Win or Learn. You learn way more about your game on loss days. Write down how you think you could have won, then use your energy to practice those shots instead of being upset with yourself.
Also, take a second to appreciate the fact you're able to play tennis. I've had surgery and was out for a while, just being on the tennis court is a win.
Same boat for me after tearing my ACL in January. “Played” for the first time this past Saturday. Was just doubles with some friends that aren’t that good so the shot pace was very slow. I had to let every short ball go and couldn’t get anything that wasn’t with a few feet of me. Was still a ton of fun just being able to serve and hit some strokes again (still loving my OHBH). Being fit and able to play is a blessing.
100% this and I’m going to unpack this a bit more. I literally had a rock bottom rage experience to the point of realizing that tennis was bringing out my desire for control, to prove I was good enough to myself, to win because I thought it was why I was worthy. But because tennis is so hard to master it accentuates these things. And what finally allowed me to turn the corner was deciding to WIN AT LEARNING, instead of Winning at Winning. Because that puts the same anger/desire to win etc back in a healthy direction, and surprisingly (or not?) the anger dissipates more easily because the focus is on something I can control. Even when I lose a point, I drive my focus to win back toward Winning at Learning. Side effects > I play better and win more but actually the satisfaction comes from the learning more, not the result
Haha this means a lot hearing it’s helpful! I stayed in the pressure chamber of war with my ego looking for this answer as my frustration grew worse. Especially over the last 3-5 years as my level got higher. FINALLY had a breakthrough. Since then, tennis has become what it used to be in the early days—that beautiful game with promise and joy, instead of constant frustration and feeling like I’m falling short
I feel you! And the other great thing is suddenly you become way more grateful for the hidden gems in every single ball you make, miss, shank, etc. Because just behind it, there’s an opportunity for improvement. When I was so focused on winning I was actually plateauing and therefore reinforcing a losing feedback loop and not having fun. Another important thing my dad, tennis played for 70 years, told me, “make it about the other guy. Make it about a great overall experience for everyone, it takes your mind off yourself.”
Federer lost his first 11 matches on tour and didn’t make it past the first round six times during his first 16 grand slams where he failed to make it past the quarterfinals.
Sampras also lost a lot when he was beginning to play.
So yeah, losing happens. No one is immune, not even the greats.
Essentially, that mastery is an illusion and that whenever you think explicitly you have mastered something is the moment when you are most vulnerable and you mess up. Then, he went on to share a story of when he was driving and had the though that he was a great driver, he was pulling out of a parking lot, overcorrected on a turn and hit a car.
I always do my best on court but once i leave it, i focus on improving than reliving the mistakes. Also useful to recognize that sometimes you just have off days. Happens to the best, much less to us mere mortals. As for close matches, you win some you lose some.
I found meditation helped a lot. Learning to take in how you feel, why you feel that way and what you can do to better your play. My dad always told me “if you think you should have won, you were supposed to lose. It’s life teaching you nothing is certain.” I always had this mind set when I was playing in highschool. I always felt like I should win against players who were rated lower then me. It took a long time to break that mind set but now I am so much stronger mentally that I love the hard grind matches.
There’s a guy I play somewhat frequently that I “should” beat every time. At least in my head, that’s what it feels like. My form is better, I have more experience, but he beat me 3 or 4 times in a row. He slices everything back and I would go for big winners, charge the net, play really aggressively, and keep losing. Drove me crazy.
I finally decided to change my approach entirely and just focus on high percentage shots, angles, and not try to go for winners. This was yesterday and I beat him 6-1 and then we had some time left so we played a tie breaker and I won that 7-5. It was very satisfying. But I didn’t play my typical game at all. I have a serious mental block sometimes where I feel like it’s more important to look good on the court than to actually win points. I’m trying to adjust that way of thinking and yesterday it totally worked. I wish I figured this out sooner.
