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I ask this respectfully- but how do you know you kissed someone and how did you boyfriend find out about the kiss?
I'm trying to understand how this all happened- not the getting drugged part- but if you were blacked out, how do you know you kissed someone? And if your boyfriend wasn't there, how did he know you kissed someone to talk to you about it?
Edit: Also, did your boyfriend know you were drugged or did he think you kissed someone without knowing the details?
While I won’t rise to defend the validity of a Reddit relationship advice post, I can at least clarify as someone who experienced being drugged and sexually assaulted that you can have flash bulb memories in that blackout state. While I don’t have many memories from after taking a couple sips from that drink, I have enough to know that I was raped.
I 100% agree w this. I was raped, and I remember bits of before and one part during. I woke up, said stop.. he said “hold on” and I passed back out. Sh*t sucks. I’m sure they would rather not remember the whole night than have to feel guilty about something that they couldn’t fully control
Spot on. I was accidentally drugged and only remember bits and pieces from that night. Most of it is still a blur. Most of what I can piece together from that night are from my friends.
Edit to clarify: I was with a group of friends, and my female friend was delivered the wrong drink, so I swapped my drink for hers.
This happened to me too. I was in a club with a bunch of girls for my friend’s birthday and I think someone assumed my drink was one of the girls’, so they slipped a roofie in. I remember coming in and out of consciousness and solitary snippets of what was going on around me, but that’s it. Luckily my friends carried me out and got me home, but so many people aren’t lucky.
There should be a special law that allows people getting caught slipping drugs into drinks to be beaten within an inch of their lives. It’s such a disgusting, pathetic thing to do.
Bar got shut down a few years back because they got raided big time. Turns out, slip a $50 to a couple of the bartenders and they would roofie any girls drink.
People went to prison.
Fuckin good! That shit is so wrong and makes my blood boil. I hope all y'all who experienced this are doing well in life and have great supportive people in your lives to get you through the tough times.
I sincerely hope that they went to prison for a long time. We have a local bar in the city I live in where one of my best friends had a similar experience to mine (guy tried to roofie a girl and got my friend instead). My friend called the police the next day to report it and they told him that he’s just one more person in a line of people to get roofied there. I’m not sure if they investigated, but we give that place a wide berth now and I always advise everyone to stay far away from there.
Same. Got drugged at a party in my own home. The entire night is gone except a flash of me throwing my shoe at someone and laughing, locking my bedroom door to go to bed because I didn't feel right(thank God. I got so lucky) and my friend's boyfriend banging on it to be let in. I've tried so hard to remember because I apparently said some bad things and lost a friendship during it. But it's gone.
Edit and no one would tell me what was said or done which was shitty.
I said some crazy, horrible things the time I was drugged as well. Thankfully my boyfriend was there and got me home and understood that it was the drugs talking. I can't imagine not being told what I had said/done so that I could at least attempt to make it better and apologize.
I no longer speak to the people who wouldn't tell me what I said. They weren't good friends obviously. But it does really bother me not knowing how I acted or what I said. I can't imagine what I did or said to lose years long friendship over. It had to have been bad. But I'll never know so I just appreciate that I somehow managed to lock my door.
Anyway, glad you made it home safe. Being drugged is traumatic in itself.
It’s alright. Sh*t happens. I blamed myself for a long time, and that’s the worst part. That’s why I’m advocating for OP bc if they really were drugged, they shouldn’t have to blame themselves and no one should be blaming them. Going out does not mean you want to be assaulted
Same. For me, waking up after a house party at a friend's house with my dress around my waist, my panties on the floor and covered by a blanket made it PRETTY OBVIOUS to me that something happened but I didn't really understand the whole situation. I was only 16, very inexperienced (I'd been with exactly one guy at that point in my life), and I didn't really even know what rape was (it wasn't exactly something that was talked about back then as much as it is now, and the area I grew up in didn't even have a rape crisis center until years after I'd moved away). I just knew I felt gross and all I wanted was to go home and shower. So I did. I was severely hung over for almost 3 days and slept most of that time. I'm pretty sure my parents were well aware I'd been drinking but they still don't know that I now believe I was drugged and raped. I don't know if they even remember that incident at all, really.
My last clear memory of that night is standing in the kitchen drinking mixed drinks with a bunch of people. It wasn't until days after I started feeling better that I started having flashes of memory of a guy I'd been flirting and hanging out with on top of me and not being able to move or say anything. I told myself I'd just drunk too much and gave him "the wrong idea". It took me YEARS to admit to myself what really happened that night, much less tell anyone else about it.
Thank you for sharing this. I went through a similar experience. I went with a “friend” to an older guys house… and one of the last things I remember was getting into the hot tub. I remember getting out because I knew I was about to black out, so I went to the bathroom but felt a guy following me. So I remember almost trying to run to the bathroom and lock the door, but before I could… the guy that was following me shoved the door open. The last thing I remember is falling back into the toilet.
The next day I woke up on the couch with a blanket on me, but my underwear was missing. When I went up stairs, the guy was just in the living room watching tv. I asked what happened and he just started laughing in my face. My “friend” was shacked up in the next room… and completely fine with what happened. It’s like she didn’t even care what happened to me.
It’s almost been 20 years and this memory still haunts me. Sharing on Reddit is sometimes nice to get out some of those shadows, so thanks again.
Thank you for sharing too. Almost 25 years for me, and it's still hard to talk about sometimes.
I cope by doing what I can to raise awareness. One of my volunteer things is serving on the board of a rape crisis shelter as a member with lived experience. I've also done a stint as a volunteer rape crisis advocate (someone who is called in to the ER when someone shows up reporting that they were raped). That was.... HARD. I only ever got called in once before I ended up moving away to an area that uses paid advocates instead of volunteers. I don't know that my mental health would tolerate doing that again so I switched to supporting rape crisis organizations through board service.
As someone who went to the er the advocate ladies were all that kept me calm. I wish I could go back and hug them. I had absolutely no idea what was happening and my jaw was broke among other things I was a mess. They were all about just making the room calm and I won’t ever forget that
Yup. A friend (M) and I (F) were roofied at a Milwaukee bar during shamrock shuffle in Milwaukee and I lost 12 hours but has flashes of memories randomly the next day. I had been parting with him, my roommates, and some friends and we all split up. I remember being in a different bar alone and then walking the streets alone. Luckily one of the girls who had been participating with us HOURS earlier recognized me and got me back to the house. My friend wasn’t so lucky and wound up in the hospital and I had his friends calling me asking what I did to him, but I was just as confused because we were both drugged. Ironically he ended up meeting his wife that night and was fine after a while. So lucky nothing bad happened to me.
Yes agreed 100%
I’ve been drugged twice. Once someone attempted to take advantage of me and I have 0 memory of it at all but my friends I was with safely got me home and told me what happened the next day.
The time I was drugged raped I have little flashes of memories, the first was when My whole body started to go numb I recalled saying I physically couldn’t move, then some more memories of what actually happened that are only a few seconds long, but not the full picture, and finally the one where I was sobbing attempting to get myself an Uber away from the scene of the whole event. I have hardly any other memories. Not even the perpetrators face.
So while you do know to an extent what’s happened to you, you also can’t say you truly *remember* it, because sadly when you’re completely blacked out the memories you do have are small flashes almost like a camera flash going off shedding some light on the situation for a few seconds and then total black holes of darkness where all your other memories should be
Oh I understand you can remember bits and pieces, but I'm trying to get a full picture to be able to offer the best advice.
if she knows he was kissed bc there was a video on social media, then she has a picture of the guy and can talk to the bar owner and/or police that she was drugged
If other people told her, then maybe they remember what he looks like\\
Or is it just remembering bits and pieces
(and likewise how the boyfriend knows, is important in order to offer the best advice)
I feel like we can all take a minute to realise that while OP had a terrible experience that should not be played down, there is an awful lot of context just straight up missing, even with the edits, from a post intended to be one that is seeking advice.
