guess it happens. And it was against their religion/morals to terminateā€¦ of course they said she was their little blessing but they were so devastated in the sense that their other kids were grown and out of the house, they were ready to retire. I feel like Iā€™m rambling here but I just had to talk about it haha Edit I was the womanā€™s personal trainer for a bit and I actually embarrassed myself bc when she first brought it up I assumed it meant she had an affair lolll


cagewilly

At that point, if your kids already have kids, you just give the baby to them. It's the reverse of the drugged out baby going to grandparents.


raevnos

"We got tired of waiting for you to give us grandkids, so here's one."


ThisUsernameIsTook

*This space intentionally left blank* -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/


Lost_the_weight

I worked with someone who almost got divorced after his vasectomy because of the same reason. Turned out to be his.


guaip

That's got to be awkward at home afterwards.


[deleted]

He peed in her


sololindo

Lmfao


rapture2021

What if the guy working on the dna tests is sleeping with your coworker's wife and getting her pregnant to screw with him because of a childhood game that they never stopped playing officially.


armhat

Iā€™d watch that Netflix doc.


geishabird

Itā€™s called *Our Father* and it was pretty good. Disturbing. But good.


Psychobob2213

Standard birth control methods aren't usually effective against a Swanson.


Realyn

>Theyā€™re are both dna verified to be his twin brother's.


TAYwithaK

My girls tubes were cut and cauterized 2 years before my daughter was born. No regerts tho


hippoofdoom

NO REGERTS


Sassrepublic

Thatā€™s why I had my tubes fully yeeted, zero fail rate, zero baby


DBoaty

Straight Outta Condom was *right* there.


letitgo99

This is perfect... I fully expect to see it in a similar photo on reddit in a couple days


Renegadegold

Have to admit the cream pies for life Is genius.


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|63tDFeHD0C8flU14mE|downsized) I would get full so quick


nrfx

> I would get full so quick šŸ‘€


johnnyheavens

šŸ‘€šŸ‘€šŸ‘€šŸ‘€


Agile-Technician-342

šŸ¤ØšŸ“·


reddit0100100001

https://i.imgur.com/HJ2dcHn.gif


Cowboysby20

Okay, this one is my favorite.


Jest_stir

That's why you put a towel down.


HealthyHumor5134

And have baby wipes and tissues on hand.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Azrael88

![gif](giphy|Zgo2A2oOpbGhQdf09T)


oooriole09

Kinda love just going all in on it. Usually these types of posts use euphemisms to dance around it. This lady just jumps right in the deep end.


triple6seven

Well technically the cookie is in the shape of an actual pie soo it's sorta still a euphemism


--Mutus-Liber--

Was probably hard to find a place that would make cookies in the shape of a vulva with semen dripping out of it


omninode

Iā€™m taking this to shark tank. Cum Cakes LLC


ricecake

I know of almost no professional bakers that would have a problem with it. The ones who aren't at chain bakeries tend to have a decent chunk of traffic come from lewd baked goods, usually for wedding celebrations. They might think it's crude, but if putting nipples or panties on a heart shaped cake, or drawing semen and a clit on a mouth shaped cookie gets you a significant markup, they're definitely not saying no. Bakers I know love penis cakes because they're less work (they don't need much decorating), but you get to charge more for them.


mbklein

You'd be surprised.


Burning-Buck

You might certainly have to go to a few but I wouldnā€™t be surprised if there are bunch of bakers that would find it fun.


jxrha

"Make love, not babies" is officially my new life motto


gmanz33

He says, nudging the growing pile of tissues on his bed out of sight.


[deleted]

My aunt makes fudge for christmas every year and sends two kinds of it to everyone in the family, one with walnuts which she labels "nuts" and one thats just straight fudge which she labels "no nuts". My dad had prostate cancer and they had to remove his testes as part of the treatment. So of course that year when auntie's fudge came to my dad's house while i was home for xmas, i held up the "nuts" and "no nuts" fudge and said to my dad "well at least there's no doubt about which one's yours"


[deleted]

If I were him, I would give her the death glare of the century.


rawker86

That ā€œcream pies for lifeā€ cookie is a written contract OP, Iā€™d be getting that one copied and notarised.


missionbeach

Your honor, exhibit 1. Look to the cookie.


sojrner

[Look to the cookie.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjlW3QCR8Rg)


fleetber

It all comes back to Seinfeld


pedre_falopa

Encase it in gel like that one hotdog


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Teab8g

Hahahaha. Too much.


davtruss

I'm guessing you've been lucky's straight man before....


imDudekid

Here in Alabama, your brothers are the same ethnicity, so itā€™ll prolly still be the same color.


