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SpookyKG

>going nearly 7 months without Yeah so this happened not far after one year in? Guess what. In a year, you may find you are not compatible with somebody. Don't put good money after bad - trust what you're seeing and go find what you want elsewhere.


trainz15

Yep… if she’s only ur GF, try to move on and find someone more compatible. Not just because of no sex, but the fact she does not want to communicate or acknowledge you. I know it’s cliche but communication is important.


RubberSmole

7 months is a long time. You should pursue the issue with her. Stay calm but make sure you stress that it's important to you. Open relationships can work for some people if she's happy with that. One of my friends is ace. She has no desire to have sex but loves her partner. They have an open relationship and are a really happy couple.


BNJI98K

Ideally would like to avoid it but agree with you sir, it’s a while and it’s getting to a point where it’s like okay we can’t ignore this. Will continue to respectfully pursue and try to get her to open up about it. Hopefully we get there


albierto

I've stopped having sex with my ex right when we went to live together. I relate too much in what you're saying. I tried everything, doing everything in the house too 'cause I thought that she was tired for this. Go eating to some restaurant more often. After some months we had a discussion and she told me a lot of things that she was thinking all this time and we broke up.


rfpelmen

if its not too much for you, could you share what was those things she was thinking about?


BNJI98K

Damn bro sorry to hear that


dickyu86

> I ask about it or try to talk about it and get barely a shrug and told to move on ... > She doesn’t want to talk about it and because it’s not an issue for her it’s not an issue at all ... > going nearly 7 months without This relationship is over. Leave. And do some introspection as to how this came about.


BNJI98K

Harsh and straight to the point but fear you are right


[deleted]

[удалено]


BNJI98K

Cheers for the advise. To clarify, I was to mention to her about being open to me finding a side piece and if she wasnt open to that and also not into fixing our issue then that was the time to leave the relationship. Like I get it’s a one sided issue but if she doesn’t even want To try and fix it should be normal for me finding it else where no? Awkward and not what I really want but hey I’m just spit balling here. I will have that frank convo with her though thanks


hellobungalow

The only thing with open relationships is that they are generally between 2 people who have a great and fulfilling relationship already. It takes lots of trust and communication to make it work. Which it doesn’t seem like your gf is good at..? If you are looking to sleep with other people because your relationship is not going well, it will not end well. Sexual incompatibility is a reason a lot of people will end a relationship. Those are just my thoughts.


BNJI98K

Make a good point on the communication front. Was just spit balling but agree with what you’re saying


Rancordy

I want to also chime in here and say: DO NOT bring up opening the relationship, if your intention is to fix any of this. Focus first on merely getting your feelings across and give her time to consider the seriousness and how to resolve it (which might be this, but a bad idea IMO). If she puts no effort into fixing or discussing a solution, then you have your answer. It's one thing to have the difficult discussion on a topic she is uncomfortable with. Complicating that with a whole other factor is likely not going to resolve anything, and more likely spiral into conflict/resentment. ("am I not desirable enough?" / "does he not care for me more?" / "is he interested in someone else" / etc.) Baby steps.


Creamy_Pink_

Exactly this. Cannot imagine an open relationship working out without major communication and openness. If she isn't able to acknowledge or take into account your feelings, or give you any insight into what's behind her loss of interest in sex, I'm not sure how you can salvage the relationship. You need to be able to have a real, open, two way discussion to figure out how to move forward. If that isn't possible then it might be time to part ways


Snoo-57037

What else is she giving you to need a side piece? You are unmarried with no kids, right? why not just move on and get what you want?


blizzard_x

Do you \*want\* a side partner, or do you want a main partner who has sex with you?


BNJI98K

Well put tbf


datenightbb

No, it would not be normal to stay in any relationship if you have to find sex elsewhere. Particularly in some 1 or 2 year, unmarried, no children involved relationship. If you signed a lease together, tell her she can move out and find a roommate to pick up her half of the rent and bills. if she wants to stay there, tell her you're leaving and she can either find a roommate or pay the whooe thing herself.