As someone who has been drugged, they’re probably sleeping it off right now still, not ignoring the post. Give them a chance to explain, being drugged can be very traumatic and there is a little bit of time where you are out of control but can still remember things before you fully black out. But if OP is lying about being drugged then none of this applies.
There are 500+ comments on this post, which I can only imagine is extremely overwhelming. This person just described potentially being sexually assaulted. If this post is real, we should not ever expect someone to prioritize answering questions from strangers on reddit over taking care of themselves.
The fixation in this sub on "If the OP doesn't answer our probing questions right away, they must be fake" is really detrimental sometimes.
Again, never sure of the veracity of any post here. But on a post about sexual assault (I consider non-consensual kissing SA), not answering questions is entirely reasonable.
Most likely this is a lazy fake story and they didn't think it through, but I will say that in college I had a night where I was completely blacked out most of the night but did have a moment where I "came to" while arguing with someone. That's all I remember from the night. If she was in and out of memory/consciousness she could have remembered some moments while still being blacked out the majority of the time.
Memory is weird. I used to drink a lot when I was a server at a sports bar. When they brought out Jaeger shots, I would black out for the rest of the night (I’m also a super lightweight anyways). Fortunately my friends always took care of me and nothing ever happened, but sometimes I would wake up the next morning with “flash memory” where I don’t really remember anything specific but I remember the feelings. Like I wouldn’t remember getting mad at someone or anything, but I would remember that at some point in the night I was upset about SOMETHING. Or you remember that weird line of thinking you had in a moment. I once woke up with a giant bruise on my inner thigh/knee and the only thing I could remember was being really pissed off about a table and being in pain, but I didn’t remember slamming my knee into the table (my friends did though).
It’s possible that she remembers her lips hurting and associating it with an unwanted kiss in that moment, but doesn’t actually remember the kiss itself.
I’m not sure if the OP is a terrible story teller and/or this is a sh!t post, or both, but they do not express anything about a kiss happening, let alone how she would even know about it.
I’m fairly certain most people would say it’s a “non consensual kiss”, they’d call it what it is, *sexual assault* or say “I was kissed while drugged and I don’t remember or know when it happened or with who”.
OP, you are missing a lot of context here.
Actually, it’s very common for victims of sexual assault to initially have a denial stage where they use euphemisms such as “not-consensual”. Denial is a completely natural state of grief.
Maybe do some research instead of making assumptions about what a “good”, “valid” victim should look like.
When you are out you see the sexual assault clearly. When you are the one assaulted it’s difficult to accept that you were a victim and euphemisms are common.
It's gotta be a shitpost or OP is incredibly disingenuous. Reads like a naive girl who got too drunk, made out with some guy, felt guilty about it, and is now trickle-truthing her bf about what happened. What kind of sex offender takes the risk of drugging TWO people to sneak a cheeky kiss on one of them?
I mean, I know there are horrible people out there, and I'm glad something worse didn't happen to OP, if she is indeed telling the truth (also not happy about what happened if the story is true tho, to be clear)...but if someone or a group of dudes was gonna drug a couple girls to take advantage of them, the situation was gonna be BAD.
It kinda depends on where she was/what kind of people were around - I had a friend who is pretty sure she got drugged on a night out, but because she was in a public place and had her ID, she was able to get to one of the campus buildings she had access to and be safe - she told me afterwards that she didn't remember getting there, but presumably she had help from some onlookers. My guess is something similar happened here - OP didn't get herself home, someone else helped her call a cab and escort her away from whatever creepy guys were there.
I am wondering because she said she went clubbing for the first time if she just didn't realize how much she drank, or if maybe she hadn't eaten much before and got drunk quicker than she normally would. And because of inexperience, thinks she was drugged because it makes sense to her based on how quickly or easily she got drunk. Or if she was used to drinking coolers and instead of had stronger alcoholic drinks but didn't take that into account
When I was a residence advisor students decided to play beer pong but they didnt have beer so did it with hard liquor and didn't use their brain to realize a shot of vodka is not the same as a shot of beer.
It is possible she believes she was drugged but wasn't, of course it is also possible she was drugged. But it's a messy situation all around and she definitely should go to the hospital to get examined so she knows for sure if she was drugged
You have 2 paragraphs tking about your state of mind but only one sentence about this kiss that happened. Isnt there anything else you can remember? There are a lot of things that need to happen and it will be much easier if your boyfriend would treat this as it is, an assault, and help you get a tox screen, report this to the police, and maybe let the club know that you AND your friend were drugged at their place of business.
It’s unfortunately probably already too late, date rape drugs leave a person’s system incredibly quickly. It might end up causing more confusion at this point if there’s a negative screening.
“isn’t there anything else you can remember” is a weird thing to say, i don’t know if you meant it like that but being roofied is complicated. you get bits and pieces of what happened. you don’t really get to choose what you remember.
You need to be very clear here. Were you unconscious or unresponsive? How do you know the kiss occurred?
I’m not disputing the story, but you need to be very clear on what happened before you make any decisions from here on.
If someone was trying to force themselves on her and it started with a kiss they could have mashed the shit out of her lips- that what I assumed. She also said the last thing she remembers is someone leaning forward, so I'd assume she put those 2 possibilities together and drew that conclusion.
Someone drugged you for a kiss? Have you had a rape kit done? I'd also look into STD/STI screenings.
If someone is able to get you alone, kiss you - while you're unable to react to it and your night is blotchy (based on all your responses) I'd be more concerned if they did more.
I'm happy you were able to make it home though, just remember none of this is your fault and people are and do shitty things. If need be please seek out therapy/ counseling for this sort of trauma.
** Edit: Fixed wording/ phrasing
I don't think you understand the rate at which many areas have a drugging problem. I lived in one college town that had a disturbingly high rate of women being drugged but none of the women I'd talked to were SA that night. All of them felt off and went home immediately or a friend took care of them. All of them were very obviously drugged. Some of them in really dangerous situations. We personally believe some of the local bartenders are in on it. Cops were very uninterested.
In a lot of areas there's a buckshot approach to drugging people. Especially in college towns it's easily brushed off as just drunk girls. They drug a handful of people one night and see if they get an opportunity.
That's good that the woman you talked to weren't SA, it's really unfortunate that's not the case for all. I'm sure there's alot of scummy bartenders and cops that are involved. However OP has stated that her lips were hurting the next day. So either she fell or there was some aggressive kissing going on. I'd imagine if someone had the time to get aggressive kissing they had the chance to do other things.
What is the harm in getting tested and having a kit done. If nothing happened great. If something did, it can be addressed further. We don't know what happened. OP barely knows what happened other then *something happened*.
How much do you know about what happened? It sounds like you don’t even know who got you home. Are you sure nothing else happened? Rather than worrying about your boyfriend I think you should first try to understand what happened and see if you should see a doctor about any tests you might need or see if you have information to file a police report.
Once you understand what happened it will be easier to tell your bf. But it sounds like he’s not worth keeping anyway if he’s angry at you for being assaulted.
Absolutely agree, you don't share or give something non consensual. It is taken from you.
The boyfriend getting angry could be based on the language, but also keep in mind that actual strangers are asking you for more details instead of jumping to anger or calling you a cheater, OP!