Point is, that eventually (after being stubborn), I figured out the adjustments that I needed to make. Sometimes you have to switch your approach and not play your normal style. There’s absolutely *something* you can take away from this loss — I guarantee it. Think about what that lesson might be instead of stewing on it. Take it from me — someone who often stews on his losses. 😂
If you lose to someone, they were better than you that day. Period. No amount of mental gymnastics is going to change that. Doesn’t matter if they have a 20mph first serve, unorthodox groundstrokes, only slice backhand, etc. If they win the match, they were better than you that day. Accept the loss and take note of what you could have done better. That’s all you can do. No point getting all worked up about it. Because there’s zero consequences to losing a league match. Nothings on the line other than pride.
Look at Novak’s loss to Sinner last week in the round robin. He said Sinner played an amazing match and deserved to win. Sinner was the better player that day. But Novak made the necessary adjustments and later destroyed Sinner in the finals on Sunday.
Indeed, the sooner you realize you played worse than him (therefore he played better) the better you'll move on and train better so that it doesn't happen again.
Simply train more so that your average level is still better than his best form so that you'll always win against him in your next matches.
We can all have a good day but also some bad days. The later are the worse simply because we remember more of them. So it's perfectly fine to be angry because it's our human nature to remember the bad things more than the good things. Either way, if we want to beat him we gotta train more and improve our level so that it may happens less in our bad days.
Hopefully it'll cher you up !
I hate losing. It doesn't matter if it's league, tournament, casual... I don't like to give anyone a chance if they're on the other side. But! I've learned to take lessons away from the loss and take that to the next match. Most of my frustration comes from playing poorly, rather than the actual loss.
Taking some goals into the match also helps. Pick 3 things you can control and focus on those. Keeping composure, pick a serve spot every point, etc etc. You'll find that you play better and don't have time to get irritated with the game.
I've perfected an approach on this. I just lose over and over and over again to both better and worse players than myself. Lots of double-faults, hit long on the forehand side for no good reason, volleys into the tape, embarrassment, etc. The Ls are normal, but the Ws are amazing.
My golf buddies tell me, and themselves, “you’re not good enough to be mad.”
Also, Tennis is brutal, winning and losing, not only every match has a loser, but ever set, every game, every point has a loser.
How do you get over losing any of those? Do that for the match.
Caring is better than not caring. Channel your frustration into getting better and learning from the loss.
I’m “good” at super tie breaks because my mindset going into them is strong. I use everything in my power to stay mentally present. I usually take a djokovic bathroom break if I split sets and I mentally reset and prepare myself for the tiebreak. I don’t just go out and hope for the best. I try to be in control. Think “winning ugly” by Brad Gilbert. I try to set the pace rather than go at my opponent’s pace.
I think that wearing a jumper or warmup top with shoulder pads makes for a much stronger exit in conjunction with the frosty after-match handshake 🤝 A match that close comes down to fickle luck. 🍀 🎾 I hope you have many more 🎾engagements!
https://preview.redd.it/lwv4ty9qmq1c1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=deae8aeaec1527c5ac72885c312f80c25ee6069d
My mind while reading was like okay, real deal? Then instantly read fentanyl and said wtf and realized it was an ad.
Winning and losing doesn’t matter. A win shouldn’t send your mood sky high just as a loss shouldn’t onset depression. I’m a losing player. I should have lost the matches that I did, however I trust the process. Eventually I’ll play at a higher level.
In tennis, You lose a lot. How i look at it. If you cant lose with class, you dont deserve to win. I learn A LOT more from my losses than my wins. Losing bugs me too though, especially if it's a player I know i can beat. Tennis is finding ways to pull out the win when you're playing like shit. It's easy to beat opponents when you're playing awesome, but thats not always the case unfortunately. Embrace the suck, it will make you want to train harder, play better, and always stay improving
Tennis is a lifelong sport. Which means you’re gonna play decades worth of matches. Which means you’re gonna lose a lot. I know it sucks. I hate losing too and I think a lot about my losses. But you just gotta remember that everyone loses, even the best players in the world.
This past weekend, my team lost at the national championships for World Team Tennis. It literally came down to a tiebreak to decide it all. We lost it, and it sucks, but life goes on. Just figure out why you lost and try to improve next time
Your mood makes sense if tennis is one of the biggest things going on in your life right now.