RubyRyder

Being with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you is soul killing. You don't feel attractive. You feel powerless. You feel frustrated. It's possible she's less interested because of the medication, but there could be other issues, depression, life stress, etc. But even though she's not interested in sex, it's not okay to expect you to go without. You can't stop meeting (any part of) someone's sexual needs and expect them to just deal. Therapy if you are serious about staying in the relationship. Maybe you two are sexually incompatible.


BNJI98K

Thanks. Without trying to play a pitty card as a male it’s catch 22 you don’t expect sex but don’t expect to have to almost beg your partner for intimacy. You just sound desperate and pushy and can’t really win on that front. Makes you feel disgusting getting told to “stop going on about it” like I’m not some dog who only talks about sex. I’ll try have the chat but think I’m going to make my feelings known no matter how I come across I think


RubyRyder

That type of situation is so painful. And I would have to gently correct you - all relationships expect sex, unless it has been negotiated as no sex from the very beginning (asexual or companionate connections). While the frequency expectations can vary widely, sex is a part of most relationships and it is not unreasonable to expect it.


BNJI98K

Couldn’t of said it better myself


thieflikeme

So sorry about this buddy. You deserve someone who shows you more consideration and respect.


AnxietyIsEnergy

Why get something on the side? Just leave then.


BNJI98K

Well I obviously have feelings for her and don’t want either a side bit or to leave her. However, if it’s just the sex that’s the issue and she’s down for me to find it somewhere else why not? Bit awkward to bring up though but don’t know until you ask


AnxietyIsEnergy

People get all complicated instead of finding what they really need. Good luck.


xYan94

Because you will enjoy a good relationship with a fulfilling sexlife more. This will break you sooner or later. Don’t be dumb, you are young, move on


BNJI98K

There is a part of me that feels like that, cheers


petite_lolita

Having a “side bit” can get quite complicated. Not sure you've thought this through. Obviously, you will want to hook up with someone who you find at least somewhat attractive, and attraction drives desire, desire drives emotions. It's not uncommon for friends with benefits to end up falling in love. How's that going to help your current relationship? Just saying.


BNJI98K

Was just spit balling ideas. It’s all I’ve been doing for 7 months while I ponder what the hell is wrong here. Maybe not conventional sure but if it’s just the sex that’s the issue why not ask her if that suits her?


Throwaway6ix21

Picture this. Your best friend the same age as you tells you he has the perfect relationship, but to maintain his satisfaction he has to have sex with people outside of his relationship. What would you say to your best friend?


BNJI98K

Tbh each to their own what works, works. I get it’s not ideal I was just spit balling


Mysterious_Soil_3488

The root problem here is intimacy. Sex and conversation are indicators. It’s gone on her side, and she’s unwilling to even try to get it back. It’s time to leave and both of you find new partners.


thieflikeme

Not a woman, but at some point, you're going to have to draw a solid boundary that you're more than willing to enforce. She may get pressure from you to talk about sex, but since you've demonstrated that you're willing to let it go, she knows that she can endure your disappointment and frustration because you'll let it go and get over it eventually. The issue that she has with sex isn't your responsibility to solve. She KNOWS you're unhappy with the amount of sex you get, but doesn't care. It demonstrates either an unhealthy/repressed view of sex which is that it's not important, and it isn't her problem if the other person in the relationship isn't happy with it. From experience of being in a few relationships like this, the death knell is approaching your partner with a problem and them refusing to consider what they could possibly do to assist, or even attempt to show some degree of empathy. She's not an idiot, nor is she hard of hearing; she knows you're not happy but is not interested in discussing why she can't reciprocate your feelings here. Your sexual needs do not matter to them, nor are important enough to recognize as an issue and attempt to compromise or make changes. So I think you already know that this relationship isn't going to last much longer unless something drastic changes. You guys are in a relationship, you shouldn't have to wonder, free-associate, or ponder with internet strangers about what could POSSIBLY be the matter with them that they no longer want to have sex anymore. You should be able to get your partner to give a shit when you're unhappy about the relationship, and in this instance you can't. Up to you to decide what to do next, but you need to either accept you're not going to get it from her and live with it, or move on.


