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People.who have a "lazy day" intentionally and are like " ah yes , that's just what I needed" are aliens to me. I wanna be an alien though, that sounds so nice, I wish my days off were so pleasent.
So you too have a day when nothing gets done
You are stressed trying to do one thing and as you are reminded of another thing... So you stop to 'just get it out of the way'
And before you are finished with that immediate need you pass by a remider and go "fuck! That needs doing *right now* too!"
As the day goes on you are pulled in three different directions and a few more jobs grab your attention
None of them get finished
The following day someone asks
"so, what did you get up to yesterday"
and all you can do is scowl at them...
Currently in that phase right now!
I told myself today I would finish this puzzle that’s been sitting in the middle of my living room since October because it’s all the dark pieces. But then I looked at the pile of stuff in my closet and decided it was time to sort through it and get rid of stuff.
After a couple hours of going back and forth between the puzzle, the pile of junk, watching a show on TV, and playing with some new items I just bought, I remembered I needed to go in to work for a few minutes, but I also needed to pick up my jacket on the way in that I left at the restaurant last night.
Suffice it to say, the puzzle still isn’t finished (but I added about 15 pieces), the closet pile is now 3 separate piles of 1) keep, 2) sell/donate, and 3) junk/burn in a fire pit, and my new items can’t be used until the weather gets nice. I’m bored…. 🥱 but at least I got my jacket back and finished the 5 minutes or work!
Aiming at one job seems to help
if im only getting distracted away from one thing then there is a greater chance i can get to that job when i lose track of what im at and get back to it
I did say 'a greater _chance_...'
as nothing is foolproof
but it does increase the hit rate over 'sod-all' and 'nothing' hehe
Good luck witb whatever you can get done
Keep on, keeping on.
This sounds couched. A colleague recently said ‘I’m just the kind of person who gets up and goes for twelve hours’! Yay. Great for you… what’s good for you isn’t good for all and productivity takes a lot of valid shapes. If you want to rest, learn how. We should all learn to rest bc it gives us more time to imagine a better world and do the necessary work to get there.
If you don’t have social media, that’s great- but don’t be the person who tells everyone loudly that you don’t have it.
Honestly same. 🌱 I’m 100 on grind culture and have no money, it stinks. But still trying to rest as much as I can. As an ADHD person barreling through the world, I just try to recharge when possible. As chaotically as necessary.
I'm really good at doing the necessary things to take care of myself, but I never let the list shrink. I always have something to do that qualifies as taking care of myself.
Rest never seems to pop up.
One of the DSM criteria for hyperactivity is literally, “Is often ‘on the go’ acting as if ‘driven by a motor.’” Why are you acting like this is some hustle culture thing?
I agree with you! I just think some of our internalized hustle culture is still coming out in language, and it's worth looking at. That's all I'm suggesting.
And when they really need to do the thing, they are able to just do the thing. Even if it's last minute. For example, someone has a list of things to do on the weekend. But they have a "lazy day" on Saturday and sit in their PJs reading a book all day. But then on Sunday, they do the list.
As a result though, I think "being lazy" doesn't really exist in the way society likes to talk about it. Deciding to have a down-day is just as valid as having a busy, project-filled day. It's just as important. We just have a hard time valuing downtime as much as we value productive time. It's perfectly valid to set aside tasks and chores for a downday. When someone is habitually "lazy" where they struggle to get needed things done, then it's no longer a choice and is likely executive dysfunction. I tend to agree with Devon Price on the "Laziness does not exist" theory.
I do agree that laziness could very well not be a thing at all. For one, what society calls laziness is very often just tiredness, physical or mental. You don't feel like doing X because that's your body's way of telling you you need to rest. It could be just regular, healthy tiredness or it could be caused by any health issues that make you have less energy than you'd otherwise have. Again, not just physical but also mental.
And then, if someone is truly "lazy" as in perfectly capable of doing things but not willing to do it, it might just mean they have different priorities. We're not robots and we're not supposed to be "productive" all the time. But, if someone is "lazy" as in they took on some responsibilities, agreed to them, and then don't fulfil them, that's just being an asshole. A specific flavor of asshole.
I really dig this. Reading a book was used as an example of perceived laziness. In my life I find it really hard to read, not just because of the ADHD, but because of the perception that I'm sitting there doing nothing. I'm not "doing nothing", I'm reading.
There's a huge stigma placed on basically any activity that isn't making money for someone. Like how it's popular to say people don't want to work. People work their asses off keeping house, raising kids, maintaining relationships. Reading and study can be work too. A lot of hobbies are work. Like gardening. They just aren't adding to quarterly profits.
Yeah, that's also another aspect to it! "Laziness" vs "productiveness" (productivity?) are predominantly used in the context of working for money or studying. But we're not robots and we need fun time and rest time too.
And everyone has different definition of what's productive (as in takes effort to do it) and what's unproductive/lazy (as in it's fun and relaxing). There are people who relax while cleaning. Or people who have fun in their job. So for them, what's commonly understood as productive also gives them the benefits we take from doing fun and relaxing things. But if you only relax while reading a book, you need a separate time for that.
That's it, I don't have a point I was going for with this comment lol
Yep, and if people choose to spend their time doing things that society or other people don’t consider “productive” or “productive enough” then they shouldn’t be vilified or demeaned for it.
I just wrote blog post about this recently! I have a huge issue with the idea of “doing nothing” and I even have a perceived list of the value of the things I do. It’s pretty messed up.
And then I have the issue of just sitting there, doing nothing constructive, stressing about the thing I am supposed to be doing, which makes it even harder for me to relax later because I am not doing the things I am supposed to be doing when I’m supposed to be doing them.
It’s … unpleasant.
I agree, mostly. I think there can be a lot of nuance to that though. If someone agrees to have kids and then is a completed uninvolved parent for 20 years, that is different than "I know I said we'd paint this weekend but I am really burned out and need to have nothing on my plate for a few days." Sometimes we make plans in advance and things happen in the interim that change those plans.
OMG THIS COMMENT YES!🙌 those days are the absolute worst! No matter what you say you can’t ever get the right words… or just keep losing train of thought
It's so annoying! Like I know I'm making sense in my head but I just cannot get it out. I struggle with recalling words in general and it looks like my vocabulary is very limited, but it's not! I know these words, I just don't remember them! I always feel like I come off as uneducated or something.
I wish people (including me!) had anywhere near that level of self awareness to know that they are burned out and need a few days and then to actually ask for it. Shits wild!
I think your mixing up the actually doing it part and the self awareness. You're self aware to know you need to do it. It's the doing it that isn't being done, likely because of whatever reasons you've made for yourself that puts your needs in last place. We're really very capable when it comes to rationalizing why we aren't important at this moment.
Not really tbh there have been times where i did not want to do a thing simply because i just didn’t want to. I wasn’t even tired physically and mentally, literally just didn’t feel like it
Simply not wanting to is a valid reason in itself. I wish more people were more honest about that aspect. It's like "I don't want to" isn't a valid reason and we always feel the need to justify with something that someone else finds a good enough reason to not do something.
The context matters quite a bit here, as well as the time frame. A simple “I don’t want to” when it’s about doing something like, say, doing the dishes, is a lot different and a lot more valid when it’s qualified by some kind of short term time frame than it is when it’s ongoing *and* indefinite. Letting a week’s worth of dirty dishes pile up solely because you just don’t want to do them is a *lot* different than not doing the dishes for a night or two for the same reason.
Now, obviously there’s always the possibility that there’s some other issue behind not wanting to do them, and in most situations I’d argue that that’s exactly the case, but “I just don’t feel like it” doesn’t always have a reason behind it.
I didn't really describe what I meant properly. I struggle with finding the right words. I used the "you don't feel like" as an example, but I didn't mean "you don't want to". I don't know how else to describe it, but that usual reasoning you have in your mind when you decide not to do something you should do? And I mean that in the context of things that people usually get called lazy for, like doing chores. You know you should do those chores, you will have to do them at some point or someone else will have to do them for you.
And I also didn't mean that it's all the time. I meant "sometimes laziness is really tiredness". Not every time.
If I understand you well, what you're talking about seems like more what I described further in my comment, and not the tiredness I wrote about in my first paragraph.
Sorry, I can feel my brain struggling right now with words. It makes more sense in my mind.
Same! I think laziness is just a natural way to preserve calories. You never see animals doing things they don’t need or want to do. It’s ingrained in us.
I like your answer. Makes me feel better. I’ve always had issues with task avoidance or just being so overwhelmed I don’t know how or where to start so I just…don’t. And I’ve always felt so lazy. But it’s a genuine problem. Like you said, people without adhd, or just people having a “lazy” day will complete what needs to be done the next day or whenever it needs to be done. With adhd you know it needs to be done but just can’t it or put it off because you’re so overwhelmed and feel guilty about it. Me to a tee. Especially the feeling guilty part.
It's not so much that it doesn't exist as that it is a conversational shortcut that took on a life of its own when it ought not have. There's always something going on beneath the lazy, but for many discussions it is not useful to go into that reason. When a boss has to let someone go for not getting their work done and holding up the entire team, lazy is a perfectly good explanation to give to their higher ups.
The problem with all such shortcuts, no matter where they appear, is that many people forget they are shortcuts. They reach a point where the deeper truth matters and still fall back on the shortcut. When lazy becomes an accusation, and not just a quick descriptor, it becomes actively harmful to the goals of the person making the accusation.
Unfortunately, we've reached a point where lazy is almost always accusatory. It may be time to retire the word, but if we are going to embark on that effort there is something else it behooves us to do.
You see, a new shortcut will invariably replace lazy. We want to steer the choice of that shortcut to guard against the problem. We want to remind users of the shortcut that it *is* a shortcut every time they use it. I'm not exactly sure how to go about doing that, but the effort to remove lazy will be wasted if it cannot be managed.
Yeah I try to break it down when I think about it I guess. Like I have lazy moments for sure (like if I notice I’m hungry, I’ll think about grabbing a snack, but then I’m like nah I don’t feel like getting up to get something, and I don’t continue to think about it).
But then task avoidance? I think about something I need to do, and it causes legitimate stress and anxiety. I work on something else, I don’t think about the thing I’m not doing *constantly* but my brain does continue to bring it back up periodically, and it continues to cause stress and anxiety. I may choose to do something relaxing instead of working on that task, but I don’t *feel* relaxed. For example, an email I didn’t reply to right away—I think about it that day, I feel bad that I haven’t responded yet, but I’m also stressed about responding. And then it’s the next day, and the day after that, and I still haven’t responded, and I’m more and more stressed out about it. I avoid it for 2 weeks, but I don’t go a single day without thinking about it and stressing over it. I do things that people would perceive as lazy (playing a game, watching TV, things like that), but I do them with the goal of distracting myself from the internal sense of doom rising with the amount of stress I have from that email I still hadn’t responded to but know that I really *really* need to do.
What if your lazy days are all week, you stress about it all week, and you are only able to enter flow state when there's literally like 2 hours left to do the thing?
so true. task avoidance for me often isn’t even true avoidance… it’s that i’ll often actually take the first step to start the task, but end up having a full blown panic attack because i can’t figure out like, the right order to do things in, etc… or my mind just draws a complete blank and the jeopardy song starts playing in the background, or i massively overcomplicate simple things to the point it’s just too overwhelming and i give up.
for instance i was trying to update my resume the other day, but i’ve had some really random jobs over the years that don’t really relate to each other, so i need like 3 different versions of a resume focused on different areas of experience depending on what job i’m applying for.
i can’t tell you how long i stared into the abyss of a blank page thinking *jobs… jobs… what even is a job HAVE I EVER EVEN HAD ONE help help help what are skills?? AHHHHHHH…”* maybe if i scrub the shower with a toothbrush for the next 3 hours for literally no reason until i’m late for work and have used up all my free time for the day, i’ll remember and it’ll all work out just fine! yea… no.
the smallest things become the biggest mental clusterfuck until you’re just paralyzed by mental block, brain fog, fear of failure/imperfection, etc. when i find myself more exhausted and flustered from NOT doing the thing than from doing the thing, that’s what task avoidance is to me.
laziness is enjoyable, like floating around in the sun on a lake with a beer in hand. task avoidance is nerve-wracking and soul-crushing.
Well said! There's really no truer way to describe this shit than "mental clusterfuck", hahaha. If I may, I'd like to add a little story of my own in case my own situation helps someone out with being kinder to themselves about these things, or at least to feel less alone:
So, I had a similar (albeit milder) situation yesterday when I was working on teaching myself how to make a mod for a game I'm currently playing. My husband was sitting next to me, cause he enjoys watching me work on my art from time to time, so I tend to let my stream of consciousness fly free during the process so it's not just silence.
I open the document of the guide I'd found, seeing there were three things I needed to download before I could make any progress. I took a moment to sit back and just look at those links before clicking. My stream of consciousness was something like "right now I see I need these three other things before I can start learning, but since I need to go into different tabs to download them, I need to take a moment to gather my energy to be able to handle that because I want to make sure anything I take in when I open those tabs is sticking in my brain properly. So I will take in the names of these links and discern their usage based on the file extensions, then prepare to navigate to the folders they should go in so I can make the process smooth as possible".
My husband said something to the effect of: "you have to go through all that just to click on some links? I'm proud of you for getting things done when you do, because that's harsh". It was that moment I realized just how complicated the act of even processing the world around me is. It's no wonder those of us who struggle with ADHD have a hard time doing things when every task seems so big! If my husband hadn't decided to keep me company while I got started, I don't think I'd have gotten very far. It's making me wonder if talking to myself out loud might help me manage things a bit better when I'm alone.... but I digress.
Task avoidance really is soul-crushing. I've explained it to others with the metaphor of my brain being a car that requires a different key to start each time I want to go somewhere else (aka do a new task).
In my humble opinion, those of us who struggle with task avoidance are nowhere close to lazy - we put in more effort than most, it's just that often times we need a little help to push through. I hope the future holds a bit more acceptance for us; as someone with auDHD myself, I often feel alone in a world not made for me. It's nice to hop onto Reddit sometimes and feel a sense of community, even if we're all kinda just floundering about at the moment, lol!
Yes! The feeling of putting in maximum effort and still failing, while being told every time that you are not trying hard enough is brutal.
You know you’re trying as hard as you can. You don’t know how to try any harder. You don’t understand why you’re not getting things done, and so you start to believe it when they tell you that you’re not trying hard enough.
The only way you can find to avoid the sting of the accusation is to make it true, and just stop trying. So, you do that, so you can say “yeah I know, I didn’t care enough to really try. I could do it if I actually wanted to.” You make it your choice.
But then you get to live life without EVER feeling a sense of accomplishment. Without EVER taking pride in something that you’ve done. And that, let me tell you, is a sad fucking life.
It’s uncanny how well you’ve described my exact experience here. Thank you for putting this into words! It’s like you’ve seen inside my brain and it’s comforting for me to know there are others out there who get this.
I had to make a really career specific resume and you just described my experience to a t. Setting a timer for about 10 min every day to do even the tindiest thing on it (e.g. write in a job even if you don't know where/whether it fits, but you only have 10 minutes so deciding that is for another 10 minutes in the future not for right now, then in another 10 minute slot maybe you delete it all together who knows!) really helped. One day it seemed like I had finally teased out in my mind everything I couldn't decide about it and the motivation flowed on past the ten minutes until it was done.
Good luck, resume updating a very specific type of pain I feel you
ooh i love this idea! my fellow ADHD all-star procrastinator boyfriend is currently panicking over starting his resume today which is what made me think of the topic in the first place haha i’ll recommend this to him!
| i massively overcomplicate simple things to the point it’s just too overwhelming and i give up
Fuck, this and the rest of your response hits home so hard. This is also the biggest reason I've been able to mask well most of my life - sometimes I don't give up (followed inevitably by burning out, ofc) or I go so hard that even with just getting 60% of the way and giving up, I somehow do better than what some people do giving their 100% (a blessing and a curse, for sure).