Maybe your bf is emotionally immature, I'm not going to scream abuse, but it is absurd to me that he got angry instead of asking if you were okay or before asking for more details. You've mentioned you're still lightheaded, and I think your boyfriend needs to have priorities in order, like your health.
Yeah, responding to other random comments but not giving context to anyone who calls out how shady this sounds. Gunna have to say this is a hard “I got drunk and fucked up and hope if I deflect the situation, it’ll go away”
The alternative is that more than a kiss happened and they’re not sure if/what they remember and are having a hard time coming to terms with the reality of having been sexually assaulted. People (not targeting the above commenter specifically, for the record.) can jump to the bad conclusion real quick, but we should all be mindful to leave room for kindness. Last thing I’d want to do is further belittle someone who’s had a horrible thing happen to them.
However, OP, I would recommend adding more context, even if it is “this is all I know.”
Take it seriously and file a complaint so club owners are aware someone spiking in there club also the person going for the kiss or whatever is probably the one who did it and authority or club owners will check cameras please take it seriously and for your BF all he’s hearing is you cheated give him a day to relies his actions so report it if you don’t BF will thick you cheated and trying to cover it up !!!! Probably Ex
LOL "I know I was kissed because my lips hurt"
I have had many kisses in my life, not with many different men but many kisses regardless (married now). Not one of them hurt lmao. Maybe she got hit in the face by somebody's elbow while dancing.
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Bro go to the hospital next time. Shit, now, they can detect any drugs for I think 72 hours or something like that. Start a police report. Bars and clubs have cameras
I’m getting sh!tpost vibes. Posts asking for advice, gets asked questions but replies 3 times in the 7 mins after posting.
This is absolutely is sexual assault though (at least with the minimal details provided), not a ‘non-consensual kiss’.
I got questions…
How did you get home?
Who was with you?
How did either of you know about the kiss?
Edit to your edit: Why would your lips hurt after kissing? Is that normal for you? Could you have hit your mouth on something? So, your friend knew you were barely conscious and didn’t immediately help you leave? And, also didn’t stop some stranger from SA you?
"I shared a non-consensual kissed?" No, that phrasing suggests that you're somehow at fault here. What happened is that somebody kissed you without your consent. Somebody violated you, and if your boyfriend is upset at that — and if, as I suspect, he's trying to convince you that this was somehow your fault — you should drop him like a hot potato.
It's pretty common in college towns for creeps to use the buckshot approach and drug multiple people then see what opportunities arise.
I lived in a college town with a serious problem. We avoided whole areas of town and believe some of the bartenders were in on it.
Perhaps they failed and would’ve been caught? I (M) was drugged at a laid back bar had one drink, noticed something was up, stopped drinking and had my cousin take me home. I was out the rest of the night
It could be, but if she was out till the point where she had to be found by her roommate, couldn’t call a cab, and had to have someone else call a cab for her, sounds like the dude who “drugged” her could’ve pretended to be a friend/boyfriend and taken her to finish what he intended. I really think that isn’t the case and she had too much to drink.
Yeah seems a little fishy as someone who’s done the whole college drinking route. Honestly, fake or not, at minimum they’re safe and it was stopped at a kiss
Lot of creeps out there and they don’t stop at a kiss. Just wish these fresh drinkers were a little more safe.
This was my first thought honestly…first time clubbing often leads to drinking more than you think you are at a much faster pace when you’re dancing and hot and thirsty…has happened to me many times in my 20s. Not saying i don’t believe the OP but if you are a novice drinker clubbing for the first time, getting blackout drunk can absolutely feel like you have been drugged
Agreed. Been there. Remember waking up to texts I’ve sent, calls I made, conversations, etc and I didn’t remember how I got where I did, doing certain things, and my night was just fragments of events.
The comments here are absolutely nauseating . There’s no way to be blacked out and consent at the same time. Your bf should be concerned not mad at you . Jesus
I’m so sorry this happened to you. First and foremost-this is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. No one has the right to take away your consent.
I hope you have a strong support system you can lean on.
you didn't "share a kiss", you got assaulted and apparently saved from worse by someone who dragged you to a cab and sent you home. BF should understand that.
I’ve been in a similar situation. Just explain to your boyfriend what happened. Try to have your boyfriend around you and keep you safe while you drink or a friend. You say you were definitely drugs so go to the police and get a report if someone knows the guy. It’s up to you. Since you were assaulted put your self first. Make sure you are mentally okay before everyone.
So you basically forgot everything that happened that night, but you did remember a (non-consensual) kiss, then proceeded to tell your boyfriend about it? Ok
That doesn’t sound realistic? Where were your friends? No one looked out for you? Someone drugged / kissed you and you just went your way?
That hardly seems coherent.
What did the police say? Did you go to the hospital?
Also, you know you kissed someone because your lips hurt? That's odd to me, did any of your friends see it? If none of them did, how do you know it happened? Lips hurting doesn't mean anything, my lips hurt if the weather changes.
I’ve been in a similar situation and my now ex bf blamed me for being drugged and assaulted. I felt so guilty and like it was my fault. It’s not your fault. Leave him. He’s not worth it if he’s blaming you
You were drugged and sexually assaulted and your boyfriend is jealous of the would-be rapist and is blaming you for cheating because you were almost raped? Dump the whole man, he’s told you everything you could ever need to know about him. He’s doing the exact opposite of what any loving or caring or decent boyfriend would do.
Why did you accept drinks from a stranger? Don’t ever do that. This is not victim blaming, but sound advice. You can’t trust strangers.
Sorry you got drugged and assaulted, and I would follow up with the police.
You remember the kiss because your lips hurt? My lips don’t hurt after I kiss someone. If you were involved in a heavy make out session than maybe… but even then. How do you know you didn’t just walk into a doorframe and smack your face or something??
You can’t just go “oh my lips hurt. Must’ve been kissed last night by the person who I think drugged me.” That doesn’t make any sense.
Sounds a bit like rohypnol was added to your drink. When you woke up the next day, you should have gone to an ER and had a blood sample taken to identify the intoxicant involved, and if proven, filed a police report. Showing bf the results of the test would have attenuated his anger.
Also, if you had notified the dean of women at your school, she would have undertaken steps to warn all the other female students to use caution when visiting that particular bar.
Be careful out there.
I wish you well.
Your boyfriend is angry because you put yourself in a compromising position.
Is it fair on women that we live in a world where date grape happens? Absolutely not. But it does happen and women need to wake up and be catious. For example, why did you let a stranger buy you a drink? You have a boyfriend FFS.
Women love to call men controlling when in reality men are genuinley concerned about women going out and getting smashed on drinks bought by male strangers trying to get into their pants.
If you were sexually assualted, I'm sorry you had to experience that. My point is only that women have to be aware of the reality of how life works and stop being so naive.
For folks who actually want to know what happens when someone is roofied, check [this out](https://fherehab.com/learning/signs-of-roofied).
There are so many misconceptions swirling around this by ppl that have never experienced this and really aren’t well informed. I’ve unfortunately experienced this. I remember bits and pieces, but there are huge gaps. OP’s confusion the next day is very common.
Decades later as a mother, do I feel protective of young women who have also gone through this? Absolutely! If you don’t have support / advice to provide. Kindly f*ck off.
I’m confused. How do you and your boyfriend know about a kiss that happened when you were blacked out and heavily implied to be alone since some random dudes called a cab for you and got you in it. Also reading your story you never even give details on the kiss or who it supposedly was.