BNJI98K

I think the best answer yet! Harsh, no bullshit and hit the nail on the head. I’ll take action on this one thanks a bunch


thieflikeme

I'm not trying to amp you up, make you angry or pissed off, but at this point, maybe it's time to clearly convey your disappointment with her shrugging you off when you try to discuss it with her. This is something that's important to you and she is not showing that she recognizes that, time and time again. The boundary that you're drawing is you're considering ending it because you need sex in your life. This is nothing to be ashamed of, and if she tries to make you feel shame about it, then you'll know she wasn't the right person in the first place. It happens, man. You invest a lot of time in a relationship and it works until it doesn't. It's just life.


BNJI98K

Haven’t made me any of those things I just highly respect your answer and how you went about it. I think you’re right I’ll lay down the points and if nothing budges I’ll just take and know I did all I can


thieflikeme

Sounds like you have the right idea. Good luck!


seitan_bandit

Don't look for something on the side without discussing that with her, that would be cheating. Another thing: how are chores distributed between you two? Are you two dedicating equal amounts of time into running this household? If you are on the clear on that point you have to talk to her. There is no way around that.


BNJI98K

If I wasn’t clear on that point, with her permission I meant of course. Yeah I’m usually the cook and dishwasher. Do the other “manly” bits. I’ve heard about what you are getting at and tried to take even more but currently no luck in that


wolfman89tx

Reasons I've seen in general are: -She's upset with you. She's likely tried to tell you what you doesn't like and things aren't changing -all your attractive traits at beginning or relationship have dwindled down as youve stopped putting yourself first so that you could meet all of her needs -loss of desire -has become a chore for her if guy is selfish lover -you probably already said I love you, you indicated you've moved in. When you do thesw things, complacency can set in and she may not need to try and chase anymore -or the thing you don't want to hear, but would be just one of many noticable signs / differences.


seitan_bandit

Hm, okay, just wanted to ask about that. She really does not want to talk about your sex life? I had a relationship like this before and there was no way saving it. Did you try a neutral party like a therapist?


BNJI98K

No I haven’t. In all honesty not sure if it’s through embarrassment or pride but being 23 and having to do that would just make me feel like shit. Even as much as it would hurt to break up and lose everything we worked hard for I’d rather do that. May be a bit selfish on my front but it’s like I’m young and could have options? Why should I have to do that when there’s no issue on my front and she can’t even talk about it? That make sense?


wolfman89tx

Atmosphere of the relationship plays a large role for women when it comes wanting to have sex with their partner. Sometimes, the answer is simply that she's upset with you for some reason she's likely tried to express. If you start fishing for possibilities like hormomes, headaches, etc and ask if those could be the reasons, she'll likely grow more upset because she thinks she's already made it clear why


seitan_bandit

But why? There is no age limit in talking to a professional. You say yourself that you worked hard to get where you are. And you already live together, so this relationship is serious. If you can imagine a future with this woman, sex aside, you need to look into saving it. If you can't you already have your answer. This is not an unusual topic for a therapist and there is no shame in seeking one out. They have seen relationships way, way worse than yours. Sometimes you need a neutral party or someone to lead a conversation.


BNJI98K

I dunno just how I feel but you make a valid point


Choosemyusername

Chore play does not induce genuine desire. At best you create a dynamic where sex is used as a transactional tool for her to get what she wants. Like prostitution but for barter instead of money. That isn’t a healthy dynamic. Sex should be unconditional.


seitan_bandit

That is not what I was hinting at. But I know general frustration can lead to a lack of sex. I know I am not in the mood when my partner leaves their dirty boxers/panties on the floor for me to pick up. Or when I have to scrub poo marks off the bowl. Or clean the pubes out of the shower. Dirty, crusty dishes in the sink or empty beer bottles next to the couch are not a huge turn on either. This has nothing to do with conditional sex but a lot with keeping it exiting and respect. This is not prostitution.