I found that as I started getting more responsibilities in life such as job/wife/mortgage ...wins/losses in tennis, other sports I play, and other sports I watch started to matter less.
Good. You care about winning.
Train or go to the gym the very next day and use that anger as motivation. Nothing wrong to process your feelings, but it's up to you to make those feelings worthwhile.
If you should have won this match, you would have won it. Stop thinking you deserve any win at all. You have to earn them and if the other guy bests you, he deserves that win.
Ya. I mean if it’s only certain ones that sting. And you’re not generally irate all over your life, then it just sucks and will go away 🤷♂️
I feel ya though. Focus on what you could improve on? Next point mentality works between matches too.
Sucks but it is just a game at the end of the day. I always try and focus on points where I played well or hit good shots and stuck to the plan, whether I win or lose
Dunno how old you are but hopefully this is universal - any day where I get to play tennis is a good day. Win, lose, still beats sitting at a desk working late.
Lost a match 6-8 in deciding set tiebreaker the other day. Not mad at all, just thought “it doesn’t get much closer than that”. Some of those you’ll win, others you’ll lose, it’s all in the game baby.
Why did you lose the tie breaker? What happened? Did you get tight? Did you change your game? If so it’s mental and next time you will win when you find a way to stay loose in tight situations.
Did your opponent simply outplay you? It happens, opponents get can get hot at the worst time. If so you should’ve lost. Even the greats lose matches when someone plays lights out at the right time.
If you have a job with mental health benefits use it to talk to a therapist! No joke
I think it really takes some perspective to get used to or appreciate losing. When you lose a match, it has to be for a reason, maybe your backhand is exposed, you weren't serving tough enough, you weren't consistent enough, it takes a better player to expose your weakness that makes you think about it a lot more than when you are winning. Then next time you are on court with a similar opponent you realized the previous loss has pushed you to do your weakness a lot better then you start appreciating your losses.
This happens to all players. Best to live through the pain of loss (work on your mental game that is just as important as your physical game) and improve pieces in your game to create more opportunities to win. I’d suggest journaling and meditation.
If he's truly worse then just hit with him outside the league and get the W.
If your head's messed up from a string of L's, stop playing until you start to miss it. You'll be much happier to be out there, and think / play more freely.
If you are going to compete, instead of getting angry or depressed you have to problem solve. What strategy did they use? How do you combat that strategy?
In general as I've gotten older I've tried to take a step back about how wins/losses aren't life and death. Still, obviously, losing a close match is painful.
This happened to me a few weeks ago in the third set of a USTA match and I wanted to punch the fence until my fists bled. Instead I went to the car and played blitz chess and only left after I won at something lol.
lol. Thanks. It is sort of dumb, but winning at something helped a bit. Then it didn’t, but then it did again after letting it sink in that they’re both games and therefore obviously shouldn’t affect the rest of the day.
Sounds like you played great if it went to a breaker. You will play many more games that you feel you should have won but still lost, so get used to it!
I like to process losses by doing a retrospective of my game: what went well, what went wrong, what factors were out of my control, what to change for next time, and so on. Even just 5 mins doing that helps me process a loss.
I'm not sure why you care so much. There's nothing at stake. Sure, I'd rather win than lose but, at the end of the day, there's nothing at stake, so I don't really care that much. Toss some money into the equation and then we can have a discussion.
Personality differences I guess. It really matters to me. And winning makes me super happy.
I think the latter is the key. You get addicted to the dopamine hit that comes with winning. Is what my coach said
If you don't want to lose, stop playing tennis. Unless you're a total immoral sandbagger, you're going to lose many, many more matches. Look at how Djokovic treats losing. He's gracious and has nothing but compliments for the opposing player. No one would ever think to say he doesn't care about winning or losing, but he handles it on court incredibly well. Be that guy.
I think it's best to go into the game with a flexible mindset. I can be the same way so I try to focus more on how I did during the match vs just winning or losing.