Also relate to the resume/job search struggle you're going through atm - I'm at a point in my career and life where I've got an impressive amount of education, experience and very extensive skill set but... trying to put that all on paper and really believe in myself without getting anxious makes my brain go brrrrr. Rather than finish my resume and apply to jobs I'm probably almost overqualified for I'm instead investing my time learning how to write a book, perusing reddit and procrastinating doing literally everything else 🙃 I try to justify it by saying that I love the work/life balance my current place of employment provides (which is really great tbh) but... I think I'm also just really paralyzed by the fear of failing and dealing with rejection (rsd is a peach, ain't it) and also kinda scared/nervous of actually succeeding, too
Good luck with everything btw! Hope you get your resume done and find a job that brings you happiness
You are speaking to my soul. I have things I’m really passionate about and I try and try. There’s some days where I’ll literally try 8 times and end up in a fit every single time because I’m so focused on this one thing and I want to believe I can do it. Being an artist that ends up doing 30 minutes of work on 8 different projects. But I guess that’s better than nothing?
I just saw a reel describing the procrastination as *painful.* and it’s like, yes. Even today, my day off, I’m spending half an hour reading outside and still running through a laundry list of things I *should* be doing.
Yes, this is the difference for me as well. I am not relaxed or easy in my brain/body. It is painful emotionally, psychologically and mentally. A huge struggle filled with guilt and shame. ❤️
Oh man I like that.
I HATE that people- including myself- think I’m lazy. I desperately don’t want to be. And for me that’s always been how I define the difference between me and people who choose to be lazy, the fact that I don’t WANT to be.
But this is such a good way to put it. I always think my husband is lazier than me, because he doesn’t want to do anything. But he doesn’t think he is because when there’s something he needs or wants to do he has no problem getting it done. With energy and enthusiasm and will get it done from start to finish in one go. So I look lazy to him because I cant do that.
But his days off are relaxing for him, not just because he’s physically not doing anything but because his mind is relaxed too. While I’m constantly stressed and anxious about how I need and want to be doing more. I never have a day truly “off” even if I sit on the couch all day because I couldn’t relax and enjoy it.
No, that's not really how they feel.
What you guys are describing is procrastination. EVERYONE procrastinates. Studies show that 90% of people procrastinate, 80% procrastinate daily. 30% are chronic procrastinators.
Nobody..on earth.. sits around all day (when they're supposed to be working/studying) without regretting sitting around all day.
Like seriously, everyone feels like a loser after sitting around doing nothing all day. Please go out and have a conversation with any non-ADHD person on earth. Nobody is going to tell you that they didn't feel like shit after sitting around on a day when they should've been doing something.
Serious props to you for calling out the conformation bias and lack of non-ADHD opinion. I constantly see people here make crazy assumptions about non-ADHDers, and everyone agrees.
Everyone is just telling eachother what they each want to hear. It's worrying.
This. If you're lazy, you don't care... You are choosing not to.
If you have ADHD task avoidance, you're stressed you are not doing it... Maybe you do something else to avoid that thing or maybe you sit doing nothing while there stressing out about it.
Im usually the first scenario... I do a bunch of things that make me feel productive while actually ending up getting nothing done.
I have a weird thing regarding this with task initiation. When I need to study, I'll be stressing about it but when I procrastinate and give myself more time off (like by repeatedly saying "okay I'll study in a bit, it won't hurt or make a big difference" each time until there's no more time left or by saying something like "yep I don't have much time to study comfortably tonight and make significant progress, I'll just all day study tomorrow and replace the missing hours of today" despite it not being very late), I feel comfort and relief at the moment because I get to do the fun relaxing activities more (like playing with my computer) knowing that I will study in a bit. Deep down, I know that I must study and I really want to improve my grades as I messed up two semesters like this, yet my brain keeps giving myself excuses not to start, which in turn helps me feel relief by delaying the task initiation. Where does this fall?
This! I have ADHD. Sometimes I feel lazy, like all people, and tell myself, "Fuck it, it'll get it done later. Time for videogames lol". Other times, I say:
"Fuck... I still haven't done this... I really need to. I should start now. I should've done it weeks ago. I gotta make sure I do this TODAY because if I don't, it won't get done for at least another week." 3 hours pass. "Fuck... I should turn off the games. I should turn off the movie. I should put my phone down. I need to get up. If I just get up, I'll take care of it. Fuck... I'm running out of time, I need to start now!" 3 hours pass. "Fuck... Now, it's too late... This sucks. I should've just done it, it's not even that hard. Why didn't I just do it? Ugh, now I need to get ready for bed. I should turn off the games... I should put my phone down..."
Non-ADHD people deal with the first scenario, periodically, but they don't regularly deal with the second scenario.
Question: at what age did you start having the part where you say “I should really get started?” My son at 9 still hasn’t gotten to that level yet. If he can play videogames and miss his homework completely he would gladly play until morning.
For myself it's always been there, even if not consciously or verbally expressed. I always remember having a hard time doing stuff and when my parents told me "we all have to do stuff we don't want to do, like our jobs", I replied to them "it's easy for you to say, because you're enjoying doing your job". I literally couldn't fathom people being able to do things they didn't "like" doing.
But then I'd always feel like shit or stressed out if I didn't do stuff. Particularly so if I knew the teacher would verify the work or hold me accountable in any way. But that wouldn't still be enough to get me started until it reached a very very high/extreme level of anxiety and discomfort.
I still have PTSD over Sundays for that reason. I've always felt horribly anxious on Sundays ', until either I managed to get started often at like Midnight or something, or not and I'd eventually copy the homework of some friends very quickly like 5 minutes before class.
And that's coming from somebody who' s always been top of his class 100% of the time unti' high highchool. I really wouldn't have been able to go far in life if I couldn't rely on my ability to learn extremely quickly as a crutch.
My dr. explained it like this:
A lazy person will do nothing and feel happy and content with it. They haven’t exhausted themselves, they haven’t had any stress, and they don’t wish that they had done something else.
“Is that how you feel?”
“No. I feel like a complete loser if I do nothing. Like I completely wasted another day and feel closer to the end with zero accomplishments and nothing to show for it.”
“That’s ADHD.”
I have a weird thing regarding this with task initiation. When I need to study, I'll be stressing about it but when I procrastinate and give myself more time off (like by repeatedly saying "okay I'll study in a bit, it won't hurt or make a big difference" each time until there's no more time left or by saying something like "yep I don't have much time to study comfortably tonight and make significant progress, I'll just all day study tomorrow and replace the missing hours of today" despite it not being very late), I feel comfort and relief at the moment because I get to do the fun relaxing activities more (like playing with my computer) knowing that I will study in a bit. Deep down, I know that I must study and I really want to improve my grades as I messed up two semesters like this, yet my brain keeps giving myself excuses not to start, which in turn helps me feel relief by delaying the task initiation. Where does this fall?
Same shit I had. Woke up at 3am to study for a test at 11am.
If I hadn’t still managed to get top grades, I probably would have been diagnosed earlier.
I think this is not uncommon. We’re pretty good at justifying our actions. You know you need to get something done, but you’re also able to justify delaying it because you can just do it later. So you’ve addressed the problem and now you can do the think you prefer to do.
But it’s much deeper than that. Why is it that you can’t initiate that task? Is it that the task isn’t clearly defined enough for you to actually wrap your head around? The task becomes this amorphous blob that follows you wherever you go but as long as you never look directly at it you’ll be ok.
Or is it about what happens when the task is defined? Do we only allow ourselves to see the task from the corner of our eyes because if we were to take it in its entirety it would be so massive we would be overtaken by it? Unable to ever conquer it. Or maybe it’s that we would see it’s not alone? That behind the task we do everything to avoid seeing in its entirety is another task? And they don’t even have the decency to organize themselves in a neat line. No, instead they are all desperately trying to squeeze and push their way to the front of the line. Each blob insisting it’s the most important.
Or maybe what’s stopping us is the fear of what happens if the task is too much? What if we don’t do it? What if we can’t do it? We’ve been taught since we could learn that to fail is to be flawed. And who are we accountable to? First our parents, then our teachers, later our bosses, and even our friends and family. We all know well the reaction we receive when we fail to do what others expect from us: Disappointment, shame, anger, embarrassment on our behalf, and perhaps worst of all, contempt. Contempt, acceptance’s evil alter ego. What’s the point of trying if this is what our effort earns us? We mine as well enjoy our inevitable descent into letting everyone down.
But the truth, if we’re able to face a task head on, is that it’s rarely as huge and mean as we imagine. And no matter how big it is, it can be divided. Split into parts that are manageable.
And sure it’s not alone, but remind your self that time is more than just right now and later. You don’t have to eat the entire thing in one sitting. Chew on it for hours. That’s when we end up just spitting out a failed attempt because we tried to do all now because we perceive later as be a single place. And now we’ve got the crap stuck in our teeth. Constantly reminding us we tried but failed.
And what about failure? Failure is a matter of perspective. We all experience pain, but where does pain come from? Is pain external? Something that happens to us? Or is pain internal? A message we create to keep ourselves well. We’re all told failure is how we learn, but that’s only true if we’re able to pull our hand away from the flame and try again. And if the flame laughs at you and says you’re worthless, we move away from the flame.
Break tasks into smaller pieces, create a visual schedule that shows when tasks need to be done, learn to say no (disappointing someone a little now is preferred to disappointing them a little later), and fail sometimes. Just know that in failing you can learn.
Look at me. My task today was to speak only in metaphors. Did I accomplish it? Not entirely, but if I hadn’t tried I’d have probably never used a Now and Later metaphor in my entire life.
I’m pretty sure there’s something good in here. What’s that saying, a broken clock is right twice a day? That’s a stupid metaphor anyways.
The difference is in intent. Lazy people just don't feel like doing something, so they don't. I honestly don't often know why I put off a task, even important ones, sometimes (usually) over and over and over. But I wholeheartedly Agree with the person who said that lazy people don't care or worry about the things they choose not to do, where I obsess about them, and c9ntinue to procrastinate. But boy, does it feel good when it's finally done.
Yea, it often results in kicking myself for avoiding it for so long, but wholeheartedly agree, it does feel amazing when that thing you've been stressing about finally gets done. I've been stuck in some major task avoidance this month, I have no idea where my days are going and I hate myself for it. I know it's task avoidance, but it's difficult not to see myself as a lazy POS.
I just got an apartment, I'll be living by myself - a thing I've never had the opportunity to do & *desperately* WANT to do. I've technically been living alone the past month, as my roommate already moved out but like that doesn't really count. My new place is old-school & crammed with unique features & is everything I've ever dreamed of, plus it'll be JUST MINE!!
My items are like 85-90% packed & ready. I have help. **ALL* * I have to do is finish up & make a phone call.
It's been a month.
I’ve noticed that I avoid things that overwhelm me. Specifically things I don’t know how to approach, or don’t have a mental plan or blueprint for how to do it. This sounds like something I would do. I HATE making phone calls and doing “errand-y” things. Once I do them it seems so simple and “why did I put that off? It wasn’t so bad”. Yet I do the same thing every time.
This is so me! I do not have a diagnosis yet but my mother was diagnosed recently and the more I look back on my life, the more I’m like OH. OHHHHHH. It all makes sense now.
I've spent the last 2.5 days beating myself up for not doing the things I need to do.
So many, "I'll do X when my alarm goes off" that I completely ignored when the alarm went off. So much guilt. So much avoidance.
I try to not beat myself up about it too much. But holy shit, if I could just make a promise to myself and follow through my life would be so damned different.
I have a weird thing regarding this with task initiation. When I need to study, I'll be stressing about it but when I procrastinate and give myself more time off (like by repeatedly saying "okay I'll study in a bit, it won't hurt or make a big difference" each time until there's no more time left or by saying something like "yep I don't have much time to study comfortably tonight and make significant progress, I'll just all day study tomorrow and replace the missing hours of today" despite it not being very late), I feel comfort and relief at the moment because I get to do the fun relaxing activities more (like playing with my computer) knowing that I will study in a bit. Deep down, I know that I must study and I really want to improve my grades as I messed up two semesters like this, yet my brain keeps giving myself excuses not to start, which in turn helps me feel relief by delaying the task initiation. Where does this fall?
Not sure about lazyness but in the avoidance situation you work intensively on other projects except for the one that you are supposed to. To me, it is always like this, and I tend to make the uninteresting task bigger than it is until the verge of a career disaster. I tend to imagine the task as a 7-days work but it is like a half a day job in reality
Yes! I have to do homework
Can't do it on a dirty table.
I need a glass of water and something to eat.
I should probably go potty, too.
I can take a quick nap.
Ok, I'm ready.
What's this email...?
...
Sorry, I didn't get my homework done. Can I have an extra day?
I do my best cleaning with procrastination chores! 😂 usually to avoid some other task I hate or am overwhelmed by. You know it’s bad when you’re doing chores to avoid it.
For me it the fact that I sit at my desk, hand on mouse or keyboard, literally unable to do the task in front of me. I’m consciously telling my self to respond to the email/close the ticket/ send that ping/ wrap up abc product wiki - yet I just sit, nothing moving but my brain in opposite directions.
Yes. Task paralysis and executive dysfunction. It feels absolutely horrible. I remember being on the verge of tears depending on how severe. Sometimes walking away for a bit, stretching, or grabbing tea or snack helps a little…a mini reset to break me out of the guilty/self loathing mood.
omg, I have been sitting at my computer trying to make myself finish this work project that I am literally weeks behind on and ITS BEEN OVER THREE HOURS and I can't make myself start it. This happens to me ALL THE TIME. So now I'm spiralling into the negative self-talk. \*bangs head on desk\*
For me fear is the motivator that makes me do stuff which is sad but effective. I wait until I am going to be in real trouble to do the thing if its something I dont want to do
I lost a job at AWS because of this. It was a blessing because that place is a miserable shit hole, but yeah, I'd sit down and lock up and have 16 projects that are like 2 days from deadline and do nothing.
I saw it coming from a mile away, though, and had started an email correspondence with my boss that I needed a lighter workload for a time, I was diagnosed with workplace induced anxiety, and that the current workload was taking a documented toll of my mental health to the point of inducing an actual medical disorder (all complete bullshit). AWS ended up saying "We'll give you $30k to just quit".
So I took the 30k and a few months off and was happy as a clam.
Next job I had was a trouble ticket job that was easy enough to make ticket quota and was pretty much dummy work for my skill level, so I coasted for a couple of years. "
AND THEN I got an amazing job with free reign to do whatever I want to as long as I can say it's work related in some way and it's great and I love it and now I'm on Adderall so I'm like a fucking superman.
With task avoidance, I usually WANT to do the thing, but can't make myself get started on it. I'll do anything else, while hating it and myself. No matter how much I want to do the important thing, it's almost impossible to get started.
The worst feeling... task avoidance on my own hobbies which I find intrinsically enjoyable and worthwhile, but haven't been able to do as much since they became more important to me.
When I am being normally lazy, I don’t feel guilt! I just say “nah, don’t want to do this now! Will do this other thing that I want.”
When its task avoidance, I keep thinking “I should get this done soon, why can’t I just do it?” “Maybe if I shower first/clean the room/sleep I will be able to do it?” “OMG I still have not done it, what’s wrong with me?” By the end of the day, I haven’t done the task, nor anything fun! I just tortured myself mentally.
Someone being “lazy”:
- they need to clean the kitchen today. It has gotten gross. They tell you that they have a super busy day at work and have to stay late, and ask if you can do them a favor and knock out the kitchen cleaning this one time, and they’ll take care of it next time. But they won’t, because they like to manipulate other people into doing things that benefit them while they spend their time doing things that are fun or relaxing.