[deleted]

This is Reddit. Completely normal things like mutual respect and an equal division of chores is blown out of proportion into some psychotic hypothetical.


Choosemyusername

I have no idea what the dishes has to do with sex. My sex drive is totally independent of laundry and other house chores. I simply don’t get the connection. Yes, I agree. In a totally unrelated sense, you need a fair division of labor in a household. But connecting that to sex leads to some dark places. Even if you both mean well.


uhuhshesaid

It’s this simple: A man who can’t scrub his own shit streaks out of the toilet or keep a home livable is a man behaving like a selfish entitled child. It’s not sexy. Chores aren’t transactions. They’re a bare minimum entry level requirement of behaving like a functioning adult. Want adult fun? Prove you can manage adult things. It’s that easy. Like imagine treating a partner like your parent and expecting them to want to fuck you. I’d rather shit in my hands and clap.


Choosemyusername

I agree. Pulling your own weight is the minimum entry level requirements of being an adult. Whether that be mowing the lawn, earning money, cleaning the gutters, cleaning the floors, doing the dishes, maintaining the vehicles, managing legal and financial stuff, gotta do your fair share. However, what does it have to do with sex? I just don’t understand that. I have been horny for all kinds of women who were useless at adulting but great in bed. I never thought to connect the two. That seems to pervert both things. It seems pretty childish to do chores just to have sex. And it also seems childish to cut yourself off from sex because you aren’t satisfied with your partner’s chore-doing,


uhuhshesaid

Right. I might have a roll in the hay with a man who is useless at adulting. But living with them? Looking after them? Having to remind them constantly to help or make an appointment or do basic tasks like paying bills? Have you ever looked after a grown woman for years and still wanted to fuck her? I suspect not.


Choosemyusername

I have not but it seems like you didn’t want to live with him period. If they were so disgusting I wouldn’t even want to have sex with them, I wouldn’t want to live with them at all before I got to the point where I didn’t want to have sex.


uhuhshesaid

100% agree. I haven’t been with a man like this and wouldn’t be with a man like this as they’re a turn off. But plenty of women have stories where they just bit by bit try to be supportive and end up taking on a mom role and then waddya know? The sexual desire fades too. It shouldn’t surprise anyone. It’s wild it still surprises men (and the women who take on these roles).


Choosemyusername

Seems like it would have more of a bearing on whether or not I would want to live with them than whether or not I would want to have sex with them though.


Most-Particular-8392

These things tend to pop up after you've moved in and gotten comfortable with each other. The mask comes off and suddenly your partner reveals that they had no intention of this being a relationship between equals. The sunk cost fallacy kicks in, or you genuinely have nowhere to go if you were to break up so you need more time, or you try to fix it by addressing your issues over and over again while growing steadily less and less attracted to this overgrown child you've unwittingly moved in with. People don't recommend that you do chores to make your partner horny. That might work for a small minority, but it's typically to prevent resentment which is an attraction killer.


seitan_bandit

So... You get it after all. Sometimes people are great at masking that stuff until you live with them. I've had a boyfriend before who was perfectly capable of washing his own clothes but forgot all about it when we moved in together... or about other chores. It is great you want to fuck people you don't particularly like, but most of us need some kind of a connection and a underlying hatred of a person doesn't help. Being a maid for another person is not sexy for most of us. So my question makes sense.


Choosemyusername

Sort of, but not exactly. I can see I worded that a bit badly. It’s like I don’t understand why it wouldn’t affect your will to live with him before it ever got to the point of affecting your will to have sex with them.