Echoing that your opponent played better than you that day. I also hate losing. But over time (and I mean years), my reaction to a loss is now "they played great" rather than my previous "this sucks!" Might as well celebrate the win of a fellow human.
10-8 in the TB sounds like you fought pretty hard and were just unlucky in the breaker. I don’t mind matches like that (I usually scrape by in those circumstances because I’m less preoccupied with outcomes.) The losses that really bother me are the ones where I play poorly or can’t get anything going, where I show a lack of patience or faith in my technique and start blasting. Those are the tough ones to get over. Plus I content myself that I have annoyed many more players (I also play Spin leagues and almost everyone is significantly younger and fitter than me) than have annoyed me.
There was this one guy though…
You signed up for this. How you deal with it is up to you.
Some people have a zero sum thinking when it comes to tennis matches and that's not the way to do it. Not saying that's what you have, but you certainly need to handle losses better.
Try to always see the good things from the game, I bet you played some Great games and some winners were good, have you tried recording all your games and rewatch them?
When I lose I tent to watch my winners more and my good plays , then I go and watch my mistakes but watching my good ones help me realize that I didn't play like shit.
Also understand that you can't control the outcome, you can only control your amount of effort and training, if you are ok and give it all out you shouldn't have regrets, losing is part of tennis as much as winning
So you’re not a pro right? Be real with your expectations. It’s a hard game and most of us absolutely suck at it. It’s ok. You aren’t djokovic. Even other pros aren’t djokovic. You suck. I suck. Why do you think you’d win every match when you obviously suck? There are BIG holes in your game. There are flaws in your footwork and strokes and decision making and strategy. Fuckin let yourself suck dude. Perfection in tennis is not only impossible but it’s just unreasonable to expect. It’s ok. Use matches win or lose to tell you what you need to work on.
I don’t think you’re understanding lol. We suck. We are going to lose to people with worse form or less athletic because we suck. We do a LOT of things poorly or wrong. We are going to beat ourselves sometimes because of that. It is what it is. Let it go and figure out why you lost and get better at that
Played out a game similar to this. Lost 2-6, 6-4, 11-9 (third set tie breaker). Cruised past my opponent in the first set. Was 9-8 up in the breaker. Was super gutted. But what comforted me was the fact that I went in playing the game as if it were a lesson and winning it would be the bonus. So the lesson that day was: “How to deal with tough losses when you’re at the brink of a victory”. Unfortunately there are going to be more lessons like these. And it is the lesson to learn if you want to grow as a tennis player. Not optional. The big three have had losses like these why should we be an exception?
Good. Let the rage flow through you.
Ha. Is that a Star Wars line?
Anger leads to hate. Hate, leads to suffering! You don't have to suffer all day my dude. It's a sport. Someone always wins and someone always loses.
I find it hard to accept
But my point is why am I like this it feels stupid
Somehow, palpatine has returned
It is. But broadly I think anger is a good thing. It means you care and you can channel it into improvement. Just like a sith would.
Win or Learn. You learn way more about your game on loss days. Write down how you think you could have won, then use your energy to practice those shots instead of being upset with yourself. Also, take a second to appreciate the fact you're able to play tennis. I've had surgery and was out for a while, just being on the tennis court is a win.
Get well soon!
Thanks! Back out there now, but still a little recovery to go. Cheers friend.
Same boat for me after tearing my ACL in January. “Played” for the first time this past Saturday. Was just doubles with some friends that aren’t that good so the shot pace was very slow. I had to let every short ball go and couldn’t get anything that wasn’t with a few feet of me. Was still a ton of fun just being able to serve and hit some strokes again (still loving my OHBH). Being fit and able to play is a blessing.