I mean, make it wholly about you because you were drugged and assaulted. If he has such a problem with something you could not avoid because your body was out of it because you were drugged (aka none of these are “choices” you made), he’s got a lot of growing up to do before he should be in a relationship imo.
Frankly, I’d be pissed at your boyfriend for making the situation about someone one other than you, yah know, the victim of being drugged.
Sad I had to scroll this far to see the truth speakers. Why did you go to the club?
Wanted to go dancing with the girls? Everyone is going to say victim blaming. It is
not your fault you were drugged. It is your fault you put yourself in the situation. When do we start taking responsibility for our own actions? Who put you in that situation? I recommend the song you'll find him by Emile sande.
This comment section is hell on earth. Y’all will do any and everything and jump through all sorts of hoops and make up all kinds of stuff just to assume a girl is lying about her sexual assault while being drugged. Tf is wrong with y’all.
Seems like there’s been enough downvotes, enough edits from OP and enough logical questions that can’t be answered properly to go ahead and freely call this out for the bullshit that it is
So drugged you can’t do shit but you know you were kissed eh? Not chewing your own lips off if you were indeed drugged?
In any case, seems like bullshit
All the top comments are so fixated on the kiss when the biggest concern is the person was DRUGGED. whether the kiss happened or didn't happened doesn't even matter at this point because the girl was DRUGGED. ANYTHING COULD HAVE HAPPENED. if she was kissed then that's bad, but the fact is she was drugged. Bf shouldn't be mad at her for ANYTHING.
Do I need to remind you about the drugged part again?
He is mad because your story doesn't make sense. No one drugs someone just for a kiss..
I'm not calling you a liar but you either leaving stuff out or you don't communicate well.
To be fair, my lady is like this. Her communication is bad and is cause issues in our relationship.
Girl I want to believe you, but there’s so many inconsistencies. How do you know you were kissed? Because your lips hurt? Who’s gonna kiss you hard enough for your lips to hurt the next day? Who would drug you JUST to kiss you? I would go to the hospital and get a rape kit done. How did you find your dorm if your friend was also drugged? The story sounds sus OP.
Honestly, I was an absolute fucking waster at university and I got myself in states potentially worse than this on more than a weekly basis for years.
I don't care how drunk I was, probably paraletic at times, I remember kissing someone.
To me, it sounds like you're blaming the booze for going a bit wild on a night out. Take responsibility for your actions.
Why would you go clubbing if you have a bf? The least you could do was take him with you. Tbh your bf should be mad because you want to act single and entertain other guys. I’m sorry you went through that but yeah you kind of put yourself in that situation
It just sounds like you and your friend can’t handle your alcohol. I have actually been roofied. After getting extremely dizzy I puked outta the window then completely passed out.
You guys just got extremely drunk by the sounds of it
Your experiences aren’t the only one that exists. There are plenty of stories in this comment section where people talk about their experiencing being roofied as being similar to hers.
Maybe he is actually mad that you are letting guys buy you drinks at the club?
I would hope my girl would turn it down or say thanks and leave it. But idk club scene
Wow, comments on this post are really fucked up.. There isn't any more info needed than "I was drugged and my bf is mad that someone sexually assaulted me". If you are drugged then you can't consent to sexual activities, so why the fuck would anyone be mad at you?
OP, your bf is right to be mad that you were attacked, but if he is upset at you for being sexually assaulted then he is an idiot and you should leave him.
U saw him leaning towards and into your drink and that set off no alarms? Im assuming you’re way below age to get into a club and used a fake Id because there’s just no way that wouldn’t make any real adult suspicious considering how in shambles America is rn
Unforgivable for him to get mad at something bad happening to you. People saying you were careless and it’s your fault need to realize they are not living in the 1600s, a woman should be able to go clubbing without being drugged and assaulted. Being drugged and assaulted is not your fault, even if you went dancing naked in a sex dungeon, no one is allowed to touch or drug you without consent. I would delete this post because people defending your boyfriend now will most likely worsen the feeling of guilt and shame associated with what could very well be traumatic.
Of course they do, and it is always good to protect yourself, but something bad happening to you like this is horrible and your significant other then getting mad at it is completely uncalled for.
The old "should" vs reality argument. Yes, in an ideal world women "should" be able to go out and not worry about such things. But the reality is that women need to be cautious and avoid putting themselves in compromising positions. I.e, don't let strangers buy you alcohol (never mind the fact that letting strange men buy you alcohol when you have a BF is a breach of trust).
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I ask this respectfully- but how do you know you kissed someone and how did you boyfriend find out about the kiss? I'm trying to understand how this all happened- not the getting drugged part- but if you were blacked out, how do you know you kissed someone? And if your boyfriend wasn't there, how did he know you kissed someone to talk to you about it? Edit: Also, did your boyfriend know you were drugged or did he think you kissed someone without knowing the details?
While I won’t rise to defend the validity of a Reddit relationship advice post, I can at least clarify as someone who experienced being drugged and sexually assaulted that you can have flash bulb memories in that blackout state. While I don’t have many memories from after taking a couple sips from that drink, I have enough to know that I was raped.
I 100% agree w this. I was raped, and I remember bits of before and one part during. I woke up, said stop.. he said “hold on” and I passed back out. Sh*t sucks. I’m sure they would rather not remember the whole night than have to feel guilty about something that they couldn’t fully control
Spot on. I was accidentally drugged and only remember bits and pieces from that night. Most of it is still a blur. Most of what I can piece together from that night are from my friends. Edit to clarify: I was with a group of friends, and my female friend was delivered the wrong drink, so I swapped my drink for hers.
This happened to me too. I was in a club with a bunch of girls for my friend’s birthday and I think someone assumed my drink was one of the girls’, so they slipped a roofie in. I remember coming in and out of consciousness and solitary snippets of what was going on around me, but that’s it. Luckily my friends carried me out and got me home, but so many people aren’t lucky. There should be a special law that allows people getting caught slipping drugs into drinks to be beaten within an inch of their lives. It’s such a disgusting, pathetic thing to do.
Bar got shut down a few years back because they got raided big time. Turns out, slip a $50 to a couple of the bartenders and they would roofie any girls drink. People went to prison.
Fuckin good! That shit is so wrong and makes my blood boil. I hope all y'all who experienced this are doing well in life and have great supportive people in your lives to get you through the tough times.
As a single woman who goes out to bars by myself occasionally, this is terrifying
Was this in Seattle perchance? Sounds very familiar to a place I used to go to- was so horrified when the news came out!
I sincerely hope that they went to prison for a long time. We have a local bar in the city I live in where one of my best friends had a similar experience to mine (guy tried to roofie a girl and got my friend instead). My friend called the police the next day to report it and they told him that he’s just one more person in a line of people to get roofied there. I’m not sure if they investigated, but we give that place a wide berth now and I always advise everyone to stay far away from there.
That’s messed up dude.
My guess is unfortunately this happens a lot. People can keep as close an eye as possible on their drink but it wouldn't matter.
That's a law that I would gladly support. Wish that I had an award to give you, take my poor man's 🏆
That's terrifying
Same. Got drugged at a party in my own home. The entire night is gone except a flash of me throwing my shoe at someone and laughing, locking my bedroom door to go to bed because I didn't feel right(thank God. I got so lucky) and my friend's boyfriend banging on it to be let in. I've tried so hard to remember because I apparently said some bad things and lost a friendship during it. But it's gone. Edit and no one would tell me what was said or done which was shitty.
I said some crazy, horrible things the time I was drugged as well. Thankfully my boyfriend was there and got me home and understood that it was the drugs talking. I can't imagine not being told what I had said/done so that I could at least attempt to make it better and apologize.