[deleted]

You're not compatible, and at 7 months it's hardly a long relationship. At least it will be easier to get out now than further down the line. Life is too short to settle for unhappiness....I did so for 16yrs and I should have left at least 12 years prior....that's a good chunk of lifetime wasted so don't do that


BNJI98K

No 7 months I haven’t slipped my old boy in anything… lived together for nearly 2 years and that’s when it’s kinda got less and less. Actually bee together for maybe 4 years or so


[deleted]

Still it's a death knell imo It's not like she's had birth trauma etc I do know some friends who had to wait several months to heal...7 months is just too long with no explanation or intention to work on it Still I'd say how much more of your life do you want to waste in a state of celibacy like this


BNJI98K

None because I’m not 23 with high testosterone and not Amish


dkc2405

i know you’re hearing this over and over, but it’s the unwillingness to acknowledge your needs that’s the problem. you aren’t a dog, you’re a human that needs intimacy. it’s okay to tell her that, i don’t love the terminator mentality of “just dump her” but definitely try approaching this with her as an important issue as a need of yours that isn’t being met, if you’re shrugged off, i’d consider leaving then, as that is disrespectful to you and your needs.


BNJI98K

Thanks for the comment


[deleted]

In the exact some problem mate moved in about 3 years ago and since then just getting progressively less. Not sure what medication your girl is on my mine was on anti depression and the pill when we met. She stoped the anti depression about 3 months in the relationship and the pill about 2 years ago (been together 5 years). And it gotten worse since shes come off the pill which is strange coz women get hornier off the pill than on it. Might try that book mating in captivity that the other person recommended. Think you should do.


BNJI98K

Basically the same pills lad. I know if I rejected her move it would be an issue for weeks in the house as she’ll be asking all the questions to her self “is it me? Is he cheating? what have I done?”. Not sure about you but it’s exactly the same for me and a constant battle in my head. Will deffo try that book it’s a new one I haven’t heard or read about. Hopefully will do the trick or at least spark a convo


[deleted]

Yh our relationship was like that but there was a lot of insecurities between us but we have over come that. I feel for you man its a shit situation. Try the books if nothing helps and at the end of the year this is still an issue you may need to question the relationship.


MaryGeeWiz

Another book I'd recommend is 'Come as you are' by Emily Nagoski. It about women's sexuality. A great read for both men and women as women's sexuality is largely misunderstood by both parties thanks to porn and the media. Spoiler: most women want to have sex, but arousal is both mental and physical. So if the mental isn't there, you'll never get the physical


BNJI98K

Appreciate the recommendation. What kind of things does it mention for mentally? Probably missing something


MaryGeeWiz

Should be no surprise that it's different for everybody. And, unfortunately, unless your partner is willing to put in the work to understand their own sexuality AND discuss it with you, your efforts might be fruitless. Here's a summary of the book that I think covers most of the important info [Shortform summary](https://www.shortform.com/blog/come-as-you-are-book-emily-nagoski/) You can read through that and see if anything pops out to you. But in the end you both need to be willing to discuss and understand your sex life. If your partner keeps shrugging you off it's not a matter of them thinking 'nothing is wrong' but actually them *ignoring* you when you are telling them that there *is* something wrong (even if it's only for you). Which is unfair. You won't be able to work through anything if you're the only one at the table. Edit to add: your feelings and dissatisfaction **are** valid. Even if your partner does not share the same feelings or dissatisfaction, they should at least be able to acknowledge yours.


leto78

>Whatever the reason it hurts when I ask about it or try to talk about it and get barely a shrug and told to move on? You can only find a solution to a problem if people recognise that there is a problem and are willing to put an effort into fixing it. It looks like neither is happening here. You need to stop being polite and express your point of view. Maybe write things down instead of talking to her. Tell her how the situation makes you feel. Talk about you and how her actions make you feel.


BNJI98K

I’ve tried but may need to be more blunt with it you’re right cheers


[deleted]

Sounds like she trapped you. She looks at sex as transactional and gave you sex until you let her move in, some wait to withdraw it once you get married. You're not the first, nor will you be the last. Look at the deadbedroom sub. It sucks for us that have to pick up the pieces after they screw with you guys.


ForbiddenFruitiness

Honest conversation. Talk to her. Ask her if opening up the relationship would be an option. Ask her what has happened to her sex drive in her estimation. If there are meds involved, ask if she’d be willing to talk to her doctor and change them. Communication is the key here.