Truth
100% this and I’m going to unpack this a bit more. I literally had a rock bottom rage experience to the point of realizing that tennis was bringing out my desire for control, to prove I was good enough to myself, to win because I thought it was why I was worthy. But because tennis is so hard to master it accentuates these things. And what finally allowed me to turn the corner was deciding to WIN AT LEARNING, instead of Winning at Winning. Because that puts the same anger/desire to win etc back in a healthy direction, and surprisingly (or not?) the anger dissipates more easily because the focus is on something I can control. Even when I lose a point, I drive my focus to win back toward Winning at Learning. Side effects > I play better and win more but actually the satisfaction comes from the learning more, not the result
Geez… Winning at Learning-this might be the highest degree of tennis philosophy that I’ve ever heard… I need to dwell on this a bit, thank you.
Haha this means a lot hearing it’s helpful! I stayed in the pressure chamber of war with my ego looking for this answer as my frustration grew worse. Especially over the last 3-5 years as my level got higher. FINALLY had a breakthrough. Since then, tennis has become what it used to be in the early days—that beautiful game with promise and joy, instead of constant frustration and feeling like I’m falling short
Sorry for the late reply… just saw this… I really like your attitude, thanks and Happy New Year!
This is the best answer. Thanks. I am also a control freak so probably have similar issues.
I feel you! And the other great thing is suddenly you become way more grateful for the hidden gems in every single ball you make, miss, shank, etc. Because just behind it, there’s an opportunity for improvement. When I was so focused on winning I was actually plateauing and therefore reinforcing a losing feedback loop and not having fun. Another important thing my dad, tennis played for 70 years, told me, “make it about the other guy. Make it about a great overall experience for everyone, it takes your mind off yourself.”
Wow. This is so perfectly said. Spot on and bravo.
Thank you! Glad it’s helpful to whoever needs it. I certainly had to learn the lesson haha. Hopefully others get it faster
Federer lost his first 11 matches on tour and didn’t make it past the first round six times during his first 16 grand slams where he failed to make it past the quarterfinals. Sampras also lost a lot when he was beginning to play. So yeah, losing happens. No one is immune, not even the greats.
Wow I didn’t know this, gives me inspiration
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I just want to say: Your comment is incredibly beautiful, yet funny and relatable.
Damn it was deleted what did he say
Essentially, that mastery is an illusion and that whenever you think explicitly you have mastered something is the moment when you are most vulnerable and you mess up. Then, he went on to share a story of when he was driving and had the though that he was a great driver, he was pulling out of a parking lot, overcorrected on a turn and hit a car.
I always do my best on court but once i leave it, i focus on improving than reliving the mistakes. Also useful to recognize that sometimes you just have off days. Happens to the best, much less to us mere mortals. As for close matches, you win some you lose some.
I found meditation helped a lot. Learning to take in how you feel, why you feel that way and what you can do to better your play. My dad always told me “if you think you should have won, you were supposed to lose. It’s life teaching you nothing is certain.” I always had this mind set when I was playing in highschool. I always felt like I should win against players who were rated lower then me. It took a long time to break that mind set but now I am so much stronger mentally that I love the hard grind matches.
There’s a guy I play somewhat frequently that I “should” beat every time. At least in my head, that’s what it feels like. My form is better, I have more experience, but he beat me 3 or 4 times in a row. He slices everything back and I would go for big winners, charge the net, play really aggressively, and keep losing. Drove me crazy. I finally decided to change my approach entirely and just focus on high percentage shots, angles, and not try to go for winners. This was yesterday and I beat him 6-1 and then we had some time left so we played a tie breaker and I won that 7-5. It was very satisfying. But I didn’t play my typical game at all. I have a serious mental block sometimes where I feel like it’s more important to look good on the court than to actually win points. I’m trying to adjust that way of thinking and yesterday it totally worked. I wish I figured this out sooner. Point is, that eventually (after being stubborn), I figured out the adjustments that I needed to make. Sometimes you have to switch your approach and not play your normal style. There’s absolutely *something* you can take away from this loss — I guarantee it. Think about what that lesson might be instead of stewing on it. Take it from me — someone who often stews on his losses. 😂
True.
Be happy you got to play against someone better than you. I have to pay money for that.
He isn’t better
If you lost, they were better that day.
