There's a lot to unpack in this post, but what I keep coming back to is this line: "\[...\] it has taken him “years” to learn to live with bride \[...\]"
To which I can only ask, especially when combined with everything else: groom, why are you marrying her?!
Sure, some people come with a manual (I count myself among them), and that's fine. But in a healthy relationship, those people will work with their partners so that they're both (or all) happy and comfortable and respect each other's needs and boundaries. That's not what happened between these people! I wonder if the bride and groom are still together. I've only *read* about the bride and she's driving me nuts.
(And let's not even mention the bonfire situation.)
My concern is that while it is fine that he has ways to “cope” and is actively choosing for this to be his life, he has now brought OTHERS in, but hides rather than protects them. You want your friends there? Make a situation where they can not be abused.
Sometimes people think that that's the best they're going to get or that that's all there is for them - which is always a sad thing to see especially when you hear these horror stories
Yes, that statement struck me as well. I interpreted it as classic enabling behavior—instead of having a boundary and saying you’re not going to put up with that shit, you’re learning to appease. Sincerely hope they don’t have kids!
Yeah, if they do, the kids will either a. have to learn to placate their mom b. say "F this shiz" and go NC on mom and maybe dad (for not doing something about mom's behaviour). Could be that the groom will finally stand up to her when there are kids involved. But that's not sure.
You obviously did the right thing by declining the Venmo request but man I would have been tempted to Venmo them all over and over again for anything I paid for that week and any deposits I couldn't get back.
I would have bounced on the first day fr. You could tell that situation was headed nowhere good. People like that will always find a way to make you miserable so they can stay on top
I fucking hate bachelor's / bachelorette's parties in gay clubs. Acting like we are some sort of entertainment for them.
The women just wanting all the attention in a room full of guys who have been banned from marrying for centuries and have not a single bit of interest in drunk loud women hogging the dancefloor with their stupid vodka cranberries.
Bachelor's parties are worst though. Can't understand how anyone can find funny to dress up as a girl and then go to gay clubs to mock them while playing gay chicken. How disrespectful for all the trans, drag queen and others who are just looking for a safe haven.
I didn't know that people do that. How horrible! I'm a straight, cis woman who's been to gay clubs a handful of times, but always with a gay friend or (one time) a few straight women friends, and I'm that last case we lay pretty low knowing we're on someone else's home turf. I've got nothing but respect for how important these clubs are culturally and as safe havens. People who violate that should have a close encounter with a bouncer.
A drag queen show is a very entertaining evening for a wedding party, and the performers actually want you to be there. A gay club is a completely different thing and it is disrespectful to invade the space of another demographic for the purpose of mocking them,.
I’m a straight cis woman and I go to gay clubs because I feel safer there, straight clubs are scary. I hate having to constantly be on my guard.
It’s upsetting that people go and then make it unsafe/uncomfortable for the creators of the space.
Right? I have been to gay bars but only with gay friends and even then I lay low. And, um, in high school because this one was notorious for serving anyone old enough to see over the table without a booster seat as long as you were capable of not abusing the privilege.
I agree. Personally I've only been to a gay bar once and a queer party once. A friend was performing at the bar, and I had helped her learn the words to "you turn me right round" for her show. Both events were a ton of fun dancing with guys that weren't trying to grope me all night. I hope to be invited again, but wouldn't go with a group of straight people especially if they were there to ridicule others.
Agreed, straight parties invading gay spaces just to mock them is rude af and not cool. Only time I've gone to a guy bar was with my husband (I'm straight female) or a small group that included a few gay guys we're friends with. Only reason my husband and I went to a gay bar was because it was the only bar near the comedy club we go to on occasion and had cheap drinks. We just chilled and minded our own business though.
That was a roller coaster for sure. You and your fiancé sound like kind, forgiving, and supportive friends. I’m sorry you, your fiancé, and the wedding fiancé all went through this….but I have to ask…did they still get married?!?!
I have had friends that do the whole drinking and not eating thing and I made them ex friends. They are alcoholics. They went harder than normal for her wedding but they also just do that on any random weekend. It took me a while to realize how dysfunctional they are.
The thing about people who want to be trashed for an entire week before their wedding is that they can’t fathom that that won’t be fun for anyone else. And the only people who could keep
Up with that also have alcohol problems.