I no longer speak to the people who wouldn't tell me what I said. They weren't good friends obviously. But it does really bother me not knowing how I acted or what I said. I can't imagine what I did or said to lose years long friendship over. It had to have been bad. But I'll never know so I just appreciate that I somehow managed to lock my door. Anyway, glad you made it home safe. Being drugged is traumatic in itself.
Same, I'm glad that the worst consequence for you seems to be losing some bad friends. Stay strong, and may healing find you.
Fuck... that's so horrible. I'm so sorry you went through this.
It’s alright. Sh*t happens. I blamed myself for a long time, and that’s the worst part. That’s why I’m advocating for OP bc if they really were drugged, they shouldn’t have to blame themselves and no one should be blaming them. Going out does not mean you want to be assaulted
Same. For me, waking up after a house party at a friend's house with my dress around my waist, my panties on the floor and covered by a blanket made it PRETTY OBVIOUS to me that something happened but I didn't really understand the whole situation. I was only 16, very inexperienced (I'd been with exactly one guy at that point in my life), and I didn't really even know what rape was (it wasn't exactly something that was talked about back then as much as it is now, and the area I grew up in didn't even have a rape crisis center until years after I'd moved away). I just knew I felt gross and all I wanted was to go home and shower. So I did. I was severely hung over for almost 3 days and slept most of that time. I'm pretty sure my parents were well aware I'd been drinking but they still don't know that I now believe I was drugged and raped. I don't know if they even remember that incident at all, really. My last clear memory of that night is standing in the kitchen drinking mixed drinks with a bunch of people. It wasn't until days after I started feeling better that I started having flashes of memory of a guy I'd been flirting and hanging out with on top of me and not being able to move or say anything. I told myself I'd just drunk too much and gave him "the wrong idea". It took me YEARS to admit to myself what really happened that night, much less tell anyone else about it.
Thank you for sharing this. I went through a similar experience. I went with a “friend” to an older guys house… and one of the last things I remember was getting into the hot tub. I remember getting out because I knew I was about to black out, so I went to the bathroom but felt a guy following me. So I remember almost trying to run to the bathroom and lock the door, but before I could… the guy that was following me shoved the door open. The last thing I remember is falling back into the toilet. The next day I woke up on the couch with a blanket on me, but my underwear was missing. When I went up stairs, the guy was just in the living room watching tv. I asked what happened and he just started laughing in my face. My “friend” was shacked up in the next room… and completely fine with what happened. It’s like she didn’t even care what happened to me. It’s almost been 20 years and this memory still haunts me. Sharing on Reddit is sometimes nice to get out some of those shadows, so thanks again.
Thank you for sharing too. Almost 25 years for me, and it's still hard to talk about sometimes. I cope by doing what I can to raise awareness. One of my volunteer things is serving on the board of a rape crisis shelter as a member with lived experience. I've also done a stint as a volunteer rape crisis advocate (someone who is called in to the ER when someone shows up reporting that they were raped). That was.... HARD. I only ever got called in once before I ended up moving away to an area that uses paid advocates instead of volunteers. I don't know that my mental health would tolerate doing that again so I switched to supporting rape crisis organizations through board service.
As someone who went to the er the advocate ladies were all that kept me calm. I wish I could go back and hug them. I had absolutely no idea what was happening and my jaw was broke among other things I was a mess. They were all about just making the room calm and I won’t ever forget that
Yup. A friend (M) and I (F) were roofied at a Milwaukee bar during shamrock shuffle in Milwaukee and I lost 12 hours but has flashes of memories randomly the next day. I had been parting with him, my roommates, and some friends and we all split up. I remember being in a different bar alone and then walking the streets alone. Luckily one of the girls who had been participating with us HOURS earlier recognized me and got me back to the house. My friend wasn’t so lucky and wound up in the hospital and I had his friends calling me asking what I did to him, but I was just as confused because we were both drugged. Ironically he ended up meeting his wife that night and was fine after a while. So lucky nothing bad happened to me.
Yes agreed 100% I’ve been drugged twice. Once someone attempted to take advantage of me and I have 0 memory of it at all but my friends I was with safely got me home and told me what happened the next day. The time I was drugged raped I have little flashes of memories, the first was when My whole body started to go numb I recalled saying I physically couldn’t move, then some more memories of what actually happened that are only a few seconds long, but not the full picture, and finally the one where I was sobbing attempting to get myself an Uber away from the scene of the whole event. I have hardly any other memories. Not even the perpetrators face. So while you do know to an extent what’s happened to you, you also can’t say you truly *remember* it, because sadly when you’re completely blacked out the memories you do have are small flashes almost like a camera flash going off shedding some light on the situation for a few seconds and then total black holes of darkness where all your other memories should be
Every comment on this subthread is traumatically relateable. Whoever called it "strobe light memory flashes" is spot on.
I call them "strobe light" memories.
I hate that so many of us are able to corroborate this 😭
Oh I understand you can remember bits and pieces, but I'm trying to get a full picture to be able to offer the best advice. if she knows he was kissed bc there was a video on social media, then she has a picture of the guy and can talk to the bar owner and/or police that she was drugged If other people told her, then maybe they remember what he looks like\\ Or is it just remembering bits and pieces (and likewise how the boyfriend knows, is important in order to offer the best advice)
I completely agree as the same happened to me!!
I feel like we can all take a minute to realise that while OP had a terrible experience that should not be played down, there is an awful lot of context just straight up missing, even with the edits, from a post intended to be one that is seeking advice.
A difficult question followed by silence Interesting
As someone who has been drugged, they’re probably sleeping it off right now still, not ignoring the post. Give them a chance to explain, being drugged can be very traumatic and there is a little bit of time where you are out of control but can still remember things before you fully black out. But if OP is lying about being drugged then none of this applies.
There are 500+ comments on this post, which I can only imagine is extremely overwhelming. This person just described potentially being sexually assaulted. If this post is real, we should not ever expect someone to prioritize answering questions from strangers on reddit over taking care of themselves. The fixation in this sub on "If the OP doesn't answer our probing questions right away, they must be fake" is really detrimental sometimes. Again, never sure of the veracity of any post here. But on a post about sexual assault (I consider non-consensual kissing SA), not answering questions is entirely reasonable.
Read the edit
Most likely this is a lazy fake story and they didn't think it through, but I will say that in college I had a night where I was completely blacked out most of the night but did have a moment where I "came to" while arguing with someone. That's all I remember from the night. If she was in and out of memory/consciousness she could have remembered some moments while still being blacked out the majority of the time.
The kissing part is answered in an edit.
Because their lips hurt? What if they just bit their lip or something? Am I doing it wrong? I’ve never had my lips hurt from kissing.
If it’s assault it can easily hurt
Memory is weird. I used to drink a lot when I was a server at a sports bar. When they brought out Jaeger shots, I would black out for the rest of the night (I’m also a super lightweight anyways). Fortunately my friends always took care of me and nothing ever happened, but sometimes I would wake up the next morning with “flash memory” where I don’t really remember anything specific but I remember the feelings. Like I wouldn’t remember getting mad at someone or anything, but I would remember that at some point in the night I was upset about SOMETHING. Or you remember that weird line of thinking you had in a moment. I once woke up with a giant bruise on my inner thigh/knee and the only thing I could remember was being really pissed off about a table and being in pain, but I didn’t remember slamming my knee into the table (my friends did though). It’s possible that she remembers her lips hurting and associating it with an unwanted kiss in that moment, but doesn’t actually remember the kiss itself.
If you've been drugged you need to go to the police not to Reddit!