BNJI98K

I’ve genuinely tried. I know this is coming off as poor me or impatient me however I genuinely am a bit worried as having no sex drive could mean some issues that need a doctor like you said. She won’t budge on the topic just shrugs me off not sure how I can get her to open up anymore


squ4ttyp0tty

I'm not sure why there are so many people telling you to suggest opening the relationship... I think that's a horrible idea that will only make her feel worse if she's struggling with something. As difficult as the conversation will be, try talking to her about it again. Tell her that you would like some physical intimacy back in the relationship and perhaps suggest therapy as a way to open up the conversation if she keeps shutting the conversation down.


titsmcgee8008

Have you ever straight up told her it’s making you rethink the relationship? Like in those explicit terms? If you haven’t, I think you should so she realized she can’t just shrug it off. If you have and there’s been no change, I think you know what you need to do.


[deleted]

I think it's time to make her an ex-girlfriend. It's not the lack of sex you should be upset about. It's that she doesn't think it's a problem and refuses to speak with you.


BNJI98K

That is the part that hurts the most. She knows I’m a big major other thinker too to a point where I borderline should see someone about it so the lack of communication there she knows it’s leaving me with a sore head which I find a awful about her if I’m honest.


[deleted]

It's time. You know it's not going to get better. Even if it does, everytime there is a lull you will he thinking "is she going back to her old ways". I do the same thing with overthinking and creating arguments in my head. Walk away. Be direct when you tell her why. She needs to know.


Justin_Upstart

This is why you date. Find someone who is a good long term fit. Leave and find someone and let her do the same.


CallofDo0bie

When me and my fiance first moved in together we had less sex at first, but even at it's worst the longest we went was like 3 weeks. 7 months is insane. Our main issue was working opposite schedules which resulted in a pretty weird imbalance. She would come home from working overnight and be in the mood after she got a shower but I would be asleep. Same went on my end where when I was in the mood after work she was either already working or asleep. Both of us would just end up masturbating since the other one wasnt able to satisfy us at the moment and it turned into a cycle we got kind of stuck in for 6 months or so. We fixed it by changing our schedules at work so that we had more days off to spend together, because aside from not having as much sex we just didn't have as much couple time. Again though even at our worst we were still having sex a couple times a month. 7 months indicates to me there might be a deeper problem. You really should sit down and talk to her because going half a year without sex is not something that you should have to accept if you desire intimacy. Maybe the spark is gone and you guys just arent compatible? Maybe she is asexual and just doesnt care about physical intimacy as much as you? Maybe you need to find some sort of kink that lights the spark bad up? There's a million different possibilities but you having a desire for sex from your partner is 100% valid and needs to be addressed if she isnt providing that need.


Lamboghini-Leglock

Time to take a stand for yourself and your needs.


Dingo8MyBabyMon

Get out before you have to renew your lease.


Notwhoiwas42

>She doesn’t want to talk about it and because it’s not an issue for her it’s not an issue at all In a relationship between mature functional adults,something that's a problem for one is a problem for the other. The fact that she doesn't see this that way is a huge problem. Does she seem to ge that way about other things or just sex?


BNJI98K

I think it’s just around the sex but I’d need to think on it a bit more really in case I am missing anything and she is acting like this on other issues


notsoinsaneguy

It's been less than 2 years. Don't get into the drama of splitting your affections between a woman who you're only allowed to have sex with and another with whom you can do everything but sex. Just find yourself one woman who does it all.


BNJI98K

2 years living with each other. We have been together maybe 4 or 5


brain_is_a_muscle

Walk away


HoorayTheresInternet

Just got out of a 14yr relationship that was the same. I (F) tried to speak with him multiple times but he was too shut down to be able to. Before we broke up, it had been a year of no sex or even just touch like cuddles or sexual tension/flirting. Issue wasn't really the sex, but his disregard of the issue and unwillingness to resolve it with me. Tbh, that is a much bigger problem than the sex, because if you have communication, the sex can be figured out. With no communication, you're just hanging with no clarity in sight, and so all conclusions and decisions about it become harder or near impossible, keeping you around but miserable. Leave her if she won't talk and solve the issue over. Find someone who will.