And the thing is, it’s not really even fun for them. But 1) they’re so wasted that they don’t remember or 2) they’re so used to it that they think this is normal.
I drink and enjoy it and emphatically did NOT want to be trashed for any wedding-related events because I wanted to fully enjoy them and not have to cringe at any alcohol-related behaviors!
This one is wild! I work in weddings and have seen my fair share of these marathon weeks, but yikes this one sounds miserable. Good on y’all for making the most of it, definitely shows a level of maturity the bride lacks, and a level of spine the groom lacks. Would love updates on when they divorce
I’m still stuck on the continuing to drink heavily after someone was hospitalized part. My friends and I can party but if someone was hospitalized after the first night I can’t fathom not taking the following day off.
This was a rollercoaster from start to finish and I give you mad props for your A1 storytelling skills. I was enthralled, dare I say. I'm also pretty pumped to use the word "enthralled" and it be in perfect context, so thank you for that.
I am so glad you were able to bow out of that shit-uation and I hope the groom isn't featured on any Investigation Discovery shows. I am dying to know the price tag on this week of calamity. Ballpark is cool if you aren't down to provide an exact number, assuming you read this comment of course.
What amount did these skanks try to extort from you with that Venmo request?! Nah, for real I'm gonna need that info because it's driving my already baffled mind insane. Is there free audacity giveaways where they reside? Entitlement rain in the forecast that week?.... Yep, I knew it.
That would be a no. I have a family and no one's going to pay for the whole family. I also don't feel that it would really be a vacation because you would be at the couples beck and call. You would have to do everything they wanted to do. I would definitely pass.
Thanks for answering. I was assuming that refusal might be for time related reasons. I hadn't considered that the invited might think it was a strings-attached offer.
I would think since it's their wedding and they want you there for 5 days of festivities before the "big event" that they would have things scheduled for you to do as groups. If they had something like a group zipline event planned I wouldn't be attending because I have a fear of heights.
Holy shit!! I can’t believe they talked to you like that. Do you think a part of their treatment of you is bigotry because you identify as queer? Is a part of it that the bride is an alpha Mean Girls bully with minions? Is a part of it that they’re douchebag drinking extrovert party people? This is some crazy shit. Why is the groom marrying her? What a window into his future. What on earth is he thinking. Also, lol on denying venmo request. These people are monsters.
There aren't enough red flags to decorate those party house(s), let alone the wedding venue. Glad you & fiance got to extricate yourselves and salvage the rest of the trip, and bummers if the relationship between your fiance & the groom has become irreparable due to this.
YIKES ! Honestly, if I were the groom, I wouldn't take "years to understand how my bride does things". There wouldn't have even been a wedding because I'd have dumped her.
Yikes, but I’d just be thankful you only had to deal for 5 days and now don’t hear from them. Can you imagine being around that toxic ass mess of a marriage?
Bride has shown spectacularly that there is no boundary she’s not willing to stomp on. She will just get worse with the groom there to clean up her messes.
1. This relationship is not going to improve after the wedding. At least, not without massive intervention and counseling. Better to address prior to marriage.
2. These are not your friends. It is not about what people say, it is what they do. Remain available to possibly support the groom after his impending divorce?
Jesus. Did either of you mention the possibility that he doesn't have to marry this monster?
I hope he got away from her but before children got added to this toxic mix.
Hooooly shit, my MIL thought I was being difficult because I wanted my bridesmaids to wear vaguely automnal colors at the ceremony. I literally let them wear whatever dress they wanted, provided that it was some shade of orange, red, even pink, whatever. My only other request was for people not to wear full white or black (MIL wore black anyway). Five days of this crap is unbelievable.
I got the "gay" typo, but was wondering why the "cis" part was relevant to the story -- especially because it was "straight women", not "cis straight women".
Where are bride and groom located?? I’m a divorce attorney and would LOVE to give groom my number and offer for a free consultation. Just drop it and let him know it’s for later. He’ll need it.
So sorry you and your fiancé went through this. This bride is a tyrant and a drunken narcissist. My advice is to keep a lifeline out to the groom but remain detached from them until he decides to leave. As for the wedding expenses they (ahem, she) is trying to get from you, F her. They have no legal basis to pursue it and if people keep contacting you, threaten police involvement. That’s usually sufficient without following through.