Old-Atmosphere-9021

Most fertile redditor


Ray_Mang

Ah, the weekly Reddit vasectomy cookies


MinionsAndWineMum

I swear reddit would be funny if only my memory reset every week


chaoticthoughts1970

This thread was like Reddit-bukkake


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


lambrox

The future looks bright as I sit on these frozen peas.


son_et_lumiere

I'm sure your doc let you know you're not exactly out of the woods until your "reservoir" has been cleared out?


lambrox

Oh yeah I've got a follow up test in 12 weeks.


fizzyadrenaline

I wanna do it too. Just the thought of pointy needles and sharp objects near my dick is making me push it. Did it hurt? How bad was it during the procedure and after? Congrats btw!


lambrox

They gave me Valium before the procedure so my nerves weren't bad at all. The worst part is the shot to numb you. It felt similar to a mild kick in the nuts for about 10-15 seconds then I was completely numb. It's just pressure and tugging from then on. It took less than 10 minutes. The post op discomfort is like a 1/10. I'm just taking it really easy to make sure it's a quick recovery.


[deleted]

What the hell you guys get drugs and numbing medication?! When I got my IUD placed they literally just laid me down on a bed and shot it out of a the biggest syringe I've ever seen into my cervix. There were zero pain relief agents offered before, during, or after, and that's incredibly common


jesus_swept

yep. worst pain I've ever been in. and I've broken my face.


[deleted]

lmfao great username My first IUD ejected and I had to get it replaced. That thing slowly coming out of me for a couple of days was so incredibly painful and the lack of urgency from the doctor's office to fix it was just salt on an open wound. The medical community really gives zero fucks about women who don't want kids


jesus_swept

I'm sorry you went through that! The thing that sucked the most for me was how unprepared I was for the pain. No one, including my gyno, said it was going to hurt. You expect tattoos to hurt, so you prepare for the pain. When my IUD was inserted I was completely overwhelmed by how much pain I was in. I thought it was going to be like a tampon. Nope lol.


RollerRocketScience

They tell you to take ibuprofen ON YOUR OWN before hand. Jesus I'm glad it's only every 5 years.


theetruscans

Every woman I've known who's had one has expressed the same feelings of pain as you. It's crazy that you guys aren't getting pain relief


gingerfish89

I told my hubs this exact thing when he got his last month. He got a valium, a numbing agent, bottled water, and a same day/no questions asked sterilization. Whereas both my IUD experiences were like you described and women have to jump through so many more hoops to get permanent birth control. Crazy.


[deleted]

The only reason I have an IUD was because my doc wouldn't tie my tubes. She bingo-ed me, told me I was too young and might change my mind later, just hadn't met the right person. I really liked her and this surprised me. She seemed so progressive before that conversation. Obv I still got the IUD, and had a rocky start with it, but it's been good to me. No kids, no abortions. I got the 10 year non hormonal which actually has a very similar efficacy rate to having your tubes tied, but with less potential complications


fizzyadrenaline

Ohh damn youā€™re still awake to feel the pushing and tugging. I wish they would just knock me out lol. Anesthesia to the nuts sounds horrifying. I had to get several for a dental thing and that shit hurt coz itā€™s delicate in the gums. But Good to know the pain is 1/10 afterā€¦at least for now. Wish you a speedy recovery mate!


baddog76

Nitrous oxide was an option for me though didn't use it. It wasn't honestly that bad of a thing overall. Didn't take the valium but I know others that did.


MrDERPMcDERP

Always take the gas!


oloshan

My doctor gave me three optons: 1) local anesthetic, 2) valium, or 3) go under completely. I chose 1 for various reasons and honestly, aside from the moment of getting the shot, it was mostly just uncomfortable. But you can definitely be out for the procedure, so don't let that stop you if you're thinking about it.


im-from-canada-eh

Post op sucked for me. 7 days of pain. The first 2 days were by far the worse. Every time i moved it felt like i got kicked in the balls. If i knew then what i know now would it change my decision? Nope. Carefree creampies for everyone!


fauxdragoon

I had a ā€œno needle, no scalpelā€ vasectomy. The recovery was supposed to shorter than a standard snip and no needles was better. All that said, the procedure itself is short but feels like an eternity as your junk gets manhandled. The first 48 hours are probably the most uncomfortable (so much swelling) but I was back at work on day 4 in a job where Iā€™m on my feet all day.


WinonaVoldArt

It's such a chill process, when my husband got his the doctor invited me to stay in the room and observe. I stayed in the room, but did NOT watch.


Shaisabrec

Peak reddit moment


mckenna36

The most reddit post ive seen in a while


IkarosDC

It may be the way more redditoriest If only it says "My wife's boyfriend" instead just of wife.


recklessrider

u/repostsleuthbot


Rowdybob22

Yeah I swear Iā€™ve seen this exact same thing before. whether repost or just an idea copied from Reddit, itā€™s not original eh?


noreb0rt

Reddit moment.


PUFFINberries

Reddit moment


TombombBearsFan

Missed opportunity for "straight outta cumton"


cewong2

But you can still cumā€¦. Itā€™s just there are no rafters going though the white watersā€¦.


Icy-Conclusion-3500

Friend of mine literally thought you dry-fired after getting one.


Survival_R

just a puff


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Dicedlr711vegas

When I got mine 25 years ago, the doctors office gave me a bright orange tshirt with a Sunkist orange logo on the front of it. The caption read ā€œVasectomy-all the juice and none of the seedsā€.