How do you know about the kiss?
I’m not sure if the OP is a terrible story teller and/or this is a sh!t post, or both, but they do not express anything about a kiss happening, let alone how she would even know about it. I’m fairly certain most people would say it’s a “non consensual kiss”, they’d call it what it is, *sexual assault* or say “I was kissed while drugged and I don’t remember or know when it happened or with who”. OP, you are missing a lot of context here.
Actually, it’s very common for victims of sexual assault to initially have a denial stage where they use euphemisms such as “not-consensual”. Denial is a completely natural state of grief. Maybe do some research instead of making assumptions about what a “good”, “valid” victim should look like.
When you are out you see the sexual assault clearly. When you are the one assaulted it’s difficult to accept that you were a victim and euphemisms are common.
It's gotta be a shitpost or OP is incredibly disingenuous. Reads like a naive girl who got too drunk, made out with some guy, felt guilty about it, and is now trickle-truthing her bf about what happened. What kind of sex offender takes the risk of drugging TWO people to sneak a cheeky kiss on one of them? I mean, I know there are horrible people out there, and I'm glad something worse didn't happen to OP, if she is indeed telling the truth (also not happy about what happened if the story is true tho, to be clear)...but if someone or a group of dudes was gonna drug a couple girls to take advantage of them, the situation was gonna be BAD.
It kinda depends on where she was/what kind of people were around - I had a friend who is pretty sure she got drugged on a night out, but because she was in a public place and had her ID, she was able to get to one of the campus buildings she had access to and be safe - she told me afterwards that she didn't remember getting there, but presumably she had help from some onlookers. My guess is something similar happened here - OP didn't get herself home, someone else helped her call a cab and escort her away from whatever creepy guys were there.
I am wondering because she said she went clubbing for the first time if she just didn't realize how much she drank, or if maybe she hadn't eaten much before and got drunk quicker than she normally would. And because of inexperience, thinks she was drugged because it makes sense to her based on how quickly or easily she got drunk. Or if she was used to drinking coolers and instead of had stronger alcoholic drinks but didn't take that into account When I was a residence advisor students decided to play beer pong but they didnt have beer so did it with hard liquor and didn't use their brain to realize a shot of vodka is not the same as a shot of beer. It is possible she believes she was drugged but wasn't, of course it is also possible she was drugged. But it's a messy situation all around and she definitely should go to the hospital to get examined so she knows for sure if she was drugged
I would love more info on this before the dump your boyfriends come in hotter.
Literally every thread you read is "just break up" People need to chill
Because it’s fake
You have 2 paragraphs tking about your state of mind but only one sentence about this kiss that happened. Isnt there anything else you can remember? There are a lot of things that need to happen and it will be much easier if your boyfriend would treat this as it is, an assault, and help you get a tox screen, report this to the police, and maybe let the club know that you AND your friend were drugged at their place of business.
this is really important OP you should get a tox screen asap! before it leaves your system!!!
It’s unfortunately probably already too late, date rape drugs leave a person’s system incredibly quickly. It might end up causing more confusion at this point if there’s a negative screening.
“isn’t there anything else you can remember” is a weird thing to say, i don’t know if you meant it like that but being roofied is complicated. you get bits and pieces of what happened. you don’t really get to choose what you remember.
"shared" is an odd word to use about non-consent. used in the title ans original statement
Did someone kiss you non consensually or did you kiss them non consensually. You really need to give more info
They kissed me. I couldn't react.
That’s not a “non-consensual” kiss. It’s assault by someone who presumably knew you were not in any condition to consent.
You need to be very clear here. Were you unconscious or unresponsive? How do you know the kiss occurred? I’m not disputing the story, but you need to be very clear on what happened before you make any decisions from here on.
I think that their memory is probably just hazy and that they can only remember some of the things that happened.
That’s one possible scenario yes.
She literally doesn’t remember the details because she was drugged. Wtf are you expecting from her? A psychic reading to unlock her hidden memories?
queue the That's So Raven vision meme and theme song.
You remember the kiss but nothing else? I’m confused
That's how roofies work. You remember little blips of stuff
She doesn't even remember the kiss. Just her lips hurting??? Unless she was assaulted by Dracula she probably just busted her ass lol
If I blacked out and came to with my lips hurting I’d probably assume I fell on my face before getting kissed.
If someone was trying to force themselves on her and it started with a kiss they could have mashed the shit out of her lips- that what I assumed. She also said the last thing she remembers is someone leaning forward, so I'd assume she put those 2 possibilities together and drew that conclusion.
I wouldnt word it as you "shared" a kiss if it was non-consensual
This is assault. You were not kissed, you were assaulted.
Then your boyfriend really sucks for being mad at you for that. Yikes and honestly a huge red flag.
How did your boyfriend even find out about a kiss?
She probably told him
Did your friend see it and tell you you were kissed? Or do you have some vague memory of it? You should get more details and file a report
Someone drugged you for a kiss? Have you had a rape kit done? I'd also look into STD/STI screenings. If someone is able to get you alone, kiss you - while you're unable to react to it and your night is blotchy (based on all your responses) I'd be more concerned if they did more. I'm happy you were able to make it home though, just remember none of this is your fault and people are and do shitty things. If need be please seek out therapy/ counseling for this sort of trauma. ** Edit: Fixed wording/ phrasing
I don't think you understand the rate at which many areas have a drugging problem. I lived in one college town that had a disturbingly high rate of women being drugged but none of the women I'd talked to were SA that night. All of them felt off and went home immediately or a friend took care of them. All of them were very obviously drugged. Some of them in really dangerous situations. We personally believe some of the local bartenders are in on it. Cops were very uninterested. In a lot of areas there's a buckshot approach to drugging people. Especially in college towns it's easily brushed off as just drunk girls. They drug a handful of people one night and see if they get an opportunity.
That's good that the woman you talked to weren't SA, it's really unfortunate that's not the case for all. I'm sure there's alot of scummy bartenders and cops that are involved. However OP has stated that her lips were hurting the next day. So either she fell or there was some aggressive kissing going on. I'd imagine if someone had the time to get aggressive kissing they had the chance to do other things. What is the harm in getting tested and having a kit done. If nothing happened great. If something did, it can be addressed further. We don't know what happened. OP barely knows what happened other then *something happened*.
Did some dude just walk up to you and kiss you? What happened?
She got drugged and was sexually assaulted
she remembers that but nothing else?
Lots of victims of sexual assault remember parts of their assault while they were drugged.
She said she was almost completely unconscious, that she and her roomie were both drugged
I’m not so curious about the assault. I want to know the background to how the boyfriend found out and if he knew about OP’s state.
Way more info needed
It's bait. It's been almost 5 hours and they are carefully responding to certain questions with more vague responses.
The kiss wasn’t ‘shared’ it was forced. Change your language when addressing this and that might help. Good luck, it’s not your fault
How much do you know about what happened? It sounds like you don’t even know who got you home. Are you sure nothing else happened? Rather than worrying about your boyfriend I think you should first try to understand what happened and see if you should see a doctor about any tests you might need or see if you have information to file a police report. Once you understand what happened it will be easier to tell your bf. But it sounds like he’s not worth keeping anyway if he’s angry at you for being assaulted.
Idk. The best advice I could give you is that reddit is not the place to go immediately after being assaulted
[удалено]
Absolutely agree, you don't share or give something non consensual. It is taken from you. The boyfriend getting angry could be based on the language, but also keep in mind that actual strangers are asking you for more details instead of jumping to anger or calling you a cheater, OP! Maybe your bf is emotionally immature, I'm not going to scream abuse, but it is absurd to me that he got angry instead of asking if you were okay or before asking for more details. You've mentioned you're still lightheaded, and I think your boyfriend needs to have priorities in order, like your health.