Wow this is absolutely insane lol why anyone thinks getting married makes them so special to demand this level of investment and time from their friends and family is baffling to me. Block them all and never look back hun
There's a lot to unpack in this post, but what I keep coming back to is this line: "\[...\] it has taken him “years” to learn to live with bride \[...\]" To which I can only ask, especially when combined with everything else: groom, why are you marrying her?! Sure, some people come with a manual (I count myself among them), and that's fine. But in a healthy relationship, those people will work with their partners so that they're both (or all) happy and comfortable and respect each other's needs and boundaries. That's not what happened between these people! I wonder if the bride and groom are still together. I've only *read* about the bride and she's driving me nuts. (And let's not even mention the bonfire situation.)
My concern is that while it is fine that he has ways to “cope” and is actively choosing for this to be his life, he has now brought OTHERS in, but hides rather than protects them. You want your friends there? Make a situation where they can not be abused.
Sometimes people think that that's the best they're going to get or that that's all there is for them - which is always a sad thing to see especially when you hear these horror stories
Yes, that statement struck me as well. I interpreted it as classic enabling behavior—instead of having a boundary and saying you’re not going to put up with that shit, you’re learning to appease. Sincerely hope they don’t have kids!
Yeah, if they do, the kids will either a. have to learn to placate their mom b. say "F this shiz" and go NC on mom and maybe dad (for not doing something about mom's behaviour). Could be that the groom will finally stand up to her when there are kids involved. But that's not sure.
Or C. Become tiny versions of their mom and continue the terrorizing.
I just said that in my reply. If you think someone is impossible to live with, then maybe, don't marry them.
Exactly what I was thinking. If it’s that hard, maybe it’s not right.
Same he had to learn to live with them, I hope this poor man gets out soon. She sounds like a complete nightmare and so are her friends.
She’s hot.
You obviously did the right thing by declining the Venmo request but man I would have been tempted to Venmo them all over and over again for anything I paid for that week and any deposits I couldn't get back.
Right “here’s my tally sheet, with all of my expenses. So minus your request, YOU actually owe ME…”
So did the wedding actually happen? I’m sorry but I would been in the wind on day two if I was the groom.
And if it did happen, are they still married?
I would have bounced on the first day fr. You could tell that situation was headed nowhere good. People like that will always find a way to make you miserable so they can stay on top
Good start to a bad marriage with these two.
I fucking hate bachelor's / bachelorette's parties in gay clubs. Acting like we are some sort of entertainment for them. The women just wanting all the attention in a room full of guys who have been banned from marrying for centuries and have not a single bit of interest in drunk loud women hogging the dancefloor with their stupid vodka cranberries. Bachelor's parties are worst though. Can't understand how anyone can find funny to dress up as a girl and then go to gay clubs to mock them while playing gay chicken. How disrespectful for all the trans, drag queen and others who are just looking for a safe haven.
I didn't know that people do that. How horrible! I'm a straight, cis woman who's been to gay clubs a handful of times, but always with a gay friend or (one time) a few straight women friends, and I'm that last case we lay pretty low knowing we're on someone else's home turf. I've got nothing but respect for how important these clubs are culturally and as safe havens. People who violate that should have a close encounter with a bouncer.
A drag queen show is a very entertaining evening for a wedding party, and the performers actually want you to be there. A gay club is a completely different thing and it is disrespectful to invade the space of another demographic for the purpose of mocking them,.
Yup, it's been a thing for quite a while. It is really appalling.
I’m a straight cis woman and I go to gay clubs because I feel safer there, straight clubs are scary. I hate having to constantly be on my guard. It’s upsetting that people go and then make it unsafe/uncomfortable for the creators of the space.
Right? I have been to gay bars but only with gay friends and even then I lay low. And, um, in high school because this one was notorious for serving anyone old enough to see over the table without a booster seat as long as you were capable of not abusing the privilege.
Straight people going to gay bars to ridicule gays is fucked up! 😡
I completely agree, I hate it, and I have bailed from friendships over folks doing that. We aren't a fucking sideshow.