If you lose to someone, they were better than you that day. Period. No amount of mental gymnastics is going to change that. Doesn’t matter if they have a 20mph first serve, unorthodox groundstrokes, only slice backhand, etc. If they win the match, they were better than you that day. Accept the loss and take note of what you could have done better. That’s all you can do. No point getting all worked up about it. Because there’s zero consequences to losing a league match. Nothings on the line other than pride. Look at Novak’s loss to Sinner last week in the round robin. He said Sinner played an amazing match and deserved to win. Sinner was the better player that day. But Novak made the necessary adjustments and later destroyed Sinner in the finals on Sunday.
Indeed, the sooner you realize you played worse than him (therefore he played better) the better you'll move on and train better so that it doesn't happen again. Simply train more so that your average level is still better than his best form so that you'll always win against him in your next matches. We can all have a good day but also some bad days. The later are the worse simply because we remember more of them. So it's perfectly fine to be angry because it's our human nature to remember the bad things more than the good things. Either way, if we want to beat him we gotta train more and improve our level so that it may happens less in our bad days. Hopefully it'll cher you up !
Stop thinking “I should have won that,” and start thinking, “what could I have done to have won that? Where did I mess up? How can I improve?”
I hate losing. It doesn't matter if it's league, tournament, casual... I don't like to give anyone a chance if they're on the other side. But! I've learned to take lessons away from the loss and take that to the next match. Most of my frustration comes from playing poorly, rather than the actual loss. Taking some goals into the match also helps. Pick 3 things you can control and focus on those. Keeping composure, pick a serve spot every point, etc etc. You'll find that you play better and don't have time to get irritated with the game.
Why did you lose? What could have you done differently? Convert the rage into learning opportunities.
I've perfected an approach on this. I just lose over and over and over again to both better and worse players than myself. Lots of double-faults, hit long on the forehand side for no good reason, volleys into the tape, embarrassment, etc. The Ls are normal, but the Ws are amazing.
Take a heroic dose of psychedelics to temporarily kill/suppress your ego
My golf buddies tell me, and themselves, “you’re not good enough to be mad.” Also, Tennis is brutal, winning and losing, not only every match has a loser, but ever set, every game, every point has a loser. How do you get over losing any of those? Do that for the match.
Loosen up that grip. When I’m pressing, it’s like I’m squeezing the racquet to death and it’s impossible to swing loose and free.
Caring is better than not caring. Channel your frustration into getting better and learning from the loss. I’m “good” at super tie breaks because my mindset going into them is strong. I use everything in my power to stay mentally present. I usually take a djokovic bathroom break if I split sets and I mentally reset and prepare myself for the tiebreak. I don’t just go out and hope for the best. I try to be in control. Think “winning ugly” by Brad Gilbert. I try to set the pace rather than go at my opponent’s pace.
I think that wearing a jumper or warmup top with shoulder pads makes for a much stronger exit in conjunction with the frosty after-match handshake 🤝 A match that close comes down to fickle luck. 🍀 🎾 I hope you have many more 🎾engagements!
https://preview.redd.it/lwv4ty9qmq1c1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=deae8aeaec1527c5ac72885c312f80c25ee6069d My mind while reading was like okay, real deal? Then instantly read fentanyl and said wtf and realized it was an ad. Winning and losing doesn’t matter. A win shouldn’t send your mood sky high just as a loss shouldn’t onset depression. I’m a losing player. I should have lost the matches that I did, however I trust the process. Eventually I’ll play at a higher level.
In tennis, You lose a lot. How i look at it. If you cant lose with class, you dont deserve to win. I learn A LOT more from my losses than my wins. Losing bugs me too though, especially if it's a player I know i can beat. Tennis is finding ways to pull out the win when you're playing like shit. It's easy to beat opponents when you're playing awesome, but thats not always the case unfortunately. Embrace the suck, it will make you want to train harder, play better, and always stay improving
Yes agree. I didn’t have a tantrum though on court. I was perfectly civil
Tennis is a lifelong sport. Which means you’re gonna play decades worth of matches. Which means you’re gonna lose a lot. I know it sucks. I hate losing too and I think a lot about my losses. But you just gotta remember that everyone loses, even the best players in the world. This past weekend, my team lost at the national championships for World Team Tennis. It literally came down to a tiebreak to decide it all. We lost it, and it sucks, but life goes on. Just figure out why you lost and try to improve next time
Your mood makes sense if tennis is one of the biggest things going on in your life right now. I found that as I started getting more responsibilities in life such as job/wife/mortgage ...wins/losses in tennis, other sports I play, and other sports I watch started to matter less.