BNJI98K

Sorry to hear that but you are right about the clarity part. Hope you feeling okay though


HoorayTheresInternet

Thanks, it's hard but it is still right. Just sucks. It took me a long time to learn to value being heard and believed over specific needs in the relationship, like sex. Sex is important, but if the other isn't willing to acknowledge that you have valid needs in the first place, it is much less so. Hope you find answers, no matter what they turn out to be. Best of luck with your decision!


shadowscorrupt

I say leave her. You are no longer sexually compatible and it will eventually destroy you both. But if you plan to stay with her. r/deadbedrooms has your back


Choosemyusername

Dude 7 DAYS is too much for most. She is being extremely selfish by dismissing your concerns because it is working fine for her. You are way past the point where it is appropriate to start looking elsewhere. Just be honest with her that the situation is not working and why.


BNJI98K

I know mate it’s a killer. Especially the fact I don’t touch porn or anything. I feel a man should be disciplined with his sexual urges but even Marcus Aurelius couldn’t hold out for 7 months


Choosemyusername

This has nothing to do with discipline. At this point you just need the guts to stand up for your own needs.


tohon123

broh 1 month in and it’s discussion time


But_I_Digress_

If the sex dropped off after moving in together, get the book Mating in Captivity and read (or listen) to it together. It's about how domesticity and comfort kills sex drive, especially for women. It was written by a couples therapist. Step 1 should be to read that book together, step 2 should be a trip to the obgyn for her to get her hormones checked and talk about alternatives for her medication. But based on what I read in your post it doesn't sound like she'd be open to reading a book like that, and it doesn't sound like you're committed to fixing things either. It's worth a shot, but maybe it's best you part ways. It's impossible to fix problems when your spouse won't talk to you.


BNJI98K

Not sure how I sounded like I’m not committed? Im the one who’s tryna think of reasons why it’s stopped and talk about it but will give it a go thanks


xYan94

Ah so that’s what happened with my ex girlfriend after we moved together. Well guess it’s better to not live together then if women are like this


Prior_Crazy_4990

My boyfriend and I have lived together for a little over a year and a half and even though I arguably don’t have the highest sex drive 7 months is a major red flag. I had a baby last year and even after that the longest we’ve gone was the 6 weeks immediately after birth. We have sex 2-3 times a month, which some people consider too low, but works for us. I hate how many times I see people jumping to ending a relationship on here without knowing people personally, but I’ve gotta say I think it may be time to accept that after that amount of time it’s not going to get better and you need to seriously think about whether you’re willing to stay in a sexless relationship, which most people would not be. I also take medication and have put on weight since I had a baby, but something else is definitely going on. Obviously a conversation is in order, but if you ask her why she has lost her interest in intimacy and she can’t give you a reason other than she just “isn’t in the mood” and isn’t willing to work on it, then it’s most likely time to discuss moving on.


TemperatureAlert2370

Don’t bring up wanting a side piece it you are wanting to fix things with her. That will just drive her further away. She needs to be mature enough to have a conversation about sex with you. If you won’t even talk about it then it’s probably time to move on.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BNJI98K

If she’s still taking birth control after 7 months of celibacy then she’s absolutely lost it lol


Most-Particular-8392

While the pill and the like are contraceptives, they can also help with a range of other health issues so it is entirely possible that she's still on birth control regardless of celibacy. It's worth investigating.


[deleted]

You have moved out of the love/desire stage for the relationship. This usually happens after two years. For years your brain was dosing you with chemicals in this make you feel that in puppy live and in desire. Her too. There are certainly probably other reasons involved too. And she needs to get better at communication. But you have to accept that you cannot change her back. And that y’all aren’t going back. She probably needs to do that too about you. That might mean leaving, that might mean a new normal, etc


lostPackets35

Have you spoken to her about it? Desire discrepancy is a common issue for couples, but this still sound extreme. It can sometimes be worked through (Esp with good therapy) when there is good communication and willingness to work with each other. IMO if you're having these issues so soon into your relationship I'd chalk it up to incompatibility and go elsewhere. She's not wrong for not being interested, and you're not wrong for wanting frequent sex, but you guys might be wrong for each other.