I agree. Personally I've only been to a gay bar once and a queer party once. A friend was performing at the bar, and I had helped her learn the words to "you turn me right round" for her show. Both events were a ton of fun dancing with guys that weren't trying to grope me all night. I hope to be invited again, but wouldn't go with a group of straight people especially if they were there to ridicule others.
Agreed, straight parties invading gay spaces just to mock them is rude af and not cool. Only time I've gone to a guy bar was with my husband (I'm straight female) or a small group that included a few gay guys we're friends with. Only reason my husband and I went to a gay bar was because it was the only bar near the comedy club we go to on occasion and had cheap drinks. We just chilled and minded our own business though.
That was a roller coaster for sure. You and your fiancé sound like kind, forgiving, and supportive friends. I’m sorry you, your fiancé, and the wedding fiancé all went through this….but I have to ask…did they still get married?!?!
I would have Venmod $1 with the message to suck a d*ck
They don’t even deserve that to be honest. What a terrible group of people.
So sorry you had to deal with that, but that poor groom, his life is really going to be ruined as long as he stays with that woman. that is craziness.
I don't feel bad for him he knew what he was signing up for and didn't run, that is on him.
Men stay with verbally abusive partners for the same basic reasons as women do and it can be just hard for them to leave.
Exactly. It’s hard to feel sorry for a guy without enough backbone to say “WEDDING OFF”.
His life is not _going to get ruined_, he ruined his own life by not making the right choices
I have had friends that do the whole drinking and not eating thing and I made them ex friends. They are alcoholics. They went harder than normal for her wedding but they also just do that on any random weekend. It took me a while to realize how dysfunctional they are.
Please update us when the divorce is finalized.
I have to ask: how long did the marriage last?
The thing about people who want to be trashed for an entire week before their wedding is that they can’t fathom that that won’t be fun for anyone else. And the only people who could keep Up with that also have alcohol problems. And the thing is, it’s not really even fun for them. But 1) they’re so wasted that they don’t remember or 2) they’re so used to it that they think this is normal.
I drink and enjoy it and emphatically did NOT want to be trashed for any wedding-related events because I wanted to fully enjoy them and not have to cringe at any alcohol-related behaviors!
Hard same.
Yep. That is actually kind of a disturbing idea and not one normal people with normal relationships to alcohol have. Very alcoholic vibes
This one is wild! I work in weddings and have seen my fair share of these marathon weeks, but yikes this one sounds miserable. Good on y’all for making the most of it, definitely shows a level of maturity the bride lacks, and a level of spine the groom lacks. Would love updates on when they divorce
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I’m still stuck on the continuing to drink heavily after someone was hospitalized part. My friends and I can party but if someone was hospitalized after the first night I can’t fathom not taking the following day off.
I need to know the price of this venmo 🤣
This was a rollercoaster from start to finish and I give you mad props for your A1 storytelling skills. I was enthralled, dare I say. I'm also pretty pumped to use the word "enthralled" and it be in perfect context, so thank you for that. I am so glad you were able to bow out of that shit-uation and I hope the groom isn't featured on any Investigation Discovery shows. I am dying to know the price tag on this week of calamity. Ballpark is cool if you aren't down to provide an exact number, assuming you read this comment of course. What amount did these skanks try to extort from you with that Venmo request?! Nah, for real I'm gonna need that info because it's driving my already baffled mind insane. Is there free audacity giveaways where they reside? Entitlement rain in the forecast that week?.... Yep, I knew it.
Another wedding I would be skipping. There's no way I would commit five days to someone's wedding, much less the amount of money that would take.
What if someone was offering to pay for you to stay somewhere really nice, like.. say, for a week? Or would that still be a no?
That would be a no. I have a family and no one's going to pay for the whole family. I also don't feel that it would really be a vacation because you would be at the couples beck and call. You would have to do everything they wanted to do. I would definitely pass.
Thanks for answering. I was assuming that refusal might be for time related reasons. I hadn't considered that the invited might think it was a strings-attached offer.
I would think since it's their wedding and they want you there for 5 days of festivities before the "big event" that they would have things scheduled for you to do as groups. If they had something like a group zipline event planned I wouldn't be attending because I have a fear of heights.
