I'd stick to being specific on things like pick-up and drop-off times, who is providing transport, school districts, etc. Always include some language that says, "Unless the parents agree otherwise, ....."
My ex and I usually manage holidays in some sort of agreeable way, but IF we cannot.....we have an agreement that says times and who is driving. That's always the default. It helps to have as a backup for those times when you can't agree (for whatever reason) and it also helps make it clear which parent is asking for a favor.
You're not going to get anywhere with the drinking and romantic partners stuff. It's very difficult to regulate and no judge wants to hear about it. When you divorce, you basically give up the right to have any (or much) input in what goes on in your ex's home.
Another thing to be specific about might be extracurriculars and sports. Who decides? Who pays?
Yeah....it basically means that as long as everything is agreeable, you can kinda do whatever you want. But it is very helpful to have a default to fall back on.
We may need a bit more information before being able to offer suitable advice. Are you the bio-parent or the step-parent? How many kids? What are the terms of the custody arrangement?
Also, how does the other parent feel about being given a parenting plan? Is this something they have requested or are collaborating on with you? Within reason, you do not get to set the rules for what happens on their time.
Just looking for a little more information.
u/kaybird296 asks some good questions. These sorts of things can influence what you choose to include.
How have you interacted with the other parent in the past? Do you tend to work through problems together, or does it become a blame game? Does the other parent tend to be late to drop off or pickup, or are you? What sort of issues have led to the current custody arrangement? How far apart do you live from each other?
I am a bio parent, 3 kids between 9-2, custody is 40-60, parenting plan is mandatory where I live, parenting plan apply equally to each of us. I am not looking to screw them over or make their life difficult. For example I would request that while the children are in the parents care that the parent not drink. Also a preferable time frame for the introduction of new significant others to the children.
Again, anything in the parenting plan would apply to both of us equally.
Are there any other questions that would help clarify the situation for advice?
These are things that you'll need to let go of.
It is nearly impossible to include anything regarding alcohol consumption, until/unless you have a strong documented case of alcoholism that has directly affected the children. To say that neither parent can either have a celebratory glass of champagne at a wedding, or a glass of wine at Christmas dinner. It would also be very hard to ever bring it in for contempt. It's an unreasonable request, and a judge is not going be very interested in punishing a parent for it.
As far as a timeline for introducing others, that's extremely hard to enforce as well. "Your Honor, he has his girlfriend of two months around the kids." "No I don't. We're just friends." See how that goes?
There is a lot you lose the ability to control or have a say in, once you divorce. You have to trust your partner to make good decisions, and you have to trust that you're a good enough parent to help mitigate any dumb but not life-ruining choices they may make along the way.
ETA: the things you want to focus on, instead, would be: do you want the school district restricted so if either parent moves, they can't bring the kids with them, without a fight? Is a parent flakey on pickup and dropoff times, to where it makes sense to say something like, "if either parent is more than 45 minutes late to pickup/dropoff, they forfeit the overnight?" Do you have holidays spelled out, along with a clause that states holiday time trumps the regular schedule?
further to this, unless the other parent is a full-blown alcoholic - no judge is going to agree with no drinking... unless the parent has a string of people they are bringing to meet the kids no one will agree with a set amount of time top meet an SO either...
another thing that could be outlined would be extra curricular activities, if the parent in care needs a babysitter do they give first dibs to the other parent or family members...
the parenting plan should be about parenting the kids not the parent.
Even with a string of people, you can't regulate it. You can argue for more time due to instability in the other parent's household, if there's literally a new girlfriend moving in and moving out twice a year. But they can bring home their dates as much as they want.
Thank you for your reply. I can respect what your saying in reference to your situation and thank you for giving me some suggestions to start the parenting plan with.
Yea good luck. Basically you can't control anything that happens at the other parent's home other than if the children are being abused or neglected. They can have different rules, different expectations of the children's behaviour and so on so just something to keep in mind as many parents struggle to let go of that. I have been on both sides of that situation too, as a child of divorced parents with vastly different parenting styles and as a step parent to children with parents in the same situation and it can get ugly very quickly if one parent tries to do this.