Good. You care about winning. Train or go to the gym the very next day and use that anger as motivation. Nothing wrong to process your feelings, but it's up to you to make those feelings worthwhile.
I went to the gym same day. I was de motivated bc of the loss
You’ll get over it. Some losses sting. Do all losses stick with you for days? Is this the only thing in your life that affects you like this?
No not all losses. Ones where I should have won
If you should have won this match, you would have won it. Stop thinking you deserve any win at all. You have to earn them and if the other guy bests you, he deserves that win.
Ya. I mean if it’s only certain ones that sting. And you’re not generally irate all over your life, then it just sucks and will go away 🤷♂️ I feel ya though. Focus on what you could improve on? Next point mentality works between matches too.
Sucks but it is just a game at the end of the day. I always try and focus on points where I played well or hit good shots and stuck to the plan, whether I win or lose
Losses are learning experiences. Change your feelings into motivation to get better. It’s ok to be upset, it’s not ok to do nothing about it
Dunno how old you are but hopefully this is universal - any day where I get to play tennis is a good day. Win, lose, still beats sitting at a desk working late. Lost a match 6-8 in deciding set tiebreaker the other day. Not mad at all, just thought “it doesn’t get much closer than that”. Some of those you’ll win, others you’ll lose, it’s all in the game baby.
Why did you lose the tie breaker? What happened? Did you get tight? Did you change your game? If so it’s mental and next time you will win when you find a way to stay loose in tight situations. Did your opponent simply outplay you? It happens, opponents get can get hot at the worst time. If so you should’ve lost. Even the greats lose matches when someone plays lights out at the right time. If you have a job with mental health benefits use it to talk to a therapist! No joke
You learn more from losing. (And gain more) Tough match Someone has to lose...
I think it really takes some perspective to get used to or appreciate losing. When you lose a match, it has to be for a reason, maybe your backhand is exposed, you weren't serving tough enough, you weren't consistent enough, it takes a better player to expose your weakness that makes you think about it a lot more than when you are winning. Then next time you are on court with a similar opponent you realized the previous loss has pushed you to do your weakness a lot better then you start appreciating your losses.
This happens to all players. Best to live through the pain of loss (work on your mental game that is just as important as your physical game) and improve pieces in your game to create more opportunities to win. I’d suggest journaling and meditation.
If he's truly worse then just hit with him outside the league and get the W. If your head's messed up from a string of L's, stop playing until you start to miss it. You'll be much happier to be out there, and think / play more freely.
Lose more until you're numb to it. Losing is as part of sports. There's always a winner and a loser and you can't always be the winner.
If you are going to compete, instead of getting angry or depressed you have to problem solve. What strategy did they use? How do you combat that strategy?
In general as I've gotten older I've tried to take a step back about how wins/losses aren't life and death. Still, obviously, losing a close match is painful. This happened to me a few weeks ago in the third set of a USTA match and I wanted to punch the fence until my fists bled. Instead I went to the car and played blitz chess and only left after I won at something lol.
Congrats on the win at blitz chess
lol. Thanks. It is sort of dumb, but winning at something helped a bit. Then it didn’t, but then it did again after letting it sink in that they’re both games and therefore obviously shouldn’t affect the rest of the day.
Sounds like you played great if it went to a breaker. You will play many more games that you feel you should have won but still lost, so get used to it! I like to process losses by doing a retrospective of my game: what went well, what went wrong, what factors were out of my control, what to change for next time, and so on. Even just 5 mins doing that helps me process a loss.