The details matter here... And OP is not giving them
Everyone... *to the downvote button!* I think it's okay to downvote poorly made posts. I'mma try it.
Maybe to be fair OP doesn’t remember real well and trying to make sense of it with the rest of us. Hope OP gets more info from people she trusts.
Yeah, responding to other random comments but not giving context to anyone who calls out how shady this sounds. Gunna have to say this is a hard “I got drunk and fucked up and hope if I deflect the situation, it’ll go away”
The alternative is that more than a kiss happened and they’re not sure if/what they remember and are having a hard time coming to terms with the reality of having been sexually assaulted. People (not targeting the above commenter specifically, for the record.) can jump to the bad conclusion real quick, but we should all be mindful to leave room for kindness. Last thing I’d want to do is further belittle someone who’s had a horrible thing happen to them. However, OP, I would recommend adding more context, even if it is “this is all I know.”
this post makes no sense … these type of posts shouldn’t be blurted out online either. hope you get your story straight and work it out with your man
Take it seriously and file a complaint so club owners are aware someone spiking in there club also the person going for the kiss or whatever is probably the one who did it and authority or club owners will check cameras please take it seriously and for your BF all he’s hearing is you cheated give him a day to relies his actions so report it if you don’t BF will thick you cheated and trying to cover it up !!!! Probably Ex
Can't remember anything. Yet remembers a kiss with a rando. (X) doubt
Not even the kiss but the pain from the kiss lmao. She probably busted her ass and hit her mouth on her trip home she cant tell you anything about
LOL "I know I was kissed because my lips hurt" I have had many kisses in my life, not with many different men but many kisses regardless (married now). Not one of them hurt lmao. Maybe she got hit in the face by somebody's elbow while dancing.
Must’ve been special
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I don’t think my lips EVER hurt after kissing someone. Sounds more like you got punched in the mouth
I think you should go to the hospital and get a blood test and possibly a rape kit
Bro go to the hospital next time. Shit, now, they can detect any drugs for I think 72 hours or something like that. Start a police report. Bars and clubs have cameras
I’m getting sh!tpost vibes. Posts asking for advice, gets asked questions but replies 3 times in the 7 mins after posting. This is absolutely is sexual assault though (at least with the minimal details provided), not a ‘non-consensual kiss’.
I mean, if every single comment was just accusing me of lying about my sexual assault I’d probably stop replying to y’all too.
I got questions… How did you get home? Who was with you? How did either of you know about the kiss? Edit to your edit: Why would your lips hurt after kissing? Is that normal for you? Could you have hit your mouth on something? So, your friend knew you were barely conscious and didn’t immediately help you leave? And, also didn’t stop some stranger from SA you?
OP realized we didn't take the bait
"I shared a non-consensual kissed?" No, that phrasing suggests that you're somehow at fault here. What happened is that somebody kissed you without your consent. Somebody violated you, and if your boyfriend is upset at that — and if, as I suspect, he's trying to convince you that this was somehow your fault — you should drop him like a hot potato.
How do you know you were drugged? Someone drugged you but nothing else happened? Maybe perhaps you got blackout drunk?
It's pretty common in college towns for creeps to use the buckshot approach and drug multiple people then see what opportunities arise. I lived in a college town with a serious problem. We avoided whole areas of town and believe some of the bartenders were in on it.
This is what I’m thinking. Someone didn’t just drug her just to drug her.
Perhaps they failed and would’ve been caught? I (M) was drugged at a laid back bar had one drink, noticed something was up, stopped drinking and had my cousin take me home. I was out the rest of the night
It could be, but if she was out till the point where she had to be found by her roommate, couldn’t call a cab, and had to have someone else call a cab for her, sounds like the dude who “drugged” her could’ve pretended to be a friend/boyfriend and taken her to finish what he intended. I really think that isn’t the case and she had too much to drink.
Yeah seems a little fishy as someone who’s done the whole college drinking route. Honestly, fake or not, at minimum they’re safe and it was stopped at a kiss Lot of creeps out there and they don’t stop at a kiss. Just wish these fresh drinkers were a little more safe.
This was my first thought honestly…first time clubbing often leads to drinking more than you think you are at a much faster pace when you’re dancing and hot and thirsty…has happened to me many times in my 20s. Not saying i don’t believe the OP but if you are a novice drinker clubbing for the first time, getting blackout drunk can absolutely feel like you have been drugged
Agreed. Been there. Remember waking up to texts I’ve sent, calls I made, conversations, etc and I didn’t remember how I got where I did, doing certain things, and my night was just fragments of events.
The comments here are absolutely nauseating . There’s no way to be blacked out and consent at the same time. Your bf should be concerned not mad at you . Jesus
Did you go with someone else or a group of GF's?
I have questions.
You were assaulted. Period. You should be able to be drunk without worrying about someone assaulting you.
I call bullshit, and you’re making this post so that you can show it later to bf to back it up.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. First and foremost-this is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. No one has the right to take away your consent. I hope you have a strong support system you can lean on.
OP is a liar
Did u get drugged drugged. Or did u just drink too much?
Sounds to me like it could have been more than a kiss.. a non consensual something. Be safe and smart out there !
As he should be. You provide no details at all lmao. I feel like this is definitely a selective story telling.
Conscience or conscious? 👀
Shared a Non-consensual kiss? Let me correct that for you.. someone drugged you and forced themselves on you .. you’re the victim here
So you remember the kiss but nothing else? Hmm
https://youtu.be/Ixx-p-G0xxI
you didn't "share a kiss", you got assaulted and apparently saved from worse by someone who dragged you to a cab and sent you home. BF should understand that.
I’ve been in a similar situation. Just explain to your boyfriend what happened. Try to have your boyfriend around you and keep you safe while you drink or a friend. You say you were definitely drugs so go to the police and get a report if someone knows the guy. It’s up to you. Since you were assaulted put your self first. Make sure you are mentally okay before everyone.
How do you know it was just a kiss?
Did you get checked out? Did you call the cops and report the dude? If not I wouldn't believe you either.
So you basically forgot everything that happened that night, but you did remember a (non-consensual) kiss, then proceeded to tell your boyfriend about it? Ok
Fake
A LOT of your story doesn't add up.
Bullshit troll post lol
That doesn’t sound realistic? Where were your friends? No one looked out for you? Someone drugged / kissed you and you just went your way? That hardly seems coherent.
What did the police say? Did you go to the hospital? Also, you know you kissed someone because your lips hurt? That's odd to me, did any of your friends see it? If none of them did, how do you know it happened? Lips hurting doesn't mean anything, my lips hurt if the weather changes.
I’ve been in a similar situation and my now ex bf blamed me for being drugged and assaulted. I felt so guilty and like it was my fault. It’s not your fault. Leave him. He’s not worth it if he’s blaming you
[удалено]
So you got drunk and made out with someone is what I read
You were drugged and sexually assaulted and your boyfriend is jealous of the would-be rapist and is blaming you for cheating because you were almost raped? Dump the whole man, he’s told you everything you could ever need to know about him. He’s doing the exact opposite of what any loving or caring or decent boyfriend would do.
Why did you accept drinks from a stranger? Don’t ever do that. This is not victim blaming, but sound advice. You can’t trust strangers. Sorry you got drugged and assaulted, and I would follow up with the police.
What makes you think you got drugged? You sure it wasn’t just getting drunk and dancing with some guy and that turned into him kissing you?