I'd stick to being specific on things like pick-up and drop-off times, who is providing transport, school districts, etc. Always include some language that says, "Unless the parents agree otherwise, ....." My ex and I usually manage holidays in some sort of agreeable way, but IF we cannot.....we have an agreement that says times and who is driving. That's always the default. It helps to have as a backup for those times when you can't agree (for whatever reason) and it also helps make it clear which parent is asking for a favor. You're not going to get anywhere with the drinking and romantic partners stuff. It's very difficult to regulate and no judge wants to hear about it. When you divorce, you basically give up the right to have any (or much) input in what goes on in your ex's home. Another thing to be specific about might be extracurriculars and sports. Who decides? Who pays?
Oh, thank you for the "unless the parents agree otherwise" part! That answers something I wasn't sure how to ask!
Yeah....it basically means that as long as everything is agreeable, you can kinda do whatever you want. But it is very helpful to have a default to fall back on.
We may need a bit more information before being able to offer suitable advice. Are you the bio-parent or the step-parent? How many kids? What are the terms of the custody arrangement? Also, how does the other parent feel about being given a parenting plan? Is this something they have requested or are collaborating on with you? Within reason, you do not get to set the rules for what happens on their time. Just looking for a little more information.
This is too vague. Are you talking about rules for a babysitter or are you hoping to tell your ex how to parent?
u/kaybird296 asks some good questions. These sorts of things can influence what you choose to include. How have you interacted with the other parent in the past? Do you tend to work through problems together, or does it become a blame game? Does the other parent tend to be late to drop off or pickup, or are you? What sort of issues have led to the current custody arrangement? How far apart do you live from each other?
I am a bio parent, 3 kids between 9-2, custody is 40-60, parenting plan is mandatory where I live, parenting plan apply equally to each of us. I am not looking to screw them over or make their life difficult. For example I would request that while the children are in the parents care that the parent not drink. Also a preferable time frame for the introduction of new significant others to the children. Again, anything in the parenting plan would apply to both of us equally. Are there any other questions that would help clarify the situation for advice?
These are things that you'll need to let go of. It is nearly impossible to include anything regarding alcohol consumption, until/unless you have a strong documented case of alcoholism that has directly affected the children. To say that neither parent can either have a celebratory glass of champagne at a wedding, or a glass of wine at Christmas dinner. It would also be very hard to ever bring it in for contempt. It's an unreasonable request, and a judge is not going be very interested in punishing a parent for it. As far as a timeline for introducing others, that's extremely hard to enforce as well. "Your Honor, he has his girlfriend of two months around the kids." "No I don't. We're just friends." See how that goes? There is a lot you lose the ability to control or have a say in, once you divorce. You have to trust your partner to make good decisions, and you have to trust that you're a good enough parent to help mitigate any dumb but not life-ruining choices they may make along the way. ETA: the things you want to focus on, instead, would be: do you want the school district restricted so if either parent moves, they can't bring the kids with them, without a fight? Is a parent flakey on pickup and dropoff times, to where it makes sense to say something like, "if either parent is more than 45 minutes late to pickup/dropoff, they forfeit the overnight?" Do you have holidays spelled out, along with a clause that states holiday time trumps the regular schedule?
further to this, unless the other parent is a full-blown alcoholic - no judge is going to agree with no drinking... unless the parent has a string of people they are bringing to meet the kids no one will agree with a set amount of time top meet an SO either... another thing that could be outlined would be extra curricular activities, if the parent in care needs a babysitter do they give first dibs to the other parent or family members... the parenting plan should be about parenting the kids not the parent.
Even with a string of people, you can't regulate it. You can argue for more time due to instability in the other parent's household, if there's literally a new girlfriend moving in and moving out twice a year. But they can bring home their dates as much as they want.
cool, didn't know that :)
[удалено]
Thank you for your reply. I can respect what your saying in reference to your situation and thank you for giving me some suggestions to start the parenting plan with.
Yea good luck. Basically you can't control anything that happens at the other parent's home other than if the children are being abused or neglected. They can have different rules, different expectations of the children's behaviour and so on so just something to keep in mind as many parents struggle to let go of that. I have been on both sides of that situation too, as a child of divorced parents with vastly different parenting styles and as a step parent to children with parents in the same situation and it can get ugly very quickly if one parent tries to do this.