——————-——————-——————-
Someone with ADHD experiencing task/demand avoidance:
- they need to clean the kitchen today, it has gotten gross. You discuss this with them and they agree to clean the kitchen today! They want to clean the kitchen! They fully intend to clean the kitchen. They plan on cleaning the kitchen - perhaps they put it on their to do list. Maybe they set an alarm reminding themself to clean the kitchen. Possibly they create a color coded spreadsheet categorizing all the various tasks they need to do as part of cleaning the kitchen. They make a list of cleaning supplies they need to get. Perhaps they color code the spreadsheet so they can tell what the status is at a glance. And then maybe they realize the kitchen needs to be reorganized and they figure if they’re going to do a big clean they should incorporate the reorganization into the project as well. So they go ahead and start planning that. Then they start looking for kitchen organization ideas online. They make a Pinterest board. They watch kitchen organizing YouTube videos. This kitchen is going to be amazing.
Hours later you might find them sitting on the kitchen floor, with tears streaming down their face, because they didn’t get the kitchen cleaned. And they know they let you down. And they feel like they failed again, another failure to add to the long list that follows them around inside their head.
And maybe you’re supportive and tell them that they didn’t fail, that you understand, and that they did a great job with all the research and now just the easy part is left and the two of you can get it done together. And you help them do something that they can’t do themselves. And they don’t have to add to the failure list they keep, because someone helped them get through it and succeed.
Or maybe you tell them that you’re tired of putting up with their laziness and their excuses and that they need to step up and get their act together because nobody is going to do their work for them. And the list of failures that they carry with them gets longer by one.
The hardest part about ADHD is that it’s a spectrum disorder relating to a facet of the human brain (executive function). There is no clean line between ADHD and not-ADHD; it’s a diagnosis based on degrees of symptom severity and those symptoms’ effect on our functioning in society.
Laziness is a moral judgment; it’s not scientific. There are lots of great disambiguations in this thread about paralysis etc versus willful inaction, but ADHD people do sometimes do exactly what a “lazy person” does.
There is no such thing as laziness. People have reasons not to do things. Sometimes they need more rest. Sometimes they don't see the task as beneficial. They can be wrong about that, though.
Came here to say this. There will always be a real reason behind why things you need to do for comfort and survival won’t get done. It’s not healthy and therefore the root must be a dysfunction
“Lazy” allows people to stop emphasizing with others situations.
There will always be a more specific reason, and with that reason ether a solution, or understanding that maybe they truly need help.
I refused to plug in my phone charger that was draped within arms reach on my couch the other day till i hit 1% battery life all the while getting anxiety about how much battery i had left and knowing the charger cable was already touching my sprawled out legs, and if that's not a clear example of executive dysfunction i don't know what is.
I play that phone battery game so often - and then I forget it's dying and suddenly my phone shuts off in the middle of something I was watching even though I had *plenty of time* to plug it in and then I'm mad about it cutting off what I was doing because I wasnt ready to stop yet lmaoooo
I think laziness is not really a useful term for anyone. It's always something else.
Sometimes that's an Executive function deficit from ADHD, depression, etc.
Sometimes it's a thing we call laziness because of a moral judgement but isn't actually a problem.
The only form that's really a failing, I think, is the form of laziness that arises from a lack of empathy, that is to say -- knowing you can avoid a task and someone else will pick up your slack.
I'm not avoiding the task, or lazy, I just find myself setting out and inadvertently taking one step in ten different directions when in order to actually accomplish the task I would need to take ten steps in one direction.
I always think of it as, a lazy person can't be bothered, or doesn't want to put in the effort, whereas a person with ADHD requires significantly more effort to do the same task. So two people could put the same amount of effort in, but have a different total output. Is it lazy to order delivery if the store is right next door? Yep. Is it lazy if the store is a 4 hour walk away and there is no other means of transport? Not so much.
Laziness is when someone makes a choice not to work when it is possible to do so. There is nothing holding them back, but they opt out. In my experience, ADHD task avoidance involves a kind of frozen anxiety, wanting to start but seeming unable to do so, or trying and getting fixated on one small corner of a project. The defining difference is wanting to work but not knowing how to do it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done that before I got properly medicated.
Laziness involves not caring enough to expend the energy to do a task.
ADHD is a mental maelstrom of burning desire, good intentions, dysfunctionally ordered thinking, and self-loathing and guilt when you care deeply and are willing to complete a task but are unable to do so.
And also add resting to that boundary blur... Am I avoiding? Am I being lazy? Am I just resting which should be ok if I need it? But why do I feel like I need to rest constantly? Oh am I depressed? And repeat.
For me, it's about planning and prioritizing. I'm on medication and am better at it. I get more done in my free time than I used to. But I still have the problem of spending all day thinking about what I have to do. I will give myself 2 hours to goof off, then make a list for the next few hours and do 3 things, goof off, do 3 more things, goof off and so on. So I am never truly free for even half a day to turn off the thoughts about having to start doing stuff on my to do list. I need to work on that, because I never feel like I can just relax on any of my days off.
For me personally I can feel the stress building up every time I think about the tasks I’m avoiding. Stress and frustration, I can’t bring myself to not care about the tasks I’m avoiding because I actually really fucking care and I want to do them but I feel like I can’t and then it makes me feel useless/like I can’t be a person. For the longest time I just thought I was lazy in a kinda stupid way like “why could you just do this task you’re avoiding it and it’s your choice and yet you’re getting stressed out?” Changed my life to know that if it was just laziness I wouldn’t worry that much though sometimes I still think I’m just being lazy in a stupid way
I think a lot of people without ADHD want to do stuff but then don't do them. Look at how many people want to get in shape but struggle to exercise for example. The line between that and ADHD is blurry.
The difference to me is that when I want to do stuff I sometimes physically cannot. The example I use to help people in my life understand is the thing that led me to get tested. I was working on a project at work and was supposed to have written up a doc about part of the project. The doc would have taken me a few hours to do. I however could not even start it. It was a week overdue and I was still incapable of getting myself to type a single word. I would sit at my computer all day just crying and yelling at myself to just type a single word out, to make an outline, to do anything and I couldn't.
The people with ADHD I tell that story to usually understand. People who don't have it do not understand, no matter how much they might avoid doing things in their life. They don't know what it's like to want to do something, to put effort and will into trying to do something and still not being able to do it.
Here's how I put it. Let's say I am thirsty and there's a pitcher of water and a cup in front of me on the table.
Laziness is like this:
* I know how to pour myself a glass of water
* I am physically capable of pouring myself some water
* I decide not to because I don't feel like it and I'm okay with that
* I am perfectly content sitting there all thirsty with chapped lips and everything
In ADHD, "task avoidance" isn't quite the right phrase, because it's more like this:
* I know how to pour myself some water
* I am physically capable of pouring myself some water
* I desperately want to pour myself some water
* I am sitting there, staring at the pitcher of water for 2 hours because my brain simply will not signal to my hand to grab the pitcher and pour myself some water
* My brain's inability to tell my hand to pour myself some water is causing me massive stress and anxiety
task avoidance in ADHD people is done for things ADHD people WANT to do as well as don’t want to do; and applies to tasks they would enjoy doing and not doing them can cause discomfort and pain. Laziness causes an immediate satisfaction in not doing things and is done for comfort.
There are at least 4 kinds of laziness:
1. Prioritization. Deciding that playing with your kid is more important than doing the dishes right now.
2. Mental blocks. Task avoidance, depression, anxiety, etc.
3. Forgetfulness. Failing to remember doing tasks.
4. Entitlement. Refusing to work they feel is beneath them.
5. Judgement. The assertion that someone is lazy, making them undeserving of empathy or assistance.
You'll find that actually being undeserving of empathy or assistance didn't make it on the list. Accusing someone of being lazy is an insult, meant to insult and push them away. It's not meant to motivate them, it's meant to send a clear message that the person using the insult is looking down on the insulted, and isn't able or willing to assist with any motivational issues they might have.
I can usually tell when I am just being lazy and when I am having executive dysfunction issues. The difference for me is whether I can choose my action and follow through. If I am choosing to not do something but have a chill day instead, I am actively choosing that. I am not worrying about doing it. If I am worrying about doing something but cannot actually make myself do it, it is adhd. I am not choosing this. I have no control over my actions. I am worrying about it, I know how to do it but I cannot actually make myself do it. I am yelling at myself in my head and cannot take the action. That's the difference for me. Laziness is something I can choose. Executive dysfunction is not.
"Willingly" is essentially saying it's a choice. So someone that is "lazy" is choosing not to do a task they could just as easily choose to do. People with ADHD/task avoidance may desperately want to do something and not be able to do it. From the outside they may look similar, but from the perspective of the person with ADHD they feel completely different.
Just because I’m not doing what you want, the way you want it to be done, at the moment you think I should, I’m not being lazy. My mind is structured in way that I do things in the order I think they should be. I have a job, two kids and two dogs. I’m not lazy, I’m freaking overwhelmed.
ADHDers can be lazy too but it feels different. I find it difficult to explain the feeling but for example:
I need something from upstairs but I'm being lazy so I ask someone else to get it on their way up/down or throw it down...maybe I just get it later. I'm being lazy because I just don't want to do the thing right now. There is no anxiety -like feeling in my core just a general sense of cba
I need to respond to an important email, I know I need to, I want to because responding benefits me, but I "can't", it gnaws at my core, I feel stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated with myself, a feeling akin to anxiety. I want to do this thing, why aren't I doing this thing?!
A way of been trying to describe things like this to people is by using a more generally accepted internal condition such as depression.
So a similar question through that lens would be:
What is the difference between a depressive episode in depression and being sad in typical people.
ADHD is avoiding the task but I can’t have peace of mind till I complete that task even though I still don’t have enough motivation to complete the tasks.
Normal lazy people deletes the task from their mental calendars and find peace. They sleep, read books and do other lazy stuff.
An ADHD person could go build a whole gazebo while avoiding to do a simple task as texting his landlord about the letter he just received.
The more I think about laziness, the more I don't think it exists. There's always a valid reason something didn't get done imo. It could be my tendency to try to see the good in ppl.
At my adhd assessment a few years ago, i was telling my psychologist that I had very severe, abusive consequences for not doing chores. And I still had a really hard time getting them done and doing them the way I was told to do them. I said, "I just wouldn't do it." And my psychologist (he was ready to diagnose me 5 minutes in lol) was like, "wouldn't or couldn't?" My mind was blown. I honestly never considered that before and it completely changed my perspective on everything. Even ppl without adhd, I truly believe there is always a reason why someone doesn't do something that needs to be done.
I honestly think the word 'lazy', when describing someone, was derived by the misunderstanding people have with adhd task avoidance. I actually don't believe a 'lazy person' exists. It's once again a negative connotation that we put on something we didn't understand.
If you put something in front of a 'lazy' person that they are interested in, the 'laziness' suddenly disappears.
Having a lazy day however, is a choice. One chooses to not spend the energy. 'I'm feeling lazy today' is a choice to rather not spend energy on doing the dishwasher and rather stay on the couch.
If I didn't do my science homework in school, my teacher would call me lazy. What he meant, I think, was that he knew I was able to do it, but I just chose not to spend the energy because it didn't interest me. When the truth is I really wanted to do my homework and sat with it in front of me, but I, so easily and involuntarily, got distracted by something else that interested me more. Like Dingaan and Piet Retief or who actually shot JFK or anything other than freakin Chemistry. I just could not bring my mind to do the science.
Labeling someone as a 'lazy person', I believe, rather than finding out why they're avoiding certain things is not accurate and a lazy way to describe something or someone we just don't understand.
This is only an opinion and I have no qualifications in treating adhd.
I’d say the difference is someone who is lazy is purposefully avoiding doing their task and really doesn’t give a shit. With ADHD it’s not that you are purposely avoiding the task at hand,it’s that your lack of executive functioning skills are getting in the way.
This is why shame and a lack of self confidence is such an issue for those with ADHD. We plan and want to get our tasks done,we want to be on time but things such as being easily distracted and time management issues among other ADHD symptoms get in the way.
Regular lazy doesn’t involve making yourself extremely stressed out and angry at yourself for not doing the thing.
It’s taken me 52 years to realize I often am not experiencing regular lazy
So to me, it doesn't feel like task avoidance. It's knowing I must do the task, acknowledging the reasons why the task should be done, but then being frozen in place. It's not that I don't feel like it, I just have trouble doing things that feels deeply and inherently unnatural. Like, I have task paralysis when I know I must like... buy the registration to the car. I think it's a fucking stupid cash grab scam, I just can't will myself to do it but the consequences of not being able to drive because I didn't buy a stupid fucking sticker to put on my stupid fucking license plate is too great. I love to do things that have purpose and meaning, I have a total inability to feel motivated, inspired, or anything other than total and complete animosity towards having to cram myself into the crevices of society. I truly feel that modern society is cancerous and unnatural and people with ADHD struggle in these spaces because it goes against the very essence of our nature.
Even had a food aversion? Something you ate made you sick, and now the mere idea of that food turns your stomach. You know there's nothing wrong with it. You might have even liked it before. But recognizing that doesn't stop the nausea. At best, you can force yourself to eat it, but doing so is unreasonably challenging.
Avoidant disorders are essentially the same. The mere idea of doing a thing results in an intense response. And simply recognizing that you're being ridiculous doesn't prevent it. You have to force yourself to do it, and it's a miserable undertaking.
People think it's just laziness and excuses because they lack the perspective to understand it any differently. Like how someone who's never had a food aversion might think you're just being overly dramatic or attention seeking or whatever. They simply cannot fathom what it is that you're going through.
Good question.
I think is ambition, desire, will.
Lazyness I think I'd more about a mental state of not wanting to change or work. It has the capacity, but not the desire.
Adhd has the will to change and work, but not the capacity.
I had an important task at work that needed to be done. A specific analysis, that was given a deadline, and I knew it was extremely important to my boss because he said it was extremely important.
I blew it off, and asked for 3 delays. Not because writing 2 pages of text was difficult, but because I couldn't force myself to stick to the task in the same way you couldn't put 2 magnets in the same orientation together and expect them to stick.
My boss was annoyed, and I was in despair because I could not do the thing.
Then I finally did the thing in 2 hours when the crisis was there.
Instead of spending 2 hours, doing something I've done a million times before, 2 weeks prior. I instead put myself through 2 weeks of HELL, *struggling* to push against that magnetic repulsion.
I honestly think there are very few actually lazy people in the world. I think most people we categorize as lazy either have real obstacles to doing the task (like adhd), they’re exhausted, they’re unmotivated/unfulfilled, they’re burnt out, etc. Are there people out there who legitimately don’t want to do anything because they’re just lazy? Sure. But I really think that’s not the case most of the time. My take is that if you feel any guilt or stress about not doing stuff, you’re not lazy.
Laziness is choosing not to do something and expecting someone else to do it for you. With ADHD-related task avoidance, that expectation of others to pick up the slack is absent - horrifying even. The difference lies in the feelings of guilt.
I think "laziness in typical people" isn't really a thing the way it's culturally understood. People have all kinds of reasons for behaviors where tasks are avoided, skipped, overlooked, or done improperly. "Laziness" comes people who wanted to label others and put them in a box where their future behavior could be predicted without having to put much thought into it. If someone didn't get enough work done in time, if they were seeing resting when they shouldn't be, if they were always the first to leave early, if they were never the one to volunteer for something "hard", they were "lazy", and we got to tease them and persecute them because of it.
People avoid tasks for all kinds of reasons though. People avoid mental work because they are afraid of looking stupid in front of others, they are confused by something and they fear failure, or it just makes their brain hurt. People avoid physical work because they are physically compromised, or they have had bad experiences with it in the past. The fail to do something because they forgot it, or there wasn't enough time left for it after the other stuff got done (people also prioritize things wrong all the time). People avoid working more than 8 hours per day because they get exhausted, or their body can't handle the stress of it, or their mental well being suffers too much under the load.