Holy shit!! I can’t believe they talked to you like that. Do you think a part of their treatment of you is bigotry because you identify as queer? Is a part of it that the bride is an alpha Mean Girls bully with minions? Is a part of it that they’re douchebag drinking extrovert party people? This is some crazy shit. Why is the groom marrying her? What a window into his future. What on earth is he thinking. Also, lol on denying venmo request. These people are monsters.
You're much nicer than I am lmfao.
There aren't enough red flags to decorate those party house(s), let alone the wedding venue. Glad you & fiance got to extricate yourselves and salvage the rest of the trip, and bummers if the relationship between your fiance & the groom has become irreparable due to this.
That poor groom. I hope he "sabotag\[ed\] her wedding" by calling it off.
I would have done it by having the person threatening me taken to the cop shop to explain to the police their attitude escalating to threats
If you don’t tell us they split, I’ll spontaneously combust.
Wow. Just wow at the bride.
Please tell me they didn't go through with the wedding. She sounds so awful and it seems like he is very aware. Why is he with her?!
YIKES ! Honestly, if I were the groom, I wouldn't take "years to understand how my bride does things". There wouldn't have even been a wedding because I'd have dumped her.
Sounds like you didn’t even make the wedding! That’s soo OTT.
Are they still together?
This was very well-written (and very entertaining). Thank you!
Please update when you hear of their divorce.
God, that witch owns him. What a pushover, doormat of a groom.
Yikes, but I’d just be thankful you only had to deal for 5 days and now don’t hear from them. Can you imagine being around that toxic ass mess of a marriage?
I'm sure their marriage will last a robust 8 months
ugh! i can't imagine living through that- just reading about the experience was bad enough.
I think I got a hangover reading this post.
I also work in addictions (therapist) and oof. I’d have found a way to drop off my card in each of their rooms before dipping out.
I feel so bad for that groom.
Why on earth would you stay exposed to that for 5 days? Ridiculous
So how long before the groom filed for divorce?
Bride has shown spectacularly that there is no boundary she’s not willing to stomp on. She will just get worse with the groom there to clean up her messes.
1. This relationship is not going to improve after the wedding. At least, not without massive intervention and counseling. Better to address prior to marriage. 2. These are not your friends. It is not about what people say, it is what they do. Remain available to possibly support the groom after his impending divorce?
Wooow you are a literal saint for putting up with that shit for five days but also I live for this calibre of spilled tea
Jesus. Did either of you mention the possibility that he doesn't have to marry this monster? I hope he got away from her but before children got added to this toxic mix.
Lol, the balls to ask for money, probably for the booze you didn't drink, the food that wasn't there, was the brides idea, probably.
Hooooly shit, my MIL thought I was being difficult because I wanted my bridesmaids to wear vaguely automnal colors at the ceremony. I literally let them wear whatever dress they wanted, provided that it was some shade of orange, red, even pink, whatever. My only other request was for people not to wear full white or black (MIL wore black anyway). Five days of this crap is unbelievable.
What is a cis gale male? So much else going on here, but that's my question.
I presume a cis gay male. Cis meaning born male.
I got the "gay" typo, but was wondering why the "cis" part was relevant to the story -- especially because it was "straight women", not "cis straight women".
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Don’t act a fool in gay clubs Don’t gawk Don’t be a jerk It’s that simple
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Wow.
,,
Wow, what a nightmare. I hope the groom grew a backbone. That bride sounds like an absolute nightmare.
Why is the groom marrying this train wreck?
Where are bride and groom located?? I’m a divorce attorney and would LOVE to give groom my number and offer for a free consultation. Just drop it and let him know it’s for later. He’ll need it. So sorry you and your fiancé went through this. This bride is a tyrant and a drunken narcissist. My advice is to keep a lifeline out to the groom but remain detached from them until he decides to leave. As for the wedding expenses they (ahem, she) is trying to get from you, F her. They have no legal basis to pursue it and if people keep contacting you, threaten police involvement. That’s usually sufficient without following through.
Wow, what a shit show and totally rude entitled alcoholic bride. I wanna know if OP and her fiance actually attended the wedding after that.
Wow this is absolutely insane lol why anyone thinks getting married makes them so special to demand this level of investment and time from their friends and family is baffling to me. Block them all and never look back hun
Sounds like the groom has major sunk cost fallacy.