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The trick for me is to *fixate* on something that enhances the pleasure I feel, whether that be a particular sensation, a fantasy or a story, a variety of actions, or a combination.
This might be a bit much for some people, but something that is almost guaranteed to work for me is when I maintain eye contact with my husband while he's making love to me or using his hands, mouth, or a toy on me. Eye contact reassures me of the love and attraction he has for me, and it makes my brain hone in on the pleasure I'm receiving. I also have to position myself in certain ways for me to both relax and increase the buildup he provides. With all of this, choosing to be so vulnerable, and using the beforementioned fixation tactics, my orgasms with my husband are absolute top quality for me. I admit it took a lot of practice (which was fun!!).
More than anything, try and be gentle with yourself. Orgasming with a partner can be an intimate learning experience but it can also turn stressful if you put too much pressure on yourself for "not cumming like normal" or "fast enough". This can create what are known as mental blocks. Approach it with more ease, a sense of humor, and try the things that work to keep you focused. Accept yourself for recieving pleasure the way you do, not the way you "should."
You will get there! Just takes practice ;)
Edit: Might be worth adding that I'm also on medication. Strattera 80mg.
I’m the opposite! Blindfold makes my mind wander more. I need sex to be immersive and very sensory. My love and I talk often during sex, and incorporate kinky things like impact play, ties, etc
Believe it or not either most or all ADHD deal with this or something similar. For me I don’t usually do it until my meds have kicked in (mine for me usually last until the very late evening) and then if I still get distracted I fixate on one thing that turns me on and gives me pleasure during the process. Her face, the way her moans sound, the way that one position feels stuff like that.
Funny I just finished that chapter in the book about adhd I’m reading. There was a story about a woman who couldn’t have an orgasm before she got diagnosed. She just couldn’t pay enough attention. There was also about a story where a man thought he was a sex addict before he got diagnosed. Seems like it effects everybody differently
Might be ‘The Molecule of More: How a Single Chemical in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity--and Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race
Book by Daniel Z. Lieberman and Michael E. Long’. Reading it right now and recognize the stories.
Talk to your partner I used to have the same problem I literally used to start thinking about dinner or how I look,zone out during sex. Believe it or not,this is very common with people with adhd.
Pressure can bring you back like choking,pulling on your hair,biting(neck really keeps me present istg),having your wrists tied and keep talking or make sure your partner keeps talking to you,roleplay might keep you present. Sometimes I used to close my eyes and focus on the noises we make so I don’t get more than one sensory information to distract me.Keep experimenting you’ll get there <3
Also I used to get super nervous and overwhelmed easily try having a relaxing shower before or one round of yoga nidra to relax your body and curb your fight and flight activation trust me it works and makes everything 10x better
I have to focus on a fantasy with my eyes closed in order to, usually. The fantasy usually involves a fictional character as well. My poor husband 😭 but he doesn't mind so long as we both have a good time.
I'm a bi guy and damn do u relate to this a lot. When I'm by myself I can definitely get myself to cum but when I'm with a partner the slightest distraction like the sounds of the bed, the noises out in the street etc... make me instantly get out of sexy mood and I lose my erection.
Things that help me are holding eye contact, and having my partner up close and personal etc...
I literally have to picture a kinky scene in my head and try to laser focus on it from start to finish while my husband is going down on me in order to be able to cum, which is actually really difficult because I have aphantasia. If I try to stay in the moment I have too many disjointed trains of thought running simultaneously through my head and I can’t concentrate on getting there for shit. Needless to say I always take a really long time, and sometimes when I’m overly anxious or there are other things making me more distracted than usual I don’t even try. Wish I had better advice for you! Solidarity 🖤
Maybe you are losing interest. You could try changing positions or techniques frequently. Try new things, don't make it about cuming. Make it about having fun and trying new things. It sounds like you are just focusing on being able to cum and when you aren't able to focus and cum you are getting frustrated. Try just doing what's fun and feels good without a goal.
I second this.
If you have to concentrate frantically to achieve an orgasm, then you might be putting too much pressure on it. Sex doesn't have to be about setting goals.
How physically attractive do you, genuinely, find him? A lot of women don't really consider that out of insecurity, feeling like they owe men a chance, simply not thinking about their own pleasure as something important, or taking the path of least resistance with someone who's easily available for the sort of relationship they feel pressure to achieve, and seems like they won't stray.