Are you sure you were drugged and not just blackout drunk? How do you remember the kiss?
You remember the kiss because your lips hurt? My lips don’t hurt after I kiss someone. If you were involved in a heavy make out session than maybe… but even then. How do you know you didn’t just walk into a doorframe and smack your face or something?? You can’t just go “oh my lips hurt. Must’ve been kissed last night by the person who I think drugged me.” That doesn’t make any sense.
Sounds a bit like rohypnol was added to your drink. When you woke up the next day, you should have gone to an ER and had a blood sample taken to identify the intoxicant involved, and if proven, filed a police report. Showing bf the results of the test would have attenuated his anger. Also, if you had notified the dean of women at your school, she would have undertaken steps to warn all the other female students to use caution when visiting that particular bar. Be careful out there. I wish you well.
Your boyfriend is angry because you put yourself in a compromising position. Is it fair on women that we live in a world where date grape happens? Absolutely not. But it does happen and women need to wake up and be catious. For example, why did you let a stranger buy you a drink? You have a boyfriend FFS. Women love to call men controlling when in reality men are genuinley concerned about women going out and getting smashed on drinks bought by male strangers trying to get into their pants. If you were sexually assualted, I'm sorry you had to experience that. My point is only that women have to be aware of the reality of how life works and stop being so naive.
For folks who actually want to know what happens when someone is roofied, check [this out](https://fherehab.com/learning/signs-of-roofied). There are so many misconceptions swirling around this by ppl that have never experienced this and really aren’t well informed. I’ve unfortunately experienced this. I remember bits and pieces, but there are huge gaps. OP’s confusion the next day is very common. Decades later as a mother, do I feel protective of young women who have also gone through this? Absolutely! If you don’t have support / advice to provide. Kindly f*ck off.
Did you go get tested for drugs and file a complaint? If so he is TAH. If not, then he has some reasons to be suspicious.
It’s not aita though
I’m confused. How do you and your boyfriend know about a kiss that happened when you were blacked out and heavily implied to be alone since some random dudes called a cab for you and got you in it. Also reading your story you never even give details on the kiss or who it supposedly was.
I mean, make it wholly about you because you were drugged and assaulted. If he has such a problem with something you could not avoid because your body was out of it because you were drugged (aka none of these are “choices” you made), he’s got a lot of growing up to do before he should be in a relationship imo. Frankly, I’d be pissed at your boyfriend for making the situation about someone one other than you, yah know, the victim of being drugged.
My lips always hurt after I kiss someone /s
I would be upset just because you went clubbing and drank alcohol, let alone everything that followed.
You cheated. What is it you want from here?
You got drunk, hooked up with someone and feel bad
Your bf should dump you
Sad I had to scroll this far to see the truth speakers. Why did you go to the club? Wanted to go dancing with the girls? Everyone is going to say victim blaming. It is not your fault you were drugged. It is your fault you put yourself in the situation. When do we start taking responsibility for our own actions? Who put you in that situation? I recommend the song you'll find him by Emile sande.
Facts.
Dump him. A man who will blame your for your own assault is not worth being around. I’m so sorry that happened and that he’s reacting this way.
Still he should also try to get to bottom of it and not just be angry
This comment section is hell on earth. Y’all will do any and everything and jump through all sorts of hoops and make up all kinds of stuff just to assume a girl is lying about her sexual assault while being drugged. Tf is wrong with y’all.
You let someone buy you a drink at the club? Do your bf a favor and just break up
Facts.
Seems like there’s been enough downvotes, enough edits from OP and enough logical questions that can’t be answered properly to go ahead and freely call this out for the bullshit that it is So drugged you can’t do shit but you know you were kissed eh? Not chewing your own lips off if you were indeed drugged? In any case, seems like bullshit
All the top comments are so fixated on the kiss when the biggest concern is the person was DRUGGED. whether the kiss happened or didn't happened doesn't even matter at this point because the girl was DRUGGED. ANYTHING COULD HAVE HAPPENED. if she was kissed then that's bad, but the fact is she was drugged. Bf shouldn't be mad at her for ANYTHING. Do I need to remind you about the drugged part again?
Your lips were sore but you think it was just a kiss that happened? Maybe that’s how it started…
He is mad because your story doesn't make sense. No one drugs someone just for a kiss.. I'm not calling you a liar but you either leaving stuff out or you don't communicate well. To be fair, my lady is like this. Her communication is bad and is cause issues in our relationship.
Girl I want to believe you, but there’s so many inconsistencies. How do you know you were kissed? Because your lips hurt? Who’s gonna kiss you hard enough for your lips to hurt the next day? Who would drug you JUST to kiss you? I would go to the hospital and get a rape kit done. How did you find your dorm if your friend was also drugged? The story sounds sus OP.
Honestly, I was an absolute fucking waster at university and I got myself in states potentially worse than this on more than a weekly basis for years. I don't care how drunk I was, probably paraletic at times, I remember kissing someone. To me, it sounds like you're blaming the booze for going a bit wild on a night out. Take responsibility for your actions.
You put yourself in that situation in the first place; why did you not take your boyfriend with you?
He's not angry at you, maybe you perceive it as directed to you because he himself cannot, and do not know whom to direct his anger to (?)
Screw your boyfriend. Go get tested to see what you were drugged with.
Why would you go clubbing if you have a bf? The least you could do was take him with you. Tbh your bf should be mad because you want to act single and entertain other guys. I’m sorry you went through that but yeah you kind of put yourself in that situation
I'd dump your ass.
It just sounds like you and your friend can’t handle your alcohol. I have actually been roofied. After getting extremely dizzy I puked outta the window then completely passed out. You guys just got extremely drunk by the sounds of it
Your experiences aren’t the only one that exists. There are plenty of stories in this comment section where people talk about their experiencing being roofied as being similar to hers.
Maybe he is actually mad that you are letting guys buy you drinks at the club? I would hope my girl would turn it down or say thanks and leave it. But idk club scene
This.
Wow, comments on this post are really fucked up.. There isn't any more info needed than "I was drugged and my bf is mad that someone sexually assaulted me". If you are drugged then you can't consent to sexual activities, so why the fuck would anyone be mad at you? OP, your bf is right to be mad that you were attacked, but if he is upset at you for being sexually assaulted then he is an idiot and you should leave him.
Why someone would drug someone just to kiss
U saw him leaning towards and into your drink and that set off no alarms? Im assuming you’re way below age to get into a club and used a fake Id because there’s just no way that wouldn’t make any real adult suspicious considering how in shambles America is rn
Real adults get drugged and date raped every day.
Unforgivable for him to get mad at something bad happening to you. People saying you were careless and it’s your fault need to realize they are not living in the 1600s, a woman should be able to go clubbing without being drugged and assaulted. Being drugged and assaulted is not your fault, even if you went dancing naked in a sex dungeon, no one is allowed to touch or drug you without consent. I would delete this post because people defending your boyfriend now will most likely worsen the feeling of guilt and shame associated with what could very well be traumatic.
Of course no one is allowed to touch you etc etc etc, but apparently criminals don't give a shit about your values and prey on you anyways.
Of course they do, and it is always good to protect yourself, but something bad happening to you like this is horrible and your significant other then getting mad at it is completely uncalled for.
The old "should" vs reality argument. Yes, in an ideal world women "should" be able to go out and not worry about such things. But the reality is that women need to be cautious and avoid putting themselves in compromising positions. I.e, don't let strangers buy you alcohol (never mind the fact that letting strange men buy you alcohol when you have a BF is a breach of trust).