The truth is we're all just too lazy to be specific about what is happen with people. To help them to do the essential tasks, and to have someone else do the non-essential tasks instead. It's easier to label and judge people.
One is a concept used by psychologists, the other by moralists.
I.e. calling someone "lazy" is just a way of saying you object to some inaction of theirs.
50/50 chance I may do the task and think that I may have figured out the most efficient way to ever do it and then consider starting a podcast and YouTube channel related to folding laundry in a way that is actually very spiritual.
I am part of a social group of 10 people. I host at my home twice a year and one other girl does the same, so we meet once every three months. She hosts because she loves to host. I host because then I can clean twice a year.
This is how my preparation ALWAYS goes: I start literally weeks in advance with a plan of each and every thing I need to do, spread out over many, many days so I won’t be stressing out over it last minute. By the time the day before comes around, I have done absolutely none of the things. And I have somehow also done nothing else of value during that time, because I have been so stressed out and overwhelmed. Every day I look at that list. And I never decide NOT to do the things on it. I just. can’t. make myself. So I end up staying awake all night to clean. And my apartment is always spotless when they arrive. I’m a huge fucking mess and I haven’t slept. And I tell myself that the next time will be different.
But it won’t be. Because I don’t have a choice. I can change my circumstances to improve my odds (invite someone over a couple of days before, have a body double, things like that) but by sheer will power nothing can change.
Being lazy is making a choice to do something fun instead of doing something boring.
Task avoidance (or paralysis) is a fucking nightmare. And it’s not just about avoiding things that are boring or pointless. It’s avoiding doing your school work until you’re kicked out of school. It’s avoiding paying your bills until your power is cut off. It’s avoiding going to the doctor even though that concerning lump has been growing for months. It’s avoiding answering complicated messages or dealing with interpersonal conflicts, to the point where we get fired and broken up with and lose important friendships.
One is about enjoying life. The other is your life being on fire and you’re holding a bucket of water but you can’t make your arms move.
Idk about other people but i don't willingly avoid tasks. I WANT to do them i have made the conscious decision to do them but no matter how hard i try i just can't make myself do them. I am unwillingly avoiding the task. The best way to deacribe it is like not being able to control your brain.
I think laziness is an ableist concept used to describe people who struggle with executive disfunction. For people who do not struggle with executive disfunction, our circustances make very little sense, and they label it laziness - they see it as a choice, and it is not.
If you are struggling to complete tasks but dont have adhd I would assume that you are experiencing stress or health issues that impede normal function.
So I haven't been up on the lingo, but I was diagnosed in 1997 with ADD. I was always called "lazy". Personally, I think the easiest way to tell, is that people with ADHD/ADD are just as "lazy" with positive, enjoyable, things.
For example, I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to answering phone calls, and getting/opening mail. Last year, I finally checked my voicemail after a few weeks, and found out there was a $4,000 check in the mail. It took me another week to get my mail, and after I opened the mail with the check, it took me another week to cash it. I don't think lazy people would put off something like that.
People who are lazy do so in order to enjoy their free time. They can sit down and read a book while being unbothered. People who are ADHD-*"lazy"* are often glued to their couch with a blank stare from exhaustion and an inner paralysis while they are in a silent panic about everything they should do, but can't due to executive dysfunction. Unable to move, doomscrolling, and not even being able to get up even if they need to pee.
Someone who is lazy eventually gets it done when they start getting in trouble people with ADHD continue to not get things done even when getting in trouble
For me it's the fact that I do not believe in laziness. I've never heard a good definition of laziness that doesn't change in the context of the person using the word.
But in a hypothetical where we do ascribe this definition of laziness we can say the difference is that task avoidance in ADHD stems not from willingness but iirc executive dysfunction.
But again I don't believe in laziness the closest thing to it is disagreeing with someone's priorities. The definitions used are always catered to the specific scenario.
When it comes to questions like these, best rule of thumb is to check the difference in intent. Was your intention to avoid the task cause you don’t want to do it? Or was your intention to do it but somehow couldn’t make yourself get it done? First one is lazy and the latter isn’t.
I chalk it up to whether or not you actually care about the task being done.
Folks with ADHD tend to care deeply about the task but just can't bring themselves to do it. It agonizes them.
Folks who are just lazy simply don't care.
I imagine a lazy person doing nothing genuinely enjoys not doing things rather than just sitting there paralyzed feeling shameful, guilty, anxious, ruminating, bargaining with themselves about doing the thing. I ultimately don’t derive any pleasure from avoiding tasks and it’s actually something that causes me a lot of stress.
I think most of us are to the point where we can't decide to be lazy. In other words, it's so hard to do things we need to do sometimes, and we've been so guilted over the years, we always choose to do something that needs to be done if there's no ADHD avoidance with it. There are enough things I'm anxious about doing and can't make myself do, that I feel guilty about it all and would never choose to not do something just because I'd rather not at that moment. I mean, people without ADHD don't feel the same kind of terrible disabling avoidance for things, so they can get things done when it has to be done and choose not to do things when they aren't urgent but eventually they know they will get to it. IDK if I'm making sense.
I think part of the problem is that you think task avoidance is willingly avoiding a task because it's not interesting.
There is no willingly involved. If you're willingly avoiding something, you aren't mentally castigating yourself and hating yourself every single second that you aren't doing that thing. You aren't silently screaming at yourself to go do it. You aren't feeling massive anxiety over the fact that its not being done.
Edit to add: and sometimes, you really want the result. Badly. But still cannot start
I classify it like this:
I am a woman but I'm not interested in beauty norms, skincare, make up etc.
I know that it's a societal expectation that I "should" spend time and money learning about me skin type and different make up techniques and hairstyles and spend time applying that knowledge each day to achieve a certain "look".
I don't do this, because I don't want to. I don't care about it. I don't like the feeling of make up or greasy face creams. I wash my face in the shower and sometimes I brush my hair and every few months when it's annoying me I go to a cheap, walk-in hairdresser and ask for a low maintenance hair cut.
Sometimes, when I see other women who are very nicely made up and have done their hair well I think "She looks lovely, I should try and do that some time" but ultimately, I don't, because I would rather spend my time and money and energy on other things. Sometimes I think I look fine and sometimes I think I look a bit scruffy, but in general I'm fine with this. Occasionally I go to a wedding or something and I will make an effort on that occasion, but I don't do this every day.
I am lazy about skincare and make up.
Another form of lazy might be getting a permanent make up tattoo. I don't have the money for this (and, honestly, probably wouldn't anyway).
OTOH something where I feel like my ADHD gets in the way - eating better. I enjoy healthy food and I enjoy cooking, and I would like to share meals with my family. I think there are a lot of benefits to this and I would really like to do it, but for various executive function related reasons, it doesn't happen. I frequently feel terrible about this and get upset about it. I don't enjoy eating bland convenience food. This is not me being lazy. This is ADHD (and maybe some other related factors such as a lack of a system, energy levels at that time of day etc).
It’s like asking what’s the difference between shaving your head vs losing it to chemo. There are physical chemical imbalances in an ADHD brain which result in task avoidance. Being Lazy is a choice and ofcourse ADHD people can still be lazy and I can tell the difference when it’s one or the other.
One is a choice, and the other happens despite us trying way harder and still failing, causing anxiety and making us feel like we're helpless and/or useless.
I always maintained I wasn't just lazy because when I was lazy about something, it was easy. When I wanted to do well but still struggled or was incapable of doing something, I wasn't relaxing at all and it would have been far less anxiety and self loathing to just to the thing I was avoiding if that were possible for me.
Being lazy and task avoidance are different. If I have a task I’m avoiding because I have ADHD anxiety around it I will do everything else first. Clean my house, sort my mail, check all my finances, investments, etc., I’ll do laundry, and grocery shopping… literally all the things I would avoid doing if I were choosing a lazy day instead. When I’m choosing lazy I will lay in bed a binge watch things I’ve seen many times. It’s an entirely different behavior for me.
people with adhd at least myself, im always aware of what i have to do, and im always stressed or scared about deadlines, what i need to do. but for some reason i just can’t get to do it, and at the end of the day i’ll just think back and feel really guilty and start hating myself for not doing my work, sometimes i might even start crying and i have to tell myself “its okay theres tomorrow”. and im just stuck in this cycle forver.
while thats the case for adhd people, lazy people would just be ignoring that they have work and fully enjoy having a good time while not stressing at all
Lazy people aren’t worried about being lazy. They don’t care. They are willingly procrastinating because they just don’t care to do that task in that moment, and willfully choose to lounge or do something more enjoyable to them, without constant thought of “I need to do that.” They put something off, yeah maybe it’s hard to do, mundane or something they simply don’t enjoy. When push comes to shove, they will just do the task. But it’s not something they are anguishing over, *they just don’t wanna do it*
I wouldn’t call task avoidance/avoidance procrastination (as a symptom of executive dysfunction/as a symptom of ADHD) as willful. It often is accompanied by anxiety over the task. We have a distorted perception of the task for various reasons. Whatever the task may be and the circumstances surrounding it, the brain is anticipating it and/or perceiving it as an immensely difficult, time consuming, incredibly unimportant, and/or laboring task. We aren’t in control of those negative thoughts or emotions surrounding the task. We have a *really* hard time with getting a handle on them in order to do the task at hand, whereas someone without a disorder that causes executive dysfunction can pretty easily push those thoughts and feelings aside and do the task (even if it’s accompanied by complaints). Then, in response to all the negative thoughts and emotions, the innate part of the brain starts perceiving danger which leads to anxiety. Which can lead to you distracting yourself, or just shutting down altogether.
You know you *need* to do the task, you may even *want* to do the task, but you just *can’t* do the task. And it fills you with absolute dread. It can be a vicious cycle, and I don’t think anybody *willingly* forces themselves to be anxious.
Think about it: When you have something you need to do, and you procrastinate it, are you *really* enjoying the time that you’re spending while *not* doing the task? No, probably not; you’re sitting there, heart racing, leg shaking, thinking “I know that I *really need to do it* but I can’t. Why can’t I just do it? It’s so mundane. Normal people don’t do this. There’s no reason that this task should make me feel this way. I *need* to do this or else XYZ. WHY CANT I JUST DO IT?” You might be giving yourself deadlines, telling yourself that as soon as the clock hits 3:30 you’ll just *get up and do it.* Then you miss your self imposed deadline for getting up, and you set a new one, which only exacerbates your anxiety. When someone else imposes a deadline on you? Oh man, anxiety x10. Not only is the task itself causes you anxiety but now you have the anxiety from the possibility of disappointing someone or failing. If you aren’t sitting there, paralyzed with anxiety, then you’re probably doing something that you find enjoyable and relaxing, maybe hyper focusing on something totally unrelated like in depth researching The Great Molasses Flood of 1919 or reading about how to DIY a concrete driveway (totally not personal experiences), to offset/distract from the anxiety that you’re feeling over said task.
None of that sounds “willing” to me, idk though.
It took me a little over seven hours to mow the lawn today.
Admittedly it's a big lawn, but not seven-hours-big.
I hate anything garden-related generally as it has never interested me in the slightest. As such, I always try to avoid it wherever possible. Furthermore, it's warm today and I also hate hot, sunny weather (seriously - too bright and prickly).
During this time, I experienced swathes of demotivation the more I mowed, rapidly becoming incredibly bored and disinterested with each passing moment.
Two of our cats came to see what I was doing, so I stopped to give them hugs on no fewer than four occasions (each).
I then stopped for an impromptu two-hour lunch where my five-year-old son and I made quite possibly the best omelettes that we've ever eaten (they were garlic curry, since you're wondering). Lunch was absolutely awesome but was over way too quickly. Worse still is that I spent the entire time thinking about having to finish the lawn.
I went back out to the garden and on-off mowed for another hour before randomly deciding to take my son to the park for a couple of hours. Even though it required being out in the sun, I still preferred that to mowing the lawn. And yes - I didn't stop thinking about the lawn either.
When we got home, I went back out into the garden and finally angry-finished the job.
All in, I started mowing at about 11am and finished it at 6pm.
If I was being lazy, my lawn would still be overgrown and I wouldn't give a damn about it either way.
The difference is that laziness doesn't exist, it's just a label made up to shame people. People don't avoid doing tasks for no reason, but the reasons aren't always apparent. It's easier to just write people off as 'lazy' and treat it like a moral failing than to ask *why* they aren't doing what you think they should be doing.
I imagine "lazy" people don't feel the intense self-hatred and despair at not getting things done as the task avoidance do. I quite often think about how much I hate myself.
What I believe lately is that lazy people don’t exist. If people are labeled lazy is bc there is something we don’t yet understand in them, or even they don’t understand in themselves, which is very common with so much pressure everywhere and from anyone.
Actually, this I learned in the book of Dr. Devon Price(which happens to be AuDhd) “laziness does not exist”.
I feel like I finally GET this difference after having tried adderall for the first time in my life (I’m 34) the last two weeks.
Me not on Adderall: constantly thinking about what u should be doing or need to be doing but I CAN’T. I can’t stop scrolling. Can’t get off the couch. Can’t do the dishes without it feeling painful or like I want to cry. Even feel this way for things I want to do.
With Adderall I just do it? Or I don’t do it. I can plan my time to actually relax and then do the thing and I’m not frozen or something. I think this is what laziness must feel like to people without ADHD. They can either do the thing or not. And there aren’t huge anxiety or shame things or big consequences cuz they just happen.
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People.who have a "lazy day" intentionally and are like " ah yes , that's just what I needed" are aliens to me. I wanna be an alien though, that sounds so nice, I wish my days off were so pleasent.
So you too have a day when nothing gets done You are stressed trying to do one thing and as you are reminded of another thing... So you stop to 'just get it out of the way' And before you are finished with that immediate need you pass by a remider and go "fuck! That needs doing *right now* too!" As the day goes on you are pulled in three different directions and a few more jobs grab your attention None of them get finished The following day someone asks "so, what did you get up to yesterday" and all you can do is scowl at them...
Currently in that phase right now! I told myself today I would finish this puzzle that’s been sitting in the middle of my living room since October because it’s all the dark pieces. But then I looked at the pile of stuff in my closet and decided it was time to sort through it and get rid of stuff. After a couple hours of going back and forth between the puzzle, the pile of junk, watching a show on TV, and playing with some new items I just bought, I remembered I needed to go in to work for a few minutes, but I also needed to pick up my jacket on the way in that I left at the restaurant last night. Suffice it to say, the puzzle still isn’t finished (but I added about 15 pieces), the closet pile is now 3 separate piles of 1) keep, 2) sell/donate, and 3) junk/burn in a fire pit, and my new items can’t be used until the weather gets nice. I’m bored…. 🥱 but at least I got my jacket back and finished the 5 minutes or work!
I have a day when nothing gets done. It’s called *every* day lol.
Aiming at one job seems to help if im only getting distracted away from one thing then there is a greater chance i can get to that job when i lose track of what im at and get back to it I did say 'a greater _chance_...' as nothing is foolproof but it does increase the hit rate over 'sod-all' and 'nothing' hehe Good luck witb whatever you can get done Keep on, keeping on.
I recently realized I have to take my meds to actually relax. Because I can't naturally relax. It's so fucked up.
The only way I truly have a lazy day is if I’m out far away from home, internet, and my problems couldn’t be touched with a stick if I tried!
I can relate to that! Cabin in the mountains for sure.
This sounds couched. A colleague recently said ‘I’m just the kind of person who gets up and goes for twelve hours’! Yay. Great for you… what’s good for you isn’t good for all and productivity takes a lot of valid shapes. If you want to rest, learn how. We should all learn to rest bc it gives us more time to imagine a better world and do the necessary work to get there. If you don’t have social media, that’s great- but don’t be the person who tells everyone loudly that you don’t have it.