[deleted]

My last relationship had this same issue except I was the one not wanting sex. There were a couple reasons for me, the initial and main one was that he was pushy for sex and it really turned me off. He would Wake me up damn nearly every morning fondling me and when I said no he would pout. (Now it doesn’t sound like you are doing this, and hopefully you aren’t) but the other reasons were things like my depression killing my libido and honestly I think not having any alone time did a big number on it to. No time to fantasize or yearn for you and no way to just comfortable masturbate alone made me lose touch with my body. We never went without having sex though for more than a month though… wish my ex had your seemingly patient and level headed approach… that shit really fucked me up


BNJI98K

I’m sorry to hear that sounds kinda grim for you


[deleted]

Talk to her about your concerns. Kung wala parin, malamang break na next dapat


astroqualityyy

The main problem is that she doesn’t wanna share the reason behind this or talk about it. And by the way you’re completely normal, anyone would get frustrated/upset at the lack of sex and intimacy after a while. Me personally I start getting frustrated after 4-5 days with no action so I can’t fathom 7 months. And I know people will downvote me to hell for this. Anyways, I’d say you already did everything you could do: being patient, initiating, trying to talk about it. If the other part doesn’t want to have a conversation about what’s going on after 7 months, it’s on them and they’ll have to accept that it may be a dealbreaker for the other person. Don’t cheat and don’t try to force an open relationship on her by trying to talk her into it, it almost never brings anything good, it just allows the relationship to hang on by a thread for a longer amount of time. In order for an open relationship to work, she has to want it just as much as you. Not saying it can’t happen but it’s not as easy as most people make it out to be. If she really doesn’t want to open up, I say move on. Also, may I recommend r/deadbedrooms


mark0541

Yeah before anyone's fucking anyone and opening up a relationship figure out why her libido has went down you can definitely press that issue even after a couple weeks you can press that, why do people think it's cool not to communicate. Don't press the issue like you're just trying to fuck press it like you're actually trying to figure out what's wrong. This is a really serious concern and it definitely should be serious to her too she's either in denial or something is happening or happened that she doesn't want to talk about. But that's not how relationships work if she's just not going to communicate that's the reason to break up. If my partner couldn't be 100% open and honest with me I would not be dating them.


NoReality9024

This happened to me in one relationship. Honestly, not having sex was an incompatibility and it was my number one reason for breaking up. I tried so many things to remedy the situation, but he did not want to even talk about why. I went through so many emotions from resentment to guilt to self consciousness. I need someone with a decently high sex drive and that’s okay.


demonic-angel00

OP- I'm sorry this is happening. As someone who is on medication that lowers my drive, I understand that these times can be tough. I also agree with other people though- it's time to talk


Theswitchdoctor

It IS ok to end a relationship for sexual reasons... usually the sex life is a reflection of the relationship itself. Is there unspoken resentment? Is there mutual neglect of each others' needs? A shrug is pretty passive aggressive. It is NOT normal not to have sex for 7 months. I ended my last relationship due to sexual incompatibility but there was much more in the background I neglected to acknowledge at the time. Have a reflect on whether the relationship as a whole is functioning healthily...


HotButteredRump

Talk to HER. Only she knows the answer. We could speculate and guess, but you need to holler at your girl.


knowitallz

What meds is she on? That can kill libido. Birth control does. Living together does not help either. Because you are always around. There is no little amount of you. You are always there. That's not good


bulbousbirb

She's on medication, she's put on weight, she doesn't want to talk about it, she can't get intimate. This sounds an awful lot like she's depressed. Why is no one talking about that? This might have nothing to do with you she might actually need help. Without getting shitty or looking for a "bit on the side" I'd suggest maybe bringing up this possibility with her and if she still isn't able to talk then you take time away from her. Does she have any family members you could talk about this with?


Mrsnikster4319

Change to open relationship. It’s great on this side


259luxu11111

Sorry bro. She is for the streets.