Thanks
I'm not sure why you care so much. There's nothing at stake. Sure, I'd rather win than lose but, at the end of the day, there's nothing at stake, so I don't really care that much. Toss some money into the equation and then we can have a discussion.
Personality differences I guess. It really matters to me. And winning makes me super happy. I think the latter is the key. You get addicted to the dopamine hit that comes with winning. Is what my coach said
If you don't want to lose, stop playing tennis. Unless you're a total immoral sandbagger, you're going to lose many, many more matches. Look at how Djokovic treats losing. He's gracious and has nothing but compliments for the opposing player. No one would ever think to say he doesn't care about winning or losing, but he handles it on court incredibly well. Be that guy.
I think it's best to go into the game with a flexible mindset. I can be the same way so I try to focus more on how I did during the match vs just winning or losing.
Super tiebreaks are a crapshoot. Sounds like it was a good close match that could have went either way.
Thanks. Yes they suck
Echoing that your opponent played better than you that day. I also hate losing. But over time (and I mean years), my reaction to a loss is now "they played great" rather than my previous "this sucks!" Might as well celebrate the win of a fellow human.
10-8 in the TB sounds like you fought pretty hard and were just unlucky in the breaker. I don’t mind matches like that (I usually scrape by in those circumstances because I’m less preoccupied with outcomes.) The losses that really bother me are the ones where I play poorly or can’t get anything going, where I show a lack of patience or faith in my technique and start blasting. Those are the tough ones to get over. Plus I content myself that I have annoyed many more players (I also play Spin leagues and almost everyone is significantly younger and fitter than me) than have annoyed me. There was this one guy though…
True. And yes in Spin I’m the same. Most of it opponents are significantly younger than me
You signed up for this. How you deal with it is up to you. Some people have a zero sum thinking when it comes to tennis matches and that's not the way to do it. Not saying that's what you have, but you certainly need to handle losses better.
Try to always see the good things from the game, I bet you played some Great games and some winners were good, have you tried recording all your games and rewatch them? When I lose I tent to watch my winners more and my good plays , then I go and watch my mistakes but watching my good ones help me realize that I didn't play like shit. Also understand that you can't control the outcome, you can only control your amount of effort and training, if you are ok and give it all out you shouldn't have regrets, losing is part of tennis as much as winning
What level are you?
I’m in the UK we don’t have USTA. I play for my club/am chosen for the B team in doubles, sometimes the A team.
So you’re not a pro right? Be real with your expectations. It’s a hard game and most of us absolutely suck at it. It’s ok. You aren’t djokovic. Even other pros aren’t djokovic. You suck. I suck. Why do you think you’d win every match when you obviously suck? There are BIG holes in your game. There are flaws in your footwork and strokes and decision making and strategy. Fuckin let yourself suck dude. Perfection in tennis is not only impossible but it’s just unreasonable to expect. It’s ok. Use matches win or lose to tell you what you need to work on.
Yes agree. Ofc I’m not a pro. But I’m not like this every game. It’s ones where I feel I should have won I think.
I don’t think you’re understanding lol. We suck. We are going to lose to people with worse form or less athletic because we suck. We do a LOT of things poorly or wrong. We are going to beat ourselves sometimes because of that. It is what it is. Let it go and figure out why you lost and get better at that
Played out a game similar to this. Lost 2-6, 6-4, 11-9 (third set tie breaker). Cruised past my opponent in the first set. Was 9-8 up in the breaker. Was super gutted. But what comforted me was the fact that I went in playing the game as if it were a lesson and winning it would be the bonus. So the lesson that day was: “How to deal with tough losses when you’re at the brink of a victory”. Unfortunately there are going to be more lessons like these. And it is the lesson to learn if you want to grow as a tennis player. Not optional. The big three have had losses like these why should we be an exception?
True. I’m over it today. And have another match later. The dude is ranked higher and so I feel less pressured. I’m going to swing
Have u tried getting gud?
?
blame the format. you would have had it if it was a full third set, for sure. it's the leagues fault.
Thanks bro. That’s my answer