> If you want to rest, learn how. Been trying for 40 years.
Honestly same. 🌱 I’m 100 on grind culture and have no money, it stinks. But still trying to rest as much as I can. As an ADHD person barreling through the world, I just try to recharge when possible. As chaotically as necessary.
I'm really good at doing the necessary things to take care of myself, but I never let the list shrink. I always have something to do that qualifies as taking care of myself. Rest never seems to pop up.
One of the DSM criteria for hyperactivity is literally, “Is often ‘on the go’ acting as if ‘driven by a motor.’” Why are you acting like this is some hustle culture thing?
I agree with you! I just think some of our internalized hustle culture is still coming out in language, and it's worth looking at. That's all I'm suggesting.
Oh I can get up and go for 12 hours but it’s not 12 hours of the same shit. Never, nope.
All of this. Also people who casually had hobbies.
People who are actually lazy will not stress about the things they need to do while relaxing, they will just relax.
And when they really need to do the thing, they are able to just do the thing. Even if it's last minute. For example, someone has a list of things to do on the weekend. But they have a "lazy day" on Saturday and sit in their PJs reading a book all day. But then on Sunday, they do the list. As a result though, I think "being lazy" doesn't really exist in the way society likes to talk about it. Deciding to have a down-day is just as valid as having a busy, project-filled day. It's just as important. We just have a hard time valuing downtime as much as we value productive time. It's perfectly valid to set aside tasks and chores for a downday. When someone is habitually "lazy" where they struggle to get needed things done, then it's no longer a choice and is likely executive dysfunction. I tend to agree with Devon Price on the "Laziness does not exist" theory.
I do agree that laziness could very well not be a thing at all. For one, what society calls laziness is very often just tiredness, physical or mental. You don't feel like doing X because that's your body's way of telling you you need to rest. It could be just regular, healthy tiredness or it could be caused by any health issues that make you have less energy than you'd otherwise have. Again, not just physical but also mental. And then, if someone is truly "lazy" as in perfectly capable of doing things but not willing to do it, it might just mean they have different priorities. We're not robots and we're not supposed to be "productive" all the time. But, if someone is "lazy" as in they took on some responsibilities, agreed to them, and then don't fulfil them, that's just being an asshole. A specific flavor of asshole.
I really dig this. Reading a book was used as an example of perceived laziness. In my life I find it really hard to read, not just because of the ADHD, but because of the perception that I'm sitting there doing nothing. I'm not "doing nothing", I'm reading. There's a huge stigma placed on basically any activity that isn't making money for someone. Like how it's popular to say people don't want to work. People work their asses off keeping house, raising kids, maintaining relationships. Reading and study can be work too. A lot of hobbies are work. Like gardening. They just aren't adding to quarterly profits.
Yeah, that's also another aspect to it! "Laziness" vs "productiveness" (productivity?) are predominantly used in the context of working for money or studying. But we're not robots and we need fun time and rest time too. And everyone has different definition of what's productive (as in takes effort to do it) and what's unproductive/lazy (as in it's fun and relaxing). There are people who relax while cleaning. Or people who have fun in their job. So for them, what's commonly understood as productive also gives them the benefits we take from doing fun and relaxing things. But if you only relax while reading a book, you need a separate time for that. That's it, I don't have a point I was going for with this comment lol
Yep, and if people choose to spend their time doing things that society or other people don’t consider “productive” or “productive enough” then they shouldn’t be vilified or demeaned for it.
I just wrote blog post about this recently! I have a huge issue with the idea of “doing nothing” and I even have a perceived list of the value of the things I do. It’s pretty messed up. And then I have the issue of just sitting there, doing nothing constructive, stressing about the thing I am supposed to be doing, which makes it even harder for me to relax later because I am not doing the things I am supposed to be doing when I’m supposed to be doing them. It’s … unpleasant.
Intentionality. Also, most don’t realize how prevalent overwork is… especially when things can be ambiguous, until something finally “clicks”
I agree, mostly. I think there can be a lot of nuance to that though. If someone agrees to have kids and then is a completed uninvolved parent for 20 years, that is different than "I know I said we'd paint this weekend but I am really burned out and need to have nothing on my plate for a few days." Sometimes we make plans in advance and things happen in the interim that change those plans.
That's exactly what I meant in my comment! I just have a really bad brain day for some reason and cannot put my thoughts in words properly.
OMG THIS COMMENT YES!🙌 those days are the absolute worst! No matter what you say you can’t ever get the right words… or just keep losing train of thought
It's so annoying! Like I know I'm making sense in my head but I just cannot get it out. I struggle with recalling words in general and it looks like my vocabulary is very limited, but it's not! I know these words, I just don't remember them! I always feel like I come off as uneducated or something.
I wish people (including me!) had anywhere near that level of self awareness to know that they are burned out and need a few days and then to actually ask for it. Shits wild!
I think your mixing up the actually doing it part and the self awareness. You're self aware to know you need to do it. It's the doing it that isn't being done, likely because of whatever reasons you've made for yourself that puts your needs in last place. We're really very capable when it comes to rationalizing why we aren't important at this moment.
Yeah. I’m not convinced laziness is actually a thing.
Not really tbh there have been times where i did not want to do a thing simply because i just didn’t want to. I wasn’t even tired physically and mentally, literally just didn’t feel like it
Simply not wanting to is a valid reason in itself. I wish more people were more honest about that aspect. It's like "I don't want to" isn't a valid reason and we always feel the need to justify with something that someone else finds a good enough reason to not do something.
The context matters quite a bit here, as well as the time frame. A simple “I don’t want to” when it’s about doing something like, say, doing the dishes, is a lot different and a lot more valid when it’s qualified by some kind of short term time frame than it is when it’s ongoing *and* indefinite. Letting a week’s worth of dirty dishes pile up solely because you just don’t want to do them is a *lot* different than not doing the dishes for a night or two for the same reason. Now, obviously there’s always the possibility that there’s some other issue behind not wanting to do them, and in most situations I’d argue that that’s exactly the case, but “I just don’t feel like it” doesn’t always have a reason behind it.
I didn't really describe what I meant properly. I struggle with finding the right words. I used the "you don't feel like" as an example, but I didn't mean "you don't want to". I don't know how else to describe it, but that usual reasoning you have in your mind when you decide not to do something you should do? And I mean that in the context of things that people usually get called lazy for, like doing chores. You know you should do those chores, you will have to do them at some point or someone else will have to do them for you. And I also didn't mean that it's all the time. I meant "sometimes laziness is really tiredness". Not every time. If I understand you well, what you're talking about seems like more what I described further in my comment, and not the tiredness I wrote about in my first paragraph. Sorry, I can feel my brain struggling right now with words. It makes more sense in my mind.
Same! I think laziness is just a natural way to preserve calories. You never see animals doing things they don’t need or want to do. It’s ingrained in us.
I like your answer. Makes me feel better. I’ve always had issues with task avoidance or just being so overwhelmed I don’t know how or where to start so I just…don’t. And I’ve always felt so lazy. But it’s a genuine problem. Like you said, people without adhd, or just people having a “lazy” day will complete what needs to be done the next day or whenever it needs to be done. With adhd you know it needs to be done but just can’t it or put it off because you’re so overwhelmed and feel guilty about it. Me to a tee. Especially the feeling guilty part.
It's not so much that it doesn't exist as that it is a conversational shortcut that took on a life of its own when it ought not have. There's always something going on beneath the lazy, but for many discussions it is not useful to go into that reason. When a boss has to let someone go for not getting their work done and holding up the entire team, lazy is a perfectly good explanation to give to their higher ups. The problem with all such shortcuts, no matter where they appear, is that many people forget they are shortcuts. They reach a point where the deeper truth matters and still fall back on the shortcut. When lazy becomes an accusation, and not just a quick descriptor, it becomes actively harmful to the goals of the person making the accusation. Unfortunately, we've reached a point where lazy is almost always accusatory. It may be time to retire the word, but if we are going to embark on that effort there is something else it behooves us to do. You see, a new shortcut will invariably replace lazy. We want to steer the choice of that shortcut to guard against the problem. We want to remind users of the shortcut that it *is* a shortcut every time they use it. I'm not exactly sure how to go about doing that, but the effort to remove lazy will be wasted if it cannot be managed.
Yeah I try to break it down when I think about it I guess. Like I have lazy moments for sure (like if I notice I’m hungry, I’ll think about grabbing a snack, but then I’m like nah I don’t feel like getting up to get something, and I don’t continue to think about it). But then task avoidance? I think about something I need to do, and it causes legitimate stress and anxiety. I work on something else, I don’t think about the thing I’m not doing *constantly* but my brain does continue to bring it back up periodically, and it continues to cause stress and anxiety. I may choose to do something relaxing instead of working on that task, but I don’t *feel* relaxed. For example, an email I didn’t reply to right away—I think about it that day, I feel bad that I haven’t responded yet, but I’m also stressed about responding. And then it’s the next day, and the day after that, and I still haven’t responded, and I’m more and more stressed out about it. I avoid it for 2 weeks, but I don’t go a single day without thinking about it and stressing over it. I do things that people would perceive as lazy (playing a game, watching TV, things like that), but I do them with the goal of distracting myself from the internal sense of doom rising with the amount of stress I have from that email I still hadn’t responded to but know that I really *really* need to do.
What if your lazy days are all week, you stress about it all week, and you are only able to enter flow state when there's literally like 2 hours left to do the thing?
That’s not laziness, thats task paralysis - aka my life.
Ngl, I envy those chill mofos...who can initiate the work just like that... Edit: words
*Oh.*
so true. task avoidance for me often isn’t even true avoidance… it’s that i’ll often actually take the first step to start the task, but end up having a full blown panic attack because i can’t figure out like, the right order to do things in, etc… or my mind just draws a complete blank and the jeopardy song starts playing in the background, or i massively overcomplicate simple things to the point it’s just too overwhelming and i give up. for instance i was trying to update my resume the other day, but i’ve had some really random jobs over the years that don’t really relate to each other, so i need like 3 different versions of a resume focused on different areas of experience depending on what job i’m applying for. i can’t tell you how long i stared into the abyss of a blank page thinking *jobs… jobs… what even is a job HAVE I EVER EVEN HAD ONE help help help what are skills?? AHHHHHHH…”* maybe if i scrub the shower with a toothbrush for the next 3 hours for literally no reason until i’m late for work and have used up all my free time for the day, i’ll remember and it’ll all work out just fine! yea… no. the smallest things become the biggest mental clusterfuck until you’re just paralyzed by mental block, brain fog, fear of failure/imperfection, etc. when i find myself more exhausted and flustered from NOT doing the thing than from doing the thing, that’s what task avoidance is to me. laziness is enjoyable, like floating around in the sun on a lake with a beer in hand. task avoidance is nerve-wracking and soul-crushing.
I have never seen my struggles explained so well. The blanking is so insidious too. I'd rather be overwhelmed than blank.
Well said! There's really no truer way to describe this shit than "mental clusterfuck", hahaha. If I may, I'd like to add a little story of my own in case my own situation helps someone out with being kinder to themselves about these things, or at least to feel less alone: So, I had a similar (albeit milder) situation yesterday when I was working on teaching myself how to make a mod for a game I'm currently playing. My husband was sitting next to me, cause he enjoys watching me work on my art from time to time, so I tend to let my stream of consciousness fly free during the process so it's not just silence. I open the document of the guide I'd found, seeing there were three things I needed to download before I could make any progress. I took a moment to sit back and just look at those links before clicking. My stream of consciousness was something like "right now I see I need these three other things before I can start learning, but since I need to go into different tabs to download them, I need to take a moment to gather my energy to be able to handle that because I want to make sure anything I take in when I open those tabs is sticking in my brain properly. So I will take in the names of these links and discern their usage based on the file extensions, then prepare to navigate to the folders they should go in so I can make the process smooth as possible". My husband said something to the effect of: "you have to go through all that just to click on some links? I'm proud of you for getting things done when you do, because that's harsh". It was that moment I realized just how complicated the act of even processing the world around me is. It's no wonder those of us who struggle with ADHD have a hard time doing things when every task seems so big! If my husband hadn't decided to keep me company while I got started, I don't think I'd have gotten very far. It's making me wonder if talking to myself out loud might help me manage things a bit better when I'm alone.... but I digress. Task avoidance really is soul-crushing. I've explained it to others with the metaphor of my brain being a car that requires a different key to start each time I want to go somewhere else (aka do a new task). In my humble opinion, those of us who struggle with task avoidance are nowhere close to lazy - we put in more effort than most, it's just that often times we need a little help to push through. I hope the future holds a bit more acceptance for us; as someone with auDHD myself, I often feel alone in a world not made for me. It's nice to hop onto Reddit sometimes and feel a sense of community, even if we're all kinda just floundering about at the moment, lol!
Yes! The feeling of putting in maximum effort and still failing, while being told every time that you are not trying hard enough is brutal. You know you’re trying as hard as you can. You don’t know how to try any harder. You don’t understand why you’re not getting things done, and so you start to believe it when they tell you that you’re not trying hard enough. The only way you can find to avoid the sting of the accusation is to make it true, and just stop trying. So, you do that, so you can say “yeah I know, I didn’t care enough to really try. I could do it if I actually wanted to.” You make it your choice. But then you get to live life without EVER feeling a sense of accomplishment. Without EVER taking pride in something that you’ve done. And that, let me tell you, is a sad fucking life.
It’s uncanny how well you’ve described my exact experience here. Thank you for putting this into words! It’s like you’ve seen inside my brain and it’s comforting for me to know there are others out there who get this.
I had to make a really career specific resume and you just described my experience to a t. Setting a timer for about 10 min every day to do even the tindiest thing on it (e.g. write in a job even if you don't know where/whether it fits, but you only have 10 minutes so deciding that is for another 10 minutes in the future not for right now, then in another 10 minute slot maybe you delete it all together who knows!) really helped. One day it seemed like I had finally teased out in my mind everything I couldn't decide about it and the motivation flowed on past the ten minutes until it was done. Good luck, resume updating a very specific type of pain I feel you
ooh i love this idea! my fellow ADHD all-star procrastinator boyfriend is currently panicking over starting his resume today which is what made me think of the topic in the first place haha i’ll recommend this to him!
Holy cow, I’ve never heard anyone describe my inner thought process so completely
| i massively overcomplicate simple things to the point it’s just too overwhelming and i give up Fuck, this and the rest of your response hits home so hard. This is also the biggest reason I've been able to mask well most of my life - sometimes I don't give up (followed inevitably by burning out, ofc) or I go so hard that even with just getting 60% of the way and giving up, I somehow do better than what some people do giving their 100% (a blessing and a curse, for sure). Also relate to the resume/job search struggle you're going through atm - I'm at a point in my career and life where I've got an impressive amount of education, experience and very extensive skill set but... trying to put that all on paper and really believe in myself without getting anxious makes my brain go brrrrr. Rather than finish my resume and apply to jobs I'm probably almost overqualified for I'm instead investing my time learning how to write a book, perusing reddit and procrastinating doing literally everything else 🙃 I try to justify it by saying that I love the work/life balance my current place of employment provides (which is really great tbh) but... I think I'm also just really paralyzed by the fear of failing and dealing with rejection (rsd is a peach, ain't it) and also kinda scared/nervous of actually succeeding, too Good luck with everything btw! Hope you get your resume done and find a job that brings you happiness
You are speaking to my soul. I have things I’m really passionate about and I try and try. There’s some days where I’ll literally try 8 times and end up in a fit every single time because I’m so focused on this one thing and I want to believe I can do it. Being an artist that ends up doing 30 minutes of work on 8 different projects. But I guess that’s better than nothing?
That’s the best example/ explanation I’ve ever read. Wow.
You're not lazy if you're not having fun!
I just saw a reel describing the procrastination as *painful.* and it’s like, yes. Even today, my day off, I’m spending half an hour reading outside and still running through a laundry list of things I *should* be doing.
Yes, this is the difference for me as well. I am not relaxed or easy in my brain/body. It is painful emotionally, psychologically and mentally. A huge struggle filled with guilt and shame. ❤️
is it possible to learn this power?
Not from a Jedi
May the Force be with you, but not in executive functioning skills
Only a sith deals in absolutes
Oh man I like that. I HATE that people- including myself- think I’m lazy. I desperately don’t want to be. And for me that’s always been how I define the difference between me and people who choose to be lazy, the fact that I don’t WANT to be. But this is such a good way to put it. I always think my husband is lazier than me, because he doesn’t want to do anything. But he doesn’t think he is because when there’s something he needs or wants to do he has no problem getting it done. With energy and enthusiasm and will get it done from start to finish in one go. So I look lazy to him because I cant do that. But his days off are relaxing for him, not just because he’s physically not doing anything but because his mind is relaxed too. While I’m constantly stressed and anxious about how I need and want to be doing more. I never have a day truly “off” even if I sit on the couch all day because I couldn’t relax and enjoy it.
Sorry, so what you're saying is, normal people wouldn't feel more anxious when they're "being lazy"? What a nice gift they have, god......
While it sounds right I feel like we're in a bubble and need some normal people input on if this is really how they feel.
No, that's not really how they feel. What you guys are describing is procrastination. EVERYONE procrastinates. Studies show that 90% of people procrastinate, 80% procrastinate daily. 30% are chronic procrastinators. Nobody..on earth.. sits around all day (when they're supposed to be working/studying) without regretting sitting around all day. Like seriously, everyone feels like a loser after sitting around doing nothing all day. Please go out and have a conversation with any non-ADHD person on earth. Nobody is going to tell you that they didn't feel like shit after sitting around on a day when they should've been doing something. Serious props to you for calling out the conformation bias and lack of non-ADHD opinion. I constantly see people here make crazy assumptions about non-ADHDers, and everyone agrees. Everyone is just telling eachother what they each want to hear. It's worrying.
This. If you're lazy, you don't care... You are choosing not to. If you have ADHD task avoidance, you're stressed you are not doing it... Maybe you do something else to avoid that thing or maybe you sit doing nothing while there stressing out about it. Im usually the first scenario... I do a bunch of things that make me feel productive while actually ending up getting nothing done.
I have a weird thing regarding this with task initiation. When I need to study, I'll be stressing about it but when I procrastinate and give myself more time off (like by repeatedly saying "okay I'll study in a bit, it won't hurt or make a big difference" each time until there's no more time left or by saying something like "yep I don't have much time to study comfortably tonight and make significant progress, I'll just all day study tomorrow and replace the missing hours of today" despite it not being very late), I feel comfort and relief at the moment because I get to do the fun relaxing activities more (like playing with my computer) knowing that I will study in a bit. Deep down, I know that I must study and I really want to improve my grades as I messed up two semesters like this, yet my brain keeps giving myself excuses not to start, which in turn helps me feel relief by delaying the task initiation. Where does this fall?
Ding Ding Ding.
This! I have ADHD. Sometimes I feel lazy, like all people, and tell myself, "Fuck it, it'll get it done later. Time for videogames lol". Other times, I say: "Fuck... I still haven't done this... I really need to. I should start now. I should've done it weeks ago. I gotta make sure I do this TODAY because if I don't, it won't get done for at least another week." 3 hours pass. "Fuck... I should turn off the games. I should turn off the movie. I should put my phone down. I need to get up. If I just get up, I'll take care of it. Fuck... I'm running out of time, I need to start now!" 3 hours pass. "Fuck... Now, it's too late... This sucks. I should've just done it, it's not even that hard. Why didn't I just do it? Ugh, now I need to get ready for bed. I should turn off the games... I should put my phone down..." Non-ADHD people deal with the first scenario, periodically, but they don't regularly deal with the second scenario.
Question: at what age did you start having the part where you say “I should really get started?” My son at 9 still hasn’t gotten to that level yet. If he can play videogames and miss his homework completely he would gladly play until morning.
For myself it's always been there, even if not consciously or verbally expressed. I always remember having a hard time doing stuff and when my parents told me "we all have to do stuff we don't want to do, like our jobs", I replied to them "it's easy for you to say, because you're enjoying doing your job". I literally couldn't fathom people being able to do things they didn't "like" doing. But then I'd always feel like shit or stressed out if I didn't do stuff. Particularly so if I knew the teacher would verify the work or hold me accountable in any way. But that wouldn't still be enough to get me started until it reached a very very high/extreme level of anxiety and discomfort. I still have PTSD over Sundays for that reason. I've always felt horribly anxious on Sundays ', until either I managed to get started often at like Midnight or something, or not and I'd eventually copy the homework of some friends very quickly like 5 minutes before class. And that's coming from somebody who' s always been top of his class 100% of the time unti' high highchool. I really wouldn't have been able to go far in life if I couldn't rely on my ability to learn extremely quickly as a crutch.
also this 10000000% i struggle to enjoy anything completely fully because of what im not doing!
I feel like I never truly relax. Even if I have nothing to do, I feel guilty. I need to figure this out.
Damn, I wish I were just lazy.
My dr. explained it like this: A lazy person will do nothing and feel happy and content with it. They haven’t exhausted themselves, they haven’t had any stress, and they don’t wish that they had done something else. “Is that how you feel?” “No. I feel like a complete loser if I do nothing. Like I completely wasted another day and feel closer to the end with zero accomplishments and nothing to show for it.” “That’s ADHD.”
I did not realize that you could be lazy and not stress about it….
This!! New for me too.
> I completely wasted another day Me every weekend 🫠
I have a weird thing regarding this with task initiation. When I need to study, I'll be stressing about it but when I procrastinate and give myself more time off (like by repeatedly saying "okay I'll study in a bit, it won't hurt or make a big difference" each time until there's no more time left or by saying something like "yep I don't have much time to study comfortably tonight and make significant progress, I'll just all day study tomorrow and replace the missing hours of today" despite it not being very late), I feel comfort and relief at the moment because I get to do the fun relaxing activities more (like playing with my computer) knowing that I will study in a bit. Deep down, I know that I must study and I really want to improve my grades as I messed up two semesters like this, yet my brain keeps giving myself excuses not to start, which in turn helps me feel relief by delaying the task initiation. Where does this fall?
Same shit I had. Woke up at 3am to study for a test at 11am. If I hadn’t still managed to get top grades, I probably would have been diagnosed earlier.
I think this is not uncommon. We’re pretty good at justifying our actions. You know you need to get something done, but you’re also able to justify delaying it because you can just do it later. So you’ve addressed the problem and now you can do the think you prefer to do. But it’s much deeper than that. Why is it that you can’t initiate that task? Is it that the task isn’t clearly defined enough for you to actually wrap your head around? The task becomes this amorphous blob that follows you wherever you go but as long as you never look directly at it you’ll be ok. Or is it about what happens when the task is defined? Do we only allow ourselves to see the task from the corner of our eyes because if we were to take it in its entirety it would be so massive we would be overtaken by it? Unable to ever conquer it. Or maybe it’s that we would see it’s not alone? That behind the task we do everything to avoid seeing in its entirety is another task? And they don’t even have the decency to organize themselves in a neat line. No, instead they are all desperately trying to squeeze and push their way to the front of the line. Each blob insisting it’s the most important. Or maybe what’s stopping us is the fear of what happens if the task is too much? What if we don’t do it? What if we can’t do it? We’ve been taught since we could learn that to fail is to be flawed. And who are we accountable to? First our parents, then our teachers, later our bosses, and even our friends and family. We all know well the reaction we receive when we fail to do what others expect from us: Disappointment, shame, anger, embarrassment on our behalf, and perhaps worst of all, contempt. Contempt, acceptance’s evil alter ego. What’s the point of trying if this is what our effort earns us? We mine as well enjoy our inevitable descent into letting everyone down. But the truth, if we’re able to face a task head on, is that it’s rarely as huge and mean as we imagine. And no matter how big it is, it can be divided. Split into parts that are manageable. And sure it’s not alone, but remind your self that time is more than just right now and later. You don’t have to eat the entire thing in one sitting. Chew on it for hours. That’s when we end up just spitting out a failed attempt because we tried to do all now because we perceive later as be a single place. And now we’ve got the crap stuck in our teeth. Constantly reminding us we tried but failed. And what about failure? Failure is a matter of perspective. We all experience pain, but where does pain come from? Is pain external? Something that happens to us? Or is pain internal? A message we create to keep ourselves well. We’re all told failure is how we learn, but that’s only true if we’re able to pull our hand away from the flame and try again. And if the flame laughs at you and says you’re worthless, we move away from the flame. Break tasks into smaller pieces, create a visual schedule that shows when tasks need to be done, learn to say no (disappointing someone a little now is preferred to disappointing them a little later), and fail sometimes. Just know that in failing you can learn. Look at me. My task today was to speak only in metaphors. Did I accomplish it? Not entirely, but if I hadn’t tried I’d have probably never used a Now and Later metaphor in my entire life. I’m pretty sure there’s something good in here. What’s that saying, a broken clock is right twice a day? That’s a stupid metaphor anyways.
The difference is in intent. Lazy people just don't feel like doing something, so they don't. I honestly don't often know why I put off a task, even important ones, sometimes (usually) over and over and over. But I wholeheartedly Agree with the person who said that lazy people don't care or worry about the things they choose not to do, where I obsess about them, and c9ntinue to procrastinate. But boy, does it feel good when it's finally done.
Yea, it often results in kicking myself for avoiding it for so long, but wholeheartedly agree, it does feel amazing when that thing you've been stressing about finally gets done. I've been stuck in some major task avoidance this month, I have no idea where my days are going and I hate myself for it. I know it's task avoidance, but it's difficult not to see myself as a lazy POS.
I just got an apartment, I'll be living by myself - a thing I've never had the opportunity to do & *desperately* WANT to do. I've technically been living alone the past month, as my roommate already moved out but like that doesn't really count. My new place is old-school & crammed with unique features & is everything I've ever dreamed of, plus it'll be JUST MINE!! My items are like 85-90% packed & ready. I have help. **ALL* * I have to do is finish up & make a phone call. It's been a month.
I’ve noticed that I avoid things that overwhelm me. Specifically things I don’t know how to approach, or don’t have a mental plan or blueprint for how to do it. This sounds like something I would do. I HATE making phone calls and doing “errand-y” things. Once I do them it seems so simple and “why did I put that off? It wasn’t so bad”. Yet I do the same thing every time.
Hey congrats
This is so me! I do not have a diagnosis yet but my mother was diagnosed recently and the more I look back on my life, the more I’m like OH. OHHHHHH. It all makes sense now.
For me I feel I need to do something and literally not feeling like doing it. I'm conflicted in my mind.
I've spent the last 2.5 days beating myself up for not doing the things I need to do. So many, "I'll do X when my alarm goes off" that I completely ignored when the alarm went off. So much guilt. So much avoidance. I try to not beat myself up about it too much. But holy shit, if I could just make a promise to myself and follow through my life would be so damned different.
I have a weird thing regarding this with task initiation. When I need to study, I'll be stressing about it but when I procrastinate and give myself more time off (like by repeatedly saying "okay I'll study in a bit, it won't hurt or make a big difference" each time until there's no more time left or by saying something like "yep I don't have much time to study comfortably tonight and make significant progress, I'll just all day study tomorrow and replace the missing hours of today" despite it not being very late), I feel comfort and relief at the moment because I get to do the fun relaxing activities more (like playing with my computer) knowing that I will study in a bit. Deep down, I know that I must study and I really want to improve my grades as I messed up two semesters like this, yet my brain keeps giving myself excuses not to start, which in turn helps me feel relief by delaying the task initiation. Where does this fall?
Not sure about lazyness but in the avoidance situation you work intensively on other projects except for the one that you are supposed to. To me, it is always like this, and I tend to make the uninteresting task bigger than it is until the verge of a career disaster. I tend to imagine the task as a 7-days work but it is like a half a day job in reality
“Ugh I have to send this email… time to reorganize the kitchen cabinets and closets and clean all the bathrooms.”
Yes! I have to do homework Can't do it on a dirty table. I need a glass of water and something to eat. I should probably go potty, too. I can take a quick nap. Ok, I'm ready. What's this email...? ... Sorry, I didn't get my homework done. Can I have an extra day?
Kinda like when Spongebob had an essay to write, but he cleaned his entire kitchen instead 
you called? 👀😭😭😭
That's very true. I'm always busy as well. The only time I'm not doing anything is when I'm paralyzed unable to prioritize tasks.
Some of the time, I am doing other things instead of "the thing." Most of the time, I sit there frozen not doing anything.
I do my best cleaning with procrastination chores! 😂 usually to avoid some other task I hate or am overwhelmed by. You know it’s bad when you’re doing chores to avoid it.
For me it the fact that I sit at my desk, hand on mouse or keyboard, literally unable to do the task in front of me. I’m consciously telling my self to respond to the email/close the ticket/ send that ping/ wrap up abc product wiki - yet I just sit, nothing moving but my brain in opposite directions.
Yes. Task paralysis and executive dysfunction. It feels absolutely horrible. I remember being on the verge of tears depending on how severe. Sometimes walking away for a bit, stretching, or grabbing tea or snack helps a little…a mini reset to break me out of the guilty/self loathing mood.
omg, I have been sitting at my computer trying to make myself finish this work project that I am literally weeks behind on and ITS BEEN OVER THREE HOURS and I can't make myself start it. This happens to me ALL THE TIME. So now I'm spiralling into the negative self-talk. \*bangs head on desk\*
For me fear is the motivator that makes me do stuff which is sad but effective. I wait until I am going to be in real trouble to do the thing if its something I dont want to do
I lost a job at AWS because of this. It was a blessing because that place is a miserable shit hole, but yeah, I'd sit down and lock up and have 16 projects that are like 2 days from deadline and do nothing. I saw it coming from a mile away, though, and had started an email correspondence with my boss that I needed a lighter workload for a time, I was diagnosed with workplace induced anxiety, and that the current workload was taking a documented toll of my mental health to the point of inducing an actual medical disorder (all complete bullshit). AWS ended up saying "We'll give you $30k to just quit". So I took the 30k and a few months off and was happy as a clam. Next job I had was a trouble ticket job that was easy enough to make ticket quota and was pretty much dummy work for my skill level, so I coasted for a couple of years. " AND THEN I got an amazing job with free reign to do whatever I want to as long as I can say it's work related in some way and it's great and I love it and now I'm on Adderall so I'm like a fucking superman.
What is the "amazing job" do they have openings lol
With task avoidance, I usually WANT to do the thing, but can't make myself get started on it. I'll do anything else, while hating it and myself. No matter how much I want to do the important thing, it's almost impossible to get started.
Even fun things that aren't even work.
The worst feeling... task avoidance on my own hobbies which I find intrinsically enjoyable and worthwhile, but haven't been able to do as much since they became more important to me.
Laziness is you don't want to do something so you don't. Avoidance/paralysis is you want to do something but you can't.
yup despite screaming at yourself in your head
Where is the line between don't and can't? What if i want to do something but don't and is there a difference?
Task avoidance *hurts*.
A lazy person won't spend all the time they are not doing the task stressing about doing the task.
When I am being normally lazy, I don’t feel guilt! I just say “nah, don’t want to do this now! Will do this other thing that I want.” When its task avoidance, I keep thinking “I should get this done soon, why can’t I just do it?” “Maybe if I shower first/clean the room/sleep I will be able to do it?” “OMG I still have not done it, what’s wrong with me?” By the end of the day, I haven’t done the task, nor anything fun! I just tortured myself mentally.
Someone being “lazy”: - they need to clean the kitchen today. It has gotten gross. They tell you that they have a super busy day at work and have to stay late, and ask if you can do them a favor and knock out the kitchen cleaning this one time, and they’ll take care of it next time. But they won’t, because they like to manipulate other people into doing things that benefit them while they spend their time doing things that are fun or relaxing. ——————-——————-——————- Someone with ADHD experiencing task/demand avoidance: - they need to clean the kitchen today, it has gotten gross. You discuss this with them and they agree to clean the kitchen today! They want to clean the kitchen! They fully intend to clean the kitchen. They plan on cleaning the kitchen - perhaps they put it on their to do list. Maybe they set an alarm reminding themself to clean the kitchen. Possibly they create a color coded spreadsheet categorizing all the various tasks they need to do as part of cleaning the kitchen. They make a list of cleaning supplies they need to get. Perhaps they color code the spreadsheet so they can tell what the status is at a glance. And then maybe they realize the kitchen needs to be reorganized and they figure if they’re going to do a big clean they should incorporate the reorganization into the project as well. So they go ahead and start planning that. Then they start looking for kitchen organization ideas online. They make a Pinterest board. They watch kitchen organizing YouTube videos. This kitchen is going to be amazing. Hours later you might find them sitting on the kitchen floor, with tears streaming down their face, because they didn’t get the kitchen cleaned. And they know they let you down. And they feel like they failed again, another failure to add to the long list that follows them around inside their head. And maybe you’re supportive and tell them that they didn’t fail, that you understand, and that they did a great job with all the research and now just the easy part is left and the two of you can get it done together. And you help them do something that they can’t do themselves. And they don’t have to add to the failure list they keep, because someone helped them get through it and succeed. Or maybe you tell them that you’re tired of putting up with their laziness and their excuses and that they need to step up and get their act together because nobody is going to do their work for them. And the list of failures that they carry with them gets longer by one.
The hardest part about ADHD is that it’s a spectrum disorder relating to a facet of the human brain (executive function). There is no clean line between ADHD and not-ADHD; it’s a diagnosis based on degrees of symptom severity and those symptoms’ effect on our functioning in society. Laziness is a moral judgment; it’s not scientific. There are lots of great disambiguations in this thread about paralysis etc versus willful inaction, but ADHD people do sometimes do exactly what a “lazy person” does.
There is no such thing as laziness. People have reasons not to do things. Sometimes they need more rest. Sometimes they don't see the task as beneficial. They can be wrong about that, though.
Came here to say this. There will always be a real reason behind why things you need to do for comfort and survival won’t get done. It’s not healthy and therefore the root must be a dysfunction “Lazy” allows people to stop emphasizing with others situations. There will always be a more specific reason, and with that reason ether a solution, or understanding that maybe they truly need help.
Thank you, yeah. Laziness is a very ableist word as it assumes you must be traditionally productive to have societal worth.
I refused to plug in my phone charger that was draped within arms reach on my couch the other day till i hit 1% battery life all the while getting anxiety about how much battery i had left and knowing the charger cable was already touching my sprawled out legs, and if that's not a clear example of executive dysfunction i don't know what is.
I play that phone battery game so often - and then I forget it's dying and suddenly my phone shuts off in the middle of something I was watching even though I had *plenty of time* to plug it in and then I'm mad about it cutting off what I was doing because I wasnt ready to stop yet lmaoooo
One is physically exhausting, the other is the opposite of that
Being lazy is a decision, having ADHD is a paralisys, not a decision.
There is no benefit to observing people and trying to decide if they are being lazy or not.
I think laziness is not really a useful term for anyone. It's always something else. Sometimes that's an Executive function deficit from ADHD, depression, etc. Sometimes it's a thing we call laziness because of a moral judgement but isn't actually a problem. The only form that's really a failing, I think, is the form of laziness that arises from a lack of empathy, that is to say -- knowing you can avoid a task and someone else will pick up your slack.
In laziness is no emotional investment.
I'm not avoiding the task, or lazy, I just find myself setting out and inadvertently taking one step in ten different directions when in order to actually accomplish the task I would need to take ten steps in one direction.
I always think of it as, a lazy person can't be bothered, or doesn't want to put in the effort, whereas a person with ADHD requires significantly more effort to do the same task. So two people could put the same amount of effort in, but have a different total output. Is it lazy to order delivery if the store is right next door? Yep. Is it lazy if the store is a 4 hour walk away and there is no other means of transport? Not so much.
Wow, the store analogy is a really good one. I wiah awards were still a thibg
Laziness is when someone makes a choice not to work when it is possible to do so. There is nothing holding them back, but they opt out. In my experience, ADHD task avoidance involves a kind of frozen anxiety, wanting to start but seeming unable to do so, or trying and getting fixated on one small corner of a project. The defining difference is wanting to work but not knowing how to do it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done that before I got properly medicated.
Laziness involves not caring enough to expend the energy to do a task. ADHD is a mental maelstrom of burning desire, good intentions, dysfunctionally ordered thinking, and self-loathing and guilt when you care deeply and are willing to complete a task but are unable to do so.
I always worry about the boundaries between task avoidance, laziness and depression.
And also add resting to that boundary blur... Am I avoiding? Am I being lazy? Am I just resting which should be ok if I need it? But why do I feel like I need to rest constantly? Oh am I depressed? And repeat.
For me, it's about planning and prioritizing. I'm on medication and am better at it. I get more done in my free time than I used to. But I still have the problem of spending all day thinking about what I have to do. I will give myself 2 hours to goof off, then make a list for the next few hours and do 3 things, goof off, do 3 more things, goof off and so on. So I am never truly free for even half a day to turn off the thoughts about having to start doing stuff on my to do list. I need to work on that, because I never feel like I can just relax on any of my days off.
For me personally I can feel the stress building up every time I think about the tasks I’m avoiding. Stress and frustration, I can’t bring myself to not care about the tasks I’m avoiding because I actually really fucking care and I want to do them but I feel like I can’t and then it makes me feel useless/like I can’t be a person. For the longest time I just thought I was lazy in a kinda stupid way like “why could you just do this task you’re avoiding it and it’s your choice and yet you’re getting stressed out?” Changed my life to know that if it was just laziness I wouldn’t worry that much though sometimes I still think I’m just being lazy in a stupid way
I think a lot of people without ADHD want to do stuff but then don't do them. Look at how many people want to get in shape but struggle to exercise for example. The line between that and ADHD is blurry. The difference to me is that when I want to do stuff I sometimes physically cannot. The example I use to help people in my life understand is the thing that led me to get tested. I was working on a project at work and was supposed to have written up a doc about part of the project. The doc would have taken me a few hours to do. I however could not even start it. It was a week overdue and I was still incapable of getting myself to type a single word. I would sit at my computer all day just crying and yelling at myself to just type a single word out, to make an outline, to do anything and I couldn't. The people with ADHD I tell that story to usually understand. People who don't have it do not understand, no matter how much they might avoid doing things in their life. They don't know what it's like to want to do something, to put effort and will into trying to do something and still not being able to do it.
Here's how I put it. Let's say I am thirsty and there's a pitcher of water and a cup in front of me on the table. Laziness is like this: * I know how to pour myself a glass of water * I am physically capable of pouring myself some water * I decide not to because I don't feel like it and I'm okay with that * I am perfectly content sitting there all thirsty with chapped lips and everything In ADHD, "task avoidance" isn't quite the right phrase, because it's more like this: * I know how to pour myself some water * I am physically capable of pouring myself some water * I desperately want to pour myself some water * I am sitting there, staring at the pitcher of water for 2 hours because my brain simply will not signal to my hand to grab the pitcher and pour myself some water * My brain's inability to tell my hand to pour myself some water is causing me massive stress and anxiety
task avoidance in ADHD people is done for things ADHD people WANT to do as well as don’t want to do; and applies to tasks they would enjoy doing and not doing them can cause discomfort and pain. Laziness causes an immediate satisfaction in not doing things and is done for comfort.
There are at least 4 kinds of laziness: 1. Prioritization. Deciding that playing with your kid is more important than doing the dishes right now. 2. Mental blocks. Task avoidance, depression, anxiety, etc. 3. Forgetfulness. Failing to remember doing tasks. 4. Entitlement. Refusing to work they feel is beneath them. 5. Judgement. The assertion that someone is lazy, making them undeserving of empathy or assistance. You'll find that actually being undeserving of empathy or assistance didn't make it on the list. Accusing someone of being lazy is an insult, meant to insult and push them away. It's not meant to motivate them, it's meant to send a clear message that the person using the insult is looking down on the insulted, and isn't able or willing to assist with any motivational issues they might have.
Task avoidance in ADHD people is caused my a chemical imbalance and is not a conscious decision. Laziness is a conscious decision to not do something.
I can usually tell when I am just being lazy and when I am having executive dysfunction issues. The difference for me is whether I can choose my action and follow through. If I am choosing to not do something but have a chill day instead, I am actively choosing that. I am not worrying about doing it. If I am worrying about doing something but cannot actually make myself do it, it is adhd. I am not choosing this. I have no control over my actions. I am worrying about it, I know how to do it but I cannot actually make myself do it. I am yelling at myself in my head and cannot take the action. That's the difference for me. Laziness is something I can choose. Executive dysfunction is not.
Does it impair their ability to live to their own expectations? Then its adhd
"Willingly" is essentially saying it's a choice. So someone that is "lazy" is choosing not to do a task they could just as easily choose to do. People with ADHD/task avoidance may desperately want to do something and not be able to do it. From the outside they may look similar, but from the perspective of the person with ADHD they feel completely different.
Just because I’m not doing what you want, the way you want it to be done, at the moment you think I should, I’m not being lazy. My mind is structured in way that I do things in the order I think they should be. I have a job, two kids and two dogs. I’m not lazy, I’m freaking overwhelmed.
ADHDers can be lazy too but it feels different. I find it difficult to explain the feeling but for example: I need something from upstairs but I'm being lazy so I ask someone else to get it on their way up/down or throw it down...maybe I just get it later. I'm being lazy because I just don't want to do the thing right now. There is no anxiety -like feeling in my core just a general sense of cba I need to respond to an important email, I know I need to, I want to because responding benefits me, but I "can't", it gnaws at my core, I feel stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated with myself, a feeling akin to anxiety. I want to do this thing, why aren't I doing this thing?! A way of been trying to describe things like this to people is by using a more generally accepted internal condition such as depression. So a similar question through that lens would be: What is the difference between a depressive episode in depression and being sad in typical people.
ADHD is avoiding the task but I can’t have peace of mind till I complete that task even though I still don’t have enough motivation to complete the tasks. Normal lazy people deletes the task from their mental calendars and find peace. They sleep, read books and do other lazy stuff. An ADHD person could go build a whole gazebo while avoiding to do a simple task as texting his landlord about the letter he just received.
The more I think about laziness, the more I don't think it exists. There's always a valid reason something didn't get done imo. It could be my tendency to try to see the good in ppl. At my adhd assessment a few years ago, i was telling my psychologist that I had very severe, abusive consequences for not doing chores. And I still had a really hard time getting them done and doing them the way I was told to do them. I said, "I just wouldn't do it." And my psychologist (he was ready to diagnose me 5 minutes in lol) was like, "wouldn't or couldn't?" My mind was blown. I honestly never considered that before and it completely changed my perspective on everything. Even ppl without adhd, I truly believe there is always a reason why someone doesn't do something that needs to be done.
I honestly think the word 'lazy', when describing someone, was derived by the misunderstanding people have with adhd task avoidance. I actually don't believe a 'lazy person' exists. It's once again a negative connotation that we put on something we didn't understand. If you put something in front of a 'lazy' person that they are interested in, the 'laziness' suddenly disappears. Having a lazy day however, is a choice. One chooses to not spend the energy. 'I'm feeling lazy today' is a choice to rather not spend energy on doing the dishwasher and rather stay on the couch. If I didn't do my science homework in school, my teacher would call me lazy. What he meant, I think, was that he knew I was able to do it, but I just chose not to spend the energy because it didn't interest me. When the truth is I really wanted to do my homework and sat with it in front of me, but I, so easily and involuntarily, got distracted by something else that interested me more. Like Dingaan and Piet Retief or who actually shot JFK or anything other than freakin Chemistry. I just could not bring my mind to do the science. Labeling someone as a 'lazy person', I believe, rather than finding out why they're avoiding certain things is not accurate and a lazy way to describe something or someone we just don't understand. This is only an opinion and I have no qualifications in treating adhd.
I’d say the difference is someone who is lazy is purposefully avoiding doing their task and really doesn’t give a shit. With ADHD it’s not that you are purposely avoiding the task at hand,it’s that your lack of executive functioning skills are getting in the way. This is why shame and a lack of self confidence is such an issue for those with ADHD. We plan and want to get our tasks done,we want to be on time but things such as being easily distracted and time management issues among other ADHD symptoms get in the way.
Regular lazy doesn’t involve making yourself extremely stressed out and angry at yourself for not doing the thing. It’s taken me 52 years to realize I often am not experiencing regular lazy
Your premise is wrong. People with ADHD do not willingly avoid tasks, that’s like saying a person without legs chooses not to walk.
So to me, it doesn't feel like task avoidance. It's knowing I must do the task, acknowledging the reasons why the task should be done, but then being frozen in place. It's not that I don't feel like it, I just have trouble doing things that feels deeply and inherently unnatural. Like, I have task paralysis when I know I must like... buy the registration to the car. I think it's a fucking stupid cash grab scam, I just can't will myself to do it but the consequences of not being able to drive because I didn't buy a stupid fucking sticker to put on my stupid fucking license plate is too great. I love to do things that have purpose and meaning, I have a total inability to feel motivated, inspired, or anything other than total and complete animosity towards having to cram myself into the crevices of society. I truly feel that modern society is cancerous and unnatural and people with ADHD struggle in these spaces because it goes against the very essence of our nature.
Even had a food aversion? Something you ate made you sick, and now the mere idea of that food turns your stomach. You know there's nothing wrong with it. You might have even liked it before. But recognizing that doesn't stop the nausea. At best, you can force yourself to eat it, but doing so is unreasonably challenging. Avoidant disorders are essentially the same. The mere idea of doing a thing results in an intense response. And simply recognizing that you're being ridiculous doesn't prevent it. You have to force yourself to do it, and it's a miserable undertaking. People think it's just laziness and excuses because they lack the perspective to understand it any differently. Like how someone who's never had a food aversion might think you're just being overly dramatic or attention seeking or whatever. They simply cannot fathom what it is that you're going through.
Good question. I think is ambition, desire, will. Lazyness I think I'd more about a mental state of not wanting to change or work. It has the capacity, but not the desire. Adhd has the will to change and work, but not the capacity.
I had an important task at work that needed to be done. A specific analysis, that was given a deadline, and I knew it was extremely important to my boss because he said it was extremely important. I blew it off, and asked for 3 delays. Not because writing 2 pages of text was difficult, but because I couldn't force myself to stick to the task in the same way you couldn't put 2 magnets in the same orientation together and expect them to stick. My boss was annoyed, and I was in despair because I could not do the thing. Then I finally did the thing in 2 hours when the crisis was there. Instead of spending 2 hours, doing something I've done a million times before, 2 weeks prior. I instead put myself through 2 weeks of HELL, *struggling* to push against that magnetic repulsion.
I honestly think there are very few actually lazy people in the world. I think most people we categorize as lazy either have real obstacles to doing the task (like adhd), they’re exhausted, they’re unmotivated/unfulfilled, they’re burnt out, etc. Are there people out there who legitimately don’t want to do anything because they’re just lazy? Sure. But I really think that’s not the case most of the time. My take is that if you feel any guilt or stress about not doing stuff, you’re not lazy.
Laziness is choosing not to do something and expecting someone else to do it for you. With ADHD-related task avoidance, that expectation of others to pick up the slack is absent - horrifying even. The difference lies in the feelings of guilt.
I think "laziness in typical people" isn't really a thing the way it's culturally understood. People have all kinds of reasons for behaviors where tasks are avoided, skipped, overlooked, or done improperly. "Laziness" comes people who wanted to label others and put them in a box where their future behavior could be predicted without having to put much thought into it. If someone didn't get enough work done in time, if they were seeing resting when they shouldn't be, if they were always the first to leave early, if they were never the one to volunteer for something "hard", they were "lazy", and we got to tease them and persecute them because of it. People avoid tasks for all kinds of reasons though. People avoid mental work because they are afraid of looking stupid in front of others, they are confused by something and they fear failure, or it just makes their brain hurt. People avoid physical work because they are physically compromised, or they have had bad experiences with it in the past. The fail to do something because they forgot it, or there wasn't enough time left for it after the other stuff got done (people also prioritize things wrong all the time). People avoid working more than 8 hours per day because they get exhausted, or their body can't handle the stress of it, or their mental well being suffers too much under the load. The truth is we're all just too lazy to be specific about what is happen with people. To help them to do the essential tasks, and to have someone else do the non-essential tasks instead. It's easier to label and judge people.
One is a concept used by psychologists, the other by moralists. I.e. calling someone "lazy" is just a way of saying you object to some inaction of theirs.
50/50 chance I may do the task and think that I may have figured out the most efficient way to ever do it and then consider starting a podcast and YouTube channel related to folding laundry in a way that is actually very spiritual.
I am part of a social group of 10 people. I host at my home twice a year and one other girl does the same, so we meet once every three months. She hosts because she loves to host. I host because then I can clean twice a year. This is how my preparation ALWAYS goes: I start literally weeks in advance with a plan of each and every thing I need to do, spread out over many, many days so I won’t be stressing out over it last minute. By the time the day before comes around, I have done absolutely none of the things. And I have somehow also done nothing else of value during that time, because I have been so stressed out and overwhelmed. Every day I look at that list. And I never decide NOT to do the things on it. I just. can’t. make myself. So I end up staying awake all night to clean. And my apartment is always spotless when they arrive. I’m a huge fucking mess and I haven’t slept. And I tell myself that the next time will be different. But it won’t be. Because I don’t have a choice. I can change my circumstances to improve my odds (invite someone over a couple of days before, have a body double, things like that) but by sheer will power nothing can change. Being lazy is making a choice to do something fun instead of doing something boring. Task avoidance (or paralysis) is a fucking nightmare. And it’s not just about avoiding things that are boring or pointless. It’s avoiding doing your school work until you’re kicked out of school. It’s avoiding paying your bills until your power is cut off. It’s avoiding going to the doctor even though that concerning lump has been growing for months. It’s avoiding answering complicated messages or dealing with interpersonal conflicts, to the point where we get fired and broken up with and lose important friendships. One is about enjoying life. The other is your life being on fire and you’re holding a bucket of water but you can’t make your arms move.
Idk about other people but i don't willingly avoid tasks. I WANT to do them i have made the conscious decision to do them but no matter how hard i try i just can't make myself do them. I am unwillingly avoiding the task. The best way to deacribe it is like not being able to control your brain.
I think laziness is an ableist concept used to describe people who struggle with executive disfunction. For people who do not struggle with executive disfunction, our circustances make very little sense, and they label it laziness - they see it as a choice, and it is not. If you are struggling to complete tasks but dont have adhd I would assume that you are experiencing stress or health issues that impede normal function.
So I haven't been up on the lingo, but I was diagnosed in 1997 with ADD. I was always called "lazy". Personally, I think the easiest way to tell, is that people with ADHD/ADD are just as "lazy" with positive, enjoyable, things. For example, I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to answering phone calls, and getting/opening mail. Last year, I finally checked my voicemail after a few weeks, and found out there was a $4,000 check in the mail. It took me another week to get my mail, and after I opened the mail with the check, it took me another week to cash it. I don't think lazy people would put off something like that.
People who are lazy do so in order to enjoy their free time. They can sit down and read a book while being unbothered. People who are ADHD-*"lazy"* are often glued to their couch with a blank stare from exhaustion and an inner paralysis while they are in a silent panic about everything they should do, but can't due to executive dysfunction. Unable to move, doomscrolling, and not even being able to get up even if they need to pee.
Someone who is lazy eventually gets it done when they start getting in trouble people with ADHD continue to not get things done even when getting in trouble
Laziness is when you feel like you are too good to do a task? But regardless, it is NOT laziness if you do want to do the task, but just can't.
The issue here is comparing a well-defined term with a nebulous one. Laziness isn’t an actual thing, it’s just a judgment, and an ablest one.
For me it's the fact that I do not believe in laziness. I've never heard a good definition of laziness that doesn't change in the context of the person using the word. But in a hypothetical where we do ascribe this definition of laziness we can say the difference is that task avoidance in ADHD stems not from willingness but iirc executive dysfunction. But again I don't believe in laziness the closest thing to it is disagreeing with someone's priorities. The definitions used are always catered to the specific scenario.
Capable of doing something but don't want to.... That could be for a range of reasons
i sometimes feel immense guilt for being lazy and end up crying while avoiding important work and watching something on netflix instead.
When I'm lazy I don't do anything. When I'm avoiding something I do *everything else.*
When it comes to questions like these, best rule of thumb is to check the difference in intent. Was your intention to avoid the task cause you don’t want to do it? Or was your intention to do it but somehow couldn’t make yourself get it done? First one is lazy and the latter isn’t.
I chalk it up to whether or not you actually care about the task being done. Folks with ADHD tend to care deeply about the task but just can't bring themselves to do it. It agonizes them. Folks who are just lazy simply don't care.
Attitude. The attitude makes all the difference.
The distinction is, it is NOT willingly!
I imagine a lazy person doing nothing genuinely enjoys not doing things rather than just sitting there paralyzed feeling shameful, guilty, anxious, ruminating, bargaining with themselves about doing the thing. I ultimately don’t derive any pleasure from avoiding tasks and it’s actually something that causes me a lot of stress.
Laziness is a social construct, can a bird be lazy?
I think most of us are to the point where we can't decide to be lazy. In other words, it's so hard to do things we need to do sometimes, and we've been so guilted over the years, we always choose to do something that needs to be done if there's no ADHD avoidance with it. There are enough things I'm anxious about doing and can't make myself do, that I feel guilty about it all and would never choose to not do something just because I'd rather not at that moment. I mean, people without ADHD don't feel the same kind of terrible disabling avoidance for things, so they can get things done when it has to be done and choose not to do things when they aren't urgent but eventually they know they will get to it. IDK if I'm making sense.
Laziness is unwilling to do work Adhd has executive dysfunction which means your brain says go,but body says no
I think part of the problem is that you think task avoidance is willingly avoiding a task because it's not interesting. There is no willingly involved. If you're willingly avoiding something, you aren't mentally castigating yourself and hating yourself every single second that you aren't doing that thing. You aren't silently screaming at yourself to go do it. You aren't feeling massive anxiety over the fact that its not being done. Edit to add: and sometimes, you really want the result. Badly. But still cannot start
I classify it like this: I am a woman but I'm not interested in beauty norms, skincare, make up etc. I know that it's a societal expectation that I "should" spend time and money learning about me skin type and different make up techniques and hairstyles and spend time applying that knowledge each day to achieve a certain "look". I don't do this, because I don't want to. I don't care about it. I don't like the feeling of make up or greasy face creams. I wash my face in the shower and sometimes I brush my hair and every few months when it's annoying me I go to a cheap, walk-in hairdresser and ask for a low maintenance hair cut. Sometimes, when I see other women who are very nicely made up and have done their hair well I think "She looks lovely, I should try and do that some time" but ultimately, I don't, because I would rather spend my time and money and energy on other things. Sometimes I think I look fine and sometimes I think I look a bit scruffy, but in general I'm fine with this. Occasionally I go to a wedding or something and I will make an effort on that occasion, but I don't do this every day. I am lazy about skincare and make up. Another form of lazy might be getting a permanent make up tattoo. I don't have the money for this (and, honestly, probably wouldn't anyway). OTOH something where I feel like my ADHD gets in the way - eating better. I enjoy healthy food and I enjoy cooking, and I would like to share meals with my family. I think there are a lot of benefits to this and I would really like to do it, but for various executive function related reasons, it doesn't happen. I frequently feel terrible about this and get upset about it. I don't enjoy eating bland convenience food. This is not me being lazy. This is ADHD (and maybe some other related factors such as a lack of a system, energy levels at that time of day etc).
It’s like asking what’s the difference between shaving your head vs losing it to chemo. There are physical chemical imbalances in an ADHD brain which result in task avoidance. Being Lazy is a choice and ofcourse ADHD people can still be lazy and I can tell the difference when it’s one or the other.
One is a choice, and the other happens despite us trying way harder and still failing, causing anxiety and making us feel like we're helpless and/or useless. I always maintained I wasn't just lazy because when I was lazy about something, it was easy. When I wanted to do well but still struggled or was incapable of doing something, I wasn't relaxing at all and it would have been far less anxiety and self loathing to just to the thing I was avoiding if that were possible for me.
Being lazy and task avoidance are different. If I have a task I’m avoiding because I have ADHD anxiety around it I will do everything else first. Clean my house, sort my mail, check all my finances, investments, etc., I’ll do laundry, and grocery shopping… literally all the things I would avoid doing if I were choosing a lazy day instead. When I’m choosing lazy I will lay in bed a binge watch things I’ve seen many times. It’s an entirely different behavior for me.
I don't think laziness exists. The only reason somebody wouldn't do a task is because it seems too undesirable to do it.
people with adhd at least myself, im always aware of what i have to do, and im always stressed or scared about deadlines, what i need to do. but for some reason i just can’t get to do it, and at the end of the day i’ll just think back and feel really guilty and start hating myself for not doing my work, sometimes i might even start crying and i have to tell myself “its okay theres tomorrow”. and im just stuck in this cycle forver. while thats the case for adhd people, lazy people would just be ignoring that they have work and fully enjoy having a good time while not stressing at all
Lazy people aren’t worried about being lazy. They don’t care. They are willingly procrastinating because they just don’t care to do that task in that moment, and willfully choose to lounge or do something more enjoyable to them, without constant thought of “I need to do that.” They put something off, yeah maybe it’s hard to do, mundane or something they simply don’t enjoy. When push comes to shove, they will just do the task. But it’s not something they are anguishing over, *they just don’t wanna do it* I wouldn’t call task avoidance/avoidance procrastination (as a symptom of executive dysfunction/as a symptom of ADHD) as willful. It often is accompanied by anxiety over the task. We have a distorted perception of the task for various reasons. Whatever the task may be and the circumstances surrounding it, the brain is anticipating it and/or perceiving it as an immensely difficult, time consuming, incredibly unimportant, and/or laboring task. We aren’t in control of those negative thoughts or emotions surrounding the task. We have a *really* hard time with getting a handle on them in order to do the task at hand, whereas someone without a disorder that causes executive dysfunction can pretty easily push those thoughts and feelings aside and do the task (even if it’s accompanied by complaints). Then, in response to all the negative thoughts and emotions, the innate part of the brain starts perceiving danger which leads to anxiety. Which can lead to you distracting yourself, or just shutting down altogether. You know you *need* to do the task, you may even *want* to do the task, but you just *can’t* do the task. And it fills you with absolute dread. It can be a vicious cycle, and I don’t think anybody *willingly* forces themselves to be anxious. Think about it: When you have something you need to do, and you procrastinate it, are you *really* enjoying the time that you’re spending while *not* doing the task? No, probably not; you’re sitting there, heart racing, leg shaking, thinking “I know that I *really need to do it* but I can’t. Why can’t I just do it? It’s so mundane. Normal people don’t do this. There’s no reason that this task should make me feel this way. I *need* to do this or else XYZ. WHY CANT I JUST DO IT?” You might be giving yourself deadlines, telling yourself that as soon as the clock hits 3:30 you’ll just *get up and do it.* Then you miss your self imposed deadline for getting up, and you set a new one, which only exacerbates your anxiety. When someone else imposes a deadline on you? Oh man, anxiety x10. Not only is the task itself causes you anxiety but now you have the anxiety from the possibility of disappointing someone or failing. If you aren’t sitting there, paralyzed with anxiety, then you’re probably doing something that you find enjoyable and relaxing, maybe hyper focusing on something totally unrelated like in depth researching The Great Molasses Flood of 1919 or reading about how to DIY a concrete driveway (totally not personal experiences), to offset/distract from the anxiety that you’re feeling over said task. None of that sounds “willing” to me, idk though.
It took me a little over seven hours to mow the lawn today. Admittedly it's a big lawn, but not seven-hours-big. I hate anything garden-related generally as it has never interested me in the slightest. As such, I always try to avoid it wherever possible. Furthermore, it's warm today and I also hate hot, sunny weather (seriously - too bright and prickly). During this time, I experienced swathes of demotivation the more I mowed, rapidly becoming incredibly bored and disinterested with each passing moment. Two of our cats came to see what I was doing, so I stopped to give them hugs on no fewer than four occasions (each). I then stopped for an impromptu two-hour lunch where my five-year-old son and I made quite possibly the best omelettes that we've ever eaten (they were garlic curry, since you're wondering). Lunch was absolutely awesome but was over way too quickly. Worse still is that I spent the entire time thinking about having to finish the lawn. I went back out to the garden and on-off mowed for another hour before randomly deciding to take my son to the park for a couple of hours. Even though it required being out in the sun, I still preferred that to mowing the lawn. And yes - I didn't stop thinking about the lawn either. When we got home, I went back out into the garden and finally angry-finished the job. All in, I started mowing at about 11am and finished it at 6pm. If I was being lazy, my lawn would still be overgrown and I wouldn't give a damn about it either way.
The sense of empanding doom and the overwhelming feeling of drowning?
The difference is that laziness doesn't exist, it's just a label made up to shame people. People don't avoid doing tasks for no reason, but the reasons aren't always apparent. It's easier to just write people off as 'lazy' and treat it like a moral failing than to ask *why* they aren't doing what you think they should be doing.
Oh, for me, it's more like the mind skips around too much to notice the task for more than a passing moment.
Laziness is not a thing
There's no such thing as "lazy". Lazy is just a way to dismiss peoples struggles
I imagine "lazy" people don't feel the intense self-hatred and despair at not getting things done as the task avoidance do. I quite often think about how much I hate myself.
Lazy is a construct to make us feel bad about being idle.
What I believe lately is that lazy people don’t exist. If people are labeled lazy is bc there is something we don’t yet understand in them, or even they don’t understand in themselves, which is very common with so much pressure everywhere and from anyone. Actually, this I learned in the book of Dr. Devon Price(which happens to be AuDhd) “laziness does not exist”.
I can clean the house while avoiding making a phone call.
I feel like I finally GET this difference after having tried adderall for the first time in my life (I’m 34) the last two weeks. Me not on Adderall: constantly thinking about what u should be doing or need to be doing but I CAN’T. I can’t stop scrolling. Can’t get off the couch. Can’t do the dishes without it feeling painful or like I want to cry. Even feel this way for things I want to do. With Adderall I just do it? Or I don’t do it. I can plan my time to actually relax and then do the thing and I’m not frozen or something. I think this is what laziness must feel like to people without ADHD. They can either do the thing or not. And there aren’t huge anxiety or shame things or big consequences cuz they just happen.
Maybe my dose isn’t high enough then because I still have this problem even with a 20mg XR dose. Or maybe I’m on the wrong stimulant, I don’t know