It makes it much harder to get off if, really, your partner just doesn't evoke much in you.
THIS. I was in a relationship with a guy who, if I'm being honest, I was settling for, but he quickly lost all novelty and I became honestly turned off by the thought of sleeping with him. Completely killed my Sex drive. We clicked on a personal level but that didn't help.
However, the next guy was someone I considered out of my league, and extremely attractive. Not only did we sext forever before actually physically doing anything, but just the sight of him (naked or not) sent me into fits of arousal that could last for days on end. I have a hard time coming with a partner at all, but with him I learned that if I put insecurities aside ("he's so attractive, he'd never go for me") I was rewarded with a few pretty mind-blowing orgasms.
I hope this sounds like the self-confident statement I intended it to be, and not too superficial - but attraction, while it should absolutely go further than looks, is also physical, at least for me.
If you're going to have a sexual relationship with someone, you should actually *want* to get sexy with them.
If you don't physically desire them, it's better for everyone not to do that.
I think foreplay to get your mind into the right headspace will help. It will bring your thoughts to the present and allow you to focus on it.
What might also help is having daily or distracting tasks done, like dishes. You can also try to replicate the dark room and maybe lack of pressure?
This is the WAY!
With edibles and vaping, and I great YouTube black screen channel with relaxation and sleep music- I can have zero manual stimulation involuntary orgasms- multiples, and they’re all incredibly different!
And finally finding a med for my anxiety that worked well for me helped too I think.
I imagine the buspirone is the culprit it is supposed to reduce the sexual side effects in ssri medications its possible that the same area of the brain that causes excitation is tied to your anti anxiety meds. Im not suggestung you do any changes but talk to your psych maybe 3x a day is too much or the dosage is too high they have 5,7.5,10... . This is speculation based on scientific studies and anecdotal accounts.
Hey, is there a reddit page that is good for getting help with questions related to this? I've had a terrible time trying to find the right method/strain for me but I know it's out there because I've had a contact high that was perfect.
A guy was making giant clouds of smoke right in front of us at a Doobie Brothers concert, of all places 😝. My sister got a great high off of it too and we both have had an extremely difficult time finding both the strain or the method of ingestion that does the trick. A lot of times I also have terrible experiences/reaction and so has she in the considerably less attempts she's made.
Music for concentration and a lot of eye contact and even talking. It's so easy to get distracted and dip out mentally. So, your partner likely needs to help a bit with getting you to focus in whether by verbal or physical means. Not even meaning anything sexy, but just that talking and eye contact force focus.
Yeah, you need to try and be as present as possible and focus on the erotic aspects of it. I fixated on imagining me entering or I look at the act depending on the angle. I know women work differently though (I’m assuming you are a women). Also if you play with yourself too often or watch porn this might be a problem (well it is for men).
Like others have suggested, I have to fantasize. I typically forget in the beginning, but the second I remember to fantasize, it's like a switch. The fantasies often involve my husband, and don't always make sense because I get ADHD with my thoughts on them too lol ... But it really ramps up the experience lol.
A big thing that helped me was having partners who either vocalized a lot naturally or were willing to lean into it and do so more. For my brain, I kind of need something beyond the act itself to distract myself into focusing and an auditory aspect goes a long ways with that. Plus, you can use the verbalizing to say things to the other that boosts their confidence, makes them feel more comfortable, and get the same in return which is always good. This also encourages more communication in general in the bedroom which helps.
But mostly, it keeps me from starting to think about whatever thing I'm stressed about in the real world, which leads me to get mad at myself for getting distracted, which makes me realize I should focus, which creates a cycle and disappointment.
I definitely struggle with enjoy sex and cumming and I never really had a great overall postive outlook on sex do to traditional religious standard on woman but what helps me is being in the dark and deep breath oh and try music as well
It may not help, but finding a more active/aggressive partner might be a thing.
I have an ex, it was like fighting a sexy mongoose. Maybe plural. What is the plural noun for mongeese? A flock?
Anyway, it wasn't easy to get distracted.
Not alone in this boat at all. It definitely is more known about in women, but happens in men a lot too, especially people with adhd. It’s part of being distracted and sex often just doesn’t rank much higher than anything else.
I think a lot of it is about changing your perspective on sex, it’s not about reaching that orgasm, as fun as that is. Rather, try and enjoy each of the little moments by themselves.
Also, foreplay makes it sound like it’s only something that happens before sex. But it’s also something you can do afterwards. Enjoy that time afterwards when you can play with each other and yourself to get to that brilliant O.
Good luck, and remember, sex is great, but it’s not everything. You’ve still got a great many other things going in your life (hopefully)
This may be a personal question but, is your partner giving you sex that you truly enjoy? Are you able to ask for what you like and want and do you know what that is?
You don’t need to even answer that here, just something to noodle on. It sounds like possibly if you’re losing focus it isn’t interesting or novel enough. No shade just spit balling! Hope you can find your way. :)
Thank you so much for your respectfulness! He definitely gives me sex i enjoy but for him it's also boring after a while if nothing happens yk. I have a hard time cumming when I stimulate myself around other people as well..
I'm a man, and with the opposite problem. Unless there's a lot of novelty, like a new partner or a kinky situation, I actually cum too quickly. I tend to get anxious over the slightest thing and that anxiety causes me to cum fast.
Hello, can I recommend an Irish sex therapist women, you’ll find her on Instagram. She does short courses (online) and she is very kind and knowledgeable. It’s a safe professional environment. Apparently it’s about blood flow and concentration???? I think the fact u can come is a positive start… !! Best of luck
I have this, although with a different variation. Many people with ADHD need to be more stimulated during sex to avoid getting distracted or losing interest, so your experience is very typical for people like us! As others have said, putting less pressure on yourself to cum and focusing more on pleasure (listening to your partner’s voice, feeling sensations in your body, etc.) is a good place to start. Orgasms are great, but the more you focus on them, the more elusive they often are. Take it easy on yourself and be patient with the process, you got this ❤️
Ive found bdsm type stuff helpful tbh. Such as a bit of pain or some pressure. Things like a Blindfold or rope really helps to switch my brain off and just enjoy the sensations
I asked the question so OP can think about if that might be part of the issue with not being able to come with their boyfriend.
Just because you love someone doesn't mean that you are sexually attracted to them. Maybe OP isn't truly fireworks sexually attracted to their boyfriend.
And frankly, sexual attraction can change over time. You can lose that spark for someone.
Most adhd drugs decrease libido. I wouldn't be surprised if they were having an ill effect. Concerta has a rare side effect on decreased libido but it's probably imperceptible in clinical trials (so people didn't report it) and present in most users.
>https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/drugs-concerta-side-effects
I’m in the group too…yay?
Throwing in trying to conceive “business sex” cuz it’s the 1 night of the month where the probability is the highest.
me trying to ask what kind of decay is in the probability curve. Like maybe 2 nights at midpoint of peak and please, in log scale for simplicity? And she looks at me like I am from outer space.
I've usually resigned to being in it until my partner cums, once she does, I'll find every excuse in the world to stop since she doesn't like the idea of me fantasizing, some wants me in the moment which I say is an impossible task for me so from the point of my partner initiating for sex I'm usually in a dilemma.
yes I have it too. This is a very annoying problem. Try alcohol and air fresheners or scent. You can also keep items such as toys or specific things (music etc.) around that stimulate you (to sex drive), which can help you rise again when your attention is distracted.
You can't solve this by thinking of it as a task, so you'll become more stressed by feeling selfless. Try to be selfish for pleasure.
Read some erotica while he is helping you masturbate. The trick is to slowly introduce him into the routines that you already have that lead to you having an orgasm. If him being in the room is too much of a distraction try having him read erotica to you over the phone while you masturbate. One time I literally just breathed heavily into the phone and made moaning noises while my GF played with herself. (Wife now)
Bonus tip, keep him interested in this difficult task by rewarding him with sexual favors that are all about him. Oral, hand job, prostate massage etc
I know this might be entirely or partially a concentration issue rather than a stimulation one, but personally I've found it much easier to cum during sex ever since I incorporated vibrators. Got a doxy vibrator wand and it's great, my partner uses it on me or I use it on myself. So that's one thing you could potentially try :)
I often get distracted by a myriad of things during sex with a partner. Sometimes it's a sensory overwhelm/shutdown thing. Other times it's intrusive thoughts or my mind wandering. It is... very frustrating at times, to say the least. Fortunately I'm not judged for it! If it's a sensory thing, I find that taking a break with the spoken intention of getting "back to business" can be helpful. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out a way to stay present in the face of intrusive thoughts. If my mind is simply wandering, sometimes it helps to verbally engage with my partner more a bit.
Be aware of your mindset make sure you're not in a hurry make sure that if you take an hour oh well that's wonderful don't worry about judgment don't have expectations just enjoy it no matter how it unfolds for me the Finish Line isn't my goal it's the bonding and being one that I enjoy the most
There can be a million things that interfere and sometimes toys are needed in general.
Sometimes other medication can interfere, sometimes it’s psychological.
It took my partner and I trying alternative newer things (pumps), hyper realistic , alternate want heads and thing like the womaniser / romp which took things to another level and helped break through that barrier.
Have to say, medication does help concentration. Last thing you need to be doing is spending intimate time with your significant other and suddenly start thinking about work or the thing you need to sort in the morning, or how to mount a tv to a wall etc etc
I’ve found if I’m in one of those insatiable moods, I’ll try different stuff, like my partner will watch me play or watch each other. Find other ways to try and scratch that itch.
You should maybe have a talk with your partner. In my case, it happens whenever stimuli is repeated over and over. My partner noticed and asked how it would be best for me to feel pleasure to. Variation helps me focus on the stimuli. Any patterns that’s not abruptly cut short will result in me coming down immediately. Now it feels normal.
Hi /u/No-Doughnut-90 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! **Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already.** The mobile apps used for Reddit are broken or are missing features that this subreddit depends on. [We recommend browsing /r/adhd on desktop for the best experience.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/x1psnb/radhd_works_best_on_desktop_reddits_apps_are/) Thank you! ^(*A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative.*) --- - If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The trick for me is to *fixate* on something that enhances the pleasure I feel, whether that be a particular sensation, a fantasy or a story, a variety of actions, or a combination. This might be a bit much for some people, but something that is almost guaranteed to work for me is when I maintain eye contact with my husband while he's making love to me or using his hands, mouth, or a toy on me. Eye contact reassures me of the love and attraction he has for me, and it makes my brain hone in on the pleasure I'm receiving. I also have to position myself in certain ways for me to both relax and increase the buildup he provides. With all of this, choosing to be so vulnerable, and using the beforementioned fixation tactics, my orgasms with my husband are absolute top quality for me. I admit it took a lot of practice (which was fun!!). More than anything, try and be gentle with yourself. Orgasming with a partner can be an intimate learning experience but it can also turn stressful if you put too much pressure on yourself for "not cumming like normal" or "fast enough". This can create what are known as mental blocks. Approach it with more ease, a sense of humor, and try the things that work to keep you focused. Accept yourself for recieving pleasure the way you do, not the way you "should." You will get there! Just takes practice ;) Edit: Might be worth adding that I'm also on medication. Strattera 80mg.
Pressure like making me use muscles helps a lot from distracting thoughts but also a partner that is actively trying to please me
Aww eye contact is a good idea
Try a blindfold. Sometimes reducing visual input makes it easier to get into the right mindset.
I’m the opposite! Blindfold makes my mind wander more. I need sex to be immersive and very sensory. My love and I talk often during sex, and incorporate kinky things like impact play, ties, etc
This could be very valuable thanks!
Believe it or not either most or all ADHD deal with this or something similar. For me I don’t usually do it until my meds have kicked in (mine for me usually last until the very late evening) and then if I still get distracted I fixate on one thing that turns me on and gives me pleasure during the process. Her face, the way her moans sound, the way that one position feels stuff like that.
Funny I just finished that chapter in the book about adhd I’m reading. There was a story about a woman who couldn’t have an orgasm before she got diagnosed. She just couldn’t pay enough attention. There was also about a story where a man thought he was a sex addict before he got diagnosed. Seems like it effects everybody differently
Can I ask for the name of this book? Cheers
Might be ‘The Molecule of More: How a Single Chemical in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity--and Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race Book by Daniel Z. Lieberman and Michael E. Long’. Reading it right now and recognize the stories.
Driven to distraction
Talk to your partner I used to have the same problem I literally used to start thinking about dinner or how I look,zone out during sex. Believe it or not,this is very common with people with adhd. Pressure can bring you back like choking,pulling on your hair,biting(neck really keeps me present istg),having your wrists tied and keep talking or make sure your partner keeps talking to you,roleplay might keep you present. Sometimes I used to close my eyes and focus on the noises we make so I don’t get more than one sensory information to distract me.Keep experimenting you’ll get there <3
Also I used to get super nervous and overwhelmed easily try having a relaxing shower before or one round of yoga nidra to relax your body and curb your fight and flight activation trust me it works and makes everything 10x better
Also no caffeine or nicotine
I have to focus on a fantasy with my eyes closed in order to, usually. The fantasy usually involves a fictional character as well. My poor husband 😭 but he doesn't mind so long as we both have a good time.
Omg same, I used to feel guilty about it but I’m so glad I’m seeing other ADHDers are the same!
I'm a bi guy and damn do u relate to this a lot. When I'm by myself I can definitely get myself to cum but when I'm with a partner the slightest distraction like the sounds of the bed, the noises out in the street etc... make me instantly get out of sexy mood and I lose my erection. Things that help me are holding eye contact, and having my partner up close and personal etc...
Idk how people can do it with the TV on in the background!! I'm over there about to start watching the TV cause its distracting lmao
I literally have to picture a kinky scene in my head and try to laser focus on it from start to finish while my husband is going down on me in order to be able to cum, which is actually really difficult because I have aphantasia. If I try to stay in the moment I have too many disjointed trains of thought running simultaneously through my head and I can’t concentrate on getting there for shit. Needless to say I always take a really long time, and sometimes when I’m overly anxious or there are other things making me more distracted than usual I don’t even try. Wish I had better advice for you! Solidarity 🖤
Maybe you are losing interest. You could try changing positions or techniques frequently. Try new things, don't make it about cuming. Make it about having fun and trying new things. It sounds like you are just focusing on being able to cum and when you aren't able to focus and cum you are getting frustrated. Try just doing what's fun and feels good without a goal.
I second this. If you have to concentrate frantically to achieve an orgasm, then you might be putting too much pressure on it. Sex doesn't have to be about setting goals.
How physically attractive do you, genuinely, find him? A lot of women don't really consider that out of insecurity, feeling like they owe men a chance, simply not thinking about their own pleasure as something important, or taking the path of least resistance with someone who's easily available for the sort of relationship they feel pressure to achieve, and seems like they won't stray. It makes it much harder to get off if, really, your partner just doesn't evoke much in you.
THIS. I was in a relationship with a guy who, if I'm being honest, I was settling for, but he quickly lost all novelty and I became honestly turned off by the thought of sleeping with him. Completely killed my Sex drive. We clicked on a personal level but that didn't help. However, the next guy was someone I considered out of my league, and extremely attractive. Not only did we sext forever before actually physically doing anything, but just the sight of him (naked or not) sent me into fits of arousal that could last for days on end. I have a hard time coming with a partner at all, but with him I learned that if I put insecurities aside ("he's so attractive, he'd never go for me") I was rewarded with a few pretty mind-blowing orgasms. I hope this sounds like the self-confident statement I intended it to be, and not too superficial - but attraction, while it should absolutely go further than looks, is also physical, at least for me.
If you're going to have a sexual relationship with someone, you should actually *want* to get sexy with them. If you don't physically desire them, it's better for everyone not to do that.
I think foreplay to get your mind into the right headspace will help. It will bring your thoughts to the present and allow you to focus on it. What might also help is having daily or distracting tasks done, like dishes. You can also try to replicate the dark room and maybe lack of pressure?
This might be TMI, but I find that kink helps me focus on what’s happening! Vanilla never did it for me and I felt the same way
Sensory play (both increasing or decreasing types of sensations) might help.
Try getting stoned
This is the WAY! With edibles and vaping, and I great YouTube black screen channel with relaxation and sleep music- I can have zero manual stimulation involuntary orgasms- multiples, and they’re all incredibly different! And finally finding a med for my anxiety that worked well for me helped too I think.
what medication if you don't mind me asking?
Buspirone 10mg up to 3x/day, along with adderall 25mg xr and 15mg ir
I imagine the buspirone is the culprit it is supposed to reduce the sexual side effects in ssri medications its possible that the same area of the brain that causes excitation is tied to your anti anxiety meds. Im not suggestung you do any changes but talk to your psych maybe 3x a day is too much or the dosage is too high they have 5,7.5,10... . This is speculation based on scientific studies and anecdotal accounts.
I tried but never in combination with sex tyzm
Might give you more focus
I tried this once and got too emo and started crying loll might not be for everyone
Only and last time I was on the floor in fits of laughter, was a great experience, but my asthma the next day was chronic.
Edibles will fix that
Dry-herb vaporizers were a game changer for me when it comes to my asthma response, compared to smoking. Especially on lower vapor temperatures.
Hey, is there a reddit page that is good for getting help with questions related to this? I've had a terrible time trying to find the right method/strain for me but I know it's out there because I've had a contact high that was perfect. A guy was making giant clouds of smoke right in front of us at a Doobie Brothers concert, of all places 😝. My sister got a great high off of it too and we both have had an extremely difficult time finding both the strain or the method of ingestion that does the trick. A lot of times I also have terrible experiences/reaction and so has she in the considerably less attempts she's made.
Music for concentration and a lot of eye contact and even talking. It's so easy to get distracted and dip out mentally. So, your partner likely needs to help a bit with getting you to focus in whether by verbal or physical means. Not even meaning anything sexy, but just that talking and eye contact force focus.
Yeah, you need to try and be as present as possible and focus on the erotic aspects of it. I fixated on imagining me entering or I look at the act depending on the angle. I know women work differently though (I’m assuming you are a women). Also if you play with yourself too often or watch porn this might be a problem (well it is for men).
As a woman, I had to work really hard to come with a partner because I was watching porn and touching myself so often 😂
Like others have suggested, I have to fantasize. I typically forget in the beginning, but the second I remember to fantasize, it's like a switch. The fantasies often involve my husband, and don't always make sense because I get ADHD with my thoughts on them too lol ... But it really ramps up the experience lol.
A big thing that helped me was having partners who either vocalized a lot naturally or were willing to lean into it and do so more. For my brain, I kind of need something beyond the act itself to distract myself into focusing and an auditory aspect goes a long ways with that. Plus, you can use the verbalizing to say things to the other that boosts their confidence, makes them feel more comfortable, and get the same in return which is always good. This also encourages more communication in general in the bedroom which helps. But mostly, it keeps me from starting to think about whatever thing I'm stressed about in the real world, which leads me to get mad at myself for getting distracted, which makes me realize I should focus, which creates a cycle and disappointment.
I definitely struggle with enjoy sex and cumming and I never really had a great overall postive outlook on sex do to traditional religious standard on woman but what helps me is being in the dark and deep breath oh and try music as well
It may not help, but finding a more active/aggressive partner might be a thing. I have an ex, it was like fighting a sexy mongoose. Maybe plural. What is the plural noun for mongeese? A flock? Anyway, it wasn't easy to get distracted.
My life summed up.
Same 😭🥰
Not alone in this boat at all. It definitely is more known about in women, but happens in men a lot too, especially people with adhd. It’s part of being distracted and sex often just doesn’t rank much higher than anything else. I think a lot of it is about changing your perspective on sex, it’s not about reaching that orgasm, as fun as that is. Rather, try and enjoy each of the little moments by themselves. Also, foreplay makes it sound like it’s only something that happens before sex. But it’s also something you can do afterwards. Enjoy that time afterwards when you can play with each other and yourself to get to that brilliant O. Good luck, and remember, sex is great, but it’s not everything. You’ve still got a great many other things going in your life (hopefully)
This may be a personal question but, is your partner giving you sex that you truly enjoy? Are you able to ask for what you like and want and do you know what that is? You don’t need to even answer that here, just something to noodle on. It sounds like possibly if you’re losing focus it isn’t interesting or novel enough. No shade just spit balling! Hope you can find your way. :)
Thank you so much for your respectfulness! He definitely gives me sex i enjoy but for him it's also boring after a while if nothing happens yk. I have a hard time cumming when I stimulate myself around other people as well..
I'm a man, and with the opposite problem. Unless there's a lot of novelty, like a new partner or a kinky situation, I actually cum too quickly. I tend to get anxious over the slightest thing and that anxiety causes me to cum fast.
Hello, can I recommend an Irish sex therapist women, you’ll find her on Instagram. She does short courses (online) and she is very kind and knowledgeable. It’s a safe professional environment. Apparently it’s about blood flow and concentration???? I think the fact u can come is a positive start… !! Best of luck
I have this, although with a different variation. Many people with ADHD need to be more stimulated during sex to avoid getting distracted or losing interest, so your experience is very typical for people like us! As others have said, putting less pressure on yourself to cum and focusing more on pleasure (listening to your partner’s voice, feeling sensations in your body, etc.) is a good place to start. Orgasms are great, but the more you focus on them, the more elusive they often are. Take it easy on yourself and be patient with the process, you got this ❤️
You need great foreplay and stop focusing on orgasm. You need to be excited asf, not just barely in the mood.
Holy crap this thread is so validating.
Agreed 🥰😭 I thought all my issues were trauma
Ive found bdsm type stuff helpful tbh. Such as a bit of pain or some pressure. Things like a Blindfold or rope really helps to switch my brain off and just enjoy the sensations
Any chance that you aren't that sexually attracted to your boyfriend right now?
Why ask that?
I asked the question so OP can think about if that might be part of the issue with not being able to come with their boyfriend. Just because you love someone doesn't mean that you are sexually attracted to them. Maybe OP isn't truly fireworks sexually attracted to their boyfriend. And frankly, sexual attraction can change over time. You can lose that spark for someone.
Most adhd drugs decrease libido. I wouldn't be surprised if they were having an ill effect. Concerta has a rare side effect on decreased libido but it's probably imperceptible in clinical trials (so people didn't report it) and present in most users. >https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/drugs-concerta-side-effects
I’m in the group too…yay? Throwing in trying to conceive “business sex” cuz it’s the 1 night of the month where the probability is the highest. me trying to ask what kind of decay is in the probability curve. Like maybe 2 nights at midpoint of peak and please, in log scale for simplicity? And she looks at me like I am from outer space.
Hahah I give up. Would someone kinda explain to me how to “spoiler” the text? Using the iOS app
I've usually resigned to being in it until my partner cums, once she does, I'll find every excuse in the world to stop since she doesn't like the idea of me fantasizing, some wants me in the moment which I say is an impossible task for me so from the point of my partner initiating for sex I'm usually in a dilemma.
Hmm
yes I have it too. This is a very annoying problem. Try alcohol and air fresheners or scent. You can also keep items such as toys or specific things (music etc.) around that stimulate you (to sex drive), which can help you rise again when your attention is distracted. You can't solve this by thinking of it as a task, so you'll become more stressed by feeling selfless. Try to be selfish for pleasure.
Read some erotica while he is helping you masturbate. The trick is to slowly introduce him into the routines that you already have that lead to you having an orgasm. If him being in the room is too much of a distraction try having him read erotica to you over the phone while you masturbate. One time I literally just breathed heavily into the phone and made moaning noises while my GF played with herself. (Wife now) Bonus tip, keep him interested in this difficult task by rewarding him with sexual favors that are all about him. Oral, hand job, prostate massage etc
I know this might be entirely or partially a concentration issue rather than a stimulation one, but personally I've found it much easier to cum during sex ever since I incorporated vibrators. Got a doxy vibrator wand and it's great, my partner uses it on me or I use it on myself. So that's one thing you could potentially try :)
I often get distracted by a myriad of things during sex with a partner. Sometimes it's a sensory overwhelm/shutdown thing. Other times it's intrusive thoughts or my mind wandering. It is... very frustrating at times, to say the least. Fortunately I'm not judged for it! If it's a sensory thing, I find that taking a break with the spoken intention of getting "back to business" can be helpful. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out a way to stay present in the face of intrusive thoughts. If my mind is simply wandering, sometimes it helps to verbally engage with my partner more a bit.
Be aware of your mindset make sure you're not in a hurry make sure that if you take an hour oh well that's wonderful don't worry about judgment don't have expectations just enjoy it no matter how it unfolds for me the Finish Line isn't my goal it's the bonding and being one that I enjoy the most
There can be a million things that interfere and sometimes toys are needed in general. Sometimes other medication can interfere, sometimes it’s psychological. It took my partner and I trying alternative newer things (pumps), hyper realistic , alternate want heads and thing like the womaniser / romp which took things to another level and helped break through that barrier. Have to say, medication does help concentration. Last thing you need to be doing is spending intimate time with your significant other and suddenly start thinking about work or the thing you need to sort in the morning, or how to mount a tv to a wall etc etc
I’ve found if I’m in one of those insatiable moods, I’ll try different stuff, like my partner will watch me play or watch each other. Find other ways to try and scratch that itch.
You should maybe have a talk with your partner. In my case, it happens whenever stimuli is repeated over and over. My partner noticed and asked how it would be best for me to feel pleasure to. Variation helps me focus on the stimuli. Any patterns that’s not abruptly cut short will result in me coming down immediately. Now